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darkpoisonouslove · 4 years

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Winx Club Season 3 Thoughts (4kids) Part 2

Picking back up from where we left off - 3x14. Part 1 here.

Warning for some heavy anti Bloom stuff. I don’t normally let these get hateful but I just cannot anymore and this is my own rewatch and my own opinion. You can just not read it if you think you don’t want to or you don’t need the negativity. And there is some of that just in general as well and not only in regards to Bloom. (This also gets pretty angry with Valtor in the last few episodes because he’s been getting on my nerves.)

3x14:

- Well, I’m crying too. I know Tecna will be fine but seeing Winx so heartbroken is making me weep along with them. And what they said about wishing they’d laughed more at her jokes was particularly hard to swallow. Now I am genuinely upset, too.

- Aww, Riven is trying to be a good friend (even if he keeps insisting Tecna’s gone). And Timmy saying he can feel her presence is just some next level romantic shit considering his thing (and Tecna’s) has always been technology. He’s throwing logic out the window for his girl and I am ready to cry all over again just for that.

- Did they think of not being friends anymore? I know it feels wrong without Tecna but being together would have surely been better than breaking apart that friendship. And Tecna wouldn’t have wanted that from them.

- Oppositus is just hilarious. “Part sunny and part rainy. Hot and cold.” Well, that’s the perfect weather. Everyone will get what they want at one point or another.

- At least Faragonda and Griselda thought of monitoring the girls. Not that they’re doing such a great job of it but that’s another thing.

- That scene with Stormy getting spelled with Oppositus is really getting on my nerves but in a kind of calm way. It’s like it’s not making me mad but I really don’t like it so I am just sitting through it with a pained smile. I just wish Icy and Darcy would be a bit more supportive. (Also, Stella got spelled with Oppositus in season 1 as well so he’s not really showing them anything that special.)

- Didn’t they establish that the witches were hypnotized and doing whatever Valtor wanted. Why did they think that they wouldn’t be brainwashed all of a sudden? What? Did they think Valtor would give them a break for the day? And of course, let’s just barge into Cloud Tower with no plan of attack and no advantage of taking him by surprise. Fucking spectacular. Also, they couldn’t defeat him when Tecna was with them last time and all six of them fought him together. Why do they think they can take him down now? Yes, Flora got her Enchantix since then but they’re down with one member and Valtor has stolen new spells. They don’t stand a chance.

- I love how Valtor is messing with them. It’s obvious that he can defend himself against Bloom’s blasts but he wanted to get her mad to get her to use her full power and destroy her with Oppositus. And trapping Musa and Flora into what they hate the most is pretty horrible but I am kinda amused. (However, since he is pretty much using their opposites, for the longest time I thought he spelled the two of them with Oppositus too but he didn’t.)

- Rock cannibals of the dark dimension? Damn, I really wanna see that!

- Oritel has magic? I am pretty sure Valtor was lying about that considering that he was lying about everything else. And admitting that he couldn’t have defeated Oritel without a deception? That doesn’t sound like something Valtor would say. Gotta hand it to him, though, that was a pretty good plan he had for getting rid of Bloom.

- Aww, Griffin thinking so fondly of Faragonda even though she’s talking about a time when Faragonda was stronger than her. That is so cute.

- Why wasn’t Stormy at least a bit mad about what Valtor did to her?

- The Detention Dimension is such a fun concept. I love it! (I’m not loving the fact that I just got a second fic idea from this episode, though.)

- At least they figured out that the girls escaped. Otherwise, they would have said bye-bye to Bloom as well. And yay, for the Company of Light being back into action (”There’s just something about Valtor that makes everyone want to give him payback” XD (I think the Company is not over what happened 17 years ago either)) and everything but that “power pose” they’re striking is just so lame.

- Doing a dragon head thing with their hands to summon a protective shield is such a cool idea. Though, it did took me a while to figure out what was going on. It was only after seeing that Saladin was using his staff with the dragon head instead of doing the hand gesture that I figured out what they were actually doing there.

- The deception spell Darcy used was cool but shouldn’t there be some magic to the Detention Dimension that prevents that? Or was the logic that if they can pull such a spell off, then they are free to go because obviously they’re good at being witches?

- Valtor did take damage from Bloom’s fire but that was her full might there and it barely fazed him for a few moments. That Enchantix of hers must be really powerful for her to be so much stronger in later episodes. Or, once again, the writers just simply don’t know what they’re doing and can’t measure up their powers in a normal way. Poor Darcy, though. She thought he was angry at them for using the deception spell.

3x15:

- Ugh, I hate the Pyros arc.

- Thank god Sky missed Bloom. I am so not in the mood for them. But hey, Brandon is back, too! After being locked up like some criminal. Okay, but Sky said that Diaspro was banished from Eraklyon and we wouldn’t see her again. So why do we see her again several times in following seasons?

- I was gonna say that Pyros wasn’t so bad but... yeah, it’s... pretty bad. That shot of Bloom right before she blasted that dragon from underwater is so cool, though! (I kinda feel like she should be on better terms with dragons, though. You know, because of the Dragon Fire. Or does that just annoy them more? Looks like option B in this case.)

- Look at Riven running from emotions like it’s the plague! And Brandon has his own girlfriend and the consequences of staying out with her to deal with. But at least Sky is back to being helpful now that he’s not spelled anymore.

- Since when can’t Valtor shapeshift? He did turn into a deer in 3x10. That is shapeshifting. God, this show is so annoying with its lack of continuity. I reconsidered this and okay, I can see how his shapeshifting was limited to only animate things. And he needed to turn into a lightning which is different. I admit I was slightly but not completely wrong because it is incorrect that he can’t shapeshift. He can, just not to the degree that he needs.

- I see it’s time for Darcy to be the “favorite one”. He’s playing them so hard and Icy and Darcy are so falling for it. I totally agree with Stormy that they’re throwing themselves at him for attention.

- Stormy: I’m over him. Me: Good for her!

- Daphne! It’s been so long. I wish we’d seen more of her. Even though they dragged her into that stupidity about the dragon. Also, how is Bloom supposed to become stronger if she doesn’t know what to do? I feel her confusion (which I really hate to admit but I do).

- “If a monkey falls in a fountain, does it make a sound?” I. AM. SCREECHING!

- Oof, the maneuver with the coat was so smooth! And we saw him fight more physically! And get knocked face first into the ground! XD

- Timmy counted Tecna’s freckles? Talk about precision. XD But aww, Tecna laughed at his jokes because she knew what it’s like when no one laughed at hers. *sob* They are so cute!

- Walk like a dragon? Seriously? That is so ridiculous.

- Oh, thank god. For a moment I thought they were gonna make her eat bugs.

- I’m with Darcy. I like Valtor when he’s so chill in the middle of his chaotic energy. But the bracelet? To protect her from negative energy? Isn’t giving a witch a charm that wards off negative energy the same as casting a protective spell over Cloud Tower? Which he mocked in 3x10. And the shapeshifting thing is still stupid but damn! Turning into lightning? That is FUCKING AWESOME! I WANNA!!!!!!

- Oof, Bloom summoned the Dragon Fire from inside her? Okay, that was cool. Also, interesting that both Bloom and Valtor had major power-ups in this episode.

- Really? Timmy fell asleep just as he made contact with Tecna? Come on!

- That was her dragon all along? I thought we were talking metaphorically about her inner dragon. Why does this show always have to be so literal and lame? Not to mention redundant. This is the same stupidity from back in season 1 when her power was inside her all along and they sent her a whole bunch of places to “find” it.

3x16:

- Omg. Timmy found Tecna! And Brandon and Sky are both so happy about it and so proud of him! Not to mention already gearing up to go and save her even though it is the middle of the night! This scene is so adorable, I love it!

- Woah, what happened to Valtor’s eyes? Was that the demon in him showing up?

- I actually really like that scene with Stella and Sky and Riven talking. It’s nice to see Winx interact with Specialists that aren’t their boyfriends when their boyfriends aren’t around. Sells the whole friend group vibe. And them cheering each other on was really cute.

- Okay, this scene with Bloom is not only pointless, but also stupid. She can fly! She doesn’t need to jump from stone to stone and even if she loses her balance, she won’t fall because she can fucking fly! This is so stupid and not at all dramatic or suspenseful. What’s your excuse for this, writers? Also, where’s her stupid dragon? What? Did she hallucinate her own inner dragon and saw it outside of her the whole time?

- Aww, Timmy just wants to have his girl back and dance with her! That is so cute! And Brandon and Stella!

- What is the point of this scene with Bloom? She was like “No, I am not coming back unless I get stronger” but now she starts screaming at the air that she wants to go home right this second? Which she totally could? Just bc Faragonda sent her there through a portal, doesn’t mean she can’t find her own way out of Pyros. And then again acting like she doesn’t have wings? Even if she fell down that chasm, she could fly out. I am so sick of this.

- Where did Maya come from? And also, of course, on Pyros you can just bend magic rules. Makes fucking sense. And all that stuff about “being destined to battle great evil” is really getting on my nerves. Not to mention that she was looking for her parents and last time Stella checked, the Hall of the Universe said they were still alive. So there are people from her planet out there and she can earn her Enchantix the normal way. But she’s all given up on finding her parents just because Valtor told her they were dead? And she believed him because... he is the biggest evil they have fought so far and plays dirty the whole time? Fucking logic.

- I’m not even gonna talk about that magical meditation thing.

- Stella is killing me. In the Omega dimension and she still thinks about fashion.

- Timmy really thought he was gonna negotiate with Omega dimension prisoners? There was no way that could’ve gone down peacefully.

- Oh, come on! Big deal that they fell in a chasm. They can fly! God, why does everyone keep acting like fairies face the same problems with falling that people do? They have fucking wings! They’re going to be just fine! Stop dramatizing over nothing!!!!!!!!!!

- Damn, how are the Specialists not dead? Or at least not having anything broken after having huge rocks thrown at them and being crushed by them?

- Oh, damn! I always thought the necklace came from her Enchantix but it was Maya that gave it to her?

- Well, she got her Enchantix. Is this over now? I am so ready to move on. And since when does she have ownership of the island? Yes, you’re the princess of Domino and the guardian of the Dragon Fire and the most special ever - we get it. Now calm down.

3x17:

- Really? She’s gonna angst about Winx not being there when she can just find someone to ask? Like, maybe Faragonda? And while she’s at it also tell her that she came back from Pyros? Oh, and the pixies were there all along! See, no fucking reason for drama! AND Griselda and Faragonda were already awake so she could’ve just gone to them. Although, they did not seem the least bit relieved that she was back. I mean, it wasn’t like her life was in danger or something, right? Why would they be happy to see her? It’s just like she came back from vacation.

- Wait, Faragonda knew what was going on on Pyros? Seriously? I am so over all of this!

- Oh, now it isn’t Sky’s fault? But she was all bitchy back in Gardenia. I am so done with them!

- Okay, Winx aren’t too safe but that was not because of the fall. It is because of the ice snake.

- Bloom and Sky are equipped with proper clothing. So why weren’t the rest of them? It wasn’t like they didn’t know where they were going. Why didn’t they prepare themselves?

- Why the fuck can’t she transform? They’re just making stuff up as they go to create the illusion of danger.

- Of course, they find Tecna even though Timmy was the one that build a machine to tell him she was even alive still. And it had her precise coordinates but nope. Bloom will be the one to find her. And then save the day. Because she is Bloom. Miss Universe. No, I am not bitter, why are you asking?

- Sky didn’t have to interrupt that hug so insensitively.

- Also, obviously Tecna was trapped! Where did they think she was? But at least, she is really handling herself! She is awesome. Maybe a bit too much. I mean, making food out of ice? Talk about doing the impossible.

- Really? That’s just some rope. Tecna should be able to do something about it with her magic.

- And yes. Bloom can’t transform but she and Sky are still the ones to save the day. Even though it was all Tecna’s plan and she was the one who found the others. Of fucking course! We didn’t get to see her Enchantix in action even. I am really salty about this if you can’t tell.

- Yes, let’s just shout and draw everyone in one kilometer radius towards ourselves! Not to mention risk making some ice crack and fall! Such a great idea!

- Yeah, “walking” sure happened. And couldn’t Tecna transform and fly her down? The Enchantix wings are way stronger and Bloom has carried both her parents with her winx wings.

- Omg, Stella is so precious! She literally passed out from exhaustion while trying to keep them safe and warm! My baby! I love her so much!

- How have Bloom and Tecna not broken anything? They fell from so high up! This does not logic logically!

- Oh, yeah. Bloom is so much stronger! She’s only needed saving a couple of times since she got her Enchantix less than an episode ago. But how do they all keep lifting each other up so easily? They must be using magic for it. I mean, please. Even children aren’t so easy to lift up.

- Well, of course. She can’t transform... but she just did. Just like she couldn’t get her Enchantix... but she did anyway. Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? And it is really stupid because this whole episode has been going so hard for the “oh, poor Bloom who can’t transform” narrative but in the end she is still the strongest one and the one to save the day. Well, you have to pick one! You can’t have it both ways!

- Yes, sure, it was Musa’s fairy dust that fixed this. Right. And why did she even use fairy dust? There was no dark magic to remove from Bloom. None of this is adding up. None of it.

- I thought they were low on Enchantix juice. But they look like they’re doin’ just fine.

- And now she’s speaking with the snake! Which, by the way, should totally be Flora’s department. Or Roxy’s. Not Bloom’s, that’s for damn sure. And the snake isn’t even a dragon! There is some connection to dragons but still. Plus, can’t be destroyed bc it’s part of the Omega dimension? Well, I’ve got news for you! Valtor destroyed some snakes and almost caused the destruction of Omega as well. So it is not impossible.

- “I have an idea” but “I don’t know what I am going to do”. Great!

- “Just think about protecting Stella...” Awwwwwwwwwwwww!

- Omg, I can’t believe her stupid plan worked. First, the ground just opened up to let her through because she’s apparently fairy Moses. And then the snake just did what she told it to do? Really?

3x18:

- Their pajamas are ridiculous. Also, isn’t it a bit early to talk about engagement and marriage? And lake house? You mean, lake palace. I doubt either Erendor or Samara have ever settled for anything less than a fucking palace (and yes, I will take every chance to bitch about them because I can’t stand them.)

- Yeah, just call your boyfriend at 1 a.m. You know, to wish him good night. I mean, just because my sleep schedule is fucked up, doesn’t mean that everyone else’s is. And considering there are classes the next day, it was obviously too late for that. Flora what was that horrible advice coming from you?

- Wait... I don’t think I remember that scene where the Specialists actually infiltrate CT. Am I by any chance watching the RAI version of this episode? I am unclear on that so know that it’s possible. I don’t think it’s RAI but it might be.

- Aw, the vault monsters were re-spelled. :/ But now everything is going to go better since CT is back with Griffin. I never figured out why Valtor just up and left, though. He just sent the Trix after Bloom instead of going himself and then he disappeared. He didn’t even go to Omega to make sure the rest are finished. I totally wouldn’t go back to the place I was trapped for 17 years either but still. Where’d he go off to?

- Awwwwwwwww, look at Griffin just being completely adorable while trying to pull off the witch facade. And her students are precious, too. Plus, I don’t think that some lessons in team work will hurt any of the witches. Their pride maybe a little, but they could use the “practice” of working with others. XD

- Anti magic from the dimension Negatio? Say what now? They really are just going to let those things go against them and possibly cancel their magic forever? Safety just went out the window. Also, isn’t Palladium worried by being so close to those creatures? They could probably erase his magic as well if they go out of control. This is just a bit too much.

- Yikes, Bloom’s pupils looked like they’d caught fire. Her power really is out of control. (But also, you gotta love how they only showed the Enchantix of Flora, Tecna and Bloom who got it last. They were like “Yeah, Layla, Stella and Musa already got to show off theirs a handful of times. Now it’s the others’ turn.” XD)

- Why does Bloom think that Valtor will tell her the truth about her parents?

- Damn, that secret entrance is so well hidden. But really with the box? I hate the box thing. Can we just not? (Did all of those spells come from CT btw? Bc I am pretty sure he said something about realm erasure or something of the sort. Damn, what kind of things do they keep in Cloud Tower?)

(- Gotta love the animation mistake that had Darcy and Stormy in their “confrontation” outfits instead of their everyday wear for a few seconds before it switched right back.)

- Stella really outdid herself with the idea for those outfits.

- Why isn’t Stormy with Valtor, Icy and Darcy?

- Musa is thinking about breaking off the non-quite-relationship with Riven? Why don’t I remember any of that?

- Well, Nabu got busted pretty quickly. Tecna’s gadgets are really cool. And of course, Stella is being Stella.

- Stormy’s outlines showed in the clouds Valtor summoned but she wasn’t with them in the previous scene while they were flying towards Magix.

- Ooh, Valtor really only said he was after the Ancestresses’ Eye so that they’d remove it from the box and clear it for him to take it. Finesse and deception, indeed.

- Yeah, let’s just break through the museum’s security system! And also, scan the whole place to spy on them. (Btw why are they keeping powerful artifacts in a museum where anyone can walk in?) At least they figured that there is something wrong with Valtor announcing his plans.

- Nabu just let Tecna and Stella roll off the roof before he caught Layla. I can’t even.

- Tecna can tell how much magic Valtor has left? Come again? This seems just a tad bit unbelievable to me.

- Valtor doesn’t look weaker at all to me.

- Oh, so now they are smart enough to figure out his plan? But they were all idiotically asking “Why are the witches attacking us?” in 3x10. Can we keep something consistent here?

- Why doesn’t Valtor know that she has Enchantix? Didn’t the Trix tell him? They were there when she got it. Like I said, can we have some consistency in this whole thing, please?

- Okay, I have too many clashing thoughts about that last scene so I’m just not gonna go into any of them. But Nabu clearly cares for Layla since he’s been doing everything he could to protect her.

3x19:

- What did Chimera just do to the Hall of the Universe? Why did it stop rotating? (Also, ew at Cassandra’s comment about Radius revolving around her.)

- “Flying free is a thing of the past in this kingdom” No villains here, though. Nope, sir. Absolutely none. (I really can’t tell if Radius is just faking being spelled or if she spelled him again after his conversation with Stella in 3x08.) And shouldn’t the wedding be guarded regardless of the things with Stella? I mean, this is a royal event. There is no way this can go without security.

- Stella is having a total breakdown.

- Omg, this scene supports my headcanon about Stormy using her magic for everyday things. Aka drying off Darcy’s nail polish. Nice! (But oh, god, it’s the stupidity with the box again.) Where did Valtor’s neck go in those last moments of the scene? They forgot to color it so it looks like his head just hovers above his collar.

- Hey, Stella, that remark about Tecna was rude. Also, didn’t Timmy say that he and Tecna took dancing lessons? So she must have gotten better at it. Also, I am just relieved that Bloom managed to catch Kiko after she threw him in the air like he was a toy. She is very irresponsible both with his physical health and his emotions sometimes.

- I remember that part with the bikes! It’s really cute. And Stella seems to be having fun even if she was against the whole thing. Poor Musa, though. She was right about there being something wrong with Riven’s bike.

- Chimera wants to be the princess of Solaria but behaves like a vampire when exposed to sunlight.

- Oof, that scene in the boys’ dorms. XD Timmy and Riven being disaster boyfriends. But damn, Helia really got mad there and served him the news about Musa’s doubts about their relationship.

- “Think about what you would do and then do the opposite.” lmao

- The pixies appeared so conveniently. But hey, they did make awesome uniforms for the girls.

- Well, at least Riven apologized for the teasing. Now he just needs to apologize for being wrong and not listening to Musa.

- Step 2 of that plan is a little too vague. “Bust up that wedding” could mean a lot of things. And there could be various ways of execution.

- Helia and Layla really took care of the bikers. And Stella apologizing for what they’re doing to them was so adorable. She is a true princess with manners and kindness (even if she can be temperamental and straight up a bitch sometimes).

- Layla saved them again with those tricks she performed. It’s a good thing that she’s really great on her bike.

- Stella was actually pretty clever about this! She showed Valtor’s mark on her father’s neck and then she just went blazing in. I love how she blasted Chimera out of her way! She made Chimera cry. And then just started teleporting to keep Cassandra from getting away. She’s so awesome! And the people also listened to her! (If only the guards had as well.)

- She unspelled her dad! And they now have an idea on where to start about defeating Valtor.

3x20:

- Yikes, Valtor really destroyed the whole Lightrock. I bet the Trix were all too happy about that. (Why was that assembly in Faragonda’s office, though, and not in the big hall where they usually have them? Was it only for the third-years?)

- Oh, my god! Faragonda actually considered the possibility that this might be a trap so that they’d leave Alfea. I bet it was Griselda that actually figured that out. But that “she acts like she controls the school” was hilarious(ly dumb (especially coming from Digit)). She does control the school, lol.

- Well, they are tiny. It’s not like they’re trying to offend them. They’re just saying the truth.

- I thought Stormy was over Valtor. She really looked like she was. (And nobody bought Icy’s claims that she was over him even for a second.) I think that Darcy is on to something with that comment about men’s egos, though. XD Gotta admit that I am not a fan of Valtor listening in on all of this. It really reminds me of the way fake Avalon was baiting all the fairies into being even more smitten with him and that was disgusting. Although, the Trix are adults at least. (They have to be if they were seniors in season 1.) I also love that Darcy tried for a more peaceful solution. But I have a feeling that might have been because she wasn’t actually sure that she could win a magical fight between them.

- Stormy is having a bunch of good ideas here. Cruel but good. And Valtor has to at least appreciate the effort they are putting into impressing him, stealing spells and all.

- And that was the end of the good ideas and the beginning of the clowning around.

- I think Amore is in love with Stella. XD

- There’s a whole army of “little creatures of the forest”. XD

- Darcy has the right idea with the hypnotizing.

- “I wouldn’t respect you if you weren’t a little bit devious”, I can’t.

- Why is Kiko giving a ride to a seahorse that can fly?

- The Trix are now getting soundly defeated by pixies. This can’t get anymore ridiculous but I am going to give it a pass because it was established early on that this episode is just going to be Like That.

- Poor Kiko! He almost got crushed. I am not sure how smart it was of Darcy to make the pixies that big. Also, why can they make themselves smaller but not bigger? That seems kinda stupid.

- “Love energy”? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I am out of here. And Valtor is watching all of this. The Trix are embarrassing themselves so hard rn and I cannot stand it.

- Oof, even Valtor was done with their bullshit. He came to collect them. I just... I don’t know what to say about this except that I hate how cringy all of it is.

(- They really just spared an entire episode on this.)

3x21:

- That’s actually a smart plan to test their attacks on Bloom in order to figure out how to beat Valtor. I like it.

- Aww, Layla is still being respectful with her mom even when she is firm in defending her beliefs and her agency. I love it!

- So the Dragon Fire is basically matter and the Water Stars are anti matter? I mean, if you parallel them to our theories about the creation of the universe. But if they can’t exist in the same dimension, then how come they were just a few inches away from Bloom and nothing happened? We went from “smart plan” to “this doesn’t make sense again” pretty quickly and I am not here for it.

- You can’t seriously tell me that Faragonda and Saladin agreed to let them go on a mission to get the Water Stars. Why would you let students go get one of the three literally most powerful essences in the universe? This sounds like insanity.

- Edge of the world? Really? Are we in the Middle Ages?

- Okay, but Nabu’s approach is just stupid. Another one that doesn’t get girls. I am just amazed that Layla totally managed to catch him even though he was invisible. She is really awesome!

- “Are you putting a charm spell on me?” “No, I am just being myself.” “Well, stop it because... I don’t know. Just because.” Okay, my mind is made up. I am shipping this! (Layla x Nabu) And I only really needed one scene to start!

- Omg, they crashed. I am shooketh!

- Ugh, I am so not here for the Riven and Musa drama. And he just jumped on his bike and headed after them even though he didn’t even know for certain if there was anything happening there. I know they had some problems in the previous few episodes but that is zero trust right there.

- Holy fuck, what is that monster?!

- I’d totally forgotten that Nabu was a wizard. I just hope that now that he saved Layla and he showed that he could have freed himself at any moment but he didn’t, she will believe him. They are already too cute to not get together asap (especially considering that he dies).

- Aww, Stella was so quick to aid Musa. And she got so angry at that monster. She can be so feisty and also so good in battle. I love her!

- The pixies just tricked that monster nicely. XD I guess they really aren’t too small even for the big dangers.

- So Flora doesn’t kill things. She just “returns them to nature”. That’s one way to make natural compost, I guess.

- “Chill out, main frame.” Lol.

- Honestly, I was kinda surprised that Riven knows Piff’s name. She isn’t even Musa’s pixie (only her bestie’s). I mean, it makes sense for him to know it but at the same time it would have been just as believable if he hadn’t known it. Idk. I guess they just portray him as a jerk so much of the time that I was surprised by this. Ignore my rambling.

- Awwwwww! Layla trusted him. And he surfs. Of course, he surfs. XD (He is from Tides, after all, and they are perfectly compatible.) But of course, Riven had to arrive at the worst possible moment and misinterpret everything even more than he already had.

3x22:

- Riven did not see any of this coming. But I wouldn’t say that what he did was “valiant” at all. It was misguided and fueled by jealousy, insecurity and lack of trust. Def not things you want in a relationship.

- Yes, of course, Bloom can read that thing. And of course, Tecna and Timmy couldn’t decipher it with some tech, which was totally what I thought they would do but no!

- “When we’re big enough to be small?” XD This scene is finally making me realize why Stella has always been my fave. We just have the exact same attitude. All her bitching in this could have come straight out of my mouth.

- They are removing their inner darkness with the fairy dust? I cannot even tell you how much I absolutely despise this idea.

- Btw why is Brandon not with them?

- Omg, Valtor is torturing them by replaying them their loss by the pixies? Oh, that is evil. XD But I have to say that this makes me a little more accepting of the pixie episode because it was used to fuel the Trix here. So it was not completely useless. How come they were animated as if they’re back on Tides, though? ‘Cause I am pretty sure they are not.

- They are trampoline-ing on a cloud! I love it! It is so cute.

- I love how they just picked Stella to be their speaker. I think it’s cool because she is a princess and she will have to learn to be a leader and to hold speeches. Even if that wasn’t very official speak she did there.

- We are still on the Diaspro drama? But omg, I love how quickly Riven and Nabu are becoming friends! They seem to really like each other. And Nabu is so similar to Layla! And obviously totally in love with her already! XD I love that they are playing a game while waiting for the others! We could really use some moments when they’re just being teenagers and are not battling for the fate of the universe. That said, here come the parts with the Crystal Labyrinth that have always been my fave!

- Well, Icy did score that one!

- I am getting chills already by Tecna’s choice and she hasn’t even started debating on it. I love that the room with emotions also showed her friends and not just Timmy. And Tecna was so quick to abandon logic at the idea of never feeling again but she still chose to go through the exit in the name of the greater good. Fuck, I’m already about to cry. My eyes are watering!

- All of Darcy’s clones against all of Nabu’s would have been soooooo cool! She’s never been up against someone who can match her abilities and that would have been epic! Also, Nabu and Riven really have become fast friends and I love it!

- Ancient crow’s dust? Yes, please! This sounds so cool!

- Okay, but seriously. What the fuck did they do to Stella’s face? How does that even translate in a real life look? I mean, what? This was really half-assed. And I kinda don’t like how it implies that Stella’s grandest concern is her looks. That is not the core of her character and they could have done something else here. Also, there was zero build-up with this choice. She just got there and walked straight towards the exit. There was no suspense whatsoever.

- Musa’s test is so unfair! (And yes, I am crying.) Tecna and Stella got back what they sacrificed but Musa never got to be with her mom again. That is really cruel. But at least she got to hear how proud her mom was of her. And Arcadia told her that Stella and Tecna were already outside. Imagine how terrible it would have been if she’d sacrificed being with her mom and one of the others didn’t make it out so it was all for nothing.

- Tecna is truly like a robot without any emotion. Poor baby! But at least they restored what they took from her!

- They really had to waste so much time and have the rest of Winx come back to defeat them. And tell Valtor that Winx ran away? Valtor that can literally see anywhere in the dimension? Yeah, why do I have the feeling that that should not work out for them? Although it probably will.

- Um, excuse me? “Musa, Stella and LAYLA risked everything for”? That was Tecna, not Layla. And I am absolutely convinced that in a later episode the Stars were shown to be six instead of only three. Even though it makes sense that they would be three because they only gave them three.

3x23:

(- I am pretty sure the 3x23 I watched is RAI but I couldn't be bothered to look elsewhere for 4kids.)

- Okay, so they have the Water Stars and they don’t even know what to do with them. Why did none of them think about asking? When they were back at the Golden Kingdom?

- Seriously, Bloom is touching the Stars but there’s nothing happening? Weren’t they supposed to be unable to exist in one dimension with the Dragon Fire? She is literally touching them!!!

- What the hell is this with Valtor? He looks like his favorite puppy died, then he gets weird, then he gets sad again and then he gets so mad he makes Darcy hide behind Icy? I don’t like where any of this is going. And the Company of Light did defeat him. Growling at that fact will not change it so he might want to calm down and find a way to prevent that from happening again instead of raging.

- I love how battle ready Tecna is. Though, maybe it is a good thing that they’re looking for some R&R. She could probably use it.

- Nabu and Layla “developed a little chemistry”? Well, that’s one way to put it, I guess. XD

- Omg, Riven looks so lost when it comes to the girls. XD

- Lol, even Helia is so done with Valtor. It is indeed like Griffin said - everyone wants to give him payback.

- If there are four people fighting, is that still considered a “duel”? (Well, there were three people fighting but still.) I like his plan, though. Challenge all three of them and make it look like it’s about all of them and his revenge. Then go to Alfea while they fight each other under his illusion spell.

- And Griffin's getting some vengeful impulses of her own. I kinda love how petty Valtor was, though, to pick Cloud Tower for his demonstration even though he already fucked around there and did make some of his revenge against Griffin come true. And I love how for someone who always seems to look down on the fairy way of doing things, Griffin was trying to convince her students to stick together because it would make them stronger. That is exactly what the fairies do, you know? XD

- First, what are Ediltrude and Zarathustra doing at that assembly of Alfea teachers after they’ve been MIA since 3x10? Second, “as the oldest teacher on this council”. So Wizgiz is... the oldest of all of them? Like, age wise? And third, now we are having a mention of the situation in Alfea while Faragonda was trapped in the tree? But they didn’t bother to show any of the teachers being worried or even doing shit about it while she was missing?

- “It’s a battle we have fought before and won”. Yeah, right. You’re three members short if you haven’t noticed. And Valtor is more powerful than ever before.

- Good thing Faragonda didn’t take the Water Stars. They would have probably lost them to Valtor and then it would have been the end. I have to admit that his strategy of “divide and conquer” was pretty good. I am still salty about the fact that neither of them could tell it was an illusion, though. Griffin has worked for the Ancestral Witches for fuck’s sake. She must have been closely acquainted with Lysslis’ illusions and how to spot them. This was just too easy for him and too incompetent on their part (and by “their” I’ll let you decide if I mean the Company of Light or the writers... or both.)

- Oof, this is actually Griffin and Faragonda fighting each other. Ouch! That hurts.

- My god, what was that expression on Faragonda’s face? She looked like a rabid dog. I guess Valtor just really brings out the worst in everyone. XD

- Hey, wait! Was that glass shards or ice shards that Saladin was attacked with?

Because that was Faragonda’s magic. What is happening here? (Btw I love how much the boys wanted to help take Valtor down. Idk, it really just struck a cord.)

- Oof, that battle is taking its toll on them and the protective barrier of Alfea is suffering from Faragonda’s powers being drained. But from what we’ve seen so far, it looks like Griffin is holding up the best out of the three of them.

- It’s really cute that Winx believed Bloom about Valtor being at Alfea even if it seemed insane.

- Omg, please treat the books more gently! I am literally begging you!

- The thing with the Water Stars looked intense. But of course, Valtor found a way to cheat out of it. I wonder what the Stars would do to him, though. He was literally made from the Dragon Fire so if the Water Stars cancel that out, does it mean that he will cease to exist?

- Poor Faragonda, Griffin and Saladin. They must have felt horrible about hurting each other and falling for Valtor’s trick.

- This Layla x Nabu train is moving a little bit too fast but he was following her around for a while so I guess he did have enough time to fall for her. And they are literally made for each other so... I guess it’s fine.

3x24:

- Ugh, another dream! And, of course, Bloom’s friends are against her as always. I already bitched about that in my thoughts on the first half of this season so I won’t do it again. It is curious, though, that Faragonda is on her side in her dream(s) but her friends never are. They are supposed to be best friends but she trusts them less than she trusts Faragonda, who has, admittedly, kept information from her before? Or is it that she feels that Faragonda can help her when Winx can’t and that is what this is supposed to mean? And a sidenote – I can just see the writers going “Hehe, symbolism” when they came up with the portraits of Valtor and Marion and Oritel getting destroyed.

- Oh, you can’t be for real! She is seriously buying into Valtor’s lie about her parents? And she even finds evidence to support it in her connection to him? Really? And also, because this goes here, why the hell would the Ancestral Witches tell her the truth when they are even worse than Valtor who is lying to her (even if she doesn’t know he’s lying)? You gotta love how seeing the Ancestral Witches and thinking of seeking them out was the only purpose of that dream. That and the obvious way to up the unnecessary Bloom drama.

- See? Her friends are supportive as hell! They wake up in the middle of the night from her nightmares and aren’t even angry about it. Instead, they check up on her, offer to stay with her and say they will support her no matter what. Why does she keep dreaming of them being against her? If you are not secure in your friendship after all this, then you literally never will be.

- “Those witches are long gone” was supposed to mean that they were dead, right? Yeah, well, that didn’t work out since in Secret of the Lost Kingdom they aren’t dead.

- Why is Faragonda on board with this and ALSO so cheerful about it? She fought those witches and watched them destroy the entire planet of Domino and her friends. The least she should be is wary as fuck and worried about Bloom (and Bloom’s sanity). Not to mention reluctant to do the spell and suspicious of any results they could get. Also, where the hell is that room? Do they just have a room that can reach any dimension even in the past in the school? Because that just spells out trouble.

- Why does the Ancestral Witches’ essence still exist in Cloud Tower? They have never been mentioned to have been anywhere near Cloud Tower. Is there any reason to this or did they just do it so that Winx could bring back Cloud Tower? Because, you know, Griffin is only one of the most powerful witches in existence and the headmistress of one of the most prestigious schools for magic. Why the hell would she be able to find her own school? Especially if she has the help of Faragonda and Saladin. I mean, her and Faragonda’s convergence withstood Darkar’s attacks but, of course, they could never find Cloud Tower themselves. Never mind that Faragonda is a fairy and has been confirmed to have fairy dust in a previous episode so they totally didn’t need Winx to un-spell Cloud Tower for them.

- Yeah, Griffin totally didn’t think of the fact that Valtor might have just used an illusion spell to hide Cloud Tower. Even though she worked with him for the Ancestral Witches and Lysslis has illusion powers which Valtor could totally copy. He was shown to have ice powers like Belladonna in a previous episode so he probably can do all the things that the Ancestrals could. But of course, instead of thinking of any of that, Griffin just sat idly by and waited for students to save her school while she and her witches were probably crammed in Alfea (there is no way the school is big enough to fit both the fairies and the witches comfortably).

- Why the fuck do they need the Water Stars? Also, remember how “the Dragon Fire and the Water Stars couldn't exist in the same dimension”? They seem to be doing just fine here. It’s all pretty chill. Especially considering that the Water Stars are supposed to be able to remove Bloom’s whole magic. But she’ll just put up a shield. You know, with her Dragon Fire. The same Dragon Fire that the Water Stars can extinguish. The stupidity is unreal. And there are six Water Stars now instead of only three. Continuity at its finest.

- Why did only Flora use her fairy dust? And why couldn't they just break the spell from the outside? Ugh, this is again only here to evoke pity for Bloom because, you see, her Enchantix is incomplete and now she has to rely on her friends. Whatever will she do? Poor baby! Gag me!

- I am getting really fed up with everything but especially with Valtor. (And Bloom but I’ve already been bitching about that so let’s switch it up a little.) First, he starts yelling at the Trix that they can’t defeat Bloom even though he couldn't do it himself. Then, he wants to punish them when they call him out on his bullshit and say that he is afraid of fighting Bloom, which he totally is. And also, why did that power-up he gave them had to undress them? They didn’t have to change in bikinis in order to be more powerful. This is actually creeping me out.

- Cloud Tower has dungeons and a crypt? What the hell is going on in this school? This is supposed to be a school, you know?

- “Goth outfits”? You mean beach outfits. And they still can’t beat even the rest of Winx and we all know Bloom is supposed to be the most powerful.

- Of course, she just stumbled into the crypt accidentally! And what the hell were those vines coming out? Why vines when none of the Ancestral Witches can summon vines? Was that an illusion? Or was it some sort of protection spell?

- I don’t know what is worse – the fact that Bloom thought the Ancestral Witches would help her or the fact that they actually told her the truth. They are pure evil. Why the fuck would they tell her the truth? It would have been so much cooler if they’d told her Valtor was telling the truth and she had to fight him while thinking that could destroy her parents. It would have been real drama and not this pseudo drama that has been going on here.

- It looked like the Trix were only pretending to be hit by the Winx’ spell but then they just keep losing in literally one blast. I am so sick of this! Can we see a proper battle? Because this is everything but.

- “We haven’t even begun using our new powers.” Then why don’t you begin using them because Winx are wiping the floor with you? You really need to up your game because you are being ridiculous.

- Really? The fairy dust can now remove powers and not just spells? Convenient as hell and just as boring, thanks.

- Really? Winx are somehow more powerful than the heads of the schools (since they broke Valtor’s spell on CT)? Well, why don’t we just give them Alfea and Cloud Tower and call it quits. I mean, they are the ones doing everything anyway. Why not just hand them over the schools. There won’t be much difference.

3x25:

- Oh, so now Faragonda is concerned that Valtor is dangerous? They have been fighting him all season. She let them go for the Water Stars in what looked like an official mission. But now she is worried for their well-being? You're a little too late for that, hon.

- Okay, I am totally done with Valtor. I know the Trix were laughing at him and everything but blasting them into walls is a big no-no. They are supposed to be his partners and he's abusing them. I am so glad they left him to deal with his shit on his own.

- You know, he doesn't look too weak from here. He looks scary. And not because he turned into a demon. His temper and lack of control are scary. Especially since he has so much power at his disposal.

- At least the Trix admitted they have no taste in men. It is ironic, though, that it was Icy who said it, yet she fell for Tritanus in season 5. I guess they also never learn.

- The greatest spell is the four elements? I get why they're powerful and everything but I would've loved something more original. This just feels lazy.

- Oof, I don't think we have seen the Trix look so scared.

- I have to say that even though what is happening is pretty horrible, the frantic energy of that scene with everyone telling Faragonda what's wrong is greatly amusing me. Idk why. I guess I am just a little heartless prick sometimes. XD

- It's cute that now Griffin is instantly calling Faragonda instead of them not talking to each other like back in season 1 or having Saladin acting like a mediator, which he was. And I love that the development of their friendship is very subtle but is still there. That is so adorable!

- Please, tell me that their fairy dust won't be enough to fix this because that will be too easy. Also, I am shocked that Griselda is also there (and that she barged in Faragonda's office like that before) and they aren't waiting for Winx to solve everything.

- Oh, so the elements will keep tormenting them forever? Okay, that is a little more interesting than I originally thought.

- And so much for the teachers doing anything. It is all up to Winx... Again.

- Wow, the Specialists can neutralize twisters? That is so weird but also very cool.

- I thought Winx would try to put up a new barrier around Alfea, at least, but I guess there's no point in that. Getting Valtor seems to be the way to beat this.

- Now we're gonna talk about the Omega thing? And again brushing it off? You know what? Whatever.

- Well, his trick with the lake was kinda for nothing because they all made it out. But at least he is back to his human form.

- Formless mud monster? Really? Can't we do anything better?

- Ooh, Valtor's plan about the Water Stars was cool! And I love how Winx tried to protect Bloom. And this battle is at least going on longer even if it's still not much in terms of an actual battle.

- Bloom's idea was pretty smart but it still doesn't make sense. Valtor already absorbed a lot of spells before he got the box so he has to be pretty powerful still even without it. Edit: Or he could just put them all in the box and lose them all because he is dumb like that. Nvm. Also, he just threw away the Water Stars aka the one thing that can really fuck him over to chase the spell with the elements? Idk but the Water Stars seem more important to me.

- Like I said, what was the big idea with the elements spell? It brought him down.

- Watch Faragonda and Griselda act like they can't teleport.

- Well, the Trix finally got their brains back and left. Good for them.

- Wait, the Trix were taken back to Lightrock? I don't remember that. But awww at that shot of Icy and Stormy hugging to console each other about their terrible fate.

- Well, the boys got to Alfea fast.

3x26:

- In the previous episode: “The trees aren’t burning up and aren’t getting charred but are just swallowed in flames.” In this episode: “Everything has burned down and been destroyed.” *eternal sigh* I cannot wait for this episode to be over and be done with this whole season.

- Well, at least they fixed the forest and everything is back to normal. And the animals are so cute!

- Faragonda and Griffin’s friendship is so cute! And I am glad that neither of them is quick to close this chapter because they both know better than to just assume it’s over without evidence.

- Aww, look at Kiko! Trying so hard to cheer Bloom up!

- What was that scene with Valtor? Was he doing it on purpose to capture the Specialists and then do what he did with them? (I think he pitted them against Winx. Or at least made clones of them that went against Winx.)

- Yup! He’s using them all right. (I can’t get that meme out of my head. There was an edit of that scene with Valtor and Helia with the text post “Hey there, boys. It’s me. Ya demon.” and I am just cracking up thinking about it.)

- The spell with the elements again? It is the only one he had left but then again, Helia said he was just as strong as he’d been before that when he attacked them at the lake. Also, he only grabbed Sky, Brandon and Riven then? Not that that wasn’t enough. They would have gone even if he’d only kidnapped one of the boys. But still.

- Bloom can create things that teleport them now? Wasn’t teleportation a Stella gimmick?

- Ah, so he also took Timmy. And those were the clones that Tecna, Stella, Musa and Bloom are dealing with. That last part became apparent after Brandon but now it’s confirmed.

- Okay, this version of the four elements spell seems cooler. And the clones seem hard to defeat as well. There is finally some more tension here.

- Never mind, it’s over. Bloom solved it in a second. Of course, she did. Obviously, she doesn’t even need to see Valtor or know where he is to be able to blast him. Sure. Makes perfect sense.

- Oh, come on! Only reason that blast could have knocked Valtor out would be that he was already exhausted and using up all of his energy for the spell with the elements.

- So the Ancestral Witches aren’t dead. Just banished. Okay, that checks out. But damn, that scene is giving me the creeps and making me feel so bad for Valtor. He literally did not have control over his own body (and even... soul?), not to mention how they kept nagging him about failing. Also, is the mark by any chance how he is bound to them? It seemed to hold him prisoner.

- They’re fighting inside Valtor? That is freaky and not in a cool way. I was kinda glad that he got back to his human form (even if it was only on the inside) but that last part was pretty anti climatic. Valtor didn’t even get to do anything there. It was one blast from Bloom and everything was over. (Though, I should be glad that there won’t be more plot holes in this.)

- Wait, his essence is imprisoned with the Ancestral Witches? So in Obsidian then? That was never followed up in the movie and in s8 he said his essence was just roaming around freely. But whatever. Nothing has made sense all season. Why start now?

- Awww at Nabu and Layla! They were so perfect! How could they kill him?!

I don’t have much of a conclusion for this season. I went in really hyped for it and the last few episodes tore my nerves to shreds. Don’t be fooled by that, though. There is no sense to be found anywhere in this season. I am pretty sure at least 40% of my thoughts were just “This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.” Also, when will continuity come back from the war? I still love Enchantix but there were even things with that that enraged me. And Valtor... I will just pretend that the last third of this season does not exist in terms of his character. I am honestly glad that I am done with this and I can move on to season 4.

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theowlsarenotwhattheyremembers · 7 years

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Episode 1: Dragonstone

Right guys I know you’ll have already watched this but look I only just started this blog and I can’t miss the first episode off also you will benefit from my insights regardless.

!!!! I have been in a state of extreme agitation all year and I can’t actually cope with the fact that it’s here. I am not emotionally prepared and do not know what I just saw.

Scene 1: Did everyone else not realise that was Arya and think we were in a flashback? I am so overwhelmed I am just right there in the moment I have no idea what’s about to happen. Then all those ratface (rats are intelligent moral creatures but you know what I mean) Freys start coughing up their own lower organs!! When did Arya learn about poisons? Was her training montage long enough to justify this?? I guess it was! And I know the Freys have deathsentence hospitality karma but baking your sons in a pie and feeding it to you and then dressing up in your corpse and poisoning your entire family - is that an eye for an eye according to whichever god is keeping score in this case? I guess possibly!

This recap blog is going to have an eye for History and Fable (matters which I know only very modest amounts about but there is google) and the sparknotes on Titus Andronicus on which the pie move is based indicates that it may lead to an ambivalent conclusion:

[After a succession of grisly heinous acts of reciprocal violence, Titus] tricks [Tamora, Queen of the Goths], captures her sons, kills them, and makes pie out of them. He feeds this pie to their mother in the final scene, after which he kills both Tamora and Lavinia, his own daughter. A rash of killings ensue; the only people left alive are Marcus [Titus’ brother], Lucius [Titus’ son], Young Lucius [his son], and Aaron [Tamora’s lover]. Lucius has the unrepentant Aaron buried alive, and Tamora's corpse thrown to the beasts. He becomes the new emperor of Rome.

This does not end well for the pie baker, though I suppose his kin are the ones who ultimately triumph. My male friends will often assume that I, a woman, feel empowered and liberated by the character of Arya, the traumatised magical child murderer. Not so, friends. My favourite liberated Game of Thrones #strongfemalecharacter is the lost unlamented Ros, sex worker from the north invented for TV for the purposes of the early sexposition-heavy plot who voyages down south with the Starks and whose illustrious sex spy career is wastefully cut short by Cunt Joffrey. Ros was working-class woman who fled the north before winter even came, whose talents were picked up by the farsighted Varys and who would have made an incredible Kings Landing player had it not been for the misogyny of Joffrey and the script writers and the twat fans who think the TV has to be like the crappy books which I have not read. Rest in Power Ros, this blog is dedicated to you.

Anyway I haven’t really recapped anything yet and this blog is already overlong so let’s get back to it.

Scene 2: The army of the north are coming!! This is too terrifying, it’s hot outside but I am wrapped in a blanket. There are multiple ice zombie giants as we all knew there would be. Let’s remember that like one living giant almost successfully broke through the gate at Castle Black during the wildling battle ages ago; multiple zombie giants are going to make fucking matchsticks of it no magic required, though they probably also have loads of that, those dragons need to get here pronto. Also why haven’t they iceblocked up the gate like Jon said they should ages ago??

Scene 2.5 (s2 was a vision I guess) Commander Dolorous Edd opens the gate to Meera and Bran, and asks if they are wildlings. Why does it matter? Wildlings can all come in anyway, that’s very much the policy now. Also if anything Bran saying “you were at Hardhome” etc only makes him seem more like a wildling, and a scary one? Anyway, no-one cares / everyone is too spooked to stay outside for long and so thank god poor Meera in particular can have a massive eat and a sleep by the fire. She and her magic and fighting skills have been wasted on being a less effective Hodor / wheelchair substitute, I eagerly anticipate her being given a chance to shine now our kids are back to what passes for civilisation.

Scene 3: Jon and Sansa are still holding court with the whole Northern gentry from last season. At least all those guys look warm in that nice hall toasting their feet on Winterfell’s famous underfloor heating! That awful bloke from the Vale *googles it* Yohn Royce makes an extremely unreasonable and tactics-free suggestion to demolish some of the last strongholds between them and the wall because of “justice” or whatever. Sansa points out that the castles themselves didn’t commit crimes (top-notch statecraft) but suggests they be given to loyal families to punish treason and reward loyalty. Jon makes a generous decision to let the young Karstarks and Umbers stay in their homes despite their twatty dads, making the good and frankly biblical point that the sons shouldn’t be punished for their fathers’ sins. Sansa is unhappy about this and she is probably a better king than Jon, or rather, I think they are both good kings but need to team up and respect each other, which she is really keen to do but unfortunately is also a woman so this makes things harder for everyone because they have to unlearn misogyny first.

Then she tells Littlefinger who barges in to their important conversation what would make her so happy was if he shut up and fucked off, and not to bother trying to get the last word, she’ll just assume it was clever. Which is a King’s Landing style burn! Please Jon, show that this queen is not wasted on the north. Also please Littlefinger, fuck off and die.

Scene 4: I collapsed a couple of bits into one there but I am aware that this is too long already because of my Titus Andronicus and Roslove detour, for which I am unrepentant, tune back in next post for more of the same. ANYWAY, here she is, best villain in GoT. She may be evil, but who wouldn’t be in her position? Cersei marches over a map of Westeros telling Jaime she is already 5 moves ahead of him and has an Armada on the way headed by a man who is desperate to impress her. Everyone thinks Jaime is going to kill her, but might she not kill Jaime? She absolutely has no further fucks to give whatsoever and just wants power and revenge and to die a fabulous drunk old evil empress with ten husbands each more devoted and militarily useful than the last. I hope she dies much sooner than that! I also think she will because she can’t be the one to win the game of thrones. Can she?? Could the alcoholic childless widow of the usurper king really win in the end? She could have more children if she could be bothered probably, if she was in a mood to consider dynastic matters. In this scene, she is not, and is just savouring the prospect of ruling the world asap and as bloodily as you like.

Scene 5: And here he fucking is! They really did cut down every tree on the Iron Islands! How did they throw this fleet together so quickly! It does not look like they cut corners! Those boats are fucking terrifying!

Is this even scene 5? Cersei and Jaime are immediately there, standing on the balcony, watching Euron’s terrifying Armada approach. Everything is happening extremely fast. This is not like the midseasons when everyone was walking painfully slowly around the Riverlands. Why do they have to get it all over as quickly as possible? Have they run out of money? I am no less overwhelmed than ever.

Scene 6: Thesp Goth Euron woos Cersei by saying she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and promising to give her a priceless gift to get to her woman’s heart. This is very tacky but it kind of confirms her power as actual queen and is a highpoint so far since the nadir of the Walk of Shame. Do you think the wildfire explosion of all the King’s Landing gentry and the Sparrows was the highpoint? Maybe that was the violence highpoint, and this is the statecraft highpoint. Also Euron’s “gift” is going to be more violence, and he also offers up his “two good hands,” at which Jaime, on behalf of us all, recoils.

Cersei seems likely to graciously accept the first gift before declining the second. Has her Sparrows experience taught her not to unleash forces against her enemies which she then cannot control and which then turn on her? Probably not!

I hate that sleazy prat Euron and can’t believe that Fantasizr drafted him into my Game of Game of Thrones league. Any points I get for him are a badge of shame (I got 15 for this scene).

Scene 7: Sam stars in music video soup poop library montage! Sam during this is confirmed as the fat nerd with a goatee and slicked back hair avatar of the show’s condescending idea of what a GoT fan looks like, corroborating the theory that Sam is actually the narrator / the Perspective from which the story is seen. Sam nicks some useful books after Jim Broadbent tells him he believes but doesn’t care that the White Walkers and the Long Night are coming. There is science going on in the Citadel, medical science involving weighing organs. This science needs to be more applied. Incidentally everyone, Game of Thrones is not medieval, it is Early Modern:

What Martin actually gives us is a fantasy version of what the historian Alfred Crosby called the Post-Columbian exchange: the globalizing epoch of the 16th and 17th centuries. A world where merchants trade exotic drugs and spices between continents, where professional standing armies can number in the tens or hundreds of thousands, where scholars study the stars via telescopes, and proto-corporations like the Iron Bank of Braavos and the Spicers of Qarth control global trade. It’s also a world of slavery on a gigantic scale, and huge wars that disrupt daily life to an unprecedented degree.

[…] even the medieval aesthetics of the show owes a debt to the 16th and 17th centuries. As any scholar of the The Fairie Queene will tell you, Renaissance literature is replete with tales of chivalry, jousting, dragon-slaying, and magic. Writers from Spencer to Cervantes displayed and abiding fascination with these medieval tropes precisely because they were witnessing their demise. And our modern conception of the Middle Ages, which emerged out of the Victorians’ fascination with Neo-Gothic and Pre-Raphaelite aesthetics, was actually based upon these early modern retellings of medieval life.

So why, outside of dorky pedantry, does any of this matter? Because fantasy worlds are never just fantasy. They appeal to us because they refract our own histories and speak to contemporary interests. George R.R. Martin’s fantasy has grown to enormous popularity in part because of its modernity, not its “medieviality.”

Scene 8: Back at Winterfell, we get to see Tormund’s brilliant face he puts on when he looks at Brienne:

To me this is adorable rather than creepy because though Tormund is a sex pest, it feels like this comes from a place of respect and genuine adoration. Also Brienne could dispatch him devastatingly before he knew what was happening and he absolutely knows it.

Actually this scene is where Sansa delivers her burn to Littlefinger, but onwards!

Scene 9: The unforgivable casting and all-round existence of Ed Sheeran aside, this scene was bad because of the insufferably one-dimensional laid-on-thick Simple Honest Country Blokeness of the Lannister soldiers. Arya is obviously considering whether or not to kill them, do you think? But they are so Nice she reconsiders.

The fact that she is still more than capable of affection, forming relationships, caring about people and so on, as also witnessed by that actor mother figure she befriended last season, indicates that despite ongoing trauma (actor murdered horribly in front of her, like all her friends) she is not the cold psycho she sometimes pretends she is. She is not Cersei (yet anyway). This is the point of this scene. Also to confirm that she is working through her list and Cersei is next.

Scene 10: More redemption of traumatised killer characters! The Hound is riding with the Brotherhood Without Banners in a frozen bucolic twilight. What an adorable combo! Lines like “Why are you always in such a foul mood?” “Experience” and “There is no Divine Justice, you dumb cunt. If there was, you’d be dead” indicate that the BwB bring out the best in my bff @lasophus’ favourite character. They stop at the place where The Hound robbed those innocent country folk a few seasons back, as we were reminded of in the excitingly scored Previously sequence at the beginning. They have subsequently died of starvation-related causes as he and Arya predicted they would at the time. The Hound is now sorry and sees a vision in the flames of the Army of the Dead and buries the bodies of his victims and says some adorable words over them. The Hound’s redemption story is much more moving and interesting and spiritual than Jaime’s (a plotline I name “Choozy the Floozy” because of its Manichean orbit around his two love interests Evil Cersei and Good Brienne). But meanwhile the dramatic irony is killing us viewers at home! That poor little girl and her dad are going to rise as wights!!

Scene 11: Sam fails to impress by finding out in the stolen restricted classified high-importance books that he was sent to the Citadel to read something that Stannis already told everyone but they ignored because he was too boring to listen to (what a merciful death that was at the hands of Can She Do No Wrong Brienne): Dragonstone needs to become an opencast Dragonglass mine asap. Which is a pity as Dragonstone is such an arresting work in the ‘dragon-brutalist’ style popular at the time of Aegon the Conquerer (which we will be admiring in the next scene but one). Sam fires off a raven to Jon which I hope will not be intercepted by some library rules-stickler maesters.

Also it’s nice to see Gilly and Little Sam looking so well-dressed and -fed in this scene. Gilly, a sexual abuse survivor subaltern from a wintry hellhole with an evil father and who would otherwise have become an ice zombie by now, is far, far south, in a land where you can still get away with dressing lightly, inside a city which according to awoiaf “is surrounded by massive, thick, high stone walls.” Also their flat looks really nice.

Well done Gilly.

Scene 12: Jorah! Things have not gone well for you! Jorah is an obsessively lovelorn prisoner in a well-regulated, proto-humane leper colony. I guess actually that going to the seat of all worldly learning was a good move, but your terrible disease is going to need more than trolley gruel and a clean cell to be cured. Thankfully Our Sam is wearing gloves when Jorah does his unnecessarily dramatic Ghoul Grab.

Scene 13: Our queen is coming home and everyone has put on eyeliner for the occasion! The general drift of the season’s wardrobe has been towards a kind of moody, shoulderpads-and-eyemakeup, subdued-charcoal-tones vibe. Everyone is looking great. Especially Cersei actually when she was receiving (at safe distance) Euron, and now Daenerys is looking wonderful too, with fine dragony detailing on her the tips of her shoulderpads. Actually Sansa had this look too, “Goth Military Queen” is clearly going to be massive this season.

Daenerys has a moving moment with the Westerosi sand when she comes ashore. We have been waiting 6 seasons for this. Oh my god.

I hope all the dragonglass mining won’t damage these amazing rock formations too much!

This scene is mainly going to be recapped in screenshots.

A gorgeous example of Early Modern Dragon Brutalism.

Art throne

Fucking YES!

#agoiaf #game of thrones #game of thrones recap #dragonstone #s07e01 #recap #tvrecaps #gotrecap #teamros

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