#it might just be the wonderful mix of sensory issues autism and anxiety | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tenthgrove · 3 years

Note

hi! could i request some platonic la squadra with a team member who's autistic and mainly stims by repeating short phrases (echolalia but idk how to phrase it) and has/had a hard time unmasking around them? feel free to take as many liberties as you need to, your writing is so fun to read! <33

La Squadra Says Autism Rights

La Squadra x Reader (GN), Platonic, SFW

(A/N: I just wanted to say a particular thank you to this requester because I've been itching to write autistic reader headcanons for months and this finally gave me the right prompt to do it. I definitely want to write more in the future.)

Formaggio- He might be neurotypical, but autism runs in his family (and his social circle as an adult) so he's learned a fair bit how best to interact with you people. He knows his loudness and teasing can be an issue for autistic people with sensory issues or trouble with sarcasm, so he'll drop it around you if that's the case. As far as he's concerned your vocal stim is a non-issue because 'some people just do that, it doesn't hurt anyone' and he doesn't comment on it unless you're using it to show happiness, in which case he always acts chuffed. He behaves sympathetically to your troubles with masking, and makes a point of acting laid-back so it's easy for you to turn down the pressure on yourself. To Formaggio, not being able to be yourself would be one of the worst fates imaginable, so he wants to do what he can to make it easier for you to let loose.

Illuso- You might expect Illuso's understanding to be low, but at this point with so much of the team being neurodivergent themselves Illuso doesn't bat an eyelid. Repeating short phrases is certainly a new one, but nothing he can't put up with. Sometimes, he might ask you what your murmurings mean, but he doesn't mean it in a judgy way. Now, as for your masking, you would be surprised how much he can relate. Illuso's self esteem is secretly down the gutter, and he often feels like the confident persona he puts on is secretly an act. When you tell him you feel like you're putting a show every day of your life, he feels you. The two of you have a lot of heartfelt conversations when you're alone, confessing how you really feel about yourselves away from the act you're performing. It's not something Illuso does often, be this honest even with a friend. But he can't help but find that it's... therapeutic.

Prosciutto- Like with anything a friend of his may be insecure about, Prosciutto very much looks at autism through the lens of identifying positives. This by no means says that he ignores your difficulties or tries to creative positives that aren't there, only that he takes note of your strengths no matter how much you try to deny them and makes sure you remember you have them. He doesn't try to 'fix' your echolalia because he knows it's better to work with an autistic person's traits than erase them, but he does teach you mental diversion techniques to help you tone the stim down when you need to (e.g. when you're trying to be stealthy). Regarding your masking, he can somewhat admire it as a useful skill to have- it's possible you could turn it into the skills of an excellent actor while under cover, but he also appreciates the impact this must be having on your self-esteem to have to hide yourself 24/7, so he wants to help you learn to cut it down. This, of course, is done through plenty of praise and reminding of your strengths. You are a wonderful addition to the team, even without your mask, and he won't let you think any less.

Pesci- When Pesci gets stressed it affects him a lot too. Sometimes he does things like fiddle with random items in his hands until they break or bounce his leg so hard the table shakes, which always get him strange looks. He appreciates the rationale of your stimming and would never judge you for it. If you're in a situation where you absolutely need to stop stimming, for instance if a team is visiting who isn't on good terms with La Squadra, he is a good bet for subtly and respectfully helping you be aware of when you're starting to do it so you can quickly stop. Just a gentle nudge to your arm when you start to whisper is all it takes. He also has a lot of empathy for the fact you has to mask, since he imagines it to be like a more extreme version of how he had to invent this whole 'tough guy' personality after he got involved in the gang. He found that really hard too, so he can imagine what it must be life to do that sort of thing your whole life. At least with him, you feel less of a pressure to put on an act.

Melone- There's a certain intellectual curiosity in Melone towards the various neurodivergent conditions, compounded by a strong personal empathy now he has so many friends who have them. He is saddened by the failure of the common consensus to understand such individuals, and wants to do what he can to help them appreciate their full, unique potentials. Melone is quick to recognise your behaviour as stimming, and hence understands that the stress of being called out on it would only make it worse. He is sympathetic to your plight with masking, and has a few ideas you could try if you want to start reducing it in safe circumstances. He has heard that one barrier to unmasking can be trouble identifying the 'true self' you have to go back to, so to remedy this he asks non-critical questions that help you explore your real, unmasked personality and be comfortable in it. Whenever you go off-script and talk to him as your true-self, he praises you for it and assures you that you are just as wonderful a person to him like this.

Ghiaccio- We arrive at the first member on the list who (in my headcanon) is autistic himself. Although the mangling of verbal speech is typically annoying to him, Ghiaccio would never become angry at someone who did it because of their neurodivergence. After all, if he didn't respect the effects of your autism, what reason do you have to return the favour? Ghiaccio makes a point of not hurrying you along when you start to repeat yourself as a stimming technique, and it goes a long way with helping you be calm around him. The masking however, is a different matter. He's not going to be angry at you per say, since he knows from experience the pressure you must be facing to put on an act this way, but he very much prefers it when people are their authentic selves around him. After all, he has enough issues knowing their true intentions as it is. He won't get angry, but he will gently encourage you to open up about him, even if it's something as little as stating what you really want point-blank when you're nervous too. He is very understanding about how hard this is, however.

Risotto- Another autistic individual himself, Risotto is also perfectly empathetic to your behaviour. As an adult, he doesn't really stim, rather just faze out entirely, but at the end of the day that still gets him a lot of strange looks so he can appreciate the range of feelings you may have about your own stim. What's really great about Risotto is that he learns pretty quickly how to differentiate between your happy-stims and your stress-stims, to an extent nobody else on the team is able to. He always seems very content to see you happy-stim, warmed by the knowledge that you are feeling good right now. As for your stress-stims, he is quick to help you escape from the situation if at all possible, and hold your hand comfortingly if not. And the whole masking thing? He understands painfully well. Risotto's masking game on-point, but it irks him greatly to keep it up, not to mention that he hates the paralysing anxiety that hits him whenever he tries to unmask. Even when he wants to, he can't always be himself in front of the team. He may not have a solution for you, but he at least has his full empathy.

Sorbet and Gelato- While Sorbet is, as far as he's aware, neurotypical, Gelato is very much autistic as well. He's also got ADHD to boot, so he's well versed in the neurodivergent experience. His stim is quite similar to yours, in that he makes quiet, high-pitched, almost chirp-like noises, so he sees your echolalia as something he has in common with you. Gelato doesn't really bother with masking any more, the only exception being people who could quite literally kill him if he offended them. Though he encourages you to let go and be yourself, consequences be damned, he of course completely understands the pressure to keep masking. Sorbet, despite being neurotypical, is at this point more surrounded by autistics than not. He's been married to Gelato for the best part of the decade, his closest friend is Risotto, and he's practically Ghiaccio's dad at this point. Adding one more neurodivergent to the mix is hardly a big step, and he is very well-versed in your behaviours and how to interact with them.

#la squadra #la squadra di esecuzione #la squadra x reader #formaggio #formaggio x reader #illuso #illuso x reader #prosciutto #prosciutto x reader #pesci #pesci x reader #melone #melone x reader #ghiaccio #ghiaccio x reader #risotto nero #risotto nero x reader #sorbet and gelato #sorbet and gelato x reader

106 notes · View notes

evilwriter37 · 4 years

Note

1.you don't care how many asks you recieve

Okay,if that's it I would like to ask whenever I have a good question,in order to entrtain you and fill my curiousity😄

2you are physically and mentally disabled

Oh,you don't know how much that makes more strong and fascinating in my eyes

If by mentally you mean autisim

I think I can relate to that ,when I was a child I would spent hours and hours watching cartoons and daydreaming and getting teased for that😒 screw people they are morons,though I was never cured or even noticed ,maybe I cured it my self or good at masking it and posing a fake self confidence in front of people,I never liked people in my life even my relatives I always feel like an angel sitting between devils ,though I think i learned how to brush it off ,but now as an adult(not that much adult 20) I think it's coming back and I started feeling awkward around people again!!should I be cured in your opinion

Another mentally one I definatly have is ADHD which is low focus and over activity I can't sit ten minutes straight on any job,they say it's a miracle that I pass my exams withA+ 😅

Oh gosh I think I wrote my entire life story ,but I feel good that I am comunicating with someone like me

Hope you have your rightfully benefits from the government,though you should've had them long ago

And your bad days turn all good 😉

BYE

I do mean the autism! That combined with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder just don’t mix well for a mind that’s capable of working in this capitalist hell. Also, my body just does not work the right way. I have severe endometriosis, migraines, high red blood cell count, chronic fatigue, chronic pain... the works.

And hey, if you’re autistic, that’s perfectly okay! There is no cure, and personally, I don’t really think we need one. It’s okay to be different from everyone else. You’re wonderful the way you are. And you must have been really good at masking. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 20 because I got so good at masking it. And it can feel like it “comes back” when you get older, but that’s because the world is much more complex as an adult than it ever was as a child. Personally, I became a happier person when I embraced and accepted my autism. I mean, it can be quite hard sometimes, as I’m the only autistic person in my immediate family, so I’m not very well understood all the time. And then I get sensory overloads and issues processing sensory stimulation, and I can get shutdowns and go nonverbal. It’s not always easy, but I do like the things my autistic mind has done for me. I never would have gotten so good at writing if writing hadn’t been a special interest for me. But all in all, I’m happier for knowing I’m autistic and for accepting it. I personally wouldn’t accept a cure if there was one.

And thank you. Getting the government benefits has been very difficult so far and I might have to get an attorney, but I’ll get it eventually. (And I agree. I should have been getting them already.)

Also, that’s so sweet!!! I also hope your bad days pass and that your good days are wholesome. Thank you! 😊

#asks #autism #disability #chronic pain #about me #long post

6 notes · View notes

thistangledbrain · 3 years

Text

I’m writing when my schedule allows! Sorry I’m having to lump days together- but here’s 14 & 15. ☺️

Autism Acceptance Month

Day 14!

“Routine”

Good topic!!

We love routine & structure. Breaks from said routine should come with plenty advance warning, usually, because even if it’s an activity we love, if you spring it on us suddenly, we will likely be less than thrilled. (For example, one beautiful summer morning we approached my youngest and said “let’s go to King’s Dominion today!”...he was about 8. KD is one of his favorite places. But he had already started gaming and was *pissed* about the change of plans. I myself only have two scenarios where I take a sudden change in plans in stride: military/high stress situations, and if it’s my idea. Like if I go INTO a situation knowing things might change on a whim, like chaotic times or what to do on any given vacation day, I usually roll with it really well.) Some auties are better with this than others - remember, we’re all different - if you’ve been reading along since the beginning, you’ll remember I said we all sort of have a “mixing board”, and specific traits are at different levels in different people...and it also tends to ebb and flow as we age.

“Routine” also encompasses what we expect in our immediate environment, to me. I remember when I was a kid and my Momaw (grandmother who mostly raised me) changed her frames on her glasses from those black hornrims to more delicate frames, and the lenses were a different shape, too.

Oh. My. God. I hated it. I HATED it. To this day, I scowl when I think about it. It upset me so badly. She was my rock, my steady - and when her appearance changed, I had a very visceral reaction. I don’t remember if I was ever able to articulate what was wrong, but she must have figured it out, because from there on out when she changed her glasses, I was involved in picking new ones. (That made it SO much easier to accept.) On the same topic, my husband has kept his head shaved since well before I met him. He was still in the Marines when I met him (I had just gotten out 3 months prior), and the man I fell in love with had a shaved head and clean face. Since he’s gotten out, I get uncomfortable when he lets his hair get too long...I’ve gradually come to accept and even appreciate his goatee, but when the rest of his facial or head hair gets long between cuts, it makes me squirm. I am usually more distant when he’s all shaggy - it’s not that I think he looks bad, it’s just that it’s not my familiar guy. (Oh and it *is* a sensory issue. I hate the way facial hair feels when it touches my face - mustaches are particularly offensive.)

But back on “daily routine”....this intense love of the structure *again* comes in handy with the behaviorally challenged and traumatized dogs I work with. (Oh yeah - it came in handy raising two autie boys, too, obviously.) I’m hyperobservant of dogs’ behavior & realized early on that disruptions in routine caused upset or even chaos. Dogs who were not destructive became destructive. Dogs who were calm and measured became frantic. So even when *i* get more relaxed about routines, I am cognizant of the fact that it upsets *them*, and we make adjustments for that. Structure and routine are the bedrocks of working with a “broken” dog. Predictability is key until trust and confidence is gained.

Our love of routine and structure also comes in handy in the military. Of course there are times when a lot of unexpected shit happens, but like...you still have a *mission*, if that makes sense, so shit that happens while accomplishing that mission is whatever (again, same with dogs). Adapt and overcome.

But let’s talk just daily (civilian) life, right?

If I don’t set my alarm early enough to drink a good bit of coffee (slowly and undisturbed) and get used to the idea, for about an hour, that I’m awake and now must Person, it’s a bad day, ‘tater. I don’t care if I have to get up at 3 am to have that hour before work or travel, I NEED that hour. Sometimes I wonder how I made it through motherhood...(I guess once again, when it’s important enough, you just suck it up, buttercup). I also have my evening routines that are important, as did my kidlets, growing up.

Screwing with those routines usually means short tempers, hatred of everything around you, sometimes meltdowns, and just an all around bad time for everyone involved.

So if you have auties in your life, understand that they may *need* that nap during that *specific* time of day, meals should be in certain timeframes, and so on. We all have our little rituals, too, and when those are disrupted, we get disgruntled. We tend to resist changes...even introducing a new food dish or, say, not having spaghetti on Tuesdays when you usually have spaghetti on Tuesdays, your favorite mug not being available for use/lost/broken & now you have to use a different one, not getting to shower before work if that’s your usual, things like that can cause MASSIVE anxiety. I don’t know about other people’s Autie kids, but I know MINE handled routine disruption/change *so* much better when *involved* in the change. Like, sorry that it’s bedtime, but you have choices in what jammies you want to wear, what story you want read, and so on. I know I’m making a new thing for dinner tonight - how about you come help me make it? Stuff like that.

So...I’m ending this post rather abruptly awkwardly & I’m aware it’s a little redundant and scattered, but it was written over the course of 2 days because I’m busy with a dog and a stressed out teenager lately. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sorry about that!

————————————-

Day 15!

“Everyone should know”...

I could probably keep adding to this post daily. Sigh.

Everyone should know even nonverbal autistics have something to say - you should read their blogs & find out. Everyone should know it offends and hurts us when you treat us as lesser somehow - especially if we know we’re smarter than you, to be frankly honest. Everyone should know autism is a *developmental* “disorder”, NOT an intellectual one - the weirdest, hand flapping, rocking, screeching, seeming mess of an Autie might be one of the most brilliant writers you’ve ever read - I’m dead serious. Everyone should know we all have a voice but sometimes do need some help finding it (and “voice” doesn’t mean just speaking.) Everyone should know talking about autism like it’s an “epidemic” that needs to be “eradicated” invalidates our very existence, and I don’t think I need to expound on what that must feel like, yes? Everyone should know that most (maybe all, idk) of us *would not change* the fact that we are autistic - we aren’t “suffering” with it, YOU are, apparently. We’re occasionally *frustrated* with our brains, but a whole lot more comfortable with how we are than a lot of neurotypicals seem to be. Everyone should know that if someone seems “mildly autistic” (which is what is said about me by people who don’t KNOW me 🙄), know that YOU experience my autism mildly - I don’t. We KNOW you don’t approve...we either hide (mask), or we flip you the big middle finger and say “too damn bad” - and both are usually true with autistic women. (Lots of us start off trying to fit in, but really run out of patience with it. I’ve noticed most of the boys don’t seem to give a flying shit about “fitting in” from jump street LOL...) Everyone should know a LARGE percentage of us are NOT heterosexual. Everyone should know neurodivergence has always been within the human species - it’s just we have more names for shit now, and it’s a little more more socially acceptable to be different, so there are more people “living out loud”, as it should be. Everyone should know that lots of delayed autistic kids grow up to be brilliant scientists and engineers and contribute massively to society - look at Einstein. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone should know we’re human beings, and should be treated as such. xx

#asd #autism #autistic #acceptance

1 note · View note

thiscrimsonsoul · 3 years

Note

Are the twins hsp? (Highly Sensitive Person) If yes I think Wanda might be more sensitive than Pietro, and if Pietro isn't a hsp then I'm sure Wanda is, because the nature of her powers. Got diagnosed recently and I finally understand myself better. It shocks me the amount of people that aren't familiar with the term. It's usually found in people with autism but a person does not need to have autism to be a hsp, sometimes it's due to anxiety, etc. With Wanda's powers I feel like it'd be extreme!

{out of paprikash} I feel like Wanda definitely is, and that she was born that way, whereas Pietro was made that way through trauma. Wanda’s powers definitely contribute to her being a HSP, but she also is just one naturally. It’s part of the reason why she is content to just hang back and people watch and let Pietro do the talking. Sometimes Wanda is overwhelmed by places or people or sounds... or with her powers maybe thought and emotions... and she needs to just take a step back and process at her own speed. She can get overwhelmed or hyper-focused on one thing to the point of almost shutting down or dissociating for a while. With Pietro it’s only about very specific things, like certain noises or, oddly enough, smells.

(Also, small fun fact... or sometimes not-so-fun for the mun, heh.... the mun is a HSP as well. I have several sensory issues with really bright light, certain sounds that are either too loud or that make me uncomfortable or that I hyper-focus on if I hear them, the textures of some fabrics like corduroy and suede... Darkness, solitude, quiet... they help when I get overwhelmed. I also have issues with crowds of people or even going to the store for something. Sometimes I will go to one store, then return home to just have some quiet, and then go back out again to another. But then at the same time I am hypersensitive in good ways too. I have an excellent sense of smell and taste. If someone mixes me an alcoholic drink with like five or six flavors in it, I can pick out every single one. I can tell the instant milk or yogurt begins to even start to spoil before anyone else in my family just by smelling or tasting it. And as far as being sensitive, shy, or introspective... yes I am heh. As I writer, my inner world is often much richer than my real one, and I have always felt calmer and more in my element alone than with other people. I always wondered for most of my life if I was a high-functioning autistic, but upon reading about HSP a couple years ago, I believe this is what I am.)

0 notes

samuelcarveraccidentman · 6 years

Text

conditions

Ah, Asperger Syndrome. Also known as 'Asperger's Syndrome', 'Aspergers', 'AS' and an upcoming favorite, 'High-Functioning Autism'. If you've spent any time on the Internet, you will have run into someone claiming that s/he has this condition and you're now wondering what it really means, or if it means anything at all. Well, we here at TV Tropes aim to fix you up with that info.

Asperger Syndrome was discovered by Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger in 1944. He noticed that some of the children in his practice were somewhat socially awkward, and began studying them. Since obviously there wasn't a name for it at the time, his official term for them was 'Autistic Psychopaths', though at the time 'psychopath' didn't quite have the negative tone it has today. Indeed, good old Hans had a generally positive view of what he called the "Little Professors" due to their ability to memorize facts, and unlike his colleagues at the time was very positive about what Autistic children, if given a supportive attitude, could achieve.note Values Dissonance: the highly disciplined, militaristic and religious background of people born before World War One and who lived in the Third Reich frowned on "unruly and misbehaving" children and tended to sympathize with those "disciplined and bookish".

As of December 2012, Asperger's Syndrome has been reclassified as part of the Autism spectrum by the American Psychological Association, to mixed response.

Characteristics of Asperger's Syndrome

So what characterizes someone with Asperger Syndrome? Here are some signs to look for (they may have all or a few of these signs and to varying degrees):

Delays in social interaction.

Logical Thinking. To the point that an Aspie can border Cloudcuckoolander territory, they think in a very step-by-step manner, each conclusion a result of the one before. And it all works perfectly, except for when it doesn't, because society as a whole isn't perfectly logical and predictable. We all know the world is crazy, but only an Aspie would think you can make sense of society by categorising every facet of it seperately.An Aspie: "The most irrational thing about society is that it thinks I'M the irrational one."Another Aspie: "I understand, on a logical level, why people behave that way. I just don't see the point of it on a practical one."

Literal Thinking.An Aspie: "If we see the world differently, why should I pretend it is anything other than how I see it? Why should you pretend? Once we know we disagree we can agree on a compromise, rather than lying. Then we can be friends."

Lack of social 'empathy'. Note: This doesn't mean sociopathy. Another biggie, the term "empathy" is misleading, as people with AS do feel and appreciate emotions, but they are unsure of what emotion others are feeling. Extreme literal thinking means they can't see why a person would pretend to feel otherwise than they do, and this difficulty is solved by the only logical course of action - to paste in the emotion of whose emotions they are aware - usually themselves. Thus, if they feel happy, they assume the other person feels happy until they are informed otherwise. Unfortunately, even when knowing how the other is truly feeling, they may not know what response is wanted. And if they want to help, logic dictates they respond with how they would want to be treated, even though it isn't always accurate. This all leads to a very 'Treat others as you would be treated' attitude - not a bad thing, and one factor in why Aspies can be so nice, but not appropriate to every social situation. People with AS may be completely unaware of, or unable to understand and "correctly" follow, social rules that seem utterly self-evident and obvious to everybody else. For example, an AS individual in a romantic relationship may not know that their partner wants them to say "I love you", because they assume that the fact that they love their partner is a given and needn't be said more than once for both people to know it. Another part of the empathy problem is that some people with AS also have trouble showing their emotions. They might not change their facial expression at all. When they come to realise this, they often overcompensate with even more grandiose gestures and obvious statements of how they feel.An Aspie: "And that makes me angry!"Another Aspie: "Ask me an honest question and I'll give you an honest answer. If you don't want an honest answer, let me know and tell me what kind of answer you want." (The basic approach, and a primary difficulty, for many Aspies in romantic relationships.)

Narrowly defined interests. One of their more obvious traits. People with AS tend to build up a lot of knowledge about their interests, which run the gamut of... well, everything. Some people are interested in things that are age-appropriate, some will be interested in things that either are viewed as "too old" or "too young" for them. Some people will be interested in things that many people are interested in, others will find obscure interests. Interests can also change from time to time – some end up defining their lives with a certain interest, while others may change it every other week, but while they are into one thing, be passionately so. Some people have one obsessive hobby and then 'sub-hobbies'. For example, their obsessive hobby is writing, but this is made less obvious by the way that they have in the past obsessed over Transformers, Sonic the Hedgehog and Sylvanian Families, and even add new fandoms to the rotation, and so end up compiling a great deal of trivia and expensive collectibles about ALL these fandoms, but what all the fandoms have in common is that they intensely enjoy writing about them.An Aspie: "I find fire extinguishers fascinating. Thus I assumed you did too. There's no need to be polite; I'd tell you if you were boring me."

Speech issues.An Aspie: "Everybody has an accent except me."

Motion and Motor Control. Associated with AS are various possible satellite traits: Physical clumsiness; tendency to move in repetitive ways, especially when stressed, called "stimming" (think everything from tapping your foot to rocking or flapping your hands); stiff and awkward walk; extreme sensitivity to sensory input (lights, noise, smells, fabrics, information...), social anxiety (not actually AS itself but often found alongside it), anxiety in general, a tendency towards epilepsy, difficulty planning and executing plans, excessive literal thinking, hyperactivity, a strong attachment to routines or familiar objects, and food allergies. Being able to focus to an abnormal level or for an abnormal length of time is common, as is difficulty in multitasking and dividing attention. These may manifest in many different ways and combinations depending on the person.

Gaze Avoidance. Like most people in the autistic spectrum (as well as some social anxiety disorders), there are often troubles maintaining eye contact; it can actually feel uncomfortable or even painful. Because of this, since the non-verbal components of social interaction - body language and facial expressions - are largely learned visually, many with AS tend to have uncoordinated body language themselves (this can often tend to make people feel that they seem "creepy"), as well as an inability to correctly interpret the body language of others, often mistakenly described as a sort of "body language blindness" but more accurately described as a sort of "body language dyslexia" instead. Conversely, those aware that they are not meeting gazes, and becoming concerned that they may seem insincere may focus their gaze on someone for too long in a way that might make the other person feel uncomfortable. Of course, some people with AS do learn body language and emoting by studying actors in TV/film/theater and acting out their emotions. Compensating like this is terribly exhausting, as they're essentially giving a live stage performance any time they're talking to someone, and it can also lead to people sensitive to body language consciously or unconsciously realizing that the "aspie" is acting (as opposed to being natural), which is the sort of thing that in many people would be a danger sign. As a result, the "aspie" can come off as "creepy" even if they've theoretically solved their aforementioned body language problem.

Other stuff.

It's been called a "social skills learning disability", and for good reason: People with AS (often referred to as "Aspies" within their common community)and other sorts of autism have difficulty learning the non-verbal parts of social interaction, whether that's making small talk, dating etiquette, or just looking someone in the eye. Like anyone with a learning disability, people with AS can learn social skills - but it takes them a great deal of time and effort, and may always be difficult to do and imperfect in execution. For those wondering, this is the thing that causes most people on the Internet to self-diagnose, as it's usually the most visible symptom of AS. However, there are many factors to this problem with social interaction.

This includes the fact that for Aspies, the ability to socially interact normally is not merely difficult, like for shy people or people who like telling the truth, think logically or have intense hobbies, but in addition is physically exhausting, like any job involving serious mental strain.

It is also worth noting that many Aspies assert that in many cases the social interaction issues are not that they don't "read" the signals well, but rather that they learn to read multiple non-verbal signals. This includes those the speaker may not be aware they are sending. Much of the error and mental fatigue come from constantly having to pick the intended non-verbal messages amid the many unintended ones. (Consider this much like trying to pick out and accurately attend a single conversation in the middle of an active convention floor from 20 feet away.) It is very difficult, and can often include much misunderstanding or confusion.

Along with logical thinking, nearly every aspect of Asperger Syndrome links back to how strongly this characteristic presents itself. Generally associated with their difficulties with metaphors, sarcasm, and satire. But to pretend the world is other than you see it as, is to the literal-minded Aspie an illogical and irrational course of action. This leads to them speaking their mind with no regard for the opinions of others, which makes them terrible liars. Those who are taught to be 'polite' and keep their thoughts to themselves are still prone to outbursts of emotion which can come as an unpleasant surprise to others and obviously doesn't help in social situations at all.

This is a frequently disputed point. Many Aspies understand sarcasm, metaphor, analogy, and satire very well. Many can also be very adept liars due to their understanding of language and nuance (though lying tends to be rare and is usually for a deliberate and specific reason due to the effect it has on the Aspie's strong conscience). The point of dispute is that while taking things literally and straightforward is the "default mode" for most Aspies, it is by no means the only mode of operation. Furthermore, for many Aspies, the illogical aspect of pretending the world is other than that which it is lies less in the literal and direct thinking and more in that such self-delusion makes little sense to the Aspie mind as a general rule.

There are a lot of issues that can arise with AS speech. Some speak too formally. Some speak in a manner that is too fast or too loud. Others will maintain a monotone, have tics or wildly inflect. Again, it varies from person to person. A desire to be as precise as possible will often lead to Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness, and oblique references and metaphors can lead to Blunt Metaphors Trauma. There may also be some stuttering, which may be countered by speaking louder (helps in debate team), and using extravagant hand/arm gestures to help convey one's meaning, in lieu of appropriate facial expressions.

Many Aspies show the "little professor" aspect described by Hans Asperger in regards to these speech issues through not only often going overly in-depth for the average audience on a given subject, but also in having developed the habit of pre-emptively explaining what they are trying to express (sometimes many times over in the same commentary on the same idea). This habit develops for many because they have become so used to having what they've said misunderstood, or not understood in the first place, that they attempt to clear up any confusion before it becomes an issue... often creating a new issue as people frequently perceive these explanations as insulting or condescending in some manner.

Studies have shown that individuals on the Autistic Spectrum usually have a greater than average sensitivity to/empathy with, and desire to help, when they do notice somebody in pain. Their bluntness and lowered social inhibitions can make it easier for them to step forward to help than people who act 'sensitively' and tactfully ignore somebody's distress.

Asperger's was previously thought to be around four times as common among men as women, but is now believed to have roughly the same rate of frequency. There are several reasons for the apparent discrepancy, including that the obsessions associated with female Asperger's (ex. reading the same book many times) are less obvious than those associated with male Asperger's (ex. learning everything about World War I airplane engines), and many ASD traits (e.g. shyness) are not seen as unusual in women, or as socially crippling. Part of the problem is that most of the data comes from male subjects and thus may bias diagnoses, such that Asperger's is diagnosed more frequently among men.

Physical sensitivity may be either significantly greater or significantly lower than that of a neurotypical, in at least one area. Hypersensitivity is common, often causing the AS subject to be a Picky Eater or have difficulty in wearing certain types of clothes. Hypersensitivity to noise is also common. On the other hand, there are records of AS subjects who have reduced physical sensitivity, or at least show no outward signs of discomfort, including one boy who showed no sign of pain at all prior to diagnosis of a twisted testicle (normally a very painful condition).

Unusual friends. People with AS often have trouble making friends their own age, since the hobbies they developed as children, say for a cartoon show, are not so common among the 30+ age range. They don't always notice if their friends make jokes at their expense (which leads to some people mistakenly assuming that they don't care. If they do notice, the chance is 90% that they will care), or what their background is, or their age, or their political or religious beliefs, or if they have disabilities, just as long as they show some interest in the "aspies's" own field of interest. This is part of what makes those with AS so accepting of others and often results in them being friends with other social outcasts. They also tend to prefer a small, close-knit group of friends as opposed to a wide social network. In some unfortunate cases this can result in them making very poor choices for their friends.

As with many other learning disorders, people with Aspergers often appear less physically mature than others their own age, with a tendency towards rounded faces - which are usually associated with children.

It's not unknown for subjects to compulsively talk to themselves in various different ways.

Because of the gaze avoidance, body language and other social interaction issues (as well as their tendency to take things literally), Aspies can often be Oblivious to Hints.

In interaction with other Aspies, an Aspie will often be able to read them and their behaviour with surprising intuitiveness. They will also usually form tight, interdependent groups of friends with Asperger's.

A lot of people with Aspergers struggle with short-term memory impairment. Thus they appear to be very forgetful or absentminded, and giving them a number of tasks at once can be difficult for them; as soon as you give them one task, the last one pops out of their head. Some also have difficulty with "executive function", i.e. difficulty fully grasping the steps of a process and planning it out.

At times, someone with Aspergers may have a meltdown when confronted with a situation that is unfamiliar or uncomfortable, or when they feel a lack of control. A major meltdown would include crying, extreme mood swings, anger, and severe emotional distress. They may lash out at others and indulge in self-harm, such as hitting themselves in the head. Those who are high functioning can recognize the signs of a meltdown and take steps to prevent or limit their reaction. Trying to reason with someone in the midst of a meltdown is difficult at best, as anything said or done could upset him or her further. The best effort to resolve this is to mitigate harm to them and not cause further distress. Trying to resolve the reasons for the meltdown must wait until it has passed and the person is in a better frame of mind to take in advice to help themselves.

Myths about Asperger's Syndrome

There are a number of common fallacies, misconceptions and outright lies surrounding Asperger's and other autism spectrum disorders. These include:

It doesn't exist. Yes, there are a lot of false diagnoses (and many more false self-diagnoses). If every condition which had those didn't actually exist, we wouldn't need doctors.

Social disability means talent in a particular field. One of the most popular misconceptions on Asperger's Syndrome, made worse by how Hans Asperger himself described these people as "Little Professors". While a persistent obsession with any particular subject that leads to lots of study and practice in that subject may help in getting really good at it, people with AS are otherwise generally no more or less talented in anything than anyone else could become with that much study. How famous geniuses (supposedly) had Asperger's (e.g. Albert Einstein) adds to the problem, and this of course attracts antisocial people to self-diagnose themselves with Asperger's, causing the syndrome as a whole to be associated with...

Self-inflated Insufferable Genius/Asperger's as an excuse for bad behaviour. There's no real connection whatsoever, and may have just been borne out of people over the Internet using Asperger's Syndrome as an excuse to be a jerkass or a Know-Nothing Know-It-All. Part of the reason AS is a popular self-diagnosis is because Asperger's is linked (particularly in pop culture) with Idiot Savant characters who are brilliant but lack social skills. Such individuals are often the first to latch onto postmortem conjectural psychology calling various famous people like Albert Einstein autistic. They arrogantly believe that not only should having AS free them from judgement for being socially inept, but also pin them as genius-tier masters of their field. This is particularly infuriating for people who really do have AS, since as this practice continues they find it harder to explain accidentally offending somebody without being seen as liars, or worse as trying to make an excuse for bad behaviour. Most genuine Aspies don't see Aspergers as a 'Get Out Of Jerk Ass Free' card, just an explanation. If anything, given that the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome tend to lead other children (and sometimes adults) into bullying them, they usually tend to have a lower sense of self-worth. This tends to be confused as a symptom of Asperger's due to the lack of social empathy and the tendency to dominate conversations. While a case could be made that some who have been consistently bullied may consciously develop or become egocentric and cultivate feelings of a superiority complex as a psychological defense mechanism, this does not directly correlate with AS. What might correlate to it is that since people with Asperger’s tend to be experts in their narrow field of interest, they can think of themselves as superior to those who do not possess such skills. Also, some think of their lack of inhibition and sincerity as an advantage over the rest of the population.

Sociopathy. Just because they have difficulty understanding other people's emotional states doesn't mean they don't care. In fact, scientific evidence suggests that autistic people generally have higher than average empathy towards people they notice are in pain. Some people with Asperger's can be the nicest folks you'll ever meet, and either way, they rarely use it as an excuse for plain old Jerk Ass behavior. Quite often, someone with Asperger's may have strong morals and a sense of justice to the point of being a Soapbox Sadie about social justice, animal rights, etcetera, but in a social situation they might be simply absent-minded and forget to pause and think what their friend might be thinking/feeling in a given situation. Thus, you may get a kind-hearted Aspie ranting on about compassion for other human beings for hours but never letting you get a word in, ignoring your schedules and your needs (such as needing food or going to the toilet) and doing everything their way without realising they might be steamrolling you. The difference between a tyrant and an Aspie is that an Aspie just gets so focused and excited they honestly do not realise they're doing this unless they've developed a sense of mindfulness about it or if they aren't called out on it. At which they will be embarrassed and usually apologise profusely. Back in the days before Asperger's Syndrome and autism were known disorders, those who fell into the autism spectrum were often mistaken for sociopaths due to lack of outward emotions/displaying inappropriate emotions (e.g. John Elder Robison was chided for smiling when he heard of the death of another child when in fact he was relieved that it hadn't been him that died). This can obviously create a bit of a problem; humans are easily put off by weird asocial behavior and may think "sociopath" instead of "Aspergers." Basically the two disorders are usually polar opposites in this particular respect. People with Asperger's are generally more compassionate and get distressed by other people's pain, but have problems showing it in a natural manner. Most have a strong conscience. And an inability to tell a convincing lie to save their life is another common trait. The favored popular-culture consummate liar sociopath on the other hand tends to systematically misdirect, manipulate, fake caring mannerisms, etc, without any outward minor twitch/sign that they are doing so, or get intensely sadistic. As in the case of Dexter Morgan in the original book. People with Asperger's do have emotions, but the way they feel/express them are very different than everyone else. It's as if their feelings are running in Linux (or one of its many, many derivatives) while everyone else is running Windows or Mac OS X. Because of this, things get askew during the translation, sometimes funny, other times, horrible (see the John Elder example above.)

No Sense Of Humour.

Lack of Imagination: Related to No Sense Of Humour above, it is frequently reported that Aspies have little to no imagination, but this is verging on Critical Research Failure; there's a (fairly popular) theory that Aspies have excellent imaginations. What they lack (and probably what the reports in question mean by Aspies having no imagination) is Social Imagination; i.e., the ability to grasp that not everybody feels the same way. It requires "imagining" what another person is feeling, since you can't know for certain. To an Aspie, this is logical because you're not them, and it's rooted in their difficulty to recognize emotions in others.

This one's definitely wrong; while an odd or dark sense of humour is common, plenty of people with Asperger's aren't afraid to make jokes about themselves. This one most likely came about because people with Asperger's may simply not get a joke, especially situational ones, and thus not laugh. As noted, many Aspies have an unusually strong sense of compassion for others, and thus may find humor based on random cruelty or characters' gratuitous suffering upsetting rather than amusing. Also, while some Aspies may have difficulties understanding sarcasm, and find irony an even tougher beast, others will not only understand sarcasm and/or irony, but range from occasional Deadpan Snarker to The Snark Knight. It very much depends on the person. Often the sense of humour is very dry, or depends on peculiar word-play only understood by the individual—see the Wikipedia article on Duclod Man for some good examples.

For many Aspies their sense of humor is strongly grounded in word-play. This is often the case because they understand the many ways in which words and phrases can be assembled and perceived. Therefore many can find many otherwise innocent or serious comments amusing or even laughably funny, which can cause more examples of people perceiving them as having inappropriate reactions to various situations. Telling puns, double-entendres, deliberate spoonerisms, and layered verbal humor (multiple meanings) are all sources of great amusement for many Aspies. As mentioned above, a droll sense of humor and amusing remarks made with deadpan delivery so that the listener isn't always sure if a joke was even delivered can also be amusing. Particularly when such comments can be hidden as subtle jests, even delivered in the middle of a gathering of people, with a friend or family member who gets the joke because they understand the Aspie's sense of humor.

What Aspies compensate with is an incredible Visual Imagination. Instead of socialising, an Aspie prefers to sit back and let the movie roll. Instead of having to share the toys in a group, they might imagine getting the toys out and having them coming to life in a way that physically playing with them can't produce. Movies too are a visual medium, and some Aspies like to sit back and play an entire movie in their heads, perhaps imagining themselves in a role. Obviously it's a solo activity.

If an Aspie takes to writing down what they imagine, expect them to paint an amazingly detailed picture of their world and characters as they strive to make their readers see what they see.

Caused by vaccines. Children lucky enough to receive regular vaccinations tend to also be lucky enough to have access to counselors and psychologists who can diagnose autism spectrum disorders. That debunks literally the only 'evidence' for this theory. A lot of the 'evidence' is people confusing correlation with causation, people not considering broadening diagnostic criteria and increased awareness as a possible reason for the apparent increase of autism prevalence, and one thoroughly discredited study that is contradicted by an avalanche of other studies. The case against Caused by vaccines is not that difficult to grasp, yet many people remain convinced it's all caused by jabs, which is leading to some pretty nasty stuff. The idea that the MMR (measles, mumps, and rubella) vaccine causes autism is particularly tragic, as women contracting rubella while pregnant is one of the few known causes of autism, yet that is entirely preventable through inoculation. The guy who did the MMR study, Andrew Wakefield, was struck off the British medical register for ethics violations. Some people still believe he's an honest man punished by Big Pharma for dissenting against them, despite the fact that it's been discovered he was looking for a way to make a vaccine (which he would benefit from selling) for just the measles, that did not include the ingredient he claims was causing autism in the MMR vaccine, and his famous study was financed by a firm of medical malpractice lawyers so make of that what you will. A lot of people on the autistic spectrum are deeply offended by those who suggest that vaccines might cause autism, as their logical and literal manner of thinking concludes that those who choose to not have their children vaccinated would rather the child die of preventable disease than survive while autistic - and that's if the thoroughly disproven claim had any veracity at all (which it does not have).

Caused by _____. While research continues (see below) and some of it is beginning to suggest several very plausible explanations for what causes Asperger's Syndrome, nothing has conclusively been shown to be thecause of every case of it. It's also possible that each genuine case of it has a completely different cause, or a different combination of multiple causes. People with Asperger's syndrome are not only different from other kinds of people, but often from each other as well. Research also continues into whether people have Asperger's Syndrome from birth, develop it at some time later in their early childhood, or both.

Defines one's entire identity/explains all quirks. In fact, Asperger's Syndrome is rarely the only unusual psychological condition individuals have, and being socially awkward may exacerbate other psychological conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Social Anxiety. Aspies also vary as widely in regards to sexuality as anyone else. They are also just as likely to have fetishes as anyone else. Needless to say, having atypical sexual interests as well as neurological functioning can be extremely difficult. Some also suffer from alcoholism and drug addictions. Furthermore, the interaction between these conditions can be quite complex, leaving open questions of cause and effect, and whether one condition causes the other or is merely aggravating it. One should never assume everything about an Aspie necessarily arises from the condition alone. Additionally, just as Autism has a sliding scale of intellectual and physical functionality, Asperger Syndrome has its own socially functional variations - some Aspies just have minor social difficulties to go with their obsessions and tics, while others are almost crippled socially as well as these other symptoms.An Aspie: "That I'm an Aspie means I'm someone with a given condition. I am not the condition itself. It doesn't define my life or identity any more than someone with dyslexia, alcoholism, red hair, or a limp is defined by just that one aspect of their life."

Treatment of Asperger's in Culture and Society

Treatment of AS varies throughout Hollywood. The most common portrayal seems to be that of the awkward "little professor." Other possible portrayals of adults with Asperger's include Matthew from NewsRadio and Reverend Jimfrom Taxi. AS will often be stereotyped, with anyone who has it being shown as a textbook case. AS is unfortunately still in the Hollywood stage where, when a character has it, it will be his defining characteristic or even his full personality. There probably never will be a Hollywood film with a "100 %" accurate depiction of AS - because it really does vary from person to person. There are certain films that attempt to depict how a person with Asperger's Syndrome would go about finding love: Mozart and the Whale is about a male and female Aspie who meet each other, and Adam has an orphaned Aspie young man find himself falling for the new tenant in his apartment. More recently, a 2010 remake of the TV series Parenthood features a child with Asperger's, luckily presented in a stereotypical yet kind portrayal (tics, need for schedule structure, and a particular enhanced/hyperfocused hearing ability).

The severity of Asperger's and autism varies, hence the "autistic spectrum" (some refer to Asperger's as "autism-lite"). Some people are lucky enough to have a mild enough case that, although it affects how they live and interact, they can also deal with society as a whole while others may have severe enough cases that they require close and near-constant supervision and won't interact much at all with anyone. It can be hard to tell: someone's upbringing and education can make a huge difference, and being aware of the condition and how to deal with it often helps a lot.

Note that there is no known prevention or cure for Asperger's; it's neither a disease nor ailment, but a fundamental difference in the way the brain is wired. Treatment only exists in isolating problematic symptoms and making an effort to overcome or work around them. There is a lot of misinformation going around about the nature of Asperger's, often thanks to the above misdiagnoses and the following backlash, and you really should do the research before you end up making the wrong assumptions in front of the genuinely diagnosed.

It is open to debate whether Asperger's is simply a collection of traits that every human being has to some degree or another. It has been said that Asperger's is contagious; their logical thinking and open-voiced approach to telling you what they think makes them good at bringing you around to their point of veiw. The irony here is that AS is characterized by an absence of social empathy and that copying others' behavior unconsciously is socially empathetic.

It's important to note that while Aspies can be very nice, open people, that doesn't mean they're all nice all the time, or that they're naive. They may not have the same empathic connection to the world as you do, but they sure are good at working out how other people think (partly because they had to put so much more effort into working it out in their youth; talent is cheap). It's something of a 50/50 whether an Aspie wishes they weren't, or they may actually look down on Neurotypical people, thinking of them as mindless sheep following the status quo, dishonest and arrogant, or even cruel and insensitive. Try to upset them deliberately and you'll rarely get the reaction you expected, because the two most confusing emotions for Aspies are sorrow and anger. And while it depends on the individual, they may have a very unexpected Berserk Button.

In professional fields, those with Asperger's are sometimes Bunny Ears Lawyers (or The Wonka if they're the one in charge). Some, however, will just come across as either oversensitive or as unpopular Jerkasses. Many of the outward symptoms also share at least some similarities to Japan's Hikikomori especially with regard to socialization; Aspergers has been described as one of the traits according to some Japanese commentators.

A large number of psychologists, mental health groups and people with Asperger's have started referring to people with the condition as "aspies", though some have mixed feelings about the term, even if it does make talking about them much more convenient. There is still a lot unknown about Asperger's Syndrome, as with most mental conditions, and research into the condition continues today. Likewise, the term "Neurotypical" is sometimes used as an in joke by people diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorders to refer to people who aren't diagnosed with one, and some use it as an insult or slur. Allistic is another term used to refer to non-autistic people, as neurotypical or neurodivergent can also refer to people with, say, bipolar disorder or depression. Alternatively, some consider it more polite to refer to someone with Asperger's as someone who has Asperger's. For example, saying "I talked with John who has Asperger's" rather than "I talked to John the Aspie". Putting the person first, before the disorder, is important to many people who either see it as just another trait such as hair or eye color or don't want to define the person by what they see as a disease that he or she has. Of course, like every other issue as to how to treat autistic people, not everyone agrees on this, as some may see it as patronizing. Most of the people who push for people-first language are, in fact, parents, rather than people who actually have Asperger's. Often, people who actually have autism spectrum disorders prefer to be referred to as "an autistic person" or "an autistic" rather than "someone with autism", because their autism is such an integral part of their identity. They know that any negative aspects of it could not be gotten rid of without also getting rid of the positive aspects, such as an amazing memory, or visual thinking.

One more important thing to remember: People with AS are capable of overcoming several of the signs mentioned above and learning the socially acceptable behaviors, just like anyone else, especially with the help of therapy; just because someone with autism starts out lacking understanding of social cues doesn't necessarily mean that they'll never be able to immensely improve it. Speech issues can be corrected with speech therapy, and given time, some can develop a broader range of interests. Therefore, it should never be assumed that someone is not autistic simply because they don't overtly display any signs. It is fairly normal to encounter people with Asperger's who are surface-level indistinguishable from neurotypical people until you spend a great deal of time with them. Or until they come right out and tell you.

Resources for People with Asperger's

If you have Asperger's (or suspect you might), don't fear! Although people with Asperger's have more social challenges than the average person, these challenges can be overcome. Plus, there are a lot of resources out there to help you.

Counseling. If you have not been formally diagnosed with Asperger's, a diagnosis is your first step. See a psychologist who specializes in Asperger's or High Functioning Autism. This is the person who is best qualified to diagnose you and then help you after the diagnosis. If you have been diagnosed but are not currently seeing a counselor, consider signing up for an appointment. Weekly meetings with someone who understands the way you are wired can be an invaluable resource to improving yourself.

Social Skills Guides. Social skills, like any other skill, can be learned. It just takes study and practice. Fortunately, there are lot of resources available to help you study. Here are a few: Succeed Socially, or Improve Your Social Skills (need to pay for some of the content) . You can also check out your local bookstore—many books on conversation, etiquette or relationships will be helpful to you.

Online Communities. You Are Not Alone. Get linked up with other people with Asperger's or other people who are trying to improve their social skills and you will have much more success. Check out the communities at WrongPlanet.net, Aspies Central, Psych Forums Asperger's Forum or /r/SocialSkills.

Support Groups.

0 notes