#it's easy these days as i said but I've been vegetarian for over 20 years so i remember back before veggie burgers were a thing

[filmnoirsbian]

Wait are u vegan???? What’s that like?

No but I'm a lactose intolerant vegetarian so it's pretty much the same except you'll pry real eggs from my cold dead fingers

[infamousbrad]

Brad's Food Pellets: the HDR?

Statement of the Problem: C-PTSD and Orthorexia

Most Recent Experiment: Military-surplus Humanitarian Daily Ration packets?

I have recurring bouts of pervasive anhedonia, probably related to C-PTSD and definitely made worse by the texture sensitivity of my autism-spectrum disorder. One of the major impacts of this on my life is that I have severe difficulty staying fed: I have days, sometimes multiple in a row, where the thought of eating anything makes me gag. Eventually, when I'm on the point of collapse, I'll choke down some of the fattiest, most sugar-sweetened food there is just to keep from getting falling over or passing out, if that's all I can stomach. But that ends up making things worse, because it's not satisfying and it's even more depressing.

This has been made worse in recent years by seemingly non-stop pressure to lose weight, despite the absence of any scientifically demonstrable way for me to do so. In the last year or so, this has manifested as what I recognize to be the symptoms of orthorexia, food-avoidant behavior driven not by desire to get thin but by fear of "eating something that's wrong."

One way that I've been trying to manage this is by experimenting with what one of my closest friends calls "Brad's food pellets." These are food solutions that are as nutritious as I can make them while meeting several criteria: high shelf stability, low price, and perhaps most importantly, lowest possible prep time, cooking time, and cleanup time. If food's going to be gross no matter what I do, I need to at least get it over with quickly.

I found out via a Reddit blog post that there is a now 20+ year old collaboration between the big-three military-ration companies, at least three US government agencies, and at least two big disaster relief charities to continuously improve something called the Humanitarian Daily Ration: a salmon-pink nigh-indestructible self-padded heavy Tyvek envelope containing 2200 calories' worth of vegetarian, kosher, halal, nutritious, varied food that can, if necessary, be eaten with no additional preparation, for a maximum of $5 per day.

The collaboration hasn't settled on "good enough" and based on user feedback, they've revised the menu at least three times that I can find evidence of, not counting the one that's in progress right now. Because there's a new 2023 formulation (more infant-friendly food in every packet, substitution of sesame for peanuts), huge stocks of the 2011?-2022 formulation are being dumped onto the military surplus market right now. The State Department, the Army, FEMA, the Red Cross, and the UN High Council for Refugees are rushing to stock up on the 2023 formulation as fast as the big-three "MRE" companies can make them.

So it's trivially easy, if you search online, to find multiple vendors offering to ship a crate of ten 2022-model HDRs for $50 or less, including shipping, even though they're explicitly not intended for general civilian use. I decided to see if these would make acceptable "food pellets" and ordered what turned out to be "menu B," the one that primarily comes from the vendor Sopakco. Which crate you get is deliberately random, they're not labeled on the outside, and online reviews suggest that "crate B" is the worst of the three, so this makes a good worst-case experiment. It came with:

10 packets of unfrosted brown sugar Pop-Tarts, two per packet

10 peanut butter packets and 10 strawberry jam packets (bread not included)

16 packets of ultra-concentrated mildly-spicy tomato soup in three different flavors: lentils with rice, black eyed peas with rice, and lentils with potatoes and mixed vegetables (or as I said after adding the red and black pepper, "three different flavors of vegetarian chili")

4 packets of ultra-concentrated mild yellow curry with rice & lentils

10 packets of large saltine crackers flavored with powdered mixed vegetables, two per packet

10 large shortbread cookies

10 large cinnamon-oatmeal cookies

20 ingredient lists printed on heavy card-stock, and

10 "accessory" packs, each of which contains one plastic spoon, one napkin, one wet-wipe, one salt packet, one ground black pepper packet, one large red-pepper flake packet, two sugar packets, and a pack of paper safety matches.

Yes, the breakfast and both deserts are identical every day and, frankly, not great. The cookies and the Pop-Tarts are astonishingly dry and crumbly for the crate still having more than two years left on its "best used by" date. The Pop-Tarts and the shortbread cookie are also awfully bland for something that's going to be eaten every day. (Which is why they've been replaced for 2023 with tastier options.) At least the cinnamon-oatmeal cookie, dry and crumbly as it is, is very flavorful.

Each daily packet includes two of the concentrated-soup entrees, with a predictable rotation, but guaranteed not to be the same two days in a row. I can reconstitute one in a small saucepan, with half a packet or so of water, on an induction cooking plate in not much more than a minute, and once I crumble in one of the two daily crackers, it's an astonishingly tasty meal, enough that it cuts through both of my food-aversion issues, with zero cognitive/emotional load on me -- just grab one of the two that the packet chose for me.

2200 calories a day turn out to not be enough to satisfy me on some days, but I have previous "food pellet" experiments that I can pad out a menu with. I can write those experiments up, if there's any interest in the reblogs or comments?

But for now, I think I have, if not a solution, a reasonably well-tolerated treatment. As long as they're available on the military-surplus market, I'm going to re-order a crate every time I drop below four packets left. And, specifically:

On any day where it takes me longer than two hours to persuade myself to eat something, anything, for breakfast, it means I'm having one of "those" days, so I'm going to open another HDR packet and eat whatever it gives me.