#its not technically. but thats what isabeau *feels* like it is. so its how he thinks about it.

[basilpaste]

Love Sick

(Hey! There are themes of romantic coercion in this this drabble! Stay safe!)

… You've asked Sif to date you in six loops now. Six times, knowing nothing mattered — that in the end you'd just go back and he'd never remember, you asked him to be yours. And… he said yes. Every time. They said yes. You went through six loops with Siffrin as your partner.

Is it comforting? To know that they return your feelings?

The first time you were overjoyed! The others were still… nice. Weren't they? It was nice! To see them look at you that way! In the bashful, giddy sort of way you look at them. It was fun to watch Bonbon win their bet with m'dame Odile, to see Mira's shock. Holding Siffrin's hand never stopped being something that made your heart swell.

Six times is… a lot, though. You've been doing this whole thing a lot, to be fair! It was just different with this! And maybe it's not actually different, but it feels different.

Because… it's not fair to them, is it? That you get to do this over and over again? That you get to learn all these details they'd never share with you if you weren't looping? You love them. That's what you tell yourself. Would someone who loves somebody do this to them? Use them like a model? Tweaking the details until it's perfect? You say all the right words in the right order, make them feel loved, hold them close.

But do you love them still?

"Um… Isa?" He speaks, drawing you from your thoughts. "You wanted to ask me something?"

You did. You do. You want to ask him to be yours. Again and again and again. To feel loved by someone so dear to you. Always.

Change. How awful is that?

You're a monster. How could you ever do this to someone? Force them to be with you so many times? How could you! Sif doesn't have a choice! You've entirely taken it away from him! Stitched his mouth and tugged at the strings until they said exactly what you wanted them to. He has no option but to say yes to you!

This only happened...

because

you

MADE

IT.

You open your mouth to say something — anything.

You choke on your tongue. You can't breathe. He's staring at you, he looks so worried. You forced them to feel like this. In a world already so devoid of change you gave him a new option and turned it into the default!

You don't — you can't—

…

You are kneeling in front of the Favor Tree. Your throat burns from the taste of sugar.