#janswersask

[rin-and-jade]

is it normal for headmates to disappear when not thinking of them and suddenly reappear when one does? it kind of feels like i’m forcing them into existence although they assure that i’m not

It’s very normal for people to respond to their name. In this instance, it would be more commonly referred to as a “trigger”, though I’ve found this suggests things that aren’t true. Triggers can be as fragile as a nickname, or as strong and violent as a reminder of their past. Headmates are people, but they also have purposes. It’s more than likely that your headmates have no social/fronting purposes, but are there for comfort or whatever else you need when you call them.

- Seraphim

[rin-and-jade]

Hey 😥

A questioning system, a year into it.

I wanted to ask stuff, since I'm too scared to ask people who I'm close to or who have any semblance of a perception of me. I havent seen everything posted so idk if things are covered or not already.

1) How do I know for certain that it's DID/OSDD and not a mix of ADHD and CPTSD? I always deny it, I never let anyone have the idea I'm parts instead of a whole single unit, but I constantly live in secret like I am parts, that they're distinct and different, even if it feels like the actual distinction isn't really clear :( I know I dissociate. I know I have trauma. I know I have amnesia, atleast some—idk if switch amnesia because there's maybe only a couple instances I remember that were like that? Minimal if any.

But then it's the self states thing, the markedly different identities. Which leads to

2) How can I even recognize if I'm made up of alters, how would I know? I feel like at best, alters that have interests or connections come out, and then they're just. Gone. And they take the interests with them. And they never come out. I feel like I've been operating like a lifeless mannequin this entire time because of it. We don't really use "host" as a role but I imagine sometimes this is what it's like. I feel like I don't really have interests, and we collectively identify as aroace and agender. Because we LACK those identifiers. Even though we also know sometimes we have and feel them? But. Idk. How do I know I'm not just taking CPTSD 'parts', IFS stuff (which I dont rlly look at), and exaggerating them into alters for a more serious disorder? Rarely if ever there's any sense of communication, we don't get the whole voices in my head/thoughts that aren't mine feeling most of the time. I don't even know if this is because I'm functioning as someone dissociated from myself perpetually or not, and idk how I would ever be able to tell if I'm a singlet or a system when my daily could actually just be that I'm not connected to any sense of self or identity 24/7.

3) this is more from attempts to define what makes an alter, related to the cptsd parts thing.

...

Idk how to phrase it. I guess it's that. We define alters mostly by the emotions they usually feel? We've always thought of ourself as, by default, feeling joy or nothing/neutral. That we can't feel anger or sadness, even though obviously we do and have. Can alters just be like dissociated emotional states? Atleast one of them seems to have an identity, and they're the equivalent of anger. Is it unreasonable to believe that alters can be identified like this? Does it need to be more complex? Is it weird or wrong to think of myself and my identity in terms of what I *can* feel, what I'm currently feeling?

I don't know. Sorry if these are weird or bad questions or things you can't reasonably answer. We'd get a therapist or talk to a professional if we could.

I just feel like I'm lying to people around me, people who know me. That when I say I have alters, that it should be more... obvious, than this, despite what the disorder is inherently. I can't ask questions because then I seem like an idiot, mis- or uninformed. (I know I need to get through my problems with ppls expectations of me but it really feels like I'll be abandoned or lose their trust if I'm honest and open about it all.)(In another scenario, if I felt differently, I probably wouldn't be crying as much as I am right now /lh)

It just has felt like this disorder explains a lot about who I am sometimes, that it resonates for a reason. And I accepted it with a theory that put all my stress and worry at ease. But now I'm in a liminal state of denying it around people who I have a relationship with, who will see more of myself, while accepting it for the most part in front of strangers, people who don't really know me and so won't tell me I'm lying/faking it. (It really feels like if anyone close enough to me knew I was questioning DID like this, they'd tell me that there's no way, that I'm not made up of alters, that I'm just one person. Because they're close enough to see what I'm like, even if it's not fully in depth. *Especially* if they don't see every side! And I would end up taking their word for it, because that's how they see me, so it must be true.)

Sorry for long post even though ik there's been plenty of long asks (and responses) before. I think what I said was a lot, maybe too much 😓 -🤎

I just want to say that the more you ask or want to learn, the more you are equipped and knowledgeable so there's nothing bad about that! I'd happily answer your questions in long details, and i also secretly like seeing people yap in asks (isn't it obvious.. since im also a talker,, but also,, more details, the better)

--

Good point, they do have many overlapping symptoms but they also have their own hallmarks which helps in differentiating,, CDD's are known for more severe amnesia related issues and inconsistent identity, while ADHD is known more for struggles with focus/motivation and have a difficult time being consistent with routine, and CPTSD have more issues around negative associations/triggers that could cause anxiety/panic attacks whilst dealing with paranoia and general distrust. The thing is, rarely people ever only have one diagnosis without the other, so don't make this a priority to deduce whichever you have, but to understand how this creates a more complex manifestation of your current troubles.

You can see through the inconsistencies throughout the days, like jumping to different hobbies (can be mistaken as adhd/autism hyperfixation, so the difference of this fixation is you feel the hype and passion for long and you drop it off once it didn't feel as great again, while CDD's is more on inconsistencies than dropping it all completely). Or you might like vegetables then say its the most horrible thing to ever exist, a total change of fashion style or accent or mannerism is also something. More outward expression means higher chances of having alters,, and this is different from IFS or CPTSD, since ifs (iirc) is assigning/labeling different states of yourself so you can further understand where feelings and reactions cme from, while cptsd is more to non-integrated emotional/physical states after the trauma and it disrupts daily functioning due to the heightened awareness for detecting danger. Also having a CDD doesn't require you to have "voices" inside head, thats just another form of language.

Yes they can be emotional states but often more complex than, or grow out of more than just "feeling" and base it around their newly growing identity . If it stays as emotional states and don't experience distinct shifts in your personality or overall identity, it then can be explained as BPD or CPTSD than CDD.

Also i wanna add as a final fused system (makes me a singlet ig..), "one person/thing/identity" really limits and ignore the fact that we are multifaceted in nature--its how we can understand social cues in different groups and blend in, just that for systems have yet to fully integrate these facets and control them on your own will. So instead its a disorder of self imbalance, in a way.

I hope this answers everything!

- c

[rin-and-jade]

With a heavy heart i want to announce that i will be on a hiatus, for now i will still silently work on two other posts without deadlines and will be randomly released.

I have to take this difficult decision--while i do want to support everyone in the community, my educative posts or influence don't seem to create a tangible difference as how i observed, which demotivates my unwavering motivation to help systems manage their disorders, and to heal.

My DMs and askbox will be open, always, but i will not engage with the community or commit my hours for curating more educational content, atleast for the time being.

Hope everyone understands this, as syscourse and arguments has been taking up lots of space so far, which also shadowed other blogs--including mine.

- chrono/jade

[rin-and-jade]

How do you know if something is another systemmate vs an existing systemmate who is triggered? We have something going on where a systemmate who normally doesn't want to do something keeps having random intense urges to do it, so intense that they push others out of the front. When they're their "normal self" they say they don't want to do it, but when this thing happens, it's an absolutely debilitating urge. They also feel younger when it happens, but that could just be the effect of an emotional flashback, not a different systemmate. If it's someone else, we think it might be a fragment? But we don't know how to tell. Is there a way to tell? Thanks.

Hm..

Denying or refusing to act on the urge even during normal moments does not wipe away the truth that the urge was caused by another demand to fill in a certain lack or regain a sense of control. (this is still a vague conclusion. Please find the specific reason behind this urge since you do not describe any details regarding it)

The biggest hint lies at how the urge comes in strong and caused their cognitive, and or, emotional awareness/maturity to regress temporarily to compensate the overwhelm that is currently being felt. This is what you also call an amygdala hijack--especially if they also struggle to regulate and control their impulses or reaction (since the prefrontal cortex governs reasoning and self restraint, and the hijack reduce the influence to this brain region) .

If you want to discern wether it is a new sysmate or an existing one,, do two things most importantly:

Check in and ask if their memories had been consistent, with other mates vouching that nothing had been off or remembered differently.

Look back and assess deeply wether their manners or behavior had changed, both during times of triggers and during their normal state. If the changes only happen when they're overwhelmed or other reasons,, it can count as a period of burnout or along those lines.

If you caught discrepancies from doing number 1, suspect a subsystem,, or experiencing amnesia due to stress, or any other answers you have found after doing some observation and research.

If you caught discrepancies from doing number 2, it can also be a suspect for having a subsystem that comes out when triggered or experiencing a memory blackout.

Come back if you feel like it and let me know if you had found your answer, or need more help for this particular issue step by step, good luck!

- c

[rin-and-jade]

This sounds a bit horrible, but would you have any tips on how to separate an accidental fusion- one that, to be precise, is very painful for all parties involved, and is affecting our life too ?

It feels like our brain, at a loss for what to do, just stuck us together. The issue is it is very painful, as we are not compatible at all. And being quite important in the system, we cannot fulfill our roles anymore. I think even the brain had decided to seperate us, but just..cannot. somehow.

Anyways, any tips would be grandly apppreciated ! Thank you :3 and i hope you have a good day

Yikes. I've been in this same situation, its not a joke when i believe you saying that it could be painful. Your problem is valid--i am going to answer what i know from experience!

It is not proven, yet this has been my go-to technique back when i was a system: In a blobby fusion situation that isn't a perfect integration, and seem to create a lot of mental pain due to do it, i first remind myself what separate parts am i made of.

The names--how they look like, and other characteristics, and i try to reject the idea of being one to return back as distinct pieces. Its pretty abstract but i force myself to be a certain alter and i push the rest of the characteristics away, focusing on self-integrity than being multifaceted and painfully blobby.

This is also very dangerous when you try to separate yourself outside of these emergencies--you'll be creating fragments and shards the more you master purposeful separation from accidental fusions. Because you're learning how to purposely create dissociative walls, now as a trained skill, which is the hallmark of a dissociative disorder that copes with separation subconsciously.

The other solution (which is safer than the first) you can try if you cannot separate yourself will be harmonizing your recently fused selves--the reason it is painful (as how i remember) is because it happened abruptly and your parts--or yourself at this point, a new integrated alter, had not been in terms on what happened.

It is important that this dissonance is causing pain, either physically or emotionally or mentally, which means it will not go away until you address your stressors or any other reasons i may not know currently while writing your ask.

I will be here to guide you through this issue via DMs if needed, you have my support, and i hope you can safely revert from this accidental fusion!

- c

[rin-and-jade]

Hi hi hi

How does one know if they have an inner world?

Me and my system have a huge huge ‘daydream-world’ that just today I went ‘wait. Is this the infamous inner world shtick?’

(Huge huge as in. Multiple galaxies. Technically infinite but we only actually fuck around on a few planets.

Also I(Host) have lived multiple lives on it (not literally. But it’s like I have a dream or I play a game and it gets translated into the ‘daydream-world’)

Sorry I’m horrendous at explaining things.

(It could also just be maladaptive daydreaming. But again I honestly have no idea <3)

Thanks!

Whoa, triple greetings there!

To answer your question right away, an innerworld (IW) is anything you visually conjure in your mind. Those with aphantasia would usually rely on vibes and other no-visual sensations to compensate the lack of mental images.

These worlds can be shifting in styles and areas, sometimes permanent and unchanging, even grow or shrink spatially overall. Some are based on real life rules and appearance, some are more fantasy and fiction based logic--there's really no limits here, yo.

Lastly, there's no such thing as right or wrong ways to experience an innerworld, this is due to personal subjectivity and functions each systems needed. I've also known systems who doesn't have one and rely more on tangible notes and inside-conversations,, it truly depends on your style.

Has the answer been clear and easy to understand? Also wanted to say that yeah, maladaptive daydreaming COULD overlap with some elements, but they both intertwine more subtly which affects your general manifestation of an innerworld and how your system operates--should get that checked out to understand better.

With all being said, Bye, Goodbye, and See You Around <3

- c

[rin-and-jade]

Allow me to ask: We are quite adamant about being a system, although the specific of OSDD or DID is not clear. Typically we do not even care to label what specific disorder it would be labeled as. But I must ask, is there a particular amnesia that must be present?

Mind you that, as far as we are aware, there is most certainly amnesia. We are without much of our life, two decades of history boiled down to a blur with little moments that were significantly different enough for us to maintain some recollection of. Possible blackouts for childhood, mixed with greyouts; and we have primarily emotional amnesia on the daily (sometimes with little flecks of grey or black out).

But to be more precise: Must the amnesia present be relevant to the identity states? That to have alters necessitates amnesia between experiences and memories?

For instance, the classic (perhaps aggrandized at times but arguably common, nonetheless) manifestation of switching amnesia. For one alter to retain the memories alone whilst the alter that fronts in their place is lacking them, atleast initially.

The concept of memory sharing makes it quite complicated for us, because there is a thought of do we simply have a great ability to retain most memory between switches? Emotional amnesia truly is one of the primary indicators of switches for us personally, but because it often impacts so little, we are often left wondering if it is simply a red herring.

I will share that I am most certainly not the most frequent fronter, I am not often present as I am now. And I have discovered that I may have quite a low tolerance for irritation; though my preferred demeanor would courteously suggest otherwise. If it were not for the manner in which I speak (for one), I imagine I would likely confuse myself for another. This admittedly serves no purpose other than for ourself, even if I imagine there could've been meaning behind sharing it. Though I do wonder about the amnesia that would be a marker for the spectrum of DID experiences as opposed to something else.

Thankyou for explaining your experiences!

A memory recollection from switching is more often associated with OSDD than DID. While these two are similar,, it lies in the spectrum of severity in symptoms.

I'll give you a short and concise answer, OSDD have more greyouts than blackouts and better recollection across alters but still have emotional amnesia, while DID have less greyouts and more blackouts plus having both memory and emotional amnesia. The difference that the label entails is on how much separation you have between alters, memories, and disconnection of your own personal experiences (in terms of emotional resonance and being aware something did happen with its details)

Also, Indigo also added a more detailed touch on how the amnesia part in the comments,, give that a read too okay?

- c

[rin-and-jade]

have you made any posts about symptom holders and the way traits manifest differently? we’re basically diagnosed with bpd (confirmed but psychiatrist want to avoid having it on record bc stigma ig) but have traits of other pds that vary in intensity depending on the headmate. tics are like this as well despite not having any tic disorders we're aware of

pretty sure we don’t have a cdd if this at all matters in the answer

Sorry for the late response,

Thankfully, this will be a good news for ya since i have the post about the topic you're asking, and surely you're lucky since i previously addressed why sudden jerks can happen!

Link to my post for Holders

Link to my post for Twitches & etc

- c

[rin-and-jade]

do yall have any resources/more info about alters that come in pairs/are connected to each other while being seperate alters? thanx sm :D

I definitely do.. Although its just still a mental note instead of a post i had made. This requires a bit more research to ensure i use the correct terms and specify why this happens--which has not been fully done on my part, as i only rehearsed the general theory.

So, lets try settling this,

After the poll's over, the anon as well as those who voted will receive this resource based on the chosen format within the same week.

--

I'd love to talk about this topic actually, but this time i'll let the voters choose how this resource post will be created (^^)

- c

[rin-and-jade]

Hi! I’m a minor with traits of Partial-DID and I was wondering how I should bring it up to my therapist. I want to be diagnosed because without one I’m permanently masking (in fear of malingering, of subconsciously mimicking (even if I don’t interact with system spaces)).

I’m just tired and want to be diagnosed with something so I can go ‘oh that’s why the brain is weird’

Before you bring it up, let's figure out if your therapist is updated on the latest information of CDD's

You can test the waters by saying: "Do you know any disorders that relates to having dissociative mechanisms in almost, a daily basis?"

This question affirms how well they know about any possible disorders that involves dissociation, specifically asking the ones where dissociation is commonly experienced.

If the answers sound insightful or well informed, we're going to affirm with one more question: "Is it just possible for people to feel.. different? Different as in my moods, or sometimes i can't settle on one consistent clothing style, and my handwriting/texting styles may have been variated as long as i can remember" Or.. any other words that fits your symptoms, you know.

If your therapist takes your concerns into account, you can finally land it with: "There's something weird.. but i don't know what it is yet, might you know the term i had described before? I also think this vaguely resembles a condition where people have dissociated states of identities (as in DID)" Bingo.

From here, you can gently continue the conversation for screening, hopefully by checking one by one (test for DID, OSDD, etc) and see if your therapist can land on the closest one. If it didn't suggest this idea, you can try to be the suggestive one instead.

Two things will happen from here, either they know what P-DID is, or not. If it knows, it'll also consider screening for this CDD type, if not and you didn't qualify for DID or OSDD, you can directly question:

"Maybe there's one for partial/incomplete DID? Since i have similarities on [screen results] although i don't meet its full criteria?"

Here on, you can try to collaborate finding resources on said P-DID and show them, or any other ideas you have. This acts as the base script on how to respond depending the outcomes you got. If they are fully not aware what CDD's are, or still not updated about the subject,,, best you should find another one instead of pushing them to still diagnose you.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

- c

[rin-and-jade]

Hey just wanted to say thanks for the response. Sorry for being heated as fuck when I sent it though, similar if not same alter here and I'm like. One of the irritable ones. (/lh)

But yeah no we're working on managing. Atp it's just a thought of "oh so basically the reason I'm obsessed is because I'm expecting the other party to pay attention to me and like. Be interested in that way, so I'm constantly looking for any sign in their body language that indicates it."

Idk our attraction is rlly fuckin weird. But even coming to this conclusion, it's not exactly easy to figure out a *solution* to it.

Still appreciate the response tho, whether it helps in the end or not. Much love 🫶 -🤎

No, don't be sorry, it helps me understand that people are not scared to tell how they truly feel here--without needing to hide away or worry about being judged!

A solution never comes fast, even if you did find one suddenly, you must test its efficacy and conclude if it really solves the root of the problem. The answer i gave to you previously is an important step to finding a fix that'll truly help, and ensure you don't chase the wrong ones.

If you want someone to untangle your thoughts deeper, im open in DMs <3

- c

[rin-and-jade]

Not being mean or hateful or anything so please don’t think I am! I apologize if it comes across that way… I was just wondering if either or any of those running this are psychologist or certified specialists? Again not being mean or rude and I’m sorry for asking a question that could be perceived that way I am just curious because it’s such a complex topic to offer help and information on

Thank you for your honesty. I am the creator of this blog, i go with C instead of jade since i went through a final fusion.

I was a system, non-diagnosed due to the current stigma and poor mental health associations in my country. I have many friends that are diagnosed professionally, one of them is Rin, the one i collaborated with. She handles the backstage honestly.

Another one who i call Seraphim, is another system collective im friends with due to the mutual interest to learn CDD's beyond clinical representation and medical settings, to explore the life of systems in their day-to-day living.

Outside of that, i do have connections with my own local (two of them precisely) psychologists, they help me learn how professionals act and handle their clients (which i observed myself), and we've shared and learnt stuffs together during conversational exchanges.

They both acknowledge the effort and time that was dedicated into helping systems in Tumblr, i also remember being invited to collaborate and help people who struggled with ED years ago.

Lastly,

I may not be a specialist, and i am not perfect, and im aware that this commitment is not easy at all to maintain, but my past knowledge and every interactions from many systems ive met throughout the years had refined my resolution to become someone they can listen to, even if i cannot do anything more than answering and creating resources based on what i read (yes i have TONS of books just to keep up with this work) and learnt from my own journey.

This blog was made as a safe space for those who did not have access to professional help, like me.

- c

[rin-and-jade]

hi im the anon who asked abt paired alters :o!! Tysm for your post!!!! I wasn't expecting a whole thing, it really helped me understand it better :3 Again thank u so much!!!

Okay before that, 15 people voted for the complete thing so--i guess thank them too? (i put a poll to see which format people prefer)

But im glad the more detailed version helped ya, maybe it's worth doing after all.

Special thanks to my 3 sys friends who helped me beta read and include suggestions or insights and their personal stories, they also learnt alot while i was creating my draft <3

- c

[rin-and-jade]

Hi. This is more looking for advice than anything.

I am a suspecting system- I have almost all the symptoms. But what's really, really distressing is the memory problems. I don't really 'forget' things- it's more like the memory itself becomes disjointed (fragmented amnesia). And the memories basically tie themselves together- and it makes it really, really hard to understand what happened and what is happening.

How do I make that easier to manage? (I journal- like a lot. I have a memory journal now, and although it's helpful I can't really bring myself to trust it? Like I know that I (or an alter I suppose) wrote in it- I don't understand why I irrationally do not trust it.)

and then how should I bring this up to my therapist-(the memory problems. not the DID, I'm not gonna bother with that yet haha)?

I have a guide of amnesia including their possible fixes right here!

And for advices that is not listed in either posts (since the guide and fixes are considered as two parts of one), fragmented/disjointed may have a deeper issue with being grounded in real life,, since your brain must intake external information and convert them into pieces of mental data, which then will be consolidated as memories,, pieces that you can revisit whenever you need.

Now the thing is, many factors can contribute to poor consolidation or recollection of these memories. Things from focus, attention span, how grounded and connected you are with the external world can be described as general guidelines to what could be causing the issue.

So let's do some checklist that helps you find out why your memories were not linearly recalled:

Do you find it difficult to be aware of time progressing? What does it feel like? This question helps you understand wether you could percieve the passage of time, which is one of the important things in preventing disjointed memories.

Have you been mentally cluttered or physically busy? Due to how your brain could only keep up with a few information and external activities, focus becomes scarce which leads to slower memory consolidation, if not partially successful. A more relaxed mind can extract and consolidate memories better.

Are you physically present and grounded with your 5 senses? Or are you more detached and things feeling less "real" oftentimes? Outside of internal workings that creates a functional continuous memory, it is also heavily dependent on how well you could be aware of your surroundings and what activities had happened. If someone is dissociated throughout a time period, then it'll result in poorer memory of that time period. This can be done with ground techniques.

That's all to it, i hope these questions help you reflect on what could be improved next or give more clarity to your situation if journaling doesn't appease you on what actually happened when you struggle to recall them!

--

Now, on how to bring up the memory issues to your therapist, you could use this conversation starter sentence:

"Is there any solutions for disjointed memories? if that's the word for it; as i am now more aware of how i couldn't recall them in a linear timeline and unable to tell when or where things happened?"

- c

[rin-and-jade]

is it normal for selective and emotional amnesia to occur even if one doesn’t switch out? i’m constantly frontstuck and switching is more like gaining copilots whilst i’m still mainly aware of the situation? but many things go missing afterwards

That's right.

Amnesia doesn't need to happen when an alter switches out, or is exclusive to systems--normal people experience amnesia too, although probably not like the daily struggles systems often experience.

This is because of how amnesia is rooted on poor memory consolidation and recalling, which is often disrupted by dissociation, stress, and many other factors i can't extensively mention. There's anterograde and retrograde amnesia for starters, you can try learning from there if you'd like to!

Hope the answer helps. (and very sorry for late reply)

- c

[rin-and-jade]

do you have any resources about difference between DID , OSDD AND P-DID because we are stuck on what we are

This is the link to DID ,

DID vs OSDD ,

And a video about PDID vs OSDD from a clinician.

- c