#jace malcom x satele shan

[sullustangin]

Fluffy February 2023 Recap

Mission success: I wrote something every day!  Some of it was short, some of it was elaborate.  Main link to the AO3 collection will be in the reblog later today.

1.  Hello  -- Theron Shan notices something strange going on at base (with hideous fanart!)

2.  Soft -- Theron snuggles with Eva Corolastor (smuggler oc) early in the morning, before he has to go...

3.  Anniversary -- Jace Malcom, a stickler for etiquette, arrives with an appropriate first anniversary present for Eva (and Theron). 

4. Starlight -- After finding Nok Drayen’s treasure, Eva takes Corso Riggs, Risha Drayen, and Bowdaar somewhere special to celebrate.

5. Amber -- Arcann seeks redemption in the form of Darth Marr’s lightsaber, with the help of Talos Drellik.  I’ve already decided I’m going to re-edit this for a larger work in the indeterminate future.  Cameo by Ramesses (Sith Warrior OC)

6.  Stretch -- Jace watches Satele Shan walk through her lightsaber katas as he drafts a critical sales pitch.

7. Cloak -- Jace deals with the crisis of the day, thanks to his brother, Kal Malcom.  I’m mentioned Kal in the past, but this is his first appearance as a character.  Let’s just say he’s different from his big brother.

8.  Callous -- Eva and Theron spend time together at the firing range.

9.  Breezy -- Rass Ordo talks with Torian Cadera and thinks about Mandalorians in love.  Then he meets Fria Whitcord (consular OC). 

10.  Thunder -- Athene Corolastor tends to Eva during her first thunderstorm.  Athene has been illusive as a narrative voice until now.  Instead of the ethereal, light figure she looks like, she’s definitely coming out with a harder edge than I anticipated.

11.  Immaculate -- Arcann goes to see his mother Senya Tirall for an important appointment.

12.  Shell -- Eva goes on her first mission with Theron after the carbonite freeze.  This is a heist fic, with background bickering from Lana Beniko and Koth Vortena.

13.  Pride -- As he holds their son Argento (Argo for short), Theron talks to Eva about the pitfalls of parental pride.  This does have some sad feels in there, but everyone is safe and happy here.

14.  Free Space:  Heartbeat -- Theron goes on his first mission since Ziost, guided through the guts of Zakuul by Marcus Trant.  He takes a detour to visit someone.  This is the long one of the bunch, at 1800+ words.

15.  Reward -- Things weren’t always bad with Darmas Pollaran.  A brief look at the beginning of the relationship between Eva and Darmas, right after Balmorra in Chapter 2.

16.  Glow -- A fluffy, slightly risque fic on Copero with Eva and Theron: they have plans.

17.  Blessed -- Corso gets to know Guss Tuno shortly after Hoth. 

18.  Glide -- Theron races in his first swoop competition in front of Jace, a fellow former swooper. 

19.  Loop -- Eva, Corso, and Hylo the cat arrive on Coruscant for the first time.

20.   Sink -- The state of a sink and the surrounding environs can reveal a lot about a person.  This seems to have been a favorite with readers. :)

21.   Tender -- For once, Lana gets hurt, and her friends are there for her. 

22.  Remember -- Eva experiences her first “Eternal Fleet Remembrance Day” with Theron.

23.  Crave -- Aric Jorgan catches Theron at the cantina at 0300, due to unforeseen happy circumstances.  This one has some CWs at the top.  

24.  Bubbly -- Day 2 of the ‘official’ Jace Malcom/Satele Shan relationship on Alderaan.

25.  Murmur -- Theron is greeted by Eva and their daughter, Dyominia, after an unexpected mission gone wrong.

26.  Joy -- Joy is a noisy house, according to Jace Malcom.  Cameo appearances by Kal, Theron, Eva, Argo, and Dyo.

27.  Blaze -- They who shoot together, stay together.  Or at least that’s Akaavi’s advice to Eva and Theron.

28.  Goodbye -- the silly-ass bordering-on-crackfic sequel to #5, starring Arcann, Koth, and Talos. 

@fluffyfebruary

[keldae]

People You'd Like to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @greyias -- thank you for the tag, lovely! <3

⟡ FAVE SHIPS ⟡

Gale x Tav

Theron Shan x Jedi Knight

Faramir x Eowyn

Jace Malcom x Satele Shan

⟡ LAST SONG ⟡

Antisocialist -- Asking Alexandria

⟡ LAST FILM ⟡

Ummmmm.... uhhh... shit, what WAS the last film I watched? I legit can't remember xD Maybe Star Wars: A New Hope?

⟡ CURRENTLY READING ⟡

On This Day In History Sh!t Went Down -- James Fell

⟡ CURRENTLY CRAVING ⟡

Sushi!

Finishing BG3... and starting a new playthrough with Devi. ;)

SWTOR story updates. date night with Theron when?

Bulmers cider... which I can't get in Canada dammit!

My next day off on Tuesday... BG3 all day, baby!

Updates on the awesome arts that will be coming my way from some FABULOUS artists! <3 (I got a WIP in my email today and squealed out loud at work... worth it!)

Tagging: @abysskeeper @iocainesmoothie @dingoat @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @inyri @nayci @captainderyn @starknstarwars @vihola and whoever else would like to be tagged!

[cinnabon-sith]

Theron and Lana Fake Engagement

So I made a joking post a while back that Lana and Theron would 100% get fake engaged just to piss off Theron’s parents, (which I still stand by) I imagine it going something like this:

- There’s a party held on a neutral planet for peace talks and everyone notable from The Alliance, The Empire, and The Republic are there. Nox is being a little shit but what else is new, Imperius is being the sweetest Sith Lord alive and is just trying to talk about artifacts. So overall the party is going better than anyone expected.

- Theron’s drinking with Lana when they spot Malcom. They see Malcom visibly uncomfortable with the relationships between Empire and Republic civilians and they get a horrible idea.

Theron: “Malcolm! wonderful party isn’t it?”

Malcolm: “Theron! Well this is certainly a surprise, and Lana is it? The one who got Theron tortured?”

Theron: “Dad I would appreciate if you would refrain from antagonizing my girlfriend too much.”

- With the silence that followed you could hear a pin drop. All eyes were on them in a mix of curiosity and disbelief, well all eyes except for the two cypher agents who one seemed to be giving the other credits for a bet. With a soft “I told you so...” (Nothing could probably phase them anymore.)

- Theron of course can absolutely not, not take the chance to be more extra so he gets down on one knee. Lana knows what he’s doing one second before the rest of the room does and almost bursts out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. However, the estranged son of the Grandmaster of the Jedi order doesn’t fake propose to you every day so when in Rome and all that.

Theron: “What do you say Beniko? It’s been 7 kriffing years wanna make this official?”

Lana: “Theron I-”

Theron: “I mean you don’t HAVE to if you don’t want to. I mean it’s really not a mandatory thing-”

Lana: “Will you shut up and let me accept your idiotic proposal Shan?”

- The two hugged and Lana whispered in his ear, “The ring is positively atrocious.” And that was the Lana he knew and loved. A little later they managed some time alone considering that they were “newly engaged”

Lana: “Out of curiosity do you carry a fake engagement ring with you everywhere?”

Theron: “Hey! I’ll have you know that I carry a REAL engagement ring everywhere for FAKE proposals.”

P.S: You know I didn’t expect this to be this long I’m so sorry! And on the off chance that anyone wants to make a fanfic go for it. (Yes I ship Theron and Lana if they aren’t paired with the outlander, but their friendship is just as cute so read it how you want, the world is your metaphorical oyster)

[andveryginger]

Fictober, Day 7: “When All is Said and Done”

Fandom: Star Wars: The Old Republic

Pairing: Jace Malcom/Satele Shan (Past) (and future?)

Warnings: None

Rating: G

“No worries, we still have time.”

A day late, and somewhat without context. My best guess is that they are discussing gathering evidence on Saresh in some branching AU that my brain has rolling in the background.

“Not to worry,” Satele said. “We still have time.”

Jace Malcom grimaced and his right hand rubbed the back of his neck. “Not as much as you think.” At her furrowed brow, he hesitated, sighing. “I… resigned my post.”

The former grand master blinked, the furrow in her brow deepening as she looked to the career military man. “You resigned your post?” Then her hand came to rest against his forearm, the surprise replaced by compassion, clearly expressed on her features. “Jace…”

“I hate the Empire as much as anyone,” he rumbled in his low baritone, “but even I recognize what’s at stake here. We can’t keep dividing our resources, fighting two different wars on two different fronts. They have armies of droids, and she insists on throwing our people at them, acting like they’re as disposable…” A heavy sigh escaped him and he shook his head. “I maintain my respect for the office of the Supreme Chancellor, but I could not continue to support Saresh.”

Satele stepped forward, replacing her right hand with her left, the right moving to smooth over the closely-cropped hair above his ear, sweeping down to the back of his neck. She knew how much this cost him. Her voice was soft as she spoke. “I’m sorry, Jace.”

Again he shook his head. “Don’t be.” His lips thinned as he looked down at her, his large hand cover her petite one on his forearm. “This is why you left, isn’t it? You were afraid I could turn into… that.”

“You’d given so much -- lost so much -- to the Sith,” she began, hesitantly. He could see her struggling to choose the right words. “And, without a Force connection to counterbalance the anger and grief, I was so afraid I would watch you fall over that precipice. I… knew I couldn’t watch that; knew I couldn’t let our son be dragged down, too.”

Jace felt his heart catch in his throat, understanding her meaning: She truly had cared for him, and couldn’t have stood by, watching him self-destruct. “After Alderaan, I was… struggling. I hated them -- Imperial soldiers and Sith alike -- with a strength I still can’t explain,” he confessed. “I’ve spent my whole life -- my entire career -- fighting the Empire and everything it represents. But after everything, there has to be a Republic to come home to. If we don’t focus on the larger threat… I see it may not survive.”

A long moment of silence stretched between them. Eventually, Satele looked up at him, remorse softening her gaze. “I’m sorry, Jace,” she said. “I… my judgement wasn’t fair to you. Or Theron.”

“It wasn’t. And I won’t pretend it didn’t hurt,” he said, “but it’s done -- and has been for a long time. We have other, larger issues to face.” He allowed a gentle smile to curve his lips and warming gold-hazel eyes. “Maybe, when all is said and done…”

Her own eyes traced his features as he allowed his sentence to trail off. In her expression, he could see the affection of old -- a hint of the wonder he once saw in a young Jedi knight as she looked on him. “Maybe,” she finally said. “When all is said and done.”

[pawsimses]

Some Winter art of Satele and Jace in time for Christmas (for me at least lol). Whatever you celebrate, happy holidays! 

I can’t draw either worth anything forgive me

[luke-biwalker]

30 Day SWTOR OC Challenge

Bonus Day: Free Day!

Is there anything about your character you wanted to say but didn’t? Their favorite outfit? A particular story? What inspired them? A favorite AU? Anything at all! It can be silly or serious, dark or fluffy! Your choice!

There are so many things I could say about Kai, if given the chance and motivation, but I’ve already made so many of these answers verging into tl;dr territory, so I’ll stick with a few things...

x. What inspired me to make Kai was my long time aversion to having male OCs, and among the small number I had, none of them were outright gay, all of them were bi. I also knew right away that I wanted him to eventually become romantically involved with Theron Shan. With that groundwork in mind, I was able to start working on other aspects of him. I have to say, I’ve come really far from the simple starting idea of ‘a male, gay OC’.

x. If Kai had a ‘theme song’, it would be Cid’s Theme from Final Fantasy VII. There’s a strong, militant resolve in that piece, and it’s perfect for him.

x. Though this happened unintentionally, Kai turned out to be an interesting parallel to his hero, Jace Malcom. Likewise, Nakai has become a parallel to Satele Shan, which lead to these two becoming sort of a second generation of their formidable partnership (minus the romance).

x. I want to thank so many people for reading and encouraging me on with this challenge. @readbythestarlight @daisytje @bleedingangel95, thank you all for the likes and kind words, you’re all the best! ♥

And thank you so much to @tahjan for making this challenge, giving me the opportunity to talk on and on about one of my absolutely favorite OCs I’ve made in recent years. Even after The Old Republic is no more, Star Wars as a whole is such an expansive series, I won’t be finished imagining his adventures in a galaxy far, far away for a very long time.

[sullustangin]

Flufftober 2022 Roundup Post

I managed more than 5 prompts, and given that I have had 5 academic presentations to write and present this month, along with my efforts to finish Yavin fic, I count this as a tiny win.  I’ll eventually archive these to the Shots and Chasers collected shorts fic; I don’t think I did enough to merit their own entry on AO3, compared to last year.

1.  Wearing Each Other’s Clothes: Koth/Lana

2. You’ve told your parents?:  Eva/Theron; Lana and Jace with Shan children

3.  Thick as Thieves:  Various Odessen personnel, with Theron coming in at the end with Eva

12.  You kept this?:  Eva/Theron.  @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond, I think your ask prompted a headcanon about perfume awhile ago, and here it is in fic form!

23.  POV Outsider:  Lana, with Eva/Theron and Shan Children, cameo by Jace

26.  Blankets:   Eva/Theron

31.  Sweet Treat:  Jace and Satele, pre-relationship.  I’ve been thinking about writing a series of brief one-shots about these two and their pre-romantic friendship...because when they broke up it, it just undid everything they’d had for 15 years of friendship since Korriban. 

@ermingarden, since I’ve been posting randomly at bizarre hours and you like fluff <3

[sullustangin]

Ziost

The Ziost Epistolary

Coruscant, 21 ATC/3632 BBY

Rating: T (mostly for PTSD and therapy)

Word Count: ~2000

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33228394

A now-empty water glass shattered against the tile backsplash of the kitchen sink.  

Theron regretted it the second he had done it.  Now he had to clean it up, because he was leaving forever tomorrow, and he had to avoid cutting himself.  And he wasn’t any less ---

She looked up at him. Will you let me in?  She knew.  She knew he was slipping right out of her hands.

Theron pressed the meaty part of his palms into his eye sockets to try to reset himself, taking a deep breath.  Normally, his way of coping with sudden anger was to revert back to his basic Jedi meditations that he’d learned as a child.

But those were the very things that made him want to tear his apartment into pieces – blast out the windows, throw his couch off his high rise’s balcony, and burn every stupid olive green t-shirt he owned (they were legion).

Ugh, another message from Jace was pushed through to his implants, because he’d tagged it high priority.

Are we still ok?

Yeah, of course.

The last words typed – not even said – to her.

Theron tried to refocus. Replay the events in his head, organize them, analyze them.  Don’t fight the feelings but keep a clear mind. 

Satele had finally read his Holonet message from almost two years ago.   He had sent it a year after she left Coruscant.  When he had started working with Frank….

His therapist, Frank.  SIS-approved to talk about confidential things.  But Theron reached out to them on his own; he didn’t want to talk about just SIS things.

No, she’d been the prompt. The realization he was a karking mess and Lana needed an operative in Coruscant that could do the work, physically and mentally --

Frank wore three-piece suits, and when Theron saw them once every two weeks, their nails had been done with some new design.  One could tell the season of the year and measure the passage of time with the precision of Frank’s manicures.

Frank had suggested exercises in epistolary to ‘speak’ to people he wanted to have conversations with but couldn’t.  

Theron’s brain jumped to why he had to clean up the glass now.  He was leaving tomorrow.   Forever.   Theron took his hands away from his eyes and stared around the apartment.  He had scrounged to save every bit of paycheck he could to get a downpayment together in less than a year when he joined SIS.  Now he was selling it. Shards of glass shouldn’t be part of that.  

As Theron picked up the large shards with careful, pincer-like movements, he remembered that he’d paid off the apartment by the time he was 28.  He didn’t know why he did that.  It wasn’t as if he lived there half the time until the Eternal Fleet Incident.

Theron dropped the glass into the trash bin and took a break before going after the smaller bits.  The swell of nausea came with the memories of still being suspended from SIS, helpless to do anything but listen to the subspace radio about the Incident….

He was still suspended from Ziost.  Ziost, where an entire planet of people plus Republic military and Jedi from the Sixth Line had been consumed by the Emperor.

Ziost, his fault.  His foolhardy last mission before the Eternal Fleet.

Frank’s voice mingled with hers.

Theron.  The Emperor was already there.  He already planned to consume all life.  

Theron pushed back. He knew the truth.  

I fed him. I made him stronger.  I made it all worse.  I brought people to him that did not need to die.  Their blood is on my hands.  How many families got letters because of me?  And only because of me?

Theron inspected his hands. No, no cuts from the glass.  Not yet.

Jace sent yet another obnoxious message.  

The glass was cleaned up without further incident.  No bleeding.

Inside was a different story.  Theron sat down on the couch and stared at Holonet notification in his head that had caused him to fling the glass in the first place.

Theron had sent Satele a message two years ago.

Satele had finally read his Holonet message, today.

On fucking Ziost.  

As if she wanted to hurt him.  But no, she was seemingly oblivious to his feelings.

And she didn’t answer him. There was no response.  The former Grand Master was perfectly capable, given that she was moving around the galaxy, from Yavin 4 to Zakuul and half-way back again.  Theron saw the pattern.  She was tracking the Emperor.  

That was more important than him.  It always had been, and he knew that.

Theron flexed his hands, as if testing the see if the skin would stretch or crack and bleed.

Frank’s voice was calm, without an ounce of judgment.  Did you find a way to stop the Emperor from consuming Ziost?  Even after the fact?

No.

Then what else could you have done?

I … don’t know.  I made it worse.

You may have made it worse, Theron.  Nobody will dispute that.  But what was happening on Ziost was already happening, according to your intel?

Yes.  

So if you had left it alone?

…Ziost would still be dust. …A difference of thousands, if the Republic hadn’t been involved.  Billions still would have died….but those thousands still COUNTED.  They mattered!  It’s my fault!

Theron remembered what had happened next.  The session was paused for awhile.  

In his mind, he heard a woman’s voice without Frank.  Yes, you played your part.  Saresh played a bigger part.  The Emperor played the biggest part of all.  We tried to fix it.

“No, you tried to fix it. I was useless.”  Theron said that out loud.  “You –”

Theron’s mind remembered what Frank said next. Do you know how many people are killed in non-alcohol-related speeder crashes in Coruscant every day?

Ziost was NOT –

But those people still have to live with fact they killed someone too.  They didn’t wake up with the hope of killing someone that day. Neither did you.  They may have made decisions that made the accident worse. They may have made decisions that made the accident less deadly than it could have been… but someone still died. They – and you – still have to live with what happened.  That’s the hard part.

Theron swallowed, his throat dry.  

If you could do it over…. Would you?

That had been a question on a different topic.

Let’s start this over again, without the broken glass.

Theron put a block on Jace’s peppering of messages for a few minutes, so he could think straight.

Theron had received a notification that a Holonet message he’d sent to Satele had been read.  Not answered. Just read.  On Ziost.  

That had set off intrusive thoughts about Ziost and the professional and personal consequences of it.

Theron was angry at Satele but not for ancient history.  He’d never been mad at her for that.  He understood duty.  

He was angry because of their last conversation before the Eternal Fleet, but after Ziost.  

I’ll do anything.  SIS is my life.  I can’t –

I understand.  I can’t speed up the process.  

…But?

….

Say it.   I need to get back.

Appearances matter to your superiors, especially after what happened on Ziost.  I know … Please don’t think I am ungrateful –

Say it.

…My advice would be to distance yourself from your asset.  Her reputation, her criminal background – I don’t think any association with her will be tolerated by SIS or by the Chancellor’s office.  I know she has helped the Republic.  I personally have seen that, but … the perception. It wouldn’t be forever – that would be unjust.  

Just… avoid her until I’m reinstated.  

Yes.  Only a few months, at most.  Time or another move by the Emperor will cause Ziost to fade in the public consciousness….

No.   It never faded for Theron, public be damned.

He took Satele’s advice for the sake of his career.  For the Republic.

Then Eternal Fleet. Eva was missing.

He was angry because Satele had left without a word to him.  She’d cleared out her apartment on Coruscant and was gone.  Out of his life again, by her own choice.  She left him without notice.  She didn’t even answer his Holonet message. It had taken him so long to work up the nerve to write her.

And her last conversation with him had been to advise him to avoid Eva the criminal.  Eva the smuggler, who had refused to abandon him on Ziost.

I’m going to save the galaxy for you.  For free.

She refused to sell him out to Saresh.

For you. For free.

She came back for him.

For you.

He turned her away.  

Then Theron thought Eva was dead.  He spiraled. Then Lana delivered intel.  She wasn’t dead.  Captured.  Imprisoned. Unwillingly sleeping.  

Satele had left him.

Eva had been taken from him.

And now –

I’m here because…  I failed the Republic on Ziost.  But I also failed someone in my personal life.  …why does something so small, so insignificant in comparison to Ziost hurt so much?

Sentients are all about the immediate.  Sure, some of us think of the big picture, the greater good some of the time.  Most of the time, in the case of the Jedi. But that can be abstract; what hurts us and heals us more are smaller things, things that are more personal to us, more local.  Just one person can be so dense in meaning and value to us.

It’s selfish.

Do you feel selfish about grieving –

She’s not dead.

…Do you feel selfish because you think of someone other than your job, your duties, or Ziost during your waking hours?

He didn’t answer that.

Did you think she was a selfish person?

Stars, no, she – she always thought of me.  Tried to help me.  She didn’t… give up.

You said she was always thinking of you.  If that is not selfish, then why do you think you are selfish for thinking about her?  

…..That’s what I wanted to talk about. Why I’m here.  Because… I think that way.  I… made decisions that I – I don’t know.  She – she’s a POW. I can’t move on. I wasn’t moving on even when I thought she was dead.

Do you want to?

…..

If you could do it over…. Would you?

I’m here because I want to do it over again. With her.

And now he was going.

Theron’s mind cleared. He’d worked through it, with a loss of a glass, but he’d made it.  

Theron had sold his apartment.  He was going off the grid.  Then, at some point in the next six, seven months, he’d go to Odessen, the home of a resistance movement yet to fully manifest.

If everything went well, Lana would meet him there… with Eva.  If the rescue was a success.

Another message from Jace.   Theron shook his head at his bio parents.  It was either one extreme or the other.

Theron,

I know I said things I shouldn’t have to you.  But your girl – she’s been gone since Eternal Fleet.  It’s a legal technicality that she hasn’t been declared dead.  You’re thinking you can save her – you can’t.  The loss of your friends at SIS, the promo to assistant director...  they asked way too much of you. 

I know it hasn’t been easy for you, with that and Ziost and your mom. You said you got the therapist voluntarily, but I know how SIS works. They aren’t looking out for you.  You need a break; you don’t need to leave.  SpecForce needs its own intel branch...

Theron, don’t leave Coruscant.  Please. Let me help.  We’ll find someone that isn’t on the SIS payroll and keep your career on track.  Don’t blow that pension you’re due.

Comm me, please.

J.

Theron didn’t let his implants mark the message as ‘read.’  Not yet.  He knew where he wanted to go and who he wanted to work for. It wasn’t for a Republic that had knuckled under.  It wasn’t for a corrupt state that had puppets for chancellors.  The pension didn’t matter to him.

Theron was going to fight the Eternal Empire.  If everything worked out, Eva would be the figurehead of the rebellion.  Who better than the Outlander?  Lana had called it the greatest con job in the galaxy…she’d like that.  

And if everything worked out…

Through his implants, Theron scanned the seemingly endless list of unsent letters in his draft folder.

I love  –

No, way too strong to wake her up with.  Stars.

I’m an idiot –

…this was going to take a few more drafts.

I still owe you a weekend in Coruscant, so whenever you’re available after we defeat –

…. a LOT more drafts.

But he needed to get to sleep.  Theron reached out to his holo comm and activated a letter of sorts that he had received over four years ago now.  

A familiar figure flickered to life as he laid down on his couch for the last time.

Theron,

If you’re listening to this, I assume something has happened to me.  Or maybe we’re listening to this together because we’ve just reached a certain point.  I don’t know. Smugglers and spies aren’t known for their longevity, but we’re both gamblers at heart;  and what’s a little thing like the law between friends?

I want you to know –

Theron was already asleep.

He was on his first freighter under a new name by dawn.

Author’s Note:  It’s not the most sexy headcanon to send a character to therapy...but Ziost and all of the fallout would do it. I’ve also imagined that because of the Eternal Empire, many SIS agents would be sidelined or killed.  This would result in Theron’s sudden and rapid ascent upward as one of a few men Trant can count on; even with Ziost, Theron was considered by Trant to be one of his best agents.  There are a few other factors that lead Theron into therapy and defection, but this piece focuses on Ziost and the decisions made afterwards... I’ll probably develop this further in the future.  This is Theron’s last night in the Republic, and I’ve tried to provide perspective as to why he was hung up on a smuggler Outlander.

Jace totally said things about being a traitor and other insults in regard to leaving the Republic...but his bigger concern is Theron saying and doing all this after how devoted he was to the Republic.  Jace seriously thinks Theron has cracked and he’s going off into the night mentally unstable.  He’s terrified for Theron and angry at the government -- and the two feelings sometimes get confused about their targets.  If you want to find out what Jace did next, read Fathers and Son, which is a fic about Jace and Trant having brunch. 

Thanks to @swtorpadawan who posted the lore notes about Satele’s travels... and when and where she read her mail from Theron...

[andveryginger]

Snippet: Years in the Making (Pt. 3)

Scenes from Alderaan, featuring Jace, Satele, Theron, and Annya. Follows somewhere after KotET, completely ignoring Iokath. For reasons.

Posted sans beta.

Blink-and-you-miss-it-angst and tooth-rotting fluff.

She was almost back to her guest quarters when the murmur of voices ahead drew her focus from the backlog of messages. Looking up, she found her son, Theron, and his fiancee, Commander Emrys, hand-in-hand as they made their way farther down the corridor. They paused before the door to their quarters and he tugged on their joined hands. Annya drifted toward him, reeled closer. There were smiles and laughter; silent promises along their bond she was glad she couldn’t hear. Kissing her, holding her to him, he nudged her backward: left foot, right foot -- they shuffled in sync over the threshold, as though in a waltz.

The door closed behind them and Satele could feel heat rushing to her cheeks. Embarrassment warred with exasperation, frustration, and relief for her attention. She wanted so much to see her son happy. It was clear that he very much was, a relief after the dark days of the Commander’s initial disappearance. She’d worried about him then, plunging head-first into some of the most dangerous operations Marcus offered him. He disappeared for months on end with barely an acknowledgment to herself or his father. Whether he was running from his problems or seeking the solitude to work through them, she would never know.

When he left SIS a short time later, rumors circulated within the community. First, hearsay tied him to Sith Intelligence, then the growing, third-party opposition to the Eternal Empire. It was clear now that had been The Rescue -- when he, Lana Beniko, and their co-conspirators had liberated the Commander from her carbonite prison on Zakuul. At the time, however, it had appeared her son had completely lost himself in his grief.

Continuing toward her own room, Satele frowned. She recognized the ripple of frustration that surfaced, the crease in her brow deepening as her door slid open. Still the Grand Master at the time, she hadn’t even recognized how close Theron and Master Emrys had grown as they chased shadows of her ancestor. Had she really been that blind?

She sighed. She knew the answer: She hadn’t been blind; she had simply been unwilling to see. She had deluded herself into believing Annya Emrys a Jedi after her own heart -- to have turned from the ties of her family and her past, and emerge as an exemplar of the order. Seeing them on Odessen afterward, then, the way their Force signatures intertwined… it had been eye-opening, to say the least.

She’d had a bond with her masters, of course, one designed to help convey the complexities of a Jedi education. There had been respect, friendship; privacy when it was needed. Had she raised him, she might have even shared a similar connection with Theron. As it was, he kept his distance, their connection a soft echo of what it could have been.

Satele lay her datapad on the nightstand, lowering herself to sit on the edge of the bed. Theron’s bond with his future wife was quite different. She could sense their combined strength; saw their silent communication and the way they moved together, anticipating, rather than reacting. While she did not care to know the more intimate details regarding their relationship, she did wonder what was it like to have that connection with someone you loved? To share such moments so clearly, conveying the emotions and sensations?

Her hand trailed absently over the side Jace had slept on only a few hours before. She wished so much she could share herself in that way with him -- to share the warmth and the light and the joy that was the Force and her connection to it, especially as she revelled in her connection to him. His Force blindness, however, precluded any chance of that. Still, she couldn’t regret it. She loved him -- had always loved him -- and would, in just a few hours, become his wife. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. That would be more than enough for her.

[andveryginger]

Snippet: Years in the Making (Pt. 2)

It would appear the muses aren’t done with Jace, Satele, Ahn, Theron, or Alderaan. Falls somewhere after KotET. And if you think I’m ignoring Iokath, you’d be right.

Posted sans beta.

Jace stood from the breakfast table as she did, dark hazel eyes offering a smile even as his hand came to cradle her elbow. His attention darted to the Organa staff fluttering around them, avoiding his gaze as they cleared remnants of their meal from the table. He then resumed focus on the Jedi before him. “I suppose this is where we part ways,” he said. His voice, a low rumble at the best of times, softened considerably.

Satele stepped close and placed her hand flat against his chest. She could feel the warmth radiating from his chest, the steady rise and fall of his breath, the hard muscle lurking beneath his casual shirt. It was familiar and yet foreign; an intimacy with which she was only now reacquainting herself. She allowed an answering smile to spread slowly across her features, blue eyes creasing at the corners. “I suppose it is,” she replied. She gestured with the datapad in her other hand. “I have some messages I should see to before the ceremony. I rather imagine we’ll be too preoccupied to deal with them later.”

“I hope so.”

His smile had slipped sideways and Satele blushed. “That wasn’t --”

“Quite what you meant?”

The Jedi shook her head. “No,” she replied, chuckling. “I was -- for the moment -- thinking about the reception… though I’m sure that will be distracting, too.”

Satele felt his laugh resonate through his chest. “It is my sincere hope, Master Jedi.” He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, drawing out the connection a few precious seconds. “I’ll be joining Brant on the range for a while. He thought it might be good to… work off some nervous energy. I can’t disagree.”

“The great Supreme Commander? Nervous?” she teased.

His expression sobered, his eyes glinting with affection and sincerity… with a flicker of regret he couldn’t quite hide. “In a few hours, we’ll go, stand before our friends, family -- our son -- and take vows I never thought we’d exchange.” Jace paused, swallowing. The cartilage at his throat bobbed with the effort. “It’s a humbling thought.”

“It is.” The former Grand Master reached up, tracing her fingertips over the scars that marked the left side of his face. “We’ve stayed in each other’s orbit all these years, and now here we are. I can’t shake the feeling that there’s a reason for that.” She felt the sting of tears as her throat tightened. “Thank you, Jace -- for your forgiveness, your patience… For not giving up on me.”

Reaching up, Jace took her hand in his, drawing her palm to his lips. He then brought their joined hands to rest against his chest. “None of that today,” he said. “Today we move forward.”

“So we do.” Satele leaned forward, kissing the back of his hand. “Go -- work that energy off on some defenseless targets while I answer messages and contemplate the nature of the universe.” She smiled up at him. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

The Supreme Commander chuckled and delivered a kiss to her forehead. “See you then.” With a quick squeeze of her hand, he released her and headed for the exit. Satele herself followed only a few steps behind.

[sullustangin]

Fearful Avoidant Attachment and the Single Spy

Caveat:  I’m not a counselor of any sort, and I’m applying labels to fictional characters.  Don’t take this too seriously.

This post has been kicking around in different forms in my prompt document for awhile.  I will start posting my Yavin fic this weekend.  A major element of this fic will be the dynamic between Theron and the playable character/love interest.  Their interactions will be informed by how I view his attachments. I’ve put some of this into the fic series already.

“Attachment” in the Star Wars universe is the idea, according to George Lucas, that Jedi should love everyone but not get attached.  “Attached” in this context is possession, greed, being willing to do things for individuals rather than the greater good, and ultimately the fear of loss.  Attachment is a negative concept in Jedi philosophy.

However, I would argue that while this philosophy is in the back of Theron’s head, Jedi attachment concepts are not what makes Theron’s personal life messy.  It’s the personal context surrounding that teaching and his life events that shape this.  So let’s look at real life attachment theory. 

In its most basic form, attachment theory is the idea that children need to develop a positive relationship with a caregiver to turn out ok. If the child is neglected, then they will have problems forming healthy attachments to others.   There’s a lot of caveats to this theory.  Some put the threshold of ‘must have positive relationship by x age’ to age 2 or age 5.  Others state that this is problematic, because if a child loses their caregiver and passes into the hands of a less affectionate or downright abusive caregiver, then their positive attachment formation by age x doesn’t count for much.

There are several different types of attachment that a person can have.  A secure attachment is what most healthy relationships are rooted in. People feel safe and secure within themselves and within the relationship. Jedi can be attached in this fashion, even if they don’t call it this; the Jedi have orderly boundaries and a clear understanding of what their associations entail. They have care systems for younglings and padawans, which were like pre-modern apprenticeships.   They are secure within themselves as Jedi and in their relationships outside the order.  They are at peace.

An insecure attachment has a flaw in it; something is wrong in how the person relates to themselves and others in relationships, platonic, romantic or otherwise.  One type is dismissive or avoidant; the attachments are actively avoided, so the person is often isolated and rejects others and their friendly overtures.  Another type is anxious or preoccupied; people tend to get very clingy or possessive with anyone they latch onto, which can cause the relationship to self-destruct (hi, Anakin).

Then there is fearful avoidant attachment, the label I think fits Theron Shan, our favorite high-quality spy and absolute emotional disaster.  In theory, Theron tries to avoid deep emotional attachments because he’s scared of being left behind or not having those attachments reciprocated. At the same time, he desperately wants those attachments and relationships, but the potential of failure makes him avoid or even sabotage the relationship.  That results in an on-going war between Theron and his feelings. To quote Psychalive, “the person [he wants] to go to for safety is the same person [he is] frightened to be close to. As a result, [he has] no organized strategy for getting [his] needs met by others.”

Why does Theron have attachment issues?

Some accuse Satele Shan or Jace Malcom of being “bad parents.”  There’s a problem with this premise: although there is a biological relationship, neither Satele nor Jace had a parent-child relationship with Theron. Jace didn’t even know Theron existed until the child was 26, so he couldn’t act in any capacity.  Satele gave Theron up to be raised by someone else; she opted out of the role of mother and did not talk to him as mother-and-son until Theron was 26.  There isn’t an abusive or neglectful relationship here because there isn’t a relationship, period.  Much like romantic relationships, it’s better to have no relationship than a bad one. Jace and Satele didn’t raise Theron.  They were strangers to him until he was an adult.  They were never his caretakers.  Who did Theron have attachments to?

Theron was raised by a Jedi named Ngani Zho, who had been Satele Shan’s master when she was a padawan. After Satele gave birth in a cave on some planet, Zho took the child and raised him as his own son.  This was irregular, honestly.  Jedi younglings that express some sort of control over the Force are typically put into a creche at the Jedi Temple; we’ve seen this in the Star Wars prequel films.  Guss Tuno references this in SWTOR, as he was chagrinned to be in class with a bunch of five-year-olds in bathrobes.  Theron was raised by Zho directly and they were constantly traveling, based upon comments we read in The Lost Suns comic and in the novel Annihilation. Theron never entered the creche because he never manifested signs he was Force-sensitive – not even a little like Guss.

Zho traveled with Theron until the boy was an adolescent. Then, Theron was told by Zho to travel to the Jedi Temple at Haashimut to receive more training; he could do no more for him.  The trip through a desert nearly killed the boy.  When Theron had recovered, it fell to Master Till’in to tell him he would not be a Jedi.  Ever.  

Instead of telling Theron or notifying Satele about the boy’s lack of Force aptitude, Zho sent him onward and then disappeared.  There is no indication that Zho told anyone where he was going or why.  When Theron met Zho again at age 23, the Master’s mind was scrambled and confused; he couldn’t give any answers to Theron about anything.  Was there a mission he had been set on?  Or did he just wander off on his own?

For storytelling purposes, it’s convenient to pair Zho’s departure with the aftermath of the Treaty of Coruscant.  In the year Theron turned 13 (3653 BBY), the Great Galactic War ended with the Treaty of Coruscant, wherein the Sith Empire enforced demands on the Republic.  The Sith won. Zho leaving could be tied to this (through a mission or quixotic urge), but the source material isn’t clear on the timing.  

Theron’s life suddenly became very uncertain.  His entire life had been built up to becoming a Jedi.  To some extent, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, Theron probably felt like he was a failure.  We know he tried to fix this; in The Lost Suns, he acknowledged pursuing access to the Force through the Matukai Force tradition – being an ascetic. In Annihilation, he recalled and took particular umbrage at the “arrogance” of the Jedi – those that made him feel like any other path was second (or third or less)-best. This diminished over time, but the revelation about his lack of Force Sensitivity probably left Theron feeling very insecure about himself and who he was as an adolescent/young teen.

In terms of his relationships, Zho was gone with no forwarding address.  The man Theron called his father was no longer reachable, and for another ten years, there would be no closure as to what happened to him.  Zho had actively endangered Theron by sending him through a desert to Haashimut.  Did he gamble that the boy’s Force Sensitivity would manifest in a life-threatening crisis or something?  Who knows? Theron never went into the Jedi creche, so he didn’t have close peers or friends beyond pen pals at best.  Theron had not spoken to his bio parents at all to this point, and he probably didn’t know many (if any) non-Force Sensitive kids.  With his expulsion from Jedi society, Theron’s entire relationship network was gone.

This is important to understand -- Theron had been raised to not have attachments that would lead to selfishness or fear of loss, but he was raised to be able to love and care for others.  He lived in a structure that fostered good psychological attachments (secure attachments) to the order and to his fellow sentients without possessiveness or jealousy. Theron knew his mother gave him up. He knew one day Zho would give his care over to another Master.  He knew one day, he would leave the Temple to go out into the galaxy.   Theron knew how the galaxy worked and his role in it...

..and then it was torn away from him.  No more masters, no more knowledge of what came next, no way to ever work with his mother as a Jedi.  His life to that point had been an illusion -- he was never able to access the Force, and Zho knew it.  This left Theron as insecurely attached, as nothing that he anticipated for his life would ever happen, and he knew nobody that would accompany him into this new life. 

External to all this, the Republic Theron was raised to serve was on the losing end of war.  How the galaxy worked, as far as Theron knew to that point, was going to change.  After Till’in told Theron the truth, all we know is that he spent some time in Haashimut before going elsewhere. We the viewer have no idea what happened to Theron from adolescence until he was 16, when he entered SIS per Annihilation.  This may be a canon math/timing error, or it could be reasonable; Theron might have been able to get permission to join a government organization at 16.  If Theron was in foster care or a ward of the state or something else, whoever was involved didn’t make an impact worthy of mention thus far in SWTOR canon.

Theron described Zho in The Lost Suns as “never reliable.”  That was a 23-year-old looking back.  Yet, he referred to him as his father in Annihilation three years later, and even eight years later in SWTOR: KotFE, he mentions that “Master Zho would be proud.”  This seems contradictory.  Additionally, in both The Lost Suns and Annihilation, SIS Director Marcus Trant expressed concern about Theron and his issues.  Theron was a workaholic.  Being a workaholic is actually a sign of having attachment issues; a person attaches themselves to work, not people   Theron expressed desires to run away, go on vacation, and do new stuff… but he never did these things – couldn’t get away from the job.

Attachment theory states that a child has difficulty with attachments if they are abused or somehow neglected by their caretaker. The desert march definitely strikes me as falling into one of those categories, but again, Zho’s logic isn’t readily offered up to the viewer, nor are many details about Theron’s life as a traveling youngling.  That all said, Zho’s traumatic departure probably caused attachment issues that had no other herald.

Why do the labels “fearful” and “avoidant” fit Theron?

Theron Shan as the player met him in Forged Alliance SWTOR was a professional.  Flirting was ignored, mildly acknowledged, or, rarely, fully reciprocated. There was no physical contact between Theron and his asset. This doesn’t seem off or irregular until his romance is compared to that of Lana Beniko. She didn’t have the same issues expressing affection for her asset on Imp side; she touched their face and gave them a hug by the time the spies went under deep cover after Rakata Prime. Even if the player did not romance Lana, Lana herself was keen to make a team and bust open the conspiracy; she wasn’t as willing to go it alone.  

Avoidant people tend to refrain from contact, and they like being independent.  They don’t do well in teams.  Sound familiar?  Fearful avoidants also have the concern that they will fail their partner or that their partner will fail them.  If the player was Imp side, Theron was a jerk well into the Rishi storyline.  Eventually, Theron did come around.  His dialogue and follow-up letter reflect the fact that he actually did want these connections and attachments.  He enjoyed the time he had with the player.  

This is particularly pronounced if Theron was romanced by the player on Rishi and Yavin; first physical contact occurred on Rishi with a kiss.  If the player was Pubside, the fade-to-black and his comments on Yavin indicate they had sex.  Those episodes of affection, paired with the Pub post-Yavin letter and dialogue, really emphasize the connection that was formed.  Interestingly, Theron did not get a fade-to-black with the Imperial player. One might argue that he knew they were going to leave him, and so he couldn’t –wouldn’t—get attached.

…. And then Ziost happened. Theron refused to ask for help. He didn’t want to depend on that attachment.  He was distant on Ziost, regardless of how far the relationship went, and if Pubside, he declined a drink afterwards.

Whatever transpired between Ziost and the Eternal Fleet Incident, it’s clear that a romanced Theron and the player never defined their relationship.  There were certain boundaries that never were crossed.  He’d “like to think” the player is dreaming of him, but he didn’t want to presume.  Even after Theron got into a romantic relationship on Odessen, he still struggled with his ability to be attached, as evidence by his letters and expressions of affection and concern throughout the KotFE/KotET expansions.  

One might argue that the traitor element of the Nathema Conspiracy was partially caused by Theron’s attachment issues: his independent streak, his inability to ask for help, his lack of faith in others to do the job right (not telling anyone the truth), his lack of faith in himself (his willingness to understand why the player might dump/exile him). If romanced, he gave one of his Holonet messages the subject line “I love you,” but even then, he did not clue the player into his self-made mission.  Certainly, the Nathema Conspiracy happens because of Theron’s desperate desire to save the galaxy and the player at any cost – including the relationship itself and his life.

For those who let Theron live, the attachment issues have faded as Theron has gotten engaged/married and/or reformed a relationship with his bio parents… or the writers have moved on from Lana and Theron as companions.  Regardless, we have to keep in mind that Theron is closing in on 40, and he has grown as a character since he first appeared in Star Wars media at age 23 (baby and adolescent only in flashbacks).  His issues with his relationships, the Jedi, the Republic, and his bio parents have changed over the course of 17 years.  In the last story patch, people who have romanced Theron received letters from both Theron and his mother about how good the player is for him, and it’s very satisfying to see how far he has come.

How does this label of ‘fearful avoidant’ manifest in your fanworks?

Since not everyone is into fic, I’ll drop this behind a cut. 

Basically, my version of Theron wants love but is terrified of all the feelings and closeness that come with it.  When people get close, he draws away, but still wants them to be close.  Theron has had good relationships, but if it gets too serious, he runs.  That’s the case for his last major relationship prior to my oc; his Mirialan girlfriend was drawing a tattoo to mark their relationship, and she wanted him to meet the parents. Theron noped out of there pretty hard by taking a long mission off Coruscant and sort of forgetting to tell her.  There are several times where he takes a big step with Eva (my oc)– disclosure, physical intimacy, caring for her or letting her care for him – and then he just doesn’t contact her for the next few days.  He dives into work to avoid her.  Toward the end of their initial relationship, that will turn into weeks and months.  He is freaked out when he does things with her that are intimate, sexual or not.  He has a lot of fear that he will be left again, so he leaves first. 

Theron also sets up a lot of rules and boundaries that the partner has to dance around to get in.  After 300,000 words, I just completed a slow burn with the Rishi kiss, because Theron wouldn’t get involved with Eva until after the op to expose the conspiracy was over.  There will be more rules once they get to Yavin.  

When I was doing research on this, I read a clinical study that found that people with avoidant attachment issues are particularly fastidious about safe sex.  They don’t want attachments to their lovers in the form of a disease or a child.  Anxious attachments tend to eschew this and take the risk so they can be bound to someone. This is part of why I gave Theron a male birth control implant, but there will also be reference to his back-up (condoms) and back-up back-up (PreP) to ensure there aren’t any adverse consequences for him.

Theron is often alone, but that doesn’t make him lonely by default.  In part, that might be due to his avoidance of attachments.  Dude can pick up people at a bar and get laid. Theron isn’t adverse to sex, just intimacy.  He can find someone to hook up, but that doesn’t mean there is anything beyond sex attached to it.  Theron can and does get dates, and he can have relationships ... but that doesn’t mean he can make a healthy connection to the other person.  I think his issues are more emotional/internal than they are caused by not getting enough physical contact or affection from others.  People want to love him.  People reach out to him to be friends or have a relationship.  He just doesn’t want it; he avoids it.  I imagine that this is partly the case with Jace and his SIS coworkers.

The last fearful avoidant feature I’ll give Theron in my series is the tendency to idealize relationships after they’re dead and over. When the relationship is no longer available, it is held up and made glorious, partially to enable the person not to pursue a different relationship; it’ll never be as good, so why try?  This also calls in the tendency for fearful avoidants to fear not only screwing up the relationship themselves, but that others won’t live up to their expectations. Theron is a mess after the Eternal Fleet incident and never moves on from Eva.  It’s reasonable when he thinks she’s alive, but for a good two years, he thinks she’s dead… and he can’t.  With anyone else.

Unlike the game, I eventually send Theron to a therapist to deal with the fearful avoidant attachment issues.  I figure if I’m going to give a fictional character a real-world label, I need to give him a real-world solution that might work.