#ive never known a ship name a day in my life and i dont plan to start now

[wicoppi]

[sadrien]

goodbyes & hellos

on ao3

im so so so late but hey this is for first day of prompt week for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare​!!!! day one: wrong number

this was a lot of fun tbh and ive been dying to write this ship. alyas texts are italicized, adriens are underlined on ao3, just bold here bc tumblrs a butt. shoutout to @reyxa​ for the title <3

enjoy!

Alya narrows her eyes at the new message that lights up her phone. It’s an unknown number that she doesn’t recognize — not that she’s given her number to anyone recently — and it’s also seven in the morning . Anyone how knows her at all should know that she doesn’t wake up before at least nine on the weekends. (And that has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t sleep during the week and tends to go to bed after two in the morning.)

She groans as another message shows up on the screen. She squints and lets the messages flow in, figuring she can tell the person they’ve got the wrong number after they’ve finished whatever they have to say. Or she can decide that it’s unimportant and ignore it and go back to sleep.

She likes her second plan the best.

unknown number: Hi!

unknown number: Just wanted to let you know the start time for today has been moved from 10 to 9:15

unknown number: My father has a meeting at 1300 so he wants to get it all done as soon as possible

unknown number: And I know you mentioned wanting to have him on set yesterday

unknown number: I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience! Your agent should be calling you soon, but I thought I’d give you a heads up

Alya squints at the screen. She doesn’t want to care but she’s curious. And curiousity killed the cat and all that but she’s used to letting her nosiness get the best of her.

unknown number: agents???

unknown number: 1st of all srry u have the wrong number

unknown number: 2nd of all were u talking to a movie star or smth???????

unknown number: book writer??

unknown number: what kinda person needs an agent

unknown number: Oh I’m sorry! I must’ve gotten the wrong number from someone

unknown number: I’m really sorry if I was bothering you

Alya rolls her eyes.

unknown number: u woke me up but its chill cause now im curious

unknown number: Curious? About what?

unknown number: way 2 keep avoiding the question

unknown number: ???

unknown number: u said the person u meant to text has an agent

unknown number: how fancy r they

unknown number: Oh! She’s a model!

Alya’s eyes widen. The most famous person she knows is that thirteen year old that was in her school who has ten thousand subscribers on YouTube because she makes lyric videos. The second is a boy who has a few thousand instagram followers because he has nice abs and lots of white boy clothing and muscle shirts.

unknown number: u kno a model????????

unknown number: Uhh

unknown number: I’m not sure how much personal information I should be giving to a stranger

Alya sighs. So close.

unknown number: its fine dude (dude? u good w that? lmk if u arent) i getchu

unknown number: u can just stop responding if u dont wanna talk

She locks her phone and slides it back under her pillow. She stares at the ceiling for a few more minutes, wondering if she’ll be able to fall back asleep. As much as she’d like to take the train back to dreamville, she can’t. Because now she’s awake and now she’s wondering. And once she stops wondering, she doesn’t stop.

She’ll probably stop thinking about this random wrong number in a few days and in a few months, she’ll forget about them entirely but…

Ugh.

Sleep definitely isn’t an option anymore.

Leaving her phone in her bed, she pads to the kitchen, twisting her hair up into a messy bun as she does so. No one is up yet — of course they aren’t, it’s seven on a Saturday and everyone is taking advantage of every precious minute of sleep they can get — so she has the run of the house to herself.

So she makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal and turns to television on. Her initial plan is to just leave it on whatever channel that’s playing when she first turns it on, and luckily the twins were the last ones to use it. Saturday morning cartoons. Score.

Alya stirs sugar in her coffee as Cyber Chase plays in the background. It’s not much more than background noise, it’s the middle of an episode and she doesn’t really know what’s happening, but she does snort at a few of the bad jokes.

“You’re up early,” her mom says before dropping a kiss on the top of Alya’s head.

Alya hums. “Got a few text messages and they woke me up.” She notes how her mom purposefully avoids eye contact as she opens a cabinet. Alya rolls her eyes and eats a spoonful of cereal.

“School friends?” her mom asks carefully.

“Yes,” Alya lies. Better than her mom asking more questions. The biggest one being why were you talking to a complete stranger?

“Are you going to see them before we leave?”

Alya glues her eyes to the TV. “If they’re around.”

Her mom makes an unimpressed sound and Alya resists the urge to roll her eyes. She texted a few of her friends the other week, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. They all had the same sort of idea about cutting ties.  

Alya sighs and puts down her spoon, twisting around in her seat to face her mom. “I promise I’m talking to them.”

Her mom gives her that look— the one where her lips purse and a crease between her eyebrows that’s becoming more and more permanent; the one that says she wants to push for more details, but won’t unless they’re volunteered first. Which Alya is not doing, thank you very much. “If you say so, honey,” her mom says, turning her attention to the breakfast she’s making.

Alya stares down into her cereal bowl.

Time to evacuate to her bedroom.

She finishes her cereal as quickly as she can without choking and dumps her bowl and spoon in the sink as she passes it, taking her coffee with her to her room. New plan: curl up in bed with her laptop and hope her mom just leaves her alone until they move.

Alya’s almost forgotten about her phone by the time she flops onto her bed. It vibrates almost as soon as she opens her laptop. She frowns as she pulls it out from under her pillow.

unknown number: Dude is fine for me

unknown number: He/him pronouns please

unknown number: Thanks for asking I really appreciate it, actually

unknown number: People don’t always ask

Plan trashed. This is a better plan.

unknown number: she/her for me

unknown number: and no prob man

unknown number: i wasnt gonna assume ur gender

unknown number: ok that mightve sounded bad but i didnt mean it in a bad way like the ‘lol dont assume my gender’ way jerks do sometime i meant it in like a genuine

unknown number: if u have smth u wanna say u should say it because i am very tired and i can go on for a while

Whoops.

Alya can’t say she’s known for her stellar first impressions but she usually doesn’t ramble her way into an awkward corner. She mindlessly flips through apps as she waits for a response.

unknown number: Don’t worry about it! I didn’t take it the wrong way or anything

Alya smiles to herself as she responds. He keeps leaving her openings which is nice. Based off his initial reaction, she thought he’d shut this down as fast as possible.

She realizes this is probably a little weird. But it’s the most exciting thing to happen to her since school let out so…

unknown number: so whats up stranger??

unknown number: b4 u ask im just sitting in my room doing nothing but text u so thats my morning

unknown number: I actually have work soon, so that’s fun

Alya raises her eyebrows. She forgot age was something else she didn’t know yet.

unknown number: oo work that sounds fun

unknown number: what do u do???

unknown number: I work for my dad, it isn’t anything special

unknown number: But it gives me something to do with my time so I don’t mind that much

unknown number: If I randomly stop responding without warning, that’s why

unknown number: good 2 kno

unknown number: can i ask what u do 4 ur dad or is that 2 personal

unknown number: I uh… I just do whatever he needs me to do

unknown number: I don’t get paid or anything but

unknown number: ay it still works as a resume builder

unknown number: Yeah exactly!

unknown number: thats cool that ur dad can get u a job!! my mom and dad could never w their jobs so i just suffer

unknown number: not that thats any different from what i would do anyway as a teenager

Alright, perfect. She’s brought up the age question in a really clunky and awkward way. Better than nothing.

unknown number: Oh how old are you?

unknown number: I’m 15

Alya lets out a sigh of relief.

unknown number: ayy same!

unknown number: just ur fav teenage superhero blogger

unknown number: doing nothing with her life

unknown number: You like superheroes?

unknown number: yeah!! i love comic books. you??

unknown number: I don’t have time to read many but yeah! I’ve always loved Spiderman

unknown number: wonder woman is my g i r l

unknown number: superheroes are just so cool

She waits a few minutes before she decides that he must have gone off to work. Bonding over superheroes, that’s good. A shared interest. She scrolls through their conversation, rereading some of the earlier messages before she creates a contact for him. She makes the name ‘stranger’ and leaves it at that.

It’s not like they’re meeting up or anything. Even if he is an ax murderer, can’t kill her if she never sends him her location.

Alya spends the next couple of hours avoiding her mom as much as possible. She takes her sisters to the park and then goes to the library after she brings them home.

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

She’s clicking through a webcomic that she missed a few weeks worth of updates when her phone buzzes. She glances down, expecting it to be a text from her mom asking if she has any plans or to do chores or something, but is pleasantly surprised to see a message from her stranger.

stranger: Sorry about that, work ran long

stranger: Admittedly, I don’t know very much about Wonder Woman, but she looks very awesome

unknown number: !!!!

unknown number: when ive got more time remind me to tell u all abou t her

unknown number: and to rec some comic books even if u dont have time

stranger: Is she your favorite?

Alya sits back in her chair. This conversation is going to be a long one.

Alya finds herself randomly texting her stranger for the next few days. He doesn’t always respond quickly, but he responds eventually, no matter how weird her original message.

That’s more than she can say for most of her friends.

She texts him as she’s sitting on the counter in her kitchen, stirring a pot.

unknown number: hey stranger whats up

stranger: Just reading, you?

unknown number: making box mac n cheese

stranger: Sounds fun

unknown number: yeah im gonna eat it straight from the pot

The three dots bounce on the screen as the stranger takes his time with the next message. Alya snorts and turns off the stove, straining the pasta and moving to the fridge to find butter and cheese. He’s found his words by the time she’s letting the butter melt in the pot.

stranger: Straight from the pot? Why?

unknown number: because i live life on the edge

unknown number: and also because im too lazy to clean the dish later

stranger: You know what? That’s fair

Sometimes, Alya thinks that she probably shouldn’t think about someone who she doesn’t even know the name of as often as she does, let alone text him as much as she does. But sometimes she’ll see something, and she’ll immediately think of him. Or she’ll just be randomly upset and feel the strong urge to pick up the phone and see if he’s available to vent to.

She knows it’s kind of weird, but she can’t help herself.

One night, at around two in the morning, she finds herself messaging him.

unknown number: hey did i ever mention i was moving

She’s almost asleep, slightly more okay than she was before she sent the text, when he responds.

stranger: You haven’t but we also don’t talk about where we live

Alya stares at the screen for a long moment, the bright light in the darkness making everything on the screen blur into nothing. She just feels kind of numb.

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: like 8 hours away from where i live now

stranger: Wow that’s a big move

unknown number: yeah

stranger: I’m guessing you don’t want to go?

unknown number: not really

unknown number: did u know ur my only friend right now

stranger: I am?

unknown number: me and my other friends sort of cut ties

stranger: The internet exists

stranger: Phones exist

stranger: FaceTime and Skype both kind of suck, but they exist

unknown number: yeah i guess

unknown number: i guess its just too hard for any of us to try

stranger: I have no idea how far apart we live

stranger: We’re doing just fine

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: yeah ur right

One of Alya’s small comforts that comes to mind whenever she thinks about moving is the fact that she’ll have her phone on her and a portable charger. Her stranger will be with her every step of the way.

He’d managed to get her to talk to some of her friends. She doesn’t really think it’ll last once she’s in Paris, but the attempt is nice. And it gives her other people to talk to for the rest of the summer.

It’s too early in the morning when they leave for the last time for her to get really emotional about moving. All she has the energy to do is to take a picture of her old apartment, caption it ‘one last goodbye to marseille’, and save it before sending it to her friends over Snapchat. Before she falls asleep against the car window, she texts it to her stranger.

She wakes up to a new text among the goodbyes from her friends.

stranger: Have a nice car ride! I’ll let you know when I get back from work <3

Alya hides her smile from her sisters and screenshots the text for later.

She texts him from the floor of her new bedroom while her dad starts moving boxes. They’ve been in the process of moving for a while now, shipping most of their things to Paris beforehand. Now all that remains is the actual unpacking.

Alya doesn’t have the energy for that. She just lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling for a while. Then she picks up her phone and sends him a text.

It’s been about an hour since they last talked. She’d talked to him for a good majority of the car ride, only stopping when he was busy and ending the conversation when they arrived so she could get her things out of the car and help her sisters with theirs. She’d sent him a picture of her empty bedroom and said ‘let the unpacking begin :P’. He’d responded with a ‘Good luck!!’ and ‘I’ll let you get to work!’

Alya’s thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds. She’s never really pushed him for any sort of personal information before.

New city, new Alya. Or something.

unknown number: hey just wondering

unknown number: what do u have me in ur phone as??

unknown number: i have u in here as stranger

stranger: Your contact name?

stranger: Uh awkward but you don’t?

stranger: You’re the only one I just have the number for, so I know who you are that way

Alya reads his texts a few times before she responds. She doesn’t know what she expects in return, but she figures she has nothing to lose.

unknown number: im alya

unknown number: in case u were wondering

stranger: Hi Alya

stranger: I’m Adrien

[jasonvtodd]

comic crash course for @thomasflint & @pansexualbcky 💙 I’ve included Image, Marvel & DC comics ✌ (run, run while ya’ll still can) normal font is my thoughts on the runs and italicized fonts are official summaries  

IMAGE

lazarus (2013) i just sorta accidentally stumbled onto this series by mistake but its so worth reading. strong female character who (as you’d guess by the title) can come back from the dead and kicks goddamn ass while looking damn good

In a dystopian near-future, government is a quaint concept, resources are coveted, and possession is 100% of the law. A handful of Families rule, jealously guarding what they have and exploiting the Waste who struggle to survive in their domains. Forever Carlyle defends her family's holdings through deception and force as their protector, their Lazarus. Shot dead defending the family home, Forever's day goes downhill from there... 

east of west (2013)  (hickman idk if you’ve heard the name before but hes done a lot of marvel runs here and there) is the same deal as lazarus. i dont know many (if any) people who have read it like the above, but i think thats cause they’re aimed at more mature ‘older’ readers kinda deal. this is also a really good comic series which deals with the four horsemen of the apocalypse and this whole other storyline which is jsut pretty cool and a good ride

   This is the world. It is not the one we wanted, but it is the one we deserved. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse roam the Earth, signaling the End Times for humanity, and our best hope for life, lies in DEATH.

MARVEL

iron man, vol. 1 issue #172 (1983) am i going to start this marvel rec list off with tony stark? you’re goddamn right i am. not only that... a stony favourite of mine friend. idc what your quams. this is me. you know who i am. now, anyway, this issue... fuckfu cufkc fuCK me right up scotty. it shows you tony in the worst of his fall down into his alcoholism and steve mentions how his father was an alcoholic and tries to talk tony back to reality... you’re an intelligent man. you must know what you’re doing to yourself with every single drop of that stuff you drink. you have everything, man you have your own company, you have plenty of money, you’re an electronics genius. women find you attractive. you’re respected in the community, you have a brilliant future ahead of you (this is honestly one of my favourites i own)

hawkeye, vol. 1 (1983) this is clints first solo run, its only four issues but i highly recommend it. you get to see bobbi morse in action too which is always a Good Time

Enthralled in his relationship, Clint opens up to new girlfriend Sheila Danning about his super hero origin. The date ends abruptly when Hawkeye investigates a break-in at Cross Technologies…and the intruder’s none other than Mockingbird! Is Cross Tech involved in illegal affairs that are destroying the environment? Mockingbird seems to think so, and she'll stop at nothing to convince Hawkeye! 

iron man: iron monger (1985) He's lost his armor and his fortune, but not his nerve! Tony Stark's back on his feet after everything Obadiah Stane has thrown at him, but now the bilious billionaire is taking away Stark's friends...one of them forever! The enmity spanning more than thirty issues ends in a steel-plated slugfest from which only one can walk away! Plus: vision quests and extradimensional intrigue! Madame Masque and Thundersword! And the debut of the Scourge of the Underworld! Guest-starring the West Coast Avengers!

iron man: armor wars (1987) this is such a good old school tony run as it shows you (that everyone always seems to overlook or pretend isnt Important) tonys guilt that is constantly weighing him for so many things and his own battle with him self

Millionaire industrialist Tony Stark is an inventive genius who has dedicated all of his enormous financial and intellectual resources to a single guiding principle: the creation of technology for the betterment of humanity. Stark's greatest creation is a modern-day miracle: a suit of form-fitting, strength-enhancing, steel-mesh armor he dons to become the living symbol of his ideals, the Invincible Iron Man! But when Stark discovers that the same technology he used to create the Iron Man armor - technology so secret he didn't even dare patent it - is now in the hands of several deadly super-villains, he feels responsible for the evil they have done with the high-tech tools he unwittingly provided. In the face of objections from his government, friends, colleagues and fellow super heroes, Stark swears to use the power of Iron Man to bring the evil to an end - and to take back what's his. The Beatle, Stilt Man, the Controller, Stingray, the Mandroids, the Guardsmen and Firepower don't know it yet, but they've got a problem. The world's most powerful force for good isn't playing by the rules anymore. And he's coming for them.

the infinity gauntlet (2000) soon as avengers infinity wars got announced and thanos started popping up with his gauntlet and infinity stones... i looked this up and was curious. annd wowow what a ride ok thanos is fucking ruthless and this shows it. thing i love about comics is when everyone dies in one whole page... u dont even rlly mind cause u know they’ll be fine somehow lololol #me when reading this (was it still stressful how it all went down? yes) 

For the dark Titan, Thanos, the Infinity Gauntlet was the Holy Grail, the ultimate prize to be coveted above all else. Now, on the edge of Armageddon and led by the mysterious Adam Warlock, Earth's super heroes join in a desperate attempt to thwart this nihilistic god's insane plunge into galactic self-destruction.

captain america, vol. 1 issue #401 (1992) clint ‘im an adult’ barton jumps on mopey steves bed and tony walks into a bar despite just overcoming his recent rehab from alcohol just to speak to steve and tells him in this crazy business we’re in, there’s no one I’d miss more than you. And I… well… you’re an inspiration to me, Steve is my goal to make you ship stony (and all its canon ass shit in its beauty)?? you’re goddamn right 

Clint Barton nags Cap into going out to a bar where Steve confesses he has given up on having a normal life to concentrate in his hero activities. Tony Stark arrives unexpectedly and he and Steve hash out their differences going back to the Armor Wars and make up.

tales of suspense, vol. 2 (1992) is possibly hard to find (but i’d be more then willing to buy for presents for the Feels) but ohmYGODDDDDDDD steve talking about tony in his suit and tony talking about steves clear, azure eyes like ok yeah... thats not gay... at all....... stony isnt canon pshaw...  Tony Stark and his armor. His wonderful metal suit. The end result of all the technology he’s mastered in his hands the ultimate weapon for good. A good that I can never hope to equal. ... psha...w???   Captain America. Steve. I look at your handsome face… into your clear, azure eyes.. and, as ever, I feel the same guilty envy.

captain america: operation rebirth what a good. you get badass sharon carter action, a solid good classic red skull as steves nemesis, and just overall a good captain america read. probably one of my favourite cap trades i have

He was the greatest hero that ever lived. But now the legacy of Steve Rogers had come to an end - the serum that coursed through Captain America's veins killed him. Now, 47 years later, Captain America is brought back to lif e to do battle with evil. 

deadpool, vol. 1 (1997) i have the omnibus and so have only read the first 33 issues plus some specials.... but... lOOK listen... l i s t en ... this is what made me fall in love with wade wilson ok and the reaosn why i enjoyed the deadpool (2016) film so much. because they included so much material from this run in it so well i want to goddamn cry about it (i sometimes do) let me also say though as you can guess... it is wade wilson so suffice to say lolol you gotta be in the mood for it but i highly recommend it

iron man, vol. 3 (1998) first comics i ever read so they hold a special place in my heart. you also get rumiko fujikawa, whom, is probably the only best canon relationship you see tony in in all of 616 to this day. forever salty and bitter over the fact that she just got forgotten about over time. like wades run above, ive only read the first 30 issues of this too so i cant speak of the rest of the run (which i will finish someday i swear it) but was a real good introduction to iron man comics in general and just a good time with cameos from nat (black widow) early on and other known characters pop in and out. shows tonys friendship with carol danvers which!! is!! so!! important!!! and never gets spoken about either after this run much to my knowledge which im always salty over because they both help each other through alcoholism and their struggles. and they both pick each other up when the other has fallen back down to the bottle or is on the brink of doing so.

   It's a new beginning for Iron Man as Kurt Busiek and Sean Chen reinvent the Armored Avenger! Tony Stark is back, with a new company, Stark Solutions...but the Mandarin plans to destroy Tony's dreams before they take shape! And if that's not enough, Iron Man must face Firebrand, Whiplash, MODOK, Controller, Fin Fang Foom, Count Nefaria, the Exemplars, Ultimo and the all-new War Machine - while romancing the beautiful Rumiko Fujikawa and protecting his secret identity! 

black widow, vol. 1 (1999) nats first solo run, only 3 issues and highly recommended

    Natasha Romanov has always led an exciting life - first as a Cold War-era Soviet spy, followed by her defection to the West. She has earned a reputation through the years as a consummate professional, coldly efficient and as deadly as her namesake. Now, her time as Black Widow may be at an end. Yelena Belova, the new Black Widow, seeks to claim the mantle she feels was stolen from her Motherland. Trained in the arts of espionage and combat, and anxious to prove herself and eliminate her counterpart, Belova will stop at nothing to achieve her goal. 

avengers: red zone (2003) steve and tony are stupid and literally give up oxygen for one another to live. self sacrificing jackasses. tony doesnt even hesitate ok i hate him so much (really cool storyline though)

When the Red Skull infiltrates the United States government, he authorizes a biological weapon to be released from the peaks of Mount Rushmore, and it is up the Avengers to contain it! Under the direction of creators Geoff Johns and Olivier Coipel, the Avengers face a threat unlike any they've ever faced - then they take on the Red Skull himself!

secret war (2004) Starring Wolverine, Spider-Man, Daredevil, Captain America, Black Widow, Luke Cage and more! Brian Michael Bendis, the most popular and acclaimed writer in comics, reveals the darkest chapter in Marvel Universe history! When Nick Fury discovers a disturbing connection between many of Marvel's deadliest villains, he assembles a ragtag team of the MU's most misunderstood heroes for a secret mission to do what the U.S. government could never allow - eventually leading to a super-powered blowout between a who's who of NYC heroes and mutants!

cable and deadpool (2004) i think this was my first introduction to wade (either this or his first vol.) and how gay him and nathan summers are like wowow what a duo ok. shipping aside these guys have such hilarious, great dynamics together throughout the whole series and im forever salty we didnt get more of them (50 issues wasnt enough ok)

Wade Wilson is Deadpool, the mentally disturbed merc with a mouth and a healing factor that just won't quit! Nathan Summers is Cable, the messianic mutant from the future who plans to save us all - whether we want him to or not! And now, this disparate duo has just become Marvel's oddest couple - because they're stuck with one another! Can two grown men armed to the teeth with high-rech weaponry coexist without driving each other crazy?! It's action, adventure, time travel, dimension-hopping, black humor, black-ops, Bea Arthur, chimichangas - yes, that whole thing started here - and lots of gunfire as two of Marvel's fan-favorite antiheroes take on each other and everyone else!

new avengers, vol. 1 (2005) steve and tony co-parent a new team after all the core ‘original’ members of the team parted ways after clints ‘death’ quality stony aside, this run (for the first 20 issues before civil war happened) was such a fun ride and introduced me to a lot of other characters i hadnt read much of before and is probably one of my favourite marvel runs

In the aftermath of Avengers Disassembled come the New Avengers With the Avengers disbanded following an attack by one of the team's oldest members, a shadowy villain has taken advantage of their absence to initiate his ominous plans. Employing Electro to disrupt the electrical systems of the maximum-security prison known as the Raft, hundreds of super-powered villains are freed to wreak havoc on New York. Without the Avengers to answer the call, a group of heroes must form a makeshift alliance to subdue the rampaging villains and save the city. In the heat of battle, this new team fills the void left by the Avengers' demise - the New Avengers. After shocking the Marvel fans with the series-shattering "Avengers Disassembled" storyline, writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist David Finch begin an all-new chapter in Marvel Comics history with New Avengers. Featuring a cast of fan-favorite characters including Wolverine, Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Man and Spider-Woman teamed with the hard-edged heroes Luke Cage and the Sentry, New Avengers presents a 21st-century revitalization of the classic Avengers concept. Plus: The mystery of the Sentry revealed. The Avengers try to help the most powerful super hero in the world figure out who he is and where he came from. But will this knowledge destroy the man they're trying to help?

CIVIL WAR TIE INS ok so it goes without saying if you get into marvel comics, civil war is an event that i think you should read just so you have as its one of the biggest and well known events it’s had. the aftermath of it affects 616 massively and its better if you know the gist of what happened. it has 7 core issues which you can read here. i’m just not putting it on my rec list as a rec per say as i am not a fan of how it was written and find it extremely problematic, and ooc for both steve and tony with many of what they say/do. in saying all that i am a fan of some of the tie ins it had (there’s like 500 million different civil war tie ins m8 its a mess, don’t even try to read them all. i just went for my favourite characters and was happy to find they were handled really well)

iron man/captain america: casualties of war (2007) a whole issue recapping steve and tonys greatest hits in 616 (when people try to tell me that stony isnt canon i get so goddamn amused because this is the one of many comics i could pull out and school ya’ll with) 

In the midst of Civil War, Captain America and Iron Man meet secretly, one last time, to see if there's any hope of working things out before further tragedy occurs. Don't miss this oversized special that reveals how these two men, once the closest of friends and staunchest of allies, could end up leading opposing armies in the conflict tearing apart the Marvel Universe!

winter soldier: winter kills (2007) remember that time mcu decided to bring in bucky into civil war when he didnt even make an appearance GOOD times buck stops by the city during civil war and stays on the outskirts and decides to school the young avengers on How Shit Gets Done (this issue is one of my favourites bucky wise)

In the midst of the harsh division of the Civil War, James Buchanan Barnes, Captain America's one-time partner Bucky, faces his first Christmas of the 21st century. And faces the truth of the terrible things he was forced to do as the Winter Soldier. And with Cap caught in a conflict he can neither take a side of - or understand - what moves can he make to try to redeem himself? And what do Hydra have planned for New York this Christmas? Featuring guest appearances by the Young Avengers and some of the original Invaders, this Special issue is an action-packed character study that defines the Winter Soldier's future place in the Marvel Universe.

civil war: front line, issue #11 (2007) steve and tony both get interviewed after steves ‘loss’ 

The final issue is here! Follow Ben Urich and Sally Floyd on the quest for the truth about Civil War! Discover the dark legacy of Robbie Baldwin, formerly known as Speedball, now called Penance!

civil war: iron man (2007)  Two tales of suspense ripped from the pages of Civil War Captain America has fallen into a clash with his government and his friends, and the people close to him are paying the price. The life of Cap's girlfriend, Agent 13, is torn apart as her superiors use her divided loyalties against her. Elsewhere, a new villain emerges; the Red Skull begins to make himself known; and the Winter Soldier again comes face-to-face with Cap. Meanwhile, get inside the mind of of Tony Stark, and learn why he feels superhuman registration is necessary - and why he's taken it upon himself to lead the charge for its implementation Big changes are in store for Iron Man in the post-Civil War landscape, and the build-up begins here.

civil war: spider-man (2007) Life couldn't be more complicated - or more dangerous - for Peter Parker. After rushing to the aftermath of the Stamford Massacre to offer aid to its victims, Peter travels with Tony Stark to Washington, D.C., and the White House - where the enactment of the Super Hero Registration Act appears imminent. As the Marvel Universe braces for the implications of legislation that will forever change the societal status of super heroes, Peter is forced to make an important personal decision - maybe the most important decision of his life. As Civil War tears apart the super hero community, will Spidey stay true to that decision?

captain america, vol. 5 issue #25 (2007) steves ‘death’

civil war: the confession (2007) dont fucking do this to yourself. if you’ve read the song of achilles...  think of this as a single issue comic form of tsoa (i dont want to talk about it ok not ever)

fallen son: the death of captain america (2007) these comics were done so incredibly well. each issue deals with one of the five stages of death and shows you how affected and how shaken every member of the superhero and otherwise was by steves death. peter parkers deals with depression and the black suit comes out and i fucking want to puke just thinking about it. tony ‘ive grown up in the spotlight and known how to play audiences and fake it and show im Fine’ stark cant even speak on the podium and has to step away and is shaking and im emo go away

Can the world accept the death of a true hero? In the wake of a tragedy, we visit the top heroes of the Marvel Universe. How do people with amazing powers face a force that no one can fight? Is more violence coming? Featuring Wolverine, the Mighty Avengers, the New Avengers, Spider-Man and Iron Man!

MARVEL - CONTINUED

captain america, vol. 5 issues #26-50 (2007) after steves death... there is no longer a captain america. that is, until... james buchanan barnes decides to pick up the mantle (after much coaxing and support from tony, sam, nat and sharon) and continue steves legacy.... though... he does things a little different. he uses guns and the villians literally shit themselves its fucking hilarious. crossbones i think at one point straight up just yells at him saying CAPTAIN AMERICA DOESNT USE GUNS! ‘this captain america does’ my hero uwu i love this run for a lot of reasons... it was the first time i got to see buckynat and learn their origins from the red room, you get to see their dynamics in current day and how well they still work together, tony and bucky have very good scenes together and you get to see a letter steve left tony asking him to look after bucky (fuck dont talk to me about how steve... despite everything that they were going through during civil war... steve still entrusted tony with the one thing that means everything to him since he first became captain america... his friend, his once sidekick, his bucky) to save bucky from himself and dont come near me ok. you also get bucky and sam wilson working together which 😂😂😂 good fcking lord ok look at this Quality Content the only compliant i have about these issues is the treatment of sharon carter with what they ended up doing to her yikes

In the aftermath of the fabled hero's assassination, Agent 13, Bucky Barnes, the Falcon, Black Widow, and Iron Man come together again in a desperate attempt to keep his dream alive. But the collapse of Steve Rogers' dream was merely the first step in the wicked machinations of the Red Skull, who is determined to see the death of America follow soon after the death of the Captain. As the Skull's master plan kicks into motion, and chaos begins to take hold of the United States, only one man stands in its way - but is he up to the task? Freed from the psychosis that transformed him into the relentless mercenary known as the Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes is called on to live up to the dream in ways he never imagined. Eisner Award-winning writer Ed Brubaker refuses to let up on the action, suspense, and human drama in a tale that ties together all eras of the star-spangled warrior's history. {sidenote: if you’re a bucky fan and want to know more backstory with him in 616, check out the winter soldier arc which is the first 14 issues in this same run}

young avengers, vol. 1 (2005) this first vol. is heavily underrated and doesnt get spoken about as much as its following vol. you have lgbt rep with billy & teddy who are just the purest most sweetest beans and you get kate bishop before you meet her in fractions hawkeye and shes just Wonderful

When the original Avengers disband, a team of teenage heroes comes together to fill the gap. Their first order of business: surviving the wrath of Kang the Conqueror and weathering the disapproval of the adult Avengers Next, the newly formed Young Avengers take on super-powered sadist Mister Hyde, the extraterrestrial Super-Skrull and a full-scale alien invasion, juggling their parents and their private lives at the same time.

alias (2006) Meet Jessica Jones, a former costumed super hero who, in fact, stunk at it. With powers unremarkable in comparison to the great icons of Marvel, Jessica never found her niche. But once she hung up her cape, she was surprised at how quickly she fell out of the spandex loop. Sure, she may hang out with some of the Avengers socially, but she`s not welcome in Avengers Mansion. And she feels the rejection. She`s self-destructive, drinks too much, and has a huge inferiority complex. And did we mention that she's now a Private Investigator who specializes in cases of the super human variety? So if you're thirsty for the film noir feel and complex characterization, grab a stool at the bar!

mythos: captain america (2008)  He may be dead, but now you can find out how the man became the legend! Mythos revisits Steve Rogers’ transformation from a weakling with a heart of steel to the Sentinel of Liberty! From the mind of Paul Jenkins’ and the stunning art of Paolo Rivera comes the origin of CAPTAIN AMERICA!

invincible iron man (2008) remember that time tony stark wiped out his goddamn BRAIN to protect the identities of every last superhero he knew? remember when we got pepper as rescue being fucking badass and gorgeous in her own suit? 

Looking for some old school Iron Man super-heroics? Want to see Shellhead let loose with his repulsors? Filled with page-to-page action, this book shows the Armored Avenger doing what he does best: fighting big name villains armed to the teeth with deadly technology in between jet-setting around the world as billionaire playboy Tony Stark. 

secret invasion (2008) like civil war, i think this is another marvel event that deserves to be read and should be read if you’d like to understand certain things that follow it in the 616 universe. as well as i did quite enjoy this storyline {sidenote: read secret invasion: the infiltration beforehand if you plan to read this}

spider-woman (2009) jessica drews first solo run. you find out her origins and the art is absolutely stunning. definatly worth checking out.

The team of Brian Michael Bendis and Alex Maleev return to a Marvel comic for the first time since their Eisner award-winning run on Daredevil. Ripped from the pages of Secret Invasion and New Avengers, this explosive chapter follows the new adventures of Jessica Drew, aka: Spider-Woman, as she rediscovers her life in a world she did not make.   

young allies comics 70th anniversary special (2009)  a really cool buck comic flashing back to his day as bucky and flash-forwarding too bucky!cap

Before they were Invaders, Bucky Barnes and Toro the Flaming Kid joined forces with four teen-age friends to battle the Third Reich as the Young Allies! Their fictionalized adventures thrilled readers on the Home Front throughout World War II, but their real story has never been told -- until now! Discover the truth behind comics' original kid gang! Action! Intrigue! Adventure!

deadpool: suicide kings (2009) Deadpool's latest job has gotten him into a world of trouble. Everyone wants a piece of him - and for a crime he didn't commit That's right: Someone's framed Deadpool, and it just might be the same guy who hired him in the first place, a guy who just might be using the mouthy merc as a wild card in a twisted wager. If Wade's going to clear his name and serve up some revenge, he's first got to avoid getting captured - or killed - by some of the Marvel Universe's heaviest hitters: Daredevil, the Punisher, and Spider-Man. Plus, see what happens when Deadpool goes behind the scenes of "Pain Factor" - the reality TV game show so controversial, it's been banned around the world.

deadpool: merc with a mouth (2009) It's the Merc with two mouths! Deadpool travels to the Savage Land to retrieve what might be the deadliest bioweapon the universe has ever seen. What is this deadly object? Well, Deadpool's employer is being a little vague about that. Let's just say when the secret is finally revealed, it's enough to throw even the Merc with two Mouths for a loop.

iron man noir (2010) Marvel's Noir line ranks among the most intriguing of the alternate-universe superhero reimaginings. Through the lens of Depression-era New York, the likes of Spider-Man, Luke Cage, and Wolverine have a harsher, tougher light cast on their essential characters. Snyder (American Vampire) rips a page from Indiana Jones' notebook and turns Tony Stark into a hard-charging adventurer who must come to terms with a troubled psyche as he races the Nazis for possession of an ancient "metal of the gods." From exploring the deep sea to invading military strongholds, Garcia delivers gritty action to match the drama and darker hues to capture the tone. With appearances by the Noir versions of other Marvel regulars (Sub-Mariner Noir, for instance), this is a fine treat for fans, and although newcomers will enjoy it, too, they should be warned that this isn't Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man. The one major drawback, as with so many mainstream collections lately, is its brevity, at only four collected issues.

avengers prime (2010) the first time steve and tony properly talk to each other since the events of civil war. basically a brotrip to asgard and shenanigans with naked horseback riding ensues. this is such a fun 5 issue ride 20/10 to recommend one of my favourites

They were friends, brothers and teammates through all of Marvel's greatest adventures, but recent events turned them into the bitterest of enemies. In the wake of the Siege of Asgard Thor, Iron Man and Steve Rogers are brought together on the same side once more, but these great heroes can't truly trust each other yet. They better start soon because something only the Big Three can handle is tearing their world apart. This all-new, grand and dangerous adventure will catapult our heroes into the explosive Heroic Age and will unite comics legend Alan Davis with Avengers scribe Brian Bendis for the very first time.   

black widow: the name of the rose (2010) some cute buckynat stuff plus overall just a good natasha story

Natasha Romanoff is not a super hero. And yet as the Black Widow, she manages to hold her own against a world of incredibly powerful enemies and allies. But now someone has tried to kill Natasha and almost succeeded. Now she sets out to find her attacker with no suspects and no leads. Who could be deadly enough to get the drop on Natasha? 

winter soldier (2012) bucks first solo run by brubaker which is highly entertaining with nat along for the ride. when winter soldier (2014) got announced i ran around looking for every comic with buck in it i could get my hands on and this run was such a ride to get an introduction to him in 616 for the first time. we just ignore the shitty writing choices made at the end re: buckynat yes sir we do

He's been Bucky and Captain America - now, James Barnes returns to the role of the Winter Soldier! They're the super-spies of the Marvel Universe - and when ex-Russian sleeper agents awaken, Bucky and the Black Widow must go on the hunt for men trained by the Winter Soldier himself. But when the trail leads to Latveria, Bucky comes face-to-face with Dr. Doom! Can Bucky and the Widow prevent war with Latveria? Can Bucky stop the sleepers he himself trained? 

hawkeye, vol. 4 (2012) for people who don’t even read comics... to try and get them into comics? i hand them this. this run is hands down probably one of the best things marvel has ever produced and is the Clint Barton we deserve. just give me a neftlix hawkeye series based on this and i can die happy. the writing is fanfuckingtastic and the art is very well done too. we get kate bishop fighting alongside clint and you get lucky aka pizza dog (for who has a whole issue of a Day in the life of, its fab) you get being reminded that as much as 616 likes to forget about it... clint barton is canonically deaf and does in fact know sign language and just... just read this. if you only read one thing off this entire list? make it this

The second Hawkeye ongoing series by Matt Fraction and David Aja, the creative team behind Immortal Iron Fist. The legendary superhero during his time when he is NOT being an Avenger. Clint Barton becomes a landlord and a pet owner, but in the process makes some deadly enemies. Plus, can he balance a relationship and a friendship with a certain red-headed Russian spy, ex-wife, and flirtatiousfemme fatale? The series had one Hawkeye Annual. This series lasted 22 issues, after which it was continued into All-New Hawkeye with a new team. 

captain marvel, vol. 7 (2012) carols first solo run as captain marvel :) The "Mightiest" of Earth's Mightiest Heroes is back! Ace pilot. Legendary Avenger. One hundred percent pure bad-@$$. Carol Danvers has a new name, a new mission - and all the power she needs to make her own life a living hell. As the new Captain Marvel, Carol is forging from a challenge from her past! It's a firefight in the sky as the Banshee Squadron debut - but who are the Prowlers, and where has Carol seen them before? And how does secret NASA training program Mercury 13 fit in? Witness Captain Marvel in blazing battlefield action that just may change the course of history! Avengers Time Travel Protocols: engage! 

a babies vs. x-babies (2012) bucky bear. need i say more?  It's coming--and it's bringing babies with it! Who will live? Who will die? Who will get diaper rash? Find out as the X-Babies face the A-Babies in the tie-in to end all tie-ins!

black widow (2014) gorgeous art by noto (iconic) + fantastic writing  You've seen Black Widow as an Avenger and even an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. But on her own time she searches for atonement for her past as a KGB assassin - in ways of which those teams just wouldn't approve. The Black Widow goes undercover in Russia, but from its cold streets, the Hand of God reaches out to crush her...and it is as merciless as its name implies. Outmatched by the brute force of a powerful new villain, Natasha faces her deadliest test, and discovers a deadly plot unfolding that spans the entire globe.

hawkeye vs. deadpool (2014) wade teams up with clint (team up is a strong word... more like wade keeps harassing clint till he caves and helps) and its highly entertaining 

Once upon a time, champions emerged to fight the evil plaguing humanity. They fought for all that was good in the world. They were kind, generous and self-sacrificing. They were heroes. These are not those heroes. Meet Hawkeye: ladies man ("ladies man" because the ladies love to hate this man), mighty marksman and, most importantly, Avenger. He's the only guy on the team without any powers, though. Then there's Deadpool (Mr. Deadpool to you), the regeneratin' degenerate. You can shoot him, stab him, and punch him right in his face, but nothing can keep the Merc with a Mouth down. What do they have in common? Halloween in Brooklyn, and a S.H.I.E.L.D. espionage mystery that has both heroes racing the clock! But will Deadpool and Hawkeye kill each other before they figure it out?

captain marvel, vol. 8 (2014) Hero! Pilot! Avenger! Captain Marvel, Earth's Mightiest Hero with an attitude to match, is back and launching headfirst into an all-new ongoing adventure! As Captain Marvel, a.k.a. Carol Danvers, comes to a crossroads with a new life and new romance, she makes a dramatic decision that will alter the course of her life - and the entire Marvel Universe - in the months to come. But as Carol takes on a mission to return an alien girl to her homeworld, she lands in the middle of an uprising against the Galactic Alliance! Investigating the forced resettlement of Rocket Girl's people, Carol discovers that she has a history with the man behind the plot. But when the bad guy tries to blackmail Carol and turn the Avengers against her, it's payback time! Guest-starring the Guardians of the Galaxy!

silk, vol. 1 (2015) Cindy Moon exploded out of her bunker and into the Marvel Universe when we first learned that she had been bitten by the same radioactive spider from the first arc of AMAZING SPIDER-MAN. She then went on to save Peter Parker's life (more than once!) and traverse the Spider-Verse alongside Spider-Woman. Now, as SILK, Cindy is on her own in New York City, searching for her past, defining her own future, and webbing up wrong-doers along the way! Robbie Thompson (writer from TV's SUPERNATURAL) fills this new story with his unique blend of antics and feels. Featuring interiors by future superstar Stacey Lee. 

I’ve been behind in 616 for a few years now, so there’s probably a lot of good runs i’ve left out... but these are just all ones that i’ve personally read and have enjoyed os hopefully there’s a few in here that catch your interest and you also enjoy (616 is currently a mess though with the hydracap fiasco and tonys in a godddamn coma, rhodeys dead and im still salty about everything so dont go there with me #intro post to being a comics fan) also i highly recommend checking out marvel masterworks trades as they’re great to own and such a blast back to the past

DC

batman: year one (1987) A young Bruce Wayne has spent his adolescence and early adulthood, traveling the world so he could hone his body and mind into the perfect fighting and investigative machine. But now as he returns to Gotham City, he must find a way to focus his passion and bring justice to his city. Retracing Batman's first attempts to fight injustice as a costumed vigilante, we watch as he chooses a guise of a giant bat, creates an early bond with a young Lieutenant James Gordon, inadvertently plays a role in the birth of Catwoman, and helps to bring down a corrupt political system that infests Gotham.

batman: a death in the family (1988) fuck dont do this to yourself man. this is the storyline that brutally killed off jason todd in ‘88 because there weren’t enough votes to save him (i will hunt them all down one day i swear on jays name) as painful as it is, i think its worth checking out as you get an insight into jason as a robin and how his death came to be (cry he was too trusting and cared too much and his mother didnt deserve him)

Batman readers were allowed to vote on the outcome of the story and they decided that Robin should die! As the second person to assume the role of Batman's sidekick, Jason Todd had a completely different personality than the original Robin. Rash and prone to ignore Batman's instructions, Jason was always quick to act without regard to consequences. In this fatal instance, Robin ignores his mentor's warnings when he attempts to take on the Joker by himself and pays the ultimate price. Driven by anger with Superman by his side, Batman seeks his vengeance as he looks to end the Joker's threat forever.

batman: knightfall, vol. 1 (1993)  Villainous Bane breaks the Bat. He releases the inmates of Arkham Asylum to create chaos. Batman must push himself to physical and mental limits and capture Joker, Poison Ivy, Riddler, Killer Croc and more. But is Bruce Wayne still beneath the mask? Original Part One: Broken Bat + Two: Who Rules the Night.

nightwing, vol. 1 (1995)  Dick briefly considers retiring from being Nightwing forever before family papers uncovered by Alfred reveal a possible link between the murder of the Flying Graysons and the Crown Prince of Kravia.

nightwing, vol. 2 (1996) The solo book sees the former Robin trying to be his own man, but often leads him back to his roots with Batman. Having left Bludhaven, Nightwing is now re-inventing himself and rediscovering his passion for crimefighting.

nightwing: alfred’s return (1995) After leaving Gotham City at the end of "KnightsQuest," Alfred travels to London. But when a young man who may be his son comes under fire, Alfred calls on Nightwing to mount a rescue mission.

batman: the long halloween (1996) this was such a cool, dark story and was a major influence in nolans film regarding the friendship between dent, jim gordon and bruce as batman. 

Taking place during Batman's early days of crime fighting, this new edition of the classic mystery tells the story of a mysterious killer who murders his prey only on holidays. Working with District Attorney Harvey Dent and Lieutenant James Gordon, Batman races against the calendar as he tries to discover who Holiday is before he claims his next victim each month. A mystery that has the reader continually guessing the identity of the killer, this story also ties into the events that transform Harvey Dent into Batman's deadly enemy, Two-Face.

batman: dark victory (1999) The sequel to the critically acclaimed BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN, DARK VICTORY continues the story of an early time in Batman's life when James Gordon, Harvey Dent, and the vigilante himself were all just beginning their roles as Gotham's protectors.Once a town controlled by organized crime, Gotham City suddenly finds itself being run by lawless freaks, such as Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, and the Joker. Witnessing his city's dark evolution, the Dark Knight completes his transformation into the city's greatest defender. He faces multiple threats, including the apparent return of a serial killer called Holiday. Batman's previous investigation of Holiday's killings revealed that more than one person was responsible for the murders. So the question remains: who is committing Holiday's crimes this time? And how many will die before Batman learns the truth?

robin: year one (2000) Already entrenched in the Batcave and his official training complete, young Dick Grayson has a world of experience to gain, and a ton of new enemies to make, beginning with the truly insane Mad Hatter! Ultimately, over the course of YEAR ONE, Robin crosses paths with many crazed villains in Batman's Rogues Gallery and makes a new deadly enemy for himself, one whose impact will be felt in the present-day pages of NIGHTWING! ROBIN: YEAR ONE explores many facets of Dick's early days as Robin, including his struggle to live a "normal" childhood while continuing to serve not only as the Boy Wonder, but also as the ward of one of the world's most visible, richest and eligible businessmen, Bruce Wayne. Not unlike BATMAN: YEAR ONE, which became an enduring classic because of its account of a hero in the making, ROBIN: YEAR ONE will reveal how Dick became the hero he is today.

harley quinn, vol. 1 (2000) remember that time i was reading a harley quinn comic and dick grayson stopped by and i fell in love and got more into dc and batfam? GOOD TIMES uwu ah, memories. harley has pet hyenes need you know more? 

HARLEY QUINN is not the story of an honorable woman and her quest for justice. Instead, it’s a love story gone horribly, horribly, horribly wrong, especially in the first extra-length issue, as the Joker's girlfriend must do without Mister J's "calming" influence. And considering just how many sandwiches short of a picnic Harley is, you know this book's going to be wild! Harley is driven to astounding lengths to free her loony lover. And that's just in the first seven pages. What follows is too strange for words, though it does involve one itsy-bitsy cameo by Batman. Just one! Once you see life through the eyes of Harley Quinn, you'll find she makes a lot more sense. Would you believe a little more sense? {sidenote: remember when batman animated writers originally only created harley quinn as a character for the joker to beat on and treat like shit? but then dc fixed themselves by making her more then that and developing her properly and fleshing her out in her on solo fun? good times yes}

batman: gotham knights, issue #17 (2001) bruce officially adopts dick  "Matatoa" part 2! Batman battles for his life with the eternal shaman whose destiny includes killing the Dark Knight and taking on his nocturnal crime-fighting duties! It would secure Batman a safe, crime-free Gotham City for all eternity--but at what cost does it all truly come?

batman: hush (2002)  BATMAN: HUSH is a thrilling mystery of action, intrigue, and deception penned by Jeph Loeb (BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN) and illustrated by comics superstar Jim Lee (ALL STAR BATMAN & ROBIN, THE BOY WONDER) in which Batman sets out to discover the identity of a mysterious mastermind using the Joker, Riddler, Ra's al Ghul and the Dark Knight's other enemies - and allies - as pawns in a plan to wreak havoc.

green lantern, vol. 4 (2005) that time i read all 67 issues of gl within a few days because i fell hard for the short tempered piece of shit hal jordan

Hal Jordan has returned to the role of Green Lantern and taken up residence in rebuilt Coast City. This series examines Hal's re-acclimation to normal living as he attempts to protect the world from danger and enjoy being human once again.

batman r.i.p. (2008) Tying into his other blockbuster stories of 2008 Final Crisis and Batman: The Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul, the legendary Grant Morrison confronts readers with the unthinkable...the death of The Dark Knight. The troubled life of Bruce Wayne seems to spin out of control when his relationship with the mysterious Jezebel Jet deepens. Soon Bruce Wayne drops out completely, having seemingly become the victim of mental illness and abandoning his Batman identity for a life on the streets of Gotham City. Capitalizing on the fall of their greatest foe, the Club of Villains begin a crime spree through the streets of Gotham that threatens to bring the city to its knees.

batman and robin (2009) we were the best, richard’’ RIP me. after bruces ‘death’, following the events of battle for the cowl (if you’re a jason todd fan for the love of god pretend its a different jason). dick reluctantly picks up the batman mantle... which also means he picks up batbrat damian wayne alongside him as the latest robin. this run is hands down one of my favourite dc runs and i highly recommend it for various reasons (once again though, jasons written terribly and i hate how dc continuously puts my beautiful boy through so much shit even after they goddamn beat him to death with a crowbar they still manage to treat him more poorly)

The new Dynamic Duo hit the streets with a bang in their new flying Batmobile as they face off against an assemblage of villains called the Circus of Strange. They also tackle their first mission investigating a child who's been abducted by the mysterious Domino Killer. But will everything go smoothly? And who exactly are the new Batman and Robin? The newest era of The Dark Knight begins here!

red robin (2009) these are probably my pride and joy of trades that i own (along with all my old school nightwing trades) and took me forever to get, but so worth the running around. tim drakes first (and so far only run you facists dc) solo series 

Following the aftermath of BATTLE FOR THE COWL, a new Batman watches over Gotham City. But not everyone is ready to give up on the old one. Someone believes that Bruce Wayne may still be alive...and that someone is Red Robin. But who is wearing the Red Robin costume, and why is he traveling the globe looking for a dead man? Whoever he is, he's not alone in his search and has been targeted by the League of Assassins. What does Ra's al Ghul want with Red Robin? Why are members of the League of Assassins being targeted for death? And what happened to the life Red Robin left behind?

gotham city sirens (2009) such an underrated run and such a good 

This all-new series features the bad girls of Gotham City! Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn are tired of playing by other people's rules regardless of which side of the law they're on. These tough ladies have a new agenda that's all their own, and they'll use any means necessary to pursue it. But can they get along and work as a team? And who will get hurt along the way? DETECTIVE COMICS and STREETS OF GOTHAM writer Paul Dini kicks off this brand-new ongoing series with amazing artwork by Guillem March

batman: under the red hood (2011) jason todd jason todd jason todd one of the few good (any) jason todd based story-lines that treat him well and give you a solid read story wise (i also highly recommend checking out the 2010 film, jensen ackles voices jay and does an amazing job) 

Batman is confronted with a hidden face from the past — it’s the return of the vigilante Red Hood who appears to be Batman’s one-time partner Jason Todd, the same Jason Todd that died many years ago. But the Red Hood’s violent ways pit him against the Dark Knight in his hunt for the very person responsible for his death: The Joker.

red hood: lost days (2010) ignore what they did to him with talia it was hella yikes i pretend it doesnt exist cause its goddamn gross and not at all ok otherwise highly recommend if you want more quality jason todd

After his death at the hands of The Joker, Jason Todd was resurrected by Batman’s foe Ra’s al Ghul as a weapon against The Dark Knight. Now, learn what secret events led Jason on his eventual path of death and destruction as he tours the DC Universe learning dangerous skills in an effort to find his way in a world that left him behind. 

batwoman: elegy A new era begins as Batwoman is unleashed on Gotham City! Marked by the blood-red bat emblem, Kate Kane is a soldier fighting her own private war - one that began years ago and haunts her every waking moment. In this first tale, Batwoman battles a madwoman known only as Alice, inspired by Alice in Wonderland, who sees her life as a fairy tale and everyone around her as expendable extras! Batwoman must stop Alice from unleashing a toxic death cloud over all of Gotham City -- but Alice has more up her sleeve than just poison, and Batwoman's life will never ever be the same again. Also, witness the origin of Batwoman in the shocking and tragic story "Go," in which young Kate Kane and her family are kidnapped by terrorists, and Kate's life - and the lives of her family - will never be the same! (did i mostly put this here so hira doesnt kick my ass? yes. is it also worth checking out though? also yes)

blackest night (2009) i reread this again after i binged some green lantern and lololol it made x100 more sense. however, its not required, and is a pretty cool story even if you aren’t familiar with how gl verse works. 

Throughout the decades, death has plagued the DC Universe and taken the lives of heroes and villains alike. But to what end? As the War between the different colored Lantern Corps rages on, the prophecy of the Blackest Night descends and it's up to Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps to lead DC's greatest champions in a battle to save the Universe from an army of undead Black Lanterns made up of fallen Green Lanterns and DC's deceased heroes and villains.  also the batman tie ins were great too

batman: the black mirror (2011) one of my favourite dick!batman stories as its also incredibly dark and gritty

In "The Black Mirror," a series of brutal murders pushes Batman's detective skills to the limit and forces him to confront one of Gotham City's oldest evils. Helpless and trapped in the deadly Mirror House, Batman must fight for his life against one of Gotham City's oldest and most powerful evils! Then, in a second story called "Hungry City," the corpse of a killer whale shows up on the floor of one of Gotham City's foremost banks. The event begins a strange and deadly mystery that will bring Batman face-to-face with the new, terrifying faces of organized crime in Gotham.

batman: gates of gotham (2011) more quality dick!batman plus quality batfam and a classic original enthralling story

When a mystery as old as Gotham City itself surfaces, Batman assembles a team of his greatest detectives – including Red Robin, Owlman, I-Ching and others – to investigate this startling new enigma. As clues are discovered and the mystery deepens, Batman’s team soon finds itself on a journey that explores different eras in Gotham’s history and touches upon notable Gotham families including the Waynes, Kanes, and Elliotts.

batman, vol. 2 (2011) this was part of dcs new52 relaunch & my intro to dc and batman. the court of owls was an amazing story-line and executed so well as problematic as a lot of runs in new52 were and things in this run too, overall i recommend it for anyone wanting to get to know bruce and the batfam better

After a series of brutal murders rocks Gotham City, Batman begins to realize that perhaps these crimes go far deeper than appearances suggest. As the Caped Crusader begins to unravel this deadly mystery, he discovers a conspiracy going back to his youth and beyond to the origins of the city he's sworn to protect. Could the Court of Owls, once thought to be nothing more than an urban legend, be behind the crime and corruption? Or is Bruce Wayne losing his grip on sanity and falling prey to the pressures of his war on crime?

green lantern, vol. 5 (2011) In the aftermath of a deadly showdown between the Green Lantern Corps and a mysterious foe from the past, Hal Jordan has been stripped of his ring. Left standing is an unexpected new Green Lantern in town: Sinestro! And now, this renegade GL has set a course for Korugar with one purpose: To free his homeworld from the scourge of his own Sinestro Corps, with the not-so-willing help of Hal Jordan!

rebirth (2016) brings us to the latest relaunch ‘rebirth’ of which i am extremely behind whoops but i can tell you right now that basically every title in this relaunch is worth checking out (i only read a few issues of nightwing, green arrow and batman but they’re all worth checking out my guy)

if you’re interested in any of the arrowfam comics go directly too @blackcanarydinah she will school you on things i one day hope to know

for buying comic trades i’d recommend using bookdepository as they do worldwide free shipping, for single issues i usually use tfaw or ebay. if you need more resources i have a shit ton of comic shit bookmarked, just hmu if needed for whatever 🤗💕

[neopuff]

riverdale ep 1-3

these twins always make me >___>

oh yeah i knew jason was gonna die

this is very artsy

i thought he was murdered

oh

tragedy

oh......a mom for veronica

what is a...chocolate shoppe? and why? does it sell? burgers?

is veronica the new kid

OH KEVIN

the gay kid gweiopubgoewgnew

the acting in this is terrible

the archie actor is clearly not a real ginger so i approve of this casting lmao

“to pass time i started composing poems in my head” shut up archie

archie: says anything betty: amazing!

lmao

betty: ive been thinking about us- archie: is that a hot bitch i see

“we do, both of us, together”

omg

GNOIWPEGWE BETTY’S FACE IS KILLING ME

awkward

oh....archies dad

thats not archies dad

archies dad got that fat gut

“im a sophomore’ BITCH NO UR NOT

SHES GOTTA BE LIKE 25 LMAAAOO whaaatt

im still dying theyre supposed to be 15 gwenpiubgewo;gwe

“gay, thank god, lets be best friends” im gonna piss and die

wow

love these pussycats

“ive had every flavor of boy except orange” its better that

waywiongubwepogn;wegew

ARCHIE AND GRUNDY IM DYING!!!!

IM GONNA FUCKINGGG DIIEEEE

GRUNDYINOGEW;EWL

im pissing im

DYING

shes the music teacher

why wouldnt they just make up a new teacherniogwepng;ew WHY IS SHE MS GRUNDY!!!

oh

archies dad/veronicas mom have a....history

“chose the rich kid”

wow

so many divorced parents

outdoor cafeteria

when will i see a high school that has one of these forreal

i assume its a west coast or south us thing

kevin: refers to cheryl as a widow me: i called the JOKES

“is cheerleading still a thing?” “is being the gay best friend still a thing”

the dialogue in this show is terrible its so funny

im glad betty/ronnie is a good ship

grundy is all turned on by archies music

this is so gross and im DYING

“i dont think thats a good idea” cuz u fucked a 15 year old bitch

oh

theyre not talking about the fucking

did cheryl murder her brother

why doesnt just one of them say it and not mention the other

bitch ur the only one who’d get in trouble ur an ADULT

that was so lackluster

wow

GNIWEUPGEW;OGWE

CHERYL’S FACEGNIEW;GEW

like yeah....not the kind of heat i meant :\

oh

im glad cheryls the villain i always hated her

wow

veronica: i know who u are [has known her for 2 minutes]

this dialogue is so unnatural and bad its cracking me tf up

get WRECKED cheryl

veronica: betty and i come as a matching set

i bet u do

time for football

“what you got something better to do” dont be rude

awww

“why did you defend me” just accept the kindness u fool

man

i like mr lodge

this is very awkward

was polly a character in the comics i dont remember her

WOW

“both of us” gewinouogbewgew

im DYING

in the headspace

“archiekins” gweinouobgweo;ngew

wow

“cheryl blossoms cheerleading squad.......”

bettys mom is so annoying

she sounds familiar

oh

mr lodge just sent a lotta money their way

why did the coach call his dad

he said hed give him a day

impatient ass

archies dad is just like :\

:/

:\

:/

these actors dont look related at all

which is funny to me

oh good its the pill in ibiza song

omg

i love that veronica is the speech giver in this show

moose/kevin gwiuebogiwgew

where is REGGIE

my SON

wow

openly talking about the illegal secrets at a big party

i just realized reggie is the asian guy

i didnt hear his name and couldnt figure out who tf that was gweopiubgwe;ngwe

im a fool

whered ronnie go

dancing with the gay guy, god

“i have this fantasy of us as a power couple” who asks someone out like that

STOP STARING AT GRUNDY

this is super awkward

cheryl is gonna murder...everyone

they could just

chill

“cheryl blossom truly is...the antichrist” just all her a bitch like a normal person

“we’re not just friends we’re best friends” shut up archie

wOW

hes NEVER FELT for betty

if these two make out i s2g

once they kiss cheryls gonna open the door

foolish children

ronnie dont DO IT

foolish

sighs

boring

what how tf would she know they made out

did they not come out at exactly 7 minutes

ok but wheres betty

oh hey jughead

i like jugheads not-crown

oh

now shes goin straight for love

“of course i love you” hes being so...obtuse

annoying

oh

ok now its about not being good enough

sure

did they find jayjay

and look at that

he got shot in the head

probably by his sister

ok

its obvious cheryl did it

im sure theyll switch it up like somehow it was secretly jughead

but it was cheryl

ok ep 2

fgewgw

why were they even fuckin at 6 am

cant believe they made moose gay

i forgot his gf’s name in the comicsniguwebgew

god

the actor that played jason was so uggo

GEWNIOG;EW SHARING A SHAKE WITH HIS TWIN SISTER!!!

maybe someone shot him for being so openly incestuous with his creepy sister

i know its like plagueing archie now but i feel like this should help him

“are you up?” “no” “youre killing your mother”

he went to grundys house

weird

and hes shirtless

“you could be expelled” “we could go to jail” NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM!!!

pedophilia is not a two way street

oh

bettys mom is...the worst

betty plz dont talk to your bitch mother about your life

i love archies eyebrows

i hope this is the end of archie/betty forever

wow

“sardonic humor”

oh

bye jughead

oh

is kevin not out to his dad

“the yellows for friendship” sure

veronica is so aggressively into this friendship

YAYYY

the otp stays together

wow

betty u are a fool

that is your future WIFE

oh

hi mr weatherbee

cheryl is wearing a spider pin gewoinubgewlngkew

CHERYL

archie and mr weatherbee just gonna

make eyes

jughead: archie you KILLED him

fewijohuog

HE THINKS ARCHIE DID IT

no jughead i was just fucking the hot prof

jughead: ew

fewiougobewgno;ewlgew

kevin moose is your new bf

“fate throws us together” ok

wow

why is he rejecting moose

because hes in the closet???

hes clearly trying to come out cmon

oh

everyones terrified of cheryl now so thats good

oh

bettys mom

“i ship it” why

“moose has an official girlfriend...mitch” i feel like i heard this line wrong

oh, betty

dont cry sweetums

“im supposed to say yes” THE DIALOGUE

ronnie is trying so hard with these dramatic white ppl

really

they couldnt even keep weatherbee fat

is this channel afraid of fat ppl

wow

does this bitch just sit in her empty ass music room all day

is she not really even a teacher

DONT TALK ABOUT FEELINGS

YALL ARE GROSS!!!!

disgusting

bitch get a dog and leave teenagers alone

WOW

WOW LMAAAAOOOOOOOO

AAAAAAA

JUGHEAD: WHAT!! GROSS!!! WTF!!!

this is not high school cheerleading

one of the girls here actually looks like a high schooler

cheryl just called herself exoticgewiongewiogew; CUZ YOURE A GINGER? BITCH

i die

oh

betty why

wOW

betty dont do this

cheryls a crazy ho

i know theyll make up by the end of the ep but still

“like we were meant to be best friends” gweniguebwg

2nd grade tutor

gewinogubwegw

“oh, little archie-” little archiewgn;klew I DIE

references are what i live for

i cant believe betty let cheryl into her house

wheres her mom to scream and chase her out

welp

there goes that

betty dont let her into ur HOME

oh

whats betty doing

“BEFORE I KILL YOU” BETTY

terrible thing to say

are they not friends because archie stood him up

cougarngiewgew

SHES A PEDOPHILE

awkward

i guess bettys mom coulda killed jason

“sometimes a friend is better than a boyfriend” actually, always, not sometimes

oh reggies finally doin something

gonna keep up the reggie/jughead rivalry

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

ok

“you wanna d the right thing” the way archie said that made it sound like he wants to fuck her and she doesnt want to

but whatever

so does jughead and bettys friendship not exist in this universe

nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions

wow

this dialogue is still awful its so funny

i hope it never improves purely for my amusement

out door pep rally...

[dances]

fewiulgbew

AHH HONEY HONEY

YOU ARE MY

CAAAANDY GIIIIIIRL

good shit

oh

cheryls having a Time

god the kid that plays jason is so uggo

oh

bye cheryl

finally getting a genuine emotional response from her

were they gonna fake his death for attention but then he was actually dead

yayyy

make up

veronica is over here like “betty and i were destined to be friends” and betty is like “im sure we wont know each other in a week”

aww archie and jughead back 2gedda

does jughead know betty or not

wheres the jughead/betty brotp of my past

veronica and jughead: interact me: yes...

im glad that, unlike in the comics, archie is not dating both girls at once and then also every other girl he meets

where ya goin weatherbee

wha

A CHALKBOARD LOL

i doubt a school like this would have a chalkboard instead of a smartboard

oh

did she do it

gasp

im sticking with my fake death for the attention theory

OK LAST EP

im enjoying this show

but i dont think i could take multiple Dramatic Teen Shows

how could cheryl be wearing that skirt in public school

“the plan was bananas”

oh

jason just wanted.....to leave

thats fine

oh

who got shot

gwneio;glkwe

in my neighborhood it wouldve just been the hunters

is archie gonna have a shiner for the rest of the show

oh

is betty not poor as shit in this universe?

i shouldve guessed from her moms outfits

“a lois lane type like you” nice and ronnie can be clark kent

omg leave grundy alone so she can die in hell

wha

why didnt you just say that you were alone

oh

dog

ok

a date....

oh

hes hot

good call, ronnie

CHUCK CLAYTON

“hes kind of a player” dont be racist, betty

he is hot as hell tho

awww “juggie”

finally jughead and betty are 2gedda

jughead you need shit for your college applications

oh right, dilton

what

“im not ten years old” but you are 15 which is not very different

so if chuck is in the show is nancy gonna be around too

ronnie/chuck is a good ship

“to OUR relationship” shut the fuck you youre a pedophile

wow

the sticky maple....

wow

chuck was cute

ronnie is gonna tear him apart

man

why does chuck have to be a dick!!! chuck was always a nice guy

fewionpgnew

betty: [COVERS FACE]

destroy him

PUNCH HIM

why is chuck a villain im bothered but also hes the worst destroy him

this terrible au version of chuck is terrible

“nothing is off the table...except for my body” weiugblewnkg

i love the pussycats

is this every other girl chuck did this to

oh

its ethel

hi cheryl

go away

lmao

whose this kid

wow

ok jughead

dont steal his ice cream

oh

dilton shot a gun gwoinegbpweo;nglwe

survivalist?!?! DILTON

IM DYING

HES A TECHNOLOGY OBSESSED NERD

why do the pussycats roll their eyes at josie

“a bnd with b&v”

did they find...ze book

so the football players dont even fuck the girls its just about getting a date and a selfie???

oh

cheryl, doubting her brother

what

just take the book

why not...just take the book

powerful

bettys rly lucky her mom isnt violent

(for now)

oh

she looks super awkward in that

omg

the sound of bettys lil demons in her head

“and a hot tub....”

this is such an awkward conversation

just imagining this with real 15 year olds is ridiculous

oh hey ronnie

chuck youre so fucking stupid

shes wearing a swimsuit and heels this is CLEARLY A TRAP

GWENOIGO;NEW

BETTY

black is not a good hair color

ronnie: im so turned on

GEWNIOG;EWG

SLAP!!!!

i just realized why archies dad is so familiar

he was on generator rex AND clone high

love it

part of me always liked archie/josie

15 is not late wtf

“slut shaming...its what they call it when sluts get shamed” wow

when does bettys mom get murdered

um

are they gonna burn him

UM

um

betty

LMAO

shes fine shes just pissed

awww

dads gonna support u now

must be NICE

gweoniugbweo;gew bettys face when ronnie said she called chuck “jason” was so funny

are they gonna do some she went off her meDS OO---OOOHHHA AAAHHH TERRIBLE BEAST

#burn it

cheryl tryin to make up for ze past

i still hate her idc

omg when does grundy get murdered too im done with this pedophilia subplot

STAY AWAY

FROM THE CHILD!!!

-___-

dilton you fool

im happy juggie and betty are hanging out

oh

dont mention ms grundys car

NO

YOU

FOOL!!!!

im tired of this pedophile plz shoot her next

ok im all caught up

whens the next episode

[tamisutcliffe-id]

Mom,

It has been very busy at my work lately, which is both good and bad. Helps the days go by quickly but also keeps me going for quite a few hours at a time. We have started using live video cameras for meetings now, so I have to make sure my hair is combed and the little cat is not eating bugs on the couch when I sign into calls. (Although everyone loves the little cat, she is kind of a distraction and will sometimes walk right up to the camera and yawn.)

I just loved that picture of you and the story about the lovely cruise makes it even better- a wonderful memory!

Sometimes I open up the family photo files that Dad sent me and just scroll through some of the old ones. I am so grateful to have had a Dad who enjoyed  capturing what he saw. So many of his shots are pure art, and I love seeing all of us at all of those other times in our lives.

Our cruise is September 17th to the 23rd. We'll be sailing on a Carnival ship we havent been on before (the Valour) out of Galveston, going to Cozumel and Progresso. This is kind of like you going to Lost River camping: you have been to this same place many, many times, it is not the most gorgeous of all the places you go but you like it, and you miss not going there, if you havent been in a while. So I am looking forward to being on the blue Caribbean sea again, even if the damn bag will be going with me. Some of my very favorite pictures of David have been taken in Cozumel:  

https://www.flickr.com/photos/93728166@N05/sets/72157632909525291

I go have the first test (of the required two) on August 29. I am scared about it, for no reason other than I just feel scared about it. They normally dont put you under to do this test, but the surgeon said given the extensive amount of damage done six months ago, he would be more comfortable doing the first exploration in there with me snoring rather than staring him in the face. I'll only be asleep for a half hour or so (with IV sedation, like they do for a normal colonoscopy) - and the test itself only takes about 20 minutes, and then I go home and should have no particular side effects at all. If this test goes well (and they find I am flexible inside where I should be flexible), I will need one more test (poetically known as a "leak test" -- ?!?! Oh, no!).  If that one comes out well, we schedule the reversal. We will be home from the cruise the last week of September, so we are very tentatively thinking, if everything goes smoothly, I will have the reversal done in early October. If for any reason either of the tests does not show what we hope for, then we just wait some more. Eventually, I WILL be flexible enough, according to everyone I have talked to. But no one ever knows just when that will be. So - 49 more days of the bag and then we shall see what we shall see.

My friend Kathy, who has been through quite a lot herself, sent me this picture recently, and I try to keep this in mind:

This is us a few summers ago: (Kathy runs barrels but Pam and I do not!!)

Keep sending the emails. I love it when I see your name in the "From" box! Do you have a camera? Have Jason email me pictures of you guys, if you think of it. I would love to see the yard and Loki and all the stuff going on in Idaho.

The Barbara Kingsolver quote was perfect.

Here is my poem of the week:

“So I am not a broken heart.

I am not the weight I lost or the miles I walked.

I am not this year and I am not anybodys fault.

I am muscles building cells, a little every day, because they broke that day,

but bones are stronger once they heal and I am smiling to the other drivers in the traffic jamand replacing my groceries once a weekand I am not sitting for hours in the shower anymore.

I am the way a life unfolds and blooms and seasons come and goand I am the way the spring always finds a way to turn even the coldest winter into a field of green and flowers and new life.”

― Charlotte Eriksson

Love,Tami

On Sun, Jul 8, 2018 at 10:28 PM, Rita Tolman <

rita@btolman.com

> wrote:

Tami Hope you enjoyed your fourth of July week.  Having the fourth in the middle of the week made it seem like a long holiday.  Brandi came by and spent a couple of hours today.  Mont and Cyn returning from Tamarack tomorrow.  Brandi will spend her month home working at Monts clinic.  She is having a hard time deciding where she wants to go when she finishes this next year.  At age 28 she is worried she will never find the one and be able to start a family.  No one in the family can relate as everyone seems to have found the one except Jason which makes me feel sad sometimes if I let myself think about it.  Sure hard to (live one day at a time) sometimes isn’t it.   Couple of comments on your last two emails.  Did you know the quote from Bill Wilson is the man who started Alcoholics Anon. clear back in the thirties?  Reading about his life you find that he was convinced he had some kind of a spiritual experience that caused him to get together with another drunk and have the first meeting of AA.  One drunk helping another to stay sober.  Pretty amazing. The picture of me by the palm tree in one of my favorite dresses of all time from Annie Z was taken by Dad in Miami just before we took our first cruise to the Bahamas.  One of the families Anon. members owned a travel agency in Miami and she was able to put together a cruise for a FA convention.  Dad and I had the honor of coming the farthest to attend.  Flying clear across the country from Seattle.  Jason was doing so well then and we had a great time and met some of the nicest people in the world.  We kept in touch with one couple from Michigan for several years and met up with them a couple of more times at FA conventions.  Their son finally got sober in his thirties, had a family and died in a car crash.  Go figure! When did you say your cruise was going to be in Sept?  Will you see the Doctor again before then?  Summer is slipping away so quickly. I’m hoping to drive to Pocatello in the next couple of weeks to try to plan an August camping trip.  Would love to go back to the Tetons but it is not Butch and Danas first choice.  They still love the lost river country but I will be happy to just get to somewhere more primitive than Tamarack.  Will have to do some home cooking if I can remember how as Butch looks forward to some grandma Spahr cooking.  I have been guilty of buying frozen microwave meals from costco all summer.  Have you got a membership yet.  Still hoping David will check out the hearing aid dept.  They also offer a big selection of wines at good prices.  Mont and I love their cocktail tray of Jumbo cocktail shrimp with fresh lemon and cocktail sauce.  Makes my mouth water just writing about them.  Fairly healthy ad not too many calories if you don’t eat the whole thing at once.  Will close with a quote from one of my favorite Authors Barbara Kingsolver on loss.  “You don’t think you’ll live past it and you don’t really.  The person you were is gone,but the half of you that’s still alive wakes up one day and takes over again.”   Have a good week and take care.  Love Mom

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i feel upset today because there is a continual expectation for me to put myself out for other people and get next to nothing in return as they ask for everything. and if i ask for something, it just goes ignored. 

i’m tired of my work being devalued. i’m tired of people just taking it for granted and using it to their own benefit. i felt nothing but anxiety and animosity at the last show our group put on because i was knowingly bullied on more than one occasion by another member and then forced to put on a show with them - and was even questioned why i might pull out my art. 

i was going to perform at this event. but as the weeks passed i realized i was putting in more work than anyone else and when i asked for certain things, they were ignored or put off. and yet there was an expectation for me to complete something for them ‘asap’. this made performing for the first time really devalued. like sure, i worked hard to create the event but why? what was the purpose of this? it was never to bring anyone together, it was never to showcase anything but the organizers themselves and the lack of good promotion means the likelihood of selling something at a venue not known for after hours shows and not joining our marketing is pretty low. 

i am 27 years old now. i have no fucking desire to put on shitty teen shows that are half assed thrown together with a bunch of my friends. thats not what this is about for me - it lacks a certain amount of organization and class. it lacks a curation in performers. i thought i might be the worst one - and that’d be okay. they cant all be winners. but now it’s just open mic - and if i really wanted to perform at a open mic, i’d go to a real one. if i’m going to do a large amount of the work - outside of meeting with the owner one time and putting up 5 flyers on street poles - i want the results to be worth the work i put in. and IMO it’s not. it’s mediocre and thrown together. 

and i feel a personal insult about this because of how much work i put intothe group itself. ive dedicated time on a semi regular basis to all the admin work, the promotion, keeping social media active, posting new submissions, fielding a majority of the questions and i’m not asking for praise - i’m asking for people to respect the work i’ve done. don’t come in and draw on it with magic marker and tell me its acceptable quality when theres folks painting in oils. i dedicated time to create an entity that could be used and harnessed; i ask for the quality of our output to match whats already there. 

and i think it’s asinine that i would hve to argue doing better than average. if this is just a hobby or random activity for you - fine. it’s not serious. you’re not serious. none of this matters. but it was presented as serious. it was presented as a showcase of people’s craft. there is no effort into making it somewhere one would wnt to be. we’re all going for the ~decor. we print posters because we want to see our name on a poster in the street - not becuse we’re really advertising an event. it was acceptable that the only people in attendance would be the performers and a few of their friends. acceptable!! that’s an unsuccessful house party, in my opinion. 

you know whats missing  locally? proper use of social media to network between people. it’s impossible to find other artists in the area unless you scour through obscure hashtags. but yet theres dozens and dozens if not hundreds of artists in the local area. this means you get stuck in one influence and within that influence you may be chastised for going against the “norm” of their influence. instead of new ideas being welcomed, they’re constantly turned down or argued against. 

i’ve met all of the people i know through facebook and instagram in my art world. thats a very powerful tool.i know models who only book through instagram. and ive had arguements about the use of hashtags. as if theyre not relevant. 

i’m tired of questioning what i know. tht honestly gives me the most anxiety. and its not like im tired of questioning what i do - its healthy to question your actions - but what i know and believe makes me feel unsure of myself and the skills i have. i have had experience working in the creative industries since i was 17, freelancing. and i have a wide variety of skills in graphic design, retouching photos, photography of models & landscapes & products, glamour modeling & product modeling (of which i’ve done for dozens of photographers in the local area), web design & blogging + knowlege of e-commerce platforms, wordpress, seo, promotion & marketing both online & offline, i’ve sold crafts online for almost four years and switched my primary creative tool from artisan crafts to trditional & figure art that i studied & practiced extensively for over two years, i have skills in copywriting & journalism, i have a handle on the basic laws of creative works & how they can be used, basic knowledge in building & selling a brand, communicating with clients & customers (of which i’ve had no complaints in regards to my communication - ive had complaints about shipping because post offices are not so nice), creating organized file systems which can be used by multiple people -- i have paid my dues. i am still growing, absolutely. i am not the best at any of the above things i listed. i could be even better. i could spend two hours today on one of these skills and be better than i am right now. i can always be better.

but just because i can be better doesnt take away from what i know now, what i have learned, what i have studied - like i took the time to study and read up on research and marketing & promotion techniques. a good portion of my first shop was spent reading about how to sell stuff, not so much making stuff to sell. as i did not realize at the time how much work went into being successful online. and i did not realize until my shop closed how i had taken that skill for granted - because i had done all that work & effort, it was able to pull in a few sales a month with little to no effort now. if i worked harder, maybe i couldve been even better. 

i also (un)willingly have worked full time as an artist and only an artist for at least two years. this is the “luxury” ive been allowed in  life even though i am the definition of starving artist. i didnt have it as a part time job or hobby - it was something i did every single day and i marketed & promoted for hours a day. an acquaintance of mine upon hearing of my mental state now told me that i had gone so hard for so long - and i kind of appreciated that he saw that on the outside. that someone could see that i actully did work incredibly hard. that i was dedicated.. that i AM dedicated. 

i’m not saying any of this makes me better thn anyone else or knowing more - it just means i’m experienced. i am very very experienced in not only practicing a craft but marketing that craft to sell, displaying that craft in it’s best light, knowing the best places to sell. i also work in quality over quantity. i am not interested in doing 9  - 10 shows a year. i’m not interested in shitting out  5 - 7 paintings at a time. it means before i touch anything to paper or canvas or wood - i’ve thought about it. i’ve really, really thought about it. i didnt just sit down and throw paint on the canvas. i couldve been thinking of this image for days before i do it. or the craft itself - my bone jewelry came because i absolutely neded to make a necklace out of fish bones i found and they needed vials attached. why? i dont know. but it just needed to be. 

when i started the group, i asked about names. i didnt choose a name or dictate the name. i was given a suggestion by someone i actually dont like at all and was given a reson for why he felt it was a good suggestion and i agreed because business-wise it was a good suggestion. i respected that he hd different ideas and experiences that shaped that suggestion that i did not have. i learned through it that i should expand my reach - both in my personal creative life and my ‘business’ creative life. 

my ~partner was disappointed i wasn’t going to perform. i could tell it was frustrating and dissappointing to him because i think he thought it wouldve been good for me and that i would hopefully find something in it that would bring me something. and through his disappointment he told me that it wasn’t totally right to drop out of something you planned to do or that peopl expected you to be at.

but i’d like to turn that around - my partner is someone who also puts himself out for others on a regular basis. and for a long, long, long time he was fucked around and fucked over by many people. an old friend came to his door and asked to borrow money and he allowed him to despite knowing he might be a drug addict now. he had no obligation to this person but it was like since he was asked, he should. and i think if he lerned to say no, or learned to walk away from an unhealthy situation, he would be happier as well. i’ve learned first hand the benefit of walking away from something toxic. and you will feel misplaced guilt for a bit, i feel some guilt now but it’s for the best. 

i try to think how i can change my perspective on it but i cannot. i wold not walk down the street if this was held in the local gallery, nevermind 20km away. like once i took myself out as a performer i realized i wouldnt even want to go. i dont want to see anyone perform but my partner; who will already be subdued because of the venue. ive been completely taken out of the organization of the event - despite having been continually involved in the promotion and a few conversations since the lst one where i said i didnt want to keep doing this. so ive deleted my advertisement efforts online andi’m just halting any further promotion on my part of this event. i’m 97% sure i’m personally not even going to go. i no longer ant to see half of the people there on a personal level so it’s not even worth going to to hang out and i dont care about displaying my art.