#it’s too early to be PMSing so i think i’m just going through a low

[alexa-crowe]

My Mountains of Pain are Smaller Than Others

I mean, that’s what I keep thinking. I hear about other people’s problems and I’m just like, “Oh, mine must not be real problems.” So I’m like, “I’m okay, I’m fine. I’ll be okay soon.” But when is soon? Because it’s been soon for years, since I was in Pre-School.

Those are my earliest memories, but back then I didn’t have the words to describe my mountains. All I knew was that people are scary, vomit is scary—get away from me—get away from it, and that I can’t sleep during naptime, how does anyone else sleep???

As I got older, I found out that carbonated drinks burn my throat, that my tears are quick to come, and that I vomited oh god nonononononono and then I walked around school with my arms wrapped around my midsection for months, from the later part of third grade to the earlier part of fourth grade.

People would cough and I would freak out internally, because, one time, I was coughing and my dad asked if I was okay and I said yes and then I barfed, so ever since then I’ve been paranoid.

I grew older, and found the words to describe my mountains: anxiety, emetophobia, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, depression, agoraphobia, and hyperactive gag reflex.

I was diagnosed with anxiety... I don’t know when. I only found out that I had been diagnosed when I went in for my general doctor’s appointment this past fall. I was given medicine over summer but it made me feel nauseous and triggered my hyperactive gag reflex. So I started on a new one, but my stomach had been messed up, and I had to start on meds to help with that.

I’m pretty sure the anxiety disorder that I have is specifically social anxiety disorder, because I never trust myself around people; I always doubt what I say. So when I take the leap and say something only to have somebody fight me instead... I regress. The medicine I take helps a bit, but I find it hard to remember to take it and I have to take it for a while consecutively for it to work properly.

I searched the phobia of vomit when I was thirteen, which is called emetophobia, and self-diagnosed myself because I suffer from these symptoms:

Eliminating foods that you associate with vomiting.

One time, I ate cookies with red frosting on them and then threw up later in the day. The vomit was pinkish. I hate eting cookies with red frosting on them to this day.

Eating slowly, eating very little, or eating only at home.

Whenever I throw up, a few days/a week later, when I’m perfectly fine, I still don’t eat much, if at all, out of fear that it’ll make me vomit.

Smelling or checking food often to make sure it hasn’t gone bad.

I ate pudding that was probably expired because it tasted bad and freaked out, thinking it could cause me to throw up.

Not touching surfaces that could have germs that lead to illness, such as doorknobs, toilet seats or flushes, handrails, or public computers.

I don’t suffer from this exactly, I just compulsively wash my hands or use hand sanitizer.

Avoiding drinking alcohol or taking medication that could cause nausea.

When I was younger, I vowed to myself that I would never drink alcohol, even though one glass or bottle doesn’t make you vomit. I can’t drink it anyway since my throat is hyper-sensitive.

Avoiding travel, school, parties, public transportation, or any crowded public space.

I once skipped a friend’s birthday party because I was gagging badly and thought I was going to throw up.

Having trouble breathing, tightness in the chest, or increased heartbeat at the thought of vomit.

Extreme fear of seeing someone vomit.

Extreme fear of having to throw up but not being able to find a bathroom.

Extreme fear of not being able to stop throwing up.

Panic at the thought of not being able to leave a crowded area if someone vomits.

Anxiety and distress when feeling nauseated or thinking about vomit.

Persistent, irrational thoughts linking an action to a past experience involving vomit.

I self-diagnosed myself with low-scale insomnia caused by my anxiety and emetophobia because I have a hard time staying asleep, I just wake up really early even though I’m tired and would like to go back to sleep, but once I’m up, I’m up.

When I was younger, back during those really rough times in third and fourth grade, I remember laying in my mom and dad’s bed with my mom, maybe my dad too, and crying, saying that I wanted to die. And now that I’m older... those thoughts have sadly come back. Not the “I want to die” thoughts, but a different type, ones like:

My brain: *playing out a scenario of me stabbing myself or cutting my wrist* Me: Ew, wtf!!!!!!! BRAIN STAHP IHSDLUIGLDYWT

I don’t know how to deal with those thoughts, but they usually come while I’m PMSing, which means that it would probably help if I took birth control medication that regulated my homones, but does that shit even come in anything other than pills?? I can’t take pills because that triggers my hyperative gag reflex which triggers my emetophbia!

I self-diagnosed myself with depression because, while my symptoms generally only occur while I’m PMSing, they happen on a regular basis. I suffer from these symptoms:

Emotional well-being, such as feelings of incompetence (e.g. “I can’t do anything right”) or despair, crying, intense sadness, feeling sad or empty, anxious or hopeless.

Behavior, such as refusing to go to school, avoiding friends or siblings, thoughts of death or suicide, loss of interest in activities, withdrawing from social engagements, thoughts of suicide.

Cognitive abilities, such as difficulty concentrating, decline in school performance, changes in grades

Sleep patterns, such as difficulty sleeping through the night, waking early, sleeping too much

Physical well-being, such as decreased energy, greater fatigue, changes in appetite, weight changes, aches, pain, headaches, increased cramps, digestive problems.

Mood, such as irritability, anger, mood swings, crying

And lastly, I diagnosed myself with agoraphobia, because I feel...

trapped

helpless

panicked

embarrassed

scared

...when I’m in situations that I’m not comfortable with, such as asking a teacher for extra help.

I typically am...

afraid of leaving my home for extended periods of time

afraid of being alone in a social situation

afraid of losing control in a public place, i.e. crying

afraid of being in places where it would be difficult to escape

detached or estranged from others

anxious or agitated

When I got scared and panicked internally I would:

tremble or fidget

experience hot flashes or chills

and sweat excessively

When I was younger, I thought my problems weren’t “real” problems, so I tried my best to ignore them. Now, I know that my problems are every bit as real as other people’s, and that treatment can be found, that I can feel happy a lot more than I usually do. It’s still a struggle everday to change my way of thinking, but if I keep at it, I’ll keep having more good days than bad ones.

(All health information via Healthline)

[babyconnectingworld]

Can weaning your baby cause maternal depression?

A year into nursing my third son, I went to feed him for the millionth time and the strangest thing happened: I was overcome with the almost nauseatingly strong urge to not. I knew it was time to begin the weaning process, just as I’d done before with my other two babies. It took a few weeks to fully wean him, using the same gradual approach I’d taken with his big brothers, all around the 14-month mark. I expected a smooth transition into toddlerhood and looked forward to a life without another human attached to me. But the onslaught of physical and emotional changes that soon followed was overwhelming and all-consuming. I developed seemingly random symptoms I’d never experienced before: debilitating headaches, mood swings, sadness, anxiety and lethargy—it felt like PMS with a side of the flu. It was more intense than the first months of pregnancy had been. After some passive attempts to google my symptoms and find someone who could relate online, I realized I was dealing with one of the least discussed but more difficult parts of postpartum life: an intense reaction to weaning. I can describe it only as the “weaning fog.” My always reliable social media mom groups, and even some deeper research, produced little advice and very few articles on the weaning fog. Of course, I found information on the basics of weaning: preventing engorgement and finding alternative ways to continue bonding with the baby. But this wasn’t what I was experiencing. I took pregnancy tests (negative), visited my doctor (“It’s a phase”) and talked to other moms (huge variety of experiences). I was frustrated and I needed to know why I was feeling like garbage. My husband and I now refer to what happened to me as the “dark side” of weaning. Let’s start with the facts: Research does not, technically, show that postpartum depression or anxiety surges at this time. But that’s because mothers aren’t specifically screened for depression during weaning, as it’s usually a temporary phase and everyone weans at different times—it could be three months postpartum or three years postpartum. High-quality research simply does not exist yet. However, plenty of women report feeling the effects of the hormonal changes that occur during weaning. Reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks, author of What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood and the host of the Motherhood Sessions podcast, explains it this way: “Some women are more sensitive to hormonal shifts than others; some have more dramatic mood changes around periods, during pregnancy, postpartum and around weaning, but these are individual sensitivities—so some people feel better, and some feel worse.” Others don’t notice any mood changes at all. A decline in oxytocin, the bonding hormone stimulated by breastfeeding, may lead to some women feeling low, says Sacks. She also explains that some women feel better after weaning if they had found breastfeeding to be stressful or disruptive to their own sleep (which may increase stress hormones). When you stop breastfeeding, prolactin (the milk-production hormone) drops off, estrogen shoots back up, and all of it sent me into a PMSing, semi-permanent state of terribleness. Verinder Sharma, a professor of psychiatry with a cross appointment to the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Western Ontario, confirms that the prolactin decrease is the issue, but it’s not the whole story: What matters is how the prolactin affects other changes in the brain and results in depression—or even mania. Sharma says to look for a “clustering of symptoms.” Some women may experience comparatively simple hormone changes with weaning, while others might be plunged into a full-blown postpartum depression. I sure had a cluster of symptoms, but I didn’t feel they were depression-like. It felt more physical for me. “We make a distinction between symptoms and syndromes,” says Sharma. For women, all “reproductive events” related to hormonal changes—this can include pregnancy and postpartum, as well as monthly PMS, menopause, and when you’re getting your period for the very first time—increase the risk of psychiatric problems, he says. For example, bipolar disorder mania is extremely affected by hormonal changes—one in three women with bipolar disorder will experience an onset within a year of starting puberty or getting their first period. It’s also the mental disorder most exacerbated by childbirth, according to Sharma.

How to stop breastfeedingIn the 18th century, doctors and psychiatrists did, in fact, distinguish between postpartum disorders and the “lactational period,” but in contemporary studies, they haven’t done this. Sharma says we are still evaluating men and women too similarly and that a paradigm shift needs to take place for us to more holistically consider a woman’s hormones in relation to her mental health. “That change should reflect the heightened risk around the time of reproductive events,” including during weaning, says Sharma. Due to the lack of research in this area, Sharma says there are no concrete numbers on how many women experience depression or other mental disorders during weaning. He thinks screenings for mood disorders during weaning should be as commonplace as mental health assessments during the early postpartum period. Ideally, doctors should be considering and connecting potential changes at each major hormonal shift in a woman’s life. While my so-called weaning fog was nothing like bipolar mania, I’m certain it was affected by the soup of hormones flowing from my pituitary gland and swirling throughout my body. In addition to this hormonal chaos—or maybe because of it—I was also feeling a little sad that breastfeeding was over, while simultaneously feeling glad that we had stopped. After nursing three babies, I felt a sense of nostalgia and freedom at the same time. It’s that classic push-pull feeling of parenthood: Looking forward yet yearning for the past, too. Mourning the breastfeeding period and feeling a sense of grief or loss is common. Catie Agave*, a 36-year-old mom in Toronto, felt it intensely, since she knew she was most likely going to have only one child. “The journey was ending for us, so that brought on sadness as well,” she says. While she weaned her three-year-old gradually, she started to feel foggy within two weeks of completely weaning. “I wasn’t prepared for the change,” she says. “I didn’t feel like myself. I was more exhausted even though he was finally sleeping more. By week three or four, I had a lack of interest in daily activities, which is difficult when you have a child of that age.” She kept her feelings to herself at first, and then did some googling, but she found very few research-based articles and a lack of support, even in her usual go-tos: her Facebook mom groups and breastfeeding forums. “Nobody talks about it.” “There are a lot of people talking about postpartum depression,” she says. “And reading their symptoms, I thought, yeah, this is what I have—this is depression. But nobody ever said you can have postpartum depression from weaning, too. I was very sad, and it lasted for a long time. I couldn’t find anyone else going through that,” she says. “It was a scary experience.” Agave says she was hesitant to talk to her doctor because she assumed postpartum depression (PPD) was for moms of infants, not moms of toddlers or preschoolers, and she worried she’d be judged for her choice to practise extended breastfeeding. She credits her sister with encouraging her to see a doctor, in spite of her fears. “The doctor was supportive and mentioned postpartum depression can happen up until three years,” she says. Sacks is working to popularize the term “matrescence,” originally coined by an anthropologist in the 1970s, as a better way to describe and fully capture the ongoing transitions of motherhood over time, even if your baby is now growing into a toddler. “It’s a helpful framing of new motherhood as a developmental phase, like ‘adolescence’—it’s not a coincidence that the words sound similar,” she says. “Both matrescence and adolescence describe shifts that are challenging because they involve changes in so many parts of life, ranging from the physical, hormonal, social, emotional and all the rest.” Adolescence is a gradual process—it isn’t instant in the way motherhood can be divided into pre-baby and post-baby life. But we need to be forgiving of ourselves, and to acknowledge that it might take time to adjust to all the shifts and challenges happening at once. Your body, your brain chemistry and your identity are all changing. Whether it’s a few months after birth or three years later, women shouldn’t feel ashamed if they experience the weaning fog, like me, or true depression symptoms, like Agave. We all have our own recovery period. Sacks encourages moms to remember that the end of breastfeeding doesn’t mean your baby needs you any less. Agave, who had struggled with anxiety in the past—but never depression—was ultimately referred to a treatment program where she improved through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). She was relieved to know CBT was an option, in addition to taking prescription medications, such as antidepressants. (She was prescribed an SNRI but chose to focus on CBT treatment instead.) “Eventually, my hormones regulated and the feeling of depression significantly decreased, but to this day, the anxiety piece is still there. I think a lot of it is the stress of being a mom.” Around the time I was preparing to pursue professional help, my own symptoms eased up, around two months after they began. I found myself reflecting back on the previous two months, asking, “What just happened?” It had felt like the flu, mixed with mild depression, combined with all those yo-yo-ing feelings about my relationship with my baby. I felt so thankful to feel “normal,” or like myself, again. Batya Grundland, a family physician with an emphasis in obstetrics and women’s health in Toronto, and the former head of maternal care at Women’s College Hospital Family Practice, says gradual versus cold-turkey weaning can play a part in the intensity of hormonal changes. She believes weaning is unlikely to be the sole cause; rather, it’s a complex puzzle with multiple additional factors happening all at once. “The tricky thing is that it would be hard to associate symptoms only with weaning,” she says. For many mothers, reductions to the nursing schedule often coincide with a return to full-time or part-time work. Some women will also experience the return of their period, with ovulation and menstrual cycles beginning to regulate again during the same time frame. “It could make sense that describe feeling pregnant. With the prolactin and estrogen changes, you could feel a whole bunch of things,” says Grundland. Not only are hormones changing drastically during this phase, but women may also be spending long days away from their babies, weaning by necessity (or attempting to pump at work), juggling full-time employment, adjusting to the work/daycare dash, not sleeping enough at night and forgetting to take care of themselves in all of this. “Moms are so busy—they need to be reminded that self-care is important, and we need to figure out ways to better support mothers,” says Sacks. She nudges parents to ask themselves how much they’ve slept and when they ate their last real meal. Do you have time to simply go to the bathroom and brush your teeth alone? Have you had time to yourself not engaged in childcare? Sacks says moms need to reconnect to who they are outside of parenting—like seeing friends, spending time with a romantic partner or pursuing non-child-related interests. “If you cut out the majority of activities that were essential to your routine before having a baby, you may feel disconnected from your identity.” Both Sacks and Grundland also recommend seeking help if temporary feelings of sadness become long-term or interfere with daily activities, but they agree that some sadness can be normal for some individuals. Most women can expect to feel physical and emotional changes for about four to six weeks, says Grundland. My journey through the weaning fog, and my version of self-care during the recovery period, meant seeking out meals with multiple food groups, a simple thing that had fallen off the priority list when I was caring for a colicky baby and keeping my other two toddlers alive and happy. I distinctly recall a three-course lunch I bought for myself, including a rack of ribs, that reminded me how to enjoy other things again, as a separate human from my baby. I had forgotten that I needed to eat real food, too. The end of breastfeeding doesn’t mean your baby needs you any less, emotionally, says Sacks. It’s like every other bittersweet aspect of parenting: “You feel a sense of longing when you see clothes your child no longer fits into, but you’re happy they’re growing. A baby is able to eat foods, but the ‘baby phase’ is now behind you. You can want two things at once.” I wanted to be the selfless, amazing super mom, but to also feel zero guilt treating myself to that rack of ribs—alone—instead of nursing a baby for the fourth time that day. I wanted to feel even-keeled and clear-headed again, yet still bond with my baby in the ways breastfeeding had magically provided. In the end, the months-long weaning fog was just another example of the bizarre and unexpected, yet temporary, phases in my first few years of motherhood.   Read the full article

[ladylaurette]

30 goals all women should achieve by age 30 by Love, Haley

30 goals all women should achieve by age 30As you can probably tell from my photograph, I am not quite thirty. In fact, so long as I'm being honest, I am not even a legal adult just yet (I turn 18 in July). I am, however, old enough to know what kind of woman I'd like to be by the prime age of thirty: self-assured, capable, and successful. My hopeful guess is that many other girls my age, and even most twenty-something women, want the same things as me. What follows is a list of basic goals I'm striving to achieve by age 30 - ones I think you should strive for, too. 1. Pay off your student loans. This is probably wishful thinking on my part, but unless you've been in graduate, medical, or law school, or recently gone back for a new degree, thirty seems late to be making those last few payments. Pay your loans off as early as possible so you can avoid nasty interest rates and evade debt later. 2. Think long and hard about marriage - but ignore others' expectations. By thirty, most single women are probably feeling the pressure from family, friends, and society: "When are you going to get married?" "When will I have grandchildren?" But before she answers anyone else's questions, you should know the answer yourself: Do you really want to get married? It might be my inner child of divorced parents talking, but marriage definitely isn't for everyone. Likewise, you are no less "feminist" or "progressive" for wanting a traditional family. There's no better time than your twenties to decide if marriage just isn't your thing, or if you're looking to put a ring on it. 3. Refer to your vagina by name. In other words, boycott the words "down there." At thirty, you are a grown-ass woman. Shyly pointing to your pelvis won't help the doctor figure out what your problem is. Just spit it out already: IT'S A VAGINA! 4. Know what you can and can't wear to work. Here's what I learned while conducting research for my interview in the Governor's Office: corporate careers, like law, government, and finance, generally require suits or pencil skirts with low hemlines and muted colors, while "business casual" allows for cardigans instead of blazers, bare legs (but still no hems above the knee), and brighter colors. Also, as a general rule, never wear anything so short, small, or sparkly your grandma wouldn't approve of it. 5. Understand your skin type. Last summer, when I got my first facial from Ulta, I basically learned that everything I'd thought about my skin was wrong. To which I basically said "Ok, cool." No woman should have to learn that lesson beyond the age of thirty. If you're rounding the bend and still can't manage your skin woes, have your skin mapped by a dermatologist or cosmetologist. Skin mapping gives you a visual of where your skin is oily and dry, and even helps you target the source of your breakouts (mine are hormonal, in case you were wondering). 6. Quit dieting. When I first learned about intuitive eating, I was a 16-year-old girl struggling to overcome a severely damaged relationship with food and some borderline anorexic habits. In case you haven't heard of it, intuitive eating is - quite simply - eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full. Deciding to combat the cycle of yo-yo dieting - i.e. lose weight, gain it back, rinse, repeat - and to instead trust my body's natural instincts was quite possibly the most important decision I ever made. Yes, I still eat way too much Annie's mac 'n' cheese, and I definitely still binge on ice cream when I'm PMSing (sometimes I even feel guilty about it), but now that no food is "off-limits" to me, I've also learned what it feels like to crave healthy foods like veggie sticks and oatmeal....weird, right? 7. Practice self-care. It's a lesson all women need to learn: taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It makes you a more complete person, because you are able to address your most basically needs that might not be met. For example, are you sleeping enough? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating three meals a day? Start with these basics before moving on to more complex needs, such as feeling safe, comfortable, important, and loved. 8. See a therapist. I have a friend who - much like Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow - swears that everyone should try therapy, and I have to agree. You don't need to be mentally ill to benefit from therapy. While I haven't been to therapy since childhood, I fully plan on going again before I get married, because I know there are issues related to my parents' divorce that I need to work through before I can have a truly healthy relationship. You don't have to like it once you try it, but you do have to realize that some problems are simply too big for you to solve on your own - and if therapy's too expensive for you, know that there are plenty of free mental health resources that anyone can take advantage of. 9. Learn how and when to say no - and then actually do it. "No" is in every woman's vocabulary - for example, when my conservative friend asks if I'll be voting Republican in the next election. But how often do we say no to our friends, who want to go out drinking for the third time this week when all we want to do is watch Netflix in pajamas? Or to our bosses, who want us to finish four critical projects by the end of next week and still have the nerve to ask if we'd be willing to take on a fifth? We women feel responsible for taking care of everything and everyone; it's our natural, biological instinct to put on everyone else's oxygen mask before tending to our own. But know this: it is not your job to protect everyone else's feelings from being hurt. Once you turn thirty, it's about time you put on your own damn mask first - before it really does become a life or death situation. 10. Find a cause you care about. By thirty, you've finally pushed past the grueling years of school-stipulated community service in high school and college. Thus, in adulthood, volunteering is more rewarding than ever because it is, finally, 100% voluntary. So, take it upon yourself to explore the causes you're passionate about. Once you've found that cause - whether it's lobbying for cruelty-free cosmetics or building houses with Habitat for Humanity - stick with it for a lifetime of fulfillment. 11. Start speaking candidly about sex. The most perfect time to start being honest about your wants and needs during sex is the first time you have it. Nevertheless, being straightforward is difficult for most normal, caring human beings (and if it's not hard for you, then kudos for being more badass but no less loving than the rest of us). After all, you don't want to be needy. You don't want your complaints to interfere with your partner's pleasure. You don't want to "kill the mood" - although suffering through discomfort and even pain just to save a little awkwardness pretty much does the trick in that category. But trust me, sex is better for everyone involved when both people are honest about their feelings. Don't just speak up - don't be afraid to ask your partner how he or she or xe is doing, too. 12. Save for retirement. You are given a 401K for a reason. It's your responsibility to use it. And, in case you were wondering - which I know I have been, considering I'm only 17 - your 401K is a workplace savings plan that allows you to invest part of your paycheck for retirement, without subjecting it to taxes. Also important to know: the recommended savings rate is about 10% of your income, meaning anything above that is stellar. (Another finance lesson I learned today: the difference between subsidized and unsubsidized loans. Who knew, right?!) 13. Take a multivitamin.... Which reminds me, I haven't taken mine yet today. BRB. 14. Accept all compliments without qualifying them. Stop saying "Thanks, but..." whenever someone tells you how pretty or smart you are. You're a gorgeous, badass genius. Please recognize yourself as such. 15. Say "I love you" as often as possible. Simply put, you never know when it might be the last time. Call your parents to say it, and especially your grandparents, if you're lucky enough to have them. 16. Wear less makeup, less often. #iwokeuplikethis shouldn't be specially reserved for celebrities who have paid for thousands of dollars in plastic surgery and skin-care treatments. All women should feel comfortable enough in their own skin not only to post a makeup-free selfie, but also to walk around unencumbered by greasy foundation and clumps of mascara hanging in their eyes in their day-to-day lives. If applying professional-quality makeup every day is your jam, you do you. But don't let society's unreasonable standards make you feel obliged to cake on the blush when you're really not feeling it. 17. Go to the doctor. And the dentist. And the gynecologist. Especially the gyn. The fact that your mom stopped making appointments for you is no excuse to stop going. In general, women need a check-up and a full pelvic exam (that includes a Pap smear) every year, and a dentist appointment every six months. And, on that note, my first visit to the gynecologist is about six years overdue.... 18. Accept your clothing size. Accept that it does not define you, ever. So the size five jeans didn't fit, after all...a word of advice in this situation: "fat" is just a meaningless adjective, not a feeling. Don't try and force them to fit - or worse, starve yourself to squeeze into them. Your size is merely a number that has nothing to do with your self-worth, so don't belittle yourself for going up a size (or over-pride yourself on going down). Your booty will look much better in some comfy size sevens, anyways. 19. Find a workout that doesn't suck. Admittedly, the level of a workout's suckiness is relative. Personally, I hate running, but some people swear it is the be-all end-all and that you haven't truly lived until you've run your first marathon. (Me, on the other hand? I'm more of a "lift weights and kick shit" kind of girl.) However, the important thing isn't how you work out. All that matters is that you do. So, in the wise words of Nike, just do it.   20. Have a will. Where there's a will, there's a way...to provide for your death. Not the most optimistic sentiment, but still important, and still completely necessary - especially if you have already started a family by then. 21. Know how to defend yourself. In my opinion, self-defense classes, along with rape prevention classes, should be mandatory parts of college orientation for both genders. Many colleges do offer the opportunity to take classes like this, and I fully encourage women in particular to take advantage of them. I know I will. But in case you missed your shot in college, know that it is never too late to learn how to defend yourself. At the very least, applying to carry pepper spray - that's right, there's an application now (or in the state of Massachusetts there is) - will offer some extra protection. 22. Vote. Too many elections are swayed not by those who actually vote, but by the vast number of Americans who don't. I've said it once and I'll say it again: you are a grown-ass woman. You can handle watching a debate or two and checking off a box at the polls. Just long as it's not next to the word Trump. 23. Travel alone. Learning to live alone is one of those valuable life lessons learned in college that most adults wouldn't trade for anything. Even more rewarding - or so I hear - is the experience of traveling by oneself. Planning, budgeting, and executing a trip all on your own is a lot of hard work - but it's an important step toward becoming a self-sufficient adult in an unforgiving world. (And, as a sardonic side note, traveling alone as a woman may also be the perfect chance to test out some of your new self-defense skills.) 24. Own a planner - and actually use it. My planner rules my life. The days I forget it at home are days that most people should probably avoid me. While not everyone needs to be as obsessed with their planner as I am, I think every woman would benefit from getting in the habit of writing down assignments (whether at work or school), important appointments, birthdays, etc....especially if it's in a cute Lilly Pulitzer or Kate Spade agenda. 25. Pay attention to the news. Daily. Unless you need to avoid triggering material due to a mental illness like depression, it is absolutely essential to know what's going on in the world at all times. Political affairs can change in the blink of an eye, and you don't want to be the only one at work who doesn't know about the big financial crisis overseas or the latest terrorist attack. I subscribe to theSkimm to get my news in one convenient daily dose. It's delivered straight to my inbox five days a week, it's easy reading, and - best of all - it's completely free. 26. Follow up when networking. I met an amazing professional from the State Street Corporation in Boston at a Girl Scout event this November - and what did I forget to do? The most crucial step of networking of course: I forgot to follow up! (Of course, the irony of the whole situation is that one of the topics of the company's presentation was networking. But that's a story for another time.) By the time I finally got around to building a LinkedIn profile, it seemed awkward for me to try to get in touch. So I still haven't. And now I've learned my lesson. Hopefully you, too, will learn yours before age thirty. 27. Identify your priorities - and edit your life accordingly. "Edit your life" seems like such an obnoxious Hollywood phrase, so I'll explain in layman's terms: if you are twenty-two years old and still taking the piano lessons your parents made you start when you were five, even though you really hate them, my only question to you is: why? 28. Try journaling. I've kept a journal since I was eight years old, and not only has it helped me preserve my memories, but it has also trained me to better write and communicate, and to express my emotions in a safe, constructive way. Knowing that I can reach for my journal whenever I'm sad, mad, or scared is an enormous comfort to me - one that I think every woman should experience by age thirty. 29. Put your phone away when you're with friends. Unfortunately, I come from the generation where "hanging out" means sitting next to friends while scrolling through your individual Pinterest feeds. Fortunately, all it takes to change that is a little bit of will power...good thing I have 12.5 years to master that one! 30. Set reasonable goals. I learned from Girl Scouts that if there's anything all goals should be, it's SMART: in other words, Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. Saying "I will become a U.S. Senator" probably isn't realistic for a twenty-year-old soon-to-be college graduate - but saying "I will apply to intern with my state Senator by the start of second semester" is. That isn't to say we shouldn't dream big - but in the wise words of Drake, who "started at the bottom/now he here," the path to success starts small and gradually grows over time. Nobody learns to run before they learn to walk - except maybe Amy Poehler. She's so fabulous; I'm pretty sure she ran first.