#it is exhausting to explain to straight cis ppl that no I’m | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wraithdance · 18 days

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I’m glad you made a post talking about how it’s okay for non poc to reblog those posts & stories. I’m a white cis woman and I always hesitate to do that because I know it’s not meant for me.

A creator here blocked me because I liked one of their fics & their content “wasn’t for me to like.” I’ve also been told that I shouldn’t listen to the song “Black Barbie” because it’s not meant for me.

This absolutely is not a “woe is me” thing, I just always have a hard time with interacting with poc or the lgbtq+ communities because I’ve seen so many of them talk about how much they hate when white people try to interact with their content (which is fair, I guess?).

I really struggle to navigate what I’m allowed to do and what I’m not. I’m a little older so I try to be sensitive and attentive to how other people feel about people like me, it just gets a little discouraging to get blocked & told to fuck off because I’m white. I can’t really be mad about it, obviously.

Hi! So again, I in no way claim to be an expert on all things black/poc or marginalized, we don't all share the same boundaries and what not, so a good rule of thumb would be to check out the blog for a 'Do not interact' list that states explicitly ‘x’ ppl don't engage. (More thoughts below the cut but that's the main take away to this ask.)

If you do all that and still get blocked that's kinda a meh oh well situation because at least you did your due diligence. Personally I 10000% curate my irl spaces to not center white people or non queer, non fat people as much as I can, because it is exhausting being considerate of others who don't understand the core of how I have to navigate my life. I'm a little more lax online because I do really like engaging with everyone and unfortunately theres very few poc people in this fandom in general. But it's why you'll never see me say the N-word on here or make posts that I really would only feel comfortable with black people engaging with because I know I have a mixed following.

For the music thing for me personally I'm not the most comfortable when non black people interact with really, really culturally specific rap music without knowing their anti-racist views first. because there's a history of tokenizing, colonizing and meme-fying black music and our artists. If you can enjoy the song with efforts to be respectful I personally don't give a fuck, ask the next black person and they say something different so its case by case.

When LGBTQ+ people and POC people say they don't want white/straight people to interact its probably because the internet is the one space they don't have to curate or mask their person-hood. So, you should absolutely respect that and kanye shrug if you ever see a request for white/straight people to DNI with fics. I know you said this isn't a woe is me thing but I'm a little concerned about you having a hard time interacting with the LGBT/POC communities bit. Could you possibly explain further?

Because in my experience where one marginalized person does not want to engage with a privileged party, there's like ten more marginalized people who are open to conversations or friendship with someone outside of their experience. So you absolutely should not be deterred from engaging with LGBT/POC people or anyone not like you and their works.

It's fine that it hurts your feelings but I'm telling you now, with more kindness than another person may be able to afford, your hurt feelings about being blocked is minuscule when you're able to exist in spaces that disregard us/are violent towards us in and off the internet. Just do what you can to research and unpack what you can, that's all you can do!

#asks #its a long reply so don't be alarmed

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judehayward · 4 years

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lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music....

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight.......

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

#ruhqintro #depression tw #death tw #grief tw #neglect tw #trauma tw #drugs tw

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lilybaud · 5 years

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So I'm curious what oppression do asexual people face? I do understand there are some minor discrimination similar to homosexuality like being told it's a phase, but there have 0 laws against i, very few if any deaths because of it, few forced marriages. Maybe there have been cases of corrective rape?

sorry i took a few days to answer this -- i wanted time to give you a thoughtful response! this is kinda a version of an ask i answered last month, but i hope it helps answer your question!

here are some good posts that explain better than me:

https://livebloggingmydescentintomadness.tumblr.com/post/148453657895/the-aphobia-masterpost (This one goes into ace history, as well as many other topics – big recommend)

https://newt–x.tumblr.com/post/183606679191/a-spec-people-dont-experience-oppression (includes more comments/edits on the above)

So how are aces oppressed?

Let’s start with medical discrimmination: asexuality is classified as a mental disorder that you can get diagnosed with. Although the DSM-5 says that asexuality is a valid identity, it still lists hypoactive sexual disorder as – well, a disorder. This is basically defined as when someone is disinterested in sexual activity, and this disinterest causes them distress. This is the same boat that homosexuality was in until a few decades ago – and obviously, aphobia (and homophobia) are very likely to make people feel “distressed” about their sexual identity (I know that I do!) Imagine going to a psychiatrist and having them tell you that your orientation is a disorder that needs to be fixed: not great.

Even when ace people are not being explicitly diagnosed with Being an Asexual Disease, asexuals can often get into hostile medical situations, particularly in mental health settings. I have had several appointments with psychiatrists, counselors, and the like that were meant to be about unrelated topics, but when it came out that I was ace, the conversation turned to why this was a sign of isolation/pathology/other fuckedupedness. Other aces might be able to better speak about their experiences in this area, as I often avoid bringing up the topic in medical settings for this reason.

the discrimmination you’re talking about

Asexual people, particularly (but not only) female-identifying aces, have also long (long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) been targets of corrective rape and sexual assault. Here’s a good (altho far from exhaustive) HuffPost article on the subject. Corrective rape is a huge issue. This is a very prevalent fear for a lot of ace people, who also face other types of violence. A really horrible and tragic example is the murder of ace teen Bianca Devins last year by a man that she refused to sleep with (I won’t post links because they’re pretty upsetting) -- a death that aphobes online are still making terrifying comments about.

So yes! Ace ppl do actually face violence and death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s a post that talks about why it’s hard to be an ace PoC (like me!)

Tl;dr, many people don’t know what asexuality is – it’s sometimes called an “invisible identity.” But that doesn’t mean ace people aren’t discrimminated against as aces.

Exclusion from the LGBTQIA+ community

As I’m sure you know, many fellow people in the queer community hate ace people. There’s a perception that ace people are being special snowflakes, that we are basically straight, that we are not oppressed enough to be part of the community, that we diminish the importance of other sexual orientations, and on and on. This is really hard for ace people, because we seek queer spaces, spaces that are supposed to be safe for marginalized identities, are often those that are most explicitly anti-ace.

In addition, some in the queer community used to identify as ace because they had internalized homophobia or other things, and view asexuality as a cover for those feelings based on their own experiences.

From queer tumblr bloggers I follow to comments by queer friends and acquaintances, I’ve personally had spaces that I thought were safe revealed to be aphobic. That’s a pretty upsetting experience – I don’t talk about being ace very often, but it’s devastating to know that people you encounter in your everyday life spend so much time thinking about how much they hate people like you.

All this leads to many ace people being scared and unhappy. In a UK government survey of LGBTQIA+ individuals, asexuals were the group least likely to be “open” about their identity (at 89% reporting that they were not open). Cis aces were the least comfortable being queer in the UK, and had the lowest life satisfaction scores, out of all cis responders (the survey did not break down the responses of trans responders into allo/ace).

(Side note – many ace people emphasize other parts of their identities in order to participate in queer spaces. For example, if pressed in a pride group or seminar or friendly gathering or etc., I might just say I’m bi. This sucks too! All parts of your identity are legitimate and that should go without saying?)

Personally, there are few environments where I am comfortable with people knowing that I am ace. I don’t wear obvious pride gear, and I don’t call myself ace when I’m in LGBT+ groups. I’ve never come out to a romantic or sexual partner as ace. My sexual experiences have been highly traumatizing in part because of my identity. Only a few of my closest friends know that I’m ace. The negative perceptions of ace people, particularly those in the queer community, are main causes of this.

Why do we need to be oppressed to be let in?

One of exclusionists’ favorite sticking points is that aces aren’t oppressed enough to be part of the queer community. We do face discrimination in major ways – see above. But this raises a question: why do we have to be oppressed to be welcomed into LGBTQIA+ spaces? What qualifies as oppression? Is societal oppression “enough,” or does every ace person have to be personally subjected to a hate crime? I’m not sure if this line of thought comes from a genuine belief that society has to personally take a shit in your bed every day for you to even think about feeling comfortable in queer spaces, or if it is just cover for an instinctive dislike of ace people. Regardless, it’s something to think about. To quote the first masterpost linked at top:

“Nobody is trying to say that asexuals have it “as bad” or worse than gay or trans people, but we don’t HAVE to “have it worse” to be included and for our experiences to have merit without being compared to anyone else’s. Let me say that again: our experiences have merit without being compared to anyone else’s. “

Anyway thanks for your question! I don’t know if this helps or changes your mind on the topic. Please reach out if you have any other questions about my experiences as an ace person!

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ajw720 · 7 years

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1/2 Not for you. You’re the most visual. All this talk about the hypocrisy in his fandom should stop. If you can’t talk about Darren’s hypocrisy then don’t talk about the ppl in the fandom. Every actor has a contract,has to bend to the rules. He’s not new He’s been here a while. Some of these interviews are a slap in our faces. Don’t talk about the fandom. Talk about the guy who says 100 times in an interview he’s a straight cis male or Im NOT gay. I’m NOT queer! He comes across as ass!

2/2 What ever happened to calling D out on his BS? You guys can’t possibly think this was okay? A Asian friend contacted me upset about the Vulture article. There’s ways to do interviews w/o offending anyone. We have been faithful. We have been loyal. Whatever he says or throw out you all are ready to swallow? What are you going to do when he marries her? It happened many times before and it will happen again. He’ll just divorce her after a miserable year. Hope they don’t reproduce.***************************************************************************

Anon, I thought hard about whether to respond, because I think I have been more than clear about my opinion on blaming D. So sadly, while I may be visible you came to the wrong person to side with you.

Who are we to throw stones at D? Are you perfect? Have you never done anything in your life you regret? The man signed a contract that 99.9% if the people offered said contract would have signed in his shoes. and he has suffered nearly every day since.

D is literally trying to survive and still come out of this nightmare with his life and career. In addition, he has the career and life of his actual partner to consider as well which is affected by this horror story.

Do you really think he is choosing this? Did you read his tweet last night calling out the Vulture article? That is the example you site? He TOLD YOU that he was unhappy with how they presented the interview. And if he is upset about how they treated his heritage imagine how he feels when his sexuality is the constant focus are near every print article.

You do recognize that 95% of the offensive af material comes from print articles and his team has the LEGAL authority and right to alter them in any manner they see fit? As for in person interviews, you understand his team controls the content and questions? Should he refuse to answer?

How are you not seeing how his entire life has been hijacked? That his physical and mental health have been put in jeopardy?

Please explain to me why anyone would WILLING CHOOSE what is happening to him right now? What is the pay off?

Being mocked?

Having fans walk away?

Denying his partner?

Denying his true identity?

Being physically exhausted due to stress and anxiety?

Being shadowed by a woman that he has made clear he detests?

Having a team present him as an ass time and time again?

Having the entire run of ACS overshadowed by a fake engage?

Having to promote that woman in a large majority of interviews?

You show me where the pay off is. I see NONE.

Sorry you came to the wrong person to bitch about D. Try someone else, there are clearly plenty of people willing to burn him at the stake. I am not one of them. I will not blame a person that is so obviously suffering and is clearly trying to fight an incredibly amount of evil.i would like to see you, or any of the haters, live ONE DAY in his shoes. I bet you would have surrendered years ago.Anyone who thinks fighting powerhouses like Fox and SS is easy think again.

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lowresolutioncryptid · 3 years

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you are so racist and cringey it’s embarrassing, stop speaking for poc. you don’t speak for us trans, queer or any other poc in this community or not. and I shouldn’t have tell you I’m a trans poc for you to stop being racist. literally girl your counters are embarrassing. you behave and respond like an abuser who projects and gaslights. you are extremely manipulative. you’re not helping us against any terf. you look ridiculous and racist. that’s probably why they stopped replying to you. I’m exhausted reading your circular replies. stupid cishet white girls like you talking out of their ass helping more people become terfs.

Can you please quote exactly what I said that was racist without twisting it? Or send me the post that you're referring to off anon? I did not mean any harm so Im happy to clear up any misunderstanding with you, or try to explain myself better. I have dyslexia so I realize sometimes other ppl can get confused if I make a mistake. Not trying to b rude.

You told me not assume your gender or race and then assumed my gender and race lol.

So you believe the weight, brunt and burden of anti-racist,anti-trans/homophobic work should fall only on the shoulders of bipoc and queer people? Isn't that a little insensitive given that they already have to deal with the weight, brunt and burden of trying to survive the violence that is a result of that bigotry? Do you believe that white and straight people have no responsibility in their communities to as well progress and amplify anti-racist,anti-homo/transphobic ideas to the very communities where those problems originated from? Racism is a white issue because white people are the ones spreading white-supremist ideas. Homo/transphobia is a straight cis issue because cishet people are the ones spreading homo/transphobia.

I'm lg(B)(T) and in a straight relationship so I'm straight passing(assumed straight by straight ppl), & I accept the responsibility of using my passing privilege for good instead of evil, so I use my voice to speak against homo/transphobia.

I'm multiracial including white so white passing (assumed white by white ppl) & I accept the responsibility of using my passing privilege for good instead of evil, so I use my voice to speak against racism.

If we only focus our work on people who already agree with us then we can't really hope for far-reaching change.

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