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watayaaratamblr · 3 years

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Chihayafuru chapter 226 [long] impressions:

This is more of "everything that went through my mind while reading every page of the chapter"

naturally, gonna be super ..like SUPER long.

1) Shinobu in her fine Kimono was happy or proud? What are the flowers around her? Who knows, we only know that anything they might symbolize is already clear on her face and pose. She played a very strong opponent, she had “special” fun and she won. Only one remaining win and she will preserve her title for the 4th year in a row. Chihaya on the other hand was lost… She did everything she could “come up with” but she still couldn’t win any of the two matches… maybe “come up with something new” was her mistake? Could it be that it’s impossible to defeat the queen in her world, should Chihaya bring her out instead, Chihaya probably didn’t even thought of this because she is completely lost, she worked very hard and her hard work paid off somehow but it is not enough Chihaya seems unable to have any fun; it’s all about needing to win for some reason, why the passionate Chihaya feels so far away?

2) Arata is shook! He is no longer seeing the Meijin in front of him, he is rather calling Chihaya’s name! On the Meijin board we can see 4 poems, (one was shown clearer behind Hiro who was confused with Arata’s sudden distraction; Sudo also noticed and wondered + the 4 poems seem all on Suo’s side?)

30/Ariake no: the poet expresses his hate for dawns after he had to part from his lover at a dawn with a moon that looked so cold and indifferent. 76/Watanohara-ko: This is the second “Arata” poem (as it starts with the word WATA). The poet describes white waves rolling onward which can be mistaken for the white clouds up in the heavens. 20/ Wabi nureba: a consuming passion poem in which the poet tells the woman he loves that he is willing to sacrifice everything to continue their relationship and that he will go meet her despite the heavy price he knows he will have to pay. 74/ Ukari keru: The poet is in distress because the lady he loves is cold to him and his prayers to be happy with her were futile.

The choice of these poems might be clarified when the cards are read but (because Suo seems shadowed somehow and the focus is on Arata), we can still think that they are about Arata’s feelings and what he wants to do about Chihaya’s state now and how she will treat him after her loss .. She already turned her head away from him after her 1st loss, she avoided him, and now she lost again and Arata who is in love with her is really worried.

3) Arata assesses the situation, Chihaya has 2 losses which will put a great pressure on her for the next games and give Shinobu the chance to be more relaxed. The image of Chihaya’s back when she rushed out with her hand on her face as if she was crying was so strong for Arata, the background intensifies what he felt, he was really worried and repeating her name while sweating (dunno if this was intentional, but he wasn’t sweating before he noticed Chihaya (on ch225)) On the other hand, Suo was still completely focused.

4) 78/Awaji shima: was read and Arata was late. Suo took it

This poem tells about the sleepless nights of a guard at some gate caused by the cries of the plover birds crossing the place known as an exile (the plover is also used to symbolize winter) so this poem might invoke the feelings of loneliness and nostalgia.

65/Urami wabi: was the next one and Arata was also late, the difference is now only 1 card. Sudo was cheering for Suo and wandering if a luck of the draw will be the fate of this game. Arata was taken aback!

The poet of Urami wabi is a lady who is separated from her husband so she felt resentment to him, she cried and her sleeves were always wet but what concerned her more was her reputation tainted because of her failed relationship.

These two poems didn’t appear on the board (because only the upper part was showing) but 78 was on Arata’s side & 65 was on Suo’s. The fact that 78 was the poem read to pull Arata out of his thoughts and keep him focused on his match makes me see it as the plover birds keeping the guard from going to sleep. It can also hint at the distraction itself, if sleep is what we do at night but the plovers prevent it, then Arata should focus on his game but his worry for Chihaya also prevents it, so his feelings or Chihaya’s state is the plovers. As for 65, I can’t think of many possible reasons but it might be the “reputation” part, maybe it’s a hint at Arata’s “name” as the “grandchild of eternal meijin Wataya Hajime” that everyone was eager to see through him which might soon be challenged.

5) Murao & Kuriyama wondered what happened to Arata after he achieved such good result till now. Suo had his eyes glued to the Tatami, his aunt was there, he knew but he didn’t try to look. Arata’s club-mates explained that this was a sign of Suo’s strength: he would use the least of your mistakes like losing your focus for even a sec. Riza specifically was very nervous. Arata started to revise what was read and what wasn’t. he kept good track of all read and unread cards, including the dead cards (Taichi was always praised when he did this but now that Arata is doing it, it feels normal and so like him, I believe we all know that Arata is stronger, Taichi showed us the process to arrive there but Arata was the first to arrive there, he definitely passed by most what Taichi experienced.). With this review, Arata knows what he can use his cross sweep on: Wabi & Wata-ko. Ariake is the 3rd remaining card on Tatami (besides the two above & the thress are drawn earlier on the board) but there are also 3 A cards not read yet (dead cards) which are 58/Arima+ 39/Asaji+ 64/Asaborake-u, Arata expects that Suo will wait to make sure of the 3rd syllable. Arata was worried & his grandpa’s ghost came to support him like Taichi and Harada’s ghost too, Hajime analyzed Suo before and he noticed that he wasn’t good with the cards on the outer edge of his own formation, this is something Hajime noticed back when he was alive and sane, was it like 5 years ago? So is Suo’s condition worse than back then?

6) Hajime’s teachings calmed Arata a bit, he is ready to fight again (he moves so handsomely), those where only words told to him by his mentor, but he is also a real deal, his body is ready, his hands are used to attack, he practiced enough to be able to go under his opponent’s hand to take a card, luckily an ‘A’ card on Suo’s side was read, Arata attacked and he practiced enough to be able to protect that card until the kimariji is decided (also Suo didn’t practice enough to know how to break that defense, it was a card on the edge of his playing field too, but there are only 3 cards left, so he could commit it to his memory as Arata said before on ch 223, the most important thing is memorization, having a card in your sight Then committing it to your memory, you’ll be able to see it even with closed eyes and Arata played like that before when he couldn’t find his glasses)

7) 30/Ariake is the one read, Arata put his hand on it when he made sure and Suo couldn’t find a way to it. Among the 4 poems initially shown on the board, this one was read. Who does it refer to? (if it does). Who is the unpitying moon? who parted with what? who feels longing for what? I can’t really think of an answer and I can’t even tell if there is an answer to begin with. But, it might have something to do with the idea of “committing the card to memory after sight” because when this principle was explained on 223, this card was among the ones shown around Arata & Suo. Arata’s family members where happy contrary to Suo’s family members.. These two panels made me think that in these matches between these two, the families of the players are as involved as the players themselves. (And Akira looks more surprised than happy, maybe he still doesn’t realize how his own words back at the hotel are true: “Arata, you are strong”.) The commentator confirmed the greatness of Arata’s move and there was a suspicious man behind him LOL (why was this man drawn there?)

8) Arata’s cover seems to be a high level one too, this is all Arata’s Karuta because he is the one using his body for it. Suo now seems in danger like Chihaya. Kuriyama & Murao are overjoyed and Arata went out with rather an indifferent face? there are no signs of relief or happiness, he looks rather lost in thoughts.. I was thinking that Suo acknowledged Arata’s strength (that beat him), but for some reason and contrary to Harada sensei, it’s not only “I don’t want to play anyone who is not strong”, he seems like he doesn’t even want to play this strong Arata, even when Kyoko tan who gives him enough motivation to play, he still couldn’t bring himself to use enough strength to defeat Arata…it’s like he is disappointed, he wants something else from him that Arata isn’t showing him… Anyway, Arata now doesn’t even look tired or invested in his win in any way.

9) Now he looks surprised, is it because he can’t see Chihaya anywhere? the half black & half white background was used before and in my case, it represents “Confusion”. In addition to the blush, Arata makes a completely unrelated face with the one he made after he won, it’s like the moment he came outside, he became someone else, or better, he was someone else but the moment he came out, he became himself again (can we then take the blush as an “Arata is himself” sign & its disappearance as a “Hajime mode” sign? XD) The SFX isn’t BAM right? because who is still taking cards? According to Google, it’s rather (バツ/ turn suddenly); And seeing Kana searching for her confirmed that she was nowhere around so he went to look for her right away, even before he reports his win and gives back the cards. (he looked like an old man in the 3rd panel lol) and in the 4th, he looked very concerned for Chihaya suddenly sweating and turning around in a hurry. Kana’s way of searching was by shouting loudly everywhere, while Arata’s reflects more of his personality and I like it, he won’t do random things, he goes to the places where she might be, calmly & silently.. I really love this. So he asks around, the bathroom was a good place to look in but she wasn’t there (and he was so amusing being all shy but asking anyway) These few panels tell me more about Arata’s character; he really is used to take matters into his hands. He didn’t go to ask Kana when was the last time Chihaya was seen and where etc. he didn’t approach those who were already searching for her, he went to do it himself. I already said that, but I guess, his parents & his family conditions made him this way. he couldn’t get support, he was rather the one asked to help so he learnt not to ask for help and to take care of things himself instead. The outside was the last place to look in, is it because Arata was more intuitive that he could find her before Kana who was already searching before he even finished his match? Who knows, but I certainly see Arata as a reliable guy, he always was and he is also now. And there she was, Chihaya was crouching on the cold snow…

10) Arata stuttered like usual before he gets Chihaya’s name out; A whole page just to tell us Arata found Chihaya crying desperately in the snow and her bare feet were red from cold. No special backgrounds, no hinting no indirect messages, it’s all snow and white and they were the only ones there. Arata put his hand on her back casually then lowered his head to see her face (imagining this in slow motion is so warm) and then noticed her freezing toes..

11) As Arata noticed Chihaya’s feet, he held her up on his shoulder, no blushing, no shyness, no hesitation, no clumsiness, his familiar self was buried and Chihaya is what matters now! Arata is strong! He is 177cm and weighs 65kgs while Chihaya is 167 and weighs 54kgs, not much difference right? And this wasn’t the 1st time he carries her, He did before when she fainted in her 1st nationals, he carried her bridal style, now it’s an OTS carry (yep, read about this on TV tropes and they gave it an abbreviation lol “Over The Shoulder carry”) Chihaya was surprised but her focus soon was turned to the box of cards that Arata dropped while carrying her, She started to apologize, she certainly sees the cards as living humans now, Arata wasn’t as concerned, she was 1st for him and everything will come after. When the box fell, 4 poems were revealed:

6/kasassagi no: The misty bridge between distant lovers that will bring them together for sure. 51/Kaku to dani: This is about a fierce love that the poet feels burning inside him but doesn’t know how to express it to the woman he loves. 26/Ogurayama: The poet tries to invite an emperor to visit a certain pretty place that his father visited before and he wished his son would come to see it too. He uses the maple leaves to express the felt desire & longing to see the emperor-son. And half shown, 72/Oto ni kiku: it’s about the known waves of "Takashi beach" that the poet doesn’t want to approach not to wet her sleeve, but it’s actually about her not trusting the invitation she got from a man and fearing a love affair that will end in tears, this poem can be used to express avoiding something not to get hurt by it…

Again, none can say for sure why exactly these poems but I strongly believe that they are a hint. And for me, they are saying something about the relationship between Chihaya & Arata (they are a love story!!).

Looking back on the history of poem 6, we can expect that Suetsugu is going back to the idea of "there is a distance between Chihaya & Arata which is like the distance of the two legendary lovers Orihime & Hikoboshi" but this time, Arata is the one who is preoccupied with this distance more... Kaku to dani: needless to say, this is about Arata’s feelings for Chihaya, they are burning again because Chihaya needs something to cheer her up so he needs to convey them somehow. Ogurayama: I believe this is about the maple leaves carrying Arata’s feelings. Even if he doesn’t try to show it or be vocal about it, even though he used his phone only 3 times to send something to Chihaya (was only a msg through Taichi, then a message to her & Taichi and finally a call-what a progress lol), but he longs for her and wants her to be happy like how the emperor would have felt if he came to see those pretty crimson maple leaves. He wants his feelings to make Chihaya happy somehow. And the half-shown Oto ni kiku is about fear of love and tears. This is about Chihaya who isn’t allowing herself to be involved with love yet! there is something she feels lacking which is necessary before she lets herself love and I believe it’s the thing making her turn her head away from Arata ..

Then Chihaya realized, then looked at Arata’s head, he won his much! he now has 2 wins and one more win and he will achieve the dream he shared with her, the kinda promise: “this weekend, let’s make our 1st dream the reality”

12) Then Chihaya cried, helplessly. She congratulated Arata through her tears but she was rather miserable… It’s so hard to be happy for him right? this is not a win which will be enough to get by either him OR her, whichever happens should be good if they are friends right? but no, this is about her!! I have a feeling that if Chihaya won & Arata not, she wouldn’t be very sad for him.. There is something telling me that Chihaya is only scared of being left behind by Arata, as long as he doesn’t, she will be fine, but if he does, she will feel devastated. this is such a strong word, but I mean it.

13) And she voiced a bit of her concern, she was afraid she can never win, even though she lost only by 3 cards, personally, I’ll think that from 7 cards to 3, I can make it in the next game, but Chihaya seems to think that the strongest she can be is the way she was in this second game, then she can only get close to Shinobu that much, not to lose with more than 3 cards. Arata was surprised; maybe he never thought she could lose hope? or maybe he is confused how she can say so when he believes that she can win against Shinobu.. And ofc, before he says anything Kana & Tamaru finally found Chihaya. Kana is as wary of Arata as ever, the n°1 Taichiha shipper. But apparently, she didn’t see Arata bringing Chihaya from outside, she saw only when he put her down and that looked “too close” for her and “hurry up, let’s go to your waiting room, it’s like she is saving her from Arata.. While our gentleman was putting Chihaya down so carefully while looking at her feet whether they are fine or not.

14) Kana is indeed a typical Taichiha shipper, I have seen it a lot, no matter what Arata does, he is always a target for hate or at least disdain. Approaching Chihaya is a big no for them let alone take caring of her. I tried to laugh at this panel, I thought that sensei really is referring to those fans, she might have wanted it to be a comical moment but it’s not. What I saw is that, again, Kana is putting Taichi & herself before Chihaya & it sucks. Arata didn’t even notice her though, thankfully, all he could see was Chihaya, the painful face she was making & her tears (The background of confusion as I call it).. Arata suddenly took us for another rare moment inside his stubbornly concealed heart, the clumsy guy who seems shallow & insensitive to lot of readers.. Chihaya’s weight alone made him look so deep into her and see so much…She is unfamiliar to him, he didn’t get to learn earlier about her everything, but in every second he is given, we saw him pay a lot of attention and see her with more than his eyes. Chihaya’s tears meant that she worked so hard and that didn’t pay off, she wouldn’t have cried this much otherwise. And he can already learn that much about her by just imagining what he wasn’t there to witness, she worked so so hard. Looking at his hands (Chihaya was there lol), he looked so deep in thought, but he remembered the cards he left on the snow..

15) He rushed to bring them but his thoughts were full of Chihaya and how to cheer for her, Arata acknowledged her strength, she is an amazing strong player who can really defeat Shinobu (he seems to believe he can also defeat Suo).but he is not good at communicating his feelings & thoughts, he is clumsy & he knows it..so will he hide his clumsiness to look cool like Taichi does most of the time? No, that wasn’t what Arata thinking, he was rather wondering about a way to make her know what might save her.. He took the cards getting now wet from the snow, he took 77/SE while he was wondering.. “Se” is about the separated ones who will certainly meet again.. it’s like Arata feels a boulder blocking his thoughts and feelings from reaching her and he wants to find a way to bypass it & reach her. “Se” has always been a special card for Arata and it is because of Chihaya..

16) It was the 1st card Chihaya took from him and he already got it back from her in their match but for Arata, SE is more than that. It’s the card that started Chihaya’s journey in Karuta. and Arata is confident that he is the only one who knows, and he is confident that the level she showed in her match with him is the highest she reached, or the highest anyone can reach, or at least, if she is defeated by Shinobu in 2 matches today and was already defeated by her in ch169 then it’s a level she didn’t go to again after her match with him and she still can do it. Arata’s head was really full of Chihaya, he is so focused on her that he totally forgot he too is where he worked to be for so many years, longer and maybe even harder than Chihaya herself (for almost 12 years, more than half of his life, no it’s 2 thirds of his life!!!), so the Murao twins came to remind him of what he forgot since the match ended, of the Meijin title & his grandpa. Only one other win to be were Hajime Wataya seems to have wanted Arata to be (or at least that’s what Arata thought)

17) Yep, Hajime is telling him to focus, to forget about Chihaya & concentrate on him & his goal. “Se” was shown again with the words “the mejin title”, is that the boulder separating the stream of the river?

18) Arata placed Se back on top of the cards in the box next to another card:

18/Su mi no e no: This poem is about hiding from people’s gaze when going to meet the lover, trying to avoid exposure even in dreams.. Doesn’t it suit the moment perfectly? when the twins came to remind Arata of the Meijin title and his status, he hid “SE” (representing also his feelings for Chihaya) in the box, it’s like how the poet who is an aristocrat from the great Fujiwara family (Fujiwara men are known to choose their wives in the family) is afraid of being exposed.

Arata closed the box, it’s also like “Se” keeps him the real Arata (he said that he lacked love to be himself, so maybe Se is his love poem to Chihaya, his love saves him regardless of whether she reciprocates it or not contrary to Taichi, his love always hurt him, like a curse) The Karuta officials are the happiest for Arata’s win it seems, he pleased them, he revived Wataya Hajime for them again, they are blessed, for them, it’s all about them & Hajime it seems, Arata isn’t really seen for who he is… Arata remembered when that man told him that because Arata’s Karuta is exactly like Hajime’s, he was able to see Wataya sensei again. Back then Arata cried, he said that he really loves Karuta.. Could it now turn into a curse? because it’s too much? Because he is losing himself? because he is not seen? Why was Arata happy back then? and is the reason weaker than any probable desire now to be seen for who he is?

19) Suo was upset! His dear aunt that he didn’t meet for 8 years suddenly came all the way from Kyushu to see him, but he wasn’t happy..He lost two games but he doesn’t seem worried about that... Yukiko was kind and looks like the sweets are a family thing? Sudo is confused (he is amusing when he is like that) & Suo’s cousin is more impressed because Suo had lot of female friends lol Suo was nervous, he wanted to ask how and why they were suddenly there but he stuttered and According to Yukiko chan’s answer, we learn that Suo developed the habit of soft talking after he quit Kyushu.

20) After 8 years of separation, she wanted to touch the boy she loved so much and cared immensely for, maybe it’s because she can’t see him well too, but she failed to reach his face, she couldn’t see well, and Suo felt so hurt, but like anyone else with pride, his reaction was based on his suffering not on hers. And instead of being hurt herself, she rather was worried about him, why would he be cruel to her unless he too is suffering from her same illness.

21) The whole conversation in this page feels weird. Suo raised his voice from frustration and these relatives didn’t try to listen to him before. The cousin rather teased him about his loss as if it’s nothing, (he highlighted the fact that Arata is a youngster too) And Yukiko’s answer was soething I didn’t expect! She doesn’t seem to care much about the Meijin thing, she rather looked hopeful (notice the sudden blush), she thought that if Suo is no longer Meijin then he can go back home. What was even more surprising is that Suo looked agitated but his answer wasn’t what I expected, he asn’t worried that his title doesn’t see precious that his relatives would want him to keep, he was rather worried that what they are offering is impossible because he grew up to become a stranger and going back to his home is impossible.

22) Seems that Suo would consider his home any place Yukiko owns, but he knew that she didn’t own the house she told him to go back to. (isn’t this a reason to work harder in univ then get a job and buy a house to bring Yukiko to live with him instead?) The cousin got angry because things like these aren’t considered in a warm loving family where elderly are respected and considered owners before what papers say.. Suo didn’t seem to want to listen, and he left hurriedly causing his condition to beclearer to his aunt as he bumped with many things in his way out. (BACKGROUND of confusion in the last panel)

23) Still, Suo couldn’t leave before knowing why they suddenly came. and the description was so easy to tell him who, Suo realized it right away, the boy with big eyes who would wish for Suo’s family to come watch him (because he is incredible & wants his family to know that? or bc he pities him?) The boy with big eyes was “Mashima kun” they called him this many times, now they didn’t mention the name, I wonder how Sudou would have felt if he knew? would he realize that Taichi really got the closest to Suo, somewhere he couldn’t go?

24) Chitose left, Chihaya’s mom knew but didn’t understand why, Kana, tsukuba & Nishida stayed out of the room while Chihaya, Tamaru, Namida, Sumire & the last boy from Mizusawa that went to Shiranami were all inside, Kana told the mom it’s better to stay out and those inside were all experiencing the reason lol Ah no, Namida was doing great, he is such positive and hard working boy, he is not wasting his time by being afraid or nervous, he is taking notes instead! Chihaya is the most nervous because she is the reason Harada sensei is furious. Harada never taught Chihaya to send back a card because the opponent will place it again in its original place that they remember well (and we know that Chihaya sent it to provoke Shinobu -see ch222), provocative Karuta based on the knowledge of what Shinobu hates and the cards she won’t place next to each other was Watarai’s teaching.

25) Yep, Shiranami’s way is to target the opponent’s memorization as much as possible, Shiranai members are scared of Harada but can’t deny that he is right, he is a great teacher, has a good experience in Karuta and in teaching, maybe them being present here to hear & learn is the biggest proof. Chihaya also didn’t lift her head, she knew he was totally right, she can’t think that losing was because she was unlucky in front of the strongest queen, it’s because of those small mistakes she allowed herself to make.

26) Harada’s words kept hitting hard for Chihaya. Maybe he didn’t say that she was wrong, she learnt a new way in 2 months but she already had a strong way that she could fortify in these 2 months too.. Chihaya focused on Shinobu’s cards and neglected her own? isn’t this beneficial for an offensive Karuta player? I don’t get it well But Harada didn’t understand much of Chihaya’s new method either and he was honest & fair, he acknowledged what Chihaya still achieved: she got a strong reaction from Shinobu. Did Shinobu’s smile mean that she wasn’t indifferent with Chihaya? that she enjoyed the “strong” opponent? Harada told Chihaya that Shinobu seems to have enjoyed her match with her like she enjoyed her match with Arata which means that Chihaya played at Arata’s level back then and that is an achievement!

27) He smiled to her to make her feel better, because she really did great by learning new strong weapons in 2 months.. And now it’s time for the 3rd game. at this point, we don’t really know if Chihaya was better? if she calmed down? While Arata seems to be still in his grandpa mode, (he looks really like an old man here, calm and silent, he wasn’t like in the 1st break And he was completely the opposite of his father who was so energetic and very satisfied with Yuu’s gift, a design with the word “TOP” inspiring more will to do one’s best to reach the top! Akira seems quite fond of Yuu (I am too), she was admitted to her school of choice & he is happy for her, the Watayas talk so familiarly about her like she is really a close relative except Arata…

28) Akira is really hard to deal with, he does whatever he wants and he is very fond of Yuu. Asking for Arata’s phone to call her & thank her, Arata rejected any try to involve him in this mess (he didn’t even react when Akira said that he will make up a lie and say that Arata was touched because of her gift, Yuu would have probably known it’s a lie because Arata wouldn’t react like that… But it’s IC if he does for Chihaya right?), he was trying his best to focus, he didn’t show any enthusiasm about Yuu; Her, his father, the food or anything of the sort couldn’t break his grandpa mode. And finally, Taichi’s message was discovered, Arata didn’t want to read anything before his game but knowing it’s about Taichi, would that be still the case?

29) Arata stopped! getting a message from Taichi who didn’t come to watch made him really stop, Taichi is really special to Arata. And turning back he found Chihaya there too, she heard what Akira said & her face showed surprise!.

30) Chihaya seemed lost in her desperation, she didn’t say a word she just turned quickly wishing to find something for her too from Taichi, she needed him, when Taichi was around he could somehow find a way to make things better and she needs it now because she is not fine, Harada’s words didn’t seem to heal her fully, she sighed when she didn’t find anything.. Arata was confused (the BACKGROUND), and when Chihaya saw him she blushed & turned her head away in embarrassment, Arata lifted her suddenly earlier and she didn’t have time to do this back then. Why? if it was because Taichi now then what about the 1st time? It wasn’t because of Taichi, it was because she looked weak in front of Arata. Chihaya has always worked hard to reach him, to become someone who can meet his passion, to be worth sitting across him in Karuta.. but she kept losing where he kept winning, he was always ahead and she could never arrive there. Chihaya was embarrassed of her weak self who showed more weakness and dependence of Taichi’s help, it’s like she can’t go anywhere without his support… Arata knew that wasn’t true. Akira asked again if Arata wanted to look at Taichi’s message and Chihaya passed him just now without a word (and Kana still looked at him sideway lol) …so many distractions, Hajime Wataya’s voice was calling him again to focus, just a bit more & he’ll be the Meijin, that’s all he was about after all right?

31) NOT RIGHT!!! That wasn’t all Arata was about, not for those who care to look at him properly! Arata wasn’t worried about being ditched, or about what Taichi’s message might contain, he rather remembered when Chihaya showed him her special bond with Taichi that day when she crushed him.. This was good reason to feel jealous or upset but that’s not who Arata was… He took Chihaya’s hand and disobeyed his grandpa’s words!

32) Arata’s face looks desperate trying to reach Chihaya to make her see the truth he believes about her, she can defeat Shinobu & he means it, he knows her strength too and he could compare, he knows when Chihaya was the strongest and how Taichi is the last piece in what Chihaya fought for and became the strongest… The blush on Arata’s face says how much he wanted to make it through to her, how many times does Arata show emotions? the calm and collected guy, what does it mean when he shows such face? “You shouldn’t go play with Shinobu chan in her arena” Harada sensei pointed out Chihaya’s mistakes but he didn’t show her a way to follow, it’s like he no longer has an advice for her, he gave her everything he got and when she strayed from his path he reminded her, but that’s all, And Arata’s advice was something else, like a Karuta expert, he knew what to tell Chihaya, even though he didn’t watch her matches or maybe he did? because he didn’t seem in a pinch in his own vs Suo, maybe he got time to look sometimes…

33) Arata really had what to say, and Chihaya listened because what she heard was useful. She wanted o go where the lonely Shinobu is but she couldn’t face everything in that world and she came out leaving a still lonely Shinobu inside, Arata tells her to bring Shinobu outside instead, to show her the wonderful things outside that can give Chihaya the same strength as Shinobu, something she might want to come out to get? Chihaya saw an illusion for the calm Queen, the plant in the frame was always used for Shinobu too and it seems (and I’m not sure) that Suetsugu uses it for Shinobu who is Shinobu and not the Queen.

34) Chihaya found Arata’s words interesting, that was some good technical support but she had to think more to find her arena Though, Arata wouldn’t let her, he gives her now the emotional support, he knew Chihaya needed Taichi (not the person, but at least sensing his presence in what he left) so he decided to give her that, anything she needs, he wouldn’t be jealous or needy or immature, he put her 1st and I admire the way he loves even more!

35) Everyone saw what Arata wanted to show, it wasn’t a secret or personal message to Chihaya, and Taichi is the captain of Mizusawa, he pushed that team, and Arata brought it to push it again. Arata persisted bc he knew very well how much Chihaya values Taichi & her team, he didn’t need to be there for 3 years to know, he is very attentive and intuitive too and looks at Chihaya really properly!.

36/37) Arata’s words were moving to all Mizusawa members, they all blushed emotionally, and Chihaya cried, maybe because she missed this or maybe because she somehow betrayed it by forgetting it and not working for her team like she said she would before…(this chapter looks so direct, no BACKGROUNDs, no shoujo effects)

38) Arata held Chihaya’s hand so gently (I wonder why sensei drew this panel, it’s totally unnecessary for anything other than highlighting Arata’s love (romantic love because I can’t imagine him do this to Yuu if she ever goes through something like this)) He mentions his loss to her as something big which is a compliment to Chihaya & an acknowledgement of her strength & level. He says it with no embarrassment because her win was well deserved (I want to see Taichi make a confession like this to Arata). And Mizusawa captain was strong because she played for her team, she used all she had for them… so Chihaya again, only has to play her own Karuta, this is the opposite of what Chihaya told Arata in his match against Harada, she told him to play like someone else.. Amusing!

39) In Shinobu’s waiting room, Shinobu was acting like a child, so carefree; she only has 1 remaining win to keep her title after all. She also seems so close with Kokoro chan now (Kokoro called her Shinobu without “chan” or anything, it implies so much familiarity right?) also Shinobu is a bad example it seems lol. Though Kokoro mentions something that might be a hint to Shinobu’s next loss (a 3rd game is tiresome). And then when Shinobu was about to get up, something was off, she felt something but she didn’t see what it was? Kokoro asked but she didn’t answer? Chihaya was shown right after that still having her tears while Arata kept explaining what he wanted to say, like he himself does, he gave her an image he knows will push her to win, she had to think that she is playing in a team tournament, her team is losing, they have two losses and 0 wins, now the remaining 3 members should all win at all costs and Chihaya will play the role of the three players, it’s like when they played in the finals of last year’s high school team tournament vs Fujisaki where both Tsukuba & Tsukue kun lost and Chihaya, Taichi & Nishida felt the responsibility to win each their game, Taichi was the one who voiced this desire 1st (ch81). (That was the game Chihaya felt upset because Arata told her that he didn’t care for teams and now, he is showing her the opposite of what she feared back then, he treasures "teams" & knows exactly how important one is for any member.)

40) And Arata impersonated Taichi for Chihaya! He should have felt jealous, he already experienced that feeling and wanted to be the one Chihaya sees, but now & for her sake, he accepted Taichi and even revived him in her memory to get as much strength from that as she needs. He wasn't there but he must have known Taichi would say that for Chihaya so he reminded her of it for her sake instead of being selfish & feeling miserable or jealous (reminds me of when Chihaya hid in the closet after she lost, the way Taichi brought up Arata’s name all miserable & helpless, he couldn’t forget about himself for a bit for Chihaya contrary to Arata even though he didn’t have anything to be confident about, Chihaya was closer to Taichi, she cared for him so much, she showed him this care in front of his eyes, he had every reason to feel threatened but he didn’t, Chihaya mattered more than that to him …)

#Chihayafuru #arata wataya #wataya arata #ayase chihaya #wataya hajime #Harada Hideo #chapter_impressions

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scarlettlawyer · 5 years

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Part 6 of my commentary/reaction of the fanfiction series Phantoms & Mirages by @renegadewangs And uh – there’s actually a small (but relevant) commentary on Turnabout to the Past in this post too… :P

Also looks like I’d better start organising the links to the previous posts more properly, so:

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 |

So picking up with the same chapter, swiftly and subtly over the course of the fic, the phantom has been dramatically repositioned by the narrative. And now, all of a sudden, as the connections get made… Just after being shown Actual Child Phantom and having that sympathetic image fresh in our minds, the narrative suddenly goes “Haha! So anyway! Bobby and Simon parallel the phantom’s parents! :D” and throughout this chapter, because of the severity of the phantom’s injury and their weakened state, Bobby and Simon have been forced to make sure that he, well, doesn’t die. So now all of the sudden the phantom is kinda like… their child that they need to look after…

It’s almost as if… the narrative is equating the phantom with being a child… their child… And that alone is… really, really amusing. It was very funny to me. It was just about hilarious. It was the best thing. I couldn’t get enough of it. You actually managed to construct these parallels wherein the narrative positions the reader to see a direct parallel between, on some level, this fully grown man guilty of countless murders and a child. To see him as a kind of child that needs vital assistance from Bobby and Simon, rendered momentarily weak and helpless by circumstance.

Time and time again, the phantom has been built up by the series as extremely intimidating, scary, DANGEROUS, what have you, but in this moment, in one fell swoop, at least in terms of how I saw it, the narrative appears to dish out a kind of retribution. The phantom’s character is, to an extent, made fun of in the best possible way, amidst his transformation into protagonist and beginning to grab at the sympathies and concerns of the reader, Bobby and even Simon. Because however much our perspectives might have shifted somewhat at this point, no one is under any true illusion here: we all know that the phantom is a colossal jerk who has done terrible, terrible things. For the narrative to point at him, an adult, a criminal and a murderer, and say to the reader, “oh, just look at this poor little child” is on some level to outright mock him, and to strip away much of the character’s ability to intimidate in any real sense at this point. It is also a repositioning that mainly only the reader is privy to; he is not being made fun of directly in the story or being subjected to any true retribution directly over this outside of the karmic frustrations and indignities of being temporarily unable to properly fight back against Bobby and Simon’s assistance. But Bobby and Simon are not provided with the insight into the direct parental parallels. No, the “lol the phantom is a child” perspective namely resides with the reader, now, and its as if we are given every permission through it to dunk on him, as he should be dunked on, ‘cause he sucks and ruined lives lol.

The flashback to the phantom when he was a small child was nothing but angsty, make no mistake, but that does not make any narrative plays on his current adult self being a child any less amusing, and vice versa – it doesn’t in any way take away from the horror and awfulness of the child abuse flashback.

The phantom’s trauma is not funny, nor is his suffering – rather, the narrative positioning him as Bobby and Simon’s child is.

I also want to expand a little on how Simon assaulting the phantom was to an extent mirroring him as a small child being assaulted by his abusive father, although I touched on it briefly in my previous post.

In one situation, the phantom is an innocent, helpless, actual child, just doing his own thing… In the other, he is, well, the opposite of “innocent”, as well as actively baiting and anticipating the attack. And Simon striking out, naturally, is seen by the reader as being so much more justified. It is the same person – the phantom – being attacked in both situations, but different in the ways I’ve iterated. And the attacker could not be more different either, with such a very, very different connection and history with the phantom. And the reader sees the two situations as they occur in such different lights.

And yet still, there manages to be a handful of similarities between the two occurrences, such as the phantom not fighting back in either.

It’s so interesting to think about.

Not to mention that this series has been saying over and over again, he’s a monster, look at this monster, what a MONSTER… and then flips the script, everything over and puts that word into this new light.

Continuing on…

“Lex Luster… He was killed.”

Me reading this for the first time: “LOL nice try author, but I know he isn’t really dead. This is just one of your bait-and-switches, your red herrings isn’t it? Let’s see… wasn’t the phantom only just saying that this Lex Luster would take advantage of the break-in to garner sympathy and spread lies? Well, he probably had his sights set on an even greater plan. He must have faked his own death in some kind of clever elaborate ploy that will only serve to benefit him!”

The narrative as it continued to chug along, with no hints of a sudden He’s Alive reveal emerging: Uh, no he’s… he’s really dead, dude.

Me: “…What? But that makes literally no sense. I… I know that Lex Luster is supposed to be an important character. Isn’t he supposed to like, be a protagonist in future or something? I guess not, unless it’s through flashbacks, or maybe this really IS all we get of the character… So like, wait, that’s all we get of the “Lex Luster” character? Were… Were we supposed to care about that guy?! Because I’m sorry but… I really don’t see it. That guy who just got killed off, Lex Luster? I didn’t care about him. I’m sorry. (Maybe even though he wasn’t featured much, maybe he’s a bit of an Ensemble Darkhorse and/or the author had his character fleshed out behind the scenes in ways they didn’t get to showcase?? Hmm… Well either way… At least based on what I know about the guy… Don’t see why he was important tbqh).”

…WELL.

Also, I love the three of them just sitting down and playing a little blame-shifting game over a murder. Gosh I love this trio.

Haunted Specters, Chapter fourteen

“… I don’t… I…” The Phantom pressed his palm against the side of his head, leaning forward in his seat. “How is this possible? Who would dare impersonate me? Who would dare use that face?”

1. The phantom being at a loss for words – I love it

2. HE SOUNDS SO FULL OF HIMSELF… THIS MAN WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE NO SENSE OF SELF… So imperious… “WHO would DARE impersonate me?!” Get a load of this guy! :D

3. I honestly didn’t think you could do another kind of “Bobby impersonates the phantom” in terms of ironic phantom impersonation reversals on the same kind of level. I was wrong. “Someone impersonates the phantom using the phantom’s real face” is a scenario that had never, ever crossed my mind before. BUT IT’S SO GOOD. IT’S SO GOOD. Delicious. The phantom gets a nice big taste of his own medicine.

4. Also, this curveball felt Ghost Trick levels of mindscrewy when first revealed. XD

[…] the ones who’d been in the courtroom the moment the Phantom was attacked by a sniper […]

Oh you mean Bobby’s thera- okay I’ll shut up now. He just gets so many early references okay.

“I’ve lost track. However, there are two names that I’m sure you hope to hear. Calisto Yew and Shih-na.”

YES. YES. YES. CHEERING SOUND EFFECT Y’ALL, SHE MADE IT! SHE MADE IT TO THE NARRATIVE

It had almost felt like the narrative was really dancing around her… It felt like a “dropping-references-but-no-role-in-the-story” type deal but like, really pushing it, with maybe one too many references... And I’ve read more than one phantom fic where the phantom had links to her… But I just told myself “well, not everyone’s gonna go that route. Duh. And it makes sense in a realistic way. I mean, it’s highly unlikely that Calisto/Shih-Na and the phantom would know each other or have ever interacted with each other. So I certainly respect the author’s decision to not include her at all in the story and have it so the two don’t have any ties, after all it can be seen as a little cliché and the author may want to avoid that, as a decision it’s bold and respectab- WAIT NEVER MIND SHE’S HERE SHE’S ARRIVED SHE’S AWESOME THANK YOU”

And then I’m like… WAIT… SHE’S KNOWN AS MIRAGE IN THIS SERIES?!

SHE WAS THERE… THE WHOLE TIME… RIGHT IN THE TITLE.

Me, a FOOL, reading the series Phantoms and Mirages: It kind of sucks that she isn’t in this because she’s such a great and fun character, but I certainly respect the author’s decision

GOOOSH…

I swear I’m confident I would have been more inclined to check out this series prior to this year if I had actually known this little fact.

AND ALSO????

Okay, okay… and like… Teenage phantom flashback??? Was NOT expecting it. It was an even greater shift. The interaction with Mirage… the banter, the neutrality of it… & the fact that this fic actually gives him someone who had affection for him like this way back in his past, despite his emotionlessness? It’s ah, humanising? Fleshing him out? I was finding it hard to believe that the story was really treating the phantom’s character in this way… Because it felt way too good to be true. Because I probably just had my phantom bias goggles on. Because of the way the last fic had treated the phantom’s character, I also found it hard to believe. But more and more, I could not deny it… I was really starting to nod along and go, hey. It’s not just me. The author is pulling these strings on purpose, constructing the character and the narrative in this way, in this light…

“Agent Fulbright. Why does it strike me as if you’ve got a dead animal on your face?”

Aww man, this is harsher in hindsight given the later reveal that Bobby’s so self-conscious of it… But this exchange following this line/the line itself was super funny

“Of course. It’s a method that was perfected over fifteen years ago. I believe the Hotti Clinic is one of many locations around the world that specializes in facial reconstruction.”

NICE ONE.

Me: that sounds a little farfe- Oh wait nvm that has a very solid basis in actual ace attorney canon.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 15

Perhaps, in a way, the spy even meant to protect a gentle person like Sam from a gunshot wound.

Hmm, food for thought! Oh, protect from a gunshot wound like Simon's inclined to protect Sam from risk of electric shock later?

“A need to craft?” “It keeps the headaches at bay. Aside from that, this has always been my preferred pastime. If I were to have something of a hobby, this would be it.” A hobby… How peculiar. The Phantom had shown a tendency to adopt the hobbies of his personas, from fixing clocks to pursuing justice, yet here he was with a pastime of his own. A rather disturbing pastime, yet a pastime nonetheless.

And you gave?? The phantom a kind of hobby??? The stuff only starts pilin’ on after this, let me tell you.

And this whole scene too is just… Simon talking to the phantom neutrally. It’s…!

And it’s so cool that we basically get to see child phantom pull off the equivalent of his Dual Destinies jump in this chapter.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 16

“What a ridiculous question. It’s because I am male.” “Identifying yourself as male implies identity, Phantom.”

I HADN’T BEEN EXPECTING THE NARRATIVE TO ADDRESS THIS I HADN’T BEEN EXPECTING THE NARRATIVE TO ADDRESS THIS. This was SO great and refreshing to see, especially since it had been a tiny little thing bothering me somewhat from the very start. I’ve already brought it up more than once in these commentaries. You might have noticed, but although I use he/him for your version of the phantom, I tend to use they/them when talking about the phantom in general.

It wasn’t always like that with me, though! When I first finished Dual Destinies I was constantly using he/him. I mean, it’s what the phantom is referred to with consistently in-game, after all. And I never reconsidered it at all until I saw it brought up/discussed among other ace attorney fans as an issue. But even then, my perspective was pretty much the same as Pengychan’s – there’s, if I recall correctly, an author’s note in Turnabout to the Past addressing the pronouns issue, where it’s stated something like “well, the phantom lacks a sense of self to the extent that they don’t have the self-reflection required to challenge the notion + they don’t care/aren’t bothered by it. They just stick with he/him because it’s the default that gets applied and don’t have enough sense of self to even question it.” And I couldn’t have agreed more. And I still agree? It’s a completely reasonable and justified perspective/interpretation.

But over the years, I’ve just slipped more and more into the they/them habit to the extent that it started feeling more “correct” to me. I’ve read really really great fic where the phantom is afab and they/them is consistently used by the narrative the entire way through. All of a sudden, he/him phantom started feeling kind of jarring to read, even when it had felt like the most natural version to me in the past. It was almost like I started becoming more fond of they/them phantom hahaha. But both sets of pronouns have equal claim. (And I tend to use they/them for general, all-encompassing phantom because it includes everyone’s interpretations and still doesn’t exclude he/him interpretations. So it captures ‘em all!).

“Effort? In what way?” “Women need to watch their posture. Their nails. Their hair. Their appearance is always judged.[…]”

Okay honestly, looking back, I think this was another statement I looked way too much into at the time and misconstrued. The brevity, and therefore lack of specification, leaves something to be desired to me here…

For example: Nails…? That feels like it reaches straight into the realm of stereotypical for me. Obviously – I mean, obviously he’s making a comically HUGE generalisation here, that’s just a given. Maybe the “nails” comment is more about… “some women” idek but when I first read this, it kinda felt like he was sitting there going “being a woman is so difficult, always needing to maintain perfect, painted nails blah blah blah…” Like dude. It’s nails. Nobody cares. If a woman isn’t preoccupied/obsessed with manicures or whatever, there tends to be 0 difference between men and women when it comes to nails and how they are maintained. And hair, too, it’s like… myself and plenty of women I’m sure hardly give our hair much thought at ALL in day to day life, even if on average the focus may be a little bit more than it is for men.

I realise that I probably read this the wrong way though, and what he’s actually saying may be more akin to “regardless of how a woman personally feels about her appearance, and how little she personally cares about maintaining her appearance, that appearance is still going to be more heavily judged”??? But that still seems kinda… Like that doesn’t really impact much how difficult it is to portray a woman. That’s only a comment on how other people would treat them… Like there’s a greater risk involved if the disguise itself is more closely examined cause he doesn’t want to be discovered, but…

Another thing though is he’s probably making general comments that aren’t supposed to be particularly accurate and/or specific. I just look into things and make assumptions way too much. :P

Like the one thing I’ll give him is the whole posture aspect… to an extent. Societal influences/expectations DO go both ways and men have their own expectations to comply with, even in the realm of posture. But I guess the takeaway here is that for the most part, the scrutiny for men is less + the posture of “men” is often stuff that would come more naturally to anyone, men or women. It’s women who, when it comes to femininity, tend to be required to actually modify in ways that don’t come as naturally. And also a lot of “men’s posture” is seen as default and/or they have more claim to default posture.

Even if he has some kind of a point… What he’s saying sounded, to me, ridiculously exaggerated. At the time on the first readthrough I interpreted him as kind of saying “as a woman, like ALL women, you have to be constantly aware of yourself, carefully adhering to femininity in everything you do in unnatural, practised ways.” And like… HAHAHA… nah? Women tend to just live their lives and most of the time they are acting in ways that come naturally. But there are times when this kind of pressure comes into play but not to that extent. Not constantly. It obviously depends on a given woman’s circumstances though… Because I’m sure for some, life circumstances do require putting on a constant show of hyper-femininity. Which would tend to be… exhausting.

And yes, women’s appearance and behaviour is subject to scrutiny by society, and such scrutiny, and being aware you are under such scrutiny, can modify one’s behaviour to the extent that it is less natural. But at THE SAME TIME this also struck me as being kinda bogus. “Women need to watch their posture” uh… I guess? To an extent, in that society reckons there are certain “ladylike” ways to sit and conduct oneself, but those instances are still quite specific and are not necessarily a CONSTANT, FELT presence… pretty sure most women going about their day are just living their life. Well, you could also say that being “trained” by society into conducting yourself in a certain way and having a certain posture and what have you so that it becomes what comes naturally and is no longer noticeable is also a factor.

There are valid points in most of what he’s saying, exaggerated or no. For a variety of reasons, portraying a woman comes with difficulties.

But also…

In a way, that justification struck Simon as a rather weak excuse to cover any traces of true identity.

The whole thing is that there is something buried away. And this is one form of that something bleeding through. The text lampshades the flimsy nature of the excuses, hints at this.

So at the end of the day… There is actual narrative reason in this series for the phantom being he/him from the beginning. It also arguably allows for a smoother transition between “the phantom” and Lex later on. So yeah… I’m fully on board.

Also like… Just like how women are people with a huge variety and spectrum of personalities… Men are equally varied and, depending on the personality, can potentially be very difficult & demanding to portray (like you know… BOBBY – original Bobby). Hands down there are men way more difficult to portray than an “average” woman, no question. PLUS… the whole self-awareness demands don’t apply when the phantom kinda needs to always be self-aware of his every action when in a persona regardless. Especially the more difficult and demanding ones. SO THE TAKEAWAY HERE at least for me definitely is… The phantom is a big dummy in denial about having some kind of self and the fact that this self has a sense of “maleness” attached to it.

Or perhaps the Phantom truly was looking at the matter so objectively that he couldn’t grasp the difference between biological and psychological. The difference between sex and gender.

Simon, pulling up a helpful and informative tumblr post: “You see, there’s actually a difference between the two!”

“…Simon Blackquill. You’ve no need to lecture me on such things, as I have done far more research than you on matters such as these. I know what applies and does not apply to me, such as the simple fact that I am aroace.”

“Don’t. Odd as it is, it’s grown on me.” A moment’s pause, then Bobby snorted. “It’s grown on me too. Literally.”

xDDD

Haunted Specters, Chapter 18

The only thing he could take comfort in was the fact that Sam Specter looked far more exhausted than he felt. It had to do with the recent migraine attack, no doubt.

Using “Sam Specter” but meaning the phantom… Sam Specter is supposed to be an act. Sam Specter has been said to always look tired. Yet Simon is looking at him here, seeing the phantom underneath, but still using “Sam Specter”…!

Not that either of them could approach him to ask whether he was holding up alright

APPROACH WHO? ASK WHO? Simon is referring to “Sam” but he knows that Sam is an act, a facade and there is no point… This is just a hypothetical sentence though; it doesn’t say that he wants to check on him… And even if he does it could be rationalised away with “well he needs to remain intact for the plan to go off without a hitch” but…!

Bobby seemed genuinely concerned for Sam. Seemed to be genuinely interested in the words of someone who wasn’t even real. Perhaps, after two weeks, the line between the Phantom and Sam Specter was beginning to blur for him as well. Perhaps he was foolish enough to believe that due to the Phantom’s utter devotion to his personas, Sam was just as real as any other human.

YOOOOOO

Same though. SAME. Because for so long I thought the author didn’t care too much about the phantom, I put way too much stock in Sam. “The narrative wants us to care about Sam, not the phantom. Because the other way around is too good to be true… right?” I also thought maybe Simon was still slightly underestimating the phantom’s level of self-deception at the time as well.

But guess what? Sam is a trap. You find yourself growing attached or caring about Sam in ANY way, you are in a roundabout way caring about the phantom. The person just behind the façade. And once you’re in too deep, all that’s left is for the façade to be yanked away. A sleight of hand wherein you realise oh, oh no…

Over the past few chapters, there’s been a sudden rush of information and situations that just, it all happens so fast, it seems.

“That’s why you need to remind Agent Fulbright not to get too attached to his new friend. You and I both know there’s only one acceptable ending to this sorry tale.” Only one acceptable ending… Execution. […] Either way, the Phantom’s fate was unavoidable. Unavoidable and of his own choosing. Death.

And when I read this, I grew very serious. I nodded to myself in complete agreement and internally said, in all seriousness… “yes.”

They were to head for Fulbright’s apartment, a location that was already known to the Phantom either way. He’d made it perfectly clear he didn’t want the spy knowing about his own apartment- Aura’s apartment- in order to have at least one safe location should things go awry.

Huh… I guess what it comes down to here is the phantom’s lack of memories… Because he should know about Simon’s apartment. But he wouldn’t now, due to the fall…

Haunted Specters, Chapter 19

“Nice beard!” she remarked, grinning so widely Simon wondered whether it might hurt her face. “Are you going for the middle-aged Obi Wan Kenobi look?”

THIS IS ATHENA’S SECOND STAR WARS REFERENCE IN THIS SERIES… what a tiny yet consistent running thread.

“Sam,” Bobby called, hoping to get his attention. In retrospect, that’d been a bad move. Sam started so badly that he accidentally shook the pocket watch, sending tiny gears and screws all over the floor. A few words of Cohdopian escaped him- perhaps curses that Simon couldn’t understand.

SDKBDSJBK HOW MUCH OF THIS REACTION IS GENUINE… PLEASE TELL ME AT LEAST SOME OF IT

He drew a steadying breath and turned to face them, eyes narrowing when his gaze fell on Athena. For a moment, there was nothing. Then his expression brightened to the point where Simon found it almost suspicious. Sam pushed himself to his feet with a flourish and approached her. He prattled something in Cohdopian and leaned forward in a bit of a bow. Then he took Athena’s hand with his own, pressing his lips against the back of it, causing her to giggle.

ASKJBADLBJADKLNADKNL?

OKAY THIS IS! HAHAHA, LET’S UNPACK THIS

I JUST… I

1- The phantom knows DAMN well who Athena is

2- The phantom ACTIVELY DECIDES to do this. Not only that, but he ACTIVELY DECIDES, on Sam’s behalf – a real person who used to be alive that he stole the identity of - that this is how Sam Specter would react to meeting Athena. That Sam would treat her like this and have this opinion of her. (Or, who knows… Maybe Sam just tends to be this way towards women in general and Athena isn’t getting singled out…?)

3- I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE HE DOES THIS OMG

4- HE KNOWS FULL WELL HOW MUCH THIS WOULD IRK SIMON AND BOBBY.

5- HE OBVIOUSLY HAS NO WAY OF KNOWING FOR CERTAIN THAT THIS IS HOW SAM WOULD REACT TO ATHENA, SO

6- THE PHANTOM IS A GODDAMN TROLL, ‘NUFF SAID

“What did he say?” “He uh… He said that she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen,” Bobby rolled his eyes, mouth drawn in bitter distaste. Words failed Simon completely. His mouth opened, then closed itself. He gave Sam’s shoulder one last squeeze in warning before releasing him. This time, not even Fulbright seemed entirely willing to overlook Sam’s behavior, as he was watching the man closely as well.

Haaahahah. You did it. You actually put in brief joke phantom/Athena.

You know what makes this better? Much later, way after this scene, prior to the end of Vanquishing Mirages, I messaged another one of my friends basically saying “Hey… So I haven’t finished it yet so I can’t say for absolute certain… But so far, this may just be one of the best fanfiction series I have ever read.”

He replied something akin to, “LOL, yeah, imagine if you kept reading on only for it to suddenly turn into romantic Athena/phantom? Bet you’d kinda regret saying that then.”

To which I was able to gleefully and jokingly reply, “…Oh, it’s been done.”

Haunted Specters, Chapter 20

He considered following anyway, allowing the Phantom to suffer for the sake of stopping Fulbright from doing something foolish, but then… It wouldn’t be the Phantom who would suffer. Most likely, it’d be Sam Specter, who had nothing to do with any of this.

BUT THE F

SAM ISN’T- THE PHANTOM IS-

Nevermind.

“If he can feel emotions now, maybe we can straighten them out! Maybe he can be rehabilitated to-”

Me: Bobby, no. Don’t.

Okay, so when I read this… the prospect of the emotions getting “straightened out” was something that piqued my interest. It was something I knew I would like to see. But to whatever extent they could be “straightened out”, although I figured it would be fascinating to see, I figured it would be very limited. Even something limited would be quite significant, but…

…I still agreed with Simon. It would ultimately change nothing in the grand scheme of things. That man – the phantom – would still have to die in the end. He needed to die. That’s the only way this could end.

I wouldn’t have denied wanting to see his emotions get straightened out before he meets his end though, however limited the results may be. I felt the same tug Bobby did – I wanted him to be helped. But helped prior to an inevitable death.

Let us return to this earlier segment that I commented on:

”[…] You and I both know there’s only one acceptable ending to this sorry tale.” Only one acceptable ending… Execution. […] Either way, the Phantom’s fate was unavoidable. Unavoidable and of his own choosing. Death.

And I’m going to expand a little more on what I essentially thought when I first read it beyond my simple “yes” that I supplied before:

“Absolutely. No way out of it. So narrative, make it so. He has to die. I’ll be waiting. I will hold you to your word. Everyone from Bobby to the narrative and the reader have been getting awfully familiar with and caring for the phantom with the new sympathetic slant the story’s been taking. Almost suspiciously so. But it changes nothing. He must die. It is the only acceptable ending to this story. Tragic? Sure. But there’s no real alternative. None.”

You might be a little like “whoa, whoa – hold up. Isn’t he your favourite character?! The whole reason you started this series?”

To which I’d reply: “Absolutely. And he needs to be executed and/or die, if this is the route the narrative ultimately seems to be heading in.”

“…By all means, allow Bobby and Simon to become unwittingly invested. Make the phantom sympathetic. Pile on the angst. But in the end…? Execution. Death”

Why? ...I’d been hurt before.

And to understand this oddly firm stance… Apologies, but I need to briefly talk a little bit about Turnabout to the Past. XD

Turnabout to the Past is a narrative that is constantly building up to the phantom’s inevitable execution – or rather, Robert LaRoche’s execution, by the end of it. We – the readers - grow to care. Simon grows to care. Athena grows to care. About him. This care, and LaRoche’s changes and regaining of identity, do not grant him full redemption. He is still required to pay for his crimes. This never changes.

From the way the story is set up and construed, Robert LaRoche’s redemption actually hinges upon his execution. In an odd kind of way, although he can make progress towards redemption, full redemption cannot be granted until he is dead – regaining his identity, changing his behaviour, and having other characters become invested in him on its own is not enough, even though they are all contributing factors towards redemption. Full redemption is still withheld from him until his execution can be carried out.

Like many people who read Turnabout to the Past, I bawled my eyes out. The “execution” scene left me a complete and utter mess. The whole ending – all of it – just ruined me.

In the end, he cheats death. In doing so, he cheats himself out of a full, complete and proper redemption. It is a huge act of betrayal. He betrays Simon, he betrays Athena, he fundamentally betrays himself. He is forced to leave the Robert LaRoche he struggled so hard to regain behind once more.

Simon wanted him to face death. That’s what he wanted him to do from the beginning. That’s the promise between them. But he doesn’t. The promise is broken.

I felt betrayed by LaRoche, too. I cried so hard and so much at his “execution”. And for what?

As much as the execution scene wrecked me, as much as it hurt, as painful as it was, however much I was crying, it felt right. He had to die. This was what the entire fic had been building towards. It was “the only acceptable ending to this story”.

But he cheats death. And I felt betrayed, and I felt angry towards the character for doing something like this to me, to Athena, to Blackquill, to himself.

Athena and Blackquill are grieving. They are grieving over him. And for what? For what?! How could he do this? How could I forgive him? How could he not only betray Athena and Blackquill but also cause them so much pain and suffering – grief – in the process?! Grief based on a false premise. Grief for… For nothing.

…Inevitably, I got the hell over myself, and came back to read the super cool sequel. :P We wouldn’t have gotten such a cool sequel if it wasn’t for that betrayal…!

Obviously, this fic is not that fic. This series is very different, so the exact same rules do not, cannot apply. But I still had some baggage lying around, and I was essentially (unfairly) taking it out on this fic’s version of the phantom. “Well, someone has to die. LaRoche didn’t die. He cheated death. So this phantom isn’t allowed to. So don’t let him get away.”

Well obviously, you already know that I’m happy with how things turn out, so… It’s a foregone conclusion that this perspective changes at some point as this series continues!

Simon hadn’t bothered to bid him farewell. He hadn’t truly gotten along with Sam either way.

!!!!

Bobby looked torn for a moment, as if he wasn’t sure what to say or how to even say it. “… But don’t hurt her, okay? There’s no real reason to injure her, so… Don’t. And try not to get hurt yourself.” “Yes, mother,” the Phantom droned. Bobby didn’t reply.

YOU JUST COULD NOT RESIST MAKING THIS JOKE COULD YOU, and I absolutely can’t blame you. I LOVE it.

ALSO I’M JUST SDJDSJLNLNDS? This is supposed to be a sarcastic quip right? But I’m NOT SURE HOW MUCH SELF-AWARENESS THE PHANTOM HAS WHEN MAKING THIS JOKE…

Haunted Specters, Chapter 21

The… The confrontation between Mirage & the phantom… The phantom was always the one in control during the flashbacks with Mirage. He was always the one who had power over her, both in the sense that he is the one teaching her new skills and is therefore “in charge” and kinda of a higher rank, and he also wields power over her – unintentionally so – in the fact that she holds affection for him.

And now that’s turned on its head. The phantom is on his knees, powerless, grasping, begging. Mirage has all the power. Mirage is the one in control. Probably for, well, the first time ever, she’s actually seeing the phantom losing control, powerless, weak, she is wielding power over him.

So on the one hand, part of me is kinda like “yeah, show him who’s boss, show him what’s what, it’s your turn to be in control now!” But on the other hand I was like. “NOO MIRAGE I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL… WHY… I TRUSTED YOU… LOOK WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO MY FAVE… I THOUGHT YOU CARED?? HOW COULD YOU…” And ultimately, the second perspective won out.

Also, the casual way she talks about killing people coupled with how she treats the phantom towards the end of the scene is a reminder that, however much of a fun and exciting character she is, she is still a dangerous criminal involved in the facilitation of things like uh, HUMAN TRAFFICKING.

The Phantom had had another breakdown.

It started feeling like a running, constant occurrence at this point. Really felt like the characters could really start using one of these:

They’re definitely gonna have to reset it a few more times, too. :’D

SAM’S NOTE. SAM’S NOTE. OH NOOO. SAM’S NOTE. I AM FEELING KINDA SENTIMENTAL OVER A FICTIONAL FAKE PERSONA’S DEPARTURE FROM THE NARRATIVE GOD DAMMIT. How?!

Sam was a literary trap, aiding in dooming us all.

Towards the end, treating Sam Specter as a real person was no longer a knowing act of self-deception on Simon’s part, but had rather become a habit that he’d fallen into. A habit that comes awfully naturally now. One that he sometimes may not even be aware of, and sometimes may need to consciously wake himself up from.

The explanation that I’ve finally settled on… is that it was never about how “human” Sam is. Because Sam will always be artificial. He can never become 100% real or human. The real Sam is already dead and cannot be resurrected. It was never even about Sam. It had always been about the phantom. The phantom that was always hiding just underneath.

There’s something else, too, towards the end of this fic. Before, when the parents-and-their-child dynamic was set up, and the trio were all forced to live together in a temporary truce, I referred to it as a special liminal space wherein they were sectioned off from the rest of the characters and the rest of the world. In this strange little space, they and the reader had to ignore the extreme oddity of the circumstances to some degree in order to function properly and make sense of it. Simon and Bobby can tell themselves that this is only temporary, and that soon enough, everything can just go back to normal again once they abandon their little liminal space over in Cohdopia and everything wraps up. That is a false promise.

After an extended interval, their liminal space gets broken, intruded upon. First by Lang, who enters their odd little circle that is still being propped up. Then by Athena. And they return to America, too. They’re not in Cohdopia anymore in a secretive little apartment no one else knows about. The location changes. They’re not completely sectioned off from the other characters anymore. But things have changed. Things are changing. Bobby does not “snap out of it”. He only becomes more steadfast and entrenched in his support of the phantom. Simon is clearly, well…! He’s being influenced. And the phantom is still able to interact neutrally with the other members of the cast. The new light and perspective shed on him by the fic does not suddenly vanish, he doesn’t suddenly “change back” to whatever he seemed to be before. Of course not. There’s a line of continuity here, and the dynamic changes between the cast cannot be boxed away, sectioned off, erased.

The phantom’s child abuse flashback is a sudden, powerful jab that disarms the reader, however momentarily. Then there is parent-child dynamic in the current cast revealed. With the reader distracted like this, a sudden onslaught is unleashed in the chapters following. An onslaught of flashbacks, a whole host of neutral interactions the phantom is shown having, both in past and present. Neutral interactions, which on its own is quite a feat. Considering how, well, despicable he can be, HAS been. How he has always been “the enemy” before. And yet we are given so many neutral interactions. Not positive per se. Just… neutral. But that alone is enough. And in Mirage in the teen flashbacks, we actually get to see someone from the phantom’s past who cares about him. As a person. There’s other little things too, like the aforementioned sort-of hobby revealed. The flow, the outpouring of all these little things just starts and it does not stop. It will not stop. At the end of this fic, heading into the next one, we are already teetering on the edge of… Something. And it’s only going to increase in volume, become more palpable, grow stronger from here on out.

There’s also little scattered things here as well, like the phantom looking out for Bobby in his own way. And the mask… the mask that is not like the others. I feel that there have been many, many narrative sleights of hand that have come into play, subtle enough that it makes them difficult to document. And I can’t document them all, because there’s just so many.

And then in the epilogue, the bone sliver gets revealed, and it’s like HMM… HMMMM… Food for thought, folks. Food for thought!

…Oh and I forgot to comment on this under the appropriate chapter’s banner, but uh, I absolutely loved Bobby’s whole “call him back in fifteen minutes” exchange with Simon xDDD.

So that looks like Haunted Specters pretty much wrapped up, I think. Vanquishing Mirages up next!

#long post

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