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brandonno2 · 4 years

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Explain how to zip a zipper in 13 steps

1. Find a zipper. Depending on where you live, this could be difficult as zippers are intimidated by other predatory clothing mechanisms such as Velcro or metal cuff links.

2. Befriend the zipper slowly, by leaving trinkets such as soft pieces of fabric and worn logos near where you have encountered it.

3. Once you have gained the trust of the zipper, find out where the pull is. There’s no uniform place for every zipper, but the type can help:

- The straight zipper. If you are dealing with this species, the zipper is most likely located at the most frayed end. Do not touch it yet, as this could startle the zipper.

-The Hydra zipper. This variant of the straight zipper is a bit more aggressive, but if you’ve played your cards right their pull should be ok to find. Simply follow their jagged edge of either head to the split, and the zipper should be there. If not, try searching along the dominant head of the hydra, as it could have detached during its development.

- The Möbius. This zipper uses psychological confusion to frighten its enemies into running away, so congratulations on finding a cooperative individual. A usual spot for the pull on this type is a bit hard to spot: when it is frightening others or running, observe where it balances itself on the zipper. It is likely that the Möbius zipper is using the pull as a platform to steady itself.

- The cursed. This is the only type that is carnivorous, so I pity your struggle in befriending this type. The cursed hangs mementos of its victims along itself, so look for a place where these remains are the most frequent. This biological feature may be mistaken for a mane, but if you look at the centre a zipper most likely is there. If not you’ve befriended a shell of a cursed, and while they make excellent war beasts they have no zipper, so find a different individual,

4. Determine the type of pull you are dealing with. These can be separated into different types:

- bell types have one hole and are the most common type of pull.

- lures glow or shine, and can come in any form, though most don’t have a hole.

-flats do not have a hole and are usually shaped with sharp faces, used for offence. Use caution.

- Bling pulls are shaped to emulate a valuable object, usually developed in feral urban zippers. These usually resemble a precious metal, jewel or hard currency. Do not touch, as they are paralysing.

5. When you have determined these factors, leave the zipper a diet of nylon, silk and pink food dye, helped if blessed by an eldritch being (such as a gaudy patronus), a divine seer or someone who unironically wears jests, jeeves, jandals, jresses, jants, jlown joveralls or jies.

6. Aquire proper safety equipment.

- if dealing with a hydra, find some music it likes and 2 speakers. These will be used to sedate the hydra with music and bring it to a calmed state. If dealing with a möbius, bring a childhood memento and safety goggles, mirrored with brass or silver. The möbius instinctively uses the memory-consuming ability of its ancestor, the blighted, and will exhaust itself attempting to gain sustenance from the memento. The safety goggles are to protect yourself from its psychological attacks. If dealing with a cursed, get military grade sedative and a steel-lined suit of armour, without any flesh exposed.

-if dealing with a lure, find some music that’s really high energy (I would recommend wonderland: round 3 by Griffin McElroy) to distract yourself from the lure. If dealing with a flat, find some thick gloves to not cut yourself on the flap. If dealing with a bling, get some common cola to neutralise the paralytic acid on the pull.

Regardless of what you are dealing with, you need to get one gear forged from copper that can fit in the palm of your hand.

7. When you are ready, grab the pull and start to zip it while holding the gear in the other hand. This will send you into a semi-hallucinogenic trip, but this trip has real repercussions. Try not to panic.

8. The trip will send you into a barren plain that interlocks with a mechanical gear. Look for a figure wearing a suit with small teething marks in the elbows, neck and waist. If he turns toward you, DO NOT LOOK AT HIS FACE.

9. Approach this figure, and introduce yourself last name first. If he puts his open hand forward, place the gear in his hand. If he places his fist forward, plant the gear in the ground.

10. You will then find yourself in a room with a skeleton that claims to be an ancient emperor. Create him an outfit with as many zippers as possible, using tools that you can conjure at will.

11. The emperor will ask you to fight a flayed man, a hive or a risen. Reject all of these offers, no matter how insistent he is. Do not harm him.

12. Once you have denied him 3 times, you will wake up. Continue pulling until you have almost reached the stopper.

13. You may notice several burned symbols around you. Ignore these, remind yourself of who you are and finish zipping.

#long post #too scared to ping anyone #krystal-prism

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