row301

[karuvapatta]

I’m only halfway through season 2 but is it going to stop me from writing self-indulgent Jon/Elias fanfiction? No. No it isn’t.

(Okay, the Jon/Elias is only implied, but whatcha gonna do. And it’s a pre-series 1 office christmas party, because the idea of the Magnus Institute throwing an office party is simply delightful)

(also on ao3)

As soon as he sinks behind his desk, Jon breathes a sigh of relief. It hasn’t been his desk for long of course, and it’s a bit presumptuous to already feel like he belongs here; but the Archives are blessedly quiet and calm, away from the noise and too-bright lights. The pressure behind his eyes lessens somewhat. He will have to go back to the party eventually; he is not foolish enough to believe that his absence can go unnoticed for long. Networking is, after all, as important in academia as it is anywhere else. Unfortunately. But he just needs a few moments to collect himself.

And, since he’s already here, he might as well get some work done.

A sharp knock on the door snaps him back to reality. It has been—no, it couldn’t have been that long. He looks down at the cluster of papers before him, and the half-empty glass of wine he had snatched from the party before heading downstairs. The ancient cassette recorder is right there, humming, waiting. He doesn’t remember turning it on.

Another knock. Jon flinches.

“Come in!” he calls out.

It’s—fuck. It’s Elias. Looking distinctly out of place in his crisp, perfectly tailored three-piece suit, next to the overflowing shelves, dusty boxes and the overall clutter.

“Jon,” Elias says. His tone is mild, but the disapproval no less obvious for it. “You do realize what “mandatory” means, do you?”

“Yes, of course—”

“And that “hiding in the corner for five minutes before running away” isn’t the same as “attending a party”?”

“It was more than five minutes,” Jon says, stupidly, and then sighs. “I—I apologize. I have a bit of a headache.”

“Ah,” Elias says. “Could it be because you’re working too much, do you think?”

Jon looks down at his desk, the half-finished statement, and the tape recorder. Belatedly, he presses a button and turns it off. The sudden absence of its sound is strange and wrong, somehow.

“Uh. I’m.”

It’s the stress. It must be. He is – not entirely unqualified for the job, but most certainly inexperienced. And everyone can see it. His own assistants can see it. Even Martin can see it.

There’s a sudden pressure on his shoulder. He freezes, breath catching in his chest, his heartbeat drumming loud—but the weight is still there. Not dragging him down, exactly, but grounding him in place. Warm. Almost—pleasant.

He looks up. Elias is much closer than he was before, staring down at Jon with an inscrutable expression on his face. His hand stays where it is, fingers curled ever so slightly inwards, pressing into the muscles of Jon’s shoulder through the cheap jacket and even cheaper shirt.

“Are you alright?” Elias asks.

He is way too close, half-sitting on Jon’s desk. Jon cannot really move without dislodging his arm, and with every shallow breath, he gets a lungful of Elias’s expensive cologne. It’s all a bit—well.

“Yes,” Jon says. “Perfectly fine.”

It’s disconcerting, is what it is, to be a subject of this level of scrutiny. He can’t remember if Elias used to watch him just as closely during the job interview and the scarce few conversations they have shared since. Or maybe it’s just his own mind playing tricks on him, and he really has been working too much, or drunk too much, and now he’s seeing what isn’t really there.

Which doesn’t bode well for his career at the Institute, at any rate.

“The new position is—something of an adjustment,” Jon says, and then hurries to add: “I’m grateful, of course, for the opportunity, but. It’s a bit daunting nonetheless.” Oh no, now Elias may think he is terrified and incapable and lacking—“I think I just need a while to adjust. But I can handle it. I’m sure of that.”

Elias, bless him, doesn’t point out the obvious lie. He just continues to watch.

“Admittedly, social gatherings aren’t my forte,” Jon says – wondering, belatedly, if discussing his shortcomings with his boss is the smartest possible move. But Elias knew that about him, didn’t he? He must have. Jon was never very good at hiding his anti-social tendencies. Honestly, he seldom ever tries.

Elias smiles. “Yes, that much is apparent,” he says. “I would still appreciate it if you came back upstairs.”

“Of course,” Jon says. “I was—I was just about to go.”

Another lie that Elias either misses, or chooses to ignore. His hold on Jon’s shoulder loosens, and Jon takes in a deeper breath – only for it to catch in his throat, in a startled gasp, when he feels a brush of fingers against his cheek, his forehead, pushing away a stray strand of hair that’s fallen onto his glasses.

Is this normal? His mind races, trying to come up with a possible explanation, possible excuse. It’s slightly inappropriate, maybe, the featherlight brush of skin, Elias’s watchful gaze, the way he sits there, perfectly composed, in between Jon and the way out. He should perhaps be worried, except—there really is nothing to be worried about. What is he going to do, file a complaint with HR? Tell them—what? That Elias was doing—what?

He isn’t even touching Jon anymore. Jon drops his gaze, inconveniently caught at the hollow of the man’s throat, just above the crisp collar of his shirt. He tries to think, but is coming up short. And—damn it all, he just wants to see what Elias does next. Maybe it will shine some light on his motivations. Maybe Jon is just too curious for his own good, and should have said or done something by now. Except it’s unfamiliar, it’s all achingly strange and unfamiliar, and Elias seems to always know what he’s doing, and Jon will admit that there’s a certain appeal to that.

So he looks up, and waits. For a touch, or cold dismissal, for a question or a statement or for Elias to leave without another word – he just—he wants to know what Elias does next. He doesn’t know, and he thinks he’d quite like to find out…

“Um, Jon? Are you—whoa!”

Martin stumbles into the room. Because of course he does, nearly falling on his face as he does so.

“Jesus, Martin!” Jon says, irritably. “Can’t you knock?”

“Sorry,” Martin says. He straightens, somewhat sheepish, and adjusts his glasses. “I, um. I didn’t mean to interrupt?”

It’s a perfectly innocent statement. Probably. There’s absolutely no reason for Jon to flush, or push himself back in his chair, putting more distance between himself and Elias. Not that—not that he needs to do that, of course. They were just talking.

Elias raises to his feet, perfectly smooth and unruffled, and smiles politely at them both.

“That’s all right, Martin,” he says. He’s not looking at Jon anymore, which is a good thing. It is. Jon can breathe a little easier without the weight of his gaze. “I came down here to fetch our wayward Archivist. Has something happened upstairs?”

“No! No. The party is—it’s a great party,” Martin stammers out. “I just—Jon disappeared, and I wanted to find him. Make sure he’s okay, I mean.”

“I’m fine, Martin,” Jon says, through gritted teeth. His nice, quiet office is getting way too crowded, and it’s stupidly hard to think when he can still smell Elias’s cologne. “You can go back now.”

“Right,” Martin says. He makes no move to leave – his eyes are still darting between Jon and Elias, as if he had caught them doing something untoward. Which he hasn’t. And that makes this behaviour even more ridiculous.

“We all should,” Elias says. “After you, Jon.”

He rests his hand on Jon’s shoulder; it takes conscious effort to suppress a full-body shiver at the simple, casual touch. It means nothing, and what does it say about Jon that even this is enough to throw him off-kilter?

“Right,” he says. The rasp of his voice sounds strange to his own ears; his mouth has gone dry all of a sudden, and he picks up his glass and drinks the rest of the wine before he can think any better of it. Before he remembers that both Martin and Elias are staring at him now, Martin with his usual flustered expression, Elias with wry amusement. “Let’s go, then.”

Elias engages Martin in polite small talk on their way back, but Jon can’t bring himself to participate. He still can’t really make sense of what happened, if he should be scared or upset, or if he’s reading too much into a perfectly ordinary conversation between a boss and his employee. During a mandatory office not-Christmas party. With everyone already slightly tipsy, and louder, and more tactile than usual. Which would explain Elias’s earlier behaviour.

Besides – and Jon smiles grimly at his own thoughts – even if he went to HR, it’s not like anyone would believe him, right? Elias is. Well. Well-dressed, sociable, polite, and rather annoyingly attractive. Jon is none of these things. Even if Elias were to compromise his own well-earned position by fraternizing with an employee, Jon would be the last one on that list. Hell, even Martin might be a more likely candidate – stammering and forgetfulness aside, he does have a nice, warm smile, pretty blue eyes and a rather fetching scattering of freckles across his cheeks—

“Jon!” Sasha and Tim grab him by the arms as soon as he enters the crowded conference room.

“Hey—” he yelps, as they drag him away, towards the buffet. “What are you doing?”

“Keeping an eye on you,” Sasha says, and flicks his nose with her fingers, as if he were a misbehaving child, and not her boss. He is tempted to yell at her, but her expression softens, the playful tone of her voice giving way to genuine concern. “We were worried about you.”

“Mostly Martin,” Tim says, with a wide smile and a suggestive wink in Sasha’s direction. Jon isn’t even going to try and understand that gesture.

It is still too loud and too crowded. And Elias disappears, of course, whisked away by the Head of Research. Jon would love nothing more than to listen in – it’s always a pleasure to listen to Elias, whose knowledge of the paranormal is unparalleled – but it seems to be a boring discussion about funding. And also it’d be a bit pathetic and, well, creepy.

“Still with us, Jon?” Sasha asks.

“Yes,” Jon says. “Yes, I am.”

It is loud, and crowded, and he can’t help but think of his cold, empty flat… and, yeah. Maybe it’s not so bad here, with Sasha and Tim and even Martin. Maybe he can have another drink, and a casual chat with his assistants, and pretend, for one evening at least, that he is exactly where he needs to be.

[graceivers]

Review #65 - The Design

The Design Author: R.S. Grey Genre: Billionaires & CEOs, Contemporary Romance, Romantic Comedy, Workplace Romance Rating: ★★★★★ Recommendation: worth reading; once was enough Summary: Cameron Heart has her eyes set on Paris. To get there, though, she’ll have to work for her longtime crush, Grayson Cole, and save enough to make it on her own. On the way there, Grayson proves to be simultaneously a catalyst and a hindrance to her plans when their connection refuses to let her go peacefully.

Female Lead: Cammie was everything. This was first and foremost her story regardless of the romance, and I gravitated toward that over anything and everything. She was one of very few female leads that I unconditionally loved, supported, and related to on numerous levels. I found Cammie to be very realistic despite some extraordinary circumstances Grey threw in there to complicate her life. Regardless of that drama, Cammie remained true to who she was, and her character was exceptionally consistent throughout the book, which I appreciated. Yes, Cammie made mistakes, major ones. Yes, Cammie had flaws. But good God, that was what made this character for me. She wasn’t perfect; she was real. She had goals that she pursued; she combatted misogyny; she made up her mind and went for what she wanted even if it was the wrong thing. You cannot convince me otherwise that the entire book was about Cammie’s journey—which, yes, did include the romance—and wading through all the muck to finally not only find herself but also succeed in however she defined success.

There were so many things about Cammie that I understood and related to one way or another. The fact that she more or less went into architecture because of Grayson? It sounds pathetic, but that kind of devotion at that age and her subsequent ability to stick to it by getting a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in that field dominated by men? That’s not pathetic to me; that’s dedication, determination, devotion. Cammie going behind Grayson and the company’s back to submit her own design for the park proposal competition? Yes, she made a huge mistake that cost her. But the fact that she went to such great lengths to submit her own proposal because her boss—not Grayson—refused to listen to her ideas and actively include her in actual proposal work? Cammie showed tremendous strength, bravery, and tenacity there. And then, my absolute favorite thing, Cammie going to Paris because that was what she set out to do from the beginning? To be honest, in the back of my head, I thought this was going to be like some fairytale Taylor Swift kind of moment where she arrived and immersed herself in the culture and went to museums and cafes and miraculously found herself. I wouldn’t have minded if Grey took the story in that direction, but brilliantly, she didn’t. No, she made Cammie struggle in Paris. Grey allowed Cammie to achieve her so-called dream only to make it a mistake, to have the grand illusion become a disappointing reality. Cammie’s realization that Paris didn’t solve anything and didn’t fix her problems was so devastatingly real, and if I hadn’t been sold on the character and story before that point, then I definitely was at that point.

I could go on, but I’ll just leave this part with one last sentiment. Thank you , Grey, for writing a character like Cammie, so real and completely human. Thank you so much. Male Lead: Grayson? Yeah, he was all right. I mean, I was way too enthralled with Cammie’s character that I basically overlooked most of Grayson’s faults or didn’t care enough about them for me to change my opinion on the book. There were some points where I felt his motivations were unclear. What was the point of him admitting to his feelings for Cammie at the beginning during her interview when he didn’t want anything to transpire between them especially considering their work relationship? What was the point of him kind of stringing her along before they decided to genuinely go for it? His somewhat discrete involvement in Cammie’s life since high school was both creepy and endearing? On the one hand, I completely understood Cammie’s negative reaction because it felt like everything she thought she had worked for was actually because someone had more or less handed it to her in exchange for other favors. On the other hand, man, that was some kind of devotion Grayson had in order to go to the lengths he did for all those years. Ultimately, though, this dude got it together and realized what Cammie and their relationship meant to him to ensure that he wouldn’t let anything get in between them again. Plot & Writing: This book, man. The Design was a great whirlwind of so many different things, some I did not expect but so thoroughly loved. By no means was the book written perfectly, but those issues did not deter me from giving it a five-star rating. And though it was perhaps intended to be read as more of a lighthearted romantic comedy given the type of narrative Grey decided to use, the book had surprising and exceptional depth that I fell in love with.

I could take this space to continue my rant on how much I love Cammie’s character, but I won’t. I will just say again that this whole book was more about her journey than anything, even the romance, and that story was what shined. Sure, the romantic relationship between Cammie and Grayson was nice to include, but I genuinely felt the true plot revolved around Cammie’s character growth and development. This is what I think new adult fiction is supposed to be about—young adults, early- to mid-twenties people truly figuring themselves out and how life works and how to cope and deal and all those things. I got all of that from this book, from Cammie. I can’t praise Grey enough for the brilliance there.

Now, Cammie and Grayson’s relationship. It was rather tumultuous, yes, but I did mostly enjoy it. Grey did a decent job of doing the whole push-pull thing without making either character or the relationship seem too tedious. I think there was some unsafe sex, but I don’t specifically remember enough to gripe. I understood both sides of the argument after Cammie left for Paris and Grayson didn’t follow her. The ending in regards to the relationship was a little fast for me. Grayson’s proposal seemed a little quick and abrupt. But overall, I was generally satisfied with the course of the relationship—what they had to endure and overcome and realize for them to solidly be together in the end.

Like I said above, this book still had some writing flaws. There was in fact a lot more telling rather than showing. To be honest, I didn’t mind it as much this time, maybe because it helped me get to know Cammie’s character so directly. There were an abundance of italics that didn’t seem necessary. Writing dialogue in all caps to demonstrate yelling was rather amateur, especially when Grey used the dialogue tag, ‘yelled’, to end said dialogue. So perfectly written? No. But again, I was able to look past it. I’ve certainly given five-star ratings to other books that were not perfectly written. I’m not sure there is such a thing as a perfectly written book anyway when the definition is rather subjective. Favorite Part(s): As I mentioned before, the whole Paris section. Paris was Cammie’s dream. Paris was supposed to be glamorous like it was in that Taylor Swift music video. Paris was supposed to help Cammie find herself and solve all her problems. But in reality, Paris let Cammie down. And it’s rather sad that my favorite part about the book is about disappointment, but this whole section was so real to me. Cammie realized her supposed dream, and it wasn’t what she anticipated or wanted. She had to live with that mistake; she had to admit to it. It. Was. So. Real. Final Thoughts: Please read The Design. Overlook the slightly lower rating it has on Goodreads. Overlook the parts reviewers say are too spectacular—which is occasionally true—and that you need to suspend your beliefs. Read this book in spite of all that. Read The Design for the sheer character growth Grey surprises us with. Read it for the strong and realistic heroine that Cameron Heart is.