#it different when i do it on my own posts its cause theres a Read More so im not subjecting everyone to my rambling bullshit every time

[moonsaver]

I READ YOUR POST (and also anon!) ABOUT REBELLIOUS! VERITAS/RATIO, GOOD LORD..

Your writing is very good! And I like it! I'm having it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, everytime

BUT LIKE, LISTEN TO ME, WHAT IF S/O WAS REBELLIOUS LIKE HIM TOO. But not like actually him, just typical rebellious student back then. Like, breaking the rules, pissing off the teachers, etc

AND, HIS S/O IS LIKE NOW, NORMAL. A PROFESIONAL, and probably embarrassed of their phase back then. I do see them being Friendly and chilled with Ratio?? Or like "Oh crap, it's the old rebellious dude that tries to teach me random smart stuffs"

But in my opinion, I do see S/O just being like "Oh, what's up Ratio" and just being neutral. Greeting him whenever they passed by or see each other again, while also slightly joking about the things Ratio tried to teach them back then. As they told him that they actually listened to his teaching.. Even though it's.. Well, it's used by unsuccessful methods

BUT ALSO, YOU KNOW HOW XINYAN WOULD TELL EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT SHEHNE AND GANYU?

S/O WOULD DO THAT, telling Ratio old rebellious phase embarrassing stories to his students whenever they feel afraid of him. Like

"Oh, did you know that your professor (Veritas Ratio), used to talk so much about our teacher that just give the slightest wrong formula, to the point he keeps getting send to the office? Hah! I was there!"

As Ratio stood there with hidden embarrassed look, as he tries to hold the urge to not shut S/O up.

I'M SORRY IF I'M BOTHERING YOU, THE VOICES ARE COMMANDING ME... THE VOICES OF MY SIMPING FOR RATIO.

QNON ANON QNON!!!!YOU ARE FEEDING ME TOO I PROMISE YOU CAN BOTHER ME (its not even bothering me i love these asks),,, THE TENSION THAT IUST DISSIPATWS HAHAHA WAIT WAIT

Under the cut,might be long!

Soso, you're the rebellious kid who's butting heads with the other jerkwad, the only difference between you two is that he's just a nerd on top of being a rebellious kid. He's the "worst" of both worlds.

It's a very cliche enemies to strangers to acquaintances who respect each other to tension between possible lovers. Its kind of funny.

In your student days, I imagine the moment both of you see each other in the hall, you scowl at each other. Or make fun of something the other has. Maybe he's lugging a bulky art project and you make fun of him saying he looks like a turtle dragging his own shell. Maybe you left your bag's zip open and Veritas comments on how "devoid of knowledge" it is, "like your head" (you forgot all your books somewhere, your bag is completely empty). God forbid either of you tried something experimental and the other catches a glimpse of it. If they're not within talking distance, they'll shout on the top of their lungs. To both of you, the louder it is the more humiliation is involved. You'll find this method is often used by Veritas, as he openly quizzes you and chides LOUDLY that you're a BUFFOON and an IDIOT for not knowing a SIMPLE FORMULA. You decide to retaliate by stealing more than half his stationary, so now he has to scramble to gather extras and literally no one helps him cause he's a jerk lol.

Everyone on campus absolutely either hates it or loves it. Theres fanpages of you two with cringe edits,or those really well-made shitpost ones. Sometimes your classmates just bait the other to go a certain place just so you two cross paths and stir up a lot of trouble. The teachers are all done with both of you.

Cut to the future (or present?), reader's a professor too now. Let's assume either of them is unaware when they join the job (as implied by the request).

I imagine professor reader, if they manage to stay calm and just.. talk normally, it does give Dr. Ratio some whiplash. His pride demands he straightens himself out though, so it's not too soon before he himself drones on about some or the other tedious topic. You mention the past and how often you used to butt heads, and Veritas' first instinct is to immediately retaliate the way his past self would have done; but he stops himself in time, and sighs at it. You've painstakingly ingrained that response into him. But he's still slightly embarrassed nonetheless. It's not too soon before the conversation becomes more relaxed (I mean.. considering Veritas,as relaxed as he lets it be), and as a form of "nostalgia" he brings up all the questions he used to ask you back then, only to be pleasantly surprised when you give him detailed but professional answers. It's not too soon before he learns that you've become a professor aswell. Dr. Ratio congratulates you – with reservations of course, which is completely thrown out the window when you tell him you knew all of this because.. you listened to him.

Ugh. Don't make him feel so sappy. A part of him detests it; warming up and being all chummy with a hopeless classmate of all people. But a part of him is.. kind of happy about it.

Which is promptly changed the moment you also realize he's a professor now.

And that his students aren't spared from the nostalgia either.

He's bursting through the door, jaw dropped, angry and shocked face as you prattle on about how much of an asshole he was back in the day to his students. For a moment, he contemplates whether he should just throw chalk at you and make an example of you to his students, or drag you out. After a few seconds of paralyzed contemplation, he immediately grabs you by the back of your collar and drags you out before something else comes out of your mouth.

It's almost the same all over again – both of you bickering back and forth as he's all pissy about you spilling everything to his students! You've positively tarnished his reputation! Perhaps he shall tell your students how you used to walk around wearing a lanyard and a shirt with the institution name written on it in big, bold letters on the first day? Or that time you tripped and faceplanted right into the trashcan while you complained about his (axe bodyspray) deodorant?

Ugh.. he'll just deal with you later. Although he won't admit this even to himself.. it's nice seeing you again. He didn't think of that, it must be the headache you gave him that's making him think all weird.

--

[gwaaaaar]

breaking my silence...

whoever told me the second half of death note was trash... YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONGGGGGG 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 MELLO AND NEAR ARE WORTHY SUCCESSORS TO L YOURE JUST A STAN!!!!

near... sweet jesus baby they didnt deserve you !!! I was so pleasantly surprised to see how distinct he was despite people calling him "white haired L". LIKE hes a lot more cautious than L but isn't above being a sarcastic little shit and actively causing problems... i read a fan translation and he uses a lot of cuss words to refer to certain people he dislikes. I dont know if thats in the official translation as well but i do like the visual of this 7 yo saying "asshole" and "dickhead". I know hes 17-18 and this is average teenage behavior but gah hes so cute and moe and make little "vrooooom" noises when playing with his toys... 🥺 cant help but stan. Hes in his zone unbothered...

AND THE FACT HE CHALLENGES LIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE SO BLATANTLY... no mind games no time for light to make his next move just fuck it we ball. Also very fond of the scene where he drops hundred dollar bills off the SPK building. He's unpredictable just like Mello is but in a different way and its fascinating i love this guy. Also enjoy the fact that his flavor of justice is that he doesnt really have one hes just doing his job. The verbal beatdown he does at the end about how lights just a crazy serial killer... GET HIS ASS NEAR !!! Hes not pretentious and its just... its just good you know? L wasn't very pretentious but he does call himself justice sometimes and stuff along the like(?) Near drops all pretense... cant help but stan

Also really fond that he actually likes mello its just mello doesnt like him... I know canon never explicitly states their relationship with each other, like if its a brotherly relationship or not (altho isnt there some cain and abel parallels??? Not sure). But i really do see a siblinglike relationship between the two. Canon doesnt really put any angst on their relationship bc near doesnt care lolol, but the two do remind me of certain siblings that have a strained relationship because of the pressure put on one of them (or on both. Again fuck wammys house all my homies hate wammys AND WATARI!!! ME WHEN I GET YOU!!!) I really would love to see the two interact... and maybe just be happy by each other/pl. Because god it really terrible to see how much mello hates near and its not even nears fault :,). AND FUCK THE CHOCOLATE BAR HE EATS AT THE END TO HONOR MELLO???? STOPPPP IM GONNA CRY... near the man that you are... they dont deserve you baby...

And smello... mello mello mello... I've heard more positive things about him compared to near bc hes more "interesting" and i can see why people take that angle BUT. God they still undersell him so much??? I feel like hes one of the few characters to have a goal besides catching Kira (or not getting caught) because of his inferiority complex. I do not mean to undersell any of the other characters when i say this because theyre all very complex! They all have their driving goals and the like. Its just that i argue that Mello's is more persistent and that it is not centered around the conflict but rather himself. Even if he caught Kira perhaps he would still never be happy with himself because Near is always "going to be better" because of the shit he went through in wammys. Theres a whole discussion to be had abt the ethics of wammys house... but ill save that for another post wwww.

Mello is also someone that isnt pretentious about his idea of justice bc hes a fucking criminal. (BTW i love the two opposing sides of the successors... one that tries falling within the law but still doesnt give a shit and the other that doesnt give any shits at all and eventually helps the law.) And its so... I LOVE YOU RUTHLESS CHARACTERS I LOVE YOU CHARACTERS THAT STOP AT NOTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

And the thing is ... Mello does have his own sense of justice because its not as if he sacrifices innocent bystanders to get what he wants he just does what is necessary. LIKE ofc its fucked up that he kidnapped sayu (and traumatized her...), takada (and the stripping... but at least she got a blanket:,) honestly tho id blame that on the misogyny of the authors) and the director of the police im not about to be a mello apologist (yes i am/j). But a. He probably knew no one was going to get hurt in the first place because hes just that damn confident. b. His remorse for matt and soichiros deaths show that he doesnt intend on sacrificing anyone and when things go astray it saddens him a little. And c. THE FACT HE PROBABLY KNEW HE WAS GONNA DIE AND STILL SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO HELP NEAR... near would "win" but mello prioritized putting kira behind bars and while i cant guess his motive, from my end it does seem like in extension he prioritized doing the right thing, which would be to sacrifice his life and pride to help near get the final piece to catch mikami... wow what a man im so deathly ill

After typing all this, i must say... is L really as complex as years of DN fans have said?? I think im about to get crucified for this opinion, but legitimately is he??? I think he is complex most certainly just... maybe not as much as others have said... i might just be missing details about his past + lore from external media so maybe thats why i have this opinion. But i feel like the successors *are* toe to toe with him despite their split screen time... idk tho :3 this is just my thoughts meow

[yonpote]

cube parallels: the internet and doom

ok i just wanna compare the tatinof cubes and wad cubes cuz its so interesting that these two very different shows ended up having these set pieces in common.

the tatinof cubes were a part of the explosion of pixels that fell out of The Internet into this temporal memey campy microwave dimension, whereas the cubes in wad were representation of the apocalypse and all of dan's fears.

i think maybe it kinda says something that pieces of the internet and dan's view of impending doom take the same shape and color. maybe theres something there about how the internet cubes are wooden, hard, literally bruised a fan when it was accidentally kicked into them, where as the doom cubes are soft and made of foam, malleable, one fan who stole a cube ripped it in half to give the other half to a friend.

we often view the internet as Not Real, moreso in the 2000s-2010s than now, but as the internet has become an integral part of our lives and computers have become an extension of our physical forms, we realize just how real it is. it's made up of real people, by real people, filled with real ideas that can affect you outside of the internet.

fear of doom is somewhat the opposite. anxiety is a real feeling people have, and it can be caused by things that can really happen and really affect people, but it's malleable. it can be shared with others to take off a bit of the burden. it can be changed and shaped into something easier to deal with. and then when you do deal with it, you might realize, it's just foam. it's not nearly as difficult as you expected it to be in your head, it's just that you've made such a large pile of anxieties that it feels like it can crush you alive, but when you share that burden with people who care about you and take things one at a time, it becomes so much easier to deal with.

the internet and doom come hand in hand. as information reaches us faster than ever, atrocities that you might not have known about otherwise begin to flood our timelines and dashboards. we become desensitized and numb to witnessing suffering, pain, and death. garbage thoughts from horrible people who make money off misinformation are rampant. it's so easy to get stuck in a doomscroll, reading thru every horrible thing that's happened in the last year, month, week, day. but as information comes to us faster, it also comes to us directly from the sources. world events are not as easily filtered through biased news companies. channels in which we can help people and donate to causes are easier than ever to find, organizing events is as simple as sharing a post on your story. for every conservative grifter there are at least a hundred leftist teens ready to troll them and force them to waste their time and energy. we're more connected than ever, cultural exchange happens in an instant, i have friends in countries i have never step foot in, my worldview has expanded beyond my own city. the internet can be doom, but it can just as easily be hope.

[its-no-biggie]

thinking about post-implantation wash again.....

cause like. the rvb writers dropped a lot of balls, but this is the one i find personally the most upsetting. like. a soldier getting irreparably fucked up by an experiment gone wrong is the kind of premise i read fanfiction about (that probably says something about me but im not gonna examine it. moving on). especially since he STAYED with freelancer???? you could take this in so many different directions- his fellow freelancers are worried about him but he pushes through anyway. his fellow freelancers ARENT worried about him and push him harder than he can handle. the director pulls the ai fragments and theres hostility from more than just the one-dimensional "raging bitch" character. the director DOESNT pull the ai fragments, which seriously calls into question the ethics of the whole operation (which i believe is more in line with the pfl that was described in earlier seasons, but thats a story for another time) AND puts potential pressure on wash to get another implantation (oh my GOD. show me THAT version of pfl).

and of couse. how could i possibly forget epsilon. there is something so uniquely tasty about 2 characters who went through something traumatic together and then didnt see each other again until ages later- ESPECIALLY when one of them was the cause, even though they werent directly at fault, and the other was just unlucky enough to be involved. like holy shit????? the TENSION that would cause???? the discomfort being around each other? the guilt? having nowhere to place the blame except the director?? oh my GOD literally any interaction between them couldve had so much FLAVOUR. im not saying they need to be the main focus of the story or anything but we didnt get a single interaction!! not even a crumb!! like. do something with the fact that wash needed to have alpha in his head in season 6 despite refusing to ever have another ai after epsilon. do something with wash needing to SEE and HEAR and TALK TO epsilon again. do something with epsilon remembering fucking exploding in washs head!!!! im not asking for a lot here- asking for a lot would be suggesting a scenario like the one from season 6, except wash needs EPSILON in his head for some reason and gets legitimately triggered by it or cant bring himself to do it. thats the kind of shit i want to see, but i understand that that isnt carolina-centric enough so ill get it from fanfiction as god intended. but cant i ask for at least some awkwardness? maybe an uncomfortable confrontation? irrational hostility? SOMETHING. it doesnt have to be the focus but it should be THERE.

and like. youd think that this is an issue with retconning. and it kind of is, but its more about missed opportunities. like. i dont mind the retcon that freelancer was always its own thing, or that church was always an ai. those things are cool! they take the story in a more interesting direction! yeah it makes things more confusing and id prefer if the retcons werent necessary, but. its not the end of the world. but the thing with wash is. they did a really cool and interesting thing by having an ai COMMIT SUICIDE in his fucking HEAD. and then they went back on it! they very quickly went from "this clearly left a lasting impact on him" to "oh well it was bad, probably worse than hes letting on, but some of it was an act! so he could take em down from the inside!" to "yeah i mean he screamed while it was happening but he was fine when he woke up. no lasting consequences" and then it was never addressed again. and im mad about it!! they didnt even properly retcon it- they just decided that it had no consequences anymore, and it made washs character LESS interesting.

[b1oodthrsty]

ok i have a TON of different writings in my notes app about various things in jthm but tje first one ill post will be about nailbunny !!!

(tldr: me ranting about how nailbunny is the last remaining part of johnnys former self prior to becoming a homicidal maniac & speculating why)

 johnny says that nailbunny had existed even before the bunny was nailed, and recognizes it as being one of his own internal voices, probably the first one hes ever had.

though theres no given explanation as to why johnny began associating this voice with the nailed bunny, it could imply that like the bubs burgers boy, the event behind it is what causes him to associate a voice with it. we're told how and when nailbunny died: 

though, it doesnt give much answers about the importance of this memory for johnny, as killing animals is something johnny does often, unlike reverend meats association with the memory of the girl. it could be that this was the first thing hes ever killed, though we aren't given any kind of clear timeline of when johnny started to kill. if this was true, it'd mean he's only been doing this for three years (which at least to me, seems somewhat plausible considering that hes 25, and cant recall much prior to when he started killing). in my own interpretation of this particular incident, i would connect the bunny to johnnys irrational fear of losing what he grows attached to- the mention of buying, and feeding the bunny prior to killing it could suggest that he didnt intend to kill it immediately, as the act of feeding it is a bit unusual for johnny, since he tends to either kill things right away, or torture them slowly. the actual nailing of the bunny, in a place he could easily see it from, would make more sense following this interpretation considering that johnny expresses numerous times his desire to remember special moments through violence, one of them obviously being his attempt at killing devi. theres PLENTY of things pointing to this irrational fear of his that drives him to selfishly preserve what makes him happy, but i feel this tweet is the most straightforward coming from him about it and i dont want to spam like 398343934284 screenshots:

so, it could very well be that when buying and feeding the bunny, johnny felt happy and connected to it- and upon realizing this, he felt he had to preserve the feeling through nailing it to the wall. i dont think that happiness is what ended up being preserved in his subconscious, though- remember, johnny states that nailbunny existed prior to the nail actually entering the bunny- so, if anything, the nailing of the bunny reads off to me as the separation of his former life to his current one, solidified by those past memories being engrained into nailbunny rather than having to be held by johnny anymore.

nailbunny seems more like the last piece left of who johnny formerly was, as its shown to reminisce on such memories, seemingly bitter with johnny over the way he's slowly lost himself. johnny often seeks to vent and pursue advice from nailbunny- its one of the few characters able to berate johnny without receiving some kind of backlash or disagreement on his behalf, obviously because he's aware that nailbunny IS himself, giving it the special privilege of being considered always right by him.

johnnys former self-awareness & whatever traumatic memories pushed him to entering the position hes in, have been absorbed by nailbunny, making it quite literally a voice of reason for him. something i find especially interesting is that when johnny attempts to garner sympathy from nailbunny over his loss of devi, nailbunny shuts him down, claiming what he did was "impolite":

sure, nailbunny isnt expressing an open guilt for johnnys actions, but its clear that it finds his moping to be pointless considering the severity of what he's done. theres a fight in johnnys subconscious between feeling naturally, humanely guilty for losing someone he cared for, versus egotistically feeling as if there was no other choice to be done given how fucked up he already is. i really like this particular aspect of johnnys character, how he teeters back and forth from mocking his own pathetic nature, to being convinced that everything he says and does is right. he likes to think that hes a cold, unfeeling individual who knows better than most, yet when actually about to die (which is something hes idealized since the beginning of the series as being a perfect paradise away from humanitys filth) hes hit with a moment of full clarity that he's just as stupid as everyone he hates, as if almost regretting his death.

i actually have WAY more written that delves into how i think him seeing the afterlife was a form of closure for him & reverend meats purpose in suddenly showing up upon his revival, but this is already full of lots of shit so ill end it here :] feel free to scream at me if i got anything wrong/inaccurate or offer your own thoughts ive never posted my rambles before but i love jthm so much so this has just been brewing in my notes app for the past few days ......... if u made it this far thank you im sorry for melting your mind with these evil words of mine ^____^

[jamminlocks]

Mistletoe Are White {Korai Hoshiumi x Fem!Reader}

Tags: F/M, second POV, childhood friends, friends to lovers, fluff, first kiss, kissing, christmas decoration, mistletoe, korai is soft, christmas fluff, christmas fic, actually after christmas fic i guess, post-timekip, not beta read word count: Summary: It your long time dream that when you fall in love, you and your significant other, whether it on purpose or by chance, would kiss each other under a mistletoe. Its a silly dream for a little kindergartner to have and especially as you get older. You held on to that dream hoping that It would happen in highschool. Years have already gone by, and now your in your twenties with a dream that may never happen. that is, until you were taking down Christmas decoration and Korai was holding the ladder for you. A/N: i've had the very particular need for korai x readers fics for a long LONG time but theres barely any here or on ao3 so this fic is just me cooking my own food cause. enjoy [ao3]

•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°

It started when you and Kourai were kindergarteners watching the old boxy television, sitting on their living room sofa with no choice but to watch the Christmas theme commercials that got really, really boring after the 100th time and more. You don’t even remember what show you were waiting for, but there was one commercial that caught your attention. Recalling it now, it's all too hazy. No longer knowing how it started or what it was even advertising. All you remember was how it ended: the couple looked up and saw there were red berry decorations on the doorway they were under. They smiled at each other and confessed their love. Then, the guy kisses his girlfriend and she kisses back. They hug so sweetly that you remembered thinking it must be a very special kiss, but you don't know why.

From here, the memory was clearer. You said out loud, “I don't get it.”

“Me either,” Kourai complained too. When you looked at him, he seemed more baffled than you, making a repulsed face. You remember holding in a wheeze.

His mom chimed in, with a wide grin and spark in her eyes that made her look ten years younger. That smile stayed the same even when you two grew up.  She leaned over the sofa and said, “You see kids, the berries over their heads are called ‘mistletoes’. It's a Christmas tradition that you kiss the person you love when you stand under it.”

“Wah! Really?” You gasped, surprised that that was a thing adults do. 

Kourai, on the other hand, didn’t have your enthusiasm. He made a face and stuck his tongue out. “Gross!”'

His mom only giggles, probably because of how different the reactions were. “You say that now, Kourai. But one day, you’ll wanna do that with your girlfriend too.”

He slammed his hands on the pillow sitting on his lap in retaliation. Cheeks red and round as the berries you saw on the commercial. “No way!!” he recklessly shouted and was so frustrated. His voice was so high back then. 

She laughs this time, then she turns to you. “How about you, sweety? Would you wanna do that with your boyfriend?”

Looking back now, it was just a question meant to only tease you. The kind of question adults ask kids to mess with them or make light conversation. You took it seriously and stayed quiet to think of your answer. Do you want to do that when you grow up, you asked yourself. 

What your little self’s thought process was has been lost to your age. You recall telling Kourai’s mom, “I guess I’d like too…?” coming off strong then faltering in the end. This time, she giggled. You felt a little confused as to why. But it was likely because of your confidence to say an unsure answer. After she was done letting her giggling out of her belly, she looked at you and patted your head.

“Well, I hope you find a special someone you really, really like to do that,” she said. These words would stay with you. Even your silly little kid brain figured out that she meant it.

Earnestly, you said, “Yes ma’am!” with the enthusiasm a child puts on to appease the adults around them. Her smile softened and she turned to Kourai, who was still pouting. Reaching out a hand, she patted and combed through his short, white hair.

“You too, Kourai,” she said sweetly to him. He crossed his arms as he turned away from you and his mom. 

“Kissing is gross!” He loudly stated with firmness as if it was completely true and new to himself. She only rubbed his head harder while she began to laugh again, commenting on how he’d understand when he got older. Grown ups say that a lot, you thought.

When the show you both wanted to watch finally aired, It was a fun time for you and Kourai. You were so noisy together as you watched, giggling and energetic, as children naturally. Then, as soon as the commercial break rolled in, so did the impatience and disappointed silence. But that one commercial was on again, so you take in everything you see like a sponge. Thanks to Kourai’s mom’s words, even well after that night and throughout the December of that year, you intently watched it. You did not change the channels when it was on, taking in as much detail your little self can comprehend, wondering why she wished that commercial for you. 

•~•~•~•~•~•

Whenever you see those berries as decorations for the Christmas season, you still think of that kiss scene, imagining it from the Hoshiums’ old TV you one day never saw again after the summer of your first grade. It was replaced by a much better, cooler, and less bulkier, black TV.  So did their old sofa they weren’t in a hurry to replace. What those berries are you eventually learn more from shows, manga, and novels. Kourai’s mom was right, the rule is indeed to kiss the person next to you when standing under the plant. It is a very romantic thing to do, you gradually learned.  

The magic of it did work on you a bit after a while, the more you saw it in the romances you read and watched. You have seen it done so well that it leaves an impression and also falls flat that the wonder lasts only for a few seconds, then feeling bored of it. Often, it is the latter. It became clear to you that the mistletoe was a cheap and easy trick to get two characters to kiss and confess, or kiss and create a misunderstanding, which were just confusing and a headache even for a kid like you then. Yet, you were still in awe of that one commercial you saw. It may have been your memories being cloudy and distant that gives it wonder, as nostalgia often does.

That was until you saw a drama on TV. A drama that moms love to watch and chat about, includes your own mother. You were in your first year of middle school when it was airing. Much like before, it was December and you were hanging out at Kourai’s place because you didn’t want to go home and get nagged to do homework just yet. You also haven’t been to his house for a while, after you and Korai went to different middle schools.

The two of you had no choice but to bear watching the drama since it was Kourai’s mom holding the remote even though she wasn’t there. She was in the kitchen preparing dinner, the TV acting as her radio. Manually changing the channels would have been a pointless endeavour as she could change it back easily. You remember loathing the idea of watching at the start of the episode, though you said nothing of it to not be impolite. Korai, on the other hand, knew better than to fight his mom over TV. As the minutes passed, you actually got invested in what was happening. From what you understood because of your own mother’s retellings of the episodes to you, during that time, the main couple have been sharing the same feelings for a while. A confession was always delayed because of their work, other characters getting in the way, more obstacles, and, from what younger you understood as ‘being very, very sad about themselves’. The episode that you two were watching was the one where they finally confessed.

What you remembered the most was the scene where they were at the cafe the leading lady worked at, no one else was there except for her and the male lead, waiting for her shift to end. Some chatting happens and they somehow wind up under a plant with white berries. AS you watched, you thought, why were they showing them? Those aren’t mistletoes. Your confusion was cut when the leads looked at each other, surprised, and he implied about the berries’ rule. 

Then, what occurred had you entrance. Something about the way the characters stared at each other with pure longing. The male lead stood firm and cool yet his expression is of someone who might break apart from the weight of affection he carried. That very affection was seen through his intense gaze at the female lead, whose expression was at first bashful then changed to determined.  He pours his feelings out. You don’t recall any of his words. What’s clearest memory was the leading ladies expression you can now describe as being taken aback and slowly understanding his feelings rather than just her staring blankly at him. She cupped his cheeks, confessed to him. 

Their foreheads touched, giggling together. They kissed and it didn’t look icky or weird. You can tell they are really in love.

“Waahh… Ha, ha AAAHHH~” you cheered for the two leads out of giddiness and laughed at yourself for suddenly being noisy after staying silent for so long. Kourai laughs at you too. 

“Really? That's what gets you?”

“OH C’MON! IT’S CUTE!” you cried at him. 

The laughing and wheezing was loud. Lucky for you, Korai's older brother wasn't there, otherwise it would have been more embarrassing. He would have used that to make fun of you two. From all your laughing, you weren’t quick to notice that his face was pink, slowly turning to cherry red. It was always funny how obvious it is with his white hair.

“LOOK AT YOU! YOU’RE BLUSHING TOO!” you teased, hand reached out to poke his cheek. “YOU’RE GETTING  CUTE TO! LIKE A BABY!” 

Kourai swatted you but you still kept going. It was slowly turning into a one sided pillow fight. It then turned into a tickle fight. You won, getting the chance to both poke and pinch his face.

After you sighed to stop and all the giggles were out of your stomach, you said quietly, wishfully, “I wanna do that one day”. Instantly, you regretted saying out loud, praying that Kourai did hear a word of it. Thinking back now, you sounded like a hopeless romantic, even as a young teen.

“Don’t worry,” he said, a gentleness you never saw in him before. “You’ll find someone.”

You didn’t believe him. As if he cared for love and roses. Let alone his undeniable first love of volleyball. “Really?” asked, just because. Not expecting anything.

“Yeah,” he reassured you.

As you two kept watching the episode, you wondered why the berries weren’t red.

•~•~•~•~•~•

December was a week away when your class decided to decorate the classroom for the holidays after receiving the permission of your homeroom teacher. It started as a silly joke that the class representative acknowledged, then spiralled with everyone agreeing in the sentiment of ‘yeah, that would be fun. Why not do it?’ 

The room wasn’t getting a full blown makeover for the holiday spirit, otherwise you would all be trouble. The teachers only allowed small and light decorations. The ornaments were mostly arts and crafts, but some classmates were generous enough to bring actual Christmas decor.

The entire class set everything up during lunch. The more artistic ones lead the making of cutting out snowflakes and the drawing of Christmas related objects. Many others are on the duty of sticking them over the main chalkboard frame, windows and the chalkboard at the back.

You are in the group placing the thin garland over the frames of the doors and windows, unwinding and handing each piece to your friend standing on a chair.

“Hey,” Kourai greeted as he approached. Hirugami, your classmate and his teammate, right behind him. “Where were you?” sounding a bit upset at you in an almost childlike way.

“Now, now Kourai. you don’t have to be angry that she  wasn’t with us,” said Hirugami, entering your shared classroom.

“Sorry about that. As you can see, I’m busy,” you apologise, jiggling the garland around your arms.

He huffs in defeat. Then points out, “but you’ve been busy all week.”

“Cause I need to. Exams are coming.” you move to another classmate that called you to hand over another garland, Korai follows you from behind the open hall windows.

“What are you? Studying to get into college? We still have a year for that!”

“For our current classes, obviously.” you said, walking back to your friend to give out another one, still holding the conversation, then leaning a shoulder on the door. “Speaking of, you should be too. I don’t think I’ll be able to help you with English this weekend.”

Kourai grits his teeth in irritation that you’re right and being reminded of his request. His grades weren’t bad, but he did promise his mom that he’ll do better than his last English exam result.

“Heeey! look up top guys,” a classmate calls from the other side of the room. She and the others fondly snickering at you two to themselves. “You know the rules,” another chimes in, wagging his fingers to point something above your heads. Looking up, among the christmas decor hung on the door frame, there fake red berries attach to plastic jagged shape leaves, placed on the very centre.

Kourai yells,“OI!”, at them in frustration. And it shows, his face was turning red.  You, on the other hand, are cool headed. You can’t fall for a joke when they’re wrong.

“Funny. But, no. We won’t,” you said, rolling your eyes, still keeping your position leaning on the door frame.They playfully booed at you, saying ‘you're no fun’ and ‘lighten up’. Kourai is also fast to shut them down, shoulders tensing up and a foot already passing the doorway.

A classmate teases again. “Why? Too shy?” she said, smiling at you with mischievous glee. 

You plainly state, “No. It's not even mistletoe”

“It's not?” she replied, genuinely surprised. 

“Oh yeah?” another, too, in disbelief.

“For starters, those are fake holly berries.” You point to the berries, being fixed by your friend. “Not to mention the leaves are different. If you really want to argue with me I can tell you what these berries actually are.” seeing how you're so dedicated in educating them on the plant, they don’t argue. 

But before they can tease anymore, the class rep enters and mistakes the scene as a quarrel. “Alright, stop fighting,” she calmly intervenes, though it wasn’t necessary. “Get back to work before our break time ends everyone.” And so they do, moving on to chatter on their own. 

Kourai stays since she hasn’t asked him to leave. His attention returns to you, pouting a little. It might be because he didn’t get the chance to rebuttal them. 

Curious, Kourai asks. “So, those… Those aren’t mistletoes?” Though the tension is gone, he is still a little flush on the face. 

You shook your head. “The ones we hung look more like holly berries. They always get confused with mistletoes. Real mistletoes are smaller and white. Their leaves are rounder and closer to the size of the berries too.” you explained as you helped your friend down from the chair. She moves it back to its place and leaves you and Kourai be.

He only nods, looking up to the tangling berries over the door. Kourai’s face is still stained red even after he has already calmed down. He must have felt embarrassed about the idea of kissing a friend. “How’d you know?”

“I did some research. Who would have thought? ”

“mhmm”

As he stood still, out of the blue, like the words came out as he thought, he said, “do you still wanna do it one day?” His tone suddenly became serious.

You know what he meant by ‘it’. Hosently, you aren’t sure. Adults always say that not having a relationship in your highschool years was fine, but you could hardly believe it when you have friends gushing about their boyfriends and girlfriends to you. Classmates that have significant others inside the classroom. Somehow, you feel like you're not catching on. Yet, you don’t want to just find a boyfriend for the sake of not being single. You hate to admit it, but you do dream of actually falling in love and that it's like everything you’ve watched and read, even though you know that it won’t be. 

Maybe, you can say it to Kourai. He is your friend after.

In soft confidence, staring at the shiny fake berries, you said, “yeah, I sure hope I get to.”

Then, the air was oddly empty between you two for a moment.

Kourai catches your attention by patting you behind the shoulder. “By the way, do you wanna walk to the station later, after my practice?”

You mentally go through all you should be doing today as your finger twiddle with the plastic leaves of the garland. You are staying a little later for a club meeting. If things go smoothly, it could be done early. However, it is likely that something might come up that might make you stay a little longer. Thinking that it has been a while since you walked with him to the station, you made your choice.

You smiled at him and said, “If our meeting ends early, I’ll wait outside the court.”

He smiles back. The flush on his face is no longer prominent but still present.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Already in your mid-twenties, yet your dream of kissing your beloved under a mistletoe still hasn't happened and is least likely to happen now. Nine months ago, your last boyfriend broke up with you. It wasn’t as bitter as it could have been but it still wounded your heart. You've cried out the initial hurt to your friends. Kourai was sadly the ears to hear all your woes and insecurities about it through the phone well after weeks from the split.

He says that it’s fine, but you think that you’ve shared too much of that badge and began being a bad friend. While he was telling you stories of how his games went and how silly his dog has been, most of your chatter was melodramatic ranting. Sometimes, you think he was being too nice. So you tell him you’d buy him food the next time you hang out, as compensation. In the end, he still buys you extra afterwards, nulling your efforts somewhat.

After High school, Kourai went to play volleyball professionally and you are so happy for him. You still remembered when he told you he started playing for the volleyball club. Skip to now, it became his life and it shows. You used to be a little taller than him, but now, he has built up muscle that it’s hard to call him cute just to tease him anymore. 

By December, the pain only lingered in the palette of your mood in moments you're not preoccupied. As you walk on the winter streets, you often notice the different couples spending their time together. Young couples in the honey phase of their relationship. Couples with their children, holding hands. Your brain automatically reminds you of your ex. It did make Christmas a little lonelier. It wasn’t enough to dampen you for too long, still able to pick yourself back up when you had a holiday bonus, along with nice gifts from friends. 

When new years came, you spent it with your family. Thankfully, no one ever brought up nor questioned your relationship status, all in good part that you hadn't introduced him to your parents. Save for the one instant a niece asked if you spent Christmas with your boyfriend too. The ‘too’ gave you a hint that she may have been using another taken relative, likely a girl cousin similar to your age, as a frame of reference and applying it to you. Not wanting to tarnish her early views of love or view of you, you simply admit that you are single, nothing more. Blunt as children are, she frowned and said “that's just sad.” and it hurt how genuine she sounded. 

It’s the second week of January and you don’t plan on keeping the Christmas decor in your apartment any day longer. The Holiday season has stayed long enough in your home and it's becoming an eyesore as February approaches. You have spent the past hour packing up everything. Though it wasn’t much, you weren’t in a hurry. Otherwise you’d have tired yourself out on a weekend. Another reason is because the ladder makes too much noise when you place it on the ground. It’s a hassle and you take in consideration the neighbours below you.

Right now, you're in the process of taking down the decorations on the walls and changing the curtains. First the garlands, then the red curtains. You forget how heavy they are.

As you tug the cloth down its pole, there’s knocking on the front door. 

You weren’t expecting packages this week and that wasn’t any knock you were familiar with.

You step down the ladder carefully, then rush to the door. Peaking through the small hole, He may not be facing the door completely and he has a cap on his head, but you know that side profile anyware. It’s Kourai, on his phone on one hand. 

Though excited, you hastily padded away dust and smoothed folds on your shirt, trying to appear a little well kept even in your indoor clothes. The moment the door is fully opened, you greet him a new year and rope Kourai into a tight hug. It was the first hug with him for the year and after not seeing him since he was busy with his games. He returns your enthusiasm with a squeeze. 

“It's great to see you again,” you said, happy but clearly short in breath.

He chuckles, “You too.”

“Sorry about my place, you caught me in the middle of cleaning up,” you said as you poured him tea. He didn’t seem bothered by the mess of garlands on the floor and littered boxes of decor. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one apologising? I showed up without telling you.”

“I do like surprises.”

You welcomed him in, carrying a large, red, paper bag on one hand. The conversation didn’t end and flowed like it’s only been a week since you last saw each other. ‘How are you?’, ‘how’s work?’, ‘how are your games?’ One question and another, answered and a little more. The usual banter, meandering to whatever comes up. It feels like nothing has changed between the two of you.

Maybe it was just the freshness of a new year, but you can’t help but reflect. You’ve gone through the holidays with Kourai since you were kids. He’s changed a lot and you have too. Yet, somehow, he wound up with a haircut that’s so much like the one he had as a kid. 

“Do you need help with all this?” Kourai asks, gesturing to your living room.

 You raised a brow, “are you sure? You're visiting me. It’s not a fun visit if you're breaking a sweat.”

“Don’t be shy. I know you want to get this done fast.”

And he is right.

So, he helps out. Starting with lending his hand in getting the curtains down. In just a few minutes, the Christmas tree was down and two boxes were sealed. He then helps in moving the ladder to the hallway. You begin to take down the hanging decor on the garland with full confidence to use both of your hands now with Kourai holding the ladder for you.

“You actually hanged mistletoes, huh?” he suddenly mentions, switching the conversation topic. Prioritizing packing up had you failed to realise that was the decor you were holding. The wire is so tangled you couldn’t undo it quickly, so you move to the plastic snowflakes. Handing them down to him.

You hum in agreement. “It would be such a shame for a cute ornament to not be used, don’t you think? I’d have to wait another year!” 

He laughs with you at your point.

“Did you ever get to kiss anyone under that?” he asked casually, jokingly even. 

Through an unintentionally deep sigh, you said, “no”. Your disappointment shows just a little. “Last christmas, he wasn’t around because of work out of town. I guess it was a good thing that it didn’t happen. It would have ruined mistletoes for me.” 

Kourai was quiet for a little while. He may have thought that the topic was a sore spot for you. So you tell him that it is nothing to worry about. you raised your hands to the mistletoes again, putting your full attention to undoing its wire. As you twist and bend it, Kourai snaps your focus with one question.

 “Do you wanna do it right now?”

His shift in tone surprised you. Not wanting to assume. You ask.

“Come again?”

“Do you wanna do it right now?” He repeats. “Make your wish come true? 

It catches you off guard. Quickly letting go of the mistletoe and bracing yourself to the ladder, you turn to him, looking down from your levelled height, searching for any hint that he was kidding. There isn’t. All you see is the determination that shines in his eyes you have known of him. It came with a tint of red spreading from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. To think he’d still remember that.

“You said you wanna do it with someone one day, right?”

Yes, you did. You said so back when you were in middle school. But that was a long time ago. Some middle school dreams were just not meant to be. From your speechlessness, anyone would have taken it back. He doubles down, calling you back to the present moment by saying your name like an endearment.

“I love you… and I really like you.” 

It's like you're breathless again. All too quickly, you want to believe again. You have no idea how to process this.

“Kourai… you…”

Bursting into a laugh, you hold steady on the ladder. Not at him, of course. It seems to ease him a little from how his face softens. For a second, you saw the little Kourai again. 

“Is this really how you confess to people?” you jokes and he chuckles too.

“I want to give it a try. While there's still a chance,” He changes his grip on the ladder. “You don’t need to say yes to anything that I said. Just letting you know” 

You felt it, that he put everything on the line. More than a decade of friendship. A friendship so long that you can see it in him that it's true. He loves you and it warms you like a scarf around the neck. However, knowing that he likes you too, It’s so easy for you to like him back. In fact, you may have begun to like him a long while ago. If anything, it felt right to just say ‘yes’. 

Yet, happiness came with fear.

With a gentle voice, you ask, “this won’t change much between us, right?”

Sensing your doubts, he reassures you, “I’ll love you no matter what.”

You might as well have fallen off the ladder.

As you try to lean forward to get a little closer, with a smile, truthfully, you said, “Yes. I love you too, Kourai. And I’d like to date you.” Everything now is clear as snow.

He takes a little gasp of air like taking in your answer. One sigh leads to a chuckle. If he wasn’t holding the ladder, he would have hugged you then and there.

Breathy, he said, “okay.” Pure joy seeping out.

Life feels as if it changed so much and yet things were all the same. Old things turning to something new. 

Kourai looks up above you again. You mirror him. The mistletoes still hanging.

“Do you still wanna do it?” he said. When you looked back down on him, a fresh grin is on his face.

Without question you, you nod. That’s one way to properly start it all.

You take each step a little shakey on the knees. There’s one more step down, but the excitement and nervousness has you quickly wrap your arms over Kourai's shoulders, letting yourself lightly fall forward to kiss him before he could say another word. He catches you, wrapping his arms around your torso, holding you in place as he kisses you back. He lifts you off the last step, not letting your feet touch the floor.

It might as well be December again.

When he sets you down, the kiss ends too. 

“So,” he started. The flushness on his face isn’t  as bad as it could be, just the right amount that made him look charming. “How was it?”

You brush back his white hair even though it's short. 

“Better than I could’ve ever hoped for.”

•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°~•~°

It's finally here!!! wow 2024 sure knows how to stop me from finishing fics, huh?

{taglist} @theholypeanut

[astarionancuntnin]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you for the tag @nyx-knox!! <33

When did you start writing?

Like wayyyyyyyyy back, I technically wrote my first story when i was 11. I didn't write again until i was 15 (original pieces + fanfics), then i stopped and Im back at it again at 26 ayoooo

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

if i really need to search further into my favorite books, i would definitely say psychological horror and dramas

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I don't know writers enough to really get an idea of how to compare myself to any of them, but I do know that i tend to emulate what i'm exposed to, so if I read an entire series from an author, and they used a certain syntax, i'll tend to also do it by force of habit. (i also consider it a flaw cause i see it as hindering my writing creativity ;-;)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

its my personal pc that doubles as my work space, so its a bit all over the place ngl haha, theres a lot of astarion stickers and posters, all the furniture (keyboard, mouse, desk, etc) is pastel purple (my favorite colour), i have three screens (mostly for work but its also useful in day to day life) and my three wallpapers are astarion, of course. sometimes when i feel a writers block, i found out that writing on my laptop does unblock me! in that case, youll find me typing away on my couch in my living room uwu

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

MUSIC. What I write will be highly dependent on what I listen at the moment, like I was really into boywithuke when i wrote my angsty fics, and then i moved to a dark romance playlist and that got me going for die for you but then i was unable to continue my other fic cause i wasnt in an angsty mood anymore ._. (i swear i didnt abandon it, it just isnt the playlists turn to play on repeat) and rn im a lot into sleep token and ari abdul

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

So. Much. Smut. And angst. not surprising! my writing will also often depict my current state of mind. dw im in therapy, im working on it

What is your reason for writing?

It's my favorite creative output/the one im most experienced in! i wanna start drawing but i never find the time to really get into it and also terrified of failure which brings me to my second reason, its all i think i can do and i get dopanine reading nice comments teehee

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

when people tell me about a favourite part, when they liked the tension i managed to create, how i convey some characters, and most of all when i get told they loved a character i created!! this is so encouraging and pushes me to continue <3

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i dont know how to answer to that .-. uh, i guess i want to be liked? seen as a good writer if anything? idk man ;-;

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Definitely descriptions, and creating a build up in a scene. I feel like it comes naturally to me and people have often told me that they are never lost when reading my scenes which reassures me so much LMAO I feel validated I also think I make really fun dialogue, especially banter with my ocs/tavs

How do you feel about your own writing?

i often self criticise my own work a lot, and i get that imposter syndrome where ill reread my work before posting and go "what the hell" in those moments, im grateful im not writing on paper cause that sheet would find its way to the trash real quick ^^ ' im sincerely truly blessed that my partner offers himself to read my pieces and beta read them, and tell me his honest opinion (there are things i wrote i wish i could forget and yall better be thankful he was there to stop me from posting first versions)

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

mix of both definitely. initially i wrote my own ideas and if people do end up liking them hell yeah!!! glad im able to find people that vibe the same way i do! then again, when i write for people, even if most of it comes from my silly little imagination, it was initially influenced by the request itself and is going to guide the writing specific to this piece, which honestly makes sense imo

Tagging 🏷️: @marlowethebard @roguishcat @anacdoce @charmandabear @marimosalad

[starlooove]

Hello! What about Duke Thomas made you like him so much??

I've been checking out his tag cause I saw some really cool fanart of him, so now I'm curious on what makes his character so appealing

AWHWHW sorry pls bare with me I’m scatterbrained but like. In a sentence I love that Duke is someone who presses forward despite everything! Like this is draft two bc my first answer was just listing character traits which wasn’t the question; but what I personally adore about him is that he just doesn’t stop moving.

It sounds weird but like. To me he gives refusal to die, refusal to settle, refusal to give up. When riddler took Gotham Duke was certain HE’D be the one to save them if he tried hard enough, when Bruce lost his memories Duke tried to get him back and then pushed forward with his own plans with the certainty that Batman would come back - whether through him or not, when his parents went missing he said fuck the system and went after them anyways and that’s just like. Off the top of my head. Like as corny as it sounds Duke lowkey embodies what I love about Batman - the whole indomitable human spirit or however you say that and it’s by far my favorite trait bc I don’t even think he’s aware of it? Like he actively plays at not caring about the Robin movement and just wanting to find his parents but like 3 hours later he’s texting them going ‘but like what are the details if I joined lol. Like hypothetically.” He actively fights Damian until he agrees with him, becomes a leader within the movement until Bruce is back whilst dodging gcpd, and Bruce literally had to dress up as karma for Duke to admit maybe it did fuck him up a little - all for him to still be like “I’m not good enough :(‘.

And I know that all seems like shit he just did but I promise his mindset during these things is so fascinating to me bc it’s like he simultaneously understands not many others would do this whilst also holding it as bare minimum/base standards. Like I make joke posts about him being a hardass but tbh he doesnt judge anyone half as hard as he judges himself - he understands bad circumstances, plans going left, differing povs - all until he makes a mistake; then he sucks and needs to be better. He’s also just hilarious like I didn’t read him in chrono order so the first thing I saw was him in a fight with some girls brother bc he heard Duke was flirting with her and idk an opening like that just cemented him as cool to me.

ALSO (from the tags!) I ADOREEEEEE HOW MUCH HE LOVES THE ADRENALINE/RUSH OF FIGHTING! Like Duke got in a lot of fights while his parent were missing and besides the obvious acting out bc he’s hurt he also just genuinely loves the rush of it - like not my interpretation he outright says it! And i need to do a reread for him bc I feel like it wasn’t mentioned a lot but if the og fight was the hook, the adrenaline line is what reeled me in and keeping it in mind while reading stories of him going off on his own for the good of Gotham adds another layer to it bc it’s not SOLEY necessity for him! Like things happened to line up where there was always a void that needed to be filled when he got involved in anything but it genuinely feels like duke wouldve been here no matter the circumstances. like even in civilian aus the way duke as a character is set up makes it so that it feels like - to me anyways- theres no world in which hes not doing or striving towards something! duke isnt the type to just be comfortable, bad wording, but hes just a very hungry character to me - if for an adventure or a solution. Its conveniently been both for most of his career but im very interested for what happens internally when those two clash - which. i personally think the nature of his powers and gnomon could bring that out beautifully!

[melissa-titanium]

i and b for theee ask post mayhaps if i may

twirls hair in fingers smiles

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

oh my god ok okw ait. imgonna do the second for mp100, md and ln cause those are my main girls right now .

I - honestly?>?? um. a little bit for every fandom ive been in. but twitter has caused me the most grief LOL.....

id have to say homestuck first cause the homestuck fandom is just. fucking RAMPANT with people who mischaracterize.

murder drones second for the same reason but ... it's smaller so its more manageable. there's always going to be bad apples in fandom space no matter what you do unfortunately.

that is exactly why my first mission once i get into an interest is to scope out the coolest people in a fandom and get them to be my mutual. there are a bunch of people who have yet to follow back but. i am persistent. if i have you in my sights you better believe we're gonna be buddies.

for murder drones i think this was mainly ...

@ / electronix-arts @ / 400terahertz @ / randygrim @ / jamieenthusiast @ / ghoulinfuschia @ / yorkistarbomb @.t1rkras rip tirkras :( I JUST CLOSED THE TAB WITH MY LIST IN IT FUCK. ITS OKAY GUYS IF I FOLLOWED YOU THAT MEANS I THOIGHT YOU WERE AWESOME IM SORRY IF YOURE MISSING FROM THIS LIST. BAWLS. also theres a lot of other people on twitter who r cool and i hope they come to tumblr because we all know what twitters like LOLLLLLLL.....

for mob psycho. off the top of my head???

@ / bugcatcherkit @ / metukika @ / bonk-boink @ / bizarre-blues @ / percycoolguy @ my wonderful mutual bloodpopdreams on twitter. queen get out of there @ and... YOU!!!

I WAS SO FUCKING HPYED WHEN YOU FOLLOWED ME BACK U HAVE NOOOOO FUCKING IDEA.

B - ok. fuck. ok. for mp?? RITERU. breach of trust & suitablyskippys one fake relationship fic made me go absolutely fucking insane over them.

breach of trust already on its own is an INCREDIBLE fic but seeing how teru & ritsus dynamic developed without mobs influence was... so so so interesting. and suitablyskippy is just a fucking awesome writer no questions asked so their fic made me love it even more LOL.

also. i might sound insane for this one because its literally one of the most popular fucking ships but. terumob ? like. ok . i know. but i didnt interact with the fandom until after i finished the damn show & didnt pick up on ANY of the undertones of their interactions so it came out of complete left field to me as the most popular ship.

my immediate thought was oh its going to be a johndave situation or something where ekurei was the most popular but then serirei took its place. but i was completely fucking wrong LOL.

BUT YEAH im not insane over terumob but i think they r funny if done right :))

FOR MD... um. genuinely nothing. LOL. the fandom has done a shit ass job of convincing me to like ANY pairings, platonic or otherwise. in fact its steered me away from alot of them.

i genuinely liked nuzi until seeing a lot of the discourse around it LOL...

to be fair i am not a big shipper. i see romantic relationships from a purely analytical point of view because a) autism, and b) aroace.

BUT IN SHORT...i don't HATE all murder drones pairings, i just like to see them through my own personalized lens without any fandom influence :)

LITTLE NIGHTMARES IS DIFFERENT CAUSE. LIKE. ??? ROMANCE?? DUDE HALF OF THE CHARACTERS ARE CHILDREN AND THE OTHER HALF ARE MONSTERS TRYING TO EAT THEM. THE KIDS ARE TOO BUSY TRYING TO SURVIVE AND NOT STARVE TO DEATH AND THE ADULTS/MONSTERS ARE TOO BUSY TRYING TO K I L L T H E C H I L D RE N . AINT GOT NO TIME FOR ROMANCE !!!!!!!!! BUT in terms of platonic pairings. the fandom didnt really change my opinion on any BUT im in the middle of reading a reaaaally good fic that expands on flashlight girl's character (called flicker in this fic,) and explores the idea of runaway kid & six having a dynamic. it's super fun & INCREDIBLY well written and im very sad for when i finish reading it cause its unfinished and was last updated in 2022 </3

WHEW this was long HELPPPPPPPP. THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS ASK IM GIGLGIGN <3333

[geodetojoy]

ALRIGHTY i am no longer busy so heres my full thoughts on Newsies :DDD

tagging @royallygray and @mysteriouswolf if yall wanna read :D

ok this shit got LONG so the rest is under the cut

GOD where do I even start its beautiful its wonderful its emotional i love it so much

Ill try not to copy my intermission thoughts too much (if you havent seen those here they are)

Ok lets talk about the history of it. A quick google search says its based on a strike in 1899, and Roosevelt ran for presidency in 1901, so we'll just say the musical takes place in 1899 too (correct me if theres a different confirmed time).

During this time, work conditions are absolute shit, monopolies and trusts are on the rise, and the concept of a union has recently emerged. I really didnt need to say much of this bc its apparent in the musical, but i love historically accurate stuff so deal with it /lh

And in the musical we see the beginnings of Roosevelt's trust-busting and ideas of social equality that he acts on during his presidency (it also kinda ties into his environmentalism stuff a bit too!)

And after reading up a bit on the strike the musical was based on, a lot of the effects of the strike in the musical were historically accurate too! the newsboys could sell back papers they werent able to sell on the streets, but the price was unfortunately not yet lowered. (also, the names of the publishers in the show are historically accurate as well!!! makes my little history brain happy :DDD )

SO whats the point of all of my rambling here?

people make historical art all of the time. we see it in musicals like Annie, Hamilton, and so so many more. obviously this goes beyond musicals here, but since newsies is a musical ill try to stay with that topic.

anyway, we learn about history to learn from it. we see these past issues that our previous generations struggled with, in these art forms as to be easily digestible, and we discover their solutions. we get to see the humanity behind the issues and the conflicts they faced to overcome them. and ofc its not the only reason, but one reason these stories are told with art is to bring attention to them. people are way more likely to listen to music than study a historical textbook. so, they make it entertaining. they make relatable and lovable characters. they make people care about the show and subsequently the issue itself. all of this is to explain how and why things that happened in history are bad as to never repeat them again.

We see these topics of worker mistreatment, corrupt businesses, child labor, gender/sex inequality, and the class separation all brought to the spotlight in this show, and it does a damn good job of showing the pain and suffering they cause. the story of this show is incredible and so very important to learn about.

OK now onto the actual musical itself im done nerding out

ive done a lot of charater analysis already in that intermission post bUT WHO SAYS I CANT DO MORE HAHA

im saving jack for last bc theres so much to unpack there

KATHERINE MY LOVE <3333

Everything about her being a girlboss absolutely remains the same shes INCREDIBLE

and holy shit PULITZER'S HER DAD???? i love her even more. she directly ran away from an easy life to follow her own dreams and pursue her own passion from scratch. incredible. inspiring. mwah

i also just love her personality. shes so bubbly and happy and passionate and bright and optomistic shes the best <3

oh god crutchie. hes absolutely my favorite btw im sorry everyone else i adore him <33333

GOD his prison song actually killed me. im fully dead. deceased.

THE NEWSIES ARE SUCH A FAMILY GAHHH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH RAHHHH

the sheer ecstasy i felt when he came back and hit Snyder with his cane i could not stop stimming MY BOYYYY

the absolute definition of sunshine character. he sees everything as glass half full and wants just the brightest future he deserves the absolute world

and ik i talked about it earlier but i adore how they take such a neutral opinion about his leg. people give him shit for it, and his brother beat them to a pulp. its just a part of him and they love his whole being, so why would they not love that about him too?

Les only got better as the show went on. i thought he was a smartass before LMAOO

AND THE DATE BIT??? WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM???? AND IT JUST NEVER GETS BROUGHT UP AGAIN LMAO WHAT

i think the biggest change i felt towards a character was Davey

he grew on me soooooo much his character growth is everything to me

he went from trying to stay out of their business to teaching them what a union was to helping them start it to running it himself when jack ran off to convincing jack to come back when times got tough he is sooo important to the story

and to me. hes important to me <3

OH AND RACE

i saw people mention the name before but i didnt know which he was until they addressed him directly I LOVE THAT GUYYY

especially in king of new york hes got such a big personality what a silly guy

OK now for the guy the silly the mc jack

At the beginning he is entirely driven by both his love for his family and ofc his dream of living in Santa Fe, but atm hes just trying to get by so hes more focused on the newsies. but a boy can dream

then he gets all caught up in the strike business and only focuses on that for a while bc he wants to protect his boys

then shit goes south. they get essentially jumped, and crutchie gets hurt and arrested.

and he thinks, what was it all for? if he couldnt protect his brother (never living that down btw), whats the point of even trying to strike anymore

so he changes his focus back to santa fe. the one thing hes still got going for him.

and he gets confronted by katherine, les, and davey, and they knock some sense into him. stopping the strike isnt going to take away any of the harm done. the danger is expected, theres no way any of this could go down without some form of a casualty. so why not try to do something about it. the only way to make this situation better is to get back in the game and keep pushing for change.

and ofc the thing with katherine which ill talk abt a bit more later

in all of this, something in him changes. he dreamed of santa fe, a simpler life, one where he didnt have to worry about having to afford food and clothing for the next day.

but what he never considered was the loneliness. sure, he offered to bring crutchie and katherine with him, but hed be leaving behind so many more. and thats when he realized he never needed to get out, he just needed things to change a bit. and they did! because of the strike, living became so much more affordable. no it wasnt perfect, but it was enough to be safe and secure, just like he wanted. and he had his family beside him the whole time.

ill admit that before i sat and thought about it for a while, this ending was really unsatisfactory to me. i mean we got how many santa fe reprises? all for naught?

but in reality, santa fe would never be enough for him. hes just so used to this life surrounded by the people he cares most about and doing everything in his power to protect him, hed just be so bored, so understimulated, and hed just continue to yearn for more. that path of wanting would never come to a conclusion and hed live his life never truly being happy. so i really do thing he made the right choice in staying, because new york became his santa fe. he didnt need to seek it out, it came to him.

Ok now with him and katherine

ill start by saying i do really adore them. i feel like a lot of what im about to say might seem like i think otherwise, but i truly do think theyre very sweet

ok so every interaction of theirs in act one was. very uncomfortable to say the least. he honestly seemed really predatory at times and it just really felt like an old-timey romance where the girl doesnt know her worth so she flocks to any guy that shows interest in hr bc she thinks its her only purpose

now obviously that is NOT the truth, those were just my first impressions. Katherine is extremely capable of taking care of herself and deciding what is and isnt right for her, she likes jack purely because she can and does. she knows her worth and just likes him bc she likes him, no strings attached

i will say the first kiss kinda caught me off guard lmao. like i knew they were gonna be a thing but that is NOT how i expected that to go down. its likely just bc of my aroace-ness but i saw no sign of them actually getting together prior to that, aside from them being the main man and leading lady in the show so ofc they have to be together. i mean ig her reaction to him drawing her was a bit of a hint but still. ok maybe its just bc im demi. hadnt thought abt that until now. damn. is this a normal thing? maybe it is. maybe im being too harsh. idk lmao

anyway ill admit the kiss was successful in getting his attention and getting him to listen to her so ill give it that lmaoo but tbh i did tune a bit of their song out bc it started to make me a bit uncomfy but i did liste back to it later on. they really seem to have a healthy relationship where they both care about the other and know the other is strong enough on their own, they just both want to be a part of the other's life. its really sweet! theyre so supportive of each other!!! green flags all around!!!

the bit with him learning shes pulitzers daughter was really interesting to me. at first she tries to talk to him but he kinda brushes her off, but from then on he just kinda has full faith in her? i mean yeah he gets upset about it bc he thinks she lied to him, but i dont think he thought she had any ill intentions. that was a complicated sentence lmaoo damn. i think he really understood that she wanted to help, he was just caught up in a lot of Feelings and was afraid that she wasnt trustworthy despite him still trusting her. and then he let her explain and from then on they fully support the other and trust each other immensely

so yeah first impressions were a bit iffy but i think theyre very sweet <333

OK GOD CAN I GUSH ABOUT THE STAGE DESIGN FOR A BIT???? GAHHH

i mean the moving stairs and scaffolding arent new. i know this. but just the way they frame scenes with the scaffolding is stunning. the chase scenes??? dude. enthralling. the bits where theyre in the city and they have people just up their acting like civilians? SO cool. makes it incredibly more realistic and believable. and the way they projected images onto the curtain-like things they pulled down was extremely creative!!! like in theory its such a simple design. it was literally nothing more than the scaffolding and stairs, and a few tables and wagons and such in certain areas. but they did SO much with it it was hard to believe it took place on a stage. ofc the filming helps with that but still. the start felt like it was on the roof of the building bc of a combination of the lighting and the use of just one of the scaffolding pieces. and when theyre in buildings, the wall of scaffolding works really well as a backdrop!!! and i already talked about the city street scenes, it fits perfectly. god its so inspiring id love to be behind something like that one day

OK AND THE CHOREO??? the sheer ENDURANCE of these people HOLY I COULD NEVER. THE FLEXIBILITY? THEYRE ALL LITERAL GYMNASTS WTF ARE THESE FLIPS AND HANDSTANDS IM SORRY???? holy shit its all SOSOSO impressive

oh my god i havent even talked about the MUSIC yet

if i had to choose a favorite song, a, i would punch whoever told me that in the face, and b, i would simply combust bc i cant choose just one

my top three tho would have to be between king of new york, carrying the banner, and crutchies prison song (idk the name its not on spotify :'((((( ) in no particular order

i havent had them on repeat enough to have any memorized, but i did remember santa fe, carrying the banner, and the world will know from the last time i watched it and i belted along to all the parts i knew this music is so good at hyping me up I WANNA START A UNION

and oh my god katherines voice???? stunning. her song is sooooo good. her part in king of new york is incredible. i love her <3

jesus christ this post got out of control. im still not done lmaooo

ok one thing that really has nothing to do with the musical itself is just the fact that it reminded me of so many other musicals ive seen at specific parts, even some of the songs sound like others i know.

Santa Fe really reminds me of Maybe from Annie, both music-wise and lyric wise. i mean theyre both "i want" songs so it makes sense but i feel like they sound kinda similar too. honestly a lot of the music sounds like Annie, but maybe its just the types of instruments used and thats just how musicals sounded when they were made. i think they were made about the same time. *checks spotify* ok well the newsies i listen to was produced like 40 years after Annie so maybe that just a stylistic choice-

idk why but the beginning of watch what happens sounds like the intro to reginas speaking part in meet the plastics lmao-

oh and brooklyn's here has the same beat as the military from Seussical but thats just bc its a marching song lmao. its also the same beat as the spanish alphabet song my spanish teacher used to use!

ok and this one really doesnt make sense but something to believe in reminds me of the power in me from Twisted lmao- kinda similar message ig? and sound vaguely similar? but idk it really doesnt make too much sense

i should. i should sum it up. this is getting out of hand.

okay i love this musical sm. clearly. do you see how long this post is. i was missing out when i refused to listen to it previously. oh my god.

and for some reason it really makes me wanna go watch my favorite musical so im ending this here TO YOUTUBE I GOOOOO TY FOR READING IF YOU DID AND TY TO ROYAL FOR UNINTENTIONALLY PUSHING ME TO WATCH THIS HAVE A GREAT DAYYYY

[mrsterlingeverything]

So being prejudiced against people from your own community (and other communities) is fine under the guise of keeping it real, speaking whatever we want, and not being afraid? i didn't even know ayesha was trans when i read her tweets about kim being "castrated" as a child, but now it feels worse because she's trans cause she's attacking someone from her own community? she can say whatever she wants, i don't care, it just feels like you really like justifying shitty behavior from singers if you like their music instead of just admitting their behavior is pure shit and you don't really care about how they behave as long as their music is nice.

i didn't even know exactly who ayesha was before i saw someone retweeting about her calling out kim for working with dr luke which I was like "oh, yes, get her ass" but then she tweeted shit about kim's transition and that's when she crossed the line.

"no 12 is when kim's parents got her castrated, 12 is when i was being a kid and growing up x"

"exactly my point. you did nothing with this. while i worked my ASSS off to get any sort of my attention for my music, she was on tv talking about getting axe wounded at 12 by her rich ass parents."

re: azealia - i didnt'even see anything about azealia banks in her tweets, but miss banks can also go away with her transphobic shit. she has a talent with words, for sure, but she consistently uses her talent for evil WHICH SHE'S ALLOWED TO IF SHE WANTS that's up to her morals, but you don't need to justify it as "oh she's just keeping it real, i respect that", you see what i mean? like whichever music you like, you are still someone i really care about and enjoy, it's just odd to go to bat for these singers who keep showing their ass all the time.

This is a funny conversation because i haven't read some of those tweets either until you mentioned them like the axe wound tweet for example... ew. Umm. Its complicated. Maybe not for you... but to me, there's something about... people saying what they think even if other people think its nasty that i find respectable.

I think those tweets from ayesha about kim are disgusting, but im just not the type of person to cancel someone completely from my life when they do something wrong. Everyone does good and bad things, i dont think some bad things negate lots of good things, although lots of people do think that these days.

The way i see it, everyone thinks things that someone else would find disgusting. I dont know you anon but if you spoke or posted all your thoughts theres someone out there who would think some of them are disgusting, because theres people with all sorts of opinions. It doesnt mean you shouldnt speak your mind. Sharing ideas is very important or we end up in our small social media bubbles and dont understand other world views, or other cultures for that matter.

Regarding me saying that ayesha is more qualified to talk about transgender people as a trans person, i mean that while i find her tweets to be disgusting, i know there are some detrans people even on here who think that 12 is possibly too early for the medical transition that kim had. Its not really my place to say as a cis person, thats what i meant. I think at the very least its complicated and while you can say its great for people to transition that early, i think its great for some people to, and probably harmful to others based on personal anecdotes that ive read.

I hope i answered everything, lots of topics here. Also i want to say that i really enjoy conversation like this, i think its good for all of us to be exposed to different ideas :) ily anon

[linkstem]

Introject Ask Game!

1. What's your name and source?

I'm Blue from the The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords manga

2. What type of introject are you? (Fictive, factive, etc.)

I'm a fictive

3. How connected do you feel to your source?

All of it happened to me and stuff so like,,, really connected I guess. I think it really helped us as a system cause it can be interpreted as a really nice DID metaphor... Even though we had no idea we were a system when we read it

4. Do you have any exomemories? What's your favourite one?

I remember my whole sourcce but I dunno about a favorite,,,

5. What do you think of your source's fandom?

I FUCKING LOVE THESE GUYS

6. Do you have any sourcemates in your system?

Red, Green, and Vio!! There's some Zelda fictives from other games/aus I dunno if they count

7. Have you ever met any sourcemates outside your system?

We're friends with a BOTW Link and Zelda, and we know a Saria, we wanna meet more!

8. Have you ever posted/sent a sourcecall anywhere? Did it help you find sourcemates?

I never really felt the need to

9. What do you think are your biggest differences from/similarities to your source?

Uhh it's not really a difference cause I still did all that stuff but I kinda cringe looking back on our source cause I was really different when we first drew the Four Sword. I don't really know how to fight and stuff anymore too, so that kinda sucks

10. Do you like being compared to your source?

Yeah, I mean, that's me!!

11. What's your favourite thing about your source?

I guess the characters, feels kinda weird to call us that, but yeah! The five of us are my favorite thing about it, our interactions make us happy

12. What's your least favourite thing about your source?

FUCK THE GERUDO YOURE SO COOL BUT WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO RACIST FOR JUST STOP BEING RACIST

13. Any funny exomemories?

This one time Green was playing with paper boats in the water and Shadow pushed him in so we all had to jump in after him and try to pull him out!!

14. Does your appearance differ from your source's appearance?

I have more dirty blondeish hair than my canon hair, and the side part is styled kinda different? And I wear blue earrings!

15. What other role, if any, do you have in the system?

We're still figuring all that out, I think I might be a caretaker though.

16. If you could go back to the life you had in your exomemories/source, would you?

HAHA FUCK NO I have a super cool boyfriend and extended found family now

Seriously though? I miss the castle and stuff, if I could take him and all my other friends with me I would totally go back, Hyrule beats this place any day

17. Does this universe differ at all from the one in your exomemories/source?

Yeah theres fucking weird new technology and sland i DONT understand and there's a SEVERE LACK OF COOL SWORDS AND HORSES AND SHIT

18. What's your favourite clothing item/ accessory that the system owns?

I like our blue scarf!

19. Do you have any merch of your source?

We have Toon Link and Toon Zelda plushies...

20. Do you ever get homesick? If yes, what do you do to deal with it?

Not reallyy, I mean its better but I dont really dwell on it, the people matter more than the place and I have all the people

21. What songs remind you of your source?

Those Hyrule Lofi things are cool

22. What activities/things remind you of your source?

Playing Breath of the Wild? That kinda feels like cheating though

23. Do you like engaging with your source/ content about it?

Yeah!! Everyones so funny and sometimes fan stuff helps me remember things I forgot

24. Have you ever created content related to your source? (Art, fanfiction, etc.)

Yeah, our host likes to draw so we make a lot of drawings and stuff, I like doing whiteboards with our friends. We also used to "roleplay" before we knew we were actually just plural

25. How do you feel about doubles?

I mean, there's already four of me so I'm kinda numb to it, I've met other Blue kinnies and stuff, they're cool!

[bring-us-back-light]

you turned off reblogs so i couldnt reply, @socalgal

which is fine, if you dont want to continue the discussion, you dont need to reply. but i am entitled to responding. im not entitled to you reading it, feel free to ignore it!

i really respect and appreciate you listening and having this discussion, but i think theres still a miscommunication or misunderstanding.

one thing thats become apparent to me, is theres a conflation of underlying topics that i dont know how to segregate. because theyre super intertwined. one is pedophilia, which to persecute is thought crime. the other is pornographic content of not real kids (such as writing or drawings, but not photographs or videos of real kids). which my stance is that creation of is ethically neutral and non harmful and therefore shouldnt be disallowed. rather reading it can be harmful such as when someone with relevant trauma gets retraumatized, or can be harmful to send it to others such as in the case of grooming. but in none of these scenarios is the harmful act creating it or posting it, nor is the party causing harm the author (unless the author is also the person retraumatizing themselves, or the person grooming a kid). even if a fic isnt tagged properly and someone stumbled across it and reads without informed consent, the harmful action was not giving the proper warnings. not posting it in yhe first place.

im not sure what group the rest of your reply is about. proshippers and pedophiles are very different groups. obviously its a venn diagram just like marine biologist and submariner is, but they are still distinct groups.

children will always be able to access porn. i think this is smth people try to avoid acknowledging, but its true. and i dont honestly think its the end of the world? like whats important is that kids (and anyone tbh) have support when they get ahold of things that made them uncomfortable and can get help processing stuff when needed. and that, separately, kids are given good educations about consent, sex ed, what interaction with other people is appropriate, and have safe trusted adults they can go to with questions or to seek advice if someone or something seems unsafe. kids are going to experiment with eachother. kids are going to look up and watch porn. kids may even look up tabboo porn. so long as they know that adults doing things to or with them is inappropriate and to get help, and they get support for processing anything they find troubling, they will be fine and not harmed by access to this stuff.

'suffering with pedophilic tendencies' not sure exactly what this means. pedophilia, once again, is attraction. not a behavior. tendencies, to me, obscures that distinction. but regardless they can literally just write their own. them being able to find it is not the authors problem. it is theirs for looking it up if it is harmful to them. grooming kids is the problem. not posting the fic or drawings. people will make their own content or groom kids without the use of fic or drawings.

we dont need to facilitate safe spaces, because people have that already in their room. people dont need access to clean needles or clean porn or controlled amounts to avoid overdosing, or stds, or poisoning. there is none of that involved in consuming porn. if there is a real human cost to jeffrey posting a pedophilic porn fic properly tagged, and janice jacking off to it in her room, please elaborate it to me. im open to being wrong. but you cant use slippery slope (consuming it is a gateway to causing harm) without substantiating evidence (which ive looked for so hard. please if you are aware of this please share it with me. i do not want people harmed and imo this is one of if not the main foundation of why i think my stance holds water). or false cause (someone using a posted fic to groom a kid. that did not happen because someone posted the fic it happened becuaee someone groomed the kid),

sorry that got really messy, rewording without parentheticals: i am open to being proven wrong or convinced otherwise that the act of creating porn featuring underaged character(s) and posting it with proper content warnings is ethically neutral and non harmful. But you have to prove that it is inherently harmful, so you cant depend on logical fallacies commonly used in this discussion like false cause or slippery slope.

also 'whatever nomenclature' youre referring to two different groups of people. so cant specify which you mean, but ive defined pedophile plenty of times.

and in response to your final paragraph: people do things all the time that should not be forced on others. vanilla adult porn shouldnt be posted on billboards. consenting adults shouldnt fuck on the subway (unless i suppose everyone in the car is consenting and you finish before the next stop i guess???). these are things that have the potential to be harmful, but are not in and of themselves. just like pedophilic porn.

[natsmagi]

hello !! yet another different anon, but just wanted to share this while we’re on the topic of self-criticism - hopefully this doesn’t come off as patronizing, it’s just smth i’ve found helps me as an artist and hopefully it’ll help u :D

i think it’s rlly important to view old art more from the perspective of the feelings u had making it rather than the actual content of the art itself. sure, ur artistic skills have improved a lot over the years, and maybe when ur looking back at ur older work u see a lot of flaws in it - weird anatomy, bad lighting, articles of clothing that don’t make sense, etc (not saying ur old art has any of these i’m just listing examples i’ve had in my own lol) - but u had fun making it !! it’s a drawing of something u loved and still love, and it served its purpose as an outlet to express that love. when people go back and like those old drawings, they’re not seeing it for its flaws - they’re seeing it for the love it represents, a love they probably feel themselves. while it’s good to critique ur own work to some extent for the sake of improvement, people liking ur old stuff is far from cringe-worthy! it’s just someone enjoying something u once enjoyed too, like an internet happiness hand-me-down :)

again, this sort of mindset has rlly helped me personally - i don’t feel as nervous about drawing or posting, bc im just having fun !! it’s ok if it’s kind of janky or has weird details, it was made with love and people can see and appreciate that. nobody ever stops improving or seeing flaws in their work, so its best to focus more on the joy it gave u and push urself towards improvement with the promise of even more joy rather than forcing urself to improve under the threat of feeling ashamed of ur creations

hopefully all of this makes sense i kind of have the shakes rn lol. sorry for the super long ask, i just dont rlly know how to explain all of this in a short way-

hope u are having a fantastic day full of pretty girls !!!!

omg no worries at all!! your message read as very sweet so please dont stress urself out over how u came across!!

AND I DEFINITELY AGREE!! tbh its a mindset i tend to have, but i think where ive lacked is definitely in applying the "im just doing it for fun" logic to past me. i tend to be someone who very much lives in the present and have a bit of a disconnect both from the past and the future, and this can cause me to totally disregard everything about my past self and past work LOL. so honestly having all this put into words has kinda been an "OHH RIGHT" moment for me KASJHFJAHSDKJ

theres also the factor of my audience being bigger now........ im not really someone who likes having alot of eyes on me for various reasons, which sometimes causes me to waver a bit AKJSHFKJH THOUGH ITS NOT THAT BAD. i think most of my shyness comes from having artists i really admire now see my art and im like "FUCK IC ANT HAVE IT LOOK BAD WHAT IF THEY SEE" which can cause me to overthink things But also i tend to forget that those people even follow me 80% of the time. tbh all of my "insecurities" in regards to my art are purely circumstantial and only really present themselves if im in a flustered state, but a large portion of the time im just chilling KJAHSFJKHK

i do also wanna say tho that i think the viewing all art as coming from a place of love sentiment is very sweet........ esp bc in the beginning one of the compliments i got the most was along the lines of "your love for the characters really shines through!!" so to think that, in spite of potential quality, that love is still visibly present makes me very happy.......... Perhaps if u have genuine love for what u do itll shine through no matter what

[daenystheedreamer]

honestly hadn't thought of the first men/native americans parallels before but you're right they're definitely there! personally my first impression was first men = celts, andals = saxons, ironborn = danes but that's v much from a british perspective.

i mean theres obvs a lot of inspiration from gaelic cultures for the first men (pre-andal reach is wales ill die on this hill) and i guess i would argue that the andal invasions are more similar to saxon settlement than european colonisation? as in, not nearly as genocidal, not coming in as a unified force or trying to create a unified state, those left in the andal/saxon controlled portion end up assimilating to the invaders' culture. oh and also im a bit obsessed with the whole mystery around the vanishing of brittonic languages in saxon britain and mayyy have elaborate headcanons on the andal replacing of the first men languages based on that.

oh and the whole ironborn/danes thing. well the viking parallels are obvious. and then the danelaw was my first thought when i read about ironborn controlled riverlands haha.

ah sorry just to be clear im not trying to say you're wrong!! i just find pre-targ westeros v fun and would love to hear more about your headcanons cause it sounds like they'd be p different to mine! i also don't know that much about different native american cultures - do u have thoughts on the inspirations for different first men regions? i mean obvs the north and wildlings you'd be looking at inuit cultures but do you have thoughts on the others? i also thought an interesting parallel to the north would be the saami altho im also pretty uneducated on them haha.

anyway i just really love worldbuilding fantasy cultures because of how it prompts me to find out more about various real world cultures - and it makes sense to take inspiration from multiple real world cultures. i mean one of the reasons i love tolkien's dwarves so much is they prompt the question 'what exactly would a fusion of old norse and jewish cultures + a few original bits such as a love of geology and craftsmanship even begin to look like'. (although i do also know it's important to remember that real world cultures are real and to be respectful of them, especially when they're not my own and especially when it's an oppressed culture)

anyway sorry for the essay in your inbox feel free to ignore i just love rambling on about this stuff! also in terms of your original point - yeah the people who whine about 'bla bla but they're meant to be white' are so dull. i mean 1) it's all made up anyway who cares 2) 'white' is either a post-colonial construction within a specific political, historical, and cultural context or just a description of skin colour. it means basically nothing from an in-universe fantasy perspective (obviously the choice of which characters are white and how they're written is important from an out-universe perspective grrm would it kill you to be normal about non-northwestern european cultures). also the valyrians aren't white they do not have pale skin just look at where valyria is located on a map. sometimes the author is wrong.

no worries i LOVE this ask i lovelovelove just talking and rambling about things im interested in and care about and i LOVELOVELOVE when people do it back!! 

yeah personally i figured the northern first men were based on the picts since the wall is clearly inspired by hadrian's wall and the celtic influence is clear too. in the show the spiral motif they introduced reminded me of the celtic triskelion (though its more proto-indo-european than celtic) which tickled my brain!! YES ON THE REACH WALES THING because garth greenhand and their national founding myth is SOOO king arthur they have such a culture of chivalry plus there’s a bunch of arthurian-inspired names sprinkled throughout the reach (off the top of my head there’s agramore(agravain), gawen (gawain) and perceon(percival))

the ironborn danes is very much text and canon, they’re clearly vikings and i think GRRM has specfically said that. however i think sea-faring peoples can easily be identified as polynesian/pasifika.

for me there what the text presents which is that westeros is grea britain with medieval moorish spain taped to the bottom of it, and then there’s the more culturally interesting fanon in my head that still mostly fits into canon! since the concept of whiteness obvi doesnt exist like you said and genetics are hand waved there’s really nothing in the text that denies an indigenous north. 

i personally see them as indigenous siberian (specifically yakut) since the first men allegedly travelled from the dothraki sea and many indigenous ethnic groups of siberia such as the yakut are north asian and turkic which fits into the way the dothraki are written. im not american so i dont know much about inuit and first nations american traditions but in my head i see the free folk as inuit! 

i really agree with your last paragraph, i think the way fandom projects whiteness onto these characters is due to a majority northern american fanbase who aren’t doing it out of malice but more ignorance. take the example of dorne: theyre obviously based on medieval al-andalus spain, specifically after the umayyad conquest. this textually implies west asian middle eastern influence. 

its a little funny how people cling to daeron targaryen’s racial classification guide when harassing artists over their depictions of characters because if anything that’s the literal whitest part of the text lol. his three categories (stony, salty and sandy) vary from ‘european’ pale skinned to olive-skinned to dark-skinned. whos to say that doesn’t fit a popular fanon dornish india, which famously has many ethnic groups of varying physical appearance? regardless of the fact this is fiction books where people can do what they want, there’s nothing textually that rejects a physically indian-looking dorne.

many characters aren’t described with pale skin. sansa, dany and cersei are a few i can think of but rarely are side characters described as such. there is a presumption from the reader and the author that these characters are white simply because that’s just the norm, right? but it’s not, nor is this series real-life. a lot of my headcanons are still based on the text but really that doesnt matter!! its fake books and we’re having fun and i can think of the characters however i want. and lastly, youre so right about valyria. i see them as east asian since theyre, well, from east essasia but i think its funny to argue with redditors by saying theyre egyptian since well thats obviously part of the inspiration!! what are you gonna do, argue with grrm???

idk your ask was really well presented and my answer is distinctly ramblings of a brain with no stoplights so apologies but your ask made me think lots thank you!!!!

[autisticethanmorgan]

How I would continue mbav in comic form

disney, teletoon, fresh tv, whoever the fuck owns the rights to this, please let me have them

LONG ASS POST WARNING

we are past the days of any further mbav television content, but you know what has a much lower production cost and would fill a specific niche? a comic/graphic novel continuation >:) Teen rating because pretty much anyone who was the target audience of mbav when it was airing is late teen or older and I want the characters actions to have more consequence, basically i want to injure my protagonists

I would pick up a month or two after the lucifractor explosion, establish the new status quo, we cant really do a continuation if they all died so Ill settle for injury and property damage, including putting out main man Ethan in a half magic/half head trauma induced coma! this is kind of a cheap story beat but i cant help it I love a coma and its a good opportunity for both sarah and benny to get a little bit darker and have some interesting character development, with the most important difference being that sarah basically gets through it and refuses to compromise her morals whereas benny is very lost without ethan being his moral compass and becomes more and more reckless with magic, eventually leading to him attempting a very risky spell to wake ethan up which does work but basically has sarah and his grandma like 'wtf is wrong with you'

meanwhile erica and rory are fucking around in the states bc this would be a very fun B plot for a while before they return, if youve read the comic crowded im thinking of that kind of vibe

so anyway ethan is back up and running now and everyone is kind of trying to get back to normal but its really hard and theres a lot of residual magic causing problems and making bennys magic more powerful, and its giving ethan basically constant migranes and really vague visions and horrifying dreams and all that good 'plauged with visions' stuff.

sarah and ethan have not gone on any more dates at this point so theyre not dating but they do have this kind of romantic aspect of their relationship and they basically havent talked about it since the explosion, kind of a silent understanding of like 'i love you and i dont really care that its platonic or romantic but i just understand whats happening in a way almost no one else can and Im here for you even if now just isnt the time for us'

benny is continuing to get more reckless and kind of vengeful with his magic use, testing his limits, using magic to get back and the people making snide comments in the halls, especially after ethan comes back to school, when your best friend is in a coma for two months you get kind of defensive about it I guess. If you’re not a bethan truther I’m sorry but Ethan can have two intense friendships that border on romantic, both of which are societally non conventional/acceptable. In fact he has to. It is so good narratively. but anyway at some point there is a particularly bad incident benny gets more vindictive than ever before and hurts this guy pretty badly till ethan is yelling at him to stop

at this point ethan and sarah and grandma are like 'uhhh benny is getting kinda intense' but they dont even know the half of it because secretly he learning magic that isnt in his book, researching on his own and making stuff up. the magic itself wants him to be getting stronger, its not like sentient but it does have kind of a self preservation instinct? like a power begets power type thing that magic users can very easily be driven mad by their own magic if theyre not careful or dont have another magic user telling them to touch grass.

i think benny can have unexamined mental repercussions due to his parents having either left him or died. as a treat. so when he get magic and suddenly he can control things he couldnt before yknow who can blame him for getting kind of lost, i personally would become insane. I havent really though about the specific of him devolving and mentally deteriorating. I dont want him to be too evil yknow? bc we will be letting him get redeemed latr bc im a sucker for that.

at this point erica and rory return from their wacky adventures bc this is no time for a silly b plot. and they are like huh benny got kind of weird and different and ethan is like haha no hes fine

he is not fine

he is actually sneaking out of town to meet another magic user who is basically like 'i will act like a father figure to gain your trust' and benny is like 'epic!' yknow because he. becuase. because he has no dad :D. he gets exposed to magic that grandma doesnt do and is both scared and impressed and this other magic user is like 'she doesnt want you to learn this >:| she doesnt want you to reach your fullest potential' and benny is like 'hmm idk about that' but they keep talking until this guy is like 'arent you tired of being nice?dont you just wanna go apeshit?' but benny is still like 'hmmm my really close boy best friend probably wouldnt like that' but its too late. its already in motion.

benny gets more evil. he is causing problems in whitechapel and does not seem to care. benny be like 'thought acquired: if i control everything and destroy the things i dont like then everything will be good and i can protect my friends forever. i see no moral problems with this' more development into evil, dont ask me the details i dont know.

bennys evil girl summer culminates in some kind of fight where ethan enters his mind bc yeah obviosly thats where this has been going, idk if ive just spent to long thinking about jean grey and scott summers but this is the most interesting thing ever. i want to see ethan walking through bennys memories end of life is strange style and realizing that all of his most important memories are of them together, times that theyve comforted or protected each other and it ends with a memory of from just before they met sarah. that memory fades out and ethan is standing on the street in front of his house, so he goes up to his room and benny is there but this time its really him and not just a memory version of him and benny is like 'i dont know how it got to be like this, this isnt what i wanted, how do i fix this?' and ethan is like 'i havent given up on you, you can still come back and we can try to make it right' and they hug and they come back to reality and benny basically breaks down sobbing yeah i <3 sad boys. he has a lot of regrets. ( i have written a lot of this scene bc i am insane and obsessed)

by the next morning hes left town. only leaving a note saying he needs to go away and clear the magic out of his head. hes reversed as much of the magic he did as he could, and left ethan with a spell leaving the words 'semper reveniam ad te' on his arm that will disappear when they see each other again or if benny dies.