#ive gotta go to college in like two hours lmao

[clockworkrobotic]

OOOOUUUGGGH H HERE IT IS

Thanks everyone for your patience while I took three times longer than intended <3

final word count 5234 ;;

I’m planning to write more but this ended up so absurdly long that I’m splitting it up. It’s a wild dumpster fire of headcanons and canon canons, ive tried to avoid exposition but if something doesnt make sense shoot me an ask lol

sort of vaguely around the end of BL1. Rowdy teenage calypsos. Dramatic backstory. Go

“Do it again.”

 He sits cross-legged, facing her, watching intently. Tyreen scans the grass for another flower and finds one, a small purple thing that’s braved the blistering Pandoran heat to spring up from the rare lush patch they’ve settled into this afternoon. Her brow furrows with concentration as she touches it and searches for the not-quite-uncomfortable breathless feeling that precedes what she’s about to do. In honesty, she’s not entirely sure what she does to trigger it, but if she focuses hard enough, it seems to happen eventually.

 Sure enough, after a few seconds, it’s wilting against her hand, the colour draining to a dull brown as the petals dry and shrivel and crumble to dust. Her chest feels hollow and then it doesn’t, her arm is tingling slightly as the pleasant warmth travels up and leaves her markings glowing a faint blue, and she feels content and floaty for a moment.

 Troy is watching in awe, and he reaches out suddenly and grabs her arm.

“These are getting bigger,” he tells her certainly, inspecting her tattoos, “they didn’t go around your hand the other day. D’you think they’ll keep growing?”

 Tyreen pulls back and looks at the ground. She doesn’t want to tell him that she feels them, at night, a scratching needling feeling drawing patterns down her body, and that as pretty as they are she doesn’t really want any more of them, they might make her face look weird. She also doesn’t want to tell him that he’s right.

“So cool…” He trails off, and Tyreen enjoys the quiet envy in his voice.

“I wish I could do other stuff,” she confesses. Troy shrugs.

“Maybe you can. But you haven’t found it out yet.” He pulls up another flower and hands it to her. “Do it again.”

* * *

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Dunno,” Tyreen answers honestly, “I’m fine, though, really.”

She feels more than fine. It’s the only use she’s managed to put her powers to - as long as there’s something small and alive nearby, she can draw its energy in place of food. Some days she’s been getting by just running her hands through the grass. When she thinks about it, she can’t even remember what being hungry feels like.

 The past few weeks have been a blur of trudging through the arid desert and scavenging abandoned camps and just trying to stay away from trouble. They had learnt early on to avoid active settlements - the local bandits didn’t take too kindly to thieves - but rummaging around in waste and ruin yielded little in terms of rations. Tyreen had pocketed herself a neat little pistol that she (thankfully) hadn’t had to use yet and Troy had secured some kind of baton that looked as though it might have once doubled as a taser, but other than that, resources are scarce. At least this way she can make sure he’s getting something close to enough to eat.

“You should still eat something, Ty. This can’t be good for you.”

“I’m not sure living in the desert is good for anyone.” Tyreen pulls her jacket up over her shoulders to shield herself from the heat. Little as she might physically need it, she’d kill for a cold drink right about now. Beer. She isn’t even sure what beer tastes like, but she’s parsed that it’s a noble option on hot days, and under the blistering sun came now to consider it some kind of ambrosia.

 Troy’s footsteps stop behind her and she turns wearily to look at him. He’s shielding his eyes and squinting into the distance.

“I think there’s a town up ahead. Let’s move.”

* * *

“It’s no use, Troy,” Tyreen groans, trying to hide how pissed off she’s really getting. Not that she doesn’t appreciate his enthusiasm, but there’s only so much she can put up with. She starts to pull her jacket back on.

“No, no, c’mon, just - one more try,” Troy pleads, darting forward to grab her wrists, “You heard the guy in the bar back there. He reckons you’re a Siren. There’s - there’s so much more you could lea-”

“Most powerful being in the universe were his exact words, Troy.” She slouches a few exasperated feet away and slumps onto a rock cluster. “Killing plants is a far cry from that.”

 Troy runs a hand through his hair and sits himself on the ground in front of her. “It’s not killing plants, Ty, it’s - some kind of energy thing, like you can - steal life force or something -”

“Troy,” Tyreen cuts him off firmly, then pinches the bridge of her nose and softens her tone, “I know you want to believe there’s more to this but - I think this might be it.” He’s watching her in earnest, but she can see the light die behind his eyes a little, and it hurts. “You heard him, too. Sirens are dangerously powerful, from birth, he seemed to think they’re killing their parents and levelling bandit camps before they can walk. Do you - don’t you think, if I could do anything like that, we would’ve found out by now?” She tries to offer a small smile. It looks more like a grimace. Troy opens his mouth to say something, and she cuts across him again. “I’m sorry, Troy. It’s a fairy tale. We’re stuck on the same shitty planet as everyone else.”

 Troy’s mouth is pressed into a grim line and he looks away from her. Tyreen gets up and offers him a hand. “Come on. It’s getting dark. I can start us a fire, at least.”

* * *

 They come for her that night.

 Tyreen is jolted awake by a hand over her mouth, and finds herself face to face with a masked marauder. Even with the ventilator covering the majority of his face, she can tell who it is.

“Hello, little Siren,” he croons, and the grin in his voice is sickening. She shrieks, one hand going for his face, the other scrabbling above her head for her pistol, kicking and howling muffled under his thick glove, trying to make enough noise to wake Troy up. The marauder is bigger than her by a lot, pinning her easily to the floor, and to her panic she can see two others advancing behind him.

“Never seen one in real life,” one of them comments, stepping over and kicking her gun out of reach, “Is she dangerous?”

“Nah, they told me everything,” says the one holding her down, and shifts to press his knee into her abdomen. Tyreen feels tears springing into her eyes. “She can’t do shit, least, not yet, anyway. Reckon we can fix that, though.”

 Tyreen twists beneath him and makes another lunge for the pistol. It catches her assailant off guard, and she manages to choke out a breathless “TRO--” before he regains his hold on her, hand twisting in her hair and slamming her face hard against the ground. She can taste blood.

 Several hands seize her arms and haul her to her feet, and there’s one covering her mouth again. She kicks frantically at them, feet slipping against the dusty earth floor.

“Come on, sweetheart,” is the rasped attempt at sweetness against her ear, “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” And with that they’re dragging her from the shack, impervious to her muffled pleas and the tears streaming down her face.

 Through her panic and probable concussion, she tries to find some clarity, to find that little breathless inkling she feels with the plants. It’s a long shot, she’s never managed anything more complex than a small cactus before, but maybe Troy is right, she can do it, she just needs to -

CRACK

The hand around her mouth goes limp and after a couple of beats, she feels the weight drop behind her. The other two let go of her arms, instinctively leaping away from whatever has just felled their comrade, and for one absurd moment she thinks that she’s managed something incredible.

“TYREEN!” Troy grabs her arm and pulls her behind him. He’s holding a thick piece of wood that looks like it might’ve been Tyreen’s height to begin with, but now hinged almost completely in two, bearing thick, vicious splinters where it had collided with the marauder’s head.

 The other two have drawn their guns, but Troy is faster. Even at 16 he towers over them, wasteland-formed muscles knocking down both attackers in one swing of his makeshift weapon. There’s a loud BANG that jolts Tyreen unpleasantly back into reality and she dives for the dead marauder, seizing his gun from its holster and realising too late that she’s never done this before.

 Troy has one of the men pinned to the ground, and the other is taking aim again. Tyreen doesn’t think, just points and shoots, aiming as far from her brother as she can get away with, fighting the resistance of the trigger until she lands a solid hit. Silhouetted by the light of Elpis, she sees him go down, his fingers twitching as his weapon falls from his grip. Her heart is racing, vision blurred by tears and adrenaline, but she can’t risk him getting up. She can hear the panicked pleas choked beneath Troy’s fingers to her left as she shoots her attacker between the eyes.

* * *

“Can’t sleep?”

“Nah.”

 Tyreen sits on the mottled grass and watches the sun rise. Troy seats himself next to her, legs crossed like he used to when they were kids. Tyreen fidgets with the sleeves of her shirt.

“You can’t wear this, Ty, it’s a hundred degrees out,” Troy says, picking at the worn cotton. Tyreen pulls them further over her hands.

“I don’t want anyone to see them.”

He doesn’t have anything to say to that, and the pair of them sit in silence and watch the orange sunlight wash over camps and communes as far as the horizon.

“We have to go,” Tyreen says eventually. Troy glances over his shoulder to where the bodies of the three marauders are still lying. It’s only been a few hours, but in the heat the flies are already buzzing lazily around the corpses, and a swarm of rakk are beginning to circle overhead.

“Don’t you want to get some rest first? Nobody’s going to find us up here for a while.”

 Tyreen shakes her head and lets the silence fall for a little while longer, punctuated by the occasional shriek from above.

“I’ve never killed anyone before.”

“Me neither.”

 They both ponder the absurdity of the situation. Pandora isn’t renowned for its peaceful living, its occupants consisting mostly of violent bandits, escaped convicts, and the mutated casualties of Dahl’s mining operations. Yet they’d managed to avoid confrontation up until now, and it had dragged them screaming from their cabin in the dead of night. Terrified as she’d been, Tyreen wonders why she isn’t feeling more, well, anything - she’s just taken a life, and she feels as indifferent to it as if she’d walked away from a bar fight.

“They deserved it,” Troy says suddenly, as if reading her mind. His voice is flat and stony, “They were going to hurt you.”

 Tyreen looks up at him. His expression is cold, and there’s something different about him, like a vengeful spark in his eye. She sighs and leans her head against his shoulder (well, arm) and then pulls away abruptly.

“Troy, you’re bleeding!”

 Troy snaps out of his reverie and glances down, noting the deep indent in his bicep where a bullet must have skimmed past him.

“Has that been open this whole time? Damn it, that’s hours old, we have to get that cleaned up-”

“Calm down, Ty, it’s just a gra-”

“It’ll get infected, Troy, you could lose your arm.”

“It’s fine, leave it-”

“Let me help you.” She’s standing now, furious tears pricking her eyes. Troy doesn’t say anything. She storms inside to get the med kit.

* * *

 They play it safe and don’t stop until they’re a couple of towns over. Despite the sparse population news had a habit of travelling fast here, and Tyreen is keen not to become the focal point of a planet-wide manhunt. She stays small, keeps her arms covered despite the sun, though thankfully they appear to be moving north and it’s getting a little cooler.

 Troy keeps an anxious eye on her. She’s growing skittish, recoiling inward whenever anyone passes too close, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. She refuses to use her powers any more and at night she insists on sleeping next to him, terrified of what might happen if they get raided again and she can’t wake him up in time.

 They’re sitting in a tavern one lazy afternoon when a conversation the next table over makes Tyreen freeze up. Troy hears it too; they’re talking about a local faction of the Crimson Lance, and the word Siren hangs heavy in the air. Tyreen cringes inwardly and looks up at Troy with pleading eyes, desperate to get as far away from this conversation as physically possible. Troy shushes her, trying to tell her without words that they can leave in a moment, but what they’re hearing could be important - Commandant Steele is old news at this point, but it sounds like they think there’s another Siren in the area. Tyreen pulls nervously at her sleeves. They can’t be talking about her, surely - she hasn’t said a word to anyone since they arrived. Low profile isn’t the word.

 Tyreen gets up suddenly, upsetting their glasses, no longer resigning to sit and listen. She grabs Troy with a shaking hand and all-but drags him out of the bar.

* * *

 Tyreen sleeps restlessly, tossing and turning uncomfortably, too hot and too cold at the same time, her brother’s protective hold the only thing preventing her from falling out of bed. She swears the ground is shaking like they’re resting over a tremorous fault line, yet the room and its contents remain still and Troy sleeps undisturbed. There’s a nagging urge telling her to head outside and look for… something, like a magnetic pull calling her out into the darkness, but she vehemently fights it, fear outweighing abject curiosity. When she finally drifts off, the sun is rising, spilling in through the frayed curtains, and she’s curled up in Troy’s arms, safe as she’ll ever be.

* * *

“Ty.”

Tyreen barely hears him. Her head feels like it’s full of radio static, has done since she woke up somewhere around 3pm. She’s focussing on just walking straight forward, though she’s not sure she’s doing a particularly good or convincing job of it.

“Tyreen,” Troy insists, grabbing her arm and forcing her to stop.

“Wuh,” is all she can manage, her hazy state making the sudden halt feel vaguely like whiplash. She presses her eyes shut and rubs her temples.

“Ty, look.” Troy is pointing behind her. Tyreen turns around and waits for her head to stop spinning.

“What ammi lookin’ at?” She mumbles after several seconds of attempting to decipher the blur that is her vision.

“Are you alright?” Her brother sounds incredibly worried and incredibly far away. She aware of his hand on her back, although she’s not sure that is her back, it feels thrice removed, as if she’s watching through someone else’s eyes and thinking with someone else’s brain.

“M fine. J’st dizzy. Water,” she manages, and fumbles around for her hipflask. The motion is disoriented, almost drunken, but she finds it and struggles with the cap for far too long. Troy takes it off her and opens it. “What’s am I lookin’ at?” She says again.

“Ty, you’re leaving footprints.”

“So? S’a desert.”

“In the grass.”

Tyreen blinks several times and tries to focus on what’s in front of her. It takes what feels like minutes before she can see clearly enough, and when she can, she’s not convinced she isn’t hallucinating.

 As far back as she can see, as far as they’ve walked - which is not the sandy wasteland she’d been picturing in front of her for the past couple of miles, but more of a, admittedly ill-attended, pasture - there’s a set of footprints leading up to where she’s standing. Where she’s set foot, the grass has wilted away beneath her, leaving dead foliage and dry earth in its place. Tyreen looks down to where she’s standing now, and sees it; around her, the verdure wavers and leans in, towards her, pulled taut by some invisible force, before drying up and shrivelling to straw. It seems to slow as the circle around her grows, but it’s happening alright.

“This is bad... issnt it.”

“It’s…” Troy’s tone does not match hers. He seemed elated. “Ty, it’s incredible. I’ve never seen you keep this up for so long!”

“Mm?”

“You’re getting stronger, I told you, you just need to practise-”

“Troy…”

“- We can find somewhere safe next time we stop, you can try it on something larger, like, an animal or something-”

“Troy, I’m n- not -”

He’s still talking, but his words are blurring together into one excited stream of noise. Tyreen feels a drop in the pit of her stomach, like the ground has just fallen away with her still attached to it. She tries to feel for the hipflask he’s still holding.

“Troy I’m going to throw up,” She manages, surprisingly coherent, and her brother catches her as she blacks out.

* * *

 Troy is holding a cold cloth to her face when she comes around. She’s lying on his jacket, but the ground beneath is hard and uneven, and the fabric pulls uncomfortably against her as she moves to sit up.

 Troy breathes a hefty sigh of relief and against his better judgement, gathers her into a tight hug.

“Oh my god, I was so scared, Ty, I thought I’d lost you,” he mumbles brokenly into her shoulder.

 Tyreen pats his chest gently. “’M fine. Can I have some space?”

 Troy gives her one last squeeze and lets go. His face is wrought with worry, and she can tell he’s been crying. She opens her mouth to say something, and he shoves her hipflask into it.

“Drink. It’s been hours.”

 She complies gratefully. He’s right, she’s completely parched, and the flask is empty in seconds. The awful fuzziness from earlier still isn’t quite gone, but she can see clearly again, and Troy doesn’t sound like he’s half a mile away when he talks. Tyreen takes a few deep breaths and scopes out the room.

  It’s not a room. They appear to be in a cave of sorts, the grey walls dotted with condensation that’s slowly crawling down the walls and keeping the air comfortably cool and refreshing. Up ahead, the entrance opens out to a deep blue sky dotted with bright constellations and a full, luminous moon.

  Troy is watching her. “I’m sorry, it’s not great, but it’s the only place I could find without anything…” He trails off, and she sees his jaw flex as it does when he’s nervous. “...Alive.”

 Tyreen blinks at him, at a loss. He doesn’t elaborate. She draws her legs up to her chest and rests her head on her arms.

“It’s a good thing you’re wearing long sleeves, anyway.”

 It’s then that she sees it. His shirt is torn - no, burnt, the edges frayed and blackened,  pulling away to reveal an angry mess of red, blistering skin dragging down from his shoulder.

“Oh my god…” she murmurs, reaching out to touch him. He flinches.

“You, um,” Troy laughs uneasily, trying to lighten the mood and failing, “You were a bit grabby.”

 Tyreen can only stare. She can barely remember anything before she passed out, only a static headache, and footprints, and Troy catching her, and now…

 Now her brother is recoiling from her touch, on instinct, like a frightened animal, and he looks as though someone has raked at his chest with a hot poker.

“Troy,” she says slowly, “What’s going on?”

 Troy runs a hand through his hair and looks at the ground. His shoulders are hunched, making it hard to see the scars she’s left on him, but she knows they’re there now, and she can’t take her eyes off them.

“I don’t know,” Troy answers honestly, after what feels like forever, “But I think those bandits were right.” Tyreen flinches at the memory. “I think I was right.” Troy looks up under his hair and offers her a half smile. Tyreen feels like her heart is in her throat, too anxious to smile back. “You can do more than kill plants.”

* * *

 Tyreen is glowing.

 Whatever cover the long sleeves offered her before is lost now. Through the tired grey of her shirt the markings weave a prominent blue around her arm. She wonders if they will actually burn through eventually.

 She walks a few paces behind her brother, hopeful that his hulking presence will shield her from view, or at least deter any would-be attackers.

 She wears gloves now, although she’s not sure it’s doing much. Foliage still wilts as she brushes past it, and it’s getting worse. She can’t control it. Her heart is hammering in her chest and she can’t sleep, so buzzed constantly that she can’t get a moment’s rest. The static headache is coming back.

 They’re back to raiding bandit camps, reluctant to risk running into any enthusiasts in towns, but it’s taking a toll on the both of them. Troy still needs to eat, and as they venture further into the tundra the camps grow populous and more secure. Few are abandoned and they’re more complex, civilised almost, rickety shacks climbing multiple levels up cliff faces, connected by makeshift stairs and ladders that can barely hold Troy’s weight.

 After a few close calls, they decide Tyreen should sit out the raids. Night is a lost cause, her luminous tattoos making her a walking target as they try to stealth through the camps, and during the day her vision blurs and vertigo hits her in waves.

 She resolves to sit outside the camp, standing guard, although there’s not much she can do if disaster strikes. At least Troy can find her easily in the dark. She learns quickly not to mention the growing collection of marks and scars he’s amassing with each trip.

“I think we should turn back,” she says one night, as they’re huddling together under blankets, deep in the safety of a cave. Tyreen can barely feel the cold but her brother is shivering (much as he tries to hide it) and she’s giving off enough body heat for the both of them.

“We can’t.” Troy’s jaw is clenched.

“We were safer in the desert. There’s too many people here.” Troy shakes his head. “Troy, come on, we can’t stay here. You’re going to freeze to death.”

“I’m fine,” Troy mumbles, breath rising in a mist before him, “Have to keep you safe.”

“Troy…”

 Her brother presses his eyes shut and shakes his head again. “It’s better for you… here.” He draws in a shivering breath. “Nothing… to hurt you.”

 Tyreen knows exactly what he’s talking about, and he’s right. As they wander deeper into the frozen wasteland the greenery is dwindling, giving her body less to draw on, the headaches becoming tolerable background noise as opposed to the constant, nauseating buzz when she was brushing through the foliage a few miles back.

 She wants to tell him to leave, that she’ll be fine here on her own; but she knows that’s a lie, and he’d never abandon her anyway. Troy is the only thing keeping both of them alive, and it’s killing him.

 She looks up at him, in time to see his head drooping as he drifts into an uneasy sleep, resting against her shoulder. She’s managed not to burn him since that fateful night in the nexus, but she also hasn’t managed to do anything else. For a few days Troy had insisted that she try channelling the energy she’s built up, convinced that that’s what had hurt him, but after several frustrating, failed attempts, Tyreen was starting to think they’d both imagined it. Maybe she hadn’t burnt him, just clawed at him a whole lot, enough to draw blood. That must have been it.

 She wishes she could sleep. Instead, the best she can do is curl up close to her brother and keep him warm until the morning sunlight seeps in through the windows of their makeshift home.

* * *

 Tyreen is sitting in the snow a few hundred feet outside of Troy’s latest charge when she hears him screaming. The sound reverberates within her, shaking her to her core, raw and visceral and unmistakably him. She’s on her feet before she can stop herself.

 He’s done this before… don’t get involved… it’s too dangerous… She stops trying to convince herself. She’s never heard that sound from him before. He needs her.

 Nobody looks at her when she bursts into the camp. They’re too busy huddling, watching, jeering at something she can’t see up ahead. The ground is spattered, warm and wet and soft with blood, so much blood. They’re at least a hundred yards away and the vicious spray reaches as far as where she’s standing.

 Tyreen feels as though she’s wading through water as she approaches the spectacle. She can’t move fast enough, terrified of what she’s going to see, but desperate to see it. The buzzing headache is creeping an icy path behind her eyes and obscuring her vision, her heart pounding so hard and so fast her chest hurts and she can’t breathe, her blood races like molten metal through her veins and she can see out of the corner of her eye the vibrant blue radiating from her, the only visual she can place as the static pulls a cloudy veil over her sight.

 She isn’t sure if the crowd parts for her, or if she pushes through them. The taunting subsides for a moment as her presence is noted, and then starts back up again, wordless yelling and mockery coming from all sides. Who is she? She shouldn’t be here.

 Tyreen doesn’t need to see clearly to know what she’s looking at. Her brother is slumped motionless before her, propped half-upright against something, his form through her murky vision painted merciless red, red, red. She can make out her hands in front of her as she reaches out to him, her palms coming away from his torso hot and damp. Her mouth forms silent words, begging him to wake up, fingers drawing thick red lines along his face.

“This is heartwarmin’, truly.” The voice comes from all around her, barely audible through the haze of shock. Tyreen gets unsteadily to her feet. The world tilts sideways. “But you can’t be here, darlin’.”

 Tyreen half-staggers around to face the speaker. He’s a blurry mess of colour and motion, and he’s pointing something hefty and probably dangerous at her. “You got ten seconds to leave, or you’re joinin’ him.”

 What happens next, Tyreen will later justify as self-defence. It’s a lie. She’s never wanted to hurt someone so badly. She wants him dead.

 The figure takes a step towards her, and Tyreen moves, hand outstretched. She thinks she hears his shotgun go off as she connects with his throat. Something surges within her, rippling through her body and charging the air around her with a terrifying electricity. Her vision goes white.

 Tyreen comes around to chaos. Her clothes cling to her uncomfortably, and she’s vaguely aware of screaming and raucous movement all around her. She looks down at her hands.

 She’s covered in blood. It’s coating her arms, her body, drying against her face, plastering her hair against her forehead. Through the vibrant red, her tattoos glow faintly, the light dying peacefully against her skin. The headache is gone.

 Heart in her throat, Tyreen reluctantly surveys the area around her and nearly passes out. The bandit who threatened her is gone, replaced by a violent spattering of blood and viscera. An amalgam of decimated organs and what might be clothing is dotted around, hanging from various buildings and structures, painting a few unfortunate nearby bandits caught in the splash zone. Only the gun remains intact, lying in the midst of the gore, seemingly untouched by any of it. It’s almost comical.

“Don’t touch me,” she says shakily, aware of one particularly brave or foolish bandit cocking his gun off to the side. He doesn’t need to be told twice. Tyreen casts a sweeping glance around her, and the remaining spectators scatter.

“Tyreen…”

“Troy! Oh my god!” Tyreen spins around and all-but throws herself at her brother. The colour is drained from his face, his skin cold and clammy, but he’s alive.

 She pulls away suddenly, remembering what has just transpired. “Oh, fuck, oh my god, I didn’t-”

“That was... awesome,” Troy manages. He smirks weakly, hand reaching up to grasp her shoulder. Hand…

“Troy, your arm!”

Troy follows her gaze to bleeding crater where his arm used to be. It’s been blown completely from the socket.

“Huh,” he mumbles. He moves to touch the wound, and Tyreen grabs his wrist. “That’s not good, is it.”

“Can you walk?”

“Th... think so.” Troy attempts to push himself up with his remaining hand. “No.”

“I- I don’t know what to do.” Panic settles solidly in her throat as the magnitude of the situation dawns on her. “Troy, y - you need a doctor.”

“Yeah…” Troy trails off, his eyes starting to drift closed.

“No, no, god, don’t go to sleep, Troy-!” Tyreen taps his face firmly, hands shaking. He doesn’t respond. “Stay awake, please, wake up, oh my god - HELP!” She scopes the camp frantically. “SOMEONE HELP ME!” There must be something, someone who knows what to do, a settlement out here couldn’t last this long without medicine…

 There. She can make out the crudely-drawn Aesculepion hammered into the ground a few hundred feet off.

“I’m gonna be back soon, okay?” She presses her forehead to her brother’s, fighting tears. “I’m getting help.”

 She draws herself to her full height and takes a deep breath. Picks up the discarded shotgun with bloodied hands and marches towards the medical tent.

* * *

 Troy’s hand twitches lightly against hers. Tyreen springs to attention, the most she’s moved in two days.

“Hey,” she greets him softly as his eyes flutter open, “Don’t move too much. You’re in safe hands.”

 Regardless, Troy awkwardly tries to push himself upright, knocked off balance by the missing appendage. Tyreen pushes him gently back to lie down.

“You need to rest. Doctor’s orders.” She shoots a smile over to the far corner, where the medic is cowering, terrified. “Isn’t that right?”

“You’re not glowing,” Troy murmurs, his voice cracking slightly from the anaesthesia. He moves over like he wants to touch her. “I can’t feel my arm, Ty.”

 Tyreen brushes the hair from his face and smiles tenderly. “We can fix that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

 Troy squeezes her hand weakly, too worn out to inquire any further. He mumbles something incoherent and sinks back into the mattress. Tyreen pulls the worn blankets over him, feeling real relief for the first time.

 It’s refreshing. Liberating. Nobody’s out to get them here, far contrary - the commune dwellers have proven quite eager to help her. For once in her life, they don’t have to run.

[cozyteez]

Hii, do u have any tips for writing fics?? I’m so used to writing research reports, lab reports, and formal essays that creative writing has become something I really struggle with. I guess it’s having the freedom to write anything and not knowing how to make sure it’s not corny. I tried outlining a fic one time but it was so frustrating LOLOLOL. Anyways, I love your ateez fics. They are so cute and creative!!

hi !!!! im like rlly touched u asked me and i feel u actually that's why i started this blog; im a biomedical engineering major so as u can imagine i dont get to take much creativity with what i write because writing papers and reports and proposals are so formulaic and u gotta stick to the facts so that being said i actually tested out of all my college writing classes so all my writing knowledge is from ap english in hs lmao so take it w many grians of salt

the #1 thing i do when im feeling sort of unmotivated about a story or maybe like like dragging myself thru mud to write it is to just write the "fun" part first. to me the fun part is usually the climax or maybe the like the "wouldn't it be cute if..." moment that came to mind that inspired me to write a blurb in the first place! then usually once i sort of get the ball rolling on that my brain will help me out and keep the momentum going by thinking of maybe "oohh okay maybe this can happen next" or "oohh and what if this led up to it" or !! just stop there !! something ive learned from my mx writing blog which is like a year older than this one was that you don't owe anybody context especially for a blurb so maybe it really is just 3 sentences of a cute moment u thought of like its whatever ur the one writing it

now for longer fics im going to be honest jongho's first love is my first and only completed attempt at a multi stage coherent story. and that was fueled purely based on the fact that when i look at jongho he just gives off sort a really excited sort of innocence that i wanted to further explore and personify through the idea of him experiencing love for the first time but even then i really struggled w the last part because that's where my personal experience stopped and i had basically nothing to go off of because ive never been in love so i did have to kinda wait for ideas to come to me. for prince yunho i have posted 4 chapters but have all the way through chapter 15 drafted. and by drafted i mean it's like 3 sentences of the overall idea. again, the fic was inspired by the duality between yunho's on stage vs. off stage persona where if somebody was to watch an ateez performance for the first time they may find him very serious and maybe even intimidating but atiny would know that his off stage persona (the one he choses to create for us anyways) is very silly and happy-go-lucky and approachable, which is why prince yunho is seen as narameth's strong and stoic pride and joy but in reality he's sort of clumsy but means well. so i let that and his relationship w xenia who is an original character (OC) sort inspire stories or interactions that i force into a plot line. so for example i believe when i first started thinking abt a prince au for yunho i thought "wouldn't it be funny if the first scene started out painting him as this strong and serious man and then cut to him choking on food or something" and that sort of inspired the idea of him being nervous abt the speech and then xenia came out of that because he needed a complementary character imo since i knew he was gonna be kind of one dimensional and then his backstory with xenia inspired other ideas and then one day i was sad and wanted a hug so that inspired a piece of the plot line and so on. so basically: let an idea or even an aspect of somebody come to you and just write it down, let it inspire other ideas. and don't be afriad to completely start over. i wrote a whole chapter for prince yunho and deleted the whole thing because i hated where it was going and started back from scratch. sometimes you have to revisit things abt your characters and their relationships with others to get a new idea. there's a story in every person and every relationship you just have to find the clues

here's an example of what i mean by "write the good part first". this is typically what the very first draft of a blurb will look like for me

((( blah blah blah basically its raining and y/n is sad bc wooyoung broke her heart two weeks ago idk maybe go into it maybe not)))

y/n is all sad and feeling sorry for themselves on the couch theyre past crying but still feel pretty shitty plus it's storming and cold outside. great

there's a knock on their door ofc they have the cliche "who could that be moment" even tho they lowkey know. we literally all know

so yeah wooyoung's there soaked in rain eyes puffy y/n thinks he's been crying

-this would be the "fun part". i'll fix all that garbage up top later or maybe even change it completely idk yet-

"y/n? i - uh. hi"

he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while you crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to close the door and walk away for good

"hi? really wooyoung? is that the best you can do?"

(((wooyoung does smth idk)))

"well i just -"

"you just what? showed up here in the rain after you broke my heart and didn't even bother to tell me why? this isn't some romance movie, asshole. you can't just come here late at night and expect to find me all sad and willing to take you back because i'm not. so say what you're gonna say so i can get back to my life"

your face was red hot and you trying very hard, probably too hard, to fight back tears. ((( idk talk some more abt y/n's emotions then what wooyoung is doing)))

"look, i made a mistake i-"

"oh my god! why did i know you were gonna do this. i just knew as soon as i saw you-"

"will you let me get a fucking word in!?"

well that was new. in the entire time you'd known him he had never raised his voice at you like that, your shock causing you to immediately close your mouth and fold your arms back into yourself (((make y/n seem more scared))) noticing your reaction, he lowered his voice back down and instictively reached for you, heartbroken at the way you jerked away from his touch

"please y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice it's just that i need to tell you that i regret what i did i regret breaking up with you so fucking much and you don't have to take me back i just need you to know how much you meant, no, mean to me. i still love you, a lot. there's not a day, an hour, a minute, or a single second that goes by that i'm not thinking of you"

"then why?"

your voice was small and wavering, your tears now dangerously close to spilling down your cheeks

"why what?"

"why did you break up with me like that, just all of a sudden"

he pushed his hands into his pockets and looked away

"because that morning i woke up before you and when i looked at you asleep next to me, i saw myself spending the rest of my life with you and it scared the shit out of me"

"why did it scare you?"

"because i just figured you didn't feel the same. i was selfish and wanted to save myself heartbreak down the line and so i told you i didn't wanna be with you anymore, but that was a mistake because it turns out i can't function with out you, i can't breathe without you i can't live without you, y/n. i shouldn't have let you go"

tears were now freely flowing down your face (((okay brain no work anymore y/n kisses him duh and then ofc they make up wooyoung prob says smth cheesy and y/n is like ur lucky i love you or smth ahaha the end)))

tl;dr -> don't be afraid to get messy. creative writing is not nearly as structured as academic/scientific writing. write whatever u want first it can even be the middle of a huge fight scene or some dialogue u think is funny. if ur stuck read what you have or maybe just take a break and let an idea come to you. a story doesnt have to come together til the very end so it can be as messy and out of order as u want until u wanna post it. also i would always use the third person omniscient point of view for a longer story like a chaptered fic as a default and only change if it would impact the plot in a negative way. this is where the narrator knows what every character is thinking/feeling and im p sure a teacher in middle school told me it was the easiest to write and follow

[darthputa]

life update

We secured our first place 👌🏾 It was super easy and went by quite fast, we only had to look at the one(our fave) from our list. The property manager is super nice, he is even making an exception to their 2 pet limit and letting me bring my two dogs as well as @sailormoonmoon and I’s 2 cats! Our move in date is April 1st!

I will be able to go to UNT after all! After my uncle ruined my life by deciding last minute not to pay my tuition, I was in a HUGE depression. Like it was reallt bad lmao, and its kinda why Im not on social media as much.

But I decided I would succeed and do this on my OWN out of spite so I can throw it in his face when I graduate (hopefully on the deans list every year!!)

It is going to take longer than I anticipated to graduate because when I was in community college I was still a JW, so my life plans were to get married, pionneer(door to door minstry but full time) and have babies, so I didnt care about school and I had no plans to ever transfer. I never met with an advisor, I just kinda did it all on my own, starting with gameart, then graphic design, then animation and finally picking painting. But since I never met with an advisor( not that it would have helped maybe since I wasnt going to transfer anywhere at the time) I didnt take the right prerequisites( drawing 2, design 1 and 2 and art history classes, i just did art appreciation). I had managed to be able to graduate based on following a degree plan online but, now that I am transferring Im in a weird spot where I cant apply for concetration and take most classes bc Im missing those prereqs. We were able to come up with one work around, my community college doesnt make you take design 1 and then design 2 in order, you can take both at the same time, and since they didnt offer design 1 last summer but design 2, my advisor said I could take Design 2 at collin during the summer and then design 1 at UNT for fall xD. She was so nice and helpful, and she even responded to my emails at 10, 11 pm lol

My major currently is a BFA for Stuido Art w a concentration in Drawing and Painting, w potentially a art history minor PERO they also have this visual arts education degree that would certify me to

teach k-12 in texas. Im just unsure of one, extending my graduation date( cause even w/o that Im gonna be 26 when i graduate... T_T), if I want to be in the State of Tx for a while...if i even want to teach those grade( kids are mean to fatties), and if I can afford living when I cant work( since id have to do a full 15-18 hours to fast track and for the last semster its student teaching fulltime so I wouldnt be able to work and you dont get paid. I know there are grants but Im just a little hesitant. But it would put me on the path of having a stable job as soon as I graduate, and Id be graduating with 3 degrees...The alternative is to just go to graduate school for painting so I can get a masters and be able to teach college, and you dont have to get certified and you can teach anywhere, so I could go back to florida or whatever state I wanted i guess. But ye Ill have to kepe thinking about it! I have a few months to decide!

Ive started seeing a dr, a psychatrist and a therapist. I havent been able to do much with them since they were booked so far out, and now Im moving soon. But it was still nice to get it started. Ill have to find a new dr, a new gyno, a new psychatrist and a new therapist in Denton. Also gotta find a new vet for all the critters.

My moms paying for all the move in costs, we just gotta pay for furniture. If any of you want to contribute, my paypal is still paypal.me/darthputa

:3c, we would appreciate it!

My uncle hasnt spoken to me since that all went down and its so frustrating bc everyones telling me to get over it, to reach out to him, that he feels bad and wants to help and its like, no one cares about my feelings, and he can tell me that shit himself you know? Like fuck off lmao. So I have no intention of ever speaking to him again. He wants to initiate, cool, apologize and pay of the student loans im having to take bc of you bailing on your promise and we will be cool. If not well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hopefully my sister will be able to take care of you when ya old cause I aint.

Oh yea speaking of, I did Fasfa for the first time ever and im getting a good chunk of money to go to school. If I get these 2 other scholarships, Ill be able to pay my living expenses and bills as well and wont have to work(ideal!!) But ye, not even my mom is gonna be paying for my schooling, all on me and it feels good tbh. Tho she did offer to help me pay my student loans and I aint gonna say no lmaoooo

So yea thats where life is at the moment! Hopefully ill be able to be more active soon 👌🏾

[dragon-zena]

even More OC group chat shenanigans

HUGHES: Madena oh my god

ZI: jdndjdjdjjd madena you did NOT

MADENA: I TOTALLY DID IM SVDBDBHD

HUGHES: I hate this Madena wh

HUGHES: “considering that I am a gay,,,” LIKE

ZI: “half of us,,,are immigrants,,,and children and grandchildren of immigrants,,,,end it” like has your best friend ever

HUGHES: YEAH MY BEST FRIEND HAS EVER THEY DID IT TODAY YOU WERE THERE

MADENA: im sorry but like what did she expect complaining about gay people and immigrants to a nb bisexual with two parents from two different continents...like? Ok

ZI: let's debate sexuality when it's obvious that half the class are LGBT and the other half are bigots!!!

ZI: let's talk about “illegal” immigration when almost EVERYONE IN THE ROOM has a close family member that immigrated here!

HUGHES: RIGHT AND TBIS IS AP POLISCI NOT AP “DISCUSS HUMAN RIGHTS” LET'S N O T

MADENA: this is both the greatest and worst day of my life why did I SAY that dbdbdn

ZI: what u said was true and you should say it

MADENA: mnmerrg

ZI: mads ur literally iconic there are literally people talking about u being their hero I'm???

HUGHES: I can't believe the evil was thoroughly defeated in our third hour class today.

MADENA: theevilisdefeated.png

CAMILLA: Narla!

NARLA: Yeah?

CAMILLA: Friendly reminder that we have a game today uwu……….do u have what u need? You dint have ur knee pads last time

NARLA: Fuck, I honestly forgot my stuff. I'm probably gonna drive home and get them.

NARLA: And never say “friendly reminder” or use uwu ever again in my presence.

CAMILLA: You should let Zi bring you uwu

NARLA: Perish, you bitch. You bully. You scoundrel.

CAMILLA: ;^)

NARLA: Hey, Zi. Are you busy after school? I was hoping that I could get a ride home, today. I have to get my vball gear for tonight.

ZI: oh! Yeah! I'll be waiting in the car after school. Can i

ZI: uh

NARLA: ?

ZI: can I come watch you, tonight?

NARLA: I'm blushing so hard she asked to come watch us tonight.

CAMILLA: HELL YEA we need the support

CAMILLA: Not that we gonna lose but your biggest fan being there is gonna make u go into overdrive.........ur gonna beast out........

CAMILLA: ion know if the other team is gonna stand a chance

NARLA: PERISH, ASSHOLE.

NARLA: Of course you can come! :)!

ZI: !!!

CAMILLA: WELCOM TO MY F U CK HO US E

MADENA: we have banini...and avocaidi…

HUGHES: Perish

ZI: perish

NARLA: Perish.

MADENA: Oh worm? Permission granted?

ZI: MADS NO

HUGHES: N O

ZI: mmmmmMMMAAAAAAAAAAA

STEPHANI: God, same.

HUGHES: What's going on in Louisiana? ):

NARLA: They keep raising the prom fee as though we're made of money. Lmao.

JUSTINE: I mean, Narla will be fine, she’s actually made of money,,, but like, not many other people will be.

ZI: LMAO.

MADENA: Zi ):

ZI: im sorry im sorry I just

NARLA: I'll pay for you to go. I'll pay for any of you, if you need it. It's not like we're using it for much, at home.

CAMILLA: ,,, Narla,,, ur mom

NARLA: Irrelevant.

MADENA: godiwishthatwereme.png

CAMILLA: aight……………………..

ZI: id die for Narla but whatever

HUGHES: You're at her game, aren't u

ZI: …no

HUGHES: …

ZI: …yes

ZI: Hughes her thighs...her calves….me gay

MADENA: I heard gay what's goin on

MADENA: oh its just z nvm

ZI: thighs.mp4

ZI: look at her go!

CAMILLA: ive come from the court to tell u that you are Definitely in the wrong chat

MADENA: ho-o-oly shit

CAMILLA: i got her phone lmao y'all secrets safe w me

CAMILLA: just deleted those messages have fun in pineville bye

HUGHES: Isn't that actually a place in Louisiana

HUGHES: Cami?

ZI: she's back on the court but yeah it is

ZI: holy shit I owe Camilla my entire life im going to the T3 Group Chat

HUGHES: real paranoia hours

HUGHES: if u up alone at 3:10 in the morning

HUGHES: hearing things, seeing things, and overthinking ur relationships

HUGHES: slam that mf like

HUGHES: this is so stupid like wow I love. feeling this way. Fave. 10 out of fuckign 10 i lobe iy

HUGHES: I need tk pee but im svared tk adn no ones up i catn

CAMILLA: oh shit

CAMILLA: ok okay im up right now, I'm here right now, I need you to take deep breaths for me

HUGHES: catn’

CAMILLA: can I call u

HUGHES: yehh

ZI: oh no

NARLA: Hughes, are you okay, now? I'm sorry that I wasn't awake when you needed someone. ):

CAMILLA: they asleep rn but I think they r ok for rn

CAMILLA: has this happened before zi

ZI: not to this extent

ZI: sometimes he does focus extensively on everything around him and it makes him anxious

NARLA: Maybe this should wait until Hughes says that we have his permission to talk about this.

CAMILLA: yeah

HUGHES: last night was a shit show

HUGHES: my bad

MADENA: Are u ok now?

ZI: ^

NARLA: ^

CAMILLA: ^

JUSTINE: ^

STEPHANI: ^

HUGHES: Yeah thanks

HUGHES: Camilla made me take sleep medicine and i pretty much passed out soon after lmao

CAMILLA: Sleep > Being Awake lmao

MADENA: mood

ZI: ......everybody wants to be a cat.....

HUGHES: oh my god not again

ZI: aS quare witha horn makes u wish u werent born evertime he plays

MADENA: Oh A Rinky Tinky Tinky!

ZI: with a square in the act! u can set musci back! to the caveman days!

NARLA: Oh, a rinky tinky tinyk!

HUGHES: This is torture you’re all doing ths knowing it was my fave song to play in jazz band end me

MADENA:  👀 👀 👀

Narla: RIP...It was my fault, I wanted to watch The Aristocats.........

HUGHES: Perish, Narla Miaro.

NARLA: Fuck you, Hughes.

STEPHANI: atthepool.png

STEPHANI: shes so fuckgin beautiful shes wearng this bikini and shes like fuckign aphrodite or sme shit

JUSTINE: END THIS

JUSTINE: prety.png

JUSTINE: LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND SHE DESERVES THE WORLD SHES GIGGLIN

NARLA: God, can you imagine if I had let the two of you pine any longer than you did?

ZI: this is so gay and cute

MADENA: Justine where do u find ur swimsuits and Steph u look gorgeous end me please

JUSTINE: blush.png

JUSTINE: shes blushing ths is so cute

JUSTINE: Also i just got them at waly worl

MADENA: bless ur photogenic souls for telling me

CAMILLA: U do it for he

NARLA: And you would do it, again.

CAMILLA: You do it for she and now u say

NARLA: You do it for he.

HUGHES: One day is all I ask

HUGHES: Sometimes I forget that the moment Euthymia left the house for college, she changed from a subtle gay to a vindictive gay.

MADENA: God my sister is so fucking iconic mom was like “i dont support that in my house” AS THOUGH I DONT EXIST IN THE BOUNDARIES OF THE HOME BUT ANYWAY Euthymia shruges and is like “im not in your house so lmao watch this” AND KISSES AGATHA RIGHT IN F R O N T OF HER hhfkrk

ZI: im lauhing

HUGHES: Shes not at her mom’s house rn she came to bring something to me for Mads and she’s sporting an undercut and a lot of lgbt pride pins AND a lot of really clever enamel pins too i envy her

HUGHES: She??? Also has??? A scar on her eyebrow???

HUGHES: I ASKED WHY AND SHE SAID “YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY”

MADENA: TELL HR TO STAY PUT IM C O M I N G I GOTTA SEE THIS

ZI: send a pic when u get there i wanna see

EUTHYMIA: inspiring my lgacy to be vindictive gays lmao

AGATHA: im lauhfing Zi just texted me and told me that Hughes called you a vindictive gay

EUTHYMIA: im so happy that im able to be ths way

EUTHYMIA: but i want them to wait until they’re super safe until they even think about following the near vicinity of my footsteps

AGATHA: you aren’t even super safe but i get wht ur sayin

AGATHA: I love you, Euthymia Nadine.

EUTHYMIA: I love you, too, Alaris

AGATHA: oooh my last name hot

EUTHYMIA: end it

HUGHES: That freshman is going to get in a fight this afternoon

MADENA: ?

HUGHES: sorry the thought just came to me

MADENA: Hughes,,,

HUGHES: I was right,,,,,,what the fc

ZI: oh thats like when Madena said something about ancient greec andt he teacher was like “nuh uh” but when he searched it up it was true

ZI: but Madena didnt know how they got it right it just randomyl popped up in their mind

CAMILLA: Physics can suck my asshole

HUGHES: Oh?

MADENA: *Hughes voice* oh, you haven’t heard?

CAMILLA: i die

HUGHES: I tutor in physics

MADENA: hes not gonna ask you to pay which is why u should

CAMILLA: I DONT CARE AS LONG AS I PASSED THESE FINALS WHATS YOUR FUCING PAYPAL

HUGHES: meet me in the PMs

MADENA: this is so fucking funny hey @Narla d o u need help with physics

NARLA: No.

MADENA: god i wish that were me

ZI: god i wish that were me

ZI: :0!

MADENA: O: twinsies

[dontkyeom]

Monsta X: Beautiful in San Francisco - Fan Experience

ayooo i was asked to post about the monsta x concert i just went to (and also i want a record of what happened before i forget) so here it is!! under the cut are my pre, during, and post-show experiences/thoughts!!

pre-show

okay so my friend and i planned to get boba from boba guys and fries from super duper for dinner

me being me, i planned for us to meet at 5 so we had enough time to eat and digest for the show

i leave my house around 3:45 bc i was gonna bus over while my friend was gonna get dropped off at boba guys

in the end we ended up getting sharetea and meeting at super duper an hour later than when we were supposed to meet for the following reasons:

i got to the area before my friend

I WALKED THE WHOLE ASS TUNNEL BETWEEN DOWNTOWN AND CHINATOWN FOR NO REASON i was so heated omg

the line for boba guys was out the door and down the block so i was like girl… we gotta yeet

i left to get sharetea but my friend for some reason thought we were still gonna meet at boba guys so she had to walk down to the mall

she ended up getting lost and going to chinatown

meanwhile i was trying to find sharetea bc i didnt even know they had one in the mall

ended up ordering for both of us and agreeing to meet at super duper

also i saw some monbebes in the mall while i was waiting for my drinks hehe i peeped ur shirts

we got to the warfield at 7 when the doors were supposed to open and y’all the line was so long that it like wrapped around the block and the end was right by the entrance

i got gnarly cramps in both of my legs within five minutes of each other and they hurt like a damn bitch let me tell you

i felt really bad bc i like fell to the floor in the middle of the line and some of the people behind us were like omg are you okay and i was like yes pls just go around me i’ll be okay

and then the cramp went away and the people held our spots for us!! such kind people ily if you’re reading this

we got in right at 8 when the show was supposed to start (but they ended up starting later which im just assuming was so that everyone could get in)

during-show

y’all everyone kept screaming even tho the boys weren’t on stage yet and it hella freaked out my friend and i when we left to get water

we literally rushed back and my friend tripped up the stairs but it’s fine we made it back in time

anyway their energy is just off the charts like i was hyped as hell from beginning to end. they really know how to bring a crowd up and their stage presence is amazing. no awkward moments whatsoever and very smooth transitions from one stage to the next i was actually really impressed

and they said the bay had the realest energy and i was ready to NUT

my heart cried when they left a mic stand for hyungwon for ex girl, i really love how thoughtful the boys are when a member is missing. they take ohana to a new level it’s just endearing to see how much they truly care for one another

i would also like to have a moment of appreciation bc they didn’t say san fran at all?? i was lowkey expecting them to but they didn’t :’) (pls never say san fran it’s a big no from me)

wonho lowkey tried to throw chocolate to the upper balcony i saw him aiming a bit higher and i appreciate his effort so much

also as a former tech crew member in high school, a moment of appreciation for all the tech effects, they really added to the whole experience of the show and i thoroughly enjoyed the different effects and the timing of everything

appreciation for the stage hands who brought the bench on stage, i hope y’all heard me cheer for you bc i know what that’s like

also… i really loved seeing all the spike tape on the stage for whatever reason

anyway back to the boys

minhyuk jooheon kihyun and i.m came out and they asked us who was the most romantic (i said kihyun bc that boy was smooth as shit in that one video) and a lot of people said minhyuk so they made him do aegyo and OMFG MINHYUK’S AEGYO HAHAHAHA THAT SHIT WAS SO FUNNY all he said was “san francisco… oh my god” and then he kept repeating oh my god and OMG and he and jooheon were switching off and their voices were getting lower and i.m was like “yo this is not cute this is just weird” i got it on video if anyone wants to see it lmao

and then wonho and shownu came out like “…what kind of weird things were you guys talking about”

speaking of videos, all the videos i have of their songs are shaky af bc i was bopping at the same time but if anyone still wants to see them i can send a google drive link your way hehe

from zero was the cutest shit ever. im still really sad hyungwon couldnt make it but the sub did a great job in his place!!

i needa take a moment to just talk about wonho bc that man can go from cocky daddy to a total sweetie. like… he totally knows he’s a walking sex god (a small moment of silence for when kihyun just like pulled wonho’s jacket down to try to expose his arms during his intro) but then he’ll talk about how he tried to perform extra well to make up for hyungwon not being there and he’s trying to put on a better show and you can really tell how much he cares about us and ugh 

ALSO

WONHO IS SCULPTED BY THE GODS I WAS WAAAAAY UP IN THE UPPER BALCONY AND EVEN I COULD SEE HOW DEFINED HE IS SO PROPS TO HIM

i popped the FUCK off at the 24k magic cover oh my god y’all i love bruno and i got so excited when shownu minhyuk and i.m covered it, and it was so damn lit. like i was a lil bummed when i found out they werent gonna do the second verse bc it’s my fav part of the song but i.m’s rap was AMAZING and fit really well and oh my god don’t even get me started on the dance breaks omfffff

their outfits were cute as shit too

also appreciation for i.m’s voice. i just really like his voice im such a slut for deep voices ok this is why he’s my wrecker

jooheon and kihyun are just something else when they come together, i love what they’re able to offer to each other and able to create as a unit it’s just really cool to see :’)

also i must say… seeing jooheon’s deep ass dimples and kihyun’s nice ass cheekbones are such a blessing

OH AND THEIR AEGYO

THE AIR... POP SHIT BRUH I WAS DED

THE RED OUTFITS ARE SUCH A LOOK UGHHH

i almost cried when broken heart came on, such a beautiful song AND THEY LEFT A SPACE IN THE MIDDLE FOR HYUNGWON UGH MY HEART

blind, trespass, and rush were arguably the most hype songs of the night, like ive never went so hard in my life

also a moment to talk about shownu bc like… idk i’ve noticed he’s a lot more quiet than other leaders of idol groups so i wasn’t really sure what to expect but i gained so much respect for him?? he has great stage presence and is really well-spoken and charismatic damn gemini AND HE’S JUST SO TALENTED

omg there was this one part where wonho said “hyungwon actually made a recovery earlier than expected” and like the way he said it made it seem like hyungwon was gonna make a surprise appearance but nah

but it’s okay bc they all said they wanna come back to the bay asap and y’all can BET i’ll be there

i appreciated their english speaking, like during their intros and goodbyes it was heartwarming to see their efforts to communicate w us

surprisingly they didnt really talk much about how it was their 800 days?? idk i was kinda expecting them to address it but they didnt

omg their bows were adorable, they like held hands and moved across the stage in a line to bow to different parts of the venue it was so cute to watch

post-show

my friend and i waited in the merch line that moved pretty quickly actually?? but there were only stickers left and i thought it was more important for my friend to get something bc it was her first concert and she really wanted something to remember it by so i passed (also stickers were $25 what even)

but it’s cool bc she let me have a hyungwon sticker (and a cute lil logo bc there were two of them)!! theyre probably gonna live in my phone case bc i have a clear one so y’all BET im taking my mans everywhere w me

she really enjoyed herself which i was really happy to see!! being there for someone’s first concert is magical 10/10 would recommend

i also enjoyed myself in case i didnt make that clear lmao. despite the rough pre-concert experience, seeing those boys do their thing made everything worth it and i’m so glad i got to experience their first world tour :’) also ive never let loose to the extent that i did sober tonight so props to monsta x for bringing out my bay area hyphy lmaooo

i just wanna say thank you to monsta x for coming to sf, putting on a good show, and making us feel loved and appreciated. i was hella surprised when an sf show was announced considering most groups usually just go to LA, so thanks for giving the bay a chance and showing us such a fun time!!

and shoutout to the monbebes for being such a cute crowd. i loved seeing everyone waving their light sticks and arms and just having a good time, and cheering so hard for these talented and hardworking men

also seeing everyone come out of hi-touch all happy and smiley and starstruck was the cutest thing, so if you got to experience that i’m so happy for you and i hope you enjoyed seeing those boys up close!! would’ve done it myself but im an unemployed college kid so anything over $100 wasn’t an option for me

((another also, im v sorry to everyone behind me if my aggressive arm waving got in the way of your view i was enjoying myself way too much))

all in all, my first kpop concert was a huge success!! came in not knowing what to expect (it’s a bit different from the other shows/concerts ive been to in the past, but a good different!!), but still had a lit ass night :)

[shiny-craboo-blog]

@rockformed​ replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it. 

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

[swampgallows]

so many people are leaving my work... i have to inform them,,,,,,,,,,,,, still. my bosses have been on like their i dunno eighth vacation of the year so they havent been around, i dunno why theyre attempting to run such a tight ship. shit is boring like.... its boring... its ...boring......................

how you cgonna specify college graduates for retail then get mad when we seek mental stimulation im literally going insnae listening to music boxes all day and interacting with no one for like a solid hour, not allowed to sit down,  how do you think i wrote 30k words of a shtity fanfic while at work... how do you think ive read like 15 books while on the clock.... how is it we all excuse each other for extensive ‘bathroom breaks’ just to walk around a bit and get some kind of mental refreshemnt.... how do you think ive been thrown into full-blown panic attacks from extremely minute stimuli.....shit is boring and nothing happens and my mind is constantly “wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww” 

my hours are all the fuck over the place,i worked overtime this week even though i was sick twice, i even worked that EVENT this week (WHICH FEELS LIKE A MONTH AGO, IT WAS ONLY 5 DAYS AGO, THAT IS HOW INTERMINABLE THIS WEEK HAS BEEN)

i fuckin... its... 2am and i ahve to get up in lik3 5 hours to be at work again at 10am... 10 to 7, backup backup reg, doin NOTHING “but we’re short-staffed” where??? we climb all over each other to straighten a single stack of books, we jump at the opportunity to fold a t-shirt or wrap a mug, like, where are we short staffed lmao we even had ‘greeters’ today and we were down 3 people

I DID “BREAKS” TODAY AT 11AM, AND THEN AT 7PM. WHAT DID I DO FOR THOSE 6 HOURS IN BETWEEN? I COULDNT FUCKIN TELL YA. I ATE A LOT OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES AND FUCKED OFF IN THE LOUNGE AND NOBODY KNEW I WAS MISSING AND NOBODY WAS AFFECTED BY MY ABSENCE. COOKIES. ON THE CLOCK. TIL 9 FUCKIN PM

ISNT IT IMPORTANT THAT I HAVE A DEGREE??? TO EAT COOKIES??? TO COPE???

glugl gluglug glug lgulg glug glugl glug glug

i saw a Couple today that made me think about how one time i was a Couple and it feels like a different lifetime. yeahhh, yeahh even though im nervous i think it’s t-t-t-t-time. it been 2 years, fertt spinehewer says "General rule of thumb now is to work hard and toil for 2 years. If you don't see a decent raise/promotion, it's time to look elsewhere upwards.” hes a bit emotionally stale, even for an orc boy, but it’s still good. he has good work ethic

i toiled as much as one can in this kinda position; if i toil too hard it ‘looks bad’. lmao but ive kept my cool, ive taken shit, ive gargled customers’ piss with grit teeth (sorry thats.... i dunno, It Be Like That Sometimes), i have had panic attacks so bad in public ive come close to pissing myself at my job because i cannot be removed from the offending stimulus in time and im trying desperately not to scream

i was talking w a coworker who just put in her two weeks, speaking of piss, because apparently my bosses are hounding her (and have been for like 2 months) about her bathroom breaks, which we ALL take, some of us (me) much MUCH longer than others, yet she’s the one getting shit for it, which is so fucking weird to me. my boss legit asked her “what are you doing in there?” PISSING, DUDE? WE TALK TO PEOPLE WE GET THIRSTY WE GOTTA PISS WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM i dunno but uh a child wandered into the store and his parents up and grabbed him, he must have been special needs, he started howling just...an absolute tortured scream, it stopped me in my tracks and mid-sentence and my coworker said i “went white”, like she saw my visceral-ass PANIC MODE reaction and i IMMEDIATELY started grounding myself, tapping fingertips, like, shuddering breath, it’s insane how potent the trigger was. the child sounded like he was being gored. i couldnt take it, it was too strong, i became afraid, i became a child. i became THAT child. sensory overload was creepign up but i think my recent pon farr week has blown all of that out of the water for a while that iw as able to get it undr control, it was small ptoatoes compared to this fuckin GAUNTLET this hell week has been.

I BECAME THAT CHILD and i feared for my LIFE, akin to when i was watching the babadook. LOL TRIGGEREDD!! LE TRIGGERED!!!

i cant even imagine the scream now, i cant even remember it, it shot with such white-hot immediacy into the center of my brain that it was barely a sound, it was just a concentrated trauma bullet

they were pulling him out by his arms and he was kicking his legs. he had been in the other building earlier but that one just sounded like a typical child-scream of ‘i dont wanna go!’ or ‘i need a nap’. but this was... like tearing of ffingernails type screaming. like ‘january scratched repeatedly by 400 the cat’ screaming. it was too mcuh and i was really freaking out

still dont want to sleep

cant believe all weve got are humans. there are so many humans in the world. why

[queerberrie]

Even numbers for the ask thing!

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant? My ex, her name was Katie, and I would say it was, I don’t remember what situation it was in exactly, I was really struggling with being out of it during that time.4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week? Last name my siblings and cousin and I were playing uno and sitting and laughing our butts off!6. What is your favorite season? Why? Autumn, I love it for the temperature, the smells, the start of a new school year, and halloween8. What color are your nails? black!10. What is something you find romantic? when someone takes the time to remember a small detail or just cuddling wrapped under a blanket12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad? there’s a million for both of those options, but one thing that makes me happy would be sitting at my grandmothers with a cuppa, and one thing that makes me sad would be seeing people be cruel to others14. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library? the forest for sure!16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? I wish I would be sitting outside a peacevalley park in the sun reading a book18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now? Her intelligence and confidence20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? hmmm, this is tricky, i tend to hold onto memories from people i used to be close with and no longer speak to and it haunts me, so i guess i need to let go of the past22. Have you recently made any big decisions? yes, actually i came out to my parents which was spooky! 24. What movie would you use to describe your life? i don’t really have an answer to this, but if i could choose a movie it would be howls moving castle26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” happiness28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex? generally their lack of knowledge on what women are really like, and often their lack of understanding and being emotional30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it? that im unsure ill ever be successful or find someone to love32. Have you ever been in love?  i believe i have, but only once34. Why did your last relationship end? I wasn’t into her anymore, and we had different maturities and i was over it36. When was the last time you cried and why? yesterday or the day before while watching the handmaid’s tale38. What did you receive last Valentines Day? A sunflower, and chocolate strawberries!40. Have you ever been cheated on? no i don’t believe so!42. Ever had detention? no!44. What do people call you? Will, Willabee, pillow, bubba46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? hmm, i’d say im more of a weeb but a definitely big nerd48. How tall are you? 5′6.550. Favorite fruits? bananas, strawberries, peaches, watermelon, pumpkin, mango, so many!!52. What’s your earliest memory? my first birthday actually, i remember a pair of hands setting a chocolate cake with white icing in a metal pan in front of me, and it was my grandfather!54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind!56. Do you save money or spend it? i used to save it, and i’ve been spending it a lot so i gotta start saving again58. What top 5 things make you the angriest? 1.ignorance 2.stubborness 3. lying 4. being unnecassarily cruel 5. people who judge others60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? it really depends, if i have a way to get another job, i’d help if i have nothing and am already really struggling i’d try to call someone to help and unfortunately keep going62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. that creepy cartoon of the heart from adventure time64. Do you like the beach? yes, but i’d like to experience it in the fall or winter66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it! noel68. Describe your hair. right now its above shoulder length, with an undercut, slightly dyed purple still and super curly70. What is your ideal partner like? this is hard, esp. since i’ve romanticised this for yeares, but someone i truly feel comfortable being around, someone i can talk with that we can be both silly and have deep conversations and is similar in maturity to me, someone i can be silent for hours, or stay up till 3 am talking, just someone like me and i don’t need a “tumblr relationship” just someone to be happy72. Do you want to have kids? unknown, but probably not74. Are you Chunky or Slim? medium to chunky76. What would you change about your life? maybe not doubt myself as much78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?hopefully my sweet college friends or jaimee80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? yes, my sweet friends bri, sean, bridget, claire and jaimee82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? it would really depend, we aren’t really on good terms, but if she needed somewhere to go ofc84. Do you like bubble baths? YES86. Have you ever danced in the rain? oh god yes88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? what did matt send me, it’s too early to move, why am i already tired again90. How was your day today? so far good, i’ve been watching a program with my sister and grandma and had brunch of sorts and read92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.  i love the smell of salt and the sun covering ur skin in a warm embrace and the continuous pound of the ocean, but ive also had plenty of scary dreams of the ocean being too big and taking over people and ruining towns, so i believe it is a beautiful part of nature but also a force to be cautious around94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? hmmm, im unsure96. When are you vulnerable? all the time, but especially at night98. Do you like to go hiking? yes yes yes!100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? no,no,no,no,no,no,and no. heights scare me lmao. 

thanks for the asks! I had fun thinking about answers

[gnostalgist]

🌻rules: once you have been tagged, you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag.

I was tagged by @fixationpsychosis ! (thank u!)

🌻LAST…


[1] drink: zero ultra monster energy fsdjlfkjds (its the only Good(TM) monster so i had to specify)


[2] phone call: my grandma probably. if skype calls count, then dirk.


[3] text message: my grandma...


[4] song you listened to: ok it was the schuyler sisters from hamilton but it was bc i was doign a colorguard routine to it which probably doesnt help but

[5] time you cried: idk... a couple days ago

🌻 HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: yeah


[7] been cheated on: uh you know what? probably, yeah.


[8] kissed someone and regretted it: not immediately??? but yeah


[9] lost someone special: yeah i mean.. i hope its not permanent but yeah


[10] been depressed: all day erryday


[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nah

🌻 LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS…


[12] pastel pink


[13] the one shade of red u know. like my blog aesthetic


[14] orange but its gotta be soft

🌻 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…


[15] made new friends: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i made so many new good friends somewhat recently!! i love them!!!


[16] fallen out of love: im trying

[17] laughed until you cried: yeah


[18] found out someone was talking about you: hhhh yeah

[19] met someone who changed you: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


[20] found out who your true friends are: hh yeah


[21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: ive only kissed two people ever and theyre both BLOCKED AS FUCK

🌻 GENERAL…


[22] how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: (sidenote: i dont like the term “real life” when talking abt friends bc just bc u have ldrs doesnt mean u dont know the person in ‘real life’ bc u do. but i know what its asking so im just gonna answer that) 3... because i panicked and deleted almost everyone off my friends list


[23] do you have any pets: i have a cat named Pico de Gato

[24] do you want to change your name: legally? yeah. but idk im ok w my name(s) rn


[25] what did you do for your last birthday: hhhhh I CRIED BC NOBODY WAS ABLE TO HANG OUT AND I SAT IN MY ROOM ALONE but then the other day my friend brought me weed as a belated bday present so whatever

[26] what time did you wake up: 6 am


[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: sleepin

[28] name something you cannot wait for: GREEN DAY AND AGAINST ME CONCERT NEXT MONTH!


[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: oh god last summer i think im not sure


[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: not having bpd and ruining all of my relationships

[31] what are you listening to right now: against me bc i remembered the concert for #28...

[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i went to middle school w someone named tom and i had him in social studies and he wrote a song for a class project on guitar except it was really bad 


[33] something that is getting on your nerves: this one kid i kind of know thats.. actualyl terrible i want them to die....


[34] most visited website: tumblr/youtube 


[35] elementary: idk what these are actually asking but i... think its asking where... i started to kindergarten at a school in south dakota, and then a different school here from then until 2nd grade; 3rd grade in texas; 4th in rochester, minnesota and 5th in winona, minnesota


[36] high school: currently in rn and it sux


[37] college: either going to a technical school here to get a degree as a diagnostic medical sonographer or going somewhere??? to get a phd in psych to be a clinical psychologist. prolly the former tho,,

[38] hair colour: black but rly badly dyed


[39] long or short hair: idk its like to my shoulders when its down but also i have a mohawk


[40] do you have a crush on someone: YEA IM RLY GAY FOR MY BF

[41] what do you like about yourself: my eyes and Musical Abilities(TM)


[42] piercings: idk i dont really want any,,


[43] blood type: idk ??
??????????????

[44] nickname: roxy (if that counts..), kasp, rox, friendly ghost


[45] relationship status: IM LVOE DIRK


[46] zodiac sign: picses/aries


[47] pronouns: god i dont fucking know.. any?? except if we’re not close u cant use she/her but. yeah idk. any.


[48] fav TV show: hm twd probably


[49] tattoos: i dont have any, BUT
 im going to get a bike helmet? idk where yet though. and then just those plastic vampire teeth, and finally, the Most Important one, the word ‘drown’ in morse code on the inside of my left arm. im gonna?? try to meet tyler joseph and have him write it for me.

[50] right or left handed: right

🌻 FIRST…


[51] surgery: i had surgery on my tongue in like 1st/2nd grade bc i couldnt like. lift it up


[52] piercing: none


[53] best friend: a girl named zaneb

 
[54] sport: uhhh i tried to do bmx for a while but ive never been in a sport rly until now if u count colorguard


[55] vacation: hm my familys always been poor so like. we’ve only gone to texas and south dakota to see family


[56] pair of trainers: wh.. what

🌻 RIGHT NOW…


[57] eating: nothing but i just ate a cookie i baked. also i know this isnt what it asked but i just want to say ive ate 7 tacos in the past 3 day.


[58] drinking: ALRIGHT i started writing this post like 4 hours ago but im still drinking that monster


[59] I’m about to: nut

[60] listening to: against me


[61] waiting for: dirk to come online?????


[62] want: dirk to come online?????


[63] get married: probably not..


[64] career?: diagnostic medical sonography or clinical psychologist

🌻 WHICH IS BETTER…


[65] hugs or kisses: hugs... kissing is honestly disgusting and ngl like 95% of the time ive kissed anyone i just found it Gross dskfjds;ld


[66] lips or eyes: eyes.....


[67] shorter or taller: ok i dont actually care either way but listen. dallon weekes is 6′4′’ and he can W R E C K  M E


[68] older or younger: i dont care but i usually just happen to like ppl older than me? but not by much like a year at most


[69] romantic or spontaneous: both


[70] nice arms or nice stomach: idc s’all cute


[71] sensitive or loud: idk both but at different times??

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship...


[73] troublemaker or hesitant: idk..

🌻 HAVE YOU EVER…


[74] kissed a stranger: god no. i tried once when i was 12


[75] drank hard liquor: yeah but i was depressed and we dont talk about that period of my life

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses: i dont.. wear them.

[77] turned someone down: i dont think so... nobody is interested in me ever lmao

[78] sex on first date: GROSS


[79] broken someone’s heart: i dont think so


[80] had your own heart broken: yeah

[81] been arrested: ....listen


[82] cried when someone died: no


[83] fallen for a friend: hm i dont think so. unless u count dirk but i had a crush on him like immediately

🌻 DO YOU BELIEVE IN…


[84] yourself: every other wednesday


[85] miracles: eh

[86] love at first sight: no but i think u can kinda have a connection at first sight. like a “i know im going to love you” at first sight.

[87] santa claus: yeah ofc


[88] kiss on the first date: hh it depends idk


[89] angels: i am an angel so like

🌻 OTHER…


[90] current best friend’s name: i never have like actual best friends bc nobody likes me but idk ill go out on a limb and say martin


[91] eye colour: blue


[92] favourite movie: the labyrinth or heathers or little shop of horrors. or book of mormon if we pretend thats a movie

im too lazy to tag people i am SORRY if u wanna do this then say i tagged u tho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

[n4lentertainmentltd]

Chapter IV

1 City, Many Fallbacks, Unnecessary Rush

“Shit you never know with him bro.” Young replied.

Just as they were talking they all got a notification of a text on their phone. 

Recipients: BrisQuo, Russ, Young

Theo: Fuck yall niggas. All yall some ho ass niggas. Y’all just gonna leave me? Bitch ass niggas. My granny bringing me anyway. Don’t say shit to me when you see me.

None of them knew what to expect from him when they saw him, but they didn’t care. They needed to get to Orientation. They couldn’t wait all day on him. Besides, he had found a way there anyhow. He’d be aight.

The first time Young met Russ, he thought he was funny; he didn’t talk funny or walk funny. He was just a nice guy. Super nice. The nicest guy Young had ever met before. He was the kind of guy you did something wrong to, and he would end up apologizing for it. He had a kind soul.

Russ was closer to Young’s height. He was about 6’3”, dark skinned, built from his years of playing high school defensive end and tennis, and he had one dimple on the left side of his face that he often flashed at any chick willing to give a glance. Young did not know at that time, but they were going to end up being best-friends. Inseparable.

Text Messages

F: Angelica

T: Young

Angelica: Hey babe what’s up? I haven’t heard from you since you got off last night. 

Young: Sorry babe. I got off at like 1 then came home and packed for Orientation.

Angelica: Its okay I understand. I was sleep anyway. Are y’all in Austin yet?

Young: Naw not yet. I almost didn’t respond to your text.

Angelica: What?! Why not? 

Young: I thought you were Theo! We left his ass in Dallas and he been talking shit ever since.

Angelica: Ugh. That sounds just like that nigga. He so angry to be so light-skinned.

Young: Exactly! Lmao

Angelica: I’m so proud of you baby. I know you are going to do great things. Try not to forget me along the way. 

Young: Never.

Everyone can’t be as lucky as Young to have known love at such a young age. The moment his eyes rested on Angelica he knew she would be his. They went from acquaintances (she did not care for him at first), to friends, to bestfriends, and then there was the kiss that started it all. They both knew when their lips touched on that day things would never be the same. 

Every time she giggled. 

Every time she batted those big beautiful brown eyes. 

Every.

Single. 

Time. 

He was powerless.

Angelica and Young started dating the summer of his senior year before he headed off to college. They figured his school was close by since it was only a 3-hour drive. They agreed he would come home on the weekends and the two of them would be just fine. Everything seemed like it would work out.  

She expected to still be treated like and to feel like his Queen. He intended to give her just that...

After 3 hours on the road and talking extensively about what it would be like when they saw Theo, they finally arrived on campus. When they arrived, there were Student Guides all over the campus, dressed in official school colors with the mascot displayed proudly across their chests’. They were all pretty much giving the same speech.

“Hello! Welcome to the University. We’re so happy to see you.”

BrisQuo rolled up to the Student Guide standing closest to the car on the nearby street corner. After the initial speech mentioned above, the Student Guide said, “Please go to the annex to pick up your agenda and keys. If y’all need anything feel free to give me a holler.” 

“When do we have to pay by?” Russ asked as he pressed the automatic window button down so the Student Guide could see through the tint. 

“Great question! You have until the end of the Orientation to pay your fee. That will be 250.00. Cash, check, and all major credit cards are accepted.”

“Oh ok. Thank you.” Russ responded as he rolled the window back up.

They parked at the annex then everyone got out and did their long car ride stretches and yawns. Young was surprised Russ hadn’t paid for Orientation yet. He had a job and was sensible with his money.

“Russ?” Young said.

“What’s good bro?” He replied.

“Why haven’t you paid yet?”

“Nigga I ain’t paying for this shit. 250 bucks for something they made mandatory? Naw nigga. I aint paying a dime. I’mma just do whatever y’all do and tell them to write me down as present.” He said as he wrote an imaginary check in the air.

Young definitely felt where he was coming from. Since it was mandatory, Young felt the exact same way as him. 

Why do I have to pay for something I am being forced to do? 

Russ’ plan was ingenious. 

“So where you gonna stay?” BrisQuo asked.

“I’m staying in y’all room.” Russ replied.

“Bro its only two beds in there.” Young said. “How you gonna manage to do that?” 

“Yeah nigga! And you always snore loud than a bitch. Nigga you wasn’t gonna tell us you was staying?” BrisQuo interjected.

“I’ll be fine on the floor. I’ll make a pallet on the floor AND BrisQuo leave me, and my snoring, out of this. You know I gotta condition!”

When they got to the annex, the line had already extended out past the front door. Everyone and they Mama was at Orientation. Each Orientation was held for incoming students. 6 or 7 generally were held throughout the summer, depending on the number of incoming freshman. They decided to go to the 4th one because that one worked best with each of their work schedules. 

The annex was huge. The building had high ceilings; lots of windows, and people were packed in like sardines. It was a hot day outside, in the 100’s once again. The air was being blasted full power but that didn’t matter. It was too hot and too many bodies in that one building.

When they walked in they got in line behind the other people waiting for keys and agendas. 

“Hey Young?” BrisQuo said in a low whisper.

“Yeah what’s up?” He replied.

“Don’t that look like them Niggas from that dinner that was sitting with them bad chicks?”

“What y’all talking about?” Russ asked.

“Shhhhh Nigga damn!” BrisQuo said in an excited utterance. “Look.” BrisQuo said as he nodded his head in the semi-familiar crowds general direction.

“Yeah I think that is them.” Russ whispered. “What y’all tryna do?”

“What you mean what we tryna do? I’m tryna get these keys so I can go lay down. They not flexing on us so we shouldn’t flex on them.” Young said sounding irritated.

“Relax nigga. We just got here so we don’t have no time to be making enemies. Trust though, if we see them acting weird out in public we gonna handle that.” BrisQuo said triumphantly.

“Hell yeah.” Russ replied bouncing his shoulders and rubbing his hands together like was putting on too much hand sanitizer on.

You could tell the University prepared for the event because it took them less than 30 minutes to get to the front of the line. When they got to the front, none of them could believe who was up there waiting to get a roommate. Young recognized that voice from over a thousand Chick & Strip drive-thru orders...

“Which one of these guys is your roomie?” The student helper asked Theo.

“Shit not these niggas.” Theo shot back. He wouldn’t even look at them when he said it he just waved in their general direction.

The student helper looked at Theo with a puzzled expression on her face. 

“So wait, you aren’t with these guys?”

“Naw man. I don’t know them. They don’t know me. This my roommate right here. This guy right here. Uhhhhh, what’s your name?” Theo asked as he wrapped his arm around the stranger’s shoulder.

It was clear that Theo just grabbed the closest person to him that wasn’t one of the fellas he was supposed to ride with. The kid he grabbed was a small white guy with plaid shorts, a white tee, and flip-flops. He looked absolutely terrified when Theo touched him. The guy could tell Theo looked angry though and didn’t want to get on his bad side. 

“My name is Tommy.” The stranger mumbled.

“Is this gentleman really your roommate?” the student assistant asked. 

The guy looked at the Dallas Troop. Then looked at Theo. Then looked back to the woman. Then gave everyone a once over one more time, and finally replied, “Yeah. This is my roommate.”

“Here are your keys. Here are your agendas.” The woman said as she handed them their items. “If you need anything or have any questions feel free to ask myself or any of the other student assistants.” Theo and Tommy thanked her for her help and then walked off together rolling their luggage behind them.

BrisQuo and Young were next up. Russ, sensing it would be awkward when he was the only one not getting a agenda and key, got ghost until they came out. He was leaning on a pillar outside texting when BrisQuo, Soulful, and Young walked out of the building.