#its the first time I've going to have to ask for vacations for medical reasons

[atypicalstrong]

vent incoming

So two of my friends moved to South Korea and weren't able to take their cats with them immediately, so I agreed to foster them for 6 months until their first vacation so they could come collect them.

Little did I know that 3 years later I would still have these cats, because it turns out that importing pets more than 6 months after you immigrate is incredibly difficult, and the owners didn't do any proper research beforehand, and also didn't save any money to get it done. And STILL aren't saving money to get it done, and are instead begging all their associates for money (by taking commissions they aren't actually doing - a mutual friend has literally 30 works they still haven't received) every step of the way when we have to get health tests and certificates and lab reports done.

And it turns out everything we've done so far has been for nothing because its all been in my name, and they're gonna have to redo all the expensive and time consuming tests in their name. Which means finding a vet that will do all this legal paperwork in someone else's name who isn't in the country to verify anything at all and is just taking my word for it. Which is uhhhhhhh an issue to say the least.

I found all this out today first thing in the morning when my friend was like "the pet relocation company says none of this will work so can you and your vet fix it?" And when I was like "I'll ask but I'm pretty sure we have to start over bc anything else would legally be fraud since technically I own your cats right now" (because its been 3 fucking years) they had the fucking GALL to break down crying and say it hurts so much to hear their pets aren't legally theirs, and I have to make my vet fix it because they've been doing a "trash job" (they haven't, they've actually been very helpful and the only fuck up that happened before this was a lab's fault, not my vet's), and they can't afford to do it all again, and that they "need me to be in their corner right now".

And then they just shut down when I tried to offer any solutions that DON'T involve legal fraud. Like coming back and doing it themselves instead of using a company, which is "just not possible" (no reason given when asked why not, literally just silence), or doing it as a "sale" so it makes sense that its all in my name ("that won't work because the regulations are probably different").

Like, I'm sorry you waited until the last minute to check if we were doing everything correctly! But that's not my fault, or my responsibility! I never wanted it to take this long, and I certainly don't want to keep your fucking cats! They keep destroying all my stuff, which you've offered to replace but noticeably haven't! Even if I wanted to, I CAN'T keep your fucking cats because I'm moving next year!

Nevermind I've got a bunch of my own shit going on that y'all don't seem to care about at all, like fighting for disability benefits, and being sued for medical debt (my court date is LITERALLY tomorrow and they haven't asked about it once since I told them last month), and affording rent and food! They're over in South Korea spending all their money on take out and "retail therapy" (and to be fair some genuine unforseen costs, but that just makes the other stuff more infuriating) not saving anything for the cats, while I'm over here going to food banks and hygiene pantries just to stay afloat!

I don't even want to be friends with them anymore at this point! And that really hurts, because there was a time when they were the best friends I'd ever had. But now? After all this? How can they expect me to trust or rely on them, for anything? After everything I've done for them THIS is the thanks I get?

I don't even know what else to say. If they don't SINCERELY apologize for this, and also accept they fucked up by not doing the research or saving any money, and ALSO come to terms with the fact that we have to start over, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Stop being friends with them and rehome the cats, I guess. I don't WANT to do that but I don't think I'll have any other choice.

I've put up with so much and for what. For fucking what. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...

[yael-art-den]

.

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

This story takes place during the summer of 1987. It’s the time of the Cold War, and heavy metal, and Just Say No.

Ten chapters, each with a specific song as its soundtrack.

I’m so excited to finally share it with you.

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Also posted at AO3

—-

Chapter 3: Dancing On Glass

I've been through hell // And I'm never goin' back // To dancing on glass // Going way too fast...

Need one more rush // Then I know, I know I'll stop // One extra push // Last trip to the top...

Soundtrack: “Dancing On Glass,” Mötley Crüe, 1987 [click here to listen]

Three P.M.

Group.

Claire’s hands wrapped around the hard sides of the plastic chair, holding herself upright, watching about two dozen fellow patients? inmates? addicts? shuffle into the room.

Two people stood at the door – greeting others as they entered, handing out small packets of tissues and bottles of Coke.

Today’s facilitator – a middle-aged, bearded man – stood to one side, chatting with a few people.

“Hey!”

Claire startled – and turned to her right to see Jamie slide into the chair beside her.

“How’s it going today? Day two, right?”

She nodded. “Met with my therapist this morning.”

“That’s great! Who’ve you got?”

“Gillian.”

Jamie cracked open a bottle. “Oh, she’s great. Been here a long time. She’s married to the director – did you know that?”

Claire’s eyebrows raised. “No, but that’s really interesting.”

Jamie gulped about half the bottle in one shot. “Yeah. We owe everything to them.”

“Yeah, well. I got assigned to dinner set-up duty.”

He beamed. “Great! I’ve been on that rotation for the last few weeks. I’ll show you all the ropes.”

“Few weeks? How long have you been here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He set down his Coke. “I don’t. And I’ve been here eight weeks. The best eight weeks of my fucked-up life.”

“Don’t say that,” she chided. “Surely everything can’t be so terrible.”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“It can be, if you were the reason why a sold-out European tour couldn’t happen, and it cost your backers and buddies tens of millions of dollars, and it pissed off countless thousands of fans.”

Now the greeters took their seats within the circle.

“Couldn’t, or didn’t?” Claire hoped her words were gentle, but when her head split with pain like this she could never tell. “And what do you mean by ‘tour’?”

His eyes narrowed. “Couldn’t. My manager said I’d come back from Europe in a body bag. He’s a bloodsucker but he had enough sense to not kill the golden goose.” He finished his Coke in one long gulp – flexing the tattoos swirling on his forearm and elbow. “And I’m a professional musician – in case you couldn’t guess from the way I look.”

“I see.”

He grinned. “How about that – someone who doesn’t recognize me.”

She folded her hands in her lap, closing her eyes against the pain, so desperately wanting to disappear. “I guess between medical school, and being a surgeon, and my ex-husband…and the pills…there are a lot of things I haven’t paid attention to.”

“Hey.” Softly he reached out to touch her knee – and she looked up at him.

“I’m not making fun of you, Claire. It’s just…I don’t know. Refreshing.”

She smiled tightly.

The facilitator clapped his hands. “Everyone – are we ready?”

People around the circle nodded, and the man sat down in the last empty chair.

“Great. Well, hi everyone. For those of you who don’t know me – I’m Murtagh. Been clean for just about eleven years now. Before that I spent a small fortune that I didn’t have – ”

“ – on enough blow to kill an elephant,” Jamie and several others chorused.

Murtagh smiled. “Wiseasses. Now – today’s topic is: clarity.”

“Can you be more specific?” A heavyset, bearded man across the circle piped up.

“You mean – provide more clarity?” Geneva snickered from somewhere near Jamie.

“Easy,” Murtagh interjected. “And yes, Rupert, of course. What I mean is: something I hear a lot from people here is that being away from substances gives them clarity for the first time in years. Clarity of thoughts – meaning, you’re logical and rational. Clarity of judgment – meaning, you feel like you are empowered to make good decisions. And overall, clarity to step away from all the bullshit that the substances made you do, or made it easier for you to do, and say – damn, what the hell was I doing?”

Across the circle, Rupert nodded. “OK. Oh – hi everyone, I’m Rupert, and I’m an alcoholic. Yeah – I can definitely relate. I wanted to not have clarity, so that I didn’t have to think about how much I was screwing up my job, and my marriage.”

“Good,” Murtagh praised. “And now that you can’t avoid it – how do you feel?”

Rupert stroked his thick beard. “Like shit. I love Scarlet so much, and I fucked it all up. I understand that now.”

“I feel the same way,” Jamie added. “Hi, I'm Jamie, and I'm an alcoholic, too. I drank because I’ve always felt so responsible for everything going on in my band – because I’m the guy that brought us together, and I’m the guy who writes the songs, and I’m the guy who’s across the table from the record company executives, advocating on our behalf.” He bounced a long, thin, jean-clad leg rapidly up and down. “I felt like I was being used, and that I was the only one who cared. I felt that really clearly. So I drank to…to avoid that clarity.”

Claire carefully watched the others around the circle. What Jamie was sharing could make any one of them a quick buck – all it would take was one phone call to a tabloid. But everyone was listening raptly – clearly thinking about parallels in their own lives – and it began to dawn on her that Jamie had one thing she didn’t have much of for herself: respect.

“And then when I drank, I’d just get really mean,” he continued. “I’d say things to rile up my drummer. I had a fling with my manager’s girlfriend, just to fuck with him. And yeah, I’d destroy hotel rooms.”

“Your reaction was to want to hurt people,” Murtagh said gently. “You had had clarity – clarity that you were shouldering too much, for too many people – and you reacted by wanting to push them away.”

“Yeah.” Claire spoke without thinking. “Um – hi everyone, I’m Claire, and I’m addicted to pills. Halcions, mostly.”

“Oh, those are the best,” a woman to Claire’s left remarked.

“Hey – no positive talk,” Murtagh interjected. “You know better than that, Letitia.”

Letitia huffed.

Murtagh turned back to face Claire. “Tell us more, Claire, if you’re comfortable?”

Now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop. “I was – am – a trauma surgeon for an emergency room. I love it – I love the adrenaline of it, and of course being able to help people on the worst day of their lives. I love being able to heal people. But…but it’s pretty heavy stuff. People die, no matter how hard you try to save them. People wake up and they’re not happy that they don’t have a leg anymore – and I say, would you rather be dead?”

“And you wanted to get away from that?” Jamie asked gently.

She closed her eyes. “I had to have clarity to do my job properly – it’s hard to describe, but it’s like having a laser focus on what’s in front of you. Getting in the zone. Shutting out everything else. And then when it’s all done – I would crash. The whole world would come rushing back, and I’d be covered in someone else’s blood and barely able to sit down before I had to work on the next person. That was so, so hard to deal with.”

“I understand.” Claire opened her eyes – it was an older man speaking right next to Jamie. “Hi everyone – I’m Ned, I’m a lawyer and crack addict, and there are a lot of jokes I’m sure you could make based on that.”

Claire managed a small smile.

“I’m a defense attorney – I’m that guy you see on TV arguing in a courtroom and presenting to a jury. I totally get what Claire said, because I needed to have that kind of really focused clarity, too. It was kind of like acting – I had to remember my argument, and I had to present it to the jury, and I had to pick up on cues from them to see how well I was doing. And then afterward I’d just crash. But I still had to have energy to prep for the next day, and that’s where Miss Crack came in.”

“So what I’m hearing is that clarity is something you already had – and then you turn to substances to get away from it.” Murtagh folded his arms. “Because it’s hard to flip that ‘off’ switch. And then eventually, the substances change from being something to take a vacation from that clarity, to completely blocking out that clarity altogether.”

“Exactly.” It was easier for Claire to focus on Murtagh than the sea of faces surrounding her. “And it’s a deliberate choice. I’m sure, Ned and Rupert and Jamie, that you deliberately sought out something to prevent that clarity. I know I did – I wrote the prescriptions for the pills that I consumed.”

Rupert nodded. “The bottle didn’t pick itself up and pour the liquor down my throat. And you’re right, Claire – at first, at least, it was a conscious decision. Until it became something I had to depend on.”

“I think that there are ways for this to happen more positively.” A woman seated beside Rupert quietly spoke. “Oh – hi, everyone, I’m Marsali, and I’m an alcoholic. What I mean is, there are ways to flip that ‘off’ switch that aren’t so…destructive. You can go for a run. Listen to music. Cook a meal. Watch a movie. Make love to your significant other.”

Murtagh nodded. “Marsali brings up a good point here. I’ll repeat something that I’ve already told many of you before, because it bears repeating. Substance addiction is addiction, first and foremost. All of us are here because our brains are hard-wired for addiction. We can’t change that. But we can change what it is that we’re addicted to.”

“Like what?” Letitia had calmed down a bit, but clearly she was skeptical.

“Whatever works for you,” Murtagh shrugged. “Jiu Jitsu. Flower Arranging. Reading. Playing the drums. Writing. Riding motorcycles. Not all addictions are bad – we just need to find the addictions that help us, and don’t hurt us or the people around us.”

Everyone’s heads nodded in agreement, quietly reflecting.

“So – that’s my homework assignment for all of you.” Murtagh pulled a small spiral notebook from his pocket, flipped to a fresh page, and began scribbling in it. “To think about the thing that you can become positively addicted to. Something you already enjoy, or something you’ve never done before. But I hope that even just thinking about it will give you focus. Improve your clarity.”

“Got it,” Ned said quietly.

Murtagh flipped back to an earlier page in his notebook. “Now – I have here my notes from the last time I facilitated Group. OK if I start going around and asking people for follow-up thoughts to those? Rupert?”

Rupert nodded, and began to speak.

“Facilitators take turns hosting Group every fourth day.” Claire started a bit, but held steady as Jamie leaned in close, spoke quietly into her ear. “We talk about things, and we’re assigned homework, and then the next time the facilitator is back we talk about it.”

“Thanks,” Claire murmured.

Jamie didn’t pull away. “If you ever just want to talk…”

She swallowed. “Thanks. I do. I just – it’s a lot to process.”

“It is. But you’ll get there. Talk more at our dinner prep.”

With that he pulled back, and a low buzz settled somewhere between Claire’s ears as the people around her chimed in to the conversation.

[lifeofanne]

UST: The One That Got Away

It has always been my dream to become a doctor since I was a child. But it wasn't until I was in eighth grade that I realized where I wanted to pursue my ambition - at the University of Santo Tomas. With this in mind, I studied diligently and prepared for the UST Entrance Test (USTET) for senior high school. That made my junior high school life to be plain and boring; I could barely go with my friends who would hang out after class since my mom wouldn't let me as she was concerned it would be a distraction for me. I would constantly rush home after our classes to immediately accomplish my assignments. Even from family gatherings, I was always missing since I prioritized my schoolworks. It also became my habit to watch study vlogs and medical dramas to keep myself motivated.

In 10th grade, I recall not being able to enjoy our undas break. While my classmates were on vacation, I continued to study because my exam was scheduled for December 1st. Truth to be told, passing the entrance exam had always been in my prayer and was an 11:11 wish of mine. After Sunday mass, I would even light a candle to make a wish for UST to accept me. That's how much I loved UST.

Fast forward to the entrance exam day. My hands were trembling and I was sweating tremendously despite the air conditioning and really cold exam room. The time pressure was real, and the questions were extremely challenging. I lost hope the moment I walked out of the testing center. I was afraid I wouldn't pass for there were several questions I couldn't answer.

But guess what? Your girl passed the USTET!

I was shaking. I couldn’t believe it. It felt like I was dreaming. But no. I did it. I am finally a Thomasian – I thought.

It was as if my entire world had collapsed the moment my parents told me that I wouldn't be able to study at UST for some reason.

The word "heartbreaking" was an understatement. It hurt so much as it meant so much to me. After all, it had been my dream. And it hurt even more because I was on the verge of having it. It seemed as if I'd lost something I'd never really had in the first place. All of my efforts seemed to have been in vain.  Worse, I couldn't do anything about it.

I recall posting a picture of UST's main building on Instagram when my birthday came. (post below)

Passing the USTET for SHS felt very surreal. It was never anticipated due to the time pressure and the items that were left unanswered. The moment I found out I am qualified brought me to utter levels of happiness, but, financial problems came in. I know I shouldn't be sad because He has better plans for me, but it has really been my dream since I was in 8th grade. Still, it was definitely the GREATEST BIRTHDAY GIFT I've ever had. I know I'm gonna pass USTET again and make it for college. I'm claiming it.

Two more years, UST. Two more years and I can finally call myself a proud Thomasian 🐯💛 .

Imagine how painful it is to achieve something you truly wanted only to have it taken away from you. And what did it feel like, you ask?

It felt as though I was slammed back into the vastness of an ocean abyss with its currents thrashing me back and forth when I was one step closer to reaching the brightest star I’ve always dreamt of touching.

I am currently in the 12th grade. I applied to UST again for college, but this time there was no exam, and admittance is completely based on our grades and other variables that only UST is aware of.

The results just came out last March 31, 2022.

I did not meet the cut-off score for either my primary or alternative program.

And just like that, all my regrets about not being able to study at UST for senior high school came to me in an instant. The what could have beens. I feel terrible for my younger self, who has sworn to herself that she will be a Thomasian when she reaches college. I suppose, UST will always be my the one that got away.

Perhaps, I was never really meant for UST to begin with. Nonetheless, I am still hopeful that one day I will be able to call myself a Thomasian. May it be in medical school...

...or in another lifetime.

I will see you again, UST!

Love,

Anne

Photos are from Pinterest. All credits to the rightful owner.

[addytheheartbreaker]

"Meet Carmelo the Ice Cream"

Name: Carmelo Jerato

Age: 22

Height: 6'1 ft

Weight: 59 kg

Mask singer belong to: Tyler "Ninja" Blevins

Friends with: Doll, Dog, Rabbit, Egg, Monster, Penguin, Hippo, Skeleton, Ladybug, Rottweiler and Unicorn.

Appearance: Ice cream person, blue mint ice cream hair with chocolate sauce and sprinkles with a single strawberry ice cream top fisish with a cherry on top (if he could turned into a human, his hair would be obviously light blue). Light skin, kitsune no me (also known as "Fox eyes" or "Shifty eyes" in English or people who always closed his/her eyes), sky blue eyes (made out of ice cream, if human his eyes are sky blue eyes), the OwO smile (because he is adorable), blushes and slender and tall body type.

Clothing style: Ice cream theme with ice cream related decorations and accessories (flavor color and various of toppings), jacket or hoodies, sweater or printed shirts, his bandana and formal suits (main clothing). Casual clothes, ninja uniform (only for battle competitions or in gaming dimension).

Fun facts about Carmelo:

•Carmelo is a Americans-Japanese boy living in America his whole life.

•he can speak and understand English and Japanese, his mother taught him japanese which he learned very quickly in young age.

•he has a collection of anime (old times and modern times), he can also watch anime on his spare time.

•Ice Cream can let Egg borrowed his anime since the two loves watching anime. There are times when they watch anime together at the Masked Singer 2 mansion.

•Carmelo is a huge sweet tooth, he often must eat sweets after meals or when he is still live on twitch gaming.

•A successful professional gamer/streamer, has claimed many titles like Ninja, a billionaire and a well known generous philanthropist.

•as a famous streamer star and a philanthropist, he is generous to do a charity for mental health issues support, suicidal prevention, cancer prevention and child depression treatment support.

•Carmelo is a very friendly, energetic, enthusiastic, cheerfula fun, child like, and wonderful guy to meet with.

•he is friendly to children and has time to hang out at the child depression treatment support center to cheer and play with depressed children.

•He is an associated of the group called the "Night Streamers Joy".

•Ice Cream has been controlled and trolled by his boss who challenging each other while doing charity.

•Ice Cream can go through different dimensions. His main dimension where his group are in is the "Gaming dimension", a huge unknown island like battle field for him and the group with many people to play. (Fortnite reference).

•The only way he can go to that dimension is actually out of the body experience like. His real body still stays while controlling and expressing emotions while playing as his mind and soul entered the visual dimension as a player. (Inspired by the movie Sucker Punch, loved that movie its awesome)

•Carmelo secretly owns many weapons that looks like the game or fortnite weapons that came to real life. He knows how to use it and it is highly unknown how he managed to use it but some believed that he had been practicing on playing games his whole life.

•His family, a mother and father, an older brother and younger sister, he is a middle brother but treated like a child to him.

•owns so MANY games at his bedroom and gaming room. He remembers what the games instructions and stories about and he basically remembered every game titles.

•Ice Cream couldn't go outside without drinking nitrogen liquid.

•Nitrogen liquid is a family traditional everyday medicine because his family are all ice cream or frozen dessert people. He needed to drink nitrogen before going outside is because of the sun heat exposing if he stays outside for too long.

•the only part that would melt first is his eyes and hair. The eyes melts faster then his hair and it gave him a terrifying melting eye look that scares everyone.

•but that's alright, he can refilled his eyes by going to the "Comfort room" (aka the Freeze room), stay there for 10 minutes before putting 2 scoops of ice cream to his eyes.

•if he had a human form, Carmelo has asthma from overheat and couldn't stand heat very seriously.

•He plays video games and do streaming and live charity 24/7. He is also takes breaks but didn't take vacations because of his melting pressure.

•his hobbies are playing soccer, playing more video games (on or off streaming), hanging with friends or the children, going to the mall to play arcade games then get a lot of prizes and going through cafes, candy and bakery stores to eat sweets.

•he doesn't have any stomach problems or any illness after eating a huge amount of sweets. Its because as an ice cream man who is born with a family of frozen desserts, sweets is a resource power and energy.

•his hair, hair accessories?, eyes and outfit changes flavor and toppings according to his mood and emotions. However, the black licorice/charcoal black ice cream flavor is the most expensive looking ice cream you ever seen.

•the black ice cream is not shown on public. There are rumors on public that causes everyone on craving to wanting to tastes it but couldn't reach and trigger his black ice cream. It remains mysterious to unlock that flavor.

•the only person who Carmelo already showed and letting them taste the black ice cream is his closest friends who are willing to keep a secret, Bezai (Egg), TJ (Monster) and his family.

•Egg and Monster knew the taste of the expensive looking black flavor, if asked they both wouldn't revealed it.

•the only way to trigger the Black Licorice/Charcoal Black Ice Cream are two things; someone with a very HUGE amount of money donating on his lives streams or someone who is a billionaire and in ready battle or in fighting mode.

•the Black Ice Cream is called "Killer Ice Cream" or "Dark Time Ninja flavor". Because people are Dying to get that type of flavor and this killer ice cream is only active when he faces a fighting challenged or wanting to murder someone (but too soft to commit such crime). It only showed at the Gaming dimension only.

•He is friends with Marshmello. Ninja introducing to him and he has been on his concert for fun.

•He has his bandana, Ninja made it for him so they could match together. He only wear his bandana when he feels like fighting, when he feels serious on playing fair and on Killer Ice Cream mode.

•A huge fan of Naruto, him and his group did the running ninja which he had a lots of views of the random video on youtube.

•his powers is nitrogen fog or frost powers (it is different to Ice power to Frost powers).

•his fighting style is karate, taekwondo and military skills. He professional learned taekwondo daily at high school when he was just a teen, he won 3 gold medals and 5 silver medals from first to the end of high school years.

•as for his military skills, he got it from the game and learned all further constructions which is explained on why he knew how to use a gun and other weapons he possessed.

•Carmelo suffers on depression. In addition onto how he got depression is when he was just a teen where he first got his own twitch.

•age 17-18, he is a victim of toxic fans and was a victim of a certain person on twitch who ruined him into giving his fans a negativity on live streams. Ninja notices the changes and decided to stop the manipulator by exposing him with a help with his friends. Carmelo is grateful that his mentor/friend helped him for everything, but he still suffers to depression still.

•he took medication and support on his long break from twitch before he had finally continue to play.

•his has the same views and followers as Ninja's. Ice Cream is still in the same number of views today.

•He left twitch after Ninja decided to leave twitch. Which means he had left his group, the reason behind it is not just about Ninja. Carmelo: the real reason I left is because its time for me to moved on to the next level and get out from my comfort zone. It was fun after everything I've been through and I had a lots of good memories and bad memories here on twitch. I'll leave the guys who are now my former group to keep it up.

•he can draw anime and cartoon, he only draw it on spare time.

•his room at the Masked singer 2 mansion. His room is literally the freezer room obviously located at the kitchen, the room walls are all covered with crystal ices but in light blue, it was dark but his room are filled with neon lights, his complete desktop, a bathtub filled with ices, his bed, a mountain of ice cream containers and several frozen desserts and a room with his clothes there (Bezai: It bothers me that you put your clothes at this freezer room as your room Carmelo. Carmelo: why bother? I'm an ice cream man, I need to be at least chill to cool myself enough.) (see what I did there 😉 )

•He always played loud music every weekends because he wanted to practice dancing. The song choice are Marshmello's songs, electric soundtracks, 8-bit songs, and Japanese songs (mostly vocaloid).

•Ice Cream once played Family feud because he is a fan of that show since teenage years. Him and his group played together then won the money.

•his partner Bezai, Carmelo always been beside him and always go with him around for no reason. Because they are partners together, Ice cream and Egg are food related which is why he always have to follow him.

•he is Addy's playmate when he is out streaming. When he isn't playing on his desktop, they go play on the couch play video games on TV, PC and go to the mall to play arcade games to get prices.

•Ice Crean respectedly and acted politely to woman and young ladies. Since he knew about Ninja banned to play with a female player, he followed his advice onto not playing with a female player but he would act courteous when out of streaming or gaming.

•He met Egg when he went to have an interview together before the Masked Singer season 2.

•He can't say any swear words since he never swear in his life. He did hear people swearing but for him, he remains clean to his mouth especially in front of children.

•since his eyes remain close all the time and everyday, he has a emoji that looks exactly his look. His emojis are actually OwO but closing eyes: —w— , ^w^, UwU, ~w~, >w<, XwX, =w=

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

[dgarski]

Time does not heal all wounds.

Two years ago today, March 6, 2019, my life changed forever. Recovering, healing, processing...all of these things have fully encompassed me every day of those two years. Mental healing however, has been another thing altogether. There is so much that I don't remember. Mostly, I see flashes and pictures in my mind, of me in the hospital. I remember almost nothing of the night that I collapsed. Even waking up in the hospital, there is so much I still don't remember. It was like watching life unfolding through the eyes of someone else. I do remember the desperate feeling of being trapped and completely lost. I remember the feeling of imminent death. I was so close, but somehow, I lived. I was awake, but I didn't really know what happened to me. The doctors, the nurses and family all tried to tell me about my collapse and how I had survived a stroke, a heart attack and a seizure. I thought they were kidding. I thought they were talking about someone else. Nothing made sense. I couldn't account for time. My entire life had dramatically halted.

After the first week, I was brought out of I.C.U. to the physical therapy floor. I finally got my own private room. It was mostly quiet. I remember looking out the big windows of my room, at the city of Orlando. "There's my city." It was a view I had never imagined before. I was in a hospital room, looking out at the view of downtown Orlando. At the time, I had no idea how long I would be there. I wanted to leave. I knew that if I didn't get out soon, I would snap. Decisions were being made by my family, that I don't think I will ever completely understand. I have had a lot of time to think about all that; and I concluded that, at the time, I must have believed that I could die at any moment; and that it would be best if I just agreed with anything and everything I was told. I think that I must have been convinced that I was in the hospital for two weeks because they really needed to keep an eye on me; because I could maybe have another stroke or another heart attack at any second. I don't think I've ever felt so weak, so scared, so numb, in my entire life.

Once I was released from the hospital, the very next day, I found myself on an airplane to Chicago with my mother and my brother-in-law. I remember looking out the window, as the plane ascended over downtown Orlando, and thinking to myself, "Hey, there's my city!" This time, it was from a much more profound point of view. At that moment, I wasn't sure if I would ever see it again. I still didn't really know what was going on inside my head. I must have thought that me going to Wisconsin was just a weird sort of unplanned vacation, and that I would be back in Florida in a week or two. I remember the immediate cold of Chicago, as we walked to my brother-in-law's truck from the airport terminal. There I was, standing in a parking lot at O'Hare airport. It made no sense to me. It was night, and we were on a freeway headed to Racine. I hadn't been back to Wisconsin since Christmas 2002. A lot had changed in 17 years.

For the next several days, I slept and slept. I was still so weak. I was initially on so much medication, it was really wreaking havoc on my body. Within a few days or so, my mental faculties began to become more and more lucid. Being scared that I might die at any moment, was quickly being replaced with depression, anger and frustration. I started to piece the puzzle together. I began to realize that in the blink of an eye, I literally lost just about everything.

The actual physical recovery took very little time for me. I remember still having almost no strength in my arms or legs. Walking took some effort. Once I got myself motivated, I began to get the strength back in my legs. Within a few more weeks, I was walking to the lake and back. It would still exhaust me, because I was on so much high-dose medication at the time. I always seemed to be light-headed. The doctors regulated the prescriptions and I began to feel better. I was still very weak in most areas of my body. Over the summer of 2019, I began to feel more and more physically normal. In September, I began working again. The job didn't require a great deal of physical strain. I certainly did a lot of walking though. I pushed myself to work as many 12-hour days as I could. When I wasn't at work, I mowed the lawn at my parents house. When it snowed, I even shoveled the sidewalks. I honestly don't know where I found the strength to push myself. Perhaps it was an extreme instinct to get out of the place where I was so that I could get back to the place where I belong.

Even though my body was healing, my brain was still trying to recover. I mean that in a sense that, my mental faculties were still reeling from all that had happened to me. Some call it "post traumatic stress disorder." I don't know if that's what I actually had or maybe I am still dealing with it. I don't really know what constitutes someone having P.T.S.D. Whatever the fight was, I was in it completely on my own. I remember each day as sort of a movie that I was actually living. None of it ever seemed real to me. It was very much like a nightmare. I would go to bed, hoping that I would wake up and it would all be a terrible dream.

Time does not heal all wounds. Some scars just never heal, especially the ones you cannot see. I remember feeling angry, frustrated and confused. Luckily, I had a couple of people that I could turn to, to help support me emotionally. Unfortunately, there were others who chose to kick me when I was down. Maybe they simply didn't understand what I was going through, and it was easier for them to criticize, condemn and judge me. I've had to let all of those people go. It sucks that it has to be this way. I certainly didn't choose it. I didn't ask for this to happen to me.

So many questions still remain. Can forgiveness ever be a part of the healing? Will I ever be able to completely let go of the pain of so much loss? How will I feel about all of this, in another two years?

I think about so many things that have happened in the past two years. I think about those days in the hospital and how long I was there, and how very little I remember about any of it. I remember being in Wisconsin, freezing almost every day. I was never warm enough to be comfortable. I remember how much I absolutely hated being there and how much I wanted to leave and go back home to Florida. I remember working at the hospital, trying to convince myself that working 48 hours in four days each week, was the only way I was going to save enough money to get myself out of Racine and back home to Orlando. I remember laying in a bed in a very cold, damp basement bedroom, wondering how my life had dropped to such incredible depths of despair and loss. I was alive, but what was I supposed to learn from all that had happened to me?

It is so very true that desperation will make any human being do just about anything to survive. I found out what I am truly made of, way down deep in my soul. Yes, I had a lot of help in the process, but I learned that I am a real survivor, in every sense of the word. I don't think that most people ever get to experience the realization of their own mortality and the unknown inner strengths. So few ever get to find out what they are truly capable of, deep inside.

When I hear stories or talk with someone who has been in the hospital or has had their life dramatically changed forever, I can feel the pain they feel. I know that I feel a sense of new found wisdom and appreciation for the little things in life. I find myself watching the sunsets more often, taking more pictures, watching the clouds change into strange shapes. I can sense so much more now. When you've come close to death and you live, there comes a profound new type of knowledge that is impossible to define. It clarifies and enlightens everything.

If you are close with someone who has had a stroke and survived, you must learn to treat them with patience, kindness and understanding, and do so unconditionally. After a stroke, the brain, in all of its entire complication, is a slowly healing brain that has been through one of the worst types of change. A stroke survivor may heal physically on the outside, but it's the mental and emotional healing on the inside, that may take much longer.

A stroke survivor will feel anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, depression, and may even become emotional without ever knowing why. Some emotions may be intense reactions to the environment or people. Outbursts of crying for little or no reason, may happen occasionally. There may even be personality changes. You must learn to allow these people their time to heal and process their life after a stroke. It may take a few weeks, a few months or the rest of their life.

After two years of healing, I am more in tune with my mortality now, than I ever was before.