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lilliagradiewrites · 4 years

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not like that // jj maybank (one shot)

A/N: New one shot friends!! I have been working on this for over a week and I’m so happy with how it’s turned out. It’s the longest piece I’ve ever written. I’m really proud of this, so I hope you guys like that. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!! Also, every reblog helps. Love you guys!!

Summary: JJ Maybank has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. And, unfortunately for you, you’ve been in love with him for as long as you remember. You’ve done great at hiding your feelings, but what happens when on a drunken night, everything is revealed?

Word Count: 9.5k

Warnings: nothing worse than what's in the show!!

Contents: ANGST, lots of angst, and a bit of fluff at times :)

Let’s do it!!

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Another night, another heartbreak.

You knew it would happen; it always does. It’s practically expected at this point.

But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

It was a friday night, and all the pogues were at the boneyard. This wasn’t unusual; it was actually quite common. You had volunteered to be the designated driver. It was meant to be JJ’s turn, but you knew he’d had issues with his dad earlier in the day and needed to get fucked up. So, you told the group that you ‘didn’t feel like drinking’ and told JJ to have his fun.

The rest of the group suspected nothing, but JJ knew your purpose for volunteering. When the group had begun loading into the van, he’d grabbed your arm and pulled you aside.

“You don’t have to do that, you know. I’m fine. I won’t drink.”

“It’s okay, J. You’ve had a rough day. You need some fun tonight. I’m happy to stay sober if it means you’ll have fun and take your mind off things.”

JJ smiled slightly. “Thank you. But I don’t wanna ruin your fun. You’ve been looking forward to this all week, Y/N.”

You touched his arm lightly as a way to reassure him. “I promise you it’s okay, JJ. I’m fine with it. You need this more than I do. If it was an issue for me, I wouldn’t have volunteered.”

JJ hesitated for another moment, but eventually agreed. He thanked you again and walked with you to get in the van.

Now, you sat alone on the crowded beach, the one beer you’d been nursing all night in your hands. You’d been with your friends all night, but once they’d gotten a decent amount of alcohol in their systems, they abandoned you. Kie dragged Pope off to dance; John B left muttering something about Sarah Cameron. JJ, who felt bad for you staying sober even in his drunk state, has stayed with you a little longer. When the two of you were alone, he’d been extremely touchy. One hand on your thigh as he talked to you, shoving you playfully when you cracked a joke at him. The contact was little, but it made your stomach flutter.

JJ was your best friend, no doubt. You’d known each other since you moved to the cut in sixth grade. He had invited you to sit with him and John B at lunch, and the three of you became fast friends. You loved John B and cared about him very much, but you had a special connection with JJ. You felt a sense of comfort around him that you felt with no one else. He understood your humour, appreciated your music taste, and was the greatest listener. You went to him with all of your problems, and JJ did the same. The two of you had such a close bond, you don’t what you’d do without him.

That is exactly why you’d pushed away your feelings when they first began creeping up on you. You pushed down the butterflies, willed your cheeks to stop turning red when he looked at you. Did everything you could to stop the infatuation from growing larger. All your efforts were for nothing, though, when you realized your love from the blonde was only growing stronger the more you pushed it away. After that, you finally came to terms with your crush, but decided to keep it to yourself. If you told him, it could make things awkward, and you’d lose him altogether. You’d rather suffer in silence than lose the person you cared about most on this planet.

This crush is what caused your cheeks to ignite in redness every time you felt JJ’s hand brush against your skin. You became more and more flustered as he subtly flirted with you in every way, praying that you it was too dark for him to notice the deep red shade your face had become. He said something extremely flirty, and began leaning into you.

Your brain exploded with a million thoughts and emotions.

He’s gonna kiss me!

Holy shit what do I do?

Does he actually like me back?

What if it’s just because he’s drunk?

What happens if he doesn’t remember this in the morning?

Despite the storm that was raging in your head, you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning in towards him. Your lips were inches apart, and your dreams were moments from coming true.

Until JJ, in his drunken state, spilled his drink all down the side of his leg. He pulled back, cursing. The boy informed you he was going to refill his drink and find something to wipe his leg off with, and he was gone.

You sat there and watched him walk away, taking your hopes of something ever happening between the two of you with him.

You’d waited for him to come back for about half an hour before going to look for him. He’d told you he’d come back once he was done, and JJ always kept his promises to you. So, when he didn’t return quickly, you were worried.

As soon as you saw him, however, you were regretting getting up off your seat. About twenty feet from the keg was JJ, talking to some pretty redhead about something you couldn’t hear. The girl, who was clearly just as wasted as your friend, was hanging on his arm, listening intently to every word he said. Her face showed interest in the conversation, but her blue eyes were filled with lust. You could tell that all she wanted was to get JJ alone.

And, judging by the way he was moving her hair from face, JJ had the same thoughts as the girl.

Not being able to watch anymore, you’d turned and walked quickly away. You found a tree, a decent way away from the party, and sat on the sand, leaning your back against the wood. It wasn’t until you were in this position that you let the tears fall from your eyes.

How could you have been so stupid? How could JJ ever want you like that? You were his best friend, practically his sister. He was only flirting because he was drunk.

Truly not in the mood to drink anymore, you throw your red solo cup across the sand. You know that Kie would kill you if she found out you’d left plastic on the beach, but you couldn’t care less. As the cup landed on it’s side, the beer spilled out onto the sand. You thought the cup looked almost as empty as you felt. You reached for your phone, thinking you could scroll through tiktok as a way to keep your mind off things and pass time, but stopped yourself. Your wallpaper was a photo of you and JJ, and you couldn’t bear to look at his face right now.

So, you opted to just observe the party instead. You could still see your friends, but they were all in different positions now. Kiara and Pope had met a touron couple and were having a conversation with them. John B and Sarah now sat in the exact seats you and JJ had previously occupied. JJ and the redhead were dancing. Her hands were on his shoulders; his on her waist. They moved to the beat of the music, getting slowly closer and closer to each other. When the song ended, JJ pulled the girl in and leaned down so his mouth was at her ear. The boy whispered something, and you watched as the girl bit her lip and nodded.

You didn’t hear what he said, but you didn’t need to. The girl grabbed JJ by his arm and led him away until they were out of sight. A few moments later, you hear a ding from your back pocket.

You reluctantly pull your phone out, and sigh when you read the message notification from JJ.

BSF!: dont worry about me, going home with a friend. Be at the chateau in the morning. See u.

A teardrop fell on your phone screen as you read the message. You hadn’t even realized that you’d been crying. Deciding that you couldn’t bear to stay any longer, you stood, took a deep breath, and walked to where Kie and Pope stood.

You talked as soon as you got to them, not caring if you interrupted their conversation.

“Hey, guys, can we go? I don’t want to cut anyone’s night short but I’m not feeling very well.”

Kie was very understanding. The girl was so caring, even when wasted. “Yeah, of course. Come on, Pope.” The two said goodbye to their newfound friends, then followed you away. When you told John B you were leaving, Sarah offered to drive him home later so he wouldn’t have to leave. He asked if that was okay with you, and of course you agreed. Just because your night was shitty doesn’t mean everyone else’s has to be.

You turned to Pope and Kie, realizing it wasn’t fair to ask them to leave if they were having fun. “I can come back later and pick you guys up if you want to stay. I don’t mind.”

Kie was quick to protest, until their two new friends came up and offered to take them home later. The girl hadn’t been drinking. Kie asked if you were okay to be alone, still worried.

Once you’d assured her that you were, she gave you a hug, telling you to drive safe and text her when you got back to the chateau. You agreed, said goodbye to Pope and the nice couple, and were on your way.

You drove home in complete silence. Normally, you’d be blasting music, but you knew you couldn’t bring yourself to sing along. When you arrived back at the chateau, you shot a quick text to kie before going to the guest bedroom and collapsing on the bed. The tears came almost immediately.

The rest of your night consisted of your favorite sad playlist and a lot of crying. You usually shared the guest bed with JJ, as he was your best friend, and his pillow still smelled like him. You lay there, facing his side of the bed, breathing his scent in deeply and pretending he was there with you.

Eventually, sleep found you and carried you away to a rest filled with dreams about the boy you loved.

When you woke up the next morning, the sun was shining brightly through the curtainless window in the small guest bedroom where you slept. Instinctively, you turned to your right, where a certain blonde usually lays each morning. When you looked, you found nothing but cold, empty sheets, and it all came flooding back to you. You groaned, throwing the bedding off of yourself and standing. If you stayed in the bed any longer thinking about last night, you knew you’d cry again. You hated crying in the morning; it made your face all red and you’d have a headache for the rest of the day.

With a sigh, you lifted your phone from the small bedside table where you’d left it the night before. The time on the screen read 8:37 AM. Knowing that none of your friends would be up at this hour, you walked out of the room and towards the bathroom. All you needed was a shower, you decided, and then you’d feel better.

When the shower was turned on, you stood in front of the dirty bathroom mirror as you waited for the water to warm up. Your appearance was horrible; last night’s makeup was smeared across your face, streaks of black mascara running down your face from your tears. Your hair was tangled from the night's fitful sleep. Insecurity flooded into you at the sight.

I bet JJ’s redhead girl wakes up all pretty in the morning. He’ll see her when he wakes up and he’ll smile because she’s so beautiful.

You tried your best to push these thoughts from your mind, tearing your eyes from your own reflection and getting into the warm water.

In the shower, you tried your best to not think about your best friend, but when you went to grab your shampoo, you spotted the body wash JJ uses. The one that he always smells like when the two of you settle into bed at night. Tears began blurring your vision at the sight, but you blinked them back and finished your shower as quickly as possible.

A few hours later, everyone had woken up. Kie was first, then Pope, and finally John B. You gave everyone advil for their hangovers and made breakfast. They talked about the night as they ate, and you listened to their stories, trying your best not to think about how horrible you’d felt when they were all having fun. After breakfast, they all showered and dressed. It was nearly noon at this point, and there was still no sign of JJ.

You and the pogues sat on the back porch enjoying the beautiful early summer weather. A conversation was going, but you couldn’t keep your mind on it. It kept wandering to the blonde boy you loved so much, and how worried you were for him. He was usually back from his hookups by this hour.

As if your thoughts had summoned it, you heard tires on the gravel driveway out front, and the slam of a door. JJ walked into the chateau, spotted his friends on the back porch, and walked out to meet them, sitting beside you on the couch.

“Hey, J. How was your night?” John B said with a chuckle.

JJ, though looking tired, had a wide smile on his face. “Great, man. Truly awesome.”

“You’re back later than normal. I was worried about you.” You say quietly. How happy he looked made you uneasy, and there was something about him that was different. He was never this smiley after his usual hookups; he mostly just looked exhausted.

But now, sitting beside you on the beat up outdoor couch, the boy was grinning from ear to ear.

His smile faltered when he heard the concern in your voice. “Oh, sorry.” He says. “I, uh… took her to breakfast.”

Shock radiated from the other pogues.

“You took her to breakfast? You never do that. You usually just leave.” Pope says in disbelief.

JJ chuckled slightly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Yeah, I know. This girl is, uh… I don't know… different. She’s really cool, and sweet, and funny. Not to mention she’s bad as fuck. I like her a lot. I kinda wanna get to know her better.”

Kie beamed. Pope and John B raised their eyebrows. Your stomach dropped to your feet.

“Jj, that’s so great! I’m glad you met her” Kie says with a smile. You force one and nod along, not wanting anybody to know how much his words hurt you. You blinked back the tears that began stinging your eyes, hoping no one noticed how they glossed over.

“Yeah.” JJ beamed. “I am, too.”

In an attempt to keep yourself from crying, you quickly change the subject. “That’s great, J. Now, since we’re all here, are we going out on the marsh? It’s so pretty today, I’d hate to waste the nice weather.”

The pogues all nodded in agreement. Thoughts of JJ’s potential new girl were forgotten as excitement for the day ahead of them grew.

“Yeah, sounds good.” John B says. “I’ve been meaning to go fishing anyway. Everyone else down?”

“Of course! I’ve got work at six-thirty though. Can we be back by then?”

“Yeah, of course we can. We can come back around five, so Kie has time to shower and get ready. If we leave at noon, then that’s what, five hours out there? It’ll work out perfectly.” You say, and the rest of the group nods. “Okay, everyone get their stuff and put on your swimsuits. Be ready by twelve.” At this, everyone begins moving to their respective areas to begin getting ready. You and JJ, as usual, head to the guest room, where all your belongings are.

Once you arrive, you both grab your swimsuits and turn around, a routine for you. When you first began sharing the room, you both decided taking turns in the room and the bathroom was too much work, and you both would just not look when the other was changing clothes. You were grateful for this at the current moment, as tears began welling up in your eyes the moment you turned around.

“So, you really like this girl, huh?” You can’t help yourself from asking. You know what the answer will be, and you know it will hurt you. But, you ask anyways, a sliver of hope in your mind telling you he’ll say no.

“Yeah, honestly. She’s so cool. She laughed at my jokes, and she hung onto every word I said when we talked. She’s a great listener. She’s so amazing, Y/N. I know I’ve only known her for a day, but I feel like I’ve known her forever. I’m probably gonna text her later and see if she wants to go out tonight or tomorrow.”

Your heart dropped even further down at his words, but you tried your best to hide it. “Oh, really? That’s great. I thought you weren’t the relationship kind of guy?”

“I’m not. It’s just… she’s different. I saw her half an hour ago and I already miss being around her. There’s something about her that’s just so nice… what does Kie call it?... right, her energy. Her energy is just so good. Like I want to be around her all the time. I know I’ve barely met her, but I’m just so comfortable around her. I don’t know… she just feels right.”

“That’s,uh… that’s wonderful JJ. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Y/N. I’m happy, too.”

You felt like you were going to puke. You took deep breaths while you buttoned up your denim shorts in order to keep you breakfast down. After throwing a cropped tank over your bikini top, you asked JJ if he was decent before turning around. After hearing his ‘yes’, you looked around to him and mustered up the best smile you had. “Uhh, J?”

“Yes?”

“What’s her name? The girl?”

“It’s Faith.”

“Faith who?”

“Faith Barker. You probably don’t know her, she just moved here.”

“Oh, cool.”

And with that, he left. You followed JJ out to the backyard, where the rest of your friends were already getting onto the boat.

You put on your brave face, and prepared yourself to face a day with JJ.

“Are you kidding, Pope? There’s absolutely no way you’re serious.”

“If you truly think about it, you could-”

“No. Stop talking. You are way too smart to believe this shit.”

You and Pope were currently discussing an outrageous conspiracy theory, a heated conversation that no one else seemed to understand. You, like Pope, were quite smart; conversations like this one often blossomed when you and Pope began talking. The rest of the pogues usually watched in amusement, making quiet bets on who would swing first.

“Wait, Y/N, listen! The government hides shit from us all the time. This could be one of those things, easily. We don’t know ninety-eight percent of what goes on behind the scenes.”

“So what you’re telling me right now is that you wholeheartedly believe that Donald Trump used government laser weapons stationed in space to start the California wildfires?”

“No, Y/N, I’m telling you that I wholeheartedly believe that the government is capable of anything, and that nothing is off limits when it comes to the higher-ups in said government.”

“Well, then, you should’ve just said that. The other one made you sound fucking crazy.”

The pogues laughed at your final proclamation, and JJ used the pause in the argument to speak.

“Now that Y/N and Pope are finished with their geek party, is everyone ready to swim?” The group all agreed, (you and Pope glaring daggers at him for the ‘geek party’ comment) and began stripping down to their swimsuits.

You stood quickly, pulling your tank top off your body, happy to be relieved of the fabric. As the North Carolina sun grew hotter, you grew sweatier, the thin material sticking vexatiously to your skin. Once your top was off and in a pile on the boat’s floor, your shorts quickly joined it. You straightened yourself up, looking around at your friends. John B was finishing up anchoring the small vessel. Kie and Pope were standing at the edge of the boat, and on a count of three, they leaped into the water together. Your best friend was staring at you.

You did a double take when you noticed JJ’s eyes examining your body. His blue irises traveled shamelessly up and down your figure, taking in every inch of your body in the swimsuit you’d chosen. Feeling that you needed some confidence, you’d chosen a suit that made you feel amazing: a sexy triangle style bikini. The white fabric was vibrant against your already tanned skin, the style flattering your shape in all the right places.

JJ, obviously, appreciated the swimsuit just as much as you did. You could practically feel his eyes boring into your skin as he continued to stare at you.

Feeling confident, you snapped your fingers at him, causing his eyes to meet yours.

“Eyes are up here, Maybank.” You teased with a wink, before stepping to the edge of the boat and executing a clean dive into the water.

The cool water enveloped you, a wonderful contrast to your hot skin. Below the surface, you were calm, and you allowed yourself to relax momentarily as you swam.

JJ, on the other hand, was far from relaxed. Watching you undress, your teasing words, that wink, and your dive left him unbelievably flustered. “Holy shit.” He mumbled, unable to form any more words.

“What the fuck was that, man?” John B, who had seen the whole encounter, questioned with a smirk.

JJ ran his hand through his messy hair, and blew out a breath. “I don’t man, but I liked it. A lot.”

John B smirked. “Yeah, me too.”

JJ shot the boy a glare, and he raised his hands in surrender with a light chuckle.

“Sorry, J, didn’t realize she was yours.”

JJ furrowed his brows. “She- she’s not mine, I- uh…”

John B chuckled again, coming forward and clapping a hand down on his friends shoulder. “Are you sure about that man?”

JJ watched, mouth agape, as John B gave him a smile before setting down his beer and jumping into the water.

Not knowing what to say, JJ took a moment to process what his friend had implied. You and him weren’t… a thing. You were just friends, best friends, and nothing more. Sure, he had thought about you a few times, maybe had a dream or two about you…

But even if he did feel that way towards you, of course you wouldn’t feel the same way. You viewed him as a brother, he thought, not a boyfriend. The two of you dating was probably a thought that was so outrageous, it never even crossed your mind.

As JJ watched you in the water, swimming and laughing, his mind continued to wander. Would it be so bad if the two of you dated? You did everything together anyways; you even slept in the same bed. Truthfully, a relationship would only add affection, and things he only allowed himself to think about late at night when he was sure you were asleep. You fought like a married couple, you buy things for each other that make you think of the other person. When you get your period, he comes over to your house with chocolates and ice cream and you watch movies together all day. If you think about it, you were basically together. And, he’d noticed you being extra flirty lately, and there was a strange look in your eye when he began talking about Faith…

No. JJ scolded himself, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. He did not need to be thinking about this. The two of you were just friends, and that’s how it should stay. The rule still stands, right? No pogue on pogue macking. And besides, he had Faith; a wonderful girl he actually really liked.

Even if the two of you dating was a good idea (which it wasn’t), you would never want to. You loved and cared about him, of course… just not like that.

JJ decided to shove the idea of a relationship with you out of his mind the best he could and enjoy his day. He ran to the edge of the boat, jumping with his legs pressed tightly to his chest, shouting “Cannonball!”

As JJ’s body hit the water, a large wave exploded around him, splashing the pogues.

Kiara squealed. “JJ, you dick! You got water in my eye!” You laughed at the whole encounter, swimming over to Kiara.

“Come on, there’s a sandbar over there. We can fix your eye.” You offer with a giggle, pointing to your left where you knew the sandbar was. Kie nodded, her hand still rubbing at her left eye.

“If I go blind, JJ, you’re paying for my optometrist bills.” Kie says, feigning anger as the two of you swim to the sandbar.

“Sorry, Kie, no can do. I’m broke, and I have no idea what that word means.”

You chuckle lightly, helping to pull Kie to a standing position with you. “It’s an eye doctor, dumbass.” You tell JJ, moving Kiara’s hand from her eye. “Try to open it, Kie.” You say softly, leaning in to examine it.

Kiara makes an attempt, but the salt stings her eye as soon as oxygen hits it. “Shit!” She exclaims, hands going back to her eye in instinct. “I’m trying, Y/N, but it burns like a bitch.”

JJ, who was holding onto the side of the HMS Pogue while treading water, observed you and your friend on the sandbar. You were always so caring, he noticed, whether it was a friend getting saltwater in their eye or a deep cut on their leg from a sharp rock. JJ could recall countless times where, after a particularly nasty bout with his father, you’d sat him on your shared bed in the chateau, gently cleaning his wounds and assuring him that everything would be alright. He loved you for this; he’d never met anyone so loving and helpful.

“Okay, Kie, we’re probably just gonna have to rinse the saltwater out. I brought some water bottles, I’ll go get one for you.”

You moved off the sandbar and back into the deep water, headed for the boat. You, being the mom of the group, always remembered the little things. Kie always remembered a case of beer; JJ went nowhere without a freshly rolled blunt on him. You, however, were always the one to pack the important things: snacks, sunscreen, and water bottles.

As you approached the boat, JJ smiled at you.

“Look at you, playing nurse again.” He teases, splashing you lightly.

“I wouldn’t have to if you gave a little more a warning before splashing everybody, dickhead.” You joke back. JJ laughed, but didn’t move from his spot. He was blocking the boat’s stairs, and you couldn’t get on if he didn’t move over.

“Move, JJ, I’ve got to get water for Kie.” You said, motioning to the side. Just to mess with you, JJ stayed in place, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

“Why should I?” He smirks, knowing just how to get a rise out of you.

“Because I’m trying to help Kie because of something you did.”

“Not good enough.” He knows he’s pissing you off now.

“JJ, move.” You demand. He’s the reason Kie’s eye is all messed up in the first place; he has no right to stop you from helping her.

“Only if you decide to ask nicely.” He says with another smug smirk.

You roll your eyes. You were fed up with his games, and your legs were beginning to grow tired from treading water all this time.

“JJ, will you PLEASE get the fuck out of my way so I can get water for Kie?” You say, frustration apparent in your voice.

“That still wasn’t very nice-”

“JJ!” You growl warningly.

“You didn’t let me finish!” He exclaims. “But, you said the magic word, so I guess I can let you through.”

He finally moves to the side, allowing you to climb the stairs and board the boat. You went straight to the cooler in which you knew you’d put the water bottles. You swung the lid open, grabbed one, dropped it shut, then dived into the water. You knew the bottle was sealed tight; it was unopened. No saltwater could get inside, so you simply swam back to Kie holding the bottle in your hand.

You climbed back onto the sand bar and headed straight for Kiara.

“Here, I got a water bottle. It’s been in the cooler for a while so it may be a little cold on your eye.” You informed her, showing her the water bottle in your hand.

“Oh, thank you!” She exclaimed. “What took so long?”

“JJ was fucking around with me.” You exclaimed. “I swear, he can be the most annoying person on earth sometimes.” You moved towards your friend, unscrewing the water bottle and tilting her head back. You began lightly pouring the water over her eye, rinsing it of any salt that remained inside it.

“So you’re in love with him, why?” Kie questioned.

You immediately pause, halting all movement at her words

Did she just say what you think she said?

“Umm, what?” Is your reply as you continue rinsing out her eye.

“Come on, Y/N, you heard what I said. You’re in love with JJ.”

Play dumb, you decide. Maybe if you act like you don’t know what she’s talking about then she’ll think it’s not true.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Kie.” You say with a forced laugh.

“I think I’m good.” She says removing the water bottle from her face. She straightens up and blinks a few times before turning towards you. “Seriously, Y/N. You’re not that slick, and I’m not that dumb.”

Not knowing what to say, you just say nothing.

“We’re your best friends, Y/N, we probably know you better than you know yourself. You have feelings for JJ. I saw how much it hurt you when he was talking about that girl this morning. I saw how flirty the two of you were earlier today before you got in the water. Honestly, Y/N, I don’t know what you think you were hiding.”

You drop her gaze, looking anywhere but into her eyes. Of course you loved him, but what were you meant to say?

“I don’t know, Kie. I think I might have feelings for him. But, even if I did, he’s not into me like that. And if I told him how I feel, it’d just ruin our friendship. He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him.”

“How can you be sure he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Because of Faith.”

“Because of who?”

You sigh, knowing you’ll have to explain. “That’s the girl he was talking about last night. The one he said he really liked. If you are truly in love with someone, you don’t have feelings for someone else. I haven’t like anyone for months because all I could focus on was JJ. I can’t even fathom going home with someone after a party because I’d think of him every second I’m with the person. Do you get what I’m saying? When you’re really that into someone, no one else exists.”

After a short moment, Kie slowly nods.

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying. But how do you know he wasn’t lying about that Faith girl? Just… I don’t know… saying those things to see how you’d react?”

You shook your head. “No. I know JJ better than I know myself. He wasn’t lying, I could see it in his face. In his eyes. He actually likes that girl. And it, uh… it hurts. A lot.”

Tears began welling up in your eyes, and Kiara pulled you into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’ve finally come clean about this, I can’t process how hard it must’ve been for you to have no one to talk to.”

You nodded, and pulled away.

“Okay.” Kie began, grabbing your hands. “Here’s what’s gonna happen:First, we’re gonna swim and have some fun today. Second, we’re gonna go home so you can shower and feel all good and clean. Third, after I get off work today I’m coming to stay here and we are gonna get you wasted. I’ll even kick JJ out of the guest room so we can stay up late talking about him. Sound good?”

You quickly nodded. “Yes, Kie, thank you. That sounds amazing.”

Kie smiled warmly at your words. “No need to thank me, babes. That’s what friends are for, right? Now come on, let’s go have some fun.”

And have fun you did. You and the pogues had the best time that day; you swam, had chicken fights, had splash battles, a dive competition off the side of the boat. The day was as close to being perfect as it possibly could be. After a while, the five of you settled back into the boat, eating the snacks you packed. Once five rolled around, John B put the pogue in drive and you all headed back to the Chateau, already exhausted from the day's endeavors. As you pulled up to the dock, you leaped off the boat, shouting over your shoulder that you called first shower. Kie bade her goodbyes to the group before heading to her house to get ready for work.

You and JJ, as usual, made a beeline for the guest bedroom. Once the door closed, JJ immediately rounded on you.

“What were you talking about with Kie when you were helping her with her eye?” He questioned.

“Nothing, really. Why?” You quickly reply. Why was he so concerned? Did he hear anything?

“No specific reason, I just thought I heard my name.”

Your heart dropped to your feet.

“Oh, uh… Kie asked what took me so long when I went to get to the water bottle and I told her it was because you were messing with me.” Not a total lie.

“Really? That’s it? I could’ve sworn I heard my name, like, five times.”

As you finished gathering your clothes to change into after your shower, you turned and faced your friend. “Yep, that’s all. Your name was only mentioned once. I’ve gotta go shower now.”

You tried your best to hurry out the door, but JJ stopped you by grabbing your arm.

“Is there, uh… is there something you need to tell me, Y/N?” He asked quietly. As you gazed into his eyes, you saw a swirling storm of emotions. Fear, nervousness, and is that… hope?

“Umm, no, not that I can think of right now.” You push out quickly, knowing that if you thought about your answer any longer you’d start to look suspicious.

JJ hesitated for a moment, studying your eyes as if all his answers could be found there. When he realized his searching would come to no avail, he released your arm and looked away, nodding. “Okay, I just… yeah. Um, enjoy your shower.”

You furrowed your brows, confused by his strange behavior. “Thanks?” You said with a light laugh. You turn to leave, but a lightbulb forms over your head before you walk out of the room. “Oh, J, there is something I wanted to tell you.”

The blonde boy stood up from his spot on the bed, what seemed like hope spreading on his face.

“Yeah?”

“Kie’s spending the night tonight, but we want to share this room so we’re kicking you out.”

JJ’s face fell. “What? Why isn’t she sleeping on the pull out with Pope like usual?”

“Uhh… girl talk.” Your answer makes him both frustrated and slightly nervous.

“Girl talk? About what?”

You face dropped into a sassy expression, attitude forming within you.

“Are you a girl?” You question, cocking your head to the side slightly.

“Obviously not.”

“Well, then, guess you won’t be knowing what girl talk is about. It’s kinda for girls, hence the name.”

JJ rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Fine. Go take your shower before I steal the bathroom from you.”

You run quickly out of the room and into the bathroom, knowing that JJ would keep that promise if given the chance.

It’s now close to eleven forty-five, crickets chirping loudly outside of the Chateau. You, John B, Pope, and JJ are currently settled onto the couch, watching some cheesy sitcom that’s new on netflix. It wasn’t very good, and definitely wasn’t that funny, but it was a form of entertainment as you waited for Kie to arrive. Kie made you promise that you wouldn’t let the boys break out the alcohol before she showed up, and you always kept your promises. The boys protested greatly, but followed your instructions nonetheless.

This is why everyone cheered loudly when Kiara finally walked through the the front door of the house carrying two bags; one with her clothes, the other with two bottles of alcohol.

“It’s party time, bitches!” Kie exclaimed, and everyone ran up to see her. JJ reached for one of the bottles in her tote bag, but she slapped his hand away quickly. “No. Y/N gets first dibs on everything. She’s getting off her ass tonight.”

JJ looked at you, concern swimming in his eyes. You knew he knew you well; you usually only got hammered when there was something you needed to distract yourself from. There was something to distract yourself from, of course, but he couldn’t know what. So, you simply shot him a small smile as an answer to his look. He nodded, taking your smile as an ‘I’m getting shitfaced for the hell of it’ expression.

“Thanks, Kie!” You exclaimed, grabbing both bottles out of her bag. “You can drop your bags in the guest room, I already told JJ he’s been booted for the night.” Kie smiled, while Pope’s face fell.

“What? You’re sleeping in Y/N’s room? I thought you were staying with me!”

Kiara dropped her bags in the room before walking over to Pope, placing a quick kiss on his lips.

“Sorry, bebs. Y/N needs a girl talk tonight. I promise I’ll spend extra time with you tomorrow, okay?”

Pope nodded reluctantly at this, and the party began.

You set the bottles on the counter, where John B opened one for you. “No way, Kie! Vanilla vodka? I can’t believe you got my favorite!”

Kie smiled. “Yes ma’am! You know I got you always.”

You beamed back at the girl, insanely grateful to call her your friend. Kiara always knew how to make you feel better.

“You’re the best, Kie!”

A few hours and many drinks later, you couldn’t walk in a straight line to save your life. Kie fed you drink after drink, and John B blasted music through his speaker. You were having the time of your life, seemingly forgetting about JJ (despite the fact that he was right there with you the entire time.)

Now, it was getting late, and you were getting tired. Near the end of your drinking was when the tears usually come, and John B accidentally let the beginning of ‘Heather’ by Conan Gray play. You turned to Kie, motioning her towards you.

“Can we go to bed?” You slur. “It’s girl talk time.”

Kie nods understandingly, linking her arm in yours and announcing to the rest of the group that the two of you were headed to bed.

As soon as the door closed behind you, tears welled up in your eyes. Kie immediately walked to you, pulling you into a tight embrace.

When her arms were around you, you couldn’t hold your tears back any longer. Sobs began to overtake your body, tears spilling onto Kiara’s shoulder.

“It’s so hard, Kie.” You choke out, practically unable to form real words.

Kiara, being the amazing friend she is, just held you, rubbing your back.

“I know, love, I know.” She soothed softly.

You pulled away from the embrace, trying your best to wipe your tears from your face.

“I-I just feel so stupid.” You choke.

“Please don’t feel that way, Y/N.” Kie says. “It’s not your fault, you can’t help the way you feel.”

You sniffed, choking on sobs once again. “I know it’s not my fault, but it still hurts. I mean, look at me, I’m wasted out of my mind crying over him. He’s probably out there drinking and laughing and having fun with his friends. He doesn't care.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t care, Y/N, he doesn’t know. He’s just… I don’t know, oblivious.”

You sniffled again, wrapping your arms around yourself in an attempt to have a sense of security. “You’re probably right. He wouldn’t talk about Faith to me, or openly talk about all of his hookups around me if he knew. He’s too good of a person.”

“I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, Y/N, but… I think he may feel the same way. Like, the way he treats you, how he speaks to you, how flirty he is with you-”

“He’s flirty with everyone Kie. You, me… damn it, he even flirts with Pope.”

“I know, I know, but it just feels different with you somehow.”

“But it’s not different. You know how I know? Faith. Like I said earlier, on the sandbar. When you truly love someone, no one else even comes into the picture. I think he is oblivious, Kie… he just doesn’t see me the way I see him.”

Little did you know, JJ was far from oblivious. While John B and Pope were continuing their night, JJ followed you and Kie to the bedroom, listening carefully outside the door. His mouth was agape as he heard the words leave your mouth. He felt guilty for listening in; he knew eavesdropping wasn’t okay. But, when he saw the look in your eyes as you and Kie walked out, he couldn’t help himself. He had to make sure you were okay.

He didn’t know what he was expecting to hear, but this sure wasn’t it. You were… in love with him? He couldn’t process it. All this time, he thought you saw him as just a brother. Now, standing alone outside the door of the bedroom you usually shared, he realized he couldn’t be more wrong. Every time he caught you looking at him, every wink, every flirtatious comment; it was all real to you.

And here he was, talking to you about Faith, not knowing how much that would hurt you. He really made it seem like he was in love with the girl… but he knew he wasn’t. How could he be? Standing there, at that moment, he realized… you were right.

When you truly love someone, no one else comes into the picture.

JJ moved quietly away from his spot by the door, still completely dumbfounded by his discovery.

You loved him.

And… he loved you.

He immediately walked back to the living room. John B and Pope were still having the time of their lives. They hadn’t even noticed his absence. The music was still blasting; John B stood on the couch, Pope on the coffee table. They had taken random objects from around the house (John B with a yardstick, Pope with a pool noodle) and were swordfighting. Their laughs echoed throughout the shack, combining with the loud music to create a lighthearted chorus.

They paused immediately, however, when they saw the look on JJ’s face as he returned to the room.

“You good, man?” john B questions, brows furrowed

“It looks like you shit your pants. What happened?” Pope adds on.

JJ doesn’t even know where to begin. He’s hardly processed the information himself. Slowly, he clears his throat, and tries his best to inform his friends about the situation at hand.

“I… uh… you know how Kie and Y/N left to go have ‘girl talk?’ Well, I listened at the door, and-”

“Woah.” Pope interrupts. He was far more sober than the others, having only had two drinks. But since alcohol isn’t normally his thing, his tolerance was extremely low, meaning he was still quite tipsy.

“The fuck is wrong with you, man? You never listen in on girl talk. Ever. That’s, like, a rule or something.”

“Y/N looked upset! I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”

“Well, was she? What’s wrong with her?” John B was beginning to grow bored of the conversation in his drunk state.

“Well, she and Kie were talking and… um… she was upset.” JJ didn’t know the best way to proceed, so he just blurted it out. “Y/N was crying, and she was talking about being in love with someone and them not liking her back, and then Kie said they did like her back, and then I realized they were talking about me.”

The boys were silent for a moment. Suddenly, Pope and John B looked at each other, and bursted into grins.

“Yes! Finally!” Pope exclaims.

“I couldn’t wait until you found out. It was starting to become painful.”

JJ was baffled once again. “You guys knew?”

“She didn’t tell either of us, and neither did Kie. But, uhh… it’s really fucking obvious, dude.”

“If it’s so obvious, then why didn’t I know until now?”

“Because you’re oblivious, J! She could kiss you and you would think she only saw you as a friend.” John B says, clapping his hand down on JJ’s shoulder.

“She’s my best friend. She’s always acted like a best friend to me, right? We slept in the same bed and shit because we’re so close.” JJ’s statement seemed to be trying to convince himself more than his friends.

“You call that little incident on the boat earlier something best friends do? Come on, man, she was practically begging to be with you. The only way it could have been more obvious is if she pounced on you and started making out with you.”

“I-I thought that was a joke.”

“Didn’t seem like one.”

JJ’s brain felt ready to explode.

“So, when are you asking her out?” Pope questions with a smile.

“Ask her out?”

“Just admit it, man, we know you love her too.”

“I don’t know…”

“You’re in denial!” John B exclaims. “JJ, I’ve known you since third grade. I know you better than I know myself. I see how you look at her. It’s goo goo eyes every time she walks in a room. And you just- I don’t know- melt around her. No one can get you to open up like she can. No one can comfort you like she can. She’s your person, J.”

JJ doesn’t know what to say for what seems like the millionth time last night. He feels like he wants to cry, throw up, smile, and die all at the same time. “I- What about Faith?”

“Fuck Faith!” Pope says earnestly. “I’m sure she’s cool and all but come on. This is Y/N we’re talking about. She’s stunning, and smart, and funny. She’s literally you, just a lot hotter and with a bit more common sense.”

“I’m starting to think you have a crush on her.” JJ chuckles.

Pope just rolls his eyes. “You know what I’m trying to say. She’s perfect for you, man. And she already means a lot to you. You’re in love with her, I know you are.”

JJ sighs, covering his face. “Yeah, I think I am. I feel like I’ve known it for a while but I’ve just pushed it away I guess. She’s Y/N, my best fucking friend. I didn’t wanna mess things up between us, you know? What we have is so good…”

“Well, now you know you won’t mess anything up. So go get her, dumbass.” John B says, pushing JJ in the direction of the guest room.

“What, you mean now? Absolutely not. She’s probably asleep. And then she’ll know I was eavesdropping on their conversation. Not happening tonight, that’s for sure.”

“If you wait, you’ll chicken out.” Pope says. “Just do it. Rip off the band aid, my friend.”

“No.” JJ shakes his head, giving his final word. Not tonight. I’ll-I’ll do it tomorrow, okay?”

John B just shakes his head, patting his friend on the pat. “Whatever you say, man. I’m going to bed.”

“Same.” Pope adds. The boys say goodnight, and head off to their sleeping places. John B must have disconnected his phone from the speaker, as the music shuts off abruptly. JJ just sighs.

He moves to the couch, where he’s sleeping for tonight, pondering how much he’d give to be sleeping in his usual spot tonight. He cherishes his nights with you; they’re so comforting and nice. You are always such an amazing listener, and you always know the right things to say. You truly are the perfect girl.

He feels that you’re so close, yet so far away. He longs to walk in that room and kiss you right now. He knows it’s a terrible idea, but he wants to so badly. So long he’s dreamed of how your lips would feel against his… and now he knows you might’ve been having similar dreams the entire time. He still can’t wrap his mind around it.

Being in love with your best friend is some cruel kind of psychological torture, JJ decides. The constant tugging at your heart when she mentions another guys’ name. The playful flirting that you wish was serious. All he ever wants is to hold you tight and never let go, but he never thought you wanted that. Now he knows you did, but it still feels so complicated.

Why is love so goddamn difficult?

JJ’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a creaking door and shuffling footsteps. He peeks up quickly to find you, still decently tipsy, walking out of your bedroom. He watches silently as you walk to the back door and go straight out of it.

The world seems to be spinning as you walk. Your head is beginning to pound from all your crying. After a few more minutes of talking, Kie had fallen asleep, leaving you alone with your thoughts in the dark room.

You had laid there, breathing heavily, going over every moment with JJ in your head. Your time as friends played like a movie in your mind, showing scene after scene of laughs, tears, smiles, and a whole lot of heartbreak. You wondered how you had gotten stuck so damn far into the friendzone.

Deciding you needed some fresh air, you pulled yourself from the bed and stumbled outside, heading down to the end of the dock.

You sat there on the edge, legs dangling off the side, toes brushing the surface of the water. You were still quite tipsy, and you knew it.

Maybe that’s why you didn’t burst into tears when you noticed JJ Maybank coming to sit beside you.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment. He didn’t know what to say to you; you had nothing to say to him. You gazed out over the water, and wondered if you could dive into the water and swim to the other side of the earth at this exact moment.

Thoughts of your escape plan were broken by a familiar voice you loved so much it hurt.

“Y/N?” The word was soft, almost nervous. The sound of it made you concerned. JJ never talks like this.

Instead of replying with some sassy answer as you normally would when drunk, you gave a simple “Yes?”

You heard JJ take a deep breath from beside before speaking again. “I, uh… I heard what you and Kie were talking about in the room. What you said.”

“You were eavesdropping on us? That’s kinda fucked up, J.”

“I-I didn’t mean to!” He defends himself quickly. “I was, uh, walking by and I heard you crying. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Okay.” You sigh. You had an idea of what was coming next. He’d give you some sympathetic ‘I’m sorry, I love you, just not like that’ and then things would never be the same afterwards. The last thing you wanted to happen would come true.

You’d lose him.

JJ didn’t seem to want to initiate the next part of the conversation, so you took matters into your own hands. “So you know? How I feel?”

JJ bites his lip, apprehensive. “Yeah. I-I do.”

You just nod; what else can you do? You feel the familiar lump form in your throat. Your head drops, tears pouring from your eyes almost immediately. You can’t believe you were going to lose him.

“Y/N-” JJ begins, but you are quick to cut him off.

“No, J. I don’t need your sympathy. ‘You love me, just not like that.’ Don’t worry, I already know. Can we just move on?”

“But, Y/N-”

“No, JJ!” All the emotions you’ve hidden from him for so long were bursting out of you. You couldn’t tell whether it was from the alcohol or your vulnerable state, but the words came spilling out of you.

“I can’t. I-I can’t hear you say it. I’ve been dealing with this shit for so long. I’ve always known you don’t love me like that, and that’s okay. B-But I just can’t handle hearing you say it. So just… I don’t know… say you’re sorry and go back inside. I know things will never be the same between us after this, so I’ll move my things out of the guest room. It was your room first, I’ll sleep on the outdoor couch. I just- I just hate things had to end this way. I-I love you, J, and I always will, and it sucks that you don’t-”

Your words are cut off by JJ grabbing your face and crashing his lips onto yours. The sheer power of the kiss knocks you backwards, laying on your back with the blonde boy you love so much hovering over you. Kissing you.

JJ Maybank, finally kissing you.

At this moment, you silently condemn yourself for laughing at the dramatic first kisses between characters in movies. Fireworks always light up in the background, and it feels like they’ve been waiting for this moment their whole lives. You’ve always thought the whole thing was cheesy and overexaggerated, but now, experiencing it, you knew you were wrong.

Kissing JJ for the first time felt like everything you’ve ever needed. Like there was a missing piece in your life up until this point, and it’s finally been filled.

In your entire lifetime, nothing has ever felt so right.

After a moment, JJ pulls away, looking at you with a look in his eyes that he’s never seen before.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that.”

And then he’s kissing you again, and the sparks fly for the second time that night. You knew, and he knew, that you were kissing your soulmate.

You stayed like that for a while, holding each other, finally expressing the love you’d both been hiding for so long. Once you were done, you laid on the dock, wrapped in each other's arms, watching the stars.

JJ noticed your breathing getting heavier, and soon you were asleep. He looked at you for a moment. Even sleeping, you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

The boy picked you up and carried you back to the porch, where he lays down with you on the couch.

He wraps his arms around you, never wanting to let go.

“Hey, J?” You mumble, barely awake.

“Yes, baby?” He replies softly, making your heart flutter at the nickname.

“I love you so much.”

JJ smiles. “I love you too, Y/N.”

You fall asleep to the sound of the words you for so long wanted to hear, wrapped in the arms of the beautiful boy you finally get to call yours.

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