#ive watched them sooo many times and yet they still GET TO ME ToT

[eternal-brainrot]

finally finished this natsume animatic ive been working on for ages hehe

lyrics are in the subtitles since i couldnt fit them on the animatic itself!!

[asksuccubussides]

What if you were an asexual succubus, wouldn't that be fucked up or what Chapter 14

Masterpost of chapters

By the feet of the person who was still a stranger to Janus he saw his date silently sob and he didn’t know how to react to seeing him properly cry for the first time. He ended up standing frozen and watching as the stranger knelt down to pull Remus into a hug.

They let him wipe snot into the shoulder of their shirt and moved the tip of their tail from his back up to his curly hair and down again to soothe him.

"Is everything okay?" Janus asked but the stranger didn't react in the slightest, not a single muscle in their face even twitched in some form of recognition of him having spoken.

It was only when Remus had stopped shaking as badly that the stranger looked up and Janus realized that they were weirdly enough wearing sunglasses even though it was well into the night. The stranger kept their tail around Remus' back as they held out their hand and Janus shook it.

"We haven't seen each other in likeee forever so like sawry for reaction" The stranger blurted out as an explanation.

They spoke with the exact same accent as Remus' only slightly less thick though Janus couldn't help but notice the strange way they pronounced the words. It was if every letter was off by the smallest of marginals.

"I don't mind" He replied.

The stranger pulled off their sunglasses and squinted up at him before continuing "I'm Remy! Me and Remus are like such besties!" They pinched their friend's cheek "That's why I've missed him sssssooOo much! Now who're you?"

"I...." A thousand thoughts raced in Janus' mind about how to word what he was to Remus. It wasn't as if they had officially said they were dating but it didn't feel as if they could be described as only friends anymore "I am...Janus. I'm good friends with him as well. He's told me about you"

Remy's smile staled into obvious fakeness and they quickly pulled in Remus' arm to make him stand up on shaky legs as they mumbled in their native language "Girlie I love you and I get this is a lot happening at once but you gotta like interpret for me" They looked back to Janus "Sawwrry girl. It's dark as shit and I can't see your lips like at all!...I'm deaf! I tots forgot to say that! I can not hear you but I am like sooo sure your voice is great"

Remus quickly wiped his tears and signed what Janus had said for Remy. His eyes were the same shade of red from crying as his horns were.

"JAENAS!" Remy exclaimed "YOU're Jaenas! Mr. Boytoy! Great! Fan-fucking-tastic"

The human glanced between the both of them with a confused look since they had just claimed they hadn't spoken in a while and yet Remy recognized his name, while Remus questioned the exact same thing.

Both of their confusion was brushed aside as Remy continued the conversation in a rapid pace "Girl you're so fun but me and my Emus here have totally sooo much to catch up on so like goodnight? Sleep tight? Keep your ass right?"

They looked to Remus who nodded along and moved in to hug Janus goodnight but the human meet him with a kiss on the cheek instead before briefly taking his hands "I have the afternoon shift at the library tomorrow" He murmured "Goodnight darling"

Remus held onto his hand for a moment too long before letting his fingers slip away and waving goodbye while the human went up the stairs to the apartment. As soon as the door had closed behind him Remy let up into a mix of an excited scream and a cry as they dragged their friend into another tight hug. They swayed with him side to side while rubbing their cheek to his.

The only reason they let go at all was so that they could sign to each other. Remus had so many questions his hands stayed hovering in the air unsure of where to start before finally signing.

'I missed you'

'Ive missed you-'

Their hands stopped as they retched forward but avoided throwing up. They kept their tail over their nose as they stood back up.

'You need a shower! You smell Angel as shit!-'

'ANGEL!?' His hand movements were big and fast.

'YEAH! Angel! Its good my gag reflex is amazing or else I woulda thrown up all over your boytoy'

'Gross!! Angel smell must have rubbed off on me from the club'

'Aside from the shower, bitch where have you been staying? Girl it's been a long two months we gotta chill out and T A L K'

Remus quickly explained the living situation of him hiding in the library every night and sleeping in the beanbag chairs and with every word that went by Remy's eyes turned wider and their mouth more agape.

"Noooo!! Girl! No!" They yelled out before switching back to sign 'We are soooo staying at a hotel. I got money and even if I didnt I could just like suck a guy off! Did I see you two sluts come out of a car? You got a car now?'

'Stolen'

'But you cant drive???'

'So far I havent killed anyone!'

They rolled their eyes 'Girl we are walking. Cars are gonna go out of style any day now trust me! You should have been there in 1920. The cars looked silly as all hell. Now trains! Trains I trust 'cause those fuckers were already there when I came into existance. Trusty. Reliable'

'Your old side is showing' Remus butted in.

'Shut up! You can walk, imma fly'

'Oh yeah fly like the angel slut you are! You were the one just complaining about angel smell!'

'Angels got wings. Birds got wings. Does that make me a fucking bird bitch???' They signed while letting their wings grow out from their shoulderblades and Remus pretended to throw up.

--

Only a few minutes of Remy flying and Remus running along later the pair ended up at a decently fancy hotel. The kind that had a night staffman but not the kind that had a pool. Remy, unlike Remus, had long since realized the value of asking for money after feeding as was the human custom and with that they easily booked a room for two with a single cozy bed and one pull out sofa though the pull out would end up being unused as the demons had no qualms about sharing a bed.

Two fluffy bathrobes laid ready on the beds along with towels, the mini fridge was well stocked and the tv controller only had to be shaken around one time for it to work. Neither of them paid much thought to the tv right now as Remy was too busy shooing Remus into the bathroom to get a proper shower while he whined like he was a pig going to the slaughter.

He crossed his arms over his chest to make an X before repeating the signs for 'Is Roman okay? Is Emile okay? Tell me first!' over and over

"Yeah yeah Emile's fine" Remy muttered back while continuing to push him so that he physically had to stamp his heels into the ground to stop

'Roman! Roman! Roman!'

"I'll tell you AFTER the shower! Just get that Angel shit away!"

'Why're not answering?! You answered about Emile!'

With an extra push from their tail Remus tumbled into the bathroom and Remy promptly slammed the door shut behind him. The demon rolled his eyes and pretended to mutter to himself while pulling his clothes off and throwing them onto the floor.

It was the moment that he turned on the water that dread started to crawl up into his mind. The cold water pooled around his feet as his thoughts began to wander to questioning if Remy was still on the other side of the wall, if they were really here, whether he had dreamt it or imagined it or if between the time that he stepped in and now something had happened to them.

His whole body tensed up as he dragged in a big breath but he couldn't breathe it out again. It was stuck somewhere in his chest making him unable to breathe.

The distance to the door felt miles long while his body felt frozen stuck. His mouth fell open to call for Remy but no sounds came out. Instead he managed to move enough to slam his head against the wall but the moment his forehead hit the tiles he remembered Remy wouldn't be able to hear him no matter what.

The ground opened up underneath him as he took off in a sprint out of the shower and smacked his body right into the door to burst it open. Remy was sitting on the bed with their back to him and was hugging the pillow close to their chest.

A very naked and very wet Remus jumped onto the bed and cuddled up to their side making them let out a shrill scream.

"DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!"

Remus just held onto them harder and moved to rest his head on their chest. They let out a sigh before leaning back into the soft bed and laying their tail around him. They tilted their head forward so that their horns nudged against each other and held him like that for a moment.

"I'm sorry girlie. This shit has just been so- I just needed like a minute of quiet to like think of how to like say shit"

He looked up to his friend and stroked his hand against their cheek to try and make them smile.

"Okay but like I know you clean yourself like a fucking cat but you can not have showered that quick-"

'I was scared you were gone'

"oh....Want me to come with?"

Remus nodded prompting Remy to go along with him back to the bathroom. They only bothered to take off their shorts and jacket before stepping under the still dripping shower head while their friend rolled himself into a little ball like a rabid raccoon trying to get away from a veterinarian.

Remy sat down behind him and leant his head back so they could shampoo it. They dragged out his curls to their full length and scrubbed them furiously with shampoo one by one before  they pulled the few curls that had turned white around their finger and looked at it next to the rest of Remus' hair that was a natural vibrant chestnut brown.

The demon noticed and turned around so he could put the strands of his white hair next to Remy's fully white hair before signing 'We match'

"It's good" Remy took ahold of the hair on both sides of their friend's face and shook him lightly around until he silently laughed "If you only have a few strips of white it means it's still revertible"

He let his finger move against strands of Remy's pure white hair and met their eyes.

"Girl it's been too late for me for a loooong time"

He didn't move his finger nor his gaze.

"It's like okay. Being deaf aint a death sentence but I think you would like instantly explode if you can't annoy people with your shrill ass voice"

He nodded in agreement.

They finished shampooing his hair before letting their hand slip down to the choker around the demon's neck "The chokers new" They commented with a cheeky sort of smile.

He hadn't even considered taking it off 'Gift from J A N U S' He hand spelled the name out and it felt like saying it for the first time all over again making rats crawl around in his tummy.

Remy hosed him down with water which made his hair weighed down in front of his eyes like a highland cow and he started to rinse it out like a sponge.

"I saw how you and the Jaenas acted....Is that why you like haven't" Remy mimicked getting their head cut off "Yet?"

For once Remus liked soap because having it in his hands meant he had a reason not to sign back immediately. While he got hosed down again he finally hesitantly signed.

'We havent fucked'

Remy's mouth fell agape and the shower head slipped in their hand and ended up spraying directly in their face. They quickly turned the shower off and stood up "GIRL????? BITCH???? BABEY??? YOU HAVEN'T- DOES HE HAVE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!? IT'S BEEN LIKE-"

He managed to slip past them and started to dry himself off to keep avoiding the conversation by covering his face with the towel. When he had completely dried he saw Remy standing waiting with one of the bathrobes ready for him. They threw it at him before signing.

'Girl I didnt mean it like that. I meant that like' Their hands stopped for a moment '...Hes like SOOOO' They dragged out the sign 'Obviously CRAZY for you! I thought he would have like jumped at the first chance to climb mt. Remus! Do you like him?'

'Hes human'

'Yeah duh. I meant if you like find him hoooot. Maybe youve like finally found your type or something! youre just like really late to like find That person that gets you going yknow??? I mean Emile had never spent much thought on like hooking up till he met me'

Remus gave them the kind of thousand yard stare that only comes from being told the same exact bullshit a thousand times.

'But he had thought of it'

'Like yeahhh of course'

'How did you even find me? Did you put a gps in me when I was asleep???' He tried to check his back for trackers but he just ended up looking like a dog chasing its own tail. ‘Be honest. Did you shove a gps up my ass?’

Remy walked back out into the main room and opened the mini bar with their tail while explaining "So like you and Roman have that weird like twin connection thingie"

'Had' He corrected.

"Yeah well it got like severed when your speech was taken away right?" They looked through the packs of gummy worms and chips and pulled out a packet of chocolate and offered a piece to Remus.

His toes curdled up at the memory of his brother's face in agony as both of theirs speech was taken away. A shudder went up through his whole body as he nodded.

"There must have been some like overlap 'cause like Roman could at least like tell for a few minutes after you were like cast down to earth that you were looking for some uhhh Jaenas guy in like England-ish? So Emile's been looking through this things called like addresses and phone books to find all the Jaenases and I've been looking for you at every Jaenas place I could find. Girl can you imagine if the guy was named something tots generic like Edward or whatever British people are called"

They shrugged before eating the chocolate.

"Apparently there's like exactly 169 Jaenases in England...Niiiiiceee"

Remus let up into a tired chuckle 'If everything goes right soon there should be 168 J a n u s e s'

Remy moved their arm around his shoulders and used their tail to ruffle his hair "Girl!! That's the spirit!!" They pulled him down to the floor and started stacking out things from the mini bar while continuing with "So I've been thinking you gotta like seduce your boytoy, right?"

He nodded.

"But like you're good at violence. I'm good at being pretty, gorgeous and charming. Why can't I just like seduce him and then you do the deed??"

'G E N I U S'

They high fived and both internally thought their part of the plan was clearly the most important.

"Okay girlie look here" Remy pointed to a bag of gummy bears "This is you" Next to a bottle of soda "This is the boytoy" They tapped on the glass of a beer bottle "And this is me. So like tell me the location"

Remus rubbed his two entire braincells together 'He works at the library'

"Great! We're going somewhere here bitccch!! So what does he like? Like should I be more like hard to get or like totally open? Does he wanna top or bottom? Spill everything girl"

--

During the afternoon shift at the library Janus noticed quite quickly that Remus and Remy were attempting to hide behind one of the book shelves though they were extremely easy to spot. Watching the two of them look around like a pair of meerkats with the clear intent of being as subtle as a spy was so far the most enjoyable part of Jan's day so he didn't mind much.

He pretended to not notice them and kept reading the book he had hid behind the counter of the library reception. When he glanced back up he saw Remy push Remus forward out from behind the bookshelf followed by the demon waving at him. Janus waved back and prepared himself to hear some stupid stuff as both of the demons hurried up to him.

"Hiiii girliee!" Remy put their elbows on the counter and leant their head on their hands, even tilted their head, to look all sweet "Whatcha reaaading?"

Abruptly they pulled the book from Janus' hands and quickly read the title before showing it to Remus. "It's about gothic literature" The human replied.

"Totally cute!" (Remy hadn't followed his lips, they were just hoping they had answered right)

Janus glanced at Remus and waited for him to speak which Remy noticed and quickly butted in with "He's like non verbal right now...Uh Autism y'know?"

"As a concept? No, I have never heard of autism ever in my entire life. Is it perhaps a type of bug" Jan said with a completely straight face to which Remus quickly had to sign that he was being sarcastic.

"Sooo. We- me and Emus here are tots feeling this is like the perfect day for a hang out so which time do you get off work you think?"

"Very classy to only ask which time and not whether I actually want to-" Janus stopped as he noticed Remus interpreting what he was saying to sign "Oh dear, I forgot you- Is there some way I can be more understandable?"

Remy looked to what Remus was signing and smiled slightly "Maybe talk a bit slower so I can read your lips"

"Of cours-" He caught himself talking the same and tried to slow you "Oof Cooursse"

They did a thumbs up before properly asking "Well bitch? Do you wanna hang out??"

Remus bounced on the heels of his feet while grinning to his human which made Janus' insides feel all gooey "Ssssure. I will be done in an hour"

The double Rs did a high five with each other before trying to high five Janus but he just shook his head.

--

"Viv is at work so it's just us" Janus said as he unlocked the door to the apartment "Should I put on a cuppa?.......A cup of tea I mean?"

Remus shuffled along into the apartment while doing a thumbs up. Remy was holding onto him with their tail while subtly trying to give him a death stare.

'Whos V i v?'

'Stinky roommate'

'Is he a problem?'

Remus thought for a second before signing 'Hes just really fucking repressed, not a problem. If youre hungry you should seduce him'

While the Rs gossiped about the roomate Janus looked at them from the small kitchen part of the living room. The kettle churned out a constant rumbling pitch as he leant against the counter and crossed his arms.

In the evening light of their meeting yesterday Janus hadn't gotten a proper good look at Remy but now when he studied their face an unsettling feeling fell over him. Their face was symmetrical to an unnatural degree with sculpted eyebrows and long pure white eyelashes perfectly framing their big glossy blue eyes.

There were no liver spots, marks, zits or even any bumpy skin. Their whole face was perfectly smooth and hairless and their limbs long and slender. When they moved they had the grace of a dancer. It was all too perfect.

In a lot of ways they were similar to Remus in how symmetrical and smooth they were but Remus at least had layers of grime on his cheeks, messy curls, overgrown eyebrows and bread crumbs left in his mustache. When he grinned his yellowing teeth showed and wrinkles in their infancy appeared near his mouth. Thick hair covered every part of his arms, legs and chest and even grew noticeable from his nose. Janus had seen his tummy had a hairy happy trail as well and he looked forward to soon enough explore how low the hair went.

Janus tried to shake off the thoughts before they completely wandered away. Still he couldn’t quite get rid of the thought that Remy didn't seem human though on the outside he instead simply decided to be snarky.

"Isn't it a bit unfair that you have two entire secret languages to speak in. If I wasn't so universally adored I would have been worried you two were talking shit about me in front of my face"

Before either of the demons had time to respond the kettle blasted out a high pitched ring and Janus turned his back to prepare the tea. Meanwhile Remy strategically motioned for them and Remus to sit down on the couch with an awkward bit of space between them so that the human, if he had any common decency, would have no choice but to sit in the middle.

In a shocking move Janus sat the tea down on the table along with some plain bread because it was the most snack like thing he had before smacking himself down between Remus and the armrest which forced the demon to shift in his seat and take the place they had planned Jan to sit on.

Janus casually rested his arm around Remus' shoulders while sipping on his tea "So darling I thought about our discussion on found footage films from yesterday- Oh Remy can you read my lips properly?"

Remy begrudgingly nodded.

"Good. Well I remembered this old BBC halloween special called Ghostwatch, well remembered is a lie. Virgil told me about it. Apparently it is from before the blair witch?"

Neither Janus nor Remus noticed but Remy could see in clear view how Remus' tail immediately started to wag like a minor helicopter as soon as the human had started to talk.

Remus nudged for Remy to interpret his signing to Janus "Uhh he's saying that like the first found footage film was from like the 80's...Uhh" They watched as Remus hand spelled "Cannibal...holocaust- WHAT- Bitch what kind of fucking movies are you two watching??? When did you learn all this? You hate huma- uh humorless movies! When did you get all into this??"

Janus shot his hands up "Hey now dear, I for one have never seen cannibal holocaust. I had no part in making him interested in this, I simply spur him on by listening with interest"

'I saw August underground the other day. I liked the poop' Remus signed.

"I have never been one for horror movies but the way Remus talks about them is not at all captivating in the slightest and such a bore" The human continued while stroking his fingers up and down the back of Remus' neck between where his hair stopped and shirt began.

'Youre sounding like Roman. Look at you being a human culture slut all of a sudden' Remy signed to which Remus churned his elbow right into their ribs.

Janus ignored the tomfoolery "I definitely do not have a nice little pirate site to watch Ghostwatch on right now" He tilted Remus' head slightly closer and murmured "We can turn down the lights and I can get sssspooked"

Remy interrupted by elbowing Remus directly in the stomach "HEY Girlie bestie stupid slut! Uhhhm Didn't you have that like meeting with your uhhh teacher Logan?" They said just like they had planned the night before.

'Right' Remus stood up in an awkward pre rehearsed way with his arms being held too tightly to the sides of his waist as he walked towards the front door 'I have a test! Fuck! and shit also! Guess I have to go! Bye'

He waved goodbye and promptly rushed out before Janus had a chance to object to being left alone with what was basically still a stranger.

Now the Remy part of the plan could truly begin. They remembered what their friend had told them the human liked and tried to look suave as they closed the gap between them.

"Looks like it's just you and me now Jaenas" They pulled down their sunglasses to flutter their eyelashes.

The human squinted at them for a few tense seconds before asking "Are you aware that you are pronouncing my name wrong? People mispronouncing my name is sssuch an uncommon thing, it Never happens! But you've really managed to find a new and exciting way to say it completely wrong"

The succubi's eye started to twitch from irritation at how he didn't sound seduced in the slightest. They had put on their favorite Britney Spears perfume! Wasn't that enough! They were showing their ankles! They remembered back to the fond times when a peek of a collarbone could make any man swoon.

They swept their hair back and let out a stale laugh "I am? Oh my gawd sorry girl. How should I say it?"

Janus began to word it out letter by letter but Remy put their finger up to stop them. In one swift motion they pulled off their jacket and cast it onto the leftover seat on the couch before leaning forward a bit more so their collarbones stuck out and one of the straps to their shirt flirted with falling off their shoulder.

They pushed their lips out a little before saying "Uhmm I understand like pronounciation better if I can like feel the words being said so if I could like" With a gentle touch they placed their thumb against Janus' bottom lip and looked at him with big wet eyes to show they were waiting for him to speak.

The human quickly grabbed their wrist and moved their finger away "Actually dear the way my name is pronounced isn't that important. You seem to have a love to call everyone girl anyway"

The valley girl-esque vocal fry Remy layered on every word had quickly become grating on Janus' ears and having their ice cold blue eyes non stop staring at him didn't help.

Remy moved to place their hand on the human's thigh but Janus grabbed their ring finger to stop them before they had barely even touched his pant leg. Their hand kept hanging in the air as Janus finished his tea and cleared his throat.

"Are you aware of how much Remus has told me about you?" He asked.

They put on a flattered look "About how like totally great I am I hooope"

"Well for one, and I do genuinely say this with no judgment, but he has told me about what both you and him do for a profession and I really feel like you are trying to make something happen here. If I'm right about that I just want to inform you that I am poor" 

Internally Remy cursed Remus for whatever bullshit he had spouted "Uhhh I couldn't like read your lips properly" They lied "Can you repeat that?"

"I was just saying that Remus has already told me you're both sex workers and if you're trying to do anything with me you should be aware I do not have the budget for that"

Why the fuck had Remus spent the previous night telling them about the human's favorite color and the way his hair smelled instead of telling them about actual important stuff like how to pronounce his goddamn name! Or what he had told the human about them!

Remy took a deep breath and decided to roll with it, it really wasn't a lie either.

"Giirl just 'cause I'm trying to get down with someone doesn't mean I always ask for money for it"

"True"

"I mean" Remy leant their arm on the top of the sofa's back pillows so they were close to having their arm around him "My lover shares some similarities with you so like I could totalllly be into you- We're in an open relationship don't worry. Would be like soo hard to do my job otherwise"

"Well I would assume your lover would feel differently about you being with someone for your job and on your spare time"

"Oh aren't you just such a smarty pants” They booped his nose “Well he's fine with both so yippeeee. You're both cute and stout and make me look like the tall one in a comedy duo"

"You're awful at compliments" Janus replied dryly.

"That's okay 'cause I put all my talents into being the most amazing sex partner ever in the history of man" That was yet another lie because when they were with most people they put in minimum effort if they weren't Emile or really hot and in their opinion Janus was not. "I can like uhhh suck you off or" They started to list sex acts as if they were reading off the burger king menu.

"I appreciate your offer and maybe a day or so ago I would have said yes but" He tried to hide a growing smile but was unable to "After me and Remus- After our date yesterday I really have to decline being with anyone else. At least not until I've had the chance to talk to him about it"

Remy pulled themself back.

In that moment they could feel any slight hint of lust coming from the human instantly fade away and they knew they didn't have the slightest of a chance left.

Now they just had to come up with a good reason to leave. They picked up the tea cup and drank from it while completely letting the performative sensuality disappear and let their bad posture and their need to sit like a complete sofa potato with their legs spread like hell take over.

"Do you like him?" Remy asked while casting a judging look to the human.

Janus relaxed as the tense atmosphere dispersed and he nodded "I think I do. It's definitely not like I feel at peace when I'm with him, not at aaaallll.....Everything just seems to make sense when he's with me"

"Aww"

They looked down at their tea cup to avoid having to look at him. His expression only reminded them that he was after all just some 23 year old with a crush who was going to be killed soon.

---

Not too long afterwards Remy returned to the hotel room where Remus had built up a nest in the bed and started making tiny sculptures from saliva and toilet paper. The tv was on and was showing a nature documentary where a hawk was hunting for snakes.

Remus jumped up and bounced on the bed as soon as he saw his friend 'That took so short!!! short like his dick???' He jumped down from the bed and hugged Remy 'I hadnt expected him to last long during his first time anyway'

'I didnt seduce him'

His mouth fell so open from surprise he looked like the scream mask 'But you wore your b r i t n e y  s p e a r s perfume! How did it not work!!?!?'

Remy rubbed the bridge of their nose that turned into them rubbing their temples. Having to focus their eyes for so long on Janus' lips had given them a nasty headache. From the minifridge they took a couple of ice cubes and pressed it to their forehead as they laid down on the bed.

Their friend sat down beside them and poked his hand into their cheek until he got an answer.

"You've done fucked it up girl. You've made that human fall for you"

To their surprise Remus blushed slightly. His eyes stayed wide as if waiting for further explanation.

"He said no to my like totally awesome sexy advancements 'cause he only had eyes for you. He said that like especially after last night he was sssuupper into you. What did you do? Did you show him that weird trick with shoving things up your nose and having them come out your mouth?"

Remus fiddled with his fingers before forming his hands into pseudo mouths and mimicking kissing.

"KISS!? You kissed him!? But you didnt fuck him!? C'MON REMUS!"

Remy let out a long sigh to try and not get needlessly annoyed at him. This whole situation must have been just as hard on him as it was on them. They moved their tail to cup his cheek.

"You've done this like sssooo many times girlie. Can you just do him and get this over with so we can all like hopefully return to normal. Y'know I have barely been able to see Emile lately 'cause I've been so busy searching for you! So I could help! Which you clearly needed or who knows you would have kept playing around with your human toy for another few months while Roman- While-"

Their words simmered out and he didn't respond.

"I can't stay here forever” Remy continued “I probs should have gone already in case the manager is like keeping watch over you. The manag-shit has been on our ass down in hell y'know and Roman-"

Remus cut them off by putting his hand lightly over their mouth, if he heard about Roman he wouldn't be able to say what he was about to

'What if I dont want to go back to my normal life?'

It felt like a sin to ask.

Remy scoffed at it and nearly laughed before realizing he was being serious.

"Be for real now. What's gonna change? You're gonna have to feed no matter what. And like even if you go back to hell you can still visit earth if you've started liking human things. Cmon Janus is clearly into you! It's gonna be easy! And you're right! He won't last long! It'll totally be over before you know it-"

'What if I dont want to kill him'

"What's his little human life gonna change? he'll like die eventually and we'll all just keep feeding and getting fucked over by the higher ups. He will be gone before you know it"

'But I like him' Remus' hands fell to his lap after he had signed it.

Remy sat up and threw the ice cubes away to the trash can so they could pull their arm around him.

"That still won't change anything. Like it's been what? almost 2 months? Can you just get it over it. Emile's stressed and Roman- Romans not speaking" Remy rolled their eyes at what they had just said "Obviously he's not speaking! and you're not like either but I mean- Like- You're communicating! Ever since you got kicked down to heaven and she told us 'bout the Janus thing she's just stopped talking to anyone ever since and- Ugh it doesn't matter. I don't have to tell you cause' like tomorrow you'll see her again! 'Cause you'll go and get comfy with Janus and it'll be over before you know and then you and Roman can sort everything out!"

'......Why is Ro-Ros life going back to normal more important than me not wanting to go back to a life I hate"

"Cause he's-"

'It can be changed' Remus could feel bile of anger in his throat 'I will mangle my old life with my bare hands if I have to'

"Girl don't be selfish now-"

'When me and Janus kissed I fed' His hands were steadier as he signed 'And not in a lustful way. I know because I kissed his roomate a few days ago and it was a lustful kiss and it was disgusting. This wasnt like that. This feeding was different. I wasnt feeding on lust'

Remy stared at him in silence for a few eternal seconds before their mouth fell open and they cast their arms around him and shook him around.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU START WITH THAT!?!?! THIS CHANGES SHIT! If you got- You got a chance to like live without having to like feed in a way you don't want that's-" They took his head in their hands and shook him lightly around "That's amazing!"

Remus let up into a tearful smile as he put his hand on top of theirs and nodded.

"Do you think Janus is the special link? Or is it you who have like changed? Do you feel like you're not starving?" They dragged in his shirt to see if his ribs were still poking out which made him silently giggle from the tickling feeling "I'm like sorry I haven't- I can't understand like how feeding works for you but if you tell me you're happy like this I'll fucking help you forever and ever girlie, okay?"

The questions fired off too quickly for him to be able to answer them and he instead shrugged repeatedly.

'But he is human. He will die eventually. Soon for us' He repeated what Remy had said earlier.

They waved it off "That was BEFORE you dropped this bomb on me! He's like totally special clearly! And more importantly you clearly like him enough to give shit up for him! He's like worth this. He's worthy for you!"

'But loving a human is what Patton did'

He didn't say anything of it but he wondered what if once he gave in to being a Patton he would end up doing everything Patton had done. If he would end up killing Janus no matter what eventually.

Remy squished his cheeks together "The Patton myths are fucking bullshit!"

Remus moved his hands to sign but Remy took his hands to stop him.

"It's bullshit! Pure bullshit! If you like this Janus guy so much then just go for it and it will work out SOMEHOW! We will make everything work out! And me and you and Emile and Roman and Janus and even his fucking roomate if he wants to join will be okay. You wanna know how I know that"

He nodded.

"'Cause I got a head full of white hair and my hearing is gone and my life still worked out and I still wouldn't take any of the shit I did back 'cause I still got Emile and that makes it all worth it! And I know you and Janus can work out even as like a demon and a human 'Cause- 'Cause Emile used to be an angel! And we are still here! Alive! And together!"

As soon as Remy had said it they slapped their hands over their mouth and looked away as if taken by surprise of their own admission, but Remus moved his arms around their waist, sank his head against their back and held them just like they had held him.

Remus held up his hands and simply made a heart to show Remy. He heard them let out something between a laugh and a scoff.

"....Giirllll it feels nice to finally get that off my chest. He's my angel babey. My angel lover. My angel. My angel. My Angel”

[allbeendonebefore]

What are your favourite head/canon things about Alberta

[cracks knuckles] [stretches fingers]

so i’ll just start with a disclaimer - i use sherry’s/iamp/whatever alberta and i realize ive been getting a lot of followers who are part of rp groups and whatever or people who might be interested in adding some depth to their own ocs so feel free to like… think about these things if you want if you’re thinking of doing an alberta oc?? I guess

so since that mysterious slash implies what are my fave canonical things about AB too I’ll say that there isn’t much- I go with what sherry says on canon rather than IAMP and PC because while there are a lot of things I had influence over in both projos there are a lot of things I would have done differently so we’ll start with the bio

Canon Stuff

literally all the things are accurate sooo its hard lol. Obviously the political situation has changed and the economic situation is its usual rollercoaster (WELL… but thats another time). I gotta say that the ‘alberta beef is the best thing that’s ever happened to me’ is really hitting home right now because i didnt realize how SPOILED i was by AAA beef until I got to Ontario ToT (ngl the pork here is super good and saves me money but the BEEF aAAA)

also my edmonton bias shines through at ‘he hates a part of himself called calgary’ thats by far my second fave B)))

Headcanon Stuff

ok where to start I will try to not make this an essay and i can elaborate more if you’re curious

- a lot of people will wonder about whether a province lives in the capital or the biggest city etc. and I have to say in Bertie’s case it is NEITHER. He’d never willingly live in (d)E(a)dmonton (sorry ed ilu) because Ed represents Government which he Hates and while he would spend a fair bit of time in Calgary he gets claustrophobic/exhausted - he still in my mind represents more of the rural bits of the province than the cities. I think he might move around a little, but he probably lives on a ranch between both cities but within sight of the mountains. I’m sure he has a place to stay in each city, but he’s a country boy at heart and appreciates his space, peace and quiet. 

- Particularly space because Where else is he going to keep his 3 trucks + 2 ATVs + horses + 100000 cows + boat + canoe + kayak + all his camping junk + motorbikes + dirtbikes + tractor + other junk that people leave at his place

- that said his ‘birthplace’ is the southern ‘half’ of the province so he tends to kind of hover around there more- as i said he owns a ranch rather than a farm because the Quality Ranch Land is in the south and the Good Farm Land is in the north (and being eaten up by ugly houses ugh)

- still I think he spends a fair amount of time working up north in the Fort Mac area because Why Not make All the money. Even if you’re a rancher boy in the middle of nowhere, everyone in this province has ties to the oil industry one way or another. It wouldn’t make sense for him NOT to work in Oil and Gas because it’s literally the only job in the province lmao.

- His driving playlist consists of: Dean Brody, Corb Lund, Keith Urban, Ian Tyson, and the obligatory Nickelback which he listens to Un-ironically but also to piss off/drown out passengers when they’re annoying him

- He’s easily annoyed. By Everything. And Everyone. He’s the current national scapegoat and he takes it Extremely Personally depending on the context but also he has a relatively affectionate relationship with everyone and usually expresses his affection by pointed jabs. 

- like he literally gets along with everyone on a personal level and not just because he buys them drinks- his worst relationships are probably with BC and Ontario and that’s just because he lives to irritate them and they respond with an appropriate amount of salt. He still doesnt mind hanging out with them and bc/ab/on/qc is an unstoppable team. He just gets extremely sensitive when anyone asks to borrow money from him and will give you an earful of ‘i work SO HARD for this money to put FOOD on YOUR TaBLe’

- generally really tight fisted with money………. only when other people are looking. he makes a big deal about how little he spends on essential services and you just look at him like ‘so you’re saying you have the money to get all this crap for this rodeo coming up but you dont have the money to take yourself to the hospital after’ and hes like [coughs up blood anime style] ‘im ok i have whiskey and benadryl at home’ [adjusts his diamond studded hat]

- really big on loyalty and straightforward conversations and has NO patience for any hypocrisy or doublespeak no matter how small. The slightest of things can send him reeling with Betrayal. Also this makes him either tight lipped or TMI, there is no in between. 

- like literally reeling he’s very top heavy and you could blow him over with a sneeze, he’s all bark and only some bite. When he’s good he’s Real Good but when he’s bad he’s like a foot in the grave bad

- he’s the baby of the prairie bros but also the one with the brains- and i don’t mean in an academic sense i mean in the ‘so crazy it just might work’ sense. 

- literally he’s an idiot he doesnt understand how equalization payments work no matter how many times you explain it to him. He doesn’t understand a lot of things re: the economy but he never shuts up about them. 

- the easiest way to piss him off is to threaten his autonomy in any way, he will stop whatever he’s doing to put a boot up yer ass if you Dare suggest something like ‘why don’t you let ontario/canada take care of that for you’ even if he knows the way he’s doing something is garbage he will go out of his way to keep doing it because its ‘my way or the highway’. 

- ‘why do you have all those guns’ ‘oh you know hunting deer and stuff’ [really its because he’s terrified a rat is going to sneak into his barn or something] [but he does actually hunt] [and he’s the type of guy to have the ‘trespassers will be shot’ signs]

- I haven’t figured out WHAT truck he drives yet but i am PROUD OF HIM for no longer putting truck nuts on it, THANK GOD that went out of fashion. (That said he does not have the stacks- his truck is lifted and Shiny and also has a handful of Alberta Strong decals/stickers.) Newf probably gave him a sticker of “The Rock” or a nfld flag and he Loves it. On a scale of most to least obnoxious trucks its Mac - Bert - Cal - Ed. It’s probably a white truck.

- i should think about things he loves more, this headcanon list is mostly things that make him angry oops xDD he loves animals a lot, and not just to eat i swear. The bigger and the more horns the better.

- he really loves driving a lot, it’s like a big part of his independence factor. I think sometimes he will just drive aimlessly late at night/early morning when it’s not busy and just go and find somewhere to look at the sky.

- he looooves digging up fossils in his spare time, or just interesting rocks in general. If you say the words animatronic dinosaur he is ALREADY THERE

- he watches a lot of sci fi and really loves star trek. So Much. he’s totally attempted mowing crop circles in his lawn/fields probably multiple times. he’s still waiting for the ufos to come land. Also has a thing for spooky places and cryptids and those weird inexplicable twilight-zone like events that only happen on road trips. did i mention the Giant Roadside Attractions. 

- he has this persona of being a traditional/small-and-big-c conservative but he’s actually really into innovation and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. He interacts with so many different people lately that he’s trying to take the time to really re-evaluate himself and move away from the Klein-era “Severely Normal People” image because it doesn’t reflect him. The issue is he’s more likely to vote on economy rather than social issues so his actual progressiveness gets hidden by lack of political representation (and lets be honest he has Always hated politics). He’s got a lot of crap to sort through but he catches people who underestimate him off guard.

- was probably raised methodist/protestant/whatever but is mostly pretty secular, but he has some definite strong holdovers that make him uncomfortable about certain subjects and his first reaction to being uncomfortable is always anger.

- completely oblivious to being hit on or something or really gay situations around him but is that type of person who is like [cant walk too close to another dude because what if it looks gay bro].

- his fave cow is named buttercup

- he has definitely woken up after a night out with friends naked and alone duct taped to an air mattress and floating in the middle of a lake. true story. 

- he will macgyver his way out of any situation. doesn’t mind getting down and dirty in the mud when it’s necessary. exactly the type of person to shove his hands in bitumen and squish it around or to pick up a rock and lick it or to shove a thermometer up a cow. When he gets squeamish he does his best to be bullheaded and pretend like Nothing is Wrong until he faints. 

- his french is crap but he Tries- the french he knows is backwater northern AB french which he’s too shy to bring up so he feigns ignorance. His german is good and his ukrainian is passable, his spanish is fine, he’s trying to get the hang of some other languages but doesn’t tell anyone he’s practicing because he hates getting made fun of xD

- the hat and boots are Absolutely to make him look taller than he actually is. He doesn’t wear inserts but he does make sure the sole/heel on any boot he buys is Thick. Smol insecure man with a Big hat. Will spend 300 bucks on shoes, but he actually does ride/work so its an investment for him. 

- heads to Arizona/Mexico in the winter when he’s not working, otherwise Banff/Jasper are his ‘budget’ vacations lol. 

i love this stupid province pls ask if you have any more questions because i love to talk and i feel like i’ve said too much already lol