#its a very strange brain feeling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

semisolidmind · 2 months

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boy howdy is it a weird feeling to be stuck directly in the middle of two hyperfixin's

#one half says make more monkey fanart #the other says make more dog fanart #uughhh #i think once season 5 of lmk comes out ill revert back #so thats something that im sure some of you can look forward to #its a very strange brain feeling

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ganondoodle · 8 months

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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((

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turtletoria · 1 year

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writhing on the floor in pain

#turtlearts #wordgirl #wg #dr two brains #hes rendered a little strangely since i was using jerma face cam as a reference. and as u all know that mans lighting-#is absolute dogshit #his facecam is like 144 hp with lighting that looks like hes streaming from chernobyl #but honestly thats the charm of jerma streams <3 the moment he fixes the cam its all downhill from there #also personally i dont think that 2 brains is stinky. hes a mouse/rat/rodent thing. and they tend to be very clean #maybe his clothes may be messy tho since mice dont um. wear clothes. so there may be less priority there #2 brains got a little snaggle tooth. teehee. crooked teethed guys for the win #you know when u look at something for so long that you can feel an art block coming on. becuase uh. uh oh #also the writhing on the floor in pain thing. its real physical pain not the hee haha angst pain #my bodys all fucked up man

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icarrymany · 10 days

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YES I DO THINK. i hc that skully has their own rlly weird music taste however if you play a song one of the many loved they would feel feelings abt it. if you throw a bass at them they could pluck out something.

#in my mind and in the silly little au i have music means a LOT to every character #the human brain will forget so so much before it forgets music #like ppl w rlly bad dementia can still play piano but not remember family members #and since MH (and especially tim) has a lot to do with memories #and also since tim is THE music guy #its definitely a feature of my silly au #tim remembers brians old stuff he liked and also discovers jays burned cds and kinda. unlocks some memories there. some feelings too #even alex's taste made an impression on him #plus like. some of the old stuff's lyrics might ring true for him now #one of the main songs i think of when ruminating on the skully and tim part of the au is rlly ironic #its a song considered very strange but catchy #definitely NOT outwardly emotional or thought provoking at its base but #i MAY reveal it.. maybe

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piplupod · 9 days

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something something parallels in life and things might be improving but I honestly can't quite tell yet

three years ago today, i was begging my parents to let me go to the hospital so i could admit myself to the psych ward (for my second stay, the first was involuntary) and then begging the hospital staff to let me into the ward - they had room, they just don't like people self-admitting, they'd rather you end up there through a failed suicide attempt. but thank god for my brain because there's parts of it that want to live even when this part (me) does not, and they'll do what they have to to make sure we all continue on.

two years ago today, I was setting up a mattress on the floor of what I figured would be the quietest room in the basement while my sister and her friends had the loudest party possible outdoors right by my bedroom that went on well into the wee hours of the morning. i couldnt sleep and had to drag all my bedding back to my bedroom and lie awake until they were gone and it was quiet enough to sleep, some time around 4am. (and then my sister got really fucking mad at me when I wasn't an absolute peach about it the next day lmfao)

one year ago today, I went garage saling and acquired webkinz dog plushies and lanterns, two things I enjoy collecting. i had no social outlets in real life; I was deeply isolated and it definitely showed.

now today, i am going to a community mental health centre for the first time, for which i am terrified and tbh still trying to convince myself to go. it will be good for me but it's new and that's scary, but they can help me with getting onto disability and also just being around people and doing activities out in the community.

I can't quite tell if things have gotten better yet but I'm glad I haven't been back in the ward again, and I'm glad there is no loud upsetting party happening tonight, and I'm glad I have those lanterns and plushies that I enjoy looking at. and I suppose I'm glad that I'm going to the centre today, even if I am terrified.

#this is a weird post but i was thinking abt it all of yesterday and its just fucking w me a little #esp the parallels btwn three yrs ago and today. very strange timing.#also no wonder I've been on edge fhfjdjkl i keep feeling scared like smbdy is going to take everything away from me #and I haven't been enjoying the outdoors very much bc the temperature and weather at this time of year scares me #bc it reminds me subconsciously too much of three years ago #fucked up !!! hopefully i can somehow write over that information in my brain w something good one day #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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monty-glasses-roxy · 17 days

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I talk a lot about Sewerhell for someone that's only developed a small handful of Sewerhell guys

#pop rox talks #I'm. experiencing things right now. this post is lighthearted funnies #but my brain is growing moss for fifth day in a row #these meds are doing some weird shit to me i guess #I'm completely fine btw don't get worried or anything #but the feeling of moss on my brain is very strange and basically the only effect I'm getting so like #take this as you will lmao #i lied i also have this weird desperation #for what? i genuinely do not know #you'd think i would know but that would make too much sense lmao #I'm thinking its understimulation and/or I'm hungry but who fucking knows lmao #anyway I'm bored again

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selfshippinglover · 1 month

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craving the touch of teeth on skin

#cicisays #hate being a bottom #just thinking about fangs being dragged across my throat is enough to get me going #the stinging and gnashing of teeth #groaning and shuddering #out of fear and anticipation #eyes stinging with hot tears as I gasp #call me ur little rabbit #eat me whole #or slowly #whatever you like #tell me how good i taste #the way red stains my fur only makes you hungrier #tell me you adore how i whimper and squirm #how your hands around my neck fills you up with heat #how the sounds of my bones breaking fills you with ectasy #lick at my wounds and pet me as i weep #run your hands over my bones so that i feel you in the very core of my being #i'm trying to let myself express my desires more whoops #its uh #its strange but good #not as bad as my brain always shamed me into thinking it was #but still an adjustement #at the same time #i don't halfass anything on feelings so now that I'm giving myself the room to feel it #i just wanna dive in headfirst #oh the poor little rabbit leaves himself open #what will happen when the wolves come out?#lmao jokes on you that's what i wanted

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milfygerard · 2 years

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this is something ive seen a few times on my dash and i dont think ppl know this so i just wanna say that while its fun to joke about or even just discuss frank songs being about gerard a lot of the ones i see brought up frank has said are about like. his struggles with addiction (medicine square garden, veins veins veins) or complicated family situations (veins again, fantastic bastards tho not confirmed to be abt frank at all) idk i just want ppl who maybe didnt known to like know that

#barry.txt #this post is worded so strangely sorry #also FB isnt confirmed to be abt franks life it could be fictional or about d*wees. i know it has the ft willz quote but i think #they just lifted that bc its a great line and makes for a great chorus #veins veins veins and medicine square esp bother me bc i feel like franks struggles w addiction get sort of ignored or pushed to the side #despite being a very very present theme in his work #it kinda goes w his chronic illness and non gerard relationships as things that go kinda ignored when analyzing/discussing his songs #also i did just take ritalin. and its making me very chatty and ive wanted to talk abt this for awhile #i also do think it creates a very....idk what to say except fanficcy idea of what frank and gerards connection and friendship actually Were #this all kinda goes for the ft willz poetry as well tbh. i love thinking abt it and also love living in these #bitches discogd rent free jokes but its clearly aslo discussing franks chronic illness and struggles w touring and his relationship w his #wife #sorry oh my god. i wrote so much. its not that big a deal ive just thought abt this and havent said anything in so long #that i ended up having way more to say than needed #also im not mad at anyone for posting abt this we do not know these guys and these guys probably barely care #just. my brain. thats it lol

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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year

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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

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the-kipsabian · 4 months

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#death //#really tho just. losing two family members within a week from one another is. really rough #even if it is from natural causes and old age it still feels very sudden #and even if we werent that close it still hurts #little things remind me of the grandparents i dont have anymore. like making dinner and realizing im not eating their cooking again #or my grandmas favorite songs. its just. rough #im just thinking a lot. and not looking forward to two funerals within the next few weeks #just.. yeah. i feel kinda fucked up on the inside. more so than usually but for once not cause of myself #its. odd to me. grief hasnt really been constant in my life in years. apart from losing my brothers cat few years ago #before that i lost my other grandma like eleven years ago. since then immediate family has been okay #its just weird. i dont really know how to grief. it comes in waves and odd memories and it feels really.. idk. off to me #ive had few crying fits over some random things but i just feel. numb. maybe its cause of the sudden frequency of these #or cause i dont know how to deal. its strange to me. feels out of place to mourn something other than what i made myself lost #maybe its cause while there was a connection there was a larger disconnection. i havent seen either of them since covid started #idk. regrets and shit and whatnot. i just feel all but nothing at the same time #just. just saying. idk. just wanna clean my brain a little. its been a difficult day. sorry #night is an absolute mess on main

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stoned-eren · 5 months

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#.txt #what is happening to meeeee #truthfully i feel very like… disconnected from eren rn #idk how to describe it but #its. rather strange #i just have alot of stressors with the holidays and my brain rn #vent kinda

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illithiddies · 7 months

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Hm. Having thoughts

#rant in tags just to get it off my brain. its personal shit not entirely bg3 shit.#but I think I've realized very suddenly that I've been pushing my own boundaries for the sake of companionship #and the irony is BITTER considering the character ive just spent the last month obsessed with.#and that this problem involves online spaces about said character.#i will absolutely give the bg3 fandom credit for handling topics like SA better than the star wars fandom ever did while I was in it.#i was so aggressive to defend my own space and peace of mind due to that and I pushed a lot of people away. I cut a lot of people off.#But then I wound up in spaces that ended up making me feel like I was walking on eggshells constantly for even just liking #certain characters or being too old. But now that im out of those spaces im just. fucking lonely man.#i miss having people to talk about fandom with.#i miss having people to bounce ideas off and enjoy hours long conversations about meta and story ideas.#i miss it so much. but i think as soon as i got into bg3 and dropped that defensiveness i think i left myself TOO open.#im too eager to insert myself into a spaces that im realizing very frequently go WAY the fuck past my comfort zone.#and obviously im minding my own business. even in the past i never sent hate. i just blocked and cut ties and moved on.#i can click out of a discord channel when i realize a topic isn't for me.#but my realization today is that im doing that so frequently that im wondering why im bothering at all?#why am i driven to befriend people if it's clear that their favored topics are ones I can't stomach?#I can acknowledge that im not mentally going to be safe in a space but why have I been forcing myself to ignore that?#i dunno it just. felt very strange to realize this suddenly #questlog

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pansypr3p · 11 months

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hmh! having npd and being a system is evidently real weird!

#its not like our other brain shit where its like almost evenly spread.. i do nott normally #have these kinds of beliefs!!#but like. it feel nice actually erm. because i am the coolest duh. but still! strange #i am very certain abou t having npd tho like duh

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sometransgal · 9 months

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hi i think youre really cool and i like your blog a lot! Thanks for being you!

Thank you for the lovely words Anon but i need you to know i am deeply uncool and any illusion of my coolness simply comes from my being mildly attractive and kinda popular. I am in fact a massive nerd who's entirely unthreatening and kinda pathetic! I dont say this in a self depricating way merely owning the fact that i am a lovable sad little creature. Also i will always be me and always be visible because i thrive off of attention and i think it's important to be not just proud but loud! Have a wonderful day and i hope someday you manage to think of yourself as being as cool as you believe me to be!

#if the tone feels strange it is because i am very tired and my brain is in the weirdness of tiredness #where its not being drunk #but it might as well be #you feel me right?

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guideaus · 10 months

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some people on here can make posts that are like... having u question certain things abt urself and i swear the most annoying people responding to it are the ones that right away shut it down, if that's the right word? and then the ones that are like "you know what? fuck you, no" and go on some 5 paragraph rant that doesn't really have anything to do w what the op said

#personal #that person (after rbing a post abt someone insisting its ok to not feel bad abt Oppenheimer!!) made a post abt ur relationship w media #it might not be abt that exactly ig but its very strange people wrote in the tags like op said 'youre a fucking loser if youve ever #written a fanfic or stayed up all night playing games or watch the newest movies'#ig its the most insecure ppl interpreting it as a personal attack but its weird...#also the ppl outright being like 'no i am a pathetic loser my life sucks nothing ever will be good i need to distract my brain 24/7'#is uncomfortable to read. idk if thats not nice but like 😬#u could view that post and go 'ive been doing photography for years i love walking with my dog we always go and visit x i just met x and...#or whatever lol? or even wish to pick something up or meet people. theres probably something else but yeah #and then some get defensive when theres no reason for it?

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kitkatcadillac · 1 year

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i am flying on tuesday........

#💐 for reasons.#my brains going nuts about it though jfjf my life feels strange in a way it hasnt felt before #i wont be back til january so if im Very Very Quiet its why #it feels like a strangely turbulent holiday season this year. like all around #not just me but everyone fjdj #anyway. anxieties about all the rest of my life aside... im looking forward to and feeling nice about my trip #pray i wont freeze LMAO #skelly speaks

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