#is straight up stolen from one of my fav video games

[bravernificationbeam]

tagged by @tuometarr whom i am kissing on the mouth <3

20 Questions for Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 34

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 167,597

3. What fandoms do you write for? Whatever u know lol. like whatever catches my interest at the moment

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Present Time, Todd Anderson ; Nothing but Immortality ; Spurious Hatred and Something Like Affection ; #ToddandNeil'swedding2ksomething ; Love Speaks at Midnight

5. Do you respond to comments? Sometimes! If I feel like I have something to say. but I always love to get them!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? damb....maybe Nothing but Immortality since I stuck with the canon that Neil dies, but the 5th chapter also goes back in time a little bit. Also Called Collisions and Kill Team Free Will are pretty dark but not necessarily for the main characters so

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Rainbow Diffraction Spike, Love Speaks at Midnight, and Vanilla Blue are all sweetness!

8. Do you get hate on fics? nope

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? every now and then. not really a 'kind' about it--for me it's always about exploring how i think these characters would have sex

10. Do you write crossovers? i don't think i've ever written a straight up crossover? definitely taken heavy inspiration from a different source material however

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? maybe lol? someone asked me on ff.net ages ago if they could translate one of my fics--not sure whether or not they ever actually did it

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? not in as many words, but a friend of mine had a very heavy hand in inspiring Pushing Platonic and Dogs on the Bed

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? i don't know lol! i think the ship i've shipped the longest that i'll still go to bat for is hardenshipping

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have scattered WIPs across my laptop and phone--none of them stick out in particular

16. What are your writing strengths? i'm just very good with words in written form all around--they just make sense to me

17. What are your writing weaknesses? probably making really tied together, cohesive, plot-driven stories. do i need to do that? no. am i just one bitch? yes. however, always like WOWWWWW when i see a story tie itself the fuck together (shout outs to my time at sandrock (the video game) and lisa frankenstein as of late)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? pops, love it, not a total necessity. but also, if you do this make sure you know it lol. i only feel comfortable enough to do this in french.

19. First fandom you wrote for? *my longest deep sigh ever* h*talia

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? i can't pick! i did a really great job on present time todd anderson--ppl kudosing it ur right!--, just tied it all really nicely together and told it perfectly in a way i didn't fully even realize i was doing at 18; Undo Dawn is my fav like longform fic I've done and I think I brought some really interesting angles to it; and you know what? I really like my most recent story I Think We Might Be Fucked Up Soulmates too--i think i got those girls down to a T!

i don't have a tonnnn of writing mutuals--if you wanna do this go ahead!

[madegeeky]

Heartbeat

Harumichi angst for everyone! This is the fic that’s been rambling about in my head for quite a while now and I finally got tired of it running itself into circles, so here it is. Inspired, as all of my Harumichi fics are, by @docholligay.

Michiru did not pray. It seemed a rather pointless endeavor, when all was said and done. 

Either deities didn’t care to exist and thus her pleas were heard by no one or the deities that did exist were cruel and she didn’t particularly care to draw their attention.

However, desperation can sometimes make even the most skeptical into a temporary supplicant. And standing amidst the wreckage of all that she had held dear, surrounded by the bloodied and broken bodies of those she had cared for, she couldn’t stop the unspoken prayer from sweeping through her, like a wave crashing on the surf. 

Please. Not this. I’ll do anything.

A heartbeat.

Then Sailor Pluto was standing in front of her. For a moment they stared at each other before Pluto stepped to the side, revealing a door behind her. “Queen Serenity wishes to speak with you,” Pluto said, waving her hand at the door which opened to blinding white.

It took a moment for Michiru to realize that the fear that had risen inside her was not her own. Or, no, not quite her own. There were sense memories that Michiru sometimes felt, when transformed. Things that the Sailor Neptune in her past life had known so well or remembered so strongly that they carried over into Michiru. 

They had never been all that strong. But the fear that rose inside her felt like a tsunami crashing on the shore. Vivid and powerful and uncontrollable, attempting to drown everything in its path. Michiru knew very little about her past life, besides the reflexes and feelings that sometimes rose within her, but she now knew this: whatever else the previous Sailor Neptune had been, she had been terrified of Queen Serenity. From the offhand comments that the cats and other Senshi had made--and even more importantly what Minako didn’t say--Michiru had no doubt that there was good reason for this fear. 

But Michiru had spent most of her life learning how to shape her emotions into submission; to obey her and not the other way around. And she was not going to allow emotions that were not quite hers to sublimate that. So she didn’t pause as she walked forward, taking deliberate steps around the bodies on the ground, special care taken not to notice who, in particular, she was stepping over. And, in the end, it hardly mattered what Queen Serenity may or may not do to her; anything was preferable to the alternative of staying here and now.

Her foot left grass and landed on white marble, as she stepped through the time gate, hearing it shut behind her. She continued to walk forward, refusing to turn her head or her eyes from the path in front of them. She had no way of knowing if the Queen was watching her and, if she was, Michiru wanted her to know that she was unimpressed with the display of opulence around her. Ahead of her, a silvery white wooden door stood open, Serenity clearly awaiting her arrival.

She stepped into a library. She saw movement out of the corner of her right eye. She turned. She saw silvery white hair. And then she found herself on one knee, her head bowed low. 

Some things become so ingrained in one’s soul, Michiru knew from experience, that they become reflex.

She did not wait for Serenity to give her permission to stand. The rage boiled inside of her, roiling with the idea that her past self had been so indoctrinated to bow to the woman before her that even now, hundreds of years and an entire life away from Serenity, the instinct had been so strong that Michiru had not been given even a chance to fight it. 

She stood in one fluid motion, head held high, face placid, steadily meeting Serenity’s eyes. Queen Serenity smiled, benevolent and beautiful, the soft tilt of her lips spoke of sympathy and kindness. The memory inside Michiru quailed but Michiru did not need that to see the sharp teeth behind Serenity’s lips.

“Ah, Sailor Neptune. I’m sorry to see you again under circumstances such as these,” Serenity said, her smile growing softer and more sympathetic, her fangs growing longer. 

“As am I, Queen Serenity,” Michiru replied, biting back the ‘your majesty’ that nipped at the tip of her tongue. Queen Serenity was not her liege anymore. Michiru was already in service to one queen of the moon, she did not need or want another. 

Serenity’s face didn’t change but Michiru knew what it looked like when one bared their fangs without showing their teeth. “Sailor Neptune, Sailor Pluto has told me of what has passed in your time, your world. It is unacceptable, I’m sure that even you will agree.” Michiru thought that this, perhaps, might be the only thing she and Serenity would ever agree on.

Michiru didn’t reply; she didn’t need to.

“Sailor Pluto and I have talked at great length on the best way to circumvent your mistakes. The plan with the most likelihood of success involves traveling to the past in an attempt to change things. Are you amenable to this plan?”

Michiru paused. Thought. And then said, “If Sailor Pluto has agreed that this is the best of all possible options, then I shall do it.” 

Serenity smiled and it was not kind. “Then it is decided.” A heartbeat. “However, to make your chances of success more likely, I have prepared a gift for you.” Serenity turned to the desk behind her, on which a box the size of a children’s shoe box sat, white and closed with silver ribbon. She picked it up gently, as though there was something fragile inside, and turned around, holding it out to Michiru.

Her smile was merciless. Her fangs dripped with poison.

Michiru took the box.

She had no doubt that whatever she found in the package would be helpful; she did not think that Serenity would lie when it came to the continued life of her daughter and bloodline. But Michiru also knew that she had been right; deities, should they exist, would indeed be cruel and it did one no good to receive their attention.

Michiru opened the box.

Inside lay a human heart wrapped in silvery-white threads of magic, steadily beating as though it did not realize that it had been taken from the chest meant to house it. Michiru very carefully did not react, as she looked back up at the queen standing before her. 

The queen’s smile had not changed. “A tool for you, Sailor Neptune, meant to divine the secrets in the hearts of those around you. It will reveal the monsters to you, so they do not take you unaware. You need only hold it in your hand for it to whisper its secrets to you. Once you return to the past, none but you will be able to see it.”

Serenity did not tell her to pick it up. Michiru did so because to do otherwise would be admitting weakness in front of Serenity.

Immediately a whispery voice echoed in her head, as she stared at the queen, “She wants to hurt you; she wants to see you suffer.” Michiru had not needed the heart to tell her that, but it was confirmation that at least what Serenity said was true: it did reveal the monsters around her. “I’m sorry,” the heart whispered.

It is not the snake bite that does the deadly damage, it is the venom.

There are some things, upon the knowing, which will break one beyond all sense of repair. 

The brain knows this and so it begins to work. Smoothly and deftly, the process needed to follow one logical thought to the next folds in on itself, over and over again, an origami of paths from one truth to another.

The heart, held safely and gently in Michiru’s hand, feels so terribly familiar. 

Fold. Smooth. Bend.

The whisper is strange to hear in her head, instead of with her ears.

Fold. Smooth. Bend.

The heartbeat sounds strange, out in the open, instead of being cradled in a warm moving chest.

Fold. Smooth. Bend.

Thoughts folded until the shape was so complex it was hard to divine the beginning or the end. Michiru tucks it all into the very deepest recesses of her soul, taking great care not to look at its shape, as she nods once to Serenity. “You have my gratitude, Queen Serenity. I promise that I will not let this future come to pass again.”

“I’m sure it won’t,” Serenity replies. It is a threat. It is a promise. Her fangs are still dripping with poison. This queen of the moon is not her daughter; she does not give second chances to those who disappoint her.

Without another word, Michiru turns and leaves. She does not look back. The heart beats in her hand, strong and firm and rhythmic, and whispers, “This place is wrong. Home. I miss home. Where is it? I don’t remember…”

A heartbeat. The origami deep inside Michiru folds into itself once again before sinking even deeper.

Michiru walks through the time gate, heart in her hand, and does not look back.