#its not fair to expect that from my partner but. automatic neural pathways or whatever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anatomicboy · 2 years ago

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the type of insecurity you get from sex trafficking trauma is wild. Like yeah I'm very much overtly aware of how sexually attractive and desirable I am. However, I am always terrified that I am not Enough and that you will find someone or something more worthy of your attention.

#i was treated like a sex toy and not even like a good one. like a second rate sex toy.#and now im scared to have boundaries #especially around like. masturbation. like hes definitely allowed to look at art or whatever and get off to things that arent me #but thinking about him doing that makes me wanna reach into my chest and throw my heart on the ground #theres definitely like. a scale. some stuff doesnt really bother me and other stuff really really does #i try and let him know what stuff does bother me but even that makes me feel like. overbearing and controlling #i wasnt allowed to have those boundaries in past relationships and i was literally actively punished for expressing any discomfort #its not fair to expect that from my partner but. automatic neural pathways or whatever #and even if hes being cool about it my brain is like. yeah but hes either secretly mad or hes secretly finding loopholes #mine #vent #trauma #i feel guilty for feeling afraid #im ok atm btw im just . thinking #trying to organize some thoughts and feelings

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