#it was a very sketchy reverse right parallel

[sketch-bird]

Judged! In The Parking Lot 

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Baby You Were My Picket Fence [Chapter 3: Light My Fire]

You are a first grade teacher in sunny Los Angeles, California. Ben Hardy is the father of your most challenging student. Things quickly get complicated in this unconventional love story.  

Song inspiration: Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy.

Chapter warnings: Language.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing) HERE

Taglist: @blushingwueen @queen-turtle-boiii @everybodyplaythegame @onceuponadetectivedemigod @luvborhap @sincereleygmg @stormtrprinstilettos @loveandbeloved29 @ohtheseboysilove @jennyggggrrr @vanitysfairr @bramblesforbreakfast @radiob-l-a-hblah @xox-talia-xox @killer-queen-xo 

You open the front door and there he is: black button-up shirt, navy jeans, chic but not overdressed. His hair is neatly gelled back from his forehead. In his arms are a lug wrench, a car jack, and a brand new tire wrapped in an oversized, floppy red bow like a Christmas present.

“I think normal guys bring flowers,” you comment.

“I figured...since you’re automotively illiterate and all...you probably hadn’t gotten around to replacing the spare yet.” He shoots a glance at your Elantra, then announces victoriously: “I was right!”

“Mr. Hardy...Ben...I really can’t allow you to perform any more free labor.”

“Five minutes,” he calls over his shoulder as he trots to your car. He has trouble with one of the lug nuts, so it takes him six and a half.

“You can come inside,” you tell him once he’s finished. “I won’t be long, I just have to water my plants.”

Ben raises an eyebrow. It’s dark and rather undomesticated, yet endearing. “I feel like there must be better stalling tactics than that. If you’ve got cold feet, I can handle rejection.” But what he can’t do is disguise the way his shoulders slump, the way he bites the corner of his lower lip apprehensively.

“No, really, it’s totally stupid, but I’m really trying not to kill this batch and if I don’t water them now I’m going to be stressing about it until I get home, and I don’t want to be thinking about houseplants all night, I want to be thinking about...” You wave your hand towards Ben inarticulately. “You know. You.”

He smiles, showing his teeth, his eyes lit up like embers, flickering and radiant and warm. “Take your time, Martha Stewart.” 

“My parents give me so much hell for this,” you call back to him as you flutter around the living room, standing on your tiptoes and reaching around furniture to water your peace lilies and spider plants and devil’s ivy and one wilting ponytail palm. “They’re farmers. They’re professional life-givers. I’m lucky if I can keep the cactuses alive.”

You hear Ben rambling around the kitchen. “I hope your nurturing skills are at least marginally better with first graders.”

You laugh, nodding even though he can’t see you. “I’m alright with those. I’m just more of a rock person than a plant person. Gems and minerals and volcanic glass...fossils and bones and teeth...that’s where the magic is for me.”

“I can see that. Dinosaurs are well-represented in your extensive fridge magnet collection.” There are clicks and scrapes as he rearranges them: prehistoric animals and tiny planets, peace signs and alphabet letters and cross-sections of agate. “These are so cool!” he exclaims.  

You bustle back into the kitchen, place your watering can in the sink, and wipe your hands with a dishtowel patterned with cartoon brontosauruses. “Ready?” Your eyes flick to the refrigerator. He’s organized your magnets into a giant smiley face. It’s ridiculous, it’s juvenile; but you feel this liberatingly simple joy flooding through you like early autumn air. And the way Ben’s grinning at you—a little mischievous, a little proud—reminds you so much of Eli that your breath catches in your throat. You have no idea who Eli’s mother was, but her genetics were omnipotent; it’s almost impossible to find any of Ben in him at all. But every once in a while there’s an unconscious gesture, an off-kilter smile, and suddenly you can see the common threads that wove them into being like spiders’ webs.

“Ready,” Ben agrees.

You smooth your dress as you slip into the passenger’s seat of his Lexus, placing your purse between your feet, checking your hair and makeup in the sun visor mirror. Ben glances over at you as he shifts the car into reverse and roars out of your driveway. Your hands aren’t shaking, your heartbeat is hushed, there’s no hot rushing blood in your cheeks or ears; this shocks you. It’s eerie how inexplicably at ease you are.

“Find something good,” he says, pointing to the radio.

You seize the dial. “Uh oh. My first test?”

He smiles, his eyes on the road now. “Choose something lame and I abandon you at the nearest sketchy-looking gas station.”

You flip through stations until you find Somebody To Love. “I work hard, every day of my life, I work ‘til I ache in my bones...” “Okay, how I’d do?”

Ben steals a suspicious peek over at you. “Are you fucking with me?”

“What?” you ask, bewildered. “No, why?”

He shakes his head. “Never mind. You definitely pass. You’re a Queen person?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely, I adore Queen. Most classic rock, actually.”

“So have you, uh...” He touches his chin thoughtfully, what you’re quickly realizing is a little nervous tic. It’s cute as hell. Goddammit, daddy demon, stop being so fucking perfect. “Did you ever see Bohemian Rhapsody?” But something gives you the impression he already knows you haven’t.

“Not yet,” you confess.

“Not interested?”

“It’s not that, I just...” You hesitate, trying to put it into words. “I know it did well and all. But I guess I’m skeptical of anyone trying to play Freddie Mercury. He was a legend, he was one of a kind. So are the rest of them. Those are massive shoes to fill. It seems like setting the actors up to pale in comparison.”

“I’ve heard it was pretty good,” Ben presses, almost teases.

“Yeah, maybe...”

“And Rami won the Oscar. So his portrayal must have been satisfactory.”

“Okay, oh my god, I’ll see it, are you happy now? Were you on the marketing team or what?”

You’re only half-serious, but Ben chuckles evasively. “So you like old rocks and old music,” he pivots. “But not old not-boyfriends. Except Jeff Goldblum.”

“This is news to me. I sincerely thought you were sixty.”

He laughs, a full gutsy laugh this time, a laugh that says he’s caught-off guard and thrilled about it. “That’s okay. I’m into old stuff too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Old music, classic rock, just like you. But old books too.”

“Gatsby?”

His eyebrows leap up; you’re watching his face as streetlamps illuminate the car in reiterating flashes like a spinning pulsar. God, he’s beautiful. “How’d you guess that?”

“Eli’s middle name is Fitzgerald. That’s not a common one.”

“Ah,” Ben says, and his full lips turn up at the edges into a smile, proudly, fondly.

“I really like it.” That’s the truth; Eli’s a handful and that’s a titanic understatement—though he has been better the last few days, the only blip on the upward trend being his attempt to convince Brayden to eat a live cricket by paying him in Oreos—but his name is classic and elegant and a few literary references here and there never hurt anyone.

“Yeah, that was me,” Ben reveals. “His mother insisted on choosing his first name, I think she heard Eli somewhere and just liked the sound of it. But she let me pick the middle name. And The Great Gatsby was always my favorite book...and The Beautiful and the Damned, and This Side of Paradise?! Freaking incredible. In my humble opinion F. Scott Fitzgerald is a certifiable genius. So...Eli Fitzgerald.” There’s a color in his voice you can’t quite read: the golden yellow of reminiscence, the murky blue of loss, the grey nothingness of depression, the bloody maroon of deep pain or resentment. Who was she, Ben? How did she hurt you? And could I ever fill those hollow places you’re carrying around like pocket change?

He asks how Eli is doing in class, and you tell him; you ask about his favorite classic rock bands, and he answers: Boston and AC/DC and The Stones and Queen. His Lexus cruises by your go-to dinner spots—the affordable chains like Noodles and Co. and Panera and Chipotle—then past the mid-level raw vegan and farm-to-table joints, and finally into the neighborhood reserved for fine dining establishments with three-figure price tags and reservations booked up months in advance.

“Uh...” you begin. “I don’t think we’re going to get a spot at a place down here.”

“Think again.” He parallel parks with absurd ease in front of an Italian-Japanese fusion restaurant called Nejire. There’s a line of people in suits and evening gowns waiting at the door. You feel like a minnow in a shark tank.

“Ben...”

He comes around to your side of the car, opens the door, and holds out his hand. “You trust me?”

Do I? You take his hand in yours like a life raft. “Don’t let me down, Mr. Hardy.”

Unpredictably, fantastically, he brings your knuckles to his lips. “You got it.”

He spirits you inside, past the line of waiting customers, past the hostess and waitresses; they glimpse up and nod at Ben as he draws you through the main dining room and back to a VIP table in a dimly-lit, quiet corner of the restaurant. Oh, you realize with awe and trepidation. He’s an important guy.

You take your seat and open a menu as waitresses array full glasses of water and wine across the table. There’s nothing under fifty dollars. You flip to the salad page, searching desperately.

“What are you doing?” Ben asks gently.

“Um, nothing, just browsing...”

“You’re not paying for any of this,” he says point-blankly.  

“That’s not very feminist of you,” you quip, but on the inside you’re sinking. This is too much, this is way too much. I can’t let him do this for me.

“I’ll explain later. Trust me, we’re good. Order something expensive or I’ll do it for you.”

“I’m a teacher, Ben. My idea of luxury is Olive Garden.”

He grins at you boldly, almost roguishly. “Oh we are going to have so much fun together, Miss Y/L/N.”

Orders are placed, wine is sipped, appetizers are ferried to the table. As you nibble on ahi tuna tartare and caprese sushi, you find yourself lost in how Ben motions wildly with his hands as he tells stories, how his large emerald-or-jade-or-malachite eyes gleam when he’s animated, how his voice is so rich and deep and yet mild, how it suddenly feels like you’ve known him your entire life. Oh no. Oh no, I like this guy a LOT.

Ben abruptly stops eating and cracks his knuckles. “So there’s something I need to tell you. Since we’re...” Air quotes. “Not dating.”

Oh fuck. He’s married or something. “Okay. I’m listening.”

“It’s about my job.”

Whew. “Ah yes, your elusive profession. You can tell me the truth if you’re a dogwalker or a circus clown or something. It’s always nice to out-earn someone. Actually, dogwalkers in L.A. probably make more than me...”

“I’m an actor.”

“Oh,” you reply cautiously. “Like, for tv shows or independent films?”

“No,” he says, amused. “For major films.”

I knew he was too fucking gorgeous to be a normal person. What am I doing here? “Like what?”

“Well, recently, Bohemian Rhapsody.”

You choke on the white wine you’re drinking and cough and gasp into your cloth napkin.

“You okay?” Ben asks. “Don’t die. You can’t die yet. You haven’t tried their tempura crème brûlée.”

“You...” You cough once more. “You were in the movie that made $900 million dollars...?”

He grins toothily. “So you were keeping up with it!”

“It was hard to miss that tidbit. It was all over the news. BoRhap won the Golden Globe.” Your head is spinning. “You’re an actor,” you repeat.

“I played Roger Taylor.” The brilliant, obscenely good-looking drummer, the man who wrote Radio Ga Ga and These Are The Days Of Our Lives and A Kind Of Magic.

“Oh my god, Ben!”

“I mean, I’ve been in other things too—”

“Ben!”

“Look, relax, we’re cool. I’m not telling you this to freak you out, I’m just explaining that you don’t have to worry about dropping a few hundred bucks at dinner. You have a right to know who I am if we’re going to be...involved. And there’s something else.” He wrings his hands. “I have to be...discrete about my personal life. Try to stay under the radar.” But now that effortless comfort is strained somehow, weighted, ominous; Ben averts his eyes. There’s a presence in the room like a storm cloud, trapped pulsing lightening igniting the opacity from within.

“Sure,” you say, thinking that a life in the spotlight can’t always be easy. “Lowkey. I got it.”

“Awesome.” He’s relieved.

“I have to keep it on the down-low too. I’m a pretty important person myself. A bunch of six-year-olds would lose their minds if they knew about my extracurricular activities. They would color such scandalous pictures in art class. Premarital dinner dates, maybe even handholding. Yikes.”

That makes Ben chuckle; the shadow is nearly lifted. “Keep drinking, Miss Y/L/N. I’m loving this.”

And it should feel weird or frightening or wrong that he’s using the word love this soon, this casually; but it doesn’t at all. It feels anything but wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~

Your feet are on your kitchen floor, your palms empty. Ben’s fidgeting around, his hands in and out of his jean pockets; it seems like he’s trying to say goodbye, but maybe he’s not.

“So...” he ventures.

You wonder if he’ll touch you, if he’ll kiss you. You try to catch his eyes, but they’re everywhere except meeting yours. “Hold that thought.”

You dash down the hall to your bathroom to smooth your hair, touch up your makeup, swish some Listerine. On the way back to the kitchen, you stop in the living room to check on your plants. If it’s possible, they look a little perkier than they did when you left a few hours ago. You run your fingertips over the broad leaves of your peace lilies, smiling faintly to yourself. “Maybe we’re going to make it after all,” you whisper.

You hear the distinct clicking sound of iPhone texting. “Oh shit,” Ben mutters from the kitchen. “I’m sorry, I gotta go, Y/N, okay? I gotta run. But I’ll call you. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay, just a sec...” But by the time you rush into the kitchen to say goodbye, Ben is gone, the screen door swinging forlornly. Puzzled, you lock the door behind him as headlights flare to life in the driveway and swiftly retreat into the night. Then you turn around.

Your fridge magnets are rearranged again, this time in the shape of a heart.

[bryonysimcox]

Wake-up Somewhere Different Every Day: Week 40, Spain

Autumn has arrived, the pandemic continues to turn plans on their head, and I’m finally back to writing in this blog. This week I reflect on what it’s been like to move back into the van full-time, and the intense highs and lows it brings.

You wake up somewhere different every day. Well not quite every day, as you return to favourite spots and stay two or three nights in a row in one place if you’re particularly settled. But in general, living in a van affords you the experience of a new setting to see each day in, to wake up to. Sounds idyllic, huh? Well it’s that same ever-different aspect of vanlife which also brings with it uncertainty, lack of stability and absolutely no rhythm or routine to ground yourself in. 

(images) Some of the (more picturesque) spots we’ve found to stay at

This intense uncertainty is what I’ve been grappling with since we moved back into the van over six weeks ago. And I think it’s probably also what’s stopped me from getting back into the routine of writing on a frequent basis - which is why this blog post is so long overdue! But I knew that I’d have to start writing again at some point, and that writing would help me express the joys and frustrations of the past few months. As ever, I hope this blog resonates with you and perhaps makes you feel less alone in the frustrating, topsy-turvy year that 2020 has turned out to be.

I think humans aren’t used to things being out of our control. The parallel between the Covid pandemic and living in a van is that they have both taken things out of our control, big time.

It has occurred to me that one of the ‘privileges’ of life in a ‘developed’ Western place is that the future feels like it’s ours for the taking. We can plan to go to university, to travel or to build a career, and we can have our own neatly little packaged-up goals and milestones that we want to achieve. We book weddings years in advance and think nothing will come along and stop them. Heck, we book a table at a restaurant in a week’s time and assume that we’ll be able to walk right in and sit down!

Covid-19, and the measures in place to curb it, have stripped us of that privilege. It has meant cancelled weddings, less eating out and plans changed. Even as I write this we were set to be eating with friends in Valencia City Centre, but measures which came into effect at midnight last night put a halt to that too, as gatherings of more than six people are now prohibited. And whilst this has largely been a painful privilege to lose, I think (and hope) it is at least bringing us more into the present, and less fixated on the future.

(images, left to right) Exploring Valencia’s Old Town, another wild swimming spot (my favourite activity!) and some van pals

As someone who loves to plan and prepare, I think I’ve chosen to live in a van as a way to live more in the ‘now’, and to challenge that desire to predict and control everything.

‘Living in the now’ might sound awfully wholesome, but it’s also been a bloody pain in the arse at times too! Take for example the nights we go to bed planning to do a solid day of work editing videos the next morning, only to wake up to overcast skies. With two laptops running editing software and no sun coming in, our solar power system won’t hold out all day, and we have to bite the bullet and pay for a campsite with power. Or there’s the time I hand-washed some of our clothes and hung them out to dry in the completely-empty forest spot we’d parked up in, only to come back from a run and discover someone had stolen my underwear! And there was the night we were awakened at half three in the morning by a couple who had (rather forcefully) reversed into the van, and smashed our indicator and bumper...

I’m able to laugh about these things now, but at the time I wanted to scream out loud, cry, or a mixture of both. George can vouch for the fact that I’ve said “why can’t we just live a normal life?!” countless times too. It’s things like these that reinforce my inner desire to not rely on factors outside of my control, like the weather and the kindness of humans and the regulations put in place by governments and the mechanical performance of a 25-year-old Japanese van.

But just as things feel like they’re all getting too much, life throws you a reminder to listen to the other voice in your head, the one that tells you to go for it and embrace uncertainty.

Embracing uncertainty has paid off nine times out of ten. It’s my responsibility to put the one rubbish thing into context to the nine good things - the many times we’re able to easily work with our laptops and enjoy the Valencian sun powering our renewable energy system; the days I’ve hung up washing under the van awning against an incredible natural view all for free; the comfortable nights we’ve spent parked up in places without people reversing into us!

Add to that the freedom this lifestyle affords us, and I’m beginning to feel the sense of gratitude melting away my icy bitterness. That very freedom has meant that despite a global pandemic, George and I have had the pleasure of really getting to know the Valencian region. We’ve been down the coast to Alicante, inland to the ancient town of Cuenca, up into Aragon to discover the old town of Albarracin, and spent plenty more time in and around the city of Valencia too. We’ve driven along sketchy roads, swum in reservoirs and rivers, woken up surrounded by wild deer and all the while made a bunch of videos.

(images) Exploring Alicante

(images) Exploring Cuenca

When we started this ‘trip’, the goal was all about driving as far as we could. Now, I’m trying to embrace what living in a van offers me, outside of just helping me drive as far as possible. 

So - I’m embracing uncertainty and I’m embracing gratitude, or at least I’m trying to. Part of the value of writing this stuff down is it serves as a sort of commitment to myself to keep trying. As the ongoing restrictions of the pandemic have ground me down and the isolation of vanlife has left me weary, I’ve needed to find tools to cope, and writing stuff down is one of them. It can all get a bit much when George and I live with each other 24/7 in a 4m2 space and then we rely on each other for emotional support too, so a pen and paper (or keyboard) can be a great alternative counsellor!

There’s been plenty more going on this end that I’d struggle to cram into a blog post. But the long and short of it is that we’re back in the van, and that as with many things in life, it’s not all perfect. But it’s GOOD.

(images) Different days, different views, same feet!

Suzi the Van has been a bit of a handful, and we’ve discovered more teething issues (both in terms of mechanics and interior fit-out) than we’d like. But we’re also asking this van to facilitate a lifestyle we couldn’t have imagined we’d be living, where we’re running a video production company in and around Valencia. This ‘pause’ in the plan of travelling the open  road is sort of turning into a twist in the road instead, where it’s giving us a chance to rethink plans entirely, and even consider the possibility of getting a different van in the future.

In the meantime, this red Toyota HiAce continues to be our home and brings with it some wild and wacky stories. Plus, we get to wake up somewhere different every day, and that’s something.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Has anyone compared/contrasted Lucifer pulling Mary into the AU at the end of s12 and Sam and Michael in "Swan Song" going into the Cage? What are your thoughts on the parallel structure, if any? [Thanks so much for your meta; I look forward to the tumblr discussions just as much as the episodes sometimes

Ellooo!

I’ve seen it commented on a LOT right after the episode, although I can’t actually find a gifset comparison… And I would have to get out the DVDs and cap it by hand to make a comparison so *ugh* :P

I can’t find any meta on it though when going through my 5x22 tag so it had to all be passing comments just on how similar it looked.

I guess obviously the surface level parallel is just to give a sort of cinematic contrast to what Sam did because even though she’s not possessed and didn’t MEAN to fall through with him, she was doing a sort of sacrifice play, living the dream to go punch Lucifer in the face like she said she wanted to do. In defence of her boys. I mean, obviously. Not just punching Lucifer. I don’t *think* this all happened because of her vindictive need to punch him to make up for everything that ever happened because of her, although that is a valid reading I guess :P

It’s all a bit messed up because Lucifer pulled her through because of spite, while Michael was the one who latched onto Sam, and tried to stop him, but fell into the Cage with him because he couldn’t let go and be chill about the fight he was supposed to have with Lucifer. You can’t line up motives with the reasons why Mary went into the AU with why Michael got dragged into the Cage, and Lucifer wasn’t even in charge when it happened in 5x22. 

So going more than superficially makes it pretty hard to say it’s more than using the parallels as the means of removing Mary from the story and a comparison that like Sam she was doing something heroic for them, and ended up trapped in another world, and when they first see her again, she’s in a cage, ironically with Michael (I guess with dramatic irony that they don’t know this but we do so it’s somehow even more obvious to us)… 

It does make a direct parallel to Sam though, that he was trapped with Michael and Lucifer in the Cage, and though the AU stuff has been pretty thin so far and we’ve only had one real episode of Mary there, plus a glimpse for us in 13x01 and a glimpse for Jack and the Winchesters in 13x09… The parallel we got on screen was to Dean in Hell, and they were VERY not subtle about that since they used 13x08 to show that - which makes a parallel instead that Mary has been condemned to the AU, which is the world that *technically* she broke since it’s the world where Sam and Dean were never born, because she didn’t take the deal. 

I’m not entirely sure what that’s saying about anything or if there’s an unintentional crappy message if you dig too deep :P But in 12x23 it was a sort of vindication at least. That their world was so nice BECAUSE they were all in it and their entire chain of events had happened the way it was supposed to since before they were born.

Thinking a few other loose thoughts while prodding this. Season 12 started with a strong theme of season 6 being reversed, and if you roll it backwards far enough you get to 5x22. Obviously all the events being messed up so it’s all a bunch of superficial similarities but all the results and characters and motives and even the angle of the hole they’re falling in are all changed around, arriving at that end and falling into an apocalypse does seem to finish rolling season 6 back through to season 5. 

Also if Mary is a Sam parallel in terms of circumstance, more than Dean being in Hell despite the superficial parallel which is more about motivating him than drawing a proper allegory - Mary’s there accidentally and getting tormented by Lucifer and then Michael just because she happens to be around and caught in the middle of all of it - Sam was saved by Cas in this example. Of course, brought back soulless so there’s got to be consequences… That was part of Cas’s post-apocalypse (lol that phrase is meaningless in this show) hubris and at that point feeling like he could do anything so why not jailbreak Sam from the Cage because Dean would want it and it would be a happier ending than what they had, and of course that causes a whole bunch of problems. 

BUT it is a Winchester codependency deal free zone, because although Dean was LOOKING for ways to do it all through that year, Sam was already back, and the deal he cut with Death to get Sam back turned out to be a lesson Death wanted him to learn and he was intending to give Sam back, because he felt there were bigger problems they needed to deal with. An advantage of Gamble being really un-critical of the codependency is that while none of this is particularly healthy, it’s not all being put on full blast like in Carver era.

I think there’s the obvious parallel now that Jack is the one who had the means to get Mary - like Cas did while Dean had no clue how to save Sam - and had been pursuing it behind their backs for 3 episodes, before coming up with a solution to get her back that’s preeeetty sketchy because aside from any of the consequences they’ve already been warned by Death to back off from messing with the cosmic stuff and here they are… In 6x11 he’s warning them before Cas opens Purgatory, in 13x05 she’s warning Dean before they go universe hopping and cause what’s already happened plus I bet a whole bunch more nonsense on top of that yet to come :P

But anyway Jack has been given the sole task of rescuing Mary because no one else made it to Apocalypse AU with him, and that seals the comparison to Cas in/before season 6 saving Sam, especially as we get a lot of motivation overlap, but Jack’s is much more clear and personal in some ways because we’re seeing it as it happens and getting explanations as we go, such as his need to do something good and seeing the whole process by which he would arrive at deciding that he can and should save Mary, and why, and who for, and all that. 

I think we need to see more of the consequences/Jack’s overall season to keep on comparing him to season 6 Cas because so far as we’ve seen he’s not cut any shady deals (and I doubt he has, at least because anyone who he could cut a shady deal with is still looking for him :P) and he’s still just at the part that technically Cas had already done before the end of season 5 since Sam was already back before the credits there. We really just have Cas’s explanations in season 6 to go on, told from the perspective of the END of season 6, where everything’s got all hecked up… 

I’m guessing if this is going to be bad in some way it will continue to be a different sort of light on things, especially to make a parallel with Cas which could be like one of those scenarios about the son accidentally atoning for the father’s mistakes or whatever by having a take 2 and doing it better on their go around - it’s Cas’s biggest mistake and it’s why, for example, so many angels are dead and they’re pestering Cas to get Jack to make more angels (and we’ve had a few reminders this season about Cas being responsible for that, with his face in the Empty when it tells him all the other dead angels are in there too). I think Cas has long ago redeemed himself *personally* to the Winchesters for the season 6 stuff, but it would be nice if this is heading a way to make Cas less catastrophically guilty to Heaven because he could move on with his life if that guilt was lessened. 

(On the other hand I do worry about Jack doing the exact same thing he’s doing with Mary in 13x09 - “Oh you want this done? And it will make everything better! Okay!” *just goes and friggin… does the thing… without stopping to consider the consequences* - oh, Billie will be facepalming if all the previously-dead angels suddenly drop out of the Empty or something like that :P) 

Anyways this is all getting really ahead of where we are, but something like knowing it would be a season 6 parallel with Mary in “the cage” and Jack going off to rescue her metaphorical guns blazing is definitely only something that solidified SINCE 12x23 so I guess it’s one of those things that is only easy to talk about looking back from 13x09 (even if we’ve been wondering if/how Jack would at the very least open a rift and get Mary back since the summer) because now we know for sure he’s doing it for very similar or at least comparable reasons to what Cas did for Sam. So we’re seeing another thing that only happened off-screen in the original loop happening on screen this time but told through different characters and in different ways (like Patience leaving home to go hunt monsters being an emotional and situational reverse parallel to Sam leaving for Standford, but possibly being the closest version we’ll see on screen to that moment). So there’s a whole parallel structure going on here which just *starts* with Mary going into the AU like Michael and/or Sam falling into the cage in 5x22…

Don’t *think* she’s going to come back soulless although every friggin time a character returns from somewhere or other since, like, ever, people start speculating if they’re soulless so in before that :P

[troublescout]

H&CF 04x06 : A Connection Is Made

This show just ruminates in my head and there’s so much to love about this episode...

EDITED for realizations about the sketchy nature of Alexa Vonn, as well as the Donna/Joe dynamic...

Joe’s Comet slogans are pretty awful, but I’m glad to see Cam wanting to be his focus group. It says a lot that they made it through last week’s revelations and are spending time in the Airstream together.

Speaking of which, “Cheese egg??” Still sounds vile, but aww.

Donna ousting Cecil was rough, but I like the softness it brings out of her... even if it is partially a manipulation so she doesn't have to face Cameron.

Donna’s idea of “the truth” (that she wants Cecile to tell) is such a lie. Donna needs to reconnect with honesty in such a big way. She’s not being open or transparent with anyone in her life right now and it’s so corrosive.

ROCKETS!!!

Hayley’s idea of “just us” means Gordon, Joe, and Cam (plus a bonus of Katie for her dad). That just warms my heart. Although, I do wonder why no Joanie? (Considering their bonding later, I find it a nice parallel that this is also who Joe would pick as his “just us” group.)

El Gordo means handsome. Ha!

“He asked me for help, I didn’t go out and write him an algorithm.” Gordon has her here. Cam has a bunch of money and could have given him a nice chunk of change, or steered him to tell Diane, or towards other talented coders, but she “wanted to see if she could do it”. First and foremost she wanted to help Bos, but Gordon knows she was also just itching to touch a keyboard. “I know you. You dream in code.” I love where their relationship is at.

Joe scampering up to Cam like an eager puppy to ask her to film them is ADORABLE. And how endearing Cam finds it is pretty darn adorable too.

The whole rocket seen is so joyous and such a respite for this show/entire series. I could have watched it all the live long day.

Cut to Donna all alone with “music to kill yourself by”. :(

Joanie asks how Bos is. She lied her way into the hospital to see him. She’s really a good egg underneath the bluster.

When Donna reminisces about her crazy/brave moment of freedom that she covets from her youth, she recalls a camping trip with Gordon. This is so sad because she led Gordon to believe she really hated camping, but clearly that’s not the whole truth.

Donna’s cartwheel... You could still be crazy, Donna! Just remember what Gordon said before you went to Comdex with the Giant... “You're crazy, too. No, no, you forget that, but you are. We were both crazy and then all of a sudden, you decided you needed to be the sane one. That you needed to take care of me, but you don't. Look, be crazy with me.” She has it in her. She’s trying so hard to be sane, she’s going the bad kind of crazy.

Joe wants kids SO bad. My heart aches for him.

Cameron’s line about how, “Kids are great if you can give birth to a 14 year-old” echoes what she told Bos about how if were up to her, she and Tom would “get them out of a vending machine like everything else in Japan”. It’s definitely not a flat out condemnation of having children in general, but it shows a real hesitation about babies and possibly pregnancy? I wonder if Cam has any concerns over fertility considering her inability to get pregnant with Tom? I wonder if Cam wants kids, but feels too irresponsible/selfish to devote herself to an infant? Yes, Cam was awkward as hell with Bos’s grandson, but that was 7+ years ago when she was a very different person in a very different place. Plus, being awkward with other people’s babies (especially if you’ve never been around a baby before) doesn’t mean you don’t ever want your own. I’m basically just feeling like the show is setting us/Joe up to make assumptions about what Cam wants, when the only thing she’s ever said outright is that she wasn’t ready/didn’t want children with Tom. And considering she wanted Tom to leave and was really in love with Joe, that makes total sense. Part of me feels like Bos is right, and Cam might surprise us with how she actually feels on the subject...

Hayley sending the “Cameron Howe Fansite”, and the way it made Cam realize she’s created many things that are loved, was a well placed nudge in the right direction. (Tangent: So many reviewers are misattributing the fansite to Alexa Vonn, so I’m going to get into this for a sec... Alexa Vonn is the woman who asked Cam questions about Pilgrim at the MISC panel before Cam/Donna had their showdown. After seeing the fansite Hayley sent her, Cam was inspired to take the meeting with Alexa who had been trying to get in contact with Cam via email since MISC. Alexa offers Cam a job because she admires Cam’s skills and world-building capabilities, but Alexa has absolutely zero to do with the fansite.)

As much as I love "The Howe of it All”... How did the author of it get those pretty personal pictures of Cam (At her desk at Cardiff? With her Mutiny team back in TX?) Was it created by one of her former coder monkeys? I’m probably overthinking something they don’t want me too...

Joe’s computer is still running Loadstar. Brand/girlfriend loyalist!

Hayley crushing on Vanessa was just delightful. And her losing her train of thought because of it was so spot-on. Susannah Skaggs has been Knocking. It. Out. Of. The. Park.

And Joe realizing Hayley has a crush is some of the loveliest work by Pace to date. Joe’s warm, protective face! Golden! He feels such a kinship with her and it’s so pure.

Joe’s, “she seems cool,” was the perfect touch. Approval without calling her out.

Hayley getting along with Katie so well this week made me realize that perhaps last week she more flustered by listening to PJ Harvey than she was over Katie and Joanie bonding or even her dad’s sex life. Joanie asking if she could borrow the PJ Harvey Walkman to go after and check on Hayley makes me think that maybe Joanie is clued in to her sister’s sexuality... Especially because later we see Hayley listening to it, not Joanie. Maybe? Maybe not?

“Mutiny was the most fun I ever had.” Great call back to S3 finale.

Community was Donna’s brainchild and it was so heartwarming to have coder guy, Bobby Aron, tell her how much it meant to him. Unfortunately it was even more heartbreaking to watch her implode the whole thing by drinking herself into bed with him. 

Loved the continuing reversal of traditional roles by having Diane propose to John. Huss was wonderful in his reveal of John’s betrayal. I want John happy so I’m glad it looks like they’ll pull through as a couple...

I love Hayley, but I agree with Gordon that she can’t be flunking school. That wasn’t their deal and Hayley didn’t even seem aware of how badly she was failing. And poor Gordon was actually handling the situation pretty well until the milkshake went flying. On the other hand, Hayley clearly needs Comet, so I hope they take Joe’s advice and find a compromise to get her back in the door.

Gordon trying to slam the soft-closing door. 🤣 Poor Gordo is always feeling impotent when he’d like to feel powerful.

I felt like Diane was very harsh on Donna, but perhaps deservedly so... As heart-wrenching as Donna’s “I can’t, I can’t, I just - can’t” was, it only proved that she’s letting a 7 year old wound rule her and drive her business decisions - in more ways than one. That coupled with her drinking problem and I think Diane is right to draw a hard line.

I’m not sure what I think of Alexa Vonn and her offer to “stay out of [Cam’s] way”. That was an interesting callback to what Joe told her at Lev’s hospital beside back in the day. It’s very cool to get bankrolled to do whatever you want, no strings attached, but my Spidey sense is tingling. Sounds too good to be truly stringless.

EDIT: I rewatched the Alexa scene and she actually comes off a lot like old-school Joe MacMillan. She acknowledges some flaws in Cam’s work, but is extraordinarily praising. She promises the future and what it could hold. How Cam could utilize new technology to bring about that change. She even goes so far as to call Cam a “builder”, which is what Joe has always called Gordon. And most damning of all? She said she got a copy of Pilgrim from Atari because “you can get anything if you know how to ask”. Dun dun dunnnn!! Now if that doesn’t sound like old-Joe/Joe MacMillian Sr., I don’t know what does. Alexa definitely has me worried that she’s just another parasite that she’s claiming she won’t be.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention my theory ax to why Alexa has the money to fund Cameron at such a young age... it's very possible Alexa comes from inherited wealth. Joe wasn't handed his father's money at a young age because he was expected to earn his own way, but if he had been, he could have funded a project like this. (Remember the house he grew up in?) I'm banking that Alexa is independently wealthy and works as a reporter/investor just because she wants to and gaming/tech is where her interest lies. But I guess we'll see...

All this being said, I love that Alexa called out Cameron on the fact that she really didn’t want anyone to win Pilgrim. She made it so difficult that only people who truly know Cam have a chance -- which makes sense because she was isolated when she wrote it and was craving connection with the people who knew her best... Which is why Donna is excelling. Although I think she’s also excelling because it’s the only connection Donna has to Cam right now, so it drives her back to the game repeatedly. Joe, on the other hand, played the game before he and Cam got back together. We know he “hasn’t finished it yet”, but I wonder if he’s played it at all since they became a couple. Joe tends to go in for the human touch when he can. Generally speaking he’s only resorted to playing games to be near Cam when they were estranged.

Why is Gordon SO freaking inept at cleaning that window!

I love Joe and Gordon’s friendship SO MUCH. I love that Joe went to check on Gordon and how subtle and supportive he was trying to be of both Gordon and Hayley simultaneously. However, Gordon really stepped in it with the “you just want what’s best for you” and the “you’re not a parent and you never will be” crap. Does Gordon really not see how Joe has changed over the years? How Joe has made huge strides even from a few episodes back when Gordon told him he pushes people too much? Since then, Joe has made a marked effort to not push Hayley or Cameron or Gordon for that matter, but instead to ask their opinion and be more considerate.

Again, I need to praise Pace’s acting. Joe’s silent devastation at being told by his best friend that not only will he never have kids, but also that he doesn’t have what it takes to be a parent, period, is palatable and particularly difficult to watch.

The reveal of Donna’s drinking problem is also terribly painful. Joanie was so excited to talk about France and bond and then it all just fades into resigned disappointment.

It’s a little thing, but I really like that when Joanie doesn’t want to play Pilgrim with her mother, she says she wants to “go check on Hayley”. Clark sisters are my fav sisters.

Do Hayley and Joanie talk about how their mom is drinking too much?

Joe and Bos bonding warms my heart. Gordon’s remarks from earlier were so stuck in Joe’s head in this scene. I’m glad Bos can see that Joe’s changed and flat out told him so. 

Joe did used to be an asshole and Bos once had the police kick the shit out of Joe as a power play to make him fall in line. They’ve both come a long way.

Joe telling Bos he always has a place to stay if things don’t work out with Diane? Case in point. And very sweet. Joe doesn’t want anyone to feel like they don’t have a place they belong. Bos’s little smile! 

Donna’s drunk driving karaoke session nearly gave me a heart attack. That shit was so tense.

Gordon picking Donna up from the drunk tank was an excellent throw back to the first time we met Gordon when she was picking him up from the drunk tank.

I’m so glad Gordon could be there for Donna (Did anyone else notice he drove himself! No driver!), but I wish Donna could really hear and accept what he was saying. The way she didn’t take his offered hand... Donna is so disappointed with and hard on herself and I just want to hug her and shake her simultaneously. 

And Bishé was just stellar in her last scene opposite Cam. You can see that as much as Cam wishes things were probably different between her and Donna, she has, in many ways, let it go and moved past it. She has Joe and Bos and Gordon and even Hayley/Joanie in her life in a meaningful/open way. (“[Joe] already knows,” took the wind out of Donna in such a profound way.) Cam is more ruled by Pilgrim’s failure now than Mutiny’s and she’s making great strides to move past that as well. She’s literally willing to give away her code because it wasn’t that important to her. Helping Bos was. Donna can have the code; she doesn’t care. Donna, on the other hand, is still smarting from 7 years ago and 3-4 years ago. Her needing Cam’s code just drives home for Donna what she has always feared - that she’s nothing special without Cam. It’s another moment that’s just completely heartbreaking. Donna doesn’t have anyone in her life she’s being truly open with. She’s not a person Bos went to for help, she feels slighted by and like she’s failing Diane, she doesn’t have Cam, Hayley is bonding heavily with her father and his girlfriend and Joe and is happier at Comet than at home. Joanie is a reminder of the person she feels like she was always too afraid to be (or used to be and can’t get back to). And Gordon is there for her, but he’s moving on with his life (has Comet, BFF Joe, Hayley, Katie, even Cam) and she feels so alone. I really can’t wait for the inevitable upswing, but watching Bishé sink Donna to the very bottom has been a real thing of beauty. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this show should be winning all sorts of awards.

Second to last moment of the show is Gordon finding out his daughter is smitten with a girl and I thought it was handled so well. Gordon has been excelling as a dad this year, so my fingers are crossed that he’ll keep it up when it comes to handling this situation with Hayley. The good thing is, she definitely has a strong ally and support system in Joe if her parents screw up.

Cameron is finally back online and it’s music to her ears and mine. Girl is grumpy and idle and as Gordon said, “gets into trouble” without her tech. Welcome home, baby.

On a different note, I’m actually incredibly psyched to see the Donna/Joe showdown teased in the preview for next week. Donna has always had such animosity for Joe that, in my mind, has felt disproportionate to what he’s actually done to her. He’s never outwardly tried to hurt her in anyway. And Gordon and Cam, the people who were most hurt by his actions, not only forgave him, but love him, yet Donna generally holds steady in her opinion that Joe is a villain. Donna on the other hand, knew Joe had nothing to do with WestNet and still concocted and executed the plan with Cameron to completely destroy his reputation/career. It’s such an fascinating dynamic especially because they’ve never shared much screen time together.

In the S3 finale, Joe said when he saw the Symphonic debut, he knew not only Gordon, but also Donna, were “geniuses ahead of their time”. He thought they were both brilliant and yet when it came time to reverse engineer a PC, he went to Gordon (not Donna and not both of them). I’ve always wondered if she resented that on some level. Joe is notorious for having this ability to spot someone’s potential and he saw it in Gordon and he saw it in Cam, but he never actively courted Donna. Why is that?? I’ve always found it puzzling. Was his dismissal of her help to recover the BIOS in S1 really because he thought her skills were out of date or was he just pushing her buttons to get her to step up? Or was he just being ruled by his “family is evil at work and in general” headspace at the time?

Arguably, Joe and Donna’s largest interaction was in S1E6 “Landfall”. Even after Donna had Joe’s number and figured out that he had engineered Cam “losing the BIOS”, they had such an open, honest rapport while waiting out the huge storm. She saw him play with her kids and go to great lengths to comfort and entertain them. They were laughing and seemed to be genuinely enjoying each other’s company on the couch. Joe even told her about his mother taking him up to the roof. I find the way their relationship devolved and the animosity that grew/ solidified to be so interesting.

EDIT: I also wanted to say, I find it fascinating that despite Donna’s general condemnation of Joe and his behavior, it is his former managerial style and business acumen that she seeks to emulate more than any other. Donna recognized early on that Joe’s behavior was toxic to his life (particularly his personal life), but still sought to model her own behavior after his because she wanted his perceived success/recognition. As expected, it was detrimental to her personal relationships. In the mean time, Joe has moved away from this toxic modus operandi and is much happier, but has become weary of Donna’s ruthlessness. It’s a weird role reversal that I find really compelling.

EDIT: Donna is an amazing business woman, no doubt, but I really miss her engineering side and hope it comes back into play. I feel like she fled that field because she felt inadequate and saw an alternate venue to shine, but Donna’s true strength is she basically possesses all the other character’s skills at once: She has the business savvy, the engineering genius, understands coding, and gets emotionally invested, but can pivot and refocus if need be when something’s not working. Her only real downfall is her constant need to prove herself and seek external validation. Without it, she wouldn’t make almost any of the mistakes that she has. In reality, she could be the strongest player because she understands all sides of the board. She just desperately needs to get out of her own way.

For those of you afraid that there is too much ground to cover before the show is over, I might remind you that this time last season Gordon and Cam were bonding over Mario Cart, Cam had just gotten married, and Joe and Ryan were working on the NSFNET deal behind the board’s back. The show moved a lot of mountains before that season was through. There are very few shows I have faith in, but I do have faith in this one. Truthfully, it might be the only one. I think it will get to where it needs to go before all is said and done. And be emotionally satisfying to boot. 

That being said, I’d still take a season 5 in a heartbeat. Less than.

To those of you that made it to the end of this rambling, I’m genuinely shocked. Thanks for reading!

[tanoraqui]

i just finished the latest episode and okay wow i am /even more/ on board with the bright sessions/critrole au than i already was. holy fuck. (alternatively, anna and annabelle, crossover dream team murderwives, OH BOY.)

Science murderwives!! Wow. That sure could happen. They’d double-cross each other daily, when not busy breaking and twisting the minds of innocent, younger geniuses. Gosh.

But, RIGHT? AU! Okay, bullet point ramble time:

Percy as Dr. Bright ofc, brilliant and secretive and practicing psychiatry for people with psychic powers. Very good psychiatry, except for how he’s aso totally on the lookout for people to help him break into the AM and rescue his baby sister.

Cassandra - a chameleon in canon already - mimicking the abilities of anyone in her vicinity, until they take her and experiment on her and - unintentionally - trap her in, oh, say the 1300s by a castle in Eastern Europe. Maybe even her and Percy’s ancestral home, hm?

I’m torn between saying the rest of their family is alive but generally estranged, or they all died in a “mysterious” fire and Percy and Cassandra are going to find more about that later.

Dr. Anna motherfucking Ripley, mentor and manipulator, administrator and above all scientist. (And aunt?)

No, ‘cuz that’s where the parallels start to falter - though gosh, Keyleth as Sam, anxious and curious and terrified and so strong and caring (and most objectively Cool powers.) Befriending Percy somewhat against both their wills, growing a scientific interest in atypicals in her own right. Finding Cassandra, singing her pop songs, rescuing her. None of them communicate well enough to make it clear who’s who before the rescue actually happens…

and Pike as Chloe, obviously, though instead of in college she’s probably middle-aged and does community outreach/social work. Her powers developed late. And she brings in Grog, who’s a veteran like Frank…

but then there’s really no one equivalent to Damian? You can imagine Scanlan with the skillset, but he’s not a MASSIVE ASSHOLE - well, not as bad as Damian, at least. At all. Not remotely.

and I do think we need someone working in the AM, akin to Agent Green, because…I think that’s going to be plot-relevant at some point, and he does serve the purpose of showing how the AM can be non-evil. But I’m not sure that’s the right place for Scanlan - nor for Vex&Vax, nor Tary. Maybe Tary? It fits a bit with him being more scientifically minded…and Percy’s ex…but that means I can’t give Tary Caleb&Adam’s cute high school gay romance…

I’m kinda amenable to Vex and Vax as people the AM genuinely helped, and then they started working there? At minimum they’re atypicals who got found, given a class or two, and bounced out to Percy.

they’ve got to have mirrored powers for twins. Idea: Vax talks to ghosts; Vex to animals. Better idea: Vex is…attention-grabbing. It’s hard not to focus on her, if you’re in the same room. Not necessarily positive attention, though - she got a lot of detentions for being a distraction in class, even when she was just quietly doing her work. And people WILL notice if she does anything wrong. So she wears facades and prefers the company of animals, who aren’t affected (as much.) Vax, meanwhile, is the reverse: attention slides off him. It helps him get out of trouble sure, but it’s…very lonely, and lets him walk away from his problems a lot.

(As you may guess, I prefer the latter option. It’s more psychologically interesting.) Also I’m imagining breaking out Cass by Keyleth going back while in the modern day, Vax sneaks into the AM while Vex keeps as many guards occupied as she can? With practice, they can both control their powers a lot more, enough to modulate the strength of the interest/lack thereof, so Vex can basically hold people still and Vax can all but walk past someone in broad daylight without being seen.

(Vax and Cass get out; Vex gets caught. That’s how this version of the heist goes horribly wrong, with no Damian to mes it up.)

I feel like I’m leaning towards Scanlan taking Green’s place at the AM (Tary is in high school and he’s dating Lionel and they’re VERY SWEET) but that’d be a very different relationship than Joan and Agent Green had…but I can see it, I guess, Percy doing science and Scanlan more admin and outreach, eating lunch together and sharing a comfort with doing slightly sketchy things in the name of helping people?

Tary’s not an empath, he’s something else, but I’m not actually sure what. Telekinesis? Something (relatively) normal.

“Scanlan Shorthalt” is absolutely a fake name, but I can’t figure out what Percy would go by other than “de Rolo”. None of the names of his guns work…”Orthax” oughtta be the name of the compound Ripley figures out (with the help of Percy’s old research) to make her immune to atypical influence…

speaking of, when they eventually get to fighting the heads of the AM, it’s obviously Delilah and Sylas, and she’s naturally atypical-proof and he’s got Damian’s ability.

Additional future plot: Scanlan learns that a) he has a daughter and b) she’s an atypical.

[mobilenamic]

10 Tips for Choosing a Mobile Demand-Side Platform

Brad Puder is Senior Digital Marketing Manager for War Dragons at Pocket Gems. He worked for a variety of startups in Chicago before joining the Pocket Gems’ product team, where he worked on Live Operations for War Dragons. He then pivoted to focus on growth for the game and now leads programmatic buying for Pocket Gem’s Core Studio.

Learn more from his Mobile Hero profile.

Programmatic buying is all the rage these days. The biggest upside of course is the near limitless amount of scale. Billions of devices across the world are made accessible via hundreds of exchanges and SSPs, and working with the right Demand-Side Platform (DSP) can get you access to the kind of traffic you’re looking for.

Historically, programmatic has been tough on mobile. It’s been a volatile landscape, quality has been questionable, brands have distorted prices, and technological constraints have all made real-time bidding challenging, especially for advertisers who have been able to maintain scale with big social channels and some more traditional ad networks. The times are changing however.

There are a lot of DSPs out there, and new DSPs are popping up faster than networks. There is a ton of overlap in terms of offerings, and on paper they should all very much behave the same, but there are a number of factors to consider when adding a DSP to your channel portfolio.

Why now is the right time to invest in programmatic

The prevalence of waterfall mediation historically meant that programmatic buyers typically had access to lower quality traffic as the result of publishers granting exchanges/SSPs lower priority. The death of the waterfall has been slow on mobile, but it’s definitely ramping up in 2018. There’s no true “header bidding” on mobile, but Unity’s true unified auction, parallel bidding with Max, open bidding at Google, advanced bidding on MoPub, super auctions with Oath, Fyber’s FairBid, etc. are all paving the way towards more unified auctions, effectively giving programmatic buyers access to the same impressions as networks. We are some time away from this happening, but the transition is happening fast.

Additionally, networks are making their inventory available programmatically as well, which means that DSPs can access network inventory by leveraging their own algorithm and bidding model. In general, this means the industry is beginning to converge, and that supply path is becoming more transparent.

1. Pick a partner with a business model that works for you

Different partners are able to offer buying on CPM, CPC, CPI or CPA. This should be part of your decision-making process. Buying on CPM gives you the most flexibility and transparency on programmatic, but unless you have a solid optimization method, this can be tricky given the volatility of RTB. When you are buying on CPM, it can often take longer to see optimal CPI and CPA results. Buying on CPI and CPA de-risks you in the short-run, but DSPs also have to de-risk the opportunity for themselves by taking a substantial, non-transparent margin from the expected CPMs from your CPIs. In other words, in order to make CPI work for both parties, a certain degree of arbitrage happens. Some DSPs might have other varying fees for ad serving or creative service, so at the end of the day, you should evaluate whether the cost structure works for your UA strategy and risk appetite.

2. Make sure your DSP is getting you access to the right traffic

Almost every DSP is going to tell you they have access to the big mobile exchanges, like MoPub and Doubleclick Exchange (Google AdX). Some access exchanges and SSPs might be a better fit for your UA needs (like network inventory or more gaming-specific inventory). Some DSPs buy in-app only. Some DSPs buy more banner and native traffic than others. And others are big on rich media/playables or other emerging ad unit types, like native video. When considering a DSP, be upfront about the kinds of traffic you’re looking for. Quantify your risk appetite by indicating what percentage of your budget you want to allocate towards more sustainable, historically-proven methods of growth versus more experimental methods.

DSPs are constantly rolling out new features and products, so staying up to date with their product roadmap will help you think about testability plans.

3. Your DSP should be transparent

DSPs buying from open auctions should be able to share some of the common data points available from OpenRTB requests, namely the publisher name, app store ID, or bundle in addition to the exchange name. This helps you to evaluate whether the DSP is acquiring inventory from the right sources, alleviate some forms of fraud, and ensure that the DSP is providing real, expected traffic and not unexpected affiliate traffic. Be wary of DSPs who unnecessarily mask data fields as “proprietary data.”

4. Evaluate your DSP’s bidding model and optimization strategies

From an algorithm perspective, network and social channels have an “invisible hand” in their marketplaces. Their algorithms cover both demand and supply-side, and the market gravitates towards generating the highest possible yields (eCPMs and impression volumes). For programmatic it’s a different story. The DSPs you work with have robust algorithms and bidding models that only optimize on the demand-side. In other words, DSPs only control one side of the equation, namely what impressions to bid on and how much to bid. This also means that if you are optimizing towards CPI/CPA, DSPs need to carve out margins between the actual CPMs you can afford with your CPI bid and the CPMs they pay in the market.

In general, most DSPs have some sort of user graph. A DSP will listen to over a billion devices in a given month through bid requests form exchanges. These OpenRTB requests contain 40+ parameters from device data and location data to publisher info and sometimes even demographic data. By listening to enough data on a device ID, you can start to build a profile on that device. That profile can be further augmented with first, second, or third-party data like external audiences, advertiser-supplied segments, etc.

Ultimately, DSPs’ algorithms strive to weigh the right combination of data from these parameters as well as your KPIs to inform how much they bid. Though these principles are shared across DSP algorithms, bidding models can be very different. It’s possible that some algorithms are better at some kinds of traffic, or with some industries or verticals. You should make it a priority to understand your DSP partner’s bidding strategy, and if it aligns with your goals.

The other large component of a DSP’s algorithm is how they optimize towards your KPIs. Your DSP should be capable of ingesting post-install data. It’s 2018, and if they can’t, you should really be questioning why. Not only does a post-install event allow the DSP to acquire users more likely to complete a down-funnel action, but it is also an additional performance benchmark that you and your DSP can use to measure performance. Ultimately, a good algorithm should be able to increase the incidence rate of the event that you are optimizing towards, assuming you are feeding it enough data.

Ask your DSP about how they can optimize towards these post-install goals, whether it’s a target conversion rate, or (in many cases even better) a target eCPA. Providing an eCPA goal, even if you’re buying on CPI or CPM, allows your DSP to help ensure they’re bidding the right amount for an impression. If, based on a device’s data in an OpenRTB request, you can assume that the user has a higher likelihood of making a purchase, you wouldn’t want to bid with a CPM computed for an install/CPI goal. Ask your potential partners about how they leverage post-install and eCPA optimization.

Finally, the other big component of a solid algorithm is creative optimization. We all know a strong creative can make a big difference in your install rates, which can be hugely impactful in raising your eCPMs and effectively give you more bidding power in the market. A strong DSP will have a suite of creative optimization tools that ensures you’re always testing and iterating on your creatives to achieve your highest possible eCPMs. There’s two big components of install rate optimization: finding the right audience that your creative is most likely to resonate with, and rendering the strongest possible creative for your given audience. The first is solved for by strategic targeting, while the second is solved for through creative optimization. Many DSPs offer additional creative services, often at no cost, to help you continue to build, refresh, test, and launch creatives. You should ask about how your DSP leverages creative optimization across ad formats they run.

5. Tackling fraud

Fraud is prevalent in programmatic. It’s often not as sketchy as network traffic, but depending on what inventory sources you’re buying from, you may be exposing yourself to risk. Every DSP will claim to have a robust fraud solution. You should have an open dialogue with potential partners about how they combat fraud, ensure viewability, and whether or not they’re amenable towards certain anti-fraud incentives in your agreement, like minimum click-to-install time. Again, per the above point, transparency on what supply you’re buying and how also goes a long way. Work with your MMP to identify if the traffic you’re seeing is suspicious.

6. Retargeting

Retargeting and re-engagement are the bread and butter of many DSPs. If you think about it, retargeting is a great use case for programmatic. There’s a lot of noise in UA trying to identify valuable users within billions of devices, but the equation is reversed on the retargeting front. You already have the users you want, and can go out and find them at the most affordable prices you can across corresponding bid requests. This is also the case for leveraging third or second party audiences you’ve obtained and want to acquire programmatically for UA purposes. If you are serious about re-engagement, identify how your DSP can find the audiences you’re looking for.

7. Integrations

Ensure a clean relationship between your attribution partner and your DSP. The tighter the integration, the better. Of course, new DSPs are always popping up and might not be fully integrated, but a full integration allows for seamless post-install data ingestion, real-time suppression, sending non-attributed data, fraud detection, etc.

If you’re looking at users across devices, consider what cross-device solutions your DSP is leveraging. Similarly, if identity resolution is key to your marketing strategy, you should understand what tools your DSP has at its disposal. If you use a data management platform (DMP) and you have data that could be optimal for your programmatic strategy, ensure there’s a relationship between your DSP and DMP.

8. Account management

It goes without saying that you should seek out DSPs with strong customer success teams. You want an account manager who’s committed to your success, and can provide you with the advice, resources, and tools you need to grow. Having an account manager that has a more technical understanding of the DSP’s bidding model is also useful. DSPs that foster strong cross-functional relationships between account management and product/data teams are ultimately going to provide you with a greater level of insight and strategy than those with account managers who are more removed from the technical side.

9. Control

On the DSP front, there’s a self-serve managed spectrum. On one end of the spectrum, there are DSPs who are entirely self-serve, and really just provide you with raw access to exchange inventory. These are the most flexible, but require the most amount of resources, work, and money to set up. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have fully managed services, which entirely leverage a DSP’s proprietary data and bidding models, obfuscate a lot of transactional and inventory data form the buyer, and are tasked with most of the campaign optimizations. Managed services generally have more robust algorithms and of course incur a higher margin.

Most DSPs fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, offering buyers some level of control and customization, but you should assess what your programmatic needs and risk appetite are in both the short and long-run. Can you afford to take on huge losses and heavy risk as you experiment towards a more customized model for yourself? Or would you be better off leveraging a managed service’s robust user graph for campaign optimization? Have a candid conversation with your DSP about your goals, bandwidth, and what level of optimization you would prefer to be taking on yourself, leveraging your own first-party data (e.g. pub-level bidding), versus what you’re comfortable to completely pass on to the managed DSP. If you’re considering working with multiple DSPs, you might want to consider balancing self-serve and managed offerings.

10. Working with multiple DSPs

If you know programmatic is the right path for you, you should be definitely exploring multiple DSPs. Theoretically, in a world in which there is information asymmetry and equal inventory access, you would find one DSP whose model works best for you and pump all your resources behind it. But there are a number of differentiating factors across DSPs (just read the points above), and enough that you may want to consider working with a portfolio of DSPs, at least in the short to medium run. Think about how you’d want to diversify this portfolio based on the strengths of each DSP.

As you allocate budgets across DSPs, try and balance factors like creative types, inventory sources, managed versus self-serve, customer-base (does this DSP work with primarily e-commerce or gaming customers), versus your marketing needs. Of course, try and ensure you are still balancing your sustainable growth versus marketing R&D/experimentation ratio across this portfolio and not just running the same type of campaign and targeting across all DSPs or running a bunch of radical experiments (unless you can afford to do so).

Ultimately, a DSP’s model becomes more effective for you the more data it ingests on your behalf, so don’t spread yourself too thin by preventing a single DSP from learning effectively. That being said, once you’re fully ramped up with multiple DSPs, you should absolutely be looking at what partners are able to consistently hit KPIs like eCPA goals.

Some exchanges even provide services directly to advertisers. MoPub, for example allows large buyers to understand how effective their media buys are across DSPs they work with, so you have an understanding of what your data looks like on the supply-side, agnostic of which/how many DSPs you are buying from.

Conclusion

There is a lot to consider when working with a new DSP partner. You should consider all of the points above, but as a cheat sheet here are some key questions to ask your DSP before you start buying:

How are you different from your competitors?

What companies similar to mine do you work with?

What exchanges do you work with?

What type of ad formats do you run?

How do you handle creative optimization?

How does your algorithm work?

Can I buy via CPM, CPI, or CPA? And how much data is required before I can transition to CPA?

How do you handle post-install optimization? Can I provide you with target eCPAs?

How are you combating fraud?

What information can you pass back to me via macros?

The post 10 Tips for Choosing a Mobile Demand-Side Platform appeared first on Liftoff.

10 Tips for Choosing a Mobile Demand-Side Platform published first on https://medium.com/@TheTruthSpy

[silverhands-etcetera]

Highway Star.

We woke up late & hurried to vacate the soccer field, before the mayor or the Guardia Civil came looking for us. I dropped the keys in the mailbox on the way out, and we walked for the third time to the bar, for a breakfast and a look at the map.

It’s a steady descent out of this high village, for the first little bit you follow along the road, but soon you’re back on trails and paths- most of it running a close parallel to the highway, the defunct railroad tracks, or both.

The walk is only 20 kilometers, so the missteps aren’t so dear as they are when you’re walking closer to 40. Losing a half-hour today would not be any great tragedy. The scenery was not the dramatic vistas of yesterday -mostly it was scrabbly grasses, guard rails, and the little head and legs peeking out above & below the giant backpack which assured me that Blanka was still in front of me.

On the Via de La Plata, I was either alone, or in a group whose language of choice hovered around Spanish, but down here on the Camino Mozarebe, my Spanish is not as good as Blanka’s, and her English is a damn sight better than my Spanish. Also, I don’t know two words of Hungarian. So by default, the official language of Equipo Contrario seems to be English, which allows me a little better expression, but gives me none of the practice I need in speaking Castilian.

There are moments when we can’t reach each other on a word of English, and find ourselves triangulating on our meaning with a piece of Spanish, but mostly we are bridging the gap, walking the same path starting from very different times & places.

When we’re at a fork in the road, I always look at the angle of the last arrow, and assume it was placed for visibility from the incoming path -while Blanka goes on gut feeling and extrapolation from a reversal of the written description of the stage. We’re both right about 50% of the time.

We cut across some brambles at one point, only to find the path we took great pains to reach intersect again with the road we just left, and the backwards arrows again reappeared. There are more brushes with civilization on this stage than on the way to Villaharta. At about the halfway point, there’s even a tiny village, where you can say hello to a couple of friendly mules, and get yourself a celebratory, half-way-there bottella of Cruzcampo, to lighten the second half of your trip. (I’m sure the endorsement checks will be coming in shortly) We did both things, and returned to the trail, finding it short for trail, and long for highway. I didn’t think too much when i saw the first army truck go by, but soon there was another, and two more, and then we were right on top of an army base.

“Todo Por La Patria” has a nice ring to it, as a slogan, but has an ominous tone in any language when you consider it literally. It’s been a long time since Spain has tried to take over the world, so as a collection of armaments, it was not anything that inspired great fear, only the unease and dread of the singular capabilities of each piece, and the legislation that dictated the need.

I haven’t been reading the news. It was a harsh reminder that outside of the Camino, things are still pretty sketchy, I’m in a bubble.

Cerro Muriano isn’t a proper town, apparently. It’s a population that is serviced by the greater government of the provincia de Córdoba. The northern half looks a lot like housing for the military base. Indeed, the break between the base and the town is hard to notice when you walk past it, you’ll just find yourself on streets with row houses all the same, and no pedestrians to speak of.

Villaharta was an authentic village, where everybody knows each other, because they are from there. And you get your information by asking people in the streets. We had to consult uncle google for some low-down in Cerro Muriano.

We’ve had longer days, but once in town, we were in no mood to run from one side to the other looking for the best lodging. There was a bar/hotel on the main road, but I thought it best to ask elsewhere, as they would certainly be looking out for their best interests, and would likely not be a fountain of information on other options.

The internet™ told us a story about a Dutch couple who ran a hostel in town, and also about something called a provincial hostel (perhaps because it’s not a proper city?). Upon finding this hostel, we were sure we’d found a paradise, an oasis -with shady green lawns & a swimming pool, & a locked gate & nobody answering the bell. I laid on the bricks & Blanka did the dirty work of checking the doors of all the buildings in the compound until the truth of the matter -that this is not a traditional hostel, but a facility for groups & retreats. They could not help us, except to tell us where sat the hostel of the mythical Dutch couple, which we found -abandoned & chained.

There was no remedy but to go & speak with the bar/hotel up on the main road. My feet were through with walking, and they were telling me this. The man at the bar said that he could let us have a room, but with a discouraging tone, and even a slight wince at the price he would have to charge. He told us that the Dutch couple had left town, but that next week, a new hostel would be opening up in the town -as if that had any bearing on our situation tonight.- Finally he recommended that we seek out the priest, who would possibly let us sleep on the floor at the church.

He really could not be bothered with us, and my immediate need was a chair and a beer, and to drop my backpack, so we went down the street to Casa Bruno. Chilling out on the terazza with the dirtiest dog in Spain, we pondered our position.

Blanka is the hardcore pilgrim of the team, while I’m the guy who reaches a point where the concept of chasing down the unknown whereabouts of an unknown priest in order to plead our case & await his verdict on whether we deserve a roof tonight is just a bridge too far. Especially since the cost of a hotel over here is often half the cost of my bar tab back in the states.

Back at the bar, the man behind the counter grimaced again when we told him we needed a room. He asked us if we’d looked for the priest. I said no. He actually didn’t want to go through the trouble of booking the room, and I began to understand him as we went to his computer to engage some sort of paperwork to do so. He started by sifting through a Hotmail inbox, looking for a procedure or something to allow him to book the room through an online service. His exasperation and resignation was exactly the same as my own whenever I find myself faced with a website update or purchase of any sort that requires setting up an account & a password.

Ultimately, he gave up on the computer & asked me for cash, at 2€ less than his original quote. We were safely housed.

–

After a shower, you’ll probably feel like going out on the town, but with no town to go out on, we found our supper downstairs. Some people are reasonable and eat salad, but I will eat Salmorejo every time it is an option. If you like the idea of a giant tube of meat, breaded & deep-fried, or just want a good chuckle, I can recommend the Flamenquin, which we also both partook of.

However, only one of us fell to food poisoning that night, and that’s the guy who didn’t touch the salad. Blanka had the look of a well-practiced rock star, lying on the cool tile floor. And with the power of youthful resilience, was professing to be back to 90% perfect first thing next morning.

Only one more road til we hit the city. 16 kilometers. Cake.