#it’s just that these authors aren’t showing up for yuri duty

[saaraofthesand]

my toxic trait is getting angry when I realize there’s no yuri in the non-yuri media I engage with

[queerchoicesblog]

The Movie Party (SC Titanic, Zetta x Adele Series, Ch. 17)

So, folks, the SC Titanic Zetta x Adele Series has come to an end: this is the final chapter. It’s time for Zetta and Adele to have a reunion at last. 

I want to thank all those who supported this crazy project of mine. This series has been quite important and will somehow still be, even if the original story is no longer available and it’s the end. But I will be grateful to the authors who crafted it: it was one of the few times I felt truly seen as represented as a wlw in a game. 

You must forgive me if this chapter will be a bit longer but I wanted to bid a farewell to the various characters who made this story one hard to forget. It’s the finale: you either go big or go home, right? And you will find the explanation of the title of the series, if you haven’t figured it out already...

Little disclaimer-favor: especially since the tags don’t seem to be working anymore, if you do enjoy it, please consider supporting the author & sharing this. A little gesture that means a lot!

Stay tuned next week for the Epilogue!

Zetta x Adele Tag: @storyscaped​ ​ @storyscapefanficarchive​ @marmolady​ @animus-and-anima​ @hayley-carter19 @escako​  @everlastingchoices​ @indescribablechoices​ @ahrielstuff​ @bornonawdnsday​ @nazario-sayeed​  @h-doodles​ @adele-serda​ @marlcasters​ @brightpinkpeppercorn​  @michelleconnoly​ @charliejane-blog​ @ghost-of-yuri​  @choicesgremlin​  @lanzhansguqin​ @orange-elephants​ @wonder-falcon​

Zetta x Adele Series Tag: @eternal-langdon​ @nydeiri​

➡️ Ch. 1, Ch. 2/1, Ch. 2/2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7, Ch. 8/1, Ch. 8/2, Ch. 9, Ch. 10/1, Ch. 10/2, Ch. 11/1, Ch. 11/2, Ch. 12, Ch. 13, Ch. 14, Ch. 15 , Ch. 16

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The night of the Surviving the Titanic premiere, I walk into the venue at the arm of Richard, my little Napoleon in tow, 'fashionably late' as my fiancé puts it. We are greeted by the flash powder and shouts of the reporters and the awe of the guests gathered in the dashing foyer, waiting in line to show a steward their invitation. I wave at them, smiling and searching the crowd, while Richard tips his hat. Sadly, I do not see any familiar face or I don't recognise any before we walk past them and disappear behind the red velvet curtains of the auditorium. Another steward takes care of our coats while a colleague leads us to the honorary seats reserved for us and the rest of the crew.

We seat and wait. To keep my mind busy, I fix Richard's bow tie leaning to the side. I chat a bit with Sabine and compliment her outfit once again: I'm touched she decided to wear the pearl headband I gifted her when I made it into the movie industry. A birthday gift: she kept repeating she couldn't accept a gift like that but eventually I prevailed. Seeing it again after all those years...I'm so grateful she didn't listen to me and refused to bring it with her on our trip to Europe: "I'd rather not, Madam: I don't think I will have occasion to wear it", she said. I'm incredibly happy she deemed this night a right occasion. I'm so used to see her in her maid uniform that I forgot how she looks in an evening gown and the little detail makes her look like the friend she is to me. I'm pretty happy and proud of my outfit too. I picked it myself: I knew exactly what I wanted when I commissioned it to a New York fashion designer à la mode. I don't usually wear black, I much prefer colors, but lately I've been reconciling with it. And it seemed appropriate for the night: black is the color of mourning, right? What is tonight, this movie if not a commemoration of all those who aren't with us tonight, all those who sacrificed their lives for people like me and all the other survivors we managed to trace back, gathered here tonight? I'm not naive enough to ignore there is more to it, something less poetic, but I hold onto the remembrance of the lives lost. Onto that night: I hope the meaning of my sapphire necklace, the same one I wore on my birthday night, is not lost to those who were there. A hand on my shoulder, a gentle touch. As my heart races a bit faster I turn...but no, it's only my colleague, my fictional sister greeting me at the arm of John, Richard's right hand. I kiss her cheeks and invite the two of them to join us. She is visibly excited when she announces that the foyer is packed: she had never seen a crowd like that. It's a delight to hear but I can only hope in that crowd are a few familiar faces I long to see. One dear face I desperately long to see. One last time, at least if that's what it must be but I need to see her, to make amends and tell her the truth. She must know: I owe her that. When the stewards eventually open the velvet curtains, the auditorium fills fast, women in fur stoles and men in tuxedo swarm in like bees, chatting lively as they take a seat. I stretch my neck to see if I can find her face but my eyes only meet tycoons, socialite and strangers. Is that man over there checking the night programme Felix? I certainly hope so: if he's here, Lawrence must be too. And God knows how I need him tonight. After what feels like an eternity, it's time. The premiere begins. "Here goes nothing" Richard sighs, taking my hand into his as they dim off the lights. I wish I could have spotted Adele before darkness fall on the auditorium and the projector starts crackling. Apparently, uncertainty must torture me a bit longer.

As story unfolds on screen, I hear the audience hold their breath in awe and fear and for a moment I am reminded why I love my job: to give people feelings, to make them live lives they would never live even if for a fleeting moment. Their wonder, their tears of sorrow and joy are the best reward, the only reward I look for, even more important than the generous checks I receive for my performances: it makes me feel alive, it makes me believe that for a moment our hearts beat at unison and we're connected. When my character and her sister hug in the lifeboat and watch the sinking ship, the muffled sounds and sniffling around me tell me that no matter how hard performing that scene was, the message got trough. I am incredibly happy about this.

After the screening and a round of thunderous applauses, stewards lead us to the theater lobby. I have a look around while reporters and guests join us. Richard insisted to take care of the decorations and the whole movie party himself...well, with his staff: he claimed that he had asked of me too much already and he was happy to help and give Sabine a few days off. My little Napoleon was taken aback by the decision: she has always supervised every party, every mundane event. I look at her and I have to stifle a laugh at her unimpressed face. She's right: just like the picture, the decorations aren't grand enough, not luxurious enough and I have no doubt she would have done so much better than this. There isn't even music... I hear the clinking sound of camera and flash powder igniting and before I know it, a bunch of reporters are taking pictures. I put on my best smile and pose with Richard. When he agrees we offered enough coverage of the events for the moment, he guides me away from them towards a waiter in high uniform offering champagne glasses. He hands me one and takes one for himself. "To our success, to our night" he smiles, rising his glass. I repeat his toast and we cling glasses. I have just tasted the cold alcoholic sweetness of it that guests approach us. I do my best to be polite and charming: I know it's my duty even if it distracts me from my most important search for my love. Is she even here? Maybe she just tossed my invitation into the fireplace after my disappearance...oh, no, I don't wanna picture such thing! And I know it's selfish of me, maybe even my note was selfish...it probably would make things easier for her if I disappeared and let her live her life, if I let her forget me soon. Strip away the memory of the time we shared together like a band-aid. Maybe even engaging romantically with her was selfish of me in my situation...oh, I'm tormenting myself again! Focus, Zetta, focus! The guests profusely compliment and comments are awfully predictable: the jewelled wife of a well known mogul dramatically claims that the picture was "a true masterpiece" and she totally felt "as if she was there too that night". A young socialite nods and echoes her words: is she her daughter? I flash them a smile and say I am overjoyed to hear so, it was the effect we were hoping for. I am stuck into conversations like these until the party is in full swing. My head almost hurt at the insane amount of stale nonsense I hear: maybe Lawrence was right when he once said that the problem with fiction is that the audience hardly takes it as such and cannot distinguish between documentary and fictional movies. They will go to bed tonight truly convinced they know what we survivors felt that night, they will tell friends encouraging them to go see the picture (hopefully) but the truth is...they know nothing. They have no idea how terrifying it was, how gruesome. They have no idea what suddenly not knowing if you or your dear ones will see another dawn or hearing gunshots and screams of terror all around you feel. It's like ice flowing into your veins instead of blood, a clutching fear I will never forget. Their heart would have broken in a thousand pieces too hearing the despair in the voices of the poor souls swimming in the frozen water begging for a help that never came.  Maybe this picture was a mistake after all, I don't know. I keep jumping from one conversation to another, peering across the crowd gathered on the balcony and below but I cannot spot anyone I know. Instead, a young man out of the blue asks me news of James: they're acquaintances and he was hoping to meet him here tonight. I sense Richard tensing up at my side as he sinks his glass of champagne. He was on the ship too, the young man continues, is he alright. I have no idea if the rumor of what happened at my birthday party has spread or if it faded away after the tragedy so I offer him a quick smile. I conceal how his reminding me of my fallen little prince is making my wound bleed again. James is fine as far as I know - I tell him - but sadly couldn't make it tonight, a previous engagement he couldn't postpone. My merciful lie seems to be enough for him as he tips his hat and asks me to bring him his greetings. As we part from them, I excuse myself and head away from the crowd "to fix my hair and rouge". Thankfully, Richard understands. He takes my glasses and places a quick kiss on my temple, whispering that it's alright, he will cover for me. He winks at me before greeting a colleague. I make a beeline for the restroom to catch some breath: I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by this party but I must be patient, this night is nowhere close to be over soon. I take a deep breath, one last check and return to the lobby. 

At the corner of my eye, I finally notice a familiar couple quietly having a drink in a defiled spot by the railing. Friendly faces, at last! I call their names and they turn. "Here's the belle of the ball!" Lawrence exclaims, approaching. He is charming as usual: he takes my hand and gallantly raised to his lips, smiling. He still looks tired and older than he actually is. I pull him into a quick hug. "You came, you old dog!" I joke, making him laugh. "And you too!" I wink at Felix who blushes slightly. When we part, I throw the two of them a look that - I hope - will convey my deep affection more than my words can. "I am incredibly happy you are here tonight" I smile softly. "We were incredibly happy to receive your invitation to the party, dear Zetta" Lawrence twists my words with his kindness. I take a look at him and flash him a sheepish smile. "You hated it, I know" He sighs before laughing, a gentle laugh. I speak again before he can formulate an excuse. "I can only hope I made up for it. My performance at least, the champagne..." "You were magnificent, Zetta. As usual" His smile is genuine, affectionate. Sweet dear Lawrence... "Tell you what, I had to give the gentleman here my handkerchief in the finale" he adds, a playful yet equally affectionate smile on his lips, nodding to his companion. Felix sighs, shaking his head. He cannot refrain a smile. I laugh and hug him. "That is such a great compliment, thank you, darling!" He's always been a big fan of me, he notes and Lawrence is quick to confirm it. We share a long look, quiet, safely away from the loud crowd. When will I see the two of them again? "Lots of people here tonight" Lawrence comments, after a moment, his blue eyes roaming the lobby packed with guests. "Yeah..." I sigh. "Yet you are the first friendly faces I bump into tonight. Well, apart from Sabine. Can you believe it?". I'm not surprised that he understands the unsaid. I'm relieved, actually: concealing my vulnerability but not to the point a man like him cannot sense it, underneath my words. He shares a quick look with Felix before reaching for my hand and giving it an encouraging squeeze. "Maybe it's just because you got stuck with those socialites in high hats and furs and embarrassingly expensive jewels" He winks at me and I laugh, a liberating laugh I needed so much. "Maybe" I concede before adding, hesitant. "I don't even know what I should hope for, Lawrence". He considers my words and when his eyes meet mine again, I don't want to let go of his hand. I want to hold onto him. "The night is not over, right?". I smile weakly at him: he's right but I have no idea if it's a good thing or not. Maybe it will only mean my agony is far from ending anytime soon. He seems to be reading my own thoughts. "Chin up, dear Zetta. And if you need us, we will be downstairs. Just say the word" Sometimes I wonder what I did good to have a man like him being so kind and thoughtful with me. I nod and try to recollect myself. I wish I could stay with them a bit longer but I see reporters approaching and a proper host cannot disappear forever. Sadly I must go, they know it. After one last lingering look, I take my leave. Evading the reporters is a lost war, so I surrender and pose again. How many pictures do they need, goddammit? Oh boy, this flock of vultures wants statements too. Fine, I know what to say. Marvel at how many people gather here tonight, tell how important this movie is to you, how you hope it will help bring along the memory of the tragedy...and start over. Then, with nonchalance and a charming, unreadable smile, walk away. Thank God, it works. I look for Richard or Sabine but they are both nowhere in sight. I shake hands with a couple of New York socialites when I hear a voice behind me calling my name, quietly almost shyly. I turn and see a young woman in a floral dress, red hair in elegant waves and big green eyes looking at me in awe. "Miss Serda, I just wanted to thank you for your invitation and say how flawless your performance was tonight". I flash her a smile. Have we met already? I cannot tell... "Did you enjoy the picture?" "Yes, quite a lot! Even if it's not the same, of course..." she lowers her eyes as if ashamed to anger me with such an undeniable truth. "Were you on the ship?" I inquiry, in my most reassuring voice. "Yes" she nods. "I was..." she pauses before shaking her head, a brighter smile relaxing her face. "Actually I was Adele's cabinmate. Your secretary's cabinmate, I mean". I gape and take a better look at the redhead in front of me. But of course! I saw her on the deck with a Adele as we were playing shuffleboard with the Baron. I tell her so, hoping to make her happy. It works, apparently: she looks pleasantly surprised I remember her. "You're...Clorinda!" I exclaim, reminiscing Lucille's words at our dinner, when she recognised Adele's dress as one of her own creation, a gift to her favourite model. She laughs, but her laugh is weak. "I was Clorinda, yes". "Lucille sang your praises during our journey" I smile. "Will I see you soon at her upcoming show?". "I'm afraid not, Miss Serda" her lips twist in a pained smile. "I no longer work for Mrs Duff-Gordon". Seeing my surprised face, she continues.   

"I had an accident during the sinking. I am no longer suited to work as a mannequin" she explains, quickly lowering her eyes before meeting mine again and adding, cheerfully: "But it's alright. I am here, I am alive and I am in America...it's all that matters, right?". We smile weakly at each other for a moment. I feel sorry for this girl even if she seems stronger than she looks. "Adele talked of you" I tell her and I'm glad to see the mix of surprise and excitement on her face. "You're the big fan of mine who kindly borrowed the posters and memorabilia for my birthday party at the Cafe Parisien. Seeing the old and new posters, reading the little notes you wrote...it meant so much to me, truly. I have never had a chance to thank you properly but I will always remember your kindness to me". A hint of red spreads over her cheeks as she smiles a big bright smile. "Oh, it was nothing, Miss Zetta...I was honoured to give my humble contribution to your birthday. If it made you happy, I'm happy, overjoyed!". I laugh softly at her contagious enthusiasm. Adele told me it was quite endearing and she was right. Her cabinmate speaks again, still gleaming but recovering the initial shyness. "Miss Serda, I was wondering if I could...well, if I could get your autograph? I was hoping to ask you during the crossing but then.." "But of course!" I smile and beckon a steward over. When he's back with a promotional picture and a pen, I look back at my fan. "What name should I write?" "Oh, Lena. Lena Montague but Lena is just perfect". I write my dedication and hand it to her. She takes a step forward, limping a little, and I get a glimpse of her wooden leg as she looks down at the picture with reverence. "There, for you. And your new collection, maybe" I wink. 

She thanks me but I insist that it's my line. And a sudden idea crosses my mind. "Thank you for coming, Miss Montague. I am glad I got a chance to make your acquaintance. And I was wondering...I remember expressing the wish to invite you for breakfast after being informed of your lovely gesture, to thank you. Would you accept a belated invitation? Let's say next week?". I have never seen such starry eyes on a face of a fan. "And who would be so foolish to turn down an invitation from you, Miss Serda? Sure thing!" "Excellent! I'll send my maid to you then, she's here somewhere...enjoy the party, Miss Montague". I kiss her cheeks and offer her one last smile before going back to my guests. I search Sabine but I find Richard instead, who introduces me to a couple of survivors he shook hands with. It doesn't take long before I realise why he wanted me to meet them: they say they were on my lifeboat and it was thanks to my intervention that they survived that awful night. They will be eternally grateful. I...I don't know what to say. I see Richard smiling proudly down at me while a faint blush spread over my cheeks. I tell them I am sure they would have helped too if the roles were reversed and wish them a happy new life in America. As they part, I finally spot my little Napoleon approaching, imperturbable as the Sphinx, quietly observing the stewards moving from one side of the hall to other. You can take away her apron but not her inquisitive gaze, I suppose: no rest for Sabine... "Ah, here you are!" I greet her, before teasing her. "I feared I lost you in the crowd" She offers me a quick amused smile. "I wasn't lost, Madam, just mingling. An impressive crowd tonight, n'est pas?" "Beyond our wildest expectations, yes!" Richard confirms, eyes roaming the upper floor.   

"I am glad to hear, Monsieur King. A well deserved success" my maid bows her head, concealing once again the disappointment for not being involved in the party setting. Then she turns towards me and continues, with a nonchalance that is only pretended. I know it quite well... "By a fortunate coincidence, I bumped into Miss Carrem just a moment ago". I can only hope my face doesn't betray my feelings, the turmoil her words provoked inside me. Adele is here, she came. I will get to see her at least one last time, I will talk to her. My words will be a poor consolation to her maybe but...I will see her again. "Carrem...Carrem, Carrem...oh right, your secretary on board, huh?" Richard exclaims but I barely register what he's saying. All I can think of is Adele, Adele here, tonight. Oh God, thank you! "Oui, precisement" my little Napoleon confirms on my behalf as I cannot speak. "An exquisite young lady, if I say so myself. The best candidate we had in ages, Monsieur, and I am not easily impressed, I assure you". Richard says something about how he would love to make her acquaintance and thank Miss Carrem personally but I am not listening just like the night of our arrival when he was stroking my hand but my head was far away with he woman I foolishly a abandoned at the pier. "I left her in the main hall downstairs. She's with her sister" Sabine adds, addressing me. Snapping out of my reverie, I manage to remind Richard that I talked a little about them. They were on my lifeboat too, we stayed together on the Carpathia...but I am extremely grateful to the providential steward who beckons him over. He sighs and excuses himself, saying he will be back before we know it. As soon as he's out of earshot and someone else interrupts me again, I wrap my arm around Sabine's and lead her to the side, by the railing. Now that Richard is gone, I can show my concern more freely. To some extent, obviously but I think I am safe with my little Napoleon. 

"How is she? Did she look alright?" I inquiry, checking over my shoulder. Sabine ponders her words, as if thinking how to describe the impression her brief meeting with Adele left on her. After what feels like an eternity for my tormented heart, she speaks. "If I may, she looks...troubled". I knew it, I feared so. But hearing it put down into words makes me frown. "Troubled? But of course...what a fool I have been! I shouldn't have invited her here tonight, I should have visited her and-" But I can't bring myself to finish my own sentence. "Troubled with grief, I mean. With with the weight of what happened that night. Mourning, you would say, perhaps". Then she sighs, a deep sigh, shaking her head. "It's such a pity to see a young woman like her taking the world over her shoulders, all that sorrow, all that pain". "She wouldn't be Adele if she didn't" I smile, thinking of every time she spoke of her fight for women's rights, the days she spent in jail for it. My sweet revolutionary is indeed a little Atlas and I fear no one can change that, it's simply her nature. But it pains me to see her so miserable and I cannot shake away the feeling that my disappearance played a role in it. At the very least I added salt on her injury. "But Mademoiselle Carrem is strong" Sabine interrupts my somber train of thoughts. "She just needs time, that's all, I think. Time and a little joie de vivre, don't you think, Madam?".   

I smile sadly at her words. "Don't we all need it, ma chére Sabine? A little joie the vivre...". Yes, it certainly would be nice. But is it even possible? Even for people like me and Adele or are we forced to be content with cheap surrogates that keep us floating on the water surface? I wish I had an answer... "I will go talk to her" I sigh, straightening my skirt. "I am sure MademoIselle Carrem will be delighted to see you, Madam". "I hope so, Sabine". Yes, I do hope so. We look at each other for a moment before I speak again. "Oh, before I forget...would you mind getting Miss Montague's address and find out when I can meet her for breakfast next week or so?" I ask, nodding at my fan's figure in the hall downstairs. "And book a table to the Plaza or the St Regis. They're both fine...oh and please, send Miss Montague a poster of Surviving the Titanic. I'll ask Richard to sign it too". I fill her in about the details of Lena's life before the sinking and her troubled arrival: the incident, the loss of her job and the end of her modelling career. Sabine bows her head. "Certament, Madam". "In the meantime, I'll see if I can find a way to do more. I wish I could do more for her, somehow" I continue, lost in my thoughts. My little Napoleon nods and goes quiet, pondering. Around us, the sound of laughters and clinging glasses. When she speaks again, she almost startles me. "I'll be on my way" she announces, standing straighter. Before taking her leave, she looks at me and comments quietly that it has just come to her mind that I still haven't found a new secretary since our arrival. I know that look, that pretended nonchalance once again. As Richard approaches, I give her arm a gentle squeeze, a faint smile crossing my lips. "Go find Miss Montague, Sabine. And not a word on this before I speak to the girl". She throws me a conspiratorial look and walks away. When I turn, Richard is offering me his arm. "Fancy a trip downstairs, darling?". "I thought you never asked!" I smirk, wrapping my arm around his.

As we start walk down the stairs, I can feel my heart beating faster in my chest at the thought of my proximity to Adele, how close we are after all this months...even if it's also different now. But it doesn't matter: I don't want it to matter now...what did she say on the deck of the sinking ship? ‘All I care about is that you're here with me, and safe’. Yes, that it's all I care about too. I...saw her. She's with Hileni by a small table with hors d'ouvres and a pyramid of champagne glasses. Be still my heart, I beg you, be still...but it doesn't listen. I cannot control it anymore now that I know for sure she's here. She's wearing a green dress that it or just perfect for her but it enhances her beauty, if it's even possible. Oh, Adele...you have no idea how badly I have missed you! I feel my face lighten up and my lips curl into a bright, happiest smile. See what hold you have on me, my love? I don't even pay attention to those who greet and part as I walk by: I only have eyes for one guest now, for her. The first who spots me is Hileni: her eyes widen at the sight of me. I suppose she has never seen me in all my glory before; on the Carpathia, even if I was still wearing the outfit of my birthday party underneath the coat a kind fan gave me, I was out of my element just like the rest of us. Adele turns a moment later, following her sister's gaze. When our eyes meet, I almost feel my knees get weak. I hope she can see that this smile is meant for her only. I think she does, she brightens up almost immediately I turn towards Richard. "Will you excuse me a moment? I want to say hi to a dear friend I haven't seen in a while...". Dear friend: the euphemism is an insult to what Adele means to me but it will do. Just like the fiction, it's what the world can take. "Sure, go ahead. I'll go find John" he smiles, parting. I immediately glide over to my love, heart racing in my chest. "Adele"   

I call her name and the sweet sound of her name fills my mouth. I place my hand on her upper arms and kisses both her cheeks. Restraining myself from pulling her into a tight embrace and linger in that closeness is a Herculean effort. Her perfume, the shade of red spreading over her cheeks, her shy smile. How I missed you... "Let's you and I catch up" I say, still smiling so brightly. I turn to Hileni and ask: "Mind if I borrow your sister for a moment?". She nods, still looking awed. Without hesitation, I take Adele's arm and lead her to a corner of the room apart from the other guests. For a moment, none of us can't find words. Funny how words are most difficult to find with those who are dearest to our heart. But I know what it is...I feel it too. The weight of our past between us. The memory of our brief happiness together.   

A last, I summon up enough courage to finally speak. "Ad-" "I-" We start talking at the same time, then burst into laughter. Look at us, two fools lost to love! "I feel...almost nervous. Ridiculous, aren't I?" I keep my smile on but I know, just know she sensed the vulnerability reverberating in my voice who has suddenly lost the confidence I had before with my guests. She smiles too, gesturing that it's alright. "Zetta, it's...so good to see you again". I am sure my mind now is less cheerful. Time for my poor apologies. "I'm sorry, Adele. I should have written or visited" I sigh. "I've just been so busy..." To my surprise, she interrupts me, understanding, smiling. "I understand. You've been making the film, and you're getting married..." But she suddenly lose the train of whatever else she had planned to say. Adele, you and I can try to behave normally around each other, to act as if nothing happened...but we simply fail all the time. Our feelings always get in the way, my love, and God knows if I don't know it too well. And this, this sadness cutting off your words is all my fault. "I know you're upset" I frown.

She meets my eyes again in a silent, unnecessary apology. You have nothing to apologise for, I do. And I owe you the cruel truth, at last. I take in a deep breath to steady myself and let my mask fall. I drop my voice to a whisper so that only she can hear. "I've been agonizing over what I'd say when I saw you. And I never came up with a good answer". Adele, if only you knew the nights I spend writing you the most ardent, sorrowful letters! "I love you. I want to be with you. But this marriage has to go forward or my career's done". Do you understand my impossible position, my dearest? But please, I beg you never doubt my feelings. "Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar...but never doubt I love". When she speaks, her voice is a pained whisper and her words an excruciating plea. "Zetta, please don't do this. I want us to spend our lives together". I couldn't ask for anything better, sweet Adele, but...there is always a cruel but for us. "Even if that life had to be kept secret?" I grimace. "If people knew about us, it would destroy everything I've worked for". Look what malicious rumours brought on Lawrence and Felix even without a solid evidence of their relationship. Look what the world does to people like us. These guests, my adoring fans crowd the movie theaters to see me fall in love with the hero, the dashing heartthrob 'every woman daydream of' without asking me what I really want. They smile and awe at me tonight but they wouldn't hesitate to drag me down into the gutter if they knew who my heart truly belongs to. "I...I can't have both you and my career".

I lower my eyes unable to sustain her gaze any longer. I am so incredibly sorry, Adele, so sorry.... She reaches for my hand, shyly, and I am reminded of the first time she took my hand into hers in my private projection room on board of the Titanic. The soothing warmth of her hand over mine felt so intimate, calming...just like now. I look back at her and I have to fight back tears. She looks over her shoulder then she speaks, her voice low. "I don't care if no one knows about us. All I care about is that there is an us. I need you, Zetta". My eyes widen as I register the meaning of her words. Does she...does she mean it? "Are you sure?" I ask her, unsure whether she is fully aware of what she's proposing. "This won't be like it was on the Titanic, bathhouses and stolen kisses. It won't be easy..." She searches my eyes and nods. I...I would have never thought nor hoped for such a hopeful end of this conversation I feared so much. Oh my dear...not losing Adele, being with Adele! Out of instinct, I move to kiss her but I refrain myself just in time, painfully aware of the surroundings. I must long for your lips a bit longer, my love...but it doesn't matter, we're together now. "We'll need to come up with a plan..." I consider. "How do you feel about being my publicist?". "About as confident as I felt about being your secretary" she beams. I laugh as I laughed with her in the most dire moments...incredible what a light she casts on me, even when I am at my lowest. I regard her fondly as a newfound sweet joie de vivre starts spreading inside me, and I put my hand to her cheek. "This is the happiest I've felt in months...knowing you'll be at my side" I whisper, my voice trembling with the swirl of feelings taking hold of me. "Always" she whispers back, slightly leaning to the touch.

Suddenly we're both brought back to the party by the flash powder igniting around us. As I unwillingly retrieve my hand we're surrounded by journalists shouting my name. I am too overjoyed by our sweet reunion to be annoyed by them. I wish they could have forgotten about me a bit longer, granting me more time with Adele but they are oddly bearable this time.

I see her leaning closer and putting her mouth to my ear. The words she whispers send my heart fluttering. 

"I love you". I turn my face to meet her eyes. I must summon every ounce of strength I have to stop myself from pulling her mouth to mine, pouring my affection on her right in front of the photographers. I see the same restraint in her eyes. There will be other nights for that. Yes, there will other nights... "And I you" I whisper back. My voice is soft, adoring...how could I not adore her? I smile at her one last time before turning to the cameras and bathing into the flash lights. They better capture this moment, I think: I will never be as radiant as I am now. As they keep calling my name and taking picture of me posing, I slowly return to the party I momentarily left for my reunion to Adele. I spot Richard and John lightening cigarettes by the staircase and not far Miss Montague chatting with a man I have never seen before. Sabine is checking herself in a mirror, fixing her headband...a rare moment of vanity for her. Hileni is pondering whether going for the pastry mignons is a bit too much and once saw me looking at her, she shyly waves at me and walks away. To my delight, Lawrence is signing an autograph to a fan, under the proud gaze of Felix, who took a step back. Good old Lawrence... ‘Sometimes our secrets are what make our lives worth living. No matter with what high cost they come attached’, he said. And he was right. I used to repeat to myself that you can't breathe if you're constantly underwater. It turns out I was wrong. With her love, I can breathe underwater.  

[xchoco-mixturex]

Holy moly, choco thorws an arrival (duh) analisys?!

As always, spoilers from tenkuu shinpan arrive, up until chapter 71. Always, the japanese version, since I read it in japanese. Read with caution below. ALSO ITS VERY LONG. I apologize before hand! (and for my poor english)

Like seriously, i mean, it ,this is HUGE SPOILERS! if not spoilers from much of the plot until now.

(And before you ask, we are translating be god damn patient or we drop the project, k thanks nwn)

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Okay? okay!

I dont now how many chapters we have left but i hope im actually wrong in this one because it feels like too few has passed :c. But a climax happened ofc: Daisei is there, you know, the huge ass eye. Also, ORibe mentioned that Yuri in on her way on fusion the dimensions, i dont know if she means the OG high rise dimension with the ruined high rise dimension? OR back to the real world? I doubt it’s back to the real world, since they still need a God, and left the game on pause tecnically. As Yuri said, it was ‘their fault’. Of course, Yuri being the actual administrator knew Daisei could do ruckus since he is also trying to archieve god. 

Now, i think Daisei is doing that in that ruined world since the OG High Rise world its paused. There hasnt been more killings, and i am not sure if the god candidate needs to read the other 2 god codes. For the ones that have read at least one code are:

Yuri

Juo

Okihara

Yoshida

And the Judges duo aka Kuon and Sniper.

Of course, Yuri cannot be god since it breaks the administrator rule, Juo is dead (is he? DUUUN DUN!) Okihara was comatose the last time we saw him and the med staff was healing him, Yoshida its mentioned to be alive but MIA. (or at least mentioned, since Yuri told Rika if he sees yoshida to thank him)

That would leave our beloved Sniper being the one with that duty. And for the role he is taking in arrive, who he is a bit more predominant there, it could make sense. BUUUUT! The issue is the god damn God system. I do not quite remember if reading the other codes was necessary,since he and Kuon finished the trial and faceless-kun said “yeh go on!” Of course, the issue with that, is that turning into God needs energy, and in the OG high rise world there is none or not the enough level to turn him into that, EVEN WORST, it seems that, according for what we have been seeing here, is that the ‘Will’ and the fluctuations of that is the one that feeds the system (despair, hope, etc). And will usually manifests, in a soul. Who the heck is a soul of the main five? Kuon.

You think the god damn Sniper would literally say “oh yeh, lets get rid of her and we get all out of here”. Lets be freaking honest, that option was there long ago but he was the one, literally, HIMSELF, that told her that no matter what she wont disappear. So yes, sacrificing Kuon is out of the question. Actually, sacrificing any of his team members its our of the qustion, since he asked Rika that with Yuri’s condition as Admin, she was forced to stay there somehow, and Rika said he is staying, and so did Sniper. So yes, leaving someone behind its ALSO out of the question Now, with the appearance of Daisei, who....Wanted to be like Kuon in that ethereal form since, according to him, it gives him a sort of inmortality, also wants to be god. And apparently, after he killed himself but had the will to ‘keep on living’, he realized he could be god. Now, I dont quite know HOW Ruined High rise world came to happen, but somehow Daisei arrived there. According with that he started a new killing game, a killing game the OG gang wanted to end FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL. Of course Daisei did not wanted them to interfere, so he created a sort of barrier that doesn't let the old members of the game enter. Therefore, neither Yuri and co could chase him down with the manipulating the barrier powers. That’s UNTIL...Kuon came with an idea. Apparently for what Sniper told Juorika and co, Kuon, Yuri, And Hayami Shintaro created the cloud mechanism (the ones with Clouds with a WILL aka, clouds with souls). Since Yuri seems to be human and in a frontier, and I am guessing its to keep the plan going, she sent the other main 4 to blend to that place: Rika, Nise, Sniper, And Kuon. Each of them linked to an object with their souls within, and not necessarily a weapon.  How each person got linked to their cloud its ANOTHER THEME, specially with the new character seen: Senya’s alien. The alien seems to be related to the creation of the system, not giving exactly who he is, but he having some authority over the strings of destiny, since he saw senya being a ‘main protaginist’ and, therefore, thats the reason he linked Senya with Sniper’s rifle, and therefore, Sniper! Who is the alien and what exactly is his role, i do not know quite yet. I just know the systems apparently were created with humanity’s will, the issue is how? and why? was a group of persons will? Since it seemed to be related to the archival of god status,  keeping people away of feelings, actually turning them emotionless, and being the strongest. Was it high class ppl? governments?  we dont know yet. Now back to the actual pot, Daisei has showed up, and his abilities with his second stage masks he seems to create using old memories. Some data recollected from the old world, not necessarily being ppl of that world that are alive right now, but also dead people since he brought Maid mask back.   Also it seems people are and at the same time are not related to their original power. If they have an original power beforehand, its good, but Daisei can also provide them more power of needed, specially if they are second stage soldiers. For example, Rika and Kuon are one of the strongest characters of the manga, Rika being an Apostle and not having  a god code in his system, yet still paired with the strength of a god, and Kuon, right now, its awfully OP, being able to bring ppl back to like and/or healing him. But their clones, Juo(rika) and Zeon, are just first stage level, who are just created to bring up despair, and analyse about intruders, but not personally KILLING the intruders or the foreign objects. (they call object from the OG gang like that). Then again, them compared to their og versions, aren’t that strong. Are they the strongest of their category? Yes. Are they paired to their original versions? Hell no. But then we have second stage soldiers that are naturally strong (Mayuko and Archeangel aka Nise and great angels clones...Oh and X, who is Miiko’s clone). And Second stage ones that aren’t naturally strong, like Maid mask, who was just paired up in strength to a strong angel, but nothing else, and now its paired up to people like Oribe who has Rika as her cloud (then again, a strong cloud,b ut his power is reduced due noodle form),and Asuka, who has Great Angel’s rod. What will happen now? Well, many stuff. First of all I don’t want it to end yet, but here are my takes: Well, we know Senya is coming back after talking with his alien friend (?, so he may get Oribe out of that issue when she is being strangled. The world merging may happen sooner as expected. That could mean, maybe, just maybe, the physical interference of the OG gang, no longer as noodles, since their presence its related to how the barrier (that its in a constant purge between Yuri and Daisei) its weakened or not.  I wonder if Daisei might flee with that, give a fight, or send a stronger clone. Hmmm... On the other hand, if the gang presence its stronger now, either be cloud is stronger or them just yeeting themselves there, that means MORE INTERACTIONS! (andsniperdad--). I hope we see other ones besides the main five, while i love the main five, i also like the other characters a lot, also lets have in mind Shika needs to see Hayami. Another thing, yes, during this whole ordeal, the Judges were investigating about Daisei, and while they aren’t sure if they can replicate bodies like he does (Iiiishhhh...) well they know, or at least Kuon knows, how to regenerate/resurrect people, but that takes a lot of energy and the hurt/dying person to have a will to keep on living, and honestly, I am surprised she hasn’t fainted yet--! Would the dimension merging somehow return her body back? Eh, its free to dream. What i know its that if the dimensions are united, that means Yuri could travel from A to B and, therefore, meet Nise again! And the crew of course! (well, after she rests because that whole things takes a lot of energy.) I rather not have my hopes up because Tenkuu shinpan Arrive aint as merciful as the prequel. Because honestly, it made me cry like at least 8 times. And Miura is not afraid to hit us in the feels, either be good or bad. What shall Daisei do? Oribe will be okay? What about the Mayu-Mayu gang with Juo(rika) and Zeon vs Archangel?! Rika will do something as a cloud? Shika will shoot? How long will Kuon endure in Nanami’s body?! WHERE IS THE SNIPER NOODLE?! And most importantly, if we have seen clones about almost all the main gang, and even some extras...Does that mean we shall face a Sniper clone soon?! (I fanon-wise call him Deva)  And how will his personality be? Because we have seen all clones are lacking on most of emotions (unlesstheyaredefective) Because if he is like how me and my tumblr bestie have been theorizing...This will be bad. Thank you for reading my huge analysis! Take care!

[multsicorn]

yuri on ice liveblogging episode 5

"Seduce me with everything you have," okay, is this about skating or romance?  I mean I know the answer is supposed to be both and believe me i'm more than good with that.  But his visible-from-space crush aside, did *Yuuri* sign up for that……. *sigh*

GDI when I want mentor/student what i want is them *trying* and failing to keep it at a professional distance!  That's the trope!  Not, um, using your closeness to your students to hit on them, whether they're crushing or no.  Conversely, using their crush to try to motivate them to perform well is iffy - but potentially interesting - but it doesn't seem to me that that's all Viktor's doing.  Nor am I sure how serious his flirtiness is, for that matter?  It seems like it might be mostly for fun, though not without basis in a genuine appreciation for Yuuri.

…. Anyway, Yuuri's clearly into how it's being played, I should not complain.  It's certainly plenty two-sided!  Just not the way I want it to be…

The skating's awfully pretty, though.  And I love the ending internal monologue of ~moving on.~  Viktor's gonna get some competition in Yuuri's head?

"When you make fun of yourself you're also making fun of me for looking up to you" is an interesting concept, in ways that go way beyond figure skating or this anime, but I don't think I agree!  Just about *everyone* who does something seriously is critical of themselves, ime.  And the degree to which they are or aren't doesn't have anything to do with their actual skill level.  Personally, I find the fact that even authors I look up to immensely are frustrated with their own work reassuring…

Awww Yuuri pretty sure you shouldn't be wishing your competition good luck?  Because it is a competition?  But it's cute <3.

Oooh the jazzy routine is a really nice change of pace!

No shit he looks more nervous than happy when you showed up to coach him, Viktor!  It's a scary thing… but I love the recovered almost falls in this program.  Er.  For reasons I'm not sure I can explain, but… yeah, looking like you're *falling* is much more emotional to me than the ~making it look easy~ I bet you're supposed to do.  Also LOL at Yuuri's irl happening nosebleed at the end of the program!  It's not an anime-stylization lust nosebleed… ~but it could be.~

(Also, incredibly obviously, Yuuri defying Viktor re: the quads is showing exactly the growth of confidence that Viktor told him to work on in the first place.  Obeying by disobeying :D.  I love the concept, though I think if it involved more confrontation or something I'd love it more.)

Yuriy jealous over his coach and his rival <3!

"It was hard but in the end I chose love" sounds A LOT like choosing love over e.g. duty out of context.  Some sort of love confession.  "The people who've helped me in my skating career"… it's so weird, this show!  The subtext is the most blatant thing ever, but the text of Viktor and Yuuri talking about ~feelings~ of any sort is so far nonexistent....  Now Yuuri says he wants to ~hold onto Viktor~ though, at a press conference (or something).  Well, that’s a LOT.

And I like ambiguity, I love ambiguity, I just wanna know *why* this particular ambiguity, in-series, rather than outside of it!!

[maracate]

Fic rec list for @maternalcube

I avoided everything explicit and most of the things that haven’t updated since feb (unless I really liked it) which makes this list about 300% shorter (and also means there are very few soulmate aus, people do not like to finish those)

it’s still long though, so under the cut

Finished:

Unwritten (T)

Every Victor Nikiforov fan has three things in common. 1. They have unrealistic expectations for romance. 2. They mark their calendars with the dates of his newest book releases and the premieres of his latest movie adaptations. 3. They either passionately hate or love his greatest rival, a mysterious author whose pseudonym is only two letters: “KY.”

High flying, adored (G)

Being a superhero is hard. It's even harder when you're desperately in love with the most famous figure skater in the world, who never seems to notice you. Of course it doesn't help that he's a superhero too--and he's head over heels for your alter-ego.

Enjoy the awkward fumblings of these two erstwhile masked men as they dance the terrifying tango of young love and secret identities.

Starstruck (T)

(in which yuuri is a simple barista, viktor is a famous movie star, and yuri is an 8 year old kid stuck in the middle of it.)

Autumn in detroit (M but i think that’s for violence)

In a world where Viktor Nikiforov was forced to retire early due to a leg injury, he sought work instead as a police detective in Detroit. Now a young skater with a poster of him on his bedroom door has gone missing and Viktor knows beyond a doubt it's the work of a man who's been brutally murdering professional dancers for years. It's impossible not to take this case personally. Viktor will find Yuuri Katsuki.

Entwinning fates (T)

Imagine if Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, after the demise of you-know-who, started accepting foreign students in an effort for greater unity among wizarding communities around the world. Imagine that, in this changing climate of diversity and social acceptance, Hogwarts also decided to host an exchange programme with select students from Durmstrang Institute and Beauxbatons Academy of Magic for a semester.

Imagine, then, if a young Japanese wizard by the name of Yuuri Katsuki had transferred to Hogwarts to escape his past, just in time to meet a Russian Quidditch player who would blow open the very doors he was trying so desperately to close.

A story of love, magic, and teenagers trying to find themselves.

Dear mama (T)

In which Victor writes letters to his mother, who is fifty percent of his rationality and self-control.

Like your french girls (T)

in which Victor is an artist, Yuuri is his figure skating muse, and Yuri is so done hearing about their stupid love story through Instagram

Unwritten (T)

Soulmates AU where whatever you write on your own skin appears on your soulmate, but when there is a language barrier, meeting becomes just a little more difficult than it should be. 

I love you, my dear (T)

Musician au where famous YouTube singer Victor is practically in love with a famous singer/lyricist named Lilith (who has never revealed his true identity to the public). Victor feels compelled to go to Lilith's first show of his world tour (even though he's never met him) and on the flight there, he sits next to this guy named Yuri, completely oblivious to the fact that Yuri is his idol, Lilith.

or, the one where Yuri/Lilith accidentally says "I love you, my dear" to a man he has never met before.

Unfinished:

The power of love (T)

“The two Japanese singles medalists make a beautiful pair! Here, at the 2009 Tokyo GPF, we have the start of this power couple’s reign!” Yuuko and Yuuri dominate the singles skating competition as Japan’s power couple—except they aren’t a couple, and when their old skating idol stumbles into their personal life, everything rapidly goes downhill. 

The ice prince’s rose garden (T)

Light political struggle and mystery all spun up with master/servant Viktuuri.

bear your soul on the ice (M but it’s mostly in passing)

At age fourteen, Katsuki Yuuri had been determined to be Japan's next great figure skating hope, but with no coach that would never happen, so his ballet instructor packs him up off to Russia to train with Yakov Feltsman. The Yakov Feltsman, otherwise known as the coach to rising figure skating star -- and Yuuri's idol -- Viktor Nikiforov.

Dancing daffodils (M but I think it’s for violence? idk)

A god falls for a man.

Expomise (T)

Expomise: a transformation spell that bonds two objects together. / Yuuri is at Hogwarts. So is everyone else./

Nuclear hearts club (T)

Being seventeen and chronically confused isn't always a walk in the park - especially when you've been crushing on your brother's best friend since you were nine. You'd be crazy not to. Victor's the best thing to happen to the world since sliced bread.

(Join Yuuri Katsuki on this pine-fueled adventure full of teen angst and astronomical fuckery.)

A thread of silver (T)

Once upon a time, there was a boy who got lost in the woods... AU. Inspired by various fairy tales and mythologies.

That old-time religion (T)

Yuuri is pretty sure that when an impossible stranger turns up and tells you he’s the god of victory, it doesn’t matter how good-looking he is. The moment he asks you to abandon your mortal life and come back to his mountain kingdom with him, you turn around and walk away.

An AU based loosely around the Greco-Roman pantheon. Very loosely.

Death or glory (T)

aka 'The Hunger Games AU that happened by accident'. May the odds be ever in your favour.

I’d rather be skating (M for some reason idk)

Sometimes, when a muggle child gets an acceptance letter from a wizarding school, they say no.

Victor Nikiforov would rather be skating. Yuuri Katsuki would rather be normal.

The rules for lovers (T)

Prince Yuuri Katsuki has a duty to his country, above all else (his desires, his dreams, and his happiness included), and he knows this alliance will help to ensure the safety of his people. That’s the only reason he accepts Prince Nikiforov’s hand in marriage. The pleasant surprise, of course, is the part where they fall in love along the way. The unpleasant one, well…

That’s a long story.

Like a fairytale (T)

In which Prince Victor gets swept off his feet at a royal banquet and will go to any length to find his 'Cinderella' Yuuri. (And Phichit is the fairy godmother who has no idea what he's doing).

not gold like in your dreams (T)

in which Victor and Yuuri are roommates and Yuuri has a secret

taking the long way home (T)

In which Vicchan never died, Yuuri won bronze at the Grand Prix Final, didn't get drunk at the banquet, and never made Victor fall in love with him./

Aria: Stammi Vicino, Non Te Ne Andare (T)

The tale of a lonely traveler, Victor Nikiforov, and his encounter with an equally lonely immortal man.

Alternatively: the tale of Yuuri Katsuki, who never ages and never dies and has lived frozen in time for centuries, and his attempts to keep his adopted son from killing the new guest.

Destiny may ride with us (T)

Viktor Nikiforov spent the first twenty seven years of his life waiting for something exciting to happen. And then, it did.

AU in which Yuuri is a little bit more than human, someone seems to be stealing all of Viktor's spoons, and Yurio is the only person who thinks this is all rather strange.

Lost and found (T)

AU in which: Yuuri is a cop who works at the Hasetsu policebox, and Victor is the new skate instructor in town who almost always ends up on the steps of the aforementioned policebox to flirt with him.

The Castle Atop the Hill (T)

In a cursed land covered in unforgiving ice, Yuuri becomes a knight so that he and his family can survive. In the castle is where he finds Viktor, a prince with a magical gift, whom Yuuri believed could save anyone. But maybe Viktor needs saving too. 

One Shots:

Drunk on you (T)

A one-shot collection of soulmate AUs.

What you should know about dating a man with children (G)

"AU scenario where the skaters mistake the triplets for Yuuri's kids when they first meet him, possibly when he brings them to the skater-only area as a b-day treat, or something? (Kudos if you can work in jealous!Victor somehow, but the skaters having a fun reaction would be A+, tbh. Would be lovely if you could include Chris and/or Yurio :D )"

I’m just going to the store (T)

Accidental masked vigilante Victor Nikiforov.

Or: how Victor's impulsiveness backfires and creates one of the greatest living internet memes to ever come out of Russia.

hood and glove (T)

"I don't mess with the fae," Otabek says.

"I'm not asking you to mess with them," JJ flat-out lies.

"The Adventures of Sparkly Elf and Soft Hobbit, Endured With Great Patience by The Bright And Powerful, Best In The Land, Yuri Plisetsky." (T)

Critics have always considered "The Adventures of Sparkly Elf and Soft Hobbit, Endured With Great Patience by The Bright And Powerful, Best In The Land, Yuri Plisetsky." one of the most faithful descriptions of Legend Victor Nikiforov, the greatest elven fighter for more than eight centuries. Although it is narrated by Plisetsky as an adolescent, and thus contains strong language and spends more time ridiculizing his travelling companions than giving thoughtful insight into Nikiforov's psyche, it still remains as an essential reading in every scholar that decides to study Nikiforov [...] // Day 95: Caught Nikiforov writing love poems. Am appalled at bad writing more than anything else. Example: “I really like your dark eyes / and all the other parts of your face. Your butt is the perfect size / and I would love to see you in lace.” Hope the Hobbit cannot read, or am afraid this love story will not have a pleasant ending.

Never tasted rubies (T)

in which Yuuri is an unwilling radio host and Victor won't stop calling in to chat with him

love me do: a victuuri week compilation (t)

Every chapter is a short fic based on one of the Victuuri Week prompts.

The Goddamn Tie Has Got To Go (T)

Dear God. Yuuri was wearing the tie again.

The powdery blue monstrosity was not only unfashionable (and where did Yuuri even manage to acquire such a tie?), it also reminded Viktor, with shocking clarity, of a sweaty, half naked, pole dancing Yuuri. It reminded him of a night of joy, a night of passion. The night where he was finally, and without warning, lifted from the fog that had crept up on him in his last few years of skating.

Understandably, it elicited quite the unfavorable reaction in him when they were out in public.

For the sake of his remaining dignity, Viktor needed to improvise a plan to dispose of it as soon as possible.

Welcome Aboard Eros, Commander (T)

Commander Nikiforov is frustrated. For years, he has been chasing Eros, the most elusive pirate ship to ever sail the Seven Seas, and its even more elusive captain, whom it appears no one has ever been able to lay their eyes on. With the threat of every royal treasury in the whole of the Caribbean soon being emptied down to the last coin, the commander sets sail again, determined to track down Eros and its captain once and for all.

That is, if the mysterious Captain Katsuki doesn't find him first.

Victuuriweek day 2: Traveling AU: Historical

Winter Solitude  (T)

Victor was cursed by a fellow competitor many years ago, jealous of his skills on the ice. The curse limited Victor to a lake in Hasetsu, Japan, where he appears to others as a blue-tinted human.

He can't age. He can't leave. And he can't let himself feel emotions for the pain it causes.

But a skater comes to the frozen lake one day and ignites a fire in his heart that he hadn't felt in years.

Series:

Cubicle gods

Flourist and wedding planner au

stop, erase, rewind

Haven (okay this series is E and kind of messed up maybe? but i love it)

have you heard there's a rumour in st. petersburg

A Real Life Cinnamon Roll

Even Ice Gods Can Melt

warm-up hogwash

must love dogs

[narwool]

MOST OF FLYNN SCIFO’S ENGLISH SCRIPT. EVER.

I couldn’t tell you why I typed all this out. I was going to break down the words to make Flynn say what I want but I got lazy. So instead now we have every word Flynn Scifo has ever said in English. (I might have left some out... His voice is still ringing in my ears.)

Right, do you think the other teams are going to make it?

No, I think we should just keep on going.

Back that way!

I think so.

Yuri!

What do you think is wrong? Why didn’t you stick to the plan!?

We’re in this together, your recklessness affects everyone of us, not just you!

And you’re as responsible as a toddler!

Yes, sir…

Me? It was your fault!

Are you ever planning to put your full uniform on?

And look at this floor!

Trust me, the feeling is mutual. I still don’t get why you joined the knights at all.

I’m sorry…

It’s just his natural charm.

Anything I get I’ll earn for myself.

Yes sir!

What’s he thinking? Make the forest safe soon; he promises them too much.

No thanks, I think I’ll pass.

I’m staying right here. Yuri is the one who started it all, it has nothing to do with ***-

I said, I don’t want to be part of this!

We’re leaving!

In other words, before, he was just wandering around aimlessly, hoping to find someone to fight! Right Yuri?

He’s always been like this, immature and reckless.

We both grew up in the lower quarter of the capitol, that’s all.

And then you had to go and spoil it all by showing up for the recruitment exam! Why did you really join!?

Don’t talk about him, okay?

I’m very sorry sir.

I find that hard to believe sir!

Yes, sir…

Huh?

Duwaaaa????

Sir? I will?

*clears throat audibly*

Yuri, quit causing trouble. I’m tired of getting dragged into it.

You’re a member of the knights now. You have to obey the rules. You need to be more responsible. And if that’s too much for you to handle, then you don’t belong here.

If you can’t swallow your pride and learn to obey orders, then you should leave the knights.

The capitol.

I am Flynn Scifo of the Ceazentonia brigade. I have come to the capitol to attend the ceremony as Captain Niren Fedrock’s proxy.

Inside that case you will find a document requesting reinforcements.

Excellency, strange things have been happening. There’s abnormal aer in the forest near town. Monsters are appearing! Please sir, I beg you. Read the request.

Wait, your excellency! The situation is most dire! The citizens are in serious danger.

My father…

Lady Estellise…

Thank you M'lady. I’m glad it’s me that the captain sent in his place. I’m sure Yuri would have slugged his excellency in a heartbeat.

Uh, he’s…

Nice cushy job you got, taking care of the dogs.

Get out of my way, I’m too  busy for you.

We can’t for now. He’s not sending anybody. Not ‘til after the ceremony.

His orders are for us to hold the forth. I’ll bring the documents to you later.

Yes! I can’t help whatever headquarters decides to do!

Don’t you think I said the same thing?! They just don’t see us as a priority! There’s nothing we can do!

I suppose you think I didn’t try hard enough!?

Sir you can’t be serious! If we do that, then people are going to die! We can’t just disobey an order.

*Gasp*

Yeah I am. He liked ignoring orders, too. Headquarters had stopped the attack, but he…

My father died disobeying the orders he was given! Did you know they never found his body? I am never gonna make the same mistake that my father did.

Sorry about earlier… I didn’t know that Lambert had died.

My father’s body never got a proper burial. They only gave us a few personal effects. Once you die it’s over. Everything ends. And there’s nothing left. Nothing that matters.

[The] Barrier’s still there; they’ll have a hard time getting past that, at least.

The whole reason we asked for reinforcements was because it was too much for us to handle! We should wait.

If we die then who protects them?

Yes? What is it, sir?

No, thank you. We’re leaving earlier tomorrow.

I’m a member of the knights, sir. My personal feelings don’t really matter.

I agree. We should obey headquarters, protect the townsfolk, and wait for reinforcements before taking any action.

*strange anime noises*

I am a member of the knights! I will obey my direct superior. I may not fully agree with what the Captain’s doing, but he said something to me earlier and I want to find out what it means.

Goodnight, sir.

You knew our blastia would go out of control before we even left!?

*Gaspy thing*

I always do my duty.

Over here sir!

The aer’s flowing from there.

*LOUD MOANING*

*LOUD GASPING*

Right.

*War noises*

Yuri! We need to cut the red cords!

Who would build something like this?

Captain, look! This core-

*Sad gasping noises :(*

Calm down! You know this guy’s not worth it Yuri!

Yuri… It isn’t over yet.

We found it inside the ruins. Only you use that type of core, sir.

Why did you do it!? Were you hoping the town would be destroyed!?

You’re creating new blastia?

But you lost control of the blastia, so you decided to destroy it and take out the brigade and the town, as well!

Fortunately for us, that’s how we were able to bring back that core as proof. Are you saying…?

*Screams of rage*

Damn it.

I’m on it.

IT’S OVER!!!

Yeah, what are you surprised?

The empire is abandoning this place now, so they’ll move on.

I think Merzon and the Captain were friends. I’m guessing that’s why he stayed.

I prepared and incident report and handed it over to Vice Captain Jurgis. Garista died in a random blastia explosion. We’re both covered. Jurgis suspected Garista too, once the Captain filled him in, so he didn’t make any objections to the report I turned in.

Right back at you, Yuri.

Making it in the world all alone, yeah, that’s you alright.

As for me I’m a knight through and through. I’ll stay here and do the best job I can. Just like the Captain ordered.

Oh, that’s right. I guess that you won’t be all alone.

Take good care of it.

Yeah.

See you later.

Yuri! Are you alright?

I’ve been looking all over for you.

Alright!

Yuri, I’m happy to see you’re finally seeing the world outside the barrier.

Well, I got a little less happy when I saw this!

I didn’t think that when you quit the knights that you’d take up a life of crime.

Simple or not, a crime is a crime.

Huh?

Ah- I’m fine. L-Lady Estellise…

Please, this way.

I’ve heard your story up until this point, Yuri. And also the reason for the bounty on your head. First off, I owe you my thanks for protecting her.

And that’s where we have a problem.

Regardless of the circumstances, Imperial law cannot allow the obstruction of officers, jailbreaking and trespassing

Then I assume you are prepared to receive the punishment your actions deserve.

So you can tell me it was all done in order to get back the lower quarter’s blastia core? That’s what you wanted to say, right?

I’ll make the introductions. This is my second in command, Sodia. This is Witcher, a mage who offered his assistance to us at the laboratory in Aspio. This is my-

At ease Sodia. He is a friend of mine.

I’ve just heard his story. While he is guilty of minor crimes the warrant for is arrest contains false accusations. Later, I will return him to the capital and explain the situation. And he will receive his due punishment.

Those aren’t the only rumors surrounding the magistrate. He’s released a monster known as Rhybgaro into the wild, and amuses himself by forcing those who can’t pay their taxes to hunt it. He claims he’ll pardon their taxes if they manage to capture the beast.

What? What happened to their child?

You never could sit still, could you?

Yuri, don’t do anything reckless.

Yuri-

Witcher, go and see if we can get the right to search blastia laboratories.

*Sigh* I thought leaving the capitol would have changed him a little. But it seems like he’s even more reckless than before.

Yuri’s so single minded when it comes to protecting others. He’s willing to sacrifice himself to do it. I envy him for that. But I also worry that he’ll take it too far.

Oh, by the way, Lady Estellise. How is it? Walking around outside, free?

Good. I’m glad to hear it.

Magistrate, I don’t know what’s happened here, but allow us to offer our assistance.

Damn! He’ll get away!

It looks like everyone made it through unharmed!

Master Ioder!!!

Wait, I’ll pull you out! Sodia, give me a hand!

I’ve made arrangements at the inn. We can discuss things further there. You’ll come, won’t you?

It’s too dangerous! You’ve gotta get out of here!

Yes, sir!

Your Highness!

Prepare rooms at once. I’ll take her there myself.

We’ve come to help subdue the monsters.

Is this really the time for that?

But-!

Yuri?

Yes. We’re old friends.

I see you know Yuri as well.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yuri…

So… you’ve come to have a laugh at me in this sorry state?

It doesn’t hurt to be forced to view things from behind bars, every now and then.

That was the Red Eye’s doing. They attacked after you left.

Even if it was, the responsibility is mine.

But how do you know?

I hadn’t heard about that.

Most likely the wanna force a clash between the guilds and the knights.

Yes. To put them in a fighting mood.

I was wondering how long it’d take you to get rid of that damn lock. You’ve got to stay here.

Yuri… if I don’t make it back, you’ll have to die in my place.

Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?

As of today, I’ve been assigned the post of Captain.

If that’s how you feel, you should come back to the knights. You’d be able to-

Thank you… You didn’t come down here to celebrate my promotion.

It’s Ragou, isn’t it? Appropriating Nor Harbor for his own purposes, committing treason by his collusion with Barbos. Add to this, stealing from the populace, and the extermination of even his own people; simply because he didn’t like them. The people he killed were either fed to monsters, or sold to those who will pay money for corpses.

That he should be able to do those things, and not have to answer for them. The authority of the council… is far more powerful than I had imagined.

I thought with this promotion, that I had gotten a bit closer to my goal. But I have to face the fact that the law can’t even punish a single person like Ragou.

True, but many people continue to suffer in the meantime, needlessly. When I consider that, I…

*anime anger noise*

Yes. Someday I’ll create a legal order that treats everyone with equality. I have to.

Yuri…?

… I’m still trying to figure that out.

Ah-! Aren’t you cutting it a bit close?

You could at least ease up a little.

You know, knightly duties and such. Afraid that’s all I can say!

I’m not at liberty to say.

You’re the one taking this seriously! It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you enjoy anything this much. And don’t you think it’s about time you return her Highness?

Her Highness tends not to listen to the things I tell her.

Well, shall we put an end to this little show?

Yuri, protect her Highness!

Commandant, but why is he here?

Yuri, Lady Estellise, wait!

Surely after returning to the capitol, you can-

Your highness!

Yuri!

A guild? So that’s what you meant by doing things your own way.

That’s fine, but what about -?

Yuri!

Commandant!

Commandant, how could you!? You’re the pride of the imperial knights. How could you commit treason?

And you just intend to betray the trust of his Highness Ioder?

This is madness.

Alexei, wait!

Go after Alexei and Yeager!

The shrine of Baction is said to be located on the Hypionian continent.

Yuri…

Very well… Let’s talk over there.

I’m sorry…

His Highness is not to blame. I had total confidence in Alexei. The responsibility is mine.

Yeah…

The conversion of Heliord into a military installation, the abuse of the residents at Mantaic, all of Cumore’s activities, the forbidden developement of new blastia… all of these were carried out under the Commandant’s… under Alexei’s orders.

The Commandant… Alexei was not always this way. You of all people should remember. Those who were just would lead lives of prosperity. That was the ideal that Alexei once held dear. That was why I…

*gasp* “ …!”

No. That never would have happened if I hadn’t been blind to Alexei’s true nature. I had grown far too used to simply obeying orders like a good knight. Even when I doubted them… It was my lack of thought that brought this about.

No. It is as she says. I must shoulder this responsibility. It is up to me to rescue Lady Estellise. Witcher, Sodia, until then, help Yuri and his friends protect Master Ioder.

I was unable to prevent the Royal Guard from abducting her Highness. I am duty bound to correct this wrong by saving her.

I know. That’s why this brigade is concentrating all our efforts on ensuring his safety.

Yuri…

Alright.

Yuri… thanks.

Alexei! What happened to the ideals you held? What changed?

And just how many lives do you plan to sacrifice to acquire it?

Yuri! Look out!

Aghhhhh!

The enduring shrine of Zaude…

No, that’s the first time.

I wonder what it is?

World domination… do you really think can do that.

We knights are always one step behind. Without the rest of you, we’d never have been able to approach the capitol. Much less stop the blastia from spreading this danger across the land.

Even with Lady Estellise…

I assume your friends will be with you.

Okay.

Yuri, you’re the one who really did all this…

Going already?

It looks like things here won’t be settled for a while. I had hopes that we’d have the guild ships at our disposal.

It seems they’ve been unable to decide on a course of action since the Don’s passing. It looks like I’ll be one step behind you again this time.

The council has chosen Ioder as their leader. For all intents and purposes, he’s got their nomination for the throne.

That’s not it. It’s just that… I’ve finally come to terms with the choices she’s made for herself.

Don’t give me a hard time. It’s something I’ve had to struggle with in my own way…

I’ll bring the problems of the aer and the blastia to his Highness’ attention. He’ll be able to come up with some way of helping, I’m sure. As for Lady Estellise, Yuri, you have my confidence.

As far as anyone is concerned, the capitol was retaken because of my efforts. It isn’t just with this though. No one knows the things you- that Brave Vesperia have done for them. They probably never will. Are you satisfied with that?

We cannot let our guard down here. If we cannot defend this place, we lose the very reason for taking out the monsters.

Right!

You’ll get yourself killed if you keep watching me fight.

Sh-shut up!

I am not worked up!

Would you be serious for once?

I can’t concentrate with you talking all the time.

You’re not too bad either.

We’re about to the middle.

You like you’re actually having fun in the middle of all this.

Now Yuri!

Your Highness.

I guess we have to stay and defend them for a little more.

I’m sure the guilds are in chaos right now, too. Thank you for your help.

Witcher! Is something wrong?

Wait. Could you explain what you’re talking about?

*Laughing*

You never change.

Okay. I’ll see what I can do. In exchange, you all go talk to the people of the Union and Pallestralle.

Ha

Ta

TA!

Ah-

AH!

Not bad!

No way!

Hm!

How could I-? I underestimated you!

Now we’ll have a real fight!

You got strong…

I will take up your challenge anytime.

Not bad… you’re putting up a good fight.

Ha… nice.

I have no choice-!

Take this!

The art of the knights!

Demon Fang

Demonic Chaos

Demonic Circle

Tiger Blade

Beast

Sonic Thrust

Sword Rain Alpha

Guardian Field

Dragon Swarm

Holy power come- First Aid!

Oh divine spear, run mine enemy through- Holy Lance!

NOW WE END THIS- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- LIGHT DRAGON DESTRUCTION!

[queerchoicesblog]

The Birthday Party (SC Titanic, Zetta x Adele Series, Ch. 10/1)

Due to technical issues, Chapter 10 is out today: apologies for the delay! Part 2 featuring the James confrontation will be out later today as planned so stay tuned!

Little disclaimer-favor: if you do enjoy it, please consider supporting the author & sharing this. A little gesture that means a lot!

Word Count: 3000+

Zetta x Adele Tag: @storyscaped @storyscapefanficarchive@marmolady @animus-and-anima  @hayley-carter19 @escako@everlastingchoices @andrxrneda @aestheticsayeed@indescribablechoices @ahrielstuff @bornonawdnsday @nazario-sayeed  @h-doodles @adele-serda @marlcasters@brightpinkpeppercorn @nightwhite13 @ramenwithaspoon@michelleconnoly @charliejane-blog @ghost-of-yuri@choicesgremlin @shadeofangelus @mistressofspiesxenia@orange-elephants​

Zetta x Adele Series Tag: @eternal-langdon @nydeiri

➡️ Ch. 1, Ch. 2/1, Ch. 2/2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7, Ch. 8/1, Ch. 8/2, Ch. 9

_____________________

"I'm positive you'll be quite pleased with the venue, Madam" Sabine smiles, her eyes gleaming as she guides me through the hallways. I can tell she's beaming and thrilled for tonight: knowing her, adrenaline is pumping through her veins and she won't rest until the party is officially over and she touches her pillow. But she looks genuinely anxious of showing me the results of her hard work. Well, her and Adele's. She must be proud of it: she's literally floating by my side. "I'm sure I will, ma chere Sabine" I agree, mirroring her smile. "You never disappointed me once, I doubt you'll start tonight" Her whole face brightened up with pride, even if she tries to hide it to preserve her professional demeanour. But I know her well enough and I wouldn't have shared my praise if that wasn't the effect I had in mind. When we finally reach our destination, my little Napoleon stops in front of the closed doors of the cafe and looks back at me. "Allons-y, Madam?" she lilts in French, her head high. In response, to channel my Zetta role I close my eyes and dramatically offer her a hand. "Lead the way, Sabine"

I can't see her but I know my flair for drama amused her. She probably shook her head before taking my hand and opening the doors. As she gently guides me inside, my heart starts racing in my chest and I smile to myself at my childish excitement. I better cherish it: I am somehow thrilled for my party even if I know it won't have a happy ending...Jamie dear certainly has something in store for me and I'm not sure it's anything good or even remotely pleasant, knowing his wicked plan. I cannot know if he'll succeed in ruining me, his only family in this world, and my reputation, my engagement to Richard; if he won't, he'll try his best to ruin my little happy soirée. That I know for sure. I summon every ounce of hopeful strength inside me and cast those thoughts aside: it's my night tonight and I wanna have a ball. No matter how hard he conspires against me. I deserve a little happiness after all the drama and heartbreak I've endured over the last few days on this Ship of Dreams, right? All I ask is just a jolly night of fun, champagne, good music and the company of my dear ones. I don't care about the others and anything else, honestly. I don't need anything else on my birthday night. Sabine's voice saves me from my own considerations and invites me to open my eyes. I oblige, barely refraining my curiosity, and when I do, the view takes my breath away. The Café Parisien is so...beautiful tonight. The breathtaking views on the ocean are framed by red velvet curtains, just like those used in theaters and cinemas, that now decorate the whole room, replacing the usual graceful ivy. A quintet is harmonising under a white trellis braided with ivy while waiters in impeccable first class uniforms are pouring champagne into flautes. They twinkle like gems at the light. The maestro rushes to hand me one, graciously wishing me a happy birthday and assuring me that they will go above and beyond to provide me and my guest a wonderful night. A night to remember, we say at the same time before he bows and resumes his duties. As he leaves, I realise that there are more wonders in store for me. "Sabine what- what are these?" I gasp, taking in the posters of my pictures and even old plays adorning the walls, surrounded by a display of painted props and what looks like postcards? I take a closer look and pick up one of them, being careful not to cause any damage. On the back someone hand-wrote "promotional picture for The Small-Town Showgirl: très chic!". I smile to myself before placing it back and picking another. I cannot believe how my little Napoleon and Adele managed to find this: an old picture of my last performance in Vienna. I turn it to find another note: "So young, so cute, so talented: go, Zetta!". I chuckle at the cheerfulness of the kind author of this comment and I feel truly touched, thankful: I don't know who they are but their words made this homage to my past even more heartwarming. It is truly a tribute to my career, to me. A testament to what I've achieved so far, to who I am. I couldn't have possibly imagined a better way to celebrate my comeback. This is an ode to my renaissance. "That was Miss Carrem's idea, Madam. She mentioned something about her cabinmate being a huge fan of yours as well as the beholder of a collection of posters and memorabilia of your career. She offered to ask her to let us use it tonight." Sabine explains, still standing where I left her, a few steps away. Another soft smile crosses my face at the mention of Adele. I should have known this was your doing, my love. So thoughtful and sweet, just like you. I shouldn't be surprised: over the last few days you've gone to great lengths to support me and to shake me from my dreamless slumber. You showed me how to be a whole again. "Is Adele's cabinmate on the guest list tonight? I'd like to thank her personally" I say, putting the old picture away and turning to face Sabine. "I'm afraid not...je souis desoleé, Madam, I didn't think of adding Mademoiselle Lena, I think that's the name" my little Napoleon winces. She looks taken aback by my question but genuinely sorry. I reassure her that it's nothing when an idea crosses my mind. "Sabine, book a table here at the Café for tomorrow night. Mademoiselle Lena will be my guest over dinner. I'd be delighted to make her acquaintance and it's the least I can do, she's been so kind and generous with me already" I suggest with a smile. My maid considers it for a minute then nods enthusiastically. It sounds like a good idea to her too. Before I can ask if at least Adele is here, the early guests walk in. I should welcome them properly: I flash a quick knowing smile to Sabine and head towards them: may no one say Zetta is a bad host, I won't allow it! Unsurprisingly, the first to kiss my hand is the Baron. Ha, I bet that old dog will be the first to arrive and the last to leave. As the quintet starts playing, he's followed by Lucille, my dear Lucille. She's dashing at the arm of her dignified athlete husband. She kisses my cheeks and comments that I look gorgeous in the outfit...she helped out picking, I remind her giggling. She looks closer to add conspirationally "gorgeous as a Sultan's favorite, my dear! You'll make heads turn". She winks and we both burst out a laughter clinging our glasses. Then it's time to welcome colleagues and wealthy admirers, fellow first class passengers and moguls. Some are friends, some are merely acquaintances that unwritten laws of society and decorum put on my guest list for the night, others are simply upper-crust sharks. As I slip into the idle chit chat the occasion requires, I check the room for any sign of Adele: where is my love I long so dearly to see again? Instead, I almost bump into James and a shiver runs through my spine at the sight of him. What a practised actor he is - better, thinks he is!- all dressed up to the nines and a smile plastered on his face. He kisses my cheeks and wishes me a happy birthday before assuring me, a disturbing playfulness in his voice, that he has something special in store for me. It takes all my acting mastery to fake a surprised reaction and not betray the pang of ache I felt as his threat in disguise left his mouth. "Always full of surprises, my darling, aren't you?" I comment, smiling but there is little warmth inside my battered heart. I take a relieved sigh when he and Matteo walks away to get drinks. Is this how we were supposed to end, Jamie? My heart rejoices though when I notice Lawrence and Felix approaching: I excuse myself with a colleague and move towards them. I greet them with my most genuine smile and pull them both into a tight hug as if they were an anchor: I can only hope it will convey how much I value their presence here, tonight. We may not be closest pals but we share a deep bond. As we linger in our embrace, I think they feel it too. We start chatting as if we've never left each other side since we left Southampton: they flatter me to no end - oh they're certainly among the most refined smooth talkers I've ever known yet, unlike many, earnest and true- and the conversation quickly turn towards the beauty of the decor and even a little humour. The Baron and a couple of other gentlemen join us: we crack jokes and laugh and I finally seem to relax after my brief conversation with my nephew. I'm sharing a silly story with Lawrence when I hear Felix saying: "Oh look, Miss Carrem is here!" I stop mid sentence and turn my head out of instinct as if her name was a siren's song I can't resist. And then I see her: my wondrous love, radiant in a gorgeous blue outfit adorned with gems, "walking in beauty" into the crowd. I can't refrain myself from calling her name as a renewed cheerfulness spreads through my veins. As she waves at me with a shy smile, I can't bear to stay away from her any longer: I hastily excuse myself and make my way toward her, drawn by that magnetic pull that always tether us to each other. I'm almost out of breath for the excitement and joy to be reunited with her when I finally stand in front of her. How hard is to refrain the instinct to hold her in my arms! "Adele! I've been looking for you!" My eyes falls on the pearls around her neck and I can distinctively feel my heart jumping out of my chest: she's wearing my token of affection. "What a lovely necklace..." My voice is as soft as my smile. And a secretive tenderness is written all over my love's face when our eyes meet again. "Thank you for my party. It's divine!" I say, struggling to hide my true feelings. "Don't thank me, thank Sabine" Adele shrugs, her gaze searching for my maid in the crowd. "Wherever she's fluttered off to..." "Sabine is a hard worker, but hard work is nothing without a bit of creative spark - remember that" I wink at her, handing a cold glass of champagne promptly offered by a zealous waiter. I observe her for a moment as she drinks and enjoy the view of her work. I could look at her all day and still find little details to fall for: the tiny dimples forming on her cheeks as she smiles, the way the light dances in her eyes... As the quintet starts playing a waltz, I ask her if she likes the music and if she knows how to waltz. There is a hint of her irresistible playfulness in the way she rises and eyebrow at me, replaying that alas, Viennese waltz isn't the most popular dance in London pubs and taverns. "Is it by chance similar to ragtime?" We burst into laughter and I forget all the unpleasantness lurking in the dark. "I'll teach you one day, if you'd like" I add, smiling softly just as the bell announces the dinner and we are separated once again. Leaving my love's side, I accidentally brush my hand against hers: please know how hard it is to part from you, Adele, even if just for a bright dinner. As I take my seat, I immediately notice that James managed to find a way to change his assigned seat and breath over Adele's neck. Luckily, Sabine and Matteo seem to share my apprehension and our gazes converge on my nephew smiling in a pretender of lovable politeness to my secretary. My little Napoleon and I exchange a resolute look and I know she will keep an eye on them while I'll be busy entertaining my guests. But first, my speech. Sabine taps lightly on her glass with a fork as I stand, rising my flaute. When all eyes are on me, I put on my brightest smile and speak: "Welcome, old friends and new. I'd like to make a little toast - now, now, Lawrence. Don't groan." "Thank you all for being here with me to celebrate my twentieth birthday!" Soft laughter rings among the tables just as expected. I shrug in an exaggerated yet mischievous show of apology. "That's a joke, of course. You'll never know how old I really am. Let's lift our glasses first to my staff, with whom this night would not be possible" I lift my glass to Sabine before laying my eyes on Adele again. My guests oblige, exchanging smiles. "They planned this in matter of days - a testament to the incredible things that can happen in such a short time" I'm glad that my love meets my eyes now because my words are for her only now. "If you're with the right person, that is" I can't betray myself now, I need to keep the Zetta act on but I think Adele noticed the hint of softness I tried to convey with my last line. It was for you, only you, my love. I turn towards the rest of the table as I continue my speech. "I'm sad my Richard can't be here, but that will only make our reunion in New York that much sweeter. I'm so happy all of you could come in his stead to celebrate this next phase of my life, my love, my work...To you!" Everyone raises their glasses and repeat my refrain. A thrill runs through me and I realises that no matter what lies ahead tonight, I'm...happy now. Just happy as I feel, I sense my renaissance starting, no blossoming inside me. I drain my champagne ecstatically and dab my eyes with a kerchief as I take my seat. The dinner is sublime: I can see my little Napoleon's touch here. Every course is a delight for the eye and an explosion of flavour. Champagne is cold and perfect, a divine nectar, and our glasses are never empty for long. I cheer with pleasure every now and then at a new exquisite delight and I ask the zealous waiters to bring my compliment to the chef more than once. Hope that fella will have such a big head tonight after all the effort and expertise he showed here! I try to check on James and Adele whenever I can but my guests are relentless when it comes to chase my attention. They keep sharing awe and singing the praises for the night as well as asking of Richard, if I've heard from him, how things are in New York and how the new picture is getting along. I bet some are covertly fishing for complementary tickets. Others just want to hear stories from the shiny world of cinema. The usual. But I'm happy to oblige tonight. When the dessert is over and the men start searching their coat pockets for cigars, a group of women gather around me. Champagne made us all a bit more daring and social than usual. A bit tipsy too, yes. I chat a little with them before moving to another group of ladies and then another. I hold court, merry and bright as I'll ever be, and steal furtive glances to my love. My beautiful Adele. I'm distracted by a few ladies asking me about my latest trip to Paris. Everyone loves ever eternal Paris... I can't blame them honestly. Walking down the river, the views of Notre Dame and Montmartre: oh, what a dream is Paris! I'm telling them about the artists painting in the streets when I notice another dream, my Adele, approaching. The French capital suddenly vanishes away in my mind as well as my little adoring audience. I stop mid-sentence, for the second time this evening and stand to meet her. Too tipsy to care about what others might think or if they would ever notice, I wrap her fully in an embrace, inhaling her scent. "It really is a wonderful party, isn't it?" I cheer, beaming at her as we part. "And you're the shining star of it all" Adele's soft smile washes over me and I curse our unfortunate fate. If only I could kiss her right here, right now... "I couldn't have done it without you" I say instead. "In fact...I've been singing your praises all night" A foolish idea hits me like a thunder and I gape to myself before taking her hands into mine. "I insist you meet all my interesting friends and foolish acquaintances!" Adele looks taken aback so before she can react,  I wrap my arm with her own and guide her around the room. I get the attention of a group of socialites mingling with a rather popular colleague and introduce her. "This is Adele Carrem, of London" I say, my head high, announcing her like royalty. She deserves it: after all, isn't she the Queen of my heart? We stand like equals here, tonight...since we met, actually. Or at least since I got to know the brave radical standing here at my side. I'm glad to see that everyone treats her with the highest respect: if she's at my arm, she must belong here, they certainly think. I smile approvingly when my young colleague even kiss her hand as he would have done with the wealthiest passengers on board. A couple of directors back from the smoking room join us and the chat gets lively as I discretely play with my hand on the small of her back. One of my guest, Annette, a gracious colleague and friend accidentally met on board asks her about London and our first encounter. I look at my love, unsure of how she would answer to that, how we should answer to that and I see her hesitate a little. My breath catches in my throat even if I try to conceal it but I soon relaxed seeing Adele shrugging nonchalantly, a smile on her lips. "Well, that's a long story..." "The likes of which the world has hardly seen" I complete her sentence with a smirk, amusing our audience with my witty Zetta humour. "Oh, is that how you want to play it?" Adele giggles, making a scene to raise an eyebrow at me. "Why, how do you want to play it? It's true!" I shrug, eliciting new soft laughter. My love playfully dismisses me and turns to my guests. "She's just mad I crushed her at the shuffleboard courts the other day" I let out a hearty laughter. God, it's so easy to fall into an easy rhythm with her, without trying or forcing it. It comes natural, like breathing...as if we were meant to be. "To be precise you didn't crush me. It was almost a tie" "Was it?" Annette inquiry, skeptical and amused by our little show. I hesitate a little, a dramatic pause, my eyes wandering between her and Adele, then I hang my head and groan. "Oh c'mon, she has never played shuffleboard before! Do not butcher my pride!" After my words are welcomed with another round of laughter, Adele starts talking about our time on the ship as if we've known each other for years. I'm so thankful and touched: this is exactly how I feel about her. I wish I knew her earlier. There is warmth, the deep loyalty she showed with deeds not mere words in every little detail she mentions. There is also an affection the world better not see or suspect but people is generally blind to those kind of love and my little revolutionary knows how to be secretive and guarded. When we've made rounds, I need a break. I love the party but I need some fresh air and a private moment with my love. When I see a chance opening, I grab her hand and pull her out into the open air, into the night and to the far end of the deck, toward the end of a row of chairs, where it's quiet. Yes, here it should be safe. We keep silent for a moment than I exhale loudly. "I needed this" I move towards the railing, throwing my head back and breathing in the fresh air of the night. Thank God, the alcohol I had keeps me warm because it's chilly out here. Probably below zero? We must be heading North and we're in the open sea...I bet the water swaying beneath us is freezing. "The quiet?" Adele asks, retrieving a blanket from the chairs. Ah, my most considerate secretary! "Yes, and tonight in general" I consider, rambling as I rest my back on the cold railing. "This party. That food. The wine. It's perfect" "I'm so glad to hear it" Adele smiles, moving closer and wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. "And on top of it all, it's my birthday!" I squeal in a tipsy high pitched voice when she's near enough. My love giggles: yes, I'm probably quite a picture as the fine wine of our dinner is kicking in. She's so beautiful when she laughs, always and her closeness is intoxicating. "What?" I tease her, cocking my head to the side and leaning close enough that my arm touches her. A sparkle of electricity runs up my arm at that casual touch. My eyes quickly stroke her lips before meeting hers again. "Do you have a present for me?" There is no one around, only the faint echo of the quintet playing and the ocean waves. Adele leans in and I smile against her lips as our mouths meet. It's sweet and light, a tender romantic kiss underneath the stars that spread a comforting warmth through my whole body: I don't even need the blanket she's wrapping around my shoulders as she gently pulls me closer. It's been a while since I last felt anything close to this: is this what being in the arms of your love feels like? When we part, we both hesitate. The sounds of the party are distant and there are no passengers or stewards in sight. We smile at each other and kiss again, longer this time but with no hurry or hunger. I touch my hand to her cool cheek: can time stop now? Can a moment last forever? If so, God please let it be this moment when I'm dizzy and drunk of this sweet pure love so far away from land. Eventually we pull back to catch our breath. Before speaking, I take a moment to look at my love smiling softly at me. The gems on her dress twinkle in the dark and I can see the stars reflecting in her eyes. She's my star though, my Northern star casting the brightest light in the dusk of my mad existence. "I've been waiting to do that all night" I sigh contently. As Adele gently strokes my back, I continue unable, unwilling to hide my heart's feelings any longer. "If I'm honest, I don't even want to reach shore, I don't want to go back to the party...I just want to stay out here with you. Forever" My love smiles, tender and pained at the same time. Her voice is as soft as a sweet caress. "I know, I wish this moment didn't have to end" "Let's just make a tent of this blanket - we can live off seal meat and rainwater!" I suggest as the thought of a life lived side by side with her blinds me. We both laugh then Adele speaks again. "What about your acting career?" she inquires, stroking my cheek. "We'll make our own plays. Whaddya say?" I shrug, leaning to the touch. There are so many we cannot say, so many objections but also desperate wishes and dreams on her face. On mine too. I mean it when I said I want to stay here with here forever. I'm not foolish enough to think what I feel blossoming inside me is that ever consuming amour fou immortalised by poets, after what? a couple of days it's too soon to even put a label to it but it's crystal clear to me now that I don't want to part from her. I want her close, near, to warm my troubled soul at the calming yet restless fire burning inside her. Let it kindle what I hid deep inside, away from the prying of the world, and offer it to her, if she wants it too. Sadly, our time is almost over and I embrace Adele tighter when she takes my face in her hands and kiss me again. One last kiss, slow and deep, filled with all we must left unsaid. I return it in kind. When our eyes meet again, I know she felt it too. Our words were silent but we were listening.