#ive only done one we'd in my life i swear

[landos-meat-rider]

1999, part one

ok. this is my very first fic and the first time ive done any creative writing that isnt for a gcse english writing exam. this is part one of a mini series called "1999" (inspired by beabadoobee's song). im literally making it up as i go😍🙏.

please lmk what you think: should i scrap it or keep going? anything i should change?

and maybe repost if you feel extra generous :))

warnings: none!

conrad fisher masterlist

masterlist

     ༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

Summer had always been a time Belly, Steven and I had looked forward to. Sure Christmas and Easter were beautiful and memorable, but there was something about spending our summer at Cousins Beach. We'd been doing it ever since we can remember. For a whole three months, the Conklins and the Fishers did everything together. It was like while the rest of our year was shit, summer was always there to turn it around. We watched fireworks together, surfed, barbequed, and pulled all-nighters out in the backyard in tents pretending we were far away from our parents in some other country when in reality they were only a few feet away drinking wine and talking. We spent every waking hour together for those three months. And now that we’re all older, we party together.

After Belly and I turned sixteen we started seeing the boys in a different light. It was like they were the same boys we’ve known all our lives but somehow different. 

Steven would make fun of us for what seemed like years on the car ride to Cousins whenever he heard us giggling and whispering about how Belly and Jeremiah were destined to be since he posted a reel with her favourite song (he can't even remember her favourite colour for the life of him). But whenever she’d ask me about Conrad I’d shake my head and blush trying to convince her I didn’t like him like that.

Conrad was…complicated. He was gorgeous and tall and perfect and way out of my league. Hell, he probably saw me as a sister to him and nothing more. I had seen him go through girls year after next and had slowly started to lose hope of there being an ‘us’ anyway.

My thoughts get interrupted by yet another loud sigh by Steven. I swear if I don't end up strangling him by the time we get there…

“I’m boredddd”, Steven sighs.

“Steven that's your tenth consecutive ‘I’m bored’  in a row, can’t you think of anything else to say?” Belly all but yells at him.

He lets out another sigh before I wack the side of his head from the backseat.

“Hey!” he yells out trying to get me back from the passenger seat while Belly laughs and starts recording the moment on her phone.

“Alright, kids can we dial down on the domestic abuse, please? I’d like to go at least a few hours before having to swallow another paracetamol from your headaches.”, Mom says obviously getting fed up with us.

Instead of arguing back I try and shut Steven up by asking him questions.

“So Stevie,” I start, giggling as he annoyingly groans at the nickname Belly, Taylor and I made up for him, “what are you…most excited for this summer?” I ask making up the question off the top of my head.

Steven thinks for a minute before answering, “Surfing for sure.” He nods.

“Drinking wine with Susannah.”, says Mom smiling at the thought of her best friend.

“Fourth of July.”, says Belly.

“You sure you’re not most excited to see Jere?” I nudge her with my elbow as she squeals and looks away.

“What about you honey, what are you most excited for?” Mom asks, looking at me through her rearview mirror.

“The bonfire.” I say, smiling.

I’ve always loved the bonfire. Everything about it, it's always such a vibe. The kegs, the fire, the songs, the smores. It's always been my favourite part of the summer.

Until this summer, when I brought my boyfriend to Cousins.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

“You guys ready for the bonfire, should we go down?” Conrad asks as he enters the living room. I look up at him from my position with Belly on the couch. God, I’d forgotten how pretty he was.

Conrad comes behind the couch and wraps his arms around my neck giving me a slight hug before pulling away, “I missed you.” he says looking down at me.

Before I can reply Steven speaks up, “Aw Connie, no worries man I’m here now,” he says smiling enthusiastically as he pulls Conrad towards the door by his shoulders while everyone laughs at his misunderstanding.

Conrad looks at me expectantly and takes out a small box from his pocket.

“Let's go, man,” Steven says to Conrad before pulling on him again, “I wanna show you this really cool trick I learned the other day…” He drones on as Conrad’s eyebrows furrow and he looks back at me, “Aren’t you coming?” he asks pointing at me questioningly.

I give him a sad smile before responding, “I’ll join you guys later, I’m gonna wait here for Dean he should be here soon.”

Just when I thought they couldn’t, Conrad’s eyebrows furrowed deeper.

“Who’s Dean?”

“Oh didn’t we tell you?,” Belly responds, “Y/n has a boyfriend.”

Conrad and Jeremiah’s faces were a sight to see. Eyes wide, mouths agape and eyebrows straight up, staring at me as if I had told them I got my eyeballs tattooed.

“Okay, you don't have to be that surprised…ouch.” I wince.

Conrad and Jeremiah straighten up and Jeremiah looks at me and smiles before saying, “No, no that’s…uhm that’s great Y/n.” He looks at Conrad halfway through his sentence as Conrad looks down at his feet and puts the box he was holding, in his pocket before turning to Steven and talking to him about setting the keg up for the bonfire and walking out the door without sparing a glance to me.

“That was weird.” I say to Belly as she leans in to give me a hug,

“Totally. What’s his deal?” she responds.

“Beats me.” I shrug before yelling “Have fun! Use protection!” out behind her and Jeremiah before Belly turns her head around and flips me off which just makes me and Jeremiah laugh harder.

I sigh and turn the tv on. With Mom, Susanna and everyone going out, I was the only one left to wait for Dean. I wonder how long he’ll be, I can’t wait to go to the bonfire. Luckily I got a text from him just as I decided on watching Gilmore Girls.

'hey, i'll be there in five :)'

whew that’s part one done! here’s part two!!

1999, part two

[vicky-shitposts]

my mind makes noises

20th Feb 2021,

last night i had a weird dream. im a big fan of Primeval and since i was young, Abby and Connor have been one of my top OTPs. late last year i binged the whole series, start to finish. in my dream last night i can remember being chased across the green of a park, by some tough guys i think?? i distinctly remember checking my phone and i had done 11,000 steps. then Abby pulls up in her car and i hop in, and we speed away to safety down a highway. we stop off at a gas station for some snacks, then catch up with Connor at an office block. it's dark out, and we're being chased around. crawling through air vents and looking round corners. something must have come through an anomaly, or we'd upset the guy in charge. i remember a man in a suit too.

i actually found the energy to get washed and dressed when i woke up. but when i did wake up, i didn't feel so good. physically fine but mentally not. i feel down, sad and terrible but for no apparent reason. i hate it when this happens, and it happens too often. im sat wearing the Pale Waves tshirt dad got me for my 18th, listening to their All The Things I Never Said EP. dad loved Pale Waves and we even went to see them together. i think that was the day that his illness really sunk in for me, and was the last day we really went out and spent together before he had a rapid decline. for the longest time it was so painful listening to them, because it just reminded me of better and happier times. i didn't want to listen to their new album because i was scared i would break down crying. but now Who Am I? has charted in the top 3, which is incredible for only their second album. im so proud of them and i know that dad would be too. i think after this EP, im going to listen to their first album while i do some more reading. i feel like i owe it to my dad and is the least i can do. maybe i feel so sad because i miss him so much: "i swear that i'll never stop loving you, and i'll die by your side if you want me to" <3

i can see why a Pale Waves stan i know of loves Drive so much. i wish i could load myself into a car and drive off into the night, company by my side, either shouting along to music or in dead-but-comfortable silence. the last song kind of got me and just added to the aura im feeling. "i wonder what it's like to die", me too. a wonder on my mind constantly since i was 11, ran through my hands twice. Adam Ant said that Kurt Cobain was brave for killing himself, a sentiment i think about often; Clara saying "let me be brave" suddenly has an entirely new meaning. i think today is Kurt's birthday too, so happy birthday man. i hope you're having a party up there with everyone i love. my album listening session was heavily interrupted when i was asked what i wanted from the shops, as mum's bf was going to get stuff. can a girl never find peace?? apparently not in reality or mentally.

something just happened to me. there i was making my lunch, watching the first episode of Ealing Comedies - a series REG did on films he loves - and the intro of episode one is running. he's telling us what's going on, and has some clips from all three episodes. and out of nowhere, i see REG sat next to Peter Capaldi. Peter is one of my heroes and favourite people ever, his Doctor has taught me so much and is my blueprint. every time i see him i cry. but not this time. instead i let out the most high pitched squeal, collapsed to my knees and started shaking, looking at the tv with so much awe and love. before me were arguably my two favourite men sat together and i didn't anticipate or expect it. it took me by such shock and is all im going to think about for the rest of today. i also had an idea for a Withnail And I-esque film, of two people bunking together but not by choice. one is straight and every archetype of a cis, straight person, constantly giving passing comments of abuse to their flatmate who's as gay, queer, non confirming as they come. both want different things in life and are two opposite ends of the same spectrum. only to discover the "anti gay" was actually gay this whole time, and was deathly scared of themselves and their truth. i also have a bag of cashews to devour now, so some faith has been restored to my world. but not much, mind you.

left my house at 4.11 pm for a walk, didn't get back until about 5.30 pm. it was incredible. as i walked to Sturmer traversing squelchy mud, Hyperspace - Beck was playing in my ears. it's one of my favourite and one of the most important albums to me, i only listen to it on special occasions. felt a little sad listening to it and it reminded me of better times with G/R/E but that's okay. i really do miss them. i sat on a log for 15 minutes and let the album finish; then i sprung into action, found a big stick to use as a walking stick, and walked home through sturmer listening to the Withnail And I soundtrack. there was something so beautiful and liberating about listening to it while walking through a village, all by myself, sun setting behind me. i felt genuinely happy. i felt like i was in the film, at Crow Crag myself, walking in their footsteps. luckily there was no randy bull or chicken to kill for supper. just beautiful music that adorned a huge smile over my heart.

today has been a day of firsts for me, as it's also been the first day ive almost cried while taking the wrapper off a dvd. i just got done watching Logan, and i don't normally care about marvel, but i was actually invested in and really enjoyed it. but before anyone had uttered a word i was almost in tears, because i felt guilty unwrapping it. my dad got it and i presume he wanted to see it at some point. sadly he never got the chance. i only wanted to watch it purely because REG was in it, and i really wish he could have sat and watched it with me. i was also back to hugging my pillow for emotional support too. but the thing that stung the most was (spoiler) that Logan found his daughter, and his daughter watch him die. i may not have been my dad's daughter, but i know what it's like to experience that. i've really been missing him a lot today.