#it was really funny though like I've explained it to numerous people who had never heard of it and were like ?????

[paradife-loft]

the space mission comment reminded me... I've managed to finally encounter some humans in meatspace who also know the Kittens Game! and they happened to be... literally all three other people in one of my class project groups for my urban planning program 😂

[heartstopper-lover123]

Story time

I love my old guy best friend (platonically) and I found it out at his baby brother's christening

So I was at a christening today

It was my old guy best friend's baby brother (as in the friend with 2 mums-yes I was amazed a church accepted same sex parents)

Anyway, he says hi to me and my family seen as we don't know any of their family. I said a quite hi, he explained how he did something to his knee, while STANDING UP! And now he has a brace. My parents laughed, and he went back to talk to someone else

His biological mum came and said hello, and walked into the church with us. We sat down and the service began. I felt like a fraud being an atheist in a church, pretending to go along with the prayers. It was a quick, and pretty shutty service to be honest. There was even a quiz about baptism some people participated in. I was just uncomfortable.

After the service we drive up the road to this pub which is owned by one of the mum's best friends so they got a party for free. There was lots of food and I felt uncomfortable about it, seen as I had eaten but wanted to eat again. I went outside and got a bench. I felt so fucking tired, so bored, and hungry. Some time goes by, and me, my mum, dad and one of my sisters are sitting at this bench. And then my dad calls over my old guy best friend (we'll call him J) because my sister was do8ng something funny. The three of them were laughing and joking and then they started reminiscing the past. Talking about the new neighbours and how ut was better before they moved away (they lived in the flat beneath us). And then they started bringing up the things we used to do, and J brought me into the conversation, like he actually spoke to me for once. He started talking about how my dad once put us in a suitcase when we were little and sat in it (we were okay, it was hilarious), and then about how we would be in this big communal garden and my dad and hus mum would pour water on us from my flat balcony above. I felt happy to talk to him. I thought it would be hard, but it just flowed, it made sense. I felt calm around him. At social events I get anxious and I just want to go home. But talking to him made that go away. I even ate good because I had spoke to gin. He made me feel as though it didn't care if I ate. He has this hold on me. He always was the best friend I could ask for. I can't believe I won't see him for like at least 2 years.

When he moved 100 miles (3 hours) away, I was broken. I developed gad (generalised anxiety disorder) and I went to therapy for a few months. I always thought it was just because I lost my great grandmother but it was more. It was also losing my best friend a few months later. I was alone, for the rest of primary school, I had the occasional friend (including my other neighbour, Frankie) but it wasn't the same. I get it now. My platonic love for this clumsy, skinny, ginger haired boy is what gas kept me alive. Seeing him makes me light up, gives me reason to live. I never realised until now just how much I loved that boy. I never realised I could relate to Frances and Aled in having platonic love. I didn't think I could ever feel that. Yet I have been, since I met him at age 1, 13 years ago. I have loved that idiot for 13 years and not realised it. Him leaving me changed my life, made it depressing, full of anxiety. And everytime he returns, even for a few hours, I get that inner peace. That inner happiness I've been longing. None of my other friends give me this feeling. But he does. The boy who doesn't even realise it. They boy who has had numerous new best friends, while I've been stuck on him. Not being able to move on. It really does sound like a relationship and a breakup. And it is, but a platonic one. One of two best friends. One a silly blonde girl and the other a hilarious ginger boy. Destined to be in each others lives, no matter how distant. Even if I have no way of contacting him, he's in my heart.

This is not where I expected this story to go (I added the title at the end).

[parkxjiminluv]

“Fine Without You” - Park Jimin

An imagine about the better part of a break up. A side we do not commonly see as it’s usually labeled as the faulty one and a moment in which one can discover true healing by breaking the anchor that’s been holding them down..

Jimin

Me and the boys were heading to our favorite bar to enjoy some drinks. It had been a while since I went out and I really looked forward to it. I just wanted to let loose and let go of my thoughts that constantly creeped on me. 

I was wearing my simple black pants, boots, and a dark dress shirt. I let my hair loose in some simple waves while I put my favorite jewelry. Jungkook literally baptized me with all the perfume he put on me from his excitement that I agreed to go out with them.

On the car, Hoseok was driving while Yoongi stood on the passenger seat smoking a blunt quietly. Tupac echoed through the car speakers while me, Jungkook and Jin sat on the back. I kept looking at the sky getting dark through the window as the scenery kept ripping through the city lights.

"Do you think you will talk to Taehyung when we arrive? If you don't want to, I totally get it." Hoseok asked me and Yoongi looked at me through the window.

"We'll see. "I sighed.

Y/n

The girls dragged me to this bar for a drink after all the mess in my life. I definitely wasn't very fond of the idea especially when they told me it was going to be a reggae dance bar.

Guilt kept eating me alive. The past two months I've been feeling horrible for what I did even though I could have handled things in a much better way. I do not justify myself in any way. I hurt someone who loved me endlessly for my own issues.

I wondered what he was doing, if he was okay.

My boyfriend then texted me he was also going out.

Second later, my friends calling to get out the car signaled our arrival.

The place had a burgundy like atmosphere with other lights like yellow and green giving it a more playful tone. As we moved further there were couches and the bar side where people had and a dance stage with stained glass over for lighting.

We were heading towards our table when I saw him.

Jimin

I could not believe my luck had destined me to meet her today. I was standing holding my drink as Jin was telling me a dad joke and when my eyes met hers, I just froze.

I gave her a dark smirk. No extras.

I felt like laughing. The audacity.

It had been two months since I saw y/n. Since the day her and my best friend broke me. We were together for 3 years when at the time I was preparing my own album for the company, and I got a call from her telling me that she had lost her cousin in an accident very upset. I told her I would try to be next to her soon as the trip to home was long. I was so gullible. Y/n had been partying more at that period and we had grown distant, but I still made sure I was next to her. When I arrived at home, I felt my heart sinking to the sight of her kissing my best friend in the world, Taehyung. I felt everything shutter even though Taehyung pushed her away. It was enough for me to tell what was going on.

I isolated myself at home. I didn't want to see anyone. I worked from home and let myself sink in the abyss of my emotions. I cried, I drank, I smoked, I went through old memories, I did not eat and just kept feeling things until I did not cry anymore. But one thing I never did was hate them.  I was betrayed but I loved them. Funny.

Taehyung called me numerous times and left voicemails crying and explaining to me that she had approached him and told him that we broke up.  I knew Taehyung was not fully at fault, but I wanted him to learn his lesson.

I saw her slowly approaching me. She had changed. She was wearing a sparkly short dress and some earrings we had gotten together. She showed more skin and looked very scared. She was nothing like my confident and fierce y/n. 

"Jimin."

"Y/n."

"Y-you 're here. How are you doing?" She asked nervously.

I chuckled, "I'm very good, you?" She seemed surprised.

"Really, I was worried you wouldn't. I am fine but I wanted to tell you something" She exhaled.

"Shoot" I nodded.

"I am genuinely sorry about that day. I-I could have handled the situation so much better and just ended things between us instead of hurting you in that way. I want you to know that Taehyung is not at fault but I am. He also cut ties right away. My mental state and our situation made me desperate. That is unnecessary now, but I understand if you can't forgive me." She spoke with tears in her eyes.

"I already forgave you and Taehyung from that day because, unlike some people I cared and loved you. What you guys chose to do was not the nicest of things, but it definitely helped me realize a lot and see our story had reached an end. Now if you don't mind me Jungkook is calling me and I wish you all the best in life y/n, have fun" I told her and gave her a fake side hug before I left. She was shocked.

Her ego was crushed once she saw I knew my worth and hers. She stood there thinking I'd be on the floor begging or completely shattered but to her surprise I was not and that hurt her.

Why did my heart hurt at that? I cared and I always will but sometimes people take off their masks and reveal their true faces. And sometimes they hide the devil.

I wanted to grab a drink, so I went to the bar. It was self-serve so as I was pouring my drink and enjoying the nice groovy song that was playing, I felt someone coughing behind me.

Taehyung.

"Jimin, can I talk to you for a sec?" He said.

Well, I guess everyone wants to talk today.

"Dodge." I am having so much fun today.

"I really am sorry about happened with y/n. She told me you guys had broken up and as you saw she grabbed me and kissed me. Once everything happened, I cut everything off. I'd rather lose her than lose my best brother. Plus, she found another guy anyway." He said.

His last words shook me off and I just had repainted my image of y/n in my head.

I turned to him and passed him the drink I was holding. 

I looked at him seriously and he did too in a puzzled expression.

Then, I busted laughing and him being my best friend laughed too.

"I have to say that was a d*ck move from you, but I knew you were not at fault. I already forgave you bro and I'm just dead how we both let ourselves be fooled by such a desperate ..."

We laughed and Taehyung engulfed me in a hug. "Thank you, bro, I would never risk our friendship for something like that."

"Welcome back hyung." I smiled as we headed to the others.

We danced and had a fun time.

I thought to myself that what happened to y/n was definitely painful especially due to the fact I loved her dearly, but it also gave me an important lesson. It made me realize that despite our long-term bond people change and stories end. Ours had to end there.  I cared about her, and I was hurt, but I know my worth enough that although I forgave her, I chose to not be with her anymore because we were both looking for something different and I deserved something better. I blamed myself but I realize that it's just a matter of feelings and change. Being faithful is a choice only few can survive through time. Losing y/n made me find myself.

After dancing, we sat to have some more drinks and then my favorite song currently began playing. I saw y/n looking at me with a pure look that made me just want to forget my memories with her. She wanted to be loved by others all the time but could not love herself.

Smiling, I moved my drink towards her direction making a toast as my favorite song's lyrics echoed 

"There's only one life, mami, enjoy it

Look, this world keeps on spinning

I hope you don't arrive at my door, cause I won't open

But, baby, enjoy it."

[scatterpatter]

"Where's the essay OP" Said no one, and yet here I am

Lampy isn't stupid, he's neruodivergent: a rushed-together masterpost

Disclaimer: I'm not a liscened medical professional but I'm neurodivergent who's close to many neurodivergent people so I know when certain traits strike me as very familiar... Also tblt is my comfort movie I've seen it probably over 100 times, not exaggerating, so if anyone here's an expert on it, it's me.

I'm only going by the first movie because while To The Rescue and Goes To Mars probably have evidence to back me up, I don't feel like sitting down to watch them as I don't have them as memorized as the original

Point #1: Lampy is arguably the most intelligent appliance in the movie

Honestly it apalls me that so many are convinced that Lampy is an idiot when he displays some of the most intelligent traits in the movie. I'll just list off some of the most important scenes that show this

1: When discussing a way to get to the city, Lampy comes up with plans that end up failing, true. But we should also consider that not only did Radio and Toaster come up with bad plans before deciding on the swivel chair, but 2/3 of Lampy's ideas involved the same mechanic: on something with wheels(yes the mattress had wheels for some reason) being powered by Kirby

2: "From here you can see the really big lamp!" This scene is simply due to the appliances being sheltered from the outside world. Lampy displays the same level of naive-ness as everyone else: Radio seems earnest in calling the sun a "really big lamp", and Kirby calls the grass "shag carpet". Lampy is not at a lower intelligence in this scene, he's exactly at the same level as everyone else

3: The scene with the storm really sells his intelligence. The appliances have a rudimentary understanding of electricity, most likely from being appliances, but Lampy displays an excelled level of understanding by sacrificing himself for the battery. He understands that batteries are powered by electricity, lightning is electricity, and by using himself as a lightning rod, he acts as the conductive metal to easily transfer this energy from the bolt to the battery. Technically this should have overcharged and fried the battery but we'll suspend disbelief for the sake of this movie.

4: He knew that stacking the appliances to roughly human height, creating a dark environment with ominous sounds, and putting Toaster at eye-level to scare the human with his own reflection... Again, this is an intelligent understanding of how to scare a human

5: It's unclear on whose idea it was to look up Rob in a phone book, however this shows that not only can Lampy read(most likely picked up from being Rob's reading light), ESPECIALLY when Toaster struggles to read, but also has an understanding of phone books, addresses, and finding humans based on family names. I cannot stress how intelligent this is for a sentient desk lamp

There's a few more minor examples, but these are the biggest cases. Lampy is intelligent.

Point #2: Lampy struggles with social cues and doesn't empathize as easily as others

My biggest point here is when people think neruodivergents are "dumb" for having trouble picking up on things like sarcasm when that just... isn't the case. A few notable examples include:

1: When Air Conditioner says "You're a real bright little lamp", Lampy doesn't pick up the sarcasm and thinks he's being complimented. Though he definitely shows a level of emotional intelligence because he looks to Toaster to confirm "hey I was complimented", sees they're still looking angry, and gets the hint that he was insulted without someone needing to explicitly tell him that, to which he then responds with "Heyyy >:("

2: Sometimes he's able to read the room and pick up on tones, but other times he shows a level of emotional density. Legitimately not knowing if Rob had returned even when seeing Blanky disappointed to the point of near tears... But then knowing "brains wouldnt hurt either" was a jab at their intelligence and reacting with appropriate annoyance... But also when Radio says "Things could be worse!", doesn't realize he's just saying that to make Toaster feel better and asks "How could they be worse?"

3: He bullies Blanky alongside Radio and the others, unclear if he's actually being a jerk or just "oh this is what everyone else is doing so this is the normal way to act", but he's legitimately confused when Toaster tries to explain why they're suddenly being nice to him. He doesn't get the "now I feel better" argument because his argument was "Well you were never this nice to him before". Even when Toaster tries to explain why it feels nice, it just doesn't click... until Toaster finds a way to explain that connects personally to Lampy's own emotional state. He has trouble empathizing until realizing "oh this is like this thing that I feel sometimes"

4: Something I've noticed when gathering evidence is that more than once, Lampy goes "Wow..." After someone gloats about themself(Twice with Radio, once with the Computer). It's clear by the third time, when Radio goes "What does that mean?" And Lampy responds "I don't know. [To Computer] What does that mean?" That he doesn't even know what's being gloated about, let alone why he should be impressed. He has the emotional intelligence to recognize when someone's gloating and the "appropriate" response of amazement, but it seems like it never comes from a place of earnest. (While Neurotypicals can and do engage in "performative" behavior, I tend to notice this way more commonly with neurodivergents)

Also the "wow..." Performative thing is VERY reminiscent of Peridot from Steven Universe(a characters who many autistic fans see themselves in and the creator herself saying she doesn't consider Peridot or any of the gems to be neurotypical) going "wow thanks" as her default "this is how I've been taught to show gratitude" response

Point #3: Miscellaneous traits that could be neurodivergent

These traits COULD be interpreted as neurodivergent, but I will admit they could also be interpreted as something else so like take these with a grain of salt

1: Lampy appears to have sensory needs. When sleeping, he needs to tap a rock a few times(presumably to make sure it's "right") before clonking his head on it. It's interesting because rocks aren't a very "lamp" thing whatsoever, and none of the other appliances look for pillow-ish objects to rest on, so this could be a sensory thing.

2: Lampy has an interesting vocal quirk: repetition of phrases at the beginning and end of a sentence. Instances include "How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?" "All of a sudden you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden" "The fact is there's just not enough facts" The third one is a bit of a stretch but the first two seem to indicate a possible pattern of speech. Part of me wants to say this could be a verbal tic or some type of verbal stimming, but I've never met anyone who has a tic or stim like this so I can't say it's a neurodivergent thing with confidence, but I wanted to mention this quirk regardless.

3: Physically saying how he feels. Two instances where multiple characters are laughing, Lampy speaks while laughing "That's funny - I'm dying!" "I'm aching with joy!". It's just interesting that no one else speaks while laughing and for whatever reason, Lampy needs to verbalize "Yes I find this very funny" as if simply laughing along isn't enough. I've seen somewhat similar stuff in neurodivergents who have issues expressing emotions implicitly so they state them explicitly instead.

4: I've noticed Lampy isn't touchy... except with Radio. Some neurodivergent people can have issues with physical contact, which could explain that. But I've also noticed that Radio also gives me huge neurodivergent vibes... But more importantly Radio is extremely touchy with everyone, Lampy included, hence them often getting into physical fights but also just- tapping them or wrapping a cord around the other and pulling him close(they're so in love but that's a post on its own). A possible explanation is Lampy having issues with touching others, but either feels comfortable being touchy with Radio(due to emotional bonds and trust) or simply recognizes "Radio likes being touchy so I should be touchy back". A stretch of an argument, I'll admit, but I think the interpretation is there and valid.

In conclusion

I mean idk if Lampy was written to be neurodivergent or if the writers just wanted him to be "quirky" and accidentally gave him a lot of neurodivergent traits, but he reads as very neurodivergent to me(probably autistic or adhd but I'm not a professional and can't diagnose him). But while I can chalk up neruodivergency being one of many possible interpretations of his character, I WILL argue that he's not "stupid" given the evidence we see throughout the movie

Tl;Dr: Lampy is evidently intelligent, but sometimes struggles with social cues, empathy, and overall shows numerous traits of neurodivergency

[thebadguyalways-blog]

Bonnie & Clyde || Tom Riddle x Reader ♧part 2♧

When I woke up in the morning the first thing I thought about was the books I stole. I sat up straight and looked around. The dorm was empty. I yawned and reached over to my bag while looking at the clock that told me it was exactly 11.00am. Luckily, t was saturday. I opened the book on dark magic and skipped a few pages until I came across something that peaked my interest.

Horcruxes.

I've read about them numerous times before. I have however never fully been able to understand how one makes a horcrux. I knew it involved splitting the soul but the next page was ripped out of the book. I yawned again while closing the book. I looked at my bag and picked up the book on Voodoo rituals.

I carelessly flipped through the pages, not really paying attention to the titles of different rituals. I was with my head somewhere else until suddenly a small spark shot through my middle finger. It didn't hurt. I in fact am nit even completely sure if I even felt it. It was more mental than physical. I looked at the page I was on and read the title.

'Wither away evil love spells and restore ones ability to love normally'

I was quite intrigued to be honest. Even though I was pretty sure I wasn't under a love spell, something told me that it would come in handy.

'Make a solid heart-shaped form out of dough or clay and carve the name of the person who cursed you.'

This wasn't like any of the magic we were thought in school. It was almost like a religion.

'Under the moon a day prior to the full moon dig a hole and put the heart in. And squeeze the lemon over it.'

I read the entire ritual and then closed the book with a sigh.

I put both books away and dressed myself and brushed my teeth before walking out of the dorms and into the surprisingly empty common room. Then it hit me and I rolled my eyes.

The first Hogsmeade weekend. There were three in a year. Some students have complained it wasn't enough. Others like myself think there are too many. I never really go. Got nobody to sign my permission slip so what can you do. I went to sit on one of the love chairs in the corner of the room rather than the couch in the center.

I looked around the empty common room to make sure nobody was there and grabbed the book on dark magic again since the voodoo one kinda creeped me out a little bit.

I tried again to find some more information that I wanted on horcruxes but was again unsuccesful. It was all for recreational purpouses ofcourse.

I heard some news in the corridors that muggles were dealing with some kind of criminal couple. They go town to town robbing banks and shops. The woman -I think her name is Bonnie Parker- is said to keep going on and on about how she wants to be remembered for a long time after she dies. She wants everyone to know her name. That's why they cause so much mayhem and chaos together. To be known by the people.

I wanna be remembered when I die. Also not just by friends. But by everyone. But in the wizarding world things like that are more complicated than just robbing a few banks and killing 3 or 4 people. I'm gonna have to achieve something big. But Bonnie and Clyde were my OTP. Even if thhey were muggles.

In that moment right then I decided that I in fact wanna be remembered and known by everyone. And I was gonna do anything to achief my goal. Causing mayhem and chaos isn't an exception.

I flipped through the pages again mindlessly thinking about something huge I could achief that will put my name in the history books when I was snapped out of my thoughts by the closing of the common room door.

I quickly closed the book and hid it behind my back. I looked up to see a pissed looking Tom Riddle walking into the common room. He was looking at me and raised an eyebrow.

"What were you holding?" He asked spitting every word with annoyance framing it.

"Um a book, what did it look like?" I asked sarcasticly.

"Don't act funny, what is the title of the book." He asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Why are you so mad? And why do you wanna know what I'm reading?"

Tom huffed and walked over to me at a fast angry pace.

"I was in the library and I noticed my book was missing." He said.

"Um, it's a library. Students get books there all the time. Now if what you're getting at is that I happen to have the book you're looking for I'd tell you to leave because I really don't think you'd be into these kinds of books." I told him.

Why the fuck would he want a book on dark magic? This boy has the highest grade in all our classes, what can't he do with normal magic, that he can do with dark magic.

He narrowed his eyes for a moment.

"Just tell me the title of the book and I'll leave you alone." He negotiated.

I sighed. I was 100% sure I didn't have his book.

"I can't." I said honestly.

He raised his eyebrows as if asking me what the fuck I was getting at.

I sighed.

"You'll think I'm psycho, and you'll tell everyone and then I'll get in trouble." I explained.

He smirked slightly.

"I won't. Just show me the book (Y/L/N)" He sighed. The small smirk still present.

I groaned. "Fine" I said and slowly got the book from behind my back.

I handed it to him and he stared at it. His smirk was growing bigger. "What's a girl like you doing with a book on dark magic?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes. "You've seen the cover, may I have my book back now?" I asked him keeping my eyes on the book.

"No." he said.

I looked at him. He still had the smirk on his face with one eyebrow raised higher than the other.

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone and leave me alone." I said in a little bit more of a whine than I intended.

He chuckled.

"That's not why you're not getting it back." He stated. "You're not getting it back because it's mine."

I narrowed my eyes trying not to let him notice how surprised I was.

"What does someone like you need with black magic." I asked.

He raised his brows. "What do you mean 'someone like me'?" He asked.

"You know... someone that's good at every class and probably one of the most powerful students here." I described. "I'm just trying to say that you probably don't need black magic to make you a better wizard"

His facial expression turned into a amused one.

"You're oblivious to the fact that you are the second best student in Hogwards. No?"

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"That you have the best grade in herbology, transfiguration, divination and care of magical animals." He said "And you're second best in the rest of them exept for history of magic where you're third." he finished.

My mouth fel agape.

"How-" I started to ask.

"I wanted to know who I should see as a threat." He answered.

I stared at him. Right then was the first moment in my life that I couldn't read someones expression. Was he joking? Was he serious? Should I be worried?

"Don't worry." He said "I realised I'd much rather have you as an ally."

He stepped closer and sat down on the other love seat in front of me. He leaned over and placed his elbows on his knees folding his hands in front of him.

"Interesting." I said with an unnoticable yawn and put my elbow on the chair arm and leaned my head on my hand. "Tell me more." I said.

Riddle smiled.

"I wanna do something big." he said "Something bad."

I grinned at the way he was describing his plan. "Acting all mysterious are we?" I asked.

He shot me a glare.

"I've been watching you, (Y/L/N), for a while now. You have potential." He said.

I smirked. "And may I ask what exactly I have potential for?" I asked.

He shrugged and leaned back in the chair. "Still figuring that out." He said "All I know is that you're too special to stay unnoticed your entire life. You have to be known. A name everyone knows but is too afraid to speak. The persom every mother warns her child about. A face that lets everyone know that the world is ours. That's (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the queen of darkness, the dutchess of chaos, my Dark Lady."

He had his way with speech. Everyone knew that. This vision of his spoke to me in a way that no one other could. Even if someone else had the same vision, ideas or believes as Riddle. No one knew how to put his thoughts into words like he did. It impressed me, to say the least. I was high on the idea of being known, maybe feared by every single witch and wizard. 'His Dark Lady' I repeated in a whisper. I was als so impressed by the way he could actually make me believe him for a second. Even though I didn't doubt his believes. His intentions were another story. He wouldn't lie. He had too much pride, too big of an ego to lie about his plans. He just leaves a lot of his plan out. I know for a fact that he didn't tell me everything. I pity everyone who was truly stupid enough to trust Tom Riddle.

"What exactly is your plan?" I asked.

Riddle tutted while shaking his head. "You're going to have to prove you are trustworthy first." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "How." I asked. He smirked. "That's for me to know and for you to find out." He said before standing up and walking towards the door.

"Wait!" I called after him.

He turned around and looked at me expectantly.

"Will you tell me about horcruxes?"

[callsignbaphomet]

I kind of want to write it myself but I have to go to work, so I'm going to give you 34 because it is the corniest thing I've read all day.

34. “These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

He was tired, worn out and even if he didn’t want to admit it he was pretty sore. It’d been a long time since he’d been fucked like that. Last few times he was sober enough to recall were quickies behind whatever building was the closest to vaguely hide behind. He was sure he and whoever was with him had been caught numerous times. Not exactly something he felt any shame about, not when the audience were chem infused, alcohol fueled raiders who did the same or worse if some of the stories were to be believed. While the drug-infused anonymous sex in public was a way to scratch an itch, so to say, the excitement of it all died down rather quickly and he soon came to find that it wasn’t exactly satisfying. Especially when he could recall some partners either finishing too fast, not being able to even stand on their own two feet or after two to three thrusts they couldn’t keep themselves hard enough to finish which led some to threaten him if he ever said anything. The threats themselves made it all the more hilarious for him, it was even more hilarious when he’d dispatch the juicy little detail to certain people who were known to never shut up about gossip.

This was different. This was far better than the last several times he recalled. Even better was the fact that he was able to lie down next to him and when he’d put his arms around him and pulled him closer he thought he was going to squeal. He shifted his eyes to see his arm sticking out from under him while his other arm hugged him. He stared at the palm of his hand and slowly moved his own hand towards it. He touched his palm with the tip of his fingers and gently drew circles in the middle. After a while he was suddenly startled when he closed his hand around his, prompting him to turn around. He was met with a set of sleepy blue eyes and a small smile staring back which caused him to smile back.

“Sorry, J, didn’t mean to wake you.” Angelus whispered.

“Just had my eyes closed, that’s all. I thought you were asleep.”

“Uh-uh.” Angelus said as he nuzzled up to Jelani. “I don’t know, can’t sleep.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking.” Angelus whispered. He opened his eyes and saw the stitches on the right side of Jelani’s neck. A few more inches and the bullet could have hit an artery but he quickly shook his head as to avoid thinking what could’ve happened instead of being grateful that they got out alive though a little battered.

Angelus ran his finger across an older scar on Jelani’s jaw and out of curiosity asked, “How’d you get that one?”

“Hmmmmm, knife fight with some drunk idiot.” Jelani chuckled as he remembered the fight, “Funny thing is I actually didn’t feel a thing when he cut me but once the Psycho wore off I bitched and cried for an hour about it.”

“That’s Psycho for ya.” Angelus blurted out as he laughed. “Great when it’s in your system but once it’s gone you’re gonna wish you were dead.”

“Hey, so what about you? What happened to your back? It’s covered in scars.”

“The one time I did something nice for someone else I almost got killed. You remember that girl I introduced you to? Ginger?”

“From the lighthouse? Yeah. She’s nice.”

“Well, she was on her way back home when she and her party got lost, they’d recently moved to the lighthouse and were in short supply of practically everything so they’d gone out to search for stuff to bring back. Unfortunately they ran into a yao guai and she was hurt pretty bad and I have no idea why but I ran over to help. I don’t really remember too much but when I came to she grabbed my gun and emptied the entire clip on that thing’s head. Was kind of badass. I passed out again, blood loss, and came to at the lighthouse. Been friends since. Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“What about the ones on your arms? The ones on your right arm look fresh.”

Jelani remained silent as the question registered. Normally he’d tell anyone who asked about those specific scars to piss off or that it was none of their business, but he didn’t want to seem cruel though at the same time he thought that if he told him the truth he’d think he was some demented freak and would push him away. For a while he analyzed his options and carefully constructed an answer. He knew he wouldn’t be able to lie, the scars were almost perfectly aligned and the cuts were clean. It was obvious that he hadn’t gotten them from a fight or from some wild animal.

“It’s…just something that happens once in a while. It’s better if we don’t talk about it; I wouldn’t even know how to explain it without–”

“Without sounding like a freak. I get it. I had a friend who did the same after his wife died. He said that it hurt but it didn’t hurt as much as what he was feeling.”

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“I’m sorry, J.”

“It’s fine. So what happened to this friend?” Jelani asked as to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“Oh, well, believe it or not one day he ran into an old abandoned farm outside the Commonwealth and said he wanted to farm the shit outta it. From raider to farmer. I laughed so hard I thought I’d pissed myself but he was serious about it. Started growing crops, expanded the farm, hired some people and took it easy from then on. He wanted me to go along with him but nah, farming is definitely not for me and give up this freedom to wake up at dawn to tend to plants? Hell, no. I do miss him. Had a really thick accent like you. Well, not exactly like yours. Yours is really weird–not that it’s bad! It’s just you know, unique. He actually taught me how to speak Spanish just so we could share info and no one would be the wiser.”

“Wait a sec. You know Spanish?” Jelani amusingly quipped. He always found it fascinating when others knew some other language besides English. The fact that that friend had an accent as well felt like a relief after a childhood of other kids making fun of his.

“That’s right, papi.” Angelus chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Jelani. “What about that weird language you sometimes mutter to yourself, what the heck is it?”

“Well, my father’s family had a habit of keeping track of their ancestors from before the war. If you ask me I think it was their way to cope with dealing with life as it is now. So my father could trace his family back from before the war. Apparently five years before the war our family moved from some other country into Minnesota. We lost track of what that country was along the way but we know they spoke this language called Norsk and they’ve been passing it on ever since. I learned that one before I learned English so that’s why the accent plus he had the same accent and when I was really little my mom wasn’t home too much so I learned to talk, read and write from him.”

“Why wasn’t your mom around too much?”

“She was with the Brotherhood of Steel and every time they got close she went off to throw them off her trail. There wasn’t any NCR activity in the Capital so my dad had nothing to worry about. But the Brotherhood didn’t take too kindly to her going AWOL so she ended up on their shit list. I guess she dealt with them because after I turned four she was around all the time.”

“I didn’t know you were from the Capitol. What about your parents? They still there?”

“They died when I was five.”

“Wait a minute, how did you–”

“My brother looked after me.” Jelani answered in anticipation to Angelus’ follow up question. “He did the best he could but he was only fourteen when our parents died. It was really hard at first, their deaths hit him pretty hard and even though they left a good amount of caps hidden away it only lasted for a few months. After that my brother tried to find anything he could do to earn caps for us but sometimes there wasn’t really much people would ask a fourteen year old to do. He tried to hide it but I know he lied a lot about how bad things were at times. Most nights he wouldn’t eat so I could and he’d lie but I knew he would go days without eating so that I wouldn’t go hungry. If he was sick he’d save the Stimpaks in case I got sick. So as I got a little bit older I learned to steal shit to bring it home, there was no way I was gonna watch my brother kill himself for me.”

“God, that sounds horrible.”

“It was. I think he knew I was stealing stuff but he didn’t have any proof. What was he gonna do, keep inventory? Plus a friend of the family would check in on us. It was this really old ghoul named Sunniva. She’d come around every few months to check up on us but when she found out our parents died she stopped by every month with supplies so I kept the stealing down to only when it was an emergency. Things got a hell of a lot better when he was able to pass as an adult and joined up with a group of mercs called Talon Company. I don’t think he liked doing some of the stuff he had to do. Some nights he came home, washed up and went to bed without saying a word but I could hear him crying.”

“Anyway, after a while he and I decided to move out of the Capitol. We had the caps, the supply and gear for a really long trek so we just left. Those were the best months of my life. He’d mapped out several routes we could take to get to New Vegas and he’d let me choose which one we were taking that day. It was amazing, we’d stop to explore ruins, he gave me every Nuka-Cola and gumdrops he’d find along the way and there was this huge library and he let me take as many books as I could carry with me. So at night we’d find a good spot to spend the night in, eat some dinner and we’d spend a few minutes outside just looking up at the stars and right before bed he always read a bit aloud to me. I preferred to do it myself but it was great just hearing him talk for a while.”

“New Vegas, huh? I heard that place was fucked because of the NCR.”

“Sorta. Anyway, we stayed there for a while until we got in trouble with the NCR.” Jelani laughed as he recalled the confrontations which were dangerous but for some reason he and Loke never took them seriously. Maybe they liked to lash out at lesser threats to feel some sense of power since the Legionnaires were always on them and giving them a hard time. Of course Jelani left out the small fact that the reason they ended up running from the NCR was because they killed six of their veteran rangers over a petty squabble that escalated due to short tempers and massive egos.

“After the NCR put out a “shoot on sight” on us we decided to leave. We heard a few caravans were headed to Boston so we were hired by one to get them across safely. It wasn't…” Jelani’s voice began to quiver as he recalled the last weeks he spent with his brother.

Angelus caught on to the change in his voice and quickly looked up to see him. He didn’t say anything to Jelani especially when he saw tears silently running down his face, he just hugged him a little tighter and nuzzled his nose against his throat.

“Um…” Jelani gasped as he tried to catch his breath while trying desperately to hold back his tears. “He…he died and it was my fault. He was all I had and he’s dead because of me. I picked the route and we walked right into a deathclaw nest. He told me to get everyone far from the nest and I did but I went back for him. He was standing in the middle of a rope bridge with the deathclaw near him. I panicked and shot at it so it turned around and was walking towards me. He cut the ropes holding the bridge together and they fell. I watched him fall and I stayed there for days hoping that he was okay and that he’d come back but he never did–I killed him–”

“No, hey, J, listen to me!” Angelus said as he cupped Jelani’s face in his hands and while looking right at him he continued, “You couldn’t have known there was a deathclaw nest there. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was!”

“No, it wasn’t! Look, clearly your brother loved you. He loved you enough to face off against a deathclaw for you. Do you honestly think he’d want you to blame yourself for what happened? No. You said so yourself, he looked after you and cared for you. He put aside any selfishness and even his own needs to take care of you because he loved you and didn’t want anything bad to happen to you. Okay? Don’t do that to yourself.”

Jelani went quiet as he slowed down his breathing. He still felt an immense guilt over what happened that day but in an odd way what Angelus had just said made sense. Blaming himself wasn’t going to solve anything, it only led to him mutilating himself and playing with the idea of killing himself, none of which was going to bring Loke back and in the end his death would’ve been in vain.

“Come on,” Angelus whispered while wiping away the tears, “Don’t cry, hon. Those pretty blue eyes look best when they’re shining like stars.”

“Okay.” Jelani said as he finally smiled.

“Well, actually, these stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

As soon as Angelus said that both of them stayed quiet for about a minute staring at each other and suddenly both of them burst out laughing. Once they were able to calm their laughter Angelus covered his face with his pillow but Jelani lowered it to find him blushing over what he had just said.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Oh, my god, I don’t fucking know. I heard this drunk idiot say it at the cafe and I don’t know why I just remembered it and blurted it out. That was so weird!”

“Nah, it was cute but kinda weird too.” Jelani hugged Angelus and pulled him closer until they were both body to body. Jelani then looked past the cloth dividing the makeshift bed in the small camp, he could see the sky behind the Nuka-Cola Bottling Plant getting lighter across the horizon. Neither of them had slept but he didn’t worry about it. They had nothing planned for the day and it was fine by him if they spent the entire day sleeping together.

“Hmm, it’s almost sunrise.” Jelani yawned.

“That’s fine. The world can go fuck itself, I just wanna stay like this with you.”

“Jeg elsker deg.”

“I love you too.”