#ive noticed i do this thing where i start shaking? when im really nervous? luckily it was over the phone so that helped

[brelione]

The Surfer And The Siren

Chapter One:The Story,The Legend,The Bullshit.

@kelsiejayy designed this mood board.Lets just take a moment to appreciate how pretty it is :)

Chapter Two

It was a hot,humid day.The lack of clouds only made it worse and JJ was sure he would end up with a sunburn.Sunscreen had never really been in his top priorities and today he was beginning to regret it.The sun was high in the sky,the water unnaturally calm out in the marsh.As the boat came to a stop Kiara had let her hair out of its messy knot.She knew from experience that if she went swimming with her hair in its bun that it would get all snaggly and gross when she took it out.John B set his cold beer down,throwing his board over the side of the boat before making two awkward finger guns with his hands before jumping off the side.Kiara pulled off her light weight t shirt before jumping in as well,making a large splash in the cool blue water.JJ tossed his board before jumping in as well,coming back up to shake the hair away from his forehead.The heat against his tan skin wasnt as intense anymore and he felt comfortable enough to lay on his stomach on top of his surfboard,head down with cool water splashing onto his face every couple of moments.

Pope had done the same and John.B had decided too as well.Kiara was floating on her back,enjoying the contrast between the cool water against her back and the hot sunlight on her face and chest.It was a relaxing and calm experience until Pope spoke up. “Guys-hey,guys.There’s someone watching us.”He whispered,turning to face them and sounding a bit scared.Kiara rolled her eyes,not bothering to look at him. “Im serious,look,there’s someone right there.”He whispered,turning on his side once again so his back was facing them.John.B sat up on his board,helping Kiara to sit on it and balance out the weight,pretending to conversate so that if someone really was watching they wouldnt be suspicious.They glanced over to where Pope was looking,seeing a head bobbing in the water only fifteen or so feet away. “JJ-look.”Kiara whispered to JJ.He hadnt bothered looking up,figuring Pope was just seeing a rock or perhaps a seal.He groaned quietly,looking up so his chin was on his folded fingers.He squinted,lifting up his hand to block the sun.

 “Hello!”John.B shouted,causing Kiara to look over at him with wide eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?”She whispered,smacking his arm.A few seconds later the silhouette raised an arm out of the water and sent an awkward wave towards the group.They waved back,confused as to where this person had come from. “Uh-are you alone out here?”John.B shouted,noticing that there were no boats or boards in the distance. “Um...Yeah,yeah,Im just out for a swim!”The figure shouted back.It was feminine and smooth with a strange accent that JJ couldnt quite put his finger on.He bit down hard on his lip,so hard that he thought blood might start to trickle.His eyebrows furrowed,squinting and trying to see her better.Her head disappeared under the water,not showing up anywhere. “What’s wrong with you guys?”Kie asked upon noticing their facial expressions.Pope’s eyes were noticeably wide as he stared down at his board,JJ’s jaw stayed dropped as he stared out to where the girl had previously been,John.B’s face was a light red as he stared down into the blue water. 

“Huh?”John.B asked,looking up at her.Kiara glazed at the two boys who had luckily snapped out of their strange trance. “That was weird,dude.”JJ laughed off his nervousness.He brought himself back to the boat,lifting himself up the ladder and pulling his board up. “Shouldnt we go and check if shes okay?”Pope asked.Kiara nodded in agreement.The three of them got onto the HMS Pogue quickly before moving slowly through the water and keeping an eye out for the girl.No floating bodies,luckily.But no sign of her at all either.When they got back to the Chateau the sun was setting and the air was becoming cooler than it was that afternoon.Pope and JJ had decided to change into normal clothes,hanging up their wet bathing suits and changing into whatever was dry and would fit properly. “We’re gonna head up to the corner store,you guys want anything?”JJ asked them. “Get some chips.”John.B told them,not looking up from his rubix cube.Pope sighed. “What kind of chips?Doritos?Lays?”He asked.John.B shrugged. 

“Ooh get skinny pop.”He requested.The two boys began their walk up the cracked cement street.The corner store had been there for so long.It was old and worn down with cracked paint but had pretty much every snack and drink that someone could want.A nice old man owned the store,he wasnt the grumpy kind of old man though.He was friendly and appeared younger than he was.The bell jingled as JJ swung open the door.Old Richard seemed on edge,staring at the door like he was waiting for Obama to walk through.The boys went straight to the chip isle as they hunted for Skinny Pop.JJ had picked out a bag of cool ranch doritos when the bell chimed. “Hi,Rich!”You spoke excitedly almost like a nine year old about to go to Disney World.JJ’s jaw clenched,fingers clenching the doritos bag while his heart beated loudly in his chest.

The voice had the same effect on Pope,eyebrows furrowed while his mind emptied of everything besides your voice.You didnt know that,though.You hadnt seen Richard since last week when he had come to visit you at your cave.He was your oldest friend.Literally.The man was almost eighty and you had been friends with him since...well pretty much forever. “Hello,Darling!Ive got two last customers for the night and then we can get going.”He informed you,a smile coming across his dark face.The sound of the mature and croaky voice broke the boys from their trance,JJ’s head immediately whopping towards the door.His knees went weak as his eyes fell on you.He had never seen someone who looked quite like you.Your hair was long,curly and blue.You were around 15 or 16,a charming grin plastered on your face.You wore tight white ripped jeans and a large balck band t shirt that was clinging to your body due to the material being wet.JJ felt nervous as he and Pope walked up to the counter.

Girls didnt usually make him feel this way.He knew pretty much every single teenage girl on the island and he knew that they all had a thing for him.He was incredibly handsome and talented and funny so he could understand. “That all for today,boys?”Richard asked as he scanned the barcodes on the items.Pope and Richard made small talk but JJ couldnt be bothered to pay attention.His eyes were darting between you and the floor boards.The parts of your eyes that shouldve been white were tinted green or perhaps it was the lighting.You werent wearing makeup or any fancy jewlery yet your blue hair was well kept almost as if you got it professionally washed,dyed and cut every week.He cleared his throat,grinning a bit. “Um...is this your granddaughter?”He asked Richard.The old man chuckled,his face wrinkling as he smiled. “Something like that.”He answered,putting the chips and candy bars into a paper bag.

A small smirk came across your face as it clicked in your mind that these had been the same boys you had seen while you were swimming in the marsh. “Uh...Are you-are you from figure eight?”He asked.You shook your head,twisting the small copper ring on your pinkie finger.Pope looked over to you,blushing and looking away.You were slightly nervous too.It had been a while since you had been around human men that werent Richard.You tried not to giggle at how easily effected they were. “So youre visiting from the main land or some place?”The blonde boy asked as he played with his bracelets. “No,no,im from around here.”You laughed quietly although the sound still bounced off the walls.He gulped,the breath catching in his throat as he heard the whimsical giggle before nodding. “Um,well,im JJ and this is Pope.”He blushed a bright red.He was nearly the same shade of red as his hat. “Cool,im (Y/N).”You introduced yourself.Your voice echoed through his ears,his pupils dilating as he looked down at you.

Pope took the bag and nudged JJ’s shoulder.They both waved to you as they walked out.Once the door was closed behind them Pope let out a loud laugh. “What was that about?”He asked his friend.JJ shrugged,flustered by the encounter.The sky was a dark blue now,sprinkled with stars.The moon was full and a cream yellow color. “Did you get a weird feeling?When you heard her voice,I mean.Like a weird stomach ache or something?”JJ asked.Pope bit the inside of his cheek,the paper bag swaying at his side. “I mean,yeah,but maybe you’re just really high or something.”He tried to make it make sense.JJ shook his head. “Im gonna go back in there.”He turned around. “You can do that but im not waiting for you!”Pope shouted to him.JJ rolled his eyes,standing right outside the door and taking in a large and nervous breath.He opened the door,the familiar jingle of the bells filling his ears.

You looked up at him from the other side of the store after hearing the sound.You were filling a paper bag with pop tarts,jolly ranchers and swedish fish.Pretty much anything that tasted good and gave you small bursts of energy.Richard was behind the counter,a variety of folded shirts and shorts being stuffed into a drawstring bag.He glanced over at you before looking back at JJ. “We’re closed for the night,JJ.”He reminded the blonde.JJ nodded. “Yeah,I know,sorry.I think i dropped my lighter here so im just gonna look for it.”He lied. “Be quick.”Richard told the young boy.JJ went to the chip isle,pretending to look. “Do you need help finding it?’You asked,now standing at the end of the isle.His breaths went shallow,ears ringing as he looked into your eyes. “Why dont you just come back and look for it tomorrow?”Richard suggested.JJ bit his lip,the ringing stopping. “Um...Oka.Ill just come back tomorrow.”He turned to leave the isle but was stopped by the sound of your voice. “Is this it?”You asked,the silver zippo lighter in your palm.

He nodded,fingers brughsing against yours as he took it from your hand.A shiver ran down his spine,a loud sound between a scream and a laugh filled his ears and mind while his vision became nothing but bright white.He couldnt feel anything around him or even his feet on the floor.It was like the feeling of jumping into water on a really hot day with music blasting from a shitty five dollar speaker.It was pleasant but also scary.When your hand fell away the feeling left with it,leaving him to just stare down at you with shock.You just grinned,knowing exactly what had happened before making your way to the back of the store to grab an energy drink.His fingers tightened around the lighter.He walked out of the store again,feeling a mix of surprise and relief when he saw Pope leaning against a tree and eating pringles.

He jogged over to the tree. “So how’d it go?”Pope wiggled his eyebrows.JJ grinned. “Uh,well...I definitely saw her.”He rubbed the back of his neck.Pope laughed in his face before they began their walk back to John.B’s. “so you have a crush on a girl you just met,that you know nothing about and that youve barely spoken to?”Pope asked as he crunched another chip between his teeth. “Well,when you put it like that it sounds stupid.”He frowned,taking the tube of chips away.Pope chuckled. “If you still remember her name next week you should ask her to hang out with us.”He suggested.JJ nodded.When they got back to the house JJ laid down in the hammock,staring up at the sky like an idiot. “So JJ met a girl today.”Pope told the group as he took a sip of pepsi.Kiara rolled her eyes. “Please do not tell me that you hooked up with a girl behind the store.”She groaned.JJ shook his head. “No,I didnt.This was different.”He rolled onto his side so he was facing the others.John.B laughed,taking a swig of gas station beer. “So whats this girls name?”He asked.JJ let out a long,breathy sigh. 

“(Y/N)...god,she is so pretty.”He whispered,almost dreamily.Kiara rolled her eyes,eating a piece of popcorn. “Theres more to girls than that,JJ.”She reminded him.He nodded. “I know,I know.She has such a nice voice and she had blue hair and she just seems so...I dont even know.”He thought out loud.Kiara snorted. “Youve got a crush.”She teased.John.Bs eyebrows furrowed,his smile turning into a confused frown. “Blue hair?Like that old legend?”He asked.Kiara grumbled something under her breath. “Please do not tell me that you still believe in that bull shit.”She tossed a sour patch kid into her mouth. “Wait,what?”JJ asked.John.B sat up straight. “You cannot be serious.”His voice went flat.JJ shrugged,lighting a blunt.Kiara threw a sour patch at Pope before eating one. “Rafe Cameron will not shut up about it.”She huffed. “What are you guys talking about?”JJ asked,becoming annoyed. “Its all bull.”Pope shook his head.

 “No,no im telling you she had to be the one that saved me when I wiped out!And that time we were on the boat and a whole ass bag of swedish fish went missing off the boat!Or today when that random girl was in the marsh?Think about it!It had to have been her!”John.B exclaimed.JJ blew out a stream of white smoke. “I still dont know what youre talking about.”He released more smoke from his lungs and out his nostrils. “Okay-so for the last hundred years a girl with blue hair has rescued like a shit ton of people and saved a ton of beached dolphins and went to the Stone Wall riots and obviously no one around here has blue hair so whenever someone with blue hair shows up its like ‘wow its her’ but like,what if its actually her?”He finished his rant. “Alright,but like,this might be a bit dramatic….but maybe she just dyed her hair.”Pope tied a gummy worm into a know. “Hair dye is fucking expensive,no pogue could afford it.What kind of fancy kook would have blue hair?”John.B defended his argument.Kiara frowned. “Youre serious right now?”She asked.He nodded.

 “And what did Rafe Cameron say?”He asked.Kiara sighed,leaning back in her chair. “He was saying how he saw her and Sarah fighting seagulls and they went away by her singing to them and then he blacked out or something dumb like that.Now he set up a camera by the beach because he’s convinced she’ll show up again.”Kiara explained,closing her eyes as she spoke.JJ smirked. “So lets steal the camera and find out.”He suggested.Kiara shook her head. “Thats a terrible plan.He probably has the live video going to his phone anyways.”She yawned.

@milamaybank @drewswannabegirl @teamnick​  @unmotivatedwritings​ @danicarosaline​

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[apricotluvr]

.😣

[ive-made-a-mystic-mistake]

Can I have an MC with really bad anxiety? Like not social but more like she cant even sit in her bed alone in the dark? You're doing really great so far, keep up the good work!

of course! also thank you!!!

i always get motivated for this one in the middle of an anxiety attack lolololol

TOTALLY NOT LISTENING TO HALLOWEEN MUSIC TO MAINTAIN MOTIVATION 

zen

it was a quiet night 

you had just had the busiest week of a hectic month 

so you got a little clingier with zen

he enjoyed it happy to have some relax time

the phone was ringing in the other room making zen have to leave to grab it

this already made you nervous 

who was calling in the middle of the night

with zen gone you didn’t feel safe

at any gust of wind you jumped 

at any creak in the house you jumped 

any noise sent your anxiety off

you couldn’t stop thinking of what could happen

you were so deep in your thoughts you didn’t notice zen in the kitchen

he suddenly dropped a glass and you couldn’t stop you anxiety

you thought unknown was going to get you again and you started to cry and hyperventilate

you just couldn’t control your thoughts

luckily zen noticed and came over to you and pulled you close

“hey babe I’m here! i just dropped a glass I’m sorry it scared you!”

you just hug him tightly thankful it wasn’t who you thought it was

you just cry for a bit shaking 

he whispers sweet words to you rubbing your back comforting you

he knows about your anxiety as he probably had to help comfort you 

yoosung 

you two were playing a horror game of your own request which was surprising to him

it was mainly to do with the fact you were tired of feeling like a burden

you were doing great albeit your anxiety making you stiff as a board

you were really fighting it

you just cant do getting chased or jump scares

after the first game you are feeling confident even though you are shaking badly 

yoosung was too

he was allowed to pick the game tho

he happens to love the thrill of jumpscares 

its that boost of energy for school lololol 

he pick five nights at freddy’s

you falter

you start playing shaking so much 

with his help you get to the second night 

you try and alternate between him taking over when a jumpscare is near 

and this works till like the 4th night 

when you all get distracted 

theres suddenly a jump scare that makes you scream 

you curl in on yourself shaking and crying mind wandering making it worse

doesn’t help you like to look up the theories and then you get freaked out

you then are thinking about how stupid it is that a game is making you freak out but he doesn’t think so

he grabs his favorite blanket and his hoodie that you love

he rushes to get tea going and he quickly puts on cute animal videos while you are at the compute and has you get up so you can both sit there

you on his lap

this helps distract you and you laugh sniffling at the silly kittens

next thing you know you are asleep on him and he doesnt know what to do 

jaehee

your school has really been taking a toll on you

you never thought how hard it would be to major in theater 

sweats nervously

you have to practice a monologue but you also have all you academic work to do

as you are working on it you check the time and how much is left 

its now 3 in the morning and barely finished and you still have that monologue to practice that’s due tomorrow

you start thinking of the worst and begin to shake crying silently 

jaehee wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for the fact you dropped a glass by accident trying to calm down

that made it worse because now you think thats more work and how it upset jaehee

but she simply cleans up the mess and gives you slippers in case any stray glass got anywhere 

she makes some tea for you to calm down and gets you a blanket and plays some recordings of zen singing because that’s what helps her 

she gives you a hug and a kiss and makes sure you are ok and decides to help you with the work

jumin

you were in the penthouse playing with Elizabeth while he was at work

you were having an amazing time till the power went out

you completely freeze up 

you werent aware that you werent breathing till you needed to breathe again

you were just frozen

you shut your eyes tightly like you were taught when you were younger when scared of the dark 

you didnt have a blanket to hide under and you didnt want to move

you were thinking of all the things that could be lurking in the dark and start rocking crying 

elizabeth worries about yoy and brushes against you meowing and you sit crisscross applesauce so she can sit on your lap

you peat her and she purrs comforting you 

suddenly the door is opened making a loud noise and she runs to greet the familiar face but it just made your anxiety worse

you rock again thinking its someone whos going to kill or kidnapp you for being the heirs wife

“sweetheart? its me jumin? your husband?”

he goes over to her with a flash light and he sits down next to you pulling you into his chest whispering to you to calm you down planting kisses to your temples 

you hug him tightly glad to have him right now

the power comes back on and you don’t want to let go

hes fine with this

707

you were on the computer writing things on tumblr 

when suddenly its hacked 

you cant get all these freaky things of your computer and you are panicking crying

there were quiet a few nsfw things 

some of which hit a few triggers 

you scream for seven 

he had been teaching you computer things but your anxiety wont let you think clearly 

you keep telling yourself that if you were  calmer you can fix it and not need his help

when he comes rushing in you try to explain and he pushes up his glasses telling you hes serious thankfully 

you are still panicking though anxiety running rampant in your head 

you feel bad because he deals with his brothers mental illnesses enough he doesnt have to deal with yours but he honestly doesnt mind 

he shuts down you computer and takes a part out of the computer it self

“well you couldn’t of fixed this it’s well hacked but has been for a while so we need to fix that but that can wait”

he says this knowing you used many unimportant accounts on that computer under his request

hes gets some tea going and wraps you in his jacket taking his headphones off playing relaxing nature sounds he knows helps you from watching your youtube history

and he just hold you close playing with your hair for a while

you are finally calm and he feels like a hero because he got to help you and saeran today 

“im not called god 7 for no reason” 

you smack him and just hug him

unknown

you were sitting on the bed with him and bad memories that cause anxiety hit

you normally try to handle it on your own away from him because he needs more help in you mind

but you just cant stop it 

you and shaking badly trying to get the thoughts to go away 

you hold your head desperate to calm down and rock

at this point he notices and knows whats going on and he pulls you close rocking 

“hey you should tell me you go through it too i can help you like you help me…”

you just hug him and he hums slightly playing with your hair

its the most relaxing sound you’ve heard and you quickly calm down

“so what caused it?”

“i remembered what we went through to both be here where we are now”

he just looks sad and understanding now realizing it scarred you too

later he gets you flowers 

v

you have one dark thought and you jump straight to the thought that you are becoming rika

this of course freaks you out and anxiety comes to say hi and try to spend the night

not today satan

your mind goes through all the ways you could possibly be rika 

you curl up freaking out shaking and crying wanting to stay away from v so he doesnt find out you are “rika v2.o”

its too late 

he rushes to you trying to see if you are ok 

when you tell him you are worried you are gonna become rike he gives you this long talk about how you are nothing like her

hes just sitting next to you and he tells you to talk about your favorite subject to calm down

you choose art and he and you just chat about it for ages till you realize you are calm 

you tell him hes fucking magic 

“no haha i just did research”

you give him a smooch and say no you are fucking magic and he just laughs nodding 

i hope this is ok? its like 4 in the morning and ive been suffering from con depression all day and plus i havent done an imagine in A G E S sorry for that writers block is a bitch

[alrangerz]

Does this work? (Sorry about the format)

“Amélie, are you sure you can scale this building without being caught? There are over 48 cameras…I just don’t know how I feel about this.” I say, grazing my thumb over my lips as, I often do when I’m thinking.

“Oui, oui, yes. Can we just skip to the post-planning sex, please? You know I don’t like being made to wait.” Amélie frowns slightly as she grabs my hand to pull me closer.

“Darlin’, you know we don’t celebrate until after we’re sure that our plan is guaranteed to be a success.” I say, shaking my head at Amélie.

“Yeah right. When has a plan ever gone wrong for us.” Amélie argues, trying to pull me close again.

“That’s the kind of thinking that causes shit to go wrong. Let’s just go over it one more time so we are sure we get it right.” I say, wrapping my arms around her neck.

“Je veux juste être baisée putain,” Amélie sighs in frustration.

“Now darlin, you know I’m a sucker for french and I get the gist of what you just said, but I don’t think I like your tone.” I say, slowly dragging my hands up her thighs.

“‘Make me pay for it then, my love.” Amélie says, laying back on the table, pushing our planning and sketches to the side.

“Oh I plan on it.” I whisper, crawling on top of Amélie and kissing a trail up her stomach.

“Hey Boss! Ya have a visitor. I don’t think it can wait.” One of my shitty goons shouts, knocking on my door, totally ruining the fucking mood. 

“It. Can. Wait,” I growl against Amélie’s neck.

Amélie digs her nails into the back of my neck and I have to hold back a moan. She knows how much I love how rough she gets when she’s turned on.

“Gee Boss, man I dunno. This chick looks like your clone or something. But like younger I guess? This is really trippy for me. Am I tripping right now?” Idiot goon replies and I sigh because I really fucking thought he could take a fucking hint..

“You have a girl looking for you? A clone? Should I be jealous?’ Amélie jokingly pushes my face back with a raised brow.

“She said she’s lifelong friends with B.O.B and wants to talk, but maybe it can wait til later.” Idiot goon says and God, what does it take to be able to get some action around here?

I roll my eyes and grumpily rub my temple. A younger clone of me who is a lifelong friend of B.O.B? What the everloving fuck? I guess we stole a bad shipment of drugs, because that is the craziest shit I’ve ever heard one of my crew say. B.O.B doesn’t even have any friends other than the Deadlock Gang.

The only other people he’s ever really known are -

My neck starts  burning with a prickly sensation and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

Holy Shit.

No way… This can’t be true. She can’t be here, surely? Didn’t she live all the way in the north east? Possibly even Europe?

“Very well. Give me a minute.” I reply.

“She’ll be with ya in just a minute.” Idiot goon says to our guest and I hear a sassy “Yeah, so I heard” in reply.

“Mon Chéri are you okay? You look so pale, what’s wrong?” Amélie asks, stroking both of my cheeks at the same time.

“It looks like a mistake of the past has caught up with me. I’ll explain to you later tonight? Okay?” I say as I straighten up my hair and my clothes.

“Oui, of course.” Amélie says and I can see that she’s still studying my face.

I take a deep breath as I reach forward to open the door. For some reason I feel incredibly nervous, which is not like me at all. Holding the door open for Amélie, I let her walk out first and she gasps in shock as she takes a look at our special guest.

“Quoi?” I hear Amélie whisper and she looks back at me, understandably confused but I just can’t make eye contact with her. I’m feeling embarrassed and guilty which again isn’t like me at all.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I raise a hand bye to Amélie and she gives me a sad sort of smile and I feel even worse than I did in the first place.

“Hey kid. How did you get here?” I ask. Might as well just get it all over and done with.

“I took the midnight train going anywhere and just ended up here.” This kid says sarcastically and I have to hold back a laugh.

“I guess you want to know everything right? Why I did it, if I regret it, if it was hard to do, et cetera et cetera?” I ask her, looking at her for the first time and holy shit, she really does look like my twin. She has his eyes though. And his color too. She’s definitely a looker.

“You hit the jackpot, Sherlock.” Mini me says and I’ve had about enough of her sass.

“Listen here kid, if you knew who I was, you wouldn’t be talking like that. I’d watch it if I were you.” I warn her and fuck I need a drink.

“I have a name. It’s Delilah. And I know exactly who you are - you’re the leader of a shitty gang with nothing better to do, right?” Delilah says and I must admit, I do admire the balls this kid has.

“Now look,” I say, holding back a smile, “You’re not wrong. But if you weren’t you, I’d have killed you for that talk.”

“Then why don’t you?” Delilah asks.

“Because I at least owe you an explanation, first.” I sigh. “Come on kid, let’s head to the bar.”

“But I’m 17… they won’t let me in.” Delilah says, still following me regardless.

“Shit kid, they will if you’re with me. Don’t worry about it.” 

BREAK

The door jingles as we walk into the somewhat busy bar and I can see feel the stare of multiple looks towards us.

“Leave.” I say and chairs scramble as they take the hint.

Luckily B.O.B is our bartender and he starts happily clapping his hands when he sees Delilah. She runs up to hug him and he spins her around in a circle, just like he did with me when I was young.

“You want a drink, kid?” I ask.

“Can I get a shot of Jack?” Delilah asks. I’m pretty sure she’s testing to see if I’ll stop her from drinking alcohol but honestly I really don’t care. B.O.B looks for my reaction so I just I shrug my shoulders.

“Sure,” I say, not letting her know it’s my favorite drink.

We both take a shot and I’m actually surprised at how well she takes it. The burning sensation is a welcoming feeling and I wave at B.O.B for another.

“We are going to be here a while so let’s get B.O.B to cook you something up. Does a burger sound good to you?” I ask Delilah and she nods her head happily. 

“A burger sounds great to me.” Delilah says. “B.O.B’s a great cook. My parents loved when he came to visit.”

Taking the second shot, I rub my temple, confused on where to start. Like surely this kid hates me. Surely she wants nothing to do with me. So why is she here? Why am I so uncomfortable with all of this?

“Look kid. I understand you want to know everything, I do. But how did you get here? How did you find me? How did you even know I was your… you know ” I ask, because honestly how does a 17 year old kid get through all my security and half a fucking desert too.

“I was hoping you would ask that.” Delilah says, clapping her hands together.

“So basically I’ve always wondered who my ‘birth giver’ was. None of my friends in school knew I was adopted and there was this one time when we were all in the cafeteria at lunch. There was a breaking news story on all of the TVs about the most successful heist in history and people were shocked because the leader of the gang who pulled it off was a woman. Not just anyone, but a ‘beautiful’ woman who had the face of an angel but the heart of a devil.” Delilah says.

“Sounds familiar. Carry on.” I smirk.

“So my friends and I start to pay attention, cause we are like ‘wow, who is this chick, she sounds badass’, right? And then next thing I know, they show your wanted posted and my insides froze and I’m like ‘holy shit, that lady looks a lot like me’ and I think I’m crazy, but my friend Casey is like ‘Oh my god Delilah, is that like your evil aunt or something? Were you adopted?’ And we all laughed but inside I was freaking the fuck out.” Delilah continues.

“Understandable.” I agree.

“I go home and my parents are acting kind of odd, but everyone has their bad days right? I try to forget about it, but then I remember them telling me when I was younger that my birth giver had a troubled life and that they didn’t want to bring an innocent life into that.” Delilah says, looking at me questioningly.

“That’s kind of true I guess.” I say with a shrug.

“Right! So I forget about it for a while, I start to move on and then we get a surprise visit from B.O.B.” Delilah says smiling at B.O.B, who gives her a happy ‘that’s me!’ wave.

“I was so happy to see him again. I’ve loved him since I was a kid. This time I noticed he had a symbol on his body that I recognized… and I couldn’t work out where. But then I realized it was the symbol from that gang that that me lookalike was in. A crazy coincidence right?” Delilah asks.

“Ain’t it just?” I reply.

“I’m not proud of this next part, but here goes. I ask B.O.B if he would be okay with me looking into his gear so I could see how he works, because I’m super interested in engineering. He was more than happy to take part. But what I really wanted to do was scan through his memories and see if I could catch a glimpse of you. It worked. I was able to search through a folder with my name on it, I clicked on the very first file and I saw you, shortly after you had given birth to me. You said ‘it’s okay B.O.B, don’t cry, I’ll let you stay in contact with her if you really want’’ and cause it was from B.O.B’s point of view, he looked down and I saw he was cradling me as a newborn.” Delilah smiles sadly. “I’m sorry for hacking and violating you, B.O.B.”

B.O.B tilts his head to the side, studying Delilah’s face and then shrugs. He’s loved that kid since the day she was born, I doubt she could do anything to upset him. Hell, if he’s put up with half the shit that I’ve put him through, then I’m sure he’s very happy with her indeed.

“Damn kid, that’s kind of wild. I’m sorry you had to find out that way. Honestly I was hoping that you never would. I didn’t want to be another disappointment to someone.” I tell her honestly.

“Disappointment? This is the most badass thing to ever happen in my life. It’s awesome!” Delilah laughs.

“Delilah. You seem like a smart kid. I hope you realize this isn’t going to be a super happy ending where I cry and tell you I’ve loved you all along. Cause the harsh truth is I’ve never really loved anyone. I don’t know how to.” I admit.

Even with Amélie, I don’t ever really tell her I love her. It’s just not me.

I expect to see a frown or maybe even a look of anger or betrayal on Delilah’s face but I’m a little shocked when I see a small smile.

“I’ve known that for a long time. The fact that I never had any letters or contact from you kind of made that clear. I just want to know my backstory. Like, if you never loved me, why didn’t you just get rid of me?” Delilah asks, twiddling her thumbs.

“I hardly even know that myself, kid.” I sigh.

And it’s true.

Getting knocked up and going through with the pregnancy was the most ‘unlike-me’ thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve spent half of my life trying to forget it.

“I guess it’s because I wanted to see how my life could have been if I was actually loved as a kid. By people who actually wanted a family, people who were actually there for you.” I admit. “It’s all kind of selfish really. I didn’t even stick around to see if you were happy in the end. You are, right?”

“As happy as someone who was adopted could be, I guess! My parents really do love me. I couldn’t ask for anyone better. They totally supported me coming here. I didn’t tell them how dangerous it was of course but they were actually happy for me.” Delilah says.

“That’s good to hear I guess.” I say. “So, what next? I’ll be as honest as I can.”

I’m pretty sure I know what she’s going to say. It’s still a sore subject for me but I don’t really care anymore.

“Who was my dad? What was he like? If he’s who I think he is, why isn’t he around anymore?” Delilah asks, confirming my suspicions were correct.

“Gee, kid. Might as well get the nail out of the coffin.” I groan. “Jesse McCree… god that man really knew how to get under my skin. He betrayed us all in the end, so naturally he’s on my kill list.” I say and Delilah laughs, thinking I’m joking. 

“We met when we were both teenagers. We had a love hate type of relationship. He was the first human to ever show me genuine affection that wasn’t based on fear. We were invincible. A stunt had never gone wrong for us. We were sought after by everyone - enemies, the law force, criminals who wanted us to join them, the lot. Our egos had never been bigger.” I say.

“Sounds fun.” Delilah comments and I nod my head.

“It was. We did so many wild things. I miss the impulsiveness of it all, really. Eventually I found out I was knocked up. Deep down I knew Jesse would have been happy, but that just wasn’t our life. I left the gang for a year, telling them I was travelling with B.O.B to get him an upgrade that would make him invincible. They believed me and I was so relieved.” I admit.

“I traveled to the east coast, as far away from our base as I could go. I think I ended up in New York. I had been looking around online for families looking for kids. Some I was skeptical about, but then I saw a posting by your parents. A teacher and a dentist who couldn’t conceive naturally. They had mentioned that they would give all of their savings to whoever would give them a child. Eventually I met them and I actually really liked them, which said a lot considering how much I hate people in general. They gave me my space, let me stay with them for a while and even offered me to stay after the kid was born. I left as soon as I could though.”

B.O.B walks over with our lunch and gives Delilah a milkshake to go with it. He brings me a jack and coke and I nod my head as a thanks.

“Thanks, B.O.B, you’re the best.” Delilah says, happily tucking into her food.

“All the way up until I gave birth, I wondered if I’d change the way I felt about the baby growing inside me. Like I said, I had never grown up with affection, praise or even the slightest bit of human attention. My parents were never home and B.O.B is the closest thing to a parent I ever had. Don’t get me wrong. When you were born, I was happy you were healthy, but honestly I just wanted to get you to your family and leave. I was never meant to be a mother. It’s nothing I’ve ever dreamed or thought about. Even now and I’m almost 40. So I’m sorry about that, I guess.” I admit avoiding eye contact with Delilah again.

Delilah has a mouth full of food, so I take advantage of her silence by continuing on with my story.

“Back to your dad - McCree. Honestly he wasn’t a bad guy. Don’t get me wrong, he betrayed us and he’s going to pay hell for that. But Jesse McCree was a better person than I ever will be. And it fucking kills me to say that.” I say, hating myself for even mentioning it.

“Does he know about me?” Delilah asks.

“Yes. He always had his suspicions and could tell something happened during that year I was away. He found out during a fight. I couldn’t take the guilt of keeping it quiet anymore. He cried when he found out and he was pissed off he didn’t get a say, but he knew it wouldn’t change anything. He knew we weren’t supposed to be together, never mind be parents. He wanted to meet you and I forbid him until you, if ever, made an attempt to contact us. I didn’t even know if you were still in New York or not, because I told your parents to use those savings to move out of the country. I knew my past could come back to haunt me and I didn’t want an innocent kid to get hurt because of me. Whether they moved or not, I don’t know.” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

“They did. We lived in England for 3 years but then moved back to New York before I started school. They loved the city too much.” Delilah explains.

“It’s better if no one ever knows about you. You’d be targeted and they’d go for your parents too. Does anyone else know about us?” I ask.

“Other than my parents? No. But I’m pretty sure your gang knows too. That guy earlier seems to have worked it out.” Delilah says.

“I’m just going to tell him he had a bad trip. And to never talk about this again. He might be dumb but he’s not dumb enough to blab about my personal life. None of my gang are.” I say.

“Wow, you’re such a good role model.” Delilah smirks sarcastically and I’m reminded of myself as a rude teenager.

“Well you definitely got my sass, kid. God your sperm donor would kill to see that.” I say, downing my final shot of the night.

“Gross. Don’t say it like that.” Delilah says.

“Well it’s true. That’s all he is to me. And even that is saying too much. When you’re older you’ll learn that men are more trouble than they are worth.” I warn Delilah.

“Thanks for the heads up. Luckily all I’m focusing on right now, apart from finding out about you, is school work right now. I have chance of getting accepted into Harvard and I want to take that chance.” Delilah says, stretching and cracking her fingers.

“Shit, Harvard, really? God my parents would have loved you.” I say, slightly impressed with how bright Delilah is.

“Yeah. Do you think if I tell them my birth giver is the most wanted female in the continent, they’ll give me a scholarship out of fear?” Delilah jokes and laughter escapes my lips, making me spill my beer.

“Shit kid, that could work. It would be the least I could do for ya.” I say, smiling and shaking my head.

“Nah, I’m totally kidding. I don’t want people to know about us anyway. I don’t want anything to happen to my parents.” Delilah says and I feel slightly bad about scaring her, but it’s better for her to know the truth.

“Good choice kid, good choice.” I sigh. “Look hun, it’s too dangerous for you to stay here long, but you can stay the night if you want. Have you ever shot a gun before?”

“A gun? Hell no.” Delilah says, looking confused.

“Yeah, a gun. Tell you what. How about this… you stay here for a night, tomorrow I teach ya how to shoot and then B.O.B will take you home after we are done.” I say.

“That actually sounds perfect.” Delilah smiles.

“And uh… look kid. If you wanna stay in contact and you want to meet your sperm donor, it’s best if all of our contact is done through B.O.B. We are less likely to be tracked that way.” I say.

“That would really mean a lot. Thank you.” Delilah says happily.

BREAK

It’s 15 minutes past midnight by the time I make it to my room. Man, my head fucking aches. What a day. I’m about to take off my clothes for the night when I hear a familiar tap on my window.

“Hey.” I smile sadly as I pull the window open for Amélie. “You could have come through the front door.”

“I didn’t want to make things weird for your daughter.” Amélie says.

“How did you know?” I ask.

“Because, mon Chérie, I am not an idiot and she is beautiful just like you.” Amélie says, straddling me as she pushes me into the bed.

“You don’t have to tell me everything now. Is she staying? Is she okay?” Amélie asks and I’m just so glad she’s not mad at me for never telling her about this.

“Thank you for not hating me for keeping this quiet. Honestly I  never thought I’d actually meet her and I was okay with that. But meeting her has been… surreal. I don’t like kids and never have. But she’s a teenager and so mature. I can’t explain it. I see so much of me in her. She’s becoming everything I dreamed of being as a kid.” I admit. “She’s staying for a little tomorrow. I’m gonna teach her how to shoot and then she’s leaving. B.O.B is going to go with her.”

“Whats her name?” Amélie asks, stroking my lip with her thumb.

“Delilah. I didn’t name her though. This is the first time I’ve seen her since the day she was born.” I say, pulling Amelie’s hand away to trail kisses up her arm.

“Pretty name for a pretty girl. Are you going to miss her?” Amélie asks, eyebrow raised as she studies my face.

“Honestly? I don’t think so. If anything it makes me hate my parents even more for never allowing me to experience love as a kid. It makes me mad that I never got to love or care for her. But she does have a family who loves her plenty so that makes me feel better. And I doubt I would have ever met you if my family actually cared, so I guess all that neglect was worthwhile.” I say, laying back on the bed, pulling Amélie with me.

“I’m glad you’re dealing with it all so well. I was worried earlier.” Amélie said, taking off my tie and unbuttoning my shirt.

“Now worrying about me is something you never need to do, darlin’. I can take care of myself, believe it or not.” I tease.

“I know, I know. It’s just that I had never seen you look scared or worried before. It didn’t feel right.” Amélie says.

“I wasn’t scared. I was nervous.” I say, avoiding eye contact again.

“Same thing.” Amélie says, pulling my face to meet hers, leaving small kisses along my jawline.

“Whatever.” I roll my eyes. “What do you say we start where we got up to earlier? We just have to be quiet tonight.”

“I like that idea very much.”