#it spat out the most basic stuff about an autumn's day

[sambinnie]

1. Happy Mabon! Every autumn, I forget that the darkness comes clanging down in a great rush in the mornings. One day, I am greeted by a pinking sunrise. 48 hours later, it’s so dark on my run to the river that I have to stop a passing runner and check the time, in case my disturbed sleep sent me dressing and leaving the house at 2am. This summer may not have given us those mornings where it’s so hot I can barely get out of the water, where those early hours feel like full silent days carved out just for me to sit in the light and wait for everyone else to wake up, where the only extra thing I put on to run home is my trainers — I look at my waiting winter gear, neoprene socks and gloves, head torch, two more thickening jumpers, hat, thermal mittens — but every season, every day, is beautiful.

Today we go early for celebrations, and the water is silky, and Orion hangs over us with his phallic sword dangling and Betelgeuse winking on one shoulder. The near-full moon spotlights us and I feel almost ready for the shortening days.

2. Hilary Mantel continues to be a literary god. How does she write with that clarity? How can I ever speak with her calm good sense and wit? 

3. We have two main problems at the moment, as far as I can see. a) What we’re doing (“curating” our lives; twitter spats; purity spirals; division and isolation; wanting ‘debates’ that can only be won or lost; encouraging people to buy more things; trying to buy our happiness; letting marketers tell us how we feel about the world rather than encouraging major moral lessons from throughout the ages to challenge us on our weaknesses; refusing to accept that life is suffering; asking self-care to be a plaster for everything we don’t have) and b) what we’re not doing (joining together to stand against those with more money and power; protecting the people who have even less power and voice than we do as a matter of course; learning from history; protecting nature above all else; prioritising going for walks; learning to repair things and campaigning to make things repairable; having a basic belief in human dignity for all, not just those with whom we agree; accepting that truly, we are all different and no amount of shaming or disgust will change that; working to shape our societies, culture, economies, production, food supplies and communications around improving — not just sustaining — the air, water and land, and fighting to ensure all of those new shapes protect women and children).

Individualism has morphed into something so completely self-destructive that we’ve forgotten we need nature more than anything — literally, more than anything — and we need to unionise and unite and put aside differences and work together even with people we don’t like. 

Because when there are wicked people in power, when it’s genuinely exhausting to think about all the corrupt, venal, toxic, divisive, false, and cruel things they have done since coming to power, those people love to watch everyone below pointing their fingers at one another, saying, You, You’re The Enemy, You’re The Problem, while corrupt populist leaders rub their bellies and chuckle at another promise broken, another mass death on their hands, another building site on a protected forest. Do you understand the stakes here? Do you understand that it’s actual survival? It’s not about being right any more, it’s not about besting someone in the argument. It’s about having decision makers who can not only ensure there is still food to eat and air to breathe, but that relations both within a country and between countries are built on care, and support, and compassion, and believing in human dignity. And while it sounds wishy-washy and hands-clappy it’s the schmaltzy, sentimental truth. It’s the only one, really. 

If we instead continue to believe every single day that my feelings are the most important, that my beliefs are the right ones, that I’ve got to prove those baddies there are evil and awful and wrong, then honestly, what the fuck? If we’re happy to live in a country where hostile architecture is the starting point for all public builds, where we send refugee boats away from our shores, where affiliate links are a career goal, where we haven’t stormed the Daily Mail offices with accounts of all our lovely immigrant friends and family and had a huge feast together and compared our long and tangled family trees, then come on. It’s only a race to the bottom if we all keep running. 

Because, pressingly, whatever the spark of a major global conflict — assassination, fuel shortages, hyperinflation, invasion — the kindling is almost always a populace fed pure hatred for months, for years, until they can’t even taste it anymore but are ready to spew it out again, and are ready to use another populace as the receptacle. And hatred is brewed up in silence and isolation, and in the ashes of bridges burned between disparate groups. 

And on that note, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, mainly because I don’t believe governments are generally competent enough to manage Grand Plans, but it’s annoying that technology and social trends and culture have developed in such a way that no one knocks on anyone’s door for a chat as a matter of course now, that it’s a given that a ringing phone triggers anxiety, that it’s not the norm for cups of tea with your neighbours, that we don’t know each other’s neighbourhoods, that we don’t even talk on the phone, with live words and intonation and synchronised laughter, but in text, in WhatsApp chats, in tapped out words and symbols that we know can be screen-grabbed and misinterpreted, that we know are kept, filtered and sold by the tech companies. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s just a reality that every single one of us can choose to do differently. 

Sometimes exactly the right thing comes along at the right time. All of us here watched About a Boy at the weekend, a film which is so wonkily weighted and oddly rhythmed, but a perfect depiction of everything I’m banging on about here. Hugh Grant’s character likes being alone. He’s happy that way. It suits him. It’s his choice. Then, between one thing and another, he finds himself drawn into a world of a suicidal single mother, a duck-murdering young boy, more single mothers, more tricky teens, plus exes and mothers-in-law and awkward support groups. And it turns out that actually, being with people is better. Being uncomfortable often develops you as a person. Constantly prioritising only yourself produces a waxen, pointless baby. Making shared sacrifices might just be the point of being alive. Remember that to be human is to be flawed. That no one is ever completely right, and no one is ever completely wrong. That the boring stuff makes us feel good, and the glossy stuff, if all we strive for is gloss, doesn’t. 

If you want anything practical, here are the things that have really helped me over the last few years:

Writing a letter or email regularly to my MP, to CEOs of organisations, to anyone I want to communicate my strong feelings and how I’d like things to be done better. Tweeting eats your soul. It’s a horrible myth the media pretends is important. It really, really isn’t.

Inviting people to go in front of me in queues, in traffic, getting on to buses and trains. It lowers my stress levels right down.

Learning the names of my neighbours and people I meet regularly on walks and letting them learn mine. (I definitely haven’t just decided I loathe a neighbour because they cut a bird-hatching tree down in their garden on the last day of the year it was legal to do so. It’s fine.)

Joining a few political parties, and the closest thing I have to a union

Making something, anything — everything can be done with love, and learning to not get sucked into the capitalist conceit of having to make it perfect, sellable, exhibitable is a genuine gift to yourself; making a cake or a film or a coaster and not putting it on social media, letting it be ugly or serviceless and loving it anyway. I felt extremely overwhelmed the other evening, but instead of doom-scrolling I knitted a… I don’t know, something flat and woollen, and it helped to have my hands and eyes working on directionless introspective creation. 

Trying to stop hating. Every time I want to tell a negative story in my head about someone, I attempt to turn it into something positive: how unhappy that person must be, what they must be missing out on. It’s so nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish, and of course it isn’t always successful, and of course every single day brings a hundred thousand examples of cruelty and injustice and wickedness, but the alternative only makes my life feel worse, so why would I indulge that? 

Teaching myself the names of birds, trees, flowers, clouds and constellations. I’m still at the most basic levels on all of these, but the difference one feels in the world when you can name things  — let alone use them and know their stories — is a very real sort of magic. (For that reason I hope to read this book very soon.) This episode of The Cut is also good on the wonder and power of learning the names of the weeds that grow in your nearest pavement crack. 

4. Creating anything is always a gamble, isn’t it, but writing a book you actually like for once and seeing it slowly and beautifully sink to the bottom of a river never to be seen again is ever so slightly crushing. However, it turns out even Thom Yorke feels that way, so I am comforted. 

5. I’m sure I’ve mentioned plenty of these before, but if you want some suggestions of where to find joy, here are my favourites from the last year or so:

I was given Lucy Easthope’s book, When the Dust Settles, for work recently, and I was surprised and delighted to discover the most uplifting, hopeful, human and rightfully angry book I’ve read in a long time. Do yourself a favour and preorder it. I bought this other book for my own birthday, gave it to a housemate to give to me, forgot about it, and was delighted to later unwrap He Used Thought As A Wife. Laughed a lot, cried twice. Marvellous. 

Now even the youngest housemate here can recite John Finnemore sketches and sing the songs. Has also taught them various composers, gods, logical fallacies and gothic story tropes. Also v funny. Oh, Kate Beaton! Her two books (Hark! A Vagrant and Step Aside Pops) are a bit like a comic-book version of Finnemore, but swearier and sexier and utterly unsuitable for all the housemates who have read it and been educated about the Brontes, Katherine Sui Fun Cheung, Tom Longboat, Nancy Drew, Ida B. Wells, Sacagawea, and the Borgias. 

Had to give Inside a restraining order against me for the sake of us all, but Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade is a masterpiece of writing, acting, sound design and optimism. Spy is dumb action comedy polished to perfection, and Yasujirō Ozu’s Good Morning seems like the inspiration for almost all US arthouse films since 1990, and is also beautiful, funny, thoughtful, and good. 

Taylor Swift’s Evermore, like all brilliant albums, isn’t completely perfect. But most of the songs are. And Hole’s classic Live Through This is still just ideal for turning up very, very loud after a tricky day, for the enjoyment of any neighbours who may have hacked down a bird-friendly tree on the last day of February. 

Watched both series of Liam Williams’ Ladhood when I had a week off this summer, and really relished the location, the intention, and the writing. More please. 

Miles Jupp and Justin Edwards continue to be my comforting bedtime listening in In and Out of the Kitchen. Has it ruined Nigel Slater for me? Well, a bit, but no more than any of us deserved. 

I thought this would be a book I’d mumble through the first chapter of, then let get buried in my To Read pile, never to re-open. Instead, I found Whatever Happened to Margo? laugh-out-loud funny, drily written, and full of humanity. Excellent Women has made me want to read everything written by Barbara Pym, a goal I am slowly but surely working towards. 

6. I’ve spent the last few years trying to find hazelnut trees, and finally found a copse between a car park and a play area, full of nuts the squirrels hadn’t noticed. Now I’ve found them, the spell has been cast and I see hazel trees everywhere, on walks and on pavements and running along motorway slip roads. A tray of green and brown frilled hazelnuts now dries with the laundry. They are so beautiful. 

[rosaetae]

the bedtime contract

➢  pairing: taehyung x reader

➢  genre: roommate!au, major fluff and a sprinkle of angst

➢  word count: 13.4k 

➢  a/n: testing out different styles of writing! so this may be a tad different than my usual angst-y writing. 

➢  summary: life could have been so much better if you didn’t end up living with him because then you wouldn’t have to sign a stupid contract to help you sleep better at night.

The dorm smelled like old wood and a fresh start.

Walking into the depths of your new home, even if it was temporary, seemed surreal— too surreal. Ever since you were little in a small town, the one thing that you looked forward to was growing up and being able to live without the rules invoked by your parents along with them breathing down your neck, expecting for the best from you.

Which is why you always envied those who were older than you. Those who had reached college and lived the ecstasy of independence and/or those who didn't even need college to live their life doing something they love.

In fact, you were rather envious of your older sister who defied your parent's expectations of going to college and becoming a doctor of some sort to become a striving musician. She would travel across the world with her best friend and play gigs at small, underrated places where some people would recognize her and the art she made through a guitar and her vocals.

Because of her decision to do that, she only called home once every month as the acrimony of her and your parents still lingered even if she was 1000 miles away; and if she were to even keep in touch every day, she would only be dragged down by dread your parents would give her. Whereas you, you were told to not do everything your sister was doing.

And finally, you were going to college on your own, and finally living the bliss of being independent sounded better than hearing your parents talk about the ruthless things your sister has done as if she was plotting against the world.

However, all your excitement to finally be independent was drained when you saw who was your roommate on move in day. All your expectations to have a roommate to share clothes with and talk to almost every day dissipated into the air. And that was basically the beginning of how you were living under the same roof of an impudent, dogmatic, and vast jerk who does not hold one single ounce of consideration.

But that's not all.

You both made a deal to sleep beside each other for the rest of your nights.

.

The dorm was larger than most dorms with 2 bedrooms and a single bathroom, making you cringe a little when realizing that you were not only sharing a dorm, but a bathroom, with someone whom you can't associate yourself with.

Forget the warm autumn candles and petite plants you bought at a boutique the week before moving in, because you knew that after finding out whom you shared rooms with was someone who despised all of those type of things, it was going to be banned from your shared dorm.

And you can feel it now: the constant nagging of your parents as they spill 'I told you so' over a million times and never letting you live it down for the rest of your life and your own constant nagging (under your breath, of course) when your roommate starts to piss you off.

But, it was your fault, you had to admit it. If you knew you were going to be put in this position, you wouldn't have listened to your sister when she told you to sign up for both a boy or a girl roommate. Now, this is where you stand; sharing a roof with a person that made your blood boil and nerves shake with irritation, and trying to avoid all contact him.

Kim Taehyung.

Long time ago, back in middle school— a story you never told— he was the older bully that bullied you—and only you— when you were only a puny sixth grader that still wore pigtails and had big blue circular glasses. From taunting you in the morning, to stealing your lunch money, he was the reason why middle school was a hell for you. But thank goodness it only lasted 2 years until he went to high school.

You heard that he moved to a high school far away from you and that was when you realized you weren't going to live under the fear of his wrath again, thus making your high school years a little decent. However, his friend whom you knew as Park Jimin made fun of you sometimes, but after freshmen year, you gained a confidence in which your sister had helped.

And one day when he was going to call you names and make fun of your appearance, you made a marvelous riposte regarding to his height, making his friends snicker at your comeback, and due to his ego being torn a bit, he never spoke to you since. Not one joke about your appearance, not one insult about your personality, not anything that rolled from his tongue.

Though, you hoped that Kim Taehyung would have not recognized you at least. It was almost 6 years ago, and you were just starting a new life in college— an independent one without the help or the nagging from your parents. You grew, he grew, you matured, and you hope to the gods up there that he matured just a tiny bit.

And on move-in day, it didn't seem like he recognized you, which was fine by you.

You arrived first with your copious amount boxes and a few luggages as you were just taking your comforter and sheets out of its box and into your room when he came in and set his many stuff down in the household.

You didn't really recognize him until you got a glimpse of his profile, your mind flickering back to when he stole your lunch money that one unfaithful day, telling you that 'little kids aren't allowed to hold money'— or some stupid phrase like that—, and you quickly sped out of that dorm complex and into your car where you locked yourself in there for a minute, your mind not connecting these points together correctly.

Going back after a minute of breathing, you cautiously walked into your dorm room to see that he had his bed fixed and neatly tucked, but he wasn't present, making you sigh deeply in relief as you quickly put your boxes and luggage into your designated room before he would come back.

The second time you two were in the same room was when you were picking up the last box and you saw he was putting stuff on the kitchen counter. You both looked up (rookie mistake) and locked gazes, making your heart stop when you noticed that his features were perfectly sculpted, even from afar. He no longer had a baby face and spiked hair that took longer than your lifespan to keep up with hair-gel, and when he had his rosy lips curl into a small, innocent like smile, you couldn't tell if he knew you or not.

"Hello, we didn't get to introduce ourselves yet," he says nonchalantly as he takes out a bag of shredded cheese he bought from the store, and gives you a more genuine smile, making you relax a bit when you realized he hasn't recognized you completely. "I'm Taehyung."

"Hi, Taehyung," you quietly say and he raises an eyebrow, taking bags of chips and cans of soda out of the plastic bags. "I'm—"

"Hi, __," he cuts you off, making you jump at the sound of your name rolling out of his tongue. "You know, I almost didn't recognize you. It's glad to see you again."

And instead of widening your eyes at that, you smile back, tightening your grip onto the box you were carrying. "It's always a pleasure, Taehyung." And with a whirl of your heel, you were heading back to your bedroom, hearing the small chuckle that you heard from the kitchen.

That night, you couldn't help but curse under your breath before going to sleep.

"Out of all people, it had to be me!" You slightly spat while hastily adjusting your pillow to its proper position to help you sleep. "Me, the girl he bullied. Me, the girl who hates his guts. Me, the one that shouldn't have listened to her sister!"

You exasperatingly sigh as you plop onto your bed, kicking your feet under the comforter as you lie on your left side, eyes staring out the window that looked out upon the city lights just a few miles ahead. The orange and white lights all seemed to blend together to help you relax your fuming heart.

From outside your room, you could hear the front door open and shut, either meaning your roommate went somewhere else or he just came back from who knows where, but whatever he does, it will not affect you anymore. Because when you wake up tomorrow, you are going to request for a room exchange.

And although that might mean you were going to lose the view that you were grateful for and the large amount of space you get in your own private room, you didn't seem to care about it as much as leaving the place in which would make you go mentally insane knowing that someone like him is within your range 24/7.

You closed your eyes as you felt yourself calm down a bit knowing that there's a solution for everything.

However, you noticed something... missing. Sitting up, you gave a 360 view of your room and your bed until you realized what was going on. Then, that's when it clicked.

You were missing your pillow.

.

You dragged yourself out of bed at 7 in the morning after a night of hardly any shuteye and began your gait to the main building and requested for a dorm change, only to result to one of the RA's telling you that the requests would take a few weeks minimum to process the changes and avert you to another room due to the many people that requested for a room change.

Those reasons were either because the room was too small, too big, or they wanted to live independently, or with a group of 4 for a cheaper price, etc. and all it did was make you even more drained than you already were realizing that you had to wait longer.

Which also meant you were stuck with him for a bit longer.

Stepping inside your dorm, you noticed that the shower was on, you assuming that Taehyung was there taking a shower as you went to your room and gathered your stuff for your physics class that would start soon. As you got your backpack and binder ready, you exited out of your room to grab a water bottle from the fridge, only to widen your eyes and have a shriek release out of your mouth when you saw your roommate shirtless in front of you.

"What are you doing?" You ask with a roll of your eyes.

"Getting a snack," he replies nonchalantly and it makes you sigh in irritation. "What are you doing?"

"I was going to get a water bottle, but looks like I might have to gauge my eyes out instead," you exaggerate with a bit of bitterness to your tone as you walked to your shared fridge and grabbed a water bottle.

"Oh, don't act like you don't like it," he proclaims. "Any girl would kill to see this in the morning." Closing the fridge at slow pace, you turn your body away from him, shoving the bottle into your bag, while scoffing at his cockiness that made you want to rip your own hair out.

"Yeah? Well, I'd rather jump off a bridge to even look at you," you retort and you could feel his smirk growing on his face as you shoved your feet into your Converse. "In fact, I'll probably go visit the one 10 minutes away."

"That's funny, love," Taehyung laughs a sonorous laugh, resulting to you rolling your eyes again. "Hope to see you later?"

And as you grab your keys from around your neck, you quickly glance at him halfway exiting the door and he flashes you a smile. "Sadly, yes. Just expect a new roommate in the next few weeks or so."

"Gladly," he replies as you shut the door, you cursing to yourself at how ignorant and irritating you clearly remember his as.

From the way he spoke to you as if he held a title that was superior to you to that crook of a smile as he would curl his lips, to the way amusement shined in his eyes when he made an amazing riposte— you simply hated it. The way he talked only brought back the nightmares you would get back in your junior high days because of him, his crooked grin reminded you of the flirtatious smile in which he used to woo with all your friends and other girls, but somehow only chose to bully you, and his comebacks were just plain frustrating.

What have you done to be fated to room with one of the worst people you've ever met in your entire life? Was the universe out to get you? Was high school just a temporary break from hell?

Who knows.

.

The answer is actually: yes. Yes, the universe is out to get you, and yes, high school was indeed a temporary 4 year break from the hell of junior high. However, you still have yet to figure out why the gods and fate have somehow intertwined together and chose you to act upon these consequences.

Because that night— that awful dreadful night— you entered the shared dorm after long hours of your classes and studying at the library, only to hear the ungodly sounds that no one should enter to at 2 AM after reviewing conceptual physics. You were just thankful it wasn't taken place in the foot of the living room when all you saw was a bra hanging from one of the counter stools. Sure, disgust and dread was what you felt; but you were about to scream in frustration that you can't even enjoy a week of your college life without getting shut eye— not that you were going to anyways.

And as you heard a few seconds of what you wish you unheard, you quickly dashed out of your dorm and went over to Soojin's apartment she shares with her sister.

It was late, you were tired from walking across the campus multiple times and you were tired from walking up and down the stairs of the dorm complex that when you stood in front of Soojin's door, you didn't realize that she opened it as you were already snoozing against her wall.

After her claiming you inside and giving you her extra pajamas, she brings you to her room where you lie there, eyes half closed.

"You know you have your own place, right?" Soojin points out and you scoff, turning around in her bed.

"That's currently occupied with my roommate and his... plus one," you grimace as you hear your best friend snicker whilst you close your eyes, just wanting to forget the regretful moment of when you stepped foot in your shared dorm.

"Can't blame him, even I'm surprised you both haven't had sex ye—"

Before she could even finish that sentence, you grabbed the pillow from beneath your head and threw it over your torso, hitting her square in the face, making her gasp out loud at the impact. "Violence is never the answer, Y/N!"

"Should have thought about that before you said that," you retort.

"Alright, alright," Soojin chuckles into air, making you smile a little bit. "No need to be hissy with me, I am letting you stay for the night to escape those 'ungodly noises' from the room across from yours."

With that, you burst out laughing, your laugh blending with hers in the atmosphere as you both laid there, talking in the dark, you suddenly not that tired as before.

"What are you going to do when you see him tomorrow?"

"I'm going to talk to him, obviously," you shrug. To you, it was the adult thing to do and hopefully, he would come to understand and not piss you off like he always does.

"Or," your ears listen onto what Soojin has to say. "You could switch out. But, I personally wouldn't. He's too cute."

Grabbing the same pillow again, you were about to hit her. "Soojin—"

"Okay okay!" She laughs, bringing her hands to her face as her shield. "Don't hit me with the pillow again. I'm just saying, you're too practical and it isn't going to stop him from annoying you. You could switch out or get revenge."

"I can't switch out for a couple of weeks." Then you raise your eyebrows at her. "How can I get revenge?"

"Easy. You could always bring a guy home, too—"

Hit.

"Okay, I deserved that," Soojin dissipates into laughter after a loud oomf. "But, there are other options than to just talk it out. It's not like telling him not to do it anymore is going to make him actually not do it anymore. He's probably gonna do other things to piss you off."

"I'll just avoid him," you simply say before yawning.

Soojin sighs next to you. "Well, you're always welcome here anytime. But if you're going to be showering, you're going to have to pay for the water bill." Stifling a laugh, you just shook your head, wondering how on earth you were going to avoid him.

Amidst your worrying and overthinking, you fell asleep.

.

As a week passed, Taehyung noticed that you rarely show up in the mornings. He didn't know if it's because you left earlier than usual or if you slept in, but he had an 8 am class and he knew that you had an 8 am class as well. However, that morning you were there, you only managed to get 3 hours of sleep the previous night.

It was 12 am when you got back from the library and you were thankful that you didn't have to hear the same noises that prevented you to enter your dorm without pressing your ear to the front door. You didn't sleep until 3 and you somehow managed to wake up at 6 am in a rush to hurry and leave before you could encounter Taehyung again.

Taehyung speaks up as you were walking past him towards the front door, about ready to leave. "Can we talk?"

"No," you reply almost instantly, but as you say that you hear him shuffling towards you while you tried to shove your feet decorated in hedgehog socks into your white shoes under a second to quickly leave.

"And why not?" He asks, standing a few feet away from you.

You stomped your foot onto the ground after putting on the shoes, and grab the dorm key out of your bag. "Because I have nothing to talk to you about."

"__, your class doesn't start in 2 hours," he points out. "Why are you in a rush?"

Shoot, you thought.

"I'm going to get coffee," you semi-lie, hand already unlatching the front door but Taehyung is a step ahead, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back into the dorm.

"Taehyung, let go–" he ignores your protests and has you sit on the counter stool. "Y/N, just spare me 5 minutes of your time and then you can go get coffee."

You huff, eyes shooting daggers at him while he stares at you. "What do you want? My lunch money?"

He doesn't respond, but only stares at you until you could feel yourself grow hot and your cheeks turn streaks of pink and it suddenly got a little too hot for a day of 80% chance of rain. "You haven't been sleeping."

"Gee, I wonder why," you say sarcastically. "Cause I've totally been sleeping through the nights while you're fucking in the room across from mine."

He smirks at your sarcasm. "It was one time." At that, you narrow your eyes, shaking your head in doubt at his cockiness that radiated off of him. "Okay, maybe not one time."

"Whatever. It's not like you actually care if I get a good night sleep or not," you declare and attempt to get up but Taehyung grabs your wrist again, eyes telling you to sit down but you only roll your eyes again while he moves to stand in front of you.

"Woah woah," Taehyung scoffs. "That's a little rough, don't you think?"

"We aren't friends and you clearly don't give a shit after fucking girls—"

"Okay, I admit; not my best move," he puts his hands up in defense while you huff and as you wait for him to continue, you begin to grow warm as he stares at you for a bit, his eyes examining you closely. "You haven't been sleeping at all, have you?"

Your voice softens as you speak, "It's not that big of a deal–"

"__," he sighs. "You haven't been sleeping and I could tell."

You straighten yourself, face maintaining your hard expression. "I'm fine."

"Will you tell me what's keeping you up at night? Do you need sleeping pills?" He asks and you were slightly surprised at his questions before he says, "God, you look like a zombie."

Scoffing, you grab your wrist back. "No and no. Are we done? I have to run to the coffee shop before they run out of the hazelnut lattes."

"__, they never run out of hazelnut lattes," Taehyung says in amusement as he was responded with the loud shut of the door.

.

You had came home late once again, but to your unfortunate events, Taehyung was surprisingly awake at that time, and you found it odd when you saw him there, waiting for you.

"Welcome back, roomie!" He sang loudly, and you had to close your eyes, hoping that he would go away, but sadly, he did not. "I have a proposal for you."

You sigh in disappointment, only to wash it away with a fake smile as he approaches you with a proposing smile. "I'm just going to jump to conclusions and give you a flat out answer and that is no."

Taehyung chuckles at you, making you even more irritated than you should be. "You haven't heard it yet! But trust me on this, it's going to benefit you."

Turning your entire focus on him, you give a sour look. "First, when did I ever trust you? Second, how do I know it's not going to benefit you?"

"Because, __," he pauses with dramatic effect. "I want you to sleep with me."

"Okay that went better in my head so the slap was well-deserved, but hear me out!"

"Taehyung! I am not going to sleep with you. I'm going to switch out of this dorm and you can sleep with the next girl who rooms with you," you scoff while making a face that shows how much you wanted to punch him. "You are so lucky I am not using my foot to kick some sense into you!"

"I want you to sleep beside me," he corrects making you question his proposal even more. "Not with me."

"Oh, yeah, because that makes everything better!" You shake your head, pushing past him towards your room. "Why on earth would I–"

"I talked to Soojin," he admits, cutting you off. "She told me how you can't sleep without a pillow and how you left it back at home."

"Why— out of all people— are you talking to her?"

"I may have been curious as to where you're always disappearing to at night..."

"You stalked me?" You concluded.

"No, not really. Just so happened to see you leaving the library when I was gonna offer you a ride back to our dorm, but I saw that Soojin picked you up. And she's in my chemistry class so the topic was brought up and she told me it's because you need someone to sleep beside you at night..."

"I'm killing her," you utter.

"Look, it's fine! I understand, I completely understand," Taehyung grins, and all you could do is mentally choke him on one hand on the other hand, you're choking your best friend. "I just noticed that you weren't getting any sleep and we're going to be stuck together for awhile—"

"No."

"I'm not expecting an answer, yet. I want you to think about it. I know it's weary to even trust me, but I'm being serious. If I were you, I would get tired from going to my friend's house 20 minutes away and trying to get to class in time. I'm just offering you a deal and you don't have to accept just yet."

You hesitate. "Why do you care all of a sudden?"

"Believe it or not, ignorant assholes like me have a heart," he asserts with a smirk, having you raise an eyebrow. "And I know I haven't given you a reason to trust that I care, but I do. You're sleep-deprived and I just... want to help."

You nod slowly and he nods back, and you both end the day without talking to each other.

.

"Accept it!" Soojin says from above her laptop.

Maybe talking about his so-called 'proposal' to Soojin at a cafe was a little unplanned, considering that when she hears news like this, she is ridiculously loud in responding.

You shush her as everyone looks at her, wondering what on earth could the loud person in a green scarf be hollering about at a quiet cafe at 10 in the morning. "Sorry," she apologizes as her eyes scan around the room. Then she turns to you.

"Why didn't you accept it?"

"Are you forgetting that I hate his guts?" Raising her eyebrows, she sighs in response. "This wouldn't happen if you kept your mouth shut."

"__, I get it, but think about it," she ignores the fact that she exposed you entirely and that truly, she was the reason why you were given this proposal. "You get to sleep in your shared dorm room, you'll sleep better, and you don't have to come home late while walking into something. You don't have to waste money on a taxi to come to my house and you don't have to wake up extra early just so you won't be late to your first class!" Soojin points out and all you do in response is slacken a bit in your seat.

"You're just saying that so I wouldn't have to sleep over anymore."

Soojin opens her mouth to say something but she closes it as you cock an eyebrow. "Nope, I tried to make an excuse, but I can't because that's basically the reason."

As you scoff, she chuckles into her latte. "Look, it's beneficial for me and it's way more beneficial for you." You shake your head, not agreeing before Soojin groans quietly. "__, stop being stubborn and letting your hatred for him get in the way of a good night's sleep. He obviously cares for you and—"

"It's probably just an excuse to get into my pants."

"Good!" She exclaims and you stare at her frivolousness. "You'll get a good night's sleep and the best sex in the world!"

Palming your forehead, you suddenly wished you disappeared along with the dust and dirt being swept away by the waitress who was sweeping the floor beside you— who also most likely heard what Soojin said a little too loudly.

"Look," she begins quietly, folding her hands together on top of her binder. "I think you should think long and hard about this. He notices that you're not there in your own shared dorm anymore and he notices that you're a walking corpse.

"And face it, you're not switching out of that dorm anytime soon, so you might as well suck it up and accept it, because as much as I am your best friend that will welcome you to my home with a bed and ramyeon noodles at your side, I advise you to take this proposal. If you don't feel comfortable with it after awhile, you can always drop it and I'll be happy to let you sleep in my bed again."

"Alright, alright," you huff at her urgency. "I'll think about it."

.

The next couple days of taking your time to think long and hard about your given proposal, you made up your mind after being late to your first class of the day for the fifth time and your professor finally calling you out for it in front of everyone— which was a very embarrassing moment in your life, considering that you were forced to explain your reason and your past reasons for being tardy. Not only that, but Soojin forgot to pick you up at the library one night (probably on purpose) and you were stuck with walking back to your dorm and having to experience another sleepless night.

So then, one night, you heard Taehyung come home and go straight to his room at 9 pm and you told yourself you wouldn't give in.

But after 2 hours of being stubborn, you finally knock on his door a few times and after a few minutes, the door swung, and you were faced with a shirtless Taehyung standing in front of you.

"__?" His voice groggy and confused. You almost felt bad that you woke him up.

"Alright," you say. "I accept your proposal."

"What–"

"I'm agreeing to your proposal."

It takes him a second or two and a few blinks to finally comprehend what you had stated until he finally nods.

"But," you start, a pointing a finger to his chest. "There are rules. You can't bring a sex buddy over. I don't know about you, but I'm agreeing to this arrangement mostly because I don't want to come in at the wrong time." Taehyung nods, but you shake your head at that gruesome moment you wished you could un-burn from your mind. "No lovey dovey kissy touchy stuff." He laughs, but seeing that you were actually very serious, he purses his lips, a small smile still evident. "And we can not tell anyone."

He scoffs, causing you to cock an eyebrow. "Why would I want to brag about sleeping with you?"

You roll your eyes at him. At least you guys were on the same page.

"And no feelings," you immediately throw in. "No growing feelings or attachments, none of it. If that happens, then we're better off sleeping in our own bedrooms."

Taehyung laughs. "Are you done?"

"If you try something, Kim," you warn and he stares at you, almost bored. "I will kick you off the damn bed and you can sleep on the cold floor."

"Noted," he chirps. "Do you want me to write it on paper or something?"

"Yes," you say and he's slightly bewildered at your seriousness, but he shakes his head and releases a tired smile.

"Tomorrow, okay? I think it's a little late to do that," he suggests and you blink at his straightforwardness. "Do you want to start now?"

You don't say anything, but instead follow him inside his own room. You notice that it was neater than you would thought it would be. He had some posters of art hung on his walls including some of Monet and Van Gogh, having you realize that you never thought him out as someone who would appreciate art. His bed was slightly messed up, but that was because you woke him up from his sleep, and it suddenly occurred to you that that bed had its moments where you were admittedly scarred from.

"Wait!" You say and Taehyung groans, his form already made comfy in his own bed disturbed as he sat up. "In my bed. I'm not sleeping in that bed."

"You're so picky," he utters in annoyance beneath his breath and you glare at him.

"Well, excuse me if I am uncomfortable knowing that you had others in your bed," snarking back, you begin to walk out of the room into yours where your bed was still made and folded neatly. "And put on a shirt!"

Taehyung follows you in, throwing a plain black shirt over his head as you went to your designated side of the bed and he climbs in after you.

As both of you have reached your comfort, you sighed and stared out at the window with the view. Suddenly, you felt a sudden pull from your waist and you jump in surprise at the feeling of Taehyung's arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you close into his chest.

"What are you doing?" You ask, your voice alarmed.

"Spooning," he answers tiredly.

"Did I not say—"

"Relax, we're just spooning. Everyone does it."

You bite your lip and nod ever so slightly and you try to follow his words and relax, but how could you when all you could feel his breath down your neck and his torso against your back.

"Why are you so tense?" He breaks the silence and sighs in exasperation, making you slightly relax to prove a point.

"I'm not tense," you snap.

"Is it your first time spooning?" His breath fans your neck, causing you to grow goosebumps along your skin, and you suddenly to regret this decision.

"Y-yeah," you admit. "Sorry, I'm not used to this."

"It's okay. There's a first time for everything," he says quietly, and you slightly smile at the fact at how adorable he sounded tired. "But just relax, just pretend I'm not even here."

And you listened to his words where you closed your eyes and tried to forget that the one person who you feared as a child was sleeping beside you, and for some reason, you felt a whole lot more safe than you were before.

.

That morning, you were awakened by the blazing sound of your alarm clock and the first thing that hit you that strange morning was that you were not alone in your bed. Then the sudden struck of realization hit you like a bowling ball knocking over pins when you realized that you had willingly agreed to his proposal and willingly led him into your bed and willingly let him spoon you.

Your dorm mate stirs beside you and groans. "Can you shut that off?"

Rolling your eyes, you throw your knee against his side, making him lift his head with a startled motion before laying it back down onto your pillow with eyes drooping back shut. "Get up," you say and you watch as he grabs his phone from your nightstand and checks that he woke up 2 hours earlier than usual.

"We still have 2 hours," he groans, shifting his body towards you so that he can pull you in again. Shaking your head, you slap his hands away and sit up, tying your hair into a messy bun and stood up out of bed.

"2 hours until our first class," you state, throwing on your slippers. You had to admit, you felt more energized than the other mornings you encountered. "Get up and go for a run or something. I'm going to get some coffee and no way am I letting you stay in my bed for the remaining hours."

Taehyung raises his head from the bed, a small sleep smirk plastered on his face and you just knew what he was going to say. "I take it you had a good sleep last night?"

You didn't answer because admittedly, you slept better than most nights.

The next night was the same. However, you came home late and you found him sound asleep on your bed, leaving your spot open, as if he was waiting for you. It was an odd image coming home from another tiring day to see your dorm mate was fast asleep in your bed— not only that, but he was fast asleep, practically still waiting for you.

You couldn't help but crack a smile, though, knowing that this boy who has the ability to have you mentally kill him has given you the slightest feeling of warmth inside of you.

But you told yourself not to let this feeling take over, because it was apart of the contract (which you still have yet to put on paper) and you knew that he was your middle school bully, so there shouldn't be a tiny bit of care in this arrangement, but somehow and in some incredulous way, you felt secure being beside him.

"Stop touching me there," you groan again, slapping his hand away from your hip. "What happened to just spooning?"

Taehyung releases a loud grunt in exasperation as you two were trying to get into a very comfortable spot for 20 minutes, but it was always you who did not like the fact that he had his leg over you, his hand at your hip, or his face nuzzling into your neck as it made you ticklish.

"Okay, __," he takes an annoyed inhale. "It's either you're big spoon or I'm big spoon. And please, make a decision fast. I'd like to get my sleep, if you don't mind, of course."

You sigh, rolling your eyes at his sarcasm. Tossing around in your spot to face him, eyes shooting daggers at him, even in the dark, you decided on; "I'll be big spoon."

Taehyung stares at you with tired, but irritated eyes, but finally sighed, and turned around in his spot. At that moment, you wrapped your arms around him, along with throwing your legs over him, and it felt like you were hugging a big pillow. But, concededly, it was very comfortable than the other positions where nothing could have worked.

"Better?" He inquires, and you nod, eyes closing shut.

"Better," you assure.

.

"What's your excuse?"

Taehyung and you were facing the same problem a few nights later: a sleepless night. Staring at the empty ceiling and engulfing into the loud silence seemed apparent to both of you, but you both assumed that one of you would fall first and go to sleep. But an hour of tossing and turning, eyes blinking, and mind awake, Taehyung couldn't help but break the silence first.

"What?" You asked in a hushed tone, confused on his question he was asking.

"What's the reason why you can't sleep? It can't just be your pillow," he simply asks.

You two weren't showing any contact. Your back was facing him as he lied on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Sighing, you might as well tell him why.

"I can't sleep without my pillow," you mumble, waiting for every single snort or snicker to elicit from his mouth, but he just stares at the ceiling, unfazed. So you continue. "I got it from my mom. She had insomnia and ever since I was born, she slept in the same room as me and somehow, I helped her sleep a little better at night. But when high school started, that's when I had trouble sleeping and—"

You peer over at Taehyung who had averted his eyes and had been staring at you the whole time, eyes curious as to what you had to say while you caught yourself from letting something fall out of your mouth easily.

"My mom had business trips," you state. "So that pillow helped me cope with that."

Taehyung nodded, him being a bit suspicious to your hesitation mid-explanation. "So, that's why you can't sleep without a pillow, and why you go over to Soojin's, huh?"

Nodding, you pursed your lips. "Something about feeling safe when I'm the most vulnerable helps me sleep better at night."

He nods again, eyes staring at yours, and even in the dark, you can still make out his chocolate eyes. You notice he parts his lips a little bit and it took you a moment to understand that you were staring at him, and he was staring at you, a spark of who-knows-what kindling between you two.

However, he smirked, knowing that you were feeling the same thing as he was, and that was all the warnings you needed before you turned your back towards him again, cheeks growing red and eyes staring out at the city through your window to keep your heart from beating so loudly.

You hear a low chuckle, and it makes you bite your tongue as you pull the sheets closer to your face.

"Goodnight, __."

.

It became a cycle after a few weeks. You knew that you wouldn't be able to get a switch until after the semester so it was better if you got accustomed to this arrangement. One day on a weekend, when you both were not busy and were surprisingly stuck at the dorm together, he had surprised you with the contract you agreed to on full card-stock paper. On top was written 'THE BEDTIME CONTRACT' in big fat Sharpie letters and there were the few rules on there that you verbally announced, but did not think Taehyung would memorize.

1. The first rule is to not ever speak of this arrangement outside of this dorm room.

2. Second rule is lovey dovey touchy kissy stuff is not permitted; as said by the woman herself. (Except for spooning, cuddling, and other techniques that will help make the other party go to sleep).

3. Final rule, no attachments. If feelings or attachments begin to spark, it is best for the other party to confess first to initiate the separation of both parties sleeping beside each other, and to nullify this very contract.

Signed by,

You signed your name and Taehyung signed his in black ink and it became the official statement of The Bedtime Contract.

Not knowing how, but the contract has made you become more comfortable with Taehyung. You've learned that he did mature— except the times when he would procrastinate on his homework and play Overwatch— and you've learned that he's not so much of a bad guy. He's helping you sleep, for one, and sure he's got his cocky smug moments, but he seems to care about you more often than you think he would.

You don't feel a sudden distaste for him when he calls you at night, wondering where you are.

"Where are you?" He would ask in a bored tone through the phone as you were just entering a coffee shop.

"Getting coffee? You want anything?" You say back as you pulled out your debit card.

"No, just come home," he would state through a heavy yawn and hang up.

You don't feel a huge discomfort when you realize he's next to you in bed, snoring away.

As you walked into your room after a long study session, you noticed Taehyung hugging a pillow and snoring as your side of the bed was empty. His snores were soft, but audible and as you climbed into bed after changing and brushing your teeth, you felt a new feeling grow in your stomach when you stared at him all vulnerable right beside you.

And you cursed yourself for staring at him a second too long because he wakes up to your eyes staring at him. As you freeze at that moment knowing he was going to say something cocky or say something inappropriate, you hold your breath until he just sighs and closes his eyes again.

"You're back," he would say groggily and you let out a subtle breath of relief.

"Yeah, studying sucks," you reply and the only thing that ended the conversation was his soft low chuckle as you both went to sleep.

You don't have this huge urge to punch him anymore when he greets you in the morning with his sleepy smile and groggy voice.

"Good morning, sunshine," he greets with a moan as he stretches his arms up high. "How was your sleep?"

You open one eye to give him a tired glare, but you somehow appreciated the drowsy smile he had plastered on his face and the way his hair was a little messed up that you groan and turn away from him, biting the smile that was unwillingly being forced upon your lips.

"5 more minutes then?" He chuckles as you try to hide your growing hot face with your fleece blanket.

Hell, you suddenly forget your past with him when you're with him in the moment.

It's become this new feeling you've grown used to that you don't get terrified when he's the bigger spoon; you don't get confused when he's talking to you at night; and you somehow feel invulnerable when you sometimes wake up in the night and see that he's there beside you.

Maybe it's you going crazy and way out of your mind, but you had to admit, ever since he made that proposal, you felt more safe.

A few weeks and you both have grown on each other, and you don't know

"Have you ever dated anyone?" Taehyung ponders one night and you flip around to face him, eyebrows scrunched.

He cocks an eyebrow and you chuckle. "Once. In junior year for a month."

"A month?" He asks in bewilderment. "Why a month?"

You shrug. "I guess I can't commit to commitment."

Then, a smug look grows on his face and you knew that he was going to say something smart. "You're committing to our plan—"

"If you keep talking," you start, a scowl painted on your face. "I'm not so sure if I want to continue committing—"

"Okay, okay," he starts and you smile at him.

"Have you dated anyone?"

Then it was his turn to chuckle. "Yes, many. Usually the longest are 3 months."

"Girlfriends?" You press.

"One," he admits, yawning. "2 years, but ended it a couple months back." You nod, not pushing any further, knowing it wasn't your business, and because your eyes were drooping close as the silence drags on after you don't verbally reply.

"__?" Taehyung chides, you slightly being awakened, eyes still closed.

"Hmm," you hum and maybe it's just you, but you think he's going to say something after seconds have passed, or maybe you just didn't hear him loud enough.

"Sweet dreams," he finally says and you're falling asleep.

.

"You have a weird... taste."

"It's not weird," you scoff and he nods his head vigorously.

You both were grabbing something to eat as you both were disturbed by your late night hunger and you only agreed to cheeseburgers with him because he offered to pay.

"I think eating the cheese burger without the vegetables is pretty weird," he says with a very concerned face.

Rolling your eyes as you both sat down at a booth after ordering, you just shook your head. "My tastebuds are just different from yours, buddy."

"But really? A plain cheeseburger? Not even with lettuce? Or the sauce?" Taehyung gawks at you as if you just murdered someone and you simply shrug.

"The sauce is too sauce-y and the vegetables just ruins the whole point of a cheeseburger."

"It adds to the point of a cheeseburger," he retorts and you sigh, shaking your head. "I can't believe my roommate has Plain Jane tastebuds."

"Just wait until I order a drink— it's not so Plain Jane as you thought." And Taehyung snorts at that, eyes glistening and you knew he was going to take you up for that.

And he did.

After you grabbed your burgers, he drove you both to a smoothie place just to see your order— and prove that your tastebuds are NOT plain— but you weren't complaining. Free burgers and free smoothies? You couldn't say no.

As you finish looking at the menu, you order the Green Beam Smoothie that included apples, spinach, kale, orange juice, and a few grapes, but as you were ordering it you asked for the grapes to be replaced by ginger, and to add some strawberries. The cashier even looks at you a little weird when you said that the ginger shouldn't be blended with it, but just inside the smoothie.

"Ginger," Taehyung says in awe and you smile.

"Ginger."

"Do you plan on eating it or something—"

"It adds to the point of a smoothie," you mimic him earlier and Taehyung catches on, glaring at you as he ordered a simple Strawberry Smash Smoothie.

.

One random afternoon after your physics class, you came to your dorm a few minutes earlier than Taehyung would have arrived. But, after 20 minutes or so, you heard Taehyung come in.

You came out of the bedroom to find him, stumbling to kick his shoes off, and his stance, itself, wobbling. "Taehyung?" You call and he looks at you with eyes that looked tired.

"Taehyung, are you okay?" You approach him with worry seeing that as he was beginning to walk, his legs were barely standing on themselves. "Tae, what happened?"

"I'm fine," he whispers. "I just... have a headache, is all."

You knew that it was not just a headache as he could not stand properly. Dragging him into his room, you let Taehyung lie on his bed. "You should sleep."

"No, I'm... I'm fine," he breathes out and you shake your head, adjusting his pillow as you watched him close his eyes and fall fast asleep. He was wearing the clothes he wore to class today and it looked like he was cold as he hugged his arms around his torso. Quietly, you grabbed one of his fleece blankets from his closet and placed it over his shivering body, leaving him to sleep as you walked out of his room.

That night, you crawled into his bed beside him and caught yourself staring at his face. He looked tired and drained when he came into your shared dorm with no balance, and as you watch him sleep, you wonder what caused that.

"You're staring," he abruptly says, and you jump slightly as his voice.

"Sorry."

Taehyung opens his eyes slowly and drowsily, a small curl of his lips growing as he sees you with a worried look. "You look distressed."

"Well, you looked like you were about to faint," you retort causing him to snicker. "What happened earlier today? Were you tired? Did you not sleep well last night because I didn't come home?"

"Partially," he admits with ease. "Should have told me earlier that you were going to be at the library for the whole night."

Mouth opening, you shake your head. "I fell asleep on accident, okay! I didn't realize it until someone poked me in the face and said I was drooling on the text book." Taehyung sonorously laughs, making you purse your lips at the musical sound of his laughter. As it died, you were left with silence again. "What happened?"

"I guess I never told you this," he sighs before you begins. "When I made that proposal, it wasn't meant just for your benefit. I guess, I never told you that I have insomnia and I take sleeping pills a lot to help me sleep. But after awhile, I stopped."

"Did you take some last night?" You inquired and Taehyung responds with a nod.

"It was just a few, but the side effects kicked in and that's why I came home with wobbly legs and drowsy eyes," he laughs, but you don't. You were too busy staring at him with worry and care that it was hard for you to even get the slightest bit of irritation from him.

"So is that why you offered me sleeping pills that one time?"

Taehyung simply shakes his head up and down. "I don't take them anymore, but partially that's thanks to you."

Silence.

But partially that's thanks to you.

You bit your lip as the silence grew louder and louder and louder—!

"I lied."

Taehyung swirled in the bed to face you, eyes grazing your face with so much care as if it was the most normal thing to do, even if it made your cheeks go a little warm. "What did you lie about?"

"When high school started," you began slowly. "My mom didn't go on a lot of business trips."

Taehyung rose an eyebrow.

"She died," you admit slowly, your heart stopping at that second as you paused, staring at Taehyung for his reaction to only get an unreadable expression. "I grew up sleeping beside her every night. And when high school started, she died in a car accident and somehow, those nights haven't been exactly the same. The only thing helping me get at least 5 hours of sleep at night is the pillow that she sleeps with."

He didn't say anything, but you continued.

"I didn't sleep for awhile after she died. I slept with that pillow and sometimes, when my sister would come from her many trips, she would sleep beside me to help, but she's gone all the time. And when I found out I left my pillow at home, I didn't know what to do so I've either dealt with it or went to Soojin's. Then the whole agreement happened, and now I sleep better when I'm sleeping beside you."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"I just- I just wanted to tell you, cause you know... we're sleeping next to each other— you told me why you couldn't sleep at night.... might as well tell you the real reason why I can't sleep."

Yes, it was unusual telling him everything you never thought you would tell, but as those words left your mouth, you didn't want to take it back. It was your truth and you began to trust him.

He couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "I guess we both need each other."

You look at him with a fixed gaze. "Yeah," you agree and he gives you this look that made your breath hitch.

.

"There's a party tonight at Namjoon’s," Taehyung began slowly and apart of you wanted to say no to his incoming question, but you let him finish anyways. "You coming?"

"I don't go to parties—"

"Ah yes, the goody two-shoes that never once partied even in high school, who would've thought," he taunts and you look up from your laptop, narrowing your eyes at him. "Come on, it's just a party. We'll be back before 1 and we can sleep."

"I'm good," you imply, shaking your head but Taehyung did not accept it.

"You're going," he affirms and he's pulling you by the wrists, making you divert your attention to your essay about whales to fighting the obstacle that was in the way of you and your preferred way of spending your Friday night.

Many yells and protests of you yelling 'let me go!' later, you were somehow at the party, surrounded by a new world of party people you have never encountered, in a striking red sweater he threw at you from your closet. At that moment, you wanted to hot wire Taehyung's car and drive yourself back to the dorms, but you couldn't do that because you're already in the middle of a maze, with Taehyung lost in sight.

You remember him saying: "Stay put, I'm getting us drinks" but you knew he would get tangled up somewhere.

You inhale sharply, trying to get your way across the party animals that were let loose and you felt yourself become smaller each time you encountered someone who looked at you up and down.

Somehow, you managed to go upstairs, hoping to find a small room to lock yourself in and call Soojin for help, but you couldn't help but hear the hushed whispers of girls behind you as you walked by.

"That's Taehyung's roommate."

"Taehyung? As in Yurim's ex? Sharing a room with her?"

A high-pitched chuckle.

"I bet they're having sex."

"Well, no shit," one of them cackles. "Kim Taehyung will get into any girl's pants—"

And you pulled yourself away from the talks that you didn't want to even hear for yourself, a growing anxiety blossoming in your chest as you quickly pull out your phone to call Soojin, who finally answers after the fourth ring.

After pleading for help, you hid yourself in the downstairs bathroom where some people banged on the door, yelling at you to hurry up in there, but little did they know, you were having a tiny mental breakdown in the bath tub. Yes, partying is not your forte.

Half an hour later, Soojin calls you telling you she's up at the front waiting and you quickly run out of the house as if there was no tomorrow. A rush of relief washes over you when you see her waiting in the car for you, eyes worried at your state when you sit in her passenger seat with eyes glassy and face red.

"Do you want to sleep at my place?" She asks hesitantly before starting the car and you automatically shook your head, wanting to go back to your dorm— for some blank reason.

After a few hours getting back with Soojin making sure you were okay, comforting you with water beside your bed and telling you how shit her day was, she had to leave and finish an essay, making you feel bad that she stayed for you. But, as you lie in your bed, changed into pajamas and heart finally calming down, you heard the door open and shut, followed by the shuffles of feet, and you froze, praying that Taehyung didn't bring a girl home.

And just then, you hear your door swing open, the person, who you assumed was Taehyung, stumbles against the wall as they tried to kick their shoes off. As you turn to see it was a matter-of-fact Taehyung walking towards your bed and plopping right next to you, your eyes go wide as he immediately pulls you into a hug.

A very beer and gin-ly hug.

His breath smelled like he had too much to drink and the first thing in your mind that pops up was how did he get home, and you suddenly worried that he drove him by himself.

"Tae," your voice was muffled by his shoulder on your mouth. "How did you get home?"

"I'm sorry," he murmurs as he smacks his lips, as he avoids the question. "I shouldn't have brought you to the party and I shouldn't have left you alone. I'm sorry I'm late."

You were speechless. You didn't want to say anything, but he just kept going anyways.

"I should have been more considerate... and Soojin yelled at me for leaving you alone like that, but reassured me that you were back at the dorm and the first thing in my mind was coming back to be next to you and make sure you're okay. I'm sorry," he says. "Also, I'm glad you came back here and not to Soojin's."

You didn't realize that the one place you wanted to go back to was here, and when he points that out, you do a double take. "Tae, I'm fine," you state. "But, tell me you didn't drive home."

"No," he answers. "I had our neighbor drive me. I just needed to get to you."

And then, your heart stops. Not because he's hugging you tight, but because he's apologizing and he was drunk. He was drunk and he remembered to come back to you. He was drunk and he was apologizing. He was drunk and he was hugging you. He was drunk and the first thing that popped into his mind was coming back here with you.

And all throughout the name, that's when you realized something bad. Something horrible. Something that shouldn't have happened, but goodness, it did.

You broke rule number 3.

.

You told yourself that you weren't breaking rule number 3. Because how could you? Sure, he's sleeping beside you, but there are times when he would walk around half naked in your own dorm and even use most of your shampoo when he ran out just to piss you off. He would even eat the last banana and forget to throw the trash away, having you to walk out in the dark in the middle of the night in nothing but your pajamas and bunny slippers. It was something about him that infuriates you to the point where you threaten to move out, but at the end of the night, you were in his arms, fast asleep.

Sometimes you would stare at him and think that this was the view every girl wanted, and you'd scoff, only to realize that his face became evermore ethereal the longer you stared.

And one night, you told him that he could sleep in his room and lied that you were going to be up all night on a project and he understood and went to sleep in his own bed without questioning further. And the next night, you didn't come home that night, but you sent him a text telling him that Soojin and you had an essay to work on. And the next night, you came home right after he knocked out in his own bed. Sure, you could say you were avoiding him, but you had to.

You didn't realize you were avoiding him until Soojin asserted one night that avoiding him won't last long, especially because of that contract. And it suddenly hit you that you were, indeed, avoiding him.

So the next night, you slept beside him, but immediately fell into a deep slumber before you acknowledged his arms around you. And the morning later, you were approached by one of your RA's who had gleefully greeted you with a surprise that someone was gladly willing to trade rooms with you. Out of pure automatic response, you approved, and your RA gave you some details and said would e-mail you later about it.

Admittedly, you thought about yourself and how beginning of the school year you would respond to that, so you accepted any chance you got.

However, when you were signing one of the forms that the RA sent you, it just occurred to you what you were leaving— and whom you were leaving. But deep down, somewhere in that crazy heart of yours, you knew that you were doing this all for one reason; you were hopelessly falling for your roommate and the only thing you could do is to stay away from him as much as possible.

.

The next nights was a breeze as you were approaching midterms. Productivity gave you the opportunity to fall asleep early and easily, but the night just right before the midterm, you were wide awake and Taehyung sensed it easily.

"Why are you still awake?" He whispers, groggily.

You shrug slightly. "Can't sleep for some reason."

"Spooning?" He suggested and you find him stirring before you could answer and throwing his arms around you. Once you felt his weight, you held your breath. "Just close your eyes and sleep."

You don't say anything because you were too busy trying to make yourself faint to sleep as each of your cells died due to the lack of oxygen you shut out as you pursed your lips together. The noise of your thumping heart sounded like it the only thing you could hear, but as time continued, it got louder and louder. And louder. And loude–

"I think I'm in love with you," Taehyung confesses through his sleepy voice, and you feel yourself paralyzed entirely in your spot. In your head you hoped to the gods up there that he was just saying that because he was dreaming or he meant it as a friendly gesture, but it suddenly felt a little too warm under his embrace.

In your mind, you're thinking of ways to escape his arms, but after waiting, you realize that he doesn't say anything afterwards and you could hear his soft snoring take place.

You still held your breath.

.

"What is this?" Taehyung asks, causing you to look up from your laptop, eyes shooting straight to the form that you were supposed to give to your RA that he held in his hand. Flickering your eyes from the form to his eyes, your lips parted slightly, unable to say anything. "Were you just going to leave just like that?"

You stood up from the table, a lump growing in your throat as you walk towards him.

"I made the request a week after move-in day, after I found out that my roommate was a guy I didn't want to associate myself with," you start, only for Taehyung to furrow his eyebrows at you. "But, there was a long delay, and they found someone who was willing to switch just last week."

"Last week—?"

"I was going to tell you!" You exclaim, eyes averting to the ground. "But, I didn't know how to tell you after you told me you may be falling in love with me."

He scoffs, tossing the paper onto the table next to him. "So you were just going to pack up and leave?"

"I didn't mean for this to happen. I was hoping to leave without knowing you, but then we made that deal and I—"

He cuts you off, shaking his head. "You were going to leave me anyways."

That night, he slept in his room, and you guess it was the best, knowing that you both already broke rule number 3.”

Steadily, you entered your room when Taehyung was already in your bed. You approach him slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. Before you began to spoke, you felt that he wasn't asleep. Not fully.

"Taehyung?" You whisper.

He doesn't respond and you reply with a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry," you mutter, eyes staring out your window. "We don't have to sleep together tonight, if you don't want to."

"__," he finally says. "Lie down."

Ignoring his demand, you try again, "Taehyung—"

"It's fine, __. Just lie down," he groans and you bite your lip.

"No, Tae, I'm sorry," you continue. "I didn't mean for anything to happen and it was just... me being dumb and inconsiderate."

He doesn't say anything and you question if he was enjoying this or not.

"Look, I'm sorry, if you're too angry for me to sleep beside you, I'll sleep on the couch toni—" Before you could finish your last word, you heard a frustrated groan release his lips and felt a grip at your waist, pulling you under, and next thing you know, you were in a position where Taehyung's face was resting in the crook of your neck and his arms were secured around your body.

You felt your heart stop as you felt his breathe on your neck and surprisingly, you couldn't seem to breathe.

"I'm not mad," he says, voice muffled by your hair and you feel yourself grow warm on your cheeks. "I may be a little upset knowing that you won't be sleeping beside me anymore, but it was nice hearing an apology from you."

You crane your neck to look at him with a baffled look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"The stubborn, adamant girl finally apologizing for her wrong-doing?" You feel his smirk on your neck. "That's something you don't hear everyday."

Stifling a laugh, you couldn't help but smile a little bit at his joke.

"But I mean it," you start with sincerity. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

Taehyung sighs and you feel his grip on your waist tighten. "It's fine, Y/N. We'll talk about it in the morning."

"But—"

"I'm tired," he states. "Let's just sleep, okay? I want to cherish these last few moments with you before you leave."

You only respond by snorting as you saw his faint playful smile on his lips, but yet, you don't say anything. Instead, you nod slightly and listen to the steady breaths of Taehyung falling into a deep slumber. Minutes go by and then half an hour goes and you're still wide awake, finding the comfort of his breathing consoling along with his arms that you felt the need for him to hug you tighter, but that very thought had your heart racing and you would sigh out loud.

"You're not going by the contract," he states out of no where making you jump a little in his arms. You feel him adjust his position so that he's looking at you in the corner of your eye. You slowly turn your face to him, not peeping a word. "You know, I think I really might be falling in love with you."

Eyes flickering to him, you trip on your next words. "W-wait, w-what—"

"I'm falling in love with you," he repeats, yawning. "And I could kiss you right now."

But before you could say anything, he smacks his lips together and you could see that he's falling back to his deep sleep while you stay up thinking about his words that made your heart palpitate.

The next few days, you both don't really acknowledge the fact that you're moving out as much as you thought and the nights you spend together were the same, for the most part. You just only acknowledge the fact that he was breaking rule 3 as well, and every time you both go to bed together, you always expect him to say something, but he doesn't. Maybe he was just dreaming, his mind creating a fictitious character that made him confess his feelings— or maybe he was thinking of someone else, and maybe he thought you were that someone else.

However, Taehyung just hugs you, pulls you in close, and you both fall asleep.

As the time had come, you were packing your things when Taehyung wasn't home, and as you were packing, you realized how much you were going to miss your room with the spectacular overview of the city lights that comforted you. You were going to miss the comfort of the dorm itself, and most importantly, you were going to miss him— yeah, never thought you would say that, huh?

As shocking as that may have been, having Taehyung as a roommate didn't seem so bad. Looking past the times he purposely annoyed you to the point where you were dying due to lack of sleep because of him, you realized that he was a good cuddler. Not only that, but without him, you wouldn't have thought that sleep was an option after accidentally leaving your pillow at home. Plus, he could make some good breakfast.

But, as you were packing, you realized how much you wished you didn't agree to move out, no matter how much you from the beginning of the year wanted to, you suddenly will miss having good night sleeps and you will definitely miss him, entirely.

Taehyung, who comes in later that night, sings your name as he enters the home. As you were moving boxes out into the living space, he smirks at you as you approach him. "I have a gift for you. Call it a parting away— even if it's only a hallway down— present."

Chuckling lightly, you roll your eyes playfully. "Wow, thanks."

"Close your eyes," he says and you rose an eyebrow. "Just do it. It adds to the surprise of it."

So you closed your eyes, pondering what on earth could he have given you? Sleeping pills? Probably never going to take them knowing that they give you major headaches. A life-sized cut-out of him? Probably something he would do.

But, as you heard the shuffles move toward you and some weird quiet scuffing noises, it stops and you embrace for the surprise.

"Okay," he says slowly. "Open."

As you open one eye, you see Taehyung with a wide grin, but as you looked down to what he was holding, you covered your mouth with your hands in shock. "No, you did not."

"I did," he sings. "Aren't I the best roommate you could ever have?"

It was your pillow.

The pillow that you always had to sleep with in order to fight your sleepless nights. It was the pillow that you were to scared to call your father and ask to bring it due to your promise to him about being independent. The pillow that you didn't think you'd see for a while, until you visited him, but it was right in front of you, in a flesh.

"How'd you get this?" You ask.

"It's called 'calling your father and telling him to mail it'," he says with a cocky tone. "I don't know why you couldn't have just called him."

"I made a promise to him to not call him unless it was an emergency!" You frown as you see the amusement painted on his face. "I could only attend a college far away from home as long as I stay independent!"

"Being sleep-deprived is an emergency," Taehyung states as he shakes his head.

"Well, thank you," you smile. "This means a lot."

"You're welcome. I know you're not going to sleep so well without me—"

Eyes rolling, you smack his arm with your pillow and he dodges it while laughing. "I'm kidding— not really. But, I know that you're going to need the pillow someday. But if you ever need a sleeping buddy, I'm just across the hall."

You smile at him. "Thank you, Tae. Really."

"No worries— oh! Also," he says, digging into his back pocket to reveal something that has been folded 6 times. As he unfolds it, he clears his throats. "As we split ways I believe that it is my duty that I now pronounce that our contract has been officially... nullified."

And you laugh as he tears the written contract down in half.

"I question us sometimes," you admit and you both laugh into fits. As the laughter disseminates into the air and dies down, you only purse your lips together as you stare at each other. "So, what happens now?" And you know the hope in your eyes were painfully evident, but who were you kidding? You could tell they twinkled and glistened as you both stand there, but what on earth were you exactly hoping for? You weren't exactly sure and when the next words rolled off his tongue;

"So, I'll see you around?"

You felt that glistening twinkle of hope in your eyes dwindle and you were left to give a smile.

"Yeah, of course."

.

One night, you got drunk. Count on your new roommate, Joohyun, to get you drunk— in the most safest way possible, of course. However, you realized something in the midst of your nth glass of wine, that you needed to go to someone.

And there you were, Taehyung confused as to why a drunk __ was in front of his doorstep, a huge wave of emotions just washing over you as you were giggling when you felt tears prick your eyes.

"__?" He asks, running a hand through his bed hair.

"I'm sorry," you say, hiccuping. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"__? What are you— come inside."

As he pulls you inside, you feel your mouth release these endless string of words that even confused you. "I'm in love with you and I didn't realize it until I couldn't sleep at night even with my pillow because I realized you're one of the reasons why I can finally sleep well and that's because I feel safe when I'm beside you... and I need to know if you feel the same— if you still feel the same because even with my pillow, I can't feel safe without you and I—"

"Do you want to sleep in my bed for tonight? My roommate went to visit his grandmother for a few days," he finally cuts you off and your endless babbles while pushing you towards his room.  

"No," you meekly push him off, but you see that he was amused at your drunk state. "I need to know—"

"Can you just lie down?" He exasperatingly groans. "It's killing me that you woke me up and you're here and you reek of alcohol and you're apologizing for something you didn't do—"

"Then why— why..."

"Why, what?"

"Why did you say you were in love with me?" You quietly inquire before hiccuping again. "Then when I left, the most you've ever said was a 'hi' to me. Why did you say it? You obviously didn't mean it." And safe to say, you were starting to be fully aware of what you were saying and even though this whole confession and admitting something to the other is scaring the shit out of you, you cleared your throat. "Sorry, I just..."

"Why do you keep apologizing?" Taehyung grumbles and you stare at him. His hair was really messy that it made you giggle inside at the few strands sticking out and bangs all over the place. His pajama choice was a large t-shirt and some checkered pants that you familiarly recognized.

"Because I broke rule number 3," you decreed. "And I broke into our dorm— I mean... your dorm— and I don't know. I guess... I guess I'm sorry for hoping to get an answer from you that I don't even fucking know and I don't know what I'm expecting, but I'm here, sitting on your bed trying to make sense of my own words and I'm... I'm sorry."

He doesn't say anything and you feel yourself grow embarrassed, but as time progresses, you only heard a tired chuckle elicit his mouth. "Well, I broke rule number 3 first." Peeking up at him, you saw that he was wearing that cocky grin you both knew so well and it oddly comforted you. "I don't know what answer you want from me... but what I said to you about being in love with you— it still stays. And safe to say that I still am breaking rule 3, but we'll talk about it tomorrow when you're completely sober."

"Wait," you pause, eyebrow raising. "So... you're still in love with me?"

Taehyung laughs as he kneels down to take your shoes that you would always wear off and set them aside. "When did I—"

"Because if you are," you interrupt as you didn't realize that he was moving around the sheets around you so you could kicked your feet up onto the bed. "I don't mind."

In response, he chuckles and a part of him wishes that he recorded what drunk __ said, but he took the liberty of cherishing the moment of watching your drowsiness take over as you fall into a slumber. And dare he let himself bring his fingers to stroke your hair gently, allowing them to comb through your hair that still smelled like your shampoo.

And in that epoch of contentment, he felt himself smile slightly as he thought that seeing this view in front of him every night and every morning for the rest of his life didn't seem too bad.

that next year

"How did we manage to get the same room together again?" You ask in wonder as you grab your boxes from out of your car.

Taehyung stifles a laugh as he grabs one of your boxes that sat on top of other boxes, while you grabbed another box that you labeled as your desk materials, you smiling at him as he helps you with your stuff. "It's gotta be fate."

You laugh at his reply. "You did something, huh? Let me guess, you probably flirted your way with the RA. Maybe killed someone... no, I bet it's something bizarre... like secretly being the great nephew of the Dean bizarre."

You hear Taehyung laugh at your theories. "Sure, being the secret great nephew of the Dean will work." As you both reach the elevator, you both stand in the silence together until he breaks it first.

"Did you bring your pillow?" He questions and you look at him, a smile growing on your lips as the elevator opens.

Stepping out first, you laugh. "And if I did?" You say as you kick open your front door and set your boxes down into the living area. When you set it down, you were immediately swept off your feet as Taehyung grabs a hold of your waist, pulling you closer, making you squeal at his swift motions.

"Then I guess we don't need to renew our contract," he mutters, making you get goosebumps along your arms. Giggling, you raise your eyebrows at him.

"I guess we don't," you agree.

Taehyung smirks amidst the small proximity between you two. "Then I guess... we can break rule number 3 all we want."

[realexotrash]

Cabin// pt.1

genre: smut (in later parts its full on smut, but in this part it’s just kind of like teasing and watching), fluff, friend!au (kind of?), Masturbastion baekhyun.

warning: graphic smut,masturbation,  PLEASE USE CONDOMS IN REAL LIFE THIS IS JUST A FANFIC PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRACTICE SAFE SEX

length: idk man, pretty long.

Authors note: Hey so like, I’ve been thinking about this for the past two weeks and I just needed to write it out so… enjoy!

pt: 1

                                                           ___

You looked at him through your window. He was sitting on his bed that was up against his window scrolling through something on his computer. He was your next door neighbor and his room was parallel to yours, so even if you didn’t want to see him, you still could. His name is Baekhyun, and he’s a fucking pain in your ass.

You and Baekhyun met when you were in the 7th grade. His family moved into the house right next to yours and you both were the same age so your parents found it fit to introduce you too. Immediately you realized he didn’t like you, he would tease you or just flat out ignore you for no reason and continued his actions throughout the years of school. Even though he was mean to you, you couldn’t retaliate, it just wasn’t in you. There was something about him, the difference between the Baekhyun you know and the boy you watch through your window.

                                                            ___

Chemistry was probably your least favorite class, for reasons 1. you sat next to Baekhyun and felt like you were always on egg shells, and 2. you just weren’t as interested in Chemistry as the rest of your classes.

“Hey, can you keep for fucking window shut you kept me up all night with your music.” you turned your head to see Baekhyun sitting in his desk right next to yours. “Sorry I was up writing an essay, I didn’t know you could hear it.” You said while looking down at your notes trying to frantically write them down as the teacher was going about lightning speed. “Just close your window tonight so I can actually get some fucking sleep.” he spat back to you while packing up to go our next period.

As you were walking out the door to try to make it to your locker he bluntly stood infront of you blocking your path. “We have the trip up to the cabin in two days.” he said while staring down at you. “Yeah I know.” you said, looking down at the floor to try to avoid eye contact. “This year since my brother and his girlfriend are coming, we have to share a room.” You quickly look up at his words “Don’t look so surprised, just bring your own blanket, I’m not sharing mine with you.” with that he turned on his heel and walked in the other direction.

Your families got really close after they moved in next door, even sharing holidays like Christmas and thanksgiving with each other. Every year around the middle of Autumn our families take a trip up to Baekhyun’s family’s cabin in the mountains. You and Baekhyun never had to share a room because you always slept in a room with your sister and he with his brother, but since both our siblings left for college last summer your sister wouldn’t be attending this year. So now, you’re stuck sharing the same room and the same bed with Baekhyun.

                                                               ___

“It gets more and more beautiful every year.” You hear your mom say behind you as you enter the cabin. It is beautiful. The cabin is built with dark stained wood and is flourished with many large windows giving sight to the lake and many trees surrounding it. Its spacious, with 3 decent size bedrooms and a master bedroom in the loft where Baekhyun’s parents sleep.

You make your way to you and Baekhyun’s shared bedroom, setting your things on the bed. “Please try to keep your shit clean.” you hear a voice pipe up from behind you, making you jump. You turn to see Baekhyun in the doorway, his stuff in hand. You take a good look at him.

Mean to you or not, Baekhyun is undeniably beautiful. He has dark brown hair that is messy, but in the best way possible. His eyes are hooded and so dark they’re almost black. He has pink lips that are thin but also somehow plump at the same time. His skin is always a light tan during this time of year making him look like a god that stands before you. He moves from the door frame to his side of the bed, walking with such grace, it takes you everything you have to stop staring at him before he notices. You see him look up at you from the corner of your eye while unpacking. “Did you bring your own blanket?” he says to you and you nod. “Good.” and with that he leaves the room.

                                                               ___

It’s your second night. Last night thing went… how you expected it to. Baekhyun slept as close to the edge as he possibly could and took deep dramatic deep sighs everytime you even attempted to move to get comfortable. Nonetheless sleep wasn’t a thing you really did last night.

You spent most of today reading and on your computer, catching up on the latest shows Netflix had to offer.

“Okay you two, we’ll be back tomorrow morning. Behave yourselves.” Baekhyun’s mom said with her overnight bag in hand. Our parents, and now Baekhyun’s brother being old enough, always go to the ski lodge just about a 30 miles away from the cabin for one night and day during the trip to “have some adult relaxing time”, meaning to freely drink away and eat mediocre sea food for a whole night and day. “Y/n, the keys to the car are on the hook. Don’t go anywhere unless it’s an emergency, understand?” Your Dad told you, putting extra emphasis on anywhere. “Got it. We’ll see you tomorrow night.” You said standing from your seat to give everyone a quick hug goodbye. And they left. Leaving you alone for a whole night, and a whole day with Baekhyun. What are you going to do for that whole time?

You decided since it was late anyway, that going to sleep would be your best option on trying to get through the night. As you entered the room you saw that Baekhyun had the same idea. So you just crawled into bed, willingly letting sleep wash over you.

You woke up about 45 minutes later by your blanket being pulled. You turn over to see Baekhyun as the culprit. “What are you doing?” You ask in a half whisper. Baekhyun responded by scooting closer to you, kind of taking you by surprise. “It’s freezing I can barely feel my toes.” his teeth were chattering as he spoke. As you woke up more you realized you were also freezing. “Okay.” was all you said and you scooted an inch closer to him. You gasped when he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you to his chest. “Sorry, it’s fucking freezing.” he said again. He evenly spread both blankets over the two of you and made sure to wrap his legs around yours. You were frozen, you didn’t know what to do except for to lay there. Minutes passed, and when you saw that he had  finally fallen asleep you relaxed a bit. He was wearing a black t-shirt and some grey sweats, and somehow managed to still look good. His hair was tossed and lips parted as he slept. He had both hands wrapped around your waist joining together at your back while your hands were placed on his chest. He smelled of a husky lavender and his chest felt so prominent under your touch, you laid there feeling how his chest rose and fell. You had never even given him a hug let alone been this close to him before. “You can stop staring at me now and go to sleep.” You heard him saying in a deep sleeping voice. You tensed. How the hell did he know you were staring at him? You didn’t know what to say, “Goodnight.” was all you could manage to get out before trying your best to let sleep take over you once again.

                                                           ___

You woke up to Baekhyun basically suffocating you. His legs locked around yours and his arms constricted around your shoulders and waist. You tried to move but he only shifted a little and squeezed you tighter. “Baekhyun. Baekhyun.” you whispered while tapping his chest a few times. He took a deep breath, finally waking up. “Baekhyun, you’re suffocating me”, he opened his eyes fully and looked down at you. He must’ve found it amusing because he loosened his grip and then let go with a little giggle, “sorry. you’re comfortable.” he spoke in a raspy morning voice, still smiling. Finally able to breath you giggled along, “don’t know if I can say the same about you.” He laughed as he stretched his limbs. “What do you want for breakfast?” You asked turning to him.’Holy shit’. Was honestly all you could think as he sat up. The morning light hit him perfectly; his tan skin glowing and arms flexing as he stretched a second time. All you could do was hold your breath and force yourself to rip your eyes away from him. “There’s pancake mix in the pantry, do you want me to make them?” he said as he turned to you with a light smile. It finally occurred to you that he was being nice for once, actually the first time you’ve ever seen him be nice to you. You nod and he gets up, heading to the kitchen. Everything just seemed… brighter.

You take a quick shower before joining Baekhyun in the kitchen. When you entered he was sitting at the small circle table in front of the large window displaying the beautiful redwood trees eating a stack of pancakes. When he looked up at you his eyes traveled up and down your figure, you were wearing a light grey tank top with a pair of pajama pants sitting at your hips. As you saw his actions you felt your face heat up and immediately regretted your choice of clothes. There was another plate of pancakes and a glass of orange juice sitting in front of the seat across from him, assuming they’re for you, you walk over and sit down in the small wooden dining chair. “Okay wait. Everyone that has ever ate my pancakes says they’re the best damn pancakes on the planet. So you have to tell me what you think, okay?” His eyes were piercing you with pure anticipation as you took a bite. And then another. And then another. “So?” He looked so nervous for your answer, it was actually quite adorable.  You sighed, “I didn’t want to admit it… but these are the best damn pancakes on the planet.” to say he was smiling ear to ear at your words was an understatement. You took another bite, they really were the best pancakes you had ever eaten. “What do you want to do today?” his words shocked you; sure he had been nice all morning, but you really didn’t expect for it to last throughout the day. “Uhmm, I don’t know. We could go swimming?” You said, taking a swig of orange juice. “Yeah, let me go take a shower. I’ll be like 10 minutes.” he stood from the table bringing his dishes to the sink “don’t worry about that, go shower.” you exclaimed while in mid bite. He gave you a small thanks before heading to the bathroom.

As you were finishing washing the dishes, you couldn’t help but think about how everything felt so flipped. Baekhyun was never nice to you, in fact he had never been nice to you once since the day you met him. Why today? You kept thinking about it as you made your way back to the bedroom. Suddenly the bathroom door in the hall just right to you opens, a wet Baekhyun stands in the frame of the door. His hair was wet and hanging over his right eye and you really couldn’t help but let your eyes wander over the rest of his figure. His towel hung loosely from his hips, he had a six pack like none other. His body was made of pure lean muscle with water droplets traveling down it. When you looked back up to meet his gaze, his lips were curled into a smirk. You hurriedly walked, or practically ran, back to your room. Oh god. OH GOD. The last time you saw Baekhyun shirtless was your last trip to the cabin and he did not have that body, not at all. You could barely breath, not only because his body was heavenly, but because he caught you staring at it. For your own sanity you decided to get ready to go swimming instead of thinking about Baekhyun’s body.

When you finally put on your black bathing suit you put on some jean shorts with a simple white t-shirt over and headed to the living room. Baekhyun was standing there, still with only his towel on, “I’ve been waiting for you so I can put on my trunks. Hold on, I’ll only be a minute.” he said to you while you were basically eyeing the floor down trying to avoid eye contact. He returned about a minute later with black swim trunks and the plain black t-shirt he had worn to bed the night before. “You ready?” to which you nodded.

When you stepped outside Baekhyun started walking the opposite direction of the lake that was no more than 20 feet away. “Where are you going? The lake is right there.” He turned around “you don’t think I know that? Come on.” he gestured for you to follow him and you complied by going to his side to see where he was going to take you.

After about 20 minutes of walking through the literal woods, you came across a beautiful small body of water. On one side it had a wall of rock with moss and water falling from it creating a small water fall. It was surrounded by small flowers and you could see the water was clear and clean. “My brother and I used to come swim here when we were little. I’ve never seen anyone else here, it’s kind of like our secret.” Baekhyun uttered while looking at the water in remembrance. He was the first to remove his shirt and shoes to step into the water and you followed soon after, still taking in the beauty of the scenery around you. When you looked down into the water, Baekhyun was fixated on your body, following every curve until he met your eyes and quickly looked away. Your face was on fire, you quickly stepped into the water so he couldn’t see you. You both had a fun time, swimming around, splashing each other, having an actual good time with Byun Baekhyun.

On your way back to the cabin you realized you had nothing to cook for lunch, “hey I’m gonna go to the grocery store. There’s nothing to eat for lunch, do you want anything specific?” you asked him still walking towards the now visible house. “Get me milky way will you?” you laughed at his choice and quickly ran inside to grab the car keys. “I’m gonna take a nap I’m so tired.” he exclaimed, heading to the room. “Okay, I’ll be back in like 30 minutes. I’ll be quiet when I come in.” He nodded and disappeared into the hallway that leads to the rooms.

On your way back to the cabin pissed that you drove to the store and it ended up being closed due to the fact that it’s Sunday. You cursed yourself as you parked the car. You assumed that Baekhyun had already fell asleep so you walked in as quietly as you could manage. Sitting on the couch, you were about to open your laptop when you heard it. A low moan coming from the bedroom, followed by another soon after. Something brought you to your feet and now you found yourself tiptoeing towards the room. The door was cracked a few inches, giving direct sight to the bed. That’s when you see him. His head is thrown back, mouth slightly parted allowing more moans to slip past his lips. As your eyes travel farther down you see that his hand is wrapped tightly around his cock, pumping it at a medium pace. You focus on his cock, the tip is swollen red and glistening from his precum. His slender fingers travel up just to come back down. You should not be watching this, you should not keep watching this. You’re trying to convince yourself to turn around and walk away when your name falls from his lips in a moan. He was thinking of you. He said it again soon followed by another moan. You can’t help the wetness that’s taking over between your legs. Your heartbeat is in your clit, pounding and begging for some friction. You unbutton your shorts and let your hand travel into your panties. You find your clit and sigh as you relieve some tension. ‘This is wrong’ you keep telling yourself, but can’t break your eyes away from the sight in front of you. He speeds up his movements trying to chase his release. Your legs are shaking from how turned on you’ve become, you’ve never wanted someone so badly in your life. Baehyun’s breath become ragged, his hand movements becoming sloppier and sloppier, you’re also on the brink of your release as you rub your clit to try to match the speed of his hand. “Fuckk y/n”, that’s all it takes for you to be covering your mouth trying to ride out your orgasm while watching him the best you can. He releases a series of high pitch moans, and with his head thrown back he cums while moaning your name. When he rides out his release he relaxes, laying there with his eyes closed. You decide that this would be a good time to fake your coming home.

You open and close the front door and make sure to jingle the keys to let him know that you’re home. You hear frantic rustling from the bedroom, until he emerges. “Hey, why are you home so soon? Where my Milky Way?” he stands there with a fake pout and his arms crossed. “ The store was closed because it’s Sunday. I tried to drive around to see if I could find another one that was open but I couldn’t. Guess were having pb&j’s for lunch.” he smiled at the suggestion. “good enough for me.” he departed for the kitchen. “Hey, I thought you were gonna take nap.” you tried to sound like you didn’t know that he was just rubbing one off to you. “Couldn’t sleep.” When you were just about to say something Baekhyun’s phone started to ring.

“Hey mom. Yeah were okay. PB&J’s. We had pancakes. Yes I made the pancakes. We’re doing fine. No were not gonna do that today. Okay Mom. What? Another couple days? Yeah that’s fine. Okay. I love you too. Okay bye.” He ended the call and looked at you, “I guess the lodge is having some kind of autumn retreat, and they all want to stay for a couple more days. So it’s just you and me until Friday.”

[vintagebeverly]

autumn leaves (reddie) chapter two

Eddie hasn’t seen the trees change colors since he was a kid, so Richie deems that the two of them should take a road trip to Derry and see the trees change colors. Cue lots of bad car karaoke, too much coffee, and Eddie absolutely losing his mind over the gorgeous reds, oranges, and yellows of the fall leaves.

Or the one in which Eddie hates Richie, of course, until he falls in love with him.

Words: 1609

Warnings: lots of swearing, underage smoking (sorta)

Genre: tooth-rotting fluff with angst mixed in

read chapter one here

“Our first stop is the lovely sight-seeing deck on the outskirts of this shitty town.” Richie shouted over the wind hollering in their ears. He refused to have the windows of the car up while the weather was so beautiful.

“Oh no, no useless stops, Richie!” Eddie sighed. He knew Richie would stop at nothing to bother him, even if it meant altering his travel plans. Richie turned to face Eddie for a brief moment before focusing on the road again.

“It’s not useless, Eds,” he explained, “It really is a lovely little place. Just this once, and we won’t make anymore extra stops.”

“Fine.” was all Eddie said as he stared at the trees flashing by. Richie smiled. He continued to drive down the long load, looking to the boy at his side every now and then. Eddie seemed somewhat unhappy, but Richie hardly noticed. The cool autumn air and the wind flowing through his long, curly hair while he was sat next to the boy of his dreams made everything okay. While the leaves on the trees in this small town were merely gone, he still believed the town to be beautiful because of the boy who lived in it.

When they reached their destination, it was almost sundown. Once Eddie was out of the car, Richie grabbed his hand and lead him up some wooden steps to the promised observation deck. Eddie felt miserable as he was forced to be there, but he found solace in the sunset. Orange, purple, and pink hues splashed together to create a breathtaking scenery, and that wasn’t even the best part. Not to him, at least. He looked down and saw nothing but homes. People walked around, rode on bikes, even greeted each other. It reminded him of how his life used to be, back in Derry. Sure, he kept in touch with his close friends such as Bill and Beverly, but he missed the way things were. A voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Why are you looking down there? Isn’t the sunset beautiful?” Richie sighed dreamily. Eddie looked at him, and back at the sky. He watched as the clouds slowly moved and drew in a breath slowly. He felt the sun rays on his face and closed his eyes, then turning to look at Richie again. He didn’t even think twice about the other boy staring back at him. Richie leaned in, slowly.

“Let’s get out of here, it’s getting dark.” Eddie turned on his heel and started walking down the wooden steps. Richie followed him quickly, almost tripping a handful of times. As they were back in the car, day turned to night and light to dark. They drove in silence with the windows up. Richie dug around in his pocket, found a cigarette, and went to light it. “What the fuck are you doing?” Richie’s head whipped around to see Eddie staring at him in horror.

“Just going for a smoke, Eds, it’s fine.” Richie had been smoking since he was fifteen, so he didn’t see the big deal. Of course, he had never done it in front of Eddie before, but that had only been by chance. He realized Eddie was uncomfortable with the smoke filling his lungs, but they were his lungs, and if he wanted to fuck them up, he could.

“It’s not fine, I don’t want that anywhere near me. Do you know the dangers of secondhand smoke?” asked Eddie. Richie sighed and put the cigarette back in his pocket. He didn’t want to ruin his good mood, and arguing with Eddie would do just that. “Thank you.” Eddie’s tone was highly irritated, but Richie knew he would calm down within a matter of minutes. As the clock hit three am, Eddie drifted off to sleep while Richie hummed a soothing tune to himself. Richie had had problems with sleep, staying awake until ungodly hours of the morning just because he couldn’t control the thoughts running through his mind where the norm. Of course, when the clock hit four am, all Richie could think about was the boy in the passenger seat. Eddie had been acting strange as of late, but Richie, with his filtered hearing, hadn’t really picked up on it until that very moment. He seemed to snap at Richie often, too often for comfort. Perhaps he was just adjusting to the move. Of course this explanation couldn’t have been right, he had moved two years earlier, but Richie stuck with that theory, as it made the most sense to him at the moment. Yes, Eddie just missed his home and was taking it out on those near to him. That was all.

“Morning sleepy head!” Richie greeted as Eddie sat up in--wait, a bed?

“Where are we?” he questioned, starting to get sort of pissed off.

“Found this cute little motel at the state border. I was just gonna take a piss, but the staff were so friendly I decided we had to stay the night!” Richie clasped his hands together, “Actually, I was just fucking tired and wanted to sleep. You snore a lot, you know that?” He took a sip of the water bottle he was holding.

“Shut up,” Eddie threw the covers off of himself and got up, still fully clothed, and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. “Wait… did you carry me in here?”

Richie spat out the water he was drinking.

“You were heavy, too.” he played it off. Eddie held back a smile. Being with Richie had Eddie feeling some type of way. He felt as if he needed to hate him, he even wanted to, but he couldn’t. He could hardly breathe when he was around the taller, curly haired boy, and he wondered why. How come it stressed him out to no end to sit next to Richie? To even be near him? His heart stopped whenever the boy spoke for fuck’s sake. Eddie shook his head and turned to Richie.

“Where’s my stuff? I’m gonna shower and then we’re out of here.” he questioned. Richie smirked and strode over to him. He seemed more smug than usual.

“In the car,” he answered, and before Eddie could even get another word out, Richie pulled a sweater from his suitcase. “Wear this.” he said as he held the sweater up the Eddie. It almost went down to the boy’s knees. Eddie felt his face heat up.

“You’re an asshole.” He snatched the sweater out of Richie’s hands and turned around, closing the bathroom door behind him. He heard Richie snicker behind the door as he started the shower.

Richie bit his lip as Eddie stepped out of the bathroom in his sweater. His hair was damp and curly, his freckles popping out at Richie like they never had before. Eddie looked at him, with a gorgeous yet confused look on his face. Richie cleared his throat, but continued to look Eddie up and down before speaking up.

“Let’s get outta here.” And within the blink of an eye, they were checked out and back in the car, windows down and music loud. Eddie stared at Richie in awe, watching him sing loudly to the lyrics of whatever Guns N Roses or Beatles song was playing at the moment. He analyzed his face, watching as his chapped lips moved in time with the music, his head bobbing up and down, his curls loosely framing his face. He watched as his fingers tapped the steering wheel while his eyes were fixated on the road. Richie glanced at Eddie and smiled, Eddie whipping his head around, pretending to look at something else. Richie looked at the clock, seeing it was 11 am, and sped up a bit.

“What’re you doing?” Eddie softly asked. Richie smirked and sped up more.

“There’s no traffic on this old road, is there?” he asked. Eddie supposed there wasn’t, and Richie started to go faster and faster. They zoomed down the country road and Eddie watched as dead trees turned to bushes, and soon bushes turned to nothing but dirt. He knew they were going to get lost, but at the moment he didn’t care. Usually, he would be anxious about such things, but he found comfort in driving down this particular road with the music loud. He smiled and turned to look at Richie again, who was basically screaming the lyrics of the songs at this point. Eddie thought of a million reasons why this should’ve been dangerous, but he felt safe with Richie there. He didn’t dare look at the speed monitor, after all, it didn’t even matter to him how fast they were going. It didn’t even feel like driving on a road anymore, more like floating above it. Everything seemed to disappear around him as he looked at Richie. His scream-singing, the music itself, and the loudness of the wind passing by the windows was tuned out. Everything was silent and everything was Richie. The sun shined down on Richie’s face, illuminating his freckles, creating a glare in his glasses, and lighting up every inch of his soft, brown hair. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off him. He finally found the strength to speak.

“Are we lost?” his anxiety seemed to get the best of him. The sudden speech gave Richie a fright and he slowed down almost immediately. He turned to Eddie and smiled.

“Do you feel lost?” he asked, “‘Cause I don’t.” Now it was Eddie’s turn to smile. He supposed the feeling of being lost hadn’t even materialized itself within him.

“No,” he paused, “It’s more like… I feel found.”

a/n: this is the gAYEST SHIT ive ever written in my life and i;m sorry,,,,, but it’s gonna get more fluffy from here,, also angst is coming so just u wait;;;;,,

[minsmk]

my personal rating of all of the trolley shows pre "default from winter to fall" change this year

hi I'm bored and I want to write about the trolley show at mk. this year the seasons have been changed, every season from winter to Christmas had their own costumes music and choreography, for some reason this year, winter, spring, and summer change costumes but choreography and music are the same as "winter" or "default". I will rate the seasons by costume, music, choreography and overall best trolley season. btw Christmas trolley will be called "Holly jolly" and default will be called "winter". COSTUMES this is the best place to start imo. in the old days trolley stayed the same all year round with boring red white and blue costumes and the "step inside the storybook" song from the train opening (rip) along with the trolley theme and a few others. in 2013 limited time magic (I think) allowed there to be trolley seasons so now we have a different show (or at least we use to) every season. these include cute costumes that are different for each "trolley kid" couple. 5: Holly Jolly. probably the most boring with color variation and costume piece variation. basically just cream, red, and green. although this season has some super cute hats for the girls and top hats for the boys so that's cute at least, also the brooches are cute. 4: Summer. in the same vein as holly jolly, there are only three colors used although there is more variation in both boys and girls costume pieces. the bows are super cute too, but still not the best color or costume wise. 3: Autumn/Fall. I feel like this is the most balanced and neutral season for costumes. the rich oranges, greens, burgundys ect are super pretty and go really well with the fall decorations of mainstreet. I also really like the hats. 2: Winter. I would tie this with the winner but they aren't using the blue/yellow costume which is the cutest one next to the green one. these costumes scream trolley and are honestly so rainbow and cute I can't help but love them. 1: Spring. one word, pastels! the pastel and cream combo with the spats and cute hats (oh look a rhyme) just go together so cute and really I'm just so obsessed with the spring costumes. MUSIC music choices for trolley are super important, you don't want to be bored by the choices but you want something that makes sense and sticks. 5: Holly Jolly. holiday classics and super cute but it kind of got old the more I went to go see it. the "most wonderful time of the year" and "jingle bells" being the segments were super cute and I liked them a lot. but not enough to rate any higher. 4: Winter. maybe it's because winter is now the perma season but I feel like it's gotten a bit old and I've probably gone to see it the same amount of times as autumn/fall. the choices are cute and I love the song from enchanted and Sunday clothes as the segments but it gets old kind of quick, it does feel Classic mk to me though. 3: Autumn/Fall. I think this seriously is the most balanced season, the theme is a total ear worm along with the segments being super good too. 2: Spring. this one is also an ear worm and the theme will never get out of your head until like two days later, like I'll just be sitting there eating a mug cake and watching like a YouTube makeup video and all of the sudden "SUN'S GETTIN' SHINERY! TO SPOTLIGHT THE FINERY!! SPRING! SPRING! SPRING!" starts playing in my head. the segment choices are super adorable too. 1: Summer. despite my issues with the costumes I'm even more obsessed with the summer trolley music than the spring trolley. it is honestly the best choices and really makes me think of summer and Main Street usa. CHOREOGRAPHY this is a hard one because some seasons I've only seen once live and have to rely on videos where I might not be able to see the blocking really well. 5: Winter. I do think winter is the most basic of seasons in all of trolley. some of the choreography is cute (the enchanted one, the picture taking in Sunday clothes, and the "it's the heart of America the heartbeat of a holiday" section) but it just is too simplistic at times. simplicity isn't bad but I love seeing Disney take advantage of amazing dancers and give them amazing choreography to work with. winter is cute but I'm an okay to decent dancer and I could learn the entire thing myself. 4: Holly Jolly. holly jolly has some great moments that IMO stack up better next to winter. jingle bells, the lifts at the end of show, are some of my favorites and most wonderful time of the year is adorable as well. I think winter and holly jolly could be both in this place but I feel like the use of props in holly jolly is what makes it just a tad better. 3: Autumn/Fall. again super balanced. I love the "shine on harvest moon" as well as the other. the opener and just choreography in general never got old and I saw autumn trolley a whole lot. 2: Spring. spring has one of the cutest openers choreography wise as well as the second best use of props. the newspapers and umbrellas are so adorable and honestly this season is just the cutest. both segment's choreography works so well and yeah I miss it so much. 1: Summer. summer trolley truthfully besides the costume is probably my favorite season. i love the "summertime is summertime" segment so much as well as the other one of course. the lifts work super well and they have the BEST use of props this season. OVERALL this is tough because it's purely my opinion. funny enough my opinion of mrff seasons is opposite of this. 5: Holly Jolly. as cute as holly jolly is its just not my favorite and I love Christmas! I think I saw it about two times this season and I was like ehh it's cute. the choreography is its good point but the music is simple and kind of basic as well as the costumes being pretty boring to look at IMO. but it does fit the season and has some cute stuff. 4: Winter. maybe I'm just annoyed at the fact that this is the perma season but the costumes are the only thing that really rate high for me. the choreography is cute at times but super simplistic and there's no use of props what so ever. I think the music is a good choice and fits main street super well. 3: Autumn/Fall. the most balanced season IMO. the costumes are pretty cute the music doesn't get old and the choreography and use of props is awesome. I saw this about 4 or 5 times this season and I wasn't sick of it at all. in fact I was sad to see it switched out. it was the first season of trolley I made a bound for. 2: Spring. very cute very pastel very spring. the actual season of spring is not my favorite but the trolley season is. with great costumes, choreography, and music it's super cute and one of my faves. I also love all of the flowers they put on the trolley! 1: Summer. I think besides the boring costumes that summer is the best season music and choreography wise as well as just feeling super "main street USA" to me and the season that made me fall in love with the trolley show. I love the fans and little umbrellas and it just feels so classic to me. thank you for wasting your time reading about the trolley show and how much I obsess over it. I may or may not do a mrff one at some point but I was inspired by the spring trolley costumes coming back so I wanted to rate the seasons. thanks