#jesus christ dude this one episode is making me genuinely fucking angry

[jademight]

C3 Ep 32 is my villain origin story jesus fucking CHRIST

[spaceskam]

consume my wine, consume my mind

kyle valenti appreciation day 3: finding someone

ao3

.1.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to get you to take your shirt off.”

Kyle rolled his eyes with a laugh before taking a sip from his wine glass. Isobel was sprawled out on the couch in a silky little slip, channeling her inner old Hollywood widow. They'd all been taking turns to make sure she didn't do anything rash, but it'd been three months and she hadn't really done anything other than seem to enjoy the company. So Kyle kept coming.

"You are way too drunk for all that."

Isobel hummed low in her throat, turning her head in such a way that caused the strap of her slip to fall off her shoulder. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to stare. He managed it.

"Are you saying you would if I weren't drunk?" she asked, stretching her long leg out to rest her foot in his lap. Her head was on a pillow with her hair around her like a halo and the slip had ridden up to reveal just a bit of similarly silky underwear–or perhaps it had always been that length. He didn't look, rather just rested his hand on her ankle. 

"This is not a conversation we're going to have right now," he insisted, squeezing her foot gently. 

“Okay, but, when I’m not drunk,” Isobel said, her arms stretching above her head and her back arching as she let out the tiniest little noise she’d ever made. Kyle’s thoughts swam and he almost got lost in them. But she was drunk, so he kept his eyes either on his drink, her foot, or her face. Sometimes her face even seemed to obscene, though. “I would like to have that conversation.”

“Huh?” he asked dumbly. She giggled. In his defense, that moment he accidentally saw her slip riding up to reveal her midriff during her stretch had been mind-altering.

“I want to talk about your shirt and why I would like it on my bedroom floor, please,” she said, “Sober.”

“Sober,” he agreed, though he partially hoped that she would forget about this. As much as he oh so desperately wanted that, he also knew that two very angry and macho alien cowboys that would kill him for even thinking about it.

“For now, can you take me to bed, clothes in tact?” she asked, reaching her arms up with a pout on her face. 

He stared at her for a moment, just a short moment to take it all in. She was so effortlessly beautiful and he wondered how he hadn’t noticed before recently. He was dumbfounded that he hadn’t noticed in high school, hadn’t noticed in all the years they lived in the same town, hadn’t noticed whenever she was laying in a hospital bed. He had wasted so much time not taking in her beauty which should be a fucking crime. He didn’t want to go back to a time when he didn’t notice.

Kyle tried to help her stand up, but she was too drunk to find her footing. So Kyle picked her up, one arm behind her back and the other beneath her knees. Her head rested firmly against his chest and her arms went around his neck. 

She breathed him in.

He breathed her in.

He carried her to bed, pulling back her sheets and laying her down. He covered her up and tucked her in which earned playful little laughter that he reveled in.

“Thank you,” Isobel told him in a voice that wasn’t quite the one he was used to. Kyle smiled even if he wasn’t sure why exactly he was being thanked.

“No problem.”

.2.

Kyle felt his shirt start sliding up his back on its own.

“You know, I’m pretty sure this qualifies as sexual harassment,” Kyle teased and the shirt dropped immediately, “Kidding, I don’t mind.”

“If I thought you would mind even a little, I wouldn’t have done it,” Isobel said. He turned around to face her and she had a faux innocent look on her face. It melted into straight devious as she reached over to steal one of the grapes he’d just washed. “I was just practicing.”

“Mhm, sure,” he said, raising an eyebrow. She seemed very smug. “You are getting better though.”

“I agree.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and put the grapes between them before leaning on the counter. It was the first day in awhile he’d seen her actually go all out to dress up. Her hair fixed, her makeup was perfect, she had all sorts of jewelry, and a three-piece skirt suit with elegant heels. It was her first day back at work with a new client and she was thriving. Kyle was proud.

“You could take your shirt off around me whenever, though,” she hummed, smirking just a little.

“How are you even interested in that? Aren’t you tired?” he laughed. She narrowed her eyes at him a truly Isobel way. It used to make him nervous before, now it just made his day.

“Who said I wanted to do anything? Maybe I just want a topless doctor to feed me grapes and fan me. Don’t assume,” she scoffed. He smiled at her.

He plucked a grape from its stem and held it out to her. Isobel’s eyebrow raised, but she leaned forward. Her lips gently grazed his thumb as she took it. He tried not to think too hard about that.

“Now was that so hard?” Isobel asked teasingly. He almost said yes.

It seemed the more they spent time together and the more they delved into a flirtatious friendship, the more Kyle seemed to be blurring the lines in his mind. He knew on all levels that she was joking, that this was just how she was, but sometimes it felt real. Sometimes he desperately wanted it to be.

It was proof to him that she didn’t mean it whenever she never brought up the idea of them hooking up again. Then he felt shitty for thinking about it when she had a ton of trauma involving men and he shouldn’t have even considered taking her seriously. However, every time she smiled, it felt like it was just for him and he fell down the same spiral.

“Sorry, couldn’t find a fan in time,” he said instead of something stupid. She let out a little laugh and shook her head.

“I’ll accept a foot rub instead,” she suggested playfully. But he made his way over to sit in the stool beside her, pulling her foot into his lap without question and carefully letting the heel she had on drop to the floor. She raised an eyebrow at him. “I was joking.”

“I can stop,” he said, digging his thumb into the arch of her foot. Her tongue pressed to her teeth in a smile he couldn’t read. For a moment, he thought this must be what love was.

“I didn’t say that.”

.3.

“Jesus Christ, can I lick you?”

“Ew, what the fuck, Izzy?”

Kyle smiled as he listened to Michael and Isobel bicker back and forth while Alex groaned. He had very graciously offered to teach Isobel self-defense and it was apparently going nicely. Today, though, Kyle and Michael tagged along to work out a bit. Kyle was admittedly covered in sweat and breathing heavy‒and hearing that Isobel liked it made him want to do it more.

“It’s not my fault! You’re into dudes, look at him!” she exclaimed, throwing her arm in Kyle’s direction. Michael just glared at her in disgust. “You know, it’s that kind of attitude that is the reason he won’t take his shirt off.”

“That is absolutely not the reason I won’t take my shirt off,” Kyle chuckled, “There are ladies present.”

“Oh, please,” she scoffed, but she gave him that smile. That special little smile that held so much adoration that made his heart pound. He wanted her to never stop staring at him like that. He craved it, he strived for it.

“Will you all just stop it? I don’t have the patience for this,” Alex sighed. Kyle gave him an apologetic look and tried to look away so he wouldn’t be contributing.

It wasn’t until their session was over that Isobel strolled over to him, casually draping her arms over his shoulders. Kyle turned and saw her face not too far from his. Her thumb dragged over his jaw while the other hand pressed between his pecs.

“Come over. A new episode of Long Island Medium is coming on,” she said. Kyle licked his lips. She watched.

“That lady is a terrible person and you said, like, a million times that she’s fake,” Kyle pointed out. Isobel shrugged and put the thumb that had touched his sweaty face between her teeth. For the months he’d been able to look away when she did something as overwhelming as that. This was not one of those times. He stared at her mouth and her thumb until she smirked.

“Yeah, so? Come over,” she urged. Kyle nodded dumbly, his eyes unable to look away even as she let go and they followed her until she was completely out of sight outside of the gym.

“What’s going on between you two?”

Kyle snapped his mind back to focus as he looked over to Michael. He didn’t seem angry as much as he seemed confused. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was just staring like he didn’t get it.

“Nothing,” he answered with a shrug, “We’re just friends.”

“No, she doesn’t even like when me or Max touch her,” Michael said, “Like, she doesn’t freak out like she does when it’s random dudes, but doesn’t really like being touched since everything with Noah happened. Only guy I’ve seen her be comfortable when it comes to touching is Alex and I think that has a lot to do with him being the one teaching her how to fight. She was just fine touching you though.” Kyle licked his lips.

“I don’t know, man, we just hang out a lot,” Kyle said. Michael nodded, but it was clear he didn’t really buy it.

“Okay. Just… be careful, please.” It was the most sincere Michael Guerin had literally ever sounded. Kyle nodded.

“Absolutely.”

.4.

“I think you’re the only guy left on this planet that I would let touch me like that.”

Kyle turned away from the sex scene that was displayed on the TV in front of them. Isobel just tipped back her wine glass like she hadn’t just said something like that so matter-of-factly.

“Okay,” Kyle said slowly. She scoffed.

“I just told you you’re the only one I’d fuck and you say okay?”

“I just… I guess I don’t really get why. I’m not special. I’m just me,” he said. She shook her head and smiled at him.

“That’s apart of why. Most guys would just be like ‘yeah, that’s right’,” she said and he smiled at her bad imitation of a manly voice. And maybe he smiled for a couple of other reasons. “You’re nice and genuine and you… You always seem to strive to be a better person. I think you’re the only person in the world I’ve ever met that is constantly trying to improve. Every day you wake up wanting to be better than you were the day before and that’s just… That’s really refreshing and assuring.”

“So that makes me your only exception to celibacy?” he asked. She gave him a sneaky little grin and reached out to squeeze his cheeks.

“I said the only guy, Kyle, stop being so closed-minded.”

“I’m not,” he laughed, though neither of them moved. They were so close and he really, really just wanted to take this opportunity.

But he didn’t and she just rested her head on his shoulder. He tugged her close.

“I’m glad you trust me, Isobel,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She snuggled in closer.

They stayed close for a while, watching the movie play even though Kyle couldn't focus on it. He liked to focus on the way she seemed to breathe in time with him. It wasn't until the male lead took his shirt off for some pointless reason.

“One day, I am going to see you shirtless.” She sounded so determined that he couldn’t even jokingly tell her no.

“One day.”

+1

“Is this too fast? Tell me if it’s too fast.”

“Kyle, I have wanted this for months, there is nothing fast about this.”

Kyle couldn’t help the sigh of relief that left his system at her words. The confirmation of just how long those feelings had been mutual felt like learning how to breathe again. They’d been dancing around each other for nearly two years at this point, spending time together and growing and becoming something. It took him too long, but Kyle had finally asked her out on a date. They had barely made it through the meal before they were itching to touch which led to them making out in the car like teenagers because it had been so goddamn long for both of them. Kyle wondered if it felt like longer for Isobel considering the last guy was just using her. That made him feel sick, so he tried not to think of it.

“You’ve only liked me for months or you’ve only wanted to have sex with me for months?” he clarified. She rolled her eyes and leaned across the center console that had officially been the worst creation ever and kissed him long and slow. They were the best kisses he’d ever felt.

“I’ve liked you for two years, I’ve only wanted you in my bed for a few months,” she admitted. It made sense to Kyle. While her sexual jokes and suggestions had started far before then, he understood that they probably weren’t legitimate offers. At least, not at the time. Now they were. “Drive.”

The entire drive back to her place involved her hand on his thigh and her eyes burning holes into his face. Logically, he knew she was keeping it tame because she didn’t want to distract him from the road. Illogically, he was still very much distracted.

When they got there, she all but dragged him from the car. He laughed as she unlocked the door with her mind, still kissing him all the way. Her kisses were something heavenly. He was obsessed with them already.

“Are you sure it’s not too fast?” he wondered as they separated for a small second. She gave him a very pointed look.

“It’s not too fast,” she said, “But if I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”

“Just make sure you let me know like as soon as you have doubts, okay? Promise?” he said. Isobel’s eyes softened and she nodded, moving forward to kiss him again.

Everything lightened up a bit whenever her hands reached beneath his shirt. With a laugh, he pulled away just long enough to remove it. He went to go back for more kisses, but Isobel held him out at arm's length and just took in his bare chest. He found it endlessly fascinating to feel her drag her hands slowly over his chest and stomach and rest at the hem of his jeans.

“God bless,” she said wistfully. He snorted.

“You got what you wanted,” he teased.

“Finally,” she said sarcastically.

“Finally,” he repeated seriously.

Finally.

[zanybohbot]

The Outsiders: Camp Squit

The Outsiders: Camp Squit (Episode 4)

Published: 10-19-19 - Updated: 10-21-19

Squit planned an idea of what's happening in this weekend as he planned to go camping with Pinky, Brain, Pesto and Wakko. Will the others ruin it for him? Will it cause cringy chaos? Read what happens and find out. This is the 4th fanfiction episode of The Outsiders.

Part 1: The Arrival

(Brain is driving in the woods with Squit, Pinky, Pesto and Wakko for their camping trip.)

Squit: As we're near, I thought I'd run through the itinerary for this weekend.

Wakko: What's an itinerary?

Pesto: (annoyed) Squit's way of taking the piss outta everything?

Squit: No, it's just a schedule of what we'll do and when we'll do it.

Pinky: Okay, item one, get your shit off my side of the car! (pushes Squit's suitcase)

Squit: It's not shit. It's essentials for everyone to make the trip more enjoyable!

Pinky: Oh, really? (Gets out Monopoly from Squit's suitcase) Monopoly?! Y'fuckin' serious?! This is tha most shitty-ass game you've ever bought! Look. All we need is beer and weed and I've got plenty of both.

Squit: Why have you brought a load of weed?

Pinky: In case I get lucky and stoned.

Squit: But we're camping by a lake near a woods.

Pinky: Listen, all these country bitches love some big city diugh.

Squit: You're not from the big city!

Pinky: Well growing up in da hood counts as a city to them!

Brain: (frustrated) Pesto, look at the map, please! Where is it?!

Pesto (checks phone) Uhhh...I dunno. It's around here somewhere. Th-the next left or something.

Brain: (sarcastically) And that's what Google Maps says, "The next left or something"?

Pesto: Sorry, dude, I'm running outta brain juice. What if I have to literally give birth with the babe from Walmart I had sex with? Can you imagine how fuckin' disgusting that'll be, watching that baby getting squeezed outta her ass?

Squit: Okay, I've got some news, Pesto. Do ya...

Pesto: Oh, here we are, B. Turn left.

(Brain turns left to the nearest forest.)

Brain: Oh, Jesus Christ, it stinks. Is it near a pig farm, Pesto?

Pesto: Sorry, that was me. It just slipped out.

(they all gag and moan by the smell)

Pinky: What?! (holds nose)

Brain: Ugh! I can't believe that's the smell of your ass!

Squit: I think I'm gonna throw up!

Wakko: I can fucking see it! It's like a brown mist!

(Squit N/R: Despite Pesto's anxious bowels burning our eyes and choking our lungs, we made it to the forest. I'd researched this place online and it certainly delivered. Secluded. Remote. Beautiful.)

(All 5 were standing in the forest.)

Pesto: So...where do we shit?

Squit: What?

Pesto: When we need to shit, where do we shit?

Pinky: Hang on, he's right. Where are we gonna shit?

Squit: Well, usually, you'd place a trench at least.

Pesto: Well, what trench, smart-ass?!

Squit: The toilet trench.

Wakko: Where you place the public bathrooms?

Squit: No, it's where you DO a public bathroom.

Pesto: (whacks Squit in the head) Fuck you, I'm not shittin' in a trench! Dafuq's the matter with ya?!

Pinky: Dude, you're fuckin' high.

Brain: I'm not going near a hole filled with your shit!

Squit: (rubbing his head) No. We each get our own trench. That's what I'm sayin'.

Brain: (sarcastically) Oh, OK. Yeah 'coz that makes sense!

Wakko: We're camping surrounded by shit?

Pinky: No! No-one's shittin' in a trench! That's disgustin', I'm not gonna do it! We'll have to drive to tha bar or a convenience store or something.

Pesto: Shit there?

Pinky: Shit there.

Wakko: Good idea.

Brain: Agreed.

Pinky: Then, that's decided, write that down, Squit, item two.

Squit: Could do. Or you could remember to shit in the bar when we're there anyways?! Now, c'mon. Let's get this tent up.

Pesto: I need to go now, tho.

Squit: What? Just hold it in!

Pesto: I can't, I get emotional.

Squit: We only just got here, Pesto! Camp first, shit second!

Pesto: I don't think I can, I'm honestly gettin' teary here, it feels like it's trying to push its way back up into my stomach!

Wakko: Great. I need one now, too.

Brain: What about that gas station we've just past?

Pesto: (panicking, holding his ass) Oh, God, the snake's out the cave!

Squit: Fine. Everyone, back in the car.

(They got back in the car and drove to the nearest gas station.)

(Squit N/R: So our camping trip was shortly delayed while Pesto left what he described as "King Kong's finger" in the Welcome Break bathrooms. Pesto genuinely felt better about life after unloading a massive turd. And now the car was unloaded, so did I.)

(Back at the forest.)

Squit: First need to clear the ground, make sure the site is safe and then put up our tent.

Pinky: Fuck dat, let's just crack open the beers and build a fuckin' massive fire up in this bitch!

Squit: You can't just build a fire. It takes preparation. I mean, have we even asked the landowner's permission?

Brain: (frustrated) Squit, c'mon! I didn't come here for a refresher course in the Countryside Code. I just wanna get pissed and have fun. Otherwise, I won't be able to do any of this in Wales.

Pinky: What, 'coz there's no fields?

Brain: No, 'coz I won't have any friends of my kind.

Pinky: You won't need friends. Welsh hoes are totally horny.

Brain: Are they?

Pinky: Yeah. Pretty much all British porn stars are Welsh, even though they are popular here in America. Most of them don't even get paid, they just do it for dick.

Brain: (sarcastically) Oh, OK, made-up sluts. Now I'm glad I'm going to Swansea. Oh, fucking hell, Swansea! I have to see my grandpa for a WHOLE WEEK in Swansea!

Squit: Fine, Brain, look if you really want, I'll build you a fire. Y'all put the tent up, I'll go and find some suitable wood and kindling.

Wakko: All right, Akela. HA!

Squit: But remember, fire is an element, it must be respected.

(He leaves to find some wood.)

(Squit N/R: Camping's all about self-reliance and teamwork. And I knew I could rely on myself to create the perfect camp and my team fucking it all up.)

(When he came back, he saw his stuff from his suitcase being burnt down with fire as his suitcase was open, it causes him to have a panic attack and drops all of the wood he just found.)

Squit: WHAT...THE...FUCK HAVE YA DONE!?

Pinky: Y'okay, Squit?

Wakko: (tried to hand Squit a cooked sausage) Want a sausage?

Pesto: Calm down. I just got it going and I didn't even need a fire gay's badge.

Pinky: Nah, just some diesel.

Squit: You put diesel on it? Wait a minute. Is that my fold-out table on the fire? (gasp) And my picnic basket?!

Pinky: I thought you said look for stuff to burn.

Squit: (getting angry) Wood, burn fucking wood, not my stuff! Oh, for Christ's sake! Why would ya do that?!

Pesto: Look, someone had to take charge of this weekend or it's gonna be all Monopoly and shitting in trenches!

Brain: Look, come on, sit down, have some weed, have a beer, have a sausage. Just chill.

Squit: I'll chill when y'all stop burning up my fuckin' valuable possessions to dust!

Pinky: (teasing) Oh, but I thought they were for "everyone"?

Squit: Yes, for everyone to use, not to burn up with! God.

(Wakko saw the fire going down so he puts Squit's fold-out chair on top of it.)

Squit: What the hell are you doing now?!

Wakko: Fire's going down.

Squit: (getting furious) STOP...BURNING...MY...THINGS!

Wakko: (angrily) Sorry, I forgot. (flips his chair off the fire) Jeez!

(Squit N/R: We were barely an hour from home, but somehow that meant that burning my possessions was not only OK, but hilarious.)

Part 2: R.I.P. Brain's Shitty Car

(Squit was sitting down still looking pissed off because of what happened earlier.)

Brain: Oh, come on, we're sorry. It was just a joke.

Wakko: We'll do whatever you want to cheer you up.

Pinky: Anything you like.

Squit: (smiled) Game of Monopoly?

(The others moan about this)

Pinky: Oh, fuck off!

Pesto: Boooooooooooooo! Y'suck!

Brain: Apart from that.

Pinky: Look, if you wanna play a game, I've got a proper game, not a shitty one, especially Monopoly. Though thinking about it, y'all might be too pussy to play.

Wakko: It's not that game that you used to play with your weird neighbour in his shed, is it?

Pinky: (looks nervous) Well, that never happened.

Wakko: Yeah, you told me about 8 years ago. Just after he moved away.

Pinky: No, I never. Shut up, dumbass!

(Wakko looks confused)

Pinky: OK, to start with, y'all have to swap phones. Squit, you swap with mine. Brain, I'll swap with your phone. Wakko and Pesto can swap each others and Pesto can swap with Squit.

(They all swap phones.)

Brain: Okay...now what?

Pinky: Now you text someone in their phone book. So when you text someone, they'll think it's from him.

Wakko: So does that mean I have to write it all posh and like all hurdy wurdy durdy?

Pinky: Nope. The only rule is you can write whatever you like and no-one can stop you.

Squit: I just wanna say, for the record, there's no way anything good can come outta this.

Pinky: Whatever. Ready? Go.

(They all text.)

Pinky: I've only got five numbers in my phone, and four of them are four of y'all, so do ya worst.

Pesto: Well, as long as one of the others is Squit's mama, you're still in trouble.

Squit: (looking disgusted) Pesto, come on, that's too much.

Pinky: Sorry, it's literally the point of the game, y'know.

Squit: Awww...fuck. Fine!

Pinky: Right, homies, finished?

Wakko: (finished texting) That's it, send 'em.

Pinky: Good, now swap back.

(They swapped back their phones.)

Pinky: Good, so I wrote, from Brain's phone to Billie, "Bills, I love you from the bottom of my ding-a-ling. The thought of leaving you is making me cum." (laughs)

Brain: (embarrassed) Oh, god.

Pinky: "And I'm using those tears as lube to jerk myself off with."

Brain: (sarcastically/disgusted) Gee, thanks, Pinky.

Squit: Don't worry, B, I texted Pinky's dad and wrote, "Dad, I'm just thinking about you."

Pinky: (whispered) Hmph, pussy.

Squit: "I'm in the bath and I'm hard." (laughs)

Pinky: (angrily) Holy fuck! Damnit, you've won this round!

Brain: Pesto? What about you?

Pesto: Fairly standard to Squit's mama. "Ma, it's been 29 years, but I'd love to have another go on your big fake-ass tits."

Squit: (embarrassed) God. No.

Pesto: "Then I'd like to smash in your back doors (anus)."

Squit: (sarcastically) So it'll come up that I've sent her a text, she'll think, "Good, he's just letting me know I'm proud of him," then she'll read that? Yep, thanks Pesto!

Pesto: No probs. Wak, who did you send to?

Wakko: I presume, your dad? I wrote "Your gay as fuck." HA!

(There was a short silence as Pesto looks pissed)

Pesto: (he snatches his phone back from Wakko) Gimme my phone back!

Wakko: Wait, I've also wrote for Saucy Walmart Karen.

Pesto: Wait, did ya?

Wakko: Hell yeah, I've written, "Karen, I love you and love that you are to be the mother of my child. Marry me?"

Pesto: Oh, c'mon!

Pinky: Nice.

Pesto: I only met her a month ago. She smells like cheese most of the time.

Pinky: What, 'coz of all dat dick she sucked?

Pesto: Yes...no...maybe...I DUNNO! God, I thought coming out here would take me mind off it, but the countryside's really boring! It's just a load of fields and rivers. And they don't do anything. They just sit there doing jack, it's not like The Blair Witch Project where people jump out at you.

Pinky: He's right, it is boring.

Wakko: Shall we go back?

Brain: Oh, no, come on, we could go for a swim? Skinny dipping? (The others look slightly disgusted) Yeah, you're right, probably be a bit gay.

Squit: Well, there's always Monopoly.

(They moan once again.)

Pinky: Fuck, fine, as long as I can be the dog.

Squit: Why?

Pinky: Reminds me of Benji.

(Squit N/R: This was great. Camping. Playing board games round the fire as the sun went down. It was like I was back in Cub Scouts, but without the unpleasantness.)

(At night, they were still playing Monopoly.)

Pinky: Miami, with a hotel, that's $1,500 you owe me, Top Hat.

Squit: Can I pay you after I pass Go? I'm nearly there.

Pinky: Nope.

Squit: (frustrated) Oh, c'mon. This is impossible. I can barely see. I've not been able to see anything for fuckin' hours! Let's just stop.

Brain: OK, we'll call it a draw.

Pinky: Fuck you, just because I'm winning and all you've got is just cities!

Pesto: I'm happy to call it a draw, y'know.

Pinky: Course you are, 'coz you were out four hours ago anyway, you fuckin' idiot!

Pesto: Y'all think I'm dumb, but I've got street smarts!

Brain: You got a woman from Walmart pregnant in her lunch hour.

Pesto: (pondered) Oh.

Pinky: I'll build another fire.

Squit: It's too dark to collect wood and you've burnt everything I own!

Pinky: Well, fine, I'll...I'll get Brain's shitty car and shine the lights over here.

Brain: Fine. Here ya go. (hand's Pinky his car keys)

Pinky: Thanks, mah boy!

(Pinky runs to Brain's car and turns on the headlights.)

(Squit N/R: This was embarrassing. I hadn't lost a game of Monopoly since I was 7. And yet I was about to be beaten by Pinky, a man who took pride in the fact that he couldn't count to 100.)

Squit: He really wants to win, doesn't he? I never knew he was so competitive.

Pesto: (eating sausages) I can't get enough of these sausages.

Wakko: (eating sausages) Yeah. I love 'em raw in the middle.

Pinky: Right, done. (he gets out of the car and shuts the door) Mission accomplished! Now you owe me $1,500. And you can pay me right fuckin' now!

(Brain's car was about to roll down into the lake.)

Brain: Pinky, my fucking car! (he stops his car from going down) Handbrake?

Pinky: Oh, shit, sorry.

Brain: Quick, everyone. Stop it!

(The others stopped the car except for Pinky.)

Brain: Pinky, help!

Pinky: Okay, calm your tits! (as he helped stopping the car)

Brain: (tried to unlock it) It's locked. Pinky, throw me the keys.

Pinky: I don't have them.

Brain: The fuck are you talkin' about, what do you mean you don't have them?!

Pinky: I gave them to you.

Brain: No, you didn't.

Pinky: Yeah, I did.

Brain: (getting angry) No, you fucking didn't!

Pinky: Brilliant, someone's gone and lost the fuckin' keys.

Squit: (looks at Pinky while being concerned) Yes, you. You've lost them.

Brain: You must have locked them in the car. (he panics) Oh, God! Oh, God!

Squit: Sorry, Brain. We'll have to smash a window or something.

Brain: (furious) Pinky, you dolt, Imma kill you for that!

Pinky: It's not my fault.

Brain: It is entirely your fault!

Pinky: I always lock my car like that!

Pesto: But yours must be different.

Wakko: It's shitty, for one.

Brain: (sarcastically angry) Thanks, Wak!

Pinky: If my lil' bro was here, he'd be able to get into it in two seconds flat. He used to jack Ferraris in New York City for the Mafia.

Brain: (bops Pinky in the head with a pencil in anger) How is that total bullshit helpful?!

Squit: Enough! OK, you three hold it. We'll go and find something to smash a window with.

Pinky: (rubbing his head looking dizzy) Hey! Why do me, Pesto and Wak have to hold the fuckin' car?!

Squit: Well, obviously, because you three are the strongest.

(Pinky, Pesto and Wakko hold the car.)

Pesto: Huh. It's true, we are.

Brain: What the fuck, why are there no rocks?! It's the countryside! Why aren't there any fuckin' rocks?! What are we gonna smash the window with now?!

Squit: Well, I dunno. Pinky's face?!

(Brain and Squit leave to find the rocks.)

Pinky: My arms hurt. I don't know why they're bothering to get rocks anyways. The way I look at it, it's inevitable that the car's gonna dive into the lake.

Wakko: I suppose it's nature. You can't fight nature.

Pesto: Exactly.

Pinky: It's going in anyway, I'm legitimately sweatin', my arms achin', we might as well just let go.

Pesto: Do you think Brain will kill us all?

Pinky: How can he? He hates it anyways. It's logical. We can't stop it.

Wakko: We are stopping it now.

Pinky: It's inevitable, Wak, trust me. We'll let go after three, do ya hear?

Pesto & Wakko: Gotcha.

Pinky: One, two, three. Go!

(They let go of the car as the car starts rolling down again. Brain and Squit finally got some rocks but Brain saw his car going down as he panicked and dropped the rocks.)

Brain: NO! Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

(The car went into the lake as there was a short silence, then Pesto picked the rock up and smashed the back window.)

Brain: Why did you do that?!

Pesto: You said smash a window. Look, there ya go!

Brain: NO! No, no, no! (Brain went into the lake and tried to get his car out and shortly gives up, looking at Pinky, Squit, Pesto and Wakko furiously) You assholes. You total pair of fuckin' scumbags!

Pesto: Relax, B. We'll just wait 'til morning and rescue it when the tide's out.

Brain: It's just a fucking lake, Pesto, the tide isn't going out! (He emotionally tears up) I've wasted my whole 14 years hanging around with you fuckin' morons! I wish I'd never met y'all at all! I can't wait to move to Swansea! I fuckin' hate you, fuck you! FUCK YOU!

Squit: Come on, Brain, come outta the water and dry off, you could get sick, I'm sure we'll think of something.

Brain: You never think of anything. You've just got an accent that makes us think you're clever, but you're not, are ya?! You're just as much of a fuckin' idiot as these three!

Squit: (he frowns) Wow, harsh.

Brain: You scumbags, you total, total scumbags! (he continues to get the car out) Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! (he gives up trying to get the car out)

Wakko: Do you want a lager, B?

Brain: Yes, please.

(Brain got out of the lake as they all go back to the camping area.)

Pinky: (he took Brain's keys out of his back pocket) Oh, shit! I did have the keys.

Squit: Uhhh...yeah. Probably wouldn't mention it. Like ever!

Pinky: Y'right! As a matter of fact! (he throws the car keys into the lake and leaves)

(Squit N/R: So, Brain's shitty yellow Fiat was gone forever.)

The Final Part: A Disgustingly Happy Ending

(But look on the bright side, at least Pinky did beat me at Monopoly now despite I've lost $1,500. But the last thing I wanted to have is Pesto burning my $10,000 suitcase for fire.)

(Squit and Brain watching Squit's suitcase being burnt down.)

Squit: Hey. Which do you think burns better, B, my suitcase or my dignity? Heh, heh, heh, heh. (sighs all sadly)

Brain: Yeah, ha-ha. Nice try, but this is now officially the worst night I've ever had. Let's just go home.

Wakko: How?

Squit: Call your dad, B. If you think about it, it's sort of his fault we're here anyways.

Brain: Ha, sorry, no chance. He's gonna go ballistic about picking us up at 2 in the morning. What about your lil' bro, Pinky?

Pinky: Nah. He's out with my dad, private poker tournament in Las Vegas with Danny Dyer and the Krays.

Squit: Wait. Aren't the Krays dead?

Pinky: No! That's just a cover story cos they done a bunk from prison. They're holed up in one of me dad's warehouses.

Brain: Of course.

(short silence)

Pinky: Shall we swap phones again to cheer us all up.

Squit: Sure, why not.

(They all swap their phones back to their previous precision)

Pinky: (reads text) Oh, Brain, you got a message for your insurance company, they said, "We're sorry about the car. One of our retarded staff sended you the wrong car. Just burn it, dump it, kill it with fire. We're sorry for the delay for the last 2 years. Your old one will be back in 2 days." Hmph, looks like you're not in trouble at all, Brain.

Brain: (confused but relieved) Huh, that was anticlimactic. Plus, I knew they tried to rip me off anyways.

Squit: (reads text) Oh. Looks like your dad and your brother are taking a break from that made-up poker tournament, Pinky. Your dad's just texted you back.

Pinky: Oh, shit. What did he say?

Squit: "You're sick, son. Your ma was right about sending you to that shrink."

Pinky: (looks nervous) What's he on about, that fuckin' asshole? Talkin' jack-shit as usual.

Wakko: (checks phone) You got a text, too, Pesto. It's from your babe. Maybe you should read it. (gives phone back to Pesto)

Pesto: Oh, thank you, God. Thank you.

Pinky: She said yes to the marriage proposal?

Pesto: Even better. It says, "You dopey prick. Not pregnant. Tested positive for" What's that say, Squit?

Squit: (read carefully) "Chlamydia."

Pesto: Nice! (short silence) Dafuq's chlamydia?

Squit: Well, how shall I put this, Pesto? You no longer have a child on the way but you do have an STD.

Pesto: (celebrates) I got an STD! Yes, an STD! Whoo!

Pinky: (continues to reads texts) Oh. It's from Billie and your dad. It says… (Brain snatches his phone back from Pinky) Douche!

(Brain reads the text from Billie and his dad, then suddenly smiles.)

Pinky: (curiously) Well?

Squit: Shall we go to bed? It is getting late.

Wakko: Yep, good idea.

(They all went in the tent.)

Pinky: Well...what did it say?

(Squit N/R: Brain was never this cagey. When it came to Billie or his dad, he normally wore his heart on his sleeve and his boner in his pants. Maybe he had other things on his mind.)

(Brain looks at the light in the tent while he was lying down.)

Brain: (slightly annoyed) So we had a light this whole time?

Pinky: Oh, shit, yeah. Forgot about that one. Sorry, man.

Brain: So, my car went into the lake for no reason?

Pesto: I'm upset too, B. I got my first hand job in that car. Who's gonna wanna gimme a hand job when I'm a dad?

Pinky: You're not gonna be a dad, remember, Pesto?

Pesto: (pondered) Oh, yeah!

Pinky: Whatever. Look, even if we did get it out, I doubt it would work anyway. I think the engine's flooded.

Brain: Is that supposed to be funny, Pinky?

Pinky: Did I say it was funny tho?

Brain: (pondered) Good point. I also felt happy I'm not going to Swansea next week. My grandpa cancelled the trip because he was broke.

(They all laugh.)

(Squit and Wakko came into the tent looking disgusted.)

Brain: How was the trench?

Squit: (looking disgusted) Wakko and I had to wipe our asses with leaves.

Brain: (disgusted) Jesus.

Squit: And I think there were some ants in there, so I now literally have ants in my pants. And soil, and some earwigs.

Wakko: I never wanna do that again.

Pesto: Hey. Do you remember that first time we slept in a tent in my back garden and Pinky pissed himself? (laughs)

Brain: Yeah, we had to come in the house at about midnight because Pinky got scared. (laughs)

Pinky: Yeah, I was scared that Pesto's dad was about to come out and rape us!

Pesto: (furious and disgusted) Just...go fuck yourself.

Squit: And on that familiar note, it's good night. (lies down in his sleeping bag) Sorry about your car, B.

Brain: Doesn't matter. It was a piece-of-shit car, anyway. Thanks for the send-off. For the last 2 years, I always knew they were trying to scam me in the first pla... (holds his nose) Jesus, that stinks, Pesto, was that a fart?

Pesto: Nah, Wakko and I burped. It ain't great, though.

Wakko: Yeah, I think it's them sausages.

Brain: Whatever. Good night.

Pinky: Well, I'll get the fuckin' light, then, shall I? (turns off the light) Night, mah boys.

(long silence)

Wakko: B, I was wondering, when you die?

Brain: Yeah?

Wakko: What do you want us to do with Squit? Like, look after him and stuff?

Squit: I'm not a stray cat, Wak.

Pinky: Yeah, but you do shit in a hole in the ground tho. (laughs)

Squit: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.

Wakko: I just worry about you, that's all.

Squit: I think I'll be fine. Good night. (lies back down) Thanks, though, Wak.

(Wakko suddenly vomits on Squit)

Squit: (furious/disgusted) UGH! FUCKIN' HELL, IT'S IN MY HAIR!

Wakko: (feeling dizzy) I think it's the sausages.

Pinky: (panics and turns the light back on) Fuck dat! I've gotta get out. I've gotta get out!

Brain: (disgusted) Oh, God, the smell. It always makes me puke.

Squit: Please don't puke in here.

Brain: Oh no. (vomits)

Squit: (disgusted/annoyed) Oh, you have.

Wakko: I don't feel well. (vomits again)

(Brain pukes again)

Pesto: Help me! (vomits so much)

Pinky: Oh, shit, the smell. Oh, God, doublepuke!

Squit: JUST GET THE FUCKIN' TENT OPEN, PINKY!

Pinky: (tries to find the zip) I can't find the zip! I can't find the zip! Oh no! (vomits on the tent zip)

(Squit looks at his mini-blade as he knew what he had to do.)

Squit: (angrily) Great!

(Squit rips the tent with the mini-blade and got out, so did Pinky, Brain, Pesto and Wakko. They started walking away together abandoning a damaged tent, a burnt suitcase and Brain's shitty car in the forest)

Squit: (reads text) Oh, my mom's texted me back.

Brain: Is she up for some back door action?

Squit: Nope, it said, "I love you too but I think you're on weed. No offence."

Pinky: If she's up for it, Pesto should get to do her, cos it was his text that got her kinky.

Pesto: True.

Squit: Obviously she's not up for it.

Brain: How do you know?

Wakko: Does it say that pacifically?

Squit: Specifically.

Pesto: Are you sayin' she only likes it in her axe wound? Ha.

Squit: Seriously guys, c'mon, we've got a long walk ahead of us, I'm covered in puke, can we just drop the "yo mama" jokes?

Pinky: I'd like to drop yo mama's jokes. Get it?

(They all laugh while they were walking away from the forest.)

Squit: Okay, that's brilliant, I give ya that! Heh, heh!

(short silence)

Pinky: (putting on his fake Cockney accent) So what are we doing now, Brain?

Brain: The same thing we DON'T do every night, Pinky! Try and call my dad 'coz we're fuckin' lost! (laughs)

Pinky: Yep. Good idea.

Squit: Yep.

Pesto: Yep.

Wakko: Yep.

Brain: (relieved) When I get home, my dad's gonna kick...my...ass!

THE END!

This is the 4th fanfiction episode of The Outsiders. Thx. Hope you liked it. 

[shijiujun]

history3 ep10 summary - POOR SHAO FEI AND TANG YI BB, this is what heartbreak looks like

I JUST ABOUT DIED. I DID. THE LAST PART WAS MAD - just this 30 seconds alone carried the entire fucking episode

We are at the halfway mark - Part of me doesn’t want it to end at all but I need to see the birthday cake and domestic scenes ASAP!! Currently I’m just enjoying the ride and so glad we get to see Chris and Jake and Andy and Kenny and everyone of those other hot and excellent actors in this show. I’ve never done a GIF or subtitled in all my years on tumblr before History3 - life changing this is what this show is and I’m so happy we’re all doing this together! Let’s make it through the halfway mark together omgosh excited guys!!!!!

Shopping scene with Shao Fei + Hong Ye: Hong Ye is telling SF to walk faster they go into a department store and she keeps changing clothes OMG LOL THEY ARE SO CUTE TGT!!! She wears smth with ruffles and then asks SF how it looks and then he’s like ‘why do u look like a seaweed’ and she’s like ‘who’s a seaweed you’re a seaweed’ and then she dances LOL and then LOL HE FELL ASLEEP WHILE SHOPPING WITH HER AND LOST HER omg Shao Fei seriously

They’re playing a game on the escalator this is the funniest shit and OF COURSE she brings him to a lingerie shop and omg Shao Fei so poor thing just sits there and OMG YAS HONG YE SISTER-BROTHER RIVALRY and she buys him UNDERWEAR and she’s like “hang on a second, this is too big for you, you need a smaller one” LOL BURN

Carpark/shooting scene: They’re almost like friends or something, although later after we see the hong ye and bodyguard ah de scene you’ll realise why she was speaking to shao fei like that (because she knew smth was going to happen and she thought everything was going to go to plan but who knew they were coming with guns) and anw, then the bullets start going off and shao fei protects her with all of his body like OH MY GOD - And wow the angle of the shot and how it struck SF is totally wrong and omggg this scene was faster than I thought JESUS CHRIST - is it just me or did Shao Fei get hit on the wrong side? Either they missed a scene or the bullet came from elsewhere

and then we get the scene of tang yi storming into the hospital and he goes straight for hong ye first, hugs her as she cries etc. and then hot doctor is there and when hot doctor is NOT SMILING  YOU KNOW SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN - anyway, the nurse tells hot doctor that the surgery has been prepped, and then hot doctor nods and says ‘let’s go’ - and that’s when tang yi REMEMBERS AND LOOKS UP - “is that for meng shao fei?” And his look of absolute regret is ridiculous

and hot doctor just somberly nods 

Police chief STILL DOESNT KNOW THAT SHAO FEI HAS BEEN SHOT omg he’s going around doing his usual shit and everyone is clearing shit with him and fuck he misses shao fei so much I like that they finally show that shao fei is useful in the office and everyone is dependent on him and then suddenly Yu Qi turns up because she somehow got the call that shao fei is in the hospital

Oh goddddd Tang Yi’s face as he sits there AND LOL Dao yi (glasses guy) knows police chief quite well he called him Brother Bao, and tells him to calm down and they will take care of everything but POLICE CHIEF AINT HAVING NONE OF THAT BULLSHIT he pushes dao yi aside and this is one of the only times he can legit grab a mob boss by the neck and not get shot at after - police chief loves Shao Fei so much you can tell he totally lost it and Hong Ye genuinely feels bad and she’s saying sorry over and over to him as tang yi sits there catatonic - tang yi is totally quiet

also not sure if you guys caught it but the older guy in the investigative team, the one who always kind of says smth subtly bad about shao fei, he shot a look to bodyguard ah de when police chief was confronting tang yi in the hospital - they are totally up to something, corrupt police!!!!

The rest of the investigative team - LOL Zhao zi: “wow I’ve never seen police boss chief grab someone so much larger than him by the neck” - Yu Qi really likes Shao Fei, she’s crying by herself at the stairs and police chief is the one who’s standing by Shao fei’s door the moment he’s out of surgery and he scoffs “what ‘they’ll take care of everything’? the moment they heard shao fei was going to pull through they all left’- he tells zhao zi that they’ll start investigating who the fuck was behind the shooting and reminds them all to be careful

Captain Shi: “those who dare to touch any one from the investigative team, I’ll bring them all back to the police station!!!!”

OMG WE GET THE SCENE WHERE TANG YI IS HOTLY WALKING AND RIPPING OFF HIS JACKET AND OH JESUS CHRIST BRASS KNUCKLES?!!! Anw here’s the gem oh my god: Tang yi comes in where the culprit is already seated and he tells everyone to get the fuck out (OMG YOU KNOW HE MEANS BUSINESS) 

Ah De is like ‘boss, this is a small thing, let me do it’ - and he’s so damn insistent on interrogating the culprit himself even though tang yi is literally ready to set fire on the bitch you know and i’m like AH DE THAT IS SO NOT SMART YOU WANNA DIE?!

and well, we all called it - tang yi hears that and he’s like wtf and he gets mad, hauls bodyguard ah de off his feet and slams him against the wall and yells: “SMALL THING?! HE TOUCHED MY PEOPLE, AND YOU CALL IT A SMALL THING?!”

and bodyguard is like fuckkkk: “yes i’m sorry boss, i said the wrong thing, i’ll leave now”

and then he goes out and hovers by the door while tang yi puts on his brass knuckles and starts punching the dude who is yelling a bit like... not realistically HAHAHAHA - and omg Jack hit it right on the nail, he asked Brother De why he looks so worried and ‘jokingly’ asks, “why, do u know the person inside?” And Brother De is so angry and defensive - jack totally knows what is up

Brother de and Hong Ye meet up and here we find out that they ordered the hit on shao fei in a sense to get rid of him - they wanted to show tang yi that shao fei can’t protect anyone and then chase him away, but they were supposed to come teach shao fei a lesson with like wooden sticks and not guns - hong ye was a bit stunned by that as well and she asked ah de like wtf did you really want to kill me?! and ah de is like confused also, he doesn’t really know how the plan went wrong?! and hong ye is like, whatever, i will cooperate with you only up to here, if tang yi manages to get any answers, it’s all on you (like not cool hong ye, tang yi would totes forgive you if you just admitted it i think)

anyway, switch to the balcony scene with tang yi and jack, where jack asks who it was that ordered the hit, and tang yi says: “chen wen hao”

okay so my theory is that maybe chen wen hao really has smth to do with this - he kind of derailed the plan and changed it to legitly wanting to kil hong ye and shao fei (more hong ye than shao fei more likely) - but right now they dont know it they just think that they’re safe and their story checks out

Okay so Hong Ye and Dao Yi - Gosh she’s kind of a brat but I get where she’s coming from. anyway she leaves brother de and then dao yi is waiting for her in the carpark - the man knows he way better than she knows herself, and i think he knows that she had something to do with the shooting, but he didn’t say anything except to hint that she better leave shao fei up to tang yi and stop trying to interfere. hong ye is adamant that shao fei is a different kind of person from them, and dao yi is like: “that’s for the boss to decide. the way he treats him... shao fei is different to him”

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SOMEONE SAYING IT AS IT IS FINALLY NO MORE SUBTLE LOOKS AND SMILES SOMEONE SAID IT

and anw, hong ye manages to make this entire thing about her and how dao yi doesn’t love her - sister, i really get you and dao yi really needs to get his shit together, but srsly, a man just got shot for you because you were unhappy with his presence - and gosh unrequited (actually requited) love, but i get her in this part

but seriously, i get that she want shao fei out of the way but they way she did it was totally wrong, does she not know that tang yi is soft for him and cares for him like he has no one else before? she was willing to hurt him to make a point, and then ah de is - gosh dude get a grip

AND OMGGGGGG TANG YI’S FACE AS HE IS BY SHAO FEI’S BEDSIDE - this is what heartbreak looks like guys, he looks like he’s saying goodbye and his fucking expression - wow Chris did a fucking good job he totally looks heartbroken and as if shao fei died or smth, he’s holding his hand and air-tracing his nose and he looks like he’s going to cry - HE REALLY LOVES HIM GUYS - the emotion was really right on point

(and lol the chinese audience - they were scolding tang yi during the first part of the ep because he didn’t seem to have much of a reaction to shao fei’s injury and then when the last part came everyone went BATSHIT CRAZY)

what the fuck is going to happen next episode? i ask, but i know already - tang yi is getting ready to say goodbye to shao fei and push him away because he realised how dangerous it is for shao fei to be around him BUT OUR FAVE CHARACTERS WILL FIND SOME WAY TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN NO WORRIES I DOUBT THEIR BREAKUP WILL LAST MORE THAN AN EP

[macgyvers]

okay so i finally finished watching love is blind and i have some THOUGHTS

cameron is the sweetest guy in the WORLD and everyone’s right like he is the epitome of calm ??? his voice ?? his persona?? he’s just like The Chill Scientist and the way he was crying when lauren walked down that aisle ?????? MA’AM you just KNOW it was so real for him ??? I HAVE MAD RESPECT for how he handled meeting lauren’s dad for the first time too??? THE CLASS??

i am LIVING for lauren’s family and how tight-knit everybody is (couldn’t help thinking how POCs will always have better family dynamics i said what i said) and i was BAWLING my eyes out when her father saw her in her wedding dress??? i hate her baby voice though and her “oh my god that’s sO cuUuUuUute” @ everything like shh no 

listen i keep forgetting kenny and kelly were even there in mexico but after that last episode, UMMMMM KENNY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER 

say what you want to make yourself feel better kelly but you led the poor guy on and you can’t even admit it to yourself. lmao this chick is really out here talking about how she’s not as physically attracted to him as he is to her lmaoooo full of yourself much??? also like i don’t get it because she said the physical attraction was DEFINITELY there in mexico so idk what she’s going on about ????? talking about how she’s more into brunettes like okay you said you love him and call him your soulmate but won’t marry him because of his hair color?? LMAOOOOO 

kenny and kelly were literally the ones with families who were the quickest to get on board and YET LMAOOOOO kelly sucks. i said what i said

jessica is hands down one of the most annoying people i’ve ever had to watch on reality tv like the urge to literally skip all her scenes with mark was STRONG and she should STOP drinking because she’s a fucking mess. absolutely rude and disrespectful (not just when she’s drunk) and she’s just ???? NO. i like her even less than i like kelly and that’s saying something. also her constantly trying to initiate things with barnett like girl you’re EMBARRASSING yourself. i’m pretty sure she just stuck around for her 10 seconds of fame. she’s a sad, sad, sad woman. ALSO HER FORCED BABY VOICE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT MADE ME CRINGE SO MUCH LIKE SHUT UP like did y’all notice that by the end of the show, her voice went way deeper LMAOOO

mark is so sweet and so patient and so loyal but i agree like he related everything to his mom and it was a TAD creepy and he keeps saying such chliche things but he means well 

i genuinely did not think amber and barnett would actually end up getting married ??? but they did ??? do i see them lasting in the long run though?? lol nope !!! honestly i wouldn’t wanna marry amber like i’m sorry but her grilling him and making him choose a side between her and his family was just plain uncomfortable to see. she’s so aggressive and all over barnett and i was just like ‘girl STOP. respect yourself please. jesus’ 

barnett was a total fuckboy at first which i understood because he’s the best looking guy in the show and he is pretty funny and he knows all that but i appreciate that he didn’t do anything even when messica was drunkenly draping herself all over him

damian is a SCARY dude okay i don’t think he’s attractive at all and i just............ he seems like he’d be a really controlling boyfriend/husband like he wants things to go his way and when it doesn’t, he like tries to invalidate the other person’s feelings. i wish he had been paired up with someone a bit more emotionally mature so we can see if that’s actually who he is or if it’s a just reaction to someone as childish as giannina but oh well 

giannina is honestly so emotionally immature, so hot and cold, and when she feels an argument isn’t going her way, she runs away. she is also very hypocritical at times like with getting angry at damian for looking at his phone when she does the same thing. i liked her at first, and i appreciate her honesty and her realness, but she doesn’t need a boyfriend. she needs a sugar daddy. she’s honestly a brat and by the time the show was over, i was done with her. what happened with her at the altar was embarrassing af though and i do feel for her and she’s pretty af but.................... it’s a no from me dawg

[cwdcshows]

The Flash - S6 E7 - The Last Temptation of Barry Allen Pt 1

Holy shit, this CGI is bad.  What the fuck. That does, stop fucking using CGI unless you could make it look good.  Jesus tap dancing Christ.  Earlier today I answer a question on Quora about whether CGI in movies getting worse; and the answer is, it really is, because everyone has to use it for every fucking thing these days, even for the simplest fucking effect that could be done practically, but they still use CGI instead.  Some of it is because it's actually still cheaper than a practical effect, but it's gotten to the point that effects houses are going bankrupt, because so many things want CGI now, that they don't have time to do all it right, so they have to do it fast and cheap; such that even blockbuster movies get the substandard CGI effects, in order for the movies to be ready in time, then the effects companies are expected to go back and improve the CGI in time for at home media release, often for little if any additional cost.  This drives all of the smaller effects houses out of business and makes the workload for the remaining effects companies even worse, perpetuating the problem.

And I get using CGI on fucking Elongated Man, but did they have to fucking CGI Dr. Coffee Guy?  When they first went over the edge, he looked about ten shades paler than the dude should be; for a second it looked more like Grant Gustin than fucking Sendhil Ramamurthy.... Was that shitty, shitty CGI even necessary for the 10 seconds of super fake flailing, just to cut to the real actors laying on the ground?  It's more jarring than anything; it was like they briefly accidentally cued up a clip from a cartoon before switching to the program that was supposed to be airing.  And splitting the logo in between literally and figuratively destroyed any concept of momentum of these two supposedly falling from a large height. I get Dr. CG being a dick to other people's personal property, and it's par for the course in a superhero battle, but for like a split second they actually had me thinking that Ralph might do the honorable thing and not completely total some random person's car by flinging it down the block.... How did Frost even know Ralph was there much less the need to look for him? Has Caitlin honestly been suppressed for last the 6+ episodes? Convenient that Barry's magic blood is also the type that won't kill three-quarters of the population.  In which case, should he donate blood as often as possible and spread his healing factor?  Or what Flash blood become some sort of commodity, that people would clamor for to such a degree that it'd be best to keep it a secret? With his heightened metabolism, how often could Barry donate? I'm not suggesting that Team Flash strap Barry down and basically turning him into their own figurative and literal blood bank, but I'm also not not saying they should do that.  Add a few electrodes to harness his speed force lightning and feed it onto the grid, and Barry is basically.... I don't know, Buddah, Jesus and Santa rolled into one or something. You know what response you don't give when someone asks about your husbands secret alter-ego? "How did you know?" That's pretty much a dead give away, especially if the other person only has a sneaking suspicion or nothing verified. Sure, having them do the whole "you're husband's the Flash," "No he's not," "Yes, he is," "Okay, you got me," dance would be tedious, but surely there's a better way of doing this whole stupid story than having someone who should know better speak out of telling someone he didn't know somebody else's vital secret and other people just rolling with it. The stuff going on inside Barry's head is fair; the Thanksgiving feast with the goo is sufficiently creepy, they work the angst well enough with Barry not getting to hold Nora.  I just can't help but think they could have worked this all better with a single focus A story and not divide it with the newspaper crap or even tease it with Ralph's attack kicking it off.   These psychological stuff makes me think of the Star Trek TNG episode Frame of Mind, where Riker is inside his own head and finds himself bouncing back and forth between two distinct "realities" and state of minds and he becomes uncertainty which is real (as it turns out neither are) And I feel like that's the sort of structure this episode could have made really good use of.  They didn't need Ralph being attacked to set the stage, they didn't even need to tell us right away that Barry wasn't in his right state of mind at first, but let it build gradually; then go back and reveal how he got there at some point much later.   Just playing on the whole concept of "the temptation of Barry Allen" theme and him wanting to hold baby Nora, that could have been part of the built in concept of the episode, where we see Barry leading an otherwise ordinary life with Iris and Nora in some idyllic world where either he never was the Flash or he'd given it up after the Crisis; and then slowly the facade begins to fade and he begins to realize he's not where he thinks he is. He's dead. everybody's dead. Everybody is dead, Barry.

I mean.... Barry has literally seen the "people" Dr. CG has infected and he knows that what he's saying is complete bullshit; so why would he suddenly be tempted with this obvious lie that accept his goo will let him save others without consequence? So which is it, Ramsey's telling lies or holds the key to Barry's salvation?  Nothing they've shown suggested anything good for Barry if he just gives in.  Yeah, I get that he's playing on Barry's fear or dying and leaving the people closest to him and giving everything up to save the world, yet Ramsey's offer doesn't seem like it should be the least bit appealing with regards to those fears.  He's completely full of shit and Barry would have to be a fucking idiot not to remember what blending with not-Venom had done to other people.  Who the fuck would want to live that way? A scene that should be really great - Barry angry about the speed force "choosing him" and facing his mortality - is undermined by the sheer stupidity of the alternative he's entertaining; never mind the fact that, once again, Barry is obviously not going to actually die and stay dead following the crisis, so this whole fucking bullshit is pointless anyway.  All it does is diminish the original story where Barry Allen had to make a split second decision to either save lives or think about himself and he chose to be a hero. Oh, for fuck sake, what the hell is this shit now and Frost having a panic attack with Barry's critical medical health? Oh no, Barry killed his not-mom....whatever will happen now..... 🙄 🤦‍♂️

Oh, I guess he just needed a V8.....

or 10, or whatever.... Gee, I wonder if he really beat it, since this is fucking PART ONE! Can I just say, Barry's mom is pretty hot.  The one thing this episode has going for it is actually giving Michelle Harrison something to do on this series, other than die or be put on some sort of Virgin Mary-esque pedestal. This scene with Iris writing the Crisis article is weird.  I mean, for one, again, he's definitely still going to be alive when all is said and done after Crisis is over, but that aside, is there such urgency to begin writing this article before the events even happen, that she needs to start working on it right now?  Is she afraid it won't be ready in time?  And for that matter, there's an important paradox factor here, which is that they're trying to play this scene as if it has all this deep and profound heart as she comes up with the words for the article - but she's already seen the fucking article and what at least the first couple of paragraphs say.  It's the bootstrap paradox, so aptly explained by the 12th Doctor.

And you might say, perhaps the article changes, the way the date and author has been previously been shown to change, but therein lies another paradox - is it only changing because she's intentionally trying to write something else and is it that why it changes? Seriously, what the fuck?  The last episode had Nash and Allegra go through this stupid song and dance where Allegra needed to us her powers to see where certain mineral was, so Nash would know where to dig; and now he just brings this big honking device that unleashing a pulse 6' in diameter and clears everything away like it's no big deal. Fuck you, writers. Wait, wait, I know this; the engraved characters say, "For a good time, call Brainiac 5" Halle-fucking-lujah.  Can I just say, after melting my brain watching Days of Our Lives again recently, because I'm genuinely that bored, it's actually refreshing that someone uses their God damn brain and recognizes when someone is acting out of the ordinary or under the influence of some mind altering whatever... Man, I wonder if Barry and the rest if his team will manage to overcome this latest hurdle before Crisis in two weeks....