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#it's two in the morning. i need to sleep
rockabell-chime · 8 months
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oh YES. i will do good. i will add to this place positively. how the hell
...this is the alcohol talking. ugh i hate public speaking
but really. how does one do that. can i do that?
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cozylittleartblog · 1 year
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had a(nother) nightmare
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bacchuschucklefuck · 1 month
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forest 02
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moonkhao · 1 month
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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I think Frost and Torbek’s relationship would be…idk the right term for it. Soft? Domestic? Like, I know the fandom is generally pretty horny (At least, most of the fics on ao3 are), but I just wanna read about like soft and domestic moments between the gay furries
Like. I imagine that Frost would teach Torbek how to read and write (or, at least the basics of which). I also imagine that Frost is also weirdly in-tune with his friends emotions (kinda like irl house cats), and since Torbek is a walking whirlwind of bad emotions, I imagine Frost would give Torbek Calming Cat Cuddles whenever they have downtime (also whenever Torbek has a nightmare or something)
Idk, i think my desire to just watch them be cute and soft is partially because i just. Torbek deserves all the cuddles. They all do, but especially my sad baby boy. He deserves the world and then some. And I know Frost is capable of being soft and compassionate, even if he’s gotten significantly more murderhobo-y upon entering the Feywild.
Idk man, I just want these two to cuddle, is that so much to ask?
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buttercupshands · 1 hour
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I started drawing this next day after I finished Act 6
13 or so days and it's finished!
Main things are traditional and Loop's body was edited digitally after
Unedited it looks like this
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I've been torn on how to do Loop's body for the entirety of lining, also
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A bit sad the main lines are visible only as a wip, most of this thing is literally just a ton of sharp lines
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I think it's also my first day of drawing, Loop os just a sketch here (feat. my leg)
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I even finished the beans before it so they were a moral support, because if you let me things like this take a year
#fanart#my art#isat#isat fanart#in stars and time#isat loop#loop#traditional art#artists on tumblr#Phew#So anyway this was my way of figuring out my thoughts after finishing the game#And I didn't even actually finish it with credits playing at that moment#And this type of art is my therapy#And in a way literally how my personality works from big figures to small details of thinking about anything#It's really calming!#I won't tag paper figures but they're here#Like special guests#In any case the funniest thing was showing this to my English teacher and she was like 'wow this looks stressed' or something#Like she immediately looked at the lines and after I showed her my old Flowey drawing like this she was like#'oh it makes sense! This one looks calm but this one is clearly you not feeling good'#Because I was kinda#Like sitting there in the semi-park and feeling sick since morning before I started drawing this and slowly I got better#I already talked about this on my first 'big' isat thing - I needed to think a bit#And not think at the same time just literally letting myself sort stuff out#Like. I fell asleep at 6 am that day and woke up at 10 4 hours of sleep after playing full Act 5 and two hats stuff IS STRESSFUL#SUPER STRESSFUL! Like I felt like I was playing for 4 hours while sleeping#Anyway by the time I finished it aka today I'm feeling way better and I'm literally talking a walk right now#Touching grass as we speak#Anyway phew!#Now to that animatic that's plaguing my mind
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knightwhoisni · 27 days
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concept: unromanced eleanor as drifter's romantic advisor and wingwoman. how successful she actually is at this depends on how serious she's feeling.
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shepards-folly · 1 year
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WHO NEEDS GOD WHEN YOU CAN BE WORSHIPPED LIKE ONE?!
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alluralater · 8 months
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just finished moving around/reorganizing my entire bedroom. i have cried three times today but now i’m laying in bed, my room smells of roses, and i’m eating french bread. this was not the bipolar hot girl mania i was promised but damn if i don’t do it well
#i haven’t been sleeping well at all whatsoever for the past two weeks and it’s gotten to the point where my dreams are so vivid but not just#like ugh i can’t explain it on here because im not about to open a whole can of worms like that in my tags and be like revealing#family secrets.#essentially i am having normal dreams but they are horrendously vivid and of no real purpose.#i woke up fucking like completely upset this morning and then started crying#my roommate thinks it’s because i haven’t been sleeping + everything else going on#and like ya know what she’s PROBABLY right#but even still i just need my body to LISTEN TO ME and stop being all sensitive!!!#i legitimately almost texted the loml this long text today and thank fuck i didn’t because who knows where that would lead#but i’ve been having dreams about them too and it’s frustrating me. like the universe is trying beyond all measure to push us back together#and i just have to keep saying no. it’s like this test of morality except it never fucking ENDS and the consequence is actually pleasure and#relief beyond measure. like— to even just kiss them again? to hear them say my name again.#whenever we’re out at the same time i can feel them staring at me and i can see them in my peripherals watching me#just fucking forcing this love into me. the feeling of their hands on my body and all of their questions about how i’m doing#god i can feel all of it.#i nearly fucking threw up last time a few weeks ago when they kept watching me and i got so overloaded with emotions and my fucking stomach#wouldn’t stop turning. but anyways right like— i cannot be with them and i don’t want to be. like yes im still attracted to them and yes i#feel all of these feelings but it stops me dead in my tracks when i remember what they said and the things they did.#i am not the woman who bends my convictions because i love someone. i can’t be that person. i won’t be that person. not for anyone and#not for them. but i see them in my dreams anyways and it is all too real and too present. it’s hardly ever the present so why. why why why?#it makes me terrified thinking that i will one of these nights just say yes and they’ll kiss me and everything that means anything in myself#will virtually mean nothing. like i won’t be a good person because i’ve knowingly allowed them to have me.#so anyways yeah and the fact that my snapchat memories and everything else are just FILLED with pictures and videos of us is killing me.#i really am scared that i’ll just give in. and what worse is that i would just double down and not tell anyone. i wouldn’t fucking#tell a soul if we did anything because i just know it isn’t right. and the fact that i know i wouldn’t be honest means i KNOW it’s bad.#so what the fuck. the fuck am i supposed to do when i have all these dreams and even just the ones about my mom and my brother#my family- i want to talk to them about it. i want to fucking cry to them and tell them how much it hurts that they hurt people and i’m just#some occasional exception to that because they love me. and i want to fucking scream. i want to know why. i want to fuck them until they#can barely breathe and then do it all over again. i want to feel their perfect fingers inside me and i want their mouth on mine. i fucking#HATE that they couldn’t be a good person. ugh okay anyways why did you read this??
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graveltrapping · 2 months
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Female Marc Marquez Fashion Part 1
Part 2 (I had too many photos so I had to split it:/)
Mar Marquez and her evolution of Personal and Championship style, inspired by this really great fashion post that you should check out. Its a fun and detailed read spanning over most of the riders, all of whom are women in their Au, and the fashion culture that's cultivated around the Championship Gala in their universe.
This one is focused on my Mar Marquez from my Debutant fic and the development of her championship and personal style over the years.
This was so much longer than it needed to be but I got invested.
Her mother used to dress her as a kid so she's very cutesy and stylish in baby/kid photos, frills and skirts and perfectly braided hair, but as she got further and further into racing and racing social circles, all clothes because less for expression and more for comfort and practicality.
Casually as a teenager she was a very jeans, hoodies, and her dad's t-shirts kind of person. Always in sneakers or comfy shoes and her shirts always seemed to just hang that tiny bit too loose on her where people are wondering had she just pilfered it from Alex closets cause he has one almost the exact same. Maybe spices something up with a graphic tee here or there but it's mostly football or team jerseys.
Her hair had has been extremely long when she was a kid as well, mostly at the insistence of her parents who adored it, but she got most of it cut off when she joined 125cc. Many people were devastated. It's grown out through the feeder series so when she gets to Motogp, it just about brushing her shoulders. Even still, her family were usually the ones to do anything with her hair. Braid it, curl it, cut it, her mom is the go to person. Alex after that, and then her dad. She can do everything herself if she wanted to but there's a level of comforting stability from her family helping her.
For Championship Ceremonies or galas/events, which aren't as big as Motogp ones, Mar can always rely on a pair of flat pumps (pretty sure they were a thing in the 2010s) with the same plain orange knee length dress she wore to the last one or some nice jeans and fancy blouse. While her effort is minimal, and basically all advice from her mother and manager over a stylist is ignored, she doesn't get as much flack for it as she would in the premier class because there simply isn't as many eyes on her. She can get away with loose hair, minimal makeup, because she still perceived as a girl half the time and less than a woman.
The silhouette of the dress that she wears for the feeder series galas is modest and quite plain, covering a lot of Mars physical aspects that she’s proud of but doesn’t want to show off (at the time). It’s long, simple, and doesn’t have a lot of personality besides the colour which really makes her skin seem golden. It’s Mar at her youngest and not most confident yet still uncaring in a way.
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Her first two years at the MotoGP Championship Ceremony are her most tame in terms of dress and style. She’s still so young. Still figuring out her style, what she likes, what’s makes her feel like a woman while not performing for the sudden and new eyes that are fixated on her. She likes being a woman, being feminine, but she doesn't enjoy performing in a way that's not dictated by her. Her way, or no way at all really.
She keeps to the Honda kinda of orange but the cuts of the dresses are more mature, a bit tighter, or have a more adventurous fabric choice or texture that makes them more interesting and dynamic. It’s still not completely her but it’s a step in the right direction.
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She upgrades herself from a pump to gradually taller heels until she could walk on stilts if she truly wanted. Her hair is usually down but styled in a very loose and natural way because her hair is so incredibly thick and stunning anyway. Even short, it's been styled in such a way its best described as a Monroe. Has a bit of length with loads of volume and texture from the curls.
Jewellery is simple and always gold. She didn't get her ears pierced until the 2014 summer break though.
The 2015 Championship Ceremony/Divorce Hearing is when Mar kind of had a moment of extreme perspective change, forced growing up, and also has no choice but to acknowledge the amount of eyes on her. She has to go on stage as a heavily ridiculed 22 year old woman. She has to go on stage alone, no friends or family, and stand beside Valentino Rossi, the man who has just shattered every perception she had of him, from every out on the open podium to every moment behind closed doors. She can't play it off as nothing because it wasn't nothing and people know that.
She's just on that precious of going from the Mar, two time champion, mindset to the undisputed and 8 time world champion mindset.
What does she ware for that moment? She can't ware the dress Vale got her.
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Its simple, mature, and black.
So starkly different from basically everything she has ever worn that people notice the change, both physical and mentally. A visual representation of the switch from the last bits of full unfiltered girlhood to womanhood where she will be the best, be unbeatable and untouchable, where she will give no one a chance to bite her the way Vale did. The jewellery is extravagant, gold and pearls, while her hair has been styled in a very Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend/Dorothy Shaw way. She looks different. She looks new and gorgeous and suddenly so much more solid in who she is.
It's most commonly referred to as the Divorce/Revenge Dress.
Mar is a lot more cemented in herself as a person/woman/champion going into 2016 and onwards and that just shows through the confidence in how she acts and how she dresses. Her Championship Ceremony/Gala looks evolve with the confidence. Deep cuts showing off her chest and backless pieces showcases the length of her spine and the deep lines of muscle built up over the years. High leg slits, completely sleeveless pieces to show off her wide shoulders, statement ruffles/unique fabrics/bolder silhouettes or if she's really feeling it, a sharp suit. There's silk, velvet, sequins, brocade fabrics. Gold, pearls, rubies and diamond and crystal. She can wear it all.
She doesn't stick to team colours either, has a wider variety of deep an rich colours but red and black are the ones that suit her the best. They make her hair seem even darker, her skin seems golden, and just seem to encapsulate her whole person better than the brighter Honda orange that she used to almost hide behind.
Her hair grows out as well over the years, it had been cut short again in 2018 for various reasons, but now its long and bouncy and curls beautifully around her sharply cut face which is all tied together with more gold jewellery. Ears full of piercings, fingers and wrists stacked with rings and bangles that just glitter every time they move.
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Thoughts continue on Part 2 (too many photos to upload lol)
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shklovsky · 17 days
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god i need my bestie to say yes to going to the ballroom party on friday. idc i got work on saturday i need to vibe with other queer people
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purple8cat · 9 months
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I THOUGHT THIS PART FROM VNC CHAPTER 62 LOOKED FAMILIAR
i mean they're not. the exact same but they are very similar to each other!!
Also this could just be me but I feel like that these two have a lot of parallels. Break's family are the Rainsworths, who are not his biological family. Johann's family is Dante and Riche, who also not his biological family.
When someone they care about dies/gets threaten their first instinct is murder. When the Sinclairs died Break killed 116 people to bring them back, and when he thought Reim had been permanently dead he killed Fang. When Vanitas had threaten to kill Dante, Johann told him that he'll kill him if he meddles with his family.
Another thing they have in common is that there both, how do I put this, angry in some way/some point in their life? Break had been bitter and depress after returning from the Abyss but then learned to smile again because of Shelly. Johann... Okay, I can't say much about Johann because not much has been revealed about him yet BUT he definitely is sketchy!! With how the Dhampirs are treated it wouldn't be far off to say he would be angry at the world/society. He also has been shown to not like Noé much. Johann has also been shown to be very protective of Dante and Riche, so it's possible that he could've been similar to how Break had acted in the past, and now has something to live for and would do ANYTHING to protect it.
Another thing I'm just now realizing and probably should've brought up first but they have similar vibes/atmospheres. Though Johann is more flirtatious and Break is more... Weird. I guess. Eccentric, if you want a fancy word. They're also have this whole... How do I explain it? They're good at observing/analyzing things is I guess the best way to explain it?
I think I'm gonna stop there, there was something else I kind of wanted to talk about but I think it was a little bit of a stench fkdjgfjdf. I could be wrong about some of these, I didn't mean to write this much so basically all of it I wrote on a whim. Whatever my brain thought of I wrote down which resulted in this (which reading over it might be noticeable considering this post is kinda a mess kgjkfjgjfj). There's also the fact that some of the Johann stuff was just speculation, which could 100% be wrong. But I do think some of it I'm right about!!
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irish-belle · 25 days
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Need. A. Spa. Day.
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reapkusho · 1 month
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IM SO FUCKING HYPED UP FOR NO REASON AT ALL I CANT LAY STILL I CANT WHAAHAAHAHAH
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blushy-tigerrr · 2 months
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vent in tags sorry
cw: mention of loss
#adding a long note to the beginning so no one sees the actual vent in the case that they don’t want to which is absolutely okay#okay that’s probably good#i feel like a failure today.#my car wouldn’t start on friday and i haven’t had a moment to actually call a mechanic until today#called early in the morning and he said he’d call me back with a time#i’ve reached out multiple times since then and have heard NOTHING#if i don’t get it fixed today i’ll have to take my partners car instead#and when i asked them if that would possibly be okay#they started off on a rant about how they were planning to do all this shit tomorrow morning and now can’t if they don’t have their car#but genuinely. how tf was i supposed to know about their plans?? why did they have to say it all like this is completely my fault???#i’m sorry that i’m still in a not so good mental place right now and might forget to do things in a more timely manner#i’ve had two grandparents pass away in the span of a few WEEKS. give me a little grace.#i give them the same understanding every day when they’re having a rough time#so why can’t they offer me the same thing?#i know they’re just stressed and tired and busy but FUCK SO AM I#i’m just. over it. i want to go to sleep.#and by sleep i mean literal sleep i’m not insinuating anything darker i promise#i may be in a rough spot mentally but it is not that kind of rough <3 i’m safe#just. very tired. and in need of support.#i feel like i’m always giving and rarely getting support in this relationship.#and now i’m just feeling like a burden and an inconvenience for even needing the extra support in the first place#the urge to run away and start my life over is strong holy shit
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plexippusangel · 2 months
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About to hand weave this man a potion carrying pouch in his character colors. I was already thinking about it. And then was like no. It's too early. I'll just give him a bit of the yarn my pouch is woven out of that I hypothetically would use as one of the components as a favor to wear for the tournament. I will be normal. So normal.
AND THEN HE GAVE ME A HANDMADE POTION CARRYING POUCH IN HIS BLUE THIS MAN MATCHED MY FREAK AND I TEMPORARILY SCALED BACK
gonna stay at 100% freak going forward
#faer personal files#i am about to get so so sappy in the tags#i am typing this bc i started setting up my loom and then i was like wait i need sleep#i literally have dnd in the morning#augh#it is immune to boyfriend curse bc 1. he did not request it 2. it is a surprise and 3. i am weaving not knitting 4. im not a girl#oh 5 he's not even technically my boyfriend yet#i also want to flex. like even when he is at events i am not at i want people envying his custom hand woven pouch and him to be like thanks#my partner made it for me <3#man cannot hand me a mace and a cool heraldic item and expect me to not want everyone to know he is loved#he's gonna have to get used to it. not saying i love you yet you know what i mean.#idk. i like him so much. i like who he is i like how he is and i like that he actually has room for me in his head#i like being looked at without feeling sliced in two. even i can't always do that when i look in the mirror.#i like when he smiles. i like when he looks a little surprised about how delighted i am by him but i'm gonna like it even more when#the surprise settles down bc he feels secure in how much i like him#i wanna make him worse i want to give him an ego i want to make him better i want him to love himself so much#i love getting 3 am goodnight texts bc he was working on his art i love sending those i was in an art hole text now i must sleep texts#a good 6 hours earlier lol and having him be just as hyped i love talking to him i love his smile so much#i am putting in the work to get chill with reciprocation bc i am not used to it and wow. wow. this is. very nice.#my knight
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