#itsindigowhite

[boblittlepage-blog]

I'm Confused About Something...

A brief update for the uninitiated, which probably means everyone. Sometime back, I attempted to strike up a friendship with noted online semicelebritytype Indigo White, who you may know from her many productions of video entertainment not intended for younger viewers (do the math). Yes, I first came across her the same way most guys do (let's just say my prostate has never been healthier), but then I started watching her YouTube videos, and was very impressed with her intelligence, sense of humor, and levelheadedness. I'm very drawn to intelligence, and decided this is someone I'd actually like to know. And through chats during live streams and interactions on Twitter and Fansly, things seemed to be proceeding nicely. I'd like to think that I made it clear that I wasn't just another dweeb who'd parasocially bonded to some e-girl, that this was genuine affection for her as a person. Seeing that in writing makes it sound weird, but so be it, let's move on.

Some time ago, Indigo came out as trans, and was now a boy. Despite the change in personal pronouns to he/him, and now sporting shorter, Beatle-ish hair, nothing much was going to change content-wise, no plans for surgery or hormones (which begs the question of just how trans was Indy actually, but we'll not deal with that here, or anywhere else for now, it's largely irrelevant).

Okay, fine, I'll play along, so long Indy didn't feel the need to undergo anything permanent, (again, usually an indicator that something else is going on, not gender dysphoria), so no harm no foul.

In the meantime, I've gotten to know several detransitioners online, and heard their horror stories about how they'd been suckered into the whole gender ideology thing (which, by the way, is the creation of a very sick man, John Money, a pedophile who should be listed right alongside Joseph Mengele for the work he did directly with a couple of twin boys, both ending in suicide, but also for his sham "work" being baked into the psychiatric and medical industries before the true horror of his acts were finally made public. The result is that actual gender dysphoria, the kind where major gender reassignment surgery is the only workable treatment, has largely been pushed aside for people who are suffering from other, less serious issues, generally from some childhood trauma, like puberty in general, and turning garden variety identity crises into reasons for these sufferers, largely teenagers, who we must remember are still highly impressionable are generally stupid, to permanently wreck their biochemistry and mutilate their bodies).

So, during one live stream, I get wind of Indy trying to work up the courage to get what is euphemistically referred to as "top surgery", i.e., a double mastectomy, for no other reason than a long time hatred of them. Turns out Indy got those DD tiddies pretty much full force, virtually overnight, and besides being literally painful, anybody who's been to school between the ages of 9 to 15 can fill in the blanks of what the reaction of the other kids was. Also keep in mind that the amygdala, the lizard part of the brain that handles trauma and triggers the ol' fight-or-flight response, doesn't differentiate between actually life threatening situations and a snide comment from a 4th grade teacher at the wrong time, trauma is trauma, and can have life altering effects, especially in kids. We're generally not even aware of this happening until pointed out to us. Digging through Indy's Tumblr, apparently there's some additional trauma back there, that is triggering enough that I'm not going to even try and ask about it, but we're still talking a response to trauma. One day, it'll have to be dealt with, not just painted over with a big ol' "Congrats! You're Trans!" label. That's not therapy, that checking a box so somebody can make a boat payment. Since lives are at stake with this nonsense, I get very pissed off.

Anyway.

Back to the case at hand. I, hoping to spare Indy the kind of life wrecking pain I've seen others going through, began pushing for the alternative of breast reduction. Less invasive, faster recovery, and coming to the conclusion that, yes, Indy's tits WERE too big (5'4", 110 lbs, shouldn't be any bigger than a B, maybe closer to an A).

Enter the Affirmation Brigade, standing by and cheering Indy forward to go forth and be sliced up like a Sunday roast, to advance the cause of TRANS RIGHTS! Which I see as an attempt to validate their own sorry existences at the expense of someone else's health and well being. Well, during an engagement with one of these ghouls, things got rather heated, and more than a little ugly. I don't particularly regret anything I said, I would've preferred it didn't have to be in the form of calling out the other person as a butcher. Not because it was inaccurate (it wasn't), but because it was somewhat undignified.

Cue another set of angry DMs with Indy, demanding that I knock it off or get banned. I'd said everything I felt needed saying, so feeling no need to press the issue any further, certainly not publicly, I agreed. And things got more or less back to normal.

However, I reached out to a noted doctor who deals with the whole trans issue, and, with a couple of links, one to Indy's Twitter profile, the second to the coming-out video on YouTube, and asked for a professional opinion. Mainly, I wanted some guidance on whether I was doing the right thing by trying to be the lone voice against the affirmation chorus, trying to make the point that major invasive surgery over a personality issue is probably a very, very bad idea. Had I pushed too far, or should I stand my ground? One of the recurring themes I'd been hearing from detransitioners was that nobody ever challenged them, made them stop and think it out, WHY did they think they were trans? Could it be something else? Let's figure this out BEFORE we start lopping off perfectly healthy body parts, and see if we can find a less bloody and traumatizing solution. We live in a world where unless you blindly affirm the choice, you're a (fill in the blank). Well, sorry, but if the Emporer is walking down Broadway bloody starkers, I'm gonna say something.

Fast forward to a couple days later, this has gotten back to Indy, and the response in DM was thermonuclear. What right did I have to do this, I'm insane, etc., etc., and that was it, I'd been given too many chances already, I was banned, with the final shot being, and I quote, "Unblocking you to say one final thing. If I didn’t have the support i have and live where i do, what you did could have gotten me killed. Think about that. Fuck you."

Okay, back that up a little.

I posted a link to a PUBLIC Twitter page, with a link to a PUBLIC YouTube video (which Indy posted herself/himself TWICE, and has pinned to various other social media sites), disclosed no information, and only asked for "a professional opinion." (For the record, the only response I got back from the doctor was "Nope.") How in this, or any other reality could that endanger anybody? Did I overstep? Okay, I'll grant that. Wasn't the first time, pretty sure it won't be the last. But possibly getting Indy killed? Sorry, but I need to hear the twisted logic that comes to that conclusion, because I ain't seeing it, and I took Logic in college, I know a thing or two about false premises and the strange places they lead.

I would like to rebuild this relationship, if possible, but I'm not holding my breath. Clearly what I did incensed Indy, and it's not likely it'll be easy to walk that back. I would still like to have that explanation, though. If you're gonna throw down something like my being responsible for possible manslaughter, I think I'm at least owed that much.

Again, Indy (if you've read this far), my DMs are open, and I did give you my phone number, provided you haven't deleted the DM (doesn't seem like it, because I've still got 'em on my end). I'm ready for peace when you are.

[futurepast0101]

be_ur _o w n_r e a s o n 🙃

source footage > @itsindigowhite

audio/visual editing > @futurepast0101

original audio source 👇

[dndrolled69]

Made some artwork out of one of @itsindigowhite 's Mary Jane Fansly pic.

It's a cover for a track I got with one of Snoop Dogg's affiliates set to release tonight.

[huskytrojan]

50 likes!

What can I say, I'm really enjoying itsindigowhite's Q&A sessions!

[girlypuppy]

Sad to see you support itsindigowhite after everything she’s done, didn’t expect you to be like this

indy has done nothing wrong to me tho? i barely keep up with tumblrama. 💕

[manyvidsofficial]

Look Back @ It . . #ManyVids #MVGirl @itsindigowhite

[boblittlepage-blog]

Might As Well Move The Discussion Over Here...

Is this pretty much what you're after, Indy?

Spoiler warning, "top surgery" ain't gonna give you that. Something more like this, if you're lucky...

They're generally a bit more careful with reductions, where they suck out the excess breast tissue, ala' liposuction, and try to keep scarring to a minimum, since it is a cosmetic procedure (just a couple of small scars were the suction bit went in, recovery in a matter of days).

A complete mastectomy, however, is major surgery, and they're not so genteel, where they cut you open and start scraping out everything, requiring the much bigger scars seen above, which also tends to destroy all the nerve endings and mess up the muscles for a good long while. Tough to get much done when you can't move your arms, and you get the added bonus of a helluva lot more pain (not the type you enjoy) and no longer being able to feel your chest, because all those nerve endings got scraped out along with the breast tissue, and probably a few lymph nodes while they were at it. It's not terribly precise.

Indy, I don't care what you call yourself, or how you identify. I've said it over and over again, yes, your tits are way too big for you, puberty was a bitch in that regard, and it makes sense on a number of levels, both physically and psychologically, to reduce them down to something more suitable. Reducing them down to something like the top picture would probably do more for you than another ten years of therapy, maybe even get you to the right headspace where you can finally tackle the really big trauma and actually resolve your issues once and for all. A double radical mastectomy would only pile on yet another massive trauma. And it would be going too far.

So, if advocating for minimal surgical intervention instead of standing by and cheering while you happily walk into the meat grinder and wreck your health makes me some kind of monster...I think that says more of the accusers than it does about me.

Correcting a physical problem is fine, I encourage it. All I'm advising is caution. This is the only body you're gonna get. Don't fuck it up over a personality issue.

That's it, I'm done. The rest is on you. Don't do something stupid and irreversible.

[boblittlepage-blog]

Might as well post this here, too...

[futurepast0101]

o p e n 🆙 ur 💟 baby

visual source

@itsindigowhite

digital/audio/visual<editing>

@futurepast0101

[boblittlepage-blog]

For those tuning in late...

For those who don't read notes on blog posts, here's a big part of why Indigo White felt the need to block me (well, this and my pointing out that if she went for an elective hysterectomy, the main result would be early onset menopause and being put on estrogen, and therefore completely counterproductive):

* * * * * * * * *** * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * *

Kids, this is why folks should avoid self diagnosis, especially mental patients, which you are, Indy, by virtue of regularly seeing a "team" of therapists and being prescribed antipsychotic drugs; you are in no position to decide what's wrong with you.  Unfortunately, because of the current protocols that are in place, neither are your therapists.  You asked why I brought up John Money and his sick pedo activities, and what that had to do with you?  Because ALL of this started with him, what he put those two twin boys through (and promptly lied about), and by the time he was exposed for the sicko he was, and that his supposed groundbreaking work was a complete and utter fraud, it was too late, too much of his twisted theories were baked into the field, and we're cleaning up after that bastard.

Back to you.  Just as I have no fucking way to actually know what it's like to be a girl, regardless of how intellectually I may understand it, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO ACTUALLY BE A BOY.  To suggest otherwise is insulting to both sexes and trivializes the entire process and experience of puberty and maturity.  All you know for sure is you hate being a girl.  That doesn't equal being a boy, it just means you hate what you are, end of.  Any therapist worth a spit in the ocean should be working on helping you resolve that disconnect, find out why you feel this way, and to help you accept and be happy with who and what you are, not encouraging you to chop yourself up in some mad quest to be something you can't ever be.

Ground Zero is clearly whatever it is that happened to you as a little kid, that you can't even think about without getting triggered.  You try and blow it off as "not that traumatic", but obviously it is, and that's what put you on this path of you not wanting to be a girl.  YOU NEED TO RESOLVE THAT, OR YOU WILL NEVER GET ANY BETTER.  This incident is what started you on the path you're on, and every shitty thing that's happened along the way has only reinforced it.  Exercise that personal agency you keep crowing about and get off the hamster wheel.  Seek out one of those EMDR therapists on that link I've sent you, AND RESOLVE THIS, before you wind up like a gutted trout, totally disfigured, and still just as fucked up as you are now.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

[boblittlepage-blog]

One More Time Again....

Yes, I'm becoming a bit of an evangelist on this one...

[boblittlepage-blog]

Let's try this again...

I liked how this turned out, with no editing. Just swapping the music bed.