#it introduced a villain protagonist that the companions had to work around as an obstacle

[halsinsbiggernaturals]

okay but what happened in the wild dragon age fic. why was it terrible. i'm curious now

okay, SO. i’ve talked about this fic with a few people, but i’d love to share it with the world at large. i had seen art based on a fanfic, but no link to the fanfic, so i reverse searched a bit of the passage to try to find it. i found this random fic on fanfic.net (no idea anyone even used it for dragon age) that had no relation to the original fic, but intrigued me enough i kept reading it.

the basis was that hawke was this evil, horrid, cartoonishly awful blood mage that was a menace to kirkwall, and anyone around her. already a fascinating premise, because how many times do you see hawke portrayed as inarguably in the wrong? like the true antagonist of da2?

it was so interesting to me, and even more so how the companions reacted. no one liked this hawke, she was utterly unlikeable. instead, they banded together and followed after her in order to negate the disasters she left in her wake. hawke was still their rallying point, but instead of hawke keeping their merry band of misfits together by the skin of their teeth, the companions united in spite of her, working together to keep kirkwall safe from hawke.

it was easily the most interesting da2 party dynamic i’ve read about.

additionally, the author portrayed blood magic in a way i hadn’t previously considered. hawke was happy to use other peoples blood, of course, but also heavily relied on her own blood. and it was a detriment to her health. she was described as anemic, pale, scrawny, underfed. i guess it sounds like common sense, but i really hasn’t considered the health risks of constant blood loss when using it for magic. and having their MC be described as so sickly and unhealthy was entirely new.

i would have hailed the author as some kind of writing genius, but something terrible happened:

hawke got better.

she decided she’d had quite enough of accruing the enmity of everyone and their dog (literally, the dog hated her too) and used blood magic to make a spell that would make everyone like her. the backlash caused a entirely foreseeable effect: it made her more likeable.

it was then that i realized that what i had been reading was the prologue, which set up this cartoon villain hawke in order to compare and contrast her to the new, improved hawke, who was sweet and kind and everything the old hawke wasn’t.

i felt like i'd been punk’d.

it’s possible that things get reversed or more interesting later on in the fic, there were plenty of chapters when i stopped. i’d read a few more just in case, but after the author described how eating properly and stopping blood magic had changed hawke's appearance, giving her 'curves in all the right places', i realized this fic was no longer what had captured my interest.

i haven’t been able to relocate it, and i’m afraid it might have been deleted. but it still lives in my head rent free. the greatest bait and switch i was ever subjected to.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream - JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders

It’s been a long while since I’ve talked about Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure; the last time I talked about it was when I reviewed Phantom Blood, which makes this review even weirder. How on earth could I skip over Battle Tedency?! Well, the thing with Battle Tendency is that that part is almost universally loved, especially in the West, and at the moment I feel like I can’t say much more about it than “Yeah this was a good part of the show.” But Stardust Crusaders? There’s a lot to unpack with this chapter of the Joestar’s saga.

Stardust Crusaders has had a divisive reputation in America as opposed to its status as generally beloved that it has in Japan. Some people really enjoy this part, and others really don’t like it much at all. I think a lot of the ire this part draws comes down to character focus and the overall story and how it flows, though I do think overexposure may have at least some part in it, as this was one of the few parts widely known in the West back when the franchise was a cult classic. To be frank, I find the divisiveness a bit unwarranted, though at the same time I do think that this part of the series does have some issues with it that I do think need to be addressed.

Probably the biggest point of contention is how the story progresses. The story is a very simple one: Jotaro and a ragtag team of misfit Stand users travel to Egypt to kill Dio once and for all, and they have to fight through an army of Stand users to get to him, with all of their foes in the first half of the series have Stands named after tarot cards and then all the Stand users in Egypt having Stands named after Egyptian gods. It’s your standard “monster of the week” anime, for better and for worse. While I do like how fun and creative most of the Stand battles are, the issue is that a lot of the enemy Stand users are entirely forgettable, especially the tarot Stand users, who tended to be rather boring, with Arabia Fats being the worst on the merit that he’s only ever seen after being knocked unconscious. 

Most of the others don’t really rise above being mediocre, with a few exceptions. The best of all the tarot Stands is, without a doubt, Hol Horse, the gunslinging cowboy Stand user whose Emperor allows him to control the trajectory of the bullets from his Stand gun… and yet, he never once is able to hit anyone other than himself. He’s the sort of bumbling idiot villain I love to see, and the fact that he also frequently mentions how he respects women and also has no qualms about kidnapping oracular children makes him even funnier. He’s definitely a standout of the first half of the series, and Stardust Crusaders as a whole. Aside from him, the Geils tend to be the better Stand users of the first half, as well as Forever and Mannish Boy if only for the weird factor.

Egypt, however, is where the show picks up the pace, with every single Egyptian Stand user being an absolute blast. Mariah, Alessi, N’Doul, Anubis, the D’Arby brothers… all of the Stand users encountered in the latter half of the show are wildly entertaining and have some truly creative fight scenes. Perhaps the most memorable of all of them was the sadistic hawk, Pet Shop, who gave Iggy an excellent battle right before the steps towards the finale. But special mention also needs to go to the utterly hilarious Oingo Boingo brothers, perhaps the greatest moron team in all of anime, or even cartoons in general. They’re so amusing they even get their own special end credits (and Hol Horse gets to join in when he teams up with Boingo.

Now, while I do love all of the Stand users in Egypt, I have to admit that the old 90s OVA did have a pretty good idea in trimming the fat and only keeping the most plot relevant Stand users while cutting out the more unneeded ones. Forever, Hol Horse, J. Geil, and Enya are the only tarot Stand users fought, and only Daniel J. D’Arby, N. Doul, and Vanilla Ice are the only Stand users in Egypt fought. While I am generally a bit iffy about cutting out a lot of the more fun stuff – the lack of Pet Shop and Oingo Boingo bros is really depressing – the general idea of trimming some of the fat to get to where they need to be sooner probably would have helped this a lot. It really feels like a slog to get through this, even though there’s plenty of fun to be had, mostly because things start to get exhausting right around the time they actually get to Egypt. By then, you’re so fatigued by watching all of the enemy Stand fights that you really just want to see them pulverize Dio. 

So frankly I do think the OVA had the right idea, I just think it cut too much of the fun stuff. A lot of the reason Egypt was such a good part of the arc is because the Stand users danced the line of being fun and being serious, with all the pervert and blowjob jokes in the Mariah episode and the juvenile and child endangerment jokes of Alessi’s episode; if there could have been a way to get to that sooner or at least change up the first half to make it more fun would have really helped. We really don’t need to see Captain Tenille or Devo or Rubber Soul or whoever, as they are mostly plot irrelevant and serve only as the obstacle of the day. 

Of course, the OVA also cut a lot of the fun and lighthearted battles, leaving mainly the most intense ones, and part of what makes Stardust Crusaders good is that it swerves into darkness after comedy. The way the OVA is set up makes the whole thing dark and bleak, which is just not the case. I do think there’s a balance between the two, but it’s definitely not achieved in the anime and it’s easy to see how anyone could become fatigued by some random Stand user of the week showing up and then never being referenced again, only serving as an obstacle to hinder a hasty arrival to Dio’s lair. I think cutting out a good chunk of the tarot Stand users would have really helped the flow of the arc.

Now, onto the characters; one of the most contentious parts is the Jojo of this journey, Jotaro Kujo. Jotaro is a stoic stone-cold badass, one who uses his Stand Star Platinum in numerous ridiculous ways to achieve victory over his opponents. Some see him as a boring, invincible hero, but I don’t find this to be the case. He’s really no more invincible than any other shonen anime protagonist, and he gets beaten down even if he always comes ahead in the end. And yes, while I will admit that Star Platinum does have a tendency of pulling new powers out of nowhere, I don’t see it as much different than, say, Yugi drawing exactly the card he needs to win the duel in Yu-Gi-Oh. It’s just part of being a shonen series, I suppose. That sort of writing off of Jotaro also ignores that most of his victories are won through his decisive wit and quick thinking rather than just Star Platinum punches; that’s usually the finisher after Jotaro pulls off a flawless plan. One of his best victories, in the poker game against D’Arby, doesn’t even feature any ORAORA-ing at all.

As for the stoicism and his unflappable demeanor, as well as his rude and arrogant attitude towards the start of the series, the whole of the show shows Jotaro growing out of this and developing real bonds with his companions, to the point that his rage at the harming of his friends drives him to fight with every ounce of his power against Dio. Jotaro is a very cool and worthy protagonist when it comes right down to it, and Matt Mercer’s voice definitely helps Jotaro ooze eve more cool than he does on his own. While even I’ll admit he has some less impressive moments, the fact of the matter is that he does develop quite a bit as a character, certainly more than the bland hero figure of someone like Jonathan.

Polnareff tends to draw a bit of ire as well, mainly due to people wondering if he deserves all of the screentime and development he gets. The short answer, from my perspective anyway, is yes. The long answer is yes, but at the same time there is a lot with him that could have been done better. He’s easily one of my favorite Jojo companions out of any of the first three parts, but I feel like after his original motivation – finding the killer of his sister – is concluded only a few episodes after he’s introduced, he almost feels superfluous and he really gets shafted by being reduced to the butt of a lot of jokes, though all that being said it’s clear that Polnareff is a man driven by honor as well as vengeance even from the start, so the fact he’d stay on to help in the fight against Dio is completely unsurprising. And while I love Polnareff, I do wish that any of the other characters got as much screentime as he did.

One of the big issues is that a lot of the other characters get pushed to the side, with the story heavily leaning towards developing Polnareff and Jotaro at the expense of every other character. This isn’t much of a problem for Joseph, as by this point any viewer is likely to know that character quite well from the previous season, but Iggy, Avdol, and Kakyoin especially get hit pretty hard with irrelevancy, especially later on. Avdol is one of the more interesting cases, as he “dies” halfway through the tarot Stand user arc, only to be revealed as having survived a few episodes before the gang reaches Egypt, where he then proceeds to do very little until he is killed for real. This is interesting because Avdol has far more of an excuse than the other two, as Araki originally was going to have his first death in the manga be permanent; it’s clear Araki had no idea what to do with the poor guy after he came back, but regardless, it’s still sad he feels all wasted.

Iggy only ever gets one major solo fight before he’s killed, though it’s one of the best in the season and it gives us some insight into who Iggy is. Still, Iggy just ends up feeling like a sacrifice to tug at your heartstrings, one that works of course but one that feels at least a little cheap and needlessly cruel, especially after all the other cruel dog deaths in the season. Kakyoin is perhaps the most depressing, as he ends up getting sidelined for almost the entirety of the Egypt arc before returning in time to go fight Dio and then getting brutally killed by the vampire. It’s even worse because he’s portrayed by Kyle Hebert, who you may know as Ryu of Street Fighter fame; his performance in Kakyoin’s final moments is so genuine, powerful, and heartfelt that you really wish Hebert got more time to shine and Kakyoin got more to do.

These issues aside, though… I really do love this arc. This is mostly because this here is the part where you can see things come together to form the series we all know and love. Up until this point, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure has been fantastical but not too out there; sure there were cyborg Nazis, ancient Aztec vampires, and a man name Robert E. O. Speedwagon, but all of that seems a bit grounded, even when it got more fantastical. Even with the introduction of Stands, it’s not really anything too out there, they’re physical manifestations of the wielder’s fighting spirit.

And then you come to the porn addicted orangutan who has sapience and whose Stand takes the form of an ocean liner, and all bets are off.

Forever really marks the point where these adventures truly became bizarre, and set the precedent for all arcs to come, eve Egypt to some extent. Notice how most of the tarot Stands have rather simple abilities, even ones like Star Platinum and Hierophant Green which., while versatile in what they can do, have obvious areas they excel at. Strength, Forever’s Stand, is really a standout with how out there it is, a feat that wouldn’t be matched until the Egypt Stand users came on the scene with their wackier powersets. Nothing reaches the insanity levels of something like, say, Heavy Weather, Bohemian Rhapsody, or Dirty Deeds quite yet, but this was the transitional period between the more narrow-usaged Hamon and Stands, so it makes sense that the waters would be tested with simpler yet still creative abilities at first. Stardust Crusaders really does a good job of easing people in to a series that eventually has hand-collecting serial killers who get boners from the Mona Lisa and a United States president who wants to collect the pieces of Jesus Christ’s corpse to make America invincible, and let’s not even get into the whole situation with Gappy’s testicles. All I’m saying is that if you want to get people to accept a turtle with an interdimensional hotel room inside it… you gotta start with an orangutan.

This is also where all the musical references kick into high gear. Obviously they were there before; Dio, Wag Chung, Speedwagon, Whammu, Kars, and Eisidisi did not escape my notice, after  all. But here they became far more pronounced, with characters like Oingo & Boingo, Enya, J. Geils, Captain Tenille, Pet Shop, and perhaps most ridiculous of all, Vanilla Ice and his Stand, Cream. Vanilla Ice actually, ahem, stands out as being the first example of what would become the standard naming convention for all Stands to follow, that is to say, named after a song or band. Ironically, this makes him stand out in the very arc he appears in.

While in general the Stands were a bit less wacky than later Stands would be, there was a lot of creativity in the battles for what limited powersets they had. J. Geils and Hanged Man, Forever and Strength, Mannish Boy and Death 13, and Midler and High Priestess stand out among the tarot Stand users, while just about every single one of the Stand users with Stands named after Egyptian gods stand out as creative and exciting battles. Daniel D’Arby’s battle in particular is one of the best in the entire arc, as there is not a punch thrown and instead the entire thing boils down to an intense poker match. And, of course, I’d be remiss to not mention the multi-episode final duel against Dio and his Stand, The World, which is so utterly epic and filled with badass moments (as well as Matt Mercer getting to say “It’s high noon”) that it’s impossible not to love it.

Stardust Crusaders is definitely an arc with some serious flaws. It’s incredibly long, its format is a bit unrefined, it has a lot of filler characters, it doesn’t evenly distribute screentime, and a lot of it reeks of growing pains and early installment lack of direction. Considering the point in the series the anime is based on, it was kind of destined to be this way. And yet, despite the flaws, it’s still an incredibly fun, exciting, and funny adventure. Even if underutilized or overexposed, all of the main cast is enjoyable and likable; even if there are far too many to the point of exhaustion, most of the enemy Stand users are fun; and even if the arc drags on to the point where it gets frustrating and tedious, things always eventually swoop around and the show becomes as absorbing as it ever was.

While Stardust Crusaders is definitely not the best arc of the franchise, it’s a hell of a lot of fun and it’s easy to see why this part in particular is so popular and influential. A 2010s anime based on an 80s manga series has no right to feel so fresh and exciting, and yet here we are. It likely manages to work so well despite its shortcomings because, frankly, most other series like this have kind of vanished in this day and age, which helps the show stand out more despite the manga it’s based on helping define its genre back in the day. It’s basically a case of it being the right thing at the right time. Sure it’s not perfect, but it doesn’t need to be, so long as it can suck in and inspire new generations of fans the way the original manga did. It’s a great watch, though honestly, there are quite a few episodes you could skip over if you want to have a faster, cleaner viewing experience, namely most of the tarot Stands.

Whatever the case may be, I think all of us can agree on one thing:

This arc is WAY better than Phantom Blood.