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auroraphilealis · 7 years

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Steal My Heart (Steal My Whole Life Too) Chapter 27

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Warnings: some violence, mentions of death (no main characters), dark magic, descriptions of wounds/blood, some hints of sexual scenes (but no actual smut), murder, dangerous situations, stealing/thievery

Summary: Captain of the Royal Guard and Prince of Morellia, Philip Lester has never been given the chance to find love. Instead, he’s run from a system that works to end class differences and improve equality for its citizens. Happy as he is to make the world a better place, Phil can’t help feeling bitter towards his ancestors for making it impossible for him to find someone who will actually love him for more than just his title, and strives instead for a life of justice and doing good - only to meet his match in the King of Thieves, a man who will change everything he once thought he knew in life. Together, they must depart on a quest to save the kingdom, and, in the process, destroy their differences and find their own form of love.

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Thanks so much to @botanistlester for betaing this giant monster, as she’s been super helpful and encouraging with her little comments and endless excitement. We couldn’t have done it without you <3

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

A/N: second last chapter!! Last one coming tomorrow!! I don’t know how to feel I’m so so excited for you all to read the ending but also sad to be coming to the end of this massive project which me and Elizajane are so proud of. I am emotional.

I (Elizajane) am also insanely emotional and trying not to cry AHHH I can’t… believe this is almost over? How did this happen? Last I checked we weren’t even done editing? HOW? I… am blown away. AGH. I’ll save he sappy stuff for tomorrow. In the meantime, just know, that despite the way this chapter ends, there is still one chapter left to come. See you tomorrow, my loyal friends.

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(AO3 link) (Masterlist)

Chapter 27

Morning brought with it slow, languorous kisses, soft touches, bright sensations, and a contentment and happiness long settled from Phil's proposal. Phil had never felt quite like this before, but he had a feeling there’d be plenty more days like this coming for him, and for that he was glad.

Last night, Phil had made Dan swear on his title as King of Thieves not to change his mind about their betrothal, giggling despite how very seriously he’d taken the words, only to be reassured by a very, very serious Dan that he was never going to let Phil go now that he had him.

The sentiment had made Phil’s heart race, and he’d dropped his silly demeanour to kiss the living daylights out of Dan, peppering his entire body with renewed kisses and putting off rebandaging Dan for the sake of getting to touch him free of bandages again. He’d laid more hickeys into Dan’s skin than ever before, trailing his lips over Dan’s scabbing wounds once more, and trailed his fingers all over Dan’s body just to remind himself over and over again that Dan was his, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

So, after their adventures the day before, it was no surprise to either man when they woke up beyond ravenous, curled up tight against each other.

Phil was the first to come awake, his stomach grumbling against Dan’s side as he whined softly into Dan’s neck where he’d buried it before bed last night. The sound must have roused Dan’s belly, as his growled next, followed by an equal groan from Dan that they had to be awake right now.

“‘Time’s’ it?” Dan mumbled, rolling his head to glance down at Phil, who hadn’t even bothered to move. Rolling his eyes, Dan glanced out of the branches of their tree while simultaneously carding his fingers through Phil’s ruffled hair. He squinted at the sun that shone, dull with the early morning, and then sighed a little.

“Apparently time to get up,” he added with another groan, and yawned hugely as his stomach growled all over again.

Grumbling himself, Phil nearly tried to ignore Dan, but his thief was pushing at his body gently, peppering kisses to Phil’s shoulders, and Phil really was hungry, so after he’d pushed himself up to hover over Dan’s body, Phil leaned in for one last kiss.

Their mouths came together gently. Something had settled between them, and while they still enjoyed the tantalizing joy of harsh, possessive, passionate kisses, the morning after their betrothal deserved nothing short of heartfelt.

Phil giggled as he pressed peck, after peck, after peck to Dan’s lips, watching the way Dan tried to chase him, and then eventually wound up tangling his hand in the back of Phil’s hair to make him stay near for something a little more than a peck.

It made Phil’s insides melt, and by the time they pulled apart, he felt nothing short of wide awake and completely, totally in love.

“I love you, Dan,” Phil whispered, nuzzling his nose against Dan’s.

Dan laughed in return, and though he rolled his eyes, he nuzzled Phil’s nose back with a soft little sigh of his own.

“Love you too. Now, go get us breakfast.”

Phil did so with a laugh of his own, yawning as he stretched out his body and moved to fetch the pigeons he and Dan had caught last night.

After breakfast, Phil spent another good few minutes lazily making out with Dan for lack of desire to get dressed and ready for the day. He still had to re-do Dan’s bandages, but that could wait. Phil was too busy soothing his fingers over the scratches, long as they were, just to keep himself grounded in Dan. Besides, they were newly betrothed, surely they deserved a little more time together? Still, even as they kissed, Phil knew they needed to get going soon, and eventually, he pulled away from Dan’s body with a soft little sigh.

Dan whined but didn’t try to follow after Phil, eyes closed in absolute bliss as he stretched his body out like a cat. Dan could feel Phil’s gaze on him, exposed as he was, and just grinned. He’d never felt as lavished in love as he had that morning and the night before, and the knowledge that this was stretching out forever ahead of him - that he had an actual future with Phil - only made it more the sweeter.

Phil, meanwhile, didn’t even bother to hide his smile as he looked Dan over, and finally moved to start gathering up the bandages he’d meant to wrap Dan in last night.

He didn’t fully want to see Dan dressed again, but they really did need to get a move on, now. Soon enough, Phil could have all the time in the world with Dan. Surely, his family and his kingdom would give him a break after he broke the curse.

Or, he could just force them to, that would work as well.

“Come on,” Phil insisted to a snoozing Dan, “Sit up a bit. I need to wrap your bandages again. Hopefully for the last time,” he added with a little grin. As Dan sat up, grumbling a bit, Phil reached out to stroke his hand over Dan’s side one last time, and then finally began to wrap up the scratches he’d only just made peace with.

Wrapping the bandages had become second nature to Phil, and it was especially easy when there was no sticky poultice in the way. Dan had insisted he didn’t need any more of it, as it was making his side almost too numb now, so Phil had skipped out on it. Without it, he was finished wrapping Dan in record time, and moved to gather up Dan’s clothes from last night.

Unable to help himself, Phil started to dress Dan with a grin, taking the chance to touch Dan’s body freely for just a little bit longer.

Dan lay back under Phil's constant administrations, though he couldn't help but giggle at the way Phil insisted on dressing him. The act was intimate and sweet, pure in a way that only Phil could be. Dan lay back and let his Prince dress him, despite the arguments building up in his brain that he wasn't entirely helpless, that he did know how to wear his own clothes.

Eventually, when Dan was completely healed, he was going to force Phil to lie back and let Dan take care of him for a solid month just to make up for all of this.

"You know, you dressing me is ridiculous in many ways," Dan snorted as he obediently lifted his arms so Phil could slide his tunic over his head, "But mostly because you're actually wearing my clothes. If anything, I should be the one dressing you."

His grin grew more wicked once he emerged from the tunic, and he caught Phil's arms, bringing him in to murmur in his ear, "Although, if I was in charge of dressing you, then you'd probably never be clothed at all." He accentuated the words by pressing his thumb gently against one of the many marks he'd scattered about Phil's collarbone last night, liking the way it stood out on Phil's pale, smooth skin.

The marks on Dan's flesh were always marred by his time under the harsh desert sun, or the many scars that he carried, but Phil's body was perfect, which just made ruining it all the sweeter.

At Dan's words, Phil glanced down only to remember that he was, in fact, wearing Dan's clothes. He'd brought a few of his own things with them to change into should the time come, but they'd managed to get buried in the bottom of the bag. Dan's clothes were easier to get to -- or so he told himself every time he pulled out a well worn white tunic and a pair of Dan's trousers. He wasn't even embarrassed, however, and merely grinned at Dan, only to have the breath stolen from him when Dan pulled him in and whispered into his ear.

The words were still able to send a thrill of arousal through him as Dan pressed his fingers over the marks he'd left on Phil in turn, Phil's body reacting with a low shiver all the way up and down his spine. It felt far too good, far too tempting, and Phil was forced to pull away after Dan started nosing along his skin, licking and nipping like he wanted to draw Phil into another round.

Shuddering, Phil took a deep breath. Dan was going to be the death of him. He'd never felt so erotic in his entire life, never had someone make him feel this way before, and it didn't matter how many times they did these things, Phil wasn't sure his reactions would ever change.

"You know," Dan murmured gently when he was done exploring Phil's body (for now), "I almost don't want to let you go once we finally get back to the Palace. Does being your betrothed mean I get certain rights on your time?" Dan's eyes gleamed. "I have every intention of stealing you away from your duties at every possible moment, so be warned, my Prince. You offered betrothal to me: I intend to take advantage." Despite his teasing, Dan's words held a low urgency and a delicious happiness, because he and Phil were betrothed.

Betrothed. To a Prince. To the Captain of the Royal Guard. Dan wanted to laugh aloud every time he thought of it, and tackle Phil with kisses, because he hadn’t thought he could ever be happy again and yet here he was, with Phil, finally having the future he'd always dreamed of spreading out before him.

As long as he got to keep Phil’s time to himself. The last thing Dan wanted was a repeat of the lead-up to Martyn’s wedding, when Phil had been stolen away from him and Dan had to literally break into the Palace to see him. Dan didn’t want to have to battle for Phil’s time like that again.

"Being my betrothed means you get most rights on my time," Phil chuckled in agreement, tossing Dan a fond look. "Duty may call, but my husband can weasel his way into coming first," he explained, winking as Dan reassured him that he was going to take full advantage of Phil asking Dan to marry him. "I can hardly complain, now can I, if my betrothed has need of me? All the more excuse for me to weasel my way out on a journey or three hundred with you,” Phil promised Dan, leaning in one last time for a quick kiss to the corner of Dan’s mouth.

Phil pulled away after that, however, aware that he needed to if he ever wanted to get back out on the road again, and started to move around their shelter to pack up their things once again. Talking about these things with Dan only made Phil want to get home even more than he already did. No matter what happened at the Palace when they arrived, Phil was certain that Dan would be staying right by his side. No one could force them apart now.

"And you don't have to worry about letting me go, by the way,” Phil added for good measure as he moved about their shelter. “Cause there's no way I'm letting anyone take me away from you or vice versa. You'll stand by my side through everything unless you want to go, and shortly thereafter, I fully intend to force you to take me on a journey. I'm ready to be free of my chains at the palace, and excited for an adventure far less... dangerous to our lives than this one has been."

Dan only brightened more and more the further Phil spoke. Phil had this way of talking that painted an entire future out for them, making it sound simple and achievable and right, as opposed to Dan who tended to overthink everything and go over and over in his mind a million times exactly what could go wrong. Phil was teaching him a more optimistic view of the world, that was maybe a better way to be. If not better, it at least complemented Dan's more negative and arguably more realistic view. They made a good team.

"I like the sound of that," Dan murmured. He wanted to take Phil away on his journeys right away, and he knew that Phil would turn a blind eye to his thieving so long as he continued to do nothing but good with it. That, Dan fully intended to do.

He'd show Phil exactly what being King of Thieves meant when he broke into the richest houses and gave their jewels away to those in the capital who needed it most, or sold it on the black markets he’d set up to help the livelihood of the people on the streets.

Maybe he'd leave the capital alone for a while, though, at least in term of high-profile steals -- let Phil look as if he was doing a good job as Captain of the Royal Guard.

"I'll trade you," Dan murmured, standing and reaching for Phil again only to entwine their fingers -- he just needed to be touching Phil, always, it didn't matter how. He pressed a kiss to Phil's knuckles, looking up at him through his lashes. "As your husband, I will stand by your side in the Palace and attend you, but in my world, my Prince, I can show you so much more."

He gave a little chuckle at the sudden thought, his eyes brightening and a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Besides, I'll be getting a bit of a kick out of seeing your court welcome their new prince without knowing he is the King of Thieves himself. Quite a good infiltration I've pulled off, hm?"

Phil couldn’t help the way he grinned at Dan taking his hand, trading promises with him of what they could give each other and what they could have. There was so much excitement in Phil over their future together, and the fact that Dan had said yes to it all, was still saying yes to it all, continued to keep his heart beating that little bit faster, like he was on a constant high of adrenaline and love.

"As your husband, I am meant to attend you just as much you to me," Phil murmured, giving up packing for just a teesny bit longer to kiss Dan again, mouth soft against Dan's. When he pulled back, it was with another teasing grin. "But I won't complain if you want to spoil me a bit."

Even as he said it, Phil already knew he'd be the one spoiling Dan. He didn't seem able to stop himself from giving his thief everything he wanted.

When he was honest with himself, though, Phil couldn't deny wanting to see the King of Thieves in action, to see the world how he saw it, to witness how good and kind he truly was behind it all.

"As the Prince, I'm flabbergasted as to how the King of Thieves could have managed to infiltrate my home so perfectly, but as your husband, I'm quite proud," Phil whispered into Dan's ear, and then finally pulled away completely, squeezing Dan's hand one last time. "But if you want to marry me, my thief, I think we should get going."

Phil already knew his brother, as the older sibling, would have to marry first, and while he was certain the wedding would not be postponed once Cornelia was well once more, he wouldn't mind postponing his own wedding to go on a trip with Dan, first.

Dan pouted when Phil fully pulled away from him, tempted to pull him back in and keep distracting him. Phil hadn't managed to pack much up with Dan constantly pulling him back in for kisses and soft words and gentle, affectionate touches, but he just couldn't seem to help himself. Dan had never quite lost the loud part of him that demanded Phil's attention be on him at all times.

Eventually, though, Phil did get to finish up the packing, and Dan's pout only increased. Phil was being sensible and Dan knew they had to move, but that didn't mean he had to be happy about it. He grumbled quietly to himself, well aware he was acting like a petulant child, but Dan had been enjoying this new beautiful intimacy with Phil -- his betrothed -- discussing their ideal future together.

For the first time ever, Dan could feel hope blossoming inside of him.

"I suppose, if my Prince commands it, we have to go," Dan huffed, though he made it more than plain that he wasn't happy about it. He wrapped an arm around his sore side and reached for his staff-turned-walking-stick, watching with bright eyes as Phil shouldered their bags once again. "Come along, then."

Dan crawled out of the tree first, followed by Phil, and they took their time to pause and cover up the entrance again, neither of them particularly wanting anyone else to use their tree. It would always hold a special place in their heart. Then, Dan was taking Phil's hand in his again and they were walking back through this forest hopefully one last time, Dan still leaning heavily on his cane.

Traveling back out through the forest on the other side of the river was far too easy after everything else Dan and Phil had been through, and with the dragon scale shard stuck to Phil’s dagger firmly resting on his person, they didn’t feel so afraid to talk quietly together with a smattering of laughter that might catch someone's attention.

The worst of their journey was surely behind them, now, after all.

They saw a few animals as they moved about the forest as well, with Phil getting distracted and stopping to tell Dan story after story about each one, but Dan didn’t mind. In fact, he thought it was rather adorable the way Phil’s face lit up when he talked about anything in nature.

This… this was why Dan needed to take him on an adventure, many adventures. Phil deserved to see the world.

At one point, Phil caught sight of the tracks from the honey badger from the other day, and he and Dan stopped their trek to try one more time to track it down. They managed to catch the animal just as it was scurrying away from them, and laughed and joked together as they waved it off.

For the next few minutes, Phil wouldn’t shut up about having successfully tracked it down, but Dan wasn’t complaining. Hearing Phil talking passionately about anything was becoming one of his favourite pastimes.

They camped that night at the edge of the forest, where the desert sprawled out wide below them. Pleased to nearly be back in familiar territory, Dan had grinned at Phil and lain back in the grass to stare out at his home. He even caught a glimpse of two-tail the hawk soaring high above them, and he raised a hand to greet her like an old friend, getting a high screech in reply.

"So tell me, my Prince," Dan started as they waited for their pigeon meat to cook over their campfire later that evening, "If someone could go back to you a few months ago, and tell you that you'd be betrothed to the King of Thieves himself in a few months time, what would you have thought?"

Phil stared thoughtfully into their fire as he thought on Dan’s question, trying to thrust his mind back far enough to remember a time where a thought like that wouldn’t have caused some kind of butterflies in the pit of his stomach, but it was difficult when Phil had truly been enamoured with Dan for so long.

After a moment, though, he thought he had an answer.

“I would have thought you’d bewitched me,” Phil responded, cracking a warm smile and a laugh as he thought on a possibility like that. “I never thought I’d find love, after all. Knowing before I’d even met you that I would one day end up marrying you would strike me as completely wrong, because how? Surely, not for love, especially not for the King of Thieves,” Phil admitted, reaching over to nudge Dan playfully for how much had changed.

Phil’s smile faded a little as he thought about how sad he’d been back then, and added, “I would have wondered how I’d ended up with someone who surely wanted nothing more than to use me.”

His voice was said, but he hoped that Dan would understand as he shook the thoughts away like the troublesome gnats they were.

“But I don’t feel that way now. The angry me is gone. The person who thought I’d never have this… They don’t exist anymore. I’ve got you now, and I’m -- I’m happy you’ve got my heart,” Phil explained with another soft little grin, turning his head to kiss Dan on the cheek for good measure and soft reassurance. It didn’t help that Phil had noticed kisses to the cheek tended to make Dan go especially blushy, and it gave him a thrill each and every time.

As expected, Dan blushed, and Phil laughed before capturing Dan’s mouth in a proper kiss, humming into it and closing his eyes.

Phil didn’t think he was ever going to tire of Dan’s mouth against his.

After pulling away, Phil turned back to their cooking dinner, and returned the question to Dan.

"What about you, my thief? What would you have thought?"

Dan hummed in thought, trying to give the question a proper answer, just as Phil had given him. He leaned against Phil's side and helped him share our their food, pondering slowly.

"Honestly - I'm not sure what I'd have thought." Dan pursed his lips, thinking, and then he gave a low chuckle. "Probably would have congratulated myself on playing such a long con, assuming I was playing you for a fool. If you'd told me I was in love with you, though..." Dan shook his head, reached out to tuck Phil's fringe out of his eyes, "I probably would have been furious at myself, actually. I thought love made people weak, I always vowed I'd never fall for it. Turns out I'm just as big a fool as anyone else, though."

Dan leaned in to give Phil another kiss, and really, the fact they couldn't keep their hands off each other should probably be concerning. Dan couldn't bring himself to care, though. Instead, he nestled against Phil's side with a happy little sigh when he was done with his Prince’s mouth.

"I'm glad you taught me the good side of love. And I'm determined to prove that you are most certainly loveable, my Prince." Dan wrapped his free arm around Phil's shoulders, bringing him into his chest. "No one will ever use you again, not with me at your side. I'm sure I can be quite… threatening, if I set my mind to it." His eyes narrowed. "You won't be getting any other suitors on my watch."

Phil was never going to get over the affectionate way that Dan touched him, leaning into the way his thief brushed his hair out of his eyes and then kissed him briefly, reassuring Phil that he didn't have to fear not being loved or being used anymore. Dan would take care of him. Phil knew and trusted in that, laughing a bit as Dan snuggled into him.

"I'm glad to have taught you the good side of love,” Phil admitted in return. “But if we're being fair here, I'm glad you taught me the good side of it as well. I had been beginning to wonder if it was even all that real, despite seeing my parents and brother being so happy,” he added thoughtfully, reaching out for Dan’s hand across his waist and rubbing his finger across his knuckles lightly. “So thank you, my thief, for giving me your heart. Perhaps we really have saved each other after all," he mused, sighing as he stretched his legs out in front of him and stared out at the quiet night sky.

They were about to venture out into what was potentially the most dangerous part of their journey, for how exposed they were about to be, taking breaks in the middle of the day constantly to avoid the worst of the desert heat. The only upside was that Phil didn’t mind that part so much anymore, not when he was feeling so secure in his relationship with Dan, now.

Dan smiled, pressing his face into Phil's hair again to hide it. He liked the idea that they'd saved each other, liked the way that balanced them out. It made them equals, and that was one of the first things that Dan had noticed about Phil -- he truly believed they were equal, despite how Dan could be seen as so far below him in their society. He'd never had any airs or graces, and that was one of the many things Dan loved about him.

"With you around, by the way,” Phil murmured for good measure, “I'm more than certain I won't be having any more suitors. You're quite terrifying in your possessiveness of me, my love. Don't fret. I won't be going anywhere regardless."

Dan chuckled at Phil's comment, pulling back from his hair to lean over him. "Terrifying, am I? I can't help that I want to keep you all to myself,” he complained, and without another word, Dan determinedly reached for their now-empty dinner bowls and settled them safely out of reach, before he wound his arms around Phil and dragged him forcefully into his lap. Dan settled himself back against a tree trunk and spread his legs so Phil could nestle between them, cradling him against his chest.

"There," Dan murmured with a nip to his ear, "Mine, and don't you forget it." He knew Phil had no plans to go anywhere, but Dan wanted to make his point more than clear as be tightened his grip around Phil.

Phil squealed, eyes going wide, as Dan very suddenly reached out for him and plopped Phil down in his lap. It wasn't the first time Dan had done something like that, but his shows of strength were usually used in more provocative situations. Regardless, they always made Phil breathless and kind of turned on. As Dan settled back against his tree trunk, spreading his legs to forcefully make Phil rest more properly in his arms, Phil closed his eyes and sighed. He loved the way Dan could make him feel so safe.

"You should sleep, my Prince,” Dan stated after a moment. “I can take first watch, and we have to be up early to travel before the sun reaches its high point." He glanced down over the desert below them, smiling a little. "We're maybe three days away from my cavern, if we make good time."

"I suppose, if you aren't tired," Phil murmured thankfully, nuzzling into Dan's neck because he liked the way it felt to press his nose there. "I am feeling rather tired myself. Wake me up for second watch, though. No more skimping out on either of us," Phil insisted, pressing a kiss to Dan's exposed skin, and then settling back in more firmly, his legs wrapped around Dan's waist as carefully as he could manage, bum on the floor between his legs.

"Besides, this is rather comfortable. I'd rather not move just yet if that's okay with you," he added, closing his eyes as he began to rest. "You can be my pillow for once."

"I promise I'll make a much better pillow than you," Dan promised with a low snort. "At least I won't force you to shift around every five minutes." Nevertheless, Dan wrapped his arms more securely around Phil's back, enveloping him completely as Phil snuggled in close. He liked having Phil's head in his shoulder like that. It meant Dan could easily press his face into Phil's hair and breathe him in, even if it made him more tempted to fall asleep.

Dan straightened his back a little, sitting up so as not to actually fall asleep. He curled his fingers around Phil, tracing slow patterns against his back.

"I promise I'll wake you before sunrise," Dan reassured with a slow eye-roll. "I'm not tired now. Sleep, my Prince. I love you."

Saying those words with such easy familiarity had Dan smiling without even meaning to, and he couldn't resist dropping a kiss to the top of Phil's head. Then, he settled back down and glanced down at the desert spreading out below them, holding Phil against him, and gave a happy little sigh. Almost back to his home, and then not much further on to Phil's.

Dan knew he'd have to stop off at his cavern to drop off some of his more questionable items, and instead learn to be Dan Howell. He hoped Phil's immediate family wouldn't be too horrified to learn their son was betrothed to the King of Thieves, seeing as they already knew Dan's identity, but it didn’t seem too likely when they’d already pretty much accepted him. Still, Dan smirked a little.

It was the King's fault for suggesting they go after the dragon together, anyway. He only had himself to blame.

Dan settled back more comfortably, watching as the moon glinted pale through the last of the forest canopy, and settled himself in place for the next few hours until he woke Phil with a kiss to trade places.

Phil mumbled a quick return of the now familiar phrase, and, with a soft smile on his face, allowed himself to drop to sleep.

They travelled in the desert for Dan's estimated three days, stopping for rests in the afternoons for lunch, and continuing on until sundown until they finally reached Dan's cavern. Dan went hunting once or twice with Phil watching on and learning as best he could in the low heat, but the closer they got to home, the more anxious Phil became.

Still, by the time they had reached Dan’s cavern, Phil couldn’t seem to work up the energy to argue that they should continue on to the palace. He was far too tempted to have another stay in his thief’s desert home. He hadn't had nearly enough time in Dan's cavern yet, after all, and after today, travel home would only take one more day.

Surely, the kingdom could survive just one more day?

Phil didn’t really get the chance to fully make the choice anyway, as, missing the sand dune that hid Dan’s cavern entirely, Phil only stopped at the feel of Dan’s hand tucking in his under the hot desert sun. Blinking rapidly and turning to face where Dan was leading him, Phil realized that they were nearly home.

Home. Dan’s home was home, and the thought of that was everything.

Phil felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, butterflies erupting in his stomach as he stared at the place where he’d had his first intimate encounter with his thief. This was where everything had started, in so many ways. Phil still couldn’t believe that any of this was real.

As with last time, Dan was quick to comfort Phil when it came to facing his fear in traversing Dan’s narrow entryway, and allowed Phil to go in first through the small passageway so that he wouldn’t be afraid of Dan’s body blocking the way forward.

This time, however, Phil was far less afraid of the passageway, knowing as he did what was on the other side, and while panic squeezed at his chest while he made the quick crawl through, it was nowhere near as bad as the panic Phil had felt the first time.

Soon enough, he was standing on the other side of the tunnel, grinning as he once again took in the sight of Dan’s rather beautiful home. The hole in his ceiling revealed just as glorious a view as Phil remembered, and the piles and piles of scrolls and treasure and rugs scattered about the cave were almost more wondrous than they had been last time.

Phil’s gaze stopped on the trunk where Dan kept his most precious of items, and he felt his heart clench happily to know what was in there.

Not bothering to wait for permission from Dan as his thief appeared behind him out of the passage, Phil immediately strode forward towards the pile of scrolls nearest to him, and started to look through them.

He hadn’t had nearly enough time to explore all that was Dan’s home the last time he’d been here.

"You've never told me. Do you have more than one hideout, Dan?" Phil wondered. "This one is clearly your most important, but you can't expect me to believe that this is all you have. You nagged me far too often in the capital to make the day trip back and forth so often," he said, humming as his fingers trailed over scroll after scroll, flicking through familiar names and histories that he’d read so often in school.

It made Phil feel connected to Dan in the strangest of ways when they’d done so much more.

Dan crawled through the narrow passageway after Phil, pausing to reassemble the rocks and stones that covered the entryway behind them. When he made it through to his cavern, he found that Phil had already made himself quite at home, sitting buried in Dan's collection of history scrolls. Dan smiled as he came through.

Looking at Phil sitting amongst his belongings felt right. Like they'd finally come home.

Dan couldn't get too comfortable yet, though. They still had to make the journey to the Palace.

"You got me," Dan confessed with a little grin to answer Phil's questions. He moved to sit by Phil, watching as he traced lines across the ancient scrolls that Dan had stolen from various libraries about Morellia. "I do have other hideouts. This cavern is my home, but I have a base in just about every city as well, where I stay if I've got a target there. Like you, for example."

Dan smirked a bit.

"Perhaps one day I'll show you my place in the capital. I think you'll see why it's a bit hard to reach -- in fact, shall I let you guess?" Dan's eyes twinkled as he glanced at Phil. "I'll give you a hint -- you've probably walked under it far more times than you can count,” he teased, before standing to go about his plans around his cavern.

They were almost to the palace, now. Surely, if they made the trip sooner rather than later, Dan would be one step closer to having Phil all to himself again.

Phil turned to Dan with raised brows, trying to think where in the world Dan could be talking about. His mind flashed back to the first time he'd cornered his thief and how he'd gone to escape across the rooftops. There were a few landmarks in Phil's city that Dan could be speaking of, however, and so his brow furrowed as he tried to think.

Why did it not surprise him, however, that Dan seemed to live up high? His thief always seemed to find the hardest and most brilliant places to hide himself away, tucked away in small crawl places and now, apparently, pressed in above the rest of the cities inhabitants.

Smiling ruefully, Phil shook his head. "I suppose it shouldn't surprise me, but I've no clue where you're speaking of, my thief. Have you been far closer to me than I've thought this whole time?" Phil questioned, putting down the scrolls he’d been studying to follow Dan’s movements around his cave.

It seemed his thief had plans already to take off soon, and Phil couldn’t help feeling a little bit disappointed that they wouldn’t be staying in Dan’s cave for the night like he’d been hoping, though he was anxious to get back home.

Dan grinned, proud when Phil had no idea where he'd been staying in the city. He glanced up from where he was readying a bag, watching with bright eyes as Phil approached.

"Sort of, yes. I wasn't staying in the Palace, never dared to enter there until you took me inside our garden, but I stayed close in… other ways." His lips twitched. "You know the garrison of the Royal Guard? Near the East Gate? There's a little nook under a chimney there. I conceal it well enough, and as far as I know, no one else has ever found it. Chances are I've been sleeping on top of your office as Captain, and you had no idea I was there this whole time."

Dan chuckled, setting down his pack so he could properly gauge Phil's reaction to knowing the criminal he'd been so hell-bent on catching had in fact been so near this whole time. It tickled Dan, a lot. He was proud of his skills of evasion.

Phil cocked his head, having almost expected Dan to say that he'd been just under his nose in the Palace, but when he confirmed that that wasn't true, Phil turned his mind elsewhere, wondering in what other places Dan could hide himself away and still consider himself close to Phil. He straightened as Dan mentioned the east gate guard garrison, his eyes narrowing and a small smile spreading across his lips.

"You didn't," Phil replied, shocked in the best way. "Daniel Howell, the King of Thieves has not been hiding just over my head for over a year now!" he complained, shaking his head with a loud laugh as he thought about that, pondering over the small spot near the chimney just over his office that must be filled with jewels and gold, and yet Phil had never known. His thief was so quiet Phil also hadn't ever even heard a peep from him, let alone any movement where Dan must live above his head, essentially. All that time spent angrily pondering where the King of Thieves must have been, and he'd been right there above Phil's head.

"You little brat," he teased, shaking his head as he took Dan's arm and pulled him in. "So all that time I was missing you, you could have walked right into my office and no one would have been any the wiser," Phil mused, wrapping an arm around Dan's waist to keep him close. He pressed his lips just next to Dan's ear, and whispered, "Perhaps we'll have to make that a thing, when we're apart, when you have to be the King of Thieves and I the Captain of the Royal Guard. You won't be so far away after all if you're stationed in my city. You could just pop right on down into my office."

Phil felt Dan shiver, and grinned as he pulled away only to let Dan go.

Dan laughed delightedly at Phil's reaction, his heart warm to see his Prince so thrilled by the knowledge that Dan had been so close all this time. "What can I say?" He teased lightly, eyes glittering, "I am the best, after all. I'll bet you had absolutely no idea I was sitting right above your head all those times you paced about moaning about how you couldn't catch me. It was rather entertaining, I must say."

Dan drew in a little breath when Phil pulled him in to whisper right by his ear. He loved that Phil could still surprise him with little movements like that, catching him off guard and tugging him in. Dan leaned against him until he pulled away again, eyes dancing at the thought. "Oh, I would love to be in your office. The King of Thieves really would have infiltrated the Guard then, hm?" Dan smirked again, eyeing Phil with a smug look. "...Although I might have already snuck into the garrison. Three times. Could do with checking your guard, by the way, there's one who's always drunk on his late shift. Easy to slip past. But I won't tell if you don't." He winked, unable to hold back another little laugh.

It was a bit annoying for Phil to have his fears confirmed regarding his guard. The worst part was he knew exactly which man Dan was talking about; his name was Gilbert, and they'd had more that one discussion concerning his drinking. There had been more than one promise made and broken already about how often and when he drank, which had resulted in Phil banning the man from certain shifts. The night shift had seemed a good fit for the other guards Phil had working then, but now it seemed they'd been turning a blind eye. Phil sighed. He didn't know what he was going to do with GIlbert in the long run. The man was old, though. Perhaps it was time Phil gave him his pension and sent him on his way.

Or… or he could just not, and Dan could visit him late at night. Phil was sure there would come a time when the two would want either their privacy, or, on Dan's behalf, a little bit of thrill in their lives.

Grinning at the thought, Phil merely stood back and watched as Dan went about -- doing whatever it was he was doing. Preparing for the Palace, Phil supposed.

Turning back to the pack, Dan sighed as he realised he was going to have to leave a lot of himself behind in becoming Daniel Howell. His plan was to leave all traces of the King of Thieves here, in this cavern, at least for now - when they were headed to the Palace, when he was playing the part of Daniel Howell. Phil’s betrothed.

Or at least, the public face of Phil’s betrothed. Dan would always be the King of Thieves, but Phil knew that, and that was all that really mattered.

Still, going about with his face showing was going to take some getting used to. Dan kept his three daggers on his person -- he wasn't quite trusting enough to leave them behind yet -- but he put away his curved knife. His cloak, too, he removed, and looked at it a little sadly. "I suppose I shouldn't bring this, if I'm to be Daniel Howell. At least for now."

Phil glanced at the cloak Dan was leaving behind and picked it up himself. It was just as heavy with gold as Phil had remembered it.

"If you can survive with disposing with a little bit of the incriminating evidence, perhaps it would be best if you kept it at least on your person," Phil argued quietly, already missing seeing it on his thief at all.

Glancing down at his cloak again, Dan allowed himself a pout. "You mean I can't flaunt all my stolen treasures under the noses of those I've stolen from?" He sighed heavily, a little crease appearing in his brow, and went to a corner to kneel and unload the many trinkets in his pockets.

Gold and jewels and necklaces and scrolls were carelessly tossed into a pile, until Dan was left only with the ring and watch from Phil. He straightened, slinging his now-empty black cloak over his shoulders, and span back to face Phil, striking a pose. "What do you think? Will I do as your betrothed, my Prince?”

After a moment, Phil went and propped himself up on an ornate table Dan had sat off to one side, and watched as his thief carelessly cleared out his pockets in another random pile. Phil couldn't help that his eyes scanned over the trinkets, giggling as he recognized a ring that Brandon had been wearing. Phil hadn't noticed when Dan had nicked it, and he suddenly wondered if that was a thing the two did, stealing random items from each other merely because they could.

"You'll most definitely do as my betrothed," Phil agreed easily, grin wide as ever as he watched Dan scurry off to his pile of precious things, near where Dan had dropped of the furs from their packs. He didn't know how Dan could ask when Phil loved everything about Dan, but he supposed it wasn't just his own opinion that mattered any more.

Dan moved quickly through his cavern, back over to the pile of his most precious things that he kept by his sleeping furs, and spun to grin at Phil. “Well, good, because I don’t plan to let anyone else become your betrothed now. Also, there's one more thing to be done before we go--" Dan paused, then went over to his trunk of most precious things, bent down, and searched around, deep down, until he found--

There. Just what he’d been looking for.

Dan had almost forgotten he owned this, but with all the talk of betrothal over the past few days with Phil, it had come back to his mind. A ring, a small, poorly made, turning slightly green with age, copper ring, given to Dan so long ago he almost didn’t remember.

It wasn’t much, looked ridiculous beside the bright riches Dan had emptied from his cloak pockets just moments ago, but - it was important. A tiny thing, but important.

If Phil would have it.

Chewing his lip unsurely, Dan turned back to Phil, and held the ring out hesitantly. "Um. I truly never thought I'd have use for this, but, well, here we are. My Father gave it to me. It was his wedding ring to my mother. And I'm sure you'll have much fancier things planned, but -- well, you are my betrothed now, so." Dan looked down to the ground, a little embarrassed at the show of just how poor his family had been. Although copper, this was his father's greatest treasure. He held it out to Phil. "It's yours if you want it. Though I won't blame you if you'd rather keep that gaudy sapphire I gave you before."

Phil’s eyes widened when Dan approached him once more with a copper ring that was just beginning to turn green with age.

Phil's heart was absolutely racing, and he couldn't help the way his lips started to curl up as he graciously, and very carefully, accepted another family heirloom from Dan. His mouth was open in a small “o” of awe as he examined all the delicate features of the inlay, the poorly done engraving on the inside that declared Dan’s family name, and the way the copper had started to change with age as well.

Phil loved it. He loved every single thing about it, and he didn't hesitate to remove the gaudy promise ring Dan had given him to replace it with the dark band. For a moment, he could do nothing but stop and admire the way it looked on his finger, despite being almost a little too small.

It was perfect.

Without a second of hesitation, Phil took Dan’s hand in his and pressed the promise ring Dan had given him so long ago back into his palm, leaning in for good measure to kiss Dan and show him just how much Phil wanted this heirloom Dan had so willingly given him.

The kiss was slow, and passionate, and left both Dan and Phil breathless by the time that Phil pulled away.

“While this ring was given to me because it reminded you of my eyes, I want you to have it once again,” Phil explained quietly, still pressed so close to Dan’s face that he could see every single one of his eyelashes. Phil was grinning as he closed Dan’s fist over the ring, and held his hand in his, nuzzling his nose sweetly against Dan’s.

“While I loved that ring, your betrothal ring means so much more to me, and I’d rather hold this for the rest of my life than anything as gaudy and rich as the one you stole,” Phil explained. “I’d gladly take anything from you, regardless of where you’ve found it, but I want this, above all else,” Phil insisted.

He’d keep both, if that was what Dan wanted, but he needed Dan to know that Phil didn’t need anything precious or rich. He just wanted what Daniel Howell had to give him, regardless of what that was.

"I've definitely got plans, and as royalty, there are customs. But this is my true wedding band, now and forever, and I'll wear it with the pride due to it."

Dan watched with something akin to awe as Phil pressed the sapphire ring back into his hands, promising Dan that he didn’t need it, that somehow - somehow - he’d rather wear the basic copper instead. It warmed Dan’s heart, a slow heat spreading through his chest and across his cheeks, turning that spot on his cheek a soft pink, and he was dimpling. He could feel the smile spreading unchecked across his face.

Phil just kept surprising Dan -- his priorities were so clearly on Dan, and not on anything more suited to his station. That was just one of the many reasons why Dan loved him.

This complete acceptance wasn’t something Dan had ever expected to find. Knowing that Phil had his back, was watching him every step of the way, knew to keep him safe and would do anything to protect him - that was so new to Dan, who had grown far too used to looking after himself over the years. It was a new sensation, to bend to Phil, to allow himself to be cared for, but the healing scars in his side showed well enough that Phil would always protect him.

If there was anyone Dan could be vulnerable with, it was Phil.

Dan said as much, softly, and took the sapphire back, glancing at it with warm eyes. "Mm, yes, I'll keep this one then. It really does remind me of your eyes." He glanced back at Phil, lips twitching.

"You asked me once when I stole it, how long I'd been admiring your eyes. It was embarrassingly early." He laughed a little. "Before I stole your grandfather's crown. Which, speaking of--"

Dan turned, then, back to his pile, giving his magnolia tree a little pat as he passed. Crouching slowly, he reached under a scroll in his still open chest, and removed the crown, twisted in silver and gold and glinting beautifully.

Phil grinned, excited to learn just how early on Dan had been admiring him, and was about to drag Dan back in for another kiss, another whispered “I love you,” just for them, when Dan declared that he was getting Phil his grandfather's crown.

Phil longed to leave it with Dan, a reminder for both of them and an object Phil didn't think he deserved any longer, but he knew his family missed it dearly, particularly Phil's father, who missed his Dad far more than words could say. Phil had only known his grandfather a short time -- on that note, Phil was still annoyed with the Duke for presuming to know Phil, to know Phil's hero.

Phil hadn't known his grandfather long enough to view him as his hero.

Dan stood and carried it carefully to where Phil was sitting on the desk, and reached up to rest it gently on Phil's head. "There,” he breathed. "Back in its rightful place. I can think of no one more worthy to wear it than you, Phil Lester."

Skin prickling as Dan propped the crown down on top of Phil's head, he blushed furiously, reaching up quickly to pull it away and hold it in his hands. "No," he disagreed quickly. "I don't - I don't deserve to wear his crown." Phil had his own crown back in the palace that he wore during important events or during audiences with the people, so it wasn't completely strange to wear one for him, but it was incredibly intimidating to wear his grandfather's, not when Phil still felt so utterly unworthy of it. Not when he still felt like he had so much making up to his people to do first.

Dan sighed at Phil’s refusal of the crown, pressing it into Phil's fingers instead when he tried to give it back. He looked intently into Phil's eyes, tracking the hints of fear and timidity he found there, wondering just where exactly that stemmed from.

Surely Phil must know he was the best of his class -- the only one who actually tried to make any decent changes to help his people? Surely he must know that?

"You're more deserving than anyone else," Dan said quietly. "From what I've seen. You do know you're the only one of your class to do any actual good for those less fortunate than yourself? Or you at least try. I couldn't love you if not." Dan leaned in then, pressing a small kiss to Phil's cheek. "You'll always be the best to me, my Prince."

He leaned back, though, not putting any more pressure on Phil if he didn't want it. Instead, Dan turned back to packing, leaving the crown resting lightly in Phil’s hands.

Phil gulped, staring up into Dan's eyes slightly disbelievingly. It was difficult not to believe him, though, when Dan was telling Phil that he didn't think he could even love Phil if Phil didn't try and help the poor. Still, Phil felt that prickling of shame that he'd hated the poor for as long as he had. There weren't meant to be any more class differences, and yet Phil had contributed to those differences continuing to exist.

He looked at the crown Dan still had pressed into his hands, and sighed as he took it, pressing it carefully into one of the two bags he still carried. His family would be happy to see it returned home regardless of anything else, and so Phil tried to just accept the fact that Dan thought Phil deserved it at all.

Dan went back to sifting through the rest of his belongings until he felt that he’d got rid of everything most incriminating. It was impossible to be completely free of everything he'd stolen, but Dan thought he'd got rid of most things, at least enough to get by in the Palace, to adorn himself as the simple commoner Daniel Howell.

His weapons were still hidden on his body, of course. He wasn’t about to enter a Palace unarmed.

"Ok, I think that's everything I need." Dan turned back to Phil with a soft smile and extended a hand. "I'm ready to go and be Daniel Howell, if you're ready to accept me. We've got a princess to save."

Phil was just turning back to face Dan when Dan declared that he’d finished packing and was ready to go. More disappointed than Phil probably should have been, when he’d wanted nothing more than to get home for more days than he could say, now, Phil took one last, long look around Dan’s cavern, stopping to stare thoughtfully up at the way the sun was just beginning its slow descent over the skyline, carrying dusk with it, and sighed once more as he looked away from the beautiful view that Dan owned.

Dan couldn't resist smiling at the way Phil sent a final longing glance around his cavern. He bumped his hand against Phil's affectionately, hoping to remove the last lingering trace of sadness in his eyes. "Are you going to miss my home, Phil?" Dan teased. "I promise I have plans to have you back here soon enough. It's as much yours as it is mine, now."

Phil hummed in acknowledgement, before finally turning back to Dan with a tiny little grin. “That’s good to know,” he murmured in response, before finally jumping down from his seat on Dan’s too ornate table. Slowly, he took Dan’s hand in his own.

"And just for the record,” Phil murmured, leaning in close to Dan once more, lifting his free hand to tilt Dan’s chin up and force him to look at Phil. “I'll always be ready to accept you.”

Leaning in those last few inches, Phil took Dan’s mouth in a tender kiss, and let his eyes drift closed.

"Now,” he said when he drew away. “Let's go save my sister-in-law."

“So,” Dan asked, much later, long after night had fallen, and he and Phil began to approach the seemingly shut down city, likely due to Phil’s orders. “How do you want to play this? Are you going to just go and march in there as the Prince, and demand the quickest transport to the Palace, or would you rather I sneak us in? We can both wear our hoods, if you want to avoid the attention,” Dan offered quietly.

Having Phil, the Prince, to get Dan in wherever he wanted would always be a plus, but not always ideal. Especially not in a crisis like this, mostly unattended and still sore and wounded as he and Phil were.

Phil’s eyes were shrewd as he considered Dan’s question, taking a long, deep look at the city walls as they approached them. He was relieved to finally be home, to hopefully nearly have this whole situation over and done with, but he was also cautious, just as Dan and the Guard had taught him over the years.

Perhaps it wasn’t the smartest idea to just go bursting inside of the Palace declaring his name when there were surely still those out there who’d have him dead before he could save the Princess and the rest of Phil’s kingdom.

"I think it would be safer to wait on acknowledgement that the Prince has returned. For all I know, the news has spread, and there will people out for my blood," Phil decided, pulling up his hood for good measure and ducking his head as he moved in closer to Dan's side. He trusted his thief to get them back inside the city walls the same he'd trusted his thief to get them out.

Nodding his head in agreement with Phil’s reasoning, Dan pulled his own hood low over his face, took Phil’s hand once more securely in his, and started to lead him gently away from the guards at the gates and over towards the part of the wall they’d scaled before.

Sneaking into the city, Dan knew how to do.

For the first time, Phil had to help Dan to scale the brick due to the pull of the still-healing wounds in his side, but once he was up and over, with Phil dropping to his side next to him, Dan took hold of Phil’s hand once again.

“Ready?” he asked with a teasing little grin, waiting for Phil to shoot him a grin back and reply with an easy, “Ready!”

The second that Dan shouted, “Run,” they were both speeding through the streets of the capital city. They skirted through side-streets like they had the time before, avoiding the common roads as both Dan and Phil kept their heads low.

It was the most exhilarated Phil had ever felt, and he would have laughed had he not been trying his best to avoid anyone taking particular notice of him and Dan. Instead, he grinned like a lunatic.

Despite how late it was, the streets were not as empty as Phil might have been expecting them to be. There were a lot of nighttime dealings going on, crimes that Phil had to turn a blind eye to for now, and some sick people laying in the middle of the streets that made Phil feel nothing more than guilt. It had been royal drama that had caused his people’s pain, and Phil wanted nothing more than to fix it now.

Luckily, he was nearly home now. If all went well… the dragon scale Phil had brought home would cure everybody.

He could only hope so.

By the time Dan and Phil reached the Palace walls, Phil was beyond ready to get home and save his people.

"This way," Dan murmured, keeping his hand clasped tight around Phil's as he led him over to the Palace walls. They were back near their garden, where the fountain lay, and Dan knew where to watch for the guards. He’d become quite familiar with their schedule sneaking in to see Phil those few times.

He grinned at the memory, at the realization that he wouldn’t necessarily have to sneak in anymore, and he decided he would continue on doing just that. He could be both Daniel Howell, Prince Philip’s Courter, and the King of Thieves, after all.

He could already see it now, appearing at Phil’s balcony swathed in his black cloak, glaring menacingly through the glass until Phil laughed and let him, tugging Dan in for a sweet kiss.

The thought of it, the very idea of it, sent a thrill up Dan’s spine like no other, and he gripped tighter to Phil’s hand once more.

He could really have this. This was really his.

As soon as there was a gap in the guard’s schedule, just as Dan had predicted, he allowed Phil to help him up over the wall once again, and jumped back down on the other side, sticking close to the shadows as Phil joined him.

The garden was wonderfully familiar, still one of the most beautiful things Dan had ever seen, and at the sight of it he once again couldn’t help thinking about the first time he’d entered it to see Phil. The memory was a good one, just like nearly every single one Dan had with Phil. He turned to Phil, smiling, and took the time to pull him into a sweet kiss by their fountain.

It felt only right that they have that one more time. A few more moments away from the Princess couldn’t hurt, when they still had a week and a half before the curse took her life…

Phil had no complaints; at least, if the way that he cupped Dan’s cheeks and kissed him back was any indication. Sighing against Phil’s lips, Dan nipped at his bottom one one last time before finally pulling away.

The two shared one last soft, lazy grin, before Dan was taking Phil’s hand once more, and leading him on their way to the servants’ entrance. Dan kept his head down, his hood low, and his cloak tight around him as he stalked protectively in front of Phil as they snuck inside.

The kitchen staff were too busy to pay either of them any mind, but as they moved further and further inside, they both began to pick up on the rather unsettling quality to the air that had began to settle upon the castle walls since the two had left. The curse lay heavier here than it had in the city outside.

Quite suddenly, the urgency of their quest seemed all the more important, and they pushed steadily through the servants halls and up towards the upper rooms where Cornelia likely still lay.

As they entered such halls, Dan allowed himself to fall back some, and murmured lowly to Phil, “Now this is your territory, my Prince. I’m right here though, as ever.”

Dan gave Phil’s palm a soft stroke from where he continued to grip it, and nodded to him with a soft smile when Phil hesitated and glanced back at him.

Smiling back, Phil nodded once, and took the lead. He was quick to push back his own hood now he was so close to their goal, knowing the route to Cornelia’s rooms rather well despite not living on the same side of the Palace as her, and noting that he and Dan… were rather alone in the halls here.

He could hear the soft moans and cries of royals in the rooms he passed, avoided the eye of his guard, and continued forward as if he were on a mission; because he most definitely still was.

The dragon scale Phil had managed to capture was a soft weight of a reminder in Phil's trouser pocket, and he reached to press his fingers to it now as he grew closer and closer to where he knew Cornelia to be staying.

Just another few halls to turn down, and then, before Phil knew it, he was standing in his old place in front of Cornelia’s rooms with Dan his tag-along behind him, their hands pressed together this time unlike the last time they’d approached Phil’s family.

This time, they had an unbreakable union, and Phil was not leaving Dan behind.

There were four guards placed outside of Cornelia’s rooms, and while they stared in surprise at Phil’s clearly surprising presence, they didn't say a word. They remained quietly at their post as Phil turned to face Dan.

“Push back your hood,” he commanded quietly of his thief. “Tonight… you are Daniel Howell,” he whispered close to Dan’s ear for good measure, and reached up with his free hand to push back the soft cotton to reveal Dan’s face to everyone.

Dan took in a soft, shuddering breath. Letting down his hood here still felt so alien - like something he shouldn’t do, should never be safe enough to do.

But he was with his Prince, and Phil was right. Daniel Howell did not need to hide.

Taking another breath, Dan nodded, letting Phil pull down his hood.

His betrothed, now until they became officially married, and then Dan would be his husband.

Despite the heavy atmosphere in the palace, Phil couldn’t help grinning at the very thought, and he squeezed Dan’s hand in his in soft reassurance.

“Are you ready?” Phil asked his thief, aware that despite how many times the two had asked each other that question, it had never quite carried as much weight as it did just then.

Dan and Phil were about to save the kingdom, together, and Dan was about to officially step forward into Phil’s world. He knew that it was a big step, for both of them.

“I’m ready,” Dan agreed, after a brief hesitation, nodding fiercely at Phil, and shoving him for good measure back towards Cornelia’s bedroom doors.

Turning cautiously, Phil reached one tentative hand into his pocket, and pressed his waiting palm to the dragon scale there, before looking directly into the eyes of one of the guards stood in front of him, and nodding for him to let Phil in.

The guard didn’t hesitate for even a moment before he did so, and as the door swung open, Phil could feel a tiny smile beginning to bloom across his face.

He was home, and he’d brought Dan with him.

When Cornelia’s bedroom doors opened to Dan and Phil, Dan watched as Phil walked in, shoulders pushed back and head held high, resplendent as the Prince. It left Dan in almost awe to see how easily his Prince could make the switch back to regal, and he grinned, knowing how slovenly he could really be.

For his part, though, Dan walked in as simply as he always had, knowing that the people in the room before them already knew who Dan truly was. No use hiding himself before them.

As the door fell shut behind them, thanks to the guard who’d let them in, Dan took in the familiar faces from before. The King and Queen, as well as Martyn, were all sat about in the Princess’ rooms, with Martyn sat in bed beside her holding her hand, and the King and Queen weeping silently by the window. When they heard Dan and Phil’s entrance, however, they turned with a sharp intake of surprised breath, before seeming to realize who was here.

There was silence for all of a minute, and then, quite abruptly, the Queen was pulling away from her husband’s arms and rushing to her son’s side. Dan didn’t even have a chance to blink before the Queen was dragging Phil into her arms, dislodging Dan’s hold on his hand.

He would have been more annoyed if he didn’t understand just how long it had been since she’d seen him, and known that he was safe.

He’d kept his promise, at least. He’d brought her son back alive.

“We’ve been so worried!” the Queen cried as she clutched at Phil, holding his head tight to her chest. “Your ravens came, but there was so long with no word from you,” she berated her son. “Are you well? Are you harmed?” she asked, not even giving Phil a chance to get in a word edgewise, which made Dan grin and laugh to himself.

At least he could be proud in saying that, for the most part, Phil was unharmed. He had dropped his own cane for the run through the city, but his side still hurt occasionally, even if there were merely bruised scabs where the wounds had been.

Phil nearly collapsed into his mum's hold when she ran to him and pulled him in, hugging her back equally as hard. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed his family, how scared he'd been he wouldn't make it, until he was standing in her arms peering out at the rest of his family. His brother was at Cornelia's bed side, and Cornelia's face was pale and drawn.

She didn't appear to have moved an inch since Phil had left nearly three weeks ago.

Laughing weakly at all of his mum’s questions, Phil merely shook his head against his mum’s chest, and held her tighter in his arms still.

“No, mum. I’m not hurt. I promise,” he reassured her, and sighed as her own arms seemed to tighten and she pressed her cheek to the top of Phil’s head, sniffling softly.

“Thank God. Thank God,” she murmured over and over again, refusing to pull away just yet.

From over her shoulder, Phil could see his father smiling and trying not to cry, while his brother merely stared in apparent numb shock, as if he hadn’t expected Phil to actually return at all. The thought made Phil laugh and hide a chuckle in his mum’s shoulder, and he closed his eyes as he held on for just a little bit longer.

While Phil and his mum hugged it out, Dan watched Chris the magician emerge from a room off to the side, a magical chain around his ankle that kept him secured to this room. Dan felt rather proud that the royal family had taken his advice on keeping Chris locked up at least until Dan and Phil had returned.

Chris’ eyes gleamed as he started mockingly at Dan. Dan, for his part, sent him a dangerous glare in return -- they would be having words, and soon. As it was, Chris might still be necessary, as he said in his oily voice, “And the dragon scale? Did you get it?”

Dan moved then, fluidly stepping up to Phil's side. "We did," he answered sternly, "As we said we would."

There was another little gasp, and then Martin was moving desperately towards his brother. "Where is it? Have you got it now? Can you save her?" he asked, his voice a hollow echo of what it had once been, desperate for nothing more than to have his loved one back.

For the first time since Dan had known of the man’s existence, he felt nothing but pity and pain for him. Dan wasn’t sure what he would have done had Phil been in Princess Cornelia’s place.

The Queen stepped back from Phil, then, finally releasing her son from her hold, and while Phil didn’t want her to go, wasn’t quite ready to be missing from her once safe embrace, he stepped back as well. Swiftly, his hand found Dan’s once more, needing him to help hold him steady, and didn’t miss the way his mother’s eyes glanced between the rings on each of their fingers.

They could talk about that later. Much later. But for now--

“I’ve got it,” he told his brother. “As for it curing her… we’ll just have to see. I only know what the Sorcerer has told us,” Phil explained, not wanting to get his brother’s hopes up despite the way his own heart was beating frantically away in his chest.

He’d promised he’d do this for his brother, and he would. He’d save Cornelia, and their kingdom, if it was the last thing he ever did.

Digging in his pocket once more, Phil pulled free the dragon scale, and held it up to shimmer in the light.

The Sorcerer’s eyes glinted maniacally as he took in the way the scales glittered at them all, but Dan was glaring at him, that much Phil could see, and nothing would keep Phil from seeing the item finally placed securely on Cornelia’s forehead.

Martyn was staring at it in absolute dismay, his eyes watering and his fingers clearly itching at his sides to reach out and take it. Phil offered it to him in one gentle gesture, and smiled.

“Take it, Martyn. It’s yours,” Phil promised him, and watched as his brother reverently moved forward and took it carefully in both hands.

Phil couldn’t blame him when Martyn did nothing other than stare at it. There were dark bruises under his eyes, and he was far thinner than he’d been before Phil had left. It was clear he’d been torturing himself over his lover’s body. Phil, for the first time in his life, knew exactly how Martyn must have felt, having first hand knowledge of thinking Dan had died on more than one occasion following the dragon’s attack.

“And the Duke?” the King asked rather suddenly, distracting them all from Martyn’s personal struggle. “What of him? We sent him to you hoping he’d have some kind of truth about the witch --”

Phil shook his head before his father could even finish talking.

“No knowledge, other than that the Witch gave her followers special gifts for being in her service. Probably why Cornelia’s parents offered their daughter to her. But other than that, the Duke was nothing to us. His body lies dead at the bottom of the mountain,” Phil explained as numbly as possible.

No one in the room batted an eyelash.

“He wanted the crown, whether he was working with the witch or not. That’s where he belongs.”

From beside him, Phil could see Dan nodding fiercely, glaring around the room until he realized that no one was objecting to what he and Phil had done. Then, he seemed to settle and relax for the first time, seeming to realize that no one here cared who Dan was.

He was one of them now.

Suddenly, Martyn whirled on the Sorcerer.

“And you’re sure this will work?” he asked -- demanded, might have been more accurate. “This will cure her?”

The Sorcerer raised his hands in a gesture of goodwill, and then bowed to the entire room.

“I assure you, it will cure everyone. You must merely set it upon her forehead, and see for yourself.”

There was a palpable fear among the entire room as everyone held their breath and waited to see what Martyn would do. For all they knew, this would kill Cornelia, but it was their only hope, their only chance, and Dan had promised.

Dan had promised. Phil could believe that.

He squeezed Dan’s fingers in his, and watched as a steely, determined look came into his brother's eyes.

Without another word, he nodded to himself, turned around, and made his way back to Cornelia’s side.

The entire room held their breath as they waited, and then, quite carefully, Martyn placed the dragon scale in the middle of the Princess’ forehead.

The effect was instantaneous. While only moments before, the Princess had looked gray, and her breathing far too shallow for anyone to trust in, her pallor came back and she seemed to take in a very deep breath, before the rise and fall of her chest settled into a more normal rhythm.

All around her, the Palace seemed to come back to life, that heavy presence that Dan and Phil had been able to feel the minute they’d arrived started to lift, and a darkness began to move up and out of the walls, dissipating into nothingness.

As the curse began to lift, Cornelia opened her eyes with a gasp, and stared up in wonder at Martyn’s face.

Phil, meanwhile, was crying, his hold on Dan’s hand as tight as ever, as they watched on from the sidelines.

Phil had no more chance to react to anything before Cornelia was opening her eyes, and the entire family was rushing to crowd around her bed. Dan's hand remained firm in Phil's as he was pushed aside, and Phil squeezed his fingers with a blazing smile as he turned back to him.

Their mission was complete.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #steal my heart #iwritephanthings #snowbunnylester #phandom #phan

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 6 years

Text

Pride

AO3 Link

Genre: Oneshot. Fluff, minimal angst, QPR verse

Summary: Fiction. It’s Manchester Pride, and Dan is feeling a little insecure. Part of @phandomficfests Pride flash fest

Warnings: Discussions of sexuality/queerplatonic relationships

Word Count: 2000

A/N: As ever, thank you to the wonderful @charlottekath for being the best QPP ever and reading this over for me ^_^

Reminder that I don’t know Dan or Phil at all and I’m not suggesting this in any way reflects reality. This is a work of fiction

…

Pride.

Dan stood on the balcony and looked out over Manchester, biting his lip. He had his arms folded over the railing, his eyes downcast to the city that was decked out in rainbows. Bunting hung across the streets, stalls already in place with people setting up floats and food and celebratory gifts. The march would be coming through there later, just below Dan’s feet.

Dan bit his lip and retreated back inside.

Pride. The word itself warred its way within him, battling against his feelings. It’s weird, it’s different, it isn’t normal and you’re not normal for identifying with it. Dan grappled against the inner voice telling him those things, telling himself that it was wrong. He was slowly coming to terms with his own queerness – he shuddered internally at the word – but it was difficult to ignore when he was in a relationship with another man.

The people in his dorms hadn’t had a problem with it, apart from one guy who wouldn’t stop staring at Dan when Dan let it slip in the crowd that he had Phil, and then he’d got up and quietly left in the middle of watching a film.

Dan had never seen him again.

But still, Dan was coming to terms with it. He could hold hands with Phil in the street now and fight down the shot of terror that accompanied it, could talk to his mum about how Phil and he had to get rid of a wasp from their shared bedroom and not listen to the part of him that said she’d be disappointed. The people around him had made it clear that he was still Dan, that it didn’t matter to them who he was in a relationship with as long as he was happy.

And Dan was happy – blindingly, deliriously happy – but he couldn’t help but wonder whether people’s opinions would change if they knew exactly what his relationship with Phil entailed.

QPR. He’d finally found a word for it that he was happy with, after months and months of internet searches and googling and reading other people’s experiences to know that he wasn’t alone. He knew now that he wasn’t alone, that there was a word for what he and Phil were, but he also knew that he couldn’t drop into casual conversation that he had a queerplatonic partner and expect other people to understand.

That’s because it’s weird and wrong, that small voice inside Dan whispered.

He did his best not to listen to it.

Dan turned around and went to curl up on his beanbag, the one that Phil laughed at and said looked like the most uncomfortable thing ever. Dan liked it, though. He liked to curl his long limbs up and feel small for a little while, like he didn’t have the weight of worry and fear and life hanging down around him. He could lose himself in a game for a while, maybe Skyrim, maybe something else – something fantasy, where he wouldn’t have to think about today and all it meant.

Pride.

Manchester Pride was a big event. They got pop singers and famous dancers and people who all came out to celebrate, big and bold and adventurous and everything Dan felt like he couldn’t be.

Would he even be welcome there?

Dan bit his lip, curling up further and hearing the balls inside the beanbag shifting against him. A hard knot of worry lay curled in his stomach, had been there since he’d woken up. Thankfully he’d been able to roll over and press himself up against Phil’s side, wind his way under Phil’s arm and let him cuddle it away for a while. But then Phil had had to go to the shops because they’d both forgotten to buy milk yesterday and Phil needed his coffee before he could properly start his day.

Dan was left alone for a little while, and it was enough time for the doubt to creep in.

Pride. Part of Dan wanted to race out there and join them, leave this enormous tower block of a flat building and head out onto the streets. To celebrate with the others like him. To finally reach out and be proud of who he was, to feel deep within him that he was right, that he belonged. Part of Dan wanted to rush out there and never look back.

He frowned and pushed that part down, tucking it away somewhere deep behind his heart where he wouldn’t need to think about it for a while.

Besides, even if he did – even if he did go out there and join the others in celebration, they’d still be celebrating something he wasn’t. And the thought of all the sexual humour, the over-the-top costumes, made something deep within him gag. He didn’t like the thought of sex, or anything remotely to do with it, and so much of Pride was so highly sexualised that he knew he’d never feel comfortable there.

Maybe they weren’t really his people. He was asexual, he knew that now, had found the word online and felt his chest loosen up. There were others like him, other people who didn’t quite fit anywhere. He’d seen the talk online that aces didn’t belong in the queer community, didn’t have a right to that word. It didn’t help the warring within Dan’s heart.

Maybe he didn’t fit anywhere. Maybe he was too weird.

The front door slammed shut somewhere behind Dan, making him jump. And shortly after he could hear Phil cheerily talking as he toed his shoes off in the corridor and wandered down into the lounge where Dan was still curled up on the bean bag.

“It’s busy out today, you’ll never guess who I saw in the shop,” Phil said, heading straight for the kitchen to put the milk in the fridge.

“Who?” Dan asked, hitting pause on his game. When Phil came home he got all of Dan’s attention, seeing as Dan was still getting used to the fact that they lived together now. That whenever he wanted Phil, he could usually just turn around and Phil would be there, and even if he wasn’t, they’d both be going to the same home at the end of each and every day.

It was a comfort.

“This guy dressed in a gimp suit,” Phil laughed. “Bright pink. Reminded me of your old video, which is still really weird, by the way.”

Dan squirmed a bit in his seat. “You should have stopped me.”

“It wasn’t up to me what went on your channel,” Phil shrugged, coming over to the lounge with the smirky smile on his face that Dan loved. “You’re responsible for all the atrocities. Hi, my name is—”

“Don’t you even,” Dan threatened, wriggling around on the bean bag to give Phil the full effect of his worst death glare.

Phil, much to Dan’s chagrin, simply laughed in his face. “Sorry. Not helping you with that one.”

“It’ll be for Pride, anyway,” Dan huffed, folding his arms and turning his face away. “Nothing to do with me.”

“Oh.” There was quiet for a moment, in which Dan refused to look at Phil and Phil sat in confused silence. Dan bit his lip, squirming internally. He didn’t need to let Phil in on his worries anymore, much as he knew Phil would listen. But a large part of Dan still believed that he didn’t deserve Phil’s attention, especially not on matters like this.

An even bigger part of Dan was afraid that Phil would confirm his fears, or simply wouldn’t understand him at all.

“Oh,” Phil said again, quieter, and then a hand was touching Dan’s elbow. “Did you want to go?”

Dan froze.

Out of everything, he hadn’t expected those words to come out of Phil’s mouth. The quiet parts of Dan fighting each other inside him got slightly louder, the raucous invading.

He swallowed it down and asked, “Really?”

Phil nodded, and when Dan braved looking over at him, he was giving Dan a long, gentle look. One of the ones that stopped Dan’s heart, that made him feel like everything was going to be ok despite the constant battles inside his head.

“If you want to,” Phil said, his voice going soft in the way that he only reserved for Dan. “We don’t have to, I just thought I’d let you know the option is there.”

Dan bit his lip, glancing away again. “Do you think we’d even be allowed?”

At that, Phil gave a short laugh. “It isn’t a contest, Dan. People go who feel comfortable going, who want to celebrate. If you want to do that, then we can go.”

Did Dan want to do that? He wasn’t even sure himself. Part of him did – part of him wanted to be loudly happy, to show off the miracle of a relationship he’d found with Phil, the person who made him feel like everything was right even if the inside of his head felt wrong. Dan wanted to show that off, to show the world how lucky he was, how Phil was his and nobody else’s.

“What about the people on YouTube?” Dan asked, his voice turning a little bitter without him meaning it to. “If someone sees you know they’re going to assume we’re gay.”

“Well, we’re not straight,” Phil said with a small smile, a slight twinkle in his eye that made Dan want to melt.

“I know, it’s just,” Dan sighed, flopping backwards in the beanbag, Phil’s hand falling off his shoulder. Dan missed the contact, reached out to grab his hand himself. “We’re not… like that, either.”

People were going to assume they were having sex. That they were a normal couple. But we’re not, Dan’s mind told him, We’re not normal.

His mouth tasted a little sour.

“Dan.” Phil shuffled closer, sliding along the floor until he could see Dan’s face. He intertwined their fingers. “We don’t have to go, or we can go, and the only people that matters to is us.”

“But what if other people tell us we can’t be there?” Dan mumbled, wriggling. “We’re just – it feels like we’re so invisible, and part of me really wants to go out there and prove that we can exist – but then the other part of me…”

Dan cut himself off before he could say is afraid. The other part of me is petrified.

There was silence for a few moments, and then Phil shuffled closer still, until he could get an arm around Dan and turn to face the television with him. He handed Dan his games console. “Then we’ll stay here. We have nothing to prove to anyone, Dan, not unless we want to.”

Dan bit his lip, those words humming in his brain. The war inside him calmed down slightly. Not unless we want to. He didn’t have to have anything to prove. Maybe he and Phil couldn’t just simply… be.

For now, that was enough.

Dan scooped up his games controller and handed Phil the second one, switching games. “Alright. I’m going to beat your arse at Mario Kart.”

Phil groaned loudly, but he still took the other controller. It was moments like that when Dan realised just how much he loved Phil.

---

Later that evening, photos from Manchester Pride came out, and Dan, being the slight masochist that he was, looked them up. And among the shots of ecstatic people with rainbows painted on their faces, he found a pleasant surprise.

A purple flag. People wearing purple shirts, purple face paint, purple hair dye. The word Asexuality printed out on signs for everyone to see.

Visible.

Dan bit his lip, nudged Phil in bed next to him.

Phil, half-asleep, blinked blearily at the screen. “’M’not wearing my glasses.”

“It’s ok,” Dan murmured, his heart full. “It’ll keep ‘til morning.”

He saved the tab in his bookmarks before going back to his browsing, the war within him calmed, at least for a little while.

#phanfiction #phan fluff #phanfic #iwritephanthings #QPR phan

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 6 years

Text

In My Way - Chapter 23

AO3 link, First Chapter

Genre: Chaptered. Actor!Dan AU, fluff, bit of angst, slow burn, getting together (eventually)

Summary: Fiction. Daniel Howell is 21 and Britain’s newest star. He’s just been cast in the much-anticipated film adaption of Last Man Standing, the popular teen fantasy novel with a huge fanbase hanging off his every tweet. In other words, Dan has made it big.

Phil Lester couldn’t care less. He’s a stressed out PHD student working part time at a bookshop while he struggles to get into post-production. He’s 26 and still lives in a tiny flat on the fifth floor of a building with a lift more broken than it is in use. He loves books, but he thinks big film adaptions screw with the plot too much.

Needless to say, Phil is less than impressed when Last Man Standing is getting filmed in his hometown. And he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with obnoxious, arrogant, so irritatingly perfect leading actor Daniel Howell.

Warnings: Swearing, Ace!Phil, Bi!Dan, slight a- and bi-phobia, discussions of sexuality

Word Count: 5000-6000 per chapter (ish)

A/N: I just wanted to say, before we get going with the chapter, thank you so much for 3000 kudos! That is crazy!! I never expected an ace fic to get this much love. Thank you to everyone who has read so far (and sorry for making you wait so long for this update) but I come bearing good news! I have now finished this fic!

The last chapter will go up on Wednesday, and the epilogue on Friday, and then this fic will be done ^_^ thank you for your patience with me!

Massive thanks to @agingphangirl for helping me out with this chapter, and of course to my lovely beta Meg @mecaka who's going to look this over for me ^_^

---

The week leading up to the premiere was nothing short of hell for Phil.

He started the week by having to head back up to Manchester, leaving Dan behind in London again, and Phil was really, really starting to hate having to say goodbye. Train stations were becoming an all too familiar surrounding, standing there in public staring at Dan longingly, unable to reach out and take him into his arms, having to make do with whispered goodbyes and promises to be back soon.

It was the last time, though, Phil reminded himself. The last time he’d have to make sure not to be publicly affectionate with Dan.

That was such a strange thought. Phil was still blown away sometimes that he even wanted this – for the first time in his life, he wanted to be with someone. The prospect of an actual relationship still terrified him when it reared up in its pure form, but then he just had to remember that it was only Dan, and everything felt ok again.

He would always want to be with Dan, he suspected. Everything was just easier to cope with when Dan was in the same room as him.

When Phil got back to Manchester, it was to an untidy flat that he’d left in a stress-muddled mess, notes for his PhD thrown about everywhere, and no food in his cupboards. Phil cursed his past self who hadn’t bothered to have any foresight past going back down to London and seeing Dan again, which had, of course, been his priority at the time.

It was a good priority, but now Phil was left in a mess again.

There wasn’t even any real point trying to tidy up – his viva was in four days’ time, that didn’t give him long to look over the rest of his notes and frantically try and prepare. This was the last time he’d ever need to work on something for his PhD, or education in general if he was able to get some work. In London, perhaps, if his tentative plans for the future somehow magically played out.

Phil bit his lip, recalling the rather strange conversation he’d had with Dan in relation to his possible idea of moving to London. It hadn’t gone anywhere near as well as Phil had hoped. Dan had been about to tell him something, Phil was sure, right before Tyler walked in, but – well, Phil had no idea what that might have been.

Some reason he had for not wanting Phil to move to London?

No, Phil tried to quench that doubt the minute it arose. Dan had made it clear enough he wanted Phil around him, and had told Phil more than once to quiet his insecurities surrounding that. Plus, Dan was actually planning to publicly announce Phil as his partner at the premiere in a week’s time – it was difficult to imagine anything more permanent.

Phil smiled at that image, pausing just before ordering takeaway for the night. He was caught somewhere between excited and terrified at thoughts of the premiere. On the one hand, he struggled through any kind of public event at the best of times, and this would be something quite different – a lot more spectacular than he was used to. Phil was really not the kind of person to attend premieres. He’d never in his life imagined he’d get there – although he’d always had an interest in the film industry, it was definitely from behind the scenes.

The idea of going to such a glitzy event on the arm of Daniel Howell himself sounded like it had to be happening to someone else.

But on the other hand, Phil knew Dan now – he knew what a lazy sod he could be, how Dan didn’t much like public affairs any more than Phil did, how they’d be leaning on each other to get through it. Plus, he would quite like to meet back up with Xander and Louise and the other people from the film set, the place he’d first met Dan, back when half of Manchester was clogged with the road closure.

Phil remembered how annoyed he’d been initially upon hearing the news of the set in his city, and grinned. That had changed rather drastically. And now, here he was, almost to the end of his PhD with the tantalising possibility of a shining future with Dan stretching out before him.

---

Two days before his viva, Phil met up with PJ for lunch. He hadn’t seen PJ in far too long, and he needed a distraction to quiet some of his greater nerves that were building more and more the closer it got to his final assessment. Plus, he really wanted to tell PJ about his and Dan’s plans for the premiere before they happened. The last thing Phil wanted was for PJ to read about him in a paper before Phil got the chance to talk to him.

PJ, it turned out, was busy himself packing up ready for moving to London. In all the excitement of his own life, Phil had almost forgotten about PJ getting his job down with the film company that Xander worked for, and so of course he was relocating.

Phil hoped to be joining him, if all went well. But he wasn’t sure how much to say for now. Everything felt so tentative still.

On the other hand, PJ was his best friend; they’d been close since their first term of uni. If there was anyone Phil could trust to confide in completely, it was PJ.

“So how’s packing going?” Phil asked, sipping at his coffee.

PJ swallowed his bite of sandwich and ran one hand through his curly hair. “Don’t even ask, seriously. I forgot how much stuff I have. And do you have any idea how expensive it is to hire removal vans to London?”

“I can imagine,” Phil agreed with a pained smile. “But you’ve got a place down there?”

“Yeah, not a great one but it’ll do.” PJ sent Phil a sly smirk. “Nothing like the place you’ve been crashing with Mr Daniel Howell, I suspect.”

Phil, much to his horror, felt warmth spreading up the back of his neck. “Hey. It wasn’t that flashy.”

That was a lie. Dan’s flat was pretty fancy, with his wage packet and Tyler’s combined they managed a pretty nice spacious place in the centre of London.

“Yes, well, mine’s barely bigger than a room and I’m lucky to have it,” PJ grumbled. “I hope you’ll come to visit me as well as that actor of yours, though, Phil.”

“Definitely,” Phil promised. “It’ll be weird without you here. Who am I going to drag out for lunch when I’m panicking next time?”

PJ fixed him with a soft, knowing look.

Phil shrank a little under that gaze.

“It isn’t just me in your life now, though, is it?” PJ asked smugly. “I called it, you know. When I saw how you were looking at him.”

Phil could feel the tips of his ears going red, heat still creeping up the back of his neck. “Was I that obvious?”

“Slightly.” PJ grinned at him. “I thought I must be seeing things at first though. Never seen you like that before.”

Phil half-smiled back. PJ knew him better than most – he was right, Phil hadn’t really acted like this before. Dan just… kind of came along and took over his world. Phil hadn’t been expecting that. If he looked objectively at the past few months of his life, he hardly even recognised himself.

But he felt good. Like he was moving forward. And he wanted to keep Dan around.

“About that, actually,” Phil began, his words getting thicker. “I, um. Maybe you won’t be the only one moving to London soon.”

PJ looked up, surprised, half-way through taking a bite of his sandwich.

“I’m thinking about it,” Phil admitted. “Maybe. Things with Dan, they’re – well, like you said, I haven’t really ever done this before. But they’re pretty great, if I’m honest.”

PJ grinned around his mouthful. “So you’re coming down too?”

“It’s something I’m thinking about,” Phil answered, nodding. “Quite seriously thinking about.”

PJ’s grin widened. He put down his sandwich and clapped Phil’s shoulder, harder perhaps than necessary. Phil’s shoulder ached. “That’s amazing! We’ll be a proper team, I’m glad, I need your help down South.”

“So you think it’s a good idea?” Phil asked a little shyly. “Me moving down too, I mean?”

PJ levelled him with a serious look. “I think that the fact you’re considering it is sign enough.”

Phil tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I know you, Phil.” PJ was still looking at him seriously. “You don’t like change, you don’t like moving. You stayed close to home for a reason. So the fact you’re thinking about up and moving across the country – well, Dan must be pretty special.”

Phil bit his lip. The way PJ phrased that had nerves spiking back through him again, as if hearing so starkly just how drastic his plans were made him reconsider exactly what he was doing.

PJ caught the look and sent him a questioning stare. “Are you worried about it?”

“Well, a little,” Phil admitted. “It’s a big move. It’s kind of scary.”

PJ nodded, but he was smiling again. “Which is why the fact you’re even considering it tells me it’s a good idea. You’re ready for something new, mate. Have you thought about what you’ll do?”

Phil nodded slowly, remembering the research he’d done into editing companies, the bookmarks sitting unopened on his laptop, the emails sent and not yet answered. He had options. He had a favourite company all ready to call up, the one he’d told Dan about what felt like ages ago now. It wouldn’t take much to send off an application. He was qualified, he knew – or he would be, once his viva was out of the way.

The knowledge that his viva was only two days away sent nerves clenching in Phil’s stomach all over again.

But PJ seemed happy for him – and that was important. One more step in the direction Phil thought he wanted his life to take now. Not much longer and he could potentially have everything he’d once dreamed of.

If everything went well. If Dan really did want him to move down to London. If he wasn’t hiding anything.

But he couldn’t be. Phil would know.

---

“So I told Tyler the hot water isn’t running right because my shower was freezing this morning, and he completely blew up at me!” Dan’s tone was a familiar whine down the phone, keeping Phil company as he sorted through some of his extensive notes. Preparing for his viva had been driving him insane, so seeing the incoming call from Dan cheered him up no end.

He wondered if his heart would ever stop flipping over when he saw Dan’s name pop up on his phone screen.

“So what did he do to you?” Phil asked, amusement hiding behind his tone.

Dan huffed. “He didn’t do anything. He just told me that I should probably call the landlord if I had a problem.”

“I mean,” Phil said as blandly as he could, “You probably should.”

“Yes, but what if I don’t want to?”

“Not really a good enough excuse, is it,” Phil chuckled.

“You’re laughing at me.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Rude.” Dan huffed. “How was your lunch with PJ?”

“Nice. Good, actually.” Phil straightened up, leaning back against his bookshelf. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Oh?” Dan sounded interested.

“Yeah. PJ’s getting ready to move, you know.” Phil fiddled with a pen lying on his desk. “Got a place in London.”

“It’s so good Xander liked him enough to hire him,” Dan agreed.

“Yeah.” Phil glanced at his desk, where his laptop still sat open on the email he’d drafted, a reply to the company he’d already expressed an interest with. His CV was attached. His portfolio was ready. All he had to do was click send.

But first—

“So PJ liked the idea of me possibly moving down there too.” Phil got the words out quickly, like nails through his teeth, a pool of nerves still tugging at his stomach.

There was a brief moment of silence.

“So it’s actually possible?” Dan started talking quickly, his words running together like they always did when he got excited. “You’re seriously thinking about it? And it wouldn’t be too far, your family – I always said I’m not going to take you away from them if you don’t want to, and your home’s up there, and—”

“Dan,” Phil interrupted firmly. “Do you want me to be in London?”

The answer was immediate. “Yes. Please.”

The words, simple as they were, were enough to calm the unsettling flutter swirling around in Phil’s stomach. He took in a breath, leaned over, and hit send on his computer. “Then I’m looking into making that happen.”

Dan drew in a sharp, excited breath. “Really? Like, actually, in real life, really?”

“Yes.” Phil bit back a grin. This was more the response he’d expected, more of what he wanted. Dan being excited, unafraid to show it (to Phil, at least) and full of eager ideas.

“Fuck, yes, you could stay with me and Tyler. If he ever stops grouching about the hot water. Or, actually, better idea, he can grouch so much he leaves and then you can just move in with me.”

“I don’t want to start this by kicking out your best friend,” Phil laughed, but he couldn’t deny the sharp little buzz starting to sing under his skin. The casual way Dan had said move in with me. Like it wasn’t even a question. Like of course they’d end up together.

“But the rest of it?” Dan wheedled. “How soon are we talking? Are you just going to stay here after the premiere?”

“I don’t think it quite works like that,” Phil answered with a grin still fighting its way onto his face. “I mean, I still have to pack up my stuff and somehow get everything down to London. Never mind I’d quite like to wait until I have confirmation of somewhere to work, I only just applied.”

There was a hesitant silence.

“You applied somewhere?” Dan’s voice was still excited, but more cautious. Phil supposed he was nervous on Phil’s behalf. “Where?”

“The place I told you about before.” Phil leaned over, read off the name of the person he’d contacted. “I literally just sent them my info. Keep your fingers crossed for me.”

“I will.” Dan’s voice had gone a little funny, maybe the reception was bad. “You’ll walk into it. With your reputation, how hard you’ve worked.”

“I don’t have a reputation yet.” Phil gave a cynical laugh. “But I have lots of official-sounding letters after my name, so maybe that will help?”

“I’m sure it will.” Dan still sounded subdued. “Tyler just got back, I’ll call you back later?”

“Sure.” Phil glanced back over to his abandoned viva notes, knew he really needed to go through them properly again. “Good luck with the hot water.”

“Thanks, I’ll need it,” Dan answered dryly, and then hung up.

---

In London, Dan stared at his phone for a couple more seconds before running in a panic into the kitchen, where he could hear Tyler unpacking some shopping.

Tyler took one look at his face and glared. “No, Howell, I am not calling the landlord about anything ever again, not after you swore it would be your turn next time!”

“I’ll do it in a sec,” Dan waved him away, pointing dramatically at the phone in his hand. “We have a situation.”

Tyler looked from the phone, to Dan, and back to the phone again. “You can’t have broken that too, surely.”

“No, no.” Dan flapped his free hand. “Phil.”

“The man you’re hopelessly in love with, yes,” Tyler agreed slowly, raising a brow. “What about him?”

“He’s coming to London.”

“Now?” Tyler looked surprised. “I mean, not that I’m complaining – I could do with more time to get his shirt fitting properly…”

“No, no, not now,” Dan spat, ignoring the tug in his chest that wished that were true. “Like, forever. In the future.”

Tyler looked at him blankly. “…I’m not getting the panic here.”

“He emailed them!” Dan’s voice was getting shrieky. He made Tyler flinch. “The company! The one you made me tell about him!”

Tyler blinked, still staring. But then his eyes widened in understanding.

“Exactly!” Dan’s tone was still much more high-pitched than it should be. His breathing was quick, panic clouding his thoughts, and none of his years of actor training could teach him how to calm down.

Tyler raised a hand, palm out. “Hey, woah, woah. I didn’t make you do anything, Howell.”

“You were there!” Dan ran a distressed hand through his hair. “You could have stopped me! Fuck, I knew it was an awful idea, I knew—”

“Wait,” Tyler said, eyes wide as he stared up at Dan. “Wait a minute, calm down. You said he emailed them, right? So does he know?”

Dan let out a panicked breath, fingers clenching in the hem of his baggy shirt. “I don’t know. He didn’t say.”

“Maybe he knows and just doesn’t care, then?” Tyler squeaked hopefully.

Dan let out a sardonic laugh. They both knew Phil well enough to know that couldn’t be true – they both knew that Phil wouldn’t just accept Dan putting in a good word for him without complaint. Phil was too fucking pure, had too much integrity. He wanted to get in of his own volition, manage his own progress, be completely assured that everything he did was from his own hard work. And he was good, he’d be able to go far.

But Dan had scuppered all of that for now, hadn’t he?

“Shit, I fucked up,” Dan half-whispered, his hand back in his hair and tugging, hard. “Shit. I shouldn’t have – I never should have done it.”

“You were acting in his best interests,” Tyler tried to placate him.

Dan levelled a glare his way. “We were.”

“Yes, yes, ok,” Tyler admitted, paling considerably. “Fuck, don’t tell him I had anything to do with this.”

Dan arched a brow. “Are you scared of him?”

“He’s way bigger than me!” Tyler bit his lip. “I don’t want to get punched.”

“Phil wouldn’t punch a beetle,” Dan disagreed, with wry experience. When Dan had found a bug in the bathroom once and promptly started screeching, Phil simply befriended it as he scooped it up and showed it to the door. “Besides, he’s going to be too concerned with yelling at me to do anything about you. And then never speaking to me again. Fuck.”

“It won’t be that bad,” Tyler reassured, even though he didn’t look particularly sure about it himself.

Dan looked back at him, not answering. The silence was heavy, and Tyler didn’t look convinced either, but Dan chose to believe his words, at least for now.

“It won’t be that bad,” Dan murmured, turning back to his room, and hoped with every bone in his body that it would be true.

---

The day of Phil’s viva, Phil was a shaking, trembling mess. But he got through it. Somehow, with a quick call to his mum beforehand where she told him to pull himself together, and a whole barrage of encouraging texts from Dan that blew up his phone to the point where Phil actually had to turn it off before he went in, Phil made it.

They tore his argument to shreds, of course, but (as much to Phil’s surprise as anyone else) his theory actually stood up to their inquisition. They liked it, he thought. At least, he left the room with a smile on his face, feeling more confident than he had in quite a long time.

And that was it. His education complete. All that was left was for him to receive his marks and then he’d be graduating.

Phil felt a strange, gaping sort of emptiness at that thought. The relief would come later, simmering deep in his bones, but it hadn’t quite sunk in yet. He was free. Endless time on his hands, freedom to do as he pleased.

The only thing still holding him to Manchester was his work at Lilith’s bookshop, and he hadn’t had the heart to tell her he’d be moving yet.

Never mind the fact that he didn’t actually know for sure if he was moving. No word back from the editing company he’d emailed yet.

Phil didn’t have a huge amount of time to mope, though, not when the premiere he was attending with Dan was happening this weekend. It left him with far too little time to pack, to clean up the mess that was his apartment after weeks of living among scattered notes and countless books, all preparing for his viva. Which was now done. He was free.

He could feel it starting to sink in as he set about clearing up his things, carefully tidying away all his notes back into his filing system (Dan used to make fun of his folders, calling him an old man. The memory brought with it a wave of fondness and the urge to send Dan a bunch of texts, which Phil followed through on even though he knew Dan was currently in a meeting with his agent). It felt strange, in part, to be packing up the last four years of his life into folders, but Phil didn’t feel as empty as he thought he would.

He may just have been too busy freaking out about the premiere, of course.

He passed the rest of the week in a blur of packing and panicked calls to Dan, during which Dan attempted to soothe him, and one very bizarre occasion where Tyler called him, saying he’d stolen Phil’s number from Dan, to have a very serious discussion about the pairs of shoes Phil owned. Turned out there was a lot to think about when wearing an outfit to a premiere.

The weekend rolled around too soon, and Phil felt horrendously unprepared, but he still got on the train and spent the entire journey on tenterhooks, eager to see Dan again.

Dan, of course, met him at the station, and greeted him with a quick but fervent hug before pulling back nervously.

“Hey,” Phil reminded him gently, leaning into his side. “Last time we’ll ever have to hide it, remember?”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, and sent him the sunniest, widest smile Phil had seen in a while. Phil’s stomach tugged. “True. That bit, I’m excited for.”

“Only that bit?” Phil teased mildly, letting Dan take a bag from him as they walked side-by-side out of the station. “Not the part where you’ll get to show off in front of a crowd of screaming fans?”

Dan shuddered. “Don’t remind me.”

“You’re the one dragging me to this thing, I hold every right to remind you.”

“Ok, first of all, you agreed to join me in this hell,” Dan reminded him, elbowing Phil’s side. “And secondly, you’re the only thing that’s going to make this bearable, so please kindly shut the fuck up.”

Phil, despite himself, snorted. “So polite.”

“As much as you deserve.” Dan elbowed him again, then took hold of his arm to lead him out of the station and to a waiting car.

Phil stopped, looked at it (it had blacked out windows) and then sent Dan a questioning look.

“Sorry.” Dan grimaced a little. “With the premiere coming up and all, interest has spiked a bit. It’s safer to travel this way.”

“Oh.” The cluster of nerves gathered in Phil’s stomach set alight again. He took in a breath. “OK. That’s fine. Yeah.”

“You sound anything but fine,” Dan chuckled, and then took his hand and led him gently forwards.

They put Phil’s bags in the boot and then climbed in the back, and the driver politely nodded to Dan before setting off. “Back to your flat?”

“Yes please, James,” Dan answered, and Phil held back a laugh at the uncomfortable look on Dan’s face. He knew enough of Dan now to believe that Dan disliked having a driver almost as much as Phil felt uncomfortable sitting on the fancy white leather seats.

The drive did give them an excuse to sit close and hold hands, though, which Phil wasn’t exactly complaining about.

When they got back, Tyler was in waiting for them and had cooked an extravagant meal. Phil was still a little scared of him, so clung close to Dan’s side from the moment they stepped in lest Tyler jump him with more questions about colours and styles and the way he wore his hair.

He couldn’t help but compliment Tyler on his cooking, though, after a few bites of the steak.

“It’s my dream to be a house husband one day,” Tyler sighed thoughtfully in response. “This is just practice for when I cook for my family every night.”

“You hardly ever cook for me,” Dan griped, leaning over Phil to get some water.

Tyler smiled at him sweetly. “That’s because, Howell, you’re an ungrateful lazy disaster of a human. You’re just lucky I like your boyfriend.”

Phil choked on his glass, but Dan just snickered.

“And you two had better keep it down tonight,” Tyler added seriously, sending both of them a sharp, knowing glance that instantly made Phil uncomfortable. “I know you must have missed each other, but no funny business, at least not loudly. I need my beauty sleep.”

“Oh, we won’t talk loudly past ten,” Phil assured him.

Tyler snorted. “Adorable. That’s not what I meant, Phil.”

Phil blinked for a moment, confused, and then his eyes went wide.

Dan was sitting beside him and reached over instantly, a reassuring hand on Phil’s knee and a calm voice as he said, “Shut the fuck up, Tyler.”

“I mean, I won’t blame you,” Tyler added, still tucking into his side salad. “A week’s a long time, you’ve missed each other, I get it, but I don’t need to hear any unnecessary noises, alright? No mental images that will scar me for life.”

Phil was politely choking through Tyler’s words. He cowered down in his seat so low he wanted to disappear, could feel the hot redness spreading across the back of his neck and to the tips of his ears.

He knew what Tyler was talking about. Or, at least, he thought he knew.

“Um,” Phil managed to squeak, and Dan sent him a sharp look.

Phil looked back. “Should we tell him?”

Dan couldn’t keep the surprise from his face, even as he schooled his expression into a calm, blank one. “That’s up to you, Phil. It has to be your decision.”

Phil bit his lip.

Tyler looked between them, confused. “You know, I’m getting used to you two speaking in your own language, but if this is about me…”

“Sorry,” Phil said quickly, flicking Tyler a glance. He still felt like his face was on fire. “Um. There’s something – I should maybe tell you.”

Tyler quirked a brow at him.

Dan squeezed Phil’s knee, leaning into his side. “You sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I – I want to.” Phil sat up a little, squaring his shoulders. “It’s not even that big a deal, it’s just – Tyler, you don’t, like, ever have to worry about those, um… noises. Like you were talking about.”

Tyler’s brow rose even higher.

“I’m asexual,” Phil blurted out, the word releasing something wound up tight in his chest. He swallowed past the nervous lump in his throat. “Um, so. That’s. Like, that’s – not a thing that’s ever going to happen?”

It came out more like a question. Why did it have to come out like a question?

Tyler was staring at him with his mouth open.

Dan, of course, came to the rescue. He leaned into Phil’s side but kept his gaze flickering back to Tyler, even as Dan nonchalantly continued eating his steak. He spoke between bites. “So yeah, you get your peace and quiet. Doesn’t mean you get to just walk into my room whenever you want, though, that rule still applies.”

Tyler blinked, finally. He was still staring at Phil. “You’re what, exactly?”

Phil floundered under that gaze. “Umm. Asexual. And sex-repulsed, for that matter, but like – mostly just asexual.”

Phil had done his research. He was more comfortable with his label now, and where he sat on it, but that didn’t really make saying it out loud any easier.

Tyler was still gawping at him.

“Close your mouth,” Dan told him, reaching for more salad.

Tyler promptly snapped his mouth shut, only to open it again a second later. “Asexual?”

The back of Phil’s neck was on fire. “Um. Yes.”

“Huh.” Tyler sat back, eyes still fixed on him. “Funny. I’ve never met one in real life before, I always just kind of assumed it was made up.”

Phil, despite himself, flinched. He didn’t know Tyler that well, true, but he hadn’t expected such avid confusion in his tone.

He should have expected it, though. He wasn’t normal. He knew this. Tyler’s reaction was just further proving it.

Dan, however, was looking at Tyler through a sharp-eyed glare. “Well, it isn’t. And now you have. So.”

Phil shrank in his seat.

Tyler closed his mouth again, looking between them still, from Phil’s determined slouch staring down at the table to Dan’s sharp glare that didn’t leave Tyler’s face.

Wisely, Tyler decided to change the subject.

“Ok, well…” he trailed off, still looking at Phil with something like confusion in his eyes. “Ok. That’s fine, I guess. Um. Both your outfits are laid out for tomorrow, put them on early so I can get started on your hair and make-up, alright?”

At that, Phil’s gaze snapped back up to Tyler, eyes widening. “What was that, sorry?”

Dan elbowed his side lazily. “Don’t worry too much. Tyler’s insistent, but he’s good.”

“Exactly, and I can’t let you go walking down that red carpet without looking stunningly attractive. Everyone’s going to want to have you.” Tyler paused a second. “Or, well – um. However you want to look. Either way, you’ll be hanging off Dan’s arm all night, I’m going to make you look like the perfect couple you absolutely are.”

Nerves curled up like ashes rekindling in Phil’s stomach at that mental image. Him and Dan before all those cameras, all those people watching him, judging him, and he had no doubt that not all of them would look upon him and Dan favourably.

He didn’t voice these thoughts until much later, after dinner was cleared and Tyler settled on the sofa while Dan and Phil retreated back to Dan’s room, the door shut, them sprawled out across the bed.

“It’s a big thing you’re doing, after all,” Phil confessed quietly into Dan’s neck, Dan’s fingers soothingly stroking over his back. “No one is going to look at us the same. What if people react badly? Twitter’s already crazy enough, but this is like, the actual newspapers and stuff. What if—”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Dan interrupted smoothly, his fingers pressing into Phil’s spine, “Before you freak me out more than I already am.”

Phil looked up, brow wrinkling apologetically. “Sorry. I don’t mean to do that, I’m just…” he sighed, rolling further into Dan’s body, concentrating on his warmth.

“Scared?” Dan finished for him, voice so soft it was barely a murmur. “Because that makes two of us.”

Phil winced. He reached out, arms wrapping around Dan, and rolled them until they were both on their sides, facing each other. He used one finger to gently trace down Dan’s cheek, pressing once where his dimple usually sat, and then cupped his face with his palm. “It’ll be alright. We’ll do it together, and afterwards, it’ll still just be us. That’s what you told me, remember? We’ll just be us.”

Dan’s brown eyes looked back at him, full of insecurity, but his grip tightened around Phil’s fingers. “You promise?”

“I promise,” Phil answered easily, and pressed a small kiss to the corner of Dan’s mouth. “We’ll still be us, whatever happens tomorrow.”

Dan curled into him like a pretzel piece, long and gangly and he was definitely kneeing Phil in the stomach, but Phil dealt with it for the feeling of being able to wrap his arms tight around Dan and hold him close.

Phil clung to his own words as he closed his eyes. Dan would still be his come morning, come whatever happened after the premiere. Whatever people would think of him, some nobody hanging off The Daniel Howell’s arm. Dan would still be his, whatever people assumed. That would be enough to get him through tomorrow.

---

Despite all his reassurances to himself, Phil woke the next morning with a tight ball of nerves coiled in his stomach.

He went through the motions of getting dressed with his throat closing up and nausea roiling beneath his skin, tingling. One glance at Dan told him Dan was in a similar state, except Dan was better at hiding it – his face smoothed out impassively, hard-to-read. It wasn’t for nothing that Dan was such a successful actor at such a young age.

Dan helped Phil into his dark gold jacket and then wrapped his arms around him, just hugging him for a moment. “It’ll be fine. We’ve got this.”

Dan’s voice was steady, which was a reassurance, but Phil was still jangling with nerves as he turned in Dan’s embrace to face him. “Have we? Honestly? Because I don’t feel like I have a clue.”

“Oh, same,” Dan said, and laughed. “I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, but – but this will be so worth it, Phil.”

Phil bit his lip, took in a breath. “No more hiding.”

“No more hiding.” Dan leaned into him, his head resting on Phil’s shoulder. “I just want to hold your hand on the street, why is this so hard?”

Phil gave a low chuckle. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist and pulled him closer, pressing his face into Dan’s viciously straightened hair. “After today, it will be. Then you can hold my hand all you like.”

“I’m never going to let you go,” Dan answered determinedly. He still looked pale when he drew back, though, and Phil didn’t miss the taught thinness of his lips. Dan might be doing a good job of hiding it, but Phil could still see the nerves.

He leaned in and kissed Dan softly, eyes falling closed for just a moment. Dan melted against him in just the way Phil was growing used to, the way he missed most when he was alone in Manchester wrapped up in his bedsheets, and kissed back with a soft sort of desperation.

It was a long moment before Phil drew away, and then they turned to face the day together.

The hours passed all-too-fleetingly for Phil’s taste. He spent most of the day sat in a chair in the kitchen surrounded by products he had never heard of before (Tyler improvised the kitchen table into a make-up desk, complete with several mirrors that Phil tried to avoid looking into). Dan was by his side, grumbling at Tyler good-naturedly and every now and then prodding Phil with his foot when he wanted to get more attention, which Phil was happy to give even with the nerves that seemed to jump tighter and tighter with each passing minute.

All too soon, he was standing with Dan by the door with a car waiting downstairs, Tyler flitting about putting final touches to their looks.

Dan took both Phil’s hands in his in the last moment, turning Phil to face him. He looked beautiful like this, Phil admitted – Tyler had done a perfect, subtle job, and Dan was practically sparkling.

His eyes, though. His eyes were what drew Phil the most, dark and serious but lit with something that might just be excitement.

“You sure?” Dan asked, fingers tightening around Phil’s. “Now’s the time to back out.”

Phil swallowed. He stood up a little straighter, feeling awkward in his suit and with his face caked for the first time, but – but here he was at Dan’s side. Dan’s date to a film premiere.

Phil certainly hadn’t imagined this outcome the first time he came across Dan in rainy Manchester, however many moons ago that was. It almost felt like a different life.

He looked Dan right in the eyes and said, “I’m ready.”

Tyler cooed, breaking the moment, and Phil almost glared at him, almost.

Dan, however, just rolled his eyes and pulled Phil in for a careful hug. Phil leaned into him, breathing in his familiar smell, settling his nerves for the final time.

Dan opened the door, and they stepped out together.

The car was waiting downstairs, sleek and black just like the one that had picked them up from the train station. Phil was glad of the tinted windows the closer they got to the centre of town. The crowds outside the car were insane. Phil had been prepared, of course he had, he knew that going to something like this involved lots of people – he’d seen it on tv – but nothing had quite prepared him for the reality of it.

The reality of the cameras he could already see flashing outside the window, the rows and rows of people, and they weren’t even at the red carpet yet.

Dan, ever the attentive boyfriend that he was, slid his thumb across Phil’s fingers where their hands were joined in the back and leaned his head against Phil’s shoulder. “It’ll be quiet once we get into the actual cinema. It’s just the walking in that’s the nightmare.”

“The red carpet, you mean.” Phil’s voice came out sounding far more strangled than he’d expected.

“Yeah. That.” Dan managed a chuckle, somehow. Phil wished he knew where Dan found his calm from. “I’ll do all the talking, though, promise.”

“So I’m just here to smile and look pretty?” Phil did his best to sound affronted. “Is that all you want me for, Howell?”

“Yeah, totally, you’re just here to make me look good.”

“You don’t need any help with that.”

“Shut up.” Dan nudged him with his shoulder. “I’ll be talking about you, anyway. The whole time. Finally get to not shut up about you.”

Phil couldn’t hold back a smile at that. He leaned into Dan, letting out a soft sigh. “Am I really worth all this, Dan?”

Dan wrapped a long arm around Phil’s shoulder and brought him close into his chest. “You’re worth all of this and way more, Phil, and you know it. I’d turn my whole life upside down for you. Well,” Dan let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head, “You kind of did that yourself, actually.”

Phil sent him a curious look, nestling happily under Dan’s arm. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, like,” Dan flicked his hair out of his eyes and leaned into him. “I never imagined doing this. Always figured I’d keep as much to myself as possible, stay firmly at a distance, that sort of thing. But then you showed up and made me want to change it – like, you made me want to publicly bicker with you on Twitter and post photos of us everywhere and I really wasn’t expecting that. Never mind all of this,” Dan waved a hand irritably at the cameras flashing outside as the car edged closer and closer, “You made me feel something I never expected to. Pride. Pride in you, and, because you seem to like me, pride in myself, too. That’s what I feel the most right now, even if I’m quietly dying inside. I’m proud of us.”

Phil bit his lip, hard. He swallowed.

Then he leaned in and kissed Dan swiftly, on the lips, even when Tyler had warned them against doing that for fear of smudging their make-up.

When he drew back, Dan looked the best kind of startled.

“I love you,” Phil said, hurriedly. “The most. You know that, right?”

Dan let out a quiet laugh, but he squeezed Phil’s hand tight. “Yeah. Me too, Phil, fuck – you have no idea.”

“I have some idea,” Phil disagreed quietly, and squared his shoulders as the car rolled to a final halt. “You ready for this?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Dan drew away from him, turning to face him. “Did you smudge me?”

“No,” Phil answered (well, he couldn’t see anything out of place, even if he wasn’t an expert).

“Then let’s go.” Dan squeezed his hand one more time, turned, and pushed the door open, helping Phil out after him.

The sound of the screaming crowd was instantly overwhelming, closely followed by the brightest flashes of light Phil had ever seen. He squinted instantly, shielding his eyes, legs trembling with the fear that crept incessantly through his veins.

For an instant, he was frozen.

Then Dan was there, gently taking his hand, and Phil failed at resisting the urge to lean into him.

“We’ve got this,” Dan murmured to him, squeezing his fingers, and Phil swallowed and found his feet.

He nodded once, looking into Dan’s serious gaze, and summoned up a smile which Dan briefly returned.

Together, they stepped into the lights, hand-in-hand.

#phanfiction #phan fluff #phanfic #actor!Dan #student!Phil #iwritephanthings #inmyway #I have no self-restraint and I am posting now

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 6 years

Text

Keep It Down

AO3 Link

Genre: Oneshot, fluff, getting together

Summary: Fiction. Phil wants a quiet life. That's all he's asked for. He doesn't want the new neighbour to blast music at him at 2 in the morning, so if he would kindly stop then that's all Phil needs

Warnings: no angst, just fluff

Word Count: 13k

A/N: Writing this because I’ve been stuck ill in bed for over a month, my arms ache from blood tests, I can’t focus on my ongoing projects, and my neighbours won’t stop blaring music. I am in need of fluff.

So I wrote it for myself xDThank you to @agingphangirl and as ever my wonderful @charlottekath for both letting me ramble about this as I wrote it

Originally, I wanted to have In My Way finished before the New Year. But it is proving more difficult than I thought, and I wanted to post something for Phil’s birthday, so here we have this instead ^_^

Reminder that I don’t know Dan or Phil at all and I’m not suggesting this in any way reflects reality. This is a work of fiction

---

A quiet life. That’s all Phil wants. A quiet life tucked away in his simple little flat, not too big, not too small, though he’s lucky to be able to afford London at all, he knows. Simple bedroom and lounge with an open-plan kitchen, bathroom tucked away around a corner, nothing fancy, but not too shabby either. His laptop open, editing a file his boss sent him earlier that day but Phil hadn’t bothered to look at until now.

And the walls shaking around him with the blare of the bass from above.

Phil groans, hands falling away from his mouse to instead massage his temples. It’s been hours. Hours of endless music throbbing through his flat, thick and loud and ceaseless. Annoying barely covers it. It isn’t even late, and it’s a Thursday. Who parties on a Thursday?

Phil tries to be a nice neighbour, he really tries. He brings in the mail if it’s been left outside, he helps people with their shopping bags if he sees them struggling, and he’s been known to carry heavy books up the endless flights of stairs for his friend across the hall when the lift in their building was out of service. He’s friendly to everyone he meets, largely because he doesn’t really know anyone else living here, not a local from this city. Plus, Phil doesn’t like to leave people in a worse mood than when he meets them.

But there is a line. And his line is turning out to be blasting music at 8pm on a Thursday.

Phil gets to his feet, saving his progress, and turns to grab his keys before making his way solidly out of his flat, the door shutting firmly behind him.

The flat above him only became occupied a couple of weeks ago. Phil saw the removal van and heard the sound of footsteps above his head for the first time, but beyond that he has no idea who is now living above him. So as he takes the stairs up one floor, nervously counting doors as he wanders down the corridor, he really has no idea what to expect.

He ends up counting the doors three times over, just to make absolutely sure he’s going to knock at the right flat. He can’t imagine anything much more mortifying than complaining to the wrong person. Phil finds it hard enough to complain in the first place.

Gathering his courage, and drawing in a slow breath, Phil raises his fist and knocks three times, politely.

It takes a few moments for there to be a response. Phil counts the seconds nervously, reminding himself that he’s perfectly within his rights to be there, that noisy neighbours are a legitimate problem. Just a problem he’s never specifically had to face before, despite his 27 years.

The door finally flies open, and there’s a man leaning against the doorframe. Oh, a man as tall as Phil. Taller than Phil. Dark eyes, hair swept under a black beanie, a couple of freckles dotted on one cheek.

Phil can’t help but notice that the man is very, very cute.

“Yeah?” He says, almost tiredly. His eyes bore into Phil’s without interest, looking straight through him, glassy and sharp.

Phil swallows and hopes it doesn’t sound like a gulp. There is no doubt in his mind that he’s got the right flat – now the door is open he can hear the music again, a dull thumping in the background, still intangible. It helps, reminds Phil why he’s there in the first place.

He draws himself up and looks the man dead in the eyes. “Hi, yeah, sorry. I live below you, and—”

“You do?” The man’s eyes gain slightly more interest.

“Yeah,” Phil acknowledges before stumbling on quickly. “And I hate to be that guy, really, but – your music. I’m working, you know?”

The man raises an eyebrow. “My music.”

“Yeah.”

“What about my music?”

“It’s, well,” Phil grimaces, “A little loud?”

The man simply looks at him.

Phil looks back, determinedly.

“Loud,” the man finally relents, his tone flat. “You think this is loud?”

“My walls are literally shaking,” Phil says, weakly.

The man’s lips twitch in the slightest hint of a smirk. The look suits him. “Well, that’s not my problem.”

Phil bristles, his brow furrowing at the blatant rudeness coming in waves from this stranger. His lip pulls down. “Oh. Right. Well, in any case – could you at least turn it down a little? My work, you know.”

“It’s late,” the stranger shrugs. “Probably about time to stop working, I’d say.”

Phil pauses in astonishment. Really? Phil is a friendly guy, he doesn’t think he’s had a first conversation go this badly in his life. He decides that it’s time to stop being polite, no matter how cute this stranger may look with the hint of a curl peeking out from beneath that beanie. “Yes, well, some of us don’t have that luxury, so if you could please deign to turn your music down I would really, really appreciate it.”

His sarcasm isn’t exactly cutting, but it’s still enough to make the man back off a little. With the curve of a smirk touching his lips, and the hint of something sharp in his eyes, the man simply jerks his head in what might have been a nod. “Duly noted. See you around.”

And with that, the door slams shut in Phil’s face.

Well. Phil bites back his bristling anger, the odd tingling burning sensation that he doesn’t often feel bubbling up in his chest. It takes a lot to get him riled, honestly, he considers himself fairly laid back, but something about that stranger’s smirk just sets Phil on edge.

He returns to his room with a stab of resentment, only mildly appreciative when the music shuts off half an hour later, too late for him to think through editing anymore that evening.

---

The next time Phil runs into the man occupying the apartment above him is a breezy Tuesday. Phil’s standing in the lobby of their building, attempting to brush the clump of autumnal leaves that had decided to follow him back inside after his quick run to the shops. He wouldn’t have gone, but he was almost out of milk and the thought of waking up to no coffee in the morning was enough to drive him out of the house, even if he had to walk ten minutes further to get the kind of almond milk that he liked.

He’s leaning against the wall, hopping on one foot, when there is a clatter on the stairs followed by a low screech, and the man who lives above him comes tumbling down the stairs in a rush, just catching himself on the bannister and scarcely avoiding a fall.

Phil raises his eyebrows, biting back a smirk. “You alright over there?”

“Just fine,” comes the sharp response. The man barely glances at him, eyes quickly darting back to the floor as he brushes off his jacket. Black, like the rest of his clothes. No beanie today though, and his hair falls perfectly straight. Strange. Phil could have sworn he’d caught the hint of a curl last time they met.

Speaking of, Phil isn’t sure how he should feel about seeing the man again. He supposes it’s difficult to completely avoid someone living in the same building as him, but still, the man had radiated rudeness last time they met. Phil isn’t exactly jumping for joy at seeing him again.

Still. The man is still brushing his coat down and concertedly ignoring Phil’s gaze, and for lack of a better word he looks cute, obviously trying to brush off a near fall.

Phil bites both his lips, looking away as he says, “Might want to check your balance.”

“Yes, thank you,” comes the sardonic reply, and when Phil looks over again he sees the man sending him a sharp glare. His eyes are narrowed, dark, but much to Phil’s surprise he finds he quite likes being under the man’s gaze again.

“Just saying,” Phil shrugs, putting on his most innocent expression. “It’s dangerous to fall down, like – how many did you just fall down? Seven steps? – might want to watch yourself.”

“What are you, the stairs police?” The man snaps, stepping further into the lobby. Despite himself, Phil shrinks back a little – he isn’t used to being around people taller than him. Not that this man looks any more built than Phil himself is, too pasty to spend much time outside. “Besides, you’re not much better. Hanging onto the wall for dear life.”

Phil quickly retracts his hand from the wall, and then wobbles until he sets both feet firmly back down on the ground. He’s pretty sure there’s still a leaf attached to his heel, but he ignores it as he faces the stranger again. “At least I have gravity on my side. And anyway, I’m used to injuring myself in weird ways. I’ve got, like, three bruises that I don’t remember appearing.”

The corner of the man’s mouth twitches. “Vital information, that.”

“It’ll brighten your life knowing it,” Phil promises.

The man just shakes his head, but there’s a warmer tint to his tone as he says, “We’ll see about that.” Or, at least, Phil wants to pretend there’s a warmer tone behind his words.

He watches the man leave, wondering where he’s headed to on a cold autumnal night when it’s already dark, but then he remembers that it isn’t really any of his business.

---

The music is playing again.

It’s been a few weeks of blissful quiet, or at least normal levels of noise – the odd laugh from the hall as someone climbed the staircase, but nothing untoward. Nothing so annoying. But here it is again, the constant thump of a bass so loud that the coffee in the mug Phil has precariously balanced on the arm of his sofa is shaking.

He grits his teeth, debating going up again. Up to the level above him, but there is something about the music today. Something a little bit off. It’s the same heavy mass of noise as before, undiscernible in genre, just a loud quick tempo, but something else is hidden behind it. Phil sits for probably too long, trying to figure out what it is, his unedited work sitting open on his laptop.

Behind the thumping music, there is something softer. Something he barely catches in the occasional gaps between songs. A hum, a note, something pure, something that doesn’t belong.

It bothers him so much that he sits and listens until the music stops again, and the silence that floods his flat is no longer peaceful.

He returns to his editing with a heavy heart, only getting through a few scenes before he calls it a night. It’s late anyway, his boss can wait until the morning. Too late to be working, after all. About time to stop.

---

When Phil collects his post from the mailbox down in the lobby, there is something not addressed to him that’s somehow found its way into his pile. He recognises the number straight away. Flat 302. He lives in 202. 302 is directly above his flat.

He briefly considers the name. Daniel Howell. The man from the flat above him, with the dark eyes and the soft-looking hair, looks like a Daniel, he decides. The name suits his sharp eyes and witty tongue.

Phil contemplates the letter for several moments, standing in the lobby, his own post shoved forgotten under his arm. It looks inconspicuous, a simple plain white envelope, typed address, not handwritten. Nothing personal about it at all. Phil gleans nothing from it other than the man’s name.

He could just put it back in the correct mailbox. He probably should do exactly that. But something about the memory of the man’s smirk makes Phil turn, envelope in hand, and make for the staircase (the lift is broken, again. Just because Phil can afford to live in London doesn’t mean he can afford to live somewhere nice).

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and all that. Phil isn’t exactly sure what he expects to get from this experience, but he’s interested enough to follow it through, and what’s the worst that can happen, really? He gets his head bitten off again? Phil’s dealt with worse.

He drops his own post in his bag, but doesn’t stop at his floor. Instead goes straight up to the third and walks along the corridor, counting doors again until he comes to the right one.

This time, it is eerily quiet.

Still, Phil knocks, and waits patiently a few moments. Then knocks again.

Eventually, there is the soft sound of rustling and muffled footsteps, and then the door is being pulled open and the man – Daniel, presumably – is standing there all wrapped up in a hoody (still black) and what looks like jogging bottoms, black beanie pulled down over his hair. His nose is a little red, and he doesn’t hide the surprise that flits across his face at seeing Phil on the other side of the door. “Oh. Uh – hi?”

“Hi,” Phil answers, and bites his lip at the awkwardness radiating from the man before him. He holds up the letter, clutching at his reason for being here. “Sorry, I just – this was in my mailbox.”

The man frowns a little, reaching out. Phil hands over the letter reluctantly.

“Oh.” The man turns it over, studying it with an adorable little crease in his forehead. “Thanks, I guess? Don’t know how it ended up with yours, doesn’t look like much tbh.”

“Yeah,” Phil agrees, tilting his head. Who says tbh out loud? The man’s voice sounds sniffly, and his nose is still red. “Sorry, just – are you sick?”

The man glances up at him briefly, eyes puffy. There is the shadow of a dark circle underneath them, and Phil’s heart pulls. “Oh, you are sick. You poor thing. Have you got medicine?”

The man arches a brow, pulling back just a bit, and Phil remembers to rein in his instinct to poke his nose into anyone and everyone’s business just because he happens to be in slight proximity. He still doesn’t know this man, after all, and honestly hasn’t had the best of encounters with him so far. He should back off. Probably.

Instead, Phil says, “Sorry, I don’t mean to presume. It’s just. My mum always said you have to treat autumn colds quickly or they’ll linger, and I know you only moved in a few weeks ago, figured you might not have had time to stock up yet –”

“It’s fine,” the man interrupts him, and his voice is definitely thicker than normal. He waves an airy hand. “You’re just more perceptive than I thought you’d be.”

Phil’s brow crinkles. “Rude.”

“Come on, last time I saw you you had foliage leaking from your feet,” the man responds, and is that a teasing lilt to his tone? Phil thinks it might be. He tries to tie down the small flare of hope it incites in his chest.

“At least I didn’t almost land flat on my face in the lobby,” he points out.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” the man answers wryly, and pauses to sneeze.

Phil’s heart tugs insistently at him, and he gives easily, saying, “Ok, I’m going to, like, get you medicine? Ok? Is there anything you like in particular?”

Phil is given a tense, long look in response. The man’s – Daniel’s, Phil wants to start calling him Daniel – forehead is creased, his eyes unblinking as they look calmly into Phil’s. It might be intimidating, if it weren’t for the redness of his nose and the slight flushed patch on his left cheek.

“Why?” Daniel asks finally.

Phil lifts a brow. “Why what?”

“Why are you standing on my doorstep offering to get me medicine?” Daniel flaps a half-hearted hand at him. “We’ve had, like, two conversations max, and for one of those you were shouting at me.”

“I wasn’t shouting,” Phil disagrees quickly.

“You were.”

“No, I was just – loudly voicing my opinion. Asking you to be quiet, actually.”

The corner of Daniel’s mouth twitches up. “And in thanks for my annoying bad neighbourly habits, you’re offering to get me medicine?”

Phil stands still for a moment, but then his expression tightens. He nods once, firmly. “Yes. Because even rude bystanders deserve to avoid weeks-long illness. I’m gonna go to Boots, be back in like, ten minutes.”

“I can’t swallow tablets.”

Phil blinks, already half-turned away. “Excuse me?”

“Tablets,” Daniel adds, gaze fixed firmly on the floor when Phil turns back to look at him. “Can’t swallow them. Choke every time, it’s a pain in the arse.”

Silence hangs between them for a moment, in which Phil feels something settle between them, the tension not dissipating exactly, just… shifting.

“Right,” Phil says finally. “So no tablets then. Got it. Anything else?”

Daniel bites his lip, glances away. “I’m nearly out of milk.”

“What am I, your personal shopper now?”

“You asked!” Daniel’s voice goes adorably high-pitched, a croaky squeak that he instantly looks embarrassed about. “It’s not like you have to do any of this shit for me, you just – you offered, so—”

“So milk,” Phil cuts in, “Right. Now I’m going to leave before you pile any more of your shopping list onto me.”

“You offered,” Daniel replies indignantly, and stays in the doorway watching as Phil heads back towards the stairs.

Phil ends up buying him two cartons of milk, along with those sachets you can put into drinks to help with colds, both the day and night kinds, and a couple of chocolate bars as well because he knows what makes him feel better when he’s sick. And he figures Daniel must be really quite sick, because there had hardly been a sarcastic word out of him earlier. Which is unusual, going on what little Phil has gathered about him.

He traipses all the way up three flights of stairs with the heavy shopping bag and his own rucksack still slung on his back, panting more heavily than he’d like to admit when he finally reaches Daniel’s door again. He takes a moment to catch his breath, standing alone in the dim corridor that’s identical to the one outside his own flat.

When he knocks, there’s something like a crash from the other side of the door before it opens and Daniel’s stood there again, cheeks flushed, beanie slipping a little to the side. A curl makes itself known, curling just above Daniel’s ear. It’s adorable, he looks adorable, all bundled up and sniffling, nose still red.

Phil holds up the bag, leaning against the doorframe. “Right. No tablets, just those sachet things, my mum swears by them, only make sure you drink enough water too. And got your damn milk, lugged it all the way up the stairs for you too.”

“You didn’t have to,” Daniel snivels, taking the bag from Phil and stepping back. He leaves the door open as he heads further inside, but Phil still teeters in the doorway, peeking just barely inside. It smells like must and cleaning liquid, lemon scented. He can spot a scented candle burning away in a corner.

“You coming in or what? I’ve got the coffee machine on.” Daniel’s voice comes from the direction of the kitchen, so Phil steps hesitantly inside, shuts the door behind him, follows Daniel over to the counter.

“Ok, but you can’t have coffee,” Phil reprimands, stepping over and watching Daniel fetch two mugs down from a cupboard (one is minions, which has Phil seriously reconsidering having anything to do with this man at all, but the other one has an adorable photo of a dog that looks more personal, so he’ll hold on for now). “It’s dehydrating.”

“Yes, mum,” Daniel snorts. He’s poking around in the bag Phil brought him, depositing the milk in the fridge, pausing over the chocolate. He sends Phil a look.

“What?” Phil says defensively. “It always helps me feel better.”

Daniel just shakes his head, but there’s a small smile touching his lips as he slips the chocolate into a cupboard. He takes out the medicine packets next, studying them with apparent detail. Then he says, “I’m Dan, by the way.”

“Oh.” Phil reconsiders what he’d been calling him in his head. “Hi. Hi, Dan.”

Dan glances up at him, lips twitching.

“I’m Phil,” Phil says belatedly. “Live directly beneath you. Which is why I know where you live. Sorry. Bit weird, isn’t it?”

“Sure,” Dan agrees, flicking the kettle on. “If by weird you mean incredibly rude, coming up here telling me to turn my music down.”

A frown creases Phil’s brow. “Hey, no, it was so loud. I couldn’t think straight.”

“Doesn’t seem to bother anyone else.”

“No one else lives directly below you,” Phil points out. “I appreciate having my walls intact, thank you very much.”

Dan shakes his head, his beanie slipping a little further to the side, more curls tumbling out. “You’re exaggerating a fuck ton, mate.”

“You wouldn’t know,” Phil mutters. “Don’t know how you stand it, anyway, being right in the middle of a racket like that.”

“I’ll have you know it’s art,” Dan disagrees, picking up the kettle. “Sugar?”

“Two,” Phil confirms, “And no coffee for you.”

“It’s decaf—”

“Still dehydrating, take the medicine I so dutifully went out and bought you.” Phil watches with a stern gaze as Dan sighs dramatically and picks up the medicine packet. “And I fail to see how whatever noise you thud through my flat is in any way art.”

“You haven’t lived,” Dan snaps back, pouring out the water. He makes a face at his lemon-scented medicine drink, peering over it. “Are you sure this is worth it?”

“Trust me, that stuff works,” Phil reassures. He won’t admit it, but he enjoys the way Dan’s eyes crinkle up when he peers with suspicion at his drink, the corners creasing, his lips pulling into just a hint of a pout. It’s undeniably cute, and Phil would be lying if he didn’t at least acknowledge the slight pull of attraction to Dan tugging insistently at his insides.

“You’d better be right, Phil.” Dan makes a face, but he lifts the mug and takes a tentative, scalding sip. He looks distinctly displeased when he lowers the mug again.

Phil can’t help it – he emits a low laugh. “Sorry. Promise it’ll be worth it when your cold goes away, though.”

“Fucking better,” Dan mumbles, wiping his mouth. He passes the second mug, now full of coffee, over to Phil, looks at it with a distinct yearning.

Phil laughs again, accepting the mug. He’ll even forgive the minions, what with how undeniably cute Dan is being, and Phil doesn’t know if it’s the fact that he’s sick or if he just happened to catch Dan at bad times the past couple of times they’d met. Either way, he likes this Dan. Slightly pouty, slightly messy, but a bit of a delight, if Phil’s insides are to be believed.

He takes a sip of his coffee, takes a moment to glance around – Dan’s flat is laid out in almost the exact same way as Phil’s, open plan kitchen and lounge, small hallway leading to darkness but where presumably the bedroom and bathroom are. It’s weird, being in a place so similar to his own and yet not – none of the furniture is familiar, and yet he still feels at home.

“So do you just make a habit of looking after any lost strays you happen across?” Dan asks out of the blue, and when Phil turns back he finds Dan looking straight at him. “Or am I a special case?”

“I’m a fan of strays,” Phil answers ambiguously. “Though you’re particularly waif-y at the moment. All bambi eyes and sad sniffles. Maybe it’s that.”

“Oi,” Dan grumbles half-heartedly. “I’d kick you out if I had any fucks to give right now.”

Phil snorts. “I’ll take that as a compliment. But, like,” he looks up, meets Dan’s gaze with sincerity for a moment, “I’ll get out of your hair if you want. I know it sucks having company when you feel crappy, and I don’t think I’m exactly your favourite person at the best of times.”

“Can say that again, fucking noise police,” Dan grumbles, but Phil thinks it’s good-natured. Dan is smiling at him, at least, a small smile that only just touches his eyes, but a smile all the same. “But seriously, it’s fine. Invited you in, didn’t I? Least I can do is give you coffee.”

“Well. Thanks.” Phil shifts a bit under Dan’s intense gaze, glances down, unsure how to take the invitation. He hadn’t expected this, honestly. But he’s enjoying himself, enjoying the odd tension he feels every time he meets Dan’s gaze, senses eyes on him when he isn’t looking, feels himself drawn to stealing glances at Dan whenever given the opportunity. It’s been a while since he’s felt drawn to someone.

He takes a sip. Dan’s coffee is more expensive than Phil’s, some fancy blend that Phil doesn’t normally bother with, actually doesn’t like as much as the cheap stuff. But he still has manners, so he smiles and glances back over at Dan, who is still making a face at his mug.

“Stop that,” Phil reprimands, “And drink up. Do you not want to get any sleep tonight?”

“Wouldn’t make much of a difference,” Dan snorts, but obediently sips anyway under Phil’s stern gaze. “Fuck. You’re worse than my actual mother.”

“Just making sure my money doesn’t go to waste,” Phil answers, but it’s softer than he intends it to be.

Dan meets his gaze again, and although he isn’t smiling exactly, there’s a sort of warmth dancing away in his eyes, hidden somewhere deep. Phil likes it. More accurately, he likes the way it feels when Dan’s eyes are on him.

Phil stays until his coffee is completely gone and Dan has had at least half of his medicine, and he learns that Dan is a writer, freelance, stays at home most of the time, that he likes Muse (“Well why don’t you play that instead of whatever crap you shake my walls with?” “It’s art, Phil, art, and Muse is mostly for special occasions.”) and that he’s incredulous over Phil’s admittance to preferring cheap coffee over expensive blends.

He also learns that Dan smells like coconut body wash and has rough, calloused fingers when he leans close to take the mug back off Phil.

Phil returns to his room with conflicted feelings. He’s still annoyed about the music thing, but Dan turned out to be much nicer than Phil was expecting, funny and sharp but also soft. But then again, that could have just been the sickness.

Phil pushes all thoughts of him from his mind, or at least, he tries to, and gets back to his editing.

---

He passes Dan on the stairway three days later, on his way out to a meeting. Dan is headed back upstairs, wrapped up in a long black coat (does he own anything in another colour?), still sniffling. His hair is straight again, falling across his forehead in a style very similar to Phil’s own, actually, now that Phil thinks about it.

Dan pauses when he sees him, stopping short with one foot in the air, eyes wide.

Phil looks back, feels the same rabbit-in-the-headlights caught feeling tighten in his chest. Last time they spoke, things ended well, but not with any degree of finality. Phil really isn’t sure where they stand, exactly, not quite sure what they are. Friends? Friendly acquaintances?

No, none of that quite adequately describes the odd tension he could feel every time he catches Dan’s gaze on his.

“Hey,” Dan says finally, breaking the silence.

“Hey,” Phil answers, and then, because he can’t help himself, “Might want to put your foot down. Don’t want a repeat of you falling down the stairs.”

Dan huffs out a laugh, planting his feet on the step. “If I did, I’d fully expect you to scoop me off the floor.”

“Hey, I don’t wanna get my hands bloody,” Phil disagrees with a soft laugh.

“Gonna leave me to just bleed out then? Rude.”

“I mean, I’d feel bad for the porter. I might clean up a bit.”

“Rude,” Dan laughs, reaching out to prod Phil’s arm. It tingles where Dan touched it, the most cliché thing ever. Phil refuses to be part of a scene out of a romcom.

“Anyway,” Dan says, stepping back quickly and retracting his hand, “I should, uh. Stop delaying you, probably.”

“Probably,” Phil agrees. He hates being late, and he does have a meeting, but he still pauses on the stairs, glancing back up at Dan. “But, uh. I don’t. I don’t mind the delay?”

Dan pauses again, fumbles against the bannister, and for a fleeting moment Phil is genuinely worried that he actually will fall.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he steadies himself and looks Phil right in the eyes, and there’s the hint of a smirk on his face, something dangerous glinting in his eyes. “Well. I’ll delay you some more in the future, then.”

“Please do,” Phil says all in a rush, quickly, mortified.

Dan’s lifts his brows. His smirk grows.

“Shut up,” Phil mutters, and then turns to head on down the stairs. “I actually have a meeting. Shut up.”

“Sure thing, Phil,” he hears Dan call from behind him, but he doesn’t turn.

He can feel Dan’s laughing gaze on his back all the way out of the door.

---

One night, a couple of days later, Phil comes home to the rumble of music thudding through the walls of his flat again. He sighs, exasperated, and collapses on his sofa, wondering distantly if this is some twisted kind of summons. Dan could just come and knock on his door like any normal person, he doesn’t have to incite Phil into making a complaint.

But Phil is tired, he’s had a long day of meetings and actually had to go into the office for once rather than just working from home, so he splays out on his sofa and just listens for once, letting the loud thud of the bass echo in his skull.

He still doesn’t understand whatever music Dan is playing, but there’s something behind it again – something purer, something distant. Quiet. Slippery, like Phil can never quite catch it, even though he listens hard.

Eventually, the music stops, and Phil stays just contemplatively staring at his ceiling, thinking of Dan up there, in the flat that is like his and yet not, pacing about where Phil can hear footsteps. So close, and yet somehow still unreachable.

The silence is deafening.

---

One night, a week or so later, Phil has pizza in the oven and American Horror Story on the TV when there’s a knock at the door.

He is surprised, briefly, he hardly ever gets visitors, and the surprise grows when he opens it to find Dan standing on the other side.

“This is totally cliché,” Dan says, fiddling with his fingers in his pockets, “But, uh. I’m locked out, and you’re literally the only person I know in this building, so…”

Phil arches a brow, folding his arms. He leans against the doorframe, looking Dan up and down, and Dan shifts under his gaze. His hair is under a beanie again, long black jumper sleeves covering his hands, jeans so skinny they look painful.

The silence holds for a moment until Phil says, “You know, if you wanted to come see me, you could have come up with a better excuse.”

“I swear,” Dan mutters, fixing Phil with a staunch gaze, “I know what it sounds like, but – literally, I just walked out of the door thinking my keys were in my wallet but then I remembered I put them on the table yesterday for fuck knows what reason –”

“Sure,” Phil drawls, stretching out the syllable.

Dan looks at him plaintively. “I promise. I’d come up with a better excuse if I was lying. Not that I would, uh. Lie. To come and see you.”

“You wouldn’t?” Phil puts his hand on his chest as he steps out of the way, letting Dan into his flat. “I’m hurt, Daniel.”

“Well, I probably would, actually,” Dan mumbles, too fast to catch properly. Phil blinks for a moment before assuming he heard wrong. He must have. Even if his thrumming heartbeat disagrees. “Anyway,” Dan continues, stepping into Phil’s lounge, “I really don’t know anyone else, and I don’t want to admit to a random stranger that I’m literally dumb enough to lock my keys inside my own flat, so.”

“So you decided an almost-stranger is better than a random one?” Phil answers with a raised brow.

Dan just looks back at him so plaintively that Phil feels his heart tug. Ridiculous. But he gives, with a small shake of his head, waving Dan over to the kitchen where he flicks the kettle on. “Alright, fine, you can stay here while you wait for your landlord.”

“Right, yeah,” Dan mumbles, “Landlord. Yeah.”

Phil glances at him over the counter. “Or whoever has your spare key.”

“Didn’t get around to giving it to anyone,” Dan shrugs, coming round the counter to join Phil. He leans his hip against the side of the oven, watching Phil get out two mugs. The proximity makes Phil’s head cloud, slows his thinking a little. “Don’t even know where it is. Probably still in the drawer, in my flat, which I’m locked out of. Not the most helpful, you know?”

“No,” Phil chuckles in soft agreement. “Landlord it is, then.”

Dan doesn’t reply straight away, instead shuffling on his feet. When Phil looks up, his head is cast down, eyes fixed on a spot on Phil’s (slightly grubby) tiles. “Yeah. Uh. My landlord will… have a spare set, then?”

Phil blinks at him. Then tilts his head. “I mean, yeah? Usually. Not that I’m claiming to know your arrangement, or anything, just—”

“No, yeah, of course,” Dan interrupts hastily. “Makes sense. I just, uh. Hasn’t really happened to me before, you know.”

Phil looks at him contemplatively mid-spooning out coffee. Dan looks young, and his height could be deceiving Phil into thinking he’s older than he really is. His face is smooth, unlined aside from the crinkles around his eyes when he laughs. He decides to question. “Not lived alone for long, then?”

Dan makes a face. “No, I have. Like. I lived alone at uni, I just – it’s different.”

“Recent graduate?” Phil guesses, studying Dan’s expression. He’s staring at the floor still, eyes creased, and there’s a hint of a pout on his lips.

“Not exactly,” Dan disagrees, glancing up briefly to meet Phil’s gaze. Phil tries to ignore the sharp little squeeze in his chest that accompanies it. “I’m 23. Graduated a couple of years ago, moved back home for a bit. Then I came here.”

“Ah.” That makes a lot of sense. Phil is strangely grateful for the increasing picture of Dan growing before him, starting to make sense of the bits and pieces he knows. He wonders what makes him play such loud music, why he paces sometimes late at night when Phil is working and can hear the footsteps creaking above him.

“What about you?” Dan asks, and Phil turns to find him fixing Phil with a curious gaze.

Phil arches a brow. “What about me what? Also, do you take sugar with your coffee?”

“Nah,” Dan answers, “Just milk. And I mean, how old are you, did you graduate, all that stuff.”

“You wanna get to know me,” Phil says, biting back a smile as he adds milk to their coffees and sugar for him.

“Fuck off,” Dan tells him, but takes the mug Phil hands him with a soft smile.

Phil just grins back. “I’m 27. Got a masters, now I work from home. Spend most of my time here.”

“Freelance?”

“Yeah, but not writing. Editing. Short films, music videos, stuff like that.”

“Really?” Dan’s eyes light up a little in interest. Phil is a bit overwhelmed at having him here, his presence in Phil’s kitchen. “Sounds fun.”

“It is, when I’m not having music blasted in my ears when I’m trying to work,” Phil says a little pointedly.

Dan snorts. “Smooth. And I only play at like, 2am now, you shouldn’t be working then.”

“Needs must, sometimes,” Phil complains. “I’m a night owl. You keep ruining it.”

“Sorry,” Dan smirks, not sounding very sorry at all.

Phil rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling. It’s difficult for him not to smile around Dan. He finds his smirk infectious, the mirth often hiding in his eyes enticing. He tries not to dwell too much on what that might mean, and ignores the thudding tug of his heart every time Dan is in close proximity to him.

Dan stays long enough to call his landlord and watch a couple of episodes of American Horror Story with Phil (turns out he’s been following it too, but is more caught up than Phil. He says he doesn’t mind watching the episodes again though). At some point Phil remembers his dinner and rushes to rescue it from the oven, and he shares the slightly burnt slices with Dan until his landlord shows up.

Dan turns out to be a good watching companion. He doesn’t talk through the good bits, and uses the slower moments to whisper opinions to Phil, often sharp-witted and well thought out. Phil comments as much, and Dan admits that his freelance writing includes reviewing films, sometimes.

Phil makes a mental note to look him up later.

All in all, it’s a nice evening, and when Phil waves Dan off to greet his landlord, it’s with a warm feeling settling comfortably in his stomach.

---

The next time music echoes loudly through Phil’s flat, he actually has company. Jimmy’s around, sitting with him to reminisce about uni days over drinks and a board game, one of the few that’s actually good for 2 players. They’ve got cards scattered all around his table and Phil’s actually inching towards winning when the bass starts up, loud enough to shake their glasses on the table.

“Woah,” Jimmy comments, “Someone’s having a party.”

“I highly doubt he is, actually,” Phil snorts. Dan is solitary, he knows him well enough to know that, and in fact it’s difficult to imagine Dan in a room full of other people. In Phil’s mind, Dan is always solitary, not existing outside the confines of their building. He wonders what Dan would look like in a crowd.

Jimmy eyes him in confusion. “You know what’s going on?”

“It’s just Dan,” Phil says with a shrug.

“Dan?”

“Guy who lives above me. He does this, sometimes.”

Jimmy huffs, scanning his hand before placing a card deliberately down on the table. “Must drive you mad.”

“You get used to it,” Phil shrugs, and wonders at how true that is. He’s grown accustomed to the odd nights of shaking walls and blaring bass, still none the wiser as to what Dan actually sees in this kind of music. But there is still that sweeter tone behind it that Phil hears sometimes, tugging at his ears, inviting him in further. It didn’t fit with the pounding bass, wasn’t even in time with it sometimes, at least not to Phil’s untrained ears. It nagged at him.

Jimmy is still fixing Phil with an unrelenting gaze. “So what, you just put up with it?”

“No,” Phil says, defensively. “I went up to complain, actually, the first time.”

“And?”

“He was a bit rude,” Phil admits, “But then he got better.”

Jimmy arches a brow. “Still plays the music, though. Doesn’t sound so great to me.”

“Well, no.” Phil furrows his brow. Thinks for a moment, wonders, objectively, why it bothers him to hear Dan spoken ill of when really he hasn’t done very much good at all.

But Phil remembers what Dan looked like when he was sniffly and sick, and when he was standing in Phil’s kitchen looking a little lost, and his heart tugs again. He can feel his lips curving up into a small smile, and for once he doesn’t stop it.

“Woah,” Jimmy laughs, and Phil jolts out of himself to see Jimmy giving him a knowing look.

“What?” Phil asks, a little too late.

“I know that look,” Jimmy hums, his eyes bright as he takes Phil in. “This Dan. He hot?”

Phil chokes and fumbles with his hand of cards, suddenly becoming very interested in studying the small print.

He can feel Jimmy’s gaze burning into him.

Finally, after a long moment, Phil mumbles, “Maybe.”

Jimmy laughs, shaking his head so his hair falls flat over his eyes. He sweeps it back with an easy hand. “Well. Must be quite a sight, if you’re putting up with this.” He gestures to the table where their drinks are still wobbling with the thrum of the bass.

“Yeah,” Phil mumbles, tips of his ears burning as he puts his card down, barely even focusing. “Whatever. Can we just play, please?”

“Haven’t seen you like this since second year at uni,” Jimmy chuckles, but he obediently goes on with the game. They both pretend not to see the way the back of Phil’s neck has turned a glowing red.

---

It’s raining, the kind of unpleasant rain that hangs like mist in the air and clings to every patch of exposed skin. Phil is shivering, ducked low under his hood, relieved for once that he heeds his mum’s words closely and has invested in a good long raincoat. He’s almost back at his building after a meeting with his boss, his laptop safely tucked away in his rucksack.

He turns the corner and walks head-first into someone, colliding with a crash.

Phil gives a startled exclamation, stumbling back instantly. He hears a muttered shit from in front of him and looks up to see none other than Dan, dripping in a hoody with a mug of coffee held in front of him.

“Crap, sorry!” Phil exclaims, eyes wide. “Did I manage to spill that on you?”

Dan looks over and sees him, his expression relaxing with recognition. “Oh, it’s you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Phil huffs. “Oh, it’s you, thanks.”

“Sorry.” Dan bites his lip, hiding a smile if the dimple that appears in his cheek is anything to go by. Phil feels his heart tug again, steps in a little closer.

“You didn’t spill my coffee,” Dan continues, holding out his mug. “Saved by the green stick.”

Phil frowns, confused, but takes a closer look and sees that Dan’s mug is stoppered shut by one of the sticks they have at Starbucks, keeping his drink from spilling. He smiles, relaxing. “Oh, good. Was worried I’d burned you by accident then.”

“Nope, safe for today,” Dan answers, his tone warm. He holds up the cup towards Phil. “Would totally have made you buy me a new one if you had spilt it, though, I paid good money for this.”

Phil snorts. “There are easier ways to ask me to buy you a coffee.”

It comes out flirtier than he expected, and Phil has a heart-stopping moment of terror that he’s accidentally pushed too far.

But then Dan’s smile becomes a smirk, and he gives Phil a quick, blatant once-over, eyes flickering up and down his body. “I dunno. Not a hundred percent sure you’re my type.”

Phil huffs again. He feels himself draw up under Dan’s gaze, making himself taller, almost matching Dan even if Dan may have an inch or two on him. He arches a brow. “Rude. And here I was thinking I stood a chance.”

“Maybe.” Dan’s eyes are sparkling as he meets Phil’s. “If you get lucky.”

“The arrogance.” Phil shakes his head, but he’s smiling. There is the start of some impossible hope building in his chest, but as much as it hurts he squashes it down straight away. He doesn’t need to get tangled up in anything, especially not when Dan is doing nothing more than some innocent flirting.

Probably. But the dangerous smirk still playing about Dan’s lips has Phil doubting himself all over again.

“Anyway,” Dan delicately sidesteps Phil, coffee still in hand. “I actually was on my way to something – but rain check on that coffee?”

Phil blinks at him, silent for a beat too long. “Oh – yeah – yeah! Sure, I mean – not like I can exactly avoid you, you know where I live.”

“Ditto.” The smirk on Dan’s face clears into a smile, just for a second, but long enough for Phil to notice the crinkles around his eyes, the way his eyes soften. Phil’s chest tugs, hard.

He takes a breath.

“See you around.” Dan lifts his coffee in acknowledgment, then turns and continues on his way down the pavement, head bobbing above the crowds.

Phil watches him for probably too long, until he’s far down the pavement and about to turn a corner, before he heads back inside.

---

Phil is decidedly not having a good day.

He woke from a bad sleep in a rough mood, the lights too chafing on his eyes, his movements sluggish and reluctant as he got ready. He had another meeting at the office today; they were working on a big project for a client they hoped would become a repeat customer, and Phil was leading the editing team. An honour, but also a lot of hard work.

He heads to work through a downpour of rain, and on the way a strap of his rucksack breaks. A rare curse escapes his lips, and he’s forced to walk the rest of the way hugging his bag to his chest in hopes of protecting his laptop and folders.

He suffers through the meeting and leaves with a hell of a lot more responsibility on his back, a headache building at his temples, something like nerves or stress coiling tightly in his stomach.

His lack of sleep makes itself known when he gets back to his flat and curls up on his sofa to attempt some actual editing. The scenes all blur together, the images refusing to join up neatly. Phil chugs through two coffees in record speed and clicks and clicks away, barely making any progress but at least getting somewhere.

And then it starts again.

Throbbing, deep bass music rocking the walls of his flat, throbbing through the air, making the last dregs of his coffee jump in his mug. The noise joins the pounding in Phil’s head. He can’t think.

With a loud groan, Phil gives up on his editing and slams the lid of his laptop down, leaning his head back against his sofa cushions. The music doesn’t relent. He presses his palms to his face, fingers digging in, seeking some relief, but the bass continues to pound and his irritation and exhaustion continues to grow.

His muscles ache as he stands, and he only pauses to grab his keys before determinedly pacing to the door.

The walk up to Dan’s flat is a blur of avoiding people, keeping his head down and hands tucked into his pockets. When he gets to Dan’s door, he can hear the music still going, but there’s that tantalising quieter noise behind it – something Phil can’t quite place his finger on. Normally, he’d make an effort to search it out, but right now all he wants is for it to stop.

He knocks on the door loud enough to be heard over the racket, fists pounding, and then waits the few seconds it takes for the door to open.

When Dan appears on the other side, Phil sags, shoulders bowing, and simply begs, “Please.”

There’s a moment of silence.

Then: “Shit, Phil, are you alright?”

Phil flicks a glance up and sees Dan peering at him, a worried crease to his forehead. He’s dressed in a black-and-white stripy shirt, the first splash of colour Phil’s seen him wear (if white can really count as a colour). It suits him.

“Phil?” Dan steps in closer, worry clearly colouring his tone. He reaches out and grasps Phil’s elbow, and Phil’s heart does something funny.

Phil swallows, gets himself together, and tries to level a frown Dan’s way. It comes out weaker than he means when he says, “Dan, the music, please.”

“I thought you didn’t mind it.” Dan’s tone is level, but there’s a crack behind his words. He tugs on Phil’s elbow. “Come inside.”

Phil follows, reluctantly, his head still throbbing, but he won’t refuse another peek into Dan’s life. The music is louder from inside the flat, pacing through the walls, the sound thick enough that Phil felt like he had to physically move through it to enter the room. The lighter, softer sound Phil sometimes hears isn’t there at all anymore. He feels a pang of disappointment.

“Hang on.” Dan disappears for a moment somewhere to the left, and then the music stops and Phil is surrounded in beautiful, forgiving, gentle silence.

He takes a moment to breathe.

“Phil?” There’s a touch at his elbow, and Dan’s back in his vision again, eyes narrowed. He isn’t wearing his beanie today, curls falling freely down his forehead.

Phil looks back at him, straightening a little as he realises he can think straight again. He glances around, realises he’s been brought further into Dan’s flat than he realised, into a new, different room, some kind of study. There’s a desk and a computer, and two enormous speakers proudly on display. And in the corner sits a white piano, stool pulled out, keys on display, a tablet displaying chords balanced precariously on the music stand.

Phil blinks at it. A piano?

“Phil?” Dan tugs on his elbow, and Phil returns his attention to him. Dan looks worried still, tone concerned as he continues, “I’m sorry, I really didn’t think it bothered you anymore. You haven’t said anything the last few times.”

“Yeah,” Phil says, and his voice croaks. He coughs into his fist. “Yeah, sorry. I just. I don’t normally mind it, but…”

Dan bites his lip, surveys Phil closely. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“No.” The word slips out before Phil has a chance to catch himself. He closes his eyes for a moment, just breathes again.

There is a touch at his elbow, gentle, almost nervous. He opens his eyes again and Dan is levelling a sincere look at him, something like concern furrowing his brow.

“I just,” Phil tries to explain himself, “Hard day at work? And, like, my head feels a bit like a fairy spent most of the night stuffing cotton wool through my ears.”

Despite himself, Dan snorts, the sound surprising in the still air between them. “Rude fairy, that.”

“Tell me about it.” Phil shakes his head, moves unconsciously closer. The touch at his elbow has become firmer, Dan’s thumb rubbing gentle circles into his arm.

“I’m sorry,” Dan says, then points imperiously at the door. “Go sit on the couch.”

Phil blinks. “Excuse me?”

“Go sit on the couch.” Dan shuffles his feet, avoiding Phil’s eyes.

Phil arches a brow, his head still thrumming even with the blessed silence now filling the flat. But it still takes him a while to process. “What?”

“The couch, Phil.” Dan sighs loudly. “Go sit. Don’t fight me on this, you took care of me when I was sick, so. Returning the favour?”

Oh. Ok, that makes a little more sense. Something funny is burning at Phil’s insides, something he doesn’t feel very often, a strange mix bubbling away in his stomach. He tries to ignore it as he takes one last glance around the room, eyes lingering on the white piano for a moment, before he turns and moves in the direction of the lounge. It helps that this flat is laid out just like his, except where his study is Dan has set up the speakers.

Dan’s couches are white leather. Not the most comfortable, not like Phil’s ratty old things, but they fit the general look of the place, everything minimalist black and white with the odd streak of grey. It’s stylish, though Phil thinks there definitely isn’t enough colour.

“Stay there,” Dan says from behind him, waving haphazardly at the sofa cushions. “I think I’ve still got those gross drink sachet things you bought me before.”

Phil settles happily enough, listening to Dan clattering in the round somehow therapeutic. The knot of stress that had been tightening in his stomach the entire day so far is somehow unwinding, loosening his limbs. He actually finds himself relaxing.

Dan returns soon enough, placing the medicinal drink down in front of Phil before settling on the cushions beside him, hugging his own mug to his chest. The smell of coffee is heavy in the air.

Phil makes a face, curling up in the corner. “It’s too late to be having caffeine.”

“Good job you’re not my mother, then,” Dan says back playfully, and takes a long, purposeful sip.

Phil just rolls his eyes.

The medicinal drink tastes kind of awful, but Phil appreciates the gesture from Dan and thinks he may actually be coming down with something, so he makes sure to drink it all with the appropriate pathetic snuffling to garner sympathy.

It works, but only to some degree. Dan just rolls his eyes at him and calls him a wimp, all while fetching him a blanket and offering to put something calming on the tv. Phil appreciates all of it, but even more he likes the fond crinkles at the corners of Dan’s eyes when he smiles.

The knot in Phil’s stomach suddenly tightens again, but not from stress this time.

Dan chatters away while Phil drinks, telling him all about the latest pieces he’s written, one arsehole of an editor who keeps rejecting his ideas over passive-aggressive emails, the most recent being that morning. That is the culprit for Dan blasting the music, Phil finds out.

“I dunno, it just helps,” Dan shrugs, a slightly self-defensive edge to his tone. “Stop me thinking too much, helps me relax. I dunno.”

“Music that loud helps you relax?”

“Shut up,” Dan tells him determinedly. “’Sides, it’s not just the music.”

Phil arches a brow at him. “No?”

“No. I, uh.” Dan stops for a moment, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “I, uh, I play, actually.”

Phil sends him a confused look.

“The music hides it,” Dan adds, like it’s a confession. “So I can play without, like, worrying that someone will hear.”

“Play what?” Phil asks, his thoughts still slow and sluggish despite the drink.

Dan gestures vaguely towards the other room. “Piano. Uh, not much. But it helps, too, with the stopping me thinking too much.”

Phil’s eyes widen. He thinks back to the music, remembers the slightly sweeter, slightly softer tone that sometimes bleeds through, too quiet to catch. He makes a mental note to listen out for it next time.

“Beats just sitting around writing in silence, anyway,” Dan adds in a rush. “Freelance is great, but it’s a little lonely.”

“Tell me about it,” Phil agrees glumly. “The number of times I’ve had a conversation with my pillow when I’m trying to fix a particularly disagreeable scene.”

“My sofa cushions have heard many drafts of reviews,” Dan agrees.

“And having to constantly make your own hot drinks, no one else to do the rounds.”

“Yeah. Like, I genuinely hate office environments, but at least there you don’t have to pay for your own heating.”

“Or forget to stop working and take a lunch break.”

“Yeah.” Dan smiles briefly to himself. “That’s one I forget a lot, too.”

“We should take them together, then,” Phil says unthinkingly.

Dan looks at him, expression instantly becoming unreadable.

Phil swallows. Suddenly, his heart feels like it swells in his chest. “I mean, like. We’re both freelance. We should work together – like, in the same room. Make our own little office.”

For a tense moment, silence sits heavily between them. Phil’s heart is in his mouth.

But then Dan’s face breaks into a soft smile, and he lifts his fingers to flick his fringe out of his eyes. “Yeah, ok.”

“Ok?”

“At least this way we can poke each other to take proper lunch breaks,” Dan shrugs. “I’ll come to yours for, what, 11ish?”

Phil manages a small laugh. “Most offices start at 9, I think.”

“Yeah, but I know for a fact you’re just as much of a night owl as me,” Dan argues, “Which means you can’t be a morning person as well, that would just be unfair to the rest of humanity.”

Phil lets out a huff of laughter.

“I mean,” Dan adds quickly, eyes sliding away from Phil’s, “You’ve already got an unfair advantage, looking like that and yet still being all nice and shit.”

Phil’s back straightens in surprise. He chooses not to comment, however, and instead goes back to sipping at his drink. There is a warm fluttering in his chest, though.

---

After that, it becomes fairly normal for Dan to show up at Phil’s flat with his laptop under his arm, firmly claiming a place on Phil’s sofa. They work across from each other, often silently, sometimes filling the silences with noncommittal chattering and the odd coffee break. Phil buys some of the more expensive stuff when Dan makes a face at his mug one too many times, and Dan replaces the lactose-free milk he keeps using up from Phil’s supply.

It’s nice, and Phil thinks he may have gained a new friend.

At least, he thinks Dan’s a friend. And yet Phil can’t deny the tugs of attraction he feels every time he looks across and sees Dan buried in his laptop, a small furrow in his forehead when he works, or the cute dimple that he sports when he’s holding back a smile, or the curls that he hides with a hat on the days he hasn’t straightened his hair.

Phil doesn’t know what to do with these feelings. They’re a little overwhelming – he hasn’t had a crush in years, and wow does that phrase sound juvenile – so he just sort of tucks them away in his chest and folds himself around them, not exactly pushing them away, just not doing anything about them.

Dan, for his part, does nothing to suggest that he’s aware of what Phil’s feeling. His gaze sometimes lingers a little long, catching on Phil’s, and sometimes he’ll shuffle in close when Phil’s sitting next to him, their laptops adjacent but Dan just gently resting against Phil’s side, but they don’t talk about it. Phil likes the warm soft weight of Dan, so he doesn’t say anything for fear of making it go away. Dan, if he notices, seems content enough to let things pass.

They fall into a routine, and it’s nice. Phil learns some more about Dan, that he works at a furious rate once he gets going but actually getting to the process of writing is a long, difficult affair that occasionally leaves him with a dark look on his face. Phil doesn’t intrude, just makes him a warm drink and leaves it there in front of him, and then goes back to his laptop. Dan usually flashes him a grateful smile, but some days he just wordlessly reaches for the mug and curls his whole body around it, like he’s trying to make himself disappear.

Phil spends the times Dan isn’t around still going about his life, buying his groceries and going to meetings and spending time with his family. He’s headed back from dinner with his brother and his brother’s girlfriend (which he spent mostly dodging questions about who was taking up so much more of his time lately) when he stumbles in the porch of his apartment building, eyes falling on the shadow huddled up on the steps.

It’s dark, the streetlights casting a harsh orange glow, but Phil can still make out enough of the figure to know it’s Dan. Sitting out alone on the cold stone steps of their building, shivering and curled in on himself so tight it’s like he wants to disappear.

Phil doesn’t hesitate once he realises who is there. He heads straight over to Dan’s side and sits down next to him.

Dan rouses himself slightly, lifting his head, just the corner of one eye showing from the depths of his black scarf, beanie pulled firmly down over his head. He’s shivering, not wearing a coat, just a thin hoody.

Phil levels a frown at him. “You’re going to get a cold again if you stay out here like this.”

“Don’t.” Dan’s voice is muffled, cracked. He retreats back into the depths of his scarf. “Just, don’t even try it, Phil.”

Phil purses his lips, but doesn’t ask. He just settles in beside Dan, pushing the tips of his fingers between his squeezed-together legs, bunching his shoulders. He’d forgotten his gloves in his haste to meet Martyn earlier, and the tips of his ears are starting to ache with the cold. He leans a little into Dan’s side, grateful for the warmth but feeling him shivering.

Eventually, Dan’s muffled voice speaks up. “It’s stupid sitting out here, Phil, you should go inside.”

Phil raises a brow at him.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Yes, I know. But I’m allowed to be stupid.”

“And I’m not?” Phil huffs, knocking his knee gently against Dan’s. “Didn’t realise you had all the rights to stupidity.”

“Shut up,” Dan mumbles half-heartedly. “And go inside, it’s freezing.”

“I can tell from the amount of goosebumps on your face right now.” Phil leans forward, ignoring Dan, and instead shrugging out of his coat.

Dan watches with wide eyes as he gently drapes it around Dan’s shoulders. A crease appears in Dan’s brow, or what Phil can see of it, but at least Dan makes no move to pull the coat off.

“Did you just,” Dan says blankly.

“Yes,” Phil says firmly, and leans back into the step behind him, the tips of his ears going red. From the cold, Phil can pass it off as the cold if need be. The chill nips at his thin jumper, making his shivers increase.

Dan bites both his lips beneath the scarf, eyeing Phil closely. Then he gets to his feet.

Phil arches a brow at him.

“C’mon,” Dan mutters, pulling Phil’s coat on properly before making for the door. “If you’re going to be like that, let’s just go inside.”

Phil bites back his victory smile, following after Dan without a word. He also doesn’t comment when Dan leads them straight to Phil’s flat, waiting for Phil to unlock the door before striding in like he owns the place. Phil likes it more than he should probably admit, watching Dan be so comfortable in his space.

Dan still doesn’t take Phil’s coat off, not even once Phil’s switched his heating on and got them both settled on the sofa with mugs of hot chocolate to tide them over. Instead he curls up in a corner, legs on the cushion, cold toes digging into Phil’s leg. Phil doesn’t complain, just watches him. “So, are you going to tell me why you felt the need to sit outside in below freezing temperatures?”

“I’m an adult, I can make bad decisions if I want,” Dan replies without missing a beat, He sips at his drink, avoids Phil’s determined gaze.

“Are you really going to leave it at that?” Phil asks flatly.

Dan shrugs.

“Dan.” Phil leans closer for a minute, close to exasperated, but then he sits back instead and sighs, “Honestly, if I haven’t managed to show you by now that it’s ok to talk to me, then maybe we’ll just never get there.”

Dan frowns at him. “What, expecting something from me, Lester?”

“No, except for you to get it into your thick skull that I actually care about what happens to you,” Phil says in a moment of bravery. He regrets it as soon as the words are out of his mouth.

Dan draws back for a moment, surprise covering his expression before it shifts into something more wicked. “Oh, you care about me, huh?”

“Shut up.” Phil buries himself behind a cushion. “I’m not looking at you.”

“Sure, avoid the person you care about, that seems like a sensible course of action.”

“I hate you.”

“I didn’t want to be in my flat.”

Phil peers out from behind the cushion, confused. “Huh?”

“Why I was sat outside,” Dan explains, for once not avoiding Phil’s gaze. His dark eyes are steady on Phil’s. “Stayed inside too long, I think. The walls felt like they were closing around me.”

“So go to a coffee shop, or something,” Phil replies after a beat.

“Too many people.”

“Are people that bad?”

“Most people,” Dan agrees with a pointed look at Phil. “Most people are that bad. Not all, though.”

Phil desperately tries to stem the heat flooding the back of his neck. He coughs, but doesn’t twist away as he says, “Well, still doesn’t excuse why you’d feel the need to sit out in the cold.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Your lips have a blue tinge, Dan.”

“You’re exaggerating.” Dan rolls his eyes. “Besides, forget that, I want to hear more about how you supposedly care about me.”

“Brat.” Phil throws the cushion at Dan and sits up, reaching for his drink, ignoring the way his heart is picking up its pace in his chest. “Thought you’d have figured that out by now.”

“I had an inkling,” Dan admits, looking away. “Wishful thinking, mostly. Therapist says I should be careful and manage my expectations, so.”

“Yeah, well, nothing to manage here.”

“Nothing?”

Phil looks over, meets Dan’s eyes, sees the question on his face. He bites his lip and pulls himself together, pulls himself together because his brother asked him questions all evening and he needs to stop this cycle of Dan Dan Dan somehow and because he doesn’t ever want to find Dan sitting out alone in the cold ever again. “Nothing. I care about you, Dan, ok? I care about you.”

Dan looks over at him, eyes glittering, and Phil braces himself for the witty retort.

What he gets instead is Dan sliding over closer to him, knocking their elbows together affectionately, and murmuring, “Well, good job I care about you too, then, isn’t it?”

Phil almost chokes on his hot chocolate.

---

Dan keeps coming over for their work sessions, which soon devolve into general hang-out sessions and then competitive shouting matches when Dan spots his collection of board games and the Nintendo switch that’s sticking out from under a pile of DVDs by his tv.

Dan is ferociously competitive, and annoyingly good at Mario Kart. It leads to a lot of colourful language late into the night, and Phil is sure that for once he’ll be the one getting noise complaints from his neighbours. He wonders briefly if anyone else ever complained to Dan about the noise from his speakers – although that had calmed down a bit recently. Phil’s sleep had been peacefully uninterrupted for several nights in a row.

Dan swears like a sailor, inventing new curses that Phil is sure would make his grandma’s toes curl, but to Phil it’s almost ridiculously endearing. The way Dan’s hair curls as he flops his head around, throwing his hands in the air when he’s overtaken by some other online player (probably from Japan) and finishes in seconds.

“Fucking ridiculous,” Dan finishes his tirade with a mumble, and then flops directly over so his head lands in Phil’s lap.

Phil freezes for a moment. They’ve slowly grown more tactile as they’ve known each other, but it’s usually Phil initiating touches, scratching at Dan’s arm when he isn’t getting enough attention or affectionately poking at his dimple, which he’d finally found the nerve to do two days ago.

Now, with Dan’s head in his lap, Phil is suddenly unsure what to do. His heart clenches in his chest before picking up speed at a ferocious rate.

“It’s unfaaair,” Dan whines. “I totally had him up until the last mushroom.”

“Yeah, well now you’ve made me finish last,” Phil reprimands half-heartedly, watching as his character zooms in at a sad last place. He places his controller down, and spends half-a-second just watching Dan curled up in his lap.

Then he reaches down and gently curls his fingers in Dan’s hair.

Dan doesn’t react straightaway, so Phil carefully runs his hand through Dan’s hair, watching the curls bounce back into place when he tugs at them. Dan’s hair is softer to touch than it looks.

Dan makes a noise of discontent when Phil pauses, and nudges his head rather determinedly back against Phil’s hand.

Phil makes a soft noise that might have been a coo, and runs his hair through Dan’s fringe.

“It’s probably rigged anyway,” Dan huffs, tossing his (well, Phil’s) controller across the living room. Phil watches it bounce on the carpet with a wince.

“It isn’t,” Phil disagrees mildly, “You’re just bitter that you actually lost for once.”

“Unfairly.”

“What, 29 out of 30 isn’t enough for Mr Perfectionist?”

“No, it isn’t,” Dan sniffs, “And I’m going to continue to be bratty about it. Just to forewarn you.”

Phil snorts. “Sounds like you expect me to keep putting up with your crap.”

“Well,” Dan twists in his lap to look up at him, sending Phil a winning smile, “I had hoped.”

Phil just makes a face back at him, but continues running his fingers through Dan’s hair. They haven’t defined what they are to each other, haven’t done much of anything the past few days really apart from work and play and gripe at each other, same as always. Just, Phil didn’t fight so hard to hide the fond looks he sent Dan’s way, and Dan didn’t hesitate as much to reciprocate them, either.

Glancing down at Dan curled up in his lap, Phil could only describe the feeling in his chest as warm. It tugged at him, almost suffocating, his heartbeat not exactly pounding but racing just enough to make itself known.

When Dan leans so far into his touches that he basically crawls into Phil’s lap, Phil squawks and swats at him. “You’re a bit big for this, Dan.”

“Shush your mouth,” Dan grumbles back, adjusting himself until he’s settled comfortably (and determinedly squashing Phil’s elbow). “I’ll sit where I want.”

“You’re a brat.” Phil tosses his head back against his sofa cushion in defeat. If he’s completely honest with himself, the warm weight of Dan in his lap is not actually entirely unwelcome. He enjoys knowing Dan is right there, enjoys running his fingers through Dan’s soft curls, especially enjoys the way Dan curls up into him so close it’s like he’s pressing himself against Phil in every possible way.

Dan’s still wearing Phil’s coat, and the fluff around the hood keeps tickling Phil’s nose (because Dan really is a bit too big for this) so Phil moves his head back off the sofa rest, grumbling in the back of his throat.

Dan turns to send him a smirk, and then his face is much, much closer than Phil expected.

His heart contracts, and then races faster than before. His breath hitches before he can catch himself, but Dan doesn’t seem to notice, pausing in whatever he was going to say as his gaze catches onto Phil’s.

Dan, precariously balanced in his lap, face just inches away, and Phil’s just… stuck.

Dan nervously licks his lower lip, tongue darting out for barely a second, but it’s enough to catch Phil’s attention and he swallows. Dammit. There goes any chance of playing this cool.

This time, Dan does notice, his gaze flicking up to Phil’s before dropping lower, and then, before Phil can catch his breath, Dan is leaning in.

The first press of his mouth against Phil’s is soft, questioning. Phil answers with a hastily let out breath and the tightening of his hold on the sleeve of Dan’s jumper, steadying him in place as he leans in slowly, eyes falling shut, mouth slowly finding Dan’s.

Dan’s a good kisser. That much is obvious, even as they keep things slow, gentle, and mostly chaste. (Well, mostly. Phil might nip at Dan’s lower lip, and Dan might make a soft noise that has Phil’s thoughts spiralling, but he reigns himself in and keeps things soft and careful, at least for this first time). Dan’s fingers on his chest, clinging at the material of his shirt, the weight of him as he leans into Phil in danger of unseating himself, all remind Phil that this is real, happening now and not just in his head.

He pulls back after a moment, but Dan chases him and whines until he relents and leans back in, pressing another soft kiss to Dan’s lips.

Dan makes a pleased noise and leans in, in danger of actually unbalancing them, so Phil pulls back again and reaches for Dan’s hips.

Dan whines pitifully.

“Shush,” Phil huffs, but there’s a soft fond warmth hiding obviously behind his tone. “Hold still, I’m just making sure you don’t fall off.”

“I’m not going to fall,” Dan scoffs, but he still sits still enough for Phil to adjust them until he’s lying back against the armrest with Dan sprawled across him. Dan rolls his eyes and leans down close, biting his lip and looking Phil in the eyes. “Happy now?”

“So happy,” Phil answers, and tugs Dan back against him.

They kiss until Phil loses track of time, until Dan melts against him completely and the weight should probably be suffocating and is a little bit uncomfortable if he’s honest, his foot went to sleep what feels like hours ago and his neck is sore from the awkward angle, but he wouldn’t move for the world. Not when Dan is warm and making happy little contented sounds with every new press of their lips.

Eventually, they stop kissing and Dan simply tucks his face into Phil’s chest and makes himself comfortable. Phil lets out a low chuckle and winds his arms around Dan, holding him close, allowing himself this moment of warmth. He hasn’t had something go this smoothly in goodness knew how long, hardly dared to expect this one to continue. Something is going to go wrong. Something always does, eventually.

But still, lying here holding Dan, it’s hard to pay attention to any negative thought that might flick through his brain.

Dan shifts after a moment, sitting up slightly. This time it’s Phil that chases after him, making a low noise of discontent and pulling Dan in again.

“Phil,” Dan chuckles, the first time they’ve spoken in too long. He presses his palm flat against Phil’s chest. “It’s getting late, I should – I don’t live here.”

“Well observed,” Phil says, and tugs Dan down to him again.

Dan rolls his eyes, pressing more firmly. “I’ll come back. In the morning. I just – it’s late.”

“You’ll come back?”

“Of course.” Dan’s tone is steady. “As long as I’m welcome.”

Phil sends him a pointed glance, but softens when Dan avoids meeting his eyes. He lets out a soft huff, smiling. “What, do you think I’m gonna kiss you and then kick you out?”

“I mean,” Dan glances at him finally, biting his lip. “I hope not?”

“Of course not, you insecure idiot.” Phil brings him in close again, kisses him softly. “Come back tomorrow. We can – I mean, we could get coffee? Or just. I don’t know.”

Dan snorts. “That’s the worst getting asked out I’ve ever heard.”

“Are you saying no?”

“Well—”

“Are you saying no, Dan.”

“No, of course not.”

“Well then,” Phil says smugly, “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Insufferable prick.” Dan smacks him on the chest before standing up.

Phil gets up too, follows him to the door. Just before Dan goes to step out, Phil catches his hand and pulls him in again. “You’re still wearing my coat.”

“I’ll bring it back tomorrow.” Dan turns to him with a glint in his eye, leans in and kisses him. Phil’s eyes flutter closed, and he chases Dan’s mouth when Dan pulls away again.

“Tomorrow,” Dan laughs, but his words are a promise. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Phil lets him go with his pulse still racing, but a warm feeling settled in his chest.

That night, the music doesn’t rumble through his walls. Instead, Phil hears the high, clear notes of a piano being played, and he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

---

Phil wakes up the next morning with his heart in his mouth and his nerves all wired. He isn’t one hundred percent sure if everything that happened the night before is even real, or if his mind managed to concoct one hell of a realistic dream. He doesn’t have any proof of it, his phone is silent, there is no trace of Dan on his sofa when he checks.

But then Phil glances at his coat-rack and realises his coat is still missing.

Warmth floods him from head-to-toe. He finds himself biting back a ridiculous smile as he goes to the kitchen and fills up the kettle, reaching for the coffee (and some of Dan’s expensive blend, making it just how Dan likes). He waits for the water to boil with thoughts of warm lips and soft curls.

He has two steaming mugs ready when there is a knock at the door.

Ridiculously, Phil straightens his shirt and pats down his hair before going to answer, despite already checking his outfit three times. Dan had just said tomorrow, not what time, and it’s still morning, early for both of them, but Phil couldn’t be happier that he’s here now. At least, he presumes this will be Dan.

Phil answers the door with his heart in his mouth and his pulse racing, but it calms the instant he sees Dan’s nervous face on the other side.

Dan swallows, shifting, and his hands are behind his back.

Phil tilts his head. “What have you got there?”

“Nothing,” Dan blurts, and then shoves Phil’s coat at him as he strides through the door. “Is one of those for me?”

“Yeah,” Phil answers distractedly, looking up to see Dan headed straight for the coffee mugs. He glances back down at his coat and goes to hang it on the rack when something falls out of it onto the floor.

Phil blinks, looking down at the bundle by his feet. “Flowers?”

“Yeah,” Dan replies, obviously trying his best to sound nonchalant.

Phil bites back a smile as he bends down to scoop them up. “You bought me flowers?”

“Shitty supermarket ones because I had to run out this morning,” Dan says all in a rush, “And normally I’d spend way more, but – well, you kind of surprise me last night.”

Phil huffs out a laugh. “You aren’t the only one.” He turns the bundle over, smiling at the small notecard that simply says from Dan and nothing else. “You bought me flowers.”

“Yeah, well,” Dan mumbles, and when Phil looks over he’s twisting his fingers together nervously. “I figured one of us should do this whole dating thing properly.”

Phil laughs, the sound bright, and he reaches over to drag Dan in and give him a kiss. Dan makes a soft contented noise and Phil is very pleased that he didn’t imagine that happening.

He pulls away after a moment and heads to the kitchen. “Hang on, I think I’ve got a glass big enough to fit them in.”

“That isn’t a glass, it’s a vase,” Dan says flatly when he watches Phil get it out of the cupboard.

“No, it’s a glass.”

“It’s clearly a vase. Why is there a vase in your glass cupboard?”

“Shut up.” Phil sets the flowers on the side after filling the vase (glass) with water. “And you were doing so well with bringing me these.”

Dan pouts in the corner. “Does that mean I don’t get that date?”

Phil rolls his eyes and scoops up his mug. “Drink your coffee and we’ll see.”

Dan makes a show of taking a long gulp.

Phil laughs, but sets his mug down too and reaches for Dan’s hand. “Ok then. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“I don’t mind,” Phil answers honestly, “As long as it’s with you.”

Dan looks at him, the moment holding for a second, before he snorts. “That was cheesy as fuck.”

“Watch it, you.” Phil entwines their fingers and heads for his coat rack. “Still date pending until we reach the door, so best behaviour.”

“Well.” Dan tightens his grip around Phil’s hand and smiles softly. “Good job I plan on sticking around, then, isn’t it?”

Phil doesn’t answer, but his heart hums happily in response. He’s secretly hoping that Dan sticks around for a long, long while yet.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan fluff #iwritephanthings

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 6 years

Text

And it’s all gonna be wonderful

AO3 Link

Genre: Oneshot, part of QPR verse, fluff

Summary: Fiction. Dan knows he and Phil are 'together'. There's no doubt in his mind about that. He's just... not quite sure how exactly to situate what they are, and especially not when something as stressful as Valentine's Day was coming up.

Warnings: literally just fluff

Word Count: 3899

A/N: Updating QPR verse finally :D I originally wanted to have this up for Valentine's Day itself, but life got in the way as ever so it's slightly late.

Thank you so much to @mecaka for being such a wonderful beta, as ever! And for interesting perspectives on ace people at Valentine's Day.

And finally, this is for my wonderful QPP @charlottekath, happy birthday my lovely, I know you've already read this but pretend to be surprised ok xD

Title from Tom Rosenthal's 'Going to be Wonderful'

Reminder that I don’t know Dan or Phil at all and I’m not suggesting this in any way reflects reality. This is a work of fiction

…

It was almost February 14th, and Dan was terrified.

The date shouldn’t mean anything, really, he’d had enough of trashy gifts and sappy songs from his teen years, three years with the girl who’d been more like a best friend than anything. His life was different now, had changed completely, and it wasn’t just down to his starting at uni. Much as that was a new thing in his life, the bigger change, Dan thought guiltily, was the presence of Phil.

Phil changed everything. Dan knew this, was worried by it more than anything. Sometimes he still got stuck in twisting thoughts, nights spent alone at halls where doubts about what he and Phil really were crept in.

The other times, the times with Phil, it didn’t matter at all. When they were curled up together, holding hands, or when he managed to squeeze himself between Phil’s legs with his back against Phil’s chest and Phil’s arms around him, Dan felt more safe and comfortable than he’d ever felt in his life. The ever-present worry that he’d have to do something more to deserve this happiness dissipated in the softness of Phil’s touch, in the lightness of his laugh. Sometimes, it was even enough to stop Dan’s thoughts from spiralling down into dark places he’d rather avoid.

But sometimes, real life kicked him in the teeth. Like the upcoming date.

February 14th.

Last year, it hadn’t mattered so much. There hadn’t really been much pressure – he and Phil weren’t living in the same city yet, had only really been ‘official’ (as much as they were) for a few months at best. Dan hadn’t even been in the country. He hadn’t planned anything for it, though the thought had crossed his mind, but Phil – Phil surprised him all over again by sending him the sweetest video, just kept between the two of them.

Dan remembered it with a fond smile on his face. It had cemented for him that whatever he and Phil had was good enough as it was, and he’d managed to stop worrying so much about putting a label on it. They just were, and that was enough.

But this year, something horrible had shifted in Dan’s gut, a twisting knot that had its origins in a casual conversation held earlier in the week.

Dan didn’t like his flatmates much. They were alright people, but after a gap year full of internet friends and international holidays he’d got used to being around people he didn’t have to hide his nerdier side from. Being stuck in uni halls with a bunch of people he’d never met and had little in common with was a shock back to reality that he wasn’t very much enjoying.

“You coming out on Monday?” Craig, one of the guys on his floor, asked in the kitchen one evening.

There was a group of them. Dan was tucked in the corner desperately trying not to set his pasta on fire this time, cooking himself a quick meal for a rare time that he wasn’t at Phil’s.

“Don’t think so,” Jessica answered with a shrug, “It’s Valentine’s Day, think Jason’s taking me out.”

“Ugh.” Craig made a face. “That means all the soppy couples will be busy, ugh.” He glanced around, sighing theatrically. “Alex, you won’t leave me, right?”

“Sorry, mate, got plans with my coursemates.”

“Ugh.” Craig’s eyes landed on Dan and he smirked. “Of course, you’ll be out with Mystery Older Man, won’t you?”

Dan grimaced, slipping when he nearly burned his hand on the hob.

“Oh yeah,” Alex chimed in, “You have to let us meet him eventually. He taking you out somewhere nice, sky bar again?”

“Bet he’s got something real fancy planned,” Craig agreed with a wicked tint to his eyes.

“No,” Dan managed eventually, shrinking in on himself. “Don’t think so, anyway. He’s going to London the day after, he’ll probably be busy packing.”

That was a lie. Phil was a messy, late packer, not quite as bad as Dan was but still not great. Dan had learned this from their many trips across the country the past year, as well as flying out with him to E3. But it was true that he was travelling down to London the day after Valentine’s Day, leaving Dan alone for a few days. Dan wasn’t sure what to make of the timing of the trip. It was a work thing, he knew, Phil was doing several interviews and shows outside of his Youtube channel right now, which was still so much more successful than Dan’s.

Yet another thing for Dan to feel insecure about.

“I doubt it,” Jessica snorted in response to Dan. “Mystery Older Man always seems to make time for you, I swear you live more at his place than here.”

Dan gave a nervous laugh in response. The statement was truer than he’d like to admit.

“If you don’t have any plans, he’s probably going to surprise you,” Craig added wisely, and then grimaced. “Probably with something drastic and super romantic, ugh, I’m going to be so alone.”

The others all chuckled, but Dan felt something sharp twisting in his gut.

He escaped back to his room as fast as he could with a bowl of half-heated pasta and a sad, shop-bought sauce, and folded himself up in his desk chair to start watching the newest video clips Phil had sent him. The fanboy in him had mostly subsided over the past year of actually getting to know Phil, of realising that he was just as human as Dan and had annoying habits too like leaving his socks everywhere and grumbling at Dan for using almost all the body wash every time he was over, but part of Dan still curled up happily whenever Phil sent him clips to look over. It was like a spy into the world of amazingphil, which was something Dan still treasured, as much as he knew he was part of it now.

He ate his pasta and watched the clips and tried to ignore the twisting in his gut. But the worries continued running through his mind.

Craig didn’t know them, Dan knew this. There was a reason he was keeping Phil separate from his uni life at the moment. It was exhausting, being around a group of people and having to pretend to be something he wasn’t, he didn’t want to drag Phil into that too. Never mind that Dan wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act around Phil when there were other people with them. Would they be expected to kiss? Make out?

Dan grimaced at even the thought.

Would Craig and the others still think Phil was going to lavish him for Valentine’s Day if they knew that he and Phil had only kissed once, and then firmly decided never again?

Dan tried to push the thoughts away, too used to them to truly be bothered anymore. He knew what Phil would say – it doesn’t matter what they think, Dan, they don’t know us, and we know what we are. The difficulty was, Dan still felt like he didn’t really know what he was, actually. He had no doubts that he and Phil were together, but—but he still didn’t really know what to call it, and sometimes that bothered him.

Valentine’s Day was just adding to that worry. Dan bit his lip, trying to focus on the clip he was currently watching whilst simultaneously typing up a commentary to email back over to Phil. Would Phil really be planning to surprise him? Dan didn’t think so, but then, they’d never really talked about Valentine’s Day together, and Phil did have a habit of spoiling him with surprises (the sky bar on their first meeting, for one).

In the end, Dan just grabbed his phone and sent Phil a text. He’d learned, or was learning, that when his thoughts got too twisted and overrun, sharing them with Phil made him feel a little lighter.

Dan: hey you doing anything monday?

The reply came back pretty instantly, which made Dan smile, imagining Phil sitting in a pile of blankets in his bed on the other side of the city.

Phil: no are you suggesting something?

Dan: not necessarily

Phil: ?

Dan stared at the innocent-looking question mark for several seconds, biting his lip. Did Phil even know the date on Monday? Did he know it was the 14th, that Dan was freaking out over whether or not he should be doing something for Phil? Or that Phil was secretly planning something for him, and Dan had no idea how to react?

Letting out a long breath, Dan typed out a response.

Dan: nvm im being dumb

He didn’t want to type it out over text. Besides, his thoughts were far too muddled to even begin trying to string them into a sentence.

Dan settled back into the clips with a shake of his head, trying to kick his worry to the back of his mind. It helped when Phil replied quickly again.

Phil: k well can’t wait to see you again :D :D <3

Despite the slightly sour taste of anxiety, Dan still softened at the text. The string of emojis was very Phil, and Dan could almost hear the text in his voice. It was comforting. Dan relaxed a little and turned back to the clips with renewed gentleness.

Valentines’ Day was just a stupid holiday. Dan was being ridiculous worrying about it.

After that, Dan and Phil spent a couple of days at Bryony and Wirrow’s, and Dan still pinched himself to remind himself that yes, he was now friends with actual paperlilies. She was far more brash in real life than he’d expected, but over the summer he’d found he actually liked that about her. Never mind that she and Phil got along like a house on fire.

While there, Valentine’s Day wasn’t even brought up once, and Dan found himself forgetting about it.

But now, it was the day before, and Dan was freaking out all over again.

Even his phone reminder was dinging that it was Valentine’s Day tomorrow, and Phil still hadn’t mentioned anything. The idea that he might be planning something secretly plagued Dan’s mind. Did that mean he should be prepared? Should he be doing something back for Phil? Or was nothing going on at all, and Dan was just freaking out over nothing?

The logical thing to do would be to talk to Phil, but Dan had tried that earlier in the week with no success. Besides, if it was a surprise Phil was planning then he wouldn’t tell him anyway.

Dan worried his lower lip with his teeth, biting down viciously. He didn’t know what to do. He hated this indecision, this hanging on, worrying about something that might not even matter. Would he mind, if Phil had something planned? Would he mind more if Phil didn’t?

Dan considered that last thought, narrowing his eyes as he lay sprawled across his bed in halls. He’d been at Phil’s the day before, and was going back the day after – he’d only returned to his room to attempt some uni work (which Dan would much rather not think about). He thought about Monday morning rolling around and Phil not having anything special planned – Dan showing up at his flat and it just being another, normal day.

That would be alright, wouldn’t it?

Dan’s stomach tightened. A strange wave of regret washed over him – regret that Monday might roll around and nothing would happen. Sure, it was Valentine’s Day, a ridiculous holiday in most ways, and yet…

And yet, Dan still kind of wanted to celebrate it.

Not in the way everyone else did. Not with candles and overpriced presents and kisses, because yuck. But… but he still wanted to spoil Phil. And to have some kind of reassurance, some semblance of normality to their relationship. If they celebrated Valentine’s Day the same as any other couple, that would be a strange kind of validation that Dan was annoyed he still craved.

But what if Phil didn’t feel the same way?

Well, it wasn’t necessarily Phil that had to give the surprise.

Dan could just as easily surprise him, too.

Once he’d made that decision, Dan found himself surprisingly relaxing. Tension washed out of his muscles and he flopped back on his bed, head hanging off the end, blowing out a gusty sigh. He’d show Phil. He’d show Phil (and himself) that their relationship was just as valid as anyone else’s.

Except it was a fucking Sunday and Dan hadn’t got anything yet and the shops wouldn’t be open for much longer. With a yelp, he jumped to his feet, grabbed his bag and shoes and keys, and legged it out of the door.

---

Monday morning, Dan left his halls with his rucksack slung over his shoulder, nerves jumping in his belly and a shout from Craig that almost soured the whole thing.

“Good luck, Dan! Have fun with your boyfriend and try and at least get some sleep tonight in between banging him, yeah?”

This followed by a lecherous cackle as Craig disappeared into the kitchen.

Dan tried to force out a laugh back past the waves of nausea that flowed through him. Craig didn’t know him and Phil, he reminded himself. Dan didn’t have to listen to him.

If only that was easier to internalise.

He hopped on the bus across the city to Phil’s, avoiding eye contact with other people, his rucksack hanging precariously off one shoulder. He held onto the strap though, biting his lip. He really, desperately hoped that this wouldn’t all backfire on him, his stomach tightening at the thought. Phil’s reaction was completely unknown. Dan didn’t like walking into the unknown.

But, he knew, somewhere deep within himself, that he needed this.

The walk up to Phil’s apartment building was grossly familiar by now, so Dan didn’t even have to think as his feet led him straight to the door. His stomach, however, jumped more and more the closer he got.

Dan was being ridiculous. He’d been with Phil over a year. There was no need to fear rejection anymore, he knew that but… but he couldn’t quite make his mind realise that it didn’t need to be in a constant state of worry.

Dan pressed the buzzer with his heart in his mouth.

Phil, of course, buzzed him in straight away, only making some kind of cawing animal noise through the speaker. Dan shook his head, murmuring to himself. “One day you’re going to get overheard, Phil Lester, and someone in a white coat is going to arrive to take you away.”

He took the lift with the buzzing of nerves making his gut twist and actually took a few deep breaths to keep himself calm. There was absolutely no reason for him to be getting as worked up over this as he was, and yet something about this entire thing was setting him on edge. He still didn’t even really know if he was doing the right thing – but the only way to find out was to do it.

Dan had never been the best at being impulsive.

He knocked on Phil’s door, and spent the few seconds it took him to answer swallowing down the butterflies trying to escape his stomach.

The door swung open and Phil beamed at him, arms open, reaching out to drag him over the threshold. He was still in his pyjamas. “Hey! You’re early today, not that I’m complaining, but I haven’t had breakfast yet so you’re gonna have to wait for me to have that before you beat me at Mario Kart again.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s fine.” Dan’s voice was a bit stiff.

Phil noticed, giving him an odd look.

“It’s nothing,” Dan said quickly before he could ask. “Just. Look. Wait.”

“Stop, look, and listen?” Phil teased, but his expression was curious.

Dan twisted, sliding his rucksack off his back. The present within felt way heavier than it should do, laden with everything he was worried of attaching to it, and he almost hesitated.

But he was here now, wasn’t he, and Phil was looking at him with curious eyes.

Dan pursed his lips, drew in a breath, and bit the metaphorical bullet.

“Ok, so.” He stepped back, dropped his bag behind him, present gripped between his fingers. “This might be a totally bad idea. You can say no. Full disclosure, in fact, you probably want to say no so if you’d rather I just put this back away again--”

“Dan,” Phil interrupted him gently, “You’re rambling.”

“Oh.” Dan squeezed his hands behind his back, took in another slow breath. This was a bad idea. All his instincts were currently screaming at him to backpedal as fast as possible, but Phil was still looking at him with a distinctly curious, if slightly confused, look on his face, and Dan had always been powerless to giving Phil what he wanted. Phil did the same back, of course, but… still, Dan was weak.

“It isn’t much,” Dan said finally, and brought his hands around to the front to reveal a little teddy bear with holding a heart. “It isn’t even something you’d want, tbh. But everything in the shops is like this right now, and, well…”

He was interrupted by Phil making cooing noises and reaching out for the bear.

Dan stopped, blinking. Slowly, he held it out, and Phil took it off him with a soft, fond-looking smile.

Dan’s heart picked up a little in his chest.

“It’s adorable, Dan.” Phil’s eyes were still soft and heartwarming. Dan was melting a little. “And so soft! What’s it for, though?”

And all of a sudden Dan felt like a bucket of ice cold water was thrown over him again. He swallowed stiffly. This was a stupid idea, he should have known it.

Phil was clutching the bear to his chest a little possessively, though, so Dan couldn’t have fucked up too badly, right?

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Dan finally managed to say around the lump in his throat.

“Oh.” Phil’s gaze snapped up to look at him, and Dan’s heart sunk to his feet.

“Sorry,” he croaked out to dodge Phil’s gaze. “Look, we didn’t talk about it and I don’t even know if it’s something we should do, like - it’s a stupid commercial holiday anyway, it’s honestly kind of gross, but everyone back at halls was talking about it and Craig kept going on about you--”

“Me?” Phil interrupted him again, and Dan chanced a glance up to find Phil was grinning. “Your cool older boyfriend, full of smooth lines and teller of the best jokes?”

“Fuck off,” Dan shot back, but something inside him loosened, especially when Phil laughed softly. “‘Course not. More like - they just assumed we’d be doing something? Only you hadn’t said anything, and I felt kind of weird about it anyway, but…”

He trailed off, and Phil didn’t fill the silence. Instead, he watched quietly while Dan gathered his thoughts.

Dan loved that about him, really he did.

“I don’t know,” Dan finally said quietly. “Valentine’s is supposed to be about celebrating the person most important to you, right? And you’re the most important to me, so.”

“Aww.” Phil hummed, glancing from Dan to the bear and then back to Dan. “That’s so thoughtful, Dan. Who knew that somewhere in there you could be sweet.”

“Fuck off.” Dan shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground, feeling a little awkward. “I just. I don’t know, I wasn’t sure it would be… like, appropriate?”

“Appropriate?” Phil asked, tilting his head. “How so?”

“Like.” Dan paused for a moment, pursing his lips, and then went to sit on Phil’s (tiny) couch. “It’s Valentine’s. That’s all lovey-dovey mushy stuff, half of which we don’t even do anyway, plus it’s something that I always felt kind of obligated to do as a teenager - which was really just kind of awkward?”

“Well, I hope you didn’t feel obligated for me.” A crease appeared in Phil’s brow.

Dan shook his head, though. “No, not really. Not you. More just, like - everyone is celebrating their significant other and I don’t have one in the same way they do.”

“You calling me not good enough?” Phil joked, but paused when Dan’s face fell. He tilted his head. “Hey, Dan. I’m joking, you know that, right? What we have is just as good as what they all do.”

“It’s better,” Dan disagreed. “This way, I never have to kiss anyone ever again. That is such a relief, you have no idea.”

Phil laughed. The sound loosened up the lasting tension clutching at Dan, eased him up enough to let out a breath. Phil came and sat next to him on the sofa and Dan instantly leaned into him, resting his head against Phil’s shoulder and sighing happily when Phil wound an arm around his waist.

With his other hand, Phil settled the bear on Dan’s lap and made it give him a wave. “For the record, though, I like him. Valentine’s might not fit us perfectly but I’m still glad you thought of me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Makes me a bit bad for not getting you anything, though.”

“Don’t worry.” Dan closed his eyes, leaned into Phil’s chest. “You can take me out for fancy dinner to make up for it.”

“I spoil you.”

“You do,” Dan agreed, “it’s one of the reasons I even bother sticking around.”

Phil pinched his side, huffing, but Dan just swatted him away and leaned into him further. “Later. You can take me out later. Resting now.”

“Alright, you spoiled brat, let me at least grab my laptop.”

---

Later, Phil took him to a restaurant closer towards town. It was filled to the brim with other couples, holding hands and kissing and sharing sweet, soft looks. Dan held back for a moment by the doorway, sure that someone was going to look at him and Phil and call them fakers, call out their relationship out for being a facade when Dan knew it was the absolute opposite of that, the most genuine thing he’d felt in his life, even -

“Dan.” Phil caught his hand, gave it a squeeze. “You sure you want to do this?”

Dan looked at him, at his concerned expression, and then through the glass windows to the fancy restaurant full of all its fawning couples. He and Phil had a place with them, if they wanted it.

And Dan decided that, yes, for this day, he really did want it. Perhaps he shouldn’t need the validation, but sometimes he wanted to join in something that gave them equal status to other, more conventional couples. Because they were a couple. Over a year together had made him more sure of that than anything.

“Yeah,” he answered, interlocking his fingers with Phil’s. “Let’s go in, shall we?”

Phil held the door for him, like the gentleman that he was, and Dan’s smile grew. He was content.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #qpr verse #iwritephanthings

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 6 years

Text

If You Must Mourn, Don’t Do It Alone

AO3 Link

Genre: Fluff, angst, university AU, hurt comfort, sad Dan

Summary: Fiction. Phil is a Masters' student just starting at a new uni, and while he should be concerned with getting to grips with his new course, he finds himself more and more caught up with getting to know his quiet, brown-haired housemate who has a habit of disappearing.Or, Phil goes to uni, Dan goes to uni, Dan is sad, and Phil is there for him.

Warnings: hints at mental illness although this is never explicitly stated

Word Count: 40k

A/N: This is my Big Bang! Massive thanks to my beta Martha ( @headlesghost), you have been such a star catching all my errors and making everything flow so much better, as well as being a wonderful encouraging voice when I thought I couldn't get this finished. Literally would not be posting this without you.

Thanks also to the ever wonderful Meg ( @mecaka) for being such a great mod and helping me deal with my freak-out about not finishing this on time, and to my partner Charlotte ( @charlottekath) for dealing with me rambling endlessly about this, helping come up with the premise, and leaving comments scattered everywhere to make me feel like this is at least half-way decent xD

Also, there is more to this fic - I’m aware that by the end, you will see a lot of untyed ends. But don’t worry - there is an epilogue in the works ^_^

Warnings for hints at anxiety and depression, as well as general uni stress, and swearing

Title from Keaton Henson’s ‘You’

Reminder that I don’t know Dan or Phil at all and I’m not suggesting this in any way reflects reality. This is a work of fiction

…

Phil thought the house was empty, but he still wasn’t sure. Standing on the doorstep, looking at the bright red door and the awkward little garden it was situated in, suddenly everything felt very real. University in a different city - a city he knew well, but still, a new university - and a masters’ course that he still wasn’t sure he was actually qualified for.

Nerves curled up tight in his belly, until he actually winced.

The keys fit into the lock easily enough, although the door was a bit stiff and Phil ended up having to give it a shove with his shoulder to get it open. He may have misjudged his weight a little, and ended up tripping over his suitcase and falling face-first into the narrow hallway.

He really hoped the house was empty, so no one had witnessed the crash.

Standing up and dusting himself off, Phil picked up his suitcase and stepped a little further into the corridor. His parents were behind him, he knew, with a car loaded up full of all his worldly belongings. They’d come bustling inside in a few minutes, but Phil wanted to take this first moment for himself. In this house that he hadn’t had a chance to pick, moved into in the last minute when he decided to switch to study in Manchester.

Unfortunately, that also meant he hadn’t had a chance to view the house, or meet any of his housemates, beforehand. The university had emailed to inform him there were four of them, five including him, and that he was the only one with a downstairs bedroom. That should be easy enough to find, at least.

He traipsed through the first door he found and saw a living room, which in turn led to a kitchen, and a little door on the right hand side of the kitchen led through to a bedroom which Phil presumed must be his. He set his suitcase down on the bed and glanced around. The walls were a bland shade of off-white, the carpet was a scruffy blue colour, and the room was oddly square-ish in shape. There was space enough for a camera, at least.

“Phil!” He heard his mum call from the front door, causing Phil to leave his silent contemplation of his soon-to-be home and instead find his way back out to the hallway, where his mum was struggling with about five bags.

“You should have waited for me!” Phil rushed to help her.

“Nonsense, you wanted to look at your new place.” Still, she relinquished some of the bags gratefully, following his lead through the kitchen. “How’s it feel?”

“Like a house,” Phil shrugged. Everything was too empty, too quiet at the moment. He wasn’t quite comfortable.

“Well, let’s get it feeling like a home then.” His mum set her bags down on the bed and glanced around, her gaze warm, if a little judgemental. Phil sank down on the bare mattress and tried not to sigh too loudly. That was easy for her to say. He was finding it difficult to feel like this place could be home.

As if sensing his discontent, his mum turned back to him with a soft expression on her face. “Problem?”

“No. Not really.” Phil shrugged, looking around. “It’s just… not much like home yet, is it?”

“Yet is the key word.” She settled down next to him. “Wait ‘til your housemates arrive. I didn’t realise we would be the first.”

“We weren’t supposed to be.”

“Oh?”

“Someone else was supposed to arrive last week,” Phil explained, his lips turned down. “But I guess they didn’t make it. Doesn’t feel very lived in, does it?”

“That’s another thing that will change with time.” She bumped their shoulders together before standing. “Come on, let’s go help your dad.”

Phil rose to follow her, glancing once more around his room. Maybe she was right, and with time this would feel better. Phil just felt a bit like he was leaving his comfortable home to move into a box. A lonely box. After three years at uni, he’d thought maybe things would be different as he started his fourth.

But no. Still just him, a few unknown housemates, and an empty box for a bedroom.

He shouldn’t be moping. He was excited to start his course, after all, if a little terrified about what on earth he was getting himself into. And starting at a new uni meant leaving all his old friends behind. They were already starting to fall out of touch, despite Phil’s valiant, well-intentioned efforts to arrange meet-ups and days out.

It felt a little like starting all over again, but not in a good way. Phil was getting into his twenties. He thought he’d be done with reinventing himself by now.

The rest of the things were brought in from the car, and Phil was a little relieved that no one was around to see the assortment of strange and bizarre things being brought into his bedroom. The lights and camera and tripod, the endless bits of technology, and of course his games consoles, ended up in a tangle of wires at the end of his bed that he’d sort through as soon as he had time or could be bothered.

Phil’s mum was out in the kitchen, busily putting away some of his pots and pans, when she gave a startled exclamation. “Oh! I thought you said the house was empty?”

“It is?” Phil stuck his head out of the box of DVDs, sharing a glance with his dad. His dad simply shrugged and went back to putting books on the shelves above the desk.

“No, come here,” Phil’s mum called again, so Phil got up with a sigh and wandered into the kitchen.

His mum was standing with one of the top cupboards open, pointing up at the shelf. There were rows of tins there, alongside a giant bag of pasta, a few packs of noodles and some sauces.

“These aren’t yours?” His mum asked.

Phil shook his head, blinking.

“And I thought we were the first here.” Phil’s mum took down one of the tins, glanced at it. “In date. Looks new.”

“Put it back!” Phil squeaked. “It’s probably meant to be there.”

“I’m sure it is.” She cast him an amused glance, but obediently placed it back on the shelf. “Looks like someone beat us to it.”

Phil digested that for a moment, glancing around the rest of the kitchen. It didn’t look very inhabited. There were no signs of life anywhere in the house, no suspiciously creaking floorboards or the sounds of doors slamming. Everything smelled musty and a little old, a little unlived-in, a little unloved. Nothing decorated the walls. There weren’t even any fridge magnets.

“If someone else is here, they haven’t done much yet,” Phil’s mum remarked, clearly on the same page as him.

Phil nodded slowly. “Maybe they haven’t had time?”

“Well, if they’ve been here a week already…” Phil’s mum shook her head. “Anyway. I’m sure you’ll find out sooner or later. Come on, let’s get the rest of your boxes seen to.”

Phil followed her half-heartedly back into what would soon be his bedroom, glancing back at the closed cupboard door.

Being on his own didn’t seem as appealing as it once had.

---

His parents took him out for a meal that evening, then dropped him back at his new front door with a wave and a promise to call him later. Then, Phil was left on his own again. He slid his new keys into the stiff lock and shouldered the door open, almost falling forwards into the hallway. That would take him a little time to get used to.

He lingered for a moment in the shared spaces, the living room and the kitchen, just getting himself used to the new spaces. They felt cold and musty, unloved, unlived in. Nothing like a home - at least, not yet. Phil had to remember that this was still early days, that he hadn’t had a chance to put any of his own touches anywhere yet. And neither had his housemates, whoever they were. Phil was looking forward to meeting them - which must happen sooner rather than later, term was officially beginning in a week.

His bedroom was better. Phil moved through the kitchen into his little box room, and he couldn’t help but smile. His parents had helped him put up posters, and his figures and plushies were sitting in a row on top of the chest of drawers. His mum had even left three little cacti on his desk. Phil leaned over them, inspecting them closely. He hoped he wouldn’t kill them.

The room didn’t feel much like home yet, but Phil thought he would get there.

He curled himself up on his bed in his pyjamas and played a film on his laptop without headphones - the house sounded too quiet without it. Every noise echoed weirdly off the new walls and he felt very alone, a feeling he wasn’t quite accustomed to despite having spent the three years of his undergrad degree away from home. That had been different - there had always been multitudes of other students around, people constantly making noise. Too much noise, sometimes. But it was better than this eerie silence.

He must have fallen asleep at some point during the film, because next thing he knew, he was stirring, his laptop having fallen sideways across the bed and it was dark outside his new windows. Phil blinked a few times, glancing around, disorientated. He was still in bed, hadn’t even bothered getting under the covers, but at least the film had stopped playing.

It was then that the eerie silence of the house was broken by a quiet rustle from the kitchen.

Phil froze.

The rustling noise continued, and then a quiet thump like the sound of a cupboard closing echoed through the door. There was the soft padding of footsteps, and then the sound of the fridge opening.

In other words, someone was definitely in the kitchen.

Assuming it wasn’t an intruder - and Phil would have to have the worst luck to be robbed on his first day - then this must be another housemate. Someone else was living here, too.

Heart in his mouth, unnecessarily nervous, Phil slowly edged his way out of his blankets and got to his feet. He straightened his shirt, ruffled up his hair, and then made his way over to his bedroom door.

The sounds on the other side had quietened, but there was still something rustling.

Holding his breath and summoning up a smile, Phil pulled open his bedroom door.

There was a loud clatter.

Someone was standing in front of one of the counters, dressed in ruffled, casual pyjamas, a plate of pizza now on the floor in front of him. He looked completely startled, brown hair stuck up in haphazard curls, brown eyes that were widened.

Phil felt a little bad for opening the door completely unannounced.

“Hi!” Phil said, nevertheless trying to salvage this situation. “I’m Phil. I’m, um - I moved in today?”

He didn’t know why that came out as a question.

The boy in the kitchen - and he was a boy, he didn’t look old enough to be at uni at all - stuttered out something that might have been a laugh.

There was an awkward silence.

“I thought someone else must already be living here,” Phil rambled on, desperate to quieten the voice in his brain screaming that this was incredibly awkward. The boy was just kind of… staring. At him. It was actually a little unnerving.

The boy made a noise that might have been acknowledgment.

“Sorry for startling you!” Phil added hastily. “I just - I was sleeping, and then I heard movement, and… well, it’s kind of lonely, isn’t it? And I was just thinking, it’s kind of awkward to be living here when I don’t even know my housemates, and there’s nothing I can really do about that unless I at least try and say hello, so, um… hello.”

The boy was still staring at him, frozen in place.

The silence stretched on.

Phil swallowed. He edged back a step, back into the confines of his room, though he left the door open. “I should probably leave you to your pizza, huh.”

This always happened. Phil was a strange human, too much for most people, too odd to fit in. And he’d just walked in on this poor boy unannounced. Phil didn’t even know if the boy realised someone else was due to move in today, but gathering from his expression, Phil was an unwelcome addition.

Better he just head back into his room.

Phil edged back again, reaching for his door, when the boy finally made a sound that was vaguely recognisable english.

Phil tilted his head. “Sorry, what was that?”

The boy drew in a breath, straightening his back. He cleared his throat. “I… like your pyjamas.”

“Oh!” Phil glanced down, surprised. He was wearing the ones with pokemon all over them.

Another note to self: do not meet people for the first time without checking your attire is appropriate.

Phil looked up again, abashed, ready to explain, only to find that the boy had backed up. He looked at Phil with those wide brown eyes, seemingly frozen, and made another unintelligible noise.

Phil cocked his head.

The boy bit his lip, shook his head once, and then turned and darted out of the kitchen as fast as he could, his bare feet slapping against the cold tiles.

Phil watched him go, lost for words. The boy had looked lost - frightened, almost. Well, maybe that was only to be expected. He probably hadn’t realised Phil was going to be here, and he looked so young. Maybe he was a genius, brought up to uni before his time. This was one of the university owned houses after all, supposedly safer than halls. But surely this boy must have realised there would be other people in this house eventually? There were five bedrooms, after all.

As Phil glanced around, guilt twisting in his stomach that he’d scared the boy away, he saw the pizza still sitting on the floor where the boy must have dropped it.

Not only had Phil scared him off, he’d also left him without food.

Feeling even worse, Phil hunted through the cupboards until he found a dustpan and brush, and then he set about cleaning it up.

He would try again tomorrow, he decided, and explain to the boy that he hadn’t meant to be terrifying. And he’d also try and figure out whether or not the boy had been serious about liking Phil’s pyjamas. Phil couldn’t imagine that he was, but… there was no harm in trying, right?

Anything to make up for accidentally chasing him away from his food.

---

The next day, Phil woke to the sound of the front door slamming shut.

Chattering voices were sounding from the hallway, male and female. Not the boy from the night before, then, or at least not him by himself. Phil was still left highly intrigued by that encounter. He hadn’t quite been expecting his first meeting with someone new to go like that, but at least he’d broken the ice, somewhat. Maybe not as perfectly as he’d like, but it was a start, right?

The noises in the hallway were continuing, along with noises of suitcases being wheeled inside. Someone else moving in, then. Phil immediately started hunting about for clothes. He was going to go out there and say hi again, and this time he wasn’t going to scare his housemates away.

Phil wasn’t that terrifying, was he?

After a five-minute hunt around his room for his favourite plaid shirt that his mum must have packed away somewhere, Phil gave up and instead threw on an old t-shirt over his jeans. He then took a breath, opened the door, and walked out into the corridor.

He was met by the sight of a woman and a guy with green hair who looked to be around Phil’s age. They both looked up at Phil’s arrival, a little startled.

“Hi, I’m Phil!” Phil announced quickly before he could make the same mistakes as yesterday. “I moved in here yesterday.”

“Oh!” The woman’s face cleared, and she reached forward to shake his hand, smiling. “That’s wonderful. My Sean’s just moving in today, you two’ll be housemates.” Her accent was strongly Irish, startling Phil a little.

The guy - presumably Sean - rolled his eyes, but gave Phil a cheery wave. “Call me Jack.” His accent was the same as his mother’s.

“That’s not your name, Sean,” his mother sounded disapproving, but Sean - Jack?? - just rolled his eyes again.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you both.” Phil was sure he looked a little confused, though he tried to school his expression into one of warm friendliness.

“You too,” Sean-or-Jack answered. “Sorry for the mess, we’re just moving me in and apparently I have a lot of stuff.”

“Oh, that’s ok, you should have seen the state I made yesterday.” Phil shuddered. “Suitcases everywhere.”

“And so much cardboard,” Jack added. “Why all the cardboard? Where does it even come from? I swear I never owned cardboard before I arrived here.”

Phil chuckled. “Cardboard invasion.”

“Exactly. Like some sort of alien intervention. Though they’d be quite shit aliens, really.”

“Sean, language,” Sean’s - Jack’s? - mother reprimanded, turning back towards the door. “There’s more suitcases in the taxi, remember.”

“I’ll help, if you like?” Phil asked slightly timidly, but this was going much better than his encounter the previous night. And he didn’t really want to sit in his room doing nothing while they were both carrying heavy things around the house. That wouldn’t feel right at all.

Sean - Jack? - grinned at him. “Sure. Come see the giant pile I managed to bring over here with me.”

Phil chuckled nervously, but followed along.

It turned out Jack was from Ireland, and had come over as an international student. He wasn’t exaggerating about the number of suitcases either, as there were many boxes, bags and cases to bring inside and drag up the stairs to Jack’s new room. Phil got the chance to talk to him as they dragged things around, and learned that Jack was a postgrad too, studying something to do with computer gaming. Phil was instantly jealous.

“So you play a lot?” he asked, glancing down at the giant computer screen he was currently helping Jack to lift inside.

“A reasonable amount,” Jack agreed, glancing quickly down the stairs to where his mum was out of earshot. Then Jack grinned. “More than she likes, but now I can use the excuse that I’m studying it, so.”

Phil found himself smiling back without really realising. Jack’s grin was kind of infectious, and he talked a mile a minute, loudly. Phil couldn’t help but glance at the other closed doors on the upstairs landing, wondering if the boy from last night was behind one of them. If he was, would he come out and say hello? Should Phil knock? Even now, Phil still didn’t really know the etiquette of the start of the university year.

In the end, he left it, but he couldn’t help glancing frequently over the other doors just in case the boy was behind one.

Once Jack had moved his stuff in, he said he was off out to show his mum around for a while before she flew back to Ireland, so Phil left them to it. They invited him out for a meal with them, but Phil politely declined, figuring they’d want some time to say goodbye to each other. Plus, Phil was a little tired from his odd midnight encounter, and he hadn’t even turned his laptop on once that day.

Back in his room, Phil sheltered behind his laptop screen finishing up the film he’d fallen asleep over the night before. Distracted, he found himself wondering again about the boy from last night, and whether he was also sitting alone behind his laptop upstairs. Should Phil go up and say hello? He was tempted, but also… he’d freaked the boy out enough the night before. He didn’t really have to do that again.

So instead Phil spent the day on his laptop, only briefly resurfacing when he heard Jack come back from his meal. After a brief conversation, they disappeared to their respective rooms, and Phil spent the evening alone again.

Even knowing there were now two other people in the house, Phil still fell asleep feeling lonely.

---

The rest of the week saw the arrival of two more housemates. Caspar was another international student, much louder and more brash than Phil, who shook Phil’s hand with intimidating strength before promptly heading straight out to a party. The other was a girl, Louise, slightly sweeter and studying creative writing. She’d arrived with baked brownies.

“I just wanted to have an icebreaker, to be honest,” she explained, watching as Phil devoured one of the brownies in the threshold of his bedroom. “It’s always awkward to meet people for the first time.”

Phil nodded his agreement around his mouthful.

The five of them made up the house. Phil thought he’d get along with them all well enough - Caspar was maybe a bit intimidating, and Louise didn’t have much in common with him, and Jack was loud and social, but they were nice enough. And Phil had met them, was sure he could at least hold conversations with them all. The only thing was, he still hadn’t seen the boy from the first night again.

Occasionally, there would be noises from the kitchen in the middle of the night, or the odd footstep from upstairs, but Phil had never actually seen him. Phil was even beginning to wonder if he hadn’t somehow slipped out and left without telling anyone.

The cupboards in the kitchen had been loosely assigned, and Phil ended up with the corner ones. It was easy enough to see which were Louise’s (filled with endless baking assortments) and Caspar’s (mostly alcohol), but the other two Phil thought could belong to either Jack or the shy boy from the first night. One of them was filled with jars of ready-made sauces and bags of dried pasta, and the other had a frighteningly small amount of canned food shoved right at the back of one of the highest cupboards. Whoever’s that was, Phil had been sorely tempted to buy some chocolate bars or something to fill it up a little, just to make it look less sad.

Term had begun by now, and Phil quickly found himself consumed with what felt like a ridiculous amount of coursework. On top of his thesis. He’d met with his supervisor and his idea was ticking along nicely, but the sheer amount of work it took was beginning to take its toll. It wasn’t too unusual for Phil to spend most of his days out of the house, locked in the library while he frantically attempted to stay afloat.

Still, he got to know his housemates gradually, as happened when living in close proximity with them. Caspar was out most of the time, at clubs or house parties, but he always invited Phil along when their paths crossed. (Phil always politely declined - he’d had enough of partying during his undergrad). Louise was around pretty frequently, although she’d been a bit spooked when Phil walked in on her making dinner in the kitchen.

“Sorry,” Phil hastened to speak, guilt twisting in his stomach when he saw her standing with spatula raised. “Just got in.”

“It’s gone six!” Louise’s voice was still a little high-pitched, but she drew back to make room for him in the kitchen.

Phil grimaced. He was bone-weary and stiff from a day crouched in front of a computer, practicing editing techniques which were meticulous and tedious. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into his room and collapse on the bed and sleep, but he didn’t feel like he could just leave. Not after he’d startled her.

Perhaps having the bedroom right next to the kitchen wasn’t ideal after all.

“So what are you making?” Phil asked with effort, trying not to show his exhaustion as he sagged against the doorframe. His bed was so close.

“Oh, just some stir fry.” Louise looked a little pink as she lowered the spatula, turning back to her sizzling pan. “I’m not actually that great at cooking.”

“Your brownies were great,” Phil disagreed.

Louise laughed a little nervously. “I’m glad you think so. I wasn’t sure if that was a bit of a silly thing to do really, sometimes it feels a bit old-fashioned? But I just didn’t want to turn up without anything, I mean, I’m kind of moving into your house--”

Phil blinked at her. “Our house, surely?”

“Well, yes,” Louise answered after a moment of silence. “I suppose. But still - being the last one, I just didn’t want to turn up empty-handed, you know?”

Phil smiled and nodded, though he didn’t really understand. His mind was still itching with fatigue, and he was just trying to think of a way out of this conversation when Louise spoke up again.

“So were you the first one to move in here?”

“Yes,” Phil answered without thinking, and then shook himself. “Wait, no! Well, not really. Um.”

Louise looked completely confused.

“There was someone here before me,” Phil admitted, “But he was really quiet. I didn’t even realise he was here for the first day.”

Louise arched a brow, spatula in hand, clearly forgetting about her dinner again as she turned to face Phil. “Oh really? Which one was he? Not - not Caspar, surely--”

“No,” Phil badly concealed a snort. “No, not Caspar. I don’t actually know his name - not Jack, or Sean, whichever way he introduced himself to you--”

“Jack,” Louise answered, a furrow appearing in her brow. “Who’s Sean?”

“Sean’s Jack. His mum said. I don’t know, it’s complicated.” Phil shrugged. “But this was the other boy. I never got his name, I think I terrified him actually? I felt kind of bad.”

“It’s Dan, I think,” Louise answered with a nod. “I know what you mean. He looked about ready to pass out when I gave him a brownie.”

Phil perked up a little. “You’ve met him?”

“I don’t know if you could call it meeting.” Louise chuckled, spatula still aloft. “I was going around everyone’s bedroom doors, asking if they wanted a brownie - I knew I was last, you see. Only he didn’t answer for so long I thought the room must be empty. Barely spoke two words to me as well.”

“Same,” Phil answered thoughtfully, remembering the look of terror on the strange, gangly boy’s face when Phil had opened his door to see him. Dan. At least he had a name to him now.

Louise shrugged with the spatula. “It takes all types, I suppose. That’s what my sister says, anyway, though I’m not sure I agree.”

“At least he isn’t an axe murderer,” Phil helpfully supplied.

Louise didn’t look very comforted.

“Anyway,” Phil said after a moment, awkwardly side-stepping his way through the kitchen. “I should let you get back to cooking. And, you know - sort my room out a bit.” Any excuse Phil could blearily think of would do. His eyelids were itching and he wanted to take his contacts out.

“Oh, sure.” Louise seemed to remember the spatula in her hand, turning quickly back to her pan. “Sorry, I’ll try to keep things down out here.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll put headphones in,” Phil reassured her, and then finally grappled his way back into his bedroom.

---

Phil ended up napping again as soon as he put his things down, falling fully-clothed face-down into his pillow and shutting his eyes for what was supposed to be a few minutes. When he blearily blinked himself awake, however, it was dark outside and his phone was weirdly beeping at him.

Disorientated, he fumbled around his blankets until he found his phone hiding under his pillow, and glanced to see two missed calls from his mum. He sighed heavily. He’d have to apologise for ignoring her later - for now, his stomach was growling at him, so even though his phone was blinking that it was 11:43pm at him, Phil still rolled out of bed and headed for the kitchen.

Still in the process of waking up, Phil stumbled over to his bedroom door and pulled it open, rubbing sleepily at one eye. Thoughts still sluggish, it took him a good few seconds to process the sight that met him.

The kitchen wasn’t empty. No, opposite him, facing the counter with his back to Phil, stood the same boy from before, rumpled brown hair, oversized hoody and all.

Phil blinked. His heart leapt into his mouth and he straightened up a little, recognising that this might be his only chance to apologise for scaring the boy off the last time he’d done this very same thing, walking into the kitchen when he was cooking. Because the boy was cooking again, or at least, there was something in a pan that he was unenthusiastically poking at.

Phil held himself still, trying to think of the best way of saying hello that wasn’t going to frighten the boy out of his life again. It was a bit weird for Phil to just interrupt him, after all, but Phil’s stomach was still angrily making itself known and he hadn’t eaten when he got in before.

So Phil cleared his throat and said, as unthreatening as possible, “Hi.”

The response was expected. The boy jumped about a mile into the air, dropping his fork so it went clattering everywhere, and the thing cooking on the stove slid alarmingly close to the edge. The boy attempted to save it, but only ended up elbowing the counter and wincing as he watched the pan fall to the floor.

Phil instantly felt bad. That was twice now he’d ruined this boy’s dinner.

“Sorry,” Phil started hastily, “I just - you were here, and I didn’t know how to not scare you.”

The boy just stood and stared at him again.

“I just woke up,” Phil helpfully supplied, not wanting to point out the strange hour. “From a nap. Well, not a planned nap. An accidental nap.”

The boy leaned back a bit, his lips twitching. He actually spoke, his voice a little croaky. “An accidental nap?”

This was an improvement from last time. Phil latched on eagerly, nodding his head. “I didn’t mean to sleep. Just got home and kind of collapsed.”

The boy nodded slowly. He was holding himself with tension, leaning against the counter as far away from Phil as he could. But he hadn’t run off yet.

“No pyjamas today,” the boy added after a moment of awkward silence. His voice rasped like he hadn’t used it in a while.

Phil glanced down at his jeans and t-shirt, and shrugged a little wryly. “Like I said. Accidental nap.”

The boy smiled. It was a small smile, but this was definitely progress from last time.

“I’m Phil,” Phil added quickly, holding out a hand.

The boy looked at him, not taking a step closer. Phil retracted his hand, feeling a bit like an idiot.

“I’m Dan,” the boy said, still watching Phil, still not moving any closer.

Phil swallowed. He gestured to the pan lying sadly on the floor containing the black… thing… that Dan had been cooking. “I, uh. Sorry for making you drop your food. Again.”

Dan gave a quick shake of his head. “S’alright. Probably wouldn’t have eaten it anyway.”

Phil tilted his head. “Why not?”

“I can’t really cook.” Dan glanced wryly down at the black mess by his feet. “Think I burned it.”

Phil couldn’t help but agree, really. But he brightened as an idea came to him. “Well, I was gonna cook. Forgot to eat earlier. Do you want to eat with me?”

Dan’s eyes widened. His entire expression shifted from sort-of-relaxed to on-the-brink-of-panic, his face tightening, and he skittered back several steps until he was in the far corner of the room.

Phil shuffled his feet. “I just mean, like - I always make too much anyway, and--”

“No, it’s fine thanks,” Dan managed to stutter out, before he started edging as fast as he could, without actually breaking out into a run, towards the door. “I, uh - I was in the middle of something, actually, just, you know - coursework, and stuff--”

“Oh,” Phil answered dumbly. “Well, maybe another…”

He didn’t even get to finish the sentence before Dan was disappearing again, tripping over the edge of the lino out of the kitchen and into the hallway, turning the corner and disappearing from sight.

Phil bit his lip, guilt stirring in his stomach again. Now he was going to be responsible for Dan missing two meals, and that really didn’t sit well with him - especially when Dan was so quiet anyway. He wondered what it was, whether Dan was just really shy. Was he a first year? Maybe he hadn’t ever lived away from home before, or he just wasn’t used to being around other people. Phil honestly had no idea, but if he was a first year, then it would be unusual for him to be in this house.

After all, this was a university-owned building. It wasn’t like halls, though, it was separate, run by the welfare team for students who had difficulty living in halls, for whatever reason. For Phil, it was simply that he’d switched from studying in York to Manchester so last minute that this was the only room they had left available. He had no idea why his housemates were here rather than in halls.

Slowly, Phil bent down and scooped up the pan with the remains of whatever Dan had been cooking, and tossed it reluctantly in the bin. It looked unsalvageable, unfortunately, maybe Dan was right when he’d said he couldn’t cook. But Phil still felt guilt tearing away inside him as he set about making his own dinner. He couldn’t just leave Dan with nothing.

So, as Phil set about throwing some pasta into a pan, he added a little extra, figuring it couldn’t be difficult to just cook some more for Dan. He hadn’t been lying when he said he always ended up with too much. Maybe he could bring it up to Dan’s room, or something…

Except, Phil still wasn’t 100% sure which room was Dan’s. And he didn’t exactly want to run into one of the others and try and explain the situation, which really sounded ridiculous when he thought it through.

So instead, when the cooking was done and Phil had two plates of food, he wrapped one in cling film and attached a sticky-note, one of the Sword Art Online ones his old friend PJ had brought him back from Japan, saying ‘For Dan’ with a smiley face. Then, Phil fit it into the fridge alongside Caspar’s alcohol, and disappeared back to his room.

Hopefully Dan would see it at some point, and then Phil would at least know he was eating. For some reason, the idea of Dan not looking after himself properly tugged at Phil, displeasing him. He shook the odd thought away, and brought his own meal back to his room, settling down in front of a new film to watch.

---

After that, Phil didn’t see Dan again for a while.

Term continued on, and as they got into the middle of November, when everything was crisp and cold and colourful, the workload increased. Despite that, Phil still loved this time of year. The autumn leaves gathered on the corners of the roads, colouring everything in dark russet browns and reds, and whenever he went outside his breath steamed pleasingly in the air.

It also gave him an excuse to pop into as many coffee shops as he could, trying out all the different seasonal drinks, and warming his hands in the process.

The university was nice at this time of year, too. Manchester wasn’t a campus uni; rather, the buildings sprawled across the north western corner of the city, accompanied by main roads and traffic and rather too little green for Phil’s liking. As such, other than to pick up any books he needed and attend his classes and meetings with his supervisor, most of Phil’s time was spent in the house.

He saw quite a bit of his flatmates as a result. Jack, in particular, was easy to get along with - his easy-going manner and relaxed attitude meshed well with Phil, and one night when Phil got in to find Jack claiming the living room to a game of Mario Kart, Phil all but demanded to be allowed to join in.

“So what’s it like?” Phil asked as he watched his character go skidding off the racetrack again. He wasn’t bad at Mario Kart, but Jack was some kind of demon. “Studying video games, I mean.”

“Not quite as fun as it sounds,” Jack answered loudly. He whooped as he cleared the finish line. “Spend most of my time analysing rather than playing, to be honest, but it’s alright. And this guy in my lectures, Mark, he’s pretty fun.”

Phil looked over. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like, he’s American, and half the time he just giggles over the way the professor pronounces things.”

Phil frowned. “That sounds like it would be annoying.”

“Yeah, actually, it should be, but he sounds really cute when he does it, so.” Jack sounded a little flustered. Phil turned to him in surprise, noticed the way Jack was determinedly avoiding his gaze.

Phil smiled. That was sweet. And made him feel a little less alone.

“Well, if there’s a cute guy involved, I’m not surprised class is fun,” Phil answered bracingly.

Jack twisted his head to send Phil a look, and then a smile. It was a shared smile, and Phil felt warmed by it. Shared secrets, shared experience. He hadn’t really had a friend who got it like this before. PJ was great, but painfully straight, and all of the other guys from York had gone their separate ways by now. Phil was glad Jack was in the house.

“So what’s your degree like?” Jack asked. “A masters, right?”

“Yeah. In film, sort of,” Phil answered vaguely, picking his controller back up as another round started up on the screen. He hated saying I’m studying editing and post-production, that just made him sound pretentious.

Jack whistled. “So you just get to sit around watching movies?”

“Not quite,” Phil answered with a low chuckle. He concentrated on pressing the right button at the right time to give himself a proper start, and cheered when he whooshed away ahead of Jack for once.

Jack swore next to him, leaning over. “Rude, you arsehole, right, going to get you--”

The sound of the front door closing jolted Phil, and he twisted, momentarily distracted, to crane his neck and get a look in the doorway.

His heart picked up a bit when he saw a mop of brown hair.

“Dan?” He called inquisitively, Jack whooping from beside him as he no doubt overtook Phil again.

There was a scuffling sound, a moment of silence, and then footsteps padded away quickly up the stairs. The mop of brown disappeared from sight.

Phil sighed, disappointed, and turned back to the screen.

“He’s an odd one, isn’t he?” Jack mentioned, eyes glued to the screen in concentration. “I hardly ever see him, and his room’s right next to mine.”

“I think he’s just shy,” Phil cut in, feeling an odd flare of protectiveness rise in him. He didn’t like the thought of Jack criticising Dan, for whatever reason, which was strange seeing as Phil barely even knew Dan. But, from their few encounters, he’d found himself a little endeared to Dan with his wide eyes and croaky, unused voice.

Maybe it was just because Phil remembered what it was like to be a frightened first year. And besides, Dan had liked his pokemon pyjamas. That was as good a start to friendship as any.

“Yeah, and I hear him sometimes, muttering away to himself,” Jack continued, cursing again when Phil overtook him. “Fuck you. But he just chatters away in the middle of the night, and the pacing, man. I’m sorry for whatever’s bothering him, but if he could just chill out when I’m trying to sleep, that would be great.”

Phil bit his lip, but didn’t take his eyes off the game. He was determined to actually beat Jack this time, and he was currently in first. But still, he was intrigued by this news of Dan. He’d already gathered that Dan didn’t have the best sleep schedule, what with his late nighttime appearances in the kitchen, but even so. If he was up at night pacing, he must be worrying about something.

Phil wished he could think of a way to reach out to Dan without looking like a creep.

He managed to win the round of Mario Kart, much to Jack’s consternation. But then Jack had to go work on an essay, reminding Phil of the many projects he should be working on editing right then, so they parted ways with a promise to play again sometime.

On his way back to his room, Phil paused in the kitchen for just long enough to check the fridge. The plate of pasta he’d left out for Dan had gone, replaced with another sticky note - just a plain orange one saying ‘thanks :D’.

Phil pocketed the note with a smile, and went back to his room.

---

That night, Phil stayed up far later editing than he’d meant to. He always got this way; once he was immersed in a project it tended to take over all his time, until he blocked out the rest of the world and very easily lost track of time. So he was a bit taken aback when he glanced down at the clock on his laptop screen and saw 1:27am blinking back at him.

Surprised, Phil pushed his laptop away, deciding he might as well stop for the night. He wasn’t really tired, but he’d hit a bit of a wall with his project, and he could always do something else to distract himself before sleep reached out and took him. A normal sleep schedule seemed to have slipped through his fingers already, unfortunately.

It was just as Phil was debating which tv show to continue with on netflix that he heard a sound from the kitchen again.

He glanced to his door in curiosity, nerves gripping his heart, because this scenario was getting familiar. Of course, it didn’t have to be Dan, it could have been any of his other housemates in fact, but… the fact it was the middle of the night meant they were probably asleep, or at the very least, holed up in their rooms. Phil had only ever encountered Dan this late before.

The noises from the kitchen were different this time, though. No sizzling of the stove or clattering of pans. Just the odd quiet shuffle.

Too curious to leave this be, and caught up with the chance to maybe have an actual conversation with Dan, Phil slid off his bed and headed over to his door.

...But he didn’t want to just walk into the kitchen and terrify Dan like last time. That was bound to just send him running away again and abandon whatever task he was half-way through.

So, feeling a little foolish, Phil knocked on his own bedroom door, rapping his knuckles three times against the wood.

The noises from the kitchen suddenly stopped.

“It’s just me,” Phil called through the door awkwardly. “Uh, I didn’t want to terrify you this time.”

Still silence.

“That is Dan, right?” Phil asked nervously, suddenly unsure and wondering whether another of his flatmates would think he was insane.

But then--

“Yeah, it’s me,” came the awkward sounding croak. “Uh, you can come out, or whatever.”

Relief flooding through him, Phil pushed the door open, and was met with the sight of Dan crouched in front of the washing machine, laundry basket beside him. The smell of washing powder hung heavy in the air.

“Oh, right. No cooking this time, then.” Phil smiled, leaning against the frame of his bedroom door.

Dan smiled back a little awkwardly. He looked a lot smaller crouched down on the floor, long fringe hanging in front of his eyes. He’d chosen another baggy jumper to wear, too, accompanied with tracksuit bottoms that looked worn and well-loved. All around, he looked… soft. And young.

“No cooking,” Dan confirmed after a beat of too-long silence.

“So laundry?” Phil nodded, trying to scout around for an excuse to stay. It was a bit weird to just watch his flatmate do his washing, sure, but… he’d hardly had a chance to speak to Dan at all yet. “Good idea. I should probably do some at some point. I kind of… haven’t, in an embarrassingly long amount of time.”

Not the best thing to say, honestly, but it earned Phil another smile from Dan, so he counted it as worth it. Dan had dimples, he noticed. Or at least one, just peeking out on one cheek before Dan looked away and hid it.

“So was that you who came in earlier, when Jack and I were playing?” Phil asked, still scouting about for something to say. Only apparently, he’d said the wrong thing, because Dan’s face went all tight again.

“Uh. Maybe. Not sure.” Dan answered in stilted syllables, turning back to shoving his clothes haphazardly into the washing machine. Phil was amused to notice that they were sorted cleanly into whites and darks, much more organised than Phil himself ever was. He tended to just shove everything in together, colours and all, and if something went wrong then at least it added character.

“Oh, I was just wondering because you could have come and joined us,” Phil hurried to add. Speaking with Dan always made this nervous ball of energy grow in Phil’s stomach, getting tighter and tighter the more they spoke. He wanted to grapple for each extra second he might get to spend with Dan, each added moment talking to him, to draw him out of his shell if nothing more.

Dan made a non-committal grunt, and Phil’s stomach tightened further.

But then Dan completely surprised him by continuing on the conversation. “It was Mario Kart, right?”

“Yeah,” Phil nodded enthusiastically, “I think we went seven rounds? Jack beat me, but I was holding my own alright.”

“Sounded like it,” Dan confirmed, his tone growing warmer even if he still wasn’t looking at Phil. “I could hear Jack swearing from all the way up in my room.”

Phil chuckled. “I know, right. He seemed to think he should have winning rights, seeing as he actually studies gaming.”

“Is that what he does?” Dan looked back up then, something like interest buried somewhere in his expression.

Phil nodded. “Gaming society and culture, something like that I think. He did ramble about it for a while, but I was kind of tired.”

Dan’s lips twitched. “Not listening. Rude.”

“Hey,” Phil sniffed, but he was smiling. “You try listening to him ramble when you just got in from a five hour library stint.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Dan answered instead, but he looked a little looser. His dimple was still there when he turned back to his laundry.

Phil watched him for a moment, noting the slender curve of Dan’s shoulders and the way his hair fell into his eyes when he leaned forward. Dan still looked tense, a little uncomfortable. Phil was just wondering if he should make his excuses and leave Dan to it when Dan spoke up again.

“The pasta was from you, wasn’t it?”

Phil blinked. Dan still wasn’t looking up from the laundry, but Phil nodded anyway. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry, I hope it wasn’t weird - I just felt bad, you’d lost your dinner because of me twice--”

“It was nice,” Dan interrupted, his words running together quickly. “Thanks. I didn’t expect - no one ever - I mean, it was nice. Thanks.”

“Well, like I said,” Phil answered, his insides giving a pleased wriggle, “I always make too much.”

Dan hummed in acknowledgment, pushing the last of his washing into the machine. He got up to his feet, opening the tray to pour in his washing powder. As soon as the machine was turned on and the cycle started spinning, Dan backed up a step, eyes fixed somewhere on Phil’s collarbone as he jerked his thumb towards the hallway. “Anyway, I should probably. Uh. Gotta wait for this, so.”

“Oh,” Phil answered, sadly, watching as Dan backed up again. He didn’t like that sight - of Dan backing away from him, and not when they’d just managed a full, actual conversation too. “I mean, yeah. Or you could stay, if you wanted.”

Dan bit his lip, hovering by the door.

“I mean, it’s half an hour and then you have to put your stuff in the dryer, right?” Phil asked. “Why don’t we borrow Jack’s console? I can prove that I actually am good at Mario Kart.”

Dan’s face loosened up a little. “Not so sure that’s a good idea. If you thought Jack’s swearing was bad, you should hear me when I get going.”

“I’d love to,” Phil told him, and then pointed imperiously in the direction of the living room. “You’ll have to prove it now.”

Dan’s face made a funny expression. “I wouldn’t want to be a bother. Plus it might get too loud, what about the others--”

“We can shut the door,” Phil shrugged. His stomach was all warm and tight again. “It’s just for fun. You don’t have to, but it would be better than going all the way back upstairs just to come back down in half an hour, right?”

Dan held still for another moment or two before he loosened up a little, nodding slowly. “Well. When you put it like that. Prepare to get destroyed, Phil.”

“In your dreams,” Phil answered wryly.

It turned out Dan wasn’t lying. He swore like a sailor almost from the moment they started playing, racing ahead of Phil and honestly spending most of the race cruising in first place. It was strange. Phil was good at Mario Kart, he knew he was good at Mario Kart, better than average even, and yet Dan beat him soundly every single time.

“You must be cheating, or something,” Phil protested weakly as Dan cruised past the finish line in first place for the fifth time in a row.

“What can I say,” Dan answered breezily, “You signed up to this, Phil.”

Phil let out a sigh, tossing his controller onto the cushion next to him, but in all honesty, it was difficult to mind. Dan was the most relaxed Phil had ever seen him, stretched out on the sofa cushions next to Phil, one leg crossed over the other, controller in hand, loose smile on his face. His dimple was apparent, and Phil was becoming a bit obsessed with staring at it. How did it even form?

He shook his thoughts away with quiet admonishment to himself. He didn’t need to freak Dan out with his strange staring.

Another round started up, and Phil snatched up his controller, leaning forward with a determined expression on his face. “Right. This time you are going down, Daniel - what’s your last name?”

Dan snorted next to him, bemused. “Why do you need to know?”

“Because this is serious competition time,” Phil answered, “And it calls for full name usage. ‘You’re going down Dan’ just doesn’t sound threatening enough.”

“Probably because it isn’t true,” Dan answered dryly. “But it’s Howell.”

“You’re going down, Howell,” Phil growled, and then sent Dan a sidelong grin. “See? Much better.”

Dan shook his head, but he was biting back a smile. His dimple just grew even larger. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Shut up and try and beat me.” Phil was biting his inner cheek, though, as he turned back to the screen, and there was the faintest itch under his skin to sidle up closer to Dan.

He ignored it.

Dan was just desperately trying to avoid a blue shell, in the middle of some very eloquent swearing, when the washing machine beeped rudely at them.

Phil grinned as he swerved past Dan’s character, chasing towards the finish line. “Look at that. Looks like this game’s over.”

“No, no way,” Dan shook his head determinedly, and hit pause on the game just before Phil could reach the finish line.

Phil huffed.

“It isn’t fair, I haven’t had a chance to retaliate yet!” There was just the hint of a whine to Dan’s voice as he jumped up from the sofa and headed into the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, “Don’t you dare mess with anything while I’m gone.”

“As if I would,” Phil answered, tone offended, even as he was pushing down hard on Dan’s controller to make the buttons stick.

Dan was making noises from the kitchen, changing his laundry into the dryer, but Phil ignored him in favour of sinking into the sofa cushions. It was well past 2am now, and the first beginnings of tiredness were starting to itch at the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t want to move. Not even to take his contacts out, which he’d accidentally let in far too long again.

Phil just worried that somehow, if he left this room, the little bubble he’d built with Dan would burst. And Phil wasn’t sure when he’d ever get this chance again.

Sure enough, Dan soon reappeared, this time holding two bowls of ice cream. “It’s all I had in the freezer, but I figure if I’m going to destroy you for another half hour, I should at least offer you some sort of consolation prize.”

“Rude,” Phil huffed, accepting the bowl of ice cream anyway. “You can’t give me pity gifts until, like, it’s 10 to 0 or something.”

“It’s almost that now,” Dan pointed out with a smirk, picking his controller back up.

“Shut your mouth, Dan.”

Dan snorted, but obediently didn’t say anything until about two minutes into the race, when he ran into a banana peel and shouted something obscene.

They probably did wake up their housemates that night, but Phil really couldn’t bring himself to care. Even after the tumble dryer started beeping angrily at them, neither one of them moved. Phil was enjoying the added time with Dan, and Dan had either not noticed or was so intent on wiping the floor with Phil that he didn’t care about his abandoned laundry.

Eventually, when Phil was yawning more than he was speaking and the screen was starting to blur a bit, Dan turned to him with a smirk. “I think I have officially beaten you.”

“Shut up, you’re cheating,” Phil argued through a yawn.

Dan snorted, but he put down his controller. “I guess I shouldn’t have kept you up so long, huh.”

“Nah, this is fun,” Phil shook his head. “Plus I wasn’t tired before, so.”

“But you are now,” Dan pointed out. “Sorry. I can, uh, go. Leave you in peace.”

He sounded reluctant. Phil was reluctant, too, so he reached out and kind of awkwardly patted Dan’s arm, and then snatched his hand back like he’d been burned.

Dan looked a bit bemused.

Of course, it was then that Phil decided to let out a massive yawn again, and he shuffled around on the sofa cushions until he decided to stand up. “Yeah. I guess I should. Bed, and stuff, sleep is good.”

“Sleep is good,” Dan agreed, getting to his feet too.

Neither of them moved.

Eventually, Phil shifted on his feet, and reached out to awkwardly pat Dan’s shoulder. He wondered if he should pull him into a hug or something, but that would be strange, right? He hadn’t hugged Jack after they’d played earlier. But, then again, he hadn’t wanted to hug Jack.

He did kind of want to hug Dan.

But the worry of sending Dan scurrying away again was too much, so Phil stepped back instead and gestured to the kitchen door, which led through to his bedroom. “Guess we should head off. Your laundry’s probably missing you.”

“Probably,” Dan agreed, but his face had closed off again.

“We should play again,” Phil added quickly. “The game, I mean. You’re ridiculous at winning and I have to try and beat you at least once, for my bruised ego if nothing else.”

Dan’s lips twitched. “I wouldn’t worry too much. I had a misspent youth, that’s all. It’s probably a good sign that you’re not as good as me, you probably went outside and stuff when you were young.”

“Not that much,” Phil promised, and yawned again before he could carry on.

“You should go,” Dan murmured, but there was something softer in his eyes this time.

Phil nodded slowly, and followed Dan into the kitchen. Dan crouched in front of the tumble dryer, reaching for his laundry basket, while Phil edged towards his bedroom door.

“I’ll see you around?” Phil asked sort of awkwardly. He never knew the etiquette for saying goodbye to his housemates - he couldn’t really escape them, after all. Even if Dan had so far done a pretty good disappearing act.

“Yeah,” Dan answered, and glanced up once more to send Phil a parting smile, dimple and all.

Phil smiled back. The warm tight swirling in his stomach had loosened a bit as he pushed open his bedroom door and retreated into his own space again, the urge to continue talking with Dan lessened slightly. At least they’d managed over an hour together, playing something that had made Dan more relaxed. Phil liked that. He liked seeing Dan relaxed.

He just hoped it wouldn’t be the last time.

---

The lead-up to Christmas was a hard one for students. Phil knew this already from his time as an undergrad, knowing that there were usually deadlines before the end of the term for big essays, or there was revision to be started for January exams. Thankfully, Phil’s masters was purely coursework based, so he had no exams to worry about.

But still, there was an air of stress about the place that Phil didn’t much like. He was still spending the majority of his days out in the uni buildings, either in the library or in the postgrad building, making use of the computers and editing software that never ran quite as well on his mac. He spent many hours squirreled away in dark rooms, bent over bright screens, pulling clips together and changing settings to create the best scenes he could.

As such, the times Phil spent at home grew less and less social, and as a result he didn’t see too much of his housemates. Jack, he still saw more often than most, sometimes meeting him in the postgrad building to grab lunch together, or joining him in the lounge of their house to play some video games again. Jack had an enormous library, and he loved playing horror games as well, another thing he shared with Phil. Phil, though, was not as good at playing them, so he took to spending his time writing essays in the corner of the room when Jack was playing, watching him scream at the jumpscares. It was entertaining enough.

Louise he saw a bit of too, coming and going from her lectures with heavy anthologies and textbooks packed up in her bag. She often took over the kitchen, too, and the scent of her baking made the house smell glorious for hours afterwards.

“It’s for stress,” she explained once when Phil came home from a seminar to find her surrounded by bowls and dough, her hands covered in flour. “I’ve got a big deadline next week.”

“Oh.” Phil nodded in sympathy, eyeing up the chocolate buttons she was currently pressing into a set of twelve identical muffins. “Does it help, then?”

“Sometimes.” She placed the last button on top of the icing with a flourish, then patted her hands on her apron, her blonde hair up in a haphazard bun. “Baking lets me see that I’ve made good things, and it keeps my hands busy enough that I can’t go thinking and worrying about everything, you know?”

Phil didn’t really, but he nodded along. “Is anyone else in at the moment?”

“I don’t think so,” Louise answered, tilting her head thoughtfully.“Jack just went out to a lecture, haven’t seen Caspar since this morning.”

“What about Dan?” Phil asked, ignoring the little jump his heart gave, something like nerves creeping up his chest.

Louise shook her head, inspecting her cookies. “Haven’t seen him all day. Or all week, for that matter.”

Phil’s brow creased. He hadn’t seen Dan since they’d played Mario Kart, though there’d been a couple of nights he heard noises in the kitchen late at night and wondered if it was Dan. He’d never quite been brave enough to go and check.

He left Louise to her baking, heading back into his room, and settled down in front of his laptop wondering what exactly kept Dan so busy. He must spend most of his time either out or in his room. Maybe he was just very active in societies, or spent a lot of time at the library? What was he even studying?

Phil realised, belatedly, that he really didn’t know very much about Dan at all.

Term continued on, deadlines swooping around him, but the Christmas holidays were looming near. Phil was looking forward to going home, he loved Christmas. His family went for it big time, decorating the whole house with baubles, his mum cooking endlessly while wearing reindeer antlers, and his dad up the ladder fixing christmas lights to the outside of the house, humming carols the whole time. Bickering with his brother, eating too much food and laughing too loud, Christmas was a family affair for sure.

So as term drew to an end, Phil began packing up with excitement. Another good thing about coming to university in Manchester rather than York was the distance was so much smaller, he could pop home whenever he wanted. That was a big reason he’d made the last-minute switch. He used to hate the long train journeys from York just to visit his mum.

He was mid-packing in his room one day in the final week of term, music blaring loudly, humming along to Muse, when he heard the door slam shut. Phil hadn’t had any lectures that day, and his only human interaction had been a nod to the librarian on his way to the editing computers where he’d spent the afternoon, so he was a little starved of conversation. Getting to his feet, he went over to his bedroom door and nudged it open a little, peering through the kitchen to the rest of the house.

Someone was standing in the living room, bag on his shoulder, brown fringe drooping into his eyes. Dan.

Phil brightened instantly, stepping out of his room and announcing his presence with a spirited, “Hi!”

But as he stepped closer, he noticed that Dan was staring furiously at one spot on the floor, the curve of his shoulders tense, his fingers clenched around the strap of his bag.

Instantly, Phil’s tone dropped. “Dan? You alright?”

Dan didn’t seem to hear him for a minute, staring down at the same spot on the floor with his brows furrowed and his lips set in a straight line. When Phil leaned against the doorframe, rapping his knuckles awkwardly against the wall, Dan jumped and whipped around to face him, eyes wide.

“Sorry,” Phil said quickly, and wondered why he was always apologising to Dan. It just felt a little like invading something private, whenever he caught Dan alone. And yet, Phil still itched to know him better. “I heard you come in.”

Dan didn’t say anything. He just stared at Phil with wide eyes, and Phil was reminded of the first time he’d seen Dan, fixed with that same wide-eyed stare. It almost bordered on terror.

Phil swallowed. “Are you ok?”

That seemed to bring Dan back to his senses. He gave his head a little shake, straightening his back, shifting his bag on his shoulder. He coughed before speaking. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

His tone was a little shaky, and he was avoiding Phil’s gaze.

Phil bit his lip. Dan didn’t look fine, but he didn’t exactly want to pry - but he also didn’t want to leave Dan upset without asking, so he edged a step closer. “Ok, well - you can always--”

“I’m going to head upstairs,” Dan interrupted suddenly, backing away from Phil and straight towards the door. “You know, got - work to do, and stuff--”

“You’ve still got deadlines?” Phil made a sympathetic noise.

Dan swallowed, hand on the doorknob by now. “Yeah. And exams, in January - so, you know, always got to be working.” He said this with a bitter twist to his lips.

“That sucks.” Phil tilted his head, wondering how to keep Dan here. “You take breaks sometimes though, right? We should play Mario Kart again.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Dan twisted the door handle, edging out of the room. He flashed Phil a final smile. “Catch you later.”

“See you,” Phil said to the empty air as Dan disappeared once again.

Phil bit his lip. He remembered what Dan had been like when they’d played together, how relaxed he’d been sitting on the sofa, the easy line of his shoulders, the light sound of his laugh. He wondered what had happened to that Dan. It had only been a few weeks ago.

Maybe just work stress? If he’d had deadlines, and also had exams to do, he must be doing a pretty tough degree. Phil wished he’d asked.

But, as it was, Dan had disappeared again, so Phil turned away and headed back into his half-packed room, feeling a little morose.

---

Phil was the last one to leave for the Christmas holidays.

The first was Jack, who disappeared three days before the official end of term. “Got no more lectures,” he confidently told Phil, pulling him in for a rough hug. “It’s been great, mate. I’ll kick your arse some more at games when we come back in the new year, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Phil agreed, slightly breathlessly. Jack was a lot stronger than him, even though Phil was a fair bit taller. “Have a good Christmas.”

“You too.” Jack waved on his way out of the door, dragging a giant suitcase with him, ready to catch the plane back to Ireland.

The next to leave was Caspar. Phil still hadn’t got to know him very well, all he really knew was that Caspar went out almost every night and came back the next morning with a stinking hangover. He’d stopped inviting Phil after Phil had declined for the sixth time, but he always waved cheerily when he saw Phil around the house. Phil also suspected that Caspar had stolen his lactose-free milk without asking, but he wasn’t quite petty enough to bring it up. Yet.

“Is that all you’re taking?” Phil asked, a little surprised when Caspar only had a rucksack and a holdall with him on the way out of the door.

“Yeah.” Caspar laughed at Phil’s expression. “I’m not going home. Staying with a mate of mine on the course, Joe, his mum invited me over for Christmas.”

Phil blinked. “His mum?”

“Yeah, she liked me after I prank called her on his phone one night.” Caspar hauled his bags out of the door with seemingly no trouble at all. “Better than going all the way back to South Africa, so I jumped on the offer.”

“I can see why,” Phil agreed, stepping back out of the way. He waved when Caspar waved, and that was the last he saw of him that term.

Louise must have left when Phil was out at the library, but she’d left a plate of brownies on the kitchen counter with a note that read for Christmas!! :). Phil took three and left the rest out for Dan, who presumably hadn’t left yet.

The next morning, when Phil was blearily reaching for cereal, he realised the brownies were gone. He smiled.

By the weekend, Phil was all packed up and ready to leave, his suitcase thrown together rather haphazardly, when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Knowing as he did that everyone else had already gone, Phil leaped up to his feet and scurried out into the hall, wanting to catch one final conversation with Dan.

When he got there, Dan was halfway down the stairs, fringe in his eyes, struggling to drag a rather large suitcase behind him.

Phil’s eyes widened. “Oh wow, let me help you with that!”

Dan shook his head, recoiling, eyes wide. “No, no, it’s ok - you must be busy packing too--”

“I don’t leave until tomorrow,” Phil disagreed with a quick shake of his head. “And that looks really heavy, come on - I’ll at least get it down the stairs with you.”

Dan bit his lip, but he didn’t retaliate when Phil climbed the stairs to join him, reaching out to take some of the suitcase’s weight. In fact, Dan didn’t speak the whole time as they managed to manoeuvre the case between them down to the bottom of the stairs, stopping there briefly for a breather.

Phil looked at Dan closely. He looked tired, dark circles shadowing his eyes, and a little forlorn. His eyes were closed off, his shoulders tense. He didn’t look like someone about to be starting a holiday.

Phil narrowed his eyes, still holding one end of the suitcase as Dan opened the front door. “So you’re heading home now?”

“Yeah,” Dan answered, not meeting his eyes. He got the door open and turned back to the case, toeing the carpet. “I can manage from here, if you want.”

“It’s alright,” Phil shrugged. “I wasn’t doing anything. And your case is heavy, seriously, are you bringing half your life home?”

Dan let out a little laugh, a small flush appearing on one corner of his cheek. “Something like that.”

“Well, it’s a lot.” Phil helped Dan get the case out onto the street, wincing when he managed to scrape his side along the doorframe.

Dan smirked a little. “Spatial awareness alright over there?”

“I don’t have any,” Phil complained, rubbing his side. “Leave me alone.”

Dan chuckled. His gaze slid down Phil’s body, lingering, before he edged back a step. “Nice socks.”

“Oh.” Phil glanced down, saw his odd socks, one with pugs, one with foxes and grinned. “Thanks.”

“They don’t match,” Dan observed.

“No, I prefer it when they don’t.” They’d reached the street, so Phil laid his side of the suitcase down and puffed, embarrassingly out of breath. “It’s more interesting.”

Dan nodded. He tilted his head, just watching Phil for a moment, and Phil found himself standing still under that scrutinising stare. Dan looked tired. His expression was flat, morose almost, a stark contrast to the excited way both Jack and Caspar had left.

Phil felt an ache deep in his chest for this quiet, lonesome boy.

“Well, I’ll see you,” Phil said after a moment of silence.

“Yeah,” Dan agreed softly.

Phil edged back towards the front door, wanting to prolong the moment, but not wanting to awkwardly stare at Dan, who was now looking at his shoes. So he said, tentatively, “Have a good holiday?”

“I will,” Dan answered, a bitter twist to his lips. “Uh, you too.” He glanced up, pinned Phil with a sharp stare. “You’ll be here when I get back?”

Phil was a little taken aback by the depth of that question, the sharp something he could see in Dan’s eyes. But he nodded all the same. “Yeah. Just a few weeks and we’ll all be back here again.”

Dan nodded slowly, his eyes not leaving Phils. But then his gaze slid away and he stepped back, taking hold of his suitcase once more. “Bye, I guess.”

“Bye, Dan.” Phil stood there, watching, as Dan wrestled his suitcase out of the front gate and started down the road. For some reason, he didn’t want Dan to have to leave on his own.

Dan stopped once, at the edge of the road, and glanced back. Phil lifted his hand in a wave. Dan waved back, and then turned the corner, disappearing.

Phil stayed on the step for a little while longer. When he went back inside, the house felt far too empty.

---

The journey home for Phil couldn’t have been easier, just a 45 minute bus ride and then he was back with his family, who were already in the full Christmas swing. There was tinsel over the doorframe and a wreath hanging in the window when he arrived, suitcase dragging behind him, bag on his shoulder.

His mum greeted him with a smile, a kiss, and then instantly sent him into the loft to get the rest of the decorations down.

Christmas with the Lesters was an experience, and a time of year that Phil had loved for as long as he could remember. They spent the weeks in December putting up decorations and baking mince pies (which Phil liked now he knew they didn’t have actual mince in them), trying not to spoil what they were buying for each other while the front room of the house slowly turned into secret present den, full of bags and parcels that were not to be opened.

Christmas day itself was an adventure. Phil spent his time forcing his family to play board games and eating too much food, playing bad Christmas music on repeat the whole day.

It wasn’t until three days before New Year’s Day that Phil realised he’d left his hard drive full of edited videos at his uni house. It was a pain to have to go back and get it, but he really needed one of the files for his ongoing project. So his mum said she’d do a bit of shopping in Manchester and drive him into the city, so he could grab it and get a lift back without having to wait for the bus.

It was a rainy day, and the traffic was awful what with it being the day before New Year’s Eve, but they made it into the centre well enough. His mum dropped him at the edge of his street before heading into the city centre, telling him to come meet her there later.

Phil jogged down the street with his hood up, bent over, trying to avoid getting as much of his hair wet as possible. He made it to his door with the rain streaming over his head, and wrestled with the stiff lock until he finally shouldered the door open and fell dramatically into the hallway.

The house smelled musty, a little sweet. He wrinkled his nose. He knew he was the only one of his housemates to live locally, though, so he shook off his wet raincoat and dumped it on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, figuring it could dry as well there as anywhere else.

He headed into the living room, wiping his wet hair out of his face, and stopped short in surprise at what he found.

The tv was on. There was a scented candle burning in the corner. And Dan was standing in the middle of the room, eyes wide, staring straight at Phil.

“Oh!” Phil nearly tripped over his feet with how fast he stumbled backwards.

Dan just kept staring at him.

“Sorry!” Phil didn’t quite know what to do with himself. “I didn’t realise you would be here - I was just getting something, sorry--”

“It’s ok,” Dan croaked after a moment. He seemed to settle a little, letting out a breath, his shoulders slumping.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, sorry,” Phil added hastily, running a hand through his wet fringe. “I just thought no one else would be here - oops, should probably pick up my raincoat then.”

Dan’s lips twitched. He gave Phil a long look. “You look like a drowned rat.”

“Yes, well.” Phil gestured to the window. “It’s raining.”

“I can see that.” Dan’s lips twitched further.

Phil let out a half-laugh, surveying the room. The candle explained the odd sweet scent, at least, and the tv was paused on - was that anime? It looked like a screenshot of an anime, anyway, but not one that Phil immediately recognised. And Dan himself didn’t look quite as tired as he had when Phil had last seen him, at the end of last term.

“Is that an anime?” Phil settled on asking, pointing haphazardly at the TV.

Dan jumped, looking at the screen. He bit his lip. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry, I wouldn’t have stayed down here if I knew someone was coming…”

“I don’t mind,” Phil rushed. “Which one is it? That guy looks a bit like Kirito.”

Dan blinked, surprised. He looked back at the screen. “Oh, no, it’s Haikyuu.”

“Ohh,” Phil nodded, “I haven’t seen that one yet. Sports anime isn’t really my thing.”

“Me neither, but this one is actually amazing.” Dan sounded a little strangled. “Um. You know Kirito?”

“I’ve seen Sword Art Online like five times,” Phil confessed, because Dan was looking at him with a mixture of intrigue and astonishment, and it was much better than the pure fear that had decorated his features before.

Dan stared at him, silent.

“It isn’t my favourite, though,” Phil continued. “Fullmetal Alchemist, now that’s a good show.”

Dan nodded slowly, still staring in astonishment. “Yeah. Agreed on that one, I think it’s because it’s so Western. It’s more familiar to us as an audience than some of the more traditional Japanese ones.”

“Yeah, that’s probably true,” Phil agreed. “But sometimes the stranger ones are much better.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely, like sometimes you’ve got to get adventurous, then you end up with masterpieces like Evangelion.”

“Oh, no,” Phil made a face. “I didn’t get that one, it was great up until the end.”

Dan’s eyes went wide. “Excuse me? Did you just complain about one of the greatest shows ever to exist?”

“It isn’t the greatest,” Phil laughed, “No way, like, it was good but confusing, the film at the end--”

“They needed that to explain the story,” Dan argued.

Phil pointed at him. “My point exactly! If you need a film to explain your plot, maybe your plot isn’t all that great.”

Dan grimaced. He leaned back, folding his arms, surveying Phil with an unhappy expression. “Your opinions are wrong, Phil Lester.”

Phil snorted.

Dan bit his lip, watching Phil closely. “So how come you’re back here anyway?”

“Forgot my hard drive,” Phil explained. “Had to come back and get it.”

“And you came all the way back here for that?” Dan arched a brow.

Phil laughed. “I only live half an hour away, my mum dropped me off. She’s gone into town, picking up some last minute bits for New Years’, you know? Though there’s definitely enough food in the house to last for a month already.”

Dan smiled, though he looked a little forlorn. Phil wondered again just what was up with this boy, and why he was standing in the middle of a sad student house over the Christmas holidays.

He wondered if he should ask, or if that would be prying. He didn’t want to spook Dan off again.

“So I’ve got a few hours before I should go meet my mum again,” Phil added, pointing to the tv. “Want to show me what I’ve been missing?”

Dan chewed his lower lip, staring at Phil as if judging him. The moment held long between them, in which Phil’s insides twisted and he wondered if he should have even presumed that Dan would want to spend time with him - Dan could even have other people here for all Phil knew, he could be interrupting something.

But then Dan said, “Yeah, ok. Just remember, Haikyuu isn’t so much about the sport, it’s all about the characters.”

“Sounds good to me.” Phil jumped onto the sofa, smiling when Dan opted to sit down on the cushion next to him, rather than the armchair across the room. “Play away, Mr Daniel.”

Dan shook his head, lips twitching again as he reached for the remote.

They watched together for the whole episode, Dan briefly explaining what was happening, with Phil asking annoying questions causing Dan to send him exasperated looks. But after that, Phil started doing it deliberately, because Dan’s dimple appeared every time he glanced at Phil, even when he was just rolling his eyes.

After a couple of episodes, Dan paused it and sent Phil a questioning glance. “So, what do you think?”

“It’s good!” Phil said. “Surprisingly good. Like, it’s not so much about the sport, there are actual characters.”

“That’s what I said,” Dan agreed, his lips twitching upwards slightly. “You don’t even have to know anything about volleyball to enjoy it.”

“Which is good, seeing as I don’t know anything,” Phil agreed. “I like the short orange guy, what’s his name?”

“Hinata, and you can’t just call him orange,” Dan complained.

“Why? That’s what he is!”

“He’s ginger, it’s not like the whole of him is orange,” Dan argued, but his dimple was appearing again.

Phil shrugged. “Same difference.” He leaned over to grab for the remote, clicking back onto Dan’s crunchyroll account. Dan leaned forward in an aborted movement to try and stop him, and then Phil found himself looking at the entirety of Dan’s anime history.

“Don’t judge me,” Dan said, weakly.

Phil snorted, but was already scrolling through, brightening at everything he saw. “Ooh, My Hero Academia, I need to catch up on that one. I think you’re further ahead than me, though.”

“I like that one,” Dan agreed, his voice slightly more relaxed. He leaned back a little, sofa creaking, and slotted in more comfortably next to Phil. “All Might is terrifying and hilarious.”

“Yeah, and the premise is good.” Phil clicked back a few episodes, then hit play. “Watch with me?”

“Not like you’ve given me much choice,” Dan chuckled, but his tone was warm and he settled in happily enough next to Phil.

Phil was itching to lean in closer to where he could feel the warmth of Dan radiating from the other side of the sofa, wondering what would happen, if he could nestle in a little nearer. Dan felt nice, sitting next to him. Nice and homely in a way that he didn’t feel about most people.

But Dan would probably freak out and leave again, if history was anything to go by. And Phil really, really didn’t want that. He felt like they were existing in some sort of bubble again, like when they’d played Mario Kart before, when everything had been easy. But then, the next morning, Dan had jumped and run every time Phil had seen him, even just in brief flashes from the end of the hallway.

He really didn’t want that to happen again now, was already trying to orchestrate some vague reason for needing to come back to this house before the beginning of term. Dan seemed more at ease when the other housemates weren’t around. It might be easier to hold him in place when they were alone, although Phil was beginning to feel that trying to get to know Dan was like trying to hold sand between his fingers; eventually, it would slip through.

Halfway through the next episode, Phil’s phone buzzed in his pocket with a text from his mum. Done shopping, at a cafe now tell me when you’re on your way xx

“Who’s that?” Dan’s voice interrupted the anime, and Phil glanced up to find him looking straight at him.

“My mum.” Phil waved the phone Dan’s way, but bit his lip on telling him what the message said. Phil didn’t want to go and meet his mum. Phil wanted to stay there, on the sofa watching anime with Dan.

Dan’s face fell, just a little. “Oh, right. She probably needs you back, right?”

Phil bit his lip, torn. Something in him was warmed by the way Dan looked a little sad, even if he was trying to hide it - like maybe he wanted Phil there, too. And Phil certainly didn’t want to leave, not yet.

Phil shrugged. “I can stay for one more episode at least.”

Dan smiled a little, just the hint of his dimple appearing at his cheek. He turned back to the screen and hit play without saying anything else, though he did shuffle a little closer to Phil on the sofa.

Phil texted back a quick with my housemate sorry meet you later? and then settled in to watch.

It didn’t take long to receive a text back, and Phil looked down, a little surprised. Oh how nice, bring them with you! I’ll treat you each to cake xx

Phil glanced sidelong at Dan, then back at his phone, then back over to Dan again. Dan had tensed up a little, the line of his shoulders stiff, his gaze fixed determinedly on the tv.

Phil turned back to his phone, chewing his lip.

“If you have to go, it’s ok,” Dan said suddenly from beside him, tone a little forced. “It’s just anime.”

And you, Phil thought. It’s just anime and you. He shook his head, leaning in a little closer. “Actually, my mum invited you to come with us. It’s a bit late for lunch, but she said she’d buy you cake if you wanted.”

Dan turned to face him, movements fast and jerky, expression guarded. He studied Phil for a moment. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Phil turned his phone, showing Dan the text conversation with his mum. “You don’t have to, of course, but she’s nice. Not scary at all. She might talk your ear off, but she’d be happy to have you there. If you wanted.”

The request hung heavily between them, Phil’s insides twisting themselves up, vulnerable and open as he felt just then. If Dan said no, maybe that meant Phil should just stop trying to befriend him, or hang out with him, or whatever they’d been doing over the past couple of months. Maybe Dan avoiding him wasn’t out of shyness, maybe it was just because he didn’t like Phil all that much.

Dan deliberated for another long moment before he said slowly, “Yeah, sure, I’ll come.”

Phil relaxed, letting out a slow breath. And then he smiled. “Great! I’ll tell her we’ll be there soon, but we’ve got to finish this episode first. I’m too invested now.”

“Same,” Dan said, his tone warm, and when Phil glanced over his dimple had appeared in his cheek again.

Phil turned back to his phone, the smile on his face growing wider.

---

Getting into the centre of town with Dan turned out to be a bit of a nightmare. The buses into the centre were all running on a half-timetable, and it was still raining, so they ended up pressed together in a tiny bus shelter shivering from the cold. Phil protected his hard drive under his raincoat, but Dan only had a hoody, sleeves pulled down over his hands, hood low over his head.

“You should have a raincoat,” Phil said, distressed.

Dan shook his head, amused. “I can’t be bothered with one. I didn’t even plan to be here for that long.”

“How come you are here?” Phil asked, braving the question. “I mean, I thought you’d gone home for Christmas.”

“I did,” Dan agreed. “Was nice. I just… missed being here, I guess.”

“Well, this city is pretty great,” Phil agreed. “In the best part of the country. Not that I’m biased at all.”

Dan snorted. “I can’t believe you’re a local student. Why’d you want to study so close to home?”

“I just told you, it’s the best part of the country!” Phil sighed. “I missed it too much when I was at York. That’s where I did my undergrad.”

Dan looked at him anew, expression hard to read from underneath his hood. “So you’re a masters student?”

“Yeah,” Phil nodded, standing up when he saw the bus approaching. “Come on, who knows how long it’ll be before the next one.”

Dan followed him, dripping a little.

The good thing about travelling in the holiday time was that there were hardly any other people around. The centre of the city looked strange, the shops all decorated for Christmas still but without the usual huge number of shoppers desperately panic-buying gifts.

They met Phil’s mum at a cafe in a little alley. She was surrounded with shopping bags already sitting at a table. She hugged Phil and then hugged Dan too, welcoming him warmly.

“This is Dan,” Phil explained, sending Dan an apologetic look over his mum’s shoulder when he was roped into a hug. “My housemate.”

“The quiet one you were telling me about?” Phil’s mum asked, pulling back to survey Dan.

Phil winced, not quite daring to meet Dan’s eyes as he said, “Yeah, that one.”

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you.” Phil’s mum beckoned them over to seats. “Settle down, I’ll order us something. What would you like to drink, Dan?”

Dan floundered, eyes wide, looking a bit like a rabbit in the headlights, so Phil cut in smoothly and said, “Can I have a macchiato please, mum?”

“I was asking the guest first, Philip,” she told him off. “But of course. Caramel like normal?”

“Yes please.” Phil smiled sweetly at her. She cuffed him around the back of the neck.

“And for you, dear?” She asked Dan.

“Uh, can I have the same, actually?” Dan asked, voice a little timid.

Phil glanced over, surprised. Dan flashed him a small smile. “Best drink there is, in my opinion.”

“Phil would agree with you,” Phil’s mum agreed wryly, fetching her purse. “I’ll just be a moment.”

Phil watched her go, then turned back to Dan, watching the way he fit into the chair uncomfortably, his legs folded and back stiff, hands primly in his lap. He wondered if he’d just made Dan more uncomfortable for suggesting this - if maybe they should have just stayed in the house somehow, Phil could probably have staved his mum off for another hour at least.

“It’s nice here,” Dan said suddenly, voice quiet. Phil craned in a little closer to hear him. “I haven’t been into the centre much.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked, a little surprised. But then, he’d known Manchester before he moved here. He supposed moving to a new city and trying to get to know it, as well as starting at university, was probably going to be a bit of a challenge. “So did you literally just move up here in September?”

Dan nodded, eyes sliding sideways to avoid Phil’s gaze. “Yeah.”

“So you’re in your first year?”

“Yeah.” Dan’s lips twisted into a wry smirk. “Can’t imagine doing three years though, to be honest.”

“It isn’t that bad. Actually first year was my least favourite,” Phil remembered. “Loads of boring theory.”

“What do you study?” Dan asked, fixing Phil with a keen gaze.

Phil let out a small, embarrassed laugh. “Uh, English Language and Linguistics for my undergrad. Post-production now, though, like video stuff. It isn’t as boring as it sounds, I promise.”

Dan’s eyes had gone a bit wide. He stared at Phil with something difficult to discern in his eyes, something that Phil might have said was close to awe if that wasn’t completely ridiculous.

“Seriously?” Dan asked after a moment. “You can do that?”

Phil laughed, rubbing the back of his head, slightly flustered. “Uh, yeah. Well, I am, anyway.”

“That sounds amazing,” Dan answered with what might have been a touch of envy in his voice. He looked away from Phil quickly, as if realising he’d been staring just a little too long, and sat up a little straighter as Phil’s mum returned to her seat.

Lunch wasn’t awkward at all, as much as Phil had feared it might be. His mum was smoothly welcoming, as always, filling him in on the family gossip, telling him off for missing his great-aunt’s birthday (Phil had sent a card, he swore), and informing him that Martyn was bringing home a guest for New Years’ Eve.

“Swedish, I think,” she added over the rim of her cup. “Red hair. Looks very cute, I think she might be a keeper.”

“Oh yeah,” Phil answered, remembering the way Martyn’s eyes had lit up as he spoke about her.

“No idea how they met, of course.”

“DJing in London, I think,” Phil shrugged. “That’s what he implied. She does music too, I think.”

Dan caught his eye from behind his slice of cake, sitting mostly untouched, eyes wide. He mouthed something at Phil that might have been your family is amazing.

Phil grinned into his coffee. He agreed, as it happened.

His mum was welcoming to Dan as well, of course, calmly asking his opinion on the Manchester Christmas lights and whether or not the lack of snowfall this year was good. She stayed deliberately away from any questions surrounding uni, or Dan’s home life, for which Phil was grateful. He didn’t know much about Dan himself yet, after all, the last thing he wanted was for his mum to inadvertently scare him off.

Phil found himself watching Dan more often than not as conversation went on. Dan was sitting with his back ramrod straight, and his eyes kept darting around like he wasn’t quite sure where to land them, or how long to look at one particular spot. But as time went on, he settled in a little, his shoulders curving downwards. He answered every question Phil’s mum asked with polite grace, his words maybe a little forced, but tinged with warmth.

It was also a bit amusing to see Dan on his best behaviour. His accent was more noticeable when compared with Phil’s mum’s soft tone, and he spoke like he would address an elderly relative, or someone he treated with respect. Dan also made sure to help with the bags when they were getting ready to leave, taking more than his fair share.

“You don’t have to, you know,” Phil reassured him quietly as they headed towards the street they’d parked their car that morning.

“I want to,” Dan disagreed, red-faced and a little out of breath. “Making a good impression, and all that.”

Phil didn’t bother trying to hide his smile.

“Besides,” Dan added, watching as Phil’s mum unlocked the car, “Your mum is amazing. And your family. Is your brother really a DJ?”

“Well, he’s trying to be,” Phil snorted. “Living in London. I think it’s more of an excuse to party. Not my scene at all.

Dan sent him a softly amused look. “Not a party animal, then?”

“Do I look like one to you?” Phil asked, mock-affronted.

“Well…”

“Have I ever said yes to Caspar?”

“Well, not that I know of.” Dan bit back a smile, looked down. “But then, I don’t know everything about your life.”

You could, Phil almost said before he stopped himself. You could, if you wanted to.

Phil shook the errant thoughts away, instead pulling himself back to the moment, to this Dan who was still smiling, shyly looking down, all long limbs and gangly sharp corners. He was as tall as Phil, if not a little taller, Phil realised with a start. He hadn’t spent all that much time standing beside Dan yet.

He still wished he knew why Dan’s shoulders always slumped down, why he would only smile for so long before his face fell again.

“Thanks for coming,” Phil said lowly after a moment of silence. “I liked it.” He wished there was a better way to sum that up, a better way to say I like your company, Dan, please let me have it more. But he didn’t. Not yet. Not when he was still afraid Dan might skitter and run at any moment.

As it was, Dan smiled at him again, just a small twitch of his lips hidden mostly behind a brown fringe. “It was good. Your mum is cool.”

“Am I not cool?” Phil huffed, asking before he could think it through. He wished for a moment he could snatch the words back, but then Dan’s smile widened, just a little, just enough.

“You’re alright,” Dan answered, but it was with such warmth to his tone that it sounded like he meant something much more.

Phil’s answering grin spread wide across his face.

Phil’s mum reappeared then, bustling as ever, all the bags packed away. She took the last few off Dan and then pulled him into a final hug, which Dan returned with minimal surprised spluttering.

“It was lovely to meet you,” she said warmly as she drew back. “You’re welcome any time. And keep my youngest out of trouble, please?”

“Excuse me,” Phil huffed.

Dan just sent him a cheeky grin before nodding graciously to his mum. “I promise, Mrs Lester. I’ll look after him.”

Phil muttered under his breath, but he couldn’t be too mad. Not with the way Dan had grinned.

Dan stood awkwardly on the pavement at the side of the road as Phil’s mum clambered back into the car, but Phil waited a moment before following her. He knew he did have to follow her, wanted to go back home and spend New Years’ with all the family gathered around again.

But Phil would be lying if he ignored the aching press in his chest that wanted to stay close to Dan. An ache that was only growing larger the more time he spent around Dan. Phil didn’t want to analyse it too much, didn’t want to dwell on something so fragile, so impossible. He just wanted to enjoy what little time he was gifted to spend with Dan.

Dan wasn’t looking at him again. Instead, he was staring down at the pavement, tugging on his hoody sleeves, still damp from the earlier rain.

“This was nice,” Phil tried, and in a desperate bid not to sound cliche and boring added, “Hinata’s still ginger. My mind won’t change on that no matter how many more episodes we watch.”

Dan let out a laugh that seemed to surprise even him. He crossed his arms in front of himself, took in a deep breath, and lifted his head to meet Phil’s eyes.

Phil was struck by all the emotion hiding away in that expression.

“I’ll just have to show you more later,” Dan said bravely, his voice wavering just a little bit.

Phil’s heart gave a loud thud. Warmth trickled slowly through his veins, sluggishly, like even his body was nervous to get excited. Everything felt so fragile still - like Phil could so easily misstep and never talk to Dan again, scare him off for good.

He wanted to hug Dan. Phil’s mum had hugged Dan. He should get the chance too.

“You will,” Phil agreed, and then swallowed the last of his nerves and stepped forward, pulling Dan close.

It was awkward. Dan clearly hadn’t been expecting Phil to get so close, so remained tense with his arms folded between their bodies, a soft squeak emitting from his mouth. Phil only held for a moment, trying not to drown in the warmth radiating from Dan even out on this cold wet Manchester day, but as he drew back Dan managed to untangle his hands and tugged him back in again, returning the hug softly, cautiously.

It was the best moment of Phil’s life.

“Happy new year,” Phil said as they parted, for real this time. “I’ll come back. I’ll see you.”

“Yeah.” Dan smiled, and this time it reached his eyes. “You could - I mean, you could text me. If you wanted.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Yeah! Are you serious - yeah, that would be great!”

“Give me your number.” Dan’s voice still trembled a little, but he stuck his phone out towards Phil with determination.

Phil took it without question, desperate not to let this opportunity slide by once again saying the wrong thing. He saved his number in Dan’s phone and gave it back to him, tactfully ignoring the way Dan’s hands were trembling.

“Text me anytime,” Phil said assuredly, “Anytime. I only live forty minutes away.”

It was a dumb thing to say. Dan already knew that. But Phil just - he wanted Dan to know that he wasn’t alone, here. It was horrid to think of Dan going back to that lonely, kind of crappy uni house with no one to keep him company. And it was nearly the new year, too.

“You can get back from here, right?” Phil checked, suddenly feeling a little guilty. He’d dragged Dan out here, after all.

Dan flapped a hand at him. “Yeah, no worries. I’ll be fine. You should head on, don’t want to keep your mum waiting.”

“Yeah.” Phil bit his lip, kept looking considerately at Dan. He wished this wasn’t another goodbye, not when that curious pressing ache in his chest only felt like it was growing larger.

He looked at Dan for another moment before turning, giving a final awkward wave as he clambered into the passenger seat next to his mum.

Dan gave him a two-fingered salute in return, and then stood on the pavement watching the car until it was completely out of sight, and Dan was just a small figure standing far away, unreachable once again.

---

New Year’s Day came and went with much celebration on the part of Phil’s family, although Phil himself found the occasion a little lacklustre this year. He didn’t know why - his extended family had all come around again, great-aunts and distant cousins and grandparents galore - but something about the occasion just didn’t feel quite as much worth celebrating as usual.

Maybe he was just getting old.

It also didn’t help that he’d been unable to get the thought of Dan, sitting alone in their cold little student house, out of his head. He hadn’t been back in touch with Dan since the day they’d gone to the cafe, and he was desperately regretting the fact that he hadn’t got Dan’s number in return for Phil giving him his. Dan had never texted him. Phil tried not to read too much into that - there wasn’t even anything to read into - but it still hurt a little.

Phil tried to analyse why briefly, but he’d never been one to get super in touch with his emotions. He simply felt the fleeting bite of loneliness and then let it pass on by - even if he recognised himself well enough to know he was missing Dan.

What was there even to miss, though? He hardly knew him. Dan certainly wouldn’t be moping about Phil, but still - the idea of Dan sitting on his own over the holidays just didn’t sit quite right with Phil.

By the time Phil moved back into his student room, all of his other housemates had already returned. Caspar, loud as ever, was first to greet him, gleefully drinking beer in the kitchen with his friend Joe - the one he’d stayed with over Christmas. They invited Phil to join them, but Phil politely declined the request before escaping to his room again.

Maybe that wasn’t the best way to go about making friends, but Phil had seen the kind of nights out Caspar liked. It really wasn’t his scene at all, he’d had enough of that in his undergrad years, thank you very much.

Louise he saw the next morning, baking in the kitchen again. He leaned against the wall to chat for a while, grimacing when he saw the copious amounts of muffin cases laid out ready to line.

“Stress baking again?” He asked.

Louise nodded, her hair up in a frazzled bun. “Never do no work over the holidays. Ever.”

Phil made a sympathetic noise. He also had a large backlog of work sat waiting for him on his hard drive, there was no need to remind him how much work was thrown at them as soon as they started back at uni.

Jack was, of course, as predictably as ever, playing video games when Phil went up to see him. He’d invited Phil into his room a couple of times to play some PC games together, and they had a good catch-up while they competed. Jack was someone Phil actually got along with, so it was nice to spend some time with him again,talking about all of the differences in their traditions and what had happened over the holiday.

“You’ve got to have Christmas cake for breakfast,” Jack said stubbornly as he led his character up a mountain. “Otherwise it’s not really Christmas.”

“I just don’t know if I could stomach that much in the morning,” Phil thought, morose.

“Bet you could if it was pancakes,” Jack said wisely. “Christmas cake is basically the same, you know.”

“In what way is it the same?” Phil complained, shaking his head when Jack tried to justify himself. He grinned. “You Irish people are just strange.”

“Shush your mouth with your tea and biscuits,” Jack responded, but he was smirking, so Phil figured it was ok.

They concentrated on the game a little longer, Phil’s wizard almost managing to hit Jack’s thief in the face, and then Jack asked, “So what else did you get up to during the break, then?”

“Oh, well,” Phil smiled a little, “Saw lots of family who I don’t remember all the names of. And came back here and saw Dan, too.”

“I feel ya on the family front,” Jack agreed with a chuckle. “But Dan? You guys had plans to meet up, then?

“Not exactly.” Phil bit his lip, wondering why this conversation was making his stomach tighten up a little. “I came back to get my hard drive, and he was just here.”

“Just here?”

“Just… here.”

Jack frowned, a little crease appearing in his forehead. “What was that about, then?”

“He didn’t really say,” Phil answered, realising as he said that how true it was. “He just mumbled something about missing this place.”

“I can’t imagine that being true.” Jack cursed when his character missed a puzzle piece. “Fuck. Well. Each to his own I guess, but that does strike me as a little odd.”

“It’s just Dan doing what he wants,” Phil said defensively, wondering again where his need to always defend Dan came from.

“Oh, sure,” Jack agreed easily enough, “But he’s just very quiet here. I didn’t really think he enjoyed it enough to come back, you know?”

Phil nodded, thinking that over quietly. He’d not really thought of it like that before, but come to think of it, Dan rarely did seem happy here. He rarely smiled, and when he did, they were small smiles. Nothing like the giant grin that had creased his whole face up that time he and Phil were playing Mario Kart.

Phil wondered why that might be, and then reminded himself that it was none of his business.

“So you guys hung out a bit, then?” Jack asked again during the loading screen for the next level.

“Yeah, it was nice. My mum took us out for lunch.” Phil wondered if there was anything strange about that - but either way, he’d said it now. Didn’t really matter.

Jack turned to send him a look. “Oh, I see. So he’s met your mum, has he?”

Something about the way Jack said that had the hairs on the back of Phil’s neck rising a little. He could feel his ears going red. “Yeah?”

Jack didn’t say anything else. He simply smirked.

“It isn’t like that!” Phil defended himself desperately, even while still not being 100% on what it was he was defending. “She just - I was sitting watching shows with Dan, and mum wondered where I’d got to, so I just - she said it was fine!”

“I’ll bet she did.” Jack’s lips twitched.

Phil hit him with a pillow. “It isn’t like that. Shut up.”

“I’m just saying!” Jack tossed the pillow back onto the floor and scooped up his controller again. “Wouldn’t be anything wrong with it if ya did.”

“I know,” Phil mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “At least, I know you think that. You and that guy from your class, after all.”

This time, it was Jack’s turn to go a little pink. “I don’t know who you mean.”

“You were talking about him before.” Phil lifted a brow when Jack only went pinker. “Matt? Mark?”

“Mark,” Jack confirmed, and refused to acknowledge Phil’s gaze. “And it’s nothing. At least, not yet it isn’t.”

Phil grinned. He picked up his controller too and rubbed his shoulder against Jack’s. “When do you have class with him again?”

“Thursday. But I’m meeting him for a presentation planning session tomorrow.” Jack was still steadfastly refusing to meet Phil’s look.

Phil’s grin only widened. “Oh. Right. Presentation planning.”

“Shut your goddamn mouth.” The back of Jack’s neck was red.

Phil laughed. “Well, let me know how planning your presentation goes.”

“I will at that,” Jack answered, and then stubbornly opened the game again, steadfastly refusing to meet Phil’s gaze.

---

Term was busy, as was probably to be expected. Assignments were falling out of Phil’s ears and he had numerous essays and projects with deadlines to be met all within the first few weeks. This meant he had missed a few lectures because he got so deeply buried in his editing that time passed before he knew it, but, with a couple of very apologetic emails sent he was still on track to do well. He wanted a distinction in his Masters if he could get it and he knew he was nearly there if he could just push through the next few pieces of work.

As such, he didn’t see too much of his housemates, buried in the university buildings as he was. The software on their computers was much better than what he could afford on his laptop, so he ended up spending most of his time there, only really going home to eat and sleep.

One lunchtime around three weeks into term, Phil gave himself permission to head home early, too tired to really focus anymore. An afternoon off wouldn’t kill him, plus he’d woken that morning with a sore throat, and he’d really much rather stave off a cold early than work through it and let it get worse. So, feeling stuffed up and miserable, he fit his key into the stiff door and shouldered it open, pausing a moment inside to catch his breath.

That’s when he heard a voice coming from the living room.

Phil paused, staring at the closed living room door. He knew that voice. It was Dan. Dan’s voice, coming from the living room, and he sounded upset.

“I don’t know if that would work, though.” Dan’s voice was muffled through the wood, but Phil could still catch the words. “Like, it’s so late, and I--”

He cut off, and there was silence before Dan started up again. “Ok, ok, so if I -- yes, if I did that, what would happen next? Like, I don’t know -- can you tell me?”

There was an edge to Dan’s voice that sounded almost like he was pleading. He sniffed again in the silence, and the next time Dan spoke, his voice was choked up. “Yes. Yes, I guess that’s the only way, then. I’ll just-- um--”

The silence this time was painful.

Phil felt immensely guilty. He hadn’t closed the front door behind him, had made no sound to announce his presence. He also got the distinct feeling he shouldn’t be eavesdropping on this conversation.

It was a relief when Dan’s muffled voice sounded again. “Ok. I’ll see you then.”

Silence stretched on again, Phil’s heart in his mouth, and then he heard the sound of rustling movement from the other side of the door. Biting his lip, Phil reached behind him and firmly closed the front door, then pushed the living room door open and strode right on in.

Dan was standing in the middle of the room, staring at him like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

“Sorry!” Phil raised his hands, his voice a little raspy from his sore throat. “I keep scaring you every time I come in, sorry.”

Dan just stood there, staring at him. He looked just the same as he had done over the holidays, his hair maybe a little longer, straightened to within an inch of its life. He was thinner, maybe, or maybe Phil was just remembering him wrong. But there was something just a little off about Dan’s expression - maybe mostly because he was pale, and there were shadows under his eyes.

“It isn’t you,” Dan said quietly, his voice a croak.

Phil tilted his head. “What?”

“You’re not scaring me. Like, it’s not you.” Dan’s voice was trembling a bit, and he folded his hands tightly in front of him, his phone clutched in one hand. “I’m just - I don’t know, I just. It’s hard.”

“Yeah,” Phil agreed fervently, because he didn’t know exactly what Dan was referring to but right now everything felt very hard.

Dan’s lips twitched.

“How are you?” Phil straightened a little, dumping his backpack on the ground by his feet. “I mean, just - you never texted me, so. How have things been?”

Dan’s expression tightened, closing off. Phil instantly regretted his words. “Not to, like, make you feel guilty - it’s obviously fine you haven’t texted me, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just--”

I missed you hovered on the edge of Phil’s tongue, but he bit it back, saying instead, “I just wondered how the rest of your holidays went. And how you’re finding term.”

Dan had relaxed a little, though he was still standing in the middle of the room with his arms tightly folded across the front of his body. “Oh. It’s fine. And - I’ll text you. I mean. I did want to.”

Phil tried to push down the rush of warmth that Dan’s words sent through him. Instead, he just smiled. “I’d like that.”

“Yeah.” Dan was still giving him a searching look. “Did you - I mean - how long were you standing there for?”

Phil tilted his head, his heart rate picking up a little.

“I mean, did you hear anything?” Dan’s voice shook.

Phil bit his lip. He couldn’t lie. He was a terrible liar, his mum always said, and everyone could see right through him.

His silence was apparently enough, because Dan’s face crumpled.

“I didn’t really hear anything!” Phil’s voice went a little high-pitched. “Just that you sounded sad. Are you ok? I mean, if you want to talk - obviously it’s none of my business--”

“I’m ok,” Dan interrupted him, and his eyes were warm even if his face was still tight.

“Ok.” Phil let out a breath. “Well. That’s good.”

Dan jerked his head in what might have been a nod.

They stood there for a minute, silence stretching awkwardly between them. Phil didn’t want it to end. He had Dan here again, and being in his presence made something just fit inside Phil’s chest, like a longing ache he hadn’t really noticed was suddenly quieted. Dan’s company was good. Dan was good.

Dan also looked a little nervous, so, to stop him from bolting again, Phil blurted out, “Want to play Mario Kart again?”

Dan started, glancing at Phil through his fringe. For a minute, Phil thought he might say no, but then--

“Yeah, alright then.” Dan straightened up, his shoulders falling, and unfolded his arms to brush his fringe out of his eyes. The dark circles were more present, but so was the warmth in his gaze. “If you’re ready to lose again.”

“We’ll see, Howell.” Phil shook his head, walking over to grab the controllers.

It took a while, but eventually, Dan started to relax. He settled into the sofa next to Phil the same as the last time they’d played, his shoulders lowering and his posture slowly getting worse as he slid down the cushions.

It probably also helped that Dan was always winning.

Phil’s bruised ego was countered by the way Dan’s dimple gradually appeared the more they played, the way he inched up the sofa towards Phil until their arms were brushing slightly, how his voice grew more and more sure of himself as time passed. This was what Phil had missed. This feeling of warmth, of knowing Dan was there, talking to him, by his side. It felt… right.

“You really are kinda shit at this game,” Dan said casually after a few rounds. He was slumped over so much that Phil had to look down at him, and appeared to be building himself some kind of nest out of the stray blanket that someone had left in the lounge.

“I’m not!” Phil defended himself. “You’re just some kind of legend beast.”

“What the fuck is a legend beast?”

“I don’t know, but you’re definitely it.” Phil bit his tongue as he swerved around another corner, in close second to Dan.

Dan simply chuckled, but then leaned forward in concentration, and Phil felt a stab of pride that he was actually making Dan concentrate for this one (Dan had actually won the previous game while using his face on the controller, just to show off. Phil let him off because it made Dan grin when he won and his dimples were ridiculous).

Phil also leaned forward, matching Dan completely, and pushed his character onwards until they were neck and neck.

“No, fuck you, you fucking--!!” Dan screeched, pressing hard on the controller, but then Phil zoomed around the final corner just a tiny bit ahead.

Phil passed the finish line with a whoop, tossing his controller down and bouncing in celebration.

“Fuck the fuck off,” Dan groaned, biting both lips when he glanced sideways at Phil.

“You’re just pissed that I actually won for once,” Phil taunted, biting back a smile when that made Dan chuckle.

“You got better items than me, it wasn’t completely fair,” Dan defended, his tone getting just a touch whiny.

Phil shook his head in mock despair. “You just can’t admit that I actually won for once.”

“Shut up, no you didn’t, the game didn’t work.”

“Dan,” Phil said with an exasperated chuckle. He glanced down then, only to see Dan still slouched, staring up at Phil with those warm brown eyes and an expression that was soft and content all at once, the same warm sensation from before flooded through Phil’s chest, filling him up until he felt like he was full of it.

Dan caught his look, returning it with one of affectionate sarcasm, which only made the warm feeling swell further. Phil bit his lip, wondering just what it was about Dan that made time with him feel like it was existing in a different frame, on a level far removed from their daily university lives. He hadn’t once thought about his deadlines the whole time they’d been playing.

“Rematch?” Phil asked hopefully.

Dan bit his lip, his face closing off a little again. He shook his head. “No, I - uh, I have some stuff to sort out, actually.”

Phil nodded, trying not to let his disappointment show on his face. “Uni work?”

Dan’s face twisted up further, his forehead creasing.

“Or not,” Phil added quickly. He remembered the phone call Dan had taken earlier, wondered exactly what might be going on to make him sound so choked up. He wished he could just ask, but Phil had a feeling that doing so might be the quickest way to make Dan bolt again.

As it was, Dan just sent him a slightly tired smile. “Something like that, yeah.”

“Well, ok.” Phil took in Dan’s long messy hair and the hoody he wore with the sleeves pulled right down over his hands. “I’m just downstairs if you need me.”

Dan’s smile grew a little wider, but he set his controller aside neatly, stood up, and left without saying anything more.

---

After that, Dan disappeared again.

Phil was actually growing a little worried. He saw his other housemates with some vague regularity, in the kitchen making meals or putting shopping away in their cupboards, or occasionally sitting in the living room making use of the sad overused sofas that came with the university house. He was on good terms with all of them, even Caspar, whose life was about as far removed from Phil’s own as it could be.

But Dan - well, Phil honestly just never saw him. Aside from the odd sound of late-night scuffling in the kitchen, or an occasional scamper of feet straight upstairs when the front door slammed shut, he might as well have just dropped off the face of the earth. It was different even to how it had been in first term - by now, Phil thought the usual settling-into-uni nerves should have died down a little, and he felt like he and Dan had had enough good encounters to make things easier for them.

But no, there was nothing. No text from Dan, either, and Phil wished more than anything he’d been able to get Dan’s number off him.

As it was, Phil took to leaving little pieces of chocolate in the fridge with post-its marked ‘for Dan’, occasionally sliding in some of his leftovers in bowls wrapped in cling-film too. The food always disappeared, once with a little scribbled note on the back of one of Phil’s post-its that might have said ‘thank you’ in some kind of unreadable scrawl.

Phil tried his best not to worry, until one day he came back in from another long day at uni and checked the usual pile of post left on the kitchen table, and paused when he saw one addressed to Daniel Howell.

Presumably, that must be Dan. Phil had never seen post to him before, strangely, and this one - it looked official. It wasn’t handwritten, so it couldn’t be a family letter. Phil frowned, hesitating over it. He wouldn’t open it, of course not, but he’d be lying if he said his curiosity wasn’t piqued. Phil turned over the envelope and paused when he saw the uni postmark stamped on the back.

The university was writing to Dan. That was strange - as far as Phil knew, direct mail from the university itself was very strange, as most things happened over email.

Biting his lip, Phil put the envelope back on the pile with the rest of the post and backed away. Should he bring it up to Dan? No, that would be an invasion of privacy, and Phil still worried about overstepping the mark and making Dan retreat again. He didn’t want that to happen. He really enjoyed spending time with Dan, and he didn’t want that to end. Well. If it ever started up again.

The front door creaked open behind him, and Phil jumped, spinning around to stand in front of the post as if that would hide the fact that he’d been awkwardly spying on his housemate’s letters. But it was just Jack, green hair dripping a bit from the rain as he tumbled into the living room and dumped his bag on the sofa.

Phil made a sympathetic noise, still standing awkwardly in front of the table. “Oh. Hey. Wet outside?”

“It’s always fucking raining in this city,” Jack mumbled, shaking his dripping head. “I thought we had it bad back home.”

“Don’t be rude about my hometown,” Phil complained absent-mindedly, even if Jack was right and 90% of the time it was raining in Manchester. His mind was still on the letter, the official looking words that spelled out Dan’s name.

He was worried. He let himself admit that much.

“Thought you’d still be at the library, to be honest,” Jack commented. Sometimes they met up there, seeing as Jack would be on the computers too a lot of the time, but lately Phil had been a bit too distracted with his work and making sure he had enough time to pop to a supermarket to pick up some more chocolate for Dan.

“Today was long enough,” Phil disagreed, shuddering. “Once my thesis is over I’m never going near a desktop again.”

“I feel ya,” Jack agreed with a short laugh. He left his bag on the sofa and headed into the kitchen, opening up the fridge. “Oh, your chocolate for today is gone. The mystery man must have been down then.”

Phil felt the back of his neck warm up slightly. “Oh. You’ve seen that?”

“Could hardly miss it, there’s a new post-it note every day.” Jack fished out a yoghurt and shut the door again, leaning back against the counter and fixing Phil with a look. “So that thing with you and Dan is still going on, then?”

Phil grew even warmer. “You still seeing Mark, then?” he countered.

The distraction worked, but not quite in the way Phil had wanted. Jack just let out a quiet laugh and glanced down, curling his fingers around the yoghurt. “Uh. Yeah. But something’s happening with that, whereas I have yet to see you and mystery man in a room together.”

“It has happened,” Phil defended himself, weakly. “Just not for a while.”

Jack raised an eyebrow.

“I’m more interested in you and Mark,” Phil tried again. “Let’s talk some more about that.”

“Or you could tell me what’s up with the kid who barely ever leaves his room,” Jack countered.

“There’s nothing up with him,” Phil said quickly, feeling that same need to defend Dan. “He’s fine. Great, actually.”

“If he didn’t pace around at 2 in the morning, I’d maybe agree with you.”

“Does he still do that?” Phil asked before he could stop himself, biting his lip. It felt wrong to be prying on Dan using someone else. Like an invasion of privacy.

Jack nodded, though, matching Phil’s gaze. “Almost every night, I hear him through the wall. And I haven’t actually seen him in weeks, despite his room being right next to mine. That ever strike you as odd?”

Phil bit his lip, but his silence said it all.

Jack made a noise of assent as he fished in a drawer for a spoon. “Something’s up with him, I’m sure. If you can find out what I’m sure it will only do him good.”

Phil’s mind flashed back to the letter sitting on the table.

“But it’s his business,” Phil disagreed uncertainly. “I can’t invade where I’m not invited.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t know how to invite you.” Jack shrugged, heading back into the lounge to scoop up his bag. “Look, all I’m really saying is maybe you should talk to him. Nothing will happen if you don’t, you know.”

Phil hovered in the doorway, watching him, mulling over his words. He didn’t say anything else as Jack left to head upstairs, but Jack’s words stayed with Phil for quite a while after that.

Phil knew enough to piece together that something was troubling Dan. He ached to be able to help him, but Phil was just terrified of stepping too far and sending Dan hiding back into himself again. He thought back to Dan on the sofa playing Mario Kart, sitting in a cafe opposite his mum, smiling that wide smile that made his dimples crinkle and his face crease right up. That was the Dan he wanted, that he was privileged to see it. He didn’t want to make Dan upset, to close off from him again.

But maybe that would be his only option. After all, right now Phil only had radio silence and a couple of memories to go off.

Biting his lip, Phil turned back to the table and studied the letter addressed to Dan again. He could bring it upstairs. Dan could always turn him away, or just not answer the door, if he didn’t want to interact. That thought made Phil’s insides crease a little, but trying had to be better than this constant silence, didn’t it?

Surely that had to be right.

Before he could chicken out of it, Phil picked up the envelope and headed for the stairs.

As usual, all the bedroom doors were closed. Phil went straight to Dan’s, pausing outside for a moment, just staring at the bland white wood. His heart was picking up speed, pulse beating in his throat, but Phil drew in another breath and steadied himself.

He reached out and knocked.

Silence.

Phil tried again, knocking and adding a soft, “Uh, Dan? It’s me, Phil.”

There was silence for another heart-rending minute before Phil thought he heard a quiet scuffle. Then, the door was creaking open just an inch and one of Dan’s eyes peeped out, fringe falling in his face as per usual.

“Hi,” Phil said, not denying the warm sensation that sparked through him just from being in the same space as Dan again. He did his best to suppress it.

Dan looked at him for a moment before licking his lips nervously. “Hi?”

“Hello.” Phil let out an awkward laugh, then held out the letter. “Uh, this came for you, and I just - well. Thought I’d bring it up, I guess.”

Dan opened the door a little wider, and Phil got a peek at bland white walls, a desk in the corner piled with paper, a TV behind a messy pile of clothes.

“I haven’t read it,” Phil quickly clarified as he handed the letter over. “Obviously.”

Dan’s eyes scanned over the print, his eyes dimming when he saw the university stamp. Phil didn’t like that expression on him at all.

“It’s probably nothing,” Phil added, glancing down at where Dan had one headphone hanging out of his ear. Recognising the music coming from it, he glanced back at Dan in surprise. “Oh. Is that Muse?”

Dan paused, visibly stilling. He looked up from the envelope back at Phil and lifted one brow. “Uh. Yeah?”

“Which song?”

“Citizen erased. Felt the most appropriate.” Dan’s voice sounded husky, his lips twisting into a cruel smirk. His fringe was messier than normal, rumpled and waving a bit at the top, and he appeared to be wearing a loose-fitting pyjama top and sweatpants. Easily the most casual Phil had ever seen him.

Phil’s heart gave a funny little flip.

“That’s a good song,” Phil rushed to add. “Best album, too.”

Dan gave him a searching look, the envelope crushed in one fist. “Yeah? What’s your favourite song on it?”

“New Born, easily,” Phil answered, sensing the level of testing in Dan’s tone. He was pleased when Dan’s face softened slightly.

“That’s my favourite too. Well, that and Plug in Baby.”

“Yeah, that’s like, my fifth favourite Muse song ever.”

Dan made a noise of assent, still staring up at Phil with something close to curiosity. His eyes were still dim, though, and his demeanour was low. Quietly, he said, “Why do you always know the same things as me?”

Phil bit back a smile and lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “Maybe that’s just what happens sometimes when you meet someone.”

“No,” Dan shook his head quickly, “No, I don’t think so. I think it’s much rarer than that, like, if that was the case then I would have met so many people before who liked the same things as me, or, like, at least knew about them.”

“Maybe you just weren’t around the right people before.” Phil softened his tone, looked at Dan closely. Every little window into Dan’s life was only adding to that strange longing ache in his chest.

Dan didn’t answer, but with the way he was frowning at the floor, Phil wasn’t so sure he agreed. That made Phil sad, for some reason.

“Thanks for the chocolate,” Dan added after a moment of quiet. He glanced away, eyes sliding sideways to avoid meeting Phil’s gaze. “I appreciate it.”

“I like doing it,” Phil answered softly, not adding at least it lets me know you’re eating something when I haven’t seen you in the kitchen in weeks. “Besides. I always buy too much food.”

“And you share it with me?”

“And I share it with you.”

A small smile took over Dan’s lips before he seemed to realise it. His dimple just peeked out from his left cheek, his entire expression softening until he looked younger - probably as young as he was, a first year, more than likely just 18. Phil’s chest ached a little more.

“If you like Muse, you should see this,” Dan said suddenly, his tone a little shaky but his eyes determined. He opened the door wider, enough to let Phil in.

Phil paused for a moment, looking at Dan as if to check this was really ok, and then stepped forward into Dan’s room. He was met with a bit of a mess, if he was honest - there were clothes strewn all across the floor, the bedcovers were hanging half-off the little single bed, and the desk was an unrecognisable mess of papers and folders with a laptop balanced precariously on top.

Dan ignored the rest of this, though, instead pointing up to the wall above the bed where there hung a giant Muse poster with images of their complete discography.

Phil let out a rushed, impressed breath, and ran straight over to it, tripping over piles of clothes on the way. He stared in open admiration. “This is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I know, right,” Dan answered wryly. “It’s probably the coolest thing I’ll ever own.”

“Can I have joint custody please.” Phil admired it for a long moment, ignoring Dan’s surprised stutter behind him. He turned to survey the rest of the room, not wanting to take advantage of Dan letting him in, but also completely afire with curiosity.

Under the mess, there seemed to be some order. There was a law textbook lying by the foot of Dan’s bed (upside down with it’s pages a little tattered, but still recognisably a law textbook) and some indiscernible scrawl littered over the papers scattered over the desk. Underneath the pile was something that looked a little like a piano keyboard, maybe, but it was so buried under piles and piles of books and paper that it was hard to make out. In the corner sat the TV with multiple wires and games consoles piled haphazardly on top of each other, but the row of games and DVDs were neatly arranged in alphabetical order.

Phil glanced up at the wall and saw the usual pinboard that was provided with all of the university-owned student rooms. Phil’s own was covered in photos of his family and friends from back home, and a few of the better memories from his undergrad days in York, but Dan’s - Dan’s held one photo in the middle, of Dan holding a dog in his lap, and surrounding it were a series of post-it notes.

All the post-it notes that Phil had left him in the fridge.

Something in Phil’s heart stuttered. The photo of Dan and the dog was adorable, and Phil slightly wanted to coo over it, but what was more touching was the fact that the only other thing covering his wall were Phil’s post-it notes. Where were Dan’s family? Where was the rest of Dan’s life?

“I hope that’s ok.” Dan’s voice piped up from behind Phil, softly nervous. When Phil turned to look at him, Dan was following his gaze, staring determinedly at his noticeboard. “I mean, I can take them down if it freaks you out.”

“No,” Phil said instantly, a little helplessly. “No, it’s nice. I’m glad you kept them. Or, like - I’m glad you got them at all.”

A small smile twitched at Dan’s lips. “It’s been nice. I like that you… I like getting them.”

Phil nodded, looking at Dan and feeling a deep sense of yearning. He wanted to know this lonely boy, to understand what was keeping his eyes downcast and his words unsure. But he couldn’t. It wasn’t any of Phil’s business. Even this window into Dan’s life was more than Phil should have asked for.

“I will text you,” Dan said suddenly. “I will.”

Phil wondered whether Dan was trying to convince Phil, or himself.

“I’d like that,” Phil said warmly. “A lot.”

Dan looked up at him then, and for just a moment, their eyes met. There was warmth deep in Dan’s eyes, but timidity was all that appeared in his expression. It made Phil’s chest tug, but he had no idea how to go about fixing it, or even if he should. Dan could be difficult to read.

“Anyway, so,” Dan’s eyes shifted away, his fingers twisting in the sleeves of his hoody. “I should probably get back to work.”

Phil clucked his tongue sympathetically. “Have you got essay deadlines?”

Dan’s expression twisted a little, his voice lowering. “Something like that, yeah. Got a phone call to make.”

“Oh, I hate those. Gotta sound like a responsible adult.”

“I know, right,” Dan agreed wryly, but he still avoided meeting Phil’s eyes.

Phil nodded slowly, then took a step back towards the door, tripping once again over one of the piles of clothes strewn across the floor. He could read well enough when nothing more would come of a situation, and Dan was looking about ready to bolt.

“Text me, I’d like that,” Phil said finally before he headed out of the door.

Dan stood watching him, his expression dropping with every step Phil took away.

---

A few hours later, in the middle of the night, Phil’s phone buzzed with a text from an unknown number.

Unknown number: so i said i would text you so i am but honestly im crap and have no idea what to say

Unknown number: so hi i guess

Unknown number: its cool you like muse why do you like all the things i like

It didn’t take a wild guess to know who was responsible.

Phil bit back a smile, his lips curving even though it was the middle of the night and he had a seminar in the morning. He was still happy because Dan had actually texted him. He had Dan’s number now. That had to be a step in the right direction.

Only… the right direction towards what? What exactly was Phil hoping for here? He wanted to get to know Dan, sure, but Phil was a little confused as to why it felt so important to him. All he knew, really, was being around Dan made warm loveliness settle in Phil’s chest, and he liked it.

Phil decided not to analyse that feeling too much as he texted Dan back, saving his number safely in his phone.

Phil: because I have the best taste in everything and apparently so do you

Dan’s reply came through almost instantly, which made Phil interested enough to reach out and put his glasses on so he didn’t have to hold his phone right up to his face to continue the conversation. Any contact with Dan was rare enough that Phil felt like he should take full advantage of the moments when he was able to talk to him, however that may happen.

Dan: i mean im not going to argue with that but like

Dan: how is it that every time im doing something you come in and are all like oh yeah i do that too its great

Dan: like obviously im not complaining i just dont get how someone can like anime and muse and even have the same taste in coffee

Dan: who are you

Phil grinned as he replied.

Phil: a spiritual being created exactly to cater for your needs

The next message from Dan took a while to come through, which left Phil gnawing at his lips, a ball of nerves curling up in his stomach.

Dan: tbh i wouldnt even be surprised at this point

Phil grinned, pleased that his last message hadn’t weirded Dan out enough to make him stop talking. On the contrary, they texted back-and-forth late into the night, until it was the early hours of the morning and Phil’s eyes were itching, discussing everything from Muse’s latest release (Dan liked it more than Phil did) to which ship was better in Free! (Dan passionately ranted over the course of six text messages how his preferred pairing was better than Phil’s).

Eventually, Phil couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore and dropped off to sleep, but when he woke up in the morning slightly late for his lecture with barely enough time to grab some cereal before he had to leave, he had a new message from Dan sitting in his messaging inbox.

It was a good feeling.

They continued to text on-and-off the whole time Phil was headed into uni, on the bus into the centre of town, and even sneakily during Phil’s seminar (he was good at hiding his phone under his desk). Dan was much chattier over text than he had been in person. He sent Phil pages-long replies, paragraphs of text discussing his in-depth reasons for liking a particular character, or explaining just how much a show had touched him. He was intelligent, that was for sure. Sometimes the things he said went a little over Phil’s head.

In short, it was one of the better days Phil had had in a while.

Phil stayed in uni after his seminar was over, guiltily dedicating at least a little time to his coursework. Most of his masters’ year was turning out to be spent in the dark little basement, clicking away at the specialised editing equipment, but at least today he had Dan’s texts to keep him company.

A few hours later, Phil caught the bus back to the house and let himself in to find the place empty. That wasn’t unusual - most people had lectures during the day, or spent time in the library (or out with friends, in Caspar’s case, but Phil wasn’t judging). Phil didn’t mind. He quite liked having the space to himself.

He dumped his bag in the living room and went to put the kettle on, feeling the need for a coffee in the itching of his eyes. Then he settled on the sofa and pulled out his phone, catching up on some of the texts he’d been ignoring while working in the library.

Nothing new from Dan, but there were a couple from his mum that Phil set about answering.

There was a creak from upstairs.

Phil jumped, glancing upwards. The creak sounded again, followed by a set of heavy footsteps tracking across the ceiling right above Phil’s head. Then they came back the other way, coming to rest over in the corner by the TV.

A puzzled crease appeared in Phil’s brow. Everyone should be out at lectures, shouldn’t they? So unless he was currently in the company of an axe-murderer, then one of his housemates was missing a lecture. Or maybe it got cancelled. That happened too.

Just then, his phone buzzed again, and Phil glanced down to see a new text from Dan.

Dan: there arent many redeeming factors in that film but i will excuse it for Chris Evans face so theres always that to fall back on i guess. The writing is just really atrocious

Phil smiled, going to reply, when the creaking from upstairs started again. Quick, measured footsteps crossing above his head.

Phil glanced up, then back down to his phone, then up to the ceiling again.

Dan could be texting from a lecture. That could certainly be true. But he could also be texting from right above Phil’s head.

Phil bit his lip, mentally scanning through the layout of the rooms. He was rubbish at visualising things, but he knew Jack’s room was at the front, and his was next to Dan’s, which meant Dan’s must be at the front too. Dan’s room logically must be one of the ones above the lounge where Phil was sitting just then.

Phil chewed on his inner cheek for a moment, deliberating, before sending a reply to Dan.

Phil: I disagree with you, any Captain America film is genius. In fact I challenge you to watch it with me so I can show you. I’m about to make popcorn. Come down and join?

He held his breath for the tantalising few moments after he pressed send, sitting frozen on the sofa. The footsteps above him had stopped again.

Then, a reply came through from Dan.

Dan: ok sure just dont expect me to change my mind instantly :P

Phil let out a relieved breath, his shoulders loosening. He hadn’t realised quite how tense he’d been feeling until he started to relax, only he sat up all straight again when he heard quiet footsteps descending the stairs.

Phil got to his feet, hovering by the sofa, and then considered sitting down again. Wouldn’t it be weird for Dan to walk in to find him just standing here? Or was that an ok, normal thing to be doing?

Too late now. The door slid open quietly, and then Dan was standing there, sleeves pulled down over his hands, hiding behind his fringe.

Phil smiled, relaxing all over again. Dan looked just as nervous as he felt, if not more, and his hair, much to Phil’s surprise, was curling a little. He still managed to hide behind his fringe though.

“I’m warning you,” Dan said quickly, his words tripping over themselves in an effort to get out of his mouth, “it’s going to take a lot to get me to like this film. I’m really not 100% sure that Captain America can be done justice in film version.”

“You will see,” Phil rumbled ominously, and then strode over to the DVD player. “You’ve seen the first one, right?”

“Yeah, of course, who hasn’t?” Dan snorted.

“Well, I don’t know, you could have been in hibernation when that happened.” Phil slid in the disc and then went back to the sofa, where Dan was still hovering uncertainly. But when Phil sat, Dan slid easily enough into the seat next to him.

Phil liked having his warmth back by his side.

“I’m in hibernation now,” Dan mumbled under his breath, tugging his long legs up onto the sofa cushions and pulling his knees into his chest.

Phil glanced at him sidelong, wondering just how true that was. Dan was in casual clothes again, just loose jogging bottoms and a jumper, and he was pale. It didn’t look like he’d been out of the house that week, let alone just that day.

But Phil didn’t comment. Instead, he just said, “Sorry to have pulled you awake. Please don’t attack me like a bear.”

The corner of Dan’s mouth tugged upwards. “If you behave.”

Phil chuckled softly, fishing the remote out from under the cushions (he had no idea how it ended up there; Jack, probably) and handed it to Dan. “Why don’t you get the menu set up while I fetch popcorn?”

Dan looked at him for a moment, his eyes wide and bright, before he nodded and took the remote. His hands were bigger than Phil’s, Phil noticed with a slight shock. Sometimes he forgot just how tall Dan was - it was easy to do so when Dan so often stood folded in on himself.

Phil swallowed, turned, and headed into the kitchen. He didn’t know why being around Dan suddenly made him want to analyse the size of his hands or the state of his hair, but something always tugged at him to learn as much as he could about Dan. Perhaps it was just because Phil only really got to spend time with Dan in small pockets, so he had to analyse as much as he could in the few moments they did spend together.

All Phil knew was that he really enjoyed any time he did spend with Dan.

Phil, of course, had a selection of microwave popcorn to pick from - but his favourite was sweet, so he went with that. When he came back into the living room with a bowl full, Dan was looking fixedly at the TV, remote paused over the play button. The line of his shoulders was stiff and tense.

Phil slid back into the seat next to him and balanced the popcorn precariously between them, until Dan darted a hand out to steady it. Phil grinned at him. “Thanks. I’m not very good at not dropping things.”

“Same,” Dan answered fervently, and then instantly went for a piece. He made a bit of a face. “Sweet?”

“It’s the best!” Phil defended himself, grinning. “Can’t watch a film without a sweet snack.”

“Sweet and salty is the best,” Dan disagreed, his voice growing firmer with every word he said. “Then you get the best of both without having to commit to one or the other.”

“Nope,” Phil disagreed.

Dan rolled his eyes. “You have to at least try it before you shoot me down like that.”

“Well, you’ll just have to come shopping with me next time to make sure I get it right,” Phil shrugged, warming a little at the small smile his words sent across Dan’s face.

Dan bit his lower lip, glancing away, and then picked up the remote to start playing the film.

Phil didn’t mind. He was happy to watch, to have Dan by his side, to have a little longer learning more about him and enjoying the warm, content sensation that spread through him whenever he spent time with Dan.

Phil still wasn’t thinking too much about what that might mean.

---

“Ok, so it wasn’t that bad, but I still don’t see why the winter soldier had all that fuss made about him,” Dan said once the film ended.

Phil made a face, a little miffed. They’d both slid down the sofa while they were watching, the popcorn bowl on the floor between them. Dan’s arm was pleasantly pressed against Phil’s side.

“Don’t look like that,” Dan chuckled, the corner of his mouth pulling up again. “It was still a good film.”

“But you don’t like the winter soldier,” Phil complained. “I thought you had good taste.”

“What can I say, I like Chris Evans,” Dan shrugged.

Phil made a face, but conceded. “Maybe your taste isn’t completely horrific then.”

“Unlike yours.” Dan’s tone was light, and he twisted around to poke Phil in the shoulder. “No salt in your popcorn at all, this is a crime against--”

The sound of the door opening stopped Dan in his tracks. The door swung open to reveal Jack, dripping from the rain outside, bag slung over his shoulder, messily trying to lock the door behind him.

Dan’s mouth snapped shut so fast Phil was worried he’d give himself cramp.

“Oh, hey guys.” Jack came casually into the room with them, dumping his bag, and Phil could feel Dan tensing up beside him. Without thinking, Phil reached out and gently rubbed his hand against Dan’s shoulder, aiming to comfort him.

Dan started, but didn’t move away.

“What’re you watching?” Jack asked, taking a seat on the sofa across from them.

Phil bit back the urge to just tell Jack to go away, you’re making Dan tense, and instead replied, “Captain America. I was showing Dan that some sequels can be good.”

“Oh yeah?” Jack turned to Dan inquisitively, which just made Dan tense up even more. “What’d you think?”

Dan swallowed visibly, biting both his lips hard. The silence stretched for a split second too long.

“He agrees with me,” Phil swiftly intervened, “Of course. Who wouldn’t agree after witnessing such perfection in its entirety?”

He felt Dan’s shoulder shake a little under his touch.

“Gotta agree with ya there, mate,” Jack said with a smile. “Although Chris Evans is far more entertaining to watch.”

Dan bit his lip, but Phil could see the corner of his mouth lifting. He still stayed silent, though.

“Shut up, both of you are wrong,” Phil complained, kicking his legs out against the carpet and stretching. His arm was still resting against Dan’s shoulder, and he caught Jack’s knowing little stare. Phil could feel himself flushing slightly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Jack got up to his feet again, stumbling towards the kitchen with a yawn. “I’m making coffee, anyone want one?”

“Yes, definitely,” Phil answered fervently, but Dan went stiff beside him again.

Phil shot Dan a quick look. The look Dan sent him back was bordering on desperation, and it made Phil’s chest constrict.

Dan just looked so terrified.

“I, uh,” Dan whisper-rasped, voice too low for Jack to catch from the other room. “I have to go.”

Phil’s heart sank in his chest, but he did his best to keep his face neutral. He lowered his voice to match Dan’s, daring to give Dan’s shoulder a squeeze. “Yeah? You sure?”

Dan nodded frantically, his fringe falling across his eyes once again. Phil resisted the urge to swipe it away and tuck it behind Dan’s ear. His hair was getting long enough.

“I just, I have to,” Dan whispered again, and then jumped to his feet before Phil could say anything else, turning and disappearing back up the stairs with scampering, light footsteps.

Phil’s heart sank further, and he fell back into the cushions with a sigh.

Every time. Every time he felt like he and Dan were having a good time, talking and laughing, every time he got Dan to relax and show a glimmer of something warm and lovely, something spooked him and Dan ran off.

Phil wasn’t mad at Dan, of course not. He just wanted to understand what was going on, and hopefully never ever make Dan look at him with that terrified, desperate expression ever again.

Jack reappeared then with two steaming cups, setting one down in front of Phil. He sat on the opposite sofa again - good, not in Dan’s spot, even though Dan had definitely disappeared again - and sent Phil a determinedly knowing look.

Phil looked back, the back of his neck growing warm. “What?”

“What?” Jack mimicked, and chuckled. “Want to tell me what you and lover-boy were whispering about?”

Phil choked.

Jack burst out laughing, loudly. “All cosied up together, I thought I was interrupting something when I walked in.”

You were, Phil thought, but didn’t say it out loud. He knew at some point he was going to have to address the growing feelings cradled in his chest, the warmth and comfort he felt around Dan, the way his heart beat just a little faster when he was in the room. But not yet. He wasn’t quite there yet, he needed to do a lot of thinking before he was willing to face that issue.

“So go on,” Jack nudged him again. “Anything finally happen between the two of you?”

“Shut up,” Phil mumbled again, curling his feet up onto the sofa so he could hide his face in his knees. “It’s not like that.”

Jack snorted. “Sure it isn’t now. But I guess you’re planning to do something about that.”

Phil curled further into the sofa, avoiding looking at Jack. His skin itched. He was never good with talking about this kind of thing, had really very little experience in the matter, and he still didn’t want to address the feelings growing steadily stronger with every encounter he had with Dan.

But he didn’t want to think about it yet. And not with someone else present.

“Maybe,” Phil mumbled eventually, peeking slowly up at Jack. “But I’m not sure. You can’t tell him.”

Jack raised both hands, palms out. “None of my business. I wouldn’t. ‘Sides, if I attempt to talk to Dan again I think he’ll faint, so.”

“What do you mean?” Phil queried, actually sitting up in interest.

Jack shrugged. “Just, you know. He’s a quiet one. I attempted to befriend him in the first couple of weeks and he could barely string two sentences together. After that I figured it was better to leave him alone.”

Phil’s chest ached in the most bizarre way. He thought of that, of Jack with his too-loud voice and exuberant energy, thought of that mixing with Dan’s sharp, ragged edges and carefully concocted shields, and winced.

“He’s not always like that,” Phil said, defending Dan again. As ever. “He just - I don’t know, I think he’s struggling with something. But he - sometimes he has this smile, and then he just looks warm, and I just want to help him.”

Jack was sending him the most knowing of knowing looks.

“But it’s not like that,” Phil pressed, an edge of desperation to his tone. “Is it?”

“That’s not something I can answer,” Jack shrugged, but there was a touch of kindness to his tone that made Phil implicitly trust him. “I think you know, though. When it’s there. You just know.”

Phil looked at him closely. Jack’s expression was softly fond, his eyes a little distant. Phil smiled. “Yeah? So you just know with your Mark, then?”

The effect was instantaneous. Jack started, the mug in his hands tilting sideways so a few drops of coffee dripped onto his jeans. He cursed, lunging for the tissues in the centre of the table.

Phil chuckled. “See? Not the easiest thing to talk about.”

“No, but I have at least actually gone outside with Mark,” Jack pointed out.

Phil bristled. “I’ve gone outside with Dan!”

“With your mum, Phil, I don’t think that should even count.”

“It counts,” Phil argued. “Totally counts. Besides, when have you ever gone out with Mark?”

Jack sat back with an arrogant grin. “Last week. We went to one of those escape rooms.”

Phil lifted his brow.

“Don’t look like that,” Jack grumped, “We were talking about them for ages. How video games have found their way into real space now, you know? It’s fascinating. Mark has a really cool theory, actually--”

Phil smiled to himself, settling into the sofa. He could listen to his friend ramble, actually enjoyed Jack’s talking, and Phil was happy for him too, but his thoughts were still stuck on Dan. On that terrified, panicked expression he’d had right before he ran out of the room.

Something tugged in Phil, the knowledge that something was wrong. He just didn’t know how to fix it.

---

That night, after Jack had gone back upstairs and Phil had retreated to under his bedcovers, Phil’s phone buzzed with a new text.

His heart picked up a little when he saw who it was from.

Dan: sorry for being a fail i didnt actually want to run out on you earlier

Phil waited a while to see if another text would come through - Dan was a nervous texter, he tended to send multiple messages in a row - but after a few minutes of nothing, Phil decided to reply himself, and started typing.

Phil: it’s alright, can I ask why though? You seemed a bit

Phil paused before he hit send, thinking of what on earth he could type next - he wanted to know what was going on, was desperate to reach out to Dan and stop him from ever looking so panicked and terrified again, but he was also still afraid of scaring Dan away. It would be so easy for Dan to just slip out of his life again, and Phil really, really didn’t want that to happen.

While he was contemplating what to do next, another series of texts came through.

Dan: and now i made it awkward

Dan: sorry i do that a lot but you probably realised that by now

Dan: theres like no filter on me

Dan: i think i missed out when they were being delivered

Phil smiled, biting his lower lip. He rolled over onto his front, still buried in his bedcovers, and thought hard about the boy sitting in a room just above him, so close. And yet he still felt so distant.

Phil wanted to change that. And sure, he may not completely know why yet, may not want to address the underlying feelings that were steadily growing stronger, but he wanted to bring Dan closer, and he thought he knew a way how.

He deleted his earlier draft text completely and typed out a new one.

Phil: I’ll send a filter delivery pigeon to your door asap. In the meantime, want to come get coffee with me tomorrow? I like no filter Dan

He hit send with the largest amount of butterflies jumping around in his stomach he’d ever felt in his life. So much so that he shoved his phone under his pillow as soon as he’d pressed send and rolled over onto his back, pressing his face into his hands.

He felt like a teenager, and he was 22 years old. No one should have the ability to make him feel like this anymore.

But Dan did. Dan always had, oddly. Since the very first day Phil had heard him scampering around in the kitchen, and opened the door to find Dan on the other side, Phil had been caught up with knowing him, knowing his story, spending more time with him. And it didn’t matter that Dan disappeared sometimes, that he was hard to pin down - Phil still wanted him around, still wanted to know more. As long as he was never pushing Dan too far.

But how was he supposed to know? He didn’t really know Dan, not yet, as much as it felt like he did. But maybe he could, if Dan would agree. If they could spend some actual, scheduled time together, and it didn’t constantly feel like they were dancing around each other.

Plus, it would get Jack off his back.

Phil bit his lip, rolling back over to hide his face in his pillow. He hated this bit, when the feelings were so uncertain and there was nothing solid to go on, when he was poised on the brink of wanting but didn’t quite know what he wanted yet. Did he want Dan? Did he just want to know more about Dan?

Phil thought of the smile Dan gave sometimes when they were together - the giant beam that would spread across his whole face, crinkling his eyes until they were almost closed - and his stomach fluttered.

There was his answer, he guessed.

As he lay there with his face stuffed in his pillow, he felt his phone buzz again.

Dan: yeah sure

Phil’s heart leapt.

Dan: but only because i know youve got good taste in coffee

Dan: will it be just us or?

Phil bit his lip, poised on the brink of replying. If he said yes, just us, that implied something that he wasn’t quite sure he was ready for. But on the other hand, he hadn’t planned for anyone else to be around.

In the end, Phil went with honesty.

Phil: just us

The few seconds it took for Dan’s reply to come through were gut-wrenching.

Dan: k good

Dan: see you tomorrow?

Phil felt his whole body relax with relief, his fingers slowly unclenching from around his phone. He’d been more tense than he realised; he thought he might be getting cramp in his foot.

...Ok, apparently he got a little too relaxed. His fingers loosened so much on his phone that he dropped it straight on his face.

Wincing, Phil picked it back up and squinted at the blurry screen, bringing it back close enough to his face to see without finding his glasses again.

He smiled as he texted back.

Phil: see you tomorrow

---

Phil left the house early the next morning, as he did every day, to get to the university library in the middle of Manchester. The city was bustling even this early, full of commuters and tourists as well as the other tired, heavy-bag-carrying, coffee-bearing students like him. But today, Phil felt warm. He had plans with Dan later, after all.

He had plans. With Dan.

He’d texted Dan that morning, just to see if he was still up for it, and Dan had replied immediately yes. So they were going to meet for lunch in the library cafe after Dan’s morning lectures.

Phil was weirdly not nervous. Maybe it would hit him later, but mostly he was just excited. To finally get a chance to see Dan during his normal day, to see what he was like when he wasn’t a quivering mess in their house.

He still hadn’t properly addressed the feelings that were burrowing further and further into his chest, though.

Phil didn’t get much work done, he was too distracted. But he still spent most of the morning dutifully staring at a computer screen, editing bits of clips together for a formative assessment that was designed to tell him where he was at currently. It wasn’t due until next week, so there was plenty of time to finish, which meant Phil didn’t feel quite so bad when he dawdled, thoughts of Dan first and foremost in his mind.

Lunchtime rolled around, and Phil tried not to smile too much as he shut the university computer down. He also tried not to look too smugly at the other students still busy beavering away on their computers as he made his way out of the building, heading straight for the cafe by the entrance.

Dan had got there before him. Phil saw him almost immediately, standing awkwardly tall in the corner of the foyer next to the cafe door, trapped amongst a throng of other students leaving their lectures. He looked out-of-place, his hair neatly straightened, dressed in jeans and a strangely low-cut t-shirt instead of the sweater he’d grown used to seeing Dan in. It was strange.

Phil shook the thoughts away and headed straight for Dan, cutting a path through the crowds easily enough. Dan didn’t notice him, though, even when Phil was close enough to see the glint of his phone screen.

Phil tapped him on the shoulder, and Dan jumped a mile.

“Sorry!” Phil hastened to say, apologetic. “I was really trying not to scare you this time, too.”

“Jesus fuck,” was Dan’s elegant reply.

Phil laughed, taking Dan in. He still looked young, despite his height, all sharp edges and bony corners. But his eyes were filled with something soft when he met Phil’s gaze.

“You came up to me out of nowhere, how was I not suppose to be afraid,” Dan said, his tone actually a little bit whiny. He slid his phone into his pocket, the shape still visible because apparently Dan favoured the tightest jeans known to mankind.

Phil made a concerted effort not to stare too hard as he led the way into the cafe. “I didn’t appear out of nowhere, I just came up out of the basement. I hate that place, it’s so dark and it smells of stress.”

“Sounds wonderful,” Dan answered dryly, standing behind Phil as they joined the queue to the counter.

Phil snorted. “Agreed. Have you ever been down there?”

Dan went curiously still. He gave his head a quick, sharp shake.

“Oh, well,” Phil screwed his face up, “You’re not missing out on anything at all. Can’t wait until the day I never have to go down there again.”

“Why do you spend so much time there?” Dan asked, eyes flicking up to scan the drinks menu as they neared the front of the queue.

Phil sighed heavily. “I need the software on the computers down there. Otherwise I would never choose to sit somewhere with no sunlight. Even with headphones in it feels like the kind of place I’d bury my grandma, not spend all my time.”

Dan made a curious sound that might have been a snort-laugh, his lips pulling up slightly. His eyes still looked a little nervous as they stepped up to the counter to be served, though.

Phil spoke before Dan had a chance to open his mouth. “Two caramel macchiatos, please. Unless your taste has changed over the past month?” He turned questioningly to Dan.

Dan closed his mouth again, giving Phil a small smile. “No, it hasn’t.”

“Good.” Phil smiled back at him, getting caught up in the way Dan’s little smirk made the shadow of a dimple appear on his left cheek. He shook his head quickly, turning back to the counter. “Do you want to go grab a table?”

“Sure.” Dan’s voice was hollowly amused as he shouldered his bag and disappeared into the throngs of students lining up for lunch.

A few minutes later, Phil started walking carefully in search of Dan with the tray containing their drinks , but of course they still managed to spill. He hoped Dan wouldn’t mind too much.

It wasn’t difficult to find him. Dan had managed to squeeze into one of the two-seater tables by the window, tucked away from the crowds. It was raining outside, the windows steaming up, and Dan had his chin leaning in his palm, sleeves pulled down over his fingers.

Cute. The whole scene looked cute, and warm, and it was doing very funny things to Phil’s insides.

He really needed to address these feelings growing in his chest, and soon.

Dan glanced over, caught sight of him, and a small smile immediately twisted his lips upwards. Phil smiled back and got so distracted that he tripped straight over a girl’s walking stick, managing to spill even more of their drinks than he had before.

A quick apology to the girl and a few more hasty steps later, Phil finally made it to the table, setting the drinks down amid raucous chuckling from Dan. Phil huffed at him good-naturedly. “Hey, stop that, I can’t help that I’m clumsy.”

“I don’t think that could have gone any worse,” Dan snickered. He reached out with slender fingers to right their mugs, going straight for the serviettes and mopping up the rest of the spillage.

Phil settled opposite him and grinned.

Dan glanced up as he passed Phil a mug over, arching one brow. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Phil bit his tongue on his first answer, which was because you look beautiful in this light and I kind of sort of want to squeal because I’ve got you out alone for the first time ever. But that wouldn’t work. That would be exactly the kind of thing that scared Dan off, and that was the last thing Phil wanted to do.

“I don’t know. I just like having you next to me.”

Well, crap. That wasn’t what Phil wanted to have come out of his mouth at all.

Dan, however, was taking it with good grace, if the surprised little smile and the dimple that jumped to his cheek was anything to go by. “Well, that sucks. I’m not even next to you right now.”

“Close enough,” Phil shrugged, trying not to show the way his heart picked up when Dan leaned closer to grab a spoon.

Dan glanced up at him again, lips twitching. “I don’t know why. I’m shit at being around you, I keep running away.”

Phil let out a slow breath, considering his next words very carefully. Dan’s gaze had slid away again, suddenly becoming very preoccupied with swirling his spoon in his coffee, the froth making patterns in its wake. There was an opening there, an opening to ask Dan why, to find out a little more about what might be going on in his head. If Phil dared to start the conversation.

Dan bit his lips, fingers shaking a bit around his coffee, and Phil decided to be brave.

“I don’t mind,” he started carefully, watching Dan jerk his head up to meet Phil’s gaze again. “I mean, it’s fine that you run away. Well, like - I’d obviously rather have your company, but - it’s fine. I get that you need to do that, sometimes.”

He didn’t. Phil didn’t actually get it at all, but he’d recognised enough of Dan’s behavioural patterns to see that that was how he responded to some situations. He may not know why, or what made it happen, but he wasn’t going to make Dan feel bad about it.

Terrified he’d said something wrong, Phil relaxed a little when Dan seemed to deflate. Dan’s eyes flickered sideways again, his hands curled around his mug, but he didn’t look like he was about to run. Not yet, anyway.

“I do need to do it sometimes,” Dan said slowly, his voice low and difficult to catch in the crowded cafe. “I wish I didn’t, but. There it is. I can’t seem to get anything to go the way I want it to in life generally, so no reason you should be any different.”

There was an odd bitterness to Dan’s tone there that Phil couldn’t quite unpack.

Phil tilted his head. “Can I ask - like, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to, but - is there anything that makes you run? Like, if you don’t want to - I mean, what’s going on?”

Too much. Phil had asked too much, and Dan was going to run, and he was never going to see him--

“Yeah,” Dan said quietly, interrupting Phil’s thoughts. “What’s going on. That’s the height of the question, really.”

Phil looked up quickly, saw the way Dan had curled forward in his seat slightly, fingers wrapped taught around his mug. He was worrying his lower lip with his teeth, eyes downcast.

Phil wished he could make him smile again.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Phil murmured eventually. “Not if you don’t want to.”

Dan looked up at him, and for a moment, his eyes looked terrified.

That look made Phil’s chest ache.

“It’s alright,” Phil said with a tinge of desperation. “You really don’t have to tell me. Just - I’m here, ok? Whatever’s going on, whatever happens. I’m like, literally just downstairs from you most of the time. I’m here.”

Dan just stared at him for a long moment. But then his expression shifted into something softer, the corners of his mouth pulling inwards as he bit both lips, ducking down to hide behind his fringe.

Phil leaned forward involuntarily, reached out and tucked Dan’s fringe behind his ear.

Dan froze.

Realising what he’d just done, Phil jerked away, heart leaping to his throat. His pulse beat in his ears as he stared, but Dan just - Dan just looked back up at him and gave a soft smile.

“Sorry,” Phil said hoarsely. “I just - it’s nice to see your eyes.”

Crap, again. Did Phil just have zero control over his mouth right now? He could not have made himself sound any creepier.

But Dan just smiled more widely, the corners of his eyes crinkling, his dimple growing deeper. “I’ll make sure to keep looking at you, then.”

Phil smiled back, and tried to quell the surge of hope that rose in his chest.

“And thanks,” Dan continued, voice barely more than a murmur. “I appreciate it. Really. I’m shit and not good at saying what I mean, but - thanks.”

“No problem,” Phil answered earnestly. He watched the small smile that appeared on Dan’s face and felt a small stab of satisfaction. “I mean it, too. Besides, no one else has the same taste in films as me.”

Dan leaned forward, his eyes glinting. “Now, there’s something. You like literally everything I like, how does that even happen?”

“I have no idea,” Phil answered solemnly, “But it means I’m going to subject you to weekly film nights. You can’t go on any longer without watching the entirety of Marvel’s cinematic universe.”

Dan bit his lip, but his eyes were warm and lovely. “Well. If you’re going to insist, doesn’t look like I have much of a choice, do I?”

“No, you don’t,” Phil said decisively, and this time he didn’t even try to quell the warm surge of hope that spread through him.

---

After that, it became almost routine to start seeing Dan regularly, which was something Phil never could have imagined at the start of the term. Instead of only getting a glimpse of Dan when he sporadically appeared in the kitchen, all Phil had to do was send Dan a text at 8pm every Friday, and Dan would appear downstairs.

Both of them had realised that on Friday nights the house was relatively quiet - Caspar was always, without fail, out at some party or other; Louise was either relaxing in her room or out with friends; and Jack had a regular gaming slot with one of the university societies (that Mark just so happened to attend, too). So it wasn’t difficult for Phil and Dan to set up shop in the lounge, with the DVD player, popcorn, and both of their large (and growing) film collections for entertainment.

On one particular week, Dan mentioned that Phil’s choice of popcorn (invariably sweet or toffee flavoured) was kind of crap, and, upon listening to Phil’s arguments in defense of the sweet varieties, declared that he hadn’t truly lived until he’d tried sweet and salty (which Phil had always turned his nose up at, because salt in his sweet things? Really?!

Phil’s denial led to Dan grabbing his wrist, sending him a serious look. “We need to get you to try some. Like, immediately, this is a matter of urgency, Phil.”

“Well, you’ll just have to come to the shop with me, then,” Phil said, arms folded, still with a hint of a pout on his face. Dan had dared to insult his snacks, after all.

A fleeting look of surprise crossed Dan’s face, but then he straightened up and matched Phil’s height with a look of equal seriousness. “Alright then. Someone’s got to introduce you to proper favours.”

“Tomorrow, then,” Phil huffed. “I’ll be back from uni at 4. Unless you have a lecture then?”

A shadow crossed Dan’s face, but it was gone before Phil could catch it, replaced instead with a sardonic smirk. “4 it is, then.”

Phil gave a decided nod, just about managing to resist sticking his tongue out at Dan.

Sure enough, the next day Phil came home from the library basement where he’d once again been sat editing his project for hours on end, eyes itching, and dumped his bags in his room. When he headed back out into the kitchen, he found Dan standing in front of the fridge, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Phil started, surprised, just for a second. Dan caught it, though, and bit his lip, chin in the air. “Heard you come in. Had to make sure you hadn’t forgotten about our trip to try and force some good taste into you.”

“Rude,” Phil huffed, on his way to the kettle, brain still fogged over with computer screens and video editing. “Also. Coffee. And it’s rare to see you out of your room.”

Dan bounced after him, pulling the sleeves of his hoody down over his palms again. Whenever he did that, it made something inconveniently warm thud in Phil’s chest, and he had to suppress a surge of affection so strong it was difficult to ignore. So he turned his face away, focusing on getting down his favourite mug from their cupboard.

“Coffee?” Dan questioned, arching a brow. “It’s, like, almost evening.”

“No, no, this definitely still counts as afternoon,” Phil disagreed.

Dan snorted. “It’s still late for coffee. You’re going to be running on a high for the rest of the day.”

“Well, then, you’ll have fun dealing with me, won’t you?” Phil lifted the kettle as soon as it was boiled, pouring the water into his mug and stirring the powder frantically.

Dan just watched him, a small, soft smile playing about his lips. There was something fond in his tone as he said, “Guess I will, yeah.”

Phil wasn’t quite with it enough to grasp whatever second-layer meaning their conversation had taken on, not without caffeine in his system. So he picked up his mug and practically inhaled his first sip, leaning back against the counter with a sigh.

Dan watched him, the smile turning into something of a smirk. “Are you secretly a caffeine addict?”

“No,” Phil shook his head.

Dan raised a questioning brow.

“I’m not!” Phil argued. “...At least, there’s nothing secret about it.”

Dan burst out laughing, his dimple appearing deep on his left cheek. Phil resisted the urge to poke it. “You’re far gone, Lester.”

“Perhaps.” Phil sipped again, sighing as he settled down. “Anyway. You ok with going to Tesco? I know it’s a bit of a further walk, but I need to grab some more cereal, so.”

Dan nodded quickly. “Yeah, sure. I’ve never actually been there, so.”

“You haven’t?”

Dan shook his head.

“Woah,” Phil tilted his head, considering him. “So where do you do your shopping, then?”

Dan lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug, turning away so his fringe fell across his eyes. “Wherever I can.”

Phil narrowed his eyes, but let it go for now. There were lots of places in town, maybe Dan just shopped after his lectures. It was also absolutely none of his business.

Phil finished up his coffee and they both headed for the door, wrapping up warm for the still-wintry February air. It would be March soon, with Spring ushering its way in, but for now Manchester was still predominantly full of fog, rain, and cold.

On the walk there, Dan ducked his head and stuck close to Phil’s side, ducking in behind him whenever they passed other students on the busy walk. While their house wasn’t in as busy an area as some of the blocks of accommodation, it was still right in the middle of the student district, meaning the streets were always thronging with crowds of people. Dan seemed to shy away from them, mostly just sticking by Phil.

The same was true when they actually got to the supermarket. Phil wandered through the aisles, heading straight for the snack section, with Dan tagging along behind him. Dan seemed to shrink in on himself a little when they were in public - avoiding the crowds, keeping his eyes glued to the floor or to Phil.

Phil, in return, stayed close, and left Dan’s slight clinginess unmentioned.

“There we go,” Dan said, satisfied, as soon as they reached the popcorn aisle. He grabbed Phil by the sleeve and tugged him over towards the shelf, ignoring the other people going the other way.

Phil let himself be dragged along, momentarily distracted by how close Dan’s fingers were to his.

“This is what you’ve been missing,” Dan announced proudly, reaching straight for the sweet and salty flavour. “Honestly, your life is about to change forever, Phil, you don’t understand.”

“I don’t,” Phil agreed honestly, and reached up to grab some of his trusted pure sweet flavour as well.

Dan watched with a disapproving frown. “You don’t need that.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Howell, you’re not my mum.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but there was a fond smile at his lips again. “Thank fuck for that. I’d have pushed you back before you were born.”

Phil’s nose wrinkled. “Gross. Also, rude. I’m a delight.”

“Sure you are,” Dan snorted, but it didn’t come out sounding harsh at all.

Phil glanced over at him, saw the way Dan’s eyes were dancing and the hint of his dimple appearing on his cheek, and warmth blossomed in his chest.

He pushed it away, turning away, feeling the back of his neck going red.

They headed to the cereal aisle next, and Phil reached straight for his favourite - country crisp.

Dan’s eyes widened. “Wait. You eat that too?”

“Yeah?” Phil glanced at him, surprised. “You do?”

“Yeah. Or I would, but my boxes keep disappearing from the house.” A suspicious crease appeared in Dan’s forehead as he looked at Phil.

Phil bit his lip. Well. He had been surprised at how long it took him to run out of cereal.

“You wouldn’t know anything about that, Phil, would you?” Dan asked, folding his arms and fixing Phil with a look.

Phil widened his eyes as much as possible. “Um. No. Why would I?”

Dan shook his head, lips quirking, and Phil cursed the fact that he’d always been a terrible liar.

“Ok, well, maybe a little bit,” Phil admitted, biting his lip. “I just assumed it was mine! Sorry, it was in the cupboard and it’s the same cereal, and I’m always a bit of a monster in the morning.”

“So you’ve been stealing my cereal?” Dan didn’t sound angry - rather, he looked and sounded like he was biting back laughter.

Phil squirmed. “By accident! And, look, you can have what I buy today.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Dan disagreed, still looking thoroughly entertained.

“We can share, then,” Phil said determinedly.

“It’s really fine.” Dan lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug again, leaning against the shelf. He was so tall his head was perilously close to the highest items. “I don’t eat much anyway.”

Phil frowned. “What do you mean?”

Dan shrugged again, tilting his head forward so his fringe covered his eyes again. “Not much. Just that - you know, I don’t have much of an appetite.”

Phil narrowed his eyes, glancing closely at Dan. “I don’t hear you in the kitchen much, Dan.”

Dan’s lips quirked. “Yeah, well. I don’t spend much time there.”

“Do you cook?” Phil asked, then grimaced. “Sorry. Not that it’s my business. I just - you know, hot food is good. Generally. As a concept.”

Phil really needed to learn when to shut his mouth.

Dan was still smiling, though, just a little, even as he stared at the ground, thoroughly refusing to meet Phil’s eyes. “I attempted cooking, briefly. Last term.”

Phil lifted a brow. “Attempted?”

“Yeah.” Dan’s lips twisted into a sardonic smirk. “Burnt pasta though, so. Gave up pretty quick.”

Phil let out a soft laugh. “You burnt pasta? How?”

“I don’t know!” Dan shook his head, daring a quick peek up at Phil. “I just put it in the pan and it set on fire.”

Phil snorted. “Wow. And I thought I was bad. Did you put water in?”

Dan blinked. Then blinked again, more slowly. “...You’re supposed to put water in it?”

“Oh, Dan.” Phil’s tone was affectionate, warmth sprouting in his chest again. He reached out to pat Dan on the shoulder, glad when Dan no longer flinched away under his touch. “It’s ok. I’ll show you how to cook sometime, it’s not too hard once you get the hang of it.”

“Yes, well,” Dan muttered, looking away. There was a tiny red patch appearing on his left cheek, something Phil noticed happened on the rare occasions he managed to get Dan flustered. “Not like I need much, anyway.”

“You still need hot food,” Phil told him, watching as Dan leaned away from him. “When was the last time you had a proper meal?”

“Too long,” Dan answered, and then folded his arms in front of his chest, curling inward a little. “Anyway. Doesn’t matter. I’m fine, ok?”

Phil eyed him closely, but delicately let the subject drop for now. Dan was still avoiding looking at him, instead becoming intensely interested in a patch on the floor, and Phil was still a little scared of pushing him too far, of scaring him away. Because the truth was, Dan was slowly starting to become a fixture in Phil’s life, insinuating himself into every corner, until Phil found it difficult to not be thinking of him every few minutes, something reminding him of Dan.

They headed home soon afterwards and continued with their Friday night films, and Phil tried Dan’s popcorn and conceded that yes, actually, sweet and salty was a better combination than any of his favourites.

Phil may also have started cooking himself extra portions of dinner at night, and leaving the leftovers in the fridge on a plate labelled ‘to Dan’.

He never got any replies, but the plates did disappear before reappearing fully-washed the next day, and that was enough for Phil.

---

Weekly film nights led to more open discussions between them, and while they tended to steer away from some of the more difficult topics - Phil had never once broached anything about Dan’s personal life, and Dan only offered the tiniest glimpses - they still learned more about each other every time. Phil knew that Dan swore worse than a sailor once he got going, inventing such colourful curses that sometimes Phil’s ears went red. And it also got easier and easier to make Dan smile that wide, crinkly-eyed smile with every week that passed, as Phil learned more and more about the things that made Dan laugh.

And Dan - Dan was easily and quickly becoming Phil’s favourite person to spend time with. No one quite got Phil’s odd sense of humour like Dan, and yet Dan never failed to laugh along, to join in, and poke gentle fun at the ways Phil saw the world. In contrast, Dan’s own wit was sharp and dark, often self-deprecating, and although Phil appreciated it, it sometimes made him wonder.

He often wondered about just what was going on in Dan’s life.

Aside from their Friday film nights, Phil still barely saw Dan at all. He’d never once seen him outside the house after their first coffee trip, (date, not a date, who even knew?) and he only very rarely heard late night scuffles in the kitchen that were presumably Dan. Phil was still spending most of his days inside the university library, though, so it could just be that he was out whenever Dan left his room.

That didn't seem to be the case though, not according to Jack anyway.

“I’ve seen him a record of three times this month,” Jack told him as they sat playing a co-op game together in Jack’s room one Wednesday afternoon. “And two of those were because I was waiting for him to come out of the bathroom.”

“And the other one?” Phil asked, not even bothering to hide his curiosity. Jack knew all too well just why Phil might be asking about Dan’s whereabouts.

“Caught him for five seconds in the landing on my way downstairs,” Jack shrugged. “He mumbled something and disappeared into his room faster than lightning.”

Phil bit his lip. His chest felt tight, thinking of Dan like that, scared and shy and desperate.

“You must see more of him than that, though,” Jack said knowingly.

Phil could feel the back of his neck grow red, and so, in an effort to deflect attention, he made his character punch Jack’s in the game.

Jack sent him a sideways smile. “It’s ok, you’ll just have to promise me that he’s actually strung more than two sentences together in your presence.”

“He has,” Phil argued, defensive of Dan, as ever. “He’s actually really funny. And he’s so sarcastic, and witty, and his hair’s actually naturally curly, did you know?”

“I did not,” Jack answered, bumping his shoulder into Phil’s side. “So is Mark’s. Maybe we both have a type.”

Phil grinned at him. “How’s that going?”

“Oh, it’s going,” Jack answered, and the way his eyes crinkled up told Phil all he needed to know.

---

One Friday night, though, things weren’t as good as they usually were.

Phil knew something was different the moment Dan appeared down the stairs. Dan’s hair was straightened to within an inch of its life, hanging sharply down his forehead, and his eyes were dull and glassy. He met Phil’s gaze with the briefest of smiles before his expression quickly fell again.

Phil’s chest tightened at that look. “Hey. You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dan answered automatically.

Phil bit his inner cheek, watching as Dan flopped down onto the sofa beside him. He shook his head. “You don’t look it.”

“Gee, thanks.” Dan slid out a half-laugh, avoiding Phil’s gaze. “Way to build up my confidence there, Phil, that’s just what I needed to hear.”

“Sorry,” Phil answered, “I just. You normally look so great, and then today you just--” he bit his lip, frustrated.

Dan twisted a little sideways, daring to flick a glance at Phil before quickly looking away again. “Just what, Phil? What do I look like?”

Phil tilted his head, shuffled a little closer. His eyes tracked traces of what might have been tear-tracks on Dan’s cheek, and his chest tugged again. He laid a careful hand on Dan’s shoulder, grateful when Dan didn’t flinch away. It had grown common for them to slide close together when they were watching their films, or playing games, whatever they did on their Fridays together. But it was still always something of a relief when Dan didn’t flinch away from him.

“Tired,” Phil answered honestly, and Dan looked up at him again, their gazes catching. “You look tired.”

Dan’s lips twitched into just the hint of a sardonic smirk. “Accurate.”

“What happened?” Phil asked before he could think better of it. “Did you pull an all-nighter, or something? I know it’s still essay season, but sleep is good, Dan.”

“Yeah.” Dan’s smirk fell a little, and he sank back into the sofa cushions with a sigh. His arm pressed warm against Phil’s side. “I mean, sleep is good, probably. I don’t know. I’ve forgotten.”

“Dan.” Phil’s tone was reproachful.

“I know, I know, shit, you’re worse than my mum.” Dan’s lips twitched again, self-deprecating, sardonic. “Just. It’s been a fucking hell of a day, you know? I had to interact. Sent an email, and everything.”

Phil mimed a shocked gasp. “An email? The pinnacle of difficult tasks, that is.”

“Tell me about it.” Dan let out a half-hearted chuckle, but as with everything that night, the laughter didn’t quite reach his eyes. He still looked dim, his expression darkened by the heavy bags under his eyes.

“Seriously, though,” Phil murmured, chest tugging at the way Dan sank still further into the cushions, away from him, like he was trying to hide. It was always risky, pushing this kind of conversation, but Dan looked soft today. Like he was on the edge. Phil didn’t want him to fall any further away. “If something’s up - well, like I said before. I’m here. If you wanna, I don’t know, talk about it?”

Phil’s voice pitched up pathetically, and he glanced away from Dan for the first time since Dan had entered the room, focusing instead on playing with the remote. He still hadn’t started the film. That was all Dan was here for, after all, just watching a film with him. He wasn’t really there for Phil’s company.

But then, gentle fingers wrapped around Phil’s wrist, and Phil jumped, looking up to see Dan staring at him curiously. His hair had fallen forwards, straightened and too-long, hiding one of his eyes almost completely. But for the first time that night, he was offering something that was close to a real smile.

“I know,” Dan said eventually. “Thanks. I just - I told you, I’m shit at being around you.”

“Because you kept running away,” Phil repeated, and dared to lean a little closer. Dan didn’t move back. “But you’re not running away anymore, Dan, are you?”

The question hung between them for a moment, in which Dan’s eyes flickered searchingly over Phil’s face, and Phil felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“I’m trying not to,” Dan finally managed, voice cracking a little.

Phil melted. Instinctively, he reached out and covered Dan’s hand on his wrist with his free hand, holding them together.

Dan started, glancing down, but he didn’t pull his hand away.

“I’m glad,” Phil said softly. He could feel his pulse racing in his throat, but Dan wasn’t pulling away, so he wasn’t going to either. “Dan, what’s wrong?”

Dan drew in a shuddering breath. He glanced away again, looking down at where his free hand was curled in his lap tight enough for his knuckles to have turned white. His shoulders were bowed, his eyes downcast, and in general, Dan just looked lost. He looked unhappy, and alone, and lost.

Phil hated seeing him that way.

“I just,” Dan murmured, his fingers shaking under Phil’s hand, “I just can’t make it work. I can’t make anything work, Phil, nothing I ever do is enough.”

Phil’s chest ached. He squeezed his hand on Dan’s, felt Dan’s skin warm and close against his, sensed him trembling. Dan was quaking.

“You’re enough for me,” Phil half-whispered. “This is enough. You’re enough, Dan.”

Dan closed his eyes, let out a trembling breath. His free hand reached up, brushing his hair out of his eyes, and he risked a quick peek at Phil.

Phil’s breath caught at the look in his eyes. Desperation and sadness looked out at him from Dan, hidden behind a barely-held-together mask.

“What is it?” Phil asked helplessly, still gripping onto Dan’s hand between both of his own. Not letting go. Afraid that if he let go, Dan would disappear forever. “Is it your work? Essays, exams?”

Dan’s eyes fluttered shut. He bit his lower lip, hard.

“You’re worth more than your work, Dan,” Phil pressed on, desperate to wipe away that look on Dan’s face. “Whatever it is, essays or exams or anything - none of it’s worth you looking like this.”

Dan let out a sardonic half-laugh. He folded further into himself, curling his knees up on the sofa with them, and then he leaned sideways until his head was cushioned against Phil’s shoulder.

Phil held his breath and went completely still.

“It’s nothing like that,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s sleeve. “Don’t worry. I’m fine, I just. I’m fine.”

Phil didn’t believe him, not even a little bit. But Dan was curled up against his side, and Phil was rendered completely immobile, afraid that even the tiniest moment might send Dan skittering away again.

“If you say so,” Phil murmured eventually, daring to rest his head gently against Dan’s. “Just. Whatever it is, I’m here.”

Dan’s lips twitched against Phil’s sleeve. He closed his eyes, let out a gentle breath. “I know. Thanks. I do appreciate it, even if I’m shit at letting you know.”

“You’re not shit,” Phil said, his tone getting just a little bit sharp.

Dan flinched, pulling away a little, and Phil instantly reached out to grab him, holding him in place. “No, Dan, I mean - you’re not shit, ok? I like this. I like spending my Fridays with you.”

Dan gave him a searching look, and past the bags under his eyes and the sadness in all of his sharp corners, Phil saw him sag just a little with relief.

Dan’s lips twitched again, not quite a smile but definitely not a frown either. “Thanks. And same. Highlight of my week, honestly.”

Phil’s mouth curved upwards before he realised, before he could school his expression into anything else. But Dan just smiled back, and then determinedly reached out and plucked the remote from Phil’s side. “But we need the film, you know? Stop being good and listening to me, let’s just watch something instead. My pick this week, right?”

Phil bit his lip, watching the way Dan was determinedly not looking at him, instead focusing solely on the remote in his hand. Past the brave front he was putting on, Phil was sure he could see that Dan was still struggling. But if Dan wanted to ignore it, then Phil wasn’t going to push him any more. Not when he’d already been given as much as he had, more of a glimpse into Dan’s life.

“Right, your pick,” Phil agreed, and settled himself into the cushions, letting the conversation slip away.

They fell back into their normal, easy routine, pointing out their favourite moments, the continuity errors that Dan always spotted more than Phil, and which of the actors was the most attractive. (Dan seemed a good deal into the male lead, which gave Phil a slither of hope which he quickly attempted to squash). And it was normal, and good, and Phil almost forgot about how troubled Dan had appeared.

Until, a little way into the film, Dan leaned sideways and tucked his head into Phil’s shoulder again, finding the little hollow in Phil’s neck, under his chin.

Phil went still for a moment, taking in a breath, and Dan shuffled closer until he was pressed almost fully against Phil’s side. Phil felt his pulse fluttering in his throat again, his chest tightening in an almost delightful way, the warmth of Dan against him sending electric sparks through his veins.

He let out his breath slowly, reached down, and nestled his hand against Dan’s. Dan almost instantly gripped onto Phil, sliding their fingers together, and clung on with a hint of desperation.

Phil rested his head gently against Dan’s, gave his hand a comforting squeeze, and felt Dan relax against him.

They watched the film like that, curled up together, until it got late and they were both yawning through their sentences. But neither one of them moved, not until long after the credits had finished rolling and the screen had gone dark.

“Thanks,” Dan murmured eventually, breaking the heavy, expectant silence. He’d shuffled about during the film until his head was against Phil’s chest, and Phil’s arm hovered on the sofa above him, not quite curving down around Dan’s shoulders.

“For what?” Phil mumbled through a sleepy yawn.

Dan pressed his head once into Phil’s chest, and then sat up, moving away. Phil missed his warmth almost instantly.

“For being here,” Dan answered simply, and then got to his feet and headed across the room, slipping his disc out of the DVD player.

Phil watched him, blinking himself awake. His head felt heavy, but this conversation felt like it was important. Dan was avoiding looking at him again, focusing on finding the right cover for the DVD, and Phil ached to see his expression, ached to be near him in a way he still hadn’t quite addressed.

“I’m always here,” he answered eventually, watching the curved slope of Dan’s shoulders. “For you. Any time.”

Dan turned, sent Phil a small smile. “I know. And I’m grateful. Even if you do leave your socks all over the floor.”

“It doesn’t bother anyone else,” Phil implored.

Dan shook his head, smirking as he rose to his feet again, DVD back in place. “I think maybe they’re just too polite to tell you, because you’re too adorable to upset.”

Phil blinked up at him. Then he grinned. “Adorable? You think I’m adorable?”

“I didn’t say that,” Dan backtracked quickly, but he sounded… was that flustered?

Phil sat up a little straighter, blinking past the tiredness fogging up his brain to instead send Dan a wide, lopsided smile. “You think I’m adorable.”

Dan ducked down so that his fringe fell across his eyes again, biting back a smile. “Well. Maybe. Just a bit.”

Phil didn’t bother trying to quash the little jump of happiness Dan’s words gave him. He’d take every little thing he was given, even as Dan bent down and picked up one of Phil’s socks that was, indeed, on the floor, and proceeded to throw it at him.

Phil ducked with a little squeal. “Hey! This isn’t the way you treat adorable things, Dan!”

“Fuck’s sake, shut up,” Dan retorted, but his tone was fond.

“You also shouldn’t swear at things you find adorable.”

“I’m leaving, goodbye, you actual living shit,” Dan laughed, and strode over to the door.

“Sleep well!” Phil sing-songed after him, and rolled over on the sofa, pressing his face into his hands. Dan was gone, but Phil could still feel the phantom warmth of him against his side, his head tucked into Phil’s shoulder. Phil bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut. His stomach jumped, his chest aching, yearning for more warmth.

These feelings were developing faster than he realised, and he needed to put a lid on them quickly if he was going to protect himself. Only, he really, really didn’t want to. And something in Dan’s expression kept giving him hope, enough that he didn’t let go of the small cluster of want that had buried its way firmly into his chest.

---

After that, things returned to relative normality. Phil was still working, still had deadlines pouring in from every corner (but he’d started receiving feedback from his professors, too, and they’d all been good so far, which gave him a happy little boost). His and Dan’s Friday nights had fallen back into their normal routine of laughter and warmth, and if Dan sat a little closer to Phil than before, and Phil occasionally rested his hand against Dan’s, then neither of them mentioned it.

But Phil still never saw Dan outside of their friday night sessions. It wasn’t that unusual - Manchester University sprawled through the city in such a way that it was perfectly possible they’d never pass each other - but he never even saw Dan elsewhere around the house. The closest he got was occasional footsteps above his head, and late-night scuffles in the kitchen that were gone by the time Phil managed to stumble, bleary-eyed, to his door.

So it was a shock when, one day as Phil was heading out of the library to go to lunch, he saw a tall, familiar, lanky shape coming out of the building opposite him, bag slung over his shoulder, straightened fringe falling across his forehead.

Phil stopped in surprise. He paused on the pavement outside the library entrance, letting the crowds move past him in the dripping rain as he watched Dan step out onto the street, gaze fixed on his shoes. He was wearing a black hoody this time, hood pulled up against the rain, and black skinny jeans that looked so tight Phil wondered how he even managed to walk in them.

It was strange, seeing Dan in the outside world.

But Phil wasn’t about to let him get away, so he strode forward quickly, hefting his rucksack onto his back, and shouted, “Dan!”

Dan flinched for a moment, still a few people away, but then started walking forward again.

“Hey, Dan!” Phil sped up, pushing apologetically past a girl who was much smaller than him, and reached out to touch his hand to Dan’s shoulder. “Hey!”

Dan turned slowly, his face tilted down so that his fringe covered the majority of the left side. It was getting long, longer than Phil’s now, and Dan had his eyes downcast, focused somewhere on the ground near Phil’s left shoe. “Hey, Phil.” His voice was small, but he managed a quick peek upwards and something that might have been a flash of a smile before he went back to studying the ground.

“Hey.” Phil wasn’t to be dissuaded by Dan’s slightly morose tone, too caught up in the novelty of catching Dan outside of their slightly-dreary student home. “I didn’t expect to see you here! I was about to grab lunch, you wanna come?”

Dan took half-a-step back, his shoulders visibly tensing. He swallowed. “Um…”

“There’s a place around the corner that does soup for half-price,” Phil added quickly. “Especially if you look stressed and say you have a project due in the next three hours that you haven’t finished yet.”

A croaky half-laugh escaped Dan’s mouth before he had a chance to catch it. He flashed Phil another slightly crooked smile from beneath his fringe. “That sounds incredibly specific.”

“Well,” Phil amended, “May have happened to me once or twice. What do you say? Wanna come?”

Dan took in a slow, deep breath. His shoulders were shaking a little, Phil noticed when it took Dan more than a second to reply, and the fingers of his right hand were clenched tightly around the thin sleeve of his hoody. His eyes were still downcast, the line of his shoulders tense and quivering.

After a quick look closer, Phil could see Dan’s eyes were squeezed shut.

“Dan?” Phil took a hesitant step closer, feeling a small stab of relief when Dan didn’t immediately skitter away. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Dan answered, too quickly, “No, let’s just - yeah, let’s go get lunch, I--”

“Dan?” Phil could hear the break in Dan’s voice.

Dan looked up at him, and Phil was shocked to see a glint of a tear in his eyes.

Then Dan curled inwards on himself and broke.

A small, broken sound escaped from him, something close to a whimper, and Dan broke right there on the pavement, curving in on himself until he was hunched in a ball. His bag fell to the ground with a dull thud, both hands pressing to his eyes, his shoulders quaking.

Phil’s chest throbbed, aching, and he crossed the remaining step between them in an instant. This time, he didn’t hesitate to do what his instincts told him - not when Dan looked so lost, so alone, so small despite the fact he was at least as tall as Phil was.

Phil reached forward and tugged forcefully at Dan’s shoulders, pulling him into his arms.

Dan flinched, struggled for a second, and then melted against Phil’s chest. He hid his face somewhere near Phil’s shoulder, so that all Phil could see was the top of his head and his mussed hair, the soft cloth of his black hoody warm against Phil’s side. Phil could still feel him quivering, hear the almost-inaudible fast, high breaths that rushed, trapped, out of Dan’s throat.

“Dan,” Phil murmured, and squeezed Dan as close to his chest as he could.

That warm something was back in Phil’s chest, pressing against his throat and catching in the corners of his eyes. He was full of it, overwhelmed, as he cradled Dan carefully against his chest in the middle of the street with no clear idea of what was happening, or what he was doing. He just knew that Dan was, somehow, not ok, but here and in Phil’s arms and right then that was all that Phil could think past.

“S-sorry,” Dan hiccoughed eventually, his voice cracking, and Phil immediately shushed him.

“No, shush. I just--” Phil pulled away, just a centimetre or two, but Dan came with him, refusing to lift his head out of Phil’s chest. Phil bit his lip, almost suffocating in the pressing ache that filled him.

Dan was so sad. And Phil had no idea why.

“Dan,” he almost whispered, so close that his words were almost pressed into Dan’s hair. Phil held himself carefully, not daring to move closer, and yet aching with the warm willful want to be near Dan. “What is it? What happened?”

Dan twisted against him, curling himself up even tighter until he was just a gangly quivering mass of limbs somehow collected in Phil’s arms. He was silent for several long moments, or as silent as possible when he was still gasping little short breaths, his fingers squeezed together pressed somewhere against Phil’s warm jumper.

“I,” Dan started eventually, then stopped to squeeze his face against Phil’s shoulder. He didn’t move away when he spoke again, just twisted enough that his words could make their way out. “I don’t even know - fuck, where do I even start, I just--”

“It’s ok,” Phil cut in, “Don’t worry, it’s just - Dan, something’s got you like this and that, that’s not ok, so - what is it? What happened?”

“Fuck, I’m so embarrassed,” Dan whisper-croaked, and shoved his face back against Phil’s chest. “Just, like, I don’t know - swallow me up or something, fuck, I can’t do this.”

“It’s ok,” Phil murmured, squeezing Dan tighter against him. His pulse was fluttering somewhere in his throat, and he could feel Dan’s fingers grasping at his jumper, tugging and twisting and just too close. “You don’t have to do anything.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Dan mumbled, and then his voice broke. “I’m fucking failing, Phil, I - it’s over, that’s it, I’m gone. Done. Officially.”

Phil pressed his face into Dan’s hair, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I’m fucking done.” Dan drew in a breath, Phil felt his chest moving. “They kicked me out. Or, like, I left. I don’t even know. But that’s it. I’m done, and now - now--” He was trembling again, his words forced out, caught between Phil’s shoulder and neck. “Fuck knows what happens now, honestly.”

Phil paused for half a second, eyes widening, but then Dan didn’t give him much time to think before he pressed himself back against Phil and started full-out sobbing into his jumper.

Phil swallowed, arms tightening around Dan as he pulled him closer. They were getting a few looks from other people on the street, so Phil tightened his hold and gently edged sideways, bringing Dan with him until they were huddled in an alcove, out of the rain, away from most of the prying eyes.

Phil stood there, and held Dan, and stayed stuck in place as suddenly everything came crashing down around him.

It was starting to make sense. Why he never saw Dan outside. Why Dan never seemed to go to any classes, or be writing any essays. Phil had never even seen Dan with a book open before. He’d just assumed Dan didn’t want to talk about his work, but maybe - maybe something else had been going on this whole time, and Phil had been completely and utterly oblivious.

He tightened his grip around Dan, leaning in as close as he dared, running one hand gently up and down Dan’s back as Dan kept his face pressed firmly against Phil’s chest. Phil looked down at him and felt completely, utterly helpless.

“It’s ok,” Phil murmured again, even though he had no idea if it was, still had no real idea what was even going on. “Dan, it’s ok - you can tell me. You don’t have to, like, hide it - or anything - you don’t even have to know what’s going to happen. Just-” he bit his lip, hating that his words had no visible effect on Dan, but knowing that they couldn’t.

Dan twisted away a little, his eyes squeezed shut, and he still looked so small and lost that Phil felt something sharp twist in his chest.

“Come on,” Phil said decisively, suddenly, cutting through the sharp tension that had been building up between them. “That cafe, round the corner, also does the best hot chocolate in Manchester. And I’d know. I’m a local. It’s the crying cafe, you’ll love it.”

Despite everything, Dan hiccoughed a laugh against Phil’s chest. He didn’t look up, but he did murmur, “Why the fuck is it called the crying cafe? And why exactly would I love it? I mean, appropriate, for obvious reasons, but--”

“It’s not actually called the crying cafe,” Phil explained, “But it’s where I always go when I’ve been crying. So many essays were written there. And, like, post-break-up blues, not that Sarah ever really knew we were dating and I was, like, twelve, but--”

“You,” Dan said, with some kind of slow wonderment, “Are absolutely ridiculous.”

Phil huffed out a laugh. He shifted his arms a little, gripping Dan’s shoulders, and gave him a crooked smile. “Yeah. So. Want to come have a ridiculously creamy hot chocolate with me?”

Dan looked up at him, eyelashes crusted together and cheeks messy with tear-tracks, and nodded. “Sure. Why the fuck not?”

Phil nodded determinedly, slid his hand down until he was gripping Dan’s elbow (not quite daring to grab his hand, instead, which was what he was yearning to do), and led Dan down the street.

---

“I haven’t been to a lecture in months.”

Phil almost choked at the change in tone. He was sitting opposite Dan, two steaming mugs of hot chocolate topped with ridiculously indulgent whipped cream and marshmallows sat in front of them. Dan had been quiet when they got here, sticking close to Phil’s side and hanging onto his coattails when they went up to the counter. Phil had ordered for both of them, and then led Dan straight over to the seat in the corner, one of the booths where he was tucked safely away from prying eyes.

Now, Dan was looking morosely at his whipped cream, eyes dim. There were still tear tracks visible on his cheeks.

“How come?” Phil asked eventually, hesitant.

Dan let out a low laugh, a harsh sound in the warm quiet of the cafe. “I don’t even know. I just, like. The last one I went to, way back, like, halfway through first term - it was horrific, everyone was nodding along to the lecturer and taking notes and asking questions and I was just like, sat there thinking I had no fucking idea what the hell was going on, and like, I didn’t even care?”

Phil tilted his head, curious.

Dan caught his look and smirked, ducking his head and hiding his eyes behind his fringe again. “I know, right. It’s awful. I should be able to, like, make myself care, make myself work, but I just - I didn’t care. I don’t care. I pick up a law book and like, I can see the words but they don’t make sense and I don’t even want them to? I just have, like, zero interest. I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Phil answered immediately, like a reflex. Like Dan had to know, surely he had to know how good he was.

Dan just laughed again, once, harshly. “Yeah. Maybe. Either way, I’m fucked.”

“What happened?” Phil asked again, itching to reach across the table, at where Dan’s hand was just lying open by his mug. He bit his lip, restraining himself.

Dan gave a half-shrug, lips twisting into a wry smirk. “Everything. And nothing. My tutor noticed I hadn’t been going to anything and sent a message to my department, and they made me come to a meeting. It didn’t help that I hadn’t been handing any essays in either, and then the exams in January - I just didn’t go.”

Phil’s chest tugged. “What did they say?”

“They were, like,” Dan bit his lip, fidgeting in his seat. “They were nice about it, don’t get me wrong, but like - they just made it clear that I couldn’t keep going the way I was. Explained all the options to me, like I could either get my shit together and start actually working, or I’d have to take a year out and restart again in September, or I could just. Leave completely.”

Phil twisted his hands together in his lap to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing for Dan again. He swallowed, trying not to think about uni without Dan in it - his life, without Dan in it. Not something either of them needed to worry about right now. Not when Dan still looked about three seconds away from falling apart.

“So what did you do?” Phil eventually risked asking.

Dan bit his lip, staring down at the table. “Well. That meeting happened back at the end of last term, and I already told you I didn’t go to my exams after that, so.”

Phil tried to ignore the sharp twisting in his chest, speaking around it. “So you - are you leaving?”

The words hurt as he said them.

Dan’s fingers curled into a fist where his hand still rested on the table, and he answered hollowly, “I already did.”

Phil blinked, confused.

“After,” Dan murmured huskily, and then cleared his throat. “Um, after that meeting, I told them I was going to start working, but I just - I didn’t. I’m fucking lazy as shit so I didn’t do anything, and my tutor kept sending me emails to go in and see him but I just ignored them all.”

“Dan,” Phil said, nothing like a reprimand, more like a soft exclamation meant to comfort. “You should have said, I’d have --” he stopped, what could he have done? “--I’d have been there.”

Dan’s lips twitched upwards a little, and he flicked a quick glance up that caught and held on Phil’s face.

Phil’s breath stopped.

“You were,” Dan said simply, and then leaned in a little closer, like he was hunting for something Phil hoped he could provide. “Every time something happened. Like, I came back over Christmas trying to actually get some shit done - revision, or whatever - and nothing was going right, I still couldn’t make myself work, and I was just feeling more and more like shit - and then you showed up.”

Phil bit back a smile, placing both his hands on the table to stop the still-recurring itch to reach out and hold Dan’s fingers still where they tapped insistently against his mug. “I did show up.”

“Yeah.” Dan let out a small chuckle, still meeting Phil’s eyes directly for once. “And that was - like, that was a good day. Talking to you. Your mum is awesome.”

“She is,” Phil agreed sagely.

Dan’s smile broadened. “Yeah. And that was like, the week I realised that I just couldn’t catch up. I’d missed too much, even if I wanted to work. Which I still didn’t. And then term started and I had exams and I tried to go, I did, but like - I didn’t know anything, I would have failed so badly. And I didn’t want to embarrass myself like that in front of all those people I hadn’t seen in months--”

“It’s ok,” Phil jumped in quickly when he saw the way Dan was tensing up. His fingers flexed, edging closer to Dan’s across the table. “No one could blame you for that.”

“Yeah, well,” Dan’s words were harsh, “They should do. I can’t fucking believe the mess I got into, honestly, like how the fuck did I manage to screw everything up that badly? Because of course my tutor noticed that I didn’t show, so he called me and talked me through interrupting my study, because basically there’s no way in hell I can catch up now. I officially fucked up too much.”

Phil’s chest twisted and this time he couldn’t stop his hand from reaching across the table to cover Dan’s.

Dan twitched, but didn’t pull away. He also still didn’t meet Phil’s eyes. “I just, like - it’s done. My tutor sent me the forms, I filled them in, finally, and then today I just officially gave them into the department.” His lips pulled up into a half-smirk. “And then you showed up again. Right after my final meeting with my tutor. Bad timing, Phil.”

“I don’t think so,” Phil disagreed instantly. “I think it was the best timing.”

Dan glanced up at him, confused.

“If I hadn’t, then you’d just have been sad on your own” Phil pointed out, stumbling over his words a little, not sure how to make them sound right. “And that isn’t right. Like, Dan - you don’t have to be alone, not if you don’t want. And hard things always seem harder when you’re on your own, at least that’s what I always find.”

Dan was staring openly at him, expression going from self-admonishment to questioning to softly amazed.

Phil squirmed. “I just mean, like. It sucks you were going through all that on your own. I wish I could have been there.”

Dan continued to stare at him, his lips just starting to curve upwards. And then he flipped his hand over under Phil’s, holding onto him when Phil started to pull away, and slid their fingers together.

Holding hands. Phil was holding Dan’s hand.

“But that’s just it, Phil,” Dan murmured, eyes dark and twinkling as he looked at Phil. “You were there. This whole time, you were the only one that was there.”

Phil’s lips parted, eyes widening.

“Like,” Dan bit his lip, glancing away again, but this time the movement was more shy than sad. “I don’t even think you get it. I’d be, like, sat in my room stressing about a deadline and you’d show up and start rambling about Muse. Or I’d finally brave it and go down to the kitchen and there’d be a post-it in the fridge with some chocolate, and like - it made me smile, even when that was honestly the last fucking thing I felt like doing.”

Phil bit his lip, glancing down and feeling his chest slowly thrum with building warmth. He remembered going into Dan’s room and seeing all the post-its collected on the wall in a neat little display, the way Dan had looked at him with too-long sleeves pulled down over his palms, nervous.

His heart picked up its pace in his chest.

“It was important,” Phil said, squeezing his fingers around Dan’s. “I wanted you to know I was there.”

Dan looked at him, a soft smile playing about his lips. “I did. You made sure of that. Like, you probably don’t even remember this, but--”

“I probably do,” Phil disagreed immediately. “I remember almost everything where you’re concerned.”

Dan blinked, shifting about in his seat, growing a little flustered. And was that a hint of a blush appearing on his left cheek?

Phil tried to shake away the dim flare of hope that rose inside him.

“Well,” Dan continued, coughing, “I honestly don’t know if you’d remember this. But one time, you got home just after I’d been on the phone, and you came barreling in the same as ever, all sunshine-and-fucking-smiles, but you picked up pretty quickly that something was wrong. And instead of like, pushing me to talk about it, you just asked if I wanted to play mario kart.”

Phil tilted his head, studying Dan. He remembered the moment Dan was talking about - overhearing a conversation clearly not meant for him, not really knowing what was going on other than that Dan looked sad, and Dan should never look sad. Not if it was in Phil’s power to change it.

“I remember,” was all he said, and Dan glanced up, gave him a soft smile.

“Yeah. Well, that was when my tutor called to tell me about interrupting. Asking why I hadn’t gone to my exams.” Dan’s expression twisted up, locked in hurt and self-deprecation. “Didn’t go very well, unsurprisingly. And I was standing there, feeling like a shitty mess, and you - you just asked if I wanted to play, like I was just a normal human instead of a complete fucking wreck.”

Phil squeezed Dan’s hand tighter, a small crease appearing in his brow. “You are a normal human. You’re, like, so much more than a normal human, Dan.”

Dan gave a harsh laugh. “Yeah, right.”

“No, I mean it.” Phil leaned closer, their half-drunk hot chocolates forgotten, and squeezed their fingers together. “I don’t even know how to say it. I don’t think I could.”

Dan met his gaze, eyes dark but turning soft, and Phil was overwhelmed by the warmth that spread through his chest, filling up his throat, choking him. He was drowning in it, drowning in the way Dan looked at him.

“How do you do that?” Dan whispered finally, leaning in a little, his head so close to Phil’s.

Phil swallowed, eyes locked on Dan’s cheek where there was a definite red patch forming. “Do what?”

“That.” Dan stared at him, open, lost. “Just say things like that. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”

Phil stopped short, desperately stamping down on the hope blossoming in his chest. Now was not the time. He still hadn’t properly addressed the feelings that bloomed whenever he was in the vicinity of Dan, the warmth that spread through him, the knotting in his stomach and the rising beat of his heart. He wasn’t prepared. And he’d never thought in a million years there’d be a chance they were reciprocated.

But right now, with the way Dan’s gaze was heavy on his face, and how open he was; how open he’d been throughout this entire afternoon - Phil was struggling.

“How does it make you feel, Dan?” Phil whispered into the small space between them.

Dan swallowed, expression closing off just slightly before he said, “Like, to you, I might matter. Like in this giant pointless mess of an existence, you might just be the one thing that makes sense.”

Phil didn’t dare to move, didn’t dare to speak.

“But I don’t know.” Dan’s voice had lowered to the barest murmur, and he looked away from Phil again, expression tightly controlled. “Maybe I’m just talking shit, reading too much into things. Making a mess of everything again.”

“You’re not,” Phil said quickly, the words slipping out before he could catch them. That stupid hope was rising in his chest again. “You’re not, Dan.”

Dan looked back up at him, shoulders tense, his lower lip red from him biting it.

The warmth in Phil’s chest tightened.

“You do matter to me,” Phil said, pushing the words out before he cowered away. “More than I can say. And you might be a mess, but to me, you’ve been the best thing about this term.”

Dan sat up a little straighter. Phil thought he saw something close to hope hiding in his eyes.

“I don’t know how to say it,” Phil admitted, biting back a laugh. “But you mean a lot. Like, when you’re in a room I want to keep you there and wrap you in blankets so you can’t leave.”

Dan snickered. “Bit creepy there, mate.” But his eyes were shining, and this time with something warmer than tears.

Phil smiled at him, softly. “I mean it, though, Dan. All of it.”

Dan bit both his lips, eyes warm, meeting Phil’s gaze head-on. “I… actually think I might believe you. Which is a fucking miracle, honestly, after I’ve been so shit with you.”

Phil’s forehead creased. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it took me like a fucking month to text you after you gave me your number.” Dan laughed, the sound less harsh and more gentle this time. His fingers were warm in Phil’s as he gave them a gentle squeeze, and Phil’s heart stuttered in response. “And, like, running away half the time you were there. I didn’t mean it. I just - didn’t think I deserved it, I guess.”

Phil’s chest tugged. He leaned in close, gave Dan’s hand a reprimanding tug. “Well, you do. You deserve the world, Dan. And I don’t care how long it took you, or how much of a mess you think you’ve been - you’re still far and away the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Dan stared at him, warm, his expression a little daring. He ducked in closer, inclining his head towards Phil. “Is that what I am, Phil? Your best friend?”

Phil bit his lip, the flutter of his pulse in his chest giving him away. He swallowed. “I mean, you are, definitely. But.”

Dan arched a brow, the smallest of smiles tugging at the corner of his mouth. “But?”

Phil let out a rushed breath. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

“Yes,” Dan replied immediately, his voice caught in a half-laugh. “Yes, I am.”

Phil stared at him, struggling.

Dan grinned. “I’m holding your hand in the middle of a fucking cafe, Phil. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Phil laughed again, leaned in close, watched as the tension fell away from Dan’s shoulders at his words. “I like you, Dan. A lot. Like, more than a friend, a lot.”

Dan bit both his lips to hide his smile, but his dimple still appeared on his cheek.

“Have dinner with me?” Phil asked, hand tight around Dan’s to stop his shaking.

Dan looked at him, eyes dark and warm and soft, dimple growing deeper with every passing moment. He relaxed completely into his seat as he said, “Ok, Phil. Yes.”

Phil matched Dan’s grin with a wide one of his own, and tightened his hold on Dan’s hand.

---

They took their time on the way home. On the one hand, they were both feeling a little silly, not helped by the fact that as soon as they walked out of the cafe, Dan reached out with an oddly determined look on his face and took hold of Phil’s hand.

Phil started, surprised, for only a second before he leaned in closer and tightened his grip.

Dan hadn’t said anything, but the look on his face, the soft glow from his cheeks that might have just been from the cold and the depth of his dimple told all that Phil needed to know.

They walked closer together, too, bumping shoulders, sharing small sidelong glances, and smiling whenever they caught each other’s eye.

But another reason they took their time was because Dan was slowly, slowly opening up. Every few steps he’d say something else, admit to another thing that had happened to him over the past few months, and a lot of it made Phil’s heart twist, aching with the knowledge of the pain that Dan had been going through, unnoticed, right under his nose. It made Phil feel helpless, but the strength of Dan’s hand in his reminded him that Dan had made it through, that he was somehow strong enough.

“I actually didn’t leave my room for a few weeks,” Dan confessed softly a little way down the street outside the cafe.

Phil shot him a look, bumping their shoulders together.

Dan sent him a small smile, eyes soft. “Sorry. Depressing shit, isn’t it? I probably shouldn’t be telling you.”

“No, tell me,” Phil disagreed instantly, without a second’s hesitation. “I’d much rather know all of it, Dan.”

Dan frowned at him, a crinkle in his brow that Phil itched to smooth out. So he did, reaching across with his free hand and lightly brushing his thumb against the centre of Dan’s forehead.

Dan closed his eyes under the touch, edged a little closer until they were pressed together as they walked. “I don’t know why. Honestly, Phil, none of it is good. The only good thing about this entire year has been you.”

Phil bit back a smile, relishing the burst of affection that flooded through him. But he still shook his head. “I don’t care. I still want to know everything. And this year isn’t over yet, Dan.”

Dan shot him a sidelong look. “How the fuck do you always stay so positive? Seriously, please, share your secret.”

Phil laughed. “Would if I knew it. But, Dan--” he squeezed Dan’s fingers, shot him a slightly more serious look. “I mean it when I say I want to know. Like, you’re so quiet sometimes, and all this was happening and I didn’t know--”

“I didn’t tell you,” Dan shrugged, glancing down. “And I’m good at hiding things.”

“I know.” Phil leaned in a little, squeezed Dan’s fingers again. “But just. When you want to tell me, I’ll want to listen. That’s all.”

Dan glanced at him again, and this time, his look was a little uncertain. “Do you really mean that?”

Phil looked over, saw the uncertainty hiding behind Dan’s eyes, and pulled them both to a stop. He turned to face Dan in the middle of the busy street, ignoring the mutters from the people who had to walk around them, and placed both hands firmly on Dan’s shoulders.

Dan looked up at him, eyes wide, expression the most vulnerable Phil had ever seen.

“Dan,” Phil promised gently, “I mean it. I promise. I’ll always want to listen to you, always, no matter how happy or sad what you’re telling me is.”

Dan bit his lower lip, expression tightening. He relaxed a little in Phil’s grip, and Phil could feel the tension leaving his shoulders, could see the way Dan’s eyes grew warmer.

“I believe you,” Dan answered, and there was something close to wonder in his tone. “Which is really fucking strange, actually.”

Phil shrugged, taking Dan’s hand in his again and continuing down the street. “Well, it’s true. Tell me. How bad has it been these past few months? Really?”

“Really fucking bad,” Dan answered, his tone off-puttingly light. “Like I said, I didn’t leave my room for weeks. And when I had to, like, sprint to the bathroom or the kitchen, I’d do it really late, when no one else was awake.”

“Jack said he heard you pacing,” Phil remembered.

Dan twisted to look at him, expression difficult to read. “You and Jack talked about me?”

“He brings you up, sometimes,” Phil answered, feeling the back of his neck growing hot. “He, uh. He kind of picked up on, um, on --”

“On?” Dan prodded when Phil didn’t continue the sentence, nudging his shoulder against Phil’s, eyes bright.

Phil rolled his eyes, shoved Dan back. “On how I was feeling about you. He laughed at me a lot.”

Dan snorted, biting his lip. “Oh. Well. I don’t know how - I had no idea.”

Phil looked at him questioningly. “Really? Not at all?”

Dan shook his head, glancing down at the ground again to avoid Phil’s gaze. “No. Well, like, when I thought I picked up on something I assumed it was wishful thinking. Like, no way could it be real, it was my imagination running wild and I had to ignore it.”

Phil squeezed Dan’s hand, leaning in. “Well. That’s not correct, is it.”

“No,” Dan agreed, and smiled so widely his eyes crinkled up. Phil’s favourite smile on him.

“So you haven’t been sleeping much?” Phil asked, pressing the point a little when Dan’s face screwed up. “Sorry, Dan, but like. If you haven’t been taking good care of yourself then I need to know, so I can tell you off when you do it again.”

“A right pain, you are,” Dan said, but his tone was fond. He glanced down again, letting out a low sigh. “Yeah, no, sleep isn’t really a thing. I either do too little or too much of it. And then, like, some days getting out of bed is just impossible.”

Phil nodded, squeezed Dan’s hand again. “And eating?”

Dan flicked him a sidelong glance. “Aside from what you left for me, and whichever bits of cereal I managed to grab that you didn’t steal, haven’t been doing much of that either.”

Phil bit his lip, pushing away the stab of pain that Dan’s words brought him. He could see how hard it was for Dan to be admitting to this - could see it in the faint crease that still sat in the centre of Dan’s forehead, in the tense line of his shoulders, the slight dimness hiding in his eyes. But Phil really wasn’t sure what to say, didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He wasn’t terrified of scaring Dan away anymore, not exactly, but he was afraid of misstepping, of saying something that would hurt him.

In other words, Phil was a bit out of his depth.

He squared his shoulders, leaned over, content in the knowledge that Dan was here, holding his hand, walking next to him instead of hiding or running away again. So Phil smiled, glanced at Dan, and said determinedly, “Well, then. You’re going to eat with me, every evening. And I’ll send you up to bed at a reasonable time, after we do something fun. Mario kart, or film watching, whatever.”

Dan stared at him with something close to incredulousness. His lips parted, caught on words he didn’t say, just staring at Phil as they walked on down the street.

Phil bit his lip, wondering if he’d already said the wrong thing.

But then Dan knocked into his side, smiling so wide as he glanced down that his dimple appeared. “Right demanding fuck you are, Lester.”

But Phil could hear the fondness in his tone, the inherent thanks hidden away behind his words.

Phil relaxed a little, and squeezed Dan’s hand again. “Yeah, well. Get used to it.”

Dan glanced sidelong again at him, his eyes warm and dark and dancing, and Phil thought he could get lost in that gaze for hours.

---

They made it home, eventually, hand-in-hand, tumbling through the door amid laughter and finger poking and That was completely your fault, Phil, you tripped on the fucking doormat and fell into me - and glanced up to find Jack standing half-way up the stairs, glancing down at the front door with one brow arched and a stack of dirty mugs hanging from his hands.

Dan shrank a little bit behind Phil, but didn’t remove his hand from Phil’s.

Jack glanced down, raised his brow higher, and then huffed out a laugh. “Well, fucking finally.”

“Shut up,” Phil said indignantly, but he could hear Dan let out a small chuckle from his position pressed up against Phil’s back.

Jack shook his head, expression highly amused. “I’m not even gonna ask. I don’t wanna know. Finally, Phil, though, honestly, it took you long enough to get up the balls to tell him.”

“Shut up,” Phil said again, huffing when Dan laughed a little more audibly this time.

Jack peered over Phil’s shoulder to meet Dan’s eyes, and Phil felt Dan tense a little behind him, but he didn’t move away.

“Honestly, you should have heard the whining I’ve put up with the past few months,” Jack said directly to Dan, pointing at Phil. “He’s a mess. Look after him.”

“I will,” Dan said, surprising Phil a little. He could feel Dan’s fingers quivering in his, could hear the slight tremor in Dan’s voice, and as soon as he spoke Dan shrunk back behind Phil again.

Jack, much to Phil’s thanks, didn’t say anything about it. He just saluted them both and continued down the stairs, past them, to the kitchen. “The others are out, and I’m going to meet Mark in a minute, so the house is yours.”

Of course. It was a Friday night. Their film night, as ever. Phil turned to share a look with Dan, saw the warmth and fear and slight happiness all mixed up together in his gaze. He squeezed Dan’s hand, tilting his head questioningly, and Dan sent him a small nod and a soft smile in return. Code for I’m alright, I’m staying.

Phil didn’t bother attempting to hide his smile. “We’ll stay down here, then.”

“Just clean up your popcorn this time,” Jack berated from the kitchen.

Dan and Phil shared a look, and it was one of warmth, and comfort, and familiarity. This, at least, was familiar, even if there was a new closeness between them, a new heaviness to the atmosphere around them.

But Phil was more than ok with it, and if the way Dan pressed himself into Phil’s side was anything to go by, then he was perfectly content with it too.

“No promises,” Dan said, and flicked Phil’s cheek lightly. “This one’s a bit of a mess.”

“Rude,” Phil argued, and tugged Dan over to the sofa. “Shut up. It’s my turn to pick the film, and I’m going to deliberately pick something you hate unless you’re nice to me.”

“I’m always nice to you.” Dan crashed on a sofa cushion, curling up, and sent Phil one of the widest, brightest smiles he’d ever seen. “Far too fucking nice to you, actually.

Phil looked at him, curled up on the sofa with his oversized hoody and wide smile and soft, warm eyes, and that warm something in his chest bloomed again, spreading through him until he was tingling from head to toe. And Dan looked back, and smiled like he knew exactly what Phil was thinking, and stretched his hands out towards him in an obvious invitation.

Phil didn’t hesitate a moment before folding himself onto the sofa beside Dan, and this time he didn’t have to restrain his urge to reach out and wrap his arms around Dan, pull him close, or run fingers through his hair. Dan rested against him, warm and comforting and familiar, and nosed his way into Phil’s chest.

Phil glanced down at him, bit back a smile, and gathered him close.

“Gross,” Jack commented on his way to the door.

“Shut up,” Phil shot back, eyes closed, head rested against Dan’s. He heard the door slam shut behind Jack and smiled, pressing his face into Dan’s hair, relishing the warmth of having him close, finally.

Dan curled up closer, winding himself firmly into Phil’s arms, and Phil thought that he’d never felt more content.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan fluff #iwritephanthings #phandom big bang #phandom big bang 2017

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 7 years

Text

Of Dogs and Happiness

AO3 Link

Genre: Oneshot. Fluff, domestic fluff, whiny Dan

Summary: Fiction. The five times Dan realises their new dog loves Phil more than him, and the one time Phil made it better

Warnings: nothing, this is literally just fluff with the occasional swear word

Word Count: 4k

A/N: This is a write-out of many conversations I have had with @charlottekath about how Dan would feel if the dog he and Phil eventually get loves Phil more than him. Enter lots of whiny Dan and lots more ridiculousness

Reminder that I don’t know Dan or Phil at all and I’m not suggesting this in any way reflects reality. This is a work of fiction

…

--1--

Getting a corgi was inevitable, really.

They’d been talking about it for years, in idle daydreams and quiet moments curled up together in the darkness of their home. But now, in a house of their own, settled down for the future with busy city life behind them, they were finally ready.

His name was Caleb, and he was a corgi. Phil was delighted with him, so naturally Dan was too, because seeing Phil happy was better than anything else on the planet, really. Caleb spent his first night at home scampering about their feet, snuffling into the corners of their rooms, and making himself comfortable in the (rather extravagant) dog basket Dan had picked out for him.

Until that evening.

They’d curled up on the sofa together for the evening, the TV on the newest episode of My Hero Academia, subtitles up and running and Caleb curled up comfortably by their feet, investigating one of the (many) toys Dan had invested in.

Dan was delighted. He was warm, and comfortable, and Phil was next to him with his arm around Dan’s shoulders. Dan slid far enough down the sofa that his head rested somewhere on Phil’s chest, his legs hanging over the arm of the sofa because who cared about sitting on anything properly. Phil’s feet were crossed on the floor, Caleb a warm panting mess next to them.

This is it, Dan thought to himself. The domestic dream. He’d reached it.

Until Caleb sat up and started looking up at the sofa, wagging his tail.

Dan immediately brightened, leaning forward and cooing with his arm outstretched welcomingly. “Hello, little guy! Do you want to come up?”

Caleb’s tail wagged harder.

“You’re teaching him bad habits,” Phil warned, but his voice was warm and sleep-soft, tinged with that tone that Dan knew meant the evening was edging towards its end.

“It’s what he wants,” Dan argued stubbornly, hands outstretched. “It isn’t teaching him if it makes him happy.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” Phil hid his words behind a yawn, and shuffled about enough that Caleb could jump up between them if he wanted.

Dan made a delighted noise and tapped the sofa twice, the way the rescue dog knew to understand, and Caleb leaped straight up with his tail wagging even harder. Dan cooed, reaching for him, and then—

Caleb straight up turned his back on Dan, instead clambering determinedly into Phil’s lap.

Dan blinked.

“Oh, hello there.” Phil pushed his glasses up his nose – today had been a lazy Wednesday – and patted Caleb’s back. “You want to join in?”

Dan stared at Caleb, who was very happily curling up in a ball on Phil’s lap, right in the way of where Dan had been lying with his head on Phil’s chest. And Phil was continuing to pet him like there was nothing wrong with this situation.

Dan couldn’t believe it. “Um, excuse me?”

Phil looked over, his hand still on Caleb’s back (which made Caleb looked ridiculously small, considering the size of Phil’s hand) and raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Dan gestured towards the dog on Phil’s lap.

Phil glanced down, then back at Dan. “You might have to use your words for this one.”

Dan made a face at him. “This isn’t how it was supposed to be.”

“What are you talking about.” Phil looked fondly tired, shaking his head just a little. “You were the one who told Caleb to jump up.”

“Yeah, but now he’s where I’m supposed to be,” Dan grouched.

Phil’s lips twitched. “Did you want me to pet you too?”

“No, fuck off, you’re insufferable,” Dan griped. “Plus, Caleb was supposed to come to me.”

“Well, maybe if you sat like a normal human then he would.” Phil gestured to Dan’s rather strange position with his legs still flung over the arm of the sofa so he was mostly sideways.

Dan was most definitely not pouting. His face crumpled up, staring at the dog that was now receiving the majority of Phil’s attention, and was even still sitting with his back to Dan. Rude.

What had happened to Dan’s domestic bliss?

“You’re ridiculous,” Phil said with another warm shake of his head, and lifted one warm arm invitingly. “Get back over here.”

Dan made a displeased, huffing noise, but still lay back down to curl up under Phil’s arm. Unfortunately, from this angle, Caleb was now blocking Dan’s view of the tv screen and he couldn’t see the subtitles, he was going to have to make Phil rewatch this episode with him the next day. Caleb’s tail was still wagging, and although Dan couldn’t see his face, he could feel the warm fluffy body of their dog curled up with them both, and ok, maybe that could be an acceptable addition to cuddle time.

Dan would still rather see Caleb’s face than his butt, though. But it would be ok. The dog just needed some more time and training to realise it loved Dan the most.

--2--

After Caleb had been with them for two weeks, they’d fallen into something of a routine. He was an easy dog to look after, not needing much training and only light exercise, which was good for two humans who didn’t much like going outside. He was also enthusiastic about playtime and about cuddling, which would have made Dan really happy if he was the one that Caleb went to.

Unfortunately, Caleb had taken a decided liking to sitting in Phil’s lap.

Dan couldn’t blame him, really. The dog had good taste. The problem was, Dan thought he’d already laid pretty good claim to Phil, and he didn’t really want this dog to take his space.

Dan had lost count of the number of times he’d wandered up the stairs to the lounge to find Phil sitting at the computer, editing, with Caleb curled up on his knees. Phil absent-mindedly stroked Caleb’s rough fur, eyes glued to the screen.

Dan rethought his plan to clamber on Phil and demand his attention.

“How long are you going to stand there?” Phil asked, lightly amused.

Dan started, then frowned. He shouldn’t be taken by surprise anymore, Phil always caught him lurking when he was after attention. Usually, that was a good thing.

Not right now, though.

“I was going to come see if you were ok, but it seems like you’re just fine,” Dan said with a pointed glance to Caleb.

Phil’s lips twitched. He glanced away from the screen for long enough to send Dan an amused look, fingers still curled in Caleb’s fur. “You can come help me edit if you like. It’s for the gaming channel.”

“You never let me cuddle when you’re editing,” Dan griped under his breath, but he still went over and pulled up a chair next to Phil. He wasn’t much help at this point in the editing process, not when Phil was still going over all the technicalities of syncing up the gameplay with their footage, so the fact that Phil had asked him to help basically just meant that Phil wanted him nearby.

Dan liked that enough to put aside his feelings about the dog. Besides, if he sat close to Phil like this, then he could stroke Caleb too, and he liked the feeling he got when he made Caleb’s tail wag harder.

“See?” Phil murmured, one hand reaching over to squeeze Dan’s thigh. “Not so bad, is it?”

“Hmm.” Dan pursed his lips, not answering, and shuffled a bit closer.

--3--

When they were out walking, it also became starkly obvious just who Caleb’s favourite was.

Dan and Phil usually took him out together, even though technically only one of them needed to go. Originally, Dan had considered being lazy and staying in his place on the couch (he’d just managed to get his laptop in the perfect position to let him sprawl), but the sight of Phil with the dog lead and Caleb scampering happily around his ankles was enough of an image to get Dan up to his feet.

The outside wasn’t that bad, either. It was a crisp autumn day, with the leaves crunchy underfoot and the London streets damp, but in the way that made the air feel wintry and cosy rather than unpleasant. Dan loved this time of year best – right when everything was on the brink of change.

He tugged the sleeves of his jumper down over his hands and leaned into Phil’s side, Caleb scampering ahead of them on the pavement. They never had to walk him far, only just a few streets before he got tired out and ran off his extra energy.

Dan had that feeling again, that heavy warm feeling that settled in his bones and calmed his nerves. Phil by his side, a dog at their feet, it was hard not to feel settled, like his life was together in some regard. Especially with Phil’s comforting touch at his elbow, guiding him along their way despite them both knowing exactly where they were going.

Dan let out a soft, content sigh. “It’s pretty good, isn’t it?”

Phil hummed in affirmation, the fingers at Dan’s elbow sliding down to grip his wrist. It was as close to hand-holding as they’d get in public, even in their area. Old habits died hard.

“I’m pretty happy,” Phil agreed, and when Dan glanced over he was giving Dan a sideways smile. “Even with two needy little things to look after.”

Dan elbowed Phil in the side, but he was biting back a smile. “I think you’ll find I’m much more low-maintenance than Caleb.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Phil answered darkly. “I didn’t catch Caleb hiding the sweets from me last night.”

“Midnight snacking is bad for you,” Dan said smoothly. “It’s for your own good. And Caleb better not go anywhere near the snack cupboard.”

“Agreed on that one.” Phil gave a fervent nod, grip tightening around the lead as Caleb stopped to sniff at a lamppost. “Please don’t kill our dog before we’ve had him at least a month.”

Dan didn’t bother to hide his grin this time. He liked the way the words our dog slipped so easily from Phil’s mouth, cementing their future together. Dan already knew it was cemented, of course, that he was tied to Phil in basically every way possible, but it was still nice to get the confirmation now and then.

Of course, then Caleb decided that he’d had enough of sniffing the laptop and instead scampered back towards them. Dan bent down, arms outstretched all ready to welcome him, and as usual, Caleb completely ignored him and ran straight to Phil instead.

Dan huffed, watching the way Caleb weaved his way around Phil’s legs as Phil bent down to pat him on the back.

Phil grinned over at him. “I can’t help that I am the most lovable.”

“And the most insufferable.” Dan sighed. “And I was having such a good domestic moment.”

Phil just continued to laugh at him, still petting an incessantly wriggly Caleb.

--4--

It was surprising, how quickly their house adjusted to having Caleb a part of it.

In no time at all it was normal to trip over the dog toys in the lounge, to fill up the bowls on the kitchen floor, to save a little bit extra from their dinner (which Dan always told Phil off for doing, while simultaneously secreting away bits of his own meal to attempt to buy Caleb’s love. It had worked, with marginal success).

“It’s normal for some dogs to play favourites,” Phil said from the doorway, making Dan jump and almost drop the bit of apple he’d surreptitiously been trying to feed to Caleb.

Caleb sat on the floor, staring up at Dan, his mouth open in that strange corgi-smile he seemed to spend most of his life doing. His tail was still wagging. Dan very much doubted it ever stopped doing that.

“It isn’t fair,” Dan whined, bending back down and holding the apple out. “I bought him most of his things.”

“Well, you picked them,” Phil said good-naturedly. “I think it was my bank account, though.”

Dan flapped his hands. “Same difference. I gave him good taste. Why won’t he love me?”

Caleb sniffed at the outstretched bit of apple, wagged his tail, then promptly turned and headed straight for Phil.

Dan sighed dramatically, flopping over onto the floor. “Clearly I gave him too good taste. I, too, head straight towards you whenever you enter the room.”

Phil snorted, half-shocked. Dan didn’t normally admit such things, but it was safe when it was just the two of them – well, the three of them now that Caleb was a fixture.

Dan sighed, watching as Caleb achieved pats and rubs from Phil simply from being near him. “I remember the days I used to get all your attention. Ah, where have they gone, the good times? It feels so long ago.”

“Stop being overdramatic,” Phil chuckled. “I love both my children equally.”

Dan paused, thinking that over, and then made a face. “That’s really disturbing, Phil. Please don’t call me your child. Or the dog, for that matter, I don’t think either of us have ever birthed a dog.”

Phil grinned. “No, but I’d pay to see that happen. Particularly to you.”

Dan threw the left-over piece of apple at him, then stalked over to the kettle to make himself a commiseratory hot chocolate. At least hot drinks would always love him.

--5--

A few days later, the doorbell rang when Dan and Phil were in the middle of watching tv, curled up together on the sofa on a break from answering emails.

Dan groaned, but stayed in place. Normally, if they were in the middle of cuddling, they’d just let it go. Any parcels were left with their building, after all, in fact it was fairly rare for anyone to ring the doorbell without prior warning.

But this time, Phil attempted to sit up, pushing at Dan’ shoulder half-heartedly.

“Mph?” Dan made a surprised sound, glancing up from where he was sprawled across Phil’s lap (it was one of the rare occasions Caleb had gone to sleep in his dog basket, meaning Dan could reclaim his rightful place).

“Come on,” Phil pushed again, “I don’t want to miss it.”

“What even is it?” Dan mumbled sleepily, reluctantly rolling over enough that Phil could escape out from under him.

“You’re getting too big for this,” Phil said instead, disentangling himself and poking at Dan’s leg. “Too long. Like a tree. I’m going to have to stop watering you.”

Dan made a face, but watched with something close to interest as Phil went to answer the door. He couldn’t see the interaction from here, but he could hear enough to know that Phil was deliberately keeping his voice down.

Deliberately being mysterious, hm? That usually meant one thing and one thing only.

Dan sat up fully, eyes brightening a little, watching eagerly as Phil re-entered with a parcel held carefully between his hands. “What did you get me?”

“Huh?” Phil glanced over at where Dan was sitting on the edge of his seat. Then he grinned. “Oh, you’re going to love it.”

Dan bit his lip, leaning further forward as Phil set the parcel down on the coffee table. It had been a while since Phil had been tempted enough by strange corners of the internet to buy something strange, usually giving it to Dan just as a testament to how often he thought of him. Dan appreciated it, liked being spoiled more than he would admit to. Phil knew this, though, just as much as Phil enjoyed having an excuse to buy strange things. It worked out well.

Except this time, the picture was skewed yet again as Phil got to his feet and headed over to where Caleb was curled up in his basket.

“Come on, boy,” Phil tempted with a little back-pat to Caleb. “Wake up, I’ve got something to show you.”

Dan’s heart dropped to his stomach. “You… got something for the dog?”

Phil glanced over, excitement in his eyes. “Yeah! I figured, you’ve got him lots of fancy things but I really haven’t spoiled him much yet, it isn’t really fair on him.”

Dan bit his inner cheek, hard. So hard his eyes started to smart.

“You’re going to love this,” Phil said encouragingly to a sleepy Caleb, who, despite his eyes hardly being open, had started to wag his tail. Of course he had. The sound of Phil’s voice could call fucking angels. No wonder Caleb loved him so much.

When Phil had coaxed Caleb over to the table and shown him the parcel, Caleb had woken up almost fully, his tail wagging and his beady, black eyes curious. Dan, despite himself, couldn’t help but watch with a soft warmth as Phil excitedly tried to get Caleb to open the packaging, lifting one of Caleb’s paws.

“You’re going to hurt him,” Dan eventually sighed in exasperation, leaning forward with one hand outstretched, beckoning. “Give it here before you break something.”

Phil surrendered the package easily enough, still grinning. “You’re going to love this too, Dan, I know it.”

“Sure,” Dan muttered, still bitter about the fact that Phil had bought their dog something rather than Dan. And it had been ages since Phil ordered anything. Honestly.

Still, Dan had to admit he was curious as he ripped open the packaging carefully, and revealed… a new toy.

A ring to play tug-of-war with, which made sense. Caleb had broken his the other day by too-enthusiastically playing with Phil (because, of course, he only played with Phil, when Dan tried he simply sat there wagging his tail and refusing to move).

“Show him!” Phil said eagerly.

Dan rolled his eyes, but Caleb had already caught wind that something was happening and was sitting at Dan’s feet now, staring up at him with those deep black eyes that were near-impossible to say no to. So Dan set the packaging down and held out the ring, which Caleb sniffed excitedly, wagging his tail.

“You want to play?” Dan asked hopefully, holding the ring out, and sure enough Caleb took it between his teeth with an excited little growl.

Dan grinned, pretending to tug back, only for Caleb to tug away with enough force to surprise Dan into letting go. And then, of course, Caleb took the toy straight over to Phil.

Dan watched with abject horror as Phil took the other end of the ring with a small laugh, entering into a very familiar tug-of-war scene.

Dan could have done that. Why didn’t Caleb realise this?

Phil grinned over their dog’s excited, wriggling body at Dan. “See? He loves it! I knew he would.”

“Yeah,” Dan answered dejectedly, and flopped over on his back, staring contemplatively up at the ceiling. “Of course he does.”

--+1--

The next day, Dan and Phil were curled up on the sofa again, this time with Caleb wedged between them. This was pleasant, Dan could admit. Phil was still giving him attention, one arm curved around Dan’s shoulders, and Dan had wrestled with Caleb to figure out the best way to share Phil’s lap space. They’d just about managed it, and Dan was pleasantly warm with the way Caleb was curled up right beside his face.

This was acceptable levels of cuddling.

Then, the doorbell rang again.

Dan groaned the minute Phil started shifting. “I swear to fucking hell, if it’s another fucking present for that dog—”

“It’s nothing of the sort,” Phil complained. “How dare you accuse me of that?”

“It’s going to be another toy, isn’t it.”

“Shush, and move, you’ll see.” Phil touched his nose, attempting to be sly. It came off as dorky, of course, like most of the things Phil did, but Dan was still impossibly endeared. He rolled his eyes, rolling off Phil and sitting up.

“This better be worth it.”

“Trust me, it is,” Phil answered solemnly, then reached down and plucked a sleeping Caleb off his lap, placing him instead across Dan’s knees.

Dan looked down in surprise.

“Hold him for a minute,” Phil ordered, then disappeared to answer the door.

Dan paused, glancing down at the warm weight now taking up his lap. Caleb was fuzzy and still asleep, somehow, his ears twitching a bit with his dreams.

Dan smiled. He reached down, curling his fingers gently through Caleb’s fur. This was pleasant. This, he could deal with.

Then Phil came back, something hidden behind his back.

Dan caught his eye and sighed, glancing up at the ceiling. “It’s alright, I know you’ve betrayed me again by getting something for the dog. Better to rip the plaster off and tell me straight away.”

“You’re so overdramatic.” Phil shook his head, lips twitching. He came to sit beside Dan, glancing down at where Caleb was asleep. “See? He does like you.”

“Only until he wakes up and realises he’s not near you again,” Dan answered darkly.

Phil bumped his shoulder against Dan’s, reprimanding, but he was still smiling. “Well, actually, I have something that may help with that.”

Dan arched a brow at him.

Phil brought his hands out from behind his back with a dramatic flourish, revealing a small, suspiciously flat parcel wrapped in brown paper.

Dan narrowed his eyes. “What did you get him this time, then?”

“Well, it’s sort of for both of you.” Phil handed it over, careful not to disturb Caleb on the way.

Dan paused, thinking that over. He weighed the parcel in his hands. It didn’t feel like much. “I honestly have no idea where you’re going with this,” Dan remarked casually, and slid his thumb under the slit, ripping the parcel open slowly.

Inside was a… dog brush?

Dan took it out slowly, discarding the packaging somewhere safely far away from sleeping Caleb. He turned the item over in his hands. It looked like a dog brush, but it was a weird shape, and a ghastly green in colour.

“I fail to see how this is for me,” Dan said finally, “but I’m sure Caleb will love it.”

“It is for you,” Phil stubbornly argued.

Dan sent him a flat look. “It’s a dog brush.”

“A left-handed dog brush.” Phil leaned over, his hand brushing over Dan’s, showing the correct way to hold it. “Built for left-handed people. And I was reading that brushing a dog is a really good way to bond with it, so you can – you know, this way you can have a thing that’s specifically for you and Caleb.”

Dan sat there, speechless.

“I mean,” Phil rushed to say, “You’re always saying how sad you are Caleb loves me more than you – and he does, sure, but dogs play favourites all the time and if you’re legitimately bothered by it, then like – maybe this is a thing you can have with him. A brush that I can’t use.”

“A brush that you can’t use,” Dan repeated slowly.

Phil nodded. “Yeah. Like – something just for you and Caleb.”

Dan bit both his lips ferociously to hold back his smile.

“You should try it,” Phil added knowingly. “He won’t mind being woken up by a brush, he’s been asleep for ages.”

Dan bit his lips harder. But he did it, picking up the brush carefully with his left hand and testing the bristles. They felt soft enough. Slowly, he reached down to where Caleb was still curled up in his lap and gently laid the brush against his fur.

Caleb started, lifting his head curiously. Dan let him have a sniff of the brush before laying it back against his fur, starting to brush him slowly.

Caleb made a contented noise and laid his head back on Dan’s lap, stretching out his small body happily. As Dan continued to brush, his tail started to wag.

Dan smiled.

“Told you,” Phil said smugly from his side.

Dan knocked him with his elbow, still smiling. “Hey. He still loved you first, I have to bribe him.”

“He loves you too,” Phil disagreed. “You’re the one who let him sleep on the bed with us.”

“He’s impossible to say no to,” Dan answered stubbornly, refusing to admit that that had been another form of bribery to try and get the dog to love him.

Phil just chuckled knowingly, tucking himself up against Dan’s side. “I do get a bit how you feel, though. Right now I want to lie in your lap, but there’s a dog in the way.”

“Welcome to my world,” Dan answered drily, but he did as Phil always did and lifted his free arm invitingly.

Phil snuggled up next to him, and Dan continued brushing the happily sleeping dog, and all in all, Dan’s domestic fantasy was working out pretty well.

“Thank you,” Dan murmured after a few minutes of peaceful silence.

Phil glanced up at him, still tucked again Dan’s side. “You’re welcome. Any time you need reassurance that you are of equal importance to a dog, you just let me know.”

Dan elbowed him again, smiling softly. “Don’t ruin it. You just did something really sweet, don’t spoil it now.”

Phil mimed zipping his mouth shut, then curled back up against Dan’s side.

Yeah, Dan thought to himself happily as he continued to brush their dog. Domestic bliss. He wasn’t completely sure what that looked like, but he was fairly sure what he had currently came pretty damn close.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan fluff #domestic phan fluff #domestic phan #iwritephanthings

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 6 years

Text

Running Into You - No. 6

Installment number 6 in my series of AU oneshots about Dan meeting his favourite youtuber AmazingPhil for the first time.

AO3 link

Genre: Fluff, with a sort of 2009-ish feel (but it’s still AU)

Warnings: A bit of swearing and some mentions of low self-esteem but literally it’s just fluff

Prompt: Missent Text

Summary: Dan’s on his gap year, so naturally he’s spending most of his time lounging around on the internet, watching his favourite youtubers and scrolling through tumblr. When he gets an accidental text from an unknown number, he doesn’t think much of it, until a series of events start to convince him the sender might just be someone he idolises: AmazingPhil.

A/N: This draft is like 2 years old, but @agingphangirl convinced me to post this while we’re waiting for pinof. It’s epistolary form, so I hope it isn’t too confusing. Hope you like it ^_^

Phil’s texts are italics, Dan’s texts are in quotation marks

…

6. Missent Text

Where r u?

Sorry what?

Where r u I’ve been here 10 mins

…Am I supposed to be somewhere?

You said on dm you’d be here at 6, I’m getting cold ^_^

Um I’m sorry mate but you must have the wrong number

Oh crap!! Sorry!!

.Lmao it’s ok. Just checked my dms and nothing interesting enough to make me be outside in this weather sorry

Tell me about it x_x I’m freezing. But if you’re not peej then I’ll be here a while

Unfortunately for you I go by Dan

Oh. Well, hello Dan. Sorry for bothering you with my freezing antics

Nvm it’s cool

It’s more than COOL, it’s COLD enough for ICICLES

I’m sure ur exaggerating

No my nose is an actual block of ice

Where even are you? Unless you’re in the Arctic you might want to get that seen to

Sorry! Peej showed up eventually (the friend I thought you were). Turns out he gave me the wrong number. All sorted now. I promise not to bother you again

Honestly it’s fine. I probably need more human contact so you did me a favour

Haha, glad to be of service ^_^ also I was in Manchester. It’s so cold it snowed. My icicle nose is allowed

Manchester? That’s like waaaaay in the north

Not that far but cold enough for icicle noses :P

Yes yes ok you’re allowed an icicle nose

Haha thanks :P so where are you, if not in the north?

Reading

Ohhhh so a proper southerner

I guess you could say that

Well hello Dan the proper southerner

God no that makes me sound like a queens guard or something

Do you queens guard people have time to text?

We’re too busy dealing with the corgis and all that shit

I knew it 0.o

XD but really I’m sitting in bed on the internet lol

Actually same

Haha really?

Yep. Which sites you on?

Just the usual. Tumblr, YouTube. My favourite youtuber has a new video due out tonight

Nice ^_^

What sites are you on?

Currently uploading a video to my YouTube channel

You have a channel?!

Haha yeah ^_^

Which one? Would I know it?

I don’t know. It isn’t a huge deal but it’s fun

Yeah I mean I admire that. I’d love to have a channel

Why don’t you?

Idk too scared I guess

Awr ^_^ nothing to be scared about honest, it’s just you and a camera

And the whole of the internet xD

Haha I try not to think about that part 0.o thousands of people watching me

Thousands? Wow so you must be a pretty big channel

Heh I guess, maybe ^_^ so who are your favourite youtubers?

Oh man I have loads XD Smosh, community channel, AmazingPhil (the one I’m waiting for the new video), charlieissocoollike

That’s a good mix ^_^ my new video is 99% uploaded and stuck there x_x

Seriously? Your connection needs to sort its shit out

Haha yeah it really does. I think it’s being attacked by bees

Bees?

Or wasps

Seriously?

Tiny horned beetles?

Do they even exist?

Idk but if they do they’re attacking my wifi

I’ll send the insect spray

Haha thanks XD it must have worked as my video is finally uploaded!

—

…Great video. Especially the lion wedding, that was sweet

Haha thanks! Glad you liked it, took ages to get the dress on lioness. Plus my mum nearly walked in on me 0.o

Holy fuck you actually are AmazingPhil aren’t you

Um, well, yes.

Sorry.

AmazingPhil, FantasticPhil, Epic Youtuber

or just Phil if you prefer

I probably should have told you

Jesus shitting fuck I’m sorry for bothering you

Don’t be daft! I accidentally texted you first ^_^

Yeah but I bet you didn’t expect to end up with a weird fanboy. Um. Not that I’m a stalker I promise

Haha it’s ok Dan honestly

I’m not going to spread your number around or anything holy shit like I’m so sorry

Honestly, please don’t worry, it’s been nice talking to you ^_^ I appreciate you not spreading my number around though. I got lucky with you, don’t want to risk a creepy stalker finding me 0.o

Lmao I promise xD how do you know for sure I’m not a creepy stalker though

0.o I’ll set the bees against you

I’ll start running now

Haha

—

So out of curiosity how long have you been watching my videos for?

Oh um a couple of years now

Really? That’s awesome!

Yeah. You actually replied to one of my comments once ^_^ made my day

Aw haha that’s great, which video?

The toxic one

Oh my god >.<

Haha it’s a good video :P

I should remove it from the internet immediately

Don’t you dare! Your fans would be sad

X_x well this isn’t very fair if you know about me but I don’t know you at all

Well you know my name’s Dan

And you’re from Reading. Tell me more? ^_^

unless you don’t want to, that’s fine, I’m just curious

Haha no it’s alright. Um. I’m Dan. I just finished my A levels and now I’m taking a gap year

Oh cool ^_^ going to uni after that?

Probably. Thinking of law

Wow, that’s impressive

Haha we’ll see ^_^

Just checking but how old are you? I don’t want to be a creep 0.o

Lmao dw I’m 18 everything is legal

Phew XD Anything else I should know?

Well I’m currently undefeated at mario kart

What seriously? You’ve never lost?

Nope and I don’t plan to start :P

I’d beat you

I really wish we could test that theory

Haha that would be fun :P we could always test it over Skype sometime?

That’s probably really weird sorry

I promise I’m not a creeper

It’s ok, and yeah, I’d love to Skype sometime

Yeah? Yay! :D

Lmao you’re probably going to want to run a mile when you see me though

I doubt that very much unless you have like five eyes or something

Five eyes? Wtf XD

Idk you could be a giant spider

[insert pic] See? Not a giant spider :P

Oh wow yeah not a giant spider. I spy a cute guy :P

Shut up >.<

Nice hair

Lol I swear I had it like this before I started watching you

[insert pic] And here I thought I’d started a trend

Crap you actually are Phil >.< yeah your hair is cool enough to be a trendsetter tbh

Haha thanks XD and yeah I am Phil. Is that a problem?

Are you kidding me? Nope except I turn even more awkward than normal around people I admire

Aw well awkward people are the best. And at least there aren’t videos of you half-naked on the internet

You make a good point

—

Hey so I’m uploading a new video tonight but I can’t decide if it’s actually any good. Check it out for me?

Omfg are you seriously saying I get a sneak preview on an AmazingPhil video

Yes please ^_^ I might have overweirded. Need a second opinion

Omfg

just like

give me a moment

wtf

fucking hell

wow ok

I’m calm now

yes I would love to check your video for you

Haha thanks. It’s up as unlisted, [insert link] please be honest with me if it’s terrible

Wow man that’s awesome! I love how interactive it is!

Omfg seriously how are you this creative like you shouldn’t be allowed

Haha really? Wow thanks, I’m not sure about the shot angle though and the lighting is kinda terrible

Yeah ngl the lighting is bad but you can’t control the sun

You never know! I could be a weatherman. But you seriously think I should upload it?

[insert pic with thumbs up] totally I love it

Aw I forgot how hot you are. It’s going up tonight then

CUTE I MEANT CUTE

Gah I’m sorry

Haha it’s fine, getting called hot is never bad in my book ;)

Would you believe it was autocorrect?

Haha if you want :P sounds pretty unlikely though

I’m hiding in a pillow and never coming out

No! Then your subscribers will hate me for taking you away

[insert pic in a pillow] do you like my new home

XD don’t hide from me seriously like you have a video to upload

[insert pic] ok true it’s on 68%

Damn YouTube upload times

Tell me about it. Have you ever uploaded a video then?

Lmao there’s one of me being a boss at DDR

Yeah? Can I check it out?

>.< Um sure, I’m a lame nerd though

Dan, have you even met me?

Haha ok true :P [insert link] just don’t say I didn’t warn you

No one’s feet should be allowed to move that fast. You’re so good, I fall over whenever I try and play

Haha I could teach you

Please be my DDR master Dan-sensei

Depends what you give me :P

I’ve got Pokemon cards

I’m sold

—

[insert pikachu with a lion pic] this was too cute not to show you

Awwww! Rawr ^_^ where is that?

Shop called forbidden planet. I’m in London on work experience and went there on my break

0.o London? You’re braver than me, capital cities scare me

Aw poor Phil haha

[insert pic] do I look ready for work?

Very serious

Srs bsns

[insert scared face pic] I’ll take YouTube any day

Haha. Me too tbh. Law offices are big and dull

Why do you want to do it then?

Idk. Job security? Having a point in life?

Fair enough :P

You did English didn’t you? Sorry I swear I’m not a stalker

Haha it’s fine ^_^ and yeah, English language and linguistics. Then a masters in post-production

Wow that’s so cool. So you’re in your 20s?

22 ^_^ My masters is the only reason I know how to edit videos :P

I wish I could

Well I can always teach you

Seriously?!

Yeah of course, I reckon you’d be great at making videos

Really? Lmao I’m so awkward tho

That can work in your favour, trust me :P

Haha well if you say so, YouTube senpai

Listen well Dan-kun and you too will learn the ways of the YouTube

Haha you’re so strange

You’re just jealous

[insert pic] so much

Stop taking pics at work

But it’s so boring. At least send me one back, save me from the dullness

[insert pic] on my way to a meetup so might be a bit slow

Oh cool meetup like YouTube meetup?

I guess that must be fun

I’d love to go to one but too scared and awkward lol

Save me work is literally killing me

I can’t actually keep working here

ugh why did I ever think law was a good idea I’m going to die at uni

Whoops sorry I seem to have spammed your phone

—

Hey Dan, sorry! I forgot to bring my charger to the meetup so my phone has only just come back to me. I mourned it’s passing *plays lion king music*

Oh that’s ok

I really am sorry that I couldn’t distract you from your work

Lmao no worries

Don’t know if it’ll make it any better but I am working on a new video and lion says he thinks law is a very admirable career option

Tell lion thanks and I’d be even more grateful if he did my degree for me

He says sign him up where are you going to uni anyway?

Well I’m not there yet. I have to start applying soon

Looked around any?

Errrr I’ll get on that

Isn’t the deadline soon?

Yeah but I’m an epic procrastinator

Lion is very disappointed

Lion can suck my dick

Dan!

Lmao I was kidding

besides you’re 18 you have loads of time to sort stuff out

Yeah but I have literally no idea what I’m doing

No one does. That’s why you go to uni - to figure it out

You seemed to have it all together

Haha thanks, but honestly, I was just making stupid videos in my bedroom

does that sound wrong?

Lmao a little yeah

Oops

Dw lol if you’re a sexual predator you’re a bit far away to do any real damage

True

:( I’d rather you were nearer tbh

Even if I’m a sexual predator?

Lol I don’t really think you are though

Well I’m not

And me too, Dan

—

[insert pic] last day at the office today I literally couldn’t be happier

Lol I can see from your face

[insert pic] is it that obvious

Rawr

I’ll send lioness to aid you

Lioness not lion?

She’s much fiercer

Lmao probs true either way I’ll take help

At least soon you’ll be free

Yeah I literally can’t wait

Gonna do something to celebrate? ^_^

Lol all my friends are at uni

[insert pic] well Lion and I are proud of you

Aw thanks ^_^ I still forget you’re AmazingPhil sometimes

I’m deeply offended

no but really I’m just Phil and you’re really cool

sorry

Na it’s fine I just had to work

Oops XD

I’m hiding out in the toilets now so we’re fine lmao

and I have no issues with you being Phil

I mean it could be worse at least you aren’t a creepy stalker

I hope not. Also uploading another video tonight, I think you’ll like it

!!! Best celebration ever

^_^

—

So I may have been stalking you on Twitter and it seems your birthday is soon?

0.o stalker. And yeah it is ^_^

wait you follow me? What’s your Twitter handle?

Um. Yes I follow you. And this is going to sound very awkward and stuff but I kind of want to send you a birthday present

Omg Dan you don’t have to do that

Well I’d kinda like to so :P should I use your PO box?

Nah that takes ages to check, I’ll give you my actual address

I promise not to hunt you down

Tbh if it’s you I wouldn’t even mind

Omg

[insert pic with address] there you go

Lol is that a bank statement?

Yeah I’m so profesh

Phil! I could literally rob you

Well I trust that you won’t :P

Lmao you’d better

What’s your Twitter handle btw? You never said

Uh its danisnotonfire.

But please don’t judge me oh god I’m such a nerd

Dan honestly you’re the coolest person I know

sorry was that a bit much?

No! I’m just struggling to respond to the best youtuber out there calling me cool

Not just cool, the coolest :P wow you’ve commented on my tweets quite a bit

>.<

Sorry I never noticed you properly

You accidentally texted me I think that wins

Haha true

—

Happy birthday!

Thanks! ^_^ I have family stuff but I’ll talk to you as soon as I’m done

Sure sure have a great day!

— DAN OMG

YOUR PRESENTS

YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SHOULDN’T

[insert excited pic cuddling the presents] you’re amazing

you’re so amazing

I can’t believe you

honestly you’re too amazing

how did I ever meet someone this nice and funny and cool and kind and cute and sweet

honestly

and I know you must be sleeping it’s like 2am but I have to tell you

OMG you’re too adorable

who let you be like this and you’re too far away :(

I wish you could be here so I could give you a thank-you hug

Wow I’m glad you liked them :P I’ll take a thank-you hug

What are you doing still up?

Can’t sleep how was the party?

GR8 M8! My parents embarrassed me in front of everyone

Oh no what did they do?

Got the baby photos out >.<

Lmao I’d love to see that

I was ginger

OMG for real?!

Yes >.< *hides forever*

That’s adorable

You’re adorable

Your mum’s adorable

Actually shut up

:P aren’t you too old for immature arguments now

Go to sleep

Lmao I’m glad it was good though

Thanks yeah it was rly good

Looking through the photos now

Any good ones?

Mostly drunk XD [insert pic]

Who’s that guy?

My cousin

Lmao ok I was about to say hands off

XD he was really drunk

You look a bit worse for the wear too

I may be slightly intoxicated

Haha tut tut Lester

Shut up Dan :P what is your surname?

Howell

Howell? Like a wolf?

Lmao if you like

Awooooooo

You’re so strange XD

AwoloooooOooooOOOOO

it suits you though

you’re very brown

XD aren’t wolves grey?

Well yeah

but like

you have their wildness

Lmao I’m taking that as a compliment

You should

you’re hot as hell

but so young and sticky out

like a baby deer

A wolf and a baby deer?

And eyes like an owl

You and your animal metaphors

None of those are quite right though

Like your eyes are too pretty they’re more like the night sky

but coloured with earth

You’re drunk

I mean it though

…I know

I wish I had eyes like yours

No! Yours are perfect

They’re big and weird

They’re deep and beautiful and I could swim in them all day

and I’m not drunk

I should be sleeping

You’re sleep-drunk :P which is actually a thing you know

Right I’m going to sleep

Noooooooo

We’ll talk about this when we’re both more sane

But I don’t want you to go

it’s quiet and sad when you aren’t around

and I’m cold here now

and it’s my birthday

Dan?

Happy birthday you idiot. Now go to sleep

night Dan <333

—

I’m so sorry about last night I had too much to drink

Haha it’s ok it was your birthday

Yeah but still

I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable

You didn’t. There’s nothing to worry about

Do we need to talk about this?

Um. Do you want to?

Kind of

But kind of not

I don’t want to make you feel awkward

I’m always awkward

Dan, for real. You know what I mean.

Yeah I think I do

Do we need to talk about it?

I think we’re both aware it’s there. Let’s just see where it goes?

Yeah ok sounds good. And no awkwardness?

None at all, I promise <3

Good <3

—

Hey Dan, are you still up for Skype at some point?

Yeah, sure ^_^ tonight?

Yeah! I’ll just finish up editing

Ooh, what’s it like?

Haha spoilers :P what’s your Skype name?

Danisnotonfire same as Twitter

Original :P

added you

‘AmazingPhil has added you to his contacts’ you’re just as original I see

Shut up and answer the call

—

So my eyes are even bluer on skype? :P

Haha shuddup

They’re even more blue in person

Are they even blue lmao they’re like 3 different colours

[insert pic] mostly blue

Greeny yellow blue

Very poetic

Shuddup :P

sorry I’ll stop

Please don’t

Lol fishing for compliments?

Well if they’re being offered

You’re impossible

That isn’t a compliment

You’re ridiculously strange?

I’ll take that

Haha of course you would :P

So what are you up to?

Actually answering a few texts for once, you?

Throwing around some video ideas but I’m bored now. Who’re you texting?

Some school friends who are at uni

Nice ^_^

Well. Sort of. It’s weird

Tell me about it?

It’s just they all have these lives that are moving forwards and away from home and leaving me behind

and I just

My ex is dating someone else and I’m in exactly the same place as I was when she broke up with me

And I’m not content but I don’t really want to go anywhere or do anything and I just don’t know what on earth I’m going to do with my life

Were you happy with them before school ended?

Idk. I thought so at the time. But I don’t think I’ve ever really been happy, not yet

It’s ok. You don’t have to know right now. And one day you’ll leave all of them behind too and move on to something better

I think I already am. Having you around is better than them

Sorry

Haha don’t apologise for being so sweet ^_^

Also I’m single now. And bi. Just to avoid confusion

I’m bi too. Probably

Probably?

Not a massive fan of labels if I’m honest

If I feel something for someone then that’s all that matters

Might be demi, might be bi, might be somewhere inbetween.

And I don’t want you to worry about your future, ok? Everything is going to fall into place

And if it doesn’t I’ll be around to distract you with more lame animal comparisons

Haha I actually love you

Me too <3

—

Get on Skype!

Ok it’s late you’re probably sleeping

it’s just

ugh I don’t know who else to talk to so I’m going to rant at your phone like a completely normal person

but mum yelled at me for not doing my uni application yet

but I just don’t know what to do I mean law yes but how do I decide where?

This is huge

and I don’t want to rush into it

but she thinks I’m going to miss the deadline though there’re months left

and I just

ugh

now she isn’t talking to me

Dan I’m sorry I was sleeping. Skype now?

I really don’t mind you spamming my phone, please do, always, I’d rather you had somewhere to talk about this stuff

And you know, Manchester uni is good. I could show you around

—

I spoke to mum about going to look around the uni.

She asked where I would stay.

I kind of told her I have friends at uni there.

It’s a half truth right?

Awesome ^_^ Um do you think she’d like to know the truth?

Probably.

Idk.

She might freak out and be worried

Because you’re meeting a random man you’ve never met before?

Lmao when you put it like that

Are you honestly ok with this? It’s fine if you’re not

No no I’m so ok. I want to meet you. Like properly

I want that too. So much

So it’s going to happen. I’m buying train tickets

Awesome ^_^ but your mum?

Do you think I should tell her?

I think she’d be happier knowing where you are

Yeah. Yeah I know. I’ll talk to her

Give her my phone number too. And my address

Lmao you after more stalkers?

Dan I’m serious I want you to be safe

You spoon

yeah I’ll tell her everything. She might not be best pleased though

Dw if she locks you up I’ll come rescue you

—

I told her

!!! And?

She said yes

OMG!!!!! I’m out atm but Skype as soon as I get back?

Yes please :P

[insert happy pic]

—

Hey Dan you should make a YouTube channel before you visit me

?? Really?

Yeah I mean you always say you want to. And we could do a collab ^_^

For serious?!

Yeah! I mean, if you want to

I’ve been wanting to do a Q and A for a while and it would be fun I think

Omfg

Is that a yes?

Hell yes it’s a yes

Um only problem is

How do I even make a video?

However you want ^_^ you’ve told me loads of good ideas

But they’re so lame lmao

They’re really not. I promise.

Why not start with an introduction? Then you can go on to your actual content

Omg but like do you really think I could?

Honestly! Yes.

My mum’s going out in a minute so I’ll have the house to myself. I could film

That’s brilliant! I’m about to head out with mum but film whilst I’m gone and we can Skype later yeah?

Ok wow

omg

Phil this isn’t working I sound so stupid

fucking hell I can’t do this

You can! Act like you’re on Skype to me

Can we Skype?

Still visiting my brother sorry :( tonight we will

Ok. I’ll keep trying

You can do it! Pretend the camera is me. Or any friend. It’ll help

Ok <3

—

Holy fuck Phil I have views.

And subscribers! So many subscribers!

Told you!!

This is because you tweeted it

No, it’s because you’re really bloody talented

>.< I can’t believe I did that

You did and you’re awesome and I’m so proud of you!

Can’t wait to collab :D

Me neither, if you still want to I mean

Silly, of course I want to. Best thing about this month

—

Um so a bit of a change of plan

??? Do I need to cancel the train tickets?

No no! Just

Turns out my parents aren’t going to be here the weekend you’re visiting.

Is that a problem?

Lmao no why would it be

are you planning to ravish me or something

>.< I don’t think I’ve ever ravished anything in my life

Well you can start with me ;)

Dan!

Seriously though. Is it ok?

Yeah. Honestly it’s great.

Are you sure?

Are you?

Yeah I mean honestly it’ll be nicer to see you without having to get around them

I just don’t want to weird you out

You won’t

I hope not

Phil honestly I can’t wait

:D me neither

where are you btw? Skype isn’t picking up

Oh yeah, my internet is down, sorry

:O no wifi?!

No wifi. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive

I’ll spam you with texts

Please!

Actually I have something better

[incoming call: AmazingPhil]

—

I’m at the train station and it’s super early I’m not even sure you’re worth it

Sorry! I’ll make it up to you with hot coffee and hugs ^_^

Ok yeah you are worth it

Aw :D

On the train next to an old man who’s threatening to fall asleep on my shoulder

x_X tell him to keep his hands off

Lmao yeah I’m sure you’d really sort him out

I could be fierce

You’re literally a muffin with an emo fringe

I’ll fill your bag with bees

I’ll tame them into my own personal army

Then you’ll be our evil overlord

Mwahahaha

Can I be on your side when you take over the world?

Your lion powers could come in useful so yeah I guess so

Awesome we can run the world together

Yes :P

ugh the train is running late

:( by how much?

Twenty minutes atm

I’ll still get to the station at ten to

Well it might be running quite late by the time we get that far north

I don’t want to miss you. I’ll be there <3

I can’t wait

Me neither

Stuck in Stoke now. Literally the weirdest station I’ve ever seen

Haha really?

Yeah. And it’s packed. I had no idea this many people travelled this early on a Saturday, I didn’t even know this time exists

It doesn’t and you’re travelling in some other dimension right now

Shut up :P

Just waved my parents off. I’ll head out to the station soon

I’m so nervous

Me too <3

Promise you won’t run a mile?

Promise. I’ll see you soon Dan

See you soon

—

#phan #phan fluff #phanfic #2009 phan #phanfiction #iwritephanthings #runningintoyou

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 7 years

Text

Steal My Heart (steal my whole life too) 28/28

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

A/N: And… we are here. Final chapter!! I’m honestly so emotional, this story has been such an incredibly long journey but one I’m so incredibly proud of and I know Elizajane is too. Thank you so, so much to everyone who has been along on this epic journey with us, to everyone who has left us feedback on AO3 or tumblr or even just liked a chapter, everything means so much to the both of us and the reception of this story has been fantastic.

Now, we have a slight proposition to run by you guys. This is the first story that Elizajane and I ever wrote together, and as such it is very close to both our hearts. Also, we spent so much time editing each chapter and piecing the story together for posting that it has grown into something we’re really very proud of, and us such, we have been considering possibly reworking this story into something we could self-publish together.

So we’re asking you, our readers: how would you feel about us taking this down to turn it into something we could self-publish? I know some of you have already said in the comments that we could do this, and this means the absolute world to both of us, but please be honest with how you would feel if we did this as your opinions are important to the both of us

And one final thing: the most incredible silentorator has made a cover for this fic!! The art is absolutely beautiful and we were both shocked and so so happy when we saw it, it’s beautiful and more than we could ever have expected. Please click on this link to go and see it: http://silentorator.tumblr.com/post/164372031120/a-cover-for-the-story-steal-my-heart-steal-my

And now, enjoy the final chapter!!

(AO3 link) (Masterlist)

Chapter 28

Four Days Later

Standing in front of the Royal Hall at Cornelia and Martyn’s wedding reception this time around was a very different experience. For one, neither Phil nor Martyn had been certain they would ever get here, and for two, Phil was very much so not alone for the first time at a public appearance.

Next to him stood Daniel Howell, proud and resplendent in the royal blue robes that Phil had dressed him in, hair styled back and face painted over in makeup that only enhanced his features, but changed none of them. On their fingers lay two matching pairs of rings -- the rings they had gifted each other, and the royal betrothal rings Phil had promised Dan they could get rid of once they were married.

They were two ghastly looking purple and green stained metals that were given to every Royal betrothal, and while neither male could wait to be rid of it, custom demanded that its presence be included if Dan or Phil ever wanted their betrothal to be taken seriously.

Phil’s mother had given them the two a mere few hours after they’d returned from their mission to save the Princess, offering them both a quick wink before scurrying off to take care of whatever else needed to be taken care of in the Royal City.

It had been an honest relief to receive them so soon, and while Dan had put up a fight at wearing them, he’d given in at Phil’s insistence and promise that they’d be rid of them soon enough. This way, no one could fight them on their status as betrothed, which Phil thought was secretly the real reason that Dan had given in so easily in the end.

Now, they were stood among all the finery of a royal wedding, watching on as Martyn and Cornelia had their first dance.

The last four days had truly been hectic, and Phil still couldn’t quite believe everything that had happened. The music around them was almost too cheery for all that Dan and Phil had been through, and yet Martyn and Cornelia seemed happy at least.

Having Dan’s hand in his was definitely helping to make Phil happy as well, even as he thought back to all that they had been through.

After Cornelia had been saved that night, much had happened. Dan and Phil had been rushed to Phil’s bed chambers for a much needed bath and a rest, and while they’d soaked together in the tub, relaxing for the first time in the last few days, a healer had come to look at Dan’s wounds. Dan had forced Phil to cover his private bits with some bubbles while he himself climbed out of Phil’s tub with no shame, bearing his left side to the healer as if it were the natural thing to do.

Phil had been relieved when the healer had reassured that there was nothing wrong with the cuts; no dark magic, poison, or infection, and they would heal up into three very nice scars soon enough, and might have dragged Dan into a rather enthusiastic and relieved kiss the minute the man was gone. Dan hadn’t complained, climbing into Phil’s lap in the tub, and having his way with him.

They’d retired to Phil’s rather large bed not long after, Phil’s mother sneaking in only once to drop off their rings for them, and then sneaking back out.

That night they slept fitfully, unused to the comforts of royal life after so long living out in the wild, and when morning came, they were thrown back into the chaos and mayhem of palace life.

Dan… had not been enjoying it very much just yet, not that Phil could blame him. Being in the Palace meant adhering to the Palace customs, and that meant no more parading around in his dark brown cloak, or scuttling up to the rafters whenever he pleased. No, this time, Dan actually had to attend to the royals around him, be polite to the people he’d been stealing from for most of his life, and make easy and polite small talk with them while Phil went about his business.

It was driving Dan crazy.

These were people he’d broken into the houses of countless times, stealing their most precious possessions and running off cackling into the night. Never mind that when Dan did reveal himself in public, it was usually to incite fear. Threats fell far more easily from his tongue than polite epithets.

But this was Phil’s world, now. And Dan wanted a place here. He was just going to have to learn how to be polite.

Perhaps one of the most difficult things was the change in his appearance, though. As soon as they’d finished their first bath and Dan’s cuts had been checked, Phil’s next order of business had been to sit Dan down and get to work on his face. He’d trimmed Dan’s hair and painted gentle patterns onto his skin, hiding some of the more visible scars, skillfully applying touches here and there to soften Dan’s face from the battle-wearied, sun-drenched life he’d led so far.

They’d also decided it made sense to let Dan’s hair fall in its natural curls, rather than Dan’s usual attempts to have it lying flat and straight. Much to Dan’s displeasure.

All in all, every time Dan caught sight of his reflection, he startled at this person he did not know. It also made him look younger, closer to his real age, and for a while Dan worried that people would think him too immature for this, not yet ready for Phil.

And yet, Phil showed him off at every possible moment, leaving Dan in no doubt as to his feelings. They were meant to be together, and if they had to put up with the occasional judgement of others, then so be it.

They’d hardly had a moment alone since they’d arrived home, far too exhausted by the time they went to bed to do much more than curl up together and share a quick peck or two, and it didn’t help that Phil had constant duties to attend to.

One of his first orders of business, however, was to set up the counsel to began dealing with the mountain people, explaining what had happened and demanding that something be done about the dragon before any more innocent lives were taken, sacrifice or otherwise.

With a newfound roughness from having fought on his own in the wild, there was something wild in his eyes that prevented any man from arguing against Phil’s case, and the King, Martyn, and Phil signed a bill into action declaring the dragon a national enemy.

Shetler would be given to the mountain people should they seek it, while the dragon was taken care of, and their punishment to be put off for a later time. First, Phil needed to make things right for them.

After that business was taken care of, Phil moved on to gathering his best advisors to start looking into the matter of the witch. Once the dragon was taken care of, she needed to be disposed of as well, though very little was currently known about her.

Phil was certain that it would get done, if he had to lead the head of the chase himself.

For now, though, nothing could be done until a lead was found and research was done, and, because of the nature of being a royal, the second Royal Wedding took precedent. As before, Phil was swept up in the planning, only this time, Dan came with him, and while Phil hated every minute of it, Dan made it that little bit more bearable.

After four days of nothing less than chaos that left Phil longing for his and Dan’s days in the desert, the forest, the mountains, they were finally here, at the Royal Reception, with Martyn and Cornelia finally married.

If nothing else, that was something to smile about, even if Phil was itching to finally go -- where? Anywhere but here, if he was being honest.

Tonight, after the reception, would be the first time Dan and Phil had been alone together in a long while, but before that, Phil had a toast to make, and a few royals to greet. Then, he could whisk Dan away.

As Martyn and Cornelia’s first dance came to an end, Phil smiled and raised his champagne glass into the air, Dan awkwardly following his lead, and shouted a loud toast with the rest of royals at the reception. Everyone clapped, and laughed, sipping at their champagne, until Phil brought it all to a stop by taking his spoon and tapping it lightly against the side of his glass to get the large hall’s attention.

Once everyone had gone silent, Phil grinned, and tightened his grip on Dan’s hand.

They were both still stood at the front, with the King and Queen, ready to sit down and eat as soon as the toasts were given.

"To my Brother, your Crown Prince, Martyn Lester, and my new Sister, your Crown Princess Cornelia Lester. May all the blessings be heard upon your marriage today. I stand before you with my newly betrothed, Mr. Daniel Howell, and seek your blessing in return, so that both our marriages will be praised and heard of over the whole of the Kingdom."

Hearing Phil proudly announce his betrothal to Dan, using Dan's own full name, had more of an effect on Dan than he had been expecting. He was so happy he thought his heart was going to burst. As much as Dan didn't feel much like himself -- not dressed up in these robes, with his face painted and the gaudy ring on his finger -- but despite all that, Dan couldn't help but beam.

The wedding was far more spectacular than Dan had ever seen, if a little boring. In fact, Dan had spent the majority of the service muttering under his breath to Phil, regaling him with stories of how often he'd broken into the houses of basically every one of the distinguished guests. Phil had snorted too loudly on a couple of occasions, which Dan was personally proud of.

Now, he was standing at the head table with Phil at his side, getting congratulated by all the other royals, as everyone cheered on the toast, screaming “Long live the Lesters!”

Turning to Dan with a large grin spread wide across his face, Phil leaned in close and pressed a kiss to Dan’s cheek, laughing when Dan’s cheeks went predictably red.

The King gave his toast next, and then the Queen, and Dan and Phil stood throughout all of it, raising their glasses of champagne and drinking when appropriate. All Phil really wanted then, however, was to sit and finally get dinner done and over with, so that he could retire to his rooms with his thief. He had a lot of lost time to make up for, at that point.

Finally, when all the speeches were done, Martyn and Cornelia joined the rest of the Lester clan at the front table, and everyone sat down to enjoy their meal.

Dan was on his best behaviour the whole time, thanking all of the royals gratefully and meekly, playing his role as commoner perfectly, as they approached the front table to congratulate both Martyn and Cornelia, and Dan and Phil. Dan didn't know much of the customs, but it was okay -- apparently, he hadn't lost his charm.

Dan was kind of itching to get back to Phil's room, though, so he was more than relieved when the feast finally came to an end, and they just had to say their goodbyes before disappearing.

Finally, finally, they were back in Phil's bedchambers with time to themselves for the first time in days. Dan wasted no time in shoving Phil down onto his bed and slowly but surely removing every single one of their rather posh Royal robes.

Defiling the Royal bed sheets was just as much fun as Dan had always thought it would be, as it turned out.

Phil didn’t once complain; in fact, he grinned so wide at the way Dan expressed his own eagerness for the very first time in pushing Phil over, and accepted Dan’s kisses with a very open desire of his own.

Somehow, this moment was so much better than the first time Phil had ever brought a suitor back to his rooms.

Afterwards, Dan lay back in his favourite place -- wrapped up in Phil's arms. He nuzzled at Phil’s hair, kissing him softly and sweetly and more happy than he'd ever dared to allow himself to be.

He'd caught himself a Prince, and Dan was loving it.

"So how am I doing?" Dan murmured into the peaceful quiet, stretching out luxuriously on the bed. "Is Daniel Howell a good enough mask to be your betrothed, my love?"

The romp in Phil's bed was a much needed, pleasant activity that had left Phil good and sore, but also pleasantly relaxed. His arms were once more securely wrapped around his thief's body, and he was pressing soft kisses all over the top of Dan's head just because he could, when Dan spoke up.

"Mm, you did wonderfully, Dan," Phil whispered, possibly still flying a little bit high on his orgasm. He was beyond glad to have been in a bed for all that Dan had done, taking full advantage of it, clearly.

His thighs ached with the love bites sucked into them.

"And your persona is definitely the perfect mask, my love," he added, unable to help himself when he giggled at the small pet name. "My love. You really are all mine, now, aren't you?" he asked, eyes wondering as he stared down at his thief. It all seemed so much more real, now that Dan had actually attending a royal function with Phil, and Phil had been able to announce his intentions towards him to, essentially, the entire kingdom.

All that was left was for Dan to cut the chains from his wrists and make off with him, and then Phil would truly feel like he’d accomplished everything he’d wanted to in coming home with Dan.

He was ready to be free.

Dan smiled up at Phil, dimpling, a reflex reaction to that look, those words. He reached up and touched Phil’s cheek just once, softly, staring straight at him and wondering again just when this Prince had stolen his heart so completely.

“All yours,” Dan promised softly, and leaned in for another kiss. “As you are mine, my Prince.”

They kissed a moment longer before Phil pulled back again, fingers threading gently through Dan’s curls. "And you looked amazing in that makeup, if I do say so myself. I think I did a pretty good job of cleaning up the King of Thieves," Phil teased for good measure, ruffling Dan's hair and laughing as Dan moved to look up at him, completely affronted.

"Excuse you," Dan huffed, mortally offended. He propped himself up on his elbows, leaning over Phil with a narrowed gaze and hard eyes. "I think you'll find the King of Thieves needed no cleaning up at all. At least, I didn't hear you complaining any of the times I've had you before, as myself." He nipped at Phil's ear, drawing the lobe between his teeth, and pressing his finger into one of the many marks he'd left scattered on Phil's skin.

"I hardly even feel like myself," Dan added, laying his head on Phil's shoulder after a moment and collapsing fully on top of him, despite the fact this bed had far more space even than their two giant forms could take up. "I had fun, though. Socialising with the people I've stolen from is really quite enjoyable."

Phil was still laughing even as Dan took his ear into his mouth and bit down playfully, trying to make a point of things as he also pressed one hand against a mark on Phil's rib cage. The sensation of Dan pressing into that made Phil's hips twitch, and he laughed again as he caught a very cuddly Dan as he fell back into Phil's arms, choosing to use Phil's body as his bed rather than the down comforter of Phil's actual bed. He didn't bother to complain, resting his arms around Dan's waist and just enjoying the way it felt to have their naked skin pressing together again.

"I'm sure you enjoyed yourself. You seemed quite pleased. It's a good thing the royals were looking for you to be pleased with yourself sitting next to me or I reckon they might have cottoned on with the way you kept smirking at everyone," Phil teased, but he didn't care what the people around him thought. Dan being smug and cunning was everything Phil needed him to be, and the royals would soon discover that with Dan at his side, Phil was a force to be reckoned with. It was good for them to see Dan so sure of himself already.

Dan glanced up at Phil, that same smirk back on his face. “Well, I don’t have to please your people. They already love you enough to accept anyone you tell them too, I think.” He chuckled, leaning into Phil’s touch and encouraging him to begin petting his hair, right where Dan really liked it. “I'm glad your parents seem to approve, at least." Dan's eyes softened further, growing almost melancholy. "My father would have loved you. And my brother -- oh, he'd have been so thrilled. A real Prince -- his dream come true. They'd be so happy for me, I think."

Phil moved one hand in a slow sweep up Dan's back, and dug his fingers into Dan's hair, scratching lightly and laughing when his thief immediately went limp on top of him.

"I would have loved to meet your family," Phil agreed quietly, voice going solemn. "I would have treated them with the greatest respect they deserved. I would have asked your father for his blessing before I asked you to marry me, and I would have made certain your brother had anything he could have ever wanted... I am truly sorry that they can't be here with us, Dan."

Dan stared up at Phil, more grateful than he could even articulate that Phil had answered in just the most perfect way he could have. In a different world, maybe Phil would have had a chance to meet Dan's father, to see his brother having everything he could ever have wished for and more. It made tears prick at the back of Dan's eyes, though he blinked them away quickly, instead leaning down to give Phil a long, affectionate kiss, trying to express all the emotion that he couldn't quite put into words.

"They'd be proud, that's all that matters," Dan mumbled, tilting his head into Phil's touch and nestling down against him. He'd never been this comfortable -- as much as he might not want to admit it, there was something nice about having an actual bed under them. That, plus privacy, was quickly making Phil's bedchamber one of Dan's favourite places.

"You know," Dan murmured into Phil's shoulder, "Somehow, you manage to be more comfortable than your bedsheets. I hope you know I don't plan to give up using you as a pillow just because you've got soft silken sheets here." This was despite there being a giant space next to Phil where Dan could be lying, but Dan was much happier curled up exactly where he was: on Phil's chest.

Phil closed his eyes and breathed Dan in, more thankful than he could say that, at the very least, Dan Howell had survived where the rest of his family had not. Phil didn't want to imagine a world without Dan, didn't want to imagine his life without Dan, and held the man tighter in his arms. He pressed another kiss to Dan's head once Dan had re-settled on top of Phil's chest, and went back to carding his fingers through thick curls.

Laughing happily, Phil shook his head. "I'll be your pillow for as long as you like," he agreed softly. "Whether there are silk bed sheets at our sides or not. I quite like feeling your presence on top of me," he admitted sweetly, glad to finally be alone with Dan again.

Planning for the first royal wedding had been no less stressful the second time around than it had been the first, and Dan had finally seen first hand why Phil hadn't been chasing him around and giving Dan the attention he'd begged for before the first wedding.

"So," Phil started. "On the topic of weddings," he continued, realizing belatedly that they hadn't been speaking of weddings, Phil had just been thinking of them, "How about ours, then?"

There was a brief moment of silence, and then Dan snorted with laughter, pressing his face further into Phil's shoulder. "Only you, Phil Lester, could sound so casual about something so huge." Dan shook his head, his voice full of fond, and his eyes soft and warm as he finally glanced up to meet Phil's eyes.

A wedding. Their wedding. Dan Howell, self-proclaimed King of Thieves, was actually getting married, and to a Prince. A royal wedding. Dan had found the first one dull enough, how on earth was he supposed to sit through a second? Even if it was his own. The only good thing would be formally tying himself to Phil, so that everyone could see that Phil was Dan's and Dan's alone.

He might have been enjoying watching all the hearts breaking throughout the Palace when they saw Prince Philip was no longer for courting, but, well, Dan wasn't planning on telling anyone that.

Dan's answering snort of laughter only made Phil grin fondly, knowing even before Dan had said it that he wasn't laughing at the idea of them getting married, Dan had already made it very clear that he didn't consider Phil's proposal a joke of any kind, and so Phil didn't fear that at all.

"Well," Phil replied, amused himself. "I am the Prince. Why shouldn't I be casual about my own wedding? The Prince gets whatever he wants, after all," he teased, shaking his head at himself to assure Dan he was joking. Dan's eyes were soft, happy, as he looked up at Phil, his dimple popping from the force of his grin, and Phil loved that look so much.

Phil reached up and cupped Dan's cheek with his hand, smiling sweetly back at him, intending to drag him into a kiss until he got distracted at the way the rings on his hand looked against Dan's skin. It was a remarkable feeling, that realization hitting him again that they were engaged.

"I think I can cope with a wedding," Dan whispered into Phil's skin. "Even if it is royal. As long as I get you at the end of it." Dan's eyes were bright, and he lifted a hand to cup Phil's cheek, leaning down to press another warm, loving kiss to Phil's lips.

Phil turned his attention back onto Dan, eyes going soft and bright as Dan leaned up to kiss him again. He sighed against his thief's lips, drew him closer with a laugh when Dan tried to pull away, and kissed him again and again. He'd never get enough of Dan, but his thief was swatting at his shoulder now, so Phil let him go.

"I'll tell you a secret, though," Dan murmured with bright, mischievous eyes, "I want to steal you away in the morning. Pretend it's some custom from my family, I don't care, I just know I want to whisk you away on a proper adventure -- one where we aren't fearing for our lives. Before your mother never lets me leave with all the planning she wants to do. You know she tried to discuss flower arrangements with me earlier?" Dan looked faintly disgusted. "There are more important things. And she didn't like magnolias, so I can't pay her at heed at all, I'm afraid."

Phil’s mouth curled into a delighted grin as Dan voiced Phil's thoughts exactly, and he moved to roll them over, ignoring Dan's very undignified squeak in response, to press his own body over Dan's.

"Yes. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes," Phil replied, the words muffled against Dan's lips as he kissed him again, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. It was like Dan had just proposed to Phil this time with how jubilant he felt, and he pressed close mouthed kisses all over Dan's face as he drew away. He wanted those chains cut from his wrists so bad, wedding be damned, and Dan was going to give just that to him.

"I was hoping you'd agree to postpone the wedding," Phil finally explained, what with Dan looking up at him in delighted confusion. "I wanted to run away with you first. I want to see at least part of the world before we get dragged into more wedding planning and more speeches and long drawn out ceremonies that no one wants to attend. I just want you, to be with you, just you, before we both find ourselves drawn back into my world. I've had enough of my world. I want to be a part of yours," Phil explained and swooped back in to kiss Dan all over again.

"Besides," Phil murmured when he drew away just enough to speak again. "It's our wedding. If you want magnolias, we'll have magnolias," he determined, and then swept Dan back up into his arms for another delightful round of defiling Phil's royal bed.

"Definitely having magnolias," Dan agreed through a little laugh, until he rolled under Phil and was thoroughly distracted for the rest of the long, comfortable night in Phil's bed.

In the morning, the servants entered to find Prince Philip's room empty, the window open, and nothing but a note intended for the eyes of the King and Queen alone left on the desk. The servants were astonished, but took it straight to the Queen, who read its contents with a small smile on her face.

She resigned herself to waiting a little while longer for her second son's wedding.

At the same time, out in the desert, two cloaked forms were making long strides in the sand, hands firmly entwined, with the entire world spreading out before them.

#phanfiction #iwritephanthings #snowbunnylester #phan au #fantasy phan au #steal my heart

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 7 years

Text

Steal My Heart (steal my whole life too) 26/28

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

Hey guys!! Can you believe there’s only three chapters left before the story is done? That’s… insane. Just in time for Elizajane to go back to school, as well!! Julia and I would like to announce, however, that next weekend we’ll be doing a double feature of Steal My Heart, with Chapter 27 going up on Saturday, and the final chapter… the Epilogue… going up on Sunday.

I can’t believe next weekend is our last weekend for Steal My Heart. We’ve given this story so much love, as have our loyal followers, that the idea of no longer working on this story saddens us both. At the same time, we’re so, so happy to finally be able to show you the entirety in it’s completion. Thank you to all who have supported us, and we’ll see you next weekend <3

(AO3 link) (Masterlist)

Chapter 26

Dan had no idea how long they sat like that, against a tree in the peaceful forest with Phil wrapped up in his arms. It was long enough for the sun to continue its slow climb in the sky. Dan watched it like an old friend, glad that being in the forest meant there was no danger of burning or heat exhaustion for being out at noon. He missed his desert, yes, missed the large expanse of sand stretching for miles around him, but there was something so… calm about this forest. It buzzed with life, with birdsong and padded pawprints and the distant calls of deer, or possibly aurochs, Dan couldn't quite tell. Phil would probably know.

Phil lay curled up in Dan's arms, eyes closed and breathing even, though Dan couldn't tell if he was fully asleep. Either way, he was resting, which was all that Dan really needed to know. Phil’s face was smoothed out, all the weathered lines disappearing and making him look younger and more vulnerable. With his eyes shut and his hair flopping everywhere, it was easy to forget he was a Prince, shouldering more responsibility than one man ever should. He looked… relaxed. And free. Dan would have him looking like that all the time, if he could.

The banks of the river were close by, the soft currents of the water a welcome sound. Their little glade remained undisturbed -- Phil had a way of choosing campsites, like he knew where other creatures would avoid. Dan was grateful, because it gave his Phil the time he so desperately needed to rest.

Dan glanced down at him with nothing but fondness in his expression, eyes warm and mouth drawn up in a soft smile. He drew a hand gently through Phil's hair, playing with it, curling his fingers through the soft strands and watching as Phil's face relaxed further still.

Good. This was what Phil needed and deserved, and Dan intended to give it to him until he moved on his own, properly rested for the first time in days.

The sensation of Dan’s fingers running through Phil’s hair only helped him to relax even further into Dan’s arms, shifting just a little bit so that he could press his head further into Dan’s hold. The embrace was the nicest, most relaxing feeling Phil had experienced in a long time, and he didn’t know how he’d gone so long without this kind of comfort in his life, but he did know that he never wanted to go this long without it again.

Eventually, the tense exhaustion in Phil’s body began to fade completely, and even the drowsy weariness of his mind seemed less intense. It was then that Phil felt safe enough to rouse himself from Dan’s arms, turning his gaze skyward rather than nestling into the dark crevice of his thief’s neck.

The sky above was still clear, and the sun was just beginning its slow descent over the skyline. A mere ten hours ago, Phil might have been horrified to see what a waste of the day it had been for him, but now… now, Phil was too relaxed to care. Something about Dan’s comforting touch and soothing words had helped to ease some of the anxiousness that had creeped into Phil’s mind, showing him just how far he’d been pushing his body these past few days.

He couldn’t continue to treat himself this way, not if he wanted to make it home safe to his family, and save his kingdom. Not if he wanted his happily ever after with Dan. He’d needed to rest, had fought against it, but Dan had known better than him.

Phil smiled at the thought. That was surely something he would never tell Dan, in case it went to his head.

When Phil finally pulled himself properly from Dan’s arms, he found himself doing so with a relieved smile on his face that was matched only by Dan’s own. Dan, however, also looked mighty pleased with himself, which left Phil to do nothing more than laugh and roll his eyes.

Neither man had to make the joke that Dan had “told Phil so.” The both knew it without the words having to be spoken.

“How are you feeling?” Phil asked softly, reaching down with gentle fingers to trail the tips down the side of Dan’s bandage. “Does it hurt much?” he asked, needing a progress report now that Dan had spent so much time looking after Phil rather than himself.

"I'm fine," Dan rolled his eyes a little when the first thing Phil did upon rousing himself was check up on Dan. He shouldn't be surprised, though -- Phil had gone nearly a whole day without clucking like a mother hen over Dan, it was bound to return eventually. Dan wasn't even that upset, not now he could see that Phil had truly rested. His eyes were brighter and his voice was clearer, and he looked straight at Dan without looking like he was about to collapse any minute. A job well done, then.

To prove that he really was fine, Dan gently moved Phil's fingers away from his side and lifted up his tunic, showing off the bandages that were still clean with no blood spotting at all. Dan looked smugly up at Phil. "See? No bleeding, the poultice held, and it hardly hurts at all. I told you a day of rest would do us both good."

So maybe Dan was pleased with himself - but he thought he had every right to be. Allowing Phil to push on through his exhaustion would never work. Probably, it would have ended up in both of their deaths, and Dan would never have forgiven himself if he'd missed the telltale signs of Phil's exhaustion.

Phil nodded, pleased, as Dan showed off his bandages and how the poultice had held, keeping Dan's wounds safe for now. The bandage had held the longest of any of the others so far, and Phil wanted to take that as a good sign, so he did.

After the day off Dan had given him, Phil had realized that he needed to stop jumping to the worst case scenario all the time, needed to keep himself relaxed or he was never going to be able to keep his head above water without Dan having to come to his rescue all the time, and one of these days, Phil was afraid he wasn't going to let Dan rescue him. Phil was all too aware that he was often too stubborn for his own good.

"Good," Phil agreed, humming softly as he took in the way Dan seemed able to move a little more freely without wincing or showing any other outward signs of pain. Things had to be getting better, and they'd both clearly been right about them needing just one more day of rest. They had survived it, they still had a good one and a half weeks-ish before the curse would kill Cornelia, and it should only take another five days to get to the palace. They would be fine, surely.

"I'm sorry," Dan murmured suddenly, reaching up to curl one hand around Phil's cheek. "I should have realised how hard you were pushing yourself."

The guilt had been eating away at Dan throughout the day -- even with his injury, Dan prided himself on being alert and aware of his surroundings. Only, that hadn't worked this time. He'd let Phil slip through his net, and Dan vowed never to let that happen again.

When Dan's hand came up to cup Phil's cheek, he brought his attention back to his thief.

"What are you sorry for?" Phil murmured. "It's hardly your fault you didn't notice. I didn't want you to notice, and the last thing I was going to do was allow you to do what you did today," he continued, leaning in and pecking Dan on the lips lightly. "I did my absolute best to hide it from you. So don't go blaming yourself."

"Still, I should have checked," Dan mumbled against Phil's lips, pulling him back in for another kiss. It still felt like too long since they'd been able to be affectionate, snatching only a few stolen moments on this hard journey back to the city.

Dan kind of couldn't wait for this to be over, for a time to come when he could relax with Phil without any pressure, and finally love him without fear. He hoped desperately for that, praying the universe wouldn't snatch anything else away from him before he got to truly enjoy it.

"Although," Dan admitted when he pulled away again, "You are extraordinarily stubborn. I thought I might have to actually tether you to the tree to stop you running off earlier." He grinned a little at Phil, more than relieved that he at last seemed to be better, and was holding a full conversation with Dan again.

Phil merely hummed in reply, too busy kissing Dan to acknowledge the fact that his thief already knew him so well. He loved being able to get lost in this feeling, and he hoped the day never came where Dan's lips on his failed to make a zing go up his spine. He loved kissing Dan, loved it more than almost anything else. It was something that could make Phil feel so many different things, and he wanted to keep that almost secret language between he and Dan.

They had time, yet. Time enough for this. Dan shifted himself until he was standing on slightly shaky legs, pleased when the pain in his side didn't increase. He shuffled slowly over towards the fire and stoked the embers again, stirring it back up as he reached for some of the dwindling supply of deer meat. As soon as they were back in the desert, Dan vowed to go hunting -- back in his own familiar territory it wouldn't take him long to catch something else for them to eat.

Dan standing up and leaving him left Phil alone again. Unable to help himself, Phil pouted after Dan, sprawled out as he was against the tree all by himself because Dan had decided to leave him. Despite knowing that Dan was just moving to stretch and get dinner ready for them, Phil hadn't fully wanted to leave the sweet bubble they'd built around themselves once again.

"I mean, you could have given me some warning at least," he complained gruffly, scrubbing a hand across his face and moving to stand up as well, following Dan to where he'd started to cook the last of the deer meat. They didn’t have much left, what with Phil being forced to use most of it when Dan had been too weak to move and Phil hadn’t wanted to leave his side. “Besides, aren't you tired?” Phil’s brow furrowed. “You've been up almost twenty-four hours now, I'm sure. I can take watch now, you know. I'm truly okay."

Phil was staring at Dan with wary eyes, worried he wasn't taking care of himself now, but also trying to cool it on the mother hen tendencies spiking through him. Dan was doing better. Phil needed to stop fussing quite so much.

When Phil offered to take watch so Dan could sleep, Dan glanced up at the sky, measuring the short length of time to nightfall, and shrugged. "I'm alright for a bit. I'm used to not getting much sleep, and besides, I spent all of yesterday sleeping while you were running around like a mad thing chopping down trees." Dan shook his head, lips twitching. "It feels good to be moving again.”

Dan chuckled, casting an appraising glance over his shoulder at where Phil was still sprawled back against the tree grumbling morosely about Dan having abandoned him. Dan loved being able to laugh over intimate things like this -- being with Phil was more than just pleasurable, it was fun, and Dan hadn't ever had that before.

"Sorry for being the responsible one here and trying to cook," Dan sniffed, turning the meat over to finish up the other side.

"Hey!" Phil complained, and he would have slapped Dan on the arm if he weren't so afraid of accidentally hurting him. As it was, he refrained himself, merely giving Dan a look instead. "Shush it, you.”

Dan chuckled, rolling his eyes. "I'll pay attention to you again in a minute, but you haven't eaten nearly enough and I can't have you getting any skinnier."

Phil settled in next to Dan and leaned into him gently "It's hardly my fault I want your attention. You've brought this on yourself," he teased, enjoying just having this companionship in his life. For the first time ever, Phil had an actual friend. He wondered how many people Dan considered his friends, if any were more than fellow thieves and crooks.

He mused on the thought, and looked down at himself at the skinny comment, unsure where that was coming from. "Hold on. Excuse me? What was that about me being too skinny? You might consider this insult, Dan, but I believe I am far more well fed than you. If anyone could do to gain some weight, it's you," he said, and nudged him. He wasn't lying either, he'd always found Dan to be quite skinny. He loved it, but it worried him in some ways. "I, on the other hand, have probably done myself well on this journey," he said, sniffing proudly with a glint of a teasing smile on his lips.

Dan couldn't help but laugh at the way Phil responded to his teasing, or at how Phil seemed to be having great trouble holding himself back from helping Dan. He leaned against Phil when Phil nestled into his side, loving that such a simple touch portrayed such intimacy below its surface. Sharing a life was coming much easier to Dan than he'd ever expected it to, and it pleased him how well Phil had slotted into his routine.

"Hey, I've heard no complaints from you about my body," Dan answered absentmindedly as he took the meat off the heat and laid it out in two bowls, passing one to Phil. "I meant more that your body is probably used to more nutrition than you've been giving it, and I don't entirely trust you to look after yourself without me watching your every move." Dan winked at him, eyes twinkling.

Phil had to blink a few times to realize what Dan had just said. Never had Phil thought about the shock to his system it must be any time he went on even slightly vaguely long trips where he was forced to ration food and eat far less than he could if he were at home. He'd also just figured it would be fine, have little to no effect, and this time shouldn't be any different. But Phil had never been on a trip longer than a week at most, and even then, a few days in he was eating high and mighty with the rest of royalty again.

But Dan... well, clearly Phil just wasn't going to survive without Dan. His lips automatically curled into a smile, and he laughed as he put more of his weight against Dan, accepting his bowl of food but ignoring it entirely in order to lean in and kiss Dan on the cheek, something he hadn't done nearly enough. Dan's answering blush told Phil he definitely needed to do it more often, and he stared fondly at this thief.

The blush that rose when Phil kissed Dan's cheek was more than Dan was ready for, and he couldn't quite explain it. He scrunched his face up, wrinkling his nose. Such an affectionate touch was so strange and new and just - just sweet in a way Dan had never had before. It was the most innocent of kisses, and it showed that Phil was touching his thief simply because he wanted to, without getting anything out of it for himself.

Dan kind of loved that, if he were honest.

"How would I survive without you," Phil murmured softly, almost dreamily. "I'm not even entirely sure how I made it this long, I must admit," he added lightly, and finally turned to dig into his food.

Dan chewed on his meat thoughtfully, eyeing Phil with a gleam to his gaze. He chuckled, placing a dramatic hand over his chest. "Oh no, what a disaster, I've made a Prince desire me so much that he'll never be able to live without me." Dan's wicked smirk was back in place, sarcasm evident in his tone. "What a terrible thing to have happened. I'm never going to cope."

Phil hadn't gotten but a bite in before Dan was teasing him some more, and Phil almost choked on his food at the sarcastic remark.

"Shut up," he groaned, laughter twisting heavy in his belly until he was just letting free with it, placing his bowl against his knee so he could reach up with one hand and hide his ridiculous looking smile, eyes scrunched up with affection and mirth.

Dan grinned again as Phil let loose his giant, loud laugh, telling Dan to shut up even while covering his mouth with his hand. Dan had come to recognise that gesture, and he knew exactly what Phil was hiding, and Dan had absolutely no intention of letting him get away with it.

"Oh no you don't," Dan playfully growled, setting his own bowl down out of the way and launching himself at Phil. He had enough momentum to knock them both over, and then he was reaching up to tug Phil's hand away from his mouth until he saw the cute little tongue thing he was doing when he laughed. That was Dan's favourite laugh -- when Phil was so free and happy.

"There it is." Dan looked delighted, and he leaned in to kiss the corner of Phil's laughing mouth. "I love when you do that. I'm going to have to make you laugh more often, my Prince."

The last thing Phil had been expecting was for Dan to outright tackle him, and yet the movement only made Phil laugh even harder as Dan pulled Phil's hand away from his mouth.

It was almost like being tickled for how little Phil was able to control himself, stomach literally aching with the force of his laughter, eyes scrunched up so tight Phil couldn't even see while Dan quite literally straddled him to see and feel it all.

"St- stop!" he moaned, still laughing as Dan claimed to love his smile, the way his tongue stuck out when he laughed. Dan kissed the corner of Phil's mouth, and he was finally able to sober up a bit, though he couldn't help snorting with the effort to calm down. The sound made him blush with embarrassment, but Dan only continued to grin down at him, clearly enamoured, for some reason Phil still didn't know.

"Leave me alone," he grumbled, but he was still grinning dopily and he didn't truly mean it. He wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, and used his hold to drag him back down into another sweet kiss.

Phil had never known how amazing it would feel to be loved by someone.

Phil’s hands were light on Dan’s waist, despite the fact that Dan had been throwing his body all around, not wanting to hurt Dan’s rather horrifying cuts that they both knew were eventually going to scar. His fingers lightly traced up the bandaging under Dan’s tunic, though, because Phil couldn’t help himself.

For the first time in a few days, though, their kisses didn’t hold a tinge of desperation and despair. They were nothing but… happy, and that felt better than almost anything else ever could.

Humming as they pulled apart, Phil threaded one hand into Dan's hair to keep him close.

"I guess you must really be feeling better now if you're able to tackle me without hurting, then?" he murmured.

"Yep," Dan answered with a grin, settling more than happily into his new place on top of Phil. "Bandages all holding. No more bleeding. I told you I was doing better."

It was true -- the dull ache in his side was still there, but Dan could tell that the wounds weren't stretching as much. They were starting to heal, probably beginning to scar, and he was relieved at finally being able to move around again.

It was a moment of peaceful clarity for Phil. He could truly stop panicking, now. Dan was moving around far more freely today than he had been even when he first got up, claiming they could leave and head out on their trek back to the palace. Phil could truly relax now, he really could, because the worst was over. The worst was actually over and Dan was going to be okay. His family was going to be okay. They were going to get home, and then, Phil could spend the rest of his life with Dan.

Not done with Phil just yet, Dan wriggled until he was lined up with Phil, elbows on either side of his face. He didn't dislodge the grip Phil had in his hair, though, instead enjoying the warm tugs of pleasure that sent through him as he nestled himself close. He leaned down to kiss the tip of Phil's nose, and then bent to press another greedy kiss to his lips.

He'd never get over being able to kiss Phil whenever he liked, finally able to just relax and enjoy another person. Every single one of their kisses was something new.

"I'm never going to leave you alone," Dan replied in a silky murmur, eyes bright. He gave Phil a stubborn look before joining their lips again, this time taking it slow, coaxing Phil's mouth open with the gentlest of teasing movements.

Phil’s heart stuttered and picked up its pace as Dan leaned over him, lining their bodies up properly so they were face to face and Dan had Phil caged in with his elbows. A small shiver went up his spine, and his eyes closed as he continued to smile when Dan promised he was never going to leave Phil alone again. The words were like a purr, a promise, and made Phil's heart literally sing. The cold metal of the ring on his finger suddenly seemed so much warmer, so much more there. A promise.

Sighing as Dan coaxed his mouth open again gently, Phil moved the hand in Dan’s hair around to cup his cheek instead, and then his neck, just lightly allowing his fingers to trail over Dan's skin as he touched him. His eyes were closed, and he was just… sinking into the feeling of Dan's tongue pressing against his, pressing against him in the gentlest of passes. There was so much in that kiss that Phil thought he would burst with it all.

Phil's other hand settled on Dan's hip, pressed up just under his tunic again, pet just along the bottom most part of Dan's back, because it was soft to the touch and uncovered by bandages. For a moment, Phil just wanted to forget about everything that they had been through, not to mention the fact that Dan was still recovering from a rather horrifying attack.

As they kissed, however, Phil’s breathing began to go a bit more and more unsteady, until his mind was becoming unclear as well with thoughts and desires of where this moment could lead. He had to take a moment to shake himself and gain back control, but he didn’t draw away from the kiss. He wasn’t ready to just yet, wanting to give Dan all of him the way that Dan had given himself to Phil, wanting to allow Dan to take as much as he wanted to, now, because of what he’d done for Phil these past few hours.

Phil was absolutely pliant under Dan, and it sent desire flaring through Dan again. Finally, he was well enough to have this -- to have some control over his actions with Phil, no longer as helpless as a wounded animal and instead able to take back control.

Dan tested himself, stretching out over Phil's body, and was relieved when his side didn't throb in answer. The wounds were truly healing, and Dan had freedom of movement again, finally able to do whatever he liked with Phil.

Despite knowing that the middle of the forest probably wasn't the safest place to be doing this, Dan could hardly bring himself to care -- not with Phil being so agreeable and happy underneath him. Dan could feel fingers exploring under the edge of Dan's tunic, and taking that as a sign that Phil was interested as well, Dan allowed one hand to roam lower over Phil's body, holding himself up with one elbow.

They hadn't been disturbed so far, and it had been days. Dan could be forgiven for his eagerness.

Still kissing Phil, Dan shifted his weight just enough to get a hand under Phil's tunic, and finally gave in to both their desires.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, as Dan’s hands dipped lower. His eyes popped open in concern and needy surprise as his breathing hitched in his throat. “Are you sure?” he asked, ripping his mouth away from Dan’s for just a moment.

Blood was pumping through Phil so fast he could feel his heart beginning to race.

“‘M sure,” Dan agreed, and kissed Phil again.

---

This time had been slower, sweeter, than anytime before. Perhaps it was the feelings and words they’d been able to finally express, or the fact that they were coming back together after both of them had come so close to death, Dan wasn’t sure, but he was left feeling more exhausted and satisfied than ever before.

Pulling the furs more tightly around himself, Dan adjusted his grip on Phil and pulled him in closer to Dan’s chest. Phil’s head was once again buried in Dan’s shoulder, and Dan held him protectively into his right side, as if he were made of glass, and like he was the most precious thing in the world.

"I've got you," Dan murmured softly, running the fingers of one hand in a slow, steady rhythm down Phil's side, to his hip, and back. He released a low, relaxed sigh, and stretched luxuriously. "I've got you, and I love you, my Prince."

There had been something... particularly special about it this time. It was like coming home to be with Dan like that again, a release of pent up energy, but more than that, a release of so, so many fears that had been broiling inside of Phil since the moment he’d rescued Dan from the dragon’s cavern.

Dan had given Phil the chance to see all of him, alive and well, to touch him and appreciate him in all his glory once again.

For a while, Phil had feared that he would never have Dan again, but he had, and it had been glorious and exhausting and amazing all wrapped up in one. For all the sleeping Phil had done that day, Dan had nearly wiped him out.

He lay drowsy in Dan's arms, curling into him as Dan ran an arm up and down Phil's body, a full sweep of his skin.

He'd cried. He'd actually cried, and Dan hadn't made fun of him. Phil had never cried before, but he hadn't been able to help himself when he was all wrapped up in Dan the way he had been. The pleasure had been so intense, it had rocked every emotion out of Phil. He knew he'd gripped too hard a few times, knew he could have possibly hurt Dan, but Dan had gripped just as hard back, like the two of them were clinging to each other's bodies like lifelines.

It hadn't just been about sex this time, though. It hadn't just been about experiencing that pleasure together. Of course the first time they'd had sex had been special as well, but this time had just been so much more. Like reassurance, and a give unlike any other. They'd needed it, or at least Phil had needed it, nearly as badly as they'd needed all the cuddle time they'd enjoyed earlier that day.

"I love you," Phil whispered in reply. "You're my best friend, you know that?" he muttered, drawing small circles against the bandages that were still wrapped all around Dan's torso. "You're my everything."

Dan hummed happily. It felt good to have Phil tracing soft lines against his bandages, relieving some of the itch and irritation there of having something pressed constantly against his skin with no room to breathe. He was cradling Phil against him, and being held in return, and Dan could honestly say that this was the happiest moment of his entire life so far.

"I like being your best friend," Dan murmured in sleepy response. His full day of being awake was starting to catch up with him, and now lying in comforting warmth knowing Phil was safe in his arms was letting his body start to rest. He sighed, softly. It meant more to him than he'd thought, knowing that Phil enjoyed his company beyond just kisses and romantic love. There was a deeper attachment, a connection that allowed them to be entirely happy with each other.

"I'm going to keep you forever," Dan promised in his sleepy, muffled voice.

He wasn't making all that much sense, but it didn't even matter, because he was holding Phil and loving him and that would always be more than enough. "My greatest treasure. You're like my family, Phil." Dan hadn't ever thought he'd want a family again, but Phil -- Phil was making him realise exactly what he'd been missing out on all this time.

Phil chuckled, able to hear in Dan's slurred responses that he was quite tired, and the day he'd spent awake to make sure Phil could get enough sleep had finally caught up to him. He nuzzled at Dan's skin, pressed a kiss along his collarbones, and then sat up a bit so he wouldn’t fall asleep and forget to take care of Dan the way Dan had taken care of him all day.

"You need to sleep, now, only you haven't had your dinner and I'm just not having that," Phil explained as he disrupted Dan, who merely whined at Phil for moving. Phil reached for both of their bowls, and dragged over the now cold food Dan had cooked and abandoned earlier in favor of teasing Phil and then making love to him over to their furs. Phil didn't so much care that it was cold what with the warm feeling currently in his own limbs, and picked at it with his fingers, pressing bit after bit into Dan's mouth to feed him.

Dan allowed it for as sleepy as he was, and Phil watched him with a small grin.

"I want you to keep me forever," he finally murmured in reply to Dan’s earlier statement, and leaned in to kiss Dan's cheek all over again. Dan's answering smile was blinding and sleepy, which in turn made Phil laugh again as he fed Dan one small morsel at a time.

Once Dan's bowl was empty, Phil put it away and tucked Dan back into their small fur bundle, wanting to keep him all warm and safe as he slept under Phil’s watch, this time.

"Sleep now," he reassured him, and watched fondly as Dan's exhaustion took over, drawing him into dream land.

Dan obediently lay down, letting Phil take over being the active one for the rest of the evening. He didn't even complain when Phil insisted on hand feeding him again, honestly too sleepy to complain. It has been a while since Dan last went a whole night without sleep, and while he was used to it, his body seemed to have adjusted to needing more sleep than he thought.

So Dan lay down, let Phil wrap him up in his furs, and slept.

Phil, for his part, spent the rest of the evening eating his own meal and then working on the wood carving he'd been teaching himself. Thoughts of the bridge were gone for now, with Phil knowing he could take care of it tomorrow. Instead, he focused on sitting as a silent sentry watching over Dan while he rested, a slow smile curving his own lips, because things finally seemed like they were getting better.

By the time Dan came around again, dawn was breaking through the leaves of the forest and the birds were chorusing their daily song. He smiled. There was a warmth at his side that assured him Phil was still there, and as Dan rose, he found Phil watching him with a warm smile.

"Morning," Dan croaked hoarsely, coughing and reaching for their water skin. Once he'd drunk enough, he attempted to stand, testing the stretch of the bandages with Phil's assistance, and was pleased to find there was still no more blood spotting. His wounds must be healing well.

Pleased, Dan went to stoke up the fire and work on some breakfast while Phil caught a quick nap to catch up on sleep, and once their meal was finished, and Dan deemed Phil’s nap long enough to at least sustain him for part of the day, he woke his Prince up and treated him to a warm meal.

They shared it as they had nearly every meal since starting this journey, and spoke in soft tones to each other. Dan and Phil couldn’t seem to stop the constant gentle touches to each others bodies either, as they pressed their palms against each others knees over and over again, caressed each other’s cheeks, and occasionally leaned over a time or two for a quick kiss.

It was that craving for deep affection after their night of shared intimacy that was keeping them so bound together, but more than that, the seeming realization that there was no doubt in their minds anymore that they were going to stay together.

Nothing was left to tear them apart. Phil had made sure of that, would make sure of that, and Dan seemed willing to believe him. Somehow, this was all going to work out.

Once breakfast was over, Dan went searching through the final two packs the two had been carrying with them, and he found a long, collapsible staff he’d long ago packed that he often used as a cane if he’d been injured. His mind had been too jumbled the last few days to remember if he’d brought it with him, but he was glad now that he’d thought of it and found it as he grasped it tightly in his hand.

Testing the item, Dan found that it helped indeed. He was able to stand on his own again without leaning on Phil, and he turned a bright smile onto his Prince in reaction

"There we go. All sorted, my Prince." Dan beamed. "Now, are you going to show me the proper way to build a bridge, or what?"

Watching Dan test out his newly uncovered staff was both highly amusing and incredibly encouraging for Phil, who was excited to watch Dan able to walk around on his own again to a certain extent without the support of Phil, which was, by far, the most reassuring thing he’d seen in the past few days.

It meant that Dan really was healing well, if he could lean his weight on an object like that, but also support himself enough to not overly cling to it or struggle to move it across the ground.

Chuckling as Dan suddenly insisted Phil actually teach him how to build a bridge, Phil walked on over to Dan's side and drew him in for a quick kiss.

"I suppose if my thief insists, I can teach him the tools of the trade," he agreed amicably enough, leading them both over to the piles of wood and reeds Phil had made two days prior. He hadn’t yet started on the actual building of the bridge, but that was okay. Phil was certain, now more than ever, that he could not only build this thing without killing them both, but that he could teach Dan how to do so as well.

They got to work companionably, structuring the logs Phil had cut himself together and tying them off with the thick reeds Phil had plucked. Some were too short to work properly, which sent Phil off looking for more, but for the most part, his pile of materials was fairly secure. Dan, for his part, asked infuriating questions purely for the fun of teasing Phil, but for as much as Phil pretended to be irritated with him, Phil was loving every second of it just as much as Dan was.

Dan was back to himself. If there were no other sign of it other than Dan's dry humor and quick banter, that would be enough after the days of incoherent sleep and lack of energy.

The bridge building took most of the afternoon, and yet it went far faster than Phil had been anticipating with Dan able to help him now, especially with the hard work of material gathering almost completely completed, despite the few times Phil had decided none of the reeds he had were long enough for this one chunk of wood, and went scouting for a new one.

By the time that Dan and Phil finished the bridge together, Phil was actually pretty proud of how it looked; each log was pressed together in a nice little pattern with the midpoints of each tied together all the way across by a cross hatch of three reeds each, and up until the bridge was long enough to shove across the river.

Phil stood to do just that, the round side down first, his heart racing with anticipation for this to actually work, and for the bridge to be both wide enough and long enough to keep both Dan and Phil safe as they crossed it. As Phil went to grab the bridge, however, for all of a few seconds, he feared that his strength wouldn’t actually be enough to push it across the river before the water grabbed hold of it, but ignoring the fear in his mind, Phil tried anyway.

He grunted as he shoved the wood across, watching as the river pounded against it and nearly took it from Phil’s grasp, but the wood was too heavy to float that easily the way it was all shoved together, and Phil managed to force the opposite end up onto the other end of the river bank just in time to prevent losing all of his and Dan’s hard work.

“And that’s how you make a bridge,” Phil boasted once the job was done, turning back to Dan with the biggest of big grins spread large across his face.

Dan lifted one brow, trying to keep his face stoical. As much as he'd love to poke more fun at Phil -- it was actually a good bridge. Dan was almost disappointed. He'd enjoyed teasing Phil about ithe last one, poking light fun at him for how many branches and reeds he'd gathered only to make what could barely classify as a raft.

This time, though, Dan had to admit, it was a good bridge.

The logs were sturdy, holding steady despite the heavy flow of the current, and the bridge barely even swayed in place. Dan could already see there would be no fear crossing it. Phil, as ever, had thought of everything, and done a good job of it.

Phil had his arms crossed over his chest, and he was looking at Dan with a smug air about him, proud that now Dan really couldn't make fun of him about his bridge building capabilities. The best part of the whole situation was being able to see on Dan's face that he wanted to poke fun, but there were no words to be said in regards to Phil's bridge this time.

Leaning on his cane, Dan clucked his tongue and said: "Alright, OK, I concede. Good bridge." He turned to Phil with narrowed eyes, pointing a finger at him and looking very much like a crazed old man with his stick. "One thing, though -- you are not allowed to lord this over me forever. And you're going across first."

Phil’s expression fell a little when Dan insisted that Phil wasn't allowed to lord this over him, and he pouted as he uncrossed his arms and glared at Dan. He wanted to say how unfair that was after all the teasing Dan had put Phil through, but then he thought better of it. Slowly, a more mischievous grin tugged at the corners of Phil’s lips. After all, Dan hadn’t listened to Phil when Phil had told him to stop.

"Oh, Daniel," he tutted. "That's hardly fair now, is it? When you've spent all this time teasing me about the crap bridge I had to build thanks to the Duke." He hummed a bit, cocking his head and smiling so wide his teeth showed. "It's funny you'd think I'd let that go."

With one quick movement, Phil leaned in close enough to kiss Dan on the cheek, and then pranced right no by him without another word. Dan was complaining loudly behind him, but Phil just continued to grin as he went to pack up their few supplies left over into the two packs they had left. Phil had even managed to shove the few of their last necessary medical supplies into one of the packs they’d brought with them, not wanting to carry anymore weight than was absolutely necessary.

As Phil packed, and Dan muttered something behind him, Phil wondered briefly if he should do some fishing before they went on their way back home like he’d said he would, and then decided against it.

Fish did not keep well at all, not like other animal meat. Besides, Phil was anxious to finally be on his way. It was almost night. If they crossed now, they could still find shelter before it got too dark.

Once their two packs were completely packed, Phil picked him up and kicked out their campfire, before finally returning to Dan’s side over by their completed bridge, which was still holding steady where Phil had left it.

Dan was still grumbling to himself, looking put out.

"Come now, my thief. If I die crossing before you, well, we'll all know whose fault that was."

"No one is going to be doing any dying, least of all you," Dan grumbled, gesturing irritably at the bridge. "Look at it. It's a fucking masterpiece. Well done, Lester, and all that nonsense, you're the best, can we please just drop it now?"

With another exaggerated eye-roll, Dan gave his cheek a rub, still blushing a little from where Phil had pressed a kiss there. He huffed again when Phil continued grinning at him in that irritatingly smug way, and leaned in to kiss his jaw, giving it a playful little nip. "I swear to God, do not lord this over me."

As Phil had promised, he took the bridge first, not even missing a step as he walked on to it and began to cross. He was still laughing to himself about how put out Dan seemed to be, but mostly he was just gleeful to finally be on the road again.

Once Phil had crossed and proven his bridge’s stability, Dan began to move carefully towards the bridge himself, his cane making little tapping noises along with his padding footsteps. As he set his first foot on the bridge, the wood have a little reassuring creak and then settled. Dan tested it carefully, resting his weight on it, and it didn't even wobble.

Dan would have been grumpy, but he was quite glad that they could get across the river without difficulty this time.

He hobbled his way on across the river, relieved when his side didn't pain him any more than usual.

Dan gave a long-suffering sigh at the triumphant grin Phil sent him as he reached his side, and gave his shoulder a patronising pat. "Yes, yes, well done. If you also manage to find us our tree to stay in again, I'll maybe even give you a reward."

Phil seemed to perk up at that suggestion, as he took Dan's hand and led him on through the trees, after dismantling the bridge again to remove any sign of their passing. Dan wasn't used to leaving a trail behind him, and Phil had pandered to his slight paranoia of being followed so far on this journey.

Admittedly, it was a nice stroke of his ego to have Dan reassuring Phil of how amazing his bridge had come out this time, but no matter how much Dan begged, Phil had no intentions of letting it go. It was the ace in his back pocket when Dan questioned him, the little niggling tease he could use when Dan was being a brat, and Phil felt so proud of himself for proving to both of them that he was actually quite useful in some situations.

"Oh, I can definitely find us our tree tonight," he agreed, excited at the very prospect of sharing that special space with Dan once more, and took Dan's hand as they began to walk again. Dan was sturdy with his stick, able to move without much difficulty at all.

The forest quickly closed around them again, and Dan drew into Phil's side as they travelled through the trees, knowing Phil was much better equipped to face the environment here. They hunted as they went, and while Dan didn’t get to use his lost bow for Phil, he did get to show his dagger throwing skills to catch pigeons. They didn't see a deer, but pigeon meat kept well enough, if not being so tasty.

They hunted a little, with Phil pointing out trails for the two of them to follow, and Phil couldn't help growing excited as Dan pulled out a couple of daggers, showing off his skill with throwing them as he took down pigeon after pigeon. They tracked a honey badger as far north as Phil was willing to go, and then veered back in the direction of their tree when they failed, giggling and shoving Dan around a bit for teasing him.

He almost pulled out the bridge card. Almost. But he spared Dan for now.

By the time they'd found their tree again, Phil was breathless with laughter, stomach bubbling with happiness. He wanted nothing more than the closeness their tree promised them, and grinned as he dragged Dan back and into their special sanctuary.

With their food restocked for the rest of the journey, Dan grinned when Phil suddenly brightened and pointed to a tree. Dan recognised it instantly, even while not being so adept. It was their tree, and was fixed rather firmly in his memory.

"I think I know where to camp tonight," Dan murmured, and followed Phil to the trunk to find the entrance again.

If they were too preoccupied to eat dinner again that night, well, no one had to know.

Dan was a sweet talker, clever and far too good with his hands (his lips, his body...) for Phil to much care, and besides, there was no reason they couldn't have this, shouldn't have this. The intimacy was all of something that Phil craved, brain fuddled with desire, and he gave into Dan easily, felt Dan give in to him back, and took and took and took.

Phil’s fingers were tender along Dan’s bandaged body, tracing small circles against the wrapped skin Phil knew would soon be a scar, a never forgotten memory, of the time Dan had quite literally thrown himself in Phil’s path to save him. Phil didn’t particularly care for that memory, but the reminder that Dan was alive would never hurt.

The bandages, however, had definitely seen better days by now. Phil could see that they were getting old and worn, and they needed a change, so, after sitting up with a small yawn, Phil reached for where he’d tied a knot, and started to undo it.

"I figure it's time for a change, and I'd like to see how your wounds are doing," he insisted when Dan complained.

Dan winced a little when the bandages were unwrapped, not entirely painless yet. They stretched and stabbed a little with the bandages, but the poultice had done its job well. Where once had been three long, jagged open wounds, there now sat only three scabbed cuts, the deepest the width of three fingers. They would scar properly in a couple of days, and join the multitude of scars that decorated Dan's skin.

Phil took a good, long look at Dan’s body once he’d managed to get the bandages undone. The bruising around the three long scratches had finally begun to fade, the angry red marks that had curled their edges finally fading to a duller, faded pink, and the scabbing was just ingrained enough now that Phil was sure it would make way soon for scars. The wounds were still slightly raw enough for Phil to be concerned about Dan being unbandaged or moving around too roughly, but they were definitely better by now.

Gently, Phil reached out for the first time with unmedicated fingers to touch Dan’s skin, the pads of his fingers stroking gently over the scabbing, and taking in the way the heat seemed to burn at him. For a moment, Phil thought he understood a little of Dan’s pain, and he closed his eyes in horror for his thief.

Slowly, as he opened them again and rested the palm of his hand over the deepest of Dan’s wounds, Phil flickered his gaze up to Dan’s slightly wet eyes, and then leaned in close and did something that almost took even him by surprise.

He kissed Dan’s wounds. His mouth pressed against the scabbed over scratches starting from the top of the far one, and all the way down it to Dan’s hip. Dan didn’t move under Phil, which Phil took to mean that this was okay, and he trailed his lips across Dan’s skin to the middle scratch to return up the scratch in the same treatment as the first cut.

Phil could almost feel the tears coming, just from the small movements of his mouth, but he suddenly felt like he needed to do this, like he needed to make his peace with these marks that now littered his thief’s body, and put to rest what had been done to him. He needed to let go of his own guilt at having let this happen, and just love the part of Dan that now showed Phil that he was okay.

His lips trailed down in small fluttery kisses over the third scratch before Phil finally pulled back with damp eyes and stared gently up to Dan, moving a hand to caress gently down the marks.

Softly, he offered Dan a smile.

“They remind me that you’re alive, and I -- I just wanted to remind myself that… it’s over, and you’re okay.”

Dan was completely taken aback when Phil seemingly suddenly leaned in to press little light kisses against his wounds. The pressure was just enough to feel it, but not enough to hurt, and it had Dan tipping his head back with a soft little noise. If it wasn't for their recent activities, he'd probably be rolling Phil over again right about now, but as it was, they were both sated and still recovering, and it was more than enough to have Phil kissing him like this.

Dan met Phil’s gaze with soft astonishment when Phil finally finished and looked up at him. He hadn't been expecting such soft touches, not to something that was soon to scar and mar his skin in the ugliest of ways, but as Phil gave his reasoning, Dan couldn't help but smile back, eyes crinkling up.

"Alive," he breathed, and reached out to touch Phil's cheek, the side his tongue poked out of when he laughed. "As are you, my Prince. I'd jump in front of that dragon ten times over to save you, and I know you'd do the same for me." Dan leaned in, then, drawing Phil close for another gentle kiss to his lips, bestowing as much love upon him as he could. These were scars Dan would be proud to carry, for the first time in a very long time.

As much as Phil didn't like to hear Dan saying he'd do it again, Phil couldn't deny that Dan was right. Given the chance, Phil would have done the same, and he supposed that made them both fools in love. Phil couldn't even care if he was fool; he was a fool for Dan, then that was enough for him.

With tender fingers, Phil walked them along Dan's side, pushed him back over, and hovered gently over him. He gazed into Dan's eyes with the softest look he could manage before he pulled Dan back in for yet another sweet kiss.

He was far too spent for another round, but that didn't mean he wasn't still bursting with affection for Dan, didn't still crave the feeling of Dan's body against his. For all that Dan had been teasing him lately for his eagerness, Phil knew he wasn't the only eager one. Dan might have more experience, but Phil seemed to be dragging something new out of him, and he was proud of that.

He was proud of the way that even now, when both men were exhausted from a day’s hard work and their earlier activities, that Dan’s body still reacted to his by rolling into him, pressing their skin tight to each other. Not feeling the bandages under his chest any longer sent a thrill like none other through Phil, and while he still fully planned to bandage Dan up once again, he couldn’t wait to have this feeling back again.

One day, he’d be able to touch and grab and hold Dan freely, and the fact that that was true, meant everything to Phil.

As he mouthed kisses along Dan’s skin, sucking at his neck lazily for the pure sentiment of comfort, Phil ducked in close. “I love you,” he whispered like it was a secret. His heart was racing in his chest as another tantalizing pair of words danced against his tongue, and, because he was embarrassed and so, so scared, Phil twisted to hide his face against Dan’s ear.

“Marry me,” he requested, and waited with bated breath for the fall out.

Dan's heart contracted and burst at the question whispered against his ear, frozen still for the moment.

Phil had brought the concept up before, but never in such a direct question, and Dan had always answered teasingly, never quite committing himself. The future had always seemed so dim to Dan -- there were so many unknowns. They had to get past the dragon, work out a way for both their worlds to collide, and to join up enough for them to be able to spend time together. Dan needed to be present enough to warn off other suitors, but couldn't reveal his true identity as the King of Thieves to any but Phil's immediate family. It had all seemed so impossible that Dan never truly let himself believe it was a possibility.

But now, here he lay, with Phil in their tree, and everything was ironed out or had a possible solution. There was still much to be fixed, Dan wasn't stupid, but he couldn't help but think they'd got through the worst, and had a plan for the rest.

Breathlessly, Dan let himself picture it -- a life as Dan Howell in the Palace, suitor to Prince Philip, but with a darker parallel life as the King of Thieves who took a new companion at his side. Phil had promised him some time out of the Castle, time in which Dan could truly show him the world.

Their future together hung in front of him, so close, so possible, and all he had to do was reach out and take it.

"Yes," Dan whispered against Phil's lips, and pulled him in tight, pressing a deep, slow kiss to his lips. "Yes, yes," he murmured as he coaxed Phil's mouth open and gently licked into him, sealing them together in the best way he knew.

The wait for Dan’s reply was the tensest of Phil’s life, and yet, as he hid in Dan’s neck, he feared nothing. What left was there to fear with Dan, when they’d been through everything together? The worst that could happen was Dan saying no, not yet, and yet, Phil knew that would not be the case.

So, when Dan pulled Phil back with a chanted mantra of yes yes yes, and kissed Phil over and over again on the mouth, seeming unable to contain himself, Phil was unable to do anything in response except kiss Dan back and laugh against his lips like all of his dreams had come true, because they had. They well and truly had. Phil finally had the partner he’d always dreamed of, and even if their situation wasn’t perfect, it was perfect for them.

It felt like the two were drowning in love as Dan kissed Phil over and over again, coaxing his mouth open with his tongue and kissing Phil with all the love in his heart, slow and deep and sensual in a way that almost got Phil going all over again. They both let out soft, breathy noises into each other’s mouths, as their bodies rolled together, and Dan pushed Phil onto his side.

Phil didn’t even mind, so long as Dan didn’t stop kissing him, and his fingers spread wide against the cuts that would one day scar and remind Phil of nothing other than that Dan had survived long enough to become Phil’s husband.

"Yes," Dan breathed again moments later, and joined his hand with Phil's where their rings sat on each other's fingers, glinting in the bright firelight, and smiled that giant smile of his that had his eyes crinkling up. "I love you too, my crazy, honest, wonderful Prince. Of course I'm saying yes."

As Dan reached for Phil’s hand, Phil let go of Dan’s body willingly enough, and watched as their rings glinted against each other on their hands. Dan’s fingers were slow to lace with Phil’s, and yet it meant everything in the world to him to see their gifts pressed against each other like this after the promise Dan had just given him to marry him.

They were betrothed.

Phil couldn’t stop grinning, and he laughed because he couldn’t help it, wiggling the hand between his and Dan’s bodies to reach up and press into Dan’s dimple, because Dan was grinning too. Phil felt his tongue slip out from between his teeth the way it always did, and even though he hated it, he let it stand just for Dan.

Phil’s eyes crinkled up, and he leaned back in once more to kiss Dan.

“Good,” he said, and maybe, just maybe, they had enough in them for one more round after all.

#phanfiction #iwritephanthings #snowbunnylester #phan au #fantasy phan au #steal my heart

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auroraphilealis · 7 years

Text

Steal My Heart (Steal My Whole Life Too) Chapter 25

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

*happy birthday elizajane~ happy birthday elizajane~~~~ happy birthday to me*

(AO3 link) (Masterlist)

Chapter 25

When Phil next woke him, Dan wanted to groan and roll right back over into the furs. It was early, with the sun just starting to rise above the horizon, but Dan had said he was well enough to travel today and he knew Phil would jump on any sign of weakness to force him back into bed. That was the last thing Dan wanted, so, with Phil's assistance, he got himself up and out of bed and bundled up in one of Phil's warm coats, which was baggy enough not to aggravate his wounds.

Speaking of his wounds, Dan was pleased to have woken without any spotting blood on the bandages. The poultice had held for the entire night, and the pain was reduced to a dull hum that was perfectly bearable. He said as much to Phil, which seemed to pacify him a little, much as he still hovered over Dan like a mother hen.

Dan took the chance to lean back against the wall and watch Phil pack up their camp, knowing better than to offer his assistance. Instead, he poked teasing fun at how good it was to watch Phil doing all the work for once, and dodged the cloth Phil threw at his head in revenge with a little snort of laughter.

So Phil was a very intense fretter. He couldn't help himself as he watched Dan out of the corner of his eye while he went about packing up their camp. Their supplies had dwindled down to two packs, which relieved Phil who wasn't sure he could carry three, and who was determined not to let Dan carry any. His gaze stuck to Dan like glue, though, waiting for any signs of exhaustion or fatigue that would tell Phil this was a bad idea. They could afford one more day if Dan needed it, surely? Yes, the bridge was going to take longer to build this time around without Dan able to help him gather materials, and he was actually going to need to chop down some trees to build what was actually a bridge, but surely… surely, if Dan needed it?

But Dan didn't seem to need it, shooting his mouth off at Phil every chance that he got, teasing and smirking and putting on a very convincing show of health and good will. For all that Phil could tell Dan was doing everything he could to keep Phil from changing his mind, he could also see the restlessness in Dan's limbs. He could see how much Dan ached to help Phil pack, ached to be moving again, and he realized that it would do no good for either of them to stay here any longer. Dan needed to be moving, and Phil wanted to be home.

Phil helped Dan up off the ground, and then they were off, trekking slower through the mountain pass than they had on their way up, but also finding it easier to get down from the fact that they were no longer going up. Phil's breathing was less uneven, and he was able to hold Dan's weight with an arm around his waist, drawing him in close and keeping him there. For once, Dan didn't fight him.

Soon enough, they were off on their travels again, with the sun climbing above them and Phil carrying all of their bags, a tired Dan leaning on his arm. Dan took the chance to cuddle up to Phil's side, taking comfort from his presence beside him. The day was warm and pleasant, with not a hint of rain -- exactly the kind of day Dan loved to travel in. He couldn't help but smile with happiness and pride at the man beside him, showing him off to the world as Dan's.

"I love this kind of day," Dan told Phil as they set off down the pass. "It's so clear, you can see for miles." And it was true -- the forest was spreading out below them, becoming clearer and clearer with every step. Dan leaned against Phil and pointed carefully towards the trees, squinting a little. "Do you think we could see our tree, if we look hard enough?"

"These are my favorite days as well,” Phil hummed in reply. “Clear skies, calm weather," he said, looking up to see not a cloud in sight. It was nice, as well, what with the weather lending them a light breeze to counteract the sun. It was just a nice day overall.

Chuckling as Phil looked out over the forest view, he considered the possibility of being able to see their tree for a moment. "I mean. It's possible. Do you remember what it looks like on the outside? You saw how tall it was. There's no way of confirming for sure it's ours, though," he mused, enjoying the playfulness of Dan's tone. He was like a small child, and it warmed Phil's heart to see Dan still had that in him, the wonder of a kid.

Dan liked that Phil was humouring him. He leaned gladly against Phil, liking the support of Phil's arm around his waist, holding him steady, letting him know he wasn't alone. He kept peering at the forest again, pursing his lips.

"To be honest, I don't remember that well what it looked like from the outside." Dan leaned in so his lips were right by Phil's ear. "I was a bit more preoccupied with the inside. One of our better nights in there, I think, before the Duke showed up. And after, when we'd ironed everything out."

Dan smiled a little, already treasuring the memories. Every time he experienced something new with Phil, it was like the little part of Dan's brain that he was reserving for knowledge of Phil kept expanding, growing with fondness and little tidbits of what his life with Phil could be like. These were memories Dan would treasure forever.

The reminder of their two nights inside of that tree sent a pleasant shiver up Phil’s spine and a bout of arousal to his stomach that Phil was doing his best to ignore. To be fair, those were fond memories of his as well. He'd never experienced anything like it before, and the best part had been how much fun he'd been able to have with Dan amongst it all. He was learning a lot of new things about both of their bodies, and to say he was enjoying that was an understatement, but it was more than just the sex that had Phil thinking fondly on it. It was the way Dan always treated him like a precious treasure, working Phil through his nerves and the shyness he didn't think he was ever going to completely get rid of.

Dan made Phil feel safe in everything they did, and that was what meant the most to him.

"Fair enough," he ended up croaking in response, face beet red. "You definitely made a point of how much you enjoyed my eagerness. Perhaps you'll continue to be so lucky in the future," he continued when he'd calmed down enough to tease Dan back.

They were getting closer to the bottom of the mountain, now. They just had to move through that first village the Duke had taken them through, but this time, Phil had been reassured there would be no one to stop him. The people of the mountain had no doubt who Phil was, or what his intentions were any longer. As soon as his family was safe, Phil would make certain the mountain people would be given help and shelter from the witch.

"Do you think you'd show me how you track in the forest?" Dan asked then, remembering how Phil seemed to enjoy teaching Dan things. "I don't know how you found the path so easily before, and I like learning new skills."

Phil perked up instantly at the chance to teach Dan something, and grinned immediately. "I can definitely teach you,” Phil promised Dan, and squeezed the hand around his waist. “Just as you taught me about your desert.

Just as Phil had thought, they made it through the final village with no problem. Dan kept sending Phil a few troubled looks, which caused Phil to sigh and explain what had happened back at the top of the mountain, after he’d escaped the dragon and encountered the elder of the first village, but for the most part, it all seemed okay. Dan didn’t even seem all that put out, actually rather pleased at Phil’s promise to help these people, and seemed more cheerful still as they made their way down to the bottom of the mountain.

It was just as they were reaching the bottom that Phil caught sight of a small cavern that could work as a possible shelter that night, should Dan be too tired to continue, and he stopped walking to point it out to Dan.

“Are you getting tired? We could stop there for the night. I don’t want to push you too far when you’re only just healing,” Phil pressured Dan, a pleading look on his face. Propped up by Phil as Dan was, Dan was forced to stop walking when he did, but sent Phil a rather unimpressed look despite it all.

“Phil. I’m fine. I refuse to settle back down again until we make it to our tree,” he replied stubbornly.

There was something about the expression on Dan’s face that forced Phil to take his words entirely seriously, and he sighed as he turned back away from the cavern and started to head back down into the forest once again.

The sun was just beginning to set when they hit the tree line, its final rays a bright orange against the skyline, and Phil smiled at the sight of it. He had to stop one more time just to look, relieved when Dan stopped with him.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, sounding rather fond. “It really is.”

But when Phil turned to look at him, Dan wasn’t looking at the sun; he was looking at Phil, the most gentle of smiles on his face that did nothing other than make Phil blush.

If Dan hadn’t been injured, Phil might have shoved him, but as it was, he took the compliment in his stride and leaned in close to press a quick kiss to Dan’s lips.

“Shut up, thief,” he teased. “Let’s get going.”

As the two pushed through the thick foliage of the forest, Phil began to point out to Dan the signs of a safe path, the markings left by other animals, and what to avoid if he did see, though there were no examples of the prints of much larger animals like red lions.

As they continued their trek through the forest down to the river, Phil did his best to teach Dan everything he could think of, smiling as he teased Dan and asked him questions much like Dan had about the desert, only to correct him gently when he got something wrong. It felt like a good learning experience, and by the time they could hear the river rushing near by, Phil had taught Dan everything from paths, to poisonous plants and berries that he knew by sight alone.

Dan listened with attentive curiosity as Phil taught him everything he knew about the forest. Some of it Dan had picked up before, when they were forced to travel with the Duke and he wanted to show off, but most of it was entirely new. Dan soaked up the knowledge eagerly. He'd always loved learning new things, new ways the world worked, and it was wonderful to see Phil lighting up as he taught Dan what he knew.

Sighing as Phil realized they couldn’t quite return to their previous tree, where all their memories lay, he started to scan the forest around them for another one similar, and hopefully just as big as their original.

Leading Dan over to a normal pine, Phil helped Dan to lean against it for a moment.

“Wait here, okay?” he requested. “It’s not safe to sleep down by the river, and I refuse to go to the Duke’s cave, so I have to find another one of our trees, okay? And I don’t want to be dragging you back and forth everywhere while I do,” he explained, pecking a quick kiss to Dan’s forehead as he pulled away.

Dan grumbled at him a bit, but didn’t argue, to which Phil felt relieved.

“I’ll try and find an even bigger one than last time,” he teased with a quick wink, and then turned to start his search through the forest near the river and it’s clearing.

As much as Dan didn’t want to admit it, he was beginning to tire, the pain in his side starting to throb a little more with every step. He tried to hide it, but he was quite relieved when Phil pulled them to a stop and told Dan to wait while he went to find them a place to camp. He made a show of grumbling away at Phil, but he didn’t fight him on it, rolling his eyes at the teasing words he was left with.

As soon as he was alone, Dan sagged down to the ground, pressing a tentative hand to his side with a wince. There was a tiny bit of blood showing through, not enough to need a bandage change, but Dan felt more weary than he'd like to admit. The pain was making his brain a little hazy. He leaned against the tree trunk Phil had left him against, and set his head back against the warm wood, closing his eyes.

It didn't take Phil too long to find one of his trees, and while it obviously couldn't be the one he and Dan had very precious memories inside of, it was enough. When Phil found the entrance and crawled inside of it, he was pleased to find it was relatively large, though not as large as their last one, and dropped off their two packs before heading back towards where he'd left Dan.

The minute he stepped through the clearing, Phil found Dan resting against a tree, clearly exhausted, with blood spots on his bandages. He bit his lip, concerned he'd let Dan push himself too far, concerned he'd let himself be distracted from the signs of Dan weakening because he'd wanted to teach Dan everything he knew.

Even when he heard Phil coming back, Dan couldn't quite bring himself to rouse. He did open his eyes, blearily, to make sure it was actually Phil coming back and not something that Dan should be attacking. He let out a relieved breath when it was indeed Phil, managing a small smile. "Before you tell me off for pushing myself too hard, I promise to rest all night and not fight you when you inevitably fuss over me. Deal?"

Phil approached Dan slowly, having seen him open his eyes blearily for only a second before closing them again. His breathing wasn't ragged or rough, and he didn't seem to be in too much pain, but he was clearly exhausted.

"Okay," Phil agreed easily enough, guilt wracking through him. "But only if you let me carry you the rest of the way," he insisted in a small voice.

Dan cracked open one eye, took one look at Phil's face, appeared about to argue, and then seemed to think better of it before nodding in agreement to Phil. Phil sighed at that, and went to lift Dan into his arms. Instantly, Dan wrapped his legs around Phil’s waist, while Phil placed his own arms under Dan's thighs as Dan settled into his hold. It was easier to carry Dan when Dan was not unconscious, and so Phil began the trek back to the tree.

He hadn’t liked leaving Dan vulnerable and alone out here like this, but he trusted the safety of his tree.

Maneuvering Dan into the their tree was harder said than done, and Phil ended up having to give up on carrying Dan in, and instead pushed aside the branches covering the entrance to allow Dan to crawl inside himself. Phil followed immediately, and made up a bed of furs for Dan to rest in while he got to work making dinner.

Without missing a beat, Phil helped Dan into bed, and said, “Rest, now. I’ll wake you for dinner. Just… sleep.”

Dan stared up at Phil from under his cocoon of furs, his head just poking out over the top of one, tired eyes peering blearily up at him. Once again, Dan didn’t fight Phil, nodding slightly instead before closing his eyes and appearing to drop instantly to sleep.

Turning back to his ingredients and supplies to make dinner, Phil started a quick fire, and then went about mixing water and deer fat to make a quick broth. He didn’t know why Dan seemed to think he was such an amazing cook when he’d been doing so little lately, but he’d cook for Dan any day, when they weren’t working with such limited supplies.

Dropping a few more morsels of deer meat into the broth as it simmered, Phil hummed as he cooked, and kept a close eye on Dan behind him, who almost didn’t move at all. If it weren’t for the gentle rise and fall of the furs, Phil would have been worried, but as it was, he found no point in being distressed.

Dan was doing better. He was going to be okay. The thought of that alone helped to ease Phil some, and he smiled to himself as he cooked.

When the broth was done, Phil served it in two bowls, and went to wake up Dan. His thief was groggy, eyes filled with pain, and so Phil helped him to sip at the bowl until all of the broth was done before sending him back to sleep. His own meal slightly cold by then, Phil slurped it down anyway, and then packed everything away again.

He didn’t want to get too comfortable here, when he had every intention of continuing their trip very, very soon.

Settling down in front of the fire, not quite tired yet himself, Phil pulled out the little piece of wood he’d been carving and an extra dagger that didn’t hold a piece of dragon scale, Phil began work on the bear once more.

Maybe, if it wasn’t entirely terrible, he could present it as a gift to Dan when he was done.

The next day was a little harder than the last, as Dan woke up sore and stiff and bleeding through his bandages again, and was forced to concede that maybe he had pushed himself too hard and too soon the day before. It was frustrating beyond belief, as he'd thought he was being careful. He wasn't doing nearly as much as he usually would, but apparently it still was too much.

Dan grumbled about it as he sat there, letting Phil use up a little more of their precious bandage supply to change him again. He didn't deny that the fresh poultice was helping to dim the pain, even though they were precious low on herbs, too.

It was obvious to both men that Dan wasn’t doing as well as he'd wanted to say he was, but Phil didn't berate him. He could see the frustration clear as day on his features, could see his pain and worry, and knew that Dan was just trying to keep both of their spirits strong. How could Phil yell at him for overexerting himself when it was clear that Dan was just doing his best?

Instead, Phil changed his bandages calmly, tried to ignore and not respond to any of Dan's mutterings to himself, and helped Dan get back out of the tree to continue their journey. He held Dan's weight as much as he possibly could, shouldering their bags as well, and hoped Dan would feel well enough to just make it to the river.

Phil had been tempted to leave Dan behind in the shelter of the tree, but he'd also wanted Dan nearby, and had decided camping at the river would be the better option these next two days after he’d realized that the tree really was a bit too cramped compared to their old one, especially when Phil was trying so hard not to bump any of Dan’s sore spots. He knew they’d be more exposed to the elements by the lake, but it would save them time, ultimately.

Phil needed to focus on the bridge, and he needed Dan safe and nearby.

Dan leaned on Phil heavily as they made their way out of the tree and back into the forest, guilt gnawing away at him for how exhausted and worried Phil looked. Dan hated being helpless. He was itching to help Phil carry the bags, or at least let him get some decent rest. It was more than evident now that Phil was strong, though, as he was supporting most of Dan's weight as well as carrying almost all the supplies. Dan would be lying if he said he wasn't impressed.

The forest changed slowly around them, the trees thinning out as they led to the river bank. Dan brightened a little at seeing it, gritting his teeth around the pain in order to push himself up from Phil, just a little. He smiled. "There are still ravens here. Your family must be eager for news."

As soon as they hit the river bank, Phil was grinning, because Dan was right. There were plenty of ravens nearby, and he did want to get news to his family.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “I’m sure they are.” It was Phil who was anxious to send the letters though, and so, after helping to find the best spot for Dan to spend the day resting once more, Phil got him all settled in, and then slipped out his three letters to tie around the ankle of a raven. After stroking its feathers and offering it a little piece of deer meat, Phil saw it on his way, and felt a weight leaving his shoulders.

He was almost home. Dan was safe and bundled in furs behind Phil. Soon… Phil would be able to save the rest of his Kingdom too.

But for now, he just needed to build a bridge.

While the Duke had been useless at cutting down trees with his sword, Phil was actually quite good at it, and while they’d lost the Duke’s when Phil had rather impulsively kicked his body over the edge of the mountain cliff, they’d had one of Phil’s old ones hanging sheathed and attached to one of their bags for quite a few days now.

Phil used that to start collecting the wood he needed from the trees along the edge of the forest clearing, chopping down tree after tree, and shouting at Dan to watch out as each tree fell in quick succession. The work was hard, and loud, and Phil could hear the rustle of nearby wildlife upset by his destroying of their homes with every swing of his sword.

Phil promised to himself to take as little as he could,

The first few trees took the majority of the morning to chop down, with Phil only stopping in between each one to saw away at the branches and leaves at the top, and dispose of them within the forest tree line. He rolled each trunk as far from Dan has he could manage, and then started on the next tree.

By the time Phil had cut down three trees, it wasn’t even noon yet, and he stopped his work to go and observe the logs he did have. He’d need to chop them up into smaller pieces, which was going to take a lot of work as well, but he knew it needed to be done.

One look at the long log told Phil just how unstable it would be to cross even if he did manage to shove it across the river, and he wasn’t putting Dan through that when he was already hurt. Not to mention, Phil was wounded too, and it didn’t seem like the safest idea to cross on something as potentially dangerous as a full tree log.

Chopping the wood was almost as hard as cutting it down, but the fear of the tree falling on him was gone now that Phil had it pressed to the ground, which made it far easier at the same time. He cut each log he’d managed into fifths, and then turned each smaller log upside down to cut it straight down the middle, that way he’d have a flat bit on one side, and a round bit on the other to float against the water. Phil was banking on his bridge being sturdy and long enough to not need the bridge to float, but better safe than sorry.

The whole time he worked, Phil could feel Dan’s gaze steady on him, and from time to time, even heard a comment or two tossed his way. Phil sent Dan amused glances and small smiles in response, but he was too breathless from the hard labor of wood cutting to respond most of the time, instead wiping sweat from his brow as he worked away at the trees. For all of his strength, it was easy to miss the spot he’d already hacked into sometimes, making the woodwork far more effort than he would have liked.

"Why can't you just shove one log across the river, and we'll cross that?" Dan shouted at one point, looking particularly arrogant and sure of himself at the suggestion, but also a little bit concerned at how hard Phil was working.

The concern made Phil feel warm inside, but the cockiness made him shake his head instantly, a bit annoyed that Dan would question Phil’s care for the two of them.

"Have you ever crossed a single log before?" Phil called back, dropping his sword to his side as he panted and took a second's break. Dan shrugged, and then nodded. "I bet it was before you were injured, and even then, I doubt it was over a rushing river that could literally take your life in an instant. Can you just have a little bit of faith in me?" he snapped, a bit more harshly than he’d intended when he knew that Dan was only trying to help.

Dan seemed to back down at that, though, and Phil sighed, feeling bad for having been so rude.

"I'm sorry, I know you mean well. It's just - hard work," Phil explained, trying to make Dan feel better about the perceived insult, and then turned back away.

Despite Phil’s complaint about the work he was doing, by late afternoon, he actually had a really good pile going, and almost all the wood chopped into appropriately sized pieces. Deciding to stop for a moment to finally prepare lunch for himself and a now sleeping Dan, Phil dropped his sword and started to set up a fire.

He smiled softly at the sight of Dan resting, though, and a few times, when he passed by where Dan was settled in his furs, Phil stopped to press a kiss to his cheek.

Once he got the rest of the deer meat on the fire, deciding to spoil them both by roasting it by itself and eating it without broth for once, Phil settled down on the forest floor next to Dan, and just took a rest. He could go hunting for more food later, or go fishing, but for now, there was no more point in watered down food. They needed to get their strength back up.

When the deer meat finished roasting, Phil took it gently off the fire, and slid it into a bowl for him and Dan to share. Then, he woke Dan gently, and helped prop him up in a sitting position. Dan, much like yesterday, was able to eat by himself and hold the bowl without trouble, his left arm beginning to be more useful and less of a dead weight at Dan’s side.

They shared the meat in quiet harmony. Dan looked dazed and a little out of it, and once it was done, Dan went back to sleep while Phil went back to work.

The last few bits of log were easy enough to chop up with his strength renewed, and not wanting to take anymore homes from the forest dwellers here, Phil decided he had enough wood to start building. He just needed something to bind his logs with, now, something like the rope he’d brought and used the first time around, but in fuller quality.

Dan’s reeds had been stronger than Phil had anticipated last time, and so he went looking for them, wondering if they’d be enough to hold the logs together as well. The last time they’d done this had been a week ago, now, and they were more than half way through their allotted time to save the Princess, but it was enough. Surely, it was enough.

Trying not to let Dan fall too far out of sight, Phil went about collecting the reeds, and tugged on them a few times to see just how strong they were. After deciding they’d just have to do, Phil continued his mission looking for the best of the best, as Dan had done for him before.

It was nightfall before Phil came to a stop, dropping the last handful of the reeds next to his pile of logs and materials, and then settling down there as well with a few loud joint cracks from his exhausted body. Resting backwards with the palms of his hands propping up his body, Phil allowed his eyes to close just for a minute, fully intending to start building the bridge in just a minute, when --

Dan called his name.

Turning his head, and opening his eyes, Phil found that Dan was up and about, warming himself at the fire, looking rather put out that Phil was not nearby.

The day was spent between hazy wakefulness and deep sleep for Dan.

He must have pushed himself harder than he’d realised the day before, because his side was throbbing and his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool. But Phil had placed him safely resting at the bottom of a tree, wrapped up so tight in furs that Dan could barely move. That was good, though. He was annoyingly tired, and unable to properly pull himself into waking.

Spending the morning laughing at Phil chopping down wood was entertaining, though. Dan had never seen him panting and grunting over something so much before, and it made him laugh even as he was annoyed he couldn’t help. But Dan wasn’t above enjoying seeing Phil working for him. He liked being spoiled, having someone else do the hard work for once.

Dan would make it up to him at some point.

Dan woke up properly when the evening was drawing to a close, with the sun low in the sky. Phil was still working on the bridge, now having an impressive pile of logs and reeds, and Dan had to concede that the bridge looked like it would be much sturdier than any log he'd seen before, and it most certainly wasn't going to be a raft. Dan smiled a little. He could pat Phil on the back for this, though he had a feeling Phil was never going to let it go.

When Phil looked as if he was about to continue working, though, Dan called out to stop him. "Phil! Stop, you've done enough for today. It wouldn't do to have us both out of action tomorrow." He stretched his legs out in front of him, shifting a bit under the furs, and reached a hand out to beckon Phil over. He still wished he could just stand up and go and fetch him, but he was a little bit stuck with pain still flaring down his side.

"Come on, come and rest, you've done plenty today," Dan wheedled when Phil looked like he wanted to keep working. "It's nightfall, and I'm cold and hungry and in need of a cuddle. So get over here." Dan wasn't above looking like a needy fool if it would make Phil stop, because he looked truly tired out, and Dan wanted him to rest before he worked himself into the ground. Dan wished he could be more help, but he was stuck just sitting against the tree trunk in endless frustration. "It's a very nice looking bridge." Dan added with a smile, "But it'll look much nicer if you are actually awake in the morning to put it together."

There had been a part of Phil that had wanted to argue with Dan when he started to insist that Phil give the bridge a rest for the night, and another part of him that was just craving being next to Dan again. It was a struggle when all Phil wanted was to get Dan somewhere safe as quickly as possible, but even he could feel the exhaustion settling deep into his bones, and if Dan wanted a cuddle… well, who was Phil to deny him? It helped when Dan stroked his ego a little, seeming to take back all his earlier qualms regarding the bridge Phil was attempting to make.

"If my thief needs me, then I guess my thief needs me," Phil teased, but even he could tell he sounded exhausted. He stood up regardless, suddenly aware of just how dark it was as the fire the two of them had kept stoked and going all day to keep animals away due to the smoke and to keep Dan warm, flickered over his face, the only thing truly making it possible for Phil to see him at all.

His eyes felt strained as Phil looked back down at the materials at his feet, and he realized suddenly that he could hardly see them. What was he doing? He was being an idiot.

Sighing heavily, Phil trudged over to Dan's side, and collapsed next to him, peering sideways up at Dan. He was pouting, eyes scrunched together sadly, as he looked at him. "Or perhaps your prince needs his thief," he admitted softly, reaching up to touch Dan's cheek lightly. "I wish you were better. I'm worried."

Relief fluttered in Dan's chest when he saw that Phil was indeed going to listen to him and give up for the night. Phil looked exhausted. He needed to rest - and if Dan got dinner and a cuddle out of it, well, he wouldn't be complaining.

As Phil settled against him, Dan lifted his good arm and slung it around Phil's shoulders, drawing him in. Phil's little words sent a pang to Dan's heart. He wanted to be better, too, because it was more than frustrating to have to spend all day sitting around when he was itching to be up and helping Phil.

"I'm alright," Dan murmured softly, resting his head against Phil's. "Don't worry. The herbs are doing their job, and I've got you looking after me. As long as you don't work yourself into the ground." He nudged at Phil gently, allowing a smirk to twitch his lips. "If you need me, I am here. Slightly battered, but here. Always with you, my Prince."

It was comforting to have Dan reassuring him, and Phil rested his head against Dan's shoulder, relaxing into the arm wrapped around him, and allowing Dan to hold him close. He wanted to stay here, wanted to sleep here, even, but the longer he allowed himself this moment, the more his eyes began to droop, and the more aware he became of just how exhausted he really was. With a huge yawn, Phil stretched out his limbs, and rubbed at his eyes.

"Hungry?" he drowsed at Dan, not waiting for an answer before he moved to get a broth started again. He was far too exhausted to go fishing or try anything else today. He could fish tomorrow, gather some supplies for the two of them.

Dan perked up instantly at the mention of food, grinning. "Starving, actually. You've been paying more attention to a pile of wood than me all day." He watched as Phil went to the fire and started cooking, once again itching to wish he could move and help. Phil was exhausted, he should be resting, not doing more taking care of Dan.

"As soon as I'm better, I'm going to make you sleep for a week," Dan ordered. "No arguments. You can just lie in bed and I'll cook and bring you food and take care of you." Dan hadn't looked after anyone like that since his brother, but looking at the bags under Phil's eyes and the tired way he moved, Dan was itching to wrap Phil up in blankets and force him to rest forever.

Phil chuckled quietly, shaking his head, but knew Dan was kind of right. He had been mostly ignoring his thief all day, and other than the one time he'd stopped to yell at him, and the one other time he'd woken Dan from a nap just to feed him, he hadn't bothered to really... even speak to Dan. He felt kind of bad for it now, and reached back to take Dan's hand in his. He was never going to get over how much bigger Dan's hands were, though. He had meant for the touch to be reassuring to Dan, but now he just felt so much smaller, like he was the one being held and protected. He loved it, regardless.

"I'm sorry, my thief. I just… want to get you to safety, where you can heal without stress," he murmured, turning back to smile sincerely. "But there's no need to make me sleep for a week, now. I won't argue with you if you insist on taking care of me, but there are far more important things I'd like to do with you than sleep," he complained, letting Dan take from that what he would while he stirred their broth drowsily. He still had a little bit of deer fat to make it taste good, the rest of the deer fat in fact, but they wouldn’t be having any meat tonight.

Dan snorted at that. In Phil's drowsiness, Dan wasn't even sure he'd picked up on the double meaning to his words, but they were easy enough to hear in Dan's mind. He shook his head, taking the opportunity to run his eyes down Phil's body. He looked tired, yes, but Dan had seen for himself Phil's strength in chopping up the wood and supporting Dan the whole way. It was nice to have someone who matched him in strength who Dan didn't have to see as a threat.

"Don't worry, my Prince," Dan answered with a wicked grin, "I said I'd keep you in bed for a week, but I didn't say anything about sleeping." He chuckled, watching happily as the blush he'd come to love spread slowly along Phil's cheeks. Dan glanced down with a small sigh, looking at his bandages in frustration. "For now, though, I think you do need to sleep. Let me take first watch -- I'll wake you if something happens."

Phil's cheeks colored immediately, and the last of his sleepiness seemed to disappear in an instant as his eyes went wide and he turned to look at Dan. His mouth was open in a little "o" and he was trying not to stare too unabashedly at Dan's body, wrapped up in furs as it was. As embarrassed as he was at Dan's low comment, he couldn't help the stir of arousal. He really... really liked those moments he got to be with Dan physically. He shivered at the thought, gulped, and turned back to their meal.

"No, that's okay," he squeaked, stopping to clear this throat. "I'm -- I'm fine. Hungry. I'll just finish our dinner, and then..." Phil trailed off. He didn't really want Dan to take any watch tonight, but this was starting to get ridiculous, his intense desire to keep Dan safe. If he didn't sleep tonight, he wasn't going to be fit to travel tomorrow, and if they didn't start their journey, he'd never get Dan to safety. Suddenly, Phil wished he'd left Dan back in their tree, but he knew Dan would have fought him, and that might have resulted in Dan coming looking for Phil on his own when he'd hadn't returned after sun down.

Sighing, Phil bit his lip, trying not to cry as a sudden wave of pain washed over him. He just wanted to be strong enough to look after Dan when he was wounded. He just wanted to keep his thief safe.

Dan's face fell as he watched Phil clearly struggling. It had become more than evident that Phil was doing everything he could to protect Dan -- in fact, his every action since they'd left the dragon's cave had been something to make Dan's life a little easier. Hell, he'd actually carried Dan halfway down a mountain just to protect him and make sure he got the best care. Ever since then, Phil hadn't taken even a second for himself, and it must be starting to take its toll.

"Hey," Dan murmured, once again reaching a hand out for Phil, "Hey, don't worry. I'm fine, see? I'm here, and I'm healing, and in a few more days I'll be right as rain again. And I'm not completely helpless right now. Come on, I can see you need a break."

Dan bit his lip, his heart cracking a little for Phil just then. Phil just looked so tired, on the verge of tears all because he thought he wasn't doing enough for Dan. But he was already doing so much more than Dan had ever had before, and Dan just wanted to look after him for a while. He wanted to let Phil rest, to let him have the time he so sorely needed.

"You've done amazing today," Dan murmured. "Just - just bring the dinner over here, and then lay down and sleep, OK? I'm forcing you to agree. You don't have a choice, so if you're thinking about fighting me, just, don't. I won't allow it."

When Dan took his hand, Phil had no choice but to turn back and look at him, eyes rimmed red, he was sure. Dan's eyes were soft in comparison, molton brown that seeped into Phil's soul and made him want nothing more than to fall into him and never leave. He was tired, and incoherent, and he just wanted to keep Dan safe.

"It's fine, Dan," Phil began to say, but Dan was quickly shaking his head, cutting Phil off to go on speaking himself. His voice was soft and cozy, wrapping around Phil like a blanket. It was so easy to feel mesmerized by Dan just then, and Phil took a deep breath before letting it out on a sigh, eyes dropping until he could no longer see straight. "Only if you're sure," he mumbled, feeling his head began to become too heavy for his neck. He shook himself, tried to take back control, but it was quickly becoming a lost cause. "You have to -- wake me up, though, so you can rest," he added, voice becoming slurred as his eyes fluttered shut for another moment.

Startling awake, Phil reached for the pan over their fire, and nearly burned himself as he tried to pour in into a bowl, but he managed. Taking the bowl in his hands, and leaving the pan abandoned on the ground, Phil carried it back to Dan, and was surprised when none of it spilled.

“Here you go,” he insisted, almost instantly laying down himself. He shifted his body to rest against Dan, slowly but surely managing to worm himself into Dan’s lap, too tired to really think about much else, and just let his eyes close. He wasn’t sure if he really had time to sleep right now, or if Dan was strong enough to eat the broth on his own, but it was becoming far too difficult for him to keep his head up any longer.

Phil just needed to rest for a moment. Just a moment. Then, he’d get back to work on the bridge… and…

Before he knew it, Phil was asleep.

Dan rescued the bowl of steaming broth as soon as Phil was near enough, because Phil looked about ready to drop it and spill the burning liquid all over himself. Dan had gathered by now that Phil was quite clumsy, and he really didn't want both of them getting injured.

It was a good thing, too, as no sooner had Dan rescued the bowl than Phil was lying down in his lap and going seemingly straight to sleep. Dan looked fondly down at him, lips curling into a soft smile. Phil's hair was flopping across Dan's thighs, his face turned into his stomach. The sight of Phil sleeping was really quite endearing, and quickly becoming one of Dan's favourite things to watch.

He ate quickly, carefully balancing the bowl on his left arm, and then set the bowl aside, settling down. Having spent most of the day asleep, Dan wasn't tired, and it was easy to stay awake and listen to the silent sounds of the nighttime forest. He wasn't afraid, not with the fire still slowly burning and Phil laid across his lap. Dan placed a hand gently in Phil's hair and stroked, fingers curling across his scalp.

The night passed slowly, but Dan didn't mind. He stayed alert, with the dull throbbing in his side and Phil's slow breathing keeping him company. He didn't wake Phil, even though he knew Phil was going to shout at him. He wasn't all that tired, and Phil desperately needed the sleep.

When the sun did begin to climb, Dan noticed Phil stirring. He smiled, scratching lightly against Phil's scalp and leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Morning, my love," he murmured, and kissed him again, waiting for Phil to fully wake. He hoped he wouldn't shout at Dan too much for letting him sleep through the whole night, as he'd clearly needed it.

When Phil eventually began to blink awake, it was with a low moan of exhaustion. He felt weak, blinking as sunlight streamed down into his face and he tried to adjust to being awake. He knew something wasn't quite right about the situation, and it wasn't until he felt Dan's fingernails scratching lightly against his scalp, heard Dan's voice murmuring softly to him, felt the light press of lips against his head, that he realized what was wrong.

He'd slept through the whole night. Dan hadn't woken him up. Dan had stayed watch over Phil when Phil was meant to be the one staying watch over Dan.

Head pounding, entire body sore, and mind numb from the last few days’ events, Phil couldn't even bring himself to yell at Dan. Instead, he rolled and pressed his face into Dan's belly, realizing with an embarrassed flush that he'd drooled all over Dan's trouser leg in his sleep. He nuzzled at Dan, eyelids heavy, and just stayed there, curled into him, hoping he wasn't hurting Dan too much.

"You were meant to wake me," he complained quietly after a while of just letting Dan pet him. The sound of low humming had been like a calming lullaby that had lulled Phil enough to not fully get up once his mind was awake.

Reaching out, Phil pressed one hand up the hem of Dan's tunic, and lifted it up, pressing his lips to Dan's belly and kissing there softly.

"You should have woken me up," he said again, but there was no heat behind his words, and he still felt a little fuzzy. The dull ache in the back of his head was clearly from over exertion, and Phil would have laughed at the irony of that thought if he weren't so concerned with the fact that Dan was more important than himself right now.

Dan grinned when Phil lifted his tunic to get at bare skin, murmuring sleepily. At least the shouting hadn't started yet. In fact, Phil seemed pretty tired in general, not lifting his head and curling up closer to Dan. Even in his sleepy state, he was being careful to avoid Dan's injured left side. Dan was just about bursting with affection at that.

"Why would I have woken you when you look so adorable sleeping?" Dan murmured, keeping his voice low to suit the peaceful morning. He kissed the top of Phil's head again, just because he could, and tangled his fingers in Phil's hair. "Besides, you needed it. You've been pushing yourself too hard." Dan tutted softly. “For all your taking care of me, you forgot to take care of yourself, and I'm just not having that."

He leaned his head back and surveyed the giant pile of logs and reeds that Phil had gathered. There was a lot of work still to do -- work that Dan had no intention of letting Phil do today. They could afford another rest day, and Dan wasn't going to let Phil work himself to death.

"You can go back to sleep," Dan murmured. "We can take a rest day. And don't fight me, I will literally tether you to my lap if I have to." He smiled a little, and carded his fingers through Phil's hair again. Phil's hair was coming to be one of Dan's favourite things, he was completely jealous of how soft it was and the way it always fell so straight.

Phil wanted to argue more than he could explain, but already sleep was dragging at his eyelids once again, and before he knew it, he was gone to the world, breathing evening out as he curled closer to Dan, lips pressed lazily to his stomach. Dan's tunic helped cancel out the sun a bit, and Phil just let himself go.

The next time Phil woke, it seemed the sun hadn't moved all that far though the sky, which was honestly a relief to Phil. He moaned a bit this time as he came awake, far too aware that he was uncomfortably warm and sweaty and broken. Dan still had one hand laced through Phil's hair, stroking gently, and as he much as he loved it, he knew it was time to pull away.

His heart was racing heavily in his chest at the realization of just how much time they'd lost already. He sat up quickly, head spinning as he did so, and blinked blearily as he tried to get the sleep out of his eyes.

Phil wasn't so much exhausted anymore as he was bogged down with too much sleep. Scrubbing a hand across his face, Phil grimaced, and then finally opened his eyes to a much clearer world.

Dan was sat in front of him staring at Phil with a guarded look on his face, like he knew exactly what was coming.

"I have to -- bridge. I need to build the bridge. Need to get you to safety," Phil tried to explain, finding it hard to pull his thoughts together when his brain was still so damn fuzzy.

Dan settled a hard look into his face as Phil stirred again and sat up. As expected, Phil was immediately talking nonsense about how he was going to go and build the bridge, despite the fact he could hardly string a coherent sentence together.

Determinedly, Dan reached out and grabbed Phil's wrists, encircling them with his fingers and trapping him in place. Phil wasn't going anywhere if Dan had his way. He narrowed his eyes and looked straight at Phil, saying calmly, "No. No, you have nothing you have to do today."

Dan tugged, and in his weak state it was easy to get Phil to fall back against him. Dan instantly wrapped him up in his arms, refusing to let go even when his side pulled a little. "You said I could take a rest day if I needed it," Dan reminded Phil, "And I need it. For you. I'm not letting you do anything today, no arguments."

Weak as he was, Phil fell into Dan;s arms easily, but his mind was becoming less and less foggy the longer he remained awake. His arms had fallen weakly between his and Dan's bodies, and his head had fallen against Dan's collarbones. Dan used that to his advantage to push his arms around Phil's waist, dragging him closer still, but Phil couldn't have that. He couldn't. He needed to wake up, needed to get up, and there was no such thing as a rest day for Phil.

"I said you could have a rest day. I didn't say anything about me," Phil mumbled, complaining as he reached up to carefully press his hands to Dan's chest, needing to get away. He didn't want to hurt Dan, though, and so he pushed lightly. Too lightly. Dan's arms around his waist didn't give.

"Dan," he stated firmly. "I'm fine. I just need to clear the fog from my head. I've slept plenty, okay? I need -- I can't just sit here anymore. I need to do something for both of us," he insisted.

Dan pursed his lips, tightening his grip when Phil tried to pull away. As expected, he was fighting Dan, not wanting to stay and take a break even though Dan was determined that he should. So Dan made sure to keep his grip just tight enough without hurting either of them, enough to stop Phil from leaving.

"I don't care if you say you're fine, you're still having a break," Dan insisted. He pursed his lips, surveying Phil closely. He was still blinking blearily, head resting on Dan's shoulder, but he did look a little more aware than he had earlier.

"Are you sure?" Dan asked seriously. "You've been doing so much - I don't want you hurting yourself, OK? I don't think pushing yourself too far is going to help. Stop fretting about me -- I am going to be fine. Please think of yourself? For me?" Dan sighed. "I'm not going to stop you if you're convinced you want to move on, but please don't push yourself. I don't like to see you working so hard."

Dan's arms tightened around Phil, but his hold remained soft and caring, so much so that Phil just wanted to sink into him again. He couldn't deny that having Dan hold onto him was the best feeling in the world, but it was hard to focus on that when all he could think of was the low anxiety in his stomach, the guilt that told him he needed to get them both to safety, and right now, if he could.

Phil stopped pushing at Dan's chest, though, as his thief spoke, and he tried to slow his racing heart as he let his eyes close again. His hands turned into fists on Dan's tunic, just holding onto him, and he sniffled, tears pricking at his eyes once again.

"I can't think of myself when everything I have is you," Phil tried to explain, whispering it into Dan's ear like a prayer. "I don't matter right now. I can't matter. You're healing, fine, you're walking mostly on you own and able to stay awake and coherent again, but what happens if you take a turn for the worse? We're running out of bandages and poultice, your fever only just went down, and I'm not a healer. I don't know what I'd do if you caught an infection, Dan. All because I tripped over a goddamn rock in a goddamn cave and roused a goddamn dragon."

Phil's breath was hitching on sobs, and perhaps he was more exhausted than he'd realized, because it felt like the world was crashing down around him, suddenly, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"I have to work hard. I have to work hard for you, for us. We're so close to home, Dan. So close. I just want you to be safe."

Dan's stomach clenched as Phil spoke, and Dan was slowly coming to realise just how much Phil blamed himself, still. To know that he'd been carrying that guilt around with him this whole time without telling Dan was kind of breaking his heart. Dan was angry with himself for not noticing sooner that Phil wasn't ok, that he was struggling with this.

"Phil, no, stop," Dan murmured. He cupped Phil's cheek, thumbing gently under his eye where he could see tears beginning to form. "This isn't your fault. You listen to me -- it isn't your fault. You don't have to make anything up to me, you don't have to prove yourself, because to me you are already the best man in the kingdom. There's literally nothing you could do to make me think anything else -- you're my world, Phil. Exactly as you are. Not because you're a Prince, or Captain of the Royal Guard, or even my lover, but because you are you."

Dan drew Phil in closer, and pressed a kiss to his cheek, holding his face in both hands now so Phil was forced to look him in the eyes. Dan was deadly seriously as he met Phil's gaze, voice low and gentle. "We will get to your family. We will. We'll save them because of you, because you've already done enough. Just, please, believe me -- you're already enough. Now stop fussing and rest, please. You deserve it, my Phil. I love you." Those last words were whispered into Phil's ear as Dan held him tight, still refusing to let him go.

It almost took Phil by surprise to have Dan cup his cheeks in his hands, as Phil had been so focused on not crying, on not saying the wrong thing, he hadn't noticed Dan beginning to get emotional with him. His eyes locked onto Dan's, and he stared at him, listened to him, because he'd do anything Dan needed right then. And Dan needed Phil to listen to him, for whatever reason.

Phil eyes bugged a little, not having expected that reaction, not having expected Dan to put two and two together and read between the lines that Phil was doing what he could because he was guilt ridden and unable to be at peace with himself until he did something right. It was hard to think of anything but protecting Dan, of showing Dan that he could do something right, and that wasn't just building this bridge. Phil sniffled, tried to close his eyes, but Dan shook him, forced Phil to look at him.

His words were a good reminder that Phil was more than his titles to Dan. It was a good reminder that Dan had fallen for Phil because Phil was Phil, and there was no denying that included the clumsy parts of him, and the parts of him that could only handle so much before he collapsed under the strain. There was no denying that Dan was talking about loving Phil even now when he was down and obviously needed a break.

Phil finally closed his eyes again as Dan drew him in, whispering “I love you,” in his ear and attempting to wash away all of Phil's insecurities.

"I love you, too," he murmured back, and pressed wet eyes against Dan's neck.

Something warm fluttered in Dan's chest, because it was so nice and new still to hear that Phil loved him. They were growing in confidence with each other, growing in strength as they knew each other and learned each other's strengths and weaknesses. It was wonderful to grow so much with someone. Dan loved it, even with Phil looking sad and exhausted.

Dan simply held Phil for a while then, recognising that he must need some time to rest and recuperate. He'd been more than stressed these past few days, and Dan needed to give him a break.

"I've got you," he murmured, hands wrapping back around Phil's back to cradle him in his lap. He stroked Phil's hair, drew lines across his back, tapped a rhythm against his hip, and soothed him with a gentle humming. "I've got you, you're here with me, and we're both fine."

He kept Phil tight in place even as he reached over to the bags, knowing Phil was right about their depleted supplies, but also sure that he could ration correctly. His nimble fingers found a loaf of thick bread easily, and he brought it over and tore off a chunk, bringing it to Phil's lips. "You fed me once before," Dan teased lightly. "Time to return the favour."

The weight from Phil's shoulders wasn't entirely gone, but it was significantly depleted. He was grateful to have Dan holding him tight again, grateful for the few moments these last few days where he'd been able to let himself be the weak one towards Dan, and wasn't that a wonderful feeling? Phil had always had to be the strong one, holding back his emotions and never letting anyone see him when he was down. With Dan, there was no such wall.

The constant little touches, the small tapping at his hip, Dan's humming, it all soothed Phil, and he just let himself close his eyes and rest in his arms. Just for a little while longer. A bit longer. Hadn't he been the one to tell Dan that they had time to afford to get home? Phil just needed to calm down. If he rushed the bridge, if he worked on it when he was too tired, he might not do it right, and then what? He could possibly send himself and Dan rushing down the river, and then everyone was fucked.

Phil heard it when Dan began to rustle about beside him, but he ignored it in favor of acting like nothing was wrong. Dan's arms were a cocoon of warmth and comfort, the gentle reminder that Phil wasn't alone, and he didn't have to do anything on his own anymore.

He turned his head at the sound of breaking bread, and opened his mouth automatically as Dan fed it to him, blushing furiously as he remembered that he had fed Dan once before, let alone that they even still had bread. No one had ever fed Phil before, but Dan had been every single one of Phil's other firsts, so why not this as well? He stared into Dan's eyes, and accepted more bread from him quietly, just letting them quietly be for now.

Dan was more than happy to have a Phil being submissive instead of fighting him. Dan enjoyed being the one in charge for once, able to care for Phil after so many days when he'd been forced to lie helpless while Phil ran around him doing all the work. While it wasn't much, cradling Phil and feeding him gave Dan a sense of confidence again, reminded him that he wasn't merely some helpless child, but actually someone that Phil could rely on.

It was important for both of them to have this moment of quiet. Dan focused on breaking up the bread into small, manageable chunks and feeding them gently to Phil, happy when Phil opened his mouth for him without complaint. Dan had missed this -- having someone to take care of. He was able to forget the aching in his side, forget the madness of the past couple of weeks, in favour of holding Phil close and rocking him gently.

Once the bread was all gone, Dan reached for the washcloth, determinedly not done with Phil yet. He moved slowly, murmuring, "Don't fight me, just relax, we both need this," to try and stave off any complaints as he hooked both arms around Phil and manoeuvred him carefully until he was lying on his back on the furs. Dan hovered over him, pleased when his side didn't pain him any further, and dipped the washcloth into the bowl of water still there from yesterday when Phil had cleaned Dan.

Gently, Dan slid Phil's tunic up and started to run the washcloth in sweeping arcs across his skin, following it with a few kisses and a light touch. He adored having Phil here, wanting to love him in the most innocent way possible. He loved having Phil open to him, resting and allowing Dan to take care of him, and prayed that Phil would let himself rest under Dan without worrying, at least for a little while.

It was an entirely new sensation to go completely lax in Dan's hold. Phil let Dan feed him without complaint the whole time, forcing his mind to go blank so he could just enjoy this and stop questioning literally every little thing. It was good, relaxing even, and Dan's eyes were an anchor for Phil's heart that kept him from drowning.

So, it didn't take him that much by surprise when Dan decided to move him, putting his hands under Phil to lay him back against the furs, reminding Phil of just how strong his thief was. He hadn't forgotten, exactly, more like been lost in his thief’s current fragility. It was a good reminder, then, to have Dan hover over Phil for the first time in almost a week. He sighed, blinked up at Dan, and then closed his eyes as he was told not to argue. Phil trusted Dan with all of him. Whatever he did, Phil knew it would never be something to hurt him.

Being submissive like this, though? Well, Phil hadn't even been quite like this the first time he and Dan had had sex under the stars in Dan's cavern. That had been more of a give and take, in fact, and not something Phil would ever forget. Phil had never been like this with anyone before. He shivered under Dan's light caresses, his kisses to Phil's skin, and the way the wet wash cloth cleared away all the sweat and hard work Phil had been putting himself through this last week. He didn't even mind being like this. In fact, it was absolutely relaxing to just stop thinking for a little while.

It wasn't until Dan leaned in and pressed their lips together that Phil really came back to himself. He'd been a float in a sea of bliss, and Dan's lips had drawn him back to the shore. Phil sighed against him, opened his mouth to him, let Dan in in a way they hadn't had enough of recently, and just gave in him.

He was disappointed, then, when Dan drew away, but he finally opened his eyes to smile softly up at Dan.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Any time," Dan murmured back. He set the washcloth back down and laid himself over Phil, carefully so as not to aggravate the wounds in his own left side. The bandages were doing their job, though, and Dan could move with relative ease. Phil, on the other hand, was not going to be moving anywhere any time soon.

Dan shifted around until he could get his arms wound around Phil, and then he rolled them slowly until he was settled back against the tree trunk with Phil curled up in his lap. He held Phil gently, cradled him close, tucking Phil's head against his collarbone and winding both arms securely around him until he was supporting most of Phil's weight. Dan kissed Phil's forehead, then both cheeks, and then curled protectively around him until Phil was all but surrounded by a comforting warmth.

"Just stay like this a while," Dan murmured in his ear. Phil was already looking much more relaxed than he had in days, with his muscles no longer tense, his skin soft and smooth against Dan's. Dan paused for long enough to readjust Phil's tunic, so they remained fully clothed against each other, because this was a moment for softness without anything else getting in the way. He sighed into Phil's hair. "I don't care what you think you have to do -- for now, just rest with me. Sleep. I've got you."

Phil almost wanted to protest when Dan went and laid his body over Phil's, but he didn't have very much time at all before Dan was rolling them, moving them, winding his arms around Phil until somehow, suddenly, they were propped up against the nearby tree trunk with Phil mostly in Dan's lap. Dan's body was like a blanket around Phil's, keeping him close and protected and safe. There was no thought or desire in Phil to actively move away, and it didn't seem like Dan was going to let him go anyway, so he just closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of his Dan.

His breathing had gone even, his mind was still mostly blissfully blank, and all he cared about was being wrapped up in Dan's arms. He just wanted that comfort, wanted that chance to let himself be set free, to let go of everything and just trust that Dan would take care of it, that Dan would take care of him, and Dan was most definitely giving him that, plus some. Pressing a chaste kiss to the area of skin present to him, Phil finally sighed, and nodded.

"I'll stay," he whispered, and closed his eyes once again. He didn't know if he drifted off completely, but he was aware of the feeling of Dan against him, the cool breeze as it swept off the lake, the sun's warm rays against his skin, the birds chirping in the trees surrounding them. He felt surrealy aware of everything, and he just soaked it all in, in a way he almost never got to do considering just how much he loved it.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #phanfictioncatalogue #dan and phil #iwritephanthings #snowbunnylester

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 7 years

Text

Steal My Heart (steal my whole life too) 24/28

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(AO3 link) (Masterlist)

Chapter 24

The next morning was decidedly not better. Dan woke in agony, his wounds having stretched in the night, and his desperate panting woke Phil too, despite how much Dan didn't want to disturb him. Dan was frustrated in general as he wanted to tell Phil to lie down and stop fussing, but all he could do was gasp while Phil rushed to change his bandages again. But the pain didn’t get better, not even with the soothing poultice reapplied, and no matter how much Dan closed his eyes and fought against the pain, it continued thundering through his veins, thudding behind his eyelids. Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore, and pleaded with Phil for a little bit of the vial Brandon had given them.

Phil gave it to him, looking nothing but worried, and Dan itched to reach out to him. But the moment the vial touched his tongue he fell back into blissful oblivion, the last thing he saw Phil watching over him.

Dan wasn't very coherent for the next few days, slipping in and out of consciousness only to allow Phil to change his bandages or force some food down his throat. Dan was desperate to reassure him, desperate to reach for him and draw him close and tell him that everything was okay, that none of this was Phil's fault, that he was so incredibly grateful to have Phil looking after him, but all Dan could manage were a few mumbled 'I love you's before he ended up asleep again.

The new few days were particularly hard on Phil. He was constantly anxious, constantly on edge as he watched Dan suffer next to him. He didn't sleep well, even when Phil was forced to feed Dan from the vial of liquid Brandon had told Phil to use sparingly, and he was rarely coherent enough to do more than mumble sleepy I love you's to Phil and allow Phil to help him with a change of bandages and poultice. It was lucky for both men that Phil was good at rationing, as there was still plenty of deer meat left for them to be stuck here with for as long as Dan needed to get better. If worse came to worst, Phil knew he could just pay Brandon off to hunt for them.

Watching Dan suffer, however, was the hardest thing Phil had ever had to do. He felt the guilt rattle through him constantly, never leaving Dan's side for long despite how hard it was to listen to his whimpers throughout the day and night. It wasn't Dan's fault, though, and Phil had promised not to go anywhere, so if he wasn't sitting next to Dan whiling away his time on ravens he planned to send to his family, or wood carvings he’d only just learned how to make, then he was lying cuddled up to Dan’s right side, staring at his face and wishing that he could do something more to wash away the pain.

Phil cried a few times, feeling the guilt and self hate overwhelming him, and found himself having to remind himself of what Dan had said; there was no use in Phil blaming himself when it had been the dragon who’d struck Dan, and sheer dumb luck that had put them in the path of the loose rock Phil had kicked.

On the fourth day, however, Dan seemed to wake up feeling much better than he had the last few days, able to sit up coherently and actually tease Phil. It was a relief to find Dan's wounds hadn't re-opened and bled through his bandages again, and Phil wasn't even forced to change them this time, deciding to leave them for now as they were beginning to run low on the supply the village healers had given them. It was a good thing Phil hadn’t resorted to using any of the bandages on himself, despite maybe having needed them, and he was only relieved that there had been enough poultice for Phil to apply to the wounds he could find to prevent infection for himself.

As for the bandages they did have left… well, Phil was beginning to wonder if he hadn’t just changed Dan’s dressing far too often, but he wasn’t going to blame himself for that. They’d just have to be careful from here on out.

"I think I'm better," Dan announced as soon as he'd finished the broth Phil had made for him. "Or at least, I can manage moving again, if we go slow. We've got to start moving again if we're going to get to Cornelia in time." Dan met Phil's eyes then, expression softening. They hadn't talked much about Phil's family over the past few days, but Dan knew Phil must be panicking about the delay. The whole castle was waiting for their return, and Dan wasn't going to let some stupid scratch he'd been dumb enough to get stop them from saving Phil's family.

Phil’s eyes flicked up from his own bowl of broth at Dan’s words, but he couldn’t help feeling anxious about moving Dan just yet. His eyes trailed over Dan’s side, over his face, the anxious look in his eye, and then he slowly shook his head.

“It’s only been two weeks, Dan. It’d take another week itself if you were as strong as you were when we first got here, so there’s little point in leaving before you’ve recovered more. I’d rather not move you if you’re not up to it, okay?” Phil replied, trying to sound sensible and stern all at the same time. “Let’s give it another day at least,” he decided.

Phil couldn’t deny that he was anxious about getting home as soon as possible, terrified the dragon scale wouldn’t work and they’d need time to find another cure, but Dan was just as important as Phil’s family. He was Phil’s family, after all, and no matter how restless Phil was getting, he wasn’t putting Dan at any more risk by allowing him to walk around too early and stretch his wounds anymore than he already had.

Dan pursed his lips, not all that surprised when Phil argued with him. From what he could tell, Phil had spent the last few days simply staying by Dan's side and looking after him. From the bags under Phil's eyes, Dan was sure he hadn't been getting much sleep, too busy caring for Dan above all.

Still, for once in his life, Dan actually listened to Phil and didn't stand up straight away and demand they get a move on. He didn't want to worry Phil anymore than was absolutely necessary. So, instead of jumping up to his feet and running out of the cave like he wanted to, Dan held his arms out and looked up at Phil with unimpressed eyes.

"Fine. I'll listen to you. But help me stand up -- I want to test how much I can move before we go trekking back through the forest." Dan couldn't help smiling a little at the thought of being able to travel without any unwanted tag-alongs, the Duke long-gone, and he couldn't resist another little bit of teasing. "Maybe you can show me how to build a real bridge instead of a rickety raft, hm?"

It was honestly a relief to hear Dan agreeing to do as Phil said, and he nearly collapsed in on himself from the sheer exhaustion the last few days had brought him. Smiling tiredly, Phil stood up to do as Dan had said, happy to help him stand and see if Dan could actually hold himself up without falling. Phil would be there for him every step of the way, of course, but it was good to test the waters now.

Rolling his eyes at Dan’s constant teasing regarding his failed bridge from before, Phil merely replied, “Oh, I’ll definitely be showing you how to build a proper bridge, Daniel Howell. Just don’t be surprised if I don’t let you help this time.” Phil tossed Dan a wink for good measure, before crouching down low to help Dan from the ground.

“Careful, now. I don’t want us reopening your wounds when they’ve only just properly closed up. Put your arms around my neck, and I’ll hoist you up with my own around your waist,” he instructed, doing just that as Dan wrapped his arms about Phil’s neck.

Phil’s hand hovered awkwardly at Dan’s left side for a second just barely touching the skin of his hip, but Phil knew even before Dan began trying to hoist himself up that Phil was going to need a much better grip than that if he wanted to make sure Dan didn’t do anymore damage to himself. Stealing himself, Phil wrapped his palm more securely around Dan, and helt tight.

“Alright. Ready?” Phil asked, waiting for Dan’s nod of approval, the subtle tightening of his hands around Phil’s neck, and then said, “One… two… three.”

The two began to move in sync on three, Phil grunting as he used his legs to push his own body up off the ground with Dan wrapped rather securely around him. Dan, for his part, swayed in Phil’s hold, but he didn’t make a noise as he tried to gain his footing. For that, Phil was relieved, praying that Dan wasn’t just holding it inside and that he really was feeling less pain now.

Catching Dan before he could fall forward, Phil wrapped his arms more softly around Dan’s waist, and helped him maintain his weight on suddenly weak legs. “Careful,” he fretted, words soft against the shell of Dan’s ear. “How are you feeling? How’s your side?” Phil asked, not quite sure if he could pull back to check himself when Dan was so unsteady on his feet already.

The wound pulled and stretched a little as Dan got slowly to his feet. He leaned heavily on Phil the whole time, and gritted his teeth, desperate not to let any noise go that would show signs of weakness or pain. He scrunched his eyes shut and swayed a little, breathing fast little pants in and out. Phil's arms were tight around him, though, holding him steady, though he was careful around the wound.

"I… think I'm ok." Dan blinked his eyes open again once he was steady, sliding his hands carefully around Phil's neck to grip onto his shoulders.

Phil bit his lip, anxious and uncertain despite Dan reassuring Phil that he was okay. His thief was leaning a lot of his body weight into Phil, still, and his arms had moved to completely wrap around Phil's neck, hands gripping tight to Phil's shoulders. It made Phil fear that that meant Dan wasn't actually okay at all.

Dan shifted just a bit, wincing when he moved his left hip, and let out a relieved breath. "Yeah. No more bleeding. Let me try walking a bit."

Dan nudged at Phil until Phil started slowly moving backwards, holding Dan steady every step of the way.

Dan was a little unsteady, but he grew stronger and more confident with each step, until he was mostly holding himself up with only a tight grip on Phil's arm to keep him supported.

Despite Phil’s worry, when Dan asked to try walking a bit, Phil allowed it, pulling his body back a bit so that Dan was kind of on his own, and matched his footsteps to Dan's despite walking backwards. He trusted they wouldn't run into anything, and if they did, at least Phil would be the one taking the impact.

Eventually, Dan was pulling away from Phil, reaching down with shaking fingers to grip Phil's forearm instead, and Phil released his hips while maintaining a position to catch Dan if he did manage to fall. Somehow, his thief kept his balance, and the more he walked, the more confident he got, until Phil was grinning, proud that Dan was getting stronger again. He hated to see his thief laid out in pain when he was usually so full of life.

"Much better." Dan sounded satisfied. "Good. I was going crazy, not able to stand up." He glanced around the cavern, seeing evidence of Phil's cooking and cleaning over the last few days. His eyes widened a little when he fixated on the wood carving Phil has been attempting, letting out a soft breath. "I didn't know you knew how to carve."

Humming a bit in confusion, Phil followed Dan's gaze until it landed on the wood carving he'd been attempting for the last two days, and shrugged. "Not really. I just… needed something to do, and I'd already promised you I wouldn't leave your side, so I thought I'd try something new," Phil explained, leaning over to pick up the crude piece of wood he'd been shaving away. He was trying to get the shape of a bear in the outline so he could work on the details later, but he wasn't sure how it was coming along.

Dan's eyes were delighted as he stared at the wood Phil had been attempting to carve. He could see a rough outline of a shape, but wasn't completely sure what it was supposed to be, although it was clear Phil hadn't been working on it long. Dan's heart warmed at the idea of Phil taking him literally and staying by Dan's side as much as possible, even though Dan knew he hadn't been making much sense over the past few days. It filled him with warmth and love to know that Phil had been with him, watching over him the whole time.

"Thank you," Dan said quietly, "For not leaving, I mean." He was still leaning heavily against Phil's side, hunched over enough that Phil was actually taller than him for once, so it was easy for Dan to nestle his head into the crook of Phil's neck. He'd blame his open affection on the tiredness and herbs he'd been taking, but the reality was Dan just wanted to be close to Phil.

When Dan pressed his head into the crook of Phil's neck, Phil immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulder, drawing him closer still and hoping the touch would be as reassuring as he meant it. He nuzzled at Dan's hair, kissed the top of his head, and reveled in the fact that he was taller than Dan just then. "I'll never leave your side if I can help it," Phil murmured softly in response, squeezing gently around Dan's shoulder, wanting Dan to know just how much he meant it.

Dan shook his head, melting into Phil's touch with a contented little sigh. It was so good to have someone else supporting him, someone else to lean on and trust they'd hold him up. There were probably all kinds of metaphors in there for Dan's life and how he could lean on Phil, trust Phil in a way he hadn't trusted anyone before, but Dan didn't want to analyse just then. He wanted to lean into Phil's touch and allow himself to be held.

Dan glanced down at the wood carving with a familiar tug, nostalgia creeping over him, remembering a different shelter with different, smaller hands carving away at wood. Dan sighed.

"My brother used to love carving. He was way better than me. I've still got a bear he made me, back in my cavern along with the fairy tales and your grandfather's crown." Dan winced a little, remembering that, and felt a flush rise on his lower right cheek. He'd kept that crown with his most important possessions because it reminded him of Phil, and Phil had been important, even back then. Dan was a little embarrassed. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd let someone in as close as Phil, if ever.

Fingers shifting on the wood in his other hand, Phil listened intently to what Dan had to share with him, ridiculously happy that Dan was still willing to open up to him.

"Funny… I was trying to make you a bear as well," he murmured in response, hand tightening around the wood in the flat of his palm. "But I don't quite know what I'm doing." Phil hoped that it wasn't too painful for Dan, hearing that, seeing this... "I could make you something else, if you like, or I could just… not make it at all, if it's too painful for you." Wood carving was something Phil was only mildly interested in. He wouldn't be upset if Dan asked him to stop. The last thing he wanted was to cause Dan more pain.

"I don't want you to stop on my account," Dan murmured, glancing again at the shape he now knew to be a bear-in-progress. He could maybe see where Phil was carving the head, if he squinted a little. "It's actually nice. Those are good memories, it doesn't hurt so much to think about when we were happy."

Phil smiled at that, relieved to know that he hadn’t accidentally hurt Dan by trying to entertain himself in the cave the past few days, and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Dan’s head. He was just proud of Dan being able to stand at all, now, and grateful for the short distraction from their misery, Dan’s pain.

Smiling as Phil realized what else Dan had said, however, he leaned over and nudged Dan in the side with his elbow. "Oh, so my Grandfather's crown is important to you, then, for it to be included in that pile?" he teased. "I wonder what meaning it might hold for you."

Dan’s face turned red when Phil turned to start poking fun at him, and Dan turned until he was fully hiding his face in Phil's neck. His right side was pressed tight to Phil's in a way Dan hadn't been able to enjoy in too long, so he clung onto Phil unashamedly and nuzzled against his neck. "Yes, OK, so maybe the crown was important to me. Mostly I was remembering how annoying you were being at the time." Dan softened the harsh words with gentle touches, wrapping his arms loosely around Phil and leaning against him. "You can have the crown back, you know. I never should have taken it, I was only after it because I knew it would get your attention specifically."

It felt better than Phil could say to have Dan curling into him like that. It felt like it had been too long since he'd had a chance to properly cuddle Dan, and it left a surprising ache in his heart. He hated seeing Dan like this, but mostly, he missed the comfort of Dan's big arms wrapped around him. Phil was happy to protect Dan, but when the nights were at their worst and Dan was whimpering in his sleep, Phil wanted more than anything to have Dan comfort him.

"I was going to say no and let you keep it, but my family would be very relieved to have it back in their possession once again," Phil replied, smiling down at the way Dan was hiding in his neck. He actually really liked it when Dan did that, because it belied his vulnerability, showed Phil when Dan was being the most open, and gave Phil a chance to keep him protected from his own fears.

"Now. Would you like to go out on a little walk for a bit, maybe up to the lake to wash? Or are you getting tired already?” Phil asked, turning a very stern look down at Dan’s head. “And don't lie to me, King of Thieves, I don't want you to overexert yourself," Phil insisted, nudging him a little to get Dan to look up at him again. He'd missed seeing clarity in Dan's eyes, and now it was back, Phil just wanted to soak it up forever. He smiled softly at Dan when Dan looked up at him, and reached up to press a finger to where he knew Dan's dimple should be. Automatically, Dan grinned, and Phil laughed as his finger disappeared into the small indent on Dan's face.

"Dimple," he whispered with a bright grin.

Dan was going to need Phil to stop doing that dimple pressing thing, because it was far too adorable and made Dan go all gooey and melty inside. He literally couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. Phil's finger poking at his cheek made his nose wrinkle and his eyes scrunch up, and he hid his face back in Phil's shoulder as soon as he could, seeking more affection from this far too considerate man that Dan got to call his.

"I can walk a bit," Dan agreed, leaning away from Phil a little to prop himself up again, straightening back to his usual height. His wound gave an answering throb, but it was completely manageable. He grinned at Phil. "I like the sound of the lake, I feel disgusting. Plus I can make sure you've been looking after yourself, too, and not just caring for me."

Nodding, Phil tried not to flinch at the accusation that he hadn't been taking care of himself. He might have been a bit too preoccupied with Dan and washing him down every night. Phil had washed himself as well, but it had never been quite as thorough as when he helped out his Dan, nor as gentle. Phil was quite aware that he was covered in bruises as he kept pressing into them. He wasn't sure he wanted Dan to see that, but Phil would have to face the music eventually. Besides the scrapes on his hands had mostly healed up and his head and wrist seemed to be fine after he’d applied some poultice, so really, there wasn't too much Dan could say or complain about.

Dan carefully leaned on Phil's arm and took a slow step forward, grateful when Phil wrapped an arm around his waist to help him move. They made their slow way out of the cave and Dan blinked in the sunlight, glancing up the path towards the lake. He was surprised again at how steep it was, and how far they were from the dragon's cave, which seemed almost unviewable from here. Dan shook his head. "I'm still amazed you carried me all the way here. Have you been hiding god like strength from me, my Phil?"

Phil followed Dan's gaze up the steep path towards the top of the mountain, past the lake and the two villages he’d traversed through, and towards the dragon's cave, and shrugged.

"Only the strength of my love for you," he replied, knowing it was cheesy and grinning even before Dan could turn an unamused glare onto him. Allowing himself to chuckle, Phil leaned over to kiss the top of Dan’s head again, and said, “No, but really… you'd be surprised what terror and love can do to you,” he insisted with a noncommittal shrug. “Now, come on," Phil gently encouraged Dan, and started to help him hobble up the steep path to the lake.

If Dan became too weak to finish the journey, or to get himself back down, at least Phil knew that he could simply carry him. His thief wanted to be properly clean, however, and that was something Phil could definitely help him with.

By the time the two had reached to top of the lake, Dan was beginning to pant, his eyes a little wide from being so breathless. Overall, he seemed pretty okay, though, as there was no blood seeping through his bandages, and despite being winded, he seemed pretty determined to keep moving forward. Helping Dan to a standing position near the water’s edge, Phil began to help Dan strip from his blood caked trousers that had been impossible to remove earlier, and decided to leave Dan’s bandages on for now.

They’d help prevent too much water from getting into Dan’s wounds, and they could always change them when they headed back down to the cavern later.

Too afraid to leave Dan unattended on his feet, Phil first helped Dan slip into the lake by himself, the water keeping his weight density far less than on the ground, and then turned to strip himself of his own clothes, blushing slightly with the knowledge of just how fucked up he probably still looked after the near beating he’d taken from the dragon. Phil was certain his back was still caked in blood, but there hadn’t been much he could do about it until now.

His chest, on the other hand, was littered with dark purple bruises, the pale skin a mismatch of mottled black, blue, red, yellow, and green. Phil knew the sight wasn’t pretty, knew he was cut up quite a bit as well, but there was nothing about that night Phil would ever change if it meant saving Dan.

Avoiding Dan’s gaze once he was fully naked, Phil climbed into the lake water as well, and sighed at the cool feeling of the water rushing against his skin.

Dan had to take a minute to get his breath back once he was floating in the water. He squeezed his eyes shut and laid his head back, allowing his body to adjust to moving for the first time in days. Thankfully, his wounds didn't seem to be stretching, and they only ached dully when Dan moved too fast - definitely an improvement from a few days before. He settled himself into the water, relaxing, and enjoyed the sensation of the sun against his skin for the first time in what felt like too long.

Upon hearing Phil slide into the water beside him, however, Dan immediately opened his eyes to turn a smile onto him, glad to have him back at his side. That smile fell instantly fell when he took in the state of Phil, though.

His chest was littered with bruises that looked far more painful than Phil was letting on, covering his pale skin in a patchwork of marks and colours that definitely did not belong. Dan's eyes narrowed instantly at the sight, because he could see from the way Phil was avoiding his gaze and shifting that he'd been trying to hide this from Dan.

It didn’t make it any better that a swirl of blood was seeping from Phil’s back, and all Dan could do was hope that it was merely from Phil failing to clean himself up properly, and not an open wound that had not been attended too.

Phil knew it the second Dan had seen the bruising, but he kept his gaze carefully averted regardless of it all, determined to not get yelled at. Already, he was rinsing himself off carefully, realizing that even over the course of four days, he'd still managed to miss a lot of the blood stains against his skin.

Dan huffed. Anger curled in him that Phil had been hurting while Dan had been worse than useless, but he held it back, knowing that wasn't what Phil needed to hear right now. So as much as Dan wanted to chew his ear off about being responsible, instead he simply held his arms out and gave Phil a look.

"Come here. No arguing. I'm looking after you for a bit, and I'm not taking no for an answer, so don't even try it. If you so bravely carried me all the way here because of your love for me, then my love for you is going to do the miraculous and stop you from arguing with me."

Dan was persistent, as Phil had known he would be, and he closed his eyes briefly before tossing Dan a look. His thief had his arms outstretched to Phil, a look in his eye that reflected anger but also guilt that Phil wanted to wash away. He would have argued with Dan's demands if he didn't know better.

"Fine, but just - can you be careful?" Phil muttered, treading water to swim back into Dan's arms

As soon as Phil was close enough, Dan started tracing a gentle hand all across his chest, moving lightly over the pattern of bruises. It didn't look like any were going to scar, but they clearly showed that Phil had been knocked around a bit and not resting nearly enough. Equally, there was a deep cut just at the edge of his hair line, and lines on his face and bags under his eyes from where he must have been worrying about Dan rather than looking after himself, and Dan simply couldn't have that.

He drew Phil in close to him and started to rinse him off, moving carefully, taking his time to shower Phil in love. "You've been so good to me," Dan murmured in his ear. "Let me be good to you, too."

Dan was careful as he took Phil in, fingers tracing light patterns on Phil's chest, mapping out his bruising and hurts. His eyes were keen and zeroed in on everything, including the way Phil was sure his eyes drooped with exhaustion. He'd hear nothing of taking care of himself at the risk of Dan, though, and was ready to defend himself should Dan yell at him.

He didn't. Instead, he pulled Phil into his arms as he began to wash him down, using his hand to sluice water down Phil's body and to rub soft touches against his skin. He was gentle as his fingers moved over the bruising, apologetic when his hands touched the bruising on Phil's back that he couldn't see.

His words, though, well, those were what stole Phil's breath away.

Nodding quietly, Phil tucked his head into Dan's neck, and let himself be cared for.

Dan's hands were big against him, comforting. For the first time in four days, Phil felt like he could relax again, and he let himself be loved by Dan, let himself fall apart. If he started to cry again for the millionth time in just a few days, well, Dan didn't say anything.

Dan held Phil close to him, relieved when he didn't get any more arguing and instead just got Phil cuddling up to him and slowly falling apart. It made Dan's chest burn, seeing Phil like this. He curled into Dan and relaxed completely, nuzzling against his chest, feeling small and vulnerable in Dan's gentle hold. Dan even felt a couple of tears drip down Phil’s cheeks and onto his skin.

Dan didn't say anything, didn't think words could be right in that moment. Instead, he kept gently rubbing Phil's skin with his hand, washing the soothing water over his skin and getting rid of the few remaining bloodstains, the marks of sweat and stress that told plainly just how rough these past few days had been on Phil. Dan moved gently over the bruises, wishing he could wash away Phil's worries and fears as easily as the dirt, longing for that happy, carefree smile that had been missing for so long.

Even when Phil was mostly clean, Dan didn't stop touching him. His caresses grew more loving, a fond stroke of his shoulder, or a gentle apologetic swipe over the worst of the bruising along his back, or a simple threading of his fingers through Phil's hair. Dan poured as much affection into the soft touches as he could, doing everything he could to show Phil exactly what he meant to Dan, more than his words could ever give.

Eventually, Dan settled again, both his arms wound tight around Phil to cradle him against Dan's chest. He pressed his face into Phil's hair, closing his eyes and breathing him in. "I missed you," Dan confessed quietly, knowing it didn't even make sense because Phil had been right there by Dan's side the whole time. But Dan had missed this -- missed being able to hold Phil close to him, to cradle him and love him and worship him just as he deserved.

The best feeling in the world was being loved by Dan. There was so much affection in his touches, so much care as he soothed Phil, and Phil never wanted to pull away, never wanted it to end. For just a moment, Dan holding him close, ghosting his hands over Phil's body in a gentle sweep and caress, Phil was able to forget all of his troubles and just let go.

"God, I missed you too," Phil replied, knowing exactly what Dan meant. Being locked up in Dan's hold, warm, strong arms embracing him, Phil had missed that. Just having Dan conscious and moving around and himself felt so good, but nothing could compare to being able to touch and love Dan the way Phil wanted too, having Dan touch and love Phil in return. His own hands massaged over Dan's body, rinsing away his worries as best as he could as well, but he remained tucked up in Dan's chest, just needing this moment of vulnerability for himself for a second.

Phil's eyes had long since drifted closed, and his ear was resting right over Dan's heartbeat, strong and steady and healthy. Dan was going to be okay. It still seemed like a miracle to Phil.

"I know I've already said it, but I'd thought I'd lost you," Phil mumbled. "I would have let myself drop..." he trailed off, knowing that wasn't what Dan wanted to hear, and squeezed his eyes shut.

Clearing his throat, Phil pressed soft kisses against the skin directly in front of him, just wanting reassurance that he could. He hadn't had this much of Dan's naked skin so close to his in days, and while he was far from tempted to do anything sexual, he did crave the freedom to touch.

Dan gripped Phil tighter when he caught the murmured words, burying his face back into Phil's hair. It hit him, then, just how close they'd come. When Dan had been hanging off that ridge, clinging onto life and the last tiny hope that Phil might actually love him, he'd never quite let the situation sink in. Phil had been much further off the edge than Dan, so much closer to death, and yet he'd crawled his way back up and lifted Dan and somehow gotten them both safely down the mountain, all without losing the dragon scale Phil had managed to cut free. Phil was the real hero here.

"Don't you dare," Dan murmured into Phil's hair, gripping as tight as he dared to with them both so fragile. "Don't you dare ever do something like that. I can't--" He broke off, shaking his head, knowing Phil didn't need angry berating or devastating confessions of how Dan couldn't imagine a life without him, no matter how true it might be. Instead, he nuzzled Phil and held him affectionately, letting his love pour through. That would have to be enough.

Love. They had a word for it now. Dan didn't need to keep hiding how much he wanted Phil, or have to bury it behind other, less adequate words. He could be completely open with Phil, as Phil was with him. He loved the way Phil was leaning into him, lived for the soft way Phil washed him clean and kissed his chest.

Phil could feel it as Dan tensed up, expected the angry words, and yet they didn't come, not in the way he'd thought they would. Dan definitely expressed his anger, his heartbreak at the very thought, but he murmured soft pleas into Phil's hair as well and cut himself off, seeming to realize the same as Phil had that this wasn't a conversation they needed. They understood each other, knew the anger they would harbor at each other should they do something so stupid, but all that mattered was that they were still alive.

And if Dan wanted to go off about Phil being an idiot, well Phil had a lot more physical proof on Dan's body to make his point clear enough.

"We made it," Dan murmured, drawing back enough to glance down at him and Phil entwined together in the water, both miraculously alive. "Phil, we did it.”

"We made it," Phil agreed, laughing shortly. He could feel that damn lump in his throat again, but this time it was relief and pain all wrapped up in. He and Dan were safe. They were alive. They'd completed their mission, and now all that was left was to get home, where Phil fully intended to wrap Dan up and never let him go.

Dan smiled softly. “We did. We're both here, and we're both alive, and I plan to spend the rest of forever proving to you just how much I love you. But I swear, I will slap you if you ever think of hurting yourself again."

Phil snorted as he pressed his face into Dan's chest harder. "You're one to talk," he muttered, still wishing he could slap Dan right now, but not wanting to hurt him; the last thing Phil ever wanted to do was hurt Dan. "But I like the sound of forever," Phil admitted, and sighed as he let the tears fall once more, because they might actually have forever, now. The worst thing Phil had had ever had to do was nearly done, and when he got home, he might just get everything he'd ever wanted, so long as… so long as he reached out and took it.

No more being afraid. Phil was going to fight for his right to be happy, and in love.

"It's different with me," Dan mumbled, "I'm not you." He didn't quite know how to explain what he meant, couldn't quite put into words just how wrong it was to imagine Phil getting hurt. Phil wasn't made of glass, Dan knew that, he knew Phil could and would protect himself. It was more that Dan just didn't want Phil in any kind of negative situation. He'd protect Phil, spend the rest of his life making sure Phil was surrounded by good and happy things like he deserved.

“When we get home,” Phil murmured softly against the shell of Dan’s ear, happy they could just sit and drift along together here in the water, “I am never letting you go. Before long, you’re going to get so sick of me,” he added, laughing, “But I don’t care. I plan to spend the rest of my life with you, following you everywhere… no matter what anyone else says.”

Dan had to hide a smile as Phil described holding onto him and following him around forever. He could feel himself dimpling, knew his eyes were crinkling up in that way he hated, so he ducked his head and hid. He couldn't quite keep the smile out of his voice, though. "A pest, you are, Phil Lester."

It was just so impossibly good to imagine a future with Phil -- a future that had always been so tentative and uncertain, but was now spreading out before them in such wonderful possibility.

Dan shivered at the thought. He pressed Phil against him, looked down to where Phil was curled against his chest, and couldn't stop himself from beaming. Although still obviously exhausted, Phil's eyes matched the warmth in Dan's, and Dan could look into them forever.

Phil had seen a lot of his favorite smile tonight, and yet he couldn't quite get enough of it. When Dan's eyes crinkled up, his dimple flaring far deeper than normal, it made Phil grin as well, and he laughed as Dan hid his face in Phil's hair all over again.

As cheesy as it sounded, when they looked at each other, Phil felt like everything was going to be okay.

"I'm going to have to practise being Daniel Howell," Dan murmured. "And that makeover you mentioned might be necessary. I have no plans to let you back into that palace on your own." His grin shifted then as he nuzzled into Phil, nipping gently at his ear. "As soon as we can, though, I'm taking you out travelling. There's so much you need to see, so much of the world you can't experience as a Prince. You can be free, Phil, if you travel with me. At least some of the time."

Eyes brightening, Phil pulled back some so his eyes were on par with Dan's once more. "Does that mean you'll stay in the palace with me sometimes?" Phil asked, "When I have to be there?" He'd been afraid to bring the subject up at all in case Dan rejected him.

Dan had reassured Phil he would come to palace events with Phil, but Dan had a far nicer home for himself out in the desert. The problem was how long a travel it was between their worlds, and it had worried Phil he wouldn't get to see Dan as often as he would have liked.

"Because I'd really like it if you were at my side more often than not, and I fear I won't always be able to just run away with you, as much as I want," he explained, quickly, not wanting Dan to think that Phil didn’t very much so want to do just that. The way Dan touched him though, the things his words seemed to partially imply, made Phil’s cheeks flush. "I want to be free with you, Dan. I promise no one is going to stop me from travelling with you for long."

Phil flushing was not something that Dan was going to get tired of seeing any time soon. He loved the way Phil's pale skin darkened, turning the brightest shade of red, and he looked up at Dan with such love and warmth and affection that Dan was completely floored. His heart was so full, then -- so full of Phil and the hope of a future together.

He contemplated Phil's words carefully, thinking about time in the Castle with the royals and Phil. It would be hard to hide his true identity and leave his home and well known pathways for a while, but Dan already knew he didn't want to leave Phil's side. He'd always known Phil would still have a part in his world, as much as Dan wanted to whisk him away forever.

So Dan released a heavy sigh and nodded. "I've said before, and I'll say again, I'd do anything to be with you, Phil Lester. Even if it means following you into the Royal Palace." Dan's nose wrinkled a bit. "Though -- does that mean I have to behave myself? Can I steal anything while I'm there?" He looked down at Phil with amusement glittering in his eyes. "And let's get one thing straight - I'm never bowing to you in public, my Prince."

He lay his head against Phil's again, just wanting him close, reminding himself that Phil was here and his and always would be. Any thoughts or worries about a future paled into insignificance at having Phil here, with him, by his side. Dan knew he'd go through anything, cope with anything, if only he could keep Phil by his side.

"Honestly, I'd stay with you anywhere you asked me to," Dan promised lowly. "And if I can get you to myself out in the desert, even just some of the time -- I'd do anything, fight anything, stay anywhere. Plus, I quite liked your bed, if I'm honest."

Phil was grinning. The prospect of actually getting to keep Dan close was entirely too exciting for Phil, whether Dan wrinkled his nose at the palace or not. He laughed though, finding it endearingly cute, and rubbed his nose against Dan's. The water around them lapped gently at their sides as they trod water together, and Phil moved his arms to wind around Dan's shoulders.

"You know, most people would die for a chance inside the palace," Phil teased, "Case in point, the Duke."

His eyes crinkled up a bit with his next smile, because he was just so happy that someone, finally, had proven that they wanted Phil for so much more than just his riches and his title, and he never wanted to give that pleasure back up.

Rolling his eyes fondly, Phil let out a sigh. "Steal what you will, Dan, but know that if you take the wrong thing, I might just have to force you to give it back. Bowing to your Prince, on the other hand - well, I'll just let any other potential suitors slander you for that," he teased, and pressed in close for another soft kiss. Dan's mouth was soft and yielding to him. As much as Phil missed it when Dan teased him, took control, he quite liked this as well.

When they pulled away, Dan was quick to rest back against Phil, and Phil let his head fall back over Dan's heart. He clung to his thief because he could, because he wanted to, and because Dan was offering to give Phil the world.

"If you'll promise to be around to spend the nights with me, so I don't have to be lonely, I'll never question where you've been all day," Phil murmured softly. "And then we can take advantage of my big old bed until I have a chance to disappear with you to your desert. How does that sound?" Phil asked, voice a low purr as he nuzzled his way up into Dan's neck, placing a gentle, teasing kiss there that was the promise for more -- just not today, not now. "That way you can avoid all the boring, petty drama being a Prince brings. Though I'm sure there will be plenty of functions, and plenty of nights my family invites you for dinner as well."

Phil sighed, drawing back from Dan's hold, forcing his thief to look up at him.

"I want you to be happy. We'll figure it out. The idea of you doing anything for me is heartwarming, but I won't force you to stay somewhere you don't like every night. I'm hoping it won't come to that. I'd very much so like to get away again for some time when we aren't on a dangerous mission.

Dan listened quietly to the picture Phil was painting - a picture of them together, a future, weaving their two worlds together. It wouldn't be perfect, not when they were so disparate, but the important thing was it was possible. Dan would do anything, put up with travelling, take nights in the palace and go to as many functions as he might have to to keep Phil's world safe for Phil, and equally he'd go to any lengths to bring Phil into Dan's world, too. It didn't matter how difficult it might be, or how much he'd have to fight -- if he knew he could go back to Phil every night, Dan would do literally anything.

"I think we can make this work," he agreed with Phil, his tone beginning to take on a modicum of excitement. "I can stay the nights with you in the Palace. Every night, any night. I don't ever plan to leave you alone. And when we can, I'll steal you away from your duties and take you out travelling, show you the true extent of your kingdom. We'll have to dress you down a bit, but I'm good at travelling unseen."

"It seems only fair I'd have to dress down if you have to dress up for me," Phil agreed, flushing immediately as he realized how that sounded, and shaking his head when Dan's eyes echoed mirth back at him. Before Dan could say anything on the matter, Phil leaned in and kissed him again, drawing their lips together in another sweet kiss. Dan was quick to reciprocate it, and they both sighed at the feeling of being able to do that as much as they wanted.

Dan played with Phil's hair gently, nuzzling against him. He treasured every time he got to hold Phil in his arms, every kiss Phil placed to his lips. It made a nice change for Dan to submit to Phil for once, but he was feeling a little weak still, so allowed the change in dynamic. He'd have plenty of time to have his way with Phil in the future.

Dan's fingers in Phil's hair caused him to relax, though, as he pulled back from Dan with a radiant smile of his own. The sun was just going down behind them. It had taken a long time for Dan to wake up today, and a long time for them to climb up to the lake. Phil wondered to himself if it was such a good idea to start their journey again soon, and tried to push back the constant fear in his chest that he wouldn't make it to Cornelia in time.

He would. He knew he would. They'd retrieved the scale much faster than they'd anticipated. They could afford this little delay for a little bit longer if it meant it was safer for Dan to travel again.

"I don't like this talk of other suitors, though," Dan growled into Phil's ear, tightening his grip a little possessively around his back. He ran the hand that wasn't in Phil's hair down Phil's back, tracing careful arcs around his bruises. "When word spreads of what happened to the Duke, I'm hoping most will see that you are very much taken, my Prince." Dan's forehead creased a bit, though, and he hesitated, unwilling to let Phil see one of his final insecurities.

But it was an issue that would need ironing out, eventually.

Phil shivered as Dan drew him from his thoughts with a low growl that startled and confused Phil for all of a few seconds, and then a startled laugh dragged from his lips. "My love," Phil whispered back, "Have I not proven myself trustworthy with other suitors?" he asked, nuzzling at Dan and playfully biting that bottom of Dan's ear. His own hands followed Dan's movements, but against the top of Dan's back as Phil didn't want to draw away. "We must be careful of what word travels of the Duke. It may yet be better to leave him to the wolves, though I won't complain if the people who would try and steal me knew of your dagger throwing prowess and feared you, my thief."

Dan grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure everyone who needs to know how good I am at throwing weapons will know. I’m not exactly about to leave you open to just anybody.”

Dan paused for a moment, though, narrowing his eyes as he followed that thought through. "There is something though, my Prince," Dan confessed quietly. "I -- I know absolutely nothing of your world. If I do go to functions -- as I'd love to be by your side -- I won't have a clue what to do, or what the formalities are. I'm not so used to entering the palace through the front door." He snickered a little, hiding his insecurity behind his usual arrogance. "The rafters, though - the rafters and I are old friends."

Perking up in confusion at Dan's quiet, fearful confession, Phil pulled back and tilted his head at Dan. "Daniel, to my people you are a mere commoner. Lack of knowledge will be accepted and forgiven for at least a year's time. You've got plenty of time to learn the social graces of the royals. Please don't fret. I'll always take care of you," he murmured back, and kissed Dan's cheek for good measure.

"Besides, I'm sure you and the rafters will be getting plenty reacquainted any chance they get, knowing you," he teased.

Dan couldn't help but snicker at Phil's reassurance. "Yes, well, it's hardly my fault that your rafters are so appealing." He drew Phil back a little, just enough to smirk at him. "Besides, I don't think you'll be complaining next time I entertain you when you're bored out of your mind during another of those terrible speeches."

He did sober a little at Phil's explanation, though. It was true that he'd pass as a commoner, but Dan was going to have to get used to being Daniel Howell, to being seen in public again. He'd become so used to hiding his face that it was going to be a significant change for him.

Dan couldn't help but lean into Phil again, giving him another gentle kiss. He was enjoying these soft touches, so much more relaxed than they'd had before. For the first time, it felt like they truly had time to enjoy each other, even though Dan knew they still had to get back to the castle.

He said as much, leaning into Phil through the blissfully warm water.

"I know we need to get back to your family and all, but I'd be lying if I said I was in a hurry to leave." He sighed softly, caressing Phil's skin everywhere he could reach, playing with his hair and tapping against his hip. "I feel like I haven't seen you properly in ages. If we had time, I'd spend hours proving just how much I love you and why no suitor will ever match up to me." He sighed again, tracing his fingers up from Phil's hip to his stomach. "Not that I truly believe you'd go with anyone else. As you've said, you've done quite enough to prove yourself to me."

Phil's expression fell a bit at the reminder of his family, which he knew was a ridiculous reaction to have, but it was hard to think on them with all that happened, and Dan wounded in Phil’s arms. Over the course of the past few days, Phil had written and scripted three letters for his family to send with the Raven as soon as they reached the river once again. He'd been careful what he'd revealed, though, in case the wrong person got hold of them; he’d promised them he was on his his way home, and that he’d handled everything, but he didn’t breathe a word about the dragon scale or Dan’s injuries, knowing his family would understand his sentiment of hope, and wanting no one to know of their current handicap in Dan’s wounds.

"I'd much rather be here with you as well," Phil murmured, "Or in our tree, or in your home... I treasure the time we get alone. But you're right. We have a mission to complete," he admitted, and sighed as he dragged Dan in, moving to float on his back a bit more. He stared up into warm brown eyes, and wished that Dan was well enough to do as he said he would.

"And as much as I'd love to have you show me just how much you love me, you don't have to prove yourself to me. I know you're the best person for me. You just have to accept that I'm not letting you go."

The memory of the last few times they'd sex flashed in Phil's mind. He missed the way he got to feel Dan under him, over him, all around him. He missed just being so close and intimate, though this was nearly as good.

Sighing as their little bubble seemed to pop, Phil finally pulled away. "Are you ready?" he asked, gesturing to the edge of the lake.

Dan was loath to leave the little lake, but he knew he'd carry the memory of it with him forever, so he nodded his willingness to leave with Phil.

Having gotten the chance to have Phil there with him acting so soft and gentle had reminded Dan just how good his life had become -- he'd never thought he'd have this. Someone who loved him so much, enough to delay and pause to take care of him. Dan was left with no doubt how much Phil loved him.

At Dan's nod of approval, Phil took both of Dan's hands in his and began to paddle backwards, dragging them both to the edge of the lake where they'd managed to float away from. He climbed over the edge first, before offering Dan his body once more to cling to as Phil pulled him out like a child. Dan groaned a little as his stiff side was stretched, but the bandages were still not red with blood, which was better news than Phil could have hoped for.

The poultice was working, then. Dan’s wounds, last Phil had seen them last night, appeared to be healing quite remarkably well, and fast, for how deep they’d been only four days earlier.

Phil tried not to think about what was in the herbs. Perhaps the village had other gifts from the witch that Dan and Phil were using, but this was the only hope Phil had left. He’d just have to believe that nothing bad was going to come of this.

Once both men were free from the water, Phil helped them to dry off with Dan’s soiled trousers, and then encouraged his thief to borrow Phil’s for the trek back down from the lake. Trying his bed to be unashamed of his own naked body, Phil helped Dan back down the mountain path, which was far easier going than going up had been, with their bloodied clothes bundled up in Dan’s arms to prevent the excitement of any nearby animals.

Still, Phil could see that moving downwards was jostling Dan’s side more than going up had been, and that he was grimacing in far more pain, but he said nothing. Dan was determined to get back down on his own, and Phil just had to let him.

The minute they were back in their cave, however, Phil was quick to force Dan back into bed, ignoring his offer to help with dinner, and threw their ruined clothing in the fire to encourage it to continue to burn. He had dinner to make now, after all.

Dan’s side was quite a bit sorer now he'd moved around a bit, so Dan didn't argue when Phil insisted he get straight back into bed rather than helping Phil get dinner going. Dan accepted his fate readily enough and lay back in the furs, closing his eyes and focusing on calming his breathing back down. The scratches in his sides had bled a bit, he could feel it, and they were aching constantly, sending little thrums of pain through his veins. He let out a breath, gritting his teeth.

After shuffling through their now nearly empty packs, Phil found a change of clothes, pulled them on, and got started on dinner. It was an easy affair, mostly water with a bit of deer fat to flavor it up, and some meat for texture and protein. Their rations were getting a bit low, but Phil thought they could still make it at least a little bit longer, which was all he could truly hope for.

Once the meal was finished, he served up two bowls, and carried one over to Dan.

Phil reappearing with food cheered Dan up a bit, and he accepted a bowl of broth greedily, slurping away again. He was serious about Phil's cooking - now Dan knew how good he was, he was determined to make Phil cook for him more often. It might just be because had Dan never had someone else cooking for him, though, but that’s what made it so special.

They ate in silence, with Phil tossing Dan constant fond looks, but also worried ones. He could see Dan's bandages had a spotting of blood now; it wasn't much, but it was something, and surely it wasn't good to have Dan wrapped up in pond water? He'd have to change them, soon, even if they didn’t have much supply left. The next time Dan had a little bit of spotting, they could hold off, but Phil was adamant Dan wouldn't remain stuck with lake filled bandages around his torso.

He was just going to retrieve another roll of bandages when Dan spoke up, and Phil glanced behind him.

"So, tomorrow," Dan started, again reluctant to think about having to leave this place. They had a few more places to go before they got back to the palace, though, and Dan was glad to think he'd have a bit more time with Phil. Selfish, because his family needed to dragon scale as soon as possible, but Dan had always been a selfish person.

"I think I'm well enough to travel, at least a little." Dan set his bowl aside and glanced up into Phil's eyes. "Probably to get to the river. I imagine you want to send word to your family?”

"I want you to be safe," Phil corrected him, crawling back over and beginning to undo the bandages currently wrapped around Dan. "I want you to be healthy and okay. I don't want you to overexert yourself. Yes, of course I'd like to send word to my family, but I don't want to push you too far," he explained, staring at Dan's chest as he worked slowly over him.

"If you promise you think you're up to traveling again, I'll allow it. But you have to tell me when you can't move anymore. Being back at the river as soon as possible would be good, sure, but not at the risk of your safety,” Phil insisted.

Still, he couldn’t deny how good it would be to finally return to the forest, and not just because that was closer to him. “I can find us our tree again, and you can stay safe in there while I collect the materials I need. Without the Duke, it will be both easier and harder to build a bridge."

Dan couldn't help but roll his eyes a little at Phil's constant fussing over him. As adorable as it was to see him acting like a mother hen over Dan's wounds, Dan itched to be moving again, hating having to lie around helplessly while Phil did everything for him. It made Dan feel useless, and worse than that, it meant he couldn't reach out and grab for Phil whenever he wanted to touch him.

So maybe Dan was clingy. No one but Phil needed to know that.

"For the last time, Phil, I am fine," Dan grumbled, obediently holding his arms out when Phil went to change his bandages. He kept his eyes trained on Phil's face, refusing to wince as his wounds were exposed once more, instead studying the varying colour in Phil's eyes to distract himself. They glinted slightly green today, offset by the white tunic that he'd apparently stolen from Dan's wardrobe again.

"I promise I'm ok to travel," Dan kept his tone just short of a whine, "And I'm as eager as you are to be back at our tree. If it will set your mind at ease, I promise to stop if I'm getting too tired. I think I'll be fine, though. My head is much clearer today."

Phil could understand that Dan was getting irritated and restless, but it didn't mean Phil was any more willing to take any chances with him. He wanted to keep Dan in bed longer if he could, but he'd already promised just one more day, and Dan had given it to him. He'd proven himself by being out and about for a good part of the afternoon, so really, Phil had no choice but to trust him and do as he said.

Not that he was actually all that happy about it.

His hand's worked tirelessly as he went about drying Dan's skin of, trying not to wince at the scary wounds on Dan's left side as he moved in to paint them with poultice once again. Dan winced a bit, his body tensing, and Phil didn't blame him. He just hoped the poultice was still doing its job of taking some of the pain away and helping to heal and keep out infection.

"If you say you're good to travel, I'll believe you," Phil finally muttered in response, eyes flicking up to Dan's. He wanted to stop being so protective, but he couldn't, not when Dan had literally jumped in front of a dragon for Phil like the idiot he was.

Dan couldn't resist reaching out to trace a finger down the side of Phil's face, despite knowing it must be distracting. He just wanted to touch.

Phil felt his heart stutter a bit when Dan reached out to gently trace a finger down his face though, and he tried to focus back on the task at hand, but it was difficult with Dan touching him. It was always hard to focus when Dan was touching him.

After a moment, Dan smirked a little, meeting Phil's gaze with a teasing glint to his eye. "I'm looking forward to seeing a proper bridge. Let's see how much was the Duke's incompetence, and how much was you just not being able to meet my standards, hm?" He chuckled, and patted Phil's cheek once before letting him go.

Phil’s gaze snapped back to Dan in no time at those words,, furious as he glared at his thief.

"Hey! I promised you I could make a bridge, didn't I? Whether it was crap or not, it got us across, didn't it?" Phil couldn't help being cross at the teasing. Some part of him knew that Dan had only even started it because he was bitter the entire bridge building had been done with the Duke far too close for Dan's comfort, but it was beginning to truly upset Phil. "I can meet your standards fine," he huffed, turning his gaze away again.

Despite his frustration, his fingers remained gentle as he rubbed in the poultice, finally pulling away to grab at the bandages again.

"I'll show you a goddamn bridge," he muttered to himself.

Dan threw his head back and laughed, unable to stop himself at Phil's disgruntled tone. He knew Phil was getting tired of the bridge teasing, but it was gold to Dan. He liked being able to dig a little, to give Phil a push, knowing he'd push back just as much. It showed a kind of tenderness to Dan, a knowledge that they knew each other well enough to poke fun and withstand words not meant to hurt.

Dan's laughter broke through the agitation, and before Phil knew it, he was grinning as well, staring up at Dan with a deep fondness in his eyes. No matter what Dan said to him, no matter how he teased, Phil didn't think he could ever truly be mad at him, at least not for very long. Dan, when you got past the layer of him that was hard and unforgiving, was actually a very gentle soul. Who really, really enjoyed teasing and messing with Phil.

It was a good change, though. Phil was sick of those who tipped around him, refusing to tell Phil how they truly felt or what that I actually thought.

Dan would make a good advisor, now that Phil thought about it, but he shook his head. His thief was merely that - I thief. Not because he wasn't capable of more, but because that's what he wanted, that's what he enjoyed. Dan needed his freedom as much as Phil did, and an advisor didn't have that. Instead, Dan could be Phil's personal advisor, and he smiled at the thought, glancing up when Dan pressed his hand against Phil's cheek again.

When Dan calmed down a bit, he reached out to touch Phil's cheek again, softly this time. "I know, I know. I'm sure you build excellent bridges, my Phil." Dan's tone was filled with fond gentleness, and he leaned his head closer, itching to kiss Phil again. Unfortunately, his side twinged again so he was forced to sit back, hiding another wince.

"Besides, I wouldn't have a clue how to get through the forest without you there," Dan murmured, wanting to heal some of the wounds he'd given Phil. "I honestly had no idea trees like our tree even existed. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of such a tight space if you weren't there. It's so different to my desert."

Phil was winding the bandages back in place now, and with the poultice setting in, Dan was able to relax a little. He leaned his head back against the cave wall and closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh. "Honestly, you're so good to me, Phil. I can't even remember the last time someone took care of me, yet here you are, fussing like a mother hen. I want to hate it, but I kind of really don't."

"It's good to know I can still teach you a thing or two," Phil admitted, sniffing primly, the effect ruined by his smile. "I must admit though, I enjoy you needing to rely on me for a change. Whether you like it or not, I think I'm always going to fuss, but you've really no right to say anything when you're just as bad. What was it that happened the first time we walked your desert? I nearly walked into a vat of quicksand, and your first instinct was to tackle me to the ground and then check for injuries," he teased, looking up and realizing that Dan was staring at his lips a with a little disgruntled frown.

"I had to protect you, it was totally different," Dan sniffed. "Knocking you over seemed like the best way to make sure you couldn't fight with me. You do that a lot, you know." There was a slight whine to his tone, but Dan was too busy tracking Phil's lips to pay much attention.

"You like that I fight with you," Phil teased, holding himself just far enough away that Dan couldn't' kiss him himself, but close enough that Dan could feel the tension between them. "Perhaps it's not fair when it comes to life or death situations, I admit, but I think you like that I challenge you," he continued, eyes flickering between Dan's eyes and his mouth, his own lips parted for show.

Dan would never admit to the fact that he was pouting in that moment. He wasn't used to having to sit back and wait for what he wanted, always the kind of person who took first and asked questions later. Now, though, he was sitting powerless against a wall with Phil leaning over him with a teasing smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. A mouth that Dan would really quite like to kiss, thank you very much.

Smirk growing, and realizing he had the upper hand for once, Phil leaned in. "Do you want a kiss, my thief?"

Dan pouted further when Phil teased him. Dan was itching to just lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, to grab Phil and force him to pay proper attention to Dan, but he couldn't move without pulling on his newly bandaged wounds and ruining all of Phil's hard work. He leaned as far forward as he could, and looked up at Phil under his lashes, trying to look as appealing as he could. "You know as well as I do what I want, my Phil."

Phil should have known that Dan would fight dirty, however, as seconds later Dan had moved forward as much as possible, head lowered as he looked up at Phil from under dark lashes, words a careful tease.

With a small growl, Phil leaned in without another word and took Dan’s lips in a passionate kiss. He’d missed being able to do this as he nipped at Dan’s bottom lip and pressed his tongue past his lips, hands moving to lightly press around Dan’s hips, tight on the right side, and light on the left, just to anchor Dan in place.

Dan was giving as good as he got, kissing back just as fiercely, and tilting his head a bit to the side to get Phil closer to him. On that same token, however, Dan was far more pliant under Phil than he ever usually was, and it felt so good having that trust in his hands.

Phil had all of Dan, from his heart, to his mind.

It took a few moments for Phil to pull away, having missed being able to kiss Dan so much, and he was red in the face when he did. Dan, on the other hand, was equally as breathless as Phil, despite the fact that he was smirking at the way Phil looked dazed and a little too blissed out.

Groaning, Phil shook his head. "You're a menace," he said. "It's hardly my fault I can't control myself when I’m around you."

Phil had fully intended to make Dan beg for that kiss, but seeing Dan look at him like that, with eyes so gorgeous and dark, well. He hadn't been able to help himself. His sex drive might have been a little bit... over active. Phil refused to get up to anything while Dan was injured, though, so he better not even try.

Dan was grinning triumphantly, quite unable to help himself. He raised his brows at Phil, acting cocky because he knew he'd gotten exactly what he wanted. It was nice to be pliant under Phil for once, and Dan was starting to wonder what it would be like to let Phil take complete control over their nighttime activities. He was enjoying himself too much not to explore that thought more now, so he dared to push a little further. "I think you like me challenging you just as much, my Prince. Seems like I can get you to comply easily enough."

He leaned his head back against the wall, more tired than he'd like to admit. Dan could feel the desire to be close to Phil as alive and well as ever, but the dull throb in his side was testament enough to why they couldn't take this any further for now. Instead, he reached out for Phil again, well aware that he was acting like a needy child.

"Come cuddle with me," Dan demanded. He knew he'd sleep soon, and he didn't like the thought of leaving Phil awake and alone to wallow. At least if he was holding Phil, he could bring him some modicum of comfort while he slept.

Mind still a little muddled with desire, Phil was unable to form a reply to Dan's words, because they were true. Phil did like that Dan challenged him back. The biggest issue was how easily Phil tended to comply to Dan, verses how easily Dan compiled to Phil. Obviously, when it came right down to it, Phil could stand his ground easily enough, but he seemed to have no self control when it came to giving Dan exactly what he wanted.

It took Dan leaning his head back against the wall he was propped up against, eyes fluttering as he reached out for Phil with begging arms, to shake off the part of him the desired more, and Phil very easily did as Dan had asked. Carefully, he laid Dan back onto the furs again, and climbed into his hold. Dan was on laying on his back, and Phil had his head rested over Dan's chest on the right side, one hand pressed against Dan's stomach. Dan's right arm was wrapped around Phil's shoulder, but his fingers played with Phil's side where his tunic had scrunched up.

"Sleep, my love,” Phil murmured. “You need your rest. I'll wake you in the morning to start our travels once more."

Dan sighed contentedly, drawing Phil in as close as he could. He pressed his face back into his favourite place in Phil's hair, and closed his eyes, revelling in the way Phil's body felt against him, wanting nothing more than to caress him. He played with the little bit of bare skin he could reach under Phil's tunic, gently tapping out a rhythm there that fell slower as he fell into sleep.

#phanfiction #iwritephanthings #snowbunnylester #phan fantasy au #phanfic #steal my heart

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auroraphilealis · 7 years

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Steal My Heart (Steal My Whole Life Too) Chapter Twenty-Three

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Sorry for that slight cliffhanger xD we think this chapter more than makes up for it, so hopefully you will agree too. And thank you for making it this far! We’re both so proud of this fic and couldn’t be happier with the response we’ve been getting ^_^ again, thank you all so much for all the comments, I am sorry we haven’t had a chance to reply yet, I’m chronically sick and struggle to do things, and snowbunnylester has been crazy busy and dealing with things too, but we read every one and treasure them all, thank you so much to all of you

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(AO3 link) (Masterlist)

Chapter 23

The hardest thing Phil had ever had to do in his life up until now was to leave Dan's side when he was so sick and injured, and he hadn't even gone that far. He would have thought himself pathetic if it weren't for the ache in his heart and the never ending thoughts in his mind that told him over and over again that this whole thing had been his fault, because in technicality, it had been. Phil was having a rough time forgiving himself, and now that Dan was asleep, Brandon gone, and Phil left all alone… he had nothing left to do but beat himself up for it.

How long ago had it been when Dan and Phil had first talked about what they were going to do when they faced the dragon? They’d never discussed a strategy, sure, but they had talked about sacrificing themselves for each other. What had Dan said then? Dan had promised Phil, promised him, that he would get them both out of there alive… and he hadn’t. But Phil wasn’t mad about that, no, he was mad at himself, because during that same conversation, he’d promised himself that he would never let Dan get hurt for him, and yet here they were, with Dan lying on the bed covered in blood and a wound so large that Phil wasn’t sure how it could ever possibly heal.

All he could do was hope, and as he stared from across the cave at his thief’s body, all wrapped up in bandages that had already stained red, was that he would survive. Surely… surely, he would survive.

The image of Dan’s body, cut open from armpit to hip, was seared into Phil’s mind. He was never going to forget the way the three, long scratches had looked, and knew he’d be seeing it a thousand more times still, but nothing would compare to that first brutal moment of realization that Dan was… Dan was far more wounded than Phil had initially realized.

The cave with the dragon had been too dark for Phil to see the cuts, but here, even before the sun had risen, Phil had gotten a pretty clear look at the long, deep gouges that had been pressed into his thief’s skin. Even now, Phil just wanted to throw up, knowing what had been done to the love of his life.

The love of his life... Phil loved Dan more than he’d ever thought he could love anyone, and he’d almost left the words too late. His shoulders shook with the memory of bellowing them at Dan, hoping, praying, that somehow they would make a difference.

They had. Miraculously, they had, and Dan had woken up, and…

The fact that Dan loved him back still rung in Phil’s head, a constant mantra, a constant reminder, that Dan was still here, and he was fighting. Phil hadn’t lost him yet.

Dan loved him. Dan had said he loved him. He had been half unconscious, and drugged up from the poultice on his side, but he'd said he loved Phil. The memory of that was still making Phil's chest and heart glow with pride and unbridled happiness, even with all the anguish twisting Phil’s gut into an outright mess. Even if Dan didn't remember when he woke up, Phil would never forget.

Daniel Howell, King of Thieves, loved him.

It was the one thing Phil was holding onto now, when all he could think about was how much he hated himself. He’d let Dan get hurt for him, had nearly lost him, and now, Dan would have three new scars, all because of Phil.

With Dan asleep, and Phil all alone, he could cry again. The sounds were choked off sobs that bubbled up from his very gut and left him feeling devastated and destroyed in the worst of ways, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop when all he could think about was the way Dan had looked on the dragon’s cavern floor, out cold and unresponsive as Phil shook him and begged him to wake up.

All he could think about was the way Dan had looked hanging off that ridge, both legs dangling off the ledge as his weight slowly took him down, down, down, with Phil hanging off his own ledge and not enough strength to pull himself up in time to save Dan.

Phil had hated himself then, too. If Dan had died because of Phil… Phil wasn’t sure what he would have done. He wasn’t sure if he could have gone on, and the thought of that alone was too much. Would he have lost all will to pull himself up that ridge? Phil didn’t know. He almost hadn’t made it after Dan had rescued himself either, but the way Dan had pleaded with him, for the first time in either of their lives… that had been everything.

That was a sound that would never leave him again, either; Dan pleading for help, looking so small and broken, in too much pain to even stay conscious enough to get them both out of the cave. How tortured he must have been… Phil would never forget the look on his face.

So he cried, because that was all Phil could do… cry.

After what felt like hours of crying, Phil eventually managed to pull himself together enough to wipe away the tears and start making something to eat. He’d yet to sleep, and the sun was just coming up again outside. It had probably been a full twenty-four hours since Phil had last gotten any rest, and yet, he wasn’t tired. Not anymore.

There was still far too much left to do for him to be able to sleep, not to mention attend to his wounds, which almost seemed like an afterthought in and of themselves. He’d yet to touch them, let alone wipe them down and bandage them, unwilling to use up Dan’s store of bandages on himself, but they didn’t even hurt anymore. Phil’s body was sore, but he felt numb all over by the time he started a fire to cook for Dan when he eventually woke up.

Dan slept for a long time, the kind of deep heavy sleep that left him completely unconscious and unaware of his surroundings. It was what his body needed to heal and cope with the pain he'd been given, and much as Dan wanted to stay awake and stay with his Prince to keep talking and reassuring him that everything was alright, he was powerless against the black that tugged at his skull.

So Dan slept.

When he next stirred, it was to stiff muscles and sore bones. He blinked groggily, trying to move, to figure out where he was and why he felt so heavy and exhausted and sore. As he twitched, pain flared down his side and he groaned. His bandaged wounds felt stiff, the memory of Phil and Brandon patching him up hazy but enough to remind Dan what had happened. He’d battled with a dragon, and hadn’t come off too well. But at least Phil was relatively unharmed.

Dan tried to open his eyes, to find his surroundings and look for wherever Phil had gone too, but the movement sent pain flaring through him again, and blackness was still tugging at the corners of his skull. Dan tried to fight it, tried to look for Phil instead, but he was too weak and it was too much. It didn’t take him long to go under again.

The smell of something cooking roused Dan next, and he blinked his eyes open, lashes heavy and crusted with tears and dust. The pain in his left side had dulled to a low throb, so he propped himself up carefully on his elbows, not moving more than he absolutely had to, and lifted his head up to have a look around.

He was back in the cave where Phil had killed the Duke - Phil must have carried him a long way, then. There were flickering flames in Dan's field of vision, and he could see the comfort of a campfire with something cooking over it that smelled wonderful. Dan's stomach rumbled in response.

Then he saw Phil crouching over it, and a smile automatically rose to Dan's lips. Phil. Phil, who'd saved his life, carried him all the way back here to safety, looked after Dan in a way no one else had throughout Dan’s life. And more than that - Phil loved him.

Phil loved him.

Dan's heart fluttered in his chest as he settled into this new feeling of being loved and loving whole-heartedly in return. He let out a happy sigh and broke the silence with a croaky voice. "Phil. I hope I get some of whatever it is you're making?"

Phil was huddled over the fire, nearly done with the deer meat Dan had caught for them two days ago when he finally heard Dan’s voice calling to him from behind him. Turning with a startled sigh, Phil stared at Dan with wide eyes for all of a few seconds before his expression turned into a slow, pained smile.

"Of course, my thief. It's nearly done, now. How are you feeling?" he asked, voice still stuffy with the sound of Phil's long cry.

Dan's brows furrowed at the stuffy sound to Phil's voice. He couldn't see very well from here, but that sounded an awful lot like Phil had been crying, and Dan just couldn't have that. Before he could question further, however, his stomach gave another giant rumble. He looked down, embarrassed, relieved to hear that the food was nearly ready. He felt very weak.

Phil couldn't help chuckling to hear Dan's stomach rumble. He was healing, then, to be that hungry. It was relieving to know, relieving to be reassured that things were going to be okay. Phil's body was half turned to Dan, half turned to their food, now, wanting Dan to know he had Phil's attention despite his focus being on dinner.

"I'm alright," Dan promised, wincing a bit as he tried to sit up against the wall Phil had propped the furs next to. His side pulled, but the pain was bearable and still dulled by the poultice. He leaned back against the rough stone wall and closed his eyes, speaking through pants. "I'm a little hazy on what happened. Did you - did you get the scale? And more importantly, are you ok?"

At the last question, Dan opened his eyes again and fixed Phil with a penetrating stare. He was feeling much more aware, the smell of food rousing him from his groggy state, and he was starting to get a bit worried about Phil; Phil, who was being more quiet than usual, and who still sounded stuffy and sad and wasn't looking directly at Dan.

Phil nearly dropped the ladle he was using to stir the thick stew he was making when Dan began to pull himself up into a sitting position, and he would have reprimanded Dan if Dan had made a noise of pain, but he hadn't, and as it was, Phil didn't want to insult Dan by insinuating that he couldn't do anything, not when he knew his thief as well as he thought he did at this point.

Unable to look at Dan straight on from the guilt wracking through him, however, Phil merely nodded his head slowly in response to his enquiry.

"We got the scale," he reassured Dan, voice soft and gentle, hoping it would put his mind at ease. "And I'm fine, if not a little banged up."

Besides. It wasn’t entirely a lie. Phil was just a little banged up in comparison to Dan, and he couldn’t feel a thing anyway. The blood staining his wrist was just from Dan, that was all… He was certain his head was okay from the knock he’d taken to the floor, and it wasn’t as if the falling rocks could have done much more damage than a few bruises here and there. His ribs were scraped up, sure, but that was merely from pulling himself across the cavern floor, and that was nothing. Not when you compared it to the wounds Dan had sustained, after all.

Shaking his head, Phil offered Dan a shaky smile. “Promise,” he added for good measure, because he could already see that Dan was about to protest.

Quick to change the subject, Phil turned back to his stew and furrowed his brow at it as he picked up a mouthful to check if it was ready. Blowing on the hot broth, Phil took a quick bite, and hummed to himself in satisfaction when it became clear that the meat was tender and cooked through.

"Sit still. I'll bring you your dinner in just a second," Phil reassured Dan with another quick grin, and reached for the two bowls he’d retrieved from their bags earlier. He was quick to ladle two servings into the bowls, and then removed the smoldering pan from the fire so that it wouldn’t burn, but the two could remain warm in the cold of early morning. Then, Phil carried both bowls over to Dan in the middle of the cave, propped up as he was against the wall, and settled in next to him, turned with his back to the early morning sun to cast himself in shadow.

Dan didn’t need to know the extent of the damage Phil had truly sustained, not when he had so much healing of his own to do just then.

Unwilling to hurt Dan, however, Phil did leave a little space between their bodies so he wouldn’t end up accidentally jostling his thief, and then delicately placed the bowl in Dan’s lap.

"I know you're left handed, but please eat with your right. If you're having trouble, I can help you."

Dan was mostly endeared by Phil's fussing, as unnecessary as he deemed it to be. It was still sweet, and Dan kind of liked being looked after for once. He was used to cleaning himself up after the scrapes and bruises that resulted in his many other scars, so it made a nice change to sit still and let Phil look after him, never mind the fact that it had been a long, long time since Dan last had someone else looking out for him.

Still, it bothered him a bit when Phil brushed off Dan’s questions and came to sit beside him, insisting that he eat with his right hand to save his left side from moving too much.

"I'm fine," Dan grumbled, but he obediently used his weaker right hand when he picked up the bowl of broth to sip from, and then his focus went a little as he started to eat. His rumbling stomach was soon satisfied, and he gave a little noise of appreciation as he devoured the warm broth. "Remind me to make you cook again, this is good."

It made Phil smile to hear Dan compliment his meal, and he turned to his own with lackluster hunger. He didn't feel much like eating, but he knew he needed to keep his strength up, and so he slurped down the thick stew nearly as fast as Dan, who seemed absolutely ravenous as he ate.

Between slurps, Dan turned towards Phil, a little disappointed by the amount of space between them. The angle still didn't let Dan get a good look at Phil's face, either, which was bothering him a bit. Phil still seemed quiet, a little less like his usual teasing self. He hadn't made fun of Dan even once this whole time. It was worrying Dan, made him feel like there was something he was missing.

Well, there was a lot that Dan was missing. His memory of getting here was sketchy at best, a dim thought of Phil carrying him here, and the sharp pain he’d felt when Brandon had been here, patching him up. But Brandon didn’t seem to be around now. It was just Phil, who was being very quiet and refusing to let Dan look directly at him.

"I'm glad we got the scale," Dan said thoughtfully, broaching the subject with caution. "But I'm sure it must have been all you. How'd you do it? Are you ok, really?" Dan frowned as Phil began taking the bowl off him just as Dan finished his stew. Dan stopped him by placing a hand on Phil’s arm, much weaker than he’d like, but enough to hold Phil in place, at least momentarily.

“I want the truth,” Dan insisted, his voice low. “And before you argue, I’m going to keep bothering you until you let me see whether or not I think you’re ok, so come here.”

Phil had just taken their bowls and set them aside when Dan began speaking, his words a rush of worry and concern as he narrowed his eyes at Phil. Blinking in surprise, Phil turned back to Dan and bit his lip, glancing down at the hand Dan had placed on his arm. It wasn’t that safe for him to approach Dan, beat up as he was, and yet he knew better than to argue with his thief when he wanted something. If Phil didn’t go to him of his own free will, what was going to stop Dan from moving and tugging on his wounds more than he should do right then?

Sighing, Phil said, “I’m fine,” as he moved obediently closer to Dan. Phil kept himself mostly in shadow, so that Dan could still see very little, and pushed forward to change the subject to dragons and scales.

“And don’t be ridiculous. Getting the scale was a team effort. When you knocked me out of the way, and took -- took the Dragon’s hit yourself,” Phil said, stuttering through the words as he was once again struck with the overwhelming pain that it had happened at all, “I had my dagger raised to defend myself. You must have struck me in just the right way, because later, when I was trying to find a way out… I saw my dagger, and next to it, a dragon’s scale,” Phil explained, shoving his cut up and bruised hands into his pockets as he sat on his knees in front of Dan and tried to find the item.

The dagger he’d stashed there dug into his skin, suddenly, and Phil hissed in pain, but was quick to dismiss it, dragging that out and then plunging his hands back in his pockets once again.

“I wasn’t sure, at first, if I had even cut it free or if it had just fallen. The dragon was going nuts, but I thought it was just because we were there, and it couldn’t find where we’d gone, but then I crawled over to the scale and found blood, just enough, on the ground and on my blade. The dragon’s heat was so hot, it even seared a bit of scale to my dagger, and I thought, surely, that would be enough for a cure, so I -- I took it, and ran with you.”

Phil’s fingers finally managed to grasp around the scale in his pocket, and he pulled it free to hand to Dan, hoping that the blood he’d gotten all over it wouldn’t affect the healing properties it apparently had for the curse the witch had set.

The dragon’s scale was bright red, glinting dully in the palm of Dan’s hand as he took it from Phil. It was rough beneath Dan’s fingers, hard like armour, stained with blood and its edges sharp. Was it worth it, all the pain and hardships it had taken to get it? Dan stared, wondering how something so innocuous looking could be so priceless.

If it saved Cornelia’s life, it would be worth it. If Phil didn’t have to lose anyone else.

Right now, though, Dan had more pressing matters to attend to. He looked up from the scale to study Phil's face instead, and he gasped at what he saw.

Phil was bloodied from a cut to his head, the red dried down his forehead and crusted over the top of his eye. His face was bruised, and his hands scraped and littered with cuts from the glimpse Dan had caught of them before Phil hid them back inside his pockets. Dan tutted, grabbing Phil's hands and tugging them out of his pocket, bringing them closer for inspection. He frowned, turning them over carefully.

Phil had been hoping that the sight of the dragon scale would be enough to distract his thief from the sight of Phil’s hands, but clearly he was wrong, as not a few moments after Dan admired the dragon scale in his hand, his eyes flashed back to Phil’s face, his hands, and he dropped the scale in an instant.

Instead, he reached out and snatched Phil’s hands into his, looking over them with a little concerned furrow between his brows.

"Idiot, you should wash these right now." Dan was itching to reach out and bring Phil into a hug, but when he lifted his arms, his side pulled and flared with pain, so all he could do was sit there and study Phil closely.

Phil's face was puffy and red, his cheeks marked with tear tracks. Dan clicked his tongue, lifting a palm to gently cup Phil's cheek.

"I didn't want to leave you alone in here," Phil admitted quietly. "You were my first concern," he explained, not wanting Dan to think that Phil just didn't care about himself. At the same time, though, maybe Phil just didn't. He was so angry at himself, so angry that he'd let Dan get so hurt. They'd both nearly died, and it had all been Phil's fault.

Panicking when Dan winced, Phil reached out to pat at him, to force him to sit still, to check on his bandages and see how bad the bleeding was. Phil's fingers fluttered over the stains he could just barely see, and was just about to get up to get the medical supplies again when Dan reached up and cupped Phil's cheeks gently, clucking his tongue.

Slowly, Phil lifted his eyes to meet Dan's, finding nothing but openness there. There was no anger or distrust, just soft concern for Phil.

"What happened? Why are you crying?” Dan asked softly, cupping Phil’s face carefully in his hands. “We'll get the dragon scale back to your family soon, I promise. You're almost free, Phil. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"How can I be happy when you're hurt?" Phil asked, sniffling as the lump formed in his throat once more and his eyes filled with more tears. "How can I be happy when I nearly got you killed? Why would I be happy when it's my -- my fau-- fault," Phil stuttered out, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat as yet more tears began to drip down his cheeks.

"I nearly lost you, Dan -- I thought -- I didn't know if you would even wake up, or if I could pull myself up in time to catch you, and you were covered in blood, and we were so close... I almost lost you. I almost got you killed, all because I was stupid and clumsy enough to trip over a rock when the dragon was asleep right there. I never should have let you come with me," Phil cried, and shoved his face into his hands once more, dislodging Dan's hold on him as he dissolved into tears once more.

He couldn’t seem to help himself. He just felt so… useless.

Dan's breath caught, and he reached out again, wanting desperately to stop the flow of tears running down Phil's cheeks. It hurt him more than anything to see Phil crying, and especially because of him. Dan never wanted to see Phil upset -- it physically tugged at his chest, leaving him upset and making his heart do strange fluttering things. He reached for Phil again, helpless, desperate to do something to fix this.

"Phil," Dan started softly, reaching for him again and ignoring the slight pull in his side. He ached all the way down his left side, so he carefully reached with his right hand to grasp Phil's wrist, giving it a pathetic tug which was apparently about all Dan could manage just then. "Phil," he tried again, tone gentle as he swiped a thumb under Phil's eye. "You idiot. Stop blaming yourself, alright?"

Dan drew in a breath, thinking through the best way to comfort Phil as he continued to swipe under his eye. He couldn't blow off the injury, knowing Phil would only tell him off for not looking after himself, but Dan had to make Phil see that it was okay, that they'd both made it out alive, and that Dan was bursting with happiness and pride that Phil had succeeded in getting them both out safely.

"Even if you'd tried to stop me coming, I'd have followed you all the way here," Dan promised quietly. "Did you really think I was just going to let you go off after a dragon all by yourself? The fact of the matter is, Phil, neither one of us would have survived this trip alone. You needed me to stop you getting hit by the dragon, and I needed you to bring me all the way back out here and rescue me. You saved my life, Phil."

Dan's touch was weak, and yet it was enough to make Phil look up, enough to make Phil scoot closer, willing to do anything to make this better, including giving Dan all of his attention when he asked for it. Warm fingers swiped the tears away from Phil's cheek once more, and he lowered his gaze, lowered his head, until he was staring down at Dan's legs where he had them spread out. His eyes flickered over Dan's side, over the bandages and the blood staining through them, over the pain he'd caused him, as Dan spoke quiet words meant to be reassuring.

Somehow, they still hurt. They still made Phil ache with guilt, because it was difficult to distance himself from the fact that Dan had nearly died for him after promising Phil that he wouldn't. If Phil had just never gotten close to the thief, perhaps Dan wouldn't have ever wanted to follow Phil all the way out here. On the same token, Phil wouldn't be nearly as happy as he currently was, wouldn't have known how to save Cornelia, might have lost his own life as well as everyone else's in the Palace. There was no point in wishing the past away, and yet Phil did, if only to keep Dan safe.

Dan leaned a little closer, as close as he could with the bandages restricting his movements, and tugged on Phil until he was close enough for Dan to look him right in the eyes. "You listen to me, now. I'd jump in front of a dragon for you any time, a hundred times, and I know you don't want to hear that but you have to listen to me now. I love you, Phil Lester, and that means I am going to do some stupid, crazy things for you, okay? But I know you'll always be there for me. You saved my life, and together, we've saved your family's lives, too. Or we will, as soon as we can get back to the capital."

Dan's grip on Phil's face was weak, but when Phil felt Dan pulling on his face, saw Dan trying to scoot forward, he looked up at him and pulled himself closer, until he could feel Dan's breath puffing against his face.

His eyes still watered, and there was so much pain in his heart, and yet, hearing Dan say I love you again seemed to make everything feel so much more right. The guilt was far from assuaged, whether Dan wanted it to be or not, but Dan was right. They were safe now, they had the key to saving Phil's family, and Dan loved him.

"So I have to get used to you doing crazy things for me, then?" Phil asked, sputtering out a laugh, eyelashes lowering until he was peering up at Dan from under them. He reached up to press his hand over the one Dan had on his face, and smiled as softly as he could.

"I love you, too, you know,” he murmured, gentle as ever. “I thought you’d never get the chance to hear me say it, but Daniel Howell... my King of Thieves... I love you," he murmured, just staring into Dan's warm brown eyes and clinging to the fact that Dan was alive.

Hearing Phil say he loved him was all Dan needed. He grinned as wide as he could, eyes crinkling right up, and pulled Phil in for a soft kiss that was about all he was capable of just then. Hearing those words again at a time when they weren't both fearing for their deaths just made them so much the sweeter.

"I know,” Dan murmured, his expression soft. “I know you love me. So no more crying and feeling guilty, you hear me? This is not your fault." Dan faced Phil dead-on, expression serious. "I injured myself; me, not you. Or rather, the dragon did it. If you want someone to blame, blame that bloody giant hell beast in the cave. Certainly not yourself, okay? Now go grab a bowl of water, we both need to clean up.”

Sniffling, Phil laughed as Dan very gruffly changed the subject from corny and heartfelt, to necessity. "I'm going, I'm going. Just. Don't move around too much," Phil insisted, and then stood up after one last pat to Dan's hand to leave the cave.

"I promise to stay still," Dan laughed in agreement, watching Phil out of the cave. For the most part, he kept his promise, keeping his place sitting up against the wall and only moving to gingerly press his fingers down the bandaged wound. The pain was getting sharper again - Dan wondered if he was allowed more herbs.

With a large bowl that the healers had sent with Phil in his bag, Phil headed up the mountain slope to the lake Brandon had shared with him and Dan before to fill it up. His eyes were still wet with tears, and his heart still ached, but there was something warm inside of him too.

If Dan was well enough to argue and tease, surely he was going to be okay, in the end.

Once the bucket was full, Phil very carefully carried it back down the slope and into the cave where Dan still lay propped up against the wall, eyes closed as he breathed evenly. He wasn’t asleep though, that much was clear in the way that he flinched from time to time from the ache in his side. Surely, he needed a poultice change already.

Placing the bowl of water down at Dan’s feet, Phil moved to gather up the bag of medical supplies. He was quick to pull out the smaller bowl Brandon had used to mix the poultice, the two bottles of herbs that would need to be mixed together, and the wrapping that had been sent with him. They were wrapped up in small balls, and Phil took one out, before returning back to Dan’s side again. This time, he brought the pain medication as well, but he was unsure if Dan would take it or not.

Once properly settled once more, Phil reached for a fur he could use as a washcloth, settled that down at his feet as well, and moved to hover over Dan’s body, reaching instantly for Dan’s wrappings.

Dan’s brow furrowed when Phil seemed to forgo his own wounds for Dan’s instead, and reached out to catch his hands before he could touch Dan’s wrappings.

“What are you doing?” Dan told Phil off, holding his hands still. “We’re meant to take care of you, first, Phil! You haven’t looked after yourself at all yet.”

But Phil was having none of it, glaring down at Dan. “Daniel Howell,” he growled, “You have three, dangerous looking wounds in your side, and I can see you wincing in pain. I need to take care of you first. You are not dying on me,” he argued, and his voice sounded so strained, so afraid, that Dan could do nothing but shut his mouth and release Phil’s hands.

After that, Phil reached for Dan’s wrappings again, and undid them carefully. As the bandages came away, Dan winced and hissed through his teeth, reaching out to grab Phil’s arm. Dan didn't dig his nails in this time, though, instead rubbing apologetically over the bruises he'd left before. Dan hadn't even realised he’d been gripping that hard.

The pain that flared through him was throbbing and growing steadily stronger, and Dan breathed through his mouth and rested his head back as the bandages seemed to stick to his skin, tearing at his wounds. By the time Phil looked up at him with terror in his eyes, Dan realized just how bad this was about to hurt, and gritted his teeth.

“Dan,” Phil murmured, as he began to realize what he was going to have to do to get the bandages off. “We didn’t -- there was nothing protecting the bandages from adhering to your skin. I’m -- I’m going to have to tug the bandages free,” he whispered, staring at Dan with pain in his own eyes, because he’d promised himself he’d stop hurting Dan.

“I have to clean your wounds, Dan, I’m sorry,” Phil whispered again, glancing at just how much bandage was left still twisted around his torso, from armpit to hip. This… was not going to be easy going, that much was sure.

“Just -- get it over with,” Dan said through gritted teeth, and braced himself.

Nodding his head once in confirmation, Phil bit his lip, and started to pull the fabric free. It tore at Dan’s body, causing Dan to scream through his teeth much like he had when Brandon had first started to apply the poultice earlier, and the sound broke Phil’s heart. He didn’t stop tugging, however; how could he, when the pain would only last longer if he delayed now? Pulling as delicately as he dared, Phil unwound Dan’s bandages the rest of the way, horrified by the amount of blood he was pulling away.

Finally, finally, Dan was free of the bandages, and he slumped back against the wall behind him, chest heaving and eyes watering in pain. He could feel his body shaking, but he couldn’t quite make it stop. He was sure he was sweating now too, and if he hadn’t needed the poultice earlier, he sure as hell needed it now.

Phil didn’t look at Dan’s wounds, not directly, not right away. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to stomach them, after all, not after last time, so he turned away to dispose of the bloodied bandages, and then took a deep breath as he grabbed the washcloth he’d fetched and dunked it in the water behind him.

Climbing between Dan’s legs this time to properly be able to touch him, Phil held his breath, and finally turned back to face Dan’s body.

The cuts were just as bad as they had been a few hours before, tinged yellow from the thick, sticky poultice that still clung as a residue to his skin. The wounds, at least, had seemed to stop bleeding, and there was no pus that would be indicative of infection, for which Phil was relieved. He hadn’t known he could feel positive looking at Dan’s body all torn up like this, and yet he did, because at the very least, it didn’t look like the dragon had had any poison, or at the very least, had failed to infect Dan.

Dan was still covered in blood, however, dried up and crusted against his skin, dark brown in some places and red in others. The sight made Phil’s stomach turn, but he shook the feeling away as he tried to instead focus on the fact that he was meant to be helping Dan right now. Offering Dan his left arm once again to squeeze, Phil used his right to gently start scrubbing away the dried blood all over Dan’s body, avoiding the cuts all together for right now.

Dan held as still as he could, but it was difficult not to flinch as he felt Phil start to gently clean the wounds again. Dan had risked one glance down, when the bandages were being unwound, but the sight of his own flesh so sickly and cut up had turned even Dan’s stomach, so he’d quickly looked the other way, focusing instead on distracting himself.

The last thing he needed to do was freak out when Phil was already being as careful as he could. Besides, Dan had faced worse than this in his life. He knew what he needed in a crisis. As long as he stayed distracted, he would make it through.

So he turned to what his heart was full of - the fact that Phil loved him.

"So, my Prince," Dan started with bright eyes and a wicked grin, hiding the pain he still felt. "Distract me. Tell me the story - how exactly did you realise you fell in love with me?"

Glancing up at the unexpected question, Phil found that Dan's face had softened some. Some of the pain had seemed to fade, until he was left with something closer to a happy sparkle in his eye, despite the crinkles of pain surrounding it.

"That's a hard question, my thief," Phil murmured in reply, trying to think. For most of their journey, Phil had felt those three words sitting on his tongue, and yet he couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he'd fallen in love. "It seems you might tease me, if I tell you," he added quietly, murmuring an apology when his touches turned to Dan's actual wounds and his thief cried out in pain.

"Stay still for me. I know it hurts, but I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have to."

Dan gritted his teeth, forcing his muscles to relax rather than tense up the way they wanted to as Phil began directly cleaning his wounds. The sting was sharper, and Dan used every ounce of his own self-control to keep from flinching away.

“‘S’why I’m asking you to distract me,” Dan gritted out, eyes fluttering closed. “Tell me. I promise not to tease you too much.”

Phil held back a chuckle, watching the strength in his thief as Dan closed his eyes and tipped his head back. He wouldn’t deny his thief anything he wanted, especially when Phil was having to put him through more pain when trying to clean his wounds. Phil’s thoughts turned inwards as he tried to think, but he thought he knew the moment when attraction and interest had turned into love, and it was kind of an embarrassing admission considering… well, everything. Phil feared that Dan wouldn't believe him, but his thief had asked for a distraction, asked for a story, and perhaps he just wanted to hear about how much Phil loved him some more.

“I told you last time that I started to fall for you that night in the underground,” he began, voice a bit musing, “when you set me straight, and made me realize that I was no more perfect than you were, and that in so many ways… you were a better person than me…” Phil shrugged his shoulders a bit, pleased when Dan seemed to settle under his voice. The fact that he was strung up in pain wasn’t helping Phil’s heart, who didn’t understand how in the world Dan could still be so gentle with him.

He sighed.

“Everything’s happened so fast, since… since the first time you kissed me. When I look back on it, it’s hard to keep everything perfectly straight in my head, but mostly… well, we’ve been through so much together. You can hardly blame me falling for you so fast,” he murmured, and refused to meet Dan’s gaze, at that. “Perhaps some might call me stupid for it, but I’ve always been one to be ruled by my emotions, and I’ve kept my heart protected so long it only seemed appropriate to hand it to you…” Phil’s voice trailed off, thoughtful, for a minute. He knew he wasn’t making much sense to Dan, knew that he had to seem like he was talking in inane circles that made no sense, and yet, he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

That same fear that had gripped him in admitting aloud that he was in love with Dan haunted him even now. Was it too soon? If he admitted to just when he fell in love with Dan, would Dan be scared away? Would he be coming on too strong?

Despite Dan having returned the sentiment, despite Phil believing him one hundred percent that he loved Phil just as much as Phil loved him, Phil was aware that he'd probably fallen for Dan far before Dan had fallen for him.

Still… what did Phil have left to lose? He’d nearly lost everything, nearly lost his last chance to love and be loved by Dan. What could admitting this truth truly do to him?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Dan tilted his head, eyes fluttering open again to catch Phil’s expression. Dan didn’t quite understand what Phil was getting at yet. He’d known that Phil hadn’t experienced anything in the matters of the heart before Dan showed up, at least not anything good, and while that made Dan feel proud, he couldn’t help but worry that he’d stolen Phil’s heart far sooner than Phil had stolen his.

Not that it had taken long for Dan to fall, really. It had just taken him far, far too long to admit his feelings to himself.

Phil turned for a minute to rinse his fur turned washcloth of the blood soaking it already, the poultice that had seeped into it and turned it sticky, and then turned back to Dan once more. His thief’s eyes were wide, curious, despite the way he continued to tremble in pain. Phil offered him a smile, before turning once more to his task of clearing out Dan’s wounds.

The story was truly helping to keep him distracted as well, as the task was a difficult one. Phil’s stomach refused to stop rolling.

“If I’m being honest, I think… it started when you threw the dagger at the Duke. I blamed the butterflies on the new-ness of a romance to me, but when I think on it now… I wonder if it wasn’t more than that,” Phil explained softly. “No one had ever been possessive over me. In fact, the minute my brother was unattached once more, all of my Courters were gone in a flash. Not that I’d ever entertained them, but that didn’t make the sting any weaker. Still... I'd never even accepted a gift before you," he explained, his smile turning a little coy as he flicked his gaze up to Dan’s to take in his reaction to that.

Dan was grinning like a cat who’d caught canary, and the sight made Phil laugh and shake his head.

"Anyway, It felt good to be thought of as special enough to need to protect. Not to mention, you stayed and entertained me the whole party. No one had ever done something like that for me before,” Phil admitted easily, and shrugged his shoulders again.

Dan smiled warmly at the story. He remembered that night well enough, swinging through the rafters with dancing eyes just for the chance to watch Phil for a while. A proper foray inside the palace, his first time among the royals, even though they hadn’t known Dan was there at that point. Only Phil had spotted him, as ever. Dan loved studying Phil, even then. He'd wanted desperately for Phil to be happy, and did everything in his power to make that happen.

"I'm glad you enjoyed my entertainment that night," Dan murmured, his tone mildly shaky as he held himself still under Phil’s touches. "I wanted to distract you, knowing how you must have been bored out of your mind. I don't know how you sit through all those terrible speeches. And the Duke had that dagger coming, trying to claim what was already mine."

Dan's eyes shone, soft, as he looked back up to Phil. The universe that Dan had always thought was so against him had given him this man, this perfect man, and somehow made him love Dan. Dan was so full of it, so full of emotion, despite the pain flooding through his side. He could drown in it, could feel himself falling ever deeper, and he wasn't even afraid of it anymore.

Dan loved Phil, and he wasn't terrified of losing him, or letting him in too close. Phil already had Dan's heart and soul, saw him for exactly the flawed criminal he was, and loved him anyway. Dan had never dared to believe he might find someone like that one day.

Phil’s fingers pressed a little too roughly to one of Dan’s cuts, and he hissed out in pain, a noise that made Phil freeze up and pause for a moment. He bit his lips and whispered a quick, “Sorry,” before getting back to it. The wounds were long, thick, and Phil wanted to do a good job of cleaning them lest they get infected later on because he hadn’t been thorough enough.

Still, to distract them both, Phil got back to telling his story.

“That night before the wedding? You can’t even begin to imagine how heartbroken I was when you left angry, having misunderstood my refusal of you. I was just scared to give myself to you too early, to find out that you were just like the others,” Phil admitted, voice soft. “I should have known you were not, and the following day, when you snuck into my brother’s wedding, I think I just… knew.” Phil paused, stopped what he was doing at Dan’s side, and drew away to look at him with a deep flush on his cheeks.

“The moment I knew I was a goner? The moment I knew I was in love? Well, that came in two parts,” Phil admitted. “First, when you comforted me in my room and offered your help to save the Princess, despite all the odds stacked against us and you having to have known what would be revealed about your part in my uncle’s death, and then again when you insisted that you would not let me go after the dragon myself because you could not bear to let me come to harm. That offer of sacrifice, for my family, let alone me… when you insisted on going alone… I think that’s when I knew that I loved you.”

Dan froze. The moments Phil was describing stuck out like sharp pinpricks in his memory, moments he didn’t think he would ever forget. He’d never expected to be offering up his own life and morals for a Prince, let alone the Captain who’d been trying to capture him, but at the time Dan hadn’t even thought twice about it.

Phil meant too much to him to risk leaving alone. Dan would have offered to walk to the ends of the earth for him back then.

And now, Dan knew that Phil would do exactly the same for him.

"It means so much to me, Phil," Dan murmured softly, his right hand reaching out to find Phil’s arm, clutching tight. "Having you here, by my side -- I never thought I'd get lucky enough. You mean so much to me, my Prince." Dan had to stop then, dragging in a sharp gasp when his wounds pulled. He grimaced, curling his hand around Phil's arm again. "It's the only thing that kept me going. Knowing that you love me. Me, capturing the Captain of the Royal Guard, who ever would have guessed it?" Dan shook his head, grinning at Phil through his little shuddering winces. "Who'd have thought you'd be the one to make me fall in love?"

It was obvious that Dan's pain was only increasing with every passing second. Phil wanted to make it stop, put an end to it already, and pull his hand away, but he needed to clean Dan up or the risk of infection would increase, and Phil just wasn't having that. Not for Dan. Dan had to live, and Phil would fight for Dan to be okay. Still, he was proud of his thief when he talked through the pain, grimacing and gasping from time to time. His words sent a particular warmth through Phil, and he let a smile began to blossom across his face.

"But you didn't even know that I loved you until you were out cold, and even then, I wasn't entirely certain you had heard me,” Phil pointed out. “I spoke so much to you, Dan, even after you opened your eyes, just trying to encourage you to keep moving, to save yourself. I didn't know if you could hear me, but it didn't matter. I just needed you to be strong for me, and you did. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that it worked, that my ‘I love you’ got through to you, that it gave you strength."

The tears pricked at Phil’s eyes again, but he ignored them as he sniffled, focusing his attention on Dan's wounds. He needed to make this better. Just a little more...

"Do you want to know a secret?" Phil asked, voice quiet. He glanced up at Dan, saw him biting his bottom lip, wincing away. "The moment I properly realized I was in love was in your cavern, in your home. You were showing off to me, willing to do anything to make me feel safe going through the tunnel, and then, without my prompting you again for my want of a precious item, you went and you got your family locket for me. When you held it out to me, it hit me that I was already a goner. All of the little things you'd done for me..."

Phil trailed off, pulling the wet fur away from Dan's skin.

"I'm proud to be the one who made the great King of Thieves fall in love."

Dan's eyes lit up further at the mention of the locket. His eyes darted naturally down to where it lay resting between Phil's collarbones, close to his heart, and it just felt so right. The locket was such an important part of Dan's past that seeing it in Phil's possession was just perfect. As if Phil was always carrying a piece of Dan with him.

"That's when I knew for certain, too," Dan murmured softly, eyes flickering back up to Phil's face as he dabbed at the wounds. Dan did his absolute best not to flinch, knowing Phil needed to do this, and Dan wasn't going to make it any harder for Phil than it had to be. So, he kept talking, saying things he knew Phil needed to hear now that they were so open with each other.

"That locket is my only family heirloom, though not quite as rich as your watch." Dan smiled a little, glancing to the band of silver still hanging on his wrist with the Lester family crest pressing against his skin. He sighed. “My family’s possessions will never stand up to yours, and I can steal you far finer things, but that… that locket, that’s my most prized possession. And now it’s yours, as it should be.”

Phil's eyes flicked up to Dan's as he spoke, surprised by the honesty in his expression and the fact that Dan had loved Phil for just as long. For all that they had gone through, all the discussions and fear they'd held in their hearts, they'd loved each other for far longer than any of that. Smiling softly, Phil continued to listen, reaching up to grasp his locket in his fingers as he looked at the watch on Dan's wrist, far more rich than Dan's family heirloom, but no more important. They were equal gifts, in Phil's mind, and his heart gave a tiny little lurch knowing that Dan had been comforted by Phil for far longer than Phil had realized.

"When you gave the watch to me, it was the first time I felt like I could belong,” Dan confessed. “I fell for you so gradually -- but I first realised how deep I was when your father suggested we come after the dragon together. I turned to you, asking if we could work together, and you just took my hands and said 'we can' like it was the easiest thing in the world." Dan shook his head, lips twitching as he smiled softly at Phil. "You made it sound so easy, and I trusted you. I think I always trusted you -- once I knew what sort of person you truly were."

Phil had meant those words so honestly when he'd spoken them, had truly believed that he and Dan could work together, had had no qualms or worries that things wouldn't work out, and it felt good to have that reflected back at him as something Dan had seen from Phil as well.

Chuckling a bit, Phil dunked the wet fur into his bowl of water one last time and left it there. "I think I always trusted you, too. The amount of times you could have killed me had you wanted to... I'd had my guard down around you since the day in the library, possibly even before that. I chased you around the kingdom, heard word of your deeds, and I didn't even flinch. I didn't agree with what you did, at the time, not fully understanding to the proper extent what good you were doing, but I didn't hate you or fear you for it anymore."

“Good to know you did hate and fear me at some point.” Dan managed a chuckle, resting his head back against the rocky wall of the cave behind him. “It’s weird, thinking back to that now - that there was a time when all I wanted was for you to fear me. Or to get your attention. I confess, a big part of all that was me trying to keep your eyes on me.” Dan smirked a little, knowing it pleased Phil to hear the truth of his intentions, even from so long ago.

Phil reached for the smaller bowl, then, chuckling at Dan’s admittance, and the two small containers of herbs for the poultice he’d have to smooth together, pouring an equal amount of both of them into the bowl the way he’d seen Brandon do, and then capped the two bottles and started to mix the substance together. Phil could only hope it was enough, and not too much mixture to cover Dan’s rather extensive wounds.

Dan watched him do so, neither man speaking for a moment, and Dan taking a moment to recover from the pain of having his wounds cleaned. He didn’t even want to look at them, knowing how much they hurt, and could only hope whatever medicine was in those herbs Phil was using would help him to heal quickly. They still had a mission to finish, after all, and Dan would not be the one to slow them down.

Once the mixture looked the same as Brandon’s did last night, Phil put down the stick he’d been using to mix it, and turned back to Dan, already reaching inside of the bowl to start spreading it into Dan’s skin. This was the part Phil had dreaded the most, the terror of having to touch Dan’s wounds setting his heart to racing.

Wanting to change the subject and distract them once again, Phil murmured a soft, “It took me by surprise… to hear of my uncle, that night.” It didn’t seem like the best time to finally talk about that unspoken issue, and yet, Phil stumbled forward blindly, figuring it was now or never.

Dan swallowed. He’d been expecting this question - and it was fitting now as ever, when they were already reminiscing. Phil deserved to know the truth, and Dan knew this, even as his heart rate picked up a little under his skin.

Hesitating with his fingers a breadth away from Dan’s skin, Phil looked up at him. “Are you ready?” he asked, unsure.

The way that Dan nodded, eyes wide and a little bit terrified, told him he knew Phil was asking if he was ready to have this conversation just as much as he was asking if he was ready to have the poultice applied.

Pressing his fingers delicately to Dan’s skin, and beginning to rub the mixture into his wounds, Phil started speaking again.

"It took me by surprise, hurt a little, even, but I had already promised I would never judge you for your past, and I never will. There are facets to you I don't know, things you haven’t told me, things you've done that would probably upset me, but, I trust you." Phil was as gentle as he could be as he slathered the mixture to Dan's side, grimacing when Dan whimpered and winced. He spoke on, hoping to distract Dan some, but also wanting to comfort him.

"Those things don't matter to me, not really. I want to hear about my uncle, I want to understand, but it's already forgiven. All of it. Everything you've ever done. I don't blame you for what the world has driven you to do, and I know you, Dan. I know your heart. When it comes right down to it, you’re nothing more than a kind soul. You've done all you've done to protect yourself, and maybe to get revenge as well, but even that came from a pure place,” Phil explained, hoping that Dan would understand, would hear the sincerity in Phil’s voice and believe it for what it was.

Dan was automatically going tense from the minute Phil mentioned his misdeeds. He didn't expect Phil to agree with his actions, had always thought this would be a major point of contention for them, but Phil was already saying he was forgiven. He didn’t even know the full details of what Dan had done, and he was already forgiving him. The amount of love in that action completely floored Dan.

He swallowed for a moment, completely speechless. Even the feeling of Phil dabbing poultice on his wounds couldn't jerk him out of his astonishment. He’d expected this conversation to be hard, to involve a lot of grovelling and a lot of Phil being angry, but this…

This was more than anything Dan could have hoped for, and far, far more than he deserved.

Dan took in a slow breath, opening his eyes to meet Phil’s gaze dead-on. This was the moment he knew he could be completely open with Phil, could release all of the secrets he'd been holding close to his chest for so long out of fear of judgement, and fear of rejection, and just… fear. Dan didn’t know how to be open, had never really learned how to share himself, and this was a tale he had never before told.

But now, Dan knew that Phil wouldn't judge him. And that gave him the strength he needed.

"I'm going to tell you everything," Dan said slowly, his eyes downcast as he watched Phil applying the poultice so carefully to his wounds. His Phil, who deserved the truth, finally.

"It starts at the beginning, but I'm also going to tell you why your uncle died. You just - you need to understand where I was when it happened, what had just happened to me. So, I'm going to start at the beginning,” Dan insisted, hoping that Phil would be just as patient with him telling this story as Dan had always been with Phil.

He already knew that Phil would be.

It was clear neither man could look at each other. Phil's heart was racing as he dabbed at Dan's wounds, scabbed over already but deep red along the edges. Dan was bruising along the entire left side of his body, and Phil focused on that rather than the lump in his throat and the tension in his body. He wanted to hear about his uncle, sure, but he was afraid. He was afraid of the pain, afraid to know what had happened, to have his heart break for Dan all over again, because he knew... he knew that Dan had not killed Phil's uncle out of empty malice. Something had happened.

Dan let out a slow breath, gathering himself. He was about to open a lot of old wounds, and unlock a part of his brain that he kept firmly tucked away from everything. He’d never truly expected to have to relive everything again, but with Phil, Dan knew he could be safe.

Dan chose a spot on the floor to stare at as he began speaking.

“I had a happy childhood, in the early days. You already know my father was a village healer, and we were fairly well-off, for our surroundings anyway. Our neighbours trusted us. My parents were a happy match, I think they truly loved each other. At least, from what I remember.” Dan’s mouth twisted a little bitterly. “Things started to go wrong fairly early.

“I had a little brother. He was born when I was five, but my mum - she died giving birth to him. So I don’t remember her much at all. And my brother, he was very sickly. I was left to watch him most days while my father went to work, and I used to sneak out and steal him things to make him happy, or at least to stop him from crying. Like the lion, the one I now know was yours.” Dan flicked a quick glance to Phil, who was avoiding looking at him.

Dan swallowed, glancing back down at his spot on the floor. “My brother loved that lion. And I’d tell him stories while I mixed his medicines, and I fed him and put him to bed and played with him. He was basically my whole world - my father, he didn’t do so well after my mum’s death. But I had my brother. We were still happy, as much as we could be.”

Dan stopped speaking for a moment, letting a lump gather in his throat. Although long-buried, these memories were still the rawest part of Dan’s experience. He kept them locked away for a reason, but… it was time. Time for Phil to know him, completely.

“My brother and I, we made our own little world.” Dan bit his inner cheek roughly. “Like I said, my father didn’t do too well after my mum’s death. I think he was heartbroken, he just sort of… wasted away. He was distant. It was difficult to get him to care about anything, me or my brother. He just lost himself in his work and sort of… left us to it, while he grew weaker and weaker. I wasn’t too surprised when he passed away a couple of years after my mum, and then my brother and I really were on our own.”

Dan took in another breath. “My brother was a toddler by then, but he couldn’t walk too well on his own. I used to leave him playing with his toys while I ran down to the market and stole what I could for us. The villagers couldn’t take us in, we were in a poor area. To the East of your kingdom, where your uncle has rule.” Dan’s eyes hardened a little. “I didn’t know at the time, but taxes were high and labour was cheap. No one had enough to live on, not really, but to me it seemed like everyone had just abandoned us. I was angry. But I had my brother to care for, and I knew how to steal well enough to get by without getting caught. We lived peacefully, for the most part. We were still happy, at least some of the time.”

Dan’s eyes hardened, and he grew tense, staring intently at the spot on the cave floor. “But then… then, my brother took a turn for the worse. He’d always been sickly, like I said, but this… this was worse. He stopped talking, he stopped walking at all, he would just lie in bed listlessly. I couldn’t get him to play anymore. I couldn’t get him to laugh. He just… he had this cough, and there was blood, and he wouldn’t eat. He was so light by the end that I could carry him in one arm.

“I did everything I could for him.” Dan was trembling, but he didn’t look away from his spot on the ground. “I spoke to everyone in the village, but no one knew what it was. My father would have, probably, but he - he’d never taught me his trade, I was too young when he passed. I did everything I could. Eventually, someone said maybe one of the royal healers would know what to do, so I packed all our stuff up, and I made a hoist for my brother, and I carried him all the way to the eastern court. The one where your uncle held reign.”

Dan’s expression was cold, his voice a low monotone. “It nearly killed us both, getting him there. He was getting worse so quickly, it was all I could do to get him to take two sips of water every day. It was a long journey, and I didn’t really know where I was going. I just followed the roads, and I lied and stole my way into the city, but… we made it. We got all the way to the eastern palace, and I looked around and saw all these riches. Finery greater than anything I’d seen in my entire life. I remember thinking, there must be so many people living here! To have all this wealth, there must be, because it didn’t make sense for just one family to have so much when my village had so little. Naive, I was, and stupid. That didn’t last long.

“I took us up to the palace gates, my brother on my back, and I knocked.” Dan clenched his jaw. “A guard answered. He laughed when he saw us. I asked him where the healers were, and he asked for my papers. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He said we had to have official papers to be allowed in, so I asked where to get them, and he said we needed our parents to sign them. I explained that we didn’t have any parents anymore, and he…” Dan took in a breath. “He said we had no chance, then. Unless we could pay. I asked how much. He laughed and said he doubted two scruffy orphans knew how to act in a court, and certainly couldn’t afford to see a royal healer. I got angry and started yelling, so he hit me and sent us away, said if he saw us again there’d be trouble.”

Dan’s jaw clicked. “I wasn’t going to give up, though. I found us a street corner where I set my brother down - he was getting worse, he wouldn’t wake up for more than a few minutes at a time - but I set him down and went stealing. Luckily I was already pretty good, so I broke into one of the richest houses I’d seen and stole a gem from them in the night. The next morning, I went back to the palace gates and showed it to the guard, stupidly. I was sure it would be enough to buy a healer for my brother. But, of course, the family had reported the missing gem that morning, and the guard took one look at it and threw me in jail. I begged them to let me go, told them about my sick brother, said I just needed a healer, but they wouldn’t listen.”

Dan’s hands were curled into fists by now, his nails digging into his palms. He was still refusing to look at Phil. “I was in your uncle’s palace. Even the jails were richer than anything I’d seen in a long time. I screamed and begged and kicked up enough of a fuss that I was sure they’d let me out, back to my brother, but to no avail. In the end, I had to wait until nightfall and then sneak out when one of the guards fell asleep. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t escaped, but I wasn’t about to hang around and find out. My brother needed me, after all. Only--”

Dan stopped speaking suddenly, the lump in his throat growing larger. His eyes stung, but he carried on anyway. “--Only, when I got out of the jail, it was dark and cold. The middle of winter. I fled back to the streets, ran to where I’d left my brother, and… and I was too late. He was cold by the time I got there. Wasn’t breathing anymore. His skin had started to turn blue.”

Dan bit his lip savagely, refusing to look at Phil. He waited a long moment, waited for the burning in his throat to die down a little more, before he dared attempting to speak again.

“I was twelve when my brother died. And I blamed your uncle completely. I was so sure that if I’d just managed to get my brother to a healer, to get someone to look at him - then he wouldn’t have died. If he’d had proper shelter, if I hadn’t had to leave him out on the street while I got thrown in jail - then maybe he wouldn’t have died. But he did. He was seven. What sort of place lets a seven year old child die?” Dan shook his head quickly. “I was so sure it was wicked, that your uncle was wicked. I blamed him completely. I… I was sure I could never forgive him. I swore I’d get revenge.”

Dan was still refusing to look at Phil as he continued.

"I was furious, after my brother died. It doesn't condone my actions at all, but I just wanted someone to pay. I turned to stealing then, properly, I mean. Losing my brother meant I had no family left, and I already had a few tricks up my sleeve, but I got serious. I was so determined to get my revenge. I stayed in that part of the country, learning my trade, learning how to fight, how to be strong. I stole from those richer than me, the wealth that made me sick when there was poverty all around me. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how - I was so consumed with anger, with my drive for revenge. And then... I ran into Chris. I saw him practicing his sorcery in the black market and thought, that, that's the worst kind of revenge. It had only been a few months since my brother died, I was still so angry."

It was difficult, the more Dan spoke, to focus. Phil's eyes were misty, his heart heavy. His uncle had never been a particularly good man. Sort of like Phil's brother, he had no understanding for the general populace. He had compassion, but he had no understanding, and thought little of the consequences of what he did. It didn't surprise Phil in the least to learn that his uncle had been, essentially, ignoring the suffering of his kingdom. What hurt him more, though, was the image of Dan’s brother, left out in the cold, because a guard had treated Dan like he was nothing...

Phil tried not to cry as Dan admitted that he'd wanted revenge. It was something Phil had seen coming, had known without a doubt would be the only reason Dan would have turned to such a gruesome curse, and yet it still hurt. Yes, Phil mourned for his uncle, but what hurt more was knowing that his kingdom, the society they encouraged, had failed Dan so much that a little boy could turn to revenge and murder and theft before anyone would invite him in as family. Dan had had to lose everyone he loved, the people given to him on this earth by birth, before he'd found a way to be loved and included.

The vast network of criminals, Phil had always known, were like a family. How could Phil ever blame Dan for turning to them for support?

It made sense, now. But Phil had always known it would.

Dan was still trembling, eyes hard, afraid to look up at Phil, not wanting to see pity in his eyes.

"I told Chris to curse him. Your uncle, I mean. Something slow and terrible. Chris agreed, for the right price, so I broke into another rich house and stole him a diamond. He promised to perform the curse. I stayed to see it come about, to see the way your uncle wasted away in death. The people asked who it was that had cursed him, and I spread word it was the King of Thieves. That’s when I first started using the title as my own.”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut. He bit his lip, and quietly continued, "...I won't lie and say I wasn't happy. I wanted your uncle to be gone, in the most painful way possible, like he'd stolen my family from me. I know it wasn't his fault, but I was a child desperate for someone to blame. Again, that doesn't excuse my actions." Dan glanced at Phil, then, slowly, trembling. "I'm sorry. I'm not - I'm not vindictive, normally. That night was the last time I called myself Daniel Howell. I took the title King of Thieves completely as my own, wore it as armour against the world. People feared me and I relished in that. I swore I'd never be so weak again, but you - you're showing me a different way. That being soft isn't being weak, that maybe justice is possible. And as much as I will always be a thief... I do regret that night. I don't think my family would be very happy, if they could see me now."

The words burrowed into Phil’s heart and left him breathless with heartbreak. How circumstance could lead someone to so much pain and sorrow that they turned to dark magic to find some kind of solace for what had happened to them… it was just… horrifying, and yet Phil understood it. Had he been in Dan’s place, he didn’t know what he would have done.

"I'd hug you right now if I thought I could without hurting you," Phil murmured, sniffling. He was crying, he was always fucking crying. The poultice was finally applied, and Phil needed to cover Dan's body with bandages again before infection could get in and settle into his wounds, but first --

Phil gripped tight to Dan's face and forced him to look at him.

"Regardless of what you’ve done in life, Dan, I'm certain that even your family could forgive you for it. You were twelve years old, with no family, and a stupid man in power who'd caused the poverty of your town, who’d taken away the last bit of your family because of -- because of greed, or -- or lack of understanding, or whatever, it hardly matters now. I just -- I know your family would applaud you for being so strong,” Phil reassured him, voice soft and sure and strong despite the tears clogging his throat. “Softness isn't weakness, no, but maybe then it was for you. You had to find a new family, find a new place in life to be safe. You had to make a name for yourself, become feared, so that you’d know you'd be okay, so that you could care for the other kids like your brother, so you could protect the poverty stricken, the orphans. And now, you can be Daniel Howell again, because you have a new family,” Phil said. “You have me."

Dan's heart was breaking all over again, cracking right open as he revealed all, but then healing straight back up with Phil's gentle words.

Phil had called him family.

Shock was Dan’s most prevalent emotion, because Phil was crying for him, forgiving him, and calling him family all in one perfect speech, as if he'd reached right into the depths of Dan's being and plucked out exactly the words he needed to hear. This was the last response Dan had been expecting when Phil finally learned what had happened back then, what Dan had done in his past.

But perhaps Dan still hadn’t given Phil enough credit. Of course Phil would see through all that, would see straight to the lost, lonely little boy Dan had been, who Dan still was.

Dan could feel himself healing, the old wounds he’d never allowed himself to see or feel slowly crumbling under the pressure of Phil's gentle touch.

Phil wanted him. Phil wanted to be his family.

Mortified, Dan could feel heat prickling at the back of his eyelids, a lump in his throat growing and burning with emotion. He blinked, and a few tears spilled through, and Dan allowed himself to properly cry for his family for the first time in years. He'd never let himself mourn, instead turning to anger and hate, but here was Phil, healing him all up again.

Dan had no words. He didn't care that Phil's fingers were sticky with the poultice, or that he still needed his bandages redone, or even that Phil was still covered in blood and crying himself; Dan needed him just then. He reached for Phil, not stopping even when his side ached and bruised and pulled with pain, reached for him until Dan could finally collapse into his embrace.

They were both crying, which made for a mess, but Dan didn't want anything other than Phil’s touch just then. He fell into Phil's hold, pressing his face against Phil's chest, and let himself cry for a moment. His shoulders shook, his entire body trembled with pain and shock and exhaustion, but he needed Phil just then.

When Dan collapsed into him, his arms having been reaching for Phil, Phil instantly reached out and caught him. He feared the pain this would cause Dan, but when he realized that Dan was crying, Dan was crying, he stopped caring, pressed Dan's face into his chest, and held onto him. Dan's shoulders shook under Phil's hold, but he knew it was from the crying and not pain, and Phil pressed one hand to the back of Dan's head to hold him close.

The last thing he ever wanted to do was let Dan go.

It seemed they'd broken a dam, because the two of them were an absolute mess wrapped up in each other like this. Phil wondered for a brief moment if Dan had ever let himself mourn for any of this, hoped that this would set him free, and cooed softly in his ear. He pressed kisses to the top of Dan's hair, rubbed at his back, and prayed he could hold Dan together. He wanted to be the person who could keep him going strong.

"I'm so sorry," Dan gasped when he could speak again. "I never - I never ever want you to lose your family over me again. That's why, when I saw the curse attacking Cornelia, and I knew you could be in danger as well -- I couldn't just stand by. I couldn't just let you lose anyone else to dark magic, not when I had a chance to stop it. It felt like maybe I finally had a way to make it right -- but I never even dared to imagine that I might get you along the way, as well.”

"Shh, shh, Dan, it's okay. Shh. I forgive you," Phil murmured sweetly, pressing more kisses to the top of his head. "You did make it right, but you didn't have to. The fact that you even wanted to was enough," he said, and sighed as he carded sticky fingers through Dan's hair. He wondered how much of a mess the two of them must have looked like to an outside viewer, and chuckled to himself at the thought. Phil, covered in blood, and Dan, a sticky damp mess with three huge cuts on his left side.

What a mess the two of them made.

"I love you, Daniel Howell,” Phil whispered, burying his face in Dan’s hair to whisper the words against the shell of his ear. “I love you, and nothing is ever going to change that, no matter what you've done in the past, or even whether you regret it or not,” he said, and pressed a kiss against Dan’s temple.

“You want to know why?” he asked, voice a gentle caress. “Because we're family now, and one day, one day soon... I am going to marry you, my King of Thieves,” he whispered, like it was a secret just between the two of them. For now, it was, and Phil was going to keep it that way.

Dan was his.

“You have done everything and more than anyone else in your situation would have ever done, Dan. So please, please… It's time that you forgave yourself."

Phil's words were like honey, and they settled sweetly over all of Dan's wounds, patching him up and holding him together just like Phil was holding him together in his arms, pressing sweet kisses to his hair and face. Dan stayed like that, pressed against Phil, until his sobs subsided a little and he could get control back over his trembling limbs.

Slowly, reluctantly, Dan drew back, only to meet Phil's gaze dead-on. "I love you too, Philip Lester," he murmured softly. "Whatever hardships might come, I love you too, and I'll always fight to be by your side." It was almost too much, the way the emotion was building in him. Dan was drowning, completely gone, but the blue of Phil's honest eyes held him in place.

Dan was so tired. He could feel it in his body, drowning his limbs, but he didn't want to sleep again just yet. His side was stinging and aching, and being in Phil's arms was the only thing that made it feel better, so he kept himself wrapped up as much as he could.

"Turned me proper soft, you have," Dan mumbled, nudging his face against Phil's shoulder to press a sleepy kiss there. He was fighting off exhaustion, not ready to let Phil go quite yet - or ever, really.

Dan was getting tired, Phil could see it on his face and in the way his words had slurred. The wound, the battle, the fighting and the emotional break down in Phils arms, it was taking its toll on Dan, that much was obvious. Phil had never seen his thief so weak before. It was still heartbreaking, and the worst of it was seeing Dan's tear tracks still fresh on his cheeks. Phil never wanted to see Dan cry again.

He reached up to wipe them away with the soft pads of his fingers, and then sighed as Dan nudged back into his shoulder, pressing soft kisses there. Phil liked that, and he rested his forehead on the top of Dan's head

After a moment, Dan started to make grabby hands for the fur washcloth Phil had left behind him in the bowl of water, not minding that Phil had yet to bandage him back up. He had a Phil to clean up. "C'mere. Need to get you all clean so you can cuddle me better."

It wasn't until Phil felt Dan moving about that he realized what he was doing, reaching for the fur washcloth Phil had long discarded, and mumbling something about taking care of Phil. Brow furrowing, Phil almost instantly shook his head no.

“Dan, no. I need to bandage you up,” he complained, pouting a bit as he pulled Dan away from him. “I can clean myself up while you rest. That’s more important right now,” he added, though he didn’t truly want to leave Dan’s arms anymore than Dan seemed to want to leave his.

The pain had faded some from Dan’s eyes, and Phil hoped that that meant the poultice had started working again. Tilting Dan’s chin up, Phil smiled sweetly at him. “I just need you to focus on getting better for me, okay?”

Dan grumbled when Phil stopped him from reaching for the washcloth, instead tilting his chin up with one hand and holding him in one place with the other. The slight pout to Phil's lips was adorable, and all Dan really wanted was to keep him close forever. Dan knew Phil hadn't looked after himself at all, though, and he wanted to rectify that no matter how tired he was.

"You can bandage me again when you're clean," Dan mumbled, trying and failing to get out of Phil's hold. Dan was too sleepy to do anything really serious, so he sagged down in Phil's hold after a minute and sniffed, staring down at the floor.

Watching Dan struggle with the desire to take care of Phil and try not to sleep was… highly amusing, to say the least. Phil couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips, couldn't help the laugh that bubbled in his chest, a nice relief to the lump of tears still sat trembling in his throat, and he caught Dan easily again when he fell into Phil's arms.

"S'pose I can let you take care of me for a bit," Dan said softly, allowing himself to sag a little further. "It's kinda nice. I'll get you back for it as soon as I'm better." And truthfully, it was amazing to have Phil holding him so gently and carefully, taking care of him, laughing with him. Dan was living for it.

"Yeah, I reckon you'll survive if you don't get to clean me up," Phil replied, laughing as he pressed a kiss to the side of Dan's head. "But I promise you can do whatever you like with me when you get better." Perhaps the sentiment was shared a little loosely, Phil's voice soft and scared, practically begging Dan to get better so Phil could have him back properly again.

“‘Course,” Dan mumbled in agreement. "Just, promise me you won't leave me alone? I don't expect you to stop cuddling me just because I've got a bit of a scratch on my side."

So maybe that was a bit of an understatement. Dan was needy when he was sick, it turned out, and he totally couldn't be blamed for wanting Phil touching him all the time.

Phil swallowed when Dan begged him to stay by his side, and laughed with a roll of his eyes. "It's a bit more than a scratch," he mumbled, reaching down to pet his hand down Dan's back. "But I promise I won't leave you alone. I promise I'll stay right here, and I'll hold you all night long. I'm not going anywhere, Daniel Howell. You're stuck with me now."

After tilting Dan's chin up once more for another gentle kiss, this time deeper and more passionate than any they'd shared all afternoon, filled with desperate relief on Phil's part, Phil scooted back to grab the bandage roll he’d left behind him, and began to cover Dan's body from armpit to hip once more. He bound the bandages tightly, but not too tightly, wrapping them around, and around, and around until Dan was nearly slumped over into Phil's shoulder from exhaustion alone, and then he finally tied them off and helped Dan to lay back down in the warm safety of their furs.

"I'll join you soon. Let me just… clean up a bit,” he promised in quiet reassurance, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Dan was already mostly asleep by the time Phil has finished bandaging him, so he had very little energy left to check that Phil was cleaning himself up properly. Perhaps it was time to trust in Phil properly though, as hard as that was for Dan, so he slumped down in the furs and allowed his heavy eyes to close, succumbing once again to sleep.

Unwilling to leave Dan's side for even a second to see just how bad his wounds were, Phil began to dab at what he knew was there; his hands, his head, even his face to a certain extent. Most of the blood on him was Dan's, Phil was certain, but he knew some of it was his as well, and there was a surprising amount that leaked out of the fur each time Phil dipped it in the bowl of water next to him. Still, he kept dabbing at his face and his hands, discarding his bloodied shirt after a moment to take care of his chest as well, and then sighed in relief as he seemed to get the majority of it.

Exhaustion was finally began to strike Phil, leaving him bleary eyed from all the strain his body had been put through in the last… twenty-four-ish hours. It was probably closer to twenty-six or something now, Phil didn’t know. All that he did know was that he’d probably missed quite a few of his larger wounds, but the ones he cared about were clean, and he wanted nothing more than sleep now.

Surely, none of his wounds needed wrapping, save maybe the one on his wrist, but that could wait. For now… Phil just wanted to sleep.

Crawling into bed alongside Dan, Phil reached a careful arm around his middle and drew him in close to his side, sighing as he finally got to bury his face into Dan’s hair and rest.

He fell asleep finally with tired eyes and a heart filled with hope for their future.

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