#it has to be at least M due to strong violence and lots of PTSD

[beskad]

I've had a half-formed WinterSoldier!Roan AU hanging out in my head since like, 2016, and I want to write it but words hard

[hawkland]

Dear Smut4Smut creator

Letter for the 2021 Smut 4 Smut exchange

My AO3 profile: sidewinder

Thank you for writing or creating art for me! I know I’ll be thrilled with whatever you come up with for any of my requests. (And if I babble on or have more prompts for one ship than another, don’t take that as any kind of preference. Some I just am more specific in the kinds of smutty scenarios I’m requesting/wanting at this time, but I love them all the same.)

Please consider the requested tags all the “prompt” you need if so inspired, if none of my suggested scenarios and ideas inspire you. Also, of course, feel free to combine them or use only one as you see fit! 

General Likes

Non-penetrative sex (especially in first-time scenarios). I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, mutual hand jobs, characters so turned on and overwhelmed that they come from barely being touched/before they can get all their clothes off, etc.

Romantic smut more than really kinky smut (though a bit of light bondage/restraint can be fun!)

That said, I have a definite weakness for wing!kink and tentacles... where appropriate :) 

Generally stoic/repressed/strong characters breaking down and needing comfort/hugs/acceptance of their vulnerabilities

Inverted relationship power dynamics - in the sense of a seemingly older and/or more powerful character actually being less experienced in sex/romantic relationships, or having more doubts & insecurities, and needing the younger/less powerful character to take the lead or reassure them.

In art - I really love all styles of fan art and just seeing how different artists interpret my favorite characters. Seriously, and that’s not just a cop-out because I’m crappy at coming up with art-specific prompts.

General Do No Wants

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth

formalized BDSM relationships

non-canon gender identities and/or sexual orientations except gay/bi/pan for requested ships/characters 

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/genderswap/coffee shop/etc (however, canon-divergent AUs completely fine!)

Supernatural-Castiel/Dean Winchester

Fandom-specific Do Not Wants: Bad ending/unhappy-ever-after, Sam-bashing, any suggestions of Wincest

I confess I am a very new Destiel-shipper/SPN fan, having only gotten into the show late last year (post-finale.) So while I know there are mountains of stories already written about this ship, sometimes it’s nigh impossible to dig through it all to find stories that scratch the specific fic cravings I have. Hence all the prompts/ideas for them here, some of which I’m sure have been done to death already...but please humor me :)

Long Prolonged Make-Outs

Kissing All Over

Frottage

First Time Sex is Non-Penetrative 

First Time with Partner of the Same Gender

Experience - Experienced/Inexperienced

Experience - Experienced Partner Lets Inexperienced One Explore Them

Playful Sex

Morning After (Incredible Sex the night before)

I love everything about newly-human!Cas in season 9 (and Cas’s hedonistic tendencies in general). I have to imagine that, as a human, he just feels things with an intensity that angels just don’t feel, as if with human lifetimes so condensed, their senses are intensified to make up for it in a way that would be overwhelming for a hugely powerful/nearly immortal creature like an angel.

So give me any story about Cas’ exploring and fully embracing the sensual pleasures of sex (with Dean). I love Season 9 canon-divergence fics where Dean lets him stay in the bunker. Perhaps after his first taste of sex with April, Cas wants to add to his experiences by having sex with a male-bodied human/someone he deeply cares about (ie, DEAN). Dean may still be struggling with his own internalized homo/bi-phobia but it’s hard for him to resist Cas with his insatiable curiosity about how the human body works, having no filters/no taboos and just wanting to taste/touch/experience until he/they both are completely overwhelmed.

Wings as Erogenous Zones

Wing Kink

I love wings and true-form Cas as well. In fact I’m totally okay with canon-compliant, post-finale fic in Heaven if it means Dean can finally see/experience Cas’s true form (or at least glimpses/parts of it) without dying (because, you know, already dead and all that.) Otherwise, I’m always up for AUs where Dean can sense/feel/see Cas’s wings (if Cas wants him to) and they are an incredible erogenous zone for the angel. Maybe even his most powerful one.

Touching All Over

Touch-starved character overwhelmed from seemingly innocent touches

Touch-starved

Awkward First Times

Trauma Recovery

thank god you're/we're alive sex

Tender Sex with Lots of Eye Contact & Barely Repressed Feelings

Tender Sex

Shame in Sexual Desires

Room-Wrecking Sex

Reunion Sex

Characters mutually pining finally get together and have amazing sex

Desperate Sex

Sex gets paused to deal with PTSD then maybe returned to 

I’ll take all the Cas-is-back, ignore-the-finale fics that are possible. Give me touch-starved Cas after his rescue from The Empty. (Dean can be fully into immediately satisfying his needs or, for angst, still struggling with/unsure of his feelings/sexuality.) It’s tender and healing, or maybe it’s explosive with all those years of pent-up desire and needs. You tell me, I love it all!

Sex While Washing Off The Blood of Their Enemies

Sex While Covered In The Blood of Their Enemies

sex under the stars

Outdoor Sex

Car Sex - on the hood of a car

Car Sex - in the back seat

Hotel Sex

tender making out in a car

sex after a long car ride

For these tags, I’m thinking canon-divergent future-fic where Dean is getting older (maybe Cas is too, if he’s lost his grace), yet they still go out on hunts together on occasion to relive the “glory days”. (Sam’s happily settled down and out of the hunting life with Eileen). They enjoy post-hunt sex in the outdoors or in/on the car, or seedy motel, reveling in the adrenaline of the kill, reaffirming their need and love for each other. Yum.

Supernatural - Endverse Castiel/Dean Winchester/Endverse Dean Winchester 

Desperate Sex

Threesome - M/M/M

Threesome - Character/Crush/Another Version of Crush

Turned On By Violence

One last fuck before you die

Drugs - Drug Use

Time Travel - Sleeping with older/younger version of someone you know in your own timeline

Time Travel - Sleeping with older/younger self

Pairing-Specific DNWs: None here. Go as dark as you want, since it’s Endverse.

Um, yeah. Pretty much what the tags suggest. Dean knows its freaky as hell but maybe he catches his future self and Cas having sex and they invite him in. Maybe he sees it as a chance to be with Cas (even this very different Cas) like he can’t in his own time. Castiel is totally messed up over seeing the man he had fallen in love with (and fallen from grace for) as he had been, back then, and can’t contain himself now that he’s gone so deep into carnal/hedonistic pleasures.

The Orville - Gordon Malloy/Ed Mercer

thank god you're/we're alive sex

"We Lived" Kiss Reveals Feelings

Stranded - On Another Planet/World With No Way Home

Huddling For Warmth Leads To Sex

on the run together

Desperate Sex

One last fuck before you die

Fandom-specific Do Not Want: No Kelly-bashing.

I’d love something set in the alternative universe/timeline of “The Road Not Taken”, where the Kaylons have won, leaving Gordon and Ed on the run together.  Just, any kind of desperate situation where they know they could die at any moment, so they might as well seek whatever comfort, love and tenderness they can find being with each other.

Laughter During Sex

Awkward First Times

Friends to Lovers

First Time Sex is Non-Penetrative

Frottage

Something Made Them Do It

Drugs - Experimental Substance Has Weird Sexual Side Effects

Casual Sex while Secretly Pining

Laughter During Sex

Something fun and silly (and sexy), please, using any of these tags! The show just screams out for tropey “something made them do it” scenarios, be it due to aliens, alien food or drink, whatever. Otherwise I’d love a story where they realize they do have more serious feelings for each other than their (up til then) casual relationship has allowed.

The Good Place - Michael/Eleanor Shellstrop

Tentacles - Tentacle Sex

Tentacles

Xeno - Nonhuman Partner is Ashamed of Their Body

Experience - Experienced/Inexperienced

Awkward First Times 

Laughter During Sex

romantic sex

Tentacles - Gentle and Tender Tentacle Sex with Lots of Caresses and Cuddles

Fandom-specific Do Not Wants: No Chidi-bashing (but also, no Chidi/Eleanor endgame references/suggestions).

The ship/canon where I will eternally want tentacle smut! Michael seems so ashamed of his fire-squid demon form. I want him to find out that Eleanor actually finds it kind of a turn-on and would love to find a way she could...experience it. Since we know Michael can create simulations/realities (like he does in “The Trolley Problem”), maybe he can create one where Eleanor can see/experience a version of himself that won’t, you know, destroy the entire neighborhood or burn her to a crisp?

Otherwise I’m good with any kind of first-time scenario in one of Michael’s “reboots” (or later on when they’ve figured things out and are in Michael’s Neighborhood Improvement Experiment). Awkward Michael figuring out his human body’s reactions to Eleanor, them having fun and romantic sex, would definitely make my heart happy.

[literallyprentissstwin]

𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. - 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟸

request: yes I no

characters: Sonny Carisi x Y/N Y/L/N

others: Lieutenant Olivia Benson, Detective Fin Tutuola, Detective Amanda Rollins, ADA Rafael Barba, mention of Peter Turner (the suspect), Dr. Langford as well as some nurses

category: angst, hurt/comfort, crime

warnings: talk of kidnapping, mention of torture, violence and rape, slight mention of PTSD

previous parts: part 1 

A/N: thank you all so so much for the amazing feedback to the first part of this story <3 it literally means the world. i´m having a good time finally being back writing and your feedback is more than welcome. i decided to make this story a three parter since part 2 would otherwise have been too long. so i hope you´ll stick with me and this story till the end. this is my first ever SVU fic and i´m really happy with it so far. again, feedback is very appreciated. don´t forget that english isn´t my native language, so please be kind. i do make a lot of grammar or spelling mistakes and it´s okay to point them out :) now, enjoy reading part 2!

if you wanna be tagged in my upcoming SVU fics, let me know <3 

It felt like the world around Sonny Carisi was moving in slow motion. 

Ever since he and Amanda had found Y/N in that dark, cold, hell hole, the world around him stopped turning for a while. Things started to slow down and time seemed to pass painfully slow. 

It felt like an eternity until the squad had finally arrived at the hospital. 

And here they were, patientily waiting in that small, overcrowded waiting room. They´ve already been her for two hours; Barba had joined the group ten minutes after they arrived at the hospital. An uncomfortable silence and tension lingered in the air. Sonny, as usual, was pacing around the room, while Fin and Amanda sat next to eachother and watched their friend, knowing that there was no way that they could get him to calm down. Barba and Liv were standing at the door of the waiting room, trying to have a quiet conversation, while also eyeing their nervous friend. 

The more time passed, the more people were leaving the waiting room. Sonny started to to become impatient. He stopped pacing for a minute before he started to speak. 

“What is taking them so long?”

“I´m sure they´ll gonna be out here soon.”, Liv tried to reassure her detective, which wasn´t working. 

“Nobody tells us anything. We´ve been here for almost five hours and yet, we still haven´t seen a doctor or a nurse who could update us.”, Sonny said, growing more and more frustrated. 

“They are all doing their jobs, Carisi. Them not coming out and updating us doesn´t have to mean a thing. So let´s just calm down and take a seat. Your pacing is driving me crazy and it doesn´t help you or Y/N.”, Barba reasoned with the man. Sonny tried one last attempt to talk back to him, but decided against it, when he saw the ADA giving him his famous glare. Letting out a long sigh, the detective sat down next to Amanda, who put a comforting had on his shoulder. He just hoped and prayed that Barba was right and that everything would be alright. 

It took another three hours until the long wait was finally over. 

“Y/N Y/L/N?”, a doctor asked, as he entered the waiting room. 

“Yes, that´s us. How is she?”, Carisi immediately wanted to know as he and the rest of the squad stood up from their seats and gathered around the young, lanky doctor. 

“I´m Dr. Langford, I performed the surgery as well as the examination on Detective Y/L/N.”, he introduced himself before Olivia began to speak up. 

“I´m Lieutenant Benson, Detective Y/L/N´s boss. How is she?”

“So far, her condition is still not where we want it to be, but as for right now, she´s stable. She suffered a concussion and she had at least five broken rips which had caused an internal bleeding which we were able to stop in time. Moreover, she has a sprained ankle and wrist as well as lots of bruising all over her body. Also, she´s been very dehydrated and malnourished.”, Dr. Langford started to explain. 

“D-Did you find any signs for a sexual assault?”, Amanda dared to ask altough she already knew the answer to this. 

“We did find signs for a sexual assault, yes. There´s a lot of bruising on her upper inner thighs as well as other indications for a forceful entry. We already did a rape-kit since Detective Y/L/N consented to it.”

“Apart from the physical damage, how is her psychological condition, Doctor?”, Barba wanted to know. 

“Well, to put it out bluntly, she´s a mess. She´s very jumpy and flinches at every touch or every noise she registers. We needed to sedate her to actually examine her. Up until now, she hasn´t really spoken yet; she´s still in shock and seems to try to stay distant. I would recommend for her to see a shrink as soon as she´s well enough for it. She´s severely traumatized and it will take a lot of time for her to heal and to deal with everything that happened to her.”, the young doctor explained, giving the squad a sympathetic look. 

“C-Can we see her?”, Sonny asked, his voice barely above a whisper, his face all pale and emotionless. 

“Detective Y/L/N is still under strong medications and out for most of the time. We don´t want to put her under immense stress, but we also think that seeing familiar faces might help her cope with everything better. So yes, you can see her, but I would recommend only one to two persons at a time.”, Dr. Langford said before his beeper started to ring, “if you´ll excuse me now. Nurse Monica, could you show those detectives the room of Detective Y/L/N?”

The nurse nodded before she joined the group. 

“Thank you, Dr. Langford.”, Fin said. 

“It´s my job, detectives. If there´s still anything you need, don´t hesitate to reach out to me.”, and with this, the man disappeared. 

“I think Carisi should go see her first.”, Amanda suddenly suggested to the group. 

“Yeah, Carisi. Go and check on our girl.”, Fin agreed and patted the detective on his shoulder.

“You´re sure?”, Sonny asked, looking ath his friends. 

“Go, Carisi. We´ll be waiting here.”, Liv said, carefully pushing the man towards the door of the waiting room. 

“Okay...thanks guys.”, Sonny quickly told them, before he followed the nurse to Y/N´s room. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The first thing Sonny was confronted with when opening the door to Y/N´s room was silence. 

Silence and the beeping of a maschine that helped Y/N with her breathing. 

As he opened the door further, he finally saw her. 

Unconsciously laying in her bed, almost as pale as the bed itself. She seemed so calm, yet so vulnerable. 

Carisi saw all the bruises and bandages and his for once calm demeanour grew angry again. 

How could someone hurt another human being so much? The detective could´nt wrap his head around it. 

Carefully, he walked closer to the bed, grabbing a chair while doing so and taking a seat right next to her. Equally careful he grabbed her hand and held it in his own. He was so scared to hurt her even more, so all he did was holding this hand and he would not let go of it. Never. 

“I-I´m so so sorry, Y/N. This is all my fault. I should have never let you walk home alone.”, he began to talk to her, the tears he had been holding in for so long finally starting to fall. 

“I-I-I..I just hope you´ll be able to forgive me.”, he continued, “please...please wake up.”

A moment of silence fell between the couple, but not for long before Carisi decided to continue rambling. 

“God, Y/N. I´m a mess. I mean what am I gonna do without you if you don´t come out of this okay? I can´t live without you. Please. I´m really sorry...”

“C-Can you please stop saying that?!”, a voice suddenly said and it took Carisi a minute to realise that this voice belonged to Y/N. 

“Oh my god..Y/N. Can you hear me?”, he said, quickly moving closer to the bed. 

“E-Every single word you said.”, Y/N hissed, finally opening her eyes, but immediately closing them again due to the light being too bright. Slowly, she tried to open them once again, blinking a few times to adjust them to the brightness of the light. Sonny scooted even closer to the bed, carefully squeezing Y/N´s hand, smiling in relief when he saw Y/N´s beautiful eyes wide open. 

“Hey...”, he whispered, the smile never leaving his face. 

“Hi..”, Y/N said back, a small smile tucking at her lips as well. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Been better, but I´ll survive. How are you holding up?”

Sonny laughed. “You´re the one laying in that hospital bed and you´re seriously asking me how I am?”

“Well...yeah..”, the woman said. 

“You´re unbelieveable, Y/N.”, Carisi still laughed, “but to answer your question: I´m better now that you´re awake.”

“Good.”, Y/N smiled, “I´m sorry.”

“Oh, Y/N, no. There´s nothing you need to be sorry for, you hear me? It wasn´t your fault.”, Carisi tried to reassure his partner, as he carefully sat down on the bed. 

“Neither has this been your fault, Sonny.”, Y/N replied, looking the detective straight in the eyes at which he sighed, “thank you..for saving me.”

“That´s what friends are for.”, Sonny said and smiled at Y/N. 

Another uncomfortable silence spread between the two detectives. There was still so much Sonny wanted to tell Y/N, but yet, he found himself unable to put his thoughts into words. Also, the hospital wasn´t quite the ideal place to confess your love to someone, no. This needed to wait. Sonny´s first and most important priority was to make sure Y/N was okay and safe. 

For now, that´s all that matters. 

“Where´s the rest of the squad?”, Y/N wanted to know, pulling Carisi away from his thoughts, breaking the unbearable tension between the two of them. 

“They are all outside, waiting to see you. Even Barba is here.”, Sonny explained.

“Wow, I´m starting to feel kind of special now.”, Y/N laughed, but immediately winced at the pain shooting through her body.

“Woooah, you okay?”, Carisi asked. 

“Ugh, yeah. Just peachy. I just forgot for a second why I´m actually in this hospital bed.”, Y/N answered through gritted teeth. 

“I´m gonna get the doctor.”, Sonny said, immediately making his way over to the door. 

“Carisi, no, I´m fine.”

“You´re far from being fine. Please, let me help you just this one time.”, the man begged. 

Y/N sighed. “Fine, but only this one time and only because this pain is killing me.”, and with that, Carisi rushed outside to get a doctor to look after Y/N.

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15 minutes later, the doctor was still in Y/N´s room checking her out, while the squad was, again, waiting in front of her door. Before Carisi could open his mouth to start argueing again, Dr. Langford exited the room. 

“Doctor? Is everything alright?”, Fin wanted to know. 

“Yes, Y/N is doing pretty good right now, all things considered. She´s in a stable condition. We gave her a mild pain medication considering the fact that you might want to get her statement later in the day. Her now healing ribs are causing her a lot of pain right now, but otherwise, she´s okay, physicall.”, the doctor explained, “she actually asked me to send in all of you. I know, I said one to two persons at a time, but she seems well enough to meet you all right now.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”, Liv said before all of them entered the room. 

“Hey...”, Y/N whispered as she saw her whole team plus Barba come into the room. 

“You have no idea how good it is to see you.”, Amanda said as she carefully came towards Y/N and tried to hug her as careful as possible, checking if this action was okay with her. Since she didn´t flinch away from her, Amanda took this as a sign to actually hug her friend. 

“It´s so good to see you too.”, Y/N smiled, turning her gaze towards Rafael, “to what do I owe the honor of you being her as well?”, she joked. 

“There´s no place I would rather be right now, Y/L/N. I´m glad you´re still with us.”, Barba replied truthfully. 

“Me too, Counselor, me too.”

“How are you doing?”, Liv asked from her place at the foot of Y/N´s bed. 

“I´m okay. The pain killers make the pain kind of bearable. But I´ll live.”, Y/N answered. 

“Good, because the squadroom would have been pretty quiet without your rambling.”, Fin joked. 

This went on for another 10 minutes. Everyone was happy to see Y/N alive and okay, they all just wanted to distract her from what happened to her, but they all knew that eventually, she had to talk about it and much to Liv´s dismay, she had to be the one to break the bad news. 

“You know, Y/N, I hate that I have to do this, but in order to prosecute Turner correctly..”, Liv started to talk.

“...you need to know that happened, I know. I-I just didn´t think it would be that soon.”, Y/N finished Liv´s sentence, kind of getting anxious. 

“I´m sorry, I really am.”

Amanda and Fin immediately got up to leave the room, while Carisi hesitated to do so. 

“Sonny, it´s okay. You can go.”, Y/N tried to reassure her best friend to leave the room, although everything inside her screamed at her to tell him to stay. But was she really ready to let him hear the truth of what had happened to her?

“Are you sure?”, Sonny asked. 

“Yes, it´s okay...really.”, Y/N reassured the man and gave him a weak smile, which he returned before he left the room as well. Y/N sighed. 

“Okay, so where do you want me to start?”, Y/N wanted to know. 

“Right at the beginning. Tell us about the night he got you.”, Barba answered. 

“Well...Liv had told us to go home and get some rest since we´ve been trying to catch Turner for days now and we hadn´t really had time to rest. Carisi....I should have listened to him, he has been so concerned. He always talked about how it was unusual for Turner to go MIA and not kill within two days. He said that he thinks that Turner might have something planned. He was worried about me, because I fit the victimology perfectly, but I didn´t think any of it. He wanted to walk me home that night, but I´ve told him that I appreciate his concern, but that I could take care of myself. I reassure him that I would text him as soon as I got home...”, Y/N started to explain. 

“But that text never got to him, right?”, Liv asked.

“Um, no. I didn´t even make it into my apartment. He must have followed me all the way from the precinct to my apartment complex. Turner got to me right before I could open the door to my apartment.”

“What happened next?”, the ADA wanted to know. Y/N started to get more anxious at this question. 

“I woke up in that basement. He took my bag, my phone, my gun, my badge. He took everything away from me. The first time I saw him for real in front of me was when he first started the live stream for you guys. Right after that..he..he r-raped me for the first time. I-I tried to push him off of me, but he was just way too strong. So I just lay there and let him do this to me.”

“Hey, listen to me. You had to do whatever it took to survive this, okay? What happened to you was not your fault.”, Olivia tried to reassure her detective, carefully placing her hand on Y/N´s, at which the young woman flinched. 

“Yeah..anyway..from there on, everything just passed by in a blur. He came to bring me food once a day, but I never ate it. This was when he started to get more violent. He thought I was ungrateful and a shame for my family and the NYPD. He took all his anger out on me. I didn´t even dare to fight back, I was just so freaking scared. I-I´m such a coward. How am I a detective for the NYPD  who faces the filthiest of scumbags every day and yet, I can´t manage to fight back and protect myself.”, Y/N said, starting to get herself worked up. 

“I think we should take a break right here.”, Barba suggested, sensing Y/N´s discomfort. 

“I-I should have just listened to Sonny. For once in my life, I should have just admitted that I was wrong, but no. I refused to believe the people who cared about me and instead I put them through hell and back.”, Y/N continued rambling, getting even more worked up, so that her heart rate on the monitor started to speed up. 

“Y/N, listen to me. This wasn´t your fault, okay? Please, you really need to calm down or otherwise, you´ll just hurt yourself.”, Liv tried to reason with her, but it seemed like her words didn´t get through to her. 

Y/N had a flashback; she was back in that hell hole. Her heart rate continued to speed up. Liv stepped closer to the bed, carefully trying to put her hand on Y/N´s shoulder. Y/N flinched at the contact. 

“NO. GET AWAY FROM ME.”, and with that, Dr. Langford and a few nurses came rushing into her room. 

“You need to leave, NOW.”, the doctor yelled while a nurse pushed Liv and Barba out of the room before closing the door. Everything went silent. 

Turner had been right. This was far from being over. 

SVU tag list: 

@lclb13 @playbucky @thefifthmaraud3r @misssirenlove @smolpersonbigworld @illegalcerebral @ultrarebelheart @briannareneea985 @imaginecrushes 

[thedistantstorm]

The Lion’s Heart 07

A shield, she realizes. The Traveler has gifted me a shield. I am a Defender: the last, lonely sentinel.

The tale of a different kind of Guardian: one who does not want the accolade of saving the world, who does not understand why she would be chosen to wield the Light remaining in the Shard. Once a reckless, dazzling Striker, the Traveler’s chosen is reborn a silent Sentinel. This is Kira’s story; About bringing people together, reclaiming their city, and overcoming the darkness despite it all.

Titans | Vanguard Mentors | Heavy Angst | PTSD | Descriptions of Light | Loss of Light | Canon-typical Violence | Heroes of Necessity | Canon Compliant | The Red War

Previous Parts: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 

Kira talks to Hawthorne.

Actually talks. Not through her Ghost - not always, at least. Certainly far more than the handful of words she’d spoke to him on Titan before continuing her silent penance.

The Commander isn’t jealous, exactly; He does not have time for that sort of emotion with the way things are going in the war effort. But he cannot deny that he feels a touch betrayed. He’s offered himself up to her on multiple occasions. He’s known her since she was hours reborn, has helped to coach her, shaped her into a Titan worthy of the title, of the mark at her hip.

Which, she wears one of scrapped cloth, nothing like the one he’d seen her with that day. He's surprised more of the Titans have not shed theirs for something new, following the catastrophe that's befallen them. But, then again, he refuses to dwell on the Plaza, on Towerfall, on anything related to the City except taking it - and the Traveler - back from the Cabal. He himself will not discard his own; To him, this is but another battle. And this battle is not over until there is nothing left of him to protect humanity from its enemies.

What does bother him is that Hawthorne is not beholden to the same code of honor that Titans - that Guardians - adhere to. She is good in that she is helping them - she’s saved countless lives - and he’s grateful. But she looks down on him just as much as he looks down on her. She’s wary of most of the Guardians, at best.

And yet, Kira’s pressed against her side, half curled into herself on a hay bale in the barn, and they’re conversing in soft, hushed tones. Neither of them pay him any mind, assuming him to be engrossed in battle plans for how hard he’s staring at the map sprawled out on the table, the surrounding tablets and scrolls.

“It’s not all on you,” Hawthorne is saying. “I’m going to fight, your Commander is going to fight-” She looks up and their eyes meet, glowing azure to dark mahogany, “The Guardians and the Militia, my scouts,” She does not make a move to pat Kira’s back; In fact, the closeness of the Guardian seems to make her a bit uncomfortable. “We’re all in this thing together. I’m glad you got your Light back, kid, but Light doesn’t make you brave. From what I can tell, it just makes you more stupid and reckless.”

Zavala thinks back to the lesson he’d taught this same Guardian, a long, long time ago. It wasn’t actually that long - not even a decade ago, really - but it certainly feels that way.

“‘M more careful now,” Kira whispers. It sounds painful, when she speaks, but her voice grows a bit stronger each time she does. “I want to protect everyone.”

It sounds so small, though. Hawthorne dips her head when Zavala looks over again, blinking pointedly. He looks away, lest Kira also take note that he’s paying attention to their conversation and lock up once again. He cannot shake the feeling in his gut that there’s something going on. There’s something she isn’t telling him.

“I know, kid.” She settles, as if burrowing into the awkward position she’s wiggled her way into, and Hawthorne does finally pat her arm a little, rather awkwardly. “I know.”

When she realizes she’s starting to doze, Kira forces herself up with a silent yawn. “We’re going to take a walk,” Ghost announces for them both. “We’ll be back in time to take watch, if you need it.”

Hawthorne nods. Zavala clears his throat. “You should get some rest.”

Kira shrugs. “Hard to come by, these days,” Ghost replies, in a strange-for-him cadence. The handful of words she’s produced - that he’s heard over the last few days - are all similar to that. It stings Zavala, her silence. It’s a hauntingly stark contrast.

“Stay safe out there,” Hawthorne tells them both, and then they’re gone.

The Commander turns to her completely. “She speaks to you,” He says, tucking one hand into the other, behind his back.

“Sometimes,” Hawthorne supposes. “Not as much as you think.”

“She wasn’t like that before.”

“I gathered that. So?”

“I’m concerned for her well-being.”

Hawthorne lifts her right eyebrow and tilts her head in a sarcastic variation of a nod. “That’s one thing we can agree on,” She says, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back carefully against the hay. “It might be a first,” She jibes. “You ought to write it down.”

The joke is ignored. Zavala has more important things on his mind. “I have known that Guardian since her first day born again, Hawthorne. She is one of mine.”

“She is,” The ponchoed woman agrees, to his surprise. It doesn't feel like a cop-out, or like he's being ridiculed.

He paces, arms still tucked at the small of his back. “Why does she speak with you, then?”

The Farm Overseer rises to her feet, looking at the map Zavala’s been standing in front of for the better part of an hour. She moves two of the markers on it, indicative of which path she endorses for a supply run. Zavala frowns and looks at it, tilting his head as if he hadn’t considered her point of view.

Seemed to be a bit of that, lately, Hawthorne thought to herself. Zavala continued fussing, which for someone as stuffy as he seemed, was a polite way to say he was fidgeting.

“Look, she’s just a kid, alright? Her Ghost found her what, ten, twelve years ago?”

“She is a Guardian,” The Commander counters. “Age is relative.”

“By comparison to you?” The pitch of her voice rises at the end, indicative of a question.

Zavala looks away.

“A kid,” Hawthorne presses, “Who everyone is putting all this pressure on to defeat Ghaul.”

“She’s our best chance.”

“She’s not our only hope, though, Zavala.” Hawthorne gives him an accusing look. “You lot talk about her like she’s some secret weapon in your arsenal. She’s a person, and she’s clearly working through some things. She might need the kind of reinforcement that doesn’t get answered with a ‘yes, Sir,’ or begin with a ‘save us, oh chosen one.’ Every time someone thanks her for being ‘chosen,’ she flinches. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it.”

“Survivor’s guilt is tricky,” Zavala concedes. “Nevertheless-”

A large, rolling boom and the sound of trees falling in the distance steals their attention. “Fallen,” They say at the same time, Hawthorne rolling her eyes and shouldering her sniper rifle, Zavala gritting his teeth and retrieving his auto-rifle without another word.

They head off in the direction of the blast, past Guardians who urge the Civilians to take cover, and mixed forces trying securing their perimeter from anything that tries to force its way inside.

Kira steps between them, seemingly materializing from thin air and rushes forward. She braces her fists. He thinks to caution her - there could be Civilians and Guardians alike, all susceptible to damage from her lightning-fists. The words do not come in time, for the Guardian darts by them at an inhuman sprint.

The Titan moves through the trees surrounding the clearing the Fallen have attacked, carefully. Not nearly as stealthy as a Hunter, but she makes due. Hawthorne’s shots ring out. She hears the sounds of an AR - Zavala's - mowing down any that get too close. The Fallen look dazed and confused.

She drops a Barricade in front of nothing, lurching into the clearing. It draws their fire, indicates to them that there might be enemies she’s protecting there. The few militia fighters she can see limping away are in the other direction, staying low as they move through the brush.

Stepping into the open, she pulls her sidearm out and unloads it into the shields of an over-zealous captain. He scowls in his shrill tone and sends jets of arc energy at her. It stings where it cuts through her armor, and on her cheek, which is only exposed skin.

One of the Wretches drag back a scout by the foot, bloodied and unconscious. She can see the rise and fall of his chest - shaky, but strong - and from her periphery, a woman darts after him. The Fallen aim and fire at the newcomer just as a shout rings out to draw their attention away. Kira reaches for her Light and the Void answers her call.

Her shield is a delicate lavender, like spring flowers, with a sheen of sparkling indigo-violet. She moves like the lightning she once commanded, bringing down the edge of the shield on the arms holding the unconscious resistance fighter. They snap and explode into a purplish hue. The woman reaches him as Kira turns back, deflecting fire.

“GO!” She yells, as loud as her voice will let her. It’s harsh and clipped enough that the terrified scout gets the idea and drags the man away far more gently out of the fray than he’d been dragged into it. Hawthorne is close, Kira knows. She’ll provide cover fire to help them escape.

Kira pays them no further attention, her focus drawn by the Captain who has called for what seems to be his entire brood. She growls and pushes forward, dispatching as many as she can as quickly as she can, lest they catch sight of another straggler.

Meanwhile, The Commander watches from the treeline. “She was always a Striker,” He remarks, more to himself than to the Farm Overseer beside him, voice taking just the slightest bit of awe. His eyes track his Guardian as she dispatches Fallen forces with the Void-formed shield.

“I wonder where she got that from,” Hawthorne turns her head to the right to look his way, eyebrows waggling ever so slightly.

“What?” Zavala's pull together as he ponders her words at a delay, unable to take his eyes of the sight.

Hawthorne simply shrugs, saying sincerely, “I heard shields were your thing.” Another look his way finds him meeting her gaze. “I don't presume to know,” She continues, grunting as Louis lands hard on her arm, knocking her off balance. The Fallen have spooked him, being this close. “I just figured that if she wanted to protect everyone as bad as she does, that she'd want to be just like you.”

It's a rare, heartfelt compliment and they both know it. She does not try and belittle it with petty, angry words. Instead she walks away, following their people back to safety, leaving him to think on it.

And giving him an opening to talk to her in private.

It's clear the Guardian isn't expecting him to be standing directly behind her when she finishes obliterating their Fallen foes. The shield - an intricate thing, with the Titan’s sigil adorning the middle - dissipates silently with a warm blink, and the sheen of purple fades once more.

Zavala squeezes his fists and releases them, taking a step forward when she stands ramrod-straight and freezes as their eyes meet.

“Kira,” He says, softly. Fondly, even.

“Alright,” Her Ghost appears beside them, swinging this way, then that. “They’re gone.”

She nods, never breaking away from the Commander’s gaze. Ghost nudges her cheek gently, but phases away when Zavala approaches. “I’m sorry,” She whispers, when there are precious few feet between them both. She’s wringing her hands anxiously, as if she’s done something wrong.

“Whatever for?” Wide blue eyes watch her as she looks down, then forces herself to look back up. He’d tell her she’s done him no harm, he knows she means him no ill will, but… he needs to know why she’s avoiding him. What's caused her to shy away.

“It should have been you.”

Her lip trembles, but she doesn't dare look away. For all that’s been thrown at her, her sincerity hasn't wavered.

It should have been…

Oh, he realizes, heat crawling up the back of his neck, skin prickling as he realizes the validity of Hawthorne's earlier words. She needs guidance. Understanding.

“No, Kira,” He tells her, taking another step forward. A great sob tears from her and it makes what's left of his war-torn heart break. He pulls her in for an embrace and she lets him, her whimpering attempt not to fall to pieces loud in his ear. “It's okay,” He murmurs. She shakes her head. “It is. I'm not angry with you.”

“You should be,” She whispers thickly.

“I will admit that I’m surprised,” The Commander informs her, pulling back to look into her bloodshot eyes with a gaze far softer than his usual decorum allows. It’s rather apparent she needs the reinforcement, “But upset? No.”

She looks away, shaking her head. “I didn’t want to tell you,” She finally admits, guilty. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You haven’t hurt me, child.” Kira’s eyes snap back to him. “You’ve made sound decisions and come back from insurmountable odds. What part of that should provoke anger?”

“It should have been you,” She repeats, over and over through her tears, until her words are nearly intelligible between heartrending sobs. “You’re better,” She breaks off after a while. “I-I'm not strong enough.”

“You are,” He counters in a low rumble, the side of his face pressed to her forehead. She cries on. “I know it.”

[winterhawkbigbang]

Winterhawk Mini Bang

Here it is folks all the works from the minibang! All the fics have art accompanying them. Take a look through these works and give the authors and artists some love. Please remember to check the archive warnings and be sure to read all the tags before you start reading.

Standby (T) Words: 2,387 by @mollynoble

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Veteran Bucky, Veteran Clint, brief mention - anxitey

Clint and Bucky meet when they become trapped in an elevator. Clint is an idiot, but Bucky likes him anyways.

[Art] by @torii-storii

birdboy and grumpycat17 (T) Words: 2,020 by @varilia

Tags: Friends to Lovers, Interplanetary Travel, "The Space Between Us" AU

Clint was born on Mars. Only, like, two people on Earth know that, and his best-- only-- friend, James, is not one of them. When given the opportunity to visit Earth, and therefore James, Clint is eager to tell James the truth: about where he's from, and the fluttery feelings that he gets whenever talking to James.

[Art] by @sian1359

Americana is for Lovers (M) Words: 8,232 by @ccbytheseashore

Tags: road trips, americana, sexual content, developing relationships, getting together

Please tell me you are still alive, read Steve's text. In Virginia, Bucky replied. The hell are you doing in Virginia? Would you believe me if I said trying to find a foam sculpture of Stonehenge? Tony said to make sure his car comes back in once piece. Please don't shoot each other.

Clint and Bucky set off on an adventure to find an infamous work of Americana history, but find literally everything else (including love, and a Magic Fingers) instead.

[Art] by @bvckyboy

My Depths for You (M) Words: 7,287 by @shellsxo

Tags: Domestic Fluff; Domestic!Bucky; Domestic!Clint; Anniversary

Somewhere down the line, Bucky Barnes had become the sun, and Clint's life had begun revolving around him. Neither had expected their feelings to become so strong, to grow in strength or in depth. But it had.

Lilac Alstroemeria Aster (T) Words: 7,303 by @jenjo93

Tags: No powers AU. Bucky works at a flower shop; Clint is a human disaster by day, vigilante by night

On the surface, Clint Barton shares nothing with Bucky Grant, the cute florist he helped save from thieves. Bucky has a business, owns more than one outfit, and looks to have a stable life. Worlds away from Clint's drama-filled past. Bucky being kidnapped reminds Clint why he doesn't put his heart on the line anymore.

[Art] by PlaidHunters

Edge of our Hope (T) Words: 5,956 by @punxbarton

Tags: Pacific Rim AU, mention of past character death, mention of past loss of limb

Nobody wonders whether Clint and Bucky are drift compatible. They clearly are. Which is the problem, since Clint already has a drift partner, and Bucky can't ever pilot again. Well, it's the problem for some people. Not for them. Never for them.

[Art] by @bizrreer

Still Breathing (T) Words: 8,241 by @victorianbreaker

Tags: Canon-typical Violence, vague Mentions of suicidal thoughts, blood

Clint just wanted to get away. He didn't want to hurt any one. But he keeps seeing blue...I dodged a bullet and I walked across a landmine / Oh, I'm still alive / Am I bleeding am I bleeding from the storm? / Just shine a light into the wreckage, so far away, away...'Cause I'm still breathing / 'Cause I'm still breathing on my own / My head's above the rain and roses / Making my way away / My way to you

[Art] by @theassassinhawk

Not Such a Risk (M) Words: 3,311 by @aw-hawkeye-no

Tags: Dom/Sub, Bondage, dom!Clint, sub!Steve, Sub!Bucky

"Buck, I gotta ask -- are you here of your own free will, or did Clint kidnap you and force you to watch Dog Cops?” Steve smirked as he glanced from Bucky to Clint.“Hey!” Clint objected just as Bucky said, “Bit of column A, bit of column B.”Clint huffed indignantly. “As I remember it, I was minding my own business when you barged in here and started questioning my eating habits.”

Or, Clint has been acting as Steve's and Bucky's dom for weeks now, but the three of them have never done a scene together.

[Art](nsfw)by @xbittenx

Save Me. (T) Words: 4,867 by @hodginsismylife

Tags:  Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Swearing, Canon-Typical Violence.

Clint Barton just wanted an easy recovery after being braiwashed, he didn't want to be kidnaped by HYDRA, he didn't ask for any of this.

[Art] by @marvel-4-life

How to Mate Your Cyborg (G) Words: 2,092 by @nightshadezombie

Bucky and Hagrid spend every Tuesday and Thursday morning at the Midnight Roast, studying and sampling Wade's questionable baked goods. And maybe pining over Wade's Other Favorite Cyborg. BTW, Wade totally ships it, guys.

[Art] by fitzz106

 The deals you  made (T) Words: 6,321 by @aijja

Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, AU-Canon Divergence, Fae & Mythical Beings

Bucky is ten when he meets a boy who helps him win a prize for Steve. There's handshake to agree to a contract, due sometime in the future. They never meet again. Or at least, Bucky doesn't remember it.

AKA. Don't make deals with people who appear from thin air.

[Art] by @sian1359

Through the Streets of Long Gone Dreams (T) Words: 10,937 by @rivulet027

Tags: Nightmares, PTSD, Recovering Memories

Bucky’s having trouble sleeping until Lucky decides to adopt him. Now Bucky isn’t sure if he’s sleeping better because of a dog or the archer that comes with the dog.

[Art] by @placna

This Is Where We Start Again (G) Words: 3,377 by @jeminamoonnight

Tags: Kidfic, Accidental baby acquisition, body dysphoria, deaf!Clint

When Clint brings home a baby and wants to keep her, Bucky must confront his  lingering body issues and whether or not he’s ready for the challenges of parenthood. 

[Art] by @fee-does-band-art

Empyrean (T) Words: 2,694 by @icantseemtomiss

Tags: Minor violence, mentions of past abuse. Alternate Universe- Greek,Mythology.

There’s plenty of things you get taught how to handle; like your pet hamster dying, or your girlfriend breaking up with you. But no-one ever teaches you how to handle the Greek god, Apollo, attaching himself to your soul.

[Art] by @pathulu

I Slept With An Assassin and Now I Have Feelings (T) Words: 3,911 by @useless-empty-brain

Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, mentions of brainwashing, getting together.

Years ago Clint and the Winter Soldier are given the same target and meet. Instead of eliminating the competition, the Soldier is intrigued by the disaster who beat him to the target. Through years of mind wipes disjointed images of blond and arrows keep coming back. When he breaks the mind control permanently, he wants to find Steve and the guy who kept sneaking around Hydra's mind wipes.

[Art] by @mariana-oconnor

Like That Counting Crows Song (T) Words: 4,643 by @madetobeworthy

Tags: No Warnings, fluff, mutual healing, slow burn but it forgot to be slow

Clint's life is a series of unfortunate events that somehow peaked at his apartment getting blown up. Bucky doesn't really want to get caught up in his mess, but it's hard to avoid the homeless guy sleeping on your couch when all you want to do is watch Netflix.

[Art] by @girlouttaplace

Springfield (T) Words: 1,779 by @precise-desolation

Tags: Slow build, Service dogs, PTSD

There was a man who walked  his dog every morning in the park where Clint went for his run.  Of course, Clint knew that was perfectly normal.  It was the dog's service animal vest that caught his attention.  He had the guy figured for ex-military, he just hadn't figured him for the Winter Soldier, the ghost sniper.  Or, well, former Winter Soldier.  It was a spur of the moment decision to buy the guy a coffee from the stand they both frequented.  He had wanted to ask about the dog.  He didn't expect that it would become anything more.

[Art] by @mollynoble

Words Left Unsaid (M) Words: 2,067 by @i-will-always-kneel-for-smut

Tags: Swearing, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant

Clint agreed to an afternoon sparring session with Natasha. Little did he know that by the end of the day he'd be responsible for a former Hydra agent...and one of Steve Rogers oldest friends.

[Art] by @meesedraw

The Barton-Barnes shelter of abandoned animals (G) Words: 1,960 by @asamandra

Tags: barton farm, clint and his strays

For once it's not Clint who brings in another stray... and Clint is not amused when he finds out what kind of stray it is.

[Art] by @aw-hawkeye-no

As Lucky Would Have It. (T) Words: 6,698 by @dapperanachronism

Tags: Fluff, Angst, Get-Together, Anxiety, Lucky is the best dog,

He tells himself a lot of things. Things like he's not a burden, things like he's getting better, things like he's awake in the middle of the night by choice, just because he enjoys prowling around the tower at night when it's quiet. It's the truth, if not the whole truth. What is also the truth is how much he enjoys finding Clint curled up on the living room floor next to a scruffy dog that Bucky knows doesn't live in the tower with them.

[Art] by @placna

Just a Fool (Whose Luck Has Turned) (E) Words: 4,965 by @words-aremy-weapons

Tags:  Second-hand embarrassment

Clint makes a fool of himself over the comms during a mission, going into vivid detail of everything he feels for Barnes. Embarrassment makes him hide away, until Barnes forces him to come clean about everything.

[Art] by  PlaidHunters

Strike at the Heart of (T) Words: 20,528 by @captn-sara-holmes

Tags: Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Clint Barton Feels, Everyone Has Issues, unhealthy platonic relationships, Trust Issues, Emotional Manipulation, Angst and Humor, BAMF Clint Barton, Mind Games. Mind Control, Yasha, STRIKE!Clint, Clint is actually fine, psychological evaluations are not for everyone

The Avengers think he's traumatized, Fury thinks he needs a break, Natasha wants him to recover. Well, screw those guys. Clint is going to go and make some new friends that appreciate how badass and competent and not-messed-up-after-Loki he is. It goes great, until it doesn't.

[Art] by @cratercreator

The Broken and The Brave (T) Words: 5,892 by @somnambulist-x

Clint Barton is acquitted after killing the Hulk.No, after killing Bruce Banner.After killing his friend.And Bucky could understand Barton’s next move and as the archer left the city and drove west in his disastrous Dodge Challenger, Bucky grabbed his backpack, hopped on his bike and followed him.He wasn’t going to stop Barton, he wasn’t going to catch him and bring him back…He was simply going with.

[Art] by @mollynoble

5 Times an archer walked into a bar (And one time the bar came to him) (T) Words: 1,553 by @adamsgirl42

Twist on the film "He's just not that into you"

[Art] by @bizrreer

Dog Cops, Pickpockets, and Love, Oh my! (E) Words:3,634 by PlaidHunter

Tags: sex, blow jobs, rimming, cute dog cops, star wars

“I stole your wallet because I was desperate for money a few years ago and I’ve finally gotten my life under control but the guilt hasn’t left me because you looked like a really sweet person so I went to the address on your driver’s license to return it and apologize but when you answered the door you took one look at me and shouted, “YOU!” and punched me in the face!"

[Art] by @fadesealcat

Five dates Bucky didn't realize he went on, and the one he planned himself (T) Words: 11,750 by @redsector-a

Tags: Oblivious Bucky, Slow Build Romance, Bucky Feels, Clint is a good boyfriend (even when Bucky doesn't know he's his boyfriend), Steve Rogers is a Good Bro, Fluff

To say that Bucky was surprised when Clint kissed him was an understatement. But it was nothing compared to the shock he felt when he learned they'd been dating for months without him realizing it. Clint gets whisked away for a mission before they have time to talk and Bucky is left to figure things out on his own - hindsight being 20/20 he can't help but wonder how he missed things the first go around.