#istg if i could actually write a coherent story without my adhd fucking me over all of you would be SCREWED

[violettever]

OMG!!

okay let me tell you guys about my hajime headcanons! (i say ‘you guys’ as if anyone actually sees these posts LMAO)

but anyway, hajime.

after the simulation hajime wasn’t just magically himself. sure, somewhere in there hajime existed, but he couldn’t pull himself to the surface for months. we’re led to believe that hajime and izuru now share a body, right? but after having his emotions removed and his body enhanced he couldn’t force himself to feel for the longest time.

how do i put this.. hm… some people like to think that hajime now suffers from DID or that izuru is just gone but i think they physically share a body. hajime is more in control but izuru still exists in the mind. (izuru is originally more in control but as time progressed hajime gained more authority) so not exactly like DID more like two people in one. two for one sale, that’s a hell of an offer! (sorry bad joke) i feel like his body would be more like a vessel then a person, y’know? anyway when they wake up from the simulation his hair is still long, he’s wearing the suit, all that jazz. the others are pretty terrified at first, hajime isn’t like he was in the neo program at all. he’s silent, barely talks. his eyes are a dark red, his glare is deadly. even the future foundation is hesitant. but he shows no hostility, despite his horde glare he keeps calm. while izuru shows no signs of danger or violence, hajime does. mostly out of fear. i mean how would you feel if you were trapped inside a body, unable to surface, to feel or express anything. it’s difficult for anyone to decipher who is in control for the first few months, they both show no expression. izuru doesn’t feel like it and hajime physically can’t. the only indication they have that hajime is still there is if the body either harms itself or others.

occasionally, hajime would have these freak outs. he’d harm himself in many ways in order to feel something. izuru would put no work into stopping him even though future foundation begged. he said he found no use for it, that the others actions were meaningless. once hajime had walked out to the Hotel Restaurant where they usually meet in the mornings. the others say he looked deadly pale, his eyes opened wide, blankly staring forward. it was frightening. saying nothing, he sat down at the table, motionless. not wanting to interact too much with the man, they served him breakfast while the others chatted mindlessly, hoping to free up the tension in the air. that was until hajime picked up a knife and slammed it straight through into his hand, still staring at nothing, no indication of pain on his face. the others went silent in shock for a few moments before the room erupted in screaming. mikan was still in her pod, they had been relying on izurus nurse abilities but with him out of commission they were lost with what to do.

another time, he had collapsed on the walkway due to starvation. other times due to blood loss. in conclusion, hajime was incredibly unstable.

it took months for him to express properly. he had to completely relearn emotions and feelings. he lacked empathy and proper etiquette. they were worried he would never recover..

eventually that one eye turned green again and it felt like he could finally breathe. he had been watching everything from the back, as if he watching a movie of his own life play on the big screen. but now he was there. he was actually there, it wasn’t just izuru. after that, the outbursts started to slowly stop. he started working with the future foundation directly instead of giving instruction from the sidelines. people started to wake up. first mahiru, then hiyoko, then gundham, and so on..

the ones who were able were sent out to the fight monokumas in towa city. hajime, having a completely reconstructed body was obviously sent out first. actually let’s talk about that!

the izuru kamukura project wasn’t just a simple procedure. this was months of torture. his brain was picked apart and put back together. so we’re his legs, his arms, his feet, his hands.. all were reconstructed to be better then a regular humans abilities. he was stronger, faster, trained in hand to hand combat, his reflexes were enhanced. they tried everything. (a part of me wants to say he had like psychic abilities but i feel like that would be silly. they’re talented, not magical. although that would be super cool) they didn’t care about hajime hinata, they wanted to create something inhuman. a creature able to showcase true hope. their experiments were risky, inhumane. they hadn’t killed his pain tolerance until later in the procedures, he was forced to withstand it all. he desperately hung onto his hope of obtaining a talent, it was the only thing keeping him sane. how they didn’t end up kill him is a miracle. ah, but i suppose in a way they did. hajime was erased. they had gotten rid of any trace of what hajime hinata is, of who he was. it’s not like anyone knew him, and if they did they wouldn’t care. he was a reserve course student after all. many had died or gone missing, all was covered up. he didn’t have a talent, no friends, no job, and his parents were “taken care of” by the school. it was almost like hajime hinata hadn’t existed at all.

ahaha okay, i could rant more but this is getting too long. soo ima stop it here! i love hajimes character sm, i feel like everyone ignores his trauma and story. ESPECIALLY in fanfics omg. like i get it, nagito is fucked up BUT LIKE SO IS HAJIME??? if anything, they’re both fucking insane at this point. like there’s so much to work withhh! omg okay pause i might get hate for this but does anyone know zakikos work?? you probably know him from that limbless hajime meme thing that went around for a while. i hate to say it but his stories are SO FUCKING GOOD. PLUS THE ART STYLE?!! UGHH!!! ITS AMAZING. i don’t even read it for the porn, the ideas and angst this man creates are right up my alley. i’m such a fucking whore for angst istg. I STARTED RANTING AGAIN SHIT. OKAY IM DONE IM SORRY