#jenn.rambles

[caelysiiium]

let’s see, how do I even begin to put this into coherent sentences…

it’s the way tan loves, loudly, proudly, shamelessly, and fang lets it heal the broken pieces inside him; it’s the way he lets himself be enveloped by tan’s protection even if it (outwardly) exasperates him. it’s the way fang reciprocates with his own acts of service, his quiet expressions of gratitude, and tan, who never expects anything in return, understands.

it’s the way fang smiles so freely, eyes twinkling and helplessly besotted to tan’s silly whims, when they’re alone, but also that he’s learning to be vulnerable out in the open, in front of their friends and in front of the world, for tan.

it’s the way tan is so quick to reassure fang of his unwavering feelings — that he’s content to just be in his presence, the confirmation that he will never leave him, his “I like every version of you” because it’s I see you and I know you and I love all that you are and all that you’re not.

it’s the way tan unabashedly worships the ground fang walks on, but fang has his own intimate altar of devotion that reveals itself more and more with each passing episode.

I will forever be in love with how tanfang love each other. they are so, so dear to me.

[caelysiiium]

we are and the friendships that allow us to be silly. we are and the friendships that allow us to laugh freely. we are and the friendships that allow us to cry and complain and despair. we are and the friendships that support us through everyday endeavors. we are and the friendships that uplift us through adversity. we are and the friendships that heal us. we are and the friendships that inspire us to be better. we are and the friendships that see all of us. we are and the friendships that intimately know us. we are and the friendships that always, always chooses us first. we are and the friendships that last a lifetime and beyond.

[caelysiiium]

do you think tanfang would have kids in the future? i can see fang being a little nervous initially bc of his upbringing, esp if they have more than one kid, but his trust and feeling of security with tan helping those fears. and tan being the most supportive parent in the world who's so loud and proud of his husband and kid. i imagine they have a little boy and tan is the dad who matches his toddler energy 200% and is at the front of every event cheering loudly while fang reigns him in (and then joins in immediately w the biggest smile)

I think you nailed my thoughts exactly, anon. fang would definitely be hesitant at first, never having had that secure upbringing—his parents prioritizing their work in the false assumption that it'll be better for their kids down the road, growing up so young so quickly because it was up to him to take care of phum from a vast ocean away—and witnessing/experiencing first-hand the way neglect shatters a family. does he even have an example of what a happy childhood should look like? can he provide something he has never known to his children?

extrapolating from his insecurities depicted in the series, fang would wonder if he'd be enough. he knows he's not as openly affectionate as tan and he may overthink about how his every minute action impacts their kids and the way they perceive him compared to tan. I can imagine that he's terrified of turning out just like his father, as it's clear he's the closest of his brothers to the man, clinging desperately onto whatever tattered mess is left of their relationship (although maybe ep 16 will give us something different).

and of course tan will soothe these fears (phum too, because fang practically raised him and he knows the enormous capacity of fang's love). tan and his I see all of you and I love all of you and his constant words of affirmation and endless acts of service are already inspirations to fang, and they will continue to be as they navigate parenthood together. fang would never want his children to go through what he and his brothers had, and does his best to keep that promise. he still stumbles from time to time, especially at certain milestones where the three of them were never provided the appropriate parental support, but tan reminds him that he's allowed to make mistakes (we all do, after all; tan would as well, being a parent is hard), that he's not only his father's son, that he has come so far and there's always room to grow.

agreed, tan would be the most obnoxious [affectionate] parent in the world, loud and proud of fang and their children. I don't have definitive ideas on the number nor the genders—2 at most though, I don't think fang would be comfortable with more—but little boy or little girl or both tan would certainly match their energy and be helpless to their every whim. their child would have tan wrapped around their little finger, utterly in love and unable to tell them no. fang is still the voice of reason and would have to be the one to do any scolding, but yeah he would join in on their shenanigans more often than not (or, y'know, that fond eyeroll of exasperation, watching the loves of his life from the sidelines). again, not as openly affectionate as tan, especially in public spaces, but I like to imagine fang having a little bedtime ritual with their child—reading a story, perhaps, or counting the stars, or gossiping about schoolmates, or or or—sweet and tender and just the two of them. quieter in his love, yes, but every person under the sun knows that fang would level cities for their children.

both of them would unhesitatingly carve out family time, the home they built a sacred priority. tanfang would also be very protective, almost overbearing, which their child would 100% complain about as they grow older lol

[caelysiiium]

SHARING IS CARING AOU 💳💥💳💥💳💥

— @/tnbau1 (Aou) on X

bonus from Marc:

[caelysiiium]

aouboom (and juniormark) being at the celebratory reception at parliament for the legalization of queer marriage means so much to me?? seeing bl actors show open support for our community off screen is so important for visibility and communicates that they truly care about us as well as the characters they portray

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ad*m being fucking petty

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reki stop getting thrown around and ending up injured every single episode challenge 😭

[caelysiiium]

people on twitter are stressing me out but in all honesty, I'm excited to see how this'll go. as someone who just went through first year (although I wasn't in a relationship), everything that oh-aew is feeling hits me so hard. they're addressing having doubts about one's future, further exploring oneself in the transition from adolescence to adulthood, how we naturally change as people, and the way it impacts our relationships with others.

and as for the development of their relationship, there's the very common idea of a honeymoon phase, and then life catches up to you. and in the whirlwind you might lose yourself, but you might find yourself too. it's something you and your partner will naturally have to work out. we're watching teh & oh-aew further develop as individuals in a new environment and (hopefully) communicating the dissonance to each other.

I can't wait to see how nadao takes this forward, because its always been a coming of age story.

[caelysiiium]

so, on one hand we have someone who grew up in an extremely volatile environment, who was never taught how to love and yet still fell so hard for this man because he made him feel free, who stood relentlessly by his side as he spiraled, his efforts fruitless as his heart broke not once, not twice, but three times when this same man shut him out and let him go in spite of everything he’s done. and here this man stands before him, wondering if he can still love him when he’s seen him at his worst and held on anyway. and he’s done, he's done, because how can you not see how much i want this? how can you not see how much i’ve given up to be with you? how can you doubt my love when i’ve never doubted yours until now, despite how much you’ve hurt me?

and on the other hand we have someone who watched his mother neglecting them and her lovers leaving her in turn because she was too much, who saw her at her best but also at her lowest, bleeding out on the kitchen floor, but loved her regardless because she was the only one who could understand him, even as she told him that people like them will ruin the ones they love. and here he stands before this man he loves, this man who did so much for him but he doesn’t understand why why why, trying to reconcile and failing, feeling so undeserving because how can you still love me when i can’t even love myself? how can you promise forever when, even just a year from now, i might do something that could destroy everything? how can you have seen all of me and not be afraid?

fuck they both deserve to be happy please communicate and apologize and be happy oh my gosh

[caelysiiium]

ok, a little rant but ppl srs need to chill by separating the actor and their role. being in some kpop fandoms I see so much hate when an idol starts dating and it escalates to the point of threats towards their significant other, like stfu and get out you don't get to dictate who they want to be with.

I was curious about Lea (Henrik's gf) a few days ago because she's so freaking pretty, but I also wondered if I'd see the same amount of hate under any post where she and Henrik were together. and I did, I saw loads of them, even to this day years after SKAM has been over, saying "she's not that beautiful why would he be with her", "she's so ugly", "why are they still dating" and "get together with Tarjei" and, because my background is Chinese and I could actually read those disgusting phrases, "go die" with torrents of comments about how disappointed they were. I feel like this ridiculous behaviour is extremely present in East Asian communities (maybe because their governments are extremely conservative idk) and i can't believe they have the nerve to post things like that. I give props to the celebrities who can ignore all of that and still be together (Lea and Henrik have been together for a few years now, I believe—mad respect for them).

anyone can ship real people if they want, but they need to be really careful when it borders on fetishizing, especially if they're disappointed when an actor is heterosexual + in a relationship when the character they played is not. people are already shipping Axel and Maxence even though they both mentioned that they're straight and istg if they begin dating and their girlfriends get hate because of ppl's fantasies I will fight all of them.

if she makes him happy then fuck off it's not your fucking business who they date; they're real fucking people too 😡

[caelysiiium]

not to be dramatic but this weekend was one of the best of my life thanks to David, Maxence, Axel and the Grew, Lucas and Eliott, and everyone in this fandom who collectively experienced their love together

y'all are amazing ❤️

[caelysiiium]

also the fact that Eliott sees himself as 3546 may have immense significance because Lucas told him he himself is no.1 and it kind of crushes my heart because what if it means he thinks he's not good enough :((

edit: okay maybe it means that in a parallel universe Eliott 3546 can stay with his Lucas and watch him sleep while Eliott 1 needed to go let's hope

[caelysiiium]

can you believe SKAM France gave us everything we wanted and more with le first kiss and le morning after?

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I love how during this period of sadness everyone's making memes like thank you

[caelysiiium]

awww Eliott's waiting for Lucas outside his classroom and he gave him a kiss when he came out look how happy they—

wait

wait, no, stop

STOP IT.

:((

remember when Chloé was waiting for him outside of his classroom? we've upgraded

but srs imagine a parallel in a later episode or in s4 they'll be the cutest couple in the entire school istg

[caelysiiium]

I just want to think about last night's kiss and this morning's first clip and nothing else

next week is not happening, not yet, nope

let me continue to be giddy as I remember their intimacy, okay?