#its been almost 9 months which is great and also terrifying because damn once we hit a year? we're basically an old married couple

[cakesunflower]

Reach For You [Dad!Calum AU] Ch. 21

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20

Chapter 21

SHE WAS TRYING to suppress her smile, failing to do as her green eyes remained on an uncharacteristically jittery Calum. He was switching between pacing the exam room to observing the medical poster of a fetus developing stuck on the wall. He seemed almost out of place, acquainting himself with his surroundings, and Aspen kept her attention on him rather than thinking about her full bladder and how she couldn’t wait to use the bathroom after the appointment was over.

Her eyes drew to the way he stood, arms crossed to bring attention to his tattooed arms, but she was more focused on the way his right foot bounced in anticipation, dark eyes intently taking in the poster in front of him. He was almost studying it. Tentatively, fighting the smile threatening to grow as she asked, “Cal, all good?”

“Hmm?” Calum blinked, eyebrows high as he turned to look at her where she sat in the upright exam chair. “Yeah, yeah,” he assured, pulling away to take the few steps towards her. It was early in the morning, both of them in their comfortable sweats, wanting to get into the clinic as early as possible after dropping Luna off at Rich’s house with the vague excuse of having errands to run. No one knew where they were, wanting the absolute confirmation from the experts before telling anyone the life changing news. Calum stood next to her, left hand resting on top of the chair as he smiled down at Aspen. “Just, y’know—” He grinned breathlessly, the light ever present in his eyes. “Excited.”

That only served to widen Aspen’s grin, squeezing his hand. She was excited herself, of course, despite already doing this already. But this time it was with Calum—and before last year, Aspen never thought she would be here again with him. Having his hand to hold this time around brought a different sense of excitement as well as tranquility as opposed the downright fear she had when she found out she was pregnant with Luna. Five years ago, Aspen had been dealing with a breakup she hadn’t entirely saw coming and had her mom and Jodie accompanying her to her doctor appointments.

This time around, the walls of the exam room didn’t feel as though they were closing in, and the ultrasound machine didn’t look terrifying like it had back then. Aspen understood this was a first time experience for Calum, being there right from the beginning from the moment he found out about the pregnancy, but it was also a first for Aspen, too. Because now, the fear of being a single mom wasn’t numbing her. Now, she had her partner right by her side, looking just as elated as she felt. She wasn’t alone, didn’t have to worry about doing this by herself. The past couldn’t be changed, but the future continued to be bright.

“Good morning, Miss Russo.” The two of them turned their heads towards the ultrasound technician entering the room, a smile on her face as she looked towards the couple. “How are we doing today?”

“Great,” Aspen smiled, sitting up slightly as the woman, Dr. Lang, read over her chart on the tablet in her hand. “How’re you?”

“I’m good, thank you.” Dr. Land came over to the side of where the ultrasound machine was stationed, setting the tablet down. Warm brown eyes on them, she continued, “According to your chart, this isn’t your first rodeo.” She was already reaching for the gel as she gestured for Aspen to lay back. “But just a reminder—this’ll be cold.”

Aspen nodded, already aware, as she lifted her loose shirt up so Dr. Lang could squeeze the blue gel onto her abdomen, smiling at Calum as he grasped her hand. She could feel his excitement, nervousness, ever observant eyes watching as Dr. Lang switched on the machine, humming to life, and grabbed the wand before bringing it over to Aspen’s abdomen. “Let’s see how far along you are,” Dr. Land murmured, eyes intently on the black and white warbled screen as she spread the gel around with the wand.

Turning her head, Aspen looked at the familiar screen as well, feeling her heart slowly picking up its pace at the anticipation that buzzed ever cell in her body. She was early along, Aspen knew, not expecting to see anything decently sized quite yet, but any indication of something actually being there was enough. 

She caught Dr. Lang’s lips twitching upwards into a small smile before using her free hand to point at the screen as she said, “There it is.”

Both Aspen and Calum’s eyes followed her finger, and Aspen’s breath caught at the sight of the small, tiny little thing that would grow over the next nine months. It was small, though only a little bigger than when she had her first ultrasound with Luna—that had been at almost five weeks, which was really early, causing Aspen to have a transvaginal ultrasound and finding out she was not a fan of those. This little one, however, seemed somewhat passed five weeks. But it was there, clearly visible, clearly going to eventually become a baby. Her and Calum’s baby.

Aspen turned her head just a bit to look at Calum, to watch his features change as the reality of the situation settled in his head. She watched the way his dark eyes stared at the screen, unable to tear them away even as they began glassing over, lips parting to let out a heavy breath he’d probably been holding in without even knowing. The grasp his hand had on hers grew tighter, as if he was trying to ground himself from getting too lost in the wonder of how his life was once again about to change.

And, yeah, the confirmation of having a second kid was enough to make Aspen cry in its own right, but to see Calum get so emotional over it was what really brought the tears to Aspen’s eyes. To see the utter happiness, wonder, and awe he held so expressively, unapologetically, had her heart soaring as he whispered, “Oh, wow.”

Then, he heard it.

Strong and faint, the unmistakable sound of a heartbeat echoed from the ultrasound machine, and Calum nearly felt his knees give out as the sound reached his ears. His grip on Aspen’s hand grew tighter, if possible, throat drying as he held his breath to focus on nothing but that wonderful, incredible sound. It was warbling and quick, but a heartbeat nonetheless. His baby’s heartbeat. Calum could feel his own racing within his chest, but damn it if he paid it any mind. The only heartbeat that mattered was this baby’s.

“That’s the heartbeat.” Dr. Lang chuckled gently as she leaned just a bit closer to the screen, pressing a few keys on the keyboard. “It looks like you’re about seven weeks along.” A lot further along than Aspen had assumed, and while she worked in a medical clinic, she apparently was shit at listening to her own body when it came to the schedule of her period. Ah, well. “I’m going to need you to hold your breath for a few seconds so I can capture some quick images, alright?”

Aspen nodded, managing to snap out of her reverie of joy, waiting for Dr. Lang’s signal. It didn’t take long, and soon enough the images were captured and Dr. Lang was wiping the gel off Aspen’s abdomen as they were being printed. As Aspen sat up, lowering her shirt, Dr. Lang took the images and handed them over, smiling as she said, “Congratulations, Mom and Dad.”

Calum took the sonograms, unable to tear his gaze away from them, the awe heavy in his voice as he absently responded, “Thank you.”

He barely even registered what Dr. Lang was saying, informing Aspen of when her next appointment would be and repeating things Aspen already knew yet she still listened intently. But Calum was too lost in the black and white picture he held in his hand. Calum knew he should be listening to Dr. Lang to be well informed as well, especially given that this was his first time being by his pregnant girlfriend’s side. And he tried, he really did, but he was so fucking elated to focus on anything but the sonogram.

Calum vaguely heard Dr. Lang bid her goodbye, telling them they were good to go, still in a daze until Aspen dangled her legs over the side of the exam table and looked up at Calum. “Hey, Calum—come back.” His eyes met hers and Aspen smiled knowingly, gaze briefly flickering to the sonogram before chuckling breathily, “It’s crazy, right?”

He let out a slow breath, the sound seeming too loud to his own ears as his brown eyes once again looked at Aspen’s. She was watching him quietly, and the drumming of his heart was overwhelming as his throat worked. “Is it stupid of me to say that I feel wholly unprepared to be a dad?”

Aspen’s eyebrows raised at his words, giving a curious tilt of her head as she silently asked him to elaborate. He was a great dad. The best she knew—even if she was a little biased. “I just—” Calum inhaled deeply, glancing down at the images once more before offering a sheepish smile. “I never learned how to change a diaper or—I mean, holding Tahir was the first time I held a baby in, like, I couldn’t even tell you how long.” Aspen’s lips quirked up slightly as she remembered when they’d visited Rich and Laila a few months ago to see Aspen’s new nephew. “I’m just scared, I guess, that I’m gonna be totally useless when the baby comes because I’ll be so damn lost.”

She had to fight the urge from totally cooing at him, wondering if it was inappropriate to find his nervousness so endearing. But Aspen could see how badly Calum wanted this, a second chance to be a dad from the start, and she wanted to desperately ease his fears. “You think you’re the first guy who’s nervous about taking care of a newborn?” she mused, grasping his free hand in hers. “This is all a part of getting ready to have a baby; I’d say you’re on the right track,” she added with a fond chuckle. Aspen squeezed his hand, reassuring, “We’re in this together. You’ll learn and you’ll adapt and I’ll be here to help you.”

The appreciation lightened the weight that had settled in his eyes, rubbing her hand with the back of his thumb as he gave a shake of his head. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one helping you through the pregnancy?”

Aspen smirked, knowing herself too well, knowing if this was anything like the first time around, just how weird and crazy her cravings and mood and everything in between will be. “Don’t worry—you will,” she reassured him knowingly, catching the raise of his eyebrows as she got off the exam table.

As Calum drove, thumb tapping on the steering wheel as he took them to Rich’s place to pick up Luna, he spoke up. “You know, I was serious about us getting a new place,” he said, reminding Aspen of his words from yesterday after hearing the news of her pregnancy. “We don’t have room for a baby in the apartment.”

“I know,” Aspen sighed, leaning back in her seat. Her home had been perfect for when it was just her and Luna. Calum had basically moved in, never spending the night at his own apartment in the city, only venturing to New York when he had business. Other than that, he was at her apartment, which had become his, equipped with almost all of his belongings and Duke. He was right. They were going to need another room for the baby, and while all the planning may seem premature, Aspen would be lying if she said it wasn’t already in the back of her mind, long before since she found out she was pregnant. Moving into a new place, one that was both hers and Calum’s, was something she’d been wanting to do for a while.

She nibbled on her lower lip, a question that swam in her head when she thought about this resurfacing as she glanced at Calum’s profile. “Do you still wanna stay in town?”

Aspen figured he heard the apprehension in her voice by the furrow in his eyebrows as he glanced at her briefly. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” Aspen mumbled, suddenly feeling foolish for bringing it up. But it needed to be discussed—or clarified, at least. “I mean, I know when you first got here, we talked about custody when it came to co-parenting but obviously that’s not an issue anymore. But are you alright with living in Jersey? Permanently? ‘Cause I know your friends and family are in L.A. and—”

“Stop, Aspen.” Calum let out a soft chuckle, the car stopped at a ted light as he looked at her. There was a gentleness in his eyes that relaxed her, especially as he took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. Gaze meeting hers, he said, “You, Luna, & this little one are my family. And, honestly, I wouldn’t wanna raise my kids there. Staying here is what I want. It’s perfect.”

Aspen felt her heart practically soar in the confines of her chest, eyebrows raising in mild incredulity as she took in a breath. “Really?” She didn’t want him to feel like he was giving anything up. But one look at him, and Aspen knew it was a ridiculous thought to even consider. 

“Really,” he returned with a smile, having to turn his attention back on the road as the light turned green. “I love it here with you. Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”

The smile on Aspen’s face widened, heart drumming happily in her chest as she leaned over to press a kiss to Calum’s cheek. He grinned, leaning into her touch, eyes on the road as she settled back in her seat, back against the door so she could look at Calum, unabashedly admiring him. The smile danced on his lips, left hand on the wheel and right still holding hers, the radio in the background playing a familiar song she didn’t care about. Too busy admiring the man next to her, a warmth settling in the pit of her stomach happily. 

Aspen’s left hand settled on her stomach, rolling her smiling lips into her mouth as she welcomed the thought of their lives changing forever all over again. She was only seven weeks along, but she couldn’t wait to meet this little nugget. 

*****

Keeping their mouths shut for the next few weeks had been unbearable. All Calum had wanted to do was, ridiculously enough, scream from the rooftops that he was having another baby. To share the pure joy that had been consuming him from the moment he had found out. But both he and Aspen had agreed that they wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t tell anyone, until the first trimester was over. Calum followed her lead on it, on everything, really. 

Especially when her cravings kicked in, almost immediately, whether it be for a strange, frankly disgusting, combination of salt and vinegar chips with marshmallow fluff or he had to make a trip to the twenty-four hour McDonalds ten minutes away so she could indulge her Big Mac craving. Her cravings weren’t all of the time, starting a little while after the first ultrasound, but whenever they came up, Calum was quick to accommodate them. And look away when it was a bit too gross for his own stomach.

He also felt guilty when her morning sickness kicked in, typically getting up early in the morning and Calum waking up soon after by the sounds of her throwing up. He’d follow her into the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub with his hand pulling back her hair and the other rubbing at her back and offering whatever support he could. And Calum admired her for just getting right back up after flushing the toilet, only uttering a quiet grunt before brushing her teeth and pulling Calum back to bed. She was a real trooper in Calum’s eyes, and it had only just started.

Calum shut the cabinet that was designated for snacks, having just gone on a grocery run with Luna, stocking up on all of their favorite snacks—plus the list of things Aspen had asked him to get in case her cravings started acting up. A few feet away, he heard her ever so familiar voice call out, “Calum, you home?”

“Yeah,” he responded, walking out of the kitchen to see her toe off her sneakers, still in her scrubs, raising his eyebrows at the excited grin that was on her face. “What?” he asked with an amused chuckle.

She stopped where she stood, turning sideways so her profile was to him, and Calum watched as she lifted the hem of her scrub top and claimed through her grin, “I think it might be time we start telling people.”

Aspen lowered her chin and eyes, and Calum followed her gaze before his eyes widened at the sight before him, heart jumping into his throat as he immediately picked up on what she wanted him to notice. He did, instantly, and it was one of the best sights he’d ever seen.

A bump. A small, beautiful bump that someone like Calum, who was so intimately familiar with Aspen’s body, noticed right away. It sent his heart racing, feeling himself freeze for the briefest moment before he stumbled forward—it seemed like he’d been doing that often, in terms of Aspen and this pregnancy. She caught him every time.

“Stop,” Calum all but gasped, eyes wide as he approached his beaming girlfriend, hands reaching forward to caress the bump. Aspen giggled softly as his hand came in contact with her skin, rubbing it, thinking of the life that’s growing inside of her. The mere thought of it was overwhelming, robbing Calum of his breath in the best way. He couldn’t wait until he was holding the baby in his arms. Wide, awed eyes raising to meet Aspen’s, Calum whispered, “You’re showing.”

“I know,” Aspen responded, an excited squeak in her voice as she bounced on her heels giddily. “I mean, with Luna, I didn’t start until, like, twelve weeks. But this little one already wants to make him—or her—self known.”

Calum let out a slow breath, giving her growing belly some more rubs before bringing her shirt down, not that he really wanted to, and wrapping his arms around her to pull her close. Raising an eyebrow, his brown eyes met Aspen’s green, and Calum asked, “You wanna tell people?”

She nodded, smile ever present. “I mean, yeah.” Her hands were on his biceps, giving them an excited squeeze. Tilting her head, Aspen continued knowingly, “I know you’re dying to tell the boys.”

“Only if you’re ready to tell people,” Calum quickly assured. He didn’t want to somehow pressure her, knowing she had said she’d wanted to wait until the first trimester was over. They still had a few more weeks until then, and Calum was willing to see it through. Even if it did mean holding off on telling the boys.

“Yes, I am,” Aspen answered, smile bright. Beautiful. With a giggle and a squeeze to his arms once more, she added, “Time we spread the joy.”

*****

The boys, of course, didn’t live on the east coast. They had gone back to California a few months back, but that never stopped them from FaceTiming or even hopping on a plane over just because they had the means to and could. And since Ashton’s birthday happened to be coming up, Calum was thrilled to know the birthday man wanted to spend it with his closest friends in New York. 

The day after the boys arrived, just a few days before Ashton’s birthday, the group of them met up for dinner in the city after setting Luna up with a sitter. Aspen wanted for the guys to know through her and Calum telling them, rather than them seeing it, so she made sure to wear a blouse that didn’t fit too tightly, hiding the bump under the loose material. The excitement fluttered around Aspen’s stomach, feeling as though no matter how many people they told it to, the news wouldn’t seem any less exciting.

The two of them had told Aspen’s family, being responded to with thrilled cheers and excitement—some tears on Aspen’s mom’s part as well. Then phone calls had been made to Mali and Calum’s parents, and Aspen would be lying if she said it wasn’t trippy when they were telling Calum’s parents. There had been a twisting in her stomach, kind of nauseous, prompting Aspen to grasp Calum’s hand tightly as they delivered the news. And it was fucking weird, telling them through FaceTime as her own mind flashed with images of when she was in that position years ago. Sitting with Joy, being utterly terrified of being pregnant without it ever being the plan, and then being told to get the hell out of town in a more subdued, patronizing way.

This time around, though, there had been exclaims of happiness and excitement on their end, and while Aspen had briefly felt like she’d been transported into an alternate universe, she acknowledged the relief and joy she felt at their reaction. It was good. It was how everything should have been from the start.

“There they are,” Calum pointed out as they entered the restaurant, catching sight of the guys sitting at a round table towards the middle of the restaurant. Which was a surprise, them being on time for once. 

Aspen saw them easily, too, smiling up at Calum as they made their way over and asked him, “You ready?”

The smile on his face was answer enough.

They greeted the boys with hugs before settling down, picking up their menus and catching up as the waitress came by to take their drink orders. And while the men read off their specific alcoholic drink, Aspen merely smiled at the waitress and said, “Just a water for me, thank you.”

Across from her, Luke scrunched his face up disapprovingly. “Aw, come on, Aspen. You can’t leave us hanging like that—get a real drink.”

Aspen felt the laugh bubble past her, exchanging a brief look with Calum before telling the blonde with a shake of her head, “I can’t.” So what if she wanted to tease it just a tiny bit?

“Nah, none of that,” Michael cut in, shaking his head as well as he sat to her left. “I hear they’ve got good margaritas here; that’s right up your alley.”

She laughed, the amusement bringing the smile onto her face as well as the simmering anticipation of breaking the news. Really, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face even if she tried, especially taking in account how the boys had absolutely no idea. “No, seriously, guys,” Calum spoke up this time, his own knowing smile tilting at his lips as he looked at his best friends, adopting as much of a serious tone as he could allow himself before adding pointedly, “She can’t.”

It didn’t click, not that either of them expected it to. But Aspen did note the furrow in each of their eyebrows, frowning in confusion as they looked between the couple. Aspen desperately wanted to just announce it, but this was Calum’s moment—he would be the one to tell his best friends that he was about to become a father for the second time. Under the table, her hand grasped his, a single squeeze indicating that it was time, and the words spilled out of his mouth before he could even comprehend it.

His grin was wide, the happiness absolutely glowing, as he announced, “Aspen’s pregnant.”

The three men fell into a brief, stupefied silence. Green, blue, and hazel eyes gaped at them, absolutely stunned by the news, processing it through the noise of the buzzing restaurant. Aspen and Calum watched them, waited patiently, hearts drumming and smiles growing as Ashton was the first to break the silence with a dumbfounded, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Aspen laughed, her cheeks beginning to ache from how much she was smiling. “Gonna have another Hood by January.”

Calum looked at her, eyes warm and smile brilliant, giving her hand a squeeze as he said, “Best birthday present I could’ve asked for.”

The boys snapped out of it then, startling the couple with their enthusiastic cheers, earning some looks from other patrons as they got up from their seats to step around the table to hug both Aspen and Calum. They let go of each other’s hands to receive the hugs, Aspen grinning against Luke and then Michael and then Ashton, each voicing their incredulous happiness and excitement for becoming uncles all over again. They didn’t at all care about how loud they were being, their enthusiasm taking over, ignorant to the few looks they had received.

“This is—wow, holy shit,” Michael laughed, green eyes bright and wide as he grinned at his friends. “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?”

Calum clicked his tongue, leaning back in the chair as his left arm draped on top of Aspen’s chair. “Not for another few weeks,” he informed them, speaking through his smile as he looked at his friends. “Place your bets, boys.”

“Name ’em after me,” Ashton grinned dimply, earning an amused snort from Aspen as Ashton laughed at her. “What? Ashton for a boy, Ashley for a girl.”

Calum scoffed as Aspen shot the hazel eyed man a smirk, raising her eyebrows at him as she said, “If the baby’s named after you, you’re automatically the one changing the diapers. I don’t make the rules.”

Laughter rounded the table as Ashton scrunched his face up, shaking his head in protest as Calum jumped in. “Oi, no—I’ll be on diaper duty.” Finger poking at Aspen’s shoulder, arm still around the chair, Calum pouted at her, “Don’t be giving my job to someone else.”

Luke shook his head in amusement. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so excited to change a shitty diaper.”

“You kidding?” Calum’s smile was wide, biting down on his lower lip as his dark eyes met Aspen’s green. The sincerity was present, his following words relevant to both the diapers as well as the excitement that enveloped them. “I can’t wait.”

--

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[whatzaoverwatch]

The Reaper of the Opera Chapter 9: The Man Behind the Mask

Time for some backstories! It’s going to be a lot different than the original story so take this as you will.

First Prev Next

Nighttime/Managers Office

The group had made themselves to the managers office. Taking in the previous events as much as they could. Genji sat by your side while Hanzo remained close by. You remained quiet with your hand upon your collarbone, tracing where the ring once rested. Trying to ease yourself from the return of the man that haunted you. Lucio had been reading the book he was give of the performance they were forced into. The confusion on his face was evident on how much he wasn’t a fan of the work. Hana left in a rather distress situation by his side, mumbling to him every now and again with a few saddened sobs. Fareeha and Jesse remained by Anas side while she was sat down before everyone else. A tea freshly made for anyone to take part of. Reinhardt and Torbjorn sat at their assigned desks to take in the situation. The smallest of the group rather determined to figure this whole thing out.

“Alright Ana, we want to hear everything,” Torbjorn demanded, a lot more bitter than he was before, “who exactly is this Reaper and what does he want with this company?”

Ana took a sip from her tea, taking a second to have herself composed. Clearly uneasy with herself in this situation. Her eye scanning the room to take in their rather tense expressions. Her sight fixated on you before she finally spoke.

“When the Overwatch Opera Company had opened its doors, the public only knew of one owner: Jack Morrison. But there was another who had a say on the theatres creation. His name was Gabriel Reyes.”

Jesse’s brows furrowed by the name. A hand over his metallic arm in silence. Looks around the room were seen by the unfamiliar name. Fareeha looked to her mother as if she had remembered something.

“He was that costume designer from years ago. The one you always told me about.” Fareeha spoke, feeling Ana place a hand over her own.

“You were so young habibti, he was there the day that you were born. He and Jack became your godfathers. Always making your most beautiful dresses,” She recalled, almost imagining the little girl that was so eager to see the shows long ago, “But he was more than that, he took care of the backstage, assisted with the performances, helped build and finance the theatre from scratch. Even took in Jesse so many years ago as an assistant.”

“We don’t need to go into that detail mam.” Jesse was quick to speak up, the memories still too raw in his head to have brought up. Ana nodding in understanding.

“My point is: he was a huge asset to the creation of this theatre. If anything, he was just as much of an owner as Jack was.”

“How come we hadn’t heard about him? I never saw his name in any of the articles I had read.” Reinhardt questioned, taking a teacup for himself to have a drink. Ana rested her cup to the side, her face softening at the memories.

“When we were opening the building, we were only allow to give the manager title to one person. He thought it’d be more suited for Jack to bring in the younger folk. He was happy that Jack took on the title while he took in the behind the scenes work. However, the glory of the opening didn’t last,” She confessed, her hands now folded in her lap, “We were not selling the tickets as well as we did at the opening. Tastes changed overtime on what the public wanted to see. Trying to please the more modern attendees with some new work. Nothing was ever enough. Jack and Gabriel had argued about whether to keep with tradition or aim to please the newer generation. Gabriel wanted to try some of his own creations, but they would’ve never impressed the critics. What was truly the downfall was the incident.”

“Incident?” Reinhardt perked up, gasping at a sudden realization, “You mean the stage accident which caused the entire theatre to burn down years ago? Many lives were lost that day.”

“The very one,” Ana stated, her head lowering at the memory, “A broken fuse caused the entire stage to go up in flames. Gabriel insisted he checked everything, but I found himself becoming distracted from his work. Jack and I tried to rescue as many as we could. Unfortunately, we couldn’t save everyone, and Gabriel was left behind in the building. Not a single trace of him could be found. We suffered greatly from that tragedy, losing money and our former supporters thought that it was a great risk to uphold the company. Having to rely on wealthy patrons and the community for support.”

“Our father included,” Hanzo recalled, having the attention upon the two brothers, “He was well known in preserving classic art. Part of his fortune would always be given to the theatre. Even [Name]s father contributed to that cause.”

Having you remember your father taking you to the theatre, drawing you into the passion for music in the first place. The theatre was also where you had met Genji long ago. An act of kindness and charity was what started all of this in the first place. Feeling Genjis hand over yours, your fingers curled around his in comfort.

“Sojiro and [Names Father] adored the company, they had wished for you three to take part of the company someday. I suppose it was fate for you two to return after all of these years.” Ana claimed, looking over to you and Genji. Torbjorn grunted to clear the attention away.

“As much as anyone wants to hear the history, I very much want to know about the present. Unless you are meaning to tell us that this Gabriel Reyes came back from the dead and became the Reaper.” Torbjorn wondered, scratching his beard while Ana looked to him with certainty.

“That is exactly what I mean to tell you,” The air hanging thick around everyone. Jesse lowly cursed while the others exchanged glances, “I thought for so long that he was dead. Jack and I even held a memorial. We lost a great man and a dear friend. It wasn’t until he had visited us one fateful night. We thought it was all a dream, but he made certain that it was real. He wasn’t the joyful, charismatic man that he once was. He was angry, cold, and cruel. Blaming us for leaving him behind to become what he was. Thinking that we had forgotten about him. All of him, body and mind, were taken in that fire.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Fareeha demanded, looking to her mother for any reason to hold such a secret. Ana turned to her daughter with a saddened look.

“He knew us too well Fareeha. He wasn’t afraid to take what we loved most. He would’ve come after you, he threatened to take Vincent from Jack. Telling us never to speak of him, letting his memory be held without his presence. He made us break the bonds of our loved ones. Sam left because of how much I pushed him away,” Ghosting over her left ring finger, a faint mark to where a wedding ring once rested. Grimacing at what occurred, she covered her face to compose herself, “Jack no longer wanted to be held responsible for him, so he gave up his manager position. He told me how he wanted to find peace. It hurt to see my friend drinking away when he had lost Vincent. When he left that day months ago, I knew Gabriel had gotten to him.”

“Why didn’t you leave?” Reinhardt asked, broken in his words as he knew the burdens that the older woman had to carry. Ana lifted her head, drawing her attention towards you.

“When I took in [Name] after her fathers passing, I had every notion of taking her and Fareeha with me,” You lifted her gaze to see the pain in your mentors eye, “But Gabriel heard [Name] sing. Wanting to know about the siren that echoed in his mind. He wanted her to become what he couldn’t. He instructed that I take her in as a student, while he would train her voice. At first, I believed that it was out of spite, to take in another that I cherished. But then I learned the truth.”

“That is?” Torbjorn asked, seeing the two of you give each other a silent stare. It was you who had spoken up to answer.

“He fell in love with me.”

Genji looked down at you with shock. Everyone having their eyes on you now as the pieces were put together. He had devoted himself to train you and take you away for so long. His words started to make sense on how he wished to not be forgotten. You are his only chance of escaping that isolation that he found himself in. You weren’t sure what he truly hid behind the mask, but it was enough to enrage him when you tried to look. The anger terrified you, now you found justification for his fury. Genji squeezed your hand once more with a hint of pain in his eyes. His emotions were not seen from you as Ana spoke once more.

“I began to see the old Gabriel again whenever he listened to your voice. Somehow you managed to bring that side of him, even if he no longer wanted to be seen,” Ana spoke with a frown, “I don’t expect your forgiveness, I have placed you and everyone else in great danger with this secret. I never wanted him to take it this far, but I fear on what he will do if we stray from his orders again.”

“So, if you had told any of us, none of this wouldn’t have happened?” Jesse asked, voice cold as his focus was on his arm. Ana turned to him, hearing the sour infliction in his voice. She tried to reach over to him for comfort, knowing Gabriel raised him like a son.

“Jesse-“

He quickly got up from his seat, denying any of the sympathy from Ana. Spinning around with a look of anger in his eyes.

“Reyes always had something to hide. This whole time he tried to raise me better than anyone else, trying to teach me to be better than I thought myself as. Even trying to save my ass during the fire all those years ago and here he is turning against his words?” He spat, pacing back ant forth before he slammed his fist against the desk, “The damn bastard is playing us all! We are nothing but a fucking show to him. I say you take us to where he is, and we settle this now.”

“McCree, he knows this theatre more than any of us,” Reinhardt stated, looking to Ana for any hope, “If he has been watching over us, then he has every intention of having a back up plan if we don’t listen.”

“Then we play his game,” Genji finally spoke, everyone's eyes now on the younger Shimada as he rose from his seat. Even you were curious on that suggestion, “All he wants is for his show to go on, right? Then let us give him the show.”

“What??” The two managers shouted in unison. Rising from their seats in disbelief of his words.

“Are you really sure you want to do this show? It’s already messed up from what I am reading. He really is living in the olden days.” Lucio piped up, placing the book down with a huff.

“Whether the show is successful or not, he wants it to be heard. The only way he will know if his piece is being played is if he is attending it himself,” Turning to Hanzo, he placed his hands on the sides of his arms, “We conceal the theatre, guarding it with our men at every corner. The moment he makes his appearance, we strike him down.”

Hanzo furrowed his brows from Genjis plan, only to find himself invested on the idea. The managers exchanging glances to find themselves giving into the plot as well. Fareeha was left to comfort Ana for that moment. McCree pointed to Genji with a smirk.

“I like the way you think, we corner him like the damn rat he is.” He stated.

“Finally, a good idea for once. We will do whatever we can to keep the place locked up tight.” Torbjorn agreed with crossed arms. Reinhardt raises his hand as if the ask a question.

“And what of the audience? Won’t they feel uncomfortable with the amount of guards around them?” Reinhardt pondered, trying to find some sense in the idea. Genji turned to the two men, thinking upon it with a hum.

“We will proclaim it as part of the show. Theatre these days always include audience interaction. It’s a cheap but cunning gimmick to hide what is really going on,” He plotted, pacing back and forth in thought, “so long as [Name] takes the lead role, he will come to see her. We can have everyone set up an-“

“No!”

You made your voice heard, rising from your seat in exasperation. His plan being withered into your brain, shaking your head on how it will plan out.

“Can’t you see that’s what he wants? He wants me, he wants me to sing for him,” Approaching Genji, you stepped in front of him in fear, “If you give him what he wants he will win. I won’t do it!”

“Oh great, NOW she doesn’t want to sing,” Hana huffed from her corner, wagging her finger at you with a glare, “You know that most of this is your fault. All because he wanted some pretty face new girl to show me up. Why don’t you actually play along and do what he says. In fact, why don’t we let him take her so he doesn’t have to bother us anymore?”

“Hana!” Lucio turned to her, having you shrivel up with guilt at those words. Hana not regretting her words from the bitterness she felt from Reapers insults.

You placed your hands over your head as you could hear the whispers once more. This was your fault. As Ana had said, he was drawn to you by your singing. All the pieces fell together so perfectly. If only you had shut away the voices. If only you weren’t a fool to be deceived by his songs. The angel of music your father made you believe would come for you. Shutting your eyes tightly, only to feel Genjis hands over yours.

“[Name], don’t listen to Hana. I don’t intend for him to take you away. We just need to follow his instructions.” Hearing Genjis words, you stepped away from him quickly.

“So, I am to be bait?” You whimpered, seeing the regret in his eyes, “Genji, you said me that you would protect me from him. That is what you promised me! What if your plan fails? What if he already knows what is going on? He will take me again! I will never be able to escape him. I can’t do this...I won’t!”

“[Name]…” He went to reach for you, causing you to smack his hand away. The action leaving everyone drawn back. Everything you had repressed began to crumble down before you. Tears building in your eyes, shaking uncontrollably before heading to the door.

“I need to be alone!” You cried, pushing past Hanzo and slamming the door behind you. Genji went towards the door, calling to you in distress.

“[Name] wait!” Halted by Hanzo, he gave him a stern expression.

“Leave her be, Genji.” He instructed his younger brother, watching his concern be directed towards the doorway.

“You ask too much of her,” Ana spoke, turning with a frown, “She is right, he may very well know of this plan.”

“So long as you remain here and not speak about it.” Jesse glare at the older woman sternly. Receiving the same cold look in return.

“Do you wish to imprison me? If you think I am some tattle tale then you are wrong. How long do you intend on keeping me here?” Watching as McCrees arm rested on the desk before her, a subtle reminder of what had happened.

“Only until all of this blows over. No offense but my trust in you right now isn’t in your favour mam,” Leaning against the desk, he points at the brothers with determination, “We will follow the plan, just make sure [Name] is prepared to take her place.”

“Understood.” Hanzo nodded, leaving Genji to worry about you in the meantime. Reinhardt slumped back into his seat, rubbing his head with a sigh.

“So, the show must go on.”

To be continued

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2005

16 to 17 years old. Finished public highschool, started public university in September. Looking back at 2003-2005 feels like looking at ten years of my life condensed in three. Exhausting.

Also we’re now past the halfway point of these lists! And this is another exceptionally good year for hits.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So I finished highschool that year. I met my best friend ever in late 2004 and we even had some sort of small crew back then! I had a bit of a crush on her but alas it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t know who invented the term ‘friendzone’ but they got its meaning completely wrong because staying friends basically forever with someone you love can be a fantastic thing. Things weren’t rosy nor perfect that year, of course, and I still was miserable at home, but I’m not sure where I’ll be today without her. She's amazing and she still lives nearby nowadays. Shoutout: if you read this, E., you pretty much saved my life.

I was still making tapes and burning CDs, still using my trusty portable cd player, and always listening to stuff while drawing during recess, sitting in a corner and doodling stuff in my sketchbook on the floor like a weird gangly goblin.

I had already started to buy Rock Mag in August 2004 but it really became my monthly ritual in 2005, and it lasted until autumn 2007. A reliable source of posters to cover my walls. At that point they were almost completely covered with paintings, drawings, torn pages from magazines and posters of Linkin Park, Mylène Farmer, Placebo and Indochine.

I also had a better access to the family computer and was a bit more involved online. Might explain why the number of singles I was buying plummeted.

It’s time once again for some (ok, many) honorable mentions!

Beverly Hills (Weezer) - I don’t even know why I like this but I do.

Bouger Bouger (Magic System) - I never understood why it was cool to make fun of these guys in my country. Their music is so happy and fun.

Holiday (Green Day) - My brother loved that band and listened to it a lot, and I was 100% fine with that.

Wake Me Up When September Ends (Green Day) - See above.

Gabriel (Najoua Belyzel) - That is so-bad-it’s-good at its finest right here.

Candy Shop (50 Cents) - As a sucker for terrible puns (HA, get it?? I’m sorry I’ll get out immediately) I can’t help it, I love this.

Love Generation (Bob Sinclar) - Stay tuned for more of this guy on another list.

Listen to Your Heart (DHT) - The original is better, but it was really nice to hear that again on the radio.

We Be Burnin’ (Sean Paul) - Not my favorite but still damn good.

Bad Day (Daniel Powter) - I even bought the single. What can I say except “relatable”.

All About Us (Tatu) - I bought that single as well. Almost made the list.

Le Bateau Blanc (Karol) - The last cut from the list. Not even kidding at all. I’m still not sure if Keane deserves to be on the list more than this to be honest.

Like it happened previously with Placebo not being elligible at all, it is a complete outrage that Precious by Depeche Mode isn’t elligible for this list. Like, what the f█ck. Playing the Angel was one of the defining albums of the year to me. I’m not even sure it would have topped the list, maybe #2, but it still feels wrong.

There’s another band who’s complete absence from this top feels kinda painful to me, considering how much I loved their new album at the time. Indeed, no single from Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance is elligible for this list, and it feels wrooooong, man. I love I’m not okay and especially Thank You For the Venom, but even Helena would have been nice. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

For some unfathomable reason, Get The Party Started (Pink) and, even more unexplainable, Do You Really Want to Hurt Me (Culture Club) recharted in France in 2005 and both made the year-end top 100. The fact they are both elligible but all the stuff mentioned above this paragraph isn’t makes no sense whatsoever.

And now, the actual list!

10 - Everybody’s Changing (Keane)

US: Not on the list / FR: #48

Pretty great even though it’s not my favorite Keane song. That would be Crystal Ball. It’s fantastic and as a person who is scared, above all, by existential horror, the music video is terrifying. Sadly, it’s not elligible for my 2006 list, so Everybody’s Changing will have to be its slightly less good proxy for 2005.

9 - Et Si En Plus Ya Personne (Alain Souchon)

US: Not on the list / FR: #100

This has to be the most borderline non-elligible song ever put on one of my lists. But I’m glad it is still elligible. Remember the song on the 1993 list that I called an “anticapitalist ballad”? Well that’s the same guy. And this time it’s a song about how religion can cause both beautiful things and war, and how “the sky might be empty” because of us. It’s great. Here’s a translation. You’re welcome.

8 - F█ck Them All (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #62

Aaaaaaaaand unfortunately for everyone including myself, she’s back. Not her best song by a mile (told you it was all downhill after C’est Une Belle Journée didn’t I), but still pretty damn good, and that music video where she’s destroying bird-like scarecrows is amazing so here’s a bonus gif.

7 - Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)

US: #7 / FR: Not on the list

My brother LOVED this band and listened to it SO MUCH. And yeah, they were very good and that song might just be my favorite one from them. I don’t have much more to say about it, you all know it already. Let’s move on.

6 - Sugar We’re Going Down (Fall Out Boy)

US: #40 / FR: Not on the list

Again, it feels wrong that both Fall Out Boy AND Panic! at the Disco were elligible for this list but not My Chemical Romance. I was never a fan of these two acts, at all, and their supposed rivalry was kinda hilarious to watch from afar. With a bucket of popcorn. While listening to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge and nodding sadly, of course.

This is still a great song, mind you.

5 - Feel Good Inc (Gorillaz)

US: #37 / FR: Not on the list (really? wtf happened)

Again, I live with someone who loves Gorillaz, so I claim overexposure.

It’s still #5 on a list based on a very, very good year.

That’s quality for you.

4 - Speed of Sound (Coldplay)

US: #57 / FR: Not on the list

A new chapter in the ascension of Coldplay from “Johannes hates this band” to “this is one of the best mainstream bands we have”. An epic saga, years in the making, and Speed of Sound was basically the last scene of Act One. Not my favorite song from X&Y (that would be Talk), but still really good. Hell, I even bought the single, and goodness knows I wasn’t buying a lot of singles anymore in 2005.

Holy shit, half of these are Benassi Bros garbage. None of them are elligible, though! Dodged a bullet there, didn’t I.

3 - Numb/Encore (JayZ + Linkin Park)

US: #93 / FR: #75

What a blessed mashup. For a few magical months in 2005, all the punk goth kids and the hiphop kids were united under this song’s banner and it felt like world peace had been achieved. It could have pissed off everybody but no! Everyone loved it instead!

“But Johannes, this is just Numb all over again with different lyrics. You can’t keep putting Linkin Park at the top of your lists forever.” Sadly no, I can’t. I know. It’s only #3. Don’t yell at me. Also, the next two songs are genuinely better, at least in my opinion!

2 - Lift Me Up (Moby)

US: Not on the list / FR: #31

I heard this on the radio and bought the album, Hotel, on the grounds that Natural Blues from 2000 was one of my favorite songs ever and than it wouldn’t hurt to actually own an album of that guy after all that time (”all that time” being only five years, but please keep in mind the past three years had felt like ten, and in my mind, they still do ; trauma is one hell of a thing). And a couple of days later that year, we went to Disneyland for my brother’s birthday, and I only had a small bag that could contain my cd player, and the earphones and nothing else. So I could only put one cd in it and that was it.

So I picked Hotel, and I basically retreated inside of it whenever my mother was starting to talk aggressively, which happened a lot in the various queues. So in the end, I listened to that cd a LOT that day and every single time, it would calm me while still being energetic enough to keep me enthusiastic for the various Disneyland rides.

Lift Me Up is energetic but cold, aerial but distant, uplifting but sinister. It was the perfect song for someone who was, at the time, trying to tone down their aggressivity and anger and trying to be masculine but in a softer way, while still staying themselves and not giving up the fight. I absolutely adore this song. It’s perfect.

It instantly joined my list of favorite songs ever that year.

1 - Mr Brightside (The Killers)

US: #16 / FR: Not on the list (this feels so wrong)

If I had to make a top ten of the hits of that entire decade, this would be #2. No debate whatsoever.

Because holy shit.

I was already sold on that band after hearing Somebody Told Me on the radio, which sadly isn’t elligible for this list (I instantly loved it, first because it was catchy as hell, but also because I love the chorus “Well somebody told me you had a boyfriend / Who looked like a girlfriend / That I had in February of last year", because as you already know I tend to be extremely literal minded and my immediate conclusion was “wow you two dated the same trans guy before and after he was out of the closet” and that was highkey relatable and no you can’t change my mind). So I bought the album about two weeks after, mostly blind, because the cd store was playing it and also because Rock Mag said it was great.

That was an understatement. Hot Fuss is one of the best albums of the entire decade and you probably know that already. The first song, Jenny Was a Friend of Mine, floored me right after putting the cd in the player and it felt like the album already reached its peak and there were still 12 tracks after that.

The very next track was Mr. Brightside. And. How do I put this.

There’s like a dozen interpretations possible for this song, and most of them are something like “this guy is so anxious and paranoid he’s gonna break up with this girl because he keeps imagining her cheating with another guy and it might not even be real.”

Now might be a good moment to remind you that at the time, I had a crush on my best friend, and was still firmly in the closet. And this song starts, as everyone knows, with “Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine“.

So... yeah. This is the song that accidentally convinced me the closet sucked and did nothing to deter bullies anyway, and that after more than three years of feeling mostly miserable, I should try to be myself and screw the consequences. I know it wasn’t the original intention behind that song. But still.

Godspeed, The Killers. I owe you one, guys.

Next up: Still not able to put Indochine nor Placebo on a list, OP is this close to punching a wall

[quarantineroulette]

Minor Disappointments’ Least Disappointing Releases of 2018

Preamble: I had a bit of a low (not Low, although that would’ve been preferable) period in 2018 that went on for several months. I didn’t really listen to music during that time, and so I missed out on a lot of things. I’m kind of too scatterbrained from holiday hysteria to really take in anything new. So these lists probably don’t designate “the best”, but they’re decent documents of what I wasn’t too distracted or down to take serious notice of.

Secondly, my own band released an album this year, and that occupied a large amount of time normally reserved for listening to other bands. I won’t rank it because I don’t want to be that conceited...but if you want to check it out for yourself, the highlights for me are “For the Rest to Rest”; “Open Up the Ways”; “Screen Test”; and “Suspend Disbelief”. One of my favorite reviews of it described our sound as being a “unique blend of post-punk, brit-pop, indie, and a little post-rock too.” and said we’re “one of the smartest bands to come out of Brooklyn in a very long time.” This is both why people should listen to it and also why they might not.

Thirdly, one of the things I listened to the most this year was Protomartyr’s Consolation EP, but I’m refraining from listing it as it’s not a full-length. That said, I think it’s as good as nearly anything I’ve heard this year, Protomartyr are the best and both of their live sets I caught were my favorite gigs of 2018. TLDR: Protomartyr = good. Most other things on this list = equally good but not Protomartyr. Let’s get started shall we?

10 Songs That Were Good: 

10) Neko Case & Mark Lanegan - Cures of the I-5 Corridor. How has a Neko Case / Mark Lanegan duet not existed until 2018?? No matter the year, something this gorgeous and heartbreaking is always worthy of making the cut.

9) Lana Del Rey - Mariners Apartment Complex . I remember Spencer Krug tweeting something kind of snarky about “Venice Bitch” a few months back, then deleting it, and damn well he should’ve because both that and “Mariners Apartment Complex” are blinders. “Venice” may be the most low-key epic ever, but the way “Mariners” takes hints of Leonard Cohen and Lee Hazlewood / Nancy Sinatra and places them in a pop context is perhaps even more admirable. It’s truly inspiring to hear mainstream music this nuanced.

8) Parquet Courts - Tenderness . I love the jaunty piano, and how Andrew Savage’s vocal take is simultaneously forceful and lax. But most of all I love how all its elements converge to create a sense of hard-won optimism.

7) Iceage - Thieves Like Us . Iceage do a swamp cabaret song and I just can’t love it enough.  

6) MGMT - Me and Michael . Yes, it’s ridiculously ‘80s, but you would have to be a very dour person to not smile whenever that opening synth riff kicks in.

5) Shame - One Rizla . Riff of the year. Hands down.

4) Bodega - Jack in Titanic . One of the great things about 2018 was witnessing Bodega’s success. To me, they’ve always been one of the few up-and-coming indie bands with the  charisma to be actual stars, and it’s been a joy seeing the rest of the world take note of this. From the moment I heard “Jack in Titanic”, I just knew it was destined to show up on a BBC Radio 6 A-or-B list at some point in the near future (and it did!). And yeah, they’re my good friends, but even if they were strangers I’d appreciate the smartness, melodic hooks, and sexiness all the same:

3) Preoccupations - Disarray . Click on that link because the song is really good, but be warned -- the vocal melody is never, ever going to leave you.

2) Protomartyr - Wheel of Fortune . This song has everything: a nerve-wracking stop and start guitar part, an at-once badass and terrifying refrain, Kelly Deal, and the exact sense of urgency that’s needed right now. Powerful, timely, and a rare example of a song that puts its guest star to highly effective use.

1) Janelle Monae - Make Me Feel . This song combines about five different Prince songs but Janelle Monae’s personality is so strong that the end result is something wholly her own. And if the song weren’t a blast on its own, the technicolor video is almost lethally fun: 

10 Albums That I Loved A Lot: 

10) Arctic Monkeys - Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino . I really loved this album but I’m ranking it as 10 just because it’s the Arctic Monkeys and I can’t believe I enjoyed anything they’ve produced *this* much -- especially a lounge album about a casino on the moon. I find Alex Turner overrated as a lyricist and cosplaying a Bad Seed isn’t endearing to me, but he obviously loves Scott Walker a lot so I guess he gets some sort of pass.

9) Moonface - This One’s of the Dancer and This One’s for the Dancer’s Bouquet . The only reason this isn’t ranked higher is because I haven’t been able to give it the attention it deserves. This is a concept album where some songs are sung from the pov of the Minotaur and others from Spencer Krug, and both these creatures are enigmatic are too enigmatic to be given mere surface reads. This all said, I’ve listened enough to glean that, as always, Spencer’s lyrics are awe-inspiring, the marimba is implemented well, the alternate version of “Heartbreaking Bravery” is excellent, and comparing and contrasting its themes with those found on Wolf Parade’s 2017 release Cry Cry Cry is a fun past time if you’re me or seven other people. Looking forward to delving deeper in 2019.

8) Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer . To be honest, I *was* a little disappointed in this. It’s not as cinematic or stylistically adventurous as Monae’s previous full-lengths, but I think Monae herself is extremely talented and I wish she was a much bigger star. Furthermore, when considered against the drek of the general pop landscape, this is still a bold, unpredictable, and intelligent pop record from a true enigma.

7) Luke Haines - I Sometimes Dream of Glue . Like “Kubla Khan” if it had been written after huffing a river full of glue, but instead of Xanadu it’s an English village full of miniature people having a orgy:

6) Parquet Courts - Wide Awake! . No other song better captures the frustrations and anxieties of living in NY in 2018 than “Almost Had to Start a Fight / In and Out of Patience”, and for that alone this album would make the year-end cut. But it also happens to be brilliant start to finish, with the two closing statements, in the form of “Death Will Bring Change” and “Tenderness” respectively, being among PC’s best.

5) Low - Double Negative .  Mimi Parker’s voice emerging from a sonic cocoon on “Fly” is one of the most gripping moments of Low’s fantastic career. This album challenged me the most in 2018, but it’s also one I frequently returned to, determined to crack its code.

4) Preoccupations - New Material . I suppose some would dismiss this as too trad. post-punk, but holy hell - these trad. post-punk songs have got some hooks! And there isn’t quite another singer like Matt Flegel, who somehow manages to channel Bowie and Mark Lanegan at the same time. I’ve listened to this so much that New Material already feels like a well-loved classic.

3) Gazelle Twin - Pastoral . I would argue that Pastoral is the closest anyone’s come to making something comparable to PJ Harvey’s Let England Shake. An electro-pagan examination of Britain’s heritage and history (and the whole Brexit thing) that manages to feel thorough despite only being 37 minutes long, Pastoral moves beyond being just “a record” and becomes something closer to contemporary art. Elizabeth Bernholz’s vocals, whether warped or unconstrained by processing, are remarkable throughout. A mash-up of folk traditions and modern beats that somehow works shockingly well:

2) Idles - Joy as an Act of Resistance . Boyfriend / bandmate James and I have discussed this album more than any other this year, and it’s been a pleasure hearing his love for it and forming my own appreciation of it in the process. What sealed it for me was James’ description of “Idles” as pagan, and how the band’s use of repetition and simple melodies (as well as their bacchanalian stage presence) created an air of ritualism. In their primalness, they even remind me of The Birthday Party - a “woke” Birthday Party, but a Birthday Party all the same. My favorite musical moment of the year may very well be Joe Talbot’s first shout of “UNITY!” in “Danny Nedelko”, primordial, raw, unpretentious, and completely punk. We *need* these guys right now:

1) Suede - The Blue Hour . There is a joke in the TV show 30 Rock in which Jack Donaghy -- Alec Baldwin’s network head character -- says he attended Harvard Business School, where he was voted “Most”. The Blue Hour could be considered “Most” -- it’s meant to be taken as one piece, it’s insanely grandiose and, like its predecessor Night Thoughts, listening to it makes everything in my life seem 18 times more dramatic and tragic. I don’t know how, but this bizarre mashup of Kate Bush, Jacques Brel, Pink Floyd, Scott Walk, Gregorian chanting, classic Suede, spell books and (of course) David Bowie somehow seems bizarrely in step with 2018. Seeing as this top three consists of albums that are arguably “pagan”, and folk horror’s representation in popular 2018 films like Hereditary, The Blue Hour feels accidentally on trend. It’s crazy to think that a band whose first release happened 25 years ago could still be relevant in 2018, but Suede somehow are so please give these dads a hand and then listen to The Blue Hour’s glorious closing trio of songs a lot, because boy are they “Most”.  

[myth-and-mischief]

How come you feel "Zarkon's early death" doesn't work?

The actual fight itself is very well done.  The fight, the ambiance, and the animation isright up there with the other great fights of the series.  I also don’t have a problem with and actuallyprefer that Lotor is the one that ultimately ends up defeating/killing Zarkon,since it has a much greater character impact. But I have a problem with the overall idea for several reasons.  This mainly relates to the fact that Voltronhas an overall problem of telling us facts/story points rather than showingthem, and that Zarkon’s death so early on in the season is not used to set upeven greater villain(s) and thus comes off as anticlimactic.  

Emperor Zarkon reminds me greatly of Emperor Frieza fromDragonball Z.  In fact, given Voltron’stendency to reference, they might have even been inspired by/trying to pull aFrieza with Zarkon.  Frieza also ends upultimately dying/being defeated very early on in a season.  However, this ends up working tremendously asa storyline because (1) Frieza’s position as emperor and terrifying power havebeen repeatedly established for what ends up being a good chunk of the originalDBZ run (aka prior to Majin Buu addition) (2) the time they took to establishhis power and (3) his defeat beautifully sets up a series of increasingly morepowerful and terrifying villains in DBZ afterwards. 

The Emperor’s Power:

Frieza ends up being the ultimate villain of the FriezaGroup of Sagas (heading to Namek up the original defeat of Frieza), which endsup being 71 episodes in the original run and 37 episodes in DBZ Kai (whichessentially got rid of filler/ things not in the manga).  As it turns out, from the beginning of Voltronto Zarkon’s death in S5E2 ends up being 39 episodes.  However most people grew up with the originalrun of DBZ, myself included, so I’ll be referring to the original 71 episoderun. I’d also include the special/movie “Bardock the Father of Goku” in thelineup, since it provides even more background of how Frieza is in power, and howwith literally one swish of a finger he wipes out an entire planet save for ahandful of survivors (sound familiar with Zarkon vs Altea?)

What DBZ ends up doing is working up to its villains.  The first is Raditz, who literally leads tothe main character’s death, and then ultimately Vegeta/Nappa, who end upkilling half/most of the main cast.  Wellguess what?  Those guys WORKED forFrieza.  The main characters then go upagainst Zarbon/Dodoria, then the Ginyu Force, which again are increasinglydifficult villains who merely WORK for Frieza. This does end up having an equivalent in Voltron in characters such asSendak, other commanders sent against the paladins, and the Robeasts.  

The differences are immediately apparent when we finally getto “the final boss”.  Entire episodes arededicated to fighting Frieza.  Multiple peoplefight Frieza personally.  Then they fightFrieza through several different transformation stages of his that onlyincrease in power before finally getting to his ultimate form and once againkilling off at least two major characters (Krillin, Vegeta).  This is finally overcome with the first maincharacter/Super Saiyan transformation of the series and then thinking we’veultimately killed Frieza.  We get tophysically see the reasons that Frieza is so feared and has held onto his positionas emperor.  

Zarkon, on the other hand and for the most part, we aremerely TOLD that he is powerful.  In theentirety of his 39 episode run as the ultimate villain, he is foughtpersonally/face to face only THREE times. This is:

·       Zarkon vs. the Red Lion/Keith, S1E11, which lastsroughly 7 minutes.  The actual length ofthe fight is even less because there are cutaways to Shiro vs. Haggar, as wellas rescuing Allura.  

·       Zarkon in his mech vs. Voltron, S2E13, whichlasts roughly 15 minutes.  The actuallength is even less since there are cutaways to Allura/Kolivan vs. Haggar/herdruids.

·       Huge wait to reach Mech/Suited Zarkon vs. Lotor,S5E2, which last roughly 10 minutes.  Andonce again the actual length is less due to cutaways of ½ paladins vs. Galra fleet,and the other ½ paladins rescuing Sam Holt.

An additional problem with the Zarkon fights aside from the firstis the question is how powerful is Zarkon all on his own.  Frieza (with the possible exception of whenhe returns in the Trunks Saga) is entirely under his own power and his power isonly enhanced by his personal transformations. Zarkon’s very first fight appears entirely under his own power.  But then there’s the second fight, andquestions of how much is it Zarkon’s power vs. Haggar/druids magic assisting/weakeningVoltron vs. his mech power assisting. The same happens with the final fight, how much is purely Zarkon vs. hisarmor vs. the quintessence he is absorbing.

Time:  

The 71 DBZ episodes in question, the original English dubrelease in the US ran from 9/20/1997 to 11/3/1999, or roughly 2 years and 2months.  This was also released in astandard viewing format/serialized television, aka of either daily or weeklyepisode releases.  Because you’re waitingfor a day or a week at a time to see what happens next, you keep that anticipationrunning.  

Voltron Season 1 was released in its entirety to Netflix onJune 2016.  Season 5, where Zarkon isdefeated, was released in its entirety to Netflix in March 2018.  That translates to roughly 1 year and 8months, which is already a shorter time span. The other problem that happens is that while yes you wait between seasons,you can marathon an entire season/the entire show in a matter of hours.  This is less of anticipation and moredrumming your thumbs waiting for the next season.  

Killing him off earlyin a season/Using his defeat to set up subsequent villains:

In the original DBZ release, there was a short season afterthe defeat of Frieza.  Granted the GarlicJr. Saga is technically filler, but it presents a new powerful villain.  But directly after that the main heroes findout that Frieza is still alive and coming directly to Earth.  I cannot tell you as a child how fuckingFRUSTRATING it was to have Frieza return as a villain because we had alreadyspent so fucking long with him as a villain.

But then FutureTrunks arrives and completely wipes him AND Frieza’s apparently even morepowerful father in almost an instant (4 episodes original, 2 episodes DBZ Kai).  It was so remarkable that it’s the entirereason Future Trunks started to become one of my top fav characters in thefirst place.  But then DBZ uses what Iconsider a brilliant story mechanic of using Frieza’s insta-death to set up thenext several villains.  The entire reasonFuture Trunks came back to the past was because there are two villains sopowerful that Trunks, who just insta-killed Frieza/King Cold, can’t defeatthem.  This then sets up Androids 19 and20, oh no opps those weren’t the (an)droids I was looking for.  But wait there they are Andriods 17 and 18and oh shit Android 16, who are all more powerful than 19/20.  But wait again here’s Cell, who starts outalready is more powerful then them because he can absorb power by killingpeople and is stronger than 17/18.  OhFUCK what do you mean Cell reaches his final form by absorbing 17 and 18???

Again, in short, killing off Frieza so early in a seasonworks beautifully because (1) its been thoroughly established how powerful heis and (2) his death is used as the starting point setting off severalsubsequent villains.  Zarkon’s death,however, fails on both fronts.  He hasessentially been poorly established in how powerful he is.  And his death ends up ultimately anticlimacticbecause its not used to do anything.  There’sa reason that ultimately defeating a villain is usually saved for a seasonfinale/end of a movie/end of a saga, or at least a mid-season/mid-saga finale, becausethat’s where it works best.  If you endup using it at a much earlier point you better have a damn good set-up orreason for doing so (which, again, Frieza’s works but Zarkon’s doesn’t)

What I think the writers should have done to make this workwas use Zarkon’s death to fully establish Sendak.  And they appear to somewhat start doing thisbefore shoehorning Lotor in as the villain for that season.  Sendak was personally chosen and traineddirectly by Zarkon, and the relationship essentially comes off as Zarkon usingSendak to replace Lotor.  We start to seethis in Haggar backing Sendak, Sendak fighting at the Kral Zera, and thenleading the Fires of Purification.  Butthen after S6E1, Sendak just fucks off the entire rest of the season, and we’releft with the poorly established/poorly executed/shoe-horned “Lotor was avillain all along!” finale.  Granted,Sendak returns as a rather terrifying villain in s7, but I feel its completelyundercut by s6.  

What I believe ultimately would have worked better is, postZarkon’s death and keeping closer to the canon we got, continuing to build upSendak as a villain until the s7 finale. Have him be motivated as getting revenge for Zarkon, or that he feelsthat only he is the proper/true successor to Zarkon.  Have him keep attacking the paladins/Lotor inincreasingly difficult/ insane manner (like the attack on Omega Shield), suchas killing people/planets just to get at the paladins/Lotor.  Needing more power or ships to fight Sendak couldhave also fed into the reason they go to Oriande, completing Sincline, andgetting into the quintessence field, which in canon feels rather disjointed withshaky motivations.  Then take Sendak allthe way up to the point of he is either directly the reason, or Haggar throughSendak, is the reason the Castleship is destroyed and the Lions are withoutpower.  Then, instead of killing them offlike fish in a barrel, he does something else to hurt them more:  letting them know he’s going to destroy Earth,and leave.  That in turn would make Sendakan even greater villain in s7.  

I also have an opposing idea of directly building Zarkon upproperly for a season then turning it over to Sendak the next season, but thatwould be an entire post in itself.  

[miloswanders]

When I was a kid -- say, between the ages of 4 and 10 -- my mother would spend her Saturday afternoons ironing in the living room. Since she has always found this particular task to be extraordinarily tedious, she would pick a movie out of her rather large collection of VHS cassettes and keep it as background entertainment while she went about her chores. 

After a while, out of sheer curiosity, I would splay out on the sofa and watch whatever movie she had selected for the day, regardless of the rating. Since I was the one who, at 7 years old, had forced my mother to sit through Critters (carnivorous aliens terrorizing a rural American town... don’t even ask), she wasn’t too concerned about my young mind suffering any irreparable trauma at this point. 

Which brings me to the following: I’ve been feeling nostalgic, as of late, and have to find new ways to procrastinate doing all the things that I should be doing right now; thus, I’ve decided to present you with a List of Films That Were Meaningful During My Childhood, in no particular order.

Enjoy!

The Fly (1986). Of course, the first one has to be a horror film, and a great classic at that! The ambitious scientist, the tragic love story, the terrifying metamorphosis... I’m pretty sure I couldn’t shut up about it for the next week or so. 

Beetlejuice (1988). Another classic, which I am proud to say I personally selected from my mother’s collection. It’s been years since I last watched it, so I only remember bits and pieces of it, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t even remotely appropriate for a six-year-old. But! there were ghosts involved, and at the time that was the magic word to spark my interest.

In & Out (1997). This one was my introduction to LGBT media and themes. Being mostly satirical in its intent, it has to be taken with a grain of salt; but I’d laugh my head off every time we watched it, as my mother explained all the stereotypes they were making fun of. After the first viewing, I distinctly remember asking: “What does “lesbian” mean?”, and her answering: “Same as “gay”, but for women”. I thought it was a really cool word. 

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993). This one... this one is special. I already knew Robin Williams from Jumanji, but, of all the roles he has played, this is the one that really stole my heart. My family was sort of falling apart when I first watched it, so it did a lot more than strike a chord -- it made me consider that maybe, just maybe, even if things were going to change drastically in my life, everything would work out all the same. A divorce didn’t have to be such a terrible ordeal, because there were a lot of different ways to remain committed to one another, and “family” didn’t mean the same thing to everyone. So, yeah... Thanks, Robin <3

American Beauty (1999). Picture this: it’s almost midnight, I’m bored out of my mind and should be going to sleep, but I’ve decided to stay up and see what’s on TV at this hour. I come across the first sequence of this film: girl speaking into the camera, creepy conversation with unseen interlocutor, then cut to the voiceover and the aerial view of the gloomy suburbs. My mother found me glued to the screen just as the “rose petals” scene was playing. She asked what I was watching, and I was like: “Uhm... American Beauty, I think it’s called”; she stared at the TV, verified her suspicion and went: “It’s late. I have the VHS, you can watch it tomorrow”. And I did. If anyone ever wonders how I got into the suburban-gothic genre, blame Kevin Spacey. 

The Color Purple (1985). The film that introduced me to Whoopi Goldberg. I had never heard of her before, and I remember repeating her name over and over to make sure I was saying it correctly. I doubt I’d even bothered to ask, let alone memorize the name of any actor before, but with her it was love at first sight. A few months later, I found a radio programme where the host would read “literary classics”, one or two chapters per episode; sure enough, Alice Walker’s novel was on their list. I listened to the whole thing. And, as I did, I guess I thought a lot about the word “lesbian”.

The Miracle Worker (1962). The autobiography of Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan. To this day, I cry at the end. Anne Bancroft was amazing. Also, possibly the first black-and-white movie I ever watched all the way through... and wanted to rewatch.  

The Elephant Man (1980). David Lynch’s debut film; it completely changed how I thought of “monsters”. It was a milestone in my growth as both human being and horror fan, precisely because there was nothing “scary” about Joseph Merrick, at all. It filled me with a sadness the depth of which I still find difficult to convey. Also... Anne Bancroft. Again. 

Divorzio all’italiana (1961). A film about infidelity, social hypocrisy and honor killings in Southern Italy. Not exactly kids material, but it’s not like anyone gave a damn. It’s the main reason why I laugh so hard and hysterically when people claim that misogyny concerns almost exclusively non-Western cultures. And by “laugh” I mean “scream into the void”. 

The House of the Spirits (1993). Saw the movie before I read the book. Five minutes in and I was enraptured. It may or may not have been the source of my fascination with magical realism and historical novels in general. I was missing out on a great deal of context, in order to fully understand the more “political” parts of the story, but over the years I did learn a thing or two thanks to Clara, Blanca and Alba. And yes, Clara was played by Meryl Streep, but I did not care to learn the actress’ name back then.

Stephen King’s IT (1990). Since I’ve started the list with the horror genre, why not have another one? The TV film that exacerbated my fear of clowns to near-pathological levels. It (both the film and the character) scared me so much that I could never bring myself to re-watch it. Instead, by the time I reached the 9th grade I’d gathered the courage to read the novel. “IT” and “Stand by Me” were my gateway into Stephen King’s fictional universe, although the former was branded so deeply into my subconscious that the mere mention of that damned clown used to give me chills. Surprisingly, I have recently convinced myself to watch short clips from the film, only to discover that I now like Pennywise as a character. I mean, that’s still Tim Curry beneath the makeup! 

The Exorcist (1973). Another classic. 9-year-old me was obsessed! I honestly don’t know how many times I re-watched it, but I can assure you they amounted to A LOT. I also tried to convince a dear friend of mine to watch it with me, once, but she freaked out halfway through, leaving me rather disappointed. 

So, there you have them: the highlights of my youth. 

And yes, before you ask, I did also watch cartoons like a normal kid. 

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 2:37 am dark

  Welcome to another “8 Questions with…….”

I’m have been waiting for this chance to sit and talk with film director Lisa Ovies once again. It has been over two years since we last chatted and it has taken that long for her new film “Puppet Killer” to finally hit the festival arena where it has racked up several wins. Lisa is currently working on a distributing deal that see Simon meet his adoring fans at long last.   Lisa is one of my favorite people,she is one of the kindest and most generous persons I have met and her desire to help young actors through her teaching studio Rogue Studios to be respected and admired,several of her young students have started landing parts in various movies and TV shows,she is such a positive force in so many people’s lives.   Her sense of adventure and fun also stand out as she tackled one of the difficult challenges any performer can face,much less a film director and that was doing a stand-up comedy set. For someone who has never tried going onstage before,it still wasn’t surprising to hear that she did a bang up job. She is a lady of many talents.   The cheetah (who says Lisa is his spirit animal) and I are excited to be able to watch and review “Puppet Killer” and am so relieved for Lisa and her team that the journey is just about over,I can see why directors treat their film projects so passionately….but for now,while we a chance……let’s go ask one of my favorite directors,the amazing Lisa Ovies,another 8 Questions……..

    Its pretty awesome to chat with you again,Lisa. Last time we chatted you were taking your new film “Puppet Killer” to post. What is the current status of Simon today?

 Thank you! It is always great to chat with you.

We are done and released into the world and we could not be happier! We started our festival run mid September where we took home Runner Up Best Feature at Mid West Monster Fest and it has been a surreal ride ever since. By the end of this month (October)  we will have played on 5 continents and we have already won 16 awards and are nominated for another 10. My mind is truly blown as you know how hard I worked to finish this film properly and honestly some people pushed me to finish quicker and with less quality. All this recognition helps me remember the fight and patience was more than worth it and my post team DESTROYED. I am so in love with the finished product and have loved sharing it with audiences and horror fans alike. I would not have this film without my amazing team and they have my heart for life. 

Can you walk us through what a “pre-production” and a “post-production” is?

 Pre production is a lot of paperwork and laying the ground work. Location and tech scouting,our practical FX builds and designs, finalizing the script, casting, working out the budget, building sets and props, sorting wardrobe.. all the pieces that go into creating what we end up filming. Our pre production also including puppet training and camera tests with the puppet to try to make our on screen kills as practical as possible. 

Post is more paperwork (AHH!) and then our editing, our VFX, color correction, our sound design and music (Sound designer Robert Phaneuf and composer Stephen Gallagher did an AMAZING job) clearances, title builds ect. In our case, because we had unexpected costs that ate up our post budget, so we took the time to raise enough money to finish properly. We used a fantastic finishing House ‘Finale Post’ and although it was painful to take so long to get it out, it was more than worth the wait. 

How is Rogue Studios doing? Have any of your acting school students landed any major roles or awards yet? What do you like about teaching the most?

 Rogues Studios is doing fantastic and I love coming home and working with my students. I love watching them grow and their hard work paying off! They are leads in movies now or reoccurring on tv shows that would have only been a dream to them a few years ago. A few to mention are Childs Play, Riverdale, Nancy Drew. But really, they are almost constantly booking so it is hard to keep our website updated and I could not be more proud.

What I like most about teaching is the personal connection. I love each and every one of my students and have close relationships with my parents. Many of my students call me their second mom (Momma Shark) and being a part of their growth, their passion, and being a human they trust and can come to when they need an ear, that means more than I could ever put into words. 

 I saw that you recently did some stand-up comedy? You are a naturally funny person,did stand-up come easy for you? Did you enjoy your experience before a live audience?

 Well, thank you for calling me funny! I think I am more sarcastic than funny and I can say it did not come easy for me. I have been a professional improv performer and instructor for 8 years and I would say the disciplines were very different for me. I have always wanted to try stand up but was terrified of it. I don’t think people give stand ups enough credit, the skill to entertain strangers with non stop dialogue all alone on stage, a true gift. 

One of my students Ragini actually signed me up for class because she knew I would never go on my own. My goal was to get through class and do the one stand up show at the end of the program. I was terrified, and I don’t often get scared, so I knew it was something I should lean into for my won growth but damn, truly nervous. At the student show, I was approached to do a show at Yuk Yuk’s, Canada’s most prominent comedy club and I guess it has been following me ever since. Just last week I was offered another paid gig to do a set. I keep saying it is my last show but evidently I have no idea what I am talking about lol

In your opinion,why do comedians adjust to doing drama so much better then dramatic actors doing comedy?

That is a hard answer for me as every actor is different and I think some have done both successfully but my instinct would be that comedic timing is intuitive, it is hard to teach. Some people just have the gift and that is a skill that can then be transitioned into drama, a form of acting that is most times, more available with the proper training. 

One of your students is at an audition and another actor,who is also trying for the same role,asks for your student for help……what are you telling your student and why?

 That is actually a great question and a scenario I have not brought up specifically with them so I think I will. I do however, teach them to hold each other up and to celebrate each others wins. They often go up against each other and truly celebrate when any of them book. I think in this circumstance they would lean into the opportunity to help the other actor and leave proud of themselves for doing so. 

  (Lisa telling Pennywise she already has a spirit animal)

  Outside of acting,teaching and directing….what makes you happy?

  First and foremost that will always be my dogs, my family and my friends. They are all amazing in their own way and bring me so much love and joy. I have had a hard few years and I was humbled by the support I received from them all. 

Beyond the human connection, I love hot yoga, snowboarding and travel. I have been lucky to do a fair amount of all of those the last few years and plan to continue.

8You recently went on a crazy international trip with “Puppet Killer”. How did this come about and where did you go during your trip?

   Yes! And it has only just begun!. Last Christmas I went away with friends to Australia, Indonesia, Thailand and Hong Kong and that was the start of this amazing journey. One of the gf’s I went with is now a member of the Puppet Killer team and in Hong Kong we secured our final investment to finish the film. Those investors flew me out to Seoul Korea the end of September for our Asian premier, I was home two days and then left to LA for the Anaheim film festival where we took home two trophies, one for best ensemble cast and a special award for the amazing Jett Kylne for best young actor. The following week the team packed up and went to HEX in Calgary, a fantastic three day horror convention and film festival. We won best horror film, best soundtrack and when we returned home, found out we had won fan favorite which means the world to us all. As I write this I am preparing to head to Nightmares Film Festival in Ohio while my team mans our Vancouver premiere. Believe it or not we play 9 film festival next weekend! 

After that I have LA, Toronto and NY on the schedule. Not sure yet what 2020 has in store for the Puppet Killer team but I can’t wait to find out!

What is next for you filmwise? Do you have anything in the works you can share with us?

 I am still working with the team and my agent to get ‘Beverly Hills Lizard People’ off the ground. We are nearly funded but have the last chunk to go. This is a dream project with an amazing script, it’s a creature feature with practical effects slated to be designed by ADI if we can finalize our funding. I have also been approached to direct three other features that I hope we get to work on once we slow down the festival run with PK. 

What have been the five biggest life events for you in the past two years?

 What a great question!

1: I started to travel with friends. I did a trip to Thailand in March 2018 with my producing partner and best friend Katie Stuart for almost a month, and then solo traveled to Bangkok and had a surprise run in with another dear friend Heather Dorff when I landed to do a solo trip of Tokyo. 

Then I did the above mentioned trip Dec 2018- Jan 2019 with a few different groups of friends, and did Christmas in a villa in Bali with Heather Dorff and Jaala Wanless.

Experiencing the world with my friends has been inspiring to say the least.

2: I lost my dog Tinkerbell, who was my fur baby for 15 years. That broke my heart. I adopted Gizmo three months after losing Tinkerbell and he has truly filled in my family again.

3. I tried stand up and didn’t die! That was a huge bucket list moment I was too scared to even say out loud let alone pursue. I will always be grateful to Ragini for believing in me and also for pushing me when I needed it most. 

4. I learned to ask for help. I had one of the hardest years this year (although social media probably fails to project that so remember that when you judge yourself and your struggles in relation to others) My family, my friends, my team on Puppet Killer, they really rallied to keep me strong and to keep me going. That truly changed my life

5. WE FINISHED PUPPET KILLER! I have been working on this film for 4 years, and to finally share it in theaters with audiences brings tears to my eyes. It is a goal I have worked towards nearly my whole life. 

The cheetah and I are BACK in Vancouver to see you doing something great but we are once AGAIN a day early and you’re stuck playing tour guide,what are we doing?

Hmmm, well right now it is pissing rain and I am hiding in a cafe doing work. If it was now, we would probably do indoor things like underground bowling, a comedy show, Maybe drive to Whistler and hope it is snowing there instead of raining!

I like to thank Lisa for her time and also congratulate her and her team for all the accolades that “Puppet Killer” has been racking up.  I do believe Simon is going to really become a big hit.

You can follow Lisa’s career by going to her IMDb page.

You can read our first interview with Lisa by going here.

You can also see whom we have chatted with by going here.

Thank you all for your support and please feel free to leave a comment or two below.

8 More Questions with…………film director/Rogue Studios owner Lisa Ovies Its 2:37 am dark Welcome to another "8 Questions with......." I'm have been waiting for this chance to sit and talk with film director Lisa Ovies once again.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2007

18 to 19 years old. Things were slowly starting to get better and better.

15 honorable mentions, but this is still only a top 10. What an incredible, amazing year for music. My favorite hit song for the entire decade is in there! I think everyone already knows what that is because I am, in fact, extremely predictable.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Second to third year of my History studies. Met a great guy. So great, in fact, that I married him in 2019 because we’re still living together 13 years later. Got my first summer job but spent my first pay on driving lessons, because, again, I needed to get out of my parents’ appartment and knowing how to drive would be good to find a job. I had a much better access to internet. I still had great grades. Things were getting much better.

I stopped making my personal lists of favorite songs that year, and I had an mp3 player, which really opened a world of possibilities even if you could only put something like 40 songs on it, at best.

I was still reading Rock Mag a lot. As you can see, the biggest controversy at the time was what was emo and what wasn’t.

We were alright.

As far as non-elligible songs go, well there’s I Still Remember by Bloc Party (and the fact I can’t put it on the list is a heartbreak and a half) and basically everything from Year Zero by Nine Inch Nails. Nightwish, Epica and Within Temptation all had pretty good albums too.

Here’s a metric ton of honorable mentions first!

Snow (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Perfectly pleasant song.

D.A.N.C.E (Justice) - Never understood why this was so popular. Still good.

Love is Gone (David Guetta) - Heyyyy another repetitive dance track, perfect.

Miracle (Cascada), Smack That (Akon), Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol), SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) and Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - Still elligible songs for that year. Still great songs. Still not making the list.

Butterfly (Superbus) - I didn’t like this band, but I liked that song.

Thanks for the Memories (Fall Out Boy) - Same here basically.

Who Knew (Pink) - Not her best, but not her worst by a mile either.

Walk It Out (Unk) - Stayed in my head for days, I swear. I have no idea what the general opinion about it is nowadays. Maybe that’s a humiliating pick and I genuinely have no idea.

Crank That (Soulja Boy) - I do, however, know that the fact this very nearly made the list IS hilarious.

Alive (Mondotek) - Laugh all you want about the tektonik phenomenon, this is still a banger and a half.

Sound of Freedom (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B) - Not as good as Rock This Party. That’s the only thing I can say against it.

Umbrella (Rihanna) - This is an edit because holy shit I forgot Umbrella. It very nearly made the list too. Sorry.

And now, possibly one of the best top tens yet.

10 - This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race (Fall Out Boy)

US: #32 / FR: #71

Almost everyone got the lyrics wrong. The title is way too long. I really don’t like this band of pretentious idiots; if you’re gonna be pretentious at least write about something more grand and epic than your own navel, and go all out (more on that later). Nobody ever really cared about their supposed feud with Panic! At The Disco. And, to make matters even worse, the singer looked exactly like the terrible ex I had punched in the face the previous year.

This is still a damn good song and it’s on the list instead of any of the honorable mentions.

RIP me.

9 - How To Save A Life (The Fray)

US: #24 / FR: Not on the list

You already know I loved The Fray. This song could have apparently also made the previous list but it’s on this one instead. It was overplayed. I still loved it.

8 - U + Ur Hand (Pink)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

In 2002, I bought Pink’s Missundaztood album and as you might remember this was the second album I ever bought in my life, right before the gigantic trainwreck that highschool was.

The fact that about five years (that felt like twelve) later, Pink was on the other side of that trainwreck, back in my earphones, just as energetic and fun as she was before, was nothing short of heartwarming.

7 - Je Suis Un Homme (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I’m not gonna beat around the bush. This song is terrifying.

Here’s a translation. Yeah, it’s about humanity destroying the Earth and itself in various ways, and it’s preachy, but holy shit, how can something be so bleak, so scary and still so catchy. It’s a mystery.

6 - Double Je (Christophe Willem)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

When I first heard this song, I genuinely thought that was also Zazie and I was like oh wow, she’s learned to have fun again after that bleak, bleak song.

But no. She only wrote it, and it’s sung by this guy. It’s relatable as hell (”When I grow up it’s gonna be easy, I’ll finally know what I am”, “Who’s fault is it? / I’m something and its opposite / Double me”). The fact that a guy had this kind of voice and that a ton of people loved it (enough for him to win a big talent show and make this the second biggest song of the year!) also did wonders for my dysphoria, by the way.

5 - Ta Meuf (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

This is a song applying the most obnoxious rap and hip hop clichés about gangsters (and guys in general) to a woman, and she ends up terrorising all the guys and they’re realising these clichés might, in fact, be really toxic.

It’s a great song about gender roles usually seen in this kind of music and instead of being preachy, it’s hilarious, and well-written (I mean, it’s Faf Larage, it’s a given, but still). Check it out.

4 - Relax Take It Easy (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

All hail the new king of pop. He was here to stay and what a breath of fresh air he was. This was very much his year in Europe as soon as the album Life In Cartoon Motion dropped.

My significant other absolutely loved this album and we listened to it wayyyy, way too much, and even with all the radio overplay AND the overplay when we were together, I still can’t get enough of this album.

3 - Love Today (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #39

Here he is again!

If this was any other year this would top the list very easily. What were the US even thinking back then to not let this guy chart. Why isn’t Mika a huge star over there too. What is your problem guys. Do you have something against fun or what.

Anyway, here’s possibly the best comment on the music video:

I mean. You’re not wrong.

2 - What I’ve Done (Linkin Park)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

Aaaaaaand they’re back. And they’re once again topping my list. Lord have mercy on me. I loved them so much.

This was the first step into their modern sound, less raw, more U2. A couple of years later, when Lacuna Coil released Shallow Life, I used to joke that Lacuna Coil was trying to sound more and more like Linkin Park, that Linkin Park was trying to sound more and more like U2, and that U2 was trying to sound more and more like boring garbage and. I mean. I wasn’t wrong there.

My absolute favorite part of the song is at 2:24, when the music calms down a bit and the lyrics go “I start again / And whatever pain may come / Today this ends / I’m forgiving what I’ve done” and then the guitar explodes again. So powerful. Love it.

And now you’re probably thinking “so... Linkin Park was back, and with such a top quality song and it’s NOT your #1? After you put a Linkin Park song or a Linkin Park remix at #1 for three years in a row in 2002, 2003 AND 2004? What’s going on, Jo? Are you okay?”

Oh I’m more than okay. Friends and enemies, here comes the absolute best hit song of the entire decade and possibly of my entire life so far.

You probably already know what it is.

1 - Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance)

US: #59 / FR: Not on the list (shame on you French charts)

I know I keep complaining about stuff I love not charting, or charting but not high enough to make any year-end list, but... How was this even allowed to chart. Why and how did it end up on the US year-end list when so many more radio-friendly hits I loved couldn’t even scratch the hot 100.

I’m not complaining at all. I’m just baffled.

Play the first note on a piano and I’m already a wreck. Heck, I’m pretty sure everyone from my generation is. It was basically our very own Bohemian Rhapsody. It still is. Where do I even start.

Oh. I know. Look at this page from a 2006 Rock Mag, it’s gold.

Yep, they highlighted The Open Door by Evanescence and praised it, and were like “this is very risky and ambitious and we’re not sure you’re gonna like this” for The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Hilarious in hindsight.

A few months later, the same magazine was desesperately using double pages to interview them because everyone adored the album.

So in case you’ve never listened to it (I’m... not even sure why I’m doing this since I’m pretty sure even people who don’t like this type of music have tried to out of sheer curiosity), it’s a concept album about a guy (...possibly. I mean there’s a lot of trans and/or nonbinary hints in the lyrics and did you really NEED to make all of this more relatable? What the hell guys) dying of cancer, remembering all the good and the bad things that happened in his life, and since his fondest memory is seeing a marching band once as a child, death arrives in the form of a marching band. He then settles some scores with his friends and family, says his goodbyes, and... and doesn’t die in the end. He ends up surviving the whole ordeal, and the last song, Famous Last Words, is one the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. It’s so propulsive, uplifting and motivating. “I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. Holy. Shit. Sadly, it’s not elligible.

Welcome to the Black Parade is basically the centerpiece of the album, as you already know or might have guessed, but here’s the thing. It also works out of context because there’s already an entire narrative arc within this one song. It’s larger than life. It’s about death and the meaning of existence. It basically contains all the stages of grief, and the conclusion it reaches is that this guy will be remembered and therefore, he will transcend death. It’s full of rage and passion and triumph. There’s key changes. There’s tempo changes. There’s everything. It’s a rock opera in a single song. I put it on my mp3 player immediately after listening to the album, and it’s still on my mp3 player today. I never, ever removed it. I listened to it countless times and every single time, it feels like rewatching one of my favorite movies.

Best hit song of 2007 by a mile. Best hit song of the decade, hands down, and now that the 2010s are over, I’m pretty confident in saying nothing has topped it so far. I’d say “fight me” if I thought this was a controversial opinion, but it’s not even that controversial.

And that feels damn right.

Next up: Is... is this a list with actual filler? Are you telling us there was ONE mediocre year for music in the 2000s? Sounds fake but okay