#it's 3:31pm and I'm ready to go back to bed

[vole-mon-amour]

It's incredible how much of a toll mental exhausting takes on your body. The other way around, too.

[yourbonafidelove]

Smith Street & S.Barlett - 1hr - 1:hr & 25 minutes ago

I hold my breath when they come through the 3 way stop, But it's only because they brake,

When it's another grill coming my way I close my eyes and say thank you. Relieved.

The cops braking in their unmarked chevy truck is like the going into remission one last time -- fucking pointless, with suffering included. More on this shortly.

Lunch Time: The Conversation At Mysticle With Steve Plays Back

Here's How Our Conversation At Mysticle Went, While You Sat On The Large White Deep Freezer by the Folding Doors:

You tell me to look her up. You tell me that's your dream girl.

And I don't care where it's going, You can tell me she's a fucking tranny, But I know it's all about the frame,

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And all I said was...

"I'm sorry, I love you so much but my heart is broken. [Teary eyes and a crackling pinch at the top of my nose] And I never want to see you again." And I meant it. I fucking meant it.

My heart and soul cry at how they pick n chose. The heart is on the surface, like a first heartache -- but the soul is the light that never comes back on, because you suffocated it of oxygen, and fuel, and life. "That conversation will have you taken for shallow" Says Char

"I'm good with shallow Char. What I'm not good for is being taken for not-push-into tracks-ready when you (Steve) already lost Dr. Elana

And for you to have the audacity to bring up with Mercedez shit with me, You had 2 occasions where you stood in a room with my best friend, Where you had his wife painting my sisters nails, passed out on a bed on the floor of a house in oshawa, You had the audacity to pull this shit twice, when I only gave you once,

And spread shit at the perfect time like that man that nearly killed me " That was a moment I had to look at my best friend, and Char, And tell them with my eyes alone that Steve kills me in the end. Just like Orville -- just like Orville and loving it.

-------

Steve looks at me amused --- he is amused with me dying The way it amused Orville when he tortured me In my wake and in my sleep Steve is amused with me dying.

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I repeat the following to myself in my head, Knowing the suffering is coming to a swift end Because I've fucking had it I don't give a flying fuck about that generator. I don't give a flying fuck about that generator. I don't give a flying fuck about that generator. I don't give a flying fuck about refueling the generator to a house that has had the power and light cut from it. I don't give a flying fuck about that last $5 or refueling the generator. Let the house go dark. Let my eyes go dark. I don't give a flying fuck about that generator.

2:50pm-3:15pm: I keep walking around like I'm gonna wake up and somebody is going to be there. But You don't come. You don't come baby. (Telling myself to suck it the fuck up, get over it, and move the fuck on -- With Steve/Harmony Rd getting a piece of me in the process. Yeah, the cops still show up in the middle of the night and take our children from their beds and homes. Fuck the colour orange, now they just dress in grey and call a mental health nurse for the suffering they created.)

5:00pm-5:31pm

Sitting At Smith St & S. Barlett, Kingston Ontario Canada then walking of to Giant Tiger on Princess Street

If Tomorrow Never Comes - Swiss & Etana Comes to mind, the lyrics play on my heart But I picture 2.57seconds in from Everytime When he's pulling her out of the bathtub I think of you holding me the same way And I'm telling you It's going to be okay And to let me go And there's nothing we can do because the cops on the wrong side set it up this way, And I promise you I am at peace, And I slip back under the water, And under the surface my eyes are closed But I'm still smiling, telling you I am okay. And I am at peace, If a Toronto person had run that stop and left me dead on that sidewalk, the cops lingering around still would have been too late

- To save me - To end this story differently - To catch a bad guy ---

Because the driver must've been/must be a good one. (Because God is good, all the time) 5:31pm: I ask someone crossing infront of Giant Tiger on Princess Street for the time. I am waiting for the 501 downtown.

The last 501 passed me as I left Smith St and S.Barlett approx 10 minutes ago. 6:11pm: Humming Cover Me Up - Morgan Wallen 6:11pm - Downtown I read the sign with the time and location just after I get on the 2 - Kingston Centre - SLC