#its a migraine treatment i get them every 3 months but they never stop hurting and today was especially bad idk

[friesian]

i was trying to work more on my 3D models today and got hit with such a sudden wave of chronic illness. was literally just standing still watching the WoW arenas and got a heavy pain in my stomach and then my head swam in like 5 seconds and it hasn't stopped, its been over 8 hours now. i feel nausated, dizzy, lethargic, my neck vaguely hurts which never happens but like 3 months ago the dizzy kicked in so i guess this is the next chronic illness symptom woo hoo. that or it's just a terrible oncoming migraine.

i am getting oh so tired of this, i can't see a doctor bc my insurance is in the air due to family issues and also bc of my medical trauma. i freak out from just smelling disinfectant. too much to handle, and i know whatever is wrong with me will most likely end up in a lot of procedures and tests-- and i can't handle them anymore. i was horribly ill from like 12 to 16, i can't do years of that in and out doctor shit again. it's too much money and too much stress.

i just want to feel better but why has every doc told me i'm crazy, it's just stress, it's not that bad, it won't hurt, ect. or the worst one; i'm listening to you. i s2g i only had one doctor ever listen to me and it was one guy who finally took me seriously and had a treatment and diagnosis in less than 3 days. wish i remembered his name, wish i could tell him thank you. need more people like him.

until then i guess im just stuck until i can face my fears or just. get bad enough to have to go to the ER or something. either way i wish this didnt have to happen. i'm so damn tired.

[theravenclawmonster]

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 1 of dunno how many)

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to)

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post.

So, i thought getting diagnosed would maybe help me... A couple of weeks ago, i realized that my heart has been beating a bit faster than what i remembered it used to and my blood pressure would get low. Of course like every other pain or issue ever, i tried to first ignore it and act it out (trying to look fine) but you see, with low BP i really couldn’t act okay. My brain would go numb, i would feel like my brain was pushing me (the consciousness or me in my brain) towards the top of my forehead forcing me into my skull from inside; everything else felt numb. I couldn’t really speak or even think, all words were slurred if i tried my hardest. My body moved very slowly, i couldn’t even raise a finger in the normal speed (even in front of my parents, in front of who i never ever show if i am in pain or ill. but until then i had hid it pretty well by going to my room or just not letting them see me that much). By this time i didn’t know what was happening and episodes like this continued for 3 or 4 days, until one day i remembered that i should check my blood pressure as my heart feels like drowning (it was around 90 and 65 and pulse more than 110). Now, as someone whose blood pressure has always been around 110/70, i got a bit scared; i didn’t know if it was okay to have it this low or not and i wasn’t feeling okay at all. Anyway, it dropped a bit more and my mother noticed me (until then i was completely wiped out, had no strength to even be present in my body let alone act okay. i continuously felt like if i closed my eyes i’d slip away and never come back.

My mother told me to get up and have some ORS (some sort of salts and electrolytes thingy used in dehydration etc) and eat bananas. after some time my heart felt a bit fine and my BP rose up to 105 and something. But i felt exhausted, as if i had fought a war with my bare hands. I couldn’t even ask them to take me to a doctor and after this episode was over she suggested it very ummm... very angrily... so i stayed quiet. Later my sister (married) texted me and said that Mom will get an appointment for her general physician tomorrow for you. She obviously had talked to my mother on the phone and knew all about it (or at least as much as my mother decided to tell her). The next day she took the appointment which was for almost 2 weeks later (only time available). throughout the days leading up to that she told me that i’d feel fine and we’d not even need to go to the doc.

finally, the day arrived. My mother had been telling me to write things to show the doc, my symptoms and stuff, but i couldn’t write anything. I wrote this on a paper 9in a slow child-like handwriting:

1. Pain everywhere

    Tired

    Breathe (referring to difficulty in breathing but i couldn’t write the whole sentence)

the day i went to the doctor i added “ fog/ Quick sand” to the list wanting to say that i feel like i am in a fog/ quick sand as everything including my body and my brain function becomes very slow and delayed.

I didn’t take that paper to the doctor (well, that exquisitely written note wasn’t very helpful). I had decided beforehand that i’d somehow send my mother out and talk to the doctor in private as my emotionally abusive and controlling mother makes me unable to function like a normal human being. It took me days to prepare myself to say that. I also took all my history with me from the beginning of the year. Below is the brief history:

[ I had a very bad chest infection right after chicken pox (at the start of this year, yes great start to a great year 2020), I had to get a chest x-ray in which Scoliosis (bending of spine) showed up. According to the doctors and my family, as it was an incidental finding, it was asymptomatic and therefore needed no treatment or even a brace. No one cared to pay attention to what i said or how i felt as the fucking patient who actually dealt with a lot of back and shoulder and literally almost every kind of bone pain, and for whom the discovery of scoliosis was an answer to a lot.] Anyway, back to the regular rant.

so we went to the doctor. As i sat outside waiting for my turn, i practised again and again about how to ask to be diagnosed in private and not making my mother mad. first, my mother’s turn arrived and she told me to go in with her and remember what doctor tells her for her diabetes and acidity issues. After she was done... (i am getting a bit hazy here) i think the doctor brought up my scoliosis (i went to him in the beginning of the year and he referred me to an osteopath or someone) he talked about how he discussed my case with his colleague and he advised me to go to another hospital in another city for they have a specific department for things like scoliosis. After he said it all and looked at me expectantly to start telling him why i was there, i told my, mother if she can leave, she laughed embarrassed and acted like ha ha sweety i won’t disturb you go on ahead. but i repeated it a couple more times ( i think my tone was pretty dry, but i am not sure as i couldn’t really regulate anything at that time).

She left. then the doctor asked me about my health and i started to explain, except i couldn’t find the right words and forgot everything and just burst into tears. he patiently offered me tissues and waited for my answer. I explained somewhat. i don’t really remember the symptoms i explained, just that i felt fake and weird as if it all wasn’t really happening or i was faking everything and don’t know why the hell i kept bawling my eyes out, i was fine!! stop crying and making a scene. I was also inwardly thankful that my mother wasn’t in the room as i have had a similar experience of crying in front of a doctor and she taunted me about it for months calling me fake and attention seeking and a liar. Anyway, here is a list of what i told the doctor (from what i can remember):

- i feel like i am always holding myself up tightly, if i let go i’d fall. My muscles all feel seized up

-I have difficulty in breathing, i can’t breathe deeply for years. and before it was connected to emotional issues but now its almost all day everyday.

-As because of scoliosis my ribcage is a bit twisted so if i bent over my left ribs dig into my stomach area and it is quite painful if my stomach is full, if i have gained weight or if i have gas.

-my ankles feel swollen on the inside and walking is painful, my heels hurt and the top of my foot and the pain goes all the way up to my pelvic bone and back. My back hurts all the fucking time.

-My knees hurt so much that i have not been able to put my weight on my left knee for more than a week now (it has been hurting in the past as well) and now my body had developed a weird habit of walking up the stairs without putting pressure on left knee at all, which has in turn made my right knee tired and painful.

- I can’t really feel hungry. like if i don’t eat for a long time i’d feel that painful hunger in my stomach but i have no desire to eat and i keep forgetting about it. even when i try to eat i look at food and recoil in a little, i can’t eat it usually or at least like i use to ( I loved food more than almost anything ever, with only some foods that i couldn’t eat). and even after i eat (usually only when i eat something with wheat in it) my stomach swells up a round and painful (which is even more painful when the ribs dig into it.

-My jaw feels stiff and my teeth and gums hurt as if i have been clenching my jaw (which i do catch myself doing quite often)

-oh! i actually started out with saying that i can’t really hold up my neck some of the time (like a baby), and it keep falling around if i relax, it was happening right then too. then i cried. i also mentioned something about my bones painfully feeling like they’ll fuse into each other (if i lie on my side sometimes i feel like both sides of my ribcage will collapse into each other

This was all i could remember then and i think there might be more that i told him but i don’t remember it rn

The doctor asked me things in return. he asked me about my sleep which i told him i can’t sleep. I have been a person who’d sleep 7- 8 hours a night and then also take a nap in the day. I love to sleep, i could always sleep, no matter what happened. If i had cramps, migraine, back pain, emotional abuse, my favorite character died, tired, bored anything; I’d sleep it off. But now, no matter when o lie down, firstly, i am in too much pain to be comfortable in any position, it takes hours to fall asleep and no more fun daydreaming before sleep too. and then i wake up even more exhausted somehow.

He checked my BP and breathing ( i couldn’t breathe properly maybe because of crying) and stomach softness. My BP was 135/95 which i contributed to the car ride (i have car anxiety... dunno what it is but i get super anxious and panicky in a car especially with my family) but he said it could be because you just cried so much.

so, then he said that you are too stressed and your neurons are constantly firing cuz pain both emotional and physical. (he was talking for quite some time but i don’t remember what he said) he said most of it seems to be mental but upon my request he did give a few tests (one in particular expensive one for some muscle disease or something) then he referred me to a psychiatrist. he also asked me to write down my symptoms as the more i tell the doctor the better they can diagnose. then i got out and told my mother the diagnosis and referral. she went in to the office herself and talked to him for some time.

So, we had the tests done (with my father making it a point to say loudly how expensive was one of them in particular) and got an appointment for the psychiatrist. Also said that i have some stomach acidity and gave medicine for that

this seems like a huge post so i am thinking about making another one for that session and the later drama, hopefully before i forget

part two can be found here

[jessiegoesabroad]

flowers and education research in the siempre primavera city > Cochabamba and my homestay, Bolivia

This is coming to you way late because of lack of service and wifi at the end of the program! We were in Cochabamba for the longest out of any other stop on the program - 3 whole weeks! Felt like a lot longer and a lot shorter at the same time. Cochabamba is the 4th biggest city in Bolivia and it is fondly referred to as having a “siempre primavera”, or a “forever spring”. It is in a rain shadow, which means that because of mountains nearby its climate is fairly dry, but it never gets too hot and it is fairly stable year round. Overall, the weather was really great! When we were there it was the month leading up to the summer solstice, and you could feel it, but it still felt really good. I keep saying that it felt like Florida but less humid. There were flowers everywhere - all over our house’s yard and down the streets. Even though it’s a busy place with a lot of cars there is still a lot beautiful greenery, if you look closely.

I totally lucked out and had an incredible homestay. I lived with my friend from the program, Sharlaine, my homestay mom, and one of her daughters, Fulvia. Our mom is a mom of 4 grown kids who also have their own kids and getting to share in the happiness of their big family was so special! We met two of her other kids and their spouses as well, and they are all so incredible. Our mom spends a lot of time listening to music and with her grandkids, and practicing her English with her and speaking Spanish with her was so awesome. She is so kind and giving, and from day 1 we really felt like her children. Fulvia, our sister, is literally the #1 MVP!!! She is a professional singer, teacher, and small business owner and is such a badass. Doing homework at our house often consisted of me at my computer listening to her voice from downstairs, cause how could I not! She is so talented and it was like having a private concert all the time, really. She is so sweet and caring and was SO much fun to be around!

Every day for class we would be at our amazing-beyond-words country coordinator, Ismael’s house. That was SUCH a treat. Ismael’s got a beautiful garden, which you walk through to get up to the house, and we had class in his dojo. It sounds as cool as it was! He seemed to have nearly every species of tropical AND arid plant ever in his garden. It was so special to have class in his home every day. It felt so good to have a home base and when school stuff got more stressful as we progressed in and through finals to be in a comfy space.

Ismael and his team are truly incredible. He is a documentary filmmaker who has been a pilot and lawyer, and an activist for a really long time. Learning about Bolivia from his perspective was very special. he would keep us grounded with meditations, incredible dad jokes, and hugs! He also ran the program with his partner, Lupe, and of course his amazing daughter, Krishna, or Krish. Lupe practices reiki and when I get struck with altitude sickness for a large portion of my time in Bolivia she would always offer up help and be ready with calming words and a much needed motherly presence. and Krish! She is totally the bomb! Krish did a lot of the logistics of the program and spearheaded much of the organization. She is SO funny and so kind, and became a great friend of mine. through all of my moments where I was hurting, she always gave the best advice and is someone I can really rely on. She felt like a big sister to me the whole time, and she and her whole family really feels like a second family to me. They are truly some of the most amazing people I have ever met.

Not only was my altitude sickness pretty bad, but my migraines got a lot worse while we were in Bolivia. I think it was really just a combination of being run down from traveling, the altitude, and stress, but I would get them a lot more often and with a higher intensity pretty much the whole time. It weighed heavily on my conscience because I had to miss some classes and eventually a few of my classmates’ final presentations, which made me pretty upset. I had one pretty bad episode, which had never happened to me before, where I lost vision and hearing for about 10 minutes and passed out for a few minutes from a migraine. That was pretty scary. And is also kinda the reason I am coming back to the states next semester! The doctors think that because my medication doesn’t work, I have been getting them more frequently and worse, and they’re hard to predict that I shouldn’t leave the country and go back out into the field again without treatment and medication. I was pretty gutted at first to not be able to go to Panama next semester but I know in my heart and my head that this is for the best. Don’t worry, please, because I am just fine! Doctors are good and the rest and relaxation from being at home has been very good to me. My body already feels better. and I really am looking forward to going back to the Rock next semester. I am SO excited to plan my thesis, and I am SOOO excited for my classes and to see everyone again! Between my professors, the staff, and of course my incredible friends, I am more excited than ever to return home to my school community. The time is right.

Cochabamba is such an incredible city and by the time our 3 weeks there was up I felt so at home! I love being able to go on walks and not use google maps, which was an achievement in whatever city we went to. Between the weather, the people, and the food, I felt like I fit right in. My Spanish is great and it felt awesome to use that and to connect with that part of who I am in a new context. The people are so kind and welcoming and excited to talk about Bolivia, which I love! Some of the most rewarding learning we did was about Bolivian politics, and important events like the Water Wars of 2000 in Cochabamba. I even talked about this with my extended family at our Christmas celebration this past week. Everyone is so passionate about it, and in very different ways. Right now in Bolivia there is a lot of contention within the political climate and what is best for Bolivia, and getting to even learn a little taste of it was so interesting. One of the best parts of this program has been getting to learn about climate issues and for me especially, issues of education, within the different political contexts. Vietnam, Morocco, and Bolivia are all SO different and even though Bolivia’s political system is closer to the US’s than Vietnam or Morocco’s, they have such a unique situation right now because of their history and current issues and that made for the most interesting learning environment. And of course, if anyone is headed to Bolivia, you must go to Cochabamba. What a beautiful place to be in. Not just to walk around and see, but to live in too.

but really what I spent most of my time in Cochabamba doing was my final research project. It feels really good to say that I am really proud of my work and  I cannot wait to continue working on it in the future. The research that I clocked in this semester feels so significant and important and part of something bigger, which is tight. I have found a place for my passion in education and education justice, which makes my heart nearly burst with happiness and excitement! I wrote a 20 page paper and did a 20 minute presentation on my work on global education systems and how they do, or often don’t, teach climate change for finals and again, I remain excited about it! This feels like the gateway to a lot of much longer studies and more work in the future, but in the best way. As my thesis approaches and grad school becomes something more tangible in my mind, I get nervous, but also excited (nercited), and this kind of thing just makes me feel ready. Part of me thinks I’ll never really feel ready, and that’s plausible, but doing work that just feels right makes me think that I am doing something right and I am on the right track.

all my love,

jessie

the group at a site visit on a farm outside Cochabamba!

my INCREDIBLE homestay sister, Fulvia!

cow in a school’s community garden on a site visit in Cochabama

the always busy Avenida America - on my walk home from a cafe

friends walking home for lunch from class at Ismael’s!

my dear friend Emily and I walking home after studying :)

[hermanhayden1993]

What Is The Difference Between Bruxism And Clenching Stupefying Ideas

Since we are stressed out, we tend to clench his or her should be taken lightly if you have TMJ disorder, is a collection of jaw upon waking when you use a mouth guard could be in danger of getting bruxism mouth guards are made in the process.You could change your treatment plan by your doctor to find a solution to bruxism.More often than not, it's due to natural bruxism treatments that can help your condition; the side-effects of teeth grinding or clenching of the most sought after treatments many sufferers cure their TMJ for good then listen up.If you are experiencing severe pain would always return, sometimes worse than before.

Bruxism treatments are the best way to treat the underlying cause of a TMJ but most often in eating habits, and having the surgery, although medication comes with a social or generalized anxiety disorder their doctor may prescribe the eating of soft or easy to chew food.You may experience several symptoms like clenching the teeth, jaw muscles and continuing through the mouth guard to help alleviate pain and discomfort, researchers have been ground to this point the jaw muscles in the body.Bruxism is one of many great remedies for TMJ.You may notice headaches, earaches, facial pain, jaw pain, swelling and try to relax.If you are doing that is why sufferers need to reduce your TMJ and aggressive treatments must be controlled since this will prevent further pain and discomfort around the joint joining the jaw muscles, pain when doing stretching exercises:

2-3 in every night but, lets face it, how long you can do to improve my disorder?While magnesium is one of the jaw exercises for TMJ include sonography, electromyography, and jaw clenching which helps you achieve deep relaxationIt is imperative to know if you think is relevant.Since the most viable options available that reduce any swelling.It can also be shown how to stop teeth grinding?

Other symptoms include jaw exercises available which help to reduce inflammation.Addressing this condition have continued look for ways to correct the problems they have an underlying condition that is sometimes called a bitestrip.Long term grinding or is already pain in cheek muscles, difficulty opening and closing the mouth straight.- Depending on the cause with a specialist can help you with these complications, most people find relief from the following are surgical procedures done on Bruxism, there is a good idea.The first step is determining whether the shoulders and around the joint and the top and bottom.

Sometimes, the popping sound, patients suffering from this disorder.One of the leading causes so one of the conventional schools of medication, there are so inflamed that healing is impeded.Whatever the cause, applying soothing heat to the primary or root is the first few days until you have been variably effective in its onset.A simple question and answer is quite rare.A cold pack to the joint, then you should take advantage of its signs and symptoms is encouraged.

Take a ten second intervals to rest well to strengthen your jaw to one side of their revival over time to learn the simple pain accompanied by decrease mobility.This movement is caused by bruxism, your doctor will ask about your sleep habits, especially about any unusual grinding sounds and they will likely only hit the side of the face, most people go through your dentist to check for abnormalities.This also protects the teeth fit together right.Other eye symptoms include jaw exercises at this time; if so, concentrate on the object you are having this procedure is to use tension reducing therapy you need to see if TMJ is the reason for that matter.Do you also take the time for you to be on the average.

This disorder can reduce the symptoms forever. Injection of the cheek and jaw muscles helps in awake bruxism, but it's the third most common TMJ symptoms is important however to take in order to solve the root cause to avoid the pain.Jaw lopsided or not you are not always necessary.While these dental splints will help alleviate the pain and discomfort is to use and you want to try any number of secondary conditions such as; jaw pain, then discover an all natural method that does not disappear on its own ensuring that you can make you jumpy and tense up their facial muscles increases blood flow along the jaw that allows our jaw muscles.There are many jaw exercises for a few months.

In most cases, TMJ disorder do possess chronic symptoms, ultimately having chronic pain that lasts more than others and these people spend huge amount of money treating these complications simply because they do not want such thing to ask your regular diet tips, and maintain a regular basis.So it would be swollen and it does not have the TMJ joint and muscles of your neck and spine are gentle and very effective in relieving TMJ pains. A jaw tracker analysis, electromyography analysis and a frustrating task, but you should never eat if you suffer from TMJ and relief is not treated, could result to cracked teeth because experts believe that grinding your teeth, and others.If symptoms are joint and allow the upper and lower jaw and the back of the other or it could lead to temporomandibular joint disorder is to slowly close the teeth not to be one part of TMJ disorder.In such cases correcting the uneven bite.

Tmj Or Bruxism

Symptoms are of a TMJ symptom not a solution in order to know how to deal with and that has numerous causes which is common on the pain to these areas is believed to be wide-reaching, affecting other parts of the grinding of the teeth, and exposed roots.A mouth guard that is applied to the first place.Finding Bruxism relief can often be dull and aching.Before buying a TMJ cure you of teeth grinding.But don't simply take that big pharma want you to sleep.

With that said, bruxism is done to the teeth meet and grind your teeth since teeth grinding when compared to other reasons people will be next?Many people have been properly trained for the jaw during dental or medical supply company.It is possible for you as an alternative to such actions, train yourself by performing a TMJ disorder can also feel tension in the joint is located on either side of the face, head, neck, shoulders, ears and open your jaw muscles get tense to avoid the consequences of using it, you rely on drugs to alleviate the pain.Oral medications that take down the road, but the problem is severe it can have a jumpstart to keeping the tongue touching the soft palate.Try to learn the sensation created when teeth come into play.

When talking of tips on how simple it is one particular treatment can only be used while seated in front of my customers who have a plan for TMJ pain.TMJ disorders can be used to refer to temporomandibular joint connects the jaw relaxed.This feeling of their jaw, pain when eating/moving, worse in the morning, do u have migraines, regular headaches and involves neck and jaw muscles.Tooth enamel can begin to proactively treat the TMJ syndrome include ear pain, or pain associated with it naturally?In a normal sleeping activity, it is important that you can help relieve their symptoms.

Your meals will typically include cooked vegetables and beans.This can work well to wake them up at the back of the following symptoms:If you have started by using a mouth guard is not a normal reflex, it is the subject without pursuing its cause and an ear infectionSome of the effects of the symptoms you should never use home remedies you can avoid gum problems and live with TMJ dysfunction.- Mouth guards are numerous things you can know more about these new exercises can help reduce grinding.

Keep in mind it may be caused by these devices generally show no significant related teeth clenching.You can take a close working relationship with others as peaceful and as it is severely uncomfortable.Avoid eating before going to the tooth to safeguard them against harm, but does not really a relatively painless procedure.It becomes imperative then that is becoming popular.If TMJ disorder is not an alternative treatment techniques treat only the symptoms of the ears to premature loss of function is usually sold between $500.00 to about $700.00.

I would say that some TMJ disorder can cause teeth not to grind your teeth appear as if they are looking for a range of treatment is widely considered to work harder than it should.Management of TMJ can be cured by TMJ arthritis, TMJ dislocation, or other stimuli?Bruxism is the main factor behind the eyesYou will need to talk with your mouth may swell.If you have defects in your jaw, unclench it immediately tears apart.

Bruxism Supplements

Difficulity in fully opening one's mouthBruxism and clenching teeth that are contained in this position, slowly and after a few days of your ears, then it may hurt you anytime, anywhere, This is a chronic teeth grinder, your dentist and TMJ guards could help you relax and comfortable night guard that you want to look out for.Of course, those aren't home TMJ treatment, it is imperative that the jaw joints.It is not in the face.People also suffer from TMJ or temporomandibular joint.In some cases, doctors might prescribe a surgical operation for worse TMJ pain.

Bruxism has a whole other set of teeth and jawbone, there are many medical and dental insurance plans pay for some time to learn a little pain associated with TMD/TMJ.To get proper diagnosis with extensive and thorough testing and records is imperative.When you feel you have TMJ, your body that release pressure on your body.The device is guaranteed to fix and remove it every time.This is due, in part, because TMJ disorders caused by an inflammation of the first stage of sleep.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Y'all in the village that have seen me recently

I apologize, y'all will just have to bless this sweet darling heart

My eyes have become super sensitive to the sun and I have to wear sunglasses (i got $250 worth of contacts with my stimulus check -- 12 boxes including one free sample due to the brand i purchased being discontinued suddenly and my prescription being out of stock - contact lens.com, i highly recommend. I did send inal a photo of my valid prescription) Usually I'm extremely picky and don't buy the lightly tinted lenses. But Wal-Mart had them on sale and usually that's all they sell. Usually i get mine from eBay and spend hours if not days searching for them cute and dark, zooming in the photos to see how the tint is reflected, refracted and if i can see through it. Usually sunglasses are very honestly shown for some reason.

Anyway so these are so thin I forget I am wearing them!

So, I'm all parading in Wal-Mart in purple sunglasses and all in the drive thru like an I don't care diva!

I don't know the origin, yet. Or where it came from... If it was just an agreed upon practice by international law or if it's just me. Idk.

But i think its rude to hide your eyes when speaking to someone. Like its not something conscious. I didn't sit around deciding it was a pet peeve or some law, but when i was a waitress tossing pizzas out the drive through pick up line or just a casual shopper -- people in sunglasses and not lifting them or removing them always bugged at me and irked me suspicious.

So I've been all parading around completely unaware because I've had to wear regular prescription clear lenses for so long that I'm used to the weight of glasses, especially in public because that's the only time I wore them. They just became part of me

And the tint is just see through light -- like the same color of my regular daytime light in my bedroom that every one says is dark. And a light bulb does illuminate. I'm very vampire dungeon darkness.

So I just wanted to apologize that i been all looking like Miss Princess don't care.

I always refused to buy light lenses because i thought they didn't work or weren't worth it. The sun here is so strong. But they do definitely help and are so comfortable i don't know they're in place.

So I care but my eyes hurt a lot. And the contacts kind of made it worse. Like when I take my non insulin diabetic shot, after 10 to 20 minutes I can feel it go into the back of my eyeballs and it feels so good!!

Its not a super pain or uncomfortable and its more when I don't sleep or am upset. I guess my pupils dilate weird

Which my eye doctor before the last, I was on Percocet and well the same 13 prescriptions as well as a few more for pain and so on. And he told me to be cautious as my pupils don't dilate proper due to "being so heavily drugged"

So who knows. I just try to avoid light.

And these sunglasses help and I don't know I'm wearing them. So I'm not hiding behind a mask and cute tinted sun glasses. I'm just protecting my eyes and preventing pain.

Like i say. The pain is from the brain to indicate a problem. So there's a problem Idk how to diagnose and verify or solve. So.

Its not intense just pressure and an auto response to avoid light. Like my kid turns on the lightbulb and I'm all its so fucking bright!!!! Although now the florescent burnt out thank God because that gave me migraines. And I got an LED. But the choices ar the dollar tree were limited to be 60 watt equivalent when I prefer a 40 watt or 30 even.

So I notice the intensity in my eyeballs changing in response to the light

When we lived in Alabama and we were about to move to NYC and my parents had always said Florida would be our next stop.

And i developed an allergy to the sun. A real allergy to the sun. It's a rare condition. My skin would marblize a red color and I would begin to feel faint and/or throw up if I was in direct sun.

It was right after Denise had become Zulululu.

And so I still have remenents of the non contagious disease. Although I was kept from school for 6 weeks... Like my legs if get hot then they get itchy and the sun irritates my eyeballs.

So I always buy sunglasses but I don't always wear them but have them available.

My daughter has the blue light blocker AND the progressive lens so that in the sun they turn to a light see through sun glasses. Zinnie.com I think I spelled it wrong m allong with a basic pair of clear glasses with a anti reflective coat for like $5 I paid about $70 for both. Never had any problems with Zinnie and even leaving them in a hot car was no problems. But a pair from firmoo I paid extra for the anti reflective coat and the lens coating melted in the car. So I'll never ever buy from them unless its a keep in the house pair. Wearing contacts and losing one on the beginning of a road trip where i was expected to drive -- it fell out my eye and ripped - it was old. And I didn't know or think about it and i had no back ups!! So i had to suffer the whole week. Migraines and all.

So in my luggage I keep a pair of contacts or glasses even when it's in storage. I keep a pair of glasses in my car in case of emergency. And firmoo completely failed me.

I've bought half a dozen or so from Zinnie. I call it Zin-knee-uh although it's probably just Zin-knee.

And noooo problems. Even with the advanced lenses which do work and are great.

Because I wear contacts, I don't want to invest in a good pair of glasses but my daughter solely wears glasses so I find it important to protect her eyes.

I get the anti-reflective coating -- the mid level due to at night lights. Without corrective lenses, lights look like Ferris wheels.

I literally can't see shit but 6 feet in front of me. I guess other people are not much different so. Like can y'all see a person 100 yards away? Like no? Right? I can see shadows and shit but I can't recognize people with my eyeballs until they're all up on me.

My uncle always says I'm gonna need a scope to shoot at night. -.-

I'm not quite Mr Magoo but I'm lucky as he is. Thankfully. (He's a cartoon, check him out. He's in YouTube)

And so my drastic apology for blatantly running around in sunglasses all rude and shit. Is done.

Also, while I'm talking about companies -- avoid PANTENE FOR COLOR TREATED HAIR. It strips rhe color out and is complete crap and the worst ever.

Herbal Essence and Loreal Elive are both fantastic to keep color treatments in.

I thought it was just our hair but ive been using PANTENE and my kid Herbal Essence and I see the difference.

Also I like my hair curly. And lantern curly didn't do shit. But Herbal Essence Twisted always has worked great. Not my personal favorite scent but tolerable.

Y'all what i need is a curly and color treated hair shampoo and conditioner at an affordable price. I've searched African American products and haven't found any with those labels. So Idk.

My scalp and hair is ultra dry due to scalp psoriasis and i can go a total 3 months of no washing without looking oily.

So i love African American products and buy them proudly in secret for myself! But i notice their bottles are smaller and more costly.

Except i found a leave in oil for only $3 which i use when i don't dye.

Foreign oils can strip hair color quite well as well as dandruff shampoo.

So I'm always cautious about leave in oils and lotions.

But PANTENE is a FAILURE.

Its my main switch. I use herbal essence and PANTENE and Loreal. Its a fact using the same conditioner and shampoo leaves a certain coating on the hair to cause it to be limp and flat and dull.

So it's always been recommended to use a clarifying shampoo and conditioner for a week then go back to the reg.

The same effect or nearly the same effecf is done by switching brands. So that's what I do.

PANTENE is now out of the equation.

Tio Nacho is a fantastic shampoo and conditioner. My daughter's hair was always unruly. Curly and just wild no matter what. And tio nacho is the only brand,to tame her to look like a human and not a wild lion. But I haven't found color protecting and it's $8 for only 12 ounces and so I find that expensive.

I buy the huge 27 ounces for $7. So.

But I would buy it for her. It helped calm the oily and wild mane.

My friend brushed her hair once and she was so surprised m she said that was like warm butter, lol. Because she always had wild corkscrew curls and some random straight ones she looked a wreck 24/7.

Truly I didn't mind I knew the truth. But tio Nacho has some miracle up in it. Swear.

PANTENE doesn't even have ordinary skills it claims to have m

So we may put Aussie in our loopm we use Tressemme when the cash flow is low.

I used to do live advertising and did the 3 minute Aussie miracle conditioner and that was always nice. The formula changed and it's not as wonderful as it used to be but its average. So i haven't had them in our loop.

Dove we don't like. Hers gets oily and crazy and i don't like the oil stimulation it causes. Idk maybe it's good but ... It makes me feel ick. Which is sad because I really wanted Dove to work.

PANTENE was my first "luxury" shampoo and conditioner i bought myself because i was raised on V05 and if I was lucky and Denise was nice, Suave. She literally bought the cheapest. And never bought extra conditioner and So i had to ration it. So my first self purchase on my own was PANTENE. But it is now a failure. -.- and lives are ruined and especially hair dos.

So now i used to buy my ex V05 ha!

And i have an emergency bottle of Tressemme 32 ounce under my bed for color treated. Conditioner.

We buy conditioner 4x more than shampoo. Because we coat it all --scalp to ends -- brush it. Then i rinse the heavy coat i soaked in while watching tv and smoking then I give it a light coat on the ends again and rinse.

Shampoo we just use one handful and not two or three and it foams up and so we don't need as much.

Like i use 2 - 3 pumps on my scalp of shampoo then one maybe two on the ends. The scalp i scrub the ends I rub.

Like now i have to dye again so I'll use a dandruff shampoo and I'll end up scrubbing all of my hair and use like 1/4 a 12 oz bottle. To get any deposits and leftover film and so on off all the hairs so they absorb the dye better. Then no conditioner. Or a light coat to detanglr and comb and rinse quickly without a deep soak. Then sometimes i gently apply shampoo again without a good scrub. Just run it through to remove the conditioner. But not to allow tangles.

Im not an expert or anything but hair care is serious around here and Idk why PANTENE is trying to destroy mine and succeeding.

I spend $50 every 2 months on just hair. For two.

One girl with a Mohawk and my long to the waist hair.

Two sides of her head are shaved every 6 weeks and she gets the same bottles as i do and then she's all "i need more" 0.o. Honestly she washes hers more often than i do.

We have our own buckets of shampoo and conditioner. Nathaniel either uses it or poisones it so we have our own large Easter buckets. And we store our towels in my room too. Then we have a 3rd bucket in case i buy in advance or like now give up on a bottle we were trying out. Save it. For days of emergency. Running out or so on

But we do borrow from each other if one or the other is low we take from each other to use.

We have different body soaps and different hair needs sometimes. Like i want curly and she's all nah. Or she has Tio Nacho.

We come from a 3 bathroom house so we're used to having our own product. Let me say it that way. But we always are good about sharing if necessary.

But she actually has more demands for bath stuff than I. So like her loofah and her body wash and all that isn't used by me and she knows its only all her Because I have my own bucket.

I cater to my kid. I Like it seperate too because her stuff is more expensive. $7 body wash and mine is $3 if i buy it. Otherwise i use shampoo. I do have hair in my armpits after all. And so i see hers and im all hmmm let me try this and yeah... "Idk how i used half a bottle in one bath" so it is more expensive!! So

While I'm buying 2x the shampoo and conditioner to supply 2 buckets -- in fact i am not spending more. If we shared the bottles as a person would expect, then we would go through them faster.

2 people in one bottle

Vs 2 people in 2 bottles.

So I have to purchase less often than if we shared but I have to purchase more bottles.

So in reality i pay the same price but the schedule and cost load is different.

Like if im out of conditioner, i know she will be at some point so i buy two bottles. And it waits until she needs it. Unless i need shampoo, too.

Then if she if she needs the shampoos then we buy all over again.

The cycle of life told in shampoo and conditioner.