#ive wanted to scribble this for weeks lmao hi

[weirdcat1213]

Its time for the weekly horrors- I mean Trimax vol 3 >:3

The Thoughts:

chap 1:

-AH EVERYTHING IS FALLING

-bro you are about to get into a fight can you stop thinking about your bf for 5 minutes

-fr tho, vash's words making him hesitate/angry is so dcfgjhbkml

-why everyone wants my babygirl dead :c

-now now, comparing someone with their brother isnt a nice thing to do

-oh so now we're not even making an allegory, he actually called him jeesus

-also "your soul is forced to endure the sorrow by the hundreds, suffering by the thousands, and the rage by the hundreds of thousands" im gonna throw up cuz of how that GOOD and PAINFUL that shit is

-the polar opposite of being a human huh...i mean besides something i said weeks ago about how he's further away from humanity more than he would like that point is interesting cuz most of the time we call him someone who is more human than any other person. he carries more pain than any human could endure and definitely has more patience than anyone will ever have but...hm...i want to come back to this

-ww pls dont make me cry today pls honey

-oh im gonna cry

-"your ideals will join you in the grave" i fucking hate thats the reason why we all try to be better people, thanks to that fucking wet cat of a man i cannot deal actually

-MILLIE :D

chap 2:

-i dont have much to say about battles but let it be on the record that I'm enjoying ww's eyes sm

-oh page 38 is cool as hell

-OH SHIT IS THAT HIS FUCKING SPINE????

chap 3:

-ww stop having pretty eyes youre distracting

-meanwhile :3

-ah geesus the body horror (so good but creepy)

-EYES :D

-so many fucking details. nightow got down even the smallest scribbles, as 98 vash would say

-oh right that....thats still upsetting

-i fucking swear people need to leave my son alone

-also fucking hate that he had to SHOOT A BABY even if it was fake

-I FUCKING HATE THIS ACTUALLY

-i can feel his fucking mind breaking i cant do this

chap 4:

-"i cant do this" yet here i am lmao

-i think if vash held me like hes holding that girl a lot of my problems would be resolved ngl

-characters reciting names always get to me :c

-also HA EAT THE PTSD ASSHOLE

-"why are there so many" brad you may want to sit down for this one

-..................i deadass thought "oh the doctor is here" IVE READ THIS BEFORE AND I FELL FOR IT AGAIN

-vash with his hair down :3

-nah hes not gonna kill you BUT HE FUCKING SHOULD

-oh i will kill so many people (vash is bleeding)

-hm. this reminds me of something in houseki no kuni (i wont spoil but maybe ichikawa had trigun as inspo which would be cool af)

chap 5:

-oh im yeeting myself (ww thinks about the children) -ww gives in his anger and fear when punching those weirdass faces but I'm gonna say this once: that doesn't make him weaker or worst. i haven't seen anyone think that of ww, i just feel that when he compares himself to vash he feels that way and i cant stand it :)

-vash i fucking swear-

-oh god the fingers...the fucking fingers...

-oh you are NOT talking to my vash about pain and agony

-OH WAIT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT PANEL OH GOD NO I HATE REREADS WTF

-XD my girls

no wait i need to get back to that. i thought that was emilio's dad not fucking vash himself oh my god I'm sick so sick actually wtfffffffffffff

chap 6:

-is this the chapter with the gays eyes cuz I'm not ready for that-

-oh fuck you nightow. fuck you for putting knives in the title page and the title being "families"

-i want to punch so many things but I'm at work. fuck

-also i forgot about this stampede parallel GOD WHEN DOES MY SUFFERING END

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE GAY EYESSSSSSS

-yeah i agree this is literally the moment. like fuck. fuck actually. fuck what else is there to say.

-fuck

-like hes so fucking terrified that he was afraid for him, what his journey is causing ww, but even if he wanted ww to stay away and safe he knows ww would say fuck off, but also vash would not be able to take it

-THERES SO MUCH FEAR AND LOVE IN THOSE EYES IM GONNA BITE MY HAND

-OH I CANT ACTUALLY WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH WTF

-im so fucking upset cuz the last 3 chapters were basically fights. they were full of energy and shit but now that is over and they are in a rare moment of peace, and everything fucking hits.

-im gonna go outside and step into oncoming traffic

-YES LUIDA MY QUEEN SHUT HIM UP

-WOLFWOOD :D pls never leave me

-i....*implodes*

-i am nothing. i just remembered that.

-OH CMONNNNNN

chap 7

-maybe i dont want to read trimax anymore. maybe a little person like me isn't strong enough for a 2nd round of the pain. with that in mind, lets keep reading :D

-WHERES THE NIGHTOW PUNCHING BAG WHEN YOU NEED IT

-wolfwood what he is it doesnt matter i swear pls cant you just love him?

-:c

-i dont like vash being emotionally attached to stuff cuz that means i have to yell HES LIKE ME FR FR

-oh that....that beautiful panel...amazing

-i think my mind blocked this out because of the previous sad things that happened, so now my brain is allowing me to process more sad things :3

-"i still have so much i must do" and i see i still have many tears to cry out huh?

-ofc wolfwood would ask about redemption

-cant my man show an important part of his past and show vulnerability in front of his friends in peace? damn

-im gonna start bitting my glasses

-GAY MOMENT PART 2 INCOMING

-luida pls i want to stop crying

-oh wolfwood honey....you just fell so hard for my man didnt ya

-i just realized the chapter is called "life as a" and I THINK the idea is to complete it with "life as a 'vash the stampede'" cuz he's not human

OK GREAT NOW I CAN RUN TO THE WASHROOM AND FUCKING CRY :D

[todayisafridaynight]

taste

[strawberry-jammers]

My melody (pt 2)

a ghostbur x reader in which you get injured and a friendly ghost is there to help

part 1 part 2 part 3

longer than the last one lmao also unedited

The ghost whent over and handed me some blue dye. All i could do was stare at the familier face, the face that resembled the old, dead, president. Yet it didnt at the same time. It was so much softer, kinder in a way. Yet it held some sort of emotion behind those white eyes that couldnt be seen.

It wasnt insanity like old wilbur.

"Please take the blue, you seem sad." I looked down at this grey-ish hands. The blue dye sat, turning his hands blue the longer he held it.

I took it, slightly confused at the whole situation.

"Um, who are you?" I asked, he smiled brightly. "Im ghostbur!! Your (y/n) right?? I remember you, alivebur liked you a lot. Tho I cant remember much, which is weird sense you dont seem to bring sad memorus." I looked at the blue instead of the ghost.

I didnt have many happy memorys of Wilbur.

The ghost kept smiling. "Say, why are you in bed? Its daytime you know." I looked back at him. "Oh, i got injured, so im in bed healing." The ghost grabbed more blue from his pockets. "Here have some blue!" He put it in my hands. "Um, ghostbur i have no where to put this..." He shoke his head. "You dont keep it, you throw it away! You hold the blue, it sucks up all your sadness, and then you threw it away, taking the sadness with it!" I nodded. "Cool cool, one problem, I cant get out of bed." He nodded, understanding the problem. He looked around, looking for something to help.

He ran over to an empty box in the corner,  grabbing it and pulling out a pen out of his endless pocket. Scribbling on it, he runs back, showing me the box.

It says 'sadness'. "Here, you can throw the blue in here, and when your better, you can throw it out!" I nodded, putting the blue in the box. The ghost closed it, putting it on the floor next to the bed. "There! Now you can feel better!" I smiled. "Yeah."

"Anyways, i better get going! Im running out of invis pots and need to make more. It was nice seeing you (y/n)!!!" I smiled. "It was nice meeting you ghostbur." I waved, watching the ghost leave, closing the door behind him.

He came over everyday after that. Giving me blue at random, and telling me about what someone did that day.

It was cute really. He got excited over the most mudain things.

"Then Tommy punched him, it wasnt very nice of him, but he said he was a wrongen so its okay." I chuckled, knowing Tommy just said that to not get in trouble. "What else did he do?"

Ghostbur loved telling me storys. Most of them where just about him makimg invis potions, or trying to hang out with fundy, but i loved Them all. He had an enthusiasm that i missed. Something that was missing after lmanburg gained independance.

"(Y/n), whos been taking care of you? Making sure you get all healthy and stuff?" Ghostbur asks, siting beside me in my big ass bed. "Oh, Phil and niki. They usually come by early in the morning." He nodds. "I havnt seen niki, is she doing okay?" I nodded. "Shes like everyone else I guess. They seem to just be focusing on building lmanburg again."

"Theyve been doing a really good job, it looks beautiful." I nodded. "Wish i could see it." Ghostbur looked at me. "Have some blue have some blue. Wait, didnt you say you might get to walk soon?" I nodded, putting the blue in the sad box. "Yeah, but honestly my burns still hurt like hell. Idk if im up for it." Ghostbur shook his head, getting up swiftly.

I looked at him curiously as he walked over twords me. "Come on." He says softly, grabbing my good hand. His hands where cold as ice. Didnt know ghosts actually where cold.

I followed him, slowly getting up from my bed, wobbling in the process. "Hey ive got you." Nodded, I fully stood up. "We're gonna walk now. Hold onto me okay?" Ive never seen ghostbur like this. Naive yes, cheery yes, but never...serious? I dont know, normally he doesnt know whats going on.

I took a step forward, my legs having fallen asleep slightly. They still hurt, the burns still hot even after a few months.

We did this for awhile, getting used to walking again.

"Hey you did it! Do you think your up for going to lmanburg?" Ghostbur says, still holding me up. "Yeah, Lemme change real quick tho."

"Yeah but...you might fall." I chuckled slightly. "Im glad your worried, but i need to change. Ive been in the same cloths for weeks." He nodded, slowly letting me go. I wobble slightly at the loss of stability. "Ive got this."

I take one step twords my dresser,

Falling imidietly.

"Are you okay??" Ghostbur says, running twords my side quickly. "Yeah im good, just an idiot hehe." He shook his head. "No, your not an idiot. Can you stand?" I nodded. Ghosbur helped me to my feet.

"Help me to the dresser." I ask, chuckling nervously. He nodded, helping me walk to get cloths. "Didnt think it would be this hard to walk." I say, grabbing out something to wear. "I mean, you did hurt both your legs..." Ghostbur says, grabbing some blue and floating around the room.

"Yeah, and i havnt been using them for a month or two. Its just gonna be hard to reagust i guess..." I put the cloths I picked on the bed and looked at ghostbur. "Hey bur, can you leave the room so i can change real quick?" Ghostbur nodded, happily exsiting the room so i can change.

Putting on some old cloths i used to wear before the wars, i finish up and look at the box of sadness that was on the floor next to my bed. Ghostbur said he wanted to do something with it when I got better.

Knock kncok. "May I come in?" Ghostbur asks, standing on the other side of the door. The ghost walks in, immediatly gushing about my outfit. "Aww you look so cute!! The overalls and sweater combo really works for you!" I smile at the ghostly man. "Thanks. Say, didnt you want to do something with this when i got better?" I say, holding up the box. Ghostbur nodded. "We're gonna throw all your sadness away! Come on, lets go see lmanburg and throw out the sadness." The ghost grabs the box, and helps me out the door.

Exiting that old home felt like bliss. Something i never new i missed in these last months. To lmanburg then.

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

Some art from over the course of the school week (Scribbled out the oc/friend stuff with no context lol)(uh I’m still getting used to drawing traditional so excuse a lot of this lookin janky lmao)

Also drew concept art for a idea Ive been thinking about lately: 😳👇

(Smh Snatcher really did just blast a tree in half bc he didn’t want mjs house to be bigger/the same size than his huh lmao)

[marveloussupernerd]

I really enjoyed the way you wrote that Jumin Han ANGST my friend and if you don't mind I would very much like to request more ANGSTTT but with Seven because he is the CEO of ANGST FOR NO REASON. Be as creative as you want with it, you're the author! I was thinking something like MC getting seriously hurt/shot?? by someone who's after Seven from his agency work, or something less *deadly* like MC drunk and cheating/kissing another RFA member. Either way, I know I'll love what you come up with!

Hi bb! Sorry you’ve been waiting for this for like WEEKS but I was NOT in an angst vibe LMAO. But after I’ve brainstormed I’m v excited to write this. If ppl don’t like angst / want to see a resolution maybe request a pt 2 ? 🥺

Bullet Wound - Seven

Warnings: violence (shooting), medical stuff (surgery, injury), argument, spoilers for Seven’s real name !!

Summary: Seven’s company was not very happy that he betrayed them. Neither of you has thought it was a problem anymore. You were wrong. Seven feels responsible for you getting hurt

You held his hand, swinging it as you walked. “I had a lot of fun today,” you told him, smiling as you glanced at him, then down at your entwined hands, his golden wedding band shining in the sunlight.

“Me too! I can’t believe you had never had fish-shaped buns before today,” he mentioned, feigning shock.

You laughed. “They were very good. But honestly, I hadn’t even heard of them until the RFA talked about them.”

He sighed. “Who would believe my wife was so boring before she met me?”

You used your shoulder to ram into his side slightly, pushing him off his path slightly. He simply laughed. “What do you wanna do when we get home?”

“Hmmm...” you thought aloud, “nap. Cuddle. I’m exhausted.”

“You shouldn’t have stayed up all night with me when I was doing my work,” he pouted.

You shrugged. “What can I say? I can’t sleep without my husband by my side.”

He stopped for a second, halting you with him and pulling your hand slightly to turn you towards him. He had that goofy, fond smile you loved so much. “You’re so cute. I love you.” His voice was firm, full of meaning, as though nobody could deny it.

You couldn’t hide your grin, turning back on track and pulling him along with you. “I love you t-“

A deafening noise. It made you jump. “What the hell was that?” Seven exclaimed.

You looked around, trying to find the origin of the sound. And then you felt it; fire in your body. In your back. You placed a hand on it and flinched from the pain, blood slicking your hand. “Saeyoung,” you uttered out, the shock evident in your voice. “I think we need to run.”

He turned to look at where you were glancing, and then saw your hand. “Shit!” He exclaimed. Without hesitation, he swung you into his arms. “Hold on tight and stay with me, Babe.” He started running toward his babe car.

He threw the door open, setting you down gently in the seat. He buckled you up, hand pulling the lever to move the seat upright. “Ow!” You hissed in pain from the contact of the chair against your wound.

He shut the door and headed to his side, climbing in and driving off without even buckling his seatbelt. “I know it hurts but that’ll help keep some pressure on it. I’m driving to the ER as fast I can, so just hold on.”

“Sae... Saeyoung,” you choked out, trying to focus on your breathing and not the pain. “Your seatbelt.”

“Oh!” He used one hand to buckle it up. “Sorry. I didn’t even think about it.”

“You have to be safe too, okay?” You started tearing up. “Remember that.”

“Don’t say things like that.” He raised his voice. You nodded. You saw him frown. “I just... you’re making it sound like you’re going to die. And you’re not.” His voice was much softer now.

“I understand. I’m sorry I made it seem that way.” You let out a breathy sigh. “I’m just scared.”

He stopped the car pretty suddenly, right outside of the emergency room doors. He unbuckled, rushing out of the door, leaving his keys and phone inside. He opened yours and picked you up again. “I know. But you’re gonna be fine. I’m not going to leave your side.”

“I don’t think-“

“I’ll figure it out. Even if I have to watch you on the cameras. I’ll be here for you. Promise.”

“I love you,” you whimpered, lip trembling. You were scared.

“I need help! My wife’s been shot!” He announced as he entered the room. Fortunately, nobody was waiting and subject to the scene, only the people working there.

The lady at the front’s eyes widened. She announced something over the speakers, but you couldn’t hear it. “Where at?” You heard her ask Saeyoung. Your vision was blurry. You were nervous.

“Back.”

“Scale of 1 to 10?” They both shifted their eyes towards you.

“Eight.”

They didn’t stop looking at you. You raised an eyebrow. Why? “One to ten?” She asked again. Saeyoung looked petrified.

Were your words not coming out? You took a deep breath, focusing on expelling the air and moving your mouth to get the words out. “Eight.”

“Okay,” she nodded, scribbling things down. Seven smiled sadly at you.

Two people burst through the doors with one do those rolling beds. Seven set you down gently in it. He didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. Your eyes widened in fear as you heard the doctors frantically speaking medical jargon. Saeyoung, in the distance, blew you a kiss. You closed your eyes and tried to relax.

When you did open your eyes again, they felt extremely heavy. Like you were doing physical labor to open them. “Thank God!” It was Seven’s voice. You worked harder to open your eyes and saw him, still in his bloody outfit from earlier, bags under his eyes and concern marking his features.

“Hi,” you said weakly, trying to give him a smile.

“Oh my God. I was afraid I’d lose you.” His eyebrows knitted in concern. “Did you know your heart stopped during surgery?” A sob escaped from the back of his throat. “It stopped.”

“I’m here,” you whispered. Your voice was hoarse. “I’m still here.”

You reached out your hand to grab his own, not surprised to see an IV hooked to your arm. “This is all my fault.” He was crying hard now, eyes refusing to meet your own. “This is because of me.”

“It’s not your fault,” you reassured him.

“It is! None of this would have happened if I wouldn’t have let you get close.” He walked away from you, moving to look out the window. “I’m an idiot.”

“I don’t think so. I’m glad you let me in, Saeyoung. I don’t blame you for this at all.”

“But I do. I blame myself.” His voice was now more angry with himself than sad.

A knock on the door. The doctor. Saeyoung composed himself, turning to meet him.

“Nice to see you again, Saeyoung.” The doctor greeted, a bright smile on his face. “And there’s our fighter. How are you feeling?”

“I think whatever pain stuff you have me on helps, but I just woke up so I’m still a bit drowsy.”

He looked down at your chart. “You did sleep through the night. 17 hours,” he explained.

Your eyes snapped back to Seven. “You’ve been here for seventeen hours?” You asked, the shock evident in your voice.

The doctor laughed. “He’s been by your side the whole time. Now I do want to keep you probably for another few days to monitor, but it should be pretty relaxed. Just try to keep your mind at ease and your heart rate down. All helps the healing.”

“Any significant injuries I should know about?” You asked. You knew people got really messed up from shot wounds.

He grinned, shaking his head no. “You were very lucky. Didn’t hit any major organs or your spine. You’re in good shape, relatively speaking.” He wrote something on his sheet. “I’m going to make sure the nurses visit you every half hour. I’ll probably be back in two hours or so. If you need anything in between, feel free to page the nurses.”

“Thank you Doctor,” you smiled. He waved and left.

“I... don’t think we should do this,” Seven spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I’m putting you in too much danger,” he stated simply.

“Well I’m okay. And I think it’s worth it,” you defended.

He sighed, shaking his head. “You’re such... an idiot. How could you get shot because of me and still be so naive and stupid?” He wasn’t yelling, but his voice was cold. The beeping on your heart monitor steadily increased, betraying you by giving away how his words made you feel.

“And what do you want me to do about it Seven? It’s not like we’re just dating casually. We can’t just break up. We’re married. And thank goodness we are,” you added for good measure.

“‘Maybe we shouldn’t be.”

The monitor jumped again. This time it didn’t slow down. Your eyes felt heavy again and your back felt like it was on fire once more. “Don’t say that.” You whimpered, your voice quiet due to the pain.

“I’ll say what I want. It’s a bad idea.”

“Saeyoung.” Your voice was very firm. “I-“ you listened to the racing heart monitor again. “Do you hear that? My heartbeat? How fast it’s going because of things you’re saying? I’m supposed to be relaxed. You’re not helping.”

“I’m trying to make you be realistic” he defended.

“Go home Saeyoung.” You demanded.

“Huh?”

“Go home. Take a shower. Change out of the bloody clothes. Take a nap. Come back to me when you’ve decided to be mild and respectful of my health.”

“But, I-“

“No.” You said, allowing no room for argument. “You are upsetting me. Come back when you feel bette.r.”

“I’m scared to leave you,” he whimpered, turning to you so you could see his eyes watering.

“I need to be alone right now. Go home. See you later.”

He frowned. A lot. He sniffled.

“Stop!” You called to him. “You’re the one who said you wanted to get a divorce. And I said to leave and calm down for a while. So stop pouring.” You jutted your lip out. “I can’t get comfy laying down and my husband wants to divorce me because I got shot and I got shot.”

His frown only increased. “Take care,” he said softly, heading to the door. “I’ll respect your wishes.” He walked out the door.

[hopecountysfavhoe]

‘Cold’ Chapter Sixteen Pt.1

Rating: 18+? This rating thing is harder than I thought it would be lmao

Word count: 2,271

The Deputy woke up in a familiar bed. Her head was pounding, causing her to keep her eyes shut. Then she heard it.

Beep, beep, beep.

     The gentle beeping of the heart rate monitor in the clinic. Instantly her eyes shot open. The Deputy looked around at the room she was in, it was the clinic room she fought to get out of so desperately. She tried to rub her face but something blocked her hand from lifting. She looked down and saw that her hands were hand cuffed to the edge of the clinic bed.

     She tried to remember what happened and how she got to the clinic. She remembered shooting with Grace and the walk back to the church but after that it got dark. Panic suddenly grabbed hold as she went down the list of what could have happened. What if she heard 'Only You' and hurt Grace? What if she hurt Nick or Kim or even worse, Carmina? The Deputy struggled against the handcuffs, desperately trying to find someone to tell her what happened.

     Hearing the Deputy struggle, the doctor walked in to check on her.

     "Good, you're awake." She greeted in a kind voice and pulled out a clipboard.

     "What happened? Did I hurt anybody? Why am I handcuffed?" The words stumbled out of the Deputy's mouth quicker than she could sit up.

     "Everything is fine, you just gave your friends a good scare. You were shot with a Bliss Bullet but thankfully Grace was able to get you out of harms way before any Peggies got their hands on you. As for your handcuffs those are just precautionary to make sure you don't hurt yourself or yank out an IV." Relief from the doctor's words instantly made the Deputy relax. She leaned back into the bed, not straining against her holds. "All of the Bliss should be out of your system by now." The Doctor said and checked an IV she had hooked up to the Deputy.

     "How long do I have to stay here?" The Deputy asked as the doctor unlocked her handcuffs.

     "I can discharge you now, but you have to use your crutch. And have you been taking your pills?" The doctor asked and the Deputy nodded while rubbing her wrists.

     "Everyday at the 8 am and again at 8pm." The Deputy informed her and the doctor nodded.

     She scribbled a note on her clipboard before she looked down at the Deputy. Her face told the Deputy exactly what she was going to say before she even said it. "What did I say about gunfights?" She asked.

     "I didn't even do anything this time! I was just walking with Grace and I got shot." The Deputy defended herself and the doctor nodded.

     "Look, I get it. You don't like taking a break, you want to get back out there and protect people but your health has to come first." The doctor lectured her and the Deputy pushed her hair out of her face.

     "I understand but I can't just take a break. People die if I take a break, my friends die if I take a break." The Deputy argued and the doctor held up her hands defensively, she didn't want to get the Deputy too upset.

     "While you heal a little more just help people in a different way, maybe you can deliver food to people or help plant a garden? Just something that doesn't get you put in harms way. You got lucky this time, Deputy. Your reaction to the Bliss didn't cause you to re-injure  yourself, but I don't know if that kind of luck will last. I'm discharging you but you still need to be back for that two week check up." The doctor's words were firm and the Deputy knew there would be no swaying her mind.

     But the Deputy was an adult and she could make her own decisions, even if they were the wrong ones so the Deputy just agreed to whatever the doctor told her to do so that she could stop fussing even if she knew she would ignore the doctor. The Deputy got discharged and left the clinic, happy to be out of that place.

     She found her truck sitting in the driveway, that must have been what Grace drove her to the clinic in. The Deputy got in and drove back to Nick and Kim's house to apologize for scaring them.

     When she pulled up to the house Nick was working on his truck in the front driveway. "Hey Nick." The Deputy greeted and got out of her truck.

     Nick was bent over the hood, fiddling with something in engine. When he heard the truck pull up he glanced back to see who it was. When he saw the Deputy get out of the truck he backed out of the hood and turned to face her.

     "Hey Dep, how are ya feeling?" He asked and immediately the Deputy noticed he had a black eye.

     "What happened to your eye?" The Deputy ignored his question.

      "It's nothing." Nick turned back to look at the truck, he always did that when he was deflecting.

      "Did I do that to you?" The Deputy asked, her tone softened with concern.

     Nick turned back around to face the Deputy, his head angled toward the dirt. "Kinda, well not really, but yeah..."

     The Deputy rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry." She apologized. "Did I hurt anyone else?"

     "No, me and Grace held you down before you could hurt anybody." He admitted and the Deputy let out a deep sigh.

     "I'm really sorry, Nick. It won't ever happen again." The Deputy kept apologizing, shame and fear evident in her voice.

      "Hey Dep it's ok, I know it wasn't directed towards me. It's fine now anyway right?" Nick asked and the Deputy shook her head.

     "I shouldn't be here, I'm putting you and Kim and Carmina at risk especially with John looking for me." The Deputy told Nick and he looked to the ground.

      "As much as I hate it, I think that's true. I'm sorry Dep, you know you're welcome anytime but maybe you should stay somewhere safer, just till things die down a little bit." He suggested and the Deputy nodded.

     "I'm gonna go stay with Sharky for a while ok? Just until things blow over some. I have to go grab my crutch and my jacket." The Deputy wasn't angry with Nick's suggestion, actually she was happy about it. Now she didn't have to worry about taking advantage of Nick and Kim or about John's men coming in in the middle of the night for her.

     Nick nodded and let her go to the house. "Kim isn't here, just so you know. She took Carmina over to a friends house." Nick advised the Deputy.

     "Got it, thanks." The Deputy walked up the front steps and made short work of finding her crutch and jacket. It looked like it was in the middle of being mended. Kim has stitched up numerous holes and the frayed hem of her sleeve. The Deputy didn't remember asking her to do that but it was heart warming.

     Honestly the Deputy didn't know why she'd even come there other than Kim's wishes. She was putting everyone in that home in danger just by being near it, she was putting Carmina in danger. The thought of something happening to any of them because of her made the Deputy's stomach turn.

     Before she left the Deputy found a piece of paper and wrote a note to Nick and Kim thanking them for letting her stay with them. She set the note on the coffee table and grabbed her jacket and crutch and left the house. She said one final goodbye to Nick and drove off.

While she drove the Deputy felt around in the pockets of her jeans until she found what she was looking for. It was a small paper note that she'd peeled off the Bliss bullet when it first shot her. Now she unfolded the tiny note and read what it said.

Come home, soldier.

It was Jacob, he'd found her.

The Deputy fumed while she drove. Jacob fucking Seed was the one that shot her, or at least he sent one of his men to shoot her. Everything added up to him being there though. There was no capture party, there were no hunters, nobody to pick her up. He just shot her with a Bliss bullet to fuck with her head, not to kidnap her.

The Deputy muttered curses to herself (and Jacob) while she watched the scenery around her change from the warm sunny fields of Holland Valley to the tall pines and old cabins of the Whitetail Mountains. She may have told Nick that she was going to spend sometime with Sharky but she changed her mind. She had some revenge to take.

She'd already called Jess on the radio and asked her to meet her at the lumbar mill. Jess was more than happy to agree, especially after hearing the vengeful tone in her voice. When she pulled up to the lumbar mill Jess was already standing out front, her bow ready in her hands. The Deputy didn't get out of the truck, just stopped and let Jess get in.

"Where are we going?" Jess asked while she hopped in the passenger seat.

"I don't know but it might get messy." The Deputy warned as she backed out the way she came.

They drove in silence for a while, not even listening to the radio. Jess glanced over at the Deputy. "Not that I don't love this new vengeful side of you but I gotta ask, where is it coming from?" She asked as the Deputy pulled down a random dirt road.

"You know how they say 'it's all fun and games till you kick the hornets' nest'?" The Deputy asked and slowed the truck to a halt.

"I don't think anyone says that but I get the point." Jess admitted and looked over at the Deputy while she put the truck in park.

"Well Jacob Seed has officially kicked this hornet's nest." The Deputy shut off the truck and hopped out. Jess followed her as she marched into the woods.

"Alright! Now we can have some real fun!" Jess exclaimed and hefted her bow. "What are we gonna do to him?"

"We're pretty close to the Veterans Centre, aren't we?" The Deputy asked and Jess nodded. "We're going to send Jacob a little surprise." The dark tone in the Deputy's voice was making Jess uncomfortable. Yes that is Jess as in the trash-talking, scary Jess. So her being uncomfortable meant a lot.

"What are you planning?" She asked hesitantly. She of course wanted to fuck with Jacob but she didn't know how far the Deputy was willing to go.

"You'll see." The Deputy assured her and snuck through the trees. They walked in silence until they could hear the sound of the Veterans Centre, the men training and Judges howling, the trucks driving in and out. It was bustling. The Deputy and Jess managed to avoid every guard that Jacob had stationed around the place as a perimeter.

They got pretty close to the Veterans Centre, perched up on the same hill that Jess was shooting the guards from when they got the Deputy back. The Deputy looked into the Centre with her binoculars.

"What are we doing?" Jess whispered to her friend.

"I need you to shoot one of those guards with your bow."

"Sounds easy."

"And I want you to tie this on your arrow." The Deputy handed Jess a small note. Jess unfolded it and read it.

"Do you really think I'm going to let you do this?" Jess asked as the Deputy went back to counting guards with her binoculars.

"Don't worry, I have a plan. Can you do it?" She asked and Jess, of course, nodded.

Jess refolded the note and tied it to an arrow. "Who do you want me to hit?"

The Deputy found a guard standing on the front step that seemed perfect. He was in clear view of most everyone there and besides, how perfect would it be to send Jacob a message right to his front door? "The one on the front step." She said and Jess nodded.

It was a pretty far shot but Jess knew she could make it. She pulled the arrow back in her bow, aiming for the perfect arch to hit the guard. She took a deep breath and let the arrow fly. Immediately they both ducked down to prevent getting spotted and the Deputy peaked in at the scene of chaos through her binoculars.

The arrow hit dead on in the guards neck, causing him to crumble immediately. As quick as he fell the entire Centre erupted like an anthill. People rushed and grabbed guns, preparing for an attack. "That's our queue." The Deputy nodded to Jess and they both turned and slid down the hill further into the forest and away from the Veterans Centre.

It wouldn't take long for Jacob's men to radio the guards around the perimeter to be on high alert so the Deputy and Jess had to make it past the guards first. They made their escape with only the one casualty, not killing a single other guard or hunter or anything.

When they made it to the Deputy's truck she couldn't help but grin. She knew for sure that that was going to get Jacob's attention. Now all she had to do was wait.

[wollfling]

Hi Allie! I wondered if I could ask you for some advice. I want to draw really badly and create art but I really don't have any skill! I know that in order to get better at art I have to actually do it, but I feel so overwhelmed by how I'm not where I want to be with it right away, and also with where to start with learning to draw. Do you ever feel that way when you draw? And if you do how have you gotten past it?

[I am literally so sorry this is so long oh my God. My mind has been very jumbled lately so I accidentally rambled too much, but I hope it still helps you in any way orz] Oh sweet little anon.. ;^; I do feel that way, a lot of the time if not all of the time! Just recently this week, I felt like I just couldn't draw despite picking up my pencil and scribbling, it just wasn't working partly for that exact reason! Overwhelmed by not being where I want to be with it! These things happen and its frustrating. It's hard for me to imagine as a beginner artist because I've been drawing since I can remember but I will still do my best to offer you some meaningful advice!

But first, to answer your very last question, getting past it can be a little random sometimes. This whole week after being unable to draw, I was laying in bed trying to sleep while reflecting on some heavy feelings ive been having and memories. Suddenly part of an image flashed in my mind and I got up to immediately try drawing it. (The drawing I recently posted and captioned "parade"!) I worked on it completely driven by my heart, and so it didn't matter at the time if it looked good or was anatomically correct, etc. Right now I am working on another heart-driven drawing, but if I tried to work on lets say a study or character drawing instead.. I dont think i could!

My point in all this is that, I think that its important to know/understand why you want to create art, and I think my advice would change slightly depending on your answer. For me personally, I am an emotional artist. I create art that (usually) reflects how I'm feeling or topics I am emotionally drawn to. Illustrations, drawing characters, writing comics, etc.. I think this week, while I'm definitely struggling with my skill level, I was so burdened by some things I've been feeling lately that I couldn't focus on or enjoy anything that I was trying to create, until I was able to release it all in a drawing. (And I'm still not done with them hence why I am now working on another related drawing, but im making SOMETHING and feeling passionate which cannot be said with any of my other attempts this week.) So since these drawings purpose outweigh my current issues regarding my skill, I am able to work on them. If that makes sense?

Okay im sorry with how long-winded this all is so far and all about myself orz but I wanted to give context on how I view art and I think if you asked someone who creates like. Hyperrealistic drawings their answers would be completely different. So! I wanted you to be able to judge if my advice would work for you if that makes any sense at all...!!! Moving on to my actual advice then..!

This is a little general ofc because I dont know what sort of art you are creating, or what your passion behind it is. And if after this you would like to tell me more about your art I would love to hear! 🥺💗 you are welcome to dm me or if you send another anon/ask i think that would be good too since.. well other artists who see can also give their own advice too!

Okay. So anyways lol, first I want to tell you that your desire to create art makes you an artist, despite your skill level. And therefore, everything and anything that you make even now has value. Even if right now you're drawing wonky shaded spheres and cubes! I understand its frustrating when wanting to make something but you feel like your skill isn't "there" and how that can prevent you from making anything to begin with!! But I really want you to try and work through it! Ignore it, disregard it, give your worries about your skill the silent treatment!! And I know its near impossible to do but if its getting in the way of you actually creating well.. thats the worst! We can't have that. If you really want to draw, then you really NEED to draw, you know what I mean? You deserve to draw! The hardest part for like 80% of artists is working around their skill level. I promise you will get there, but for now, you can't let it get in your way. And I realize me saying "oh you feel like you're not good at drawing and its hindering you from doing it? Just do it" sounds like Chad advice but ;---; unfortunately its the reality that comes with being an artist. If you tell me more about what you like to/why you want draw then maybe we can find some alternate lines of thinking that will help you (for example "this tiger i drew looks like shit but drawing all of her stripes was therapeutic and made it worth it!" If lets say you draw as a stim, opposed to "this tiger im drawing looks so bad I can't even look at it anymore " dhsjhd I really hope that this all makes sense lol.)

Moving on, learning how to draw.. this also depends on what you enjoy drawing but my main piece of advice here is study from real life. I grew up drawing cartoons and anime, and now that I want to draw a little more realistically.. its so hard!! If you study real shapes/people/animals/etc it might be easier later on when you understand fundamentals to bend them if you decide to create stylized or surreal art. However if right now you like to draw stylized art, I would recommend to keep working on your personal style while studying from real life on the side simultaneously! Any way you look at it, understanding how shapes, lighting, colour, etc work in the real world will help you out even with the most obscure pieces. And since art is a learned skill yknow you need to build those brain..pathways..and such. Im not a scientist but you get what i mean. Studies are the equivalent to lifting weights! I would recommend the website quickposes (com) they have a library of images that they throw at you at random. The site can explain itself better than I can lmao, check it out!!!

I really hope i was able to offer you something of value here, I didnt mean to ramble so much. I'm excited for you to grow as an artist, I love when I hear about others deciding to learn how to draw ;-; please feel welcome to ask for any clarification (as im having a hard time articulating my thoughts lately) or if you really just want to ask or say anything! ♡♡♡ again sorry if this was more than you bargained for length wise dhsishskshksj

[katrinawritesthings]

various pairings; fic dump; pg-13

yes hello it is time for the year end lump of fics that i didnt finish or that didnt make it into fics ive already posted

two jongtaes a taekey and an onjongtae

this was gonna be that vampire au for the anon that wanted vamp taem saving human jong but then i wrote the other thing instead

Jonghyun thinks he’s fucked up.

“You’re awfully cute for a human,” the vampire purrs, one cold fingertip drawing invisible little lines where Jonghyun’s chest is exposed by his deep vneck. He watches their fangs glisten and glow in the flashing blacklight of the club. He looked down to their mouth to avoid being captured by their deep red eyes, but he thinks he’s mesmerized all the same. Shit. “It would be a shame to let a bite like you go to--”

“Back the fuck up.”

Taemin’s entrance is also the exit of the other vampire; he grabs them by the wrist and all but yanks them back and away from Jonghyun. Jonghyun blinks and shakes his head, focusing again on the new scene in front of him. Taemin is now standing between him and the other vampire, one hand reaching back for Jonghyun’s wrist and the other held out to discourage them from coming any closer again. Jonghyun knows that the little crosses on his bracelet are burning Taemin’s skin so he quickly takes his hand to hold, squeezing him once to show he’s okay. Taemin glances back at him for half a second before looking back to the other vampire. They’re smiling, lazy and smooth, maliciously innocent in the way they smooth their shirt. They’re also trying to lean around Taemin to see Jonghyun again.

“I was just playing,” they drawl. “Chill.” From what Jonghyun can see of the side of Taemin’s face, he doesn’t even twitch from his hard expression.

“Walk away,” he says quietly. The other vampire snorts, huffs, glances at Jonghyun over Taemin’s shoulder and gives him a little wink.

“Another time, babe,” they say, waving pleasantly before turning and disappearing into the dance floor. Taemin stays and watches them for a few long moments after Jonghyun has lost them, then turns to face him.

He moves his hand to Jonghyun’s waist, a heavy if cold weight that draws Jonghyun a step closer. With his other hand he pushes Jonghyun’s hair away from his face, trails his fingers down to Jonghyun’s neck. His head tilts to either side, like he’s trying to see if they bit him or not. Jonghyun lifts his hand to cover Taemin’s.

“I’m fine,” he says. “They just. Caught me off guard.” A few more seconds and he wouldn’t have been fine, but. That didn’t happen, so he doesn’t need to worry about it. Taemin stays silent, mouth a little frown as he searches Jonghyun’s face. After another moment, he steps back and tugs gently on Jonghyun’s wrist.

“Let’s get out of here,” he mumbles. Jonghyun bites his lip. They’ve only been here for a little under an hour.

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh moving day au when jongtae were smoochin and taem had a panic attack nd i changed it in the final cut to have taem figure it out himself

With his fingers playing with the hem of Taemin’s shirt, Taemin’s breathing quickens, his hips press minutely closer, his arms wrap fully around Jonghyun’s waist–and then he wrenches himself away, pulling their lips apart and turning his head to the side. Jonghyun sways, accidentally leaning too far forward now that there’s nothing holding him back, and opens his eyes, disoriented. Blinking the room blearily back into focus, he pouts at the loss of their kissing.

Taemin is leaning heavily on one hand, head down, eyes squeezed shut tight. His breaths are heavy and when he swallows it’s a struggle; Jonghyun immediately recognizes it as another panic attack instead of just being flustered and breathless. He shifts his hips back but leans forward, resting his weight on one hand on the mattress and running the fingers of his other gently through Taemin’s hair.

“Shhh,” he whispers. “It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re safe.” He presses his lips gently to Taemin’s temple through his guilt, nuzzling him and holding him close. He shouldn’t have pushed it that far. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. You’re okay. We can–”

“No, that’s not–” Taemin tugs Jonghyun even closer with the arm around his waist. He turns, not to face Jonghyun, but to bury his face in his chest, nuzzled up against his left boob. Jonghyun bites his lip as Taemin shakes against him. If it wasn’t him then he has no idea what it was. He hates these rare times where he doesn’t know what’s triggering Taemin’s anxiety. He does what he can do, which is pet his hair gently and make quiet, soothing noises until he’s ready to talk. Taemin holds him close, hands twisted in the back of his shirt and breaths hot against the front, for several long minutes.

“Tell--tell me,” he stammers eventually. “Tell me that the others don’t. H-hate me.”

“Oooohhh,” Jonghyun breathes. The realization fills him up in a big breath that he lets out when he tightens his arms around Taemin’s shoulders. “Taemin, of course they don’t hate you,” he says, the words coming out clearly but gently, the soothing tone that he’s perfected just for this. “You’re good,” he whispers. “Good and sweet. You’re not wasting their time. They wouldn’t be here if they didn’t want to help you. You’re good, you’re good, you’re good.”

“Nnngh,” Taemin groans. “They’ve. At first, but--I’ve--like an asshole, and--”

“Taemin.” Jonghyun pushes Taemin back gently, just far enough that he’s able to tilt his chin up and press soft, quick kisses to his lips. “You have not been acting like an asshole,” he says clearly. Taemin’s lips are shaky, slow, barely responsive but he still holds Jonghyun close and accepts the kisses. “You’re stressed,” Jonghyun tells him quietly. “You’re scared. You’re anxious. You’re tired.” He punctuates each little reassurance with a little kiss, spacing out Taemin’s breaths for him. “No one expected you to be all smiles and sunshine,” he says.

“And you deserve this little break in here,” he adds. “Cleanup is done. Packing is done. The video is done. All that’s left is for Minho to finish editing it, which they need to do alone. You’re good. You’re good, you’re wonderful.”

“Gwi loves any time that she gets to be with you and that she’s finally helping you leave,” he continues. “Minjunggie thinks you’re adorable and brave.” Jonghyun knows. They told him earlier when they were editing the video together.

stuff from a couple of kids??? that didnt work lmao

“Hey, um,” Kibum says after a minute. Taemin blinks slowly away from the doodle someone from another class drew on his desk and looks at his friend instead. Kibum is sliding his thick blue ring and and down his thumb in the same way he does before a big test. He notices Taemin looking and stops, fixing it back on his knuckle and pulling his bag forward instead. Taemin hums in question as Kibum rummages through his stuff for nothing.

“Do you wanna,” he says slowly. “Go shopping with me? On Sunday?” He lowers his voice a little like they’re not already talking quietly in the back of the classroom. Taemin tilts his head, confused.

“I thought we were already going to the mall with everyone on Saturday?” he asks. Kibum shakes his head, fingers playing subconsciously with his ring again.

“Not… at the mall,” he mumbles. Taemin thinks for just a second before it clicks.

“Oh,” he says. Not the mall. “Yeah. Sure.”

“I don’t wanna go alone,” Kibum says quickly, quietly, his cheeks going a little pink under his makeup. “But I can’t… you don’t mind?”

“No, yeah, it’s okay,” Taemin says. He gets it; he gets that he’s the only one that knows. He’ll go with Kibum to the store. He can get some of the cookies his dad always pretends like they don’t have for himself while Kibum gets whatever he needs.

“Alright, cool.” Kibum nods with a chill smile like they’d just agreed to go out for coffee. Taemin watches him scribble their plan down in his book. He probably could convince Kibum to get lunch at the little café across from the store. He’ll buy.

~

“We’re gonna have to do all of this again in like, a month,” Taemin mumbles after a minute. Kibum’s chest rises and falls in a slow sigh.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “But at least I’ll be at Jinki’s for the whole summer before his parents get back.” His voice is wistful, longing, tired, and relieved to have a steady home for such a long time. Taemin nuzzles his shirt in agreement. He knows that Kibum is still super anxious and guilty and fucked up about everything, but he’s letting his friends help. He’s accepting that his friends care about him and want to know about what he’s going through so they can make it easier on him, and he’s accepting that he deserves that slack.

“Is Jonghyun still trying to tell you that his mom will be your mom now?” Taemin asks, grinning when Kibum snorts and breathes little laughs into his hand.

“Yeah,” Kibum grins. “And I believe him, like, his mom is the best person I’ve ever met, but…. I don’t know, like. I’ll be eighteen like, two weeks into the school year. That’s close enough. And I might not even have to be eighteen to enroll myself, actually, I’ve been doing more research….” He trails off with a mumble, a troubled sigh. “Anyway,” he continues, “I’m kind of swearing off parents in general for now.” He shrugs the shoulder that isn’t under Taemin’s head. Taemin hums back in agreement. He knows.

Despite all of their better judgements, they’re not exactly telling any real adults about this. Sure, Jonghyun and Jinki are technically legal adults, but they’re not gonna suddenly know how to take care of everything once they graduate next month. They’re figuring this out on their own, for Kibum’s safety and comfort mostly. If Taemin has learned anything over the passed few months, it’s that one person can be extremely capable of living by themself. If Kibum can do it on his own, then the five of them can definitely do this together.

this was at the end of that onjongtae au where jongyu both wanted the other to be daddy so then they made taem daddy instead but then i didnt feel like putting it in

“On a scale of one to ten,” Taemin mumbles, pausing to press a quick kiss to both of their temples. “How sexy are we feeling?”

“Mmm, six, I guess,” Jinki hums. He’s not really looking for it, but he won’t say no if the pampering Taemin wants to give him comes in the form of a blowjob.

“Like, twenty,” Jonghyun says confidently. Jinki muffles a snort into Taemin’s shoulder. Holy shit. He lifts his head enough to catch the fond little kiss Taemin presses to Jonghyun’s mouth.

“Alright, well,” Taemin says. He pulls himself away from them and pats both of their butts. “You two honeys let me get ready and then we’ll eat breakfast.” He tugs his towel off of his shoulders and lumps it on top of his head to rub the last of the wetness out of his hair. “Crepes,” he says, giving Jinki a little hip bump on his way to the mirror. Jinki smiles wide and bubbly and bounces on his toes. Nice. His favorite. “And then I’ll eat you,” Taemin adds, throwing Jonghyun a little grin over his shoulder. Jonghyun flutters happily and reaches to stop Taemin from buttoning up his shirt.

“Both holes?” he asks, pressing up against Taemin’s back with a definite dip in his voice. Jinki snorts. Thirsty. Taemin rolls his eyes.

“You know I’m not good at dirty talk when I’m hungry,” he chides. Jonghyun pouts.

“Sorry, daddy,” he says quietly. Taemin ruffles his hair fondly and pushes him gently towards Jinki.

“Go start breakfast,” he tells them. “I’ll be out in a few.” He shoos them away with a little flap of his hand and a playful smile. Jinki nods easily and takes Jonghyun’s wrist, pulling him out of the room.

“Does he ever just pick one hole?” he asks conversationally as they bounce through the hallway. Taemin could spend hours down there with his head between their legs. Jinki can’t imagine that he wouldn’t switch back and forth every now and again. Jonghyun snorts, shakes his head.

“I just like to hear him say it,” he grins. Jinki rolls his eyes, but has to admit that he’s the same. He is going to spend the whole day fishing for compliments and praise and love every second of Taemin indulging him in it.

[itsyueko]

.0736.

i so i’m practicing military time now. and i feel like since i talk about my feelings so much on here, that i can spill them out here as much as i feel. i’m just craving for that interaction without intentionally realizing itts. so i replied back to two messages friday evening (to guys). and realized i want to talk to more girlfriends tooos but fortunately my friend Hannah works with me night shifts except she’s part time because of school. And I’ve been adding and have been added as friends by my colleagues at work. One of them who very oddly resembles my ex ex before bc tall and lanky and very sarcastic and very filipino and cosplays with his wife and friends 😅 and when we’re at work hes supposed to be  the bedside shift report getting out of the day shift and i’d be the person he would report to bc nights.

And I guess because I’ve been updating my manager on things and letting her know my concerns and showing her consistency at work so far since my orientation training, I’ve also been updating my colleagues too but some of them (really only one or two of them 😒) enjoy gossiping about the other coworkers, mainly about my friend Hannah. It’s like you really have nothing better to do .-. Honestly if that patients were fine with her last night and only had one or two concerns that don’t involve YOU, and were just by their opinion or by pain even though your tech the previous night did everything they could and consistently ask for pain meds (even if theyre on scheduled ones AND not to mention even though I was on the brink of falling asleep the whole shift with only two hour sleeeps, I still saw and heard Hannah going in and out of the patients rooms during hourly rounding). On a serious note, this lady, Sylvia .-. she’s this thick african american accent who is also pretty new at work for about a month now from what my manager told me. She’s beautiful she’s this old lady with dark skin and hair braided and tucked half up/down. BUT, her manners during bedside shift report were not. 

My point is, I can talk with these guys. We can be catty and shit talk about each other, as long as we’re still giving that care to the patient. I realized I’m still irritable if only having 2-4 hours of sleep a day, so I’ll try to take Tim’s advice (former uic classmate/ former one week or month crush/current friend ish who’s friends with Katherine 😅 bc out of the blue he messaged me a few days ago and we were talking about nursing and his passion for sticking needles into patients and drawing their blood lmao) and try to sleep RIGHT AFTER getting home from work and getting settled obviously. idk, I just naturally wake up at 11 or noon from those naps and end up going to sleep at 6. So i guess that would be 5 hours of sleep sometimes but broken up in between throughout the day. I would have to have my alarm set for 8;45. LATELY, I’ve been wanting to go to work at 9:30 and be there at that time and then clock in at 9:53, because of looking over the kardexes and seeing if theyre updated or not. Obviously my plains just end up with me coming in 3 minutes before 10 anyway :/ and just scribbling away patient info on my nursing sheets. And then try to jump immediately into bedside report. I think I’ll be more considerate and aware because I know the PT(patient) will want to sleep right after getting their VS and having used the bathroom, being repositioned, and feeling more comfortable in bed. Fortunately, most of the 13-bed patient rooms in ortho on my unit, are alert and oriented. Theres been times where we will get a few extra people who are diagnosed for GI bleed, Hx pneumonia or other iso precautions BUT along with an ortho surgical thing, or nausea, etc. Most of the time these extra patients can walk, and at night time just assist standby as needed and check on them hourly rounds and doing garbage and linens in between. 

During the morning shift, our manager will be doing rounds on the patients and techs as well just like I’ve seen during my orientation training for mornings. She gave me a tip after orientation to make sure the room looks neat and tidy, even if they wanted to keep their linens in their room, make sure it all looks presentable, common sense etc. And then she’d go and ask how their night went, and depending if we’ve given them that care or not, then the most they’d complain about is just pain even if they’ve taken all their meds. And a tip she gave me for adjusting that pain, is maybe have a pillow underneath their surgical elbow to elevate it, or have a towel rolled up and put underneath the ankle/heel to relieve pressure. Offer to make sure their SCD’s are on and offer to reposition them. And the ones who are back surgicals (laminectomies) we’d have to make sure they get into bed safely and log roll them into position. So they’d have to trust their arms, elbows, and side of their bodies to maneuver themselves into bed, while we offer to support their legs or any part of their body to help them into bed. One of them the other day before my shift ended adn after bedside report, asked me if I would be working that evening again, and I told her sadly that i was off the weekend and she complimented me for my bedside care and was proud of herself that she was able to get back into bed and said her thanks for having given her a new gown to dress into because she was mostly sweating and getting cold/warm throughout the night. I had offered to change her linens at 3 in the morning because of a stain from her lower back dressing and made sure she knew that the nurse was informed also. And because she had her daughter come by yesterday there were a few chairs that kinda crowded the room so I made the space looked neater since she used a commode at the bedside. 

I think I’m getting used to it it’s been a first week for me on the floor without a preceptor. Technically that was supposed to be my second week by myself, BUT I asked my manager if I could have another week to practice and be on the floor to get used to the routine and just have someone there to assist whenever I needed it. She commended me for being honest and reassured that it would be an excellent idea considering she wants me to feel comfortable and confident on the floor. And at least during nights we don’t have to remove foleys (if their foleys were removed during the day, we would just make sure if they havent been urinating after 6-8 hours consistently that we would have a hat in there and possibly day shift before their shift ends would do a bladder scan). And at least at night we wouldn’t have to do iv removals, UNLESS, the patient asks for it on the very morning like 3-4 a.m if they were concerned about it and just wanted it removed on the day theyre getting discharged. Like the other day I had to remove one because a patient of mine was getting discharged to go to westmoreland/ECF (similar to nursing home/rehab care until they can go home) and was hoping she’d get the best care there like she had with me and a few other techs. This was the same patient who also appreciated me sharing with her my stories about writing and reading for fun or for just student train in tutoring a few semesters ago. So far, after being asked how nights went by several people, I’ve kept some key information in mind like if they wanted to walk around in the middle of the night then let the nurse know and also let them walk if they need to. Obviously not on the day fresh out of surgery, but when PT/OT says it’s okay and walk with them too. And be sure to be considerate of trash and their posessions like making sure their overbed table wasn’t cluttered with old tissues or that theyre phone or their spirometer (instrument patients use to measure air capacity bc we’d also need their saturation to be at 92/93+) was in reach if they needed or out of reach. 

So that was the gist of the first week, and then suddenly getting that message out of the blue by him. And it feels like earlier and yesterday I had all these thoughts running in my head about it or what-ifs like if I had been at uic longer and chosen to stay. Or etc. what-if in the future. I just wanted to write it down because it means something to me and having people from the past come back to you in a way where that interaction isn’t lost forever. I think what I learned from a couple of online classes and reading from lectures is at this certain age and before your 40′s, people tend to feel a lost of intimacy and identity still searching but that they try to fill in their time and everything. And I’m thankful at least he liked that I talked alot, as if I hadn’t talked about it in forever with someone and felt like I was just keeping it to myself and needed to spill what I felt. And he was glad he had someone to hear his thoughts and passions for perfusion and I think I just wanted insight on school and I think his parents are tryng to make him go back and do nursing. SOO if that’s the case, even though I told him to fight for what he wants to do, we might end up being in the same batch for nursing if I go to uic haha. Since i have the same plans to take anatomy at my school rn and a few other courses but for chamberlain or uic. It’s iffy right now and maybe there’s a chance as long as I have other schools backed up. I just like how after watching so many nursing and med student videos online, that it’s not too late to achieve your dreams, it’s not too late to start over 🌸☀️

[bxmeto]

2:11AM

I can’t sleep.  

I am in the mood to write, so I wanted to scribble some thoughts down.

In the past couple of months, little has changed physically, A lot has changed mentally and spirtually, I have been going through a constant battle. 

To sum. life is good. I have a couple of things I need to work on in the three areas of my life. but overall the environment that I have created for myself is a lot healthier then where I was a year ago. only read down there if you are curious lmao. 

Physically, after my insane summer diet, I’ve lost 20 pounds and stayed that weight for the the past few months. I am a steady 175 and I am glad that I am able to eat all the shit I want without gaining any weight. I do intend to go on another diet, to see if I can gain more athleticism  back, but thats been a hard reality to jump back into.  I haven’t been gymming sadly but, dancing does have somewhat of an effect. Anyways weight is good so I am good.  Oh yeah! my hair is super long now. I started growing my hair in like april/may and haven’t cut it yetttt!!!!!. To be honest, I am kind of over it, but I am not going to quit yet. The plan is actually donate my hair to a cancer organization. It was really random of me, but I felt like now it actually gives growing my hair a purpose. I am at give or take 5-6 inches right now so a couple more inches to finally cut this mess off. honestly it is not as bad, the only time I get frustrated is when i go to bed and the hair falls in my face. worst thing ever. 

Mentally, My mind has been all  over the place. I think my mind has always been all over the place, but I am able to control it more and channel my thoughts more fluently? I am not quite sure what word would fill that up, but I have been taking my ideas to another level of ponder. My dreams and my goals have been pushing me to actually do what I want. I have a lot of visions and, I am taking as many steps as I can to proceed to that. At this moment of my life I see a future path and I am taking the steps to get closer to that. I have always thought that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to pursue my goal because of the position I am in, but I realize if the work that I pursue isn’t something that makes me happy I am going to end up with regrets. Let my 20s be filled with failure and experiences that helps me  grow more. 

getting my cameraaaaa!!!!! Ive been wanting a camera since I was 16. it took me so long to get this camera, but the goal to just save up the pay checks and get something I finally wanted felt so great. I was obsessed with it for the past couple of weeks and got to shoot pretty good stuff. I am still in the process of learning the camera, so hopefully I am able to expand my portfolio soon! Im trying to start a blog to, but I am not quite sure what kind of platform I want… Ive been looking closely at wordpress, but I am not sure what areas of focus I want.. its stressing !! so stressing! 

Academically, my mind was always shaky. From a bad start of school, my academic career was always rocky to be honest. I am not quite sure why it was difficult for me to make the transition, but realizing the maturity it takes  for college kind of woke me up. get your shit done and stop fooling around.  college doesn’t tell you when to wake up its kind of implied. if you aren’t coming in with the right work ethic or mindset, you can fall real far behind and see very little progression.  Get your shit done and stay on top of your work has been my objective this year and its going pretty well. the credits are building up and I just want to getttt the heck out of here. 

relationships… haha I am still single and my mind has been content with being single. Coming back around single in another chapter of my life, I find that I am horrible at dating. I don’t like social conflict and sometimes I don’t like conversation. It all goes back to vibes though. you know when you click with someone and when you don’t and thats one thing I have been keeping an eye on. Building relationships take effort. Any relationship at that. you have to give your share portion as much as you want to receive and thats something I have been trying my best to work on ! 

Social butterfly/ solitude. I was always a sucker for a social personality. meet people talk and connect. it is beautiful when you are able to vibe with different communities.  you learn so much more and see different lenses. However, I am finding comfort in my own solitude. Somedays I just want to spend the day by myself lmao. when you break the insecurities of being by yourself and the idea  of feeling lonely, you realize your own company is definitely comforting and reliable. you don’t have to wait for anyone and you don’t need force conversation. you can just stay in your own bubble and go at your own pace. its easy and its comforting to the mind. my mind at least. 

Spirtually… Ive been battling a lot on faith. I spend a lot of time with my college fellowship and they help contain the faith that I have,  but there are some days where I feel so hopeless. I am in need of a retreat, but I am in need to to start over and build again. I feel so bad to God, that my paths are crossing like this and I hope he will be able to help me see things more clearly. I am putting my trust in this faith, I just hope I am able to live a life that is more centered and founded by His words.  This is another level/ goal I wish to achieve, but its hard to actually plan out since everything is by the want to learn and know more. 

I think I rambled enough. 

Good Night,

#nolabelsclub