#iwantburgersbluntsandcouches

[shelbywk-blog]

I just want you to see my chubby face dissipating. Top 2 are at my starting weight of 261 and the bottom is me at 248. :D

[shelbywk-blog]

WOOOO.

Have been steadily under 250 pounds for a few days now. Feels good man.

It's going to a slow climb to the top, but every little milestone feels like I'm down 10000lbs.

I can't wait for the day that I'm under 200 pounds..It feels so far off right now, but the fact that I know I can fucking attain this is awesome.

I no longer want a thousand big macs..in fact I'm not sure i even want ONE.

Went clothes shopping the other day to use my haute cash at torrid. Tried on a dress in my normal size (18) it looked really good but we all decided I could afford to go down a size, they didn't have a 16 so I tried a 14. Totally bought it. FOUR FUCKING TEEN. That probably sounds like a circus tent to a majority of the tumblr world but god dammit. I was so excited.

In other news I'm on like day 15 or 16 of adipex? I dunno. Something like that. This also means I'm on day 15 or 16 of eating healthy..only a few more days until it's become "habit"

Sweet. Victory, I'm comin' for ya'.

EDIT: because i don't want to post this on my fb and need this for reference lata'.

Day 1:

squats - 34

push ups- 19

lunges - 21

plank bridge - 22 sec.

[shelbywk-blog]

Day 9

Last night I had the most intense dream that I was eating all sorts of unhealthy shit in abundance and drinking soda. Instead of waking up depressed and longing, I woke up pretty satisfied. As if I actually had this meal. Damn. Thanks brain! Now I can happily eat a can of spinach for lunch.

[shelbywk-blog]

Day 7. Official weigh-in day.

Down 9 pounds. Fuck. Yeah.

I'm becoming lazy about logging my food/exercise/thoughts for the day in my notebook. No good.

I'm only running 1.5 miles 5 times a week, its whatever but I'd really like to do other things. I want to join a gym, but I'm poor and really insecure about being a fatty and working out. Which makes little sense. I don't know. Whatever.

I feel pretty fucking stupid for writing all of this on tumblr.

I am not a feminist.

I do not have an eating disorder.

I am not anywhere in the LGBT spectrum.

I am not fifteen.

I don't particularly belong here.

Whatevs. 

[shelbywk-blog]

Day 6. Random thoughts.

I don't use this thing. I guess I could attempt to start.

I have been taking adipex and dieting/exercising for the past 6 days. I'm almost at the ten pound mark and I couldn't feel better... okay. Actually, I definitely could. I'm at the point where I'm so proud of myself for doing this, but then I realize I'm barely 1/7 of the way there and not only that, but it's going to get much more difficult with each passing week.

I'm finding a lot of my depression has subsided since taking these pills. I have more energy, I'm happier overall, things are good. Depressing thoughts still creep in. Can I really say I'm going to be happy upon losing weight? Am I going to follow through? All the time I feel this overwhelming sense that I'm not good enough, physically, mentally, etc.. I've always felt like I'm not good enough. Instead of accepting the love I get from family, friends, my boyfriend I think of all the people I can't win over. Compare myself to those who can. Wonder what makes me so much less. I hate myself. I hate myself more than anything in the world. I think I have a lot of people fooled. Everyone knows I'm not the happiest person ever. And maybe they know I'm depressed too. I don't think anyone knows the extent. I have this naive thought that I think most people feel, if I could just lose the weight then I will be happy. All this will fade.

I'm going to be fat and ugly forever. Even if I lose this weight. My mental state, my confidence, will always be fat. Fuck. That's really discouraging. I shouldn't talk like that. Because that isn't how I feel, entirely. I've never been this proactive or motivated about anything ever. It's only the first week and I have a long way to go. 

I have an interview next week. A new job. That would be so beautiful. It pays better than sonic, it isn't sonic, and I wouldn't have to be around terrible fast food all day.

I have an hour before Sonic hell. Had a protein smoothie with soy milk, bananas, oranges, and apples for breakfast along with a cup of kasha cereal and half a cup soy. Ran until I burned pretty much the whole damn thing off. Oops. Whatever, I have a ton of delicious dinner options to take to work.