#it is hard to be upset at her for unintentionally encouraging me to starve myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caulo · 1 year

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i didn't want to derail the subject in my tag essay on that post about diabetes, but that conversation didn't come up because i was commenting on my grandparents' eating habits. it came up because my grandmother was 'warning' me for the umpteenth time that my eating habits lately are 'fattening'.

#annoying high pitch ringing in your ears #i have a history of malnutrition and anemia to the point that i have nearly died more than once #my ADHD medication has allowed me to put emphasis on eating at least once a day #with some priority on hitting the major food groups/nutrients i've struggled with in the past like b12 and iron #so yes i rather hope i have gained weight.#i think it is /strictly/ a good thing that the clothes i wore in highschool ( or while hospitalized at under 80 lbs )#don't fit me anymore #but my grandmother has always been like this as long as i can remember #'you can eat like this now because you're young but one day you will look like me'#it is hard to be upset at her for unintentionally encouraging me to starve myself #when society's views on fatness and aging instilled so much self-hatred in her that she sees her own body as a threat #she just straight up doesn't believe me when i say i think she's beautiful or that i'm not afraid of aging like her

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