#jcdamc

[jcdamc]

Nothing seems Sacred Anymore, Everything is Business

Some people assume that depression is simply a winter thing, a seasonal thing, or just a mental breakdown that is magically cured with pills. As a disabled brown man that lives with depression as well, I have discovered with time that depression is a spiritual thing. 

Depression is Not a stereotype or an illness as deemed by the patriarchal medical model of disability and health, it is the product of many social factors: isolation, lack of consistent physical affection in an individual’s personal life, self- withdrawal, anger towards self and others, self- deprecating behaviors, and an unsavory amount of guilt (most of which people cannot control), etc. 

Depression is as spiritual as much as it is environmental. It can also become a choice by which many folks hold themselves accountable for their lessons or mistakes. In other words, how some folks deal with their KARMA. 

I’m old enough to know better and young enough to know that I still have more time in our device infested world. I find little to no joy in routine, although I need structure. I find little to no joy in using Zoom for any aspect of my current life, yet I need it to survive and “connect” on a certain level. I find little to no joy in going to the grocery store, where everyone wears a damn mask and where most folks confirm that they are selfish even in the pandemic, but I need food and toiletries. Most of all, I have NO desire to be sucked into anyone else’s energy or feelings anymore. 

The more I have attempted to fit into the imposed cocoon of social norms that I was born into, the more I have shot myself in the foot...

Comparison and harsh capitalism are the real devil indeed. 

The only way to face these things is to face my self every single day, and know that I was put here to do the right thing for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally blessed for my blessings, supportive networks and families. However, as dreadful as routines are for me, I need to find discipline to follow through, to achieve my very personal and sacred life goals, life goals that will lead me to be fully liberated from my love affair with pain and suffering. 

A few lessons that I wanted to humbly and honestly share:

1. I just want to do the right thing for me, I want to live beyond survival, and that does not make me an inspiration. I am more than (self- imposed) labels. 

2. Trust your intuition. Don’t be afraid of healthier boundaries. Sometimes people have to distance themselves from others to not hurt them, and mainly to protect oneself from self- harm (in any form) as well. 

3. Self- affirmations, be it Confidence, Swagger, Beauty, Worth, Compassion and Love need to become unconditional. However, they take some Time. 

4. Spiritual and physical connections go hand in hand when building deep intimate relationships. That’s the sexy connection and COMPANIONSHIP that I want to feel again. 

5. Conventional ideas of marriage are arbitrary and at times oppressive to any gender identity. “Marriage” as it stands today and for about 100 plus years, is a financial/ business agreement or contract to me. Point blank. What’s Love Got to Do with It??!!

6. Private Life matters. Oversharing intimate, sensitive or private details of your life online is a choice, yet it also shows a lack of healthy boundaries and it can harm people’s emotional health. Just because your “friends” do it doesn’t mean you have to do it. Social media giants and peer pressure make me sick to my soul, literally and figuratively. 

7. A phone call means 1000x more to me than a damn “Facetime.” Chatting ain’t the same as conversing... 

8. I’m an old soul with some new school ways, a hopeless romantic that is fully aware that Love is a beautiful (spiritual) struggle, Not a fairytale. 

9. It’s important to know how the enemy works. You must learn from your enemy while you are simultaneously learning about Your SELF. 

10. It’s okay to not be okay. Don’t worry, not everyone will judge you. Be kinder to your journey. 

11. Dreams, god(desses)s, angels and prayers send key messages. Through your resistance and stubbornness, be sure to write them down. 

12. Believe that you ALL DAT! You are loved and protected even in the worst of nightmares, AND are Doable like art!

One step at a time towards Change and Freedom and letting go...

That’s that piece. Peace, Blessings, Love and Healing to y’all.

- JC Da MC 

[jcdamc]

GROWTH MOMENT: Brown men and disability awareness stories

Last night two young "Christian" men preaching about healing and judgement day on my way home said to me verbatim: "We saw you walking and noticed it's something wrong with your legs. What's wrong with "them"? And what’s your name? 

ME: Hey, how y'all doing? I’m Jay. 

Two young men responded: You know, God will "heal" you, and you'll be "cured." You know Judgement Day coming too, right??! 

ME: Oh. Naw there's nothing wrong with me. I'm disabled and I am just FINE as I am. I don’t need a “cure.” 

Also ME: Yes and I am preparing for Judgment Day...

THEM: Do you Believe in God?

ME: Yes. I'm quite spiritual, not religious, and God loves me just the way I am.

THEM: .... Shared a few born- again stories...

ME (listening) as the bus pulled up: Sorry fellas, but I really gotta catch this bus. Nice talking to y'all. God Bless. 

I held my ground without lashing out, despite the blatant ableism that is still rampant within various churches and from so- called believers. I guess I am coming along. 

NOTE for my beautiful black and brown disabled advocates, churchgoers and close friends: Please do me a favor and tell these "evangelizing" FOOLS we ain't looking for no cure, and that disabled folks ARE HUMANS that fight to live in peace and with more love and justice! Some folks just don't know SWAG when they see it! Much Love. J.

[jcdamc]

How can people be social and intimate with themselves and others during this pandemic and technocracy era??! And without (much or any) physical contact??!

I’m really curious to hear what other folks have been doing? I live alone, I’m blessed to be more stable and I’m single, which is dope in some ways. In other ways, it’s not. I take things one day at a time and try to remember my blessings in the midst of my own emotional chaos.

Other than typical things like meditation or getting a migraine on Zoom “calls” tryna connect, or making actual phones calls, what other things have some folks been doing or promoting to connect intimately with loved ones or tribes or a particular interest on a more personal level? 

SOME SOLUTIONS:

1. Visual Art Therapy and engaging with my musical, written and spoken word creativity roots is one way I’m continuing to heal and reconnect.

2. Leaving the codependent toxic ass social media (FB, IG) “Matrix” alone for a while...

Please share your thoughts or suggestions!!

Thank you all. 

Peace!

JC Da MC

[jcdamc]

MOOD: Users and Abusers (New Late Summer Piece 2020)

Part of my Summer Uncut/ Poetic Justice Series:

Users and Abusers

I’m so pissed that my mind reeks of urine

my teeth stay chewin’ my little bits of hope

ragin’ against the machine

hidin’ behind infected screens

beautiful vixens turnt into material fiends

depression and sleep creating knee-deep psychotic dreams. 

Nobody likes the smell of wet pages anymore

everybody want quick bright lights and glory,

most sheep don’t sweat to be free.

This damn world is for the few that are tall, 

while the short ones gettin all gassed up maskin’ their whole lives for change. 

Users...

I used to like her and her

Abusers... 

I used to like ‘em

Users...

Money hungry hoes

no matter the gender

just bend her

just eye him

play with all of ‘em

he a cute ass sucka

he’ll eventually give in

Motown singin’ 

No town, sayin’ gimme some mo’ 

no pant wearin’ clowns

The city of Angels and Demons

of bloody shoulders.

The city I love so much...

is run by users and abusers

from them bureaucrats, Bushes, 

to dope Trapped boys

enslaved hood hustlers

and baby mamas and daddys that hate they lovers,

yet are in lust with their genitalia.

After the thousandth time,

they STAY ready to fail you...

and you swear you gone fix that cassette tape with your magic pen??!

Lookin’ for real women and men??! Cut the bullshit. Some of y’all stay 

fuckin’ with Felicias and baby Jodies,

and are terrified of making love to Truth and Honesty!!

That’s that piece, y’all. JC Da MC 

[jcdamc]

BROODING MOOD...

A post on one of my platforms from over a year ago... #SAMEMOOD #2019DATINGSUCKS #RELATINGSUCKS

Dear fellow men of color: Let's respect more, believe our women in our lives, be encouraging and loving to our young girls. Let's respect Different types of men and shades of masculinity. That's good. I am proudly different, and I will defend myself and the women I love. No you ain't gotta always resort to that muscle head ass, testosterone having, physical ready to whoop ass mentality that plagues our cities. It's harmful to women and men. I challenge you to listen, be humble yet confident and learn something from women and other good men. Please listen to the little things, support, empower, trust. A good d###k down will not satisfy real genuine women that would otherwise intimidate you when at their best. There's a difference between love making, intimacy and f###::n. I pray we all find spaces to relearn that. If you in a healthy relationship/ special relationship, Amen! I want healthy, need healthy, need real but it seems sooo far away. I'm sick and tired of the playa pimp stud sexist shit that even some women "like". Played out. I will need to restart my blog Asap, for myself. It has to be more to it. I know it. One day at a time...

[jcdamc]

10 Pet Peeves of a Man of color with a disability: Settin the record straight (Edited version)

1. Do not speak for all folks with disabilities, even if you have a disability yourself. Keep in mind that everybody goes through different/ multiple lived experiences. 

2. As a non- disabled person, parent or guardian, let youth or adults with disabilities you care for SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. If individuals need help interpreting what they say, due to a speech impediment for example, there are community resources to assist folks. 

3. With #2 in mind, it´s unnecessary and is even hindering to constantly hold a person´s hand or to patronize individuals with disabilities when speaking to or with them. 

4. Folks with disabilities have various types of intelligence. THEY DO THINK FOR THEMSELVES  AND LISTEN (If you actually shut up and pay attention you´d notice.) Whether you have a disability or not, you might learn some things from that particular person. I´ve learned a whole lot of life lessons from this point myself. 

5. If you are a non- disabled person or ally, meaning not currently having or living with ANY disability, be careful not to overgeneralize about folks with disabilities. Doing research, asking individuals within the community and social exposure is the best starting point. Exposure is everything. 

6. People do not “suffer” from a particular disability, they Have and Live with one (or more). 

7. People with disabilities DO suffer from social barriers in an ableist and judgmental society that often makes many feel angry, insults their intelligence and life skills or makes them feel guilty for even existing. 

8. Not every person with a disability is asexual, unaware of love, or of their physical, sexual or emotional needs. Matter fact, many are quite sexual and intuitive beings,, like anybody else or even more so than others. 

9. Don´t stereotype folks with disabilities. They are not all of the same background. Some are more independent and self- aware, some need more or less assistance and guidance, others are social, some are shy or private, some are married, some live alone, some cook, some are professional, some live with family and others have their own families, etc. You gone get smacked with some knowledge regardless. 

10. A person´s disability DOES NOT, I repeat, it does not define who they are. There are many more identities that shape individuals with disabilities, like baking a cake, like you or YOU (This may take some time to figure out, it´s a healing step). 

[jcdamc]

1ST DRAFT DONE!!

It´s all coming together.... praying to have the final manuscript by early July.

This is like a non stop therapy session.... so it´s still some work to do.

I can take a fews days off, Just a few.

JC DA MC

[jcdamc]

What you know about that peanut butter jelly?! Yeaa boi, get silly. Loosen up. Ha. 

[jcdamc]

I´ll Own It (Oct New Piece)

Yes. I am an angry poet of color. 

Yes. I am depressed and NOT ashamed of it.

Yes. I am a good hearted man.

Yes. I own and embrace my disability.

Yes. I am perfectly imperfect. 

Yes. I am working on some of my relationships and my relationship with God.

Yes. I am a giver.

Yes. I am appreciated. 

Yes. I am frustrated. 

Yes. I am physically and emotionally fatigued. 

Yes. I´m in Jay´s league. 

Yes I am proud. And working on myself away from the crowd. 

Yes. I need social and emotional support and stability. 

Yes. I´m more sexually aware than the average non disabled person. 

Yes. For many peers this might be a wear and tear reality.

But…. a note for my dear able bodied and non disabled folks..,

No. I don´t need to justify my anger.

cuz I don´t represent danger.

No. As I walk into your office don´t treat me or my peers like strangers. 

No. I can´t allow others to speak about disability, abuse or pain. 

No. I ain´t gone just stay in my lane.

No. I´m not makin YOU or YOU feel comfortable so your ass can simply explain. 

No y´all, my definition of who matters ain´t gone be last on this list.

No. I ain´t a bonus on your track list. 

No. You say you aiming for justice but you JUST missed us. 

No. I´m not gone explain my depression. 

No. I´m not afraid of loveable expressions.

No. Access is Not just physical or medical attention. 

No, my foot burn but education and warmth ain´t a footnote. 

We all got needs, ain´t nothing special about that.

We all got needs,ain´t nothing expensive about that.

We all human, or you gone correct me on that??

No. I don´t owe the system shit. 

No. Shut yo ass up and listen to our knowledge and chants n shit. 

No. I ain´t playin with the players. 

No. I ain´t got no damn sponsors.

Yes. Just me,myself and I spittin that fire. 

Yes. My community spit on liars. 

Yes. I am terrified, fighting alone, alone, lonely...

Yes. I am advocating for myself, for me.

Yes. I pray y´all do the same, G.

Yes. I´m out, beside myself and with y´all in spirit... that´s that piece from JC Da MC. 

[jcdamc]

Rebel Diaz- Crazy (2013)

“I´m crazy for wanting change, for claiming I´m more than a stereotype, that I´m more than a angry poet, for wanting some loving and a decent wage in this ready- made age, for wanting my close- nit crew to have its own stage. I´m crazy for admiring colorful women, shaking men´s hands on my block, for smiling, for cussing,  for speaking against and finding solutions to injustice in our public schools, organizations, food markets and communities. I´m crazy for being myself, mixed, sweet, angry, with a natural high, caring, swagalicious and a warrior of life, for fighting possible depression with good expressions. Truth is, honest to God, I´m crazy and proud. Yea. I´m crazy and proud.” JC Da MC, 2015

[jcdamc]

Heartbroken, but grateful for everything

This has been a difficult month, but an even harder weekend for me. 

I was shocked a couple nights ago. A long chapter of my life has suddenly ended. It wasn´t the most pleasant way to find out, I just took the honesty for what it was. 

Mutual respect. Blessings AND Lessons at the same time. 

Other people´s happiness and safety do MATTER to me. I would never get in the way of that. Never. I have changed a lot this year. 

If just being me, or just caring and reaching out is harming someone, then I will apologize and walk away. I know I have driven folks away before, and that I´m not in a good space with myself. I will own that right now. But I am not somebody´s else´s problem, I am not always the one in the way. 

I can only control my feelings and thoughts though. 

I didn´t do anything wrong or blatantly disrespectful, honest to God I didn´t. 

I was asked to wrap up a beautiful and unique chapter in my life just because it was me and “I was in the way” of happiness. I didn´t even KNOW I WAS.... The chapter ending, this closure left me with a bitter taste. I will respect this particular wish and keep my word. I still care and have a big heart. 

I´m not mad though. Hurt, yes. I will always cherish the great memories, the appreciation and the learnt experiences in this really important chapter of my life. 

Communication or miscommunication drifts us apart sometimes. 

I will continue to pray for myself and others. Good vibes and wishes to everybody that´s TRULY happy out there. I pray to find strength,patience, acceptance and understanding so I can be happy as well. 

Thank you for everything and for wishing me well. The same and even more blessings for you. 

I need to fight and find God´s spirit within, cuz Lord knows I want to be and feel what happiness and joy is, to SMILE and keep going for ME, for myself. I am loving myself more. PLease somebody, a beautiful sista, a spiritual funny woman gotta see my light. Please Lord!! I AM improving. 

Life is short, and I´m desperate to make mine longer, not shorter. And Lord help me forgive myself, this year I haven´t been my best self. 

Learning about signs ain´t been easy for me, but Ima get it right again some day. Follow my gut...

Let Go, and Let God. Hoping I sleep peacefully tonight, it´s been a while. 

Everything I write is what I truly mean. 

[jcdamc]

FOOT MASSAGE (Another Sept 2016 Piece)

Yea… sleepin help me ignore the needle

Desperate to cuddle but I bust my shit in a puddle

Naw this migraine ain´t subtle

my feet all tender, I could use some therapy from her,

hiding these dogs under the cover, all undercover,

They gotta at least grin to recover.

 She used to (and still) say ain´t nothing wrong with yo feet…

That right there helped me be cool with being barefoot again and treat my feet much betta.

Soft kind words, soft kind hands feeling like soap make me forget how numb they feel. Then for a few minutes, my feet got some hope.

 Till this day she still say ain´t wrong with my feet, and I thank her for that. Now I let em breathe every day.

Respect. Ha. Ain´t it funny though? I love it when ladies got they pretty lil feet soft as cookie dough. 

 Feet… Feet… Feet…

  JC Da MC

[jcdamc]

UNTITLED (September 2016 PIECE)

Lonely spirit...

Lonely SPIRIT...

Listening to Anthony Hamilton

Got me saying Amen

from my bed to my peanut butter jelly alter ego

there he go, there I go, there he go.

 Looking at this brotha in the double mirror

been feelin bipolar

shrugging my shoulders

God Almighty testing the love and smile within this soldier.

 Bloody spirit…

Bloody spirit…

my blood need direction

It´s craving that attention and caressing

to be warm again. 

 I guess warm weather don´t always mean massaging

My feet sobbing for that soft touch

 I´d give anything to enjoy every second, and look and feel better when I smile.

JC Da MC

[jcdamc]

In a R. Kelly typa Mood. Reflection

Happy Friday everybody!! Friday´s is unique and Kels knew how to help make folks happy and have a good time anywhere. Before social media... it was pagers, a boombox, house phones and them ghetto brick lookin Nokia cell phones. Haha remember that? Man, times have really changed y´all

Lord, bring that happy feeling back please, for this country and for the whole world. Ain´t nothing like real face to face interaction and bonding, I swear. Praying for signs every day. Got my work cut out out for me...

Just reflecting while I´m jammin... it´s Friday!! Counting my blessings, despite my troubles and struggles. Thank you Jesus... may you protect ALL my peoples today and this weekend. 

[jcdamc]

NO COMMENT, UNCUT (FALL 2014)

No comment...

This camera is focused on my gorgeous eyes, lips and eyelashes some women would die for. I ain´t got nothing to hide cuz I be showin all my moves on the floor, I´m the boss of my own house, my lounge, my stage.

No comment... on bitches and hoes that like to eat to plain bagels. That´s too bad, the morning after your stomach gone hurt, you ain´t wanna try a different angle, a sexy new single.

God made me from the outside, to the inside, to my southside, my south side... so sweet I give you cavities, so rich my typa love is a steal. Perfection overrated, good brothas be called thirsty and get get disrespected. God gave me my funky walk, my charming tongue, my for days passion. 

No comment... Some of y´all ain´t ready. This piece of the puzzle will always stay, not even ´Jehova´s Witness can pray it away. 

My disability is beautiful, loveable, adaptable to intelligent peaches n´ cream, I ain´t making my dirty thirties a dream after a dream. My uneven sore feet and ear keloids are desperate for a deep tissue massage... this man got so much chronic pain I got to relax and get me some tissue. My frustration ain´t the only issue. 

Ladies and gentleman, I know exactly the kinda candy I like and need in the shop. My self- control and kindness is gettin outta control. No remote control... can turn this TV off. Only my eyes. This pop taste good, yup this the prize, rise.

No comment... on these girls falling for 20s, when it´s all about the 80s. Fuck it, casual or serious TLC, I should be making baby makin´music consistently. No comment... in the kitchen ain´t no love makin´, just finga lickin (the cookie dough).... that´s that piece. 

** I really wonder. I can relate to this piece right now actually, going into 2016, praying about it. 

Peace and Blessings,

JC Da MC

[jcdamc]

Reflection...

Job searching is truly the hardest full- time job ever for an educated man of color that got too much to give. I cherish my experiences, but don´t think it´s necessary to over-validate myself. I will come out on the other side though. I´m NOT alone though. Easy ain´t in my vocabulary, A- struggle is. I´m grateful for my family and extended family, to the kind souls that still exist in my close circle and in the city helping me take things one day at a time. And a special thanks to capitalism for proving that discrimination is "legal" and "justified" to keep 99% of people eating crumbs. I´d much rather eat a good homemade meal, with less money, than make more money and live of off crumbs. True to my roots, breaking oppressive systems to be free! People and our communities first! Motivation! Know your worth. Learning to empower myself more.... and stay humble yet confident.