#it's bizarre to have disroganized attachment and being extremely self aware but good I guess

[individualist-infp]

I've discovered that from having anxious attachment I become disorganized attachment. Wow. No wonder I've been feeling more "crazy" and insecure coupled with extreme overthinking and over analyzing conversations and jumping to negative thoughts and beliefs over and over again. It's like being in an insane hamster wheel. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It's bizarre to feel this way. I also discovered that rationality or logic doesn't work at all to convice my disroganized anxious ego that's it's ok, that I'm overeacting, that the other person isn't going to abandon me for not speaking to me sometimes because they're busy. I'm very self aware and conscious which is an advantage and I was aware of my negative behaviors or feelings of entitlement I had over this person but my wounded child or ego doesn't grasp it. I understand it perfectly but logic can't calm down your dysregulated nervous system. I need to work on my inner child and emotions but I don't know how exactly.

We live in a world that prioritizes logic and teaches you to become extremely rational while ignoring the heart, emotions, and connections. To heal trauma you need emotional safety and LOVE! You can understand your traumas and insecurities and triggers to the T but if there's no inner work and connection to your true self and others, there's not much point. I've always know this, but I ignored it and attained a self defetead attitude because I don't have such relationships or connectins. I'm stuck on an island, but at least I know more than before. There are youtube videos on this topic, I'm going to try to work on my inner child, but on the emotional side. There's a lot of information and books about such matters but I don't want to focus on just knowing and understanding.