#its all pretty standard advice but i hope you got a lil bit from it!

[hanymelon]

Hi! Your art is *chef's kiss* and the ways you draw Mammon solo or with your MC are super cute and I love the way you detail his blushes and expressions so much. I get excited everytime I see you post a new drawing 💕

I was wondering if you had any tips for a beginner artist on, like, anatomy or just starting off in general? I usually just write and stick to that for OM, but some ideas feel like they should be drawn. I get confused with where I should start practicing and usually just drop the idea altogether.

Sorry if that put you on the spot or anything, don't feel bad if you don't wanna answer. I also really just wanted to gush about your art and ty for drawing so much good stuff!

Hi! Awwh thank you so much! ;v; Im so happy you get like my art enough to say that <333 💕💕💕 I know what you mean about getting ideas that feel like they should be drawn. Sometimes i get ideas that i think would be better done in writing. If you wanna share what you've written, id love to give them a read :)) No pressure tho! Ah, i get excited when someone is starting to pick up drawing. It can be challenging but super rewarding. Before i give specific tips, firstly I'd say if you are just starting out, have fun with it and dont stress too much about the technicalities. If you get too caught up with how something doesn't look right or how your anatomy is wonky, you'll bog yourself down and end up not creating at all which is sad :( In the end, its really about getting your ideas down on paper and it shouldn’t be something too too stressful since youre doing it for fun anyway! I have to remind myself that no one is holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to create drawings with perfect anatomy or proportions, im still learning! And thats okay!

[More under the cut bc this got kinda long!]

With that out of the way, here are some tips you can hopefully use. Im not that great at anatomy either, but what helps me a lot is references. Its pretty typical advice, but it really helps me understand form and what the human body can and cant do. like can the arm twist that way? Idk, look up a reference. Although it is the best way, sometimes its really overwhelming to look at actual pictures of humans and trying to translate that to a cartoony anime-ish drawing so you can start out by referencing anime (or cartoons) instead. When i was starting out i used to do little studies on styles that i liked. That can help a lot with seeing how artists you like draw certain things. For example how they make the arms and legs not look stiff, the specific curves they use for the waist, the folds in the clothes, etc etc. (Goes without saying here, but just don't upload your studies or copied drawings on the internet and claim it as your own and you're all good) I’d insert pictures of my own studies but i dont have them with me where i am rn so i cant do that unfortunately sorry! So lets say you have this super specific pose in mind and you cant find a reference for it or youre just too lazy to sort through hundreds of pictures on google or pinterest to find that one perfect ref img. You can just pose and take a picture of yourself. i do this a lot and sometimes get my friends (who are also art students so that makes things easier haha) to help if i need it. If you really dont want to do that tho, something i also do a lot is to do the pose while drawing it. Feeling and seeing where my body naturally leans and where body parts are relative to each other in a certain pose really helps. for example if im drawing someone waving, how far away is the hand from the head, should the elbow be out or close to the body, how long should the forearm be etc etc. Yknow the thing where you make the same expression as the character you're drawing? The way you kinda feel the way its supposed to look? Yeah its like that but for poses fjsv i hope this makes sense. Personally im not a big believer of the "Draw everyday!! Even when you dont feel like it!!" advice. But If youre really enjoying what you do, youd wanna be doing it every day anyway. And the more you draw, the more comfortable itll become and the more things will kind of make sense when you notice patterns as you practice. I guess what im trynna say is make the practice fun and not feel like a bother so you'd wanna do it more and in turn improve more. Its a cycle haha.  Im not the most qualified to give advice but i hope this helped a bit? There are plenty of sources on the interwebs that are very useful and can probably help you a lot. I hope you keep drawing anon! Tldr; Draw what you want, use references, strike the pose and feel your body, make practice fun (whatever that might mean for you), the more you do it the better you’ll get

[bcrlowes]

* ✧ ◞  it looks like BELLA HADID has stepped off of their private jet & into the hamptons – oh wait , that’s actually WREN BARLOWE ! the resemblance is uncanny . word on the street is you’re TWENTY - TWO & a CISFEMALE , preferring to go by SHE/HER pronouns . don’t worry , your mansion has been waiting for your return from MANHATTAN, so we do hope you’ll stay awhile . it seems like everyone who knows you best loves you for being ENTHRALLING & LACONIC, but god ! your APATHETIC & CAUSTIC tendencies can be such a turn off . in any case , everyone on instagram likes to associate you with BLOOD RED LIPS ON A WHISKEY GLASS, HIDDEN AGENDAS, AND CIGARETTES AFTER SEX .

is july too late for the whole new year new me attitude because i think this is the first time i’ve ever been prepared to drop my intro on time, the fact that i copied and pasted about 90% of it notwithstanding ksksksk. i’m madd and i’m at a wedding today so wish me luck with that because it’s a million degrees and my face is going to melt off. i might be mobile though we will see how it goes. i’ll put some fun facts about little miss sunshine under the cut. pack your bags though because this one is a trip!

wren is basically one part babydoll, one part ice queen, and two parts troublemaker all wrapped up in one pretty little package. i guess heinous bitch is probably the best way to describe her.

she’s got money coming in from both parents tbh. dad is one of those ruthless bastards who buys companies that are falling apart, destroys them further, and makes a crap load of money selling them off for spare parts and her mom was a diamond heiress.

growing up she didn’t really ever fully grasp the meaning of the word “no” and she got anything and everything she asked for. usually shit above and beyond that too.

except all of the money in the world cant stop genetics so when her mother developed cancer when she was ten there wasn’t much the family could do except make her comfortable for the remaining two years of her life.

watching her mom waste away was probably the worst thing that wren could ever imagine bc she worshipped the ground she walked on?

spent the rest of her formative years going to board meetings with her dad bc the little monster ate up all of the nannies and spit back out the empty husks.

really developed a love for what her father did bc even then she was a little demon child.

but in the years following the death of his wife, her father made a coupe of bad business decisions and while they aren’t poor by anyone’s standards, unless he got his shit together they were only going to be able to keep up appearances with their peers for so long.

so he sat wren down one day and told her that he needed her help and let me tell you the girl was so EXCITED. she thought he was going to say he needed her advice with the business and he was finally seeing her worth and she had charts and power points and oh boy she was ready.to.go.

except daddy dearest told her the only way she could help them was to rope in a good husband so not only could he help pay off the debts her father had been accruing but wren’s trust fund from her mother would kick in.

needless to say she was not exactly thrilled at the prospect.

suddenly every friend she had who had an xy chromosome was a target for her father.

and where she had always been a bit of a spitfire the girl became cold andRUTHLESS. using her razor sharp wit to chase away just about every eligible male she possibly could.

but it kind of backfired on her a lil bit. bc apparently boys thought she was playing hard to get and it frustrated the hell out of her but. u no. playing with people like puppets is p fun and she found a new hobby. YAY

on top of that she started sleeping with her dad’s best friend just to spite him. yikes.

she ended up using her womanly wiles to fix the money problems just like her dad had always wanted but maybe not in the exact fashion he had wanted her to.

see he had borrowed a lot of money from his best friend (who was actually a p shady character. think like .... not a mob boss but certainly not someone to be trifled with) and wren manged to master the art of pillow talk and got all of those loans signed over to herself. which she then immediately called in and seized control of her dad’s business, did as she had been taught and absolutely destroyed it and sold off the pieces.

personality wise she’s a gd snake in the grass. like she’s got a kind of tight knit group of friends but even they fall victim to her acid tongue on a daily basis.

so fucking catty i cannot.

but also very much a talk shit get hit kind of person??

like sometimes she will insult you in such a way that you aren’t sure if its an insult or a compliment and she’ll be smiling ang then sometimes she’s just in your face and nasty.

judges everyone constantly.

10/10 will throw you under the bus if it benefits her. and then drag you out and toss your corpse onto the train tracks so she can squeeze out whatever is left.

rocks bella’s perfect resting bitch face like its nobody’s business.

as bad as it sounds kskksks i don’t think she’s ever had a serious relationship with someone who wasn’t married? she’s just too selfish to devote her time to someone who is going to expect more out of her than what she wants to give. and if you push her she really just kicks you to the curb.

patience level 0 over here.

a p accomplished equestrian.

going to columbia for business.

does anything and everything to spite her father.

plots woo

so clearly she’s changed quite a bit over the past couple of years. she was never explicitly nice before. she’s always been a bit of a blair waldorf tbh but now she’s just…… blair on all of the steriods so i see her having a fair bit of enemies.

though frenemies are the way to go tbh bc keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

it would be cool if i could find someone who she might actually feel something for. gender doesn’t matter tbh bc she says she hates everyone equally.

i love anything angsty like pls fuck me up.

[kbstories]

Here’s the second part of the gift exchange, this time for wonderful @zieglider. They wished for birthday fluff with Jack!

Bound To Be Made

Tags: Charthur, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Birthday Fluff, Arthur and Charles Being Good Uncles, Soft AF

Inspired by this beautiful fanart by @themightynyunyi 💮

>>Read on AO3!

☕ Commission me on ko-fi!

Jack starts, “Uncle Arthur...”, and whatever will follow those two words, Arthur knows he won't be able to resist that hesitant-yet-hopeful tone of his. He glances down from the map he's studying to wide, almost-pleading brown eyes.

John's eyes, and God knows Arthur couldn't ever say no to those, either.

“What is it, Jack, hm? You doin' okay?”

The boy's reply of “Yeah, I'm okay” is a little too quick, a little too quiet to be genuine. The twist to Arthur's heart is familiar by now; these days, he barely has time to even dwell on the fact they're dragging a child along on this hellish ride, much less on a possible solution for it.

And yeah, Shady Belle is a step up from camping out in the wild. With the sunken bones of its previous occupiers and the hissing of alligators just a few yards away, it doesn't exactly make for a child-friendly environment by any definition of the word.

Pushing aside his musings for later, Arthur takes his hat and kneels, lips pulling into an automatic smile as Jack visibly perks up. A moment later and the kid laughs, reaching for the brim of Arthur's hat that threatens to slide down and over his face.

The worn and hole-ridden leather looks all the more rough against his short, unscarred fingers. Arthur tugs the hat into place.

“'fraid you'll have to grow into it some more, heh.”

Jack doesn't seem to mind one bit. “Can I keep it, Uncle Arthur, can I?” His excitement dims immediately after voicing his request – gaze dropping, he shuffles his feet. “Maybe until Dad comes back?”

Arthur fights to keep his expression open and friendly. Oh, Jack. “Wouldn't dream of takin' it away. Ya know what? I was 'bout to do some rounds, check the perimeter and such. Wanna tag along, partner?”

If Jack's eyes were wide before, they are positively huge now. He nods eagerly, “Okay”, and adds “partner” after a beat, trying out the word in Arthur's drawl.

Arthur chuckles and flicks the hat, drawing a protective “Hey!” from Jack.

*

It is perhaps no coincidence that they come by Abigail first. Her worried look turns to relief when she catches sight of them, and then to dutiful delight when Jack shows off his new hat proudly.

“Well, ain't you a proper cowboy now”, she says with some fondness, nodding at Arthur and mouthing a thank you. Arthur mimics a tip of his hat, the gesture feeling significantly less smooth without it.

“What are you boys up to, then?”

Arthur catches the subtle warning in her glance and shrugs, “Just takin' a lil stroll around camp with my new assistant here”, and returns Jack's grin with a wink. Abigail looks between them and sighs despite the smile on her lips, plain as day.

“Just be back before dark, 'kay?”

Jack beams. “Okay, Momma! See ya!”

Arthur huffs, “Aaand he's gone”, watching the boy run off towards the horses. “Don't ya worry, Abigail. I'll take good care'a him.”

The happy facade crumbles a little. Abigail's smile is tired, then, even if she reaches out to pat Arthur's arm. “Oh I know, Arthur, you always do. 's just–” A glance behind, beyond the flaps of a too-empty tent. “Well, John ain't back from that job yet, and Jack's been takin' it kinda hard. Don't know what Dutch is thinkin', workin' the boy's father today of all days...”

And again, it takes considerable effort to keep a grimace off his face. Shit. Arthur knew when he wrote down the date in his journal earlier that he was forgetting something – last year around this time, with John gone and Abigail struggling, he'd taken Jack on a ride out with Boudicea, both to give his mother a break and get the boy's mind off things.

Of course back then it'd been easier to wander about and enjoy nature. Now, they couldn't even take a gander out of camp without the law scenting the air like the bloodhounds they are.

But today shouldn't be about that: Jack deserves a day off from all this stress they've been putting him under lately, and maybe this time, the wait for his father will be worth it. Arthur's willing to believe in some miracles.

Taking Abigail's hand, he squeezes just long enough to stop her from worrying a hole right through her bottom lip. Abigail blinks at him, exhales, her shoulders losing some of their tension.

There's a whole 'nother conversation swirling in her eyes; Arthur nods, later, 'kay?, and she rolls her eyes and shoos him away, calling “Have fun now!” after him.

Jack is long gone by the time Arthur's made his way over to the horses – only Kieran is there, tending to one of their draft horses with the usual care and dedication, and he merely glimpses at Arthur's searching look before pointing further into camp. Arthur mutters a “Thanks, Duffy” that makes the other give him a grateful smile and yeah, maybe it's finally time Arthur stopped calling him O'Driscroll once and for all.

A sweet melody leads him to Javier, whose fingers don't pause in their dance over trembling guitar strings even when his lips pull into a knowing smile and he nods towards Pearson's wagon. There, he finds Hosea, buried up to his nose in the pages of The Shrew in the Fog but Arthur has barely breathed a word before he jabs his thumb over his shoulder with a good-natured, “keep up, Arthur, will ya?”

It's with some relief that he finally, finally makes out the familiar curve of his hat on an equally familiar mop of tousled brown hair; it swiftly turns to surprise at the sight of Charles right next to Jack, muscular arms crossed and eyebrows drawn together as he searches the horizon for–

“Ah, there you are”, Charles says in lieu of a greeting, voice vaguely amused at how out of breath Arthur is. “Your hat grew legs and ran off without you. Figured you wouldn't be far behind.”

“I could kiss ya right now”, Arthur replies with a hand on Charles's shoulder, wiping the sweat off his brow with the other. “Hey, Jack. Got started without me, huh?”

Happy as a clam, Jack waves from where he's sitting on the trunk of a tree, “Hey, Uncle Arthur!”, legs bouncing against the withered wood. There's a bunch of flowers on his lap, a colorful array of wildflowers by the looks of it.

“You've been busy. Can I see?”

The makeshift bouquet is held out to him – Arthur sits on his haunches to take a closer look, making out daisies and dandelions and popcorn flowers and even roses. He lets out an impressed whistle, “Quite a collection you got there”, and Jack beams under the praise.

“I wanted only the pretty ones. Uncle Charles helped me pick!”

“That so?”, Arthur asks quietly, catching Charles's startled blink... because of the nickname? The thought makes him smile, his chest warming with emotion. Kids aren't exactly Charles's strong suit – due to inexperience, not lack of talent, Arthur is sure – but it's clear he tries, for Jack.

“Did you tell Uncle Charles it's your special day today?”

That seems to jolt Charles out of it – he blinks at Arthur, then at Jack, hesitantly joining Arthur's side in their spontaneous little circle. “Happy birthday, Jack”, he says simply, tone a little less severe than usual, lips quirked in a small smile.

Despite the quick reply of “Thanks, Uncle Charles”, Jack's grin dims a little. Charles throws Arthur one of his looks that seems unaffected but is downright alarmed by his standards, and there's no time to explain the whole sordid tale with glances and gestures alone.

Arthur clears his throat to dispel the awkward silence looming above them. “So”, he prompts, giving the flowers back to Jack. “What do ya wanna make with 'em? Another necklace, or maybe one of them, uh... crown-like things?”

Here's the thing about Jack: somewhere along the way, he learned not to say the things he means, and to weigh his options carefully before expressing what he wants. Arthur can practically see the little gears in his head turning and there's one fleeting glance at Charles before the kid shrugs and mumbles, “I guess.”

Well, that won't do. “C'mon kid, ya know Charles an' I ain't the judgin' kind. And we can help. Owe ya a present anyways, ain't that right Charles?”

“Uh-huh”, Charles agrees without missing a beat and yeah, this is why Arthur loves the guy.

Considering the offer for a moment, Jack blinks up shyly through his lashes – a look that would give Cain a run for his money in the puppy eyes department any day. Finally he straightens his back and says with newly-found resolve: “Uncle Charles.”

Charles goes stiff as a board beside Arthur. “...Yes?”

“Can I put them in your hair?”

He's pointing at Charles; Arthur follows his line of sight to the long braid draped over his right shoulder and winces a little. The man is very particular with who gets to touch his hair (the list of those allowed beginning and ending with Arthur) but again, there's no hesitation before he hums his agreement and reaches up to undo the gracefully interlaced, sleek strands.

It takes a few minutes to get settled during which Jack critically checks and sorts every flower into different piles, asking for Arthur's advice here and there, and Charles combs through his loosened hair with his hands. Their eyes meet and Arthur can't help a teasing smile, going soft, old man, and gets a fond eye-roll in return.

Gone is the shy little boy once they get to it: There's a sort of determined concentration to Jack's gaze as he watches Arthur demonstrate how a simple braid works, Charles's hair gliding soft and easy between his fingers, and the random flower he puts in one of the folds by way of example is instantly picked out again.

Arthur raises his hands in surrender, “Okay, young man, I'll stop messin' with your plan”, and is promptly ignored by Jack, who places a single pink-colored rose in a sea of black with all the care in the world.

Charles is back to his ever-patient self as he sits cross-legged and relaxed, and after a while, Arthur decides to take a page out of his book and just... let the kid do his thing. Soon enough he finds himself leaning shoulder to shoulder against Charles, journal on his knees and pencil in constant motion: Jack's focused stare under Arthur's hat, dark strands balanced on the tip of childlike fingers, the delicate curl of a rose's petals–

“What do you think, Uncle Arthur?”

Looking up, Arthur chuckles at the overly skeptical expression on Jack's so very young face. He pats Charles's knee, just a little longer, before scooting over to Jack's side of things and... Oh.

“Well I'll be–” Arthur blinks, keeping his mouth from gaping with some effort. “Jack, this is really somethin'.”

There's an unexpected level of taste to the placement of the flowers, a gentle mixture of white and pink that contrasts quite nicely with the black of Charles's hair and the rough texture of his blue shirt. The man in question turns his head to glance curiously over his shoulder.

“How's it look?”

Beautiful, Arthur wants to say but he bites it back in time. “Wait, I'll show ya... You okay with me sketchin' this, Jack?”

“Sure!” Jack's voice is full of pride. Then, more confident than before, “Can I watch?”

Oh, he can feel Charles's attention snap to that question instantly, even if he doesn't move a muscle. Usually, it makes Arthur too self-conscious to have someone look over his shoulder while he draws but, well, it's Jack's birthday and there's no way in hell he'll ruin that happy look on his face.

“Okay then. Let's see...”

*

The sun is crawling towards the horizon when Arthur remembers his promise to Abigail and, with Jack sitting on his shoulders like a king on his royal steed, all three of them stroll back to camp just in time to hear the thundering of hooves in the distance.

“Sounds like Old Boy”, Charles says with something akin to satisfaction in his voice, and Arthur nods, smiling up at Jack.

“Look who's here, huh? C'mon, say hi to your dad.”

The moment he sets him down, Jack starts running towards his parents' tent – however, after a few steps he turns around and, before Arthur can ask what's wrong, Jack is hugging him tightly around the waist, “Thanks, Uncle Arthur”, and again, “Thanks, Uncle Charles”, as he does the same with Charles too.

Then, very reluctantly, he takes Arthur's hat and holds it out to him, comically large in his hands.

Even knowing the boy as long as he does, Arthur feels his heart turn to goo until it threatens to drip between his ribs. “Keep it for now, kid”, he mumbles, ruffling Jack's hair. “Just give it back tomorrow, hm?”

Jack nods happily and dashes away.

Arthur watches him go for a while before glancing at Charles, who looks miles away in his head. Carefully, he pushes a stray flick of hair behind Charles's ear, his fingers brushing the flowers still tangled in his braid.

“Want me to get these out for ya?”

Leaning into his palm, Charles's eyes are back in the present and locking with Arthur's.

“Mh, nah. I kinda like 'em.”

>>Read on AO3!

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: week 32

brief reviews of the songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 16 august 1997, 18 august 2007, and 19 august 2017

8.16.1997

6) "2 Become 1," by Spice Girls

This is just a '90s R&B song! This song doesn't even have the courtesy to be kitschy! This is completely indistinguishable from the rest of the '90s R&B, breathy whispered vocals about sex. There's no -- "Be a little bit wiser, baby/Put it on/Put it on" -- okay. OKAY. Sure. I guess that's something. If your song has no other value, might as well throw quality actionable advice in there. I hope the next song is some milquetoast R&B beat while people sing lines like "Your stomach takes a while to tell your brain it's full/Don't have that third slice of the ‘za, baby."

51) "All I Want," by 702

Oh hell yeah, I love this. I love that this is a Missy Elliott track, and I also love that this group did the titular song for Pootie Tang. I am way into this. This is a breezy summer jam that hits all the Good '90s R&B buttons.

54) "To Make You Feel My Love," by Billy Joel

this sounds exactly like you think it would sound and is as pleasant to listen to as you think it would be and i'm just gonna bounce after 30 seconds because i get it, i see what he's trying to do here and don't want to stick around to see if he pulls it off

55) "Big Bad Mama," by Foxy Brown ft./Dru Hill

I don't disagree with this! I can't find any way to hook onto this, but I already called one thing a breezy summer jam because I didn't feel like thinking too hard about it, so I'm in a bit of a predicament here. Like, this song is OK. It has a memorable bass line, Foxy Brown's pretty great at her thing, and whichever member of Dru Hill showed up sure did the most singing of anyone in 1997!, but like I can see why we've left this behind. It's fine. No one needed this one unearthed, though. We've found some buried treasures, y'know? This is like finding a buried booklet of commemorative state quarters. Like, neat! But also, not even $15.

83) "Far from Yours," by O.C. ft./Yvette Michele

"I be the Chosen One/Beyond the Moet and Cristal/A son of King and a Queen/Therefore ability/For song run in my genetics/I gave ideas to L. Ron Hubbard to write books on Dianetics" ...Setting aside the major issues I have with this man's rhyme schemes, IS HE TAKING CREDIT FOR SCIENTOLOGY. IS THI -- IS HE SAYING THAT HE IS THE INSPIRATION FOR SCIENTOLOGY. What the fuck kind of boast. He's saying his raps are so powerful they inspired a crazy man to write books about bad science. I am flummoxed by this song. This would have been just another okay song by a rapper who honestly just seems like a normal-ass dude who somehow wandered into a recoriding studio, but HE'S TAKING CREDIT FOR L. RON HUBBARD'S IDEAS. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF LUNATIC IS THIS MAN.

89) "Tide Is High," by Angelina

Someone went to the store and said, "OH BOY! Another new verson of 'Tide Is High!' I gotta pick up this new interpretation of this song, which is of course someone's favorite song ever because it's MY favorite song ever!" Also none of the back-up dancers in the video looked like they were trying their absolute best. They knew where they were. They knew it didn't matter. They took a few plays off and got that check. I have so much respect for those backup dancers. ROCK TO THE BEAT ROCK ROCK TO THE BEAT, ROCK TO THE BEAT ROCK ROCK TO THE BEAT and so forth

92) "Relax & Party," by Ivory

So I've been sick the past couple days, which is why this post is going up on Wednesday and why there's no Thing Journal for last week (SUNDAY DOUBLE) and real talk why this has been a weak edition of YAS so far, ‘cuz I'll be honest, I'm still in the doldrums. My back hurts, which is a fun side effect of getting sick in your late 20s, I've found. So I'm not. In a mood? Conducive to caring about this song. I'm sure this is OK, but honestly, right now, in this moment in which we find ourselves, me and this song, sharing the same space on this planet, I could not care less about the things it wants to bring to my life. It's a stupid song and doesn't do anything. It just goes on for four minutes. Great. Great! Hey, just release an album of that fucking bass line for fifty minutes, honestly, it's probably your best bet if you want me to at least respect you.

95) "Dancehall Queen," by Beenie Man ft./Chevelle Franklyn

So there are two different versions of the song "Dancehall Queen" that I could find. There is this one, but there is also one released more recently with Lady Sovereign as the featured artist. So I have a few questions about our beautiful ever-expanding dying universe: 1) What did Chevelle Franklyn do to get deposed? 2) Does Chevelle FRanklyn give input into the decisions Lady Sovreign makes? 3) Who gave Beenie Man the powers of coronation? As far as I can tell, he does not proclaim himself the Dancehall King. 4) How often does the Dancehall Queen title change hands? 5) Is there a library that has data on the Dancehall Queen history which I can look up? 6) What are some books on the Dancehall Queen succession which you would recommend? Let me know in the comments! Hit that follow button and LIKE THIS POST!

8.18.2007

28) "Me Love," Sean Kingston

This is like a song you enjoy if you've never enjoyed a song before. If you're someone who appreciates music and attends symphonies and has opinions on concertos, and you're approached with this song, you'll probably use snooty music language to say, "This is a delightful confection!" Or like, if your musical diet consists entirely of Gary Jules' cover of Mad World and songs of that ilk, if the only songs you've been allowed to enjoy in this life are Gary Jules' "Mad World" cover and other songs which could have been selected for the Donnie Darko soundtrack, and you hear this song for the first time, this is probably the most amazing thing you've ever heard. This would sound so revolutionary. But if you've even heard one other fun pop song, you know this is useless.

89) "Free and Easy (Down the Road I Go)," Dierks Bentley

it is good when things are nice! at last, a song that says what none of us are brave to say out loud

90) "All My Friends Say," Luke Bryan

I think a couple months ago I tabbed this as a semi-iconic Luke Bryan song, in the sense that it's a song I hear and immediately attribute to Luke Bryan, which is something I can't do for any Blake Shelton song. But like, this is the song that establishes Luke Bryan's persona -- he's a free-wheelin' sumbitch who's gonna drink too much and try not to drunk-dial any ex-girls. There's personality in this song, a hack and shitty personality, but hey at least he hacked up and/or shitted out an identifiable character. All Blake Shelton's songs are about a man who wishes things would either be better or remain the same, depending on how good they presently are. The song is garbage and Luke Bryan only ever got worse, sure, but it is undeniably a product of Luke Bryan’s particular brand of dunderheaded twanging.

100) "Can U Believe," Robin Thicke

There is a long list of things I need to do with my life. Near the top are items like "only wear a suit at your little sister's wedding," "learn the lttp any% nmg speedrun," and "write a whole good thing," you know, standard stuff, standard life goals, and then there's a million pages of things I will never accomplish. Nowhere on that list was "listen to Robin Thicke tell you that I don't know when someone's watching." I did not need to hear Robin Thicke tell me he was stalking me before I died. I could have learned the Blind script with this time. Maybe this is about God? But it's not even vaguley Christian, he just randomly starts saying you never know when someone's watching, which is only something anyone says WHEN THEY ARE PRESENTLY LOOKING AT YOU THROUGH A TWO-WAY MIRROR. Been a decade of garbage with this man, my gosh.

8.19.2017

(38) "You Da Baddest," by Future ft./Nicki Minaj

Beach Future is such a weird thing to consider. I'm on the record as being pro-Beach Future in general, it's not as random a pivot as the time Lil Wayne picked up the electric guitar and said "OH YEAH! THIS IS A THING!" but it's still hard to get the brain around the idea of Beach Future after, what, three years and roughly 20 albums of morose, despondent Future? All of the Future songs I know are about the nightmare of being Famous and codeine, and now he's dropped two songs that are just, "Yeah, man, chillax! Life's pretty breezy, friends, pull up a chair, let's just enjoy a sunset together!" I'm into it? But it feels like the world is imbalanced right now. Beach Future has completely thrown off my equilibrium and I am Scared.

(68) "Unforgettable," by Thomas Rhett

Ah. Balance! After making a surprisingly hot '80s jam earlier this year, Thomas Rhett just sort of bleats over an acoustic guitar for two and a half bland minutes. This song tries to turn the word "mangorita" into a stirring kick-off to its chorus, and while I recognize the enormity of the task it placed upon itself, that doesn't mean it didn't fail to accomplish its goals. "From your blue jeans to your shoes/Girl, the night was just like you/Unforgettable." I'D NEVER SEEN JEANS JUST THAT BLUE BEFORE. I NEVER EVEN KNEW THEY MADE BLUE JEANS IN THAT PARTICULAR SHADE OF BLUE. WHY, THEY WERE... DARE I SAY? TURQUOISE! ALL HISTORY'S SCULPTORS DEVOTED THEIR LIVES TRYING TO MOLD YOU

(85) "When it Rains it Pours," by Luke Combs

A lot of the reason I don’t mind Rascal Flatts and Keith Urban when we run through 2007 is because, when I was growing up, my mom would only listen to country music, and those artists are the ones I minded the least when we were on the half-hour rides to and from church. I forged deep and lasting connections with the dudes I minded the least of anyone else. This song is definitely "best song on the ride to church" quality. It has a Toby Keith-y sense of humor which is more or less agreeable -- I can't imagine any scenario that a waitress at Hooters is impressed enough by any customer at Hooters to leave their number, but here I am, complaining that my suspension of disbelief in a country song was interrupted -- and it's unique, I haven't heard a lot of "fuck her, she's outta my hair!" songs from dude country artists this year. It’s not “I’m Gonna Miss Her,” but what is? Once again, Luke Combs has made a song that's unique enough that I can appreciate its charm, but not so intriguing that I'm gonna seek him out on my own. I'll give his next album a spin, see if he takes the right lessons to heart, but the one he’s got out now, I think I’m good!

(87) "They Don't Know," by Jason Aldean

"Just another field/Just another farm/No, it's the place we grew up on." Jason Aldean is a multi-millionaire who owns several hundred acres of land in a major metropolitan area nad has the chutzpah to speak for the common man. Fuck this dude and fuck him for this Trump-vote of a song.

(88) "Honest," by The Chainsmokers

hey guys the chainsmokers made a song about how they're sensitive boys who're sad about breakup, wow what a fascinating new look for these cats, truly evolving as artists before our very eyes. see, this is the one where they go "whoa-oh." i don't think they've gone "woah-oh" in a song yet. this is a pony certainly capable of developing a second trick!

(89) "The Weekend," by SZA

"What kind of deal is two days?/I need me at least 'bout for of 'em" is one of the single-saddest lyrics 2017 has produced. This song is so good. SZA in general is so good, but I never had to deal with how good this song is, given how much there is to parse with Ctrl. When's the last time we heard from a side piece's perspective, y'know? When's the last time we heard how a booty call felt about being a booty call? We heard "Booty Call," which was about the act of engaging in a booty call, but we don't know anything about the booty call's wants and desires outside of that moment. I enjoy hearing this perspective on the events, hearing from the girl the '90s R&B dude has to apologize for seeing, because that's a person, too, that's a person who's alive and lives a life of their own. It took us until 2017 to get the side piece's take on things. What were the rest of us doing?

(90) "New Rules," by Dua Lipa

This is really enjoyable. Nothing terribly complex, just a "don't fuck your ex" jam, but it's confidently delivered (I get the sense that Dua Lipa is a much better singer than the current musical trends are going to let her be), and I love the subtle horn drop. Evidently, the producer of this song was also involved with "Bad Liar" and "Now and Later," so I'm getting on the Ian Kirkpatrick train. I approve! Great work, all.

(93) "I Wish I Knew You," by The Revivalists

oh wow fuck everything about this. where did this come from? why am i listening to this? did 13 reasons why drop another season? who wanted this. who wanted another indie band biting the hell out of franz ferdinand. they're not even biting franz ferdinand, they're biting all those bands that were biting from franz ferdinand a few years ago, except they're doing so nakedly, "the revivalists" is code for "we have no original ideas." way to revive 2013, yeah dude, it was so long since i heard the neighbourhood, i'm so happy you're reviving four years ago. also this willy wonka-ass muthafucka's hat is stupid. i'm honestly not sure i'm reacting to the song as much as i am the stupid goddamn hat in the music video. (also: i'm not into this song, despite the presence of a saxophone. i have limits. i'm not gonna go home with just any brass instrument, you guys.) white men ruin everything.

(94) "Every Little Thing," by Carly Pearce

Well, number one, it's a country music song with actual drums, so it's automatically starting with 95 points out of a possible 100. This is dope. "They say time is the only healer/God, I hope that isn't right/'Cause right now I'd die to not remember." Fuck, man. That is heavy. And this is a solidly-produced song, too, there's enough going on that the song feels rich and lived-in, but not so much so that it's distracting, it's definitely in the backseat wearing a seatbelt so the lyrics and what might be the saddest fucking voice in 2017 country music can drive in peace. More from this woman, and more from other women, look how good you are when you let women do things, country music!

(97) "Learn to Let Go," by Kesha

I think this is fine. I'm not as into EDM-lite Kesha as I am Kesha declaring her womanhood backed by a million beautiful horns, but this is fine! Three songs. Three songs is enough distance to start delivering back-handed not-criticisms. But no, like, I wouldn't mind this as the opening track to the album, this sets a tone and opens up the possibility for cooler things to come, but on its own, hey! It's just alright, and that's fine! I'm just glad Kesha's making music, y'know?

(98) "All the Pretty Girls," by Kenny Chesney

this song wasn't even released in 2016, what is it doing here, what, why would, i don't, how did we end up here? what do we hope to accomplish while we're here? did he just say "don't blow my cover on freedom night?" what is freedom night? i don't -- you know what country radio, you batted .400 this week. that's ted williams hype, right there. .400 is better than any of us ever could have anticipated, and i can appreciate that you got things as right as you ever possibly could. please tell me what freedom night is, though.

(99) "For Her," by Chris Lane

...adjust that number down to .333. i'm sorry. i saw the haircut and assumed edm, which you'll agree is a fair assumption to make. this dude sucks. he is trying his best with that falsetto but, and i hate to repeat myself, you can't make your own outsized ambition an excuse for your failure. know your limits. i'm sorry i was ever lukewarm about any kesha song. i kinda feel bad for saying those things about the revivalists' hat. this was a good week apart from the bro country! "For her I would walk a straight line/Wear out the soles of my shoes for her." WOAH! SLOW DOWN, BUDDY! LET'S NOT MAKE ANY PROMISES WE CAN'T KEEP, NOW! Careful! Girls remember things you say to them! Imagine how disappointed she'll be when every day she spends with you your shoes still shine as bright as they did the day she met you.

Who won the week?

Well, 2007′s best song was a Luke Bryan joint, so that’s out. Think we gotta give it to 2017. Four shitty country songs, yeah, but 1997 countered with Spice Girls and a Billy Joel cover of a Bob Dylan song, so those cancel out, and the cream of 2017 was much better than the best 1997 gave us this week. I’m still thinking about that Carly Pearce joint, that was really cool, and it anchors an earned win for 2017. THE STANDINGS: 2017: 12 1997: 11 2007: 9 Next week: keep your heart, Three Stacks.