#it been a while I actully been in the mood to play anything

[rvmety]

|| Cant belive i need to start a new game (ys 8) to be motivated countine my old ones

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

A long-ass response to nonnie dude

First of all, you said nothing about what made this cute guy accomplished. So he’s cute and has married rich? So what? What are his actual accomplishments? Has he mastered a difficult skill? Has he made himself a better person with more integrity or self-discipline? You need to rethink the definition of success. “Not to mention, I feel like a failure since I thought I had been doing better for a whole year” Doing better doesn’t mean “doing better than other people” or “doing better than random people on the internet who only portray the things that they want you to see,” it means doing or being better than you yourself were before. Congrats, you have succeeded! You’re right, time isn’t stopping. So you have two choices in life: 1) follow your passions and do what makes you happy 2) not do what makes you happy, and live and die miserable, regretting your life as you live it, and regretting it when you’re dying, and all the while you will be inflicted by guilt, regret, anxiety, and depression, etc.

And you’re saying that it’s too late to do number 1) because you’re already 26 and can’t earn money from it right now? (As if it’s not possible to earn money from it later!) I can’t formulate it into words how ridiculous it sounds to me that you can’t do what makes you happy if you can’t earn money from it. Is happiness only worthwhile if it comes with money? Lol, what sort of nonsense. “Reading and looking at beautiful works of fine art makes me feel elated and alive, but I can’t do it because it doesn’t make me money!” You see how nonsensical this is? (How many fics - or traditionally pusblished books - do you think would exist if people only wrote for money, not for the love of it?) You’re going to die one day, so what the fuck do you have to lose by doing what makes you happy? You have your life to lose by doing what makes you unhappy, btw. So you’re 26. Let’s say you live until 66, ‘cause I slept 2 ½ hours and did 3 hours of taekwondo today and don’t want to do any math - so you have 40 years left. 40 years (and you’ll probably live longer, if you take proper care of yourself) is enough to master several skills, or several instruments and several languages, if you wish to stick to only those two. Even if you only master them by age 65, you spent your life doing the things you love doing, so wtf did you actully lose by doing them? Also, why do you measure success by money? Isn’t doing what you love and developing yourself as a person, whether you ever get money for it or not, a much better measure of success? Or do you consider all the artists who were ahead of their time and died in poverty failures, or think they should’ve done something else since they never earned money from their art? If not, why do you have this double standard for youself? “I’m 26 now, but I feel I can never get away from my parents’ rules & influence.” That’s literally nothing but a feeling you have. It’s not actually stopping you, which you’ll notice if you actually do something outside of your parents’ influence. People are always justifying how they can’t do things because of some feeling or other, but it’s possible to have the feeling and choose to work from another part of you - a part that’s courageous, for instance, or passionate about music or languages. Feelings are irrational as shit, and you’d do well not to think you are your feelings, but look at them logically and as moods that will pass. I was really jealous a couple of months ago, but I looked at it objectively, deemed it bullshit, had several good laughs over how dumb my own feelings were, and did nothing about my jealousy except logic it away. I didn’t take it to heart - it’s just a feeling, a fleeting thing based on the experiences I’ve had in my life. It doesn’t really have much to do with reality. Your parents aren’t stopping you here with feelings - you are. Idk what your living or financial situation is, but if you’re only able to do what you love secretly, then fucking do it secretly. If it helps, I took until 30 (I’m 32 now) to figure out what I want. I absolutely wasted my 20s. I could now throw in the towel because of my age, and my life thereafter would be a fairly meaningless passage of time, going from one thing to the next. But time (my life) will pass regardless of what I do with it, so I can waste it or do something fucking useful with it, whether it brings me financial success or not. And let me tell you, I’m far happier broke and uneducated than my highly educated saving-for-a-house friend who lets her parents’ and society’s bs get to her, and determines success by external markers - marriage, owning a home, etc. She doesn’t like her job despite being educated for it: she chose it for financial security, which she isn’t even getting like she thought she would. She has so much anxiety and depression and feels like a failure because she’s not married and doesn’t have her house, despite her being way more successful than I am in all of these external ways. Measuring success this way will only bring discontentment, because there will always be people richer and whatever - but also because it’s external. I believe that real, lasting happiness comes from internal things - such as sense of accomplishment by skill acquisition, i.e. mastery; growing as a person via self-reflection, or devoting yourself to a cause bigger than you, such as a charity or art, etc. I think you know this, too, because you said music and languages instead of money and a good-looking partner! (Speaking of looks - you will be far more attractive when you speak several languages, sing, and play an instrument or two, whether you make a penny for it or not. If you live a bitter, regretful life, even if you’re a rich engineer, you will be less attractive, 'cause it absolutely shows. If you want to be more attractive, do what makes you happy.) Also, you are FAR ahead of most people because you know what you want. Most have no clue and thus spend their lives passively consuming and ignoring the fact that they’re wasting their lives in meaningless mediocrity. Your problem now is that, having achieved this knowledge, you can’t waste away your life and make-believe that it was well spent - you’ll know it wasn’t, because you know what you really want. So you can choose a life of increasing anxiety and physical & psychological sufferings, or simply do what you love. It’s that simple. Here are a few of my favourite quotes to end this long thing (whoops, sorry) with: “Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, in all the small uncaring ways.” (Stephen Vincent Benet) “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” (Marcus Aurelius) “Your task is simply to find the one or few things that you can excel in, and then make it your primary business in life to excel in those ways. To do otherwise, to disregard the treasures with which you are at least potentially gifted, is simply to waste your life - a path to nothingness.” (paraphrased from an Academy of Ideas video - I highly recommend them, the self-improvement playlist is a wake-up call after wake-up call. I listen to them regularly and take notes. You can find Academy of Ideas on YouTube.) “You’re no longer a child but an adult. If you’re negligent and lazy, keep delaying and making a collection of one good intention after another, naming day after day on which you’ll start to take care of yourself, you’ll just go on without getting better, and you’ll live and die miserable.” (Epictetus) “We are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it.” (Seneca) “If you plan on being anything less than you’re capable of being, you’ll probably be unhappy all the days of your life.” (Abraham Maslow) “If we delay the changes necessary in our life to truly live a fulfilling life, awareness of our mortality will give rise to nagging and increasingly intense feelings of guilt and regret. We will have chosen the safe road - the road of death, and we’ll spend our remaining days fleeing from the fact that we’re wasting our life.” (paraphrased from an Academy of Ideas video, or from The Way of Individuation by Jolande Jacobi) (All of these quotes I took from Academy of Ideas, actually. Good stuff.)

DW: I think there’s some great advice in here, and--so importantly to the original anon--there are a bunch of us out here who think you’re doing an amazing job at turning your mindset around and learning to become more forgiving of yourself, and more proud of your accomplishments! 

[the-glow-in-the-dark-star]

Why me?

@lancelotweek day 6: strengths / insecurities

Words: 1, 428

A/n: um... I think I played a bit loosely with this prompt but eh. Also, this fic is an Au, and doesn't go with the other ones.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

It was a stupid crush. That's all it was. That's what Lance kept trying to tell himself.

It started one day when Lance was quite young. He was helping out his parents, who worked for the Altean royal family, when some of the courtiers children started teasting him. They picked on him for his hand-me-down clothing, for the fact that his parents were servants, and for his markings. You see, Lance had a disorder that caused the markings on his face to be mismatched. One of them was blue, while the other one was red.

Lance was in tears when a boy, who seemed like he was a few years older then him, came in, glaring at the Altean children. The boy looked like he might be Altean, but he was bigger, and had lilac color skin and split pupils. He was dressed finely in red and black, and his silky white hair was up in a ponytail.

All it took was the boy's icy glare for all of the court children to pale and hurry off with rushed bows.

Once they were gone, the boy gave Lance a soft look.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. I know what it's like, being different." The boy told him.

Lance rubbed at his eyes with his sleeves, "T-thank you."

The boy smiled, holding out his hand, "I'm Lotor!"

"I'm Lance!" He took the boys hand, shaking it eagerly.

Lotor was his friend for the rest of the day. Helping him out around the castle and running around with him outside when his duties were complete. It wasn't until much later that Lance found out who his friend really was. His father came out and Lotor sheepishly went over to him. His father, who was none other then Empirer Zarkon, ask his son where he had been all day. Lotor explained that he found a friend and that they were just playing. While Zarkon didn't exactly look happy that his son was hanging around a servant class boy, he didn't say anything. He even agreed to let Lotor play with Lance again.

Many years later, Zarkon himself would tell Lance that Lotor had always found it hard to make friends. The Galra saw him as an Altean, while the Altean's saw him as a Galra. In the end, he was glad that Lotor found a friend that didn't care about the fact that he was of two races.

For many years, whenever Lotor would come to Altea, he would always find at least a little time to spend with Lance. Even when the two of them got older and had many duties to attend to, Lotor always visited him.

It was after one such visit that Hunk, a friend of his who was from a minor noble house, started teasing him.

"What's with that smile?" Hunk laughed, poking his friend's cheek.

Lance swatted at him, "What? I can't be happy to see a friend?"

Hunk snorted, "Dude. You practically had heart eyes. You like him!"

"I do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!" Lance pouted, continuing with his work. What did it matter if he did? It was just a stupid crush. A stupid crush that came about because of how handsome the prince had become. It would pass, he assured himself.

And besides. Nothing could become of his feelings. He was just a servant. On top of that, there wasn't really anything special about him. He wasn't good enough for Lotor, Prince of the Galra.

Except the crush didn't go away. The more Hunk pointed it out, the more Lance realized it wasn't just a crush. He had feelings for his friend. He might even go as far as to say he was in love with him.

When he realized he was in love with Lotor, he locked himself inside a storage room and cried. He knew he wasn't good enough for Lotor. He knew Lotor would never love him in the way that he loved the prince. After all, how could he?

Lance had met many of the people Lotor knew. Princess Allura of Altea, the very princess he would surve one day. Acxa, a beautiful woman from a strange planet she refused to talk about. Narti, a strange woman without eyes, who had known Lotor for longer then Lance had. Ezor, a happy, beautiful woman who could make herself invisible. There was Zethrid, a strong woman with beautiful markings and coloration. Not to mention Keith, who was Acxa's brother. He was amazingly talented and now worked in the castle on Altean, and Shiro, a galra soldier and mentor of Keith's. They were all amazing, and with all of them there, it wasn't possible for Lotor to fall for him.

He would just have to accept that his love would always be one sided.

It was a party for Princess Allura's birthday. Lord Zarkon had been unable to attend, but Lotor had made it. As he worked, Lance saw Lotor speaking with Allura. He couldn't help but think they would make a beautiful couple.

Lance was distracted with his duties when some time later, Lotor came over and took his hand.

"Would you join me outside for a moment?" Lotor asked.

Outside they stood together in silence for a while. Eventually, Lotor spoke.

"My father has told me to hurry up and begin courting the person I'm interested in." Lotor began, "he says watching me pine is the price he must pay for inflicting the same torture on his friends all those years ago. Back when he fell in love with my mother."

Lance tried to swallow the lump in his throat, "then why don't you start courting them?"

Lotor sighed, "I admit, if there is one similarity between me and my father, it's that we are both cowards when it comes to matters of love."

"Why? You're... you're amazing. You always know how to talk things through. You don't let anyone walk over you and you don't care about people's opinions. You're so graceful with a sword... like a dancer. You're an amazing pilot and honestly? I could listen to you talk about how much you love flying because you're just so cute when you gush about it. Not to mention you're so damn attractive it's not fair. You care so deeply for the people important to you and you would do anything for them. Whoever it is would be lucky to have you. " Lance found himself ranting off before he could stop himself.

When he was done he noticed Lotor's face was a bit darker. Was... was he blushing?

"That was... " Lotor began, rubbing the back of his neck, "um... wow."

"I'm sorry..." Lance whispered, looking down.

A hand found it's way to Lance's chin, making him look up into the Prince's bright eyes.

"Don't be." Lotor whispered back. Before Lance knew what was happening, he felt lips brush against his.

... oh.

Lance kissed Lotor back, wrapping his arms around the prince. This was a dream, right? He would wake up at any moment. He would be alone in his bed, and Lotor wouldn't be kissing him.

Except he didn't wake up. Even when they pulled away for air. Even when Lotor kissed his neck, biting at the skin with his sharp fangs gently, making Lance's knees grow weak. It finally hit him that this was actully happening. He was outside with the prince, who was attacking his neck with one arm around Lotor and the other on the wall behind him.

"Why... me?" Lance asked breathlessly.

Lotor kissed him way back up to his lips. "hmmm..?" He hummed against them as he bagan kissing Lance again.

Lance kissed back before pushing Lotor back so he could think. "Why... why do you want me? You could have anyone!" Lance asked him.

"Exactly." Lotor said, "I can have whoever I want. I want you. You always know how to lighten the mood. You know all these weird skills. It makes me laugh sometimes. When you want to do something you pour your heart and soul into it. You love your family so much. You're not afraid to show you still want hugs from your mother, which is adorable. You're just.... you're so Lance. And that's all I've wanted for like... quite a while."

"I..." Lance began, but he couldn't think of anything to say. Instead, he just leaned forward, kissing the prince again.

The talking would come later. Insecurities addressed. But for now, well... they had all the time in the universe.