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yeolsmuffin · 8 years ago

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Married to a Monster - Twenty [M]

Paring: jonginXreader, minseokXreader

Word Count: 7.8k

Genre: Angst, fluff, mature || husband!Jongin, best friend!Jongdae, best friend!Minseok

Summary: Being forced into a marriage with your first love/childhood best friend is messy - especially when he was the sole reason you attempted to kill yourself and the reason your body is riddled with scars. Old wounds were opened but you pushed yourself to figure things out, if not for yourself, then for your deceased sister whose death seemed to keep haunting you and Jongin.

Trigger warning: talks of self-harm, descriptions of scars, and trauma. Light smut.

"I don't want you to go."

"I will be with you both every time the sun shines, the birds sing, and the wind blows," she said touching your nose before disappearing.

You were crying so hard that you didn't even realize you woke up until Jongin sat up and wrapped his arms around you, "What's wrong?" He asked frantically. He searched your face, trying to decipher what was wrong but he couldn't so he just pressed himself closer to you.

You couldn't answer him as you gripped tightly onto his shirt. "I love you," you said instead as you cried and you swore you could still smell Hani's perfume.

Things slowly began to change as the seasons began to.

You quit school for a short time, pouring all of your energy into your family's business and while it wasn't what you wanted, your parents were happy.

While Jongdae and Minseok would always be your best friends, you saw them a lot less. Minseok in particular – who you would occasionally see leave and come home but you kept your distance. The two of you still seemed to be healing and you didn't want to reopen any wounds. Instead of hanging out with them and Baekhyun, you became close to Kyungsoo who was quiet but a lot like you in ways. He had loved Hani and lost her, just as you had, he enjoyed writing where you enjoyed painting, and the two of you both had a deep love for classical music.

Branching out from your two friends wasn't easy but in a way, you knew it had to be. For so many years they had held you up and now you were finally standing on your own feet.

Outside of Kyungsoo, you would go on runs with Yixing twice a week and you had even made a friend named Kat that you met when you and Kyungsoo had volunteered at the nearby animal shelter.

Life had started to finally pick up and while you thought things would progress between you and Jongin, they felt as if they were going in slow motion while the world around you spun.

Your old bedroom had been turned into yours and Jongin's master bedroom the way it was supposed to be and his room was now your art room. Even with sharing a bed, cuddling at night, kissing in the morning, and sweet 'I love you's', you didn't feel like you had reached the 'boyfriend and girlfriend' stage.

Sometimes you guys would go out to dinner but the relationship never seemed to get more than surface deep and it was starting to bother you. Technically, the two of you were already married but you didn't feel like his wife.

It didn't help that the two of you had years of sexual tension to compensate for that Jongin made no move to remove.

In a desperate attempt for some advice you had once brought it up to Kyungsoo and he looked like he almost had a heart attack.

"You're like a little sister. There is no way I'm giving you advice on seducing Kai," he had told you.

But it was more than seducing him. You just wanted to get to that point in your relationship. Things needed to evolve because something just felt off and as if there was no passion or fire behind the love Jongin had for you lately.

He was loving you gently and that was the last thing you wanted. You wanted a passionate and fiery love that made you explode. You were sick of being the one that everyone was too afraid to break. It made sense why you were that in the past, but you weren't the same girl anymore.

Was it too soon get to that point with Jongin?

You thought it wasn’t as you had almost reached that point with Minseok not that long ago - and the thought made your heart clench uncomfortably.

Sex could complicate things but it could also open things up and at this point, you were certain it was the only thing you could do to get to where you wanted to be in the relationship.

So by the time Jongin's birthday rolled around, your friend Kat had convinced you to surprise him.

"I don't know, Kat, he looks at me like I might break," you said with a sigh while the two of you looked around the lingerie shop.

She glanced back at you with a devilish smirk, "This will help!" And she pulled at a red see-through fabric, "How can he think you're breakable if you're dressed like this?" And she held up a tiny thong.

You cringed at the thought of Jongin seeing you in something and as you did, you groaned. If you cringed at the idea of him seeing you in something then you definitely weren't in the place you needed to be. It was common for a married woman to be excited to dress sexy for her husband, but for you, you weren't sure how to feel.

It was a topic that you and Jongin hadn't even skated around talking about nor had his hands ever went anywhere even remotely dangerous. Always on top of your clothes and held firmly.

"Relax there, puppy," Kat said gently as she grabbed your hand to release it from the silk lingerie you had unintentionally grabbed and knotted up in your hand. "It will work out, okay? You two have been in love with each other for so long. Maybe he's just scared you aren't ready for it, mm? If you show him you are, there's no way he'll deny you."

You gave her a look. She hadn't known the whole story or the way Jongin had treated you in the past. The thing was, it was just that – the past. There was no need to relive it when you wanted to move past it. Since Kat wasn't around for it all, it was best to just summarize that you and Jongin had a falling out and didn't get along for a short period. Kat didn't understand why Jongin had treated you like such a fragile person but even if she had, you were certain that her advice would be the same: to take your relationship to the next level in an attempt to deepen the bond.

So, you let her have this one and bought the deep blue almost see-through baby doll dress that actually made you feel good about your body when you put it on.

It hit just below your bottom and had a ruffled edge that made you want to spin in circles and watch how it flowed around you.

Regardless of how good it made you feel, you were a shaking mess on Jongin's birthday.

The two of you had dinner together at your favorite restaurant and while you had chosen a simple black dress, you were suddenly insecure about every piece of showing skin – no doubt because you would be showing a lot of skin to Jongin tonight.

"Are you okay?" Jongin asked quietly while reaching his hand out towards your chin. His hand grasped it, tilting your face in multiple directions as if to inspect you.

The hand that held your wine glass was shaking around the stem and you couldn't find a way to stop it. "I'm okay," you said with a voice that wasn't anywhere near convincing.

He let out a small breath and dropped his hand, "Just because it's my birthday doesn't mean you have to pretend to be okay. If something is wrong, tell me."

His eyes were watching you carefully. "Do you love me?" You asked in a small voice.

"What kind of question is that?" His voice held a tone of hurt, "Of course I do. More than anything. Everything."

"Are you in love with me?"

Reaching for your hand across the table, he smiled. "I've been stupid in love with you for so long that I don't know what not loving you is like."

As you released your wine glass, you grasped his hand. "Lately since everything has... gotten less complicated, I feel like we're in limbo."

Raising a brow, he urged you to continue.

"I feel like we're not moving further in our relationship," you trailed off.

You can see the panic as it made its way onto Jongin's face and instantly, you felt bad for not prefacing your words more.

"I'm not wanting to stop, Jongin. I want to be with you," and with that he relaxed. "I just don't feel like a couple."

Taking your words in, he bit his lip a few times. "What makes you feel like we aren't?"

"Well, I know we are but it's like everything's too platonic. I know you kiss me but it's never..." you trailed off again stopping yourself from saying what your mind had processed into the sentence. It's never like how Minseok kissed you. The difference between the two men was that while Minseok knew you had a past full of self-harm, he wasn't constantly afraid that his touch would cause it. He knew better than that and the few times he had kissed you, weren't held back. Jongin, on the other hand, knew that in the past he had said things to make you hurt yourself and that made you think he was afraid to touch you.

"Never what?" He wondered.

You hummed to yourself for a moment, thinking of a way to word your thoughts. "Never the way I imagine."

He nodded slowly. "I just want to be sure I don't go too fast. I don't want to rush this."

Looking off to the side, you sighed. "I don't think it would be rushing it just to be a little more passionate. You make this relationship so... safe."

"Y/N, don't you understand why?"

Nodding, you squeezed his hand. "I get it, I just want some passion. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to break. Can't you see that?"

But Jongin looked so broken. Even when he was with you. Even when he was smiling. The pain was etched into the fine lines of his face and while he was still young, he seemed so aged. Again, you weren't the only one affected by the actions you had taken. While you may not have been triggered by anything much anymore, it seemed Jongin and Minseok were still reeling - but in different ways. Minseok would touch you and love you, but he was afraid of what you would do to yourself. Jongin loved you but was afraid that his touch and love would make you do something to yourself.

How did trust and people bounce back after someone they love had tried to take their life? It seemed you had bounced back better than those around and the thought made you sick. Hurting yourself hadn't only been a punishment to yourself but a punishment to everyone who loved you.

Putting yourself into Minseok's shoes, you couldn't have imagined standing by while you knew your best friend had a problem. The fear and worry that you would experience would eat you alive. You would be too afraid to leave him alone and you would constantly survey his body for fresh marks. Just the way Minseok had done with you.

Something like that traumatizes those you love even if you think it won't affect them.

Jongin hadn't been there to see the worst of the times. He hadn't seen the blood or you standing on the bridge that day but it was the knowledge alone that was enough to drive him crazy.

You couldn't take it back and you couldn't make it better.

A thousand times you could say you're okay and you forgive him but Jongin would still look in the mirror and see the monster that drove you to hurt yourself.

It reaffirmed that you needed to take your relationship more seriously. If you could show Jongin that you are okay and that you want to be with him in every way you can, maybe then he could free himself from the guilt. You didn't want to live with it anymore or think about it - so this had to be the first step.

"If I move too fast and ruin this, I would never forgive myself. I don't want to lose you again," he looked down at his lap for a moment. "I need you."

"Then don't treat me like I'm going to run away. I'm telling you that I'm not – no, I'm promising." Intertwining your fingers together, you brushed your fingers over his wedding ring. "It's your birthday. Just for one night treat me like you would have if none of this had happened. Embrace teenage Jongin's wants – even if just for now. Please. If you still think that I'm breakable after tonight, then we'll take it slow for as long as you want."

His eyes were dark with confusion and what you hoped was lust if he had caught onto your insinuation. "That's what you want?"

Shaking your head, you sighed. "It's your birthday. It's about what you want. But if it reassures you, yes, that's what I want. I want to be treated like your wife."

"I thought I did treat you like that," he mumbled.

"You do in a way but a husband and wife relationship goes further than cuddling innocently before bed," you said the words carefully, watching his eyes while you spoke and you could see the change as you finished.

Licking his lips, he looked at you with a heavy gaze. "There's no going back after that. Everything would be changed." Here you were, finally talking about sex but the two of you were gently skating around it.

You gave him a firm nod. "I know. That's what I want. I'm ready to be in a real relationship, Jongin." It had been at least two months since you had decided to end things with Minseok for good and while a part of you loved him still, a part of you always wood. Just like part of Jongin would always love Hani. You now had known that you and Minseok weren't meant to be so, it was time. Time to let it go. Time to close off any loose ends.

He narrowed his eyes, "Not having sex doesn't make it any less real." You froze and so did Jongin. It was easier to talk about sex without mentioning it outright and now that Jongin had, it felt that much more real. He looked mortified at what he said and you were sure you looked the same when you felt his hand shake and he leaned across the table, "That's what you meant, right?" He whispered.

"Yes."

"That's what you want from me?"

Pausing for a moment, you and Jongin stared at each other in silence. Once you got the courage, you gave him a nod.

"Tonight?"

You nodded again and you didn't miss the way Jongin's adam's apple moved as he gulped.

The rest of the dinner was surrounded by an awkward silence.

Once the two of you got into his car, Jongin sighed and looked at you. "I think I'm caught in trying to protect you from me. I don't mean to but I just don't want to do anything to jeopardize you, you know?"

Biting your lip a few times, you looked at Jongin. "Why does it seem that even though things have gotten simpler, that they've gotten even more difficult?"

For some reason, you thought the relationship between you and Jongin would click perfectly. That after years of loving each other, hating each other, and breaking each other that maybe you would fall into the perfect passionate and loving relationship. But that wasn't it.

Bringing his hand from the gear shift to your face, he grabbed your cheek lovingly. "I'll try to get to the point you want us at. You think sex will magically fix everything, we'll try okay?"

"It's not like we're virgins, Jongin," you were sure there was a bitter undertone to your words because while you didn't care that neither you or Jongin had saved yourself for each other, it still hurt that he had slept around so much in high school. It was even worse that you had to see and hear about it the whole time you were aching for him to just talk to you again.

It made you thankful that you hadn't gone through with sleeping with Minseok because you couldn't have bounced back from that.

Jongin's eyes closed for a minute. "Y/N-"

"I just don't understand how you can go from fucking literally every girl in sight to not even being able to get to 'second base' with me. Stop treating me like your sister. We're supposed to be in love with each other, aren't we? If you can sleep with someone you don't love, surely you can sleep with someone you do love. See me like a woman for once." The anger was seeping out of you now and you didn’t even think to stop it.

He dropped his hand and you watched him clench his jaw. "You act like I have no sexual desire for you."

You crossed your arms over your chest like a pouting child. "That's how it feels."

You could practically hear his teeth grind together, "You know that's not how it is. I've wanted you since I was a hormonal fucking teenager." His tone was harsh and while it should have hurt you, it didn't. He was angry for the first time since you had been married to him – well, it was the first time it was directed at you. But it was starting to make you angry that Jongin wouldn't touch you – annoyed even. You were bitter, sexually frustrated, and outright confused.

"Why are you holding back then?" And then the next words stumbled out before you could stop them. "Minseok was far more intimate-" you caught yourself finally and brought a hand to your mouth as you stared at Jongin in his eyes.

They darkened with something you couldn't catch and you could see his hand twitch. "Why don't you go be with Minseok then?" He muttered angrily.

Oh my god. You were having your first argument as a couple.

It almost made you want to smile that you were fighting and you would have had Jongin not been staring at you with such an intense gaze that you felt tears prick at your eyes. A fight meant that things were serious. "Jongin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," and your voice started to tremble as you realized what you had done. You compared Jongin to Minseok and that's something you should never do. Comparing two of the loves of your life would be like Jongin comparing you to Hani – which he never did. Jongin made it his goal when you were younger to show you how you were different than Hani, not alike.

He fought his anger. You could see it boiling inside him but he fought the urge to say anything as the two of you sat in the parked car and tried to cool down from the heat of your first argument.

After a few moments, he reached out and gripped your hand, "I'm sorry too. I know you didn't mean that because I didn't mean what I said. You're right. I haven't been fair to you. Let's go home, okay? Let's go home and fix this. I'll make it right."

⇻☆☆☆⇺

Jongin drove one-handed, clutching your shaking hand the whole way.

So the two of you had your first fight, on Jongin's birthday, about sex.

It made you feel weird inside.

Mostly because you weren't used to a relationship because while you dated a few times when you were away at college the first two years, you were never in one like this. Most of those relationships were flings that you would end up ending because you couldn't commit. You didn't love any other guy – or girl for that matter. Jongin and Minseok were the only people you had ever pictured yourself with and that ruined you for anyone else.

This relationship was different and maybe that's why you were so unsatisfied. After all these years, your expectations were high.

Once the two of you got inside and made it to your room, Jongin gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead. "I'm going to change and get ready for bed," he said with unsteady eyes.

Watching Jongin grabbing some clothes, you stood awkwardly by the dresser in your room. It was a normal nightly routine for you to get ready for bed in the master bathroom and Jongin in the hall bathroom since unlike a normal couple, the two of you weren't used to each other's bodies quite yet. Jongin hadn't even seen you in your underwear and even when you were wearing a towel, he'd avert his gaze.

It was odd because, at this point, you were used to people seeing your body as many times Minseok and Jongdae tended to your cuts when you were nearly naked.

Sighing to yourself when Jongin left, you walked into the closet and reached for the bag you had tucked away from Jongin's sight. Clutching it so tight the whites of your knuckles showed, you took the bag with you into the bathroom and locked the door.

It took you not one, not two, not even three, but four laps around the bathroom still in your dress and heels before you got the courage to take your clothes off and pull on the bra, panties, and matching babydoll lingerie. Wrapping your purple robe around your body so tight that you nearly lost circulation in your waist, you took your time washing your face and brushing your teeth.

Yeah, it was something you wanted but that didn't mean you weren't nervous.

Would Jongin even like your body?

It had been years since you were in even a bathing suit around him and then you hadn't been filled out the way you were now. Now you had even more insecurities. Certain parts of you that were too sharp and others that were far too squishy.

As you poked at different parts of your body over your robe, you heard a knock on the bathroom door and it made you jump away from the death stare you had been giving yourself in the mirror. "Yeah?" You croaked out.

"Are you okay?" Jongin's voice said with a tremble. "You've been in there a while."

You hadn't realized that you had been in the bathroom staring at yourself so long until you looked down at your phone and your eyes grew wide. "I'll be out in a sec," you answered back.

Waiting until you heard Jongin's feet walking away from the door, you opened your robe once more to look at your lingerie clad body and you gulped. Was this too far?

You gripped at your hair and resisted the urge to yell. Why were you wearing this fucking stupid lingerie? Why did you listen to Kat?

You would burn it. That was the new plan. Maybe you and Jongin wouldn't even have sex and you could just sleep in the robe without him knowing what's underneath and then in the morning, you would take it to the backyard and throw it in the fire pit that was back there.

You nodded. That was the plan. Burn it.

"Oh my god, I'm crazy," you whispered to yourself as you wrapped the robe back around your body and tried to get the courage to unlock the door and step into the bedroom.

It took you three tries, but you eventually opened the door and stared at Jongin who had snapped his gaze up to you as he sat on his side of the bed, hugging a pillow.

For a moment, the two of you just kept your eyes locked but then he broke it as his eyes fluttered closed for a moment before reopening. He dropped the pillow and gestured gently for you to 'come here' so you did – slowly and nearly tripping over your feet a few times before deciding that you were for sure, cutting them off tomorrow. Who needed feet anyway? Not you.

When you started for your side of the bed, Jongin shook his head, and whispered a small "No, come here."

You obliged, walking over to his side and standing in front of his sitting body. Reaching out and gently grabbing your waist, Jongin pulled you into his lap in a quick instance. His legs were planted firmly on the floor and he adjusted you so that your legs straddled his waist and your chest was pressed against his.

He held you close just to listen to the sound of your heart before asking. "Why are you wearing a robe?"

"It's soft."

He laughed. "You never wear a robe to bed."

Wrapping your arms more firmly around his neck, you nuzzled into him. "I was under the assumption that we weren't going to bed," you said slowly in a small voice.

"Are you only wearing a robe?" He asked in a strained and seemingly horrified voice.

Pulling away from him, you felt your cheeks heat up as his hands on your waist were shaking. "No."

He nodded almost to himself as he tugged at the collar of the robe. "What's under here then?" His voice had turned suggestive and involuntarily your legs felt the need to tighten around him.

You shrugged, "I guess you'll just have to find out."

Releasing the collar from his grasp, Jongin's hands found your hair as his lips pressed against yours. It was a gentle kiss at first. Sweet and almost too sweet for the lingerie that you had underneath the plush robe. Eventually, his fingers began to twine into your hair and his lips got more violent, sucking against your own as he pulled you into him.

Your heart was racing the moment you felt him run his tongue along your bottom lip and you basically melted in his lap. You felt yourself growing limp underneath his hands that had roamed their way down to your cheeks. The air around you had turned hot and heavy in a way that you had yet to experience with Jongin. You were sure to crack underneath this pressure. This was the passion that you wanted, the passion you needed.

His kiss made you feel vulnerable but in the best way. The moment his tongue begged for entrance, you allowed it as you felt yourself grow wet – or wetter; You weren't sure because Jongin hadn't kissed you like this before.

Jongin wanted dominance in the kiss and you let him have it. Jongin had let you control too much in the relationship that you needed his control here in the bedroom.

You weren't entirely sure but you thought you could feel Jongin's arousal underneath you and it had you shaking.

Once his hands released your face, he trailed his lips down from your jaw to your neck, placing gentle kisses and bites to every bit of skin his lips moved across. A squeak escaped your lips making Jongin groan and bite down on the skin just above your collarbone. His hands were working at the tie of your robe before you could process what was going on and the second you felt the cold air against your barely covered skin, you froze.

Jongin did the same, pulling back and looking at your body. His eyes hardened and he groaned once more. "You bought lingerie? For me?"

His hands pushed the robe down your arms and you let it fall from your body. You looked sideways, "Who said it was for you? Maybe I've had this for a while."

He licked his lips and scoffed, his fingers pointing out a price tag that hung below one of your arms. "I somehow doubt that."

You looked at it in horror before Jongin grabbed it and snapped it from the thin material, his eyebrows raising at the price.

"You paid way too much for this. You should have asked me to buy it for you."

"Says the guy whose hands never even grazed me sexually," you countered.

With a single raised eyebrow, his hands trailed up from where he had placed them on your waist to your sides before grazing over one of your breast gently all while he stared at you. "Can that start now then?"

Placing your hand over his, you squeezed, urging him to do the same as you moaned out. His other hand snaked around you, grazing your bottom for a moment before he kneaded the skin there gently. There was no doubt he was hard. You could feel him through his thin pajama pants and it made you roll your hips down onto him and squeeze tighter.

He moaned, dropping his head back for a moment as you rubbed yourself against him. "I'm an i-idiot," he stuttered out.

A breathy "why" fell from your lips.

"Because I didn't try to have you any sooner. It's going to be hard to restrain myself and I want to take this slow."

Grabbing onto his cheeks, you pulled his gaze to yours. "You think as my childhood best friend that you know every side of me, but this isn't one you know. I don't need slow and I sure as hell don't need you restraining yourself."

And that was all it took for the switch in Jongin to flip and within moments, he pulled the both of you up and had you pinned underneath him on the bed. His rough hands gripped your wrists as he kissed your breasts over the material of the lingerie. "Are you sure?" He asked, his voice being muffled. "This isn't a side of me that you know, either."

Pulling the straps of the lingerie and your bra down your shoulders, Jongin released your breasts, the cool air making your nipples harden even more than they already were from your arousal. He took turns, twisting each bud between his fingers in a mix of painful and delicious pleasure as you closed your eyes and moaned.

He replaced his fingers with his mouth, wrapping his lips around your nipple and suckling while one of his hands roamed down your lingerie, raising the ruffled bottom and dancing their way underneath your soaked panties.

A strangled noise came from the back of his throat as is finger rubbed its way along your soaked slit before he pressed it up into you.

Your body was on fire when Jongin's finger entered your core. Everything in you was tingling and you felt like you just kept getting wetter with his every movement.

You felt like you could come even though it was difficult to get you to come during sex.

He thrust his finger into you, curving it just the slightest as he pulled it in and out. It was slow at first but the moment you starting moaning and squirming underneath him, he picked up his pace. Jongin kissed his way down your stomach, pulling the lingerie up so he could kiss the bare skin. Nipping and licking at the skin of your hips, Jongin continued fingering you as he brought his mouth closer to your core.

You saw his eyes open and that's when everything seemed to go in slow motion. The second his eyes grazed your thighs, his finger stopped moving and you saw his eyes gloss over. He removed his finger and sat up on his knees, staring down at your thighs. You followed his gaze on your scarred legs.

They were worse off than your arms and while Jongin had seen your arms and often flinched at them, he never saw the real amount of damage you self-inflicted.

Scars coated your body in many places but the worst was your upper thigh – the only place you could truly hide cuts without worrying about them being seen. They were too high to be seen when you wore shorts but too low to be covered by any underwear.

They weren't pretty.

Harsh scars of dark pink and white were scattered in every place that once had bare skin on the tops of your thighs.

It was the first time Jongin had seen them and you saw how it was affecting him.

You saw the way he started to shake and a tear fell from his eye and landed straight on your bare skin. "Jongin-"

"No," he sobbed out. "Don't comfort me."

His fingers grazed the bumpy scars and as he did so, his hand shot back as if he had been burned.

"I've done this to you," he cried. "I'm so sorry."

Readjusting yourself to be covered, you sat up on your knees and reached for Jongin's face. "Jongin, please. It's over. It was a long time ago. Please don't let this change anything."

But he flinched away. "I don't want to touch you because look what I’ve done when I had been at a distance. Imagine what I can do with my own hands."

He looked terrified and you wiped at the hot tears that rolled down his cheeks. "No - it happened because you didn't touch me, Jongin. Your touch is good for me. It heals me. It helps me forget the past. I'm okay. Jongin, they're scars. Healed. They're healed. I'm healed."

It was like he couldn't hear you as he looked at his own hands. "This is why I've been moving so slow, I've been afraid. Afraid of this. Afraid of facing the reality that I really am the monster you told me I was. I don't deserve you."

His crying had you in tears as you watched him unravel in front of you. You tried to say anything to get him to calm down but he didn't.

You had to beg him to hold you as you let him cry and be angry. It made you cry alongside him because you realized the mess you were truly in. You weren't the broken one anymore - it was Jongin now and the thought killed you. Hurting yourself had only ruined everyone else in the process and it made you hate yourself.

As you fell asleep with puffy eyed Jongin, you wondered how you would handle tomorrow and where this would place your relationship.

You had no idea what you would be to Jongin when you woke up the next morning.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

Before you could even process the night before, your phone went off and you struggled out of Jongin's vice grip hold to grab it.

Your heart stuttered in your chest when Minseok's picture showed up. Licking your lips, and looking at sleeping Jongin, you answered. "Minnie," you breathed out.

"Hey."

Instantly, you wanted to cry to him. Explain Jongin's break down and ask him for advice but you knew you couldn't. If you wanted to fully be over what you had with Minseok, you needed to leave him out of this. It wouldn't be healthy or fair to Minseok to get his help with Jongin.

"Come downstairs," his voice was like music to your ears and you hadn't realized how long you had gone without it. "I need to talk to you and Kai."

You nodded even though he couldn't see you, "Jongin is sleeping. Give me a minute to get dressed."

And Minseok said a quick goodbye before hanging up.

Discarding your lingerie from the previous night, you dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. You tried your best to cover up your puffy eyes and swollen face but Minseok knew you well and you were certain he would notice regardless

Minseok was waiting at the door, and the moment you let him in your body shook. You wanted to hug and embrace him but you knew you couldn't.

"Hey."

"Hey," you said back, looking over him.

He looked good. Like he had been eating well and not drinking so much and that thought made you feel better. His hand lifted up towards your face but he dropped it. "Are you okay?" His voice was tight with concern.

You gave him a half-hearted smile. "I'll figure it out, Minnie. Don't worry about me." There was no point in lying, he would know you weren't okay.

Directing you to the living room, Minseok urged you to sit down with him. "It's not like we stopped being best friends, Y/N. You can talk to me still."

"It's about Jongin and me and I don't want to do that to you."

He snorted. "That's nonsense. You're one of my main concerns. Tell me what happened, you look like a mess."

You rubbed your hands together and looked at Minseok's gentle face. "Jongin has some issues. I think he needs help. Our relationship isn't progressing and I think he's not over the past. He had one glimpse of my scars and after that, he looked terrified to even look at me."

Minseok nodded solemnly. "It's going to be hard for him to get over now that he's actually seen the damage. It's one thing to talk about it, but another to see it." Minseok sighed. "I talk like I'm over it myself. You know I have issues with trusting you not to hurt yourself and I still have panic attacks worrying about you but even so, nothing you can do or say will ever make it better. I have to get over it on my own, and so does Kai."

"Just like I had to get over everything on my own," you concluded.

"Yes, just like that. No matter how much you want someone to heal you, you have to do it on your own. A person doesn't fix your problems – can't fix your problems. They can help you find a way to heal, but they can't heal you."

"So what do I do, then?" You asked desperately.

He shrugged, "I'll tell you what I'm doing. The reason I came here was to let you know, I'm moving. Jongdae and Baekhyun will stay living in the house next door – at least for now, but I'm going to get an apartment a few towns away and go back to school. It took me a while but after a few weeks of feeling broken, I knew I had to do something and no offense, that involves leaving you and everyone else. I think I need to find myself and I can't do that here."

It hurt that Minseok had to leave but you didn't feel the need to protest. Your heart wasn't begging him to go even if your mind didn't want him to. You knew he needed to. You couldn't rely on him the way you had before and both of you had to learn that. "That's great Minnie, what are you going to school for?"

He smiled, "I think I'm going to become a nurse," he reached out and ruffled your hair. "I think I'm best at helping people and I should channel that energy into something that is more healthy."

Your heart fluttered and you smiled at him, "I'm so happy for you, Minnie. That's amazing. I'll miss you but I think you're right, that is what's best." You could have fought it and maybe past you would have, but why? Why fight something Minseok seemed so happy about? Why fight for him to stay when he needed this? Being a best friend didn’t mean regarding your own happiness, but that of your best friend.

"I'll be gone for a while and well, maybe I won't come back but I promise I'll keep in touch. You'll always be my best friend."

Tears welled in your eyes. A life where you didn’t see Minseok often sounded scary but you would be okay as long as he was okay. “I just want you to be happy and things between us aren't healthy like you said. I hope this will help our relationship develop into something healthy."

He patted your cheek and wiped a stray tear away. "I think it's all time for us to grow without each other for a while. I'm happy that we're all best friends but in the interest of each of us: me, you, Jongdae, and Jongin, I think we all need to learn how to be our own people."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think you should get some space too. Get out of this town, go have a long vacation, get a fun or stupid job, or just go back to school."

You gave him a look. You couldn't leave Jongin, especially now. "I left once, Minseok."

He gave you a look back, "I know but when you came back you hated Jongin, had a complicated relationship with he and I, and you hadn't gotten over what happened. This time you could take some time to yourself now that you're not living in the shadow of the past. You've forgiven Jongin so now he can learn how not to live in the past."

"You think us separating will be the best for us?" You couldn't imagine leaving Jongin but you held Minseok's opinion in high regard. "That he won't spend the time beating himself up?"

Minseok let out a deep breath, "I think he's more likely to beat himself up if you're here. I think we all need to go be our own people for a little bit. Me leaving you guys doesn't make me any less of your best friend nor does it make you any less of a girlfriend or wife if you leave. Just think about it, okay?"

Putting a hand on his shoulder, you nodded. "You're right. I'll think about it."

"I'm leaving tonight," Minseok said, looking off into the distance.

Gasping, you tried to ignore the hurt that your heart felt immediately with the impact of his words. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

He kept his gaze away from you. "Because I'm still in love with you and I was afraid if I told you sooner, I might try to stay."

Were you still in love with him? You were sure you were. Were you over the idea of a relationship with him, though? Yes. You knew it was Jongin for you now but part of your heart would always belong to Minseok and that was hard to shake. "I get it," you replied quietly.

Being around someone you had been so close to being with, made your stomach feel weird. It made you feel like Minseok was an ex and you guessed in a way he was – but no matter what, he was your best friend and nothing would change that. Not him moving away to get over you and not you being with Jongin. But what would change is the health of your relationship and your heart was excited for the prospects of a future where your love wasn't toxic to each other.

Just like you and Jongin.

You needed a future that wasn't toxic.

A future where Jongin wasn't afraid to touch you.

And upon that realization, you realized that maybe you should leave too - ask Minseok had suggested.

When Minseok left, you hugged him tightly. You cried even though you tried to hide it. Minseok was there to wipe the tears away and tell you, "It will all be okay. I'll be a phone call away. You know I will always answer for you." But you knew that even though he said that, you shouldn't call him first. You had to let him come to you because no longer could you be the damsel in distress that he saved. You were a big girl and you were finally standing on your own two feet. You could make decisions on your own.

So you did. You knew it was time for you to go back to school and get a degree in fine arts the way you once dreamed. Touching a paintbrush didn't give you flashbacks anymore, in fact, painting was something you realized you needed more of. A couple of years of art school would do you some good. You were young and while you were Jongin's wife, you decided it would be okay to leave him temporarily. Although, you wouldn’t be leaving him emotionally because Jongin was stitched into your heart.

He wasn't upset when you told him your plans. He seemed happy and maybe even relieved that you were going to do something he knew you had wanted for so long. Jongin promised that a long distance relationship was okay with him and he admitted that maybe he needed it.

While you applied to school, you helped Jongin find a therapist. It was Jongin's idea initially as he whispered in your ear one night before you went to bed, "I think I need help" and you knew it was a step in the right direction. He had to heal on his own and he had made the first leap.

The two of you promised to call each other constantly since the school you were going to was six hours away – it was no easy drive.

Stepping down from your 'big boss' position at work was like a breath of fresh air and you couldn't be any happier when Jongin suggest Jongdae take your place because you both knew you didn't intend on going back to working in an office. After you had your degree, you had a few ideas of what you wanted to do and working at an insurance company, wasn't one. Besides, who better to have your position at your work than one of the men who had saved you from yourself.

You and Jongin would be okay and you knew that. This wouldn't ruin your love because it turned out that nothing was enough to tear the two of you apart. If anything, the distance would draw you together. Once the two of you had time to become your own people, you could love each other more.

This was a new start and while you decided to remain married legally, you were going to a girlfriend-boyfriend status to take the relationship as slow as Jongin needed. While you still hadn't been physically intimate, eventually you would. The distance would make that happen on its own especially once Jongin got over the fear of hurting you.

It would be a long haul but you were ready for it. You were ready to start fresh and now that everything had been solved that could be solved, you could be free. You wouldn't have to think about Jongin hurting you or the lingering love you had for Minseok. You wouldn't have to think of how losing your sister ruined you or how Jongdae was one of your crutches. You were free for the first time in a long time.

You could feel the freedom in your bones the day you left your home and you hoped Jongin felt the same. He was going to be free too. Time would heal him the way it healed you.

When you stepped outside that morning, the chilly wind blew in your hair and caressed your skin all while the sun shined brightly in the sky above. Jongin wrapped an arm around your waist, kissing you sweetly before you left, and then, as if it were magic, the birds started to sing.

--->twenty-one<---

masterlist

a/n: Dedicated to everyone who has ever loved MtaM. Thank you all for the love and support you have given. It’s sad that it’s coming to an end but all good things must come to an end. This series would be nothing without the sweet comments and messages, so thank you all. I hope I don’t disappoint anyone in the ending. I love you guys!

Special shout out to @lalys685 for helping me break through writer's block and for encouraging me. <3

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treasure-exo · 8 years ago

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Fraudulent - 2

Genre: Suspense, fluff for now, angst and smut in later parts.

Pairing: JonginXreader

Description: You’re a con-woman working with your team but what happens when you accidentally rob a different person who just shares a similar name with your to-be victim.

word-count: 2k

PART 1

The night had been sleepless but not tiring, it was nervousness obviously that was making you shift in your sheets, you’re nervous about the fact that you will be the one this time to start all the fraud, you had done all kinds of frauds in the past but never did you start it, it was always Yejun, either way, he would be the first to approach the guy or girl and you always came in latter parts of the scandal, well scandal for your dupes but for you it was a job. You shut your eyes and try to get some sleep, but your mind was not at all obeying you that night and you knew you were overthinking and nervous.

What if you made your first move wrong?

What if you make yourself seem very awkward and obvious?

And what if you just don’t recognize the correct Jongin?

There were a thousand questions going on in your mind to which the answers were vague and you’ll just get the answers correct until 10 AM this morning when you’ll go to Jongin’s estate firm, wait what was his last name? You tried to remember, but all your energy was drained just overthinking and your eyelids were becoming heavy and you lulled to sleep before remembering his last name.

The following morning you woke up with the banging on the door, correction banging on your bedroom door and shouting but who? Yejun. Your sleepy form was trying to make out the words he was screaming. You tried hard and heard a weak ‘wake up you sleepy dumbass’ and someone else too, Jungho trying to calm Yejun at-least that’s what you thought. Realization hit you, shocked and wide eyed you looked at your table clock next to you. 8:04 AM. Shit. You screwed up, you’re late. You rushed to open your door before taking a deep breath. Yejun stood by your door frame, anger clearly burning in his eyes and hands balled into fists, which were red from hitting the door hard you guessed. You looked down, embarrassed by waking up late on the first day.

Yejun glared at you for what you thought was like hours before he finally spoke in his calmest tones which surprised you from his behavior before. “Get ready otherwise you’ll get late and please a bit fast.”

Jungho was seeing all this when Yejun left and gave you a heart warming smile. “I think he didn’t want to make your mood any bad.” glancing towards Yejun’s back. He gave you a thumbs up and muttering good luck before you gave him one of your genuine smiles and he left.

You quickly got into your bathroom and brushing your teeth at the speed of light and getting a shower so quick you thought it was the quickest in your entire life. You dressed in a formal black and white bodycon pencil dress which would highlight your curves in the best way. Putting on some makeup and opening your hair free you look presentable enough. You saw the time, still isn’t 9:00 and you sighed of relief which you didn’t knew was holding in for so long.

You opened your door and went down to your dining area. Yejun and Jungho were already there, sitting on the chair by the dining table. Jungho was spreading butter on toast while Yejun had his head in his hands which were on the glass dining table top. You felt guilty for the night, overthinking which was completely unnecessary and a waste of time, which led you to waking up late and a slight frustrated and annoyed Yejun, which you clearly didn’t wanted in the first place.

Jungho felt your presence and looked up from his work of applying butter on toasts. He nudged Yejun in the arm. Yejun looked up and gave a slight frown towards the younger one who pointed at you.

You stood near the dining table awkwardly while Jungho was attracting Yejun’s attention. Yejun looked up and saw you and for a split second you thought Yejun was flattered seeing you in a pencil bodycon, but no he never was flattered by you in the first place. Yejun cleared his throat and gave you an awkward smile.

Breakfast was silent and steady also fast. You were pacing nervously and shifting in your seat while eating your toast and boiled eggs. Jungho noticed this and was the first to break the silence.

“So where is Jongin’s estate firm?” he asked.

You looked up at the sudden question, “Uhm… Downtown.” you answered.

“That’s quite far from here.” he added. Trying not to sound like Yejun and his nagging tone and continued eating again.

“Yeah, it is, so people have to understand the importance of time and how to not wake up late when there is something important going on.” Yejun taunted still not looking at you.

You stood up completing your breakfast and adding a quick goodbye to both boys on the dining table and rushed out of the door to the parking lot. You took a deep breath before igniting the engine of your car and giving yourself assurance ‘you can do it’ and set free on the road speeding up towards downtown.

Once you reached your destination-Jongin’s estate firm-you parked your car in the visitor’s parking space and got off to where the elevators were.

The building was a bit old-fashioned and rather tall for an old-fashioned building in downtown. You checked your phone for the time and you were already five minutes late so you ran.

You stood in front of the elevator after pressing the down button, looking around rather with an aim of finding any clue or hint or anything you could use against Jongin while the elevator was asking its way down. A man came panting so you assumed he might be late as well and stood next to you waiting for the elevator impatiently. You sneaked a peek at the man who now stood next to you tapping his feet.

The guy was rather the most good-looking man you’ve ever seen. He had a kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. His tousled black hair, thick and lustrous, falling short on his forehead. His eyes a deep brown of a color which you had never seen before and brows arched. His face was strong and defined. He had distinct cheekbones and an angular jaw, his skin a bit tanned and golden which made him look devilishly handsome.

He was dressed in a black dress shirt and a black trouser with an office handbag, which worked further on his toned body beneath his clothes. Even though he wore those clothes, you could see the outline of his firm chest, strong arms, bold thighs and calves, and you found yourself staring at him.

He looked in your direction and you froze under his gaze followed by a smile. You couldn’t help but blush, returning the smile and looking strictly straight. Damn, that smile did wonders.

You heard the ding of the elevator door opening and quickly got in before the other man can and pressed for the 16th floor. You didn’t wanted to face him yet in that empty elevator. Just some quick sneak peeks you got of him as he stood facing his back in front of you. You then noticed he didn’t press his floor and his office handbag had a name sticker on it.

Did that mean he was going to the same floor as you were?

Or… Was he following you?

The latter part didn’t fit the situation, you knew you are a con-woman, but why would he follow you for no reason, right? You had never seen him before, so you just shrugged off the thoughts.

Wait, his name sticker. You tried to make out the words written.

‘K-I-M J-O-N-G-I-N’

Jongin. Shit. Is he that Jongin? Is he the one you have to seduce? If so, that task seemed impossible now looking at his personality and build. Lost in your thoughts you forgot you were in an elevator and the floor had arrived with a ding of the opening of an elevator which snapped you back into reality.

When you looked up, you saw this Jongin was looking right at you. You gasped by the sudden situation.

“I’m sorry miss if I had scared you, but yes, I’m ��K-I-M J-O-N-G-I-N.” Jongin spoke the exact way you had thought or you just didn’t realize you spoke out loud. He chuckled at your confused expression showing his perfect white teeth and two half moons of his eyes. “If you’re in case wondering which I assume yes, then yep, you said that out loud.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m Stella.” You introduced yourself. In this field, you were not supposed to reveal your true identity so you just gave a random name to him, quickly texting Jungho secretly about the name and make every document from now on with the name Stella on it.

you stepped out of the elevator along with Jongin with a thought that yes this was the Jongin you were supposed to seduce but it was happening the other way round.

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caliboyjaeffrey · 10 years ago

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Watch Me (Kai x Reader)

My body wasn’t prepared for writing this smut fic. Send help because Kai just Jongined and Jongouted my world. Hope you enjoy some sexy times~

The dressing room was in complete chaos as you watched the stylists rush to complete the finishing touches on each member of EXO. A small smile reached your lips as you watched your boyfriend Kai fumble with the black tie of his form fitting suit. He struggled with it for a few more moments before looking over at you with a pleading look and a cute pout of his sinful lips, “Jagiya…please?”

You chuckled as you reached for the sloppily tied tie, playfully pulling him close to you making him breath out in surprise. While tying the tie you didn’t look at him, but you could feel his heated gaze making your cheeks burn with blush. You felt his hands reach to your sides and quietly slip under the soft pink sweater you were wearing, tracing delicate patterns on your skin.

You gulped as you finished knotting the tie and looked up at him, a smirk on that mouth that you had begun to crave. You had always thought that there might be two personalities to Kai. One being the sweet Jongin that was goofy and loved teasing you. The other being Kai, the ferocious and sexy man who teased you in another way. He leaned closer to you his breath fanning lightly across your neck as he leaned to your ear and spoke hotly, “Watch me tonight, _____. Watch everything. Know that every move I make, I’ll be thinking of you.”

Trying to remain composed and not pounce him right then and there, you smiled back shyly, knowing he loved when you played coy with him, “Oh I will, Oppa! I’ll try and pay especially close attention.”

With a satisfied smirk, he leaned down to receive his usual good luck kiss, only to have duck out of the way teasingly. He looked at you with his mouth agape, hurt filling his eyes. If he was going to tease you and subject you to the sweetest kind of torture, you could do the same to him. “I want to wait to give you your ‘kiss’ until after the performance, yeah?” You walked away with a victorious smile on your face as you quickly exited the dressing room, making your way to the side of the stage where EXO would enter.

Hearing the usual loudness that accompanied the twelve rambunctious boys, you watched as they all filtered out onto the stage taking their various position to perform one of their hit songs. Through the bright lights you managed to spot Kai, his angry dark eyes reaching yours as he licked his lips sensually as the music started.

Throughout their performance Kai seemed to only have eyes for you. Every lip bite and hip thrust was directed you. You felt your panties begin to get wet as he scrunched his face into a look of ecstasy, his hand gliding over the crotch of his pants as he ground into it. Licking your lips and feeling the ache in your center increase, you watched as his hips snapped aggressively to the beat of Overdose, his dark eyes meeting you once again, making you feel as though you could come right then.

It was painful, yet pleasurable to sit through the various songs and soon enough they were finished with their encore. Anticipation welled up inside you as you pictured Kai angrily taking you somewhere in a room backstage. Your breath quickened when you saw him and he spotted you, his face dark and glistening sweat, licking his lips as he stalked towards you. You made sure he saw you slip behind stage to one of the empty storage rooms that held equipment.

No sooner had you walked into the room were you slammed against the solid, metal door, a pair of lips crushing your own in a passionate fight for dominance. You reached up and tangled your hands in his silky, dark brown locks feeling him run his tongue on your bottom lip after a small nip. Instantly gasping, you welcomed the wet muscle that invaded your mouth, grinding your hips against his crotch. He growled and slid his knee between your legs, lifting you from the ground and letting you rub your dripping center deliciously against him.

You moaned your approval as his sinful lips trailed from your mouth to your neck, pressing wet open mouth kisses and sucking on your sensitive spot. Your thrusts onto his leg were getting frantic as he bit hard on your neck, licking your throat with his hot tongue.

"K-Kai…!" You gasped out feeling yourself approaching the cliff that led to release.

With a dirty smirk he let you drop to the floor, making you whine as he cut off your release. “I can’t let you get too excited ______-ah.” He grasped your chin tightly and brought you too his lips once again, this time his lips moving painfully slow against your own. Releasing your lips, he slid your sweater from your body, licking the tops of your breasts that peeped out of your dainty bra. He sat back and pulled you onto his lap, digging his fingers into your hips as he unexpectantly thrust his clothed erection upwards into your heat.

Slipping your shorts off, leaving you in just your panties and bra, he let his fingers trace over your center, feeling how soaked you were with a rub. You let his unoccupied hand glide lightly across your back and unclasp your bra, letting your breasts pool before him. His eyes were hooded with lust as he slipped a finger into your dripping folds, “You’re so wet for me, Jagiya.”

You nodded dumbly, your eyes squeezed painfully shut as he took a pert nipple into his mouth, sucking lazily as his fingers shoved into you continuously, his thumb rubbing your clit in circles. Wanting to see and taste his own skin, you tore at his tie and shirt, letting them fall in pieces around his body. You heard him chuckle faintly as he switched from one breast to the other, laving the area between your breasts with his hot tongue. You worked on his belt next, struggling because you were shaking in pleasure from his ministrations to your want-filled body. He pulled away from his work to help you unbuckle his belt, slipping his tight slacks from his body along with his underwear.

His godly body was before you and his length stood rock hard in front of you. Not wanting to leave him out, you grasped his member tightly, the sound of his moans as you began to pump him could have sent you over they were so hot. You let your hands travel over the expanse of his muscular chest, gliding your tongue over his collarbones and biting the sweet spot of his neck. You watched as he let his head loll back, his eyes squeezed shut, teeth tugging on his lips as moan after moan sprung from them.

You could tell as you began to pump him faster that his orgasm was approaching quickly and he growled out, pulling your hand from him and pushing you onto the ground. Not asking if you were ready, he suddenly shoved his entire length into you, letting you adjust to his large size, but struggling to not fuck you senseless right then and there.

As he watched you tremble beneath him, he leaned down and kissed your cheek, attempting to satiate the pain you were feeling from his sudden intrusion. After a few moments, you gingerly swiveled your hips into him, gasping as the pleasure poured into your body, “K-Kai, go! Move…fuck me please!”

Hearing your words sent him into overdrive as he began to thrust into you, pulling out to the tip and flicking his perfect dancer hips back into your heat, “Fuck,” he moaned lowly. “You’re so tight _____.”

The way your core sucked his member into its wet warmth began to take a toll as his thrusting grew faster. You mewled his name loudly as he grasped one of your legs and threw it over his shoulder, causing him to hit your g-spot perfectly every time, letting him fuck you deeper.

Feeling both of your releases creeping up on you, you screamed out, “Harder, harder Kai!” Complying to your demands he pounded into your entrance, your hips meeting his as the sound of skin slapping together filled the air, your vision clouded and you began to see stars.

Kai had reached his limit as he saw the way you were clinging to his shoulders, your eyes shaded with lust, moaning his name over and over like a mantra. “Fuck!” With a final thrust he came in you. The feeling of his powerful orgasm shooting into you sent you over the edge as your own release came over you, a thousand bolts of delicious pleasure coursed through your body. You screamed his name, clawing at his back, “Kai!”

After a few moments, the two of you were breathing heavily, he pulled out and kissed you gently on your forehead, letting his hands stroke your cheek lovingly. He apologized sweetly, though sounding a little embarrassed, “I’m sorry if that was too much, Jagiya.”

You shook your head as you curled into his chest, letting your arms wrap around his torso, “No it’s okay. I liked it,” you admitted with a blush, “A lot.”

Kai looked down at you in surprise and chuckled at you, tucking your head under his chin as he kissed your hair, “Then maybe I should do it every performance.”

#kaixreader #kai x reader #jongin x reader #jonginxreader #exo kai x reader #exokaixreader #exo scenarios #exoscenario #kai x you #kaixyou #jonginxyou #jonging x you #exosmut #exo smut #smut scenario #exo smut scenario #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #rightintheexovaries

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yeolsmuffin · 8 years ago

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Married to a Monster - Twenty Two || Final

Paring: jonginXreader

Genre: Fluff & Angst || Husband!Jongin, Best friend!Minseok, Best friend!Jongdae

Word Count: 11k

Summary: You are forced into a marriage with your once love/childhood best friend. Although, you don’t love him anymore and are disgusted with having to marry him. After driving yourself to suicide twice, you know you can’t ever fix things with him but even though, you push forward for the happiness of your parents who are still grieving the loss of your older sister.

Notes: Trigger warning: talks of death, self-harm, suicide, and the likes. Depictions of self-harm.

As you all walked towards your cars, you stared at Minseok. If it wasn’t for him watching you all those years, you may have succeeded in ending your life. You wouldn’t be here, smiling and freshly graduated with an art degree. Your parents would have been heartbroken and you couldn’t imagine how Jongin would have managed to get through it.

Thanks to Minseok, you had the chance to have this new life – the life in the light.

Because of Minseok, you got to love Jongin and in the process of loving him, it saved the both of you.

You thought about the conversation you had with Jongdae. He had said that in saving you, he and Minseok managed to save themselves too.

Minseok looked back at you as if he knew everything you were thinking. His eyes went straight into your soul.

You were always able to read each other so as he stared at you, you knew he was thinking of the same thing. Even if you created a mess that Minseok and Jongdae had to clean up, Minseok’s expression told you that you saved him too – the same way he saved you all those years ago.

Balancing on a ladder and trying to get a canvas straight on the wall, wasn't an easy task. Especially, when you looked over and saw a completely shocking photo being hung by your partner.

Your eyes grew wide and you wobbled on the ladder for a minute before catching yourself. "Baekhyun," you hissed. "Why are you hanging a picture of Jongdae's dick on the wall?"

Baekhyun turned slowly, narrowing his eyes at you. "How do you know it's Jongdae's?"

You put your hands up in defense, "It's not like what it seems."

"It has no distinguishing features other than his actual dick, so how do you know it's his?" He crossed his arms over his chest. "I refuse to let you marry Jongin if you're blowing Jongdae behind his back."

Pointing at him and climbing off the ladder, you scoff. "You'd be more likely to be blowing Jongdae than me," you said as Baekhyun scrunched his face up in disgust. "And for the record the first time I saw it, it was an accident, okay? Jongdae has a habit of stripping in his sleep and when I stayed the night at his house for the first time when we were younger, Minnie and I were both victimized."

"The first time?"

You shrugged, taking the picture off the wall and thrusting it at Baekhyun's chest. "I said it was a habit, didn't I? I grew to be desensitized to it but it's been a while so you nearly gave me a heart attack."

Baekhyun clutched the picture tightly, "Can't we hang it up though? Jongdae has been sending nudes back and forth with someone and he won't tell me who." You raised a brow. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not being a weirdo and going through his messages. He's the one that accidentally sent me the picture and now I want to use it to find out who he is sending pictures to."

"Baekhyun, this is the opening night of our gallery and my parents are coming."

"What?" He asked while winking. "It's not like your mom hasn't seen a dick before."

You closed your eyes and let out a deep breath. "You're making me regret opening this business together."

Holding the picture to his chest still, he gave you a coy smile. "Okay, okay. I'll just hang it up in the house."

After giving him a nod and a playful smack, you went back to getting the gallery ready for opening. It had been six months since you graduated from college and you and Baekhyun had been such great partners before, that the two of you decided to open a gallery together. Baekhyun was going to do the photography side and not only sell the work he did on the side, but also take professional pictures of people too. You were doing the same but with paintings. The last painting you did of Hani, the one you did for school, and the one you did of Minseok were on display to showcase what you could do with your work and even though people asked about them when they saw your portfolio, they were not for sale. You wouldn't remake them either because they were too special.

The two of you were getting ready for tonight which was when you were having an opening party with your friends and family for the gallery. It wasn't necessary but it was Jongin's idea and Baekhyun loves any chance to talk about himself.

The night rolled around and you and Baekhyun stood side by side, admiring the gallery from where you stood by the doors. You tried to hold back the tears that started to form in your eyes as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

You were in a white satin dress that made you feel much fancier than you had wanted but Baekhyun insisted and he wore white satin dress pants and a black dress shirt. "Don't cry," he whispered as you looked at the walls that were filled with paintings you had created over the past few years and the photographs that Baekhyun had taken.

You smacked him. "Saying don't cry, will make me cry. You should know that."

He nodded, "I know. I'm really proud of you and all you've done, Y/N."

The door opened behind you and the both of you turned around, being met with Jongin's bright smile and perfectly styled hair. "Are you guys going to stare at the place all day or let us in?" he asked while grabbing your hand and intertwining your fingers. Jongin pulled you away from Baekhyun and towards the wall. "You look fucking stunning. I'm still jealous you arrived with Baekhyun and not me," he pouted.

Pressing your free hand to his cheek, you smiled back. "Am I making you regret wanting to wait until our wedding night?" You asked in a low voice as you saw the other boys walking into the gallery.

Jongin groaned as his eyes trailed down his body. "You are. Baekhyun literally picked this dress out to make me miserable."

You grabbed his chin, pulling his gaze back to your eyes. "Keep your eyes up here. You're the one that wanted to wait."

"Can I take it back?"

"No."

The sexual tension between you and Jongin was increasing by the day - or more accurately by the hour – but the two of you had come to the decision that waiting until your wedding day was the best decision. Not that you had any reason to wait but you wanted things to be perfect. Last time you tried, everything had fallen apart so you didn't want to take the moment lightly.

Baekhyun stomped over to the two of you and pulled your free hand, "Stop trying to seduce my business partner. She's got someone here to see her."

Jongin scoffed as he let Baekhyun pull you away and trailed behind the two of you. "It’s not trying if it’s working."

"Gross," Baekhyun replied.

He led you through Yixing and Junmyeon who gave you sweet smiles. In the corner admiring the piece that was made for him, was Minseok. His hair was gelled back and he was wearing black pants with a black dress shirt. His eyes were boring into yours when he saw you and his smile was lively.

Minseok hadn't visited since you graduated and stayed at his place so it was surprising to see him here. While you invited him, you didn't have high hopes for him coming. It wasn't that the two of you weren't best friends anymore but it was more that you were trying to be better friends. Looking at him, you could still sometimes see the life you could have lived and being apart was the best way to stop seeing him that way.

Sometimes it still stung.

It hurt that you couldn't have your best friend the same way anymore but things were the way they were meant to be. You finally had a life outside of Minseok protecting you and it felt good.

Baekhyun pushed you towards Minseok and walked off towards Jongdae – most likely to harass him about the dick pictures. Jongin gave you an encouraging nod and left you alone with Minseok.

Everyone still looked at the two of you as if they had watched the relationship between you two grow and come to an end - and you imagined they really had.

Minseok pointed his chin at the painting. "This is so amazing. I don't know how you did it."

You blushed and moved to stand next to him. "It was hard to remember the shape of your face from memory so it took some work but it's one of my favorites."

His smile was half-hearted as he put a hand on your shoulder. "How have you been?"

"I've been good. Planning for the wedding. Working on the gallery. Being driven crazy by Baekhyun's antics. How about you, Minnie?"

Minseok laughed. "I love Baekhyun, but I am so happy to have my own place now. I'm good, Y/N. I think of you often. I don't know how long it will take for that to stop but we've been friends so long I don't know it ever will. I've been working in the emergency room lately and I'm really enjoying helping people. It's hard not to look for your qualities in everyone I see but I think I met someone who is helping that."

The feeling you got wasn't one that you could quite explain. It was a mix of happiness with a touch of heartbreak. It wasn't fair for you to feel that way but by the look he gave you, you were sure he understood what you were feeling. When you had gone with Jongin, you were sure he felt the same. "You met someone?"

He nodded. "I'm not sure it means anything yet but... she's special."

You tried not to wince. You were special to Minseok regardless of who he would meet. Besides, Jongin was special to you so you couldn’t be hurt when Minseok wasn’t the only special one to you. "What's she like?" You asked in a small voice.

"She's nothing like you," he sighed. "I haven't figured out if that’s a good or bad thing yet."

"Good," you immediately responded as you tried to fight the tears. "She shouldn't be anything like me. You need someone who is going to bring you happiness instead of pain."

Minseok reached out to you but dropped his hand almost immediately. "Don't say it like that."

"It's true," you looked off towards a painting you had made of Yixing. "I caused you a lot of pain. I hope she's only going to bring you happiness."

He scoffed. "Love is pain, Y/N. Even if she isn't like you and doesn't suffer the way you did, loving her would still cause me pain. It's inevitable for two people who love each other not to hurt sometimes. Love isn't meant to be perfect, sunshine, and butterflies. It's messy, painful, and heartbreaking. That's what makes it worth it. Jongin caused you a lot of pain but do you regret it? Do you want someone who is less painful? Someone who only makes you happy?"

You looked back at him and wipe away a tear. Minseok was that. Minseok was someone who didn't cause you pain and only made you happy but even though, Jongin was who you wanted to marry and spend your life with. You hoped that even though his words made it seem like he still wanted you that he could love someone else.

No matter how many times the two of you came back together and had these talks, it seemed you still were hurt. When did it stop? When did you get the happily ever after where you loved Jongin and saw Minseok as a brother?

That was it. It would never be like that.

Even though it wouldn't, it was okay. This was your future. It was tough but you would get through it. You were sure that one day you would be able to look at Minseok without feeling hurt or sadness and you were sure he would feel the same one day. The way things had happened made it hard to move on from and that wasn't your fault.

Loving Minseok didn't make you love Jongin any less. It didn't mean you didn't care for Jongin. While you loved Minseok, you didn't dream of cheating on Jongin or being with Minseok in a romantic way anymore. It was just love and it was something you were trying to grasp.

He would love someone one day and you would have to watch them be happy together. It would hurt the way he hurt from watching you and Jongin but one day, it would get better.

"I wouldn't change the way things ended up, even if I could," you whispered as your eyes searched Minseok's face.

He nodded. "I wouldn't either. It's going to work out, okay? In six months, you're marrying Jongin and I will be there to be your best man because I love you and loving you means I want your happiness no matter the cost."

Minseok gave your shoulder a pat as you wiped away another tear. "I know. I want your happiness too."

"Besides everything going on with us, I want you to know I'm proud of the woman you have become. I know I haven't been around much and I haven't watched you the way I watched you grow up but just know that even if I can't see you or I'm not around, I'll always look out for you. This place," he gestured around him, "is amazing and just thinking that this is what you've done makes me feel glad to go back and do everything the exact same way all over again. Hani would be so proud of this place."

Looking around, you knew she would be proud.

You and Baekhyun named it "Hani's Art" in honor of her because it was the only name you could envision the place having.

Filled with the boys, your parents, and friend Kat, everything felt right.

In life, you found that too many people rushed to make things turn out the way they want. Everyone rushed for a solution the second there was a problem but that wasn't how it needed to be. A problem didn't have to be solved immediately – all that matters is that it gets solved in the end. Taking your time to work up to a solution is way better than having a fix that may not be right.

It took years for you to get things right and even then, things weren't perfect. Sure, you still missed Hani, Minseok and you were at a weird place, and you still felt like you loved him but even though, it was okay.

Jongin came back over to you when he noticed that you and Minseok stopped talking. "Hey, Min." Jongin said as he wrapped an arm around your waist. "It's good to see you, man."

Minseok gave him a smile and stepped further away from you. "It's good to see you too."

"How is school going?"

"Good, just have about another two years and I'll be more than just a nurse. But I don't mind being just a nurse," Minseok said and by the way his eyes brightened you knew he must have been talking about the girl.

You looked off towards Jongdae and how he was engaging in conversation with Kat. Bright eyes the same way Minseok was and you wondered if he was finding comfort in your friend the way Minseok was this new girl.

Butterflies erupted into your stomach and you felt happy. Finally, after years of working towards your happiness and well-being, your best friends were able to live on their own. Jongdae and Minseok were their own people and while you loved having them by your side, nothing felt better than standing on your own two feet.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

Your and Baekhyun's gallery had been slowly but surely striving. People were brought in by Baekhyun's photographs on social media which boosted his ego a little too much.

In the meantime, while you were working there several hours of the day, you were planning for the wedding. Which led you to where you were, trying on wedding dresses in front of your mom, Kat, Sehun, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae.

The first dress you stepped on had Sehun standing up and protesting immediately.

"You're not wearing that," he said shielding his eyes. "Please someone tell her she isn't wearing that."

Chanyeol scoffed, "You had a crush on her for a while so shut up. You should be eating this up," he said folding his arms over his chest.

Sehun all but growled at Chanyeol, "It was for like two weeks."

Chanyeol laughed exaggerated. "It was like two months."

Jongdae waved them off, "You're not wearing that. I agree with Sehun." And your mom was nodded along with him.

Turning to look in the mirror, you looked at the dress and all the sheer paneling it had. It hadn't been one you picked but when you met Baekhyun's eyes in the mirror, you knew that he had picked it. You narrowed your eyes. He was such a mischievous bastard.

It was probably twenty dresses later when you came out in one and nobody had anything negative or annoying to say. You were tired, sweat making your hair stick to your forehead and you lost the inability to suck in any part of your body to help squeeze into the wedding dresses you tried on.

The boys stared at you with their mouths gaping and your mom had started to cry. Looking down, you realized that the dress was beautiful – but was it that beautiful?

Turning towards the mirror, you took your full reflection in. The dress was everything you had dreamed it to be and while you had a wedding once before you had just the simplest and plain of dresses since you weren't truly in love with Jongin. That wedding dress wasn't one that was special and it was evident as you stared at your reflection with tears forming in your eyes as you saw Jongdae getting choked up with your mom.

The nice consultant who had been getting you in and out of the dresses came over to you with a veil. "It seems we finally found a hit. Let's make it more real," she said with a sparkle in her eyes as she stood up on her toes to press the clip part of the veil into your hair. Fluffing it a few times, she smiled. "You look like you're going to marry the love of your life," she commented.

When you saw yourself with the veil, you could feel your heart pumping in your chest. You really looked like someone who was marrying the love of your life.

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you faced your loved ones and watched as they teared up and stared at you as if you were the prettiest thing they had ever seen.

"Sweetheart, you look so beautiful," your mother said. She wasn't quite sure why you had wanted the second wedding but you figured it would be best that she didn't need all the messy details. You just explained that you had truly fallen for Jongin in a way you hadn't before and you wanted to honor that. Never could you reveal the past to your parents and have them hurting over what you had done to yourself. They still hurt over Hani enough and you could see it on her face as she stared at you.

Nothing would bring back Hani and you would never be able to experience her getting married but maybe your two weddings would make your mother feel a little more complete.

Sehun had his hands covering his face as he tried to pretend to look off in the distance but you didn't miss the way his eyes watered and the way Chanyeol whistled and stared at his feet in an effort to stop his emotions coming to surface.

Baekhyun stared at his watery-eyed friends and he let out a scoff, "I don't know why you're all cry-crying," he said his voice breaking at the last word and he sighed dramatically and tried to blink the warm tears away.

"So is this the dress?" The consultant asked.

You could practically hear Jongdae gulp as he stared at you with eager eyes.

You nodded, "This is it."

⇻☆☆☆⇺

Chanyeol looked at you skeptically, "You're wedding is in two months and you want to get another tattoo?"

Rolling your eyes, you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck and tugged at him a few times. "All the more reason, Yeol. This is the last I'll ask you for a while – unless you want me to take my business elsewhere. I mean, I can just ask Sehun-"

He pulled your arms from his neck and made you look at him. "No, I want to do it."

Chanyeol pushed you down into his leather tattooing chair and stuck his hand out, "Give me the drawing."

With a smile, you pulled the drawing from your sketch pad and handed it to him.

He froze. "What – what is this?" His eyes were glassy as he stared at you and you fought the flashback that stuck with this very tattoo that you had designed. You had one scar left to cover and it wasn't one that many people noticed - including Jongin. It was a small scar on your left wrist, a place you didn't mark much but even though it was small, it had a big impact.

You hadn't cut in a while. Months had passed and you were doing so well not to harm yourself. Jongdae and Minseok stopped watching you so heavily since you hadn't had an incident in a while. It felt good to have them trust you and have you even trust yourself.

But like with all good things, it had to come to an end.

You tried to get the blood to stop seeping from your wrist the best you could but it had been a while since you had handled this whole ordeal.

It had been a rough day. It was Hani's birthday and you went out with your family and Jongin the way the group of you had always done.

He wasn't mean to you or even giving you sneering looks this time but that wasn't what set you off. He wouldn't even look at you.

It wasn't like you blended in with the surroundings since you were the only one wearing a long-sleeved sweatshirt in a fancy restaurant in an attempt to hide yourself harm scars from the prying eyes of the adults around you.

His parents spoke to you and tried to involve Jongin in the conversation but he wouldn't budge. Couldn't he hear the way your voice broke? Couldn't he hear how desperately you begged him just to look at you the way he used to? Didn't he notice how you didn't smile anymore?

But that was just it. He didn't care.

Which lead you to lock yourself in your room and cry once you got him. Thoughts of Jongin flowing through your head. More than anything you missed the looks he gave you, the touches, the care. It was long gone because now he hated you and you were close to hating him. Losing Hani had been too much and ruined the two of you. You cried over what could have been if you hadn't lied about Hani's passing.

The thoughts pushed you straight back to the point you didn't want to be in and you all but tore your room apart looking for something sharp or by chance a razor that Jongdae and Minseok hadn't been able to find. You got lucky when you found one buried in your underwear drawer and you used it to slice into your left wrist so roughly that blood dripped onto the floor at an incredible speed. You cried out in pain but also relief. It felt good to hurt yourself - to punish yourself for what you had done.

No longer was your left arm unmarked from scars and you raised the blade to make more when Minseok came walking into your room. He stared at you in shock for a moment before closing and locking your bedroom at lightning speed and lunging at you. You tried to move away from him as tears and blood dripped down.

"Y/N!" He yelled and kept repeating your name over and over as he grabbed you and wrapped his arms tightly around you in almost a vice grip. "Drop it, Y/N. Drop it now."

You shook your head as your blood dripped onto Minseok and you clutched the blade so hard in your hand that you felt it cutting through the rough skin of your hands.

Somehow and using excessive force that was likely to bruise you later, Minseok got the blade away from you and threw it into the open door of your bathroom and as far away from the two of you as he could.

He sighed and continuing holding you in his tight grip as the two of you fell to the ground, both of you a crying mess. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" He cried out. "I hate seeing you like this."

"I deserve it," you cried. "You should have let me die."

Minseok sobbed. "Don't say that. If I let you die, I would have died. I wouldn't be the person I am. Y/N. Please. You don't deserve it."

"Kai won't even look at me," you cried. "Not even on Hani's birthday. I just wanted him to look at me and notice that I'm not okay without him and he wouldn't even look at me once."

You could hear Minseok's teeth grind together as you cried in his hold. "Why didn't you let me go with you?"

You shrugged. "It wouldn't fix anything, Minseok."

"Like hell it wouldn't. I'd make that bastard look at you. I'd make him look at your scars over and over the way I've seen them. I'd make him feel so low and remorseful that he would never look ill in your direction again," Minseok cried into your neck. "Don't you understand what I would do for you? Anything, Y/N. Anything, just stop hurting yourself. It hurts me so fucking much every time you mark your beautiful skin."

"I'm sorry, Minnie. I'm sorry that I'm hurting you too. I'm hurting everyone around me. I hate myself."

He held you tighter, pressing a kiss to your head. "Don't fucking say that. Don't fucking ever say that. I'm your best friend and I love you. That's all that matters, okay?"

You nodded as the two of you rode out the tears and pain. Eventually, Minseok got up to get rid of the razor blade and to take you into the bathroom to clean your cut up. He ran you a warm bath and you bathed with him sitting on the tile next to you and even though he made enough bubbles for you to cover your naked body, he still kept his eyes averted. One of his hands clutched your left one that was now wrapped in gauze and he stared at it, pressing kisses to the gauze every now and then.

"What are you doing?" You whispered as your head rolled over to look at him and you opened your eyes.

Minseok finally looked at you, keeping his eyes on your face as he stayed scrunched up on the floor. "Minseok's seal of protection."

A small laugh escaped your lips and you saw Minseok's face lighten up. "What's that?" You asked him.

He kissed your wrist again. "Well, it's my way of marking you but instead of the way you do it by scarring yourself, I'm doing it with love. I'm kissing the cut so maybe next time you want to do it, you'll see me kissing it and you won't want to do it anymore. My kiss is the seal of protection."

Your heart started to palpitate. "Minseok that's so sweet."

"I just want to help you however I can. I want to be with you even when I'm not physically," he pressed another kiss to your wrist, "So I'll keep kissing this cut until it's the only thing you can remember when you look at it."

And that’s the way it became as you stared at the cut that had somehow barely become a scar at all. Sometimes you thought it was the way Minseok had kissed it as it healed and all the times he had kissed it after. Every time he would hold your hand or hug you in the past, he would kiss your wrist and give you a silly smile. Thinking back it made your heart hurt.

This tattoo wasn’t to make the bond between the two of you stronger by any means. It was another way to let him go especially since your last tattoos weren’t quite for him. This was all for him and you had to do it before you got married.

It was a way to tell him he didn’t have to kiss your wrist anymore. Minseok didn’t have to protect you anymore because what he had done in the past was enough and you forever had his protection with you.

It was also a way to commemorate the love for him because even though you were leaving that in the past, you wouldn’t be able to ever forget the impact he left on your life.

Just the way when you looked down at your wrist, you could still feel his lips pressed against your skin to this day.

Chanyeol stared at you because he knew this. You had told him about it on a drunken night when traveling in the RV in the summer what almost seemed like lifetimes ago.

His hands shook as he held the sketch, “Are you sure this is something you want to have on your body?” When you had gotten drunk, you had cried over the way Minseok didn’t speak to you and how stupid it was that he left that damn protective seal on you. Chanyeol tried to nurse drunk you over the heartbreak and he was surprised when you were okay the next morning.

You scoffed, “Yeol, I think if I don’t it will be a mistake. I have to cover this tattoo. I have to cover it specifically with those words because it’s my final attempt at setting us both free.”

“But what if it hurts you more?” He asked as he looked up at you with soft eyes. Chanyeol was a brother to you now and him looking out for you made you feel loved in the purest way. The way you imagined Minseok would love you if he hadn’t had to pull a razor blade from your fingers so many times. If only he hadn’t been the one to pull you off the bridge. Everything would be different.

Which was why it wouldn’t hurt. It’s so why you had to cover the scar up in the first place. You couldn’t keep thinking of the what if’s and this scar was related to a lot of it.

Minseok would forever be connected to the scar. The way he had kissed it and the way when you had first made it, he told you that he loved you.

“Before I marry Jongin, I have to do this. It’s a way of keeping me connected to Minseok but also saying that I don’t need him to protect me anymore. We’ve talked about it but we’re both still going through the motions. My tattoos have been helping heal me and I think this is the perfect last edition for now,” you said to Chanyeol with a wink.

He sighed and sat the drawing down, “What if it hurts him?”

You eyes Chanyeols face. The amount your decisions had affected everyone around you was apparent on Chanyeol’s face. He had seen Minseok suffer all while Minseok helped and loved you. “I’m almost certain it won’t but if you want to confirm that, let’s call Minnie.”

He scrunched his eyebrows. “Right now?”

Nodding, you smiled, “Right now.” You hadn’t spoken to Minseok in a while and it was sure to be awkward but it was best to clear it up. You doubted it would affect Minseok in any way although.

“Give me a bit to make a stencil, we’ll put it on and then video chat Minseok to see if it’s okay with him,” Chanyeol said in a defeated voice.

Chanyeol of course was great at what he did and it didn’t take long for him to whip up a stencil.

You looked down at the stencil covering your scar and you smiled. “it looks so good, Yeol.”

He scoffed, “You designed it.”

You glared at him, “But it has your flare, as always and it’s beautiful.” Your wrist scar was covered with thick but elegant lettering that said ‘seal of protection’. It was corny but yet it made you feel at ease. Maybe you and Minseok said everything was final years ago when he had told you it was over but to you, this was it.

This was ending it because even though it’s been years it seemed like there were still unmended edges to your hearts.

Minseok was gone from your body and so was Jongin.

You would be free.

Your body was yours again.

Chanyeol grabbed his phone and stared at it a few times before sighing. “Things between you guys still feel so strained. We can all feel it.”

“I’m sorry. It’s a process I guess.”

He scrunched his mouth up, “Things between you and Jongin are great though…”

“Because we’re together,” you replied simply.

“So if you were with Minseok, it would be okay? You guys wouldn’t be like this?”

You had thought of it and the answer was no. Things wouldn’t be the way it was between you and Jongin. Some might see that being with Jongin was toxic, but in reality being with Minseok was toxic. He watched you for so many years being in love with Jongin. He watched you hurt yourself over said boy for so many years. And then even after, you made yourself leave him. Minseok has been fixing you for so long that being together would have killed you both. He wouldn’t be able to stop seeing your cut skin in his head and he would never fully trust you. So many times you had broken his trust and at some point, you couldn’t earn trust back in a relationship like that. Not only that but your whole life has been filled with loving Jongin as if it was something you were programmed to do. Even if you devoted yourself to Minseok, Jongin would always be someone you were in love with.

Even if you had been solely devoted to Minseok, nothing could have ever worked. You hurt him too much and so you hoped a tattoo like this could help.

Maybe it would separate you two. Maybe you would stop being friends. Maybe it was for the best.

“I’m not good for Minseok. Call him, Yeol. Please.” You had to go through with the tattoo before it was too late. Before you remembered how much you loved him.

Chanyeol called him before he could second-guess and Minseok picked up quickly. Chanyeol kept the screen pointed at him as he smiled and waved at his best friend “Hey!”

“Hey, Yeolie. What’s up?”

Chanyeol started chewing on his lip, “Well…”

Groaning, you snatched the phone from Chanyeol and pointed it at yourself. “Hey Minnie,” you breathed as you looked at him. He was dressed in scrubs and looking handsome as always. You forced yourself to avert your eyes as you felt your heart pound. “I’m getting a tattoo and Chanyeol wanted to check with you first.”

Even through the phone, you could feel his gaze, “Why check in with me? It’s your body, Y/N.”

You opened your mouth a few times but then closed it again and lifted your wrist to the screen.

“Oh,” you heard him say.

“Chanyeol wants to be sure me having this tattoo won’t hurt you and I told him of course it won’t and that maybe it will help us finally get through this.”

Minseok let out a shaky breath, “You still remember that?”

Pulling your wrist back, you looked at the screen, “How could I forget? I remember it like it’s yesterday.”

“When I told you that Ioved-“

You cut him off, “I didn’t realize it was genuine until now.”

“I knew you wouldn’t take it seriously at the time which is why I told you.”

“I didn’t.”

“Do you remember how I held you?”

You smiled sadly, “Basically held me down while I got blood all over your white shirt and jeans. Do you still have those?”

He nodded, “I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”

“Burn them. Don’t keep them anymore, Minnie. I’m covering my scar so you don’t need to kiss it anymore. Burn the clothes so you don’t remember it anymore.”

“I haven’t kissed it in years,” he said ignoring what you said about burning the clothes.

You scoffed, “You never stopped.”

And while it was metaphorical, Minseok had never stopped kissing the scar. You wanted him to put it in the past but you knew for a fact he still asked about you and still looked out for you. But you wanted him to stop. Stop being afraid and looking out for you.

“This is my last attempt at proving to you that I’m done. Don’t look after me anymore, Minnie.”

He scoffed back, “Easier said than done. Even Yeol looks out for you.”

“But it doesn’t hurt him to do so.”

You could see him frown but he nodded, “Get the tattoo, Y/N. I’ll burn the clothes.”

⇻☆☆☆⇺

“So strippers, right?” You heard Baekhyun whispering and snickering to Jongdae in your living room.

Coming up behind him, you pressed your hands to his shoulders from behind, making him jump in shock. “Get Jongin strippers and I will actually rip your dick off.”

He purses his lips, “Don’t be like that. He hasn’t been a single man in a long time. He needs one last night.”

“He has enough of that in high school,” you replied bitterly.

“Y/N, Baek is kidding. No strippers,” Jongdae looked at Baekhyun harshly. “Don’t be a fucking asshole,” he hissed.

“It’s okay, I’m used to the asshole. But seriously, no strippers. Me and Jongin discussed this already. While Jongin may have a ton of friends ready to give him a bachelor party full of strippers, I’ll be staying at home by myself. So remember that when you’re having fun.”

You could feel Jongdae gaze at you with a look of regret. While you had the boys and Kat, that was it. You didn’t have any close girlfriends really. And Kat was studying abroad for a few months and wouldn’t make it to your wedding. All you had was the boys and your parents so a bachelorette party wasn’t possible.

“You have to have some friends who can buy you all that dick themed shit and get you drunk,” Baekhyun said. “Every girl has those friends.”

Jongdae sighed, “We are those friends.”

Yixing joined you guys in the living room and you glanced over at him. You hadn’t even heard the front door open. “What, do you guys just let yourselves in now?” You asked with crossed arms.

Yixing patted your head, “No, darling, but I do remember you giving me a key,” he whispered as he dangled it in front of you. “Aren’t we planning the bachelor party?”

Baekhyun pouted, “We were until Y/N became a buzzkill.”

Yixing scoffed, “How so?”

“She doesn’t have anyone to throw her a bachelorette party so when Jongin has his party, she’ll be at home alone.”

“Aren’t we her friends?”

Baekhyun stares at him. “What do you mean?”

Yixing shrugged, “Why don’t half of us go with Jongin for his bachelor party and the other half do Y/N’s bachelorette party?”

You pursed your lips and thought about it.

“Guys don’t do bachelorette parties,” Baekhyun said in a ‘duh’ tone.

You glared at him and he glared back.

“We don’t even stick with traditions,” Jongdae reminded. “I think that would be fun.”

“There’s eight of us so-“ Yixing was cut off by Baekhyun.

“With Minseok?”

Yixing glared at him, “No. Excluding him.”

“Then there’s only seven. We don’t include Jongin.”

Yixing rolled his eyes, “Okay. In that case, we have Jongin’s party and Y/N’s. Who goes to which?”

“Easy,” Jongdae said. “Me, Sehun, and Yeol with Y/N and You, Baek, Jun, and Soo with Jongin.”

Yixing nodded, “How does that sound, Y/N?”

“Good but,” you looked at Yixing and then at Baekhyun, “No strippers.”

Baekhyun crossed his arms. “Then no strippers for you.”

You scoffed, “You don’t need to convince me of that.”

“She’s right, Sehun is the one who would try to get strippers,” Jongdae laughed.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

While Sehun didn't get strippers, he did buy anything he could find with a pink dick on it and had you, himself and the two other boys decked out in dicks. It wasn't the typical bachelorette party that other women had but you were still completely satisfied. The four of you spent the night drinking from your dick cups while you watched movies and it didn't take long for you to all get drunk.

You would surely regret it in the morning but the wedding was two days away so you hoped that was enough for you to ride out the hell of a hangover that was to come.

It turned out you were all whiny drunks (especially Jongdae) and it became a cry fest about the stupidest things that didn't even matter. Like how Sehun felt like one of his feet was bigger than the other, Chanyeol found a gray hair, Jongdae just wanted to be treated like an adult, and your left boob was significantly perkier than the right. The night was filled with laughter, whining, and a bit of vomit but you found that it was one of the best nights.

It didn't take long for the group of you to find yourselves passed out on the cold kitchen floor of Jongdae and Baekhyun's house. Being in the house, it still brought up memories of Minseok that made you anxious to even start to imagine and the alcohol had amplified that. He wasn't here. Things weren't the way they used to be and you tried to use that to push it to the back of your mind.

Jongin had a good night with his four friends. They hadn't done much other than some drinking and wasting money at the casino but that was enough for Jongin. He didn't need an extravagant night with half-naked women. After all, Jongin had barely been able to see you naked so why would he want to look at other women? He had loved you for so long that his interest in other women didn't exist. He didn't know how to have eyes for anyone but you in the past years. Maybe he had once loved Hani and looked at her but he knew that she never compared to you.

Even in his teen years when he made poor decisions with drugs and girls, he still only thought of you.

It was like a song in his head when he was away from you, he would hear your name and see your face over and over again.

The wedding was two days away and Jongin wasn't even the slightest bit nervous. While the two of you were legally married, this was going to be your spiritual wedding and Jongin was so ready to fully tie himself to you. He made mistakes – hell, he made a lot of mistakes but therapy had helped him put that behind him. He would never completely forgive himself but he learned how to cope with it. How to accept the past and remind himself that he wasn't that person. It wasn't an excuse, but in the past he hadn't been completely sane because completely sane Jongin only wanted you and your well-being.

Jongin on drugs even mostly thought about you when he came down from the high. The drugs made him feel that much worse when he realized what he had done to you.

Never again would he let that kind of harm come to you and he could promise you that. He wasn't that person anymore and by marrying you this time, he was making that promise

He left his friends passed out at Junmyeon's house and came to check on you just around four am. He didn't want to interrupt your fun, but he wanted to see you. Being away from you was hard even if just for a short time.

He left himself in with the key he had and found the house silent. It didn't take him long to come across the four of you passed out on the floor and somehow all cuddling each other.

Jongin sighed with relief and let out a little laugh when he saw you in Sehun's arms and wearing several accessories that had dicks on them.

It was cute even if it was funny.

Maybe other guys would be jealous to see their wife cuddled in their friend's arms but it made Jongin feel at ease. He trusted you and he trusted his friends. Jongin knew you loved him unconditionally so no matter who you showed your affection to, Jongin knew he was the only one to get the intimate side. He was the one who had your heart and he trusted that. He trusted you with Minseok even though Minseok still had part of your heart. Jongin knew where he stood with you and that was enough.

It was sweet to see his best friends look after you in such a loving way and Jongin felt like he was blessed. He wouldn't ever have to worry about your safety or well-being because you had the boys to look after you too.

He smiled as he watched you clutch onto Sehun's shirt and he gave you a gentle pat on the head before grabbing a few pillows and blankets for you all. Once the pillows were placed next to you and the blankets were draped over your bodies, Jongin left and went home.

The bed was empty without you but he wanted you to have your fun. He knew how close you were with Jongdae in the past and now how close you were to Sehun and Chanyeol and he didn't want to mess that up tonight. He could deal with the lonely bed for one night because after all, he slept alone so many nights when you were in school.

That night he wondered what the future would be like. Would you guys have children? Would you fight often? What would sex be like?

Jongin couldn't keep his mind from going there and he felt like he had almost been celibate too long. You were completely worth the wait but it was something Jongin thought of since he was fourteen and you were basically forbidden to him. He had always wanted you so his whole life was spent wondering what it would be like to be with you like that.

He couldn't wait to be with you and although a couple years ago he hadn't been in the right mindset, he was now there.

Everything had changed.

Maybe life didn't go down the right track but Jongin had finally grabbed control and was having a grasp on his reality and future. Drugs were a thing of his past just as he knew self-harm was something of your past.

Guilt still clouded him every now and again but Jongin knew if you didn't want this relationship, you wouldn't have chosen it. He had given you options – hell, he had all but given you to Minseok. He offered to divorce you but here the two of you were. Two days away from marriage.

Jongin had never been so happy.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

The thing with Minseok being your best man meant he acted as a maid of honor. From the beginning of the day till the end of the night, he would be by your side.

He showed up at the venue, in sweatpants and a t-shirt but yet somehow looked perfect. The moment you saw him walking into the bridal quarters, you almost cried and caused the hairdresser to fuss over you and hand you tissues.

"Why are you getting upset?" he asked as he hung his covered suit up on one of the wall hooks.

You looked at him in the mirror as you wiped at your eyes. "I'm n-not."

Rolling his eyes, he sat down on the loveseat that was nearby the vanity you were getting your hair done in. "Don't lie."

"It's an emotional day," you muttered.

Minseok smiled. "I know. It's a big day. If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure I'll get emotional when I see you in your dress... which I still haven't seen."

Looking over at the dress that was in a bag and draped over a chair, you grinned. "It's perfect."

"I'm sure it is. Anything will look perfect on you."

A blush crept on your cheeks but you tried to ignore it. "Baekhyun picked out the most scandalous dress for me when we were trying on dresses," you said changing the subject. "I swear I've never seen Sehun look like he was going to scream like that before. Jongdae even cringed."

Minseok chuckled. "I'm not surprised but they act like you're pure. Don't they know better?"

The hairdresser cleared her throat awkwardly. "It’s been a long time," you laughed. "I may very well be."

The two of you met eyes in the mirror and while you thought about the time things almost escalated in his bedroom and you were sure he thought the same, neither of you brought it up. "Yeah. No matter what you do, you'll always be innocent little Y/N."

"No, I'm strong Y/N now."

Minseok's eyes stayed glued to yours. "You're right. This sounds bad but you're stronger than I ever imagined you'd be and I'm so happy that you are."

"Me too, Minnie. I'd be nothing without you and Dae which is exactly why you're my best man."

He scoffed, "You would have been something without me. You didn't need me."

"Without you, I'd be with Hani and while I love her, that's not where I need to be nor where I want to be."

Minseok shifted where he was sitting. "I'm just glad it's okay now."

"Me too. Speaking of okay, how are you?"

He sighed in what seemed like relief. "Happy. I invited that girl to be my date."

Your eyes shot open. "That's a big deal. Do I get to meet her?"

"Of course. That's mostly why I brought her."

"And does she know... about us?"

He nodded. "Anybody I date is going to know about you. You're an important part of who I am."

You looked down at your lap. "I've shaped you into the scared and untrusting person you are."

He was beside you in an instant and touching your shoulder gently. "I did that to me too. It's okay. She's helping me get through it. I keep trying to help her but she reminds me that she doesn't need help. She doesn't need a protector. She does that herself."

Looking up at him, you smiled. "Good."

"I like seeing you smile," Minseok whispered. "It's a good look on you. The fact that Jongin makes you happy baffles me but also puts me at ease."

"Do you trust him?" You asked as the hairdresser sprayed your hair with hairspray.

He paused for a moment but eventually nodded, "Yeah. I think I do."

"Maybe you'll trust me one day too."

"As long as I trust Jongin, that's all that matters. I trust him to keep you away from harm."

Minseok gave you one more pat on your shoulder before walking towards the love seat, "Is there anything I need to do as your best man?"

You shrugged. "Not really. Just be here."

He sat down and smiled. "I can do that."

The first wedding you had was a blur in your mind now. You hadn't remembered getting ready for so many hours but there was really a lot of work behind a wedding. Everything this time, you made sure it was perfect. Every piece of hair, every fleck of makeup, you wanted to wow Jongin.

He hadn't cried when you guys married the first time like some men did when they got married but instead, you cried in despair. This time you wanted happy tears to come from Jongin.

The moment came for you to put on your dress. Minseok was there, his warm hands helping zip up the back as his eyes stared at you in the floor length mirror.

This was the official end of you and Minseok and you could feel it hanging in the air. Here was the man who still held a piece of your heart, zipping up your wedding dress. It didn't get any more bizarre than this.

Once you were zipped and the sash around your waist was tied, Minseok stepped back. He let out a deep breath, "You look like a princess."

You stared at yourself in the mirror for a while, twisting your head back and forth as you looked at yourself fully done up in makeup and covered in a white wedding dress. "It's so different than it was all those years ago. It feels like that wasn't even me." You turned towards Minseok. "I can't even remember what it was like to see Jongin like a monster. I said I was marrying a monster but now all I can see is that I'm marrying my one true love."

You didn't miss the way Minseok winced and gritted his teeth but he quickly turned the disdain into a smile. "You're happy, right? Truly happy?"

"I'm happy. I think everything is panning out the way it should."

Minseok gave you a look, "I need to be honest."

Your heart was already protesting against your chest. "What is it, Minnie?"

"I think I love that girl."

Tears pooled in your eyes before you could stop them. "That's amazing," you sniffled. It wasn't that you were sad that Minseok had finally found love in someone other than you but it was that you were happy. Happy that he was capable after all you put him through. Sure, it hurt that tiny place in your heart that still loved him but it would be healed but the love of your life and you would be okay. Knowing that Minseok was able to love someone else made everything. "Is she the one?"

Minseok shrugged. "Maybe. I don't think I'm going to rush love. I'm just going to see what happens."

"Anyone is lucky to be loved by you," you mumbled as you wiped the tears that had fallen.

Coming closer, Minseok helped wipe the tears. "I know you don't want me to look after you anymore, but I still will. I won't stop. Even if you have your own seal of protection, I won't ever stop. Not because I love you but because you're my best friend and even if you're strong, I still care about you. I will always love you in so many complex ways. I love you even if I love the girl I'm with more and in a different way. You will always be my Y/N and nothing will ever change that. You still love me even though you love Jongin, don't you?" You nodded. "Don't ever think I'll stop loving you even if I get married. We are special to each other and while I have a long way to go and I need to learn how to stop trying to help you and everyone, I'm not going to stop having you around just because it hurts. I was away for too long. I want to come home more often."

He pulled you into a gentle hug and you hiccupped out a sob. "I want that, Minnie. I really want that. I want you to be happy but I don't want you to hurt."

"Anything worth something in life, hurts a bit, okay? Stop thinking you need to do whatever to prevent me from hurting. No more tattoos, no more distant looks, no more agonizing yourself over what happened. The distance we've put between each other is only making everything more complicated and I want to come home more often. Starting with Christmas."

There hadn't been a Christmas that Minseok had come home for yet and the thought made you excited. "That would be great. I'm just worried."

Minseok shrugged and then pulled away. "Let's not be worried anymore, okay? Let's just live."

After a few moments and Minseok helping you fix your hair a bit, your father entered the room. "You ready, sweetie?" You could tell his eyes were puffy and you knew him and your mom had probably been crying again. It made you hurt that even after more than eleven years after you lost Hani, your parents still grieved often. That was one pain you couldn't run from and you hoped that you could make them happy from this day forward. The gallery, the schooling, and the second marriage had already brought them so much happiness and you had only one other way to help them with the pain of losing Hani. Giving them grandchildren.

Nothing could honor Hani the way having your own family would.

But then you weren't sure you wanted to be a mother at all – after all, you had such a messy life and you weren't sure you would be prepared to lose a child the way your mother did or even just be a mother without suffering from lose.

You sighed. At least you had plenty of time to decide. Maybe you weren't getting any younger but if you were going to want kids, you would figure it out when the time came.

Minseok held the train of your dress as you walked over to grab your dads arm. You held a little more tightly than necessary. "It's okay, daddy," you whispered. "She's here too."

He tried his best to smile at the comment as he led you down the hall and towards the doors to the inside of the church where Jongin was waiting for you. Minseok gave you a wink and let himself inside to stand with the rest of the bridal party.

It took a few minutes for you to catch your breath once it was you and your dad alone. He patted you gently. "Are you nervous?" he asked confused.

You laughed. "Of course not," you reassured him. "Not nervous, just happy."

He smiled. "You weren't this happy the first time around. You seemed more sad."

"It just wasn't right the first time. Now, I think everything is right."

You could tell he was trying not to cry. "I didn't think our family would ever heal after the loss of her but the marriage between you and Jongin seemed to help us all. You got happier and followed your dreams. Your mother and I never thought you would do that."

"I'm glad you guys made me marry Jongin," you whispered.

He laughed. "We didn't make you we just knew it would be best for the family. Besides, you and Jongin had drifted apart and us as your parents, and the Kim's knew that the two of you truly loved each other and were too dumb to figure it out."

Your heart softened. Even your parents knew that you and Jongin had loved each other. It reaffirmed that you were really doing the right thing. Being with Jongin was what made you happy and it made you even happier that those around you knew it.

Things might have once been broken but did that matter?

Did the broken pieces matter if they had gotten mended in the end?

You didn't think so. Actually, you felt like the mended pieces of you were better than the originals.

"Are you ready?" Your father asked you.

With a confident smile, you nodded.

Once the doors were open, your eyes immediately locked with Jongin's and everything around you blurred. You didn't see the audience or the bridal party. You couldn't even spot Minseok.

All you could see was Jongin and the way he looked at you like you were the best thing his eyes had ever seen.

You cried hard. So hard you could feel your dads hand smoothing over your back. Jongin was crying too you noticed when you got closer. His tears were beautiful though because they were happy and you could see the way his eyes sparkled at you.

You came to a stop with your dad and he lifted your veil as he handed you off to Jongin. You took his warm hand and stepped up beside him. There was silence in the church for a few moments as you and Jongin wiped each other's tears away and tried to regain your breath.

"You look beautiful," he whispered but when the whole church let out 'aw's' you were certain they had heard it.

"So do you," you said quietly as your voice shook.

This time around, the two of you had written your own vows because everything needed to be special and the first time, things were too formal.

"Y/N," Jongin started with a shaky voice. "I know legally we are already bound but I feel like this time, we are really bound. We are bound spiritually in ways I never imagined. When I first married you, you were beautiful – perfect even but we were young. It seems like lifetimes ago that we married so I feel the need to express my love to you the best way I can. In my life, nothing has made me happier than you. We have been through bumps, pain, and heartbreak but through all of that there has only been one thing that was certain to me and that was that I was made to love you. I promise to love you as much and if not more as I did when I was sixteen years old. I promise to cherish you every single day of our lives and never take you for granted again. I promise to protect you from anything that can ever hurt you. Y/N, I promise myself to you and only you because you're the only person I can see. I promise to give you everything you need because by giving me your hand in marriage, you have given me everything."

Jongin finished with tears and he folded the paper he had written his vows on and pushed it back into his pocket.

You sobbed and tried to even your voice as you unfolded your vows.

"Jongin. In life, nothing has been perfect. Things haven't always played out the way we wanted and when I married you just over six years ago, I wasn't sure it was what I wanted. Now, I'm so happy that it happened. I've learned that you're the only person who could ever make me feel the way I do. There were years in my life that I tried to fight my feelings for you but no matter how much I fought them, they always came back. You are what true love is to me and no matter what we have been through, I'll stick by your side. I'll stay with you even when things get rough because you have my heart. Please don't ever push me away because it won't work. I want to be your morning, day and night. I want to be your happiness, anger, and happiness because I want to be your all. Who knows what we have ahead of us. All I know is that no matter what it is, I want to be there for it because you are my true love and nothing can or has got in the way of that. I love you."

There was no laughing or half-assed intention behind your vows this time. They were filled with pure love and you could feel it in your bones as Jongin pulled you to him and kissed you.

He kissed you the way he should have the first time.

He kissed you in a way that almost erased the first time.

Although, without the first marriage, you would have never had the second one.

His lips kissed yours tenderly and kissed away your tears as the crowd cheered and you smiled at the loving faces all around you. Jongin wasn't a monster and he wasn't really ever one to begin with. He wasn't in his right mind when he had said all those things to hurt you in the past and you knew that because there wasn't a single day that you had ever seen that same man again. Kai was long gone. Jongin was the man you were marrying. Jongin the man who loved you more than life itself and loved you so much he was willing to divorce you so you could marry his best friend.

That just made you love him more.

Six years ago, you didn’t imagine you could ever marry again. You thought you would be stuck with Jongin and that you would never be able to marry for love.

But here you were, marrying Jongin once again.

Marrying the monster.

Marrying for love.

This time though, you were marrying your best friend and first love. This time when you saw Minseok in the bridal party, you didn't wish it was him.

Things were exactly as they should be and though it took work and time, it was worth it.

Jongin didn't look at you like he was afraid you'd crumble in front of him and you didn't look at him like you hated him.

You and Jongin walked down the aisle together and this time you leaned on him happily.

"You look cheerful," he whispered as he led you out the doors.

You scoffed. "I'm pissed, I can't believe I married your stupid ass again."

He rolled his eyes. "Shut up, you love my stupid ass."

A smile formed on your lips. "Yeah, I do. I love you."

He kissed the top of your head. "I love you too. Are you ready for the rest of our lives now?"

You nodded, "I think we've waited long enough."

And so it ends the same way it began, but yet, not the same at all.

masterlist

a/n: Ah, it’s so bittersweet but we’re at the end. I decided not to end off in smut because that didn’t really feel right BUT if you guys want wedding night smut, I will make a special chapter for that (there are two special chapters to come, also!). So let me know if you want wedding night smut!

I hope this ended the way you guys saw it ending and thank you all for the love and support on this journey. MtaM is special to my heart in so many ways and I love everyone who has found me because of it. Shoutout to all my main supporters throughout this. MtaM will live on because of you guys. <3 @lalys685

(I’m sure there are editing mistakes but if I edit anymore, I’ll try to rewrite it all and I think I’m happy with it.)

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yeolsmuffin · 8 years ago

Text

Married to a Monster - Twenty One

Paring: jonginXreader

Genre: Fluff & Angst || Husband!Jongin, Best friend!Minseok, Best friend!Jongdae

Word Count: 12.8k

Notes: Trigger warning: talks of death, self-harm, suicide, and the likes.

You could feel the freedom in your bones the day you left your home and you hoped Jongin felt the same. He was going to be free too. Time would heal him the way it healed you.

"Chanyeol," you whimpered out and his dark eyes immediately shot up towards you.

He looked at you tenderly, "Are you okay?"

You nodded, urging him to continue as you closed your eyes tightly.

Before he could even touch your skin, you yelled: "Don't mess up!" As you opened your eyes and smiled playfully.

He raised his lip at you and pointed the metal in his hand in your direction, "That's the third time you've pretended to be in pain and then scare me by saying 'don't mess up'. Y/N, if you say 'don't mess up', I'm more than likely to mess up. You know how I get under pressure," he whined.

You laughed, "I can't believe I used to be intimidated by you."

Chanyeol kept the metal device pointed at you, "You should be intimidated now. I could ruin your life."

A snort escaped your lips, "Sure."

"I will hold you down and pierce your fucking nipples."

Sehun chucked from across the shop, "You act like yours aren't pierced."

Chanyeol's hands immediately went to his nipples as you busted out into a fit of giggles. "I knew it. I knew you were a freak."

His face flushed, "And it ruined my life, so thanks, Sehun."

You raised a brow and craned your neck over towards the man and Sehun just crossed his arms over his chest. "Chanyeol was drunk and screaming about wanting to get his ex back so I told him piercing his nipples would help. Drunk Chanyeol believes anything."

Nodding a few times, you grinned at Chanyeol. "Last time he was drunk, he told me about how he almost got a piercing-"

An "oof" escaped your lips when you got hit by a small white pillow that Chanyeol had launched at you. "Do you want me to do this tattoo or not? I could make you go find another tattoo artist who will let you use your own work – and let me tell you, it isn't easy."

"You're not scary," you just said, crossing your arms like Sehun's. "I used to be scared of you but you're just a softie."

"So you were scared of me when I was a skinny high school boy but not now when I'm covered in tattoos and go to the gym on a regular basis?"

Shaking your head, you pursed your lips. "You have your nipples pierced. That's not scary."

"Watch it or you're getting a dick on your leg. See if anyone wants to look at you like that," Chanyeol said, but immediately started pouting. "I'm really excited about this tattoo, Y/N, please let me get started."

Nodding, you pretended to zip your lips as Chanyeol let out a shaky breath and hunched over your lower half.

Chanyeol and Sehun had more to them than you knew about – like the two of them were tattoo artists. Honestly, you hadn't paid much attention to them even when you moved into the neighborhood that most of the boys lived in together but since you left home, you tried to become more social. While you hadn't intended to befriend the two boys, the three of you had turned out to be good friends.

They did a lot of tattooing at art shows near the school you went too since the school held some of the biggest shows in your area. More often than not, you would let them stay with you when they came to do the shows every couple months. You weren't trying to replace Jongdae and Minseok but somehow, you still grew close to them.

They were fun and didn't bring up the past – which you enjoyed.

While it had only been about a year since you left home, you had decided to do something not only for you but for Jongin.

The two of you were handling long distance well and you had seen him every holiday break you had. Things between the two of you were still going at a slow pace but you could see the change in Jongin as he went through treatment and therapy.

It was in hope of the future that you were getting tattoos to cover your scarred legs because you knew that for him to ever heal, he couldn't look at those marks every day.

Chanyeol was the best tattoo artist you knew and he was willing to work with one of your own drawings, whereas many tattoo artists wouldn't. Chanyeol was also gentle and someone you trusted.

The tattoos were something you had worked at for a while because they had to be perfect. You decided they would start at the tops of your thighs just above your scars, and drop down to mid-thigh. Bright flowers and branches would be encircling the slight curve of your thighs.

This one was purely for Jongin so you told Chanyeol to work his magic and make it apparent that it was for him without literally saying 'This is for you Jongin'. Yeah, maybe his actions took part in you creating the scars but now he wouldn't see that. Instead, his actions took part in you being covered in a beautiful art piece.

It wasn't your first tattoo, as you already had a songbird with music notes around it to cover the arm that you had cut up the worse – thanks to Sehun, it was stunning.

Chanyeol's tattoo gun pricked your skin as he moved it and you winced slightly. It wasn't the worst pain in the world and since you had once been used to pain, it didn't bother you much.

"It's going to be beautiful," Chanyeol whispered as he traced a line with the gun. "Jongin will love it."

You felt a hand on your shoulder and when you looked up, you saw Sehun standing next to you. "You're doing something good for him. I hope you know how much he loves you."

"I was afraid that he would be in that state forever," Chanyeol went on. "When we were all stupid and getting high and drunk - he was the worst of us. He would talk about how much he loved you and then we'd have to watch him treat you like shit. When he came down, he would hate himself and wish that he was dead."

Sehun dropped his gaze, "None of were okay with how he treated you but we knew he didn't mean it. Minseok was always watching you. Always. I don't think I've ever seen anyone love someone more than the way Jongin and Minseok loved you."

Minseok. Your heart sank into your stomach. You hadn't heard from him since he left. It hurt but you tried not to take it to heart.

Jongdae and Jongin both had visited you when they had free time but of course, things were different with Minseok. Things between you and Minseok were still fresh so him visiting would be difficult.

"How is he?"

Chanyeol cleared his throat, "He's happy, Y/N. Really happy," he let his words hang in the air for a few minutes, "but he misses you."

"I miss him too."

Life was messy but this was one of the first steps.

As you watched Chanyeol cover the multitude of scars on your legs, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

Not only would Jongin not have to face the past but neither would Minseok. While Minseok wouldn't see your scars as often as Jongin, just the fact that the marks he helped heal were covered, you hoped would help him.

You liked the change the tattoos on your thighs and arm had brought so you decided to have a little more change.

When you visited home for your spring break, you decided to visit your friend Kat before you went home.

You hadn't seen much of her during your other visits home so she was shocked to see you but even more shocked when you said, "Cut it, cut it some way different than it is and dye it. I don't care what color."

Taking one look at your tattoos, she pushed you down in the salon chair and ran a hand through your hair. "It's a little early for a mid-life crisis."

"Just do it."

She gave you a shade of red hair that only Chanyeol would be happy about and a haircut with edgy bangs.

Which almost sent Jongdae into a shock when you surprised him at work. "Y/N? I almost didn’t recognize you," He said with a cracked voice. You gave him a smile and he embraced you. "We weren't expecting you home until tomorrow," he said as he pointed to Jongin's office.

"I've come to surprise you."

Petting your hair gently, he gave you a cat-like smile. "Well, it is a nice surprise. But," he looked towards Jongin's office once more, "Why aren't you visiting loverboy first?"

Pulling him to the side, you pulled down the pants you were wearing.

Immediately his hands flew to his eyes and he was protesting. "What are you doing? Jongin will murder me."

You groaned and pulled his hands from his eyes, "Firstly, I'm wearing shorts under my pants asshole. Secondly, you've seen me naked before."

He pointed at you, keeping his eyes from looking down, "Never voluntarily, I might add. You've never just taken your pants off in front of me."

"Dae, I have something to show you," you whined.

Drawing his gaze back down to your legs, you slightly hiked up the black shorts you had been wearing underneath your pants so that most of your tattoo was on display. Thankfully, you locked his door when you came in and that Jongdae had curtains in his office or someone may think you were doing something scandalous.

Jongdae gasped and reached his hand out at the tattoo you had gotten a few weeks ago. "Y/N," he said in awe. "You're... it's... beautiful," he sounded out of breath and you were certain you could see tears forming.

"Don't go soft on me now."

Waving you off with his hand, he reaches out to your right thigh and his finger traces a scar as if he remembers exactly when you got it – and you thought maybe he did, as his fingertip ran over your skin. "I've always been soft for you; Shut up."

Once he finally pulled away, you pulled up your jeans and gave Jongdae a gentle hug. "Thank you for all you've done."

Jongdae shook his head and wiped away a stray tear. "My eyes betray me," he whined. "I'm just happy. I feel... at peace."

"I guess this tattoo was more than just something for Jongin," you said.

He nodded, "Sometimes me and Minseok pretended to be stronger than we were."

"I'm sorry," your gaze dropped down to your feet but Jongdae was quick to grab your chin and lift your head back up.

"Don't ever apologize. We wouldn't change it for the world. You were the best thing in our lives at that point. You knew we weren't always gentlemen. We were all roped into drugs, girls, and lies at that time. Stupid teenage boys. But Minseok? He always watched out for you and knew you needed us – just as much as we needed you. In the process of saving you, I think we saved ourselves."

The thought of Minseok had your heart fluttering and breaking at the same time. Jongdae must have caught this because he put an arm around you and sighed. "I know you wanted us to be together," you trailed off, looking at the bookshelf in his office that was filled with stuffed animals and visual novels. Jongdae tightened his hold. You didn't want to bring up the past as every day you were trying to still move on from it. It didn't help that the longer you went without your best friend, the more paintings you couldn't finish because a lot of them started with you shaping the curve of his jaw but your mind couldn't remember any other features of his face.

"I did. I've never seen Minseok look at someone the way he looked at you but I guess I hope he'll find someone else he can look at like that because you did. I definitely didn't see you with Jongin after all we had been through but I can truly say now that I've never seen a love so real, so raw, and so destined. He screwed up by treating you the way he did but he's trying to repent. He's doing it, Y/N. It seems that since you have left, he's getting better," he ruffled your hair gently, "and it looks like so are you."

"And Minseok?" You asked knowing you shouldn't ask about him, especially since you had already heard from Chanyeol.

Jongdae rubbed his lips together a few times before speaking. "He's watching you from the sidelines, just as he did all those years while we grew up. You may not notice it the way you didn't then, but Minseok is always looking out for you – as he always did."

You leaned against Jongdae. "Before Hani passed, did he watch me then?"

A small laugh escaped him, "I said always, didn't I? We've knowing Jongin nearly the same amount of time you've known him and while you never noticed us, we knew all about you. Do you remember the time you passed out during gym class when you were in sixth grade?"

Squinting your eyes, you tried to remember.

"It was a rainy day and since we normally had Strength and Conditioning class that day, we sat in on your class because the track was too slick for us to do our normal runs."

Ah.

Gym class was your least favorite and that was made worse when a majority of the class voted to play volleyball.

As if your day could get any worse.

You didn't have people you talked too much in your gym class and mostly because you liked to keep to yourself if it didn't involve Hani or Jongin. Everybody lacked the shine that Jongin had – they were all lackluster beings in your mind.

To make matters worse, the eighth grade Strength and Conditioning class would be joining the game and that made you want to hide in the locker rooms until your next class. Not that there was anything wrong with that class, but it was a class filled with boys who probably took gym class a little too seriously.

But your grade depended on it and if you missed one more class period, you would probably be forced to retake the whole course and you had no interest in that.

You tried your best at volleyball. Sticking towards the back with a few of your peers that you were comfortable being around although, in the moment, they were getting increasingly irritated with you as you continued to fail in stopping the ball from touching the ground.

Not only had you twisted your wrist from trying so hard, but you were also dizzy since you hadn't eaten a single thing. It was a bad habit to forgo breakfast but you figured that it would help you maintain a figure similar to Hani's. She was perfect. A mix of thin with the right angles to her body that a man typically drooled after and you were just awkward. Still not blossomed into a teenager and with disappointing proportions.

Mix together not eating and playing a sport and you have a dangerous concoction.

The moment the ball smacked into your head, you groaned out and fell to the ground. Faintly, you heard your name being called out and you felt warm hands all over your body.

"I'm going to kill you, Chanyeol,” was the lastthing you heard before going fully unconcious.

"He kicked Chanyeol's ass," Jongdae said with a chuckle. "He may be taller than Minseok, but Minseok is strong and he gave Yeol a huge black eye. Not before carrying you to the nurse's office."

Looking at Jongdae, you stared into his eyes, "He carried me to the nurse's office?"

He nodded, "He didn't leave until he was certain you were okay but he left before you knew he was even there in the first place."

If you had known Minseok was your guardian angel for all those years, would you have fallen for him then? Would you have gotten over Jongin and tried a life with Minseok?

The thought made your stomach twist.

You didn't have all the answers but you did know that Minseok was your best friend and even if things were complicated and you didn't have it all figured out, you still needed his comfort sometimes.

"I'm going to go now," you whispered even though nobody but Jongdae could hear you. "Don't tell Jongin I visited, I'm going to surprise him."

⇻☆☆☆⇺

You waited for Jongin for a few hours. After you unpacked some of your stuff for your two-week spring break, you changed from your jeans to the shorts you wore underneath and one of Jongin's shirts. The smell wrapped around you liked a blanket and made your heart pound against your chest.

What if he didn't like the tattoo?

The second Jongin opened the door, his eyes landed on you as if he knew you were there.

"Did Jongdae tell you?" you huffed.

He laughed and dropped his suitcase, walking over to you and engulfing you in his arms. "Your car is in the driveway."

Cursing to yourself, you couldn't help but laugh at how stupid you had been.

Jongin pulled you into a gentle kiss as his arms encircled your waist. "I missed you."

Nuzzling into his chest, you smiled. "I missed you too."

"You're wearing my shirt," he commented and you could practically hear the smirk on his face.

"Technically, we're married so it's my shirt too."

Jongin moaned, "Say that again."

"It's my shirt too."

You could feel his glare as you stayed nuzzled into him, "Not what I meant."

"We're married," you whispered. "You're my husband and I'm your wife."

He pulled you into another kiss before lifting you into a bridal hold and carrying you up the stairs and off to your bedroom. The moment he laid you down on the bed, his eyes glanced at your legs. "Woah," he said as his eyes grew wide. He slid his hands down to your thighs, running his fingertips across the skin. "What... when... how... what?"

You watched as his eyes and fingers trailed over the newly marked skin. "It's a tattoo," you teased.

He glared up at you for a moment, "I know that, but I'm shocked that it's here."

You shrugged, "It was time for a change. Chanyeol did it."

Jongin smiled. "Wow, I love it. He did a good job..." Jongin trailed off. "He didn't have to see you naked for this did he?" He raised a brow, pushing your shorts up where the tattoo went higher.

Rolling your eyes, you gave Jongin a kick. "Don't be ridiculous. I had underwear on."

"Only underwear?" His voice screeched.

You yanked Jongin up towards you, "Oh stop. You're my husband, remember?"

He dropped himself down on top of you and between your tattooed thighs. "That's right. I'm your husband," Jongin's eyes were glassy as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"What is it?"

"Not seeing all of those marks on you and just seeing those flowers really makes everything seem like it's okay. I hurt you but the fact that you covered it up, means that you want to forget it just as much as I wish I could."

You pressed a kiss to his nose. "It is okay. This is my way forgiving you and my way of giving peace to those around me."

He gave you a look. "Is it for him too?"

He didn't have to say Minseok's name for you to know that Jongin meant him. You shrugged. "Mostly for you. You're the most hurt by it. Minseok was never so hurt by my scars but I guess some of it is for him in a way. The marks that he healed are covered so maybe we can get over what drew us to each other and work on being good friends. I just want you to all know that no matter how rough things get, I will never hurt myself again."

Jongin smiled. "Thank you for the tattoo. It's beautiful and thank you for forgiving me. I love you."

"I love you too," and as Jongin held you and the two of you basked in silence for a while, you knew you truly meant it. You were deeply and passionately in love with Jongin. The past was something that you were all in the process of moving on from and it seemed the more you all stayed apart, the better everything got.

Sometimes when you love someone, you have to take some time away from them to heal – and that's exactly what you were all doing.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

After your spring break, you didn't see Jongin for a while. The three months you had of a summer break were spent vacationing with Chanyeol and Sehun who were living there dream by tattooing across the country. They asked you to come along since they loved your artwork and often begged you to draw something up for you - which wasn't common among tattoo artists so you took their offer. It wasn't often an artist who was used to working on canvases and paper got the chance to have their pieces be put on something a little more permanent.

Jongin understood when you decided not to come home and the two of you kept in touch constantly. Video chatting and texting so much that Sehun was constantly making gagging noises. Especially when he looked over your shoulder and saw how your and Jongin's texts were more racy than normal – but what could you do? The two of you still had yet to be physical and while you were okay with waiting, you and Jongin had pent up sexual tension from all the years of loving each other.

Minseok was still not speaking to you so even though your heart screamed out for you to message him, you didn’t. Nobody even brought him up and you decided to stop asking.

Did he go home for the summer? Would he see Jongdae who was the other person he was that close to besides you? Or had he found someone new to take care of?

You didn't have much time to think about it though since Sehun and Chanyeol were constantly by your side since you guys were traveling in an RV. Sure, it wasn't small but it wasn't that big either and the confined spaces made it where there were no secrets between the three of you. You didn't have to tell them you were thinking of Minseok for them to know and whenever they noticed, they would redirect your attention.

"When are you getting a girlfriend, Chanyeol?" You whined when he ended up sleeping in your bed, cuddled into your side on a night he had drunk a little too many wine coolers.

Chanyeol pushed your arm harder than he intended and you landed on the floor. Glaring up at him from the floor, he gave you a sheepish smile and shrugged. "Oops?"

"Park Chanyeol!" You yelled as you sat and raised a fist at him making Chanyeol flinch away. "Get out of my bed."

He pouted, "But you're soft and I need a cuddle buddy."

"Cuddle with Sehun or I don't know, maybe get a girlfriend or boyfriend."

Sehun groaned, "Can you dicks shut up so I can drive in peace? I have a migraine from your arguing.

It turned out that you and Chanyeol were like brother and sister and were always at each other throats one moment, and making up the next second. Even if you complained about Chanyeol ending up in your bed, you didn't always mind because sometimes you needed it.

You snarled at Sehun and crawled back into bed, sighing as you let Chanyeol cuddle into you.

"I don't want to date," Chanyeol whispered.

"Why?" You said as you turned towards him.

He let out a shaky breath, "First of all, we're on the road-"

"I mean from home, Chanyeol. Find someone from the area we live in."

"My ex-girlfriend is haunting me. Like I loved her a lot Y/N."

You frowned as you felt yourself soften. "Oh, Chanyeol. I'm sorry. I don't know how to make you feel better about that and I can't give you any advice on how to get over it... since well, you know."

He nodded. "Even Minseok is no help-" he covered his mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm really trying not to bring the two of you up to each other."

"It's okay," you said as you tried to push thoughts of Minseok from your mind. "I think the best thing you can do is move on. If there is no chance to salvage the relationship, move on. If you can't live without her, go after her, be her friend. But if you can live without her, I think you should."

Chanyeol looked at you from under his lashes, "Is that help for me or Minseok?"

You patted his hair gently. "For both of you."

Chanyeol sighed and cuddled into you, making you giggle at the giant man being cuddled into you. "Doesn't distance just make the heart grow fonder?"

Thinking of Minseok, you groaned and cuddled into Chanyeol too. "Sometimes having a heart at all messes up everything."

And with that said, you and Chanyeol fell asleep.

Throughout the trip with the boys, you grew even closer than you already were and this made for nights of the three of you sprawled out on your tiny bunk bed. Normally you had Chanyeol's elbows or knees digging into you and Sehun's head pressed into your side but even though it was uncomfortable, it brought you a lot of comfort. You weren't older than them, but you felt a responsibility for them and you cared for them like little brothers. In turn, the treated you like a baby sister and even if you fought constantly with Chanyeol, he would always make you food when you weren't feeling well or he would carry you to bed whenever you fell asleep on the couch of the RV.

At first, you thought maybe they were good to you because of what you had between you and Jongin, but you learned quickly that they had developed to love you on their own despite what Jongin and Minseok felt for you.

Sehun admitted to having a crush on you for ‘like two weeks’ and Chanyeol admitted to hitting you with the volleyball in gym class all those years ago.

It was bittersweet and you found yourself having regrets that you hadn't realized they were around all those years ago. Maybe if you had, you all could have been a family from the get-go. If only in that time you had seen more than just Jongin but just like you thought of often, that would have changed the course of your life. There were ups and downs, worst and best moments throughout the journey you had taken but you wouldn't change it. Every tear, cut, and heartbreak had brought you to where you were now. A stronger woman with a group of boys around you that never ceased to care for you.

Hani would have been proud and while there were days when you prayed and cried to have her back, deep in your heart you knew she was where she was supposed to be. She was the wind, the sunshine, and the song of the birds. You had to live your life out the best you could for her and that meant no more regrets so more than you prayed to have her back, you prayed that you would take advantage of every moment and live with no regrets.

When the summer had faded and the three of you returned to your apartment nearby your college, you knew you would have to say goodbye to them for a short time. They would return to your hometown for a while and work in the shop they owned together there. Inevitably, you would be alone until Halloween – which you would only see Chanyeol and Sehun for a few days at that point. After that, you wouldn't see all the boys including Jongin until Thanksgiving.

Last year through the holidays, Minseok didn't come home.

In high school, you, Minseok, and Jongdae never missed a single holiday together but you guessed things were different now. Just as you had left for two years and didn't even call them on the holidays, Minseok might be doing the same. It still felt odd to see a chair waiting for him that was never filled and presents that he never came for. Even if nobody liked to bring him up, Jongdae assured you that Minseok would get your gifts and cards.

You had high hopes that he would be home this time.

It was the first time that you were all finally a family. You had grown closer to the people you once saw as monsters who changed Jongin and you wanted Minseok to see how you had changed – but it had been over a year since you had last talked to him and the last text message you had from him was one of him asking for space before you had fully fallen back for Jongin.

It was your second year of school and you were happily on schedule to graduate a year early since you had taken general education courses at your last college. All you had to get through was this year, and one school year after and you would be set. You would be free to return home and by that point, you hoped Jongin and Minseok would be free too.

You had made a couple of friends but nobody compared to your family back home so most of the time you stayed home and watched movies over skype with Jongdae like the way you had in high school – just minus Minseok.

"Stop whining Jongdae, they'll get back together by the end of the movie," you said to him one night when the two of you were watching a chick flick. Your eyes glanced over at your computer to see him rubbing his face with his hands.

He was currently complaining about the main couple of the movie and how they had just broken up. "I don't see why It's so hard to admit that they love each other. Why are they breaking up when they love each other?" He whined.

You scoffed but then felt your heart clench. Your hand touched it over your chest and you tried to focus on the movie. "Love isn't all black and white, Dae. There are gray areas."

You saw the way he shifted on the couch of the house he had once shared with Minseok. "You're right," he nodded. "I guess I haven't been in love yet."

"And you never will be wearing clothes like that," you heard Baekhyun tease in the background.

His head appeared in the corner of the screen and you gave all your attention to your laptop. "Baekhyun!" You shouted, excited to see his bright smile.

"Hey, cutie. See Jongdae, look how cute she's dressed even if she's just staying in the house and watching a movie with your boring ass. How are you?" He asked you and peered at the screen as if he was really looking into your eyes.

Baekhyun was a lot of fun and you found yourself getting along with him better than you imagined. He had visited you a few times, brought you flowers and talked to you about art. He was interested in photography so the two of you eventually grew to do things together – mixing your art in ways that created breathtaking pieces. Baekhyun also had a crush on someone he had met but he had yet to tell you who and even though you were mad that he wouldn't tell you, you still gave him tips on how to woo her.

Pointing at Baekhyun's face, you laughed. "Actually, I'm not wearing pants but thanks for the compliment."

Baekhyun's mouth opened and then he shut it as he burst into laughter. "Neither is Jongdae." Jongdae started whining and protesting as Baekhyun grabbed the laptop and faced it towards Jongdae's lower half, showing in full glory Jongdae's boxers that had cats on them.

You covered your mouth as you tried not to laugh too loudly and watched as Jongdae smacked Baekhyun away.

And then there were the nights you skyped with Jongin, doing silly things like eating dinner together over video call and complaining about not being able to hold each other.

Most importantly, he smiled more.

"Did you get a good grade on the project you did last month?" He asked as he sat at the kitchen table with ramen in front of him. You couldn't help but stare at him and the way his white dress shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbow and showed off the veins that traced their way up his arms. He started waving at the camera, "Hello, earth to Y/N."

You jumped and looked at his face. "What?"

He narrowed his eyes and moved his face closer to the camera. "Do you ever listen or just stare at me?"

You rubbed your chin, "I'll go with the former."

He rolled his eyes playfully but your eyes snapped down to his lips. Something about Jongin's lips always got you. The way they were so perfect and pouty- "Stop staring at my lips, you can't kiss me anyway."

A pout made its way on your lips. "A girl can dream."

"Soon, my love. Soon. You'll be home for Thanksgiving and there is no way I'm letting you out of my sight. I'll force you to stay in bed with me for the whole week."

Jongin always knew the words to get to your heart. You smiled and tried to push away the hopes of seeing Minseok. "So what were you asking before?"

He moved away from the camera to his food again and nodded, "Did you get a good grade on your project last month?"

The project was revolved around something that made you who you were today so of course, you focused your painting on Hani.

Jongin revealed to you that he had kept the sketching you made all the years ago of him, you, and Hani at the river when you had gone home for spring break. The moment he showed it to you, you broke down and Jongin found himself crying too. Your hands shook every time you touched the sketching but even though, you used it as inspiration for your art.

Hani's portrait was the outline and in between the lines and curves of her face, you remade the sketching you had made all those years ago. You painted it with watercolors and blurred some of the places that were dotted with water in the original sketching and once it was finished, it was one of your favorite pieces – even if it made you cry every time you looked at it.

You gave him a smile. "They want to show it in the showcase this winter." Even though you smile, you were shaking. It made you nervous to show a piece of art that was so close and personal but at the same time as an artist, every piece of work ended up being personal.

Jongin's face lit up, "Are you serious? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I'm debating if I'll do it."

He shook his head, "You have to. Hani would be so happy."

"It's just hard sometimes still, you know?" You said softly.

Jongin put his utensils down. "I know but if you never try to push your comfort zone, it won't ever get easier."

"You're really embracing your therapy."

His lips turned up. "I'm learning a lot. You should consider going. Therapy can help anyone – even those who think they are over everything."

"You're right. I think we could all use a little therapy. I'm glad you're getting help though, you look happier."

"I am. Now all I need is you home with me."

"Two more years to go." Jongin looked at you with a sad expression but both of you knew that this was for the best. The time you were taking to love yourselves and change yourselves was the only way for things to get better.

One day, Jongin would look at you without his heart breaking.

One day, Jongdae and Minseok wouldn't be afraid of you hurting yourself.

One day, you would stand on your feet without being held back by the past.

It was just a matter of time.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

By your second Thanksgiving home, you had fallen into a routine and you had started to find comfort in the way life was now.

But you couldn’t accept the fact that the days leading up to Thanksgiving were filled with you waiting and anticipating for Minseok to come home.

Every car you heard passing down the street or every time you heard the doorbell, you hoped it was him.

It never was.

The day of Thanksgiving, you spent all day cooking with Kyungsoo, Yixing, and Junmyeon. It was nice to spend time with them but you longed for your best friend.

Baekhyun was perched on one of the counters next to you, singing to you as he continued to dip his finger in the batter for the muffins you were working on.

Jongin and Jongdae were working on some financials to get them out of the way for the short break.

Sehun and Chanyeol were playing video games in the living room.

You could almost feel complete with a household buzzing with life but a home was never home without your best friend. You would always love him as a best friend and while you had completely committed yourself to Jongin, part of you would always love him as more than that.

A few times you brought up the topic to Jongin for fear that it wasn't normal and you felt bad about keeping a secret from him. Jongin reassured you that you would never fully get over Minseok and that was okay as long as Jongin was the one you wanted to be with. And he was. You knew Jongin would always love Hani too but he loved you more – just as you loved Jongin more than Minseok.

As you were stirring, you heard the doorbell ring throughout the house and you got so excited that you dropped the spoon in the bowl splattering some of the mix onto Baekhyun's pants - him yelling in protest. You rushed to the door with glee ignoring the whining man. He came. He came after all.

But when you opened the door and saw your smiling parents, you sighed in disappointment. "Hey, sweetie!" Your mom greeted. You gave them a half-hearted hug as you led them into the living room to relax while you cooked dinner.

"Chanyeol, Sehun, can you guys keep my parents’ company?" You asked as you tried to hide the disappointment in your voice.

Having spent three months together in an RV, Sehun and Chanyeol sensed your mood immediately and snapped their heads towards you. "Yeah... sure... of course," Chanyeol said as his eyes searched your face.

You waved him off. "Thanks. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me guys. Dinner should be done in thirty minutes."

Jongdae almost crashed into you in the hallway but stopped himself by grabbing your shoulders. "Sorry, Y/N. We're just about finished and I was coming to see how dinner was coming along."

You gave a shrug and turned to walk away but Jongdae spun you back around and looked at you.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Jongdae let go of you and crossed his arms over his chest, "You're a shit liar."

You looked at him from the corners of your eyes. "I was waiting for Minseok."

Jongdae's face dropped. "He's not coming."

"Oh," you nodded slowly and repeated what Jongdae said in your head a few times.

He opened his mouth to speak but you just shook your head.

"It's okay. I get it."

Once you had returned to the kitchen and ignored the worried looks you got from the other men, you helped them finish cooking and set everything up on the large kitchen table you and Jongin had upgraded to so you could fit all nine men, plus a few extras.

Jongin was at your side just as you were putting a dish of mashed potatoes on the table and he wrapped an arm around your waist. "He'll come home eventually."

"Yes," you said but you weren't so sure anymore. Minseok might be gone for good and even though it had only been a year and a few months, you missed him. You weren't going to push Minseok though or even get mad since you had spent two years away from him the same way Minseok was doing – but at least he had told you what he was doing whereas you had up and left.

Maybe Minseok was out of your life for good – maybe he didn't want to be back around you and if that's what made him happy, you would accept it. You were no longer relying on him anymore – although, that didn't mean that you weren't allowed to miss him.

The boys, your parents, and you all went around saying what you were thankful for and most commonly out of everyone's mouth was family because that's what you all were now. Even if Minseok's chair was empty where it was across from you, you were all still family.

It took stress and tragedy to bring all of you together but even so, the relationships you had built were beautiful and filled with life.

Some may argue that being apart from someone would make you grow apart, but being away from your loved ones, only made everything stronger.

Even if Minseok didn't come home you were growing closer to the other boys and they helped fill the void.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

The rest of the year went off without a hitch. You went back to school and showcased your painting of Hani after your Thanksgiving break.

All the boys had shown up to the art showcase your college held – all apart from Minseok but you hadn't expected him to show in the first place. Not only did you not send him an invitation, but he yet to message you and you were going to patiently wait for the day to come before you talked to him. He had to come to you when he was ready.

While your piece didn't win first place, it placed near the top and in honor of that, Chanyeol and Sehun treated you and the boys to dinner.

You had decided to give the painting to Jongin since he was the reason it happened and you swore you could see the tears well in his eyes when you did.

After that passed, and the year drifted into the next, you had another project to work on and this one was inspired by the best friend you had craved so much.

His face seemed gone in your memory as if he didn't exist, so you had your parents pull out old photo albums and send you pictures of you and Minseok together.

Using the photos as your only reference, you tried your best to reminisce on the way his face curved and the way his eyes looked.

After weeks of frustration, you turned the painting into one like you had made for Jongin. You used your tattoos as inspiration and you used the flowers and leaves to make the shapes of Minseok's face. It took months but since the painting was for your final in your art class, it wasn't due until May.

Each day you worked at it, trying to perfect the flowers where the replicated Minseok's face in a way that was elegant but also somewhat private. From far away, the painting looked like a bundle of flowers but up close, you could make out the shape of his facial features.

Valentine's day rolled around and while you didn't get to come home for it, Jongin had shown up, dozens of flowers in his hands.

You nearly melted into a puddle on the floor.

Not only did he take you out to dinner but he had brought you something to wear to dinner.

Since you had a friend that you had met in art class who did a lot of woodwork, you asked him to make you a wooden ring for Jongin with the flower design you had tattooed on you. The ring came out perfect since the friend had stained it a darker color which made the engravings of flowers stand out more. It wasn't expensive, but you hoped he liked it regardless.

Apparently, you hadn't been the only one to get a new wedding ring for the other.

Jongin had presented you a brand new wedding ring in a small black box at dinner.

"I didn't need a new ring, Jongin. Mine is perfectly fine," you said as you looked down at the ring on your finger with a big diamond in the middle.

Jongin raised a brow. "That one's not personalized. This one I had made because I wanted something more special..." You opened the box and looked at the silver colored ring that had several different colored gems dotted around a branch-like wrapping that made up the ring. You looked up at Jongin with soft eyes as you tried not to cry. The ring was stunning. "It's just the ring – no wedding band."

Licking your lips, you put the box back on the table. "Oh," you felt immediately discouraged to put the ring on, so you left your old one on, sliding it up and down nervously.

"Don't say it like that. I plan on giving you the band when we get married."

You gave him a confused looked. "But we are married."

Jongin grabbed your hand, taking your old ring off. "I know but we didn't do it right." He slid the old ring into his pocket, grabbed the new ring box, stood from his seat and bent down on one knee in front of you. "I want to do this right," tears pricked at your eyes. "We have been through hell and back. I haven't always been the nicest and best person for you, but I swear to you from this day forward, I will be the best man for you. I won't hurt you ever again. Once you graduate, will you do me the honor of marrying me again? This time without you crying? This time with a real honeymoon?"

Swiping the tears away, you nodded as you put your hand out. Jongin's hand was shaking as he put the ring on your ring finger. He pulled you up, into a kiss as you cried and heard choruses of cheers and applause around you.

"I just wanted to do everything right this time around."

He wiped your tears away as you nodded, "My turn." You reached into your purse, retrieving the wooden box you had made for his ring and you removed his old wedding ring from his hands. "I won't take your limelight from proposing, but Jongin, will you marry me?"

He looked shocked as he tried not to tear up. You placed the new ring on his finger and he moved his hand around in the light as if to get a better look at it.

"There's no diamonds if that's what you're looking for," you teased.

He shook his head, "No. It's just beautiful. This looks just like your tattoo. How did you find it?"

"I had it made by a friend. I wanted it to be special."

"I revolved your ring design around your tattoo, too," he said as he reached across the table and grabbed your hand. "Thank you."

Jongin's hand on yours sent shivers down your spine. "I can't wait to marry you for real this time."

"Me too," Jongin said with a sigh of relief. "This is going to be the wedding of your dreams so even though it's far off, start planning now. I want everything to be perfect."

⇻☆☆☆⇺

The next summer you spent half by yourself and the other half traveling this time with Baekhyun.

Baekhyun and you had a partnership by combining real-life photos with artwork and you were starting to make a name for yourselves. You guys spent half of the summer traveling the country to get the best pictures you could - one of which was a still life photo of the river where you, Hani, and Jongin had spent your time. Another was the bridge over the river where Minseok and Jongdae had saved your life.

You couldn't help but cry when you had stood in the same spot where you had almost taken your life but even as you did, Baekhyun was there to rub your back and you later found out he had taken pictures of you crying there. While you had been mad at first, those pictures became some of your and Baekhyun's favorites.

The picture showed the raw, unfiltered pain that attempting to take your life left you with. It showed that even though you once wanted to die, you were now so glad you didn’t.

Baekhyun and you had big plans for the photos and you hoped to incorporate them into your art a way that did them justice without being too dark - so when he suggested that you print the picture in black and white and paint around it with colors, you couldn't agree more.

The black and white would show that it was the past and that you were in a dark time when you tried to take your life. The painting around the picture you decided should be showcasing the happiness around you now so you painted the photo on the canvas but instead of your hands cupping your face, your hands were spread up towards the sky as if you were free. Once you finished, you adhered the picture to the middle of the image so that your arms almost pointed to it in a way.

The two of you kept the painting a secret as you decided that you didn't want to show it to anyone for a while.

Afte the summer, your third year at school had finally started and it was your last year.

It was... bittersweet.

You wanted to go home but you were sad to leave the school that had helped you blossom so much. Things between Jongin were amazing and when you visited him, he didn't look at you like he was afraid of breaking you anymore. His eyes were full of life and he smiled more than he frowned.

It felt good to have this 'engagement' period that you had never gotten with Jongin in the first place. Like he said, you were doing things right this time. Your wedding wouldn't be filled with angry tears and glares but happy tears and looks of love.

Nobody around you would understand the true meaning of it besides the two of you and your friends but it didn't matter. The wedding wasn't for everyone else the way the last one was, this wedding was for the two of you.

Wedding planning was in full swing all while you tried to focus on passing all of your final courses and filling up your portfolio.

You didn't have much time to think let alone worry so Minseok had been the last thing on your mind. He still had yet to talk to you so you were beginning to accept that maybe alongside other things you left in the past, maybe he would be left there too. The scars were covered so it helped you not be constantly reminded of him.

Your third thanksgiving while in college came and while it would still be special, your parents were on a vacation so they would be missing out on eating with you. It didn't bother you too much because you decided they needed some healing too. You couldn't imagine the pain they suffered over losing one of their daughters. Sure, losing a sister was life-altering and one of the worst things you faced, but you couldn't imagine losing your child. Especially when Hani was so young. They needed this vacation.

Things seemed the same as the last holiday. All the boys had found a way to make it home and all decided on staying in your and Jongin's house. You would have liked the privacy but things between you and Jongin still had yet to get intimate so you knew you really didn't need the privacy. You weren't pushing him and you thought maybe it would be best to save the first time for the wedding night.

Baekhyun was singing loudly as you put a pumpkin pie in the oven – so loud to the point where when he reached a high point, you were shocked and you jumped, burning yourself on the oven door. "Ah!" You yelled as you yanked your hand back.

He stopped singing and rushed over to you as you heard Chanyeol throwing his controller down and running into the kitchen at lightning speed. "Baekhyun, what did you do?" he demanded as he rushed over to you and pushed Baekhyun out of the way.

Yixing hurried for the first aid kit while Kyungsoo put the pie in the oven the rest of the way and shut the door and Junmyeon stared at you with worry,

"I didn't do anything."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, "It's your singing. It makes everyone nervous."

Baekhyun lifted his fist back and Kyungsoo glared at him until Baekhyun laughed nervously and lowered his fist. "You could have gotten her hurt a lot worse," Chanyeol complained as he pulled you over to the sink and placed the burn on your hand under cold water.

You whined and squirmed underneath the cold water.

"Hold still, Y/N. I'm trying to help."

"Yeol, it burns," you whined back as the cold water rushed onto the burn.

Yixing came back with the first aid kit and pulled you away from Chanyeol. "I got it from here, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol put his hands on his hips. "I spent three months with her in an RV, I can take care of her just fine."

Sehun scoffed from the doorway of the kitchen. "You spent three months driving her mad."

"And you didn't?" Chanyeol quipped with a raised eyebrow.

Kyungsoo groaned and put his hands over his ears. "Do they ever shut up?"

Junmyeon, you, and Yixing all answered "No" at the same time, making everyone laugh.

It was short lived as Yixing sprayed something on your burn, making you yelp and everyone went silent. "Y/N is fragile. We need to remember that when we're around her. No, distracting her around hot objects."

"Or sharp ones!" Sehun added.

Your head snapped over to look at him, "Don't you dare bring that up!"

"If it wasn't for me, you'd still have that fork stuck in your ass cheek so don’t snap at me, sass-ass," he huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest and raised his chin.

You clapped your free hand over your face as it grew red and everyone started laughing again.

"It was Chanyeol's fault!" You protested. "He always crawled into my bed and ate food late at night so when I went to bed one night – after a near fist fight with Chanyeol because he was wearing my shirt, I jumped into bed and felt the worst pain I ever felt. Don't mess with forks, they're no joke."

"Why are forks no joke?" a familiar voice asked from the doorway and everyone grew quiet. Your eyes snapped back towards the doorway and when you saw Minseok, you swore it was a dream.

All the boys started hollering with excitement while Yixing continued to bandage you and watch you with worried eyes. They all took turns hugging him and by the time Yixing had finished, everyone stopped hugging him and the two of you stared at each other.

The boys were quiet as they watched you and Minseok with concerned gazes.

Tears formed at the bottoms of your eyes despite you begging them not to. "You came."

"I did."

How did he manage to look so different but yet the same? His hair was deep black, darker than it had been before, his cheeks were red, and his skin was nicely tanned. He looked like he had been taking care of himself so that made all the anger you sometimes felt, go right out the window. He must be happy. Why would he come back then? Were you allowed to hug him? After all this time?

Minseok offered you a small nod of encouragement, "It's been a while," he opened his arms for you and you looked around. Everyone turned their gaze away from you and made busy with whatever was near them. Kyungsoo rearranged forks and spoons, Yixing put the first aid kit back together, Junmyeon looked around the room like he needed to find something, Sehun and Chanyeol ran back to their game, and Baekhyun went back to singing.

Standing up with shaky legs, you made your way over to Minseok. You watched his dark eyes the whole time and you couldn't help but cry. The moment his arms wrapped around you, you broke down. He held you tightly, engulfing you in his warmth. Minseok would always be the key in your life. He would always be the missing piece no matter who you had around you.

"I missed you," he whispered in your ear.

You sobbed so loudly that you were sure Chanyeol and Sehun heard you from the living room. "I missed you."

"I'm sorry I didn't come home sooner-"

You shook your head as you nuzzled into his neck. "Don't. Don't apologize. I just want you happy." Your word were distorted from your sobs but you were certain Minseok understood you. He had to distinguish your anguished cries many times in the past.

He rubbed your hair, "Please stop crying. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I just missed you, Minnie. That’s all."

He let out a shaky breath, "It was so hard to stay away."

You stopped yourself from asking him not to stay away then. You couldn't ask that of him. "I know," you said instead as you tried to stop your crying.

Slowly, you peeled yourself out of his arms and wiped the tears away.

"Thank you for coming to dinner. We saved you a seat."

Minseok smiled as he joined the other boys and tried to make himself helpful.

You stood towards the back of the kitchen, watching the boys working on dishes for dinner so you hadn't noticed when Jongin came up next to you. "Now, it feels right, doesn't it?"

You jumped at his voice but sighed and leaned on him when you looked at him. "Now everything seems right," you agreed.

"Everyone thought he wouldn't come. They assumed he wasn't going to come back anymore. I think they were all as shocked as you," Jongin said as he kissed the top of your head.

"Why do you think he came?"

Jongin shrugged. "Maybe he decided he can't live without you. Love or no love."

"I was learning to cope with it but I'm glad to see him again. I feel bad for everything I put him through relationship wise. I pressured him into a lot of things that caused us both just as much hurt as he was worried about. I wish I could undo it," you admitted.

Jongin gave you another kiss as he pointed at Minseok laughing with Baekhyun. "I think he's happy though. Look at him. You're too hard on yourself. You made a few mistakes, but we all did. Things got messy because none of us were stable and while that doesn't mean it was okay that you hurt Minseok and yourself, it means that you're human. We can't be perfect all the time and we can't fix the times when we weren't perfect. We have to take those experiences and use them for the future. That will stop us from making the mistakes we made in the past. And that's okay."

You looked up at your husband and felt chills course through your body, "Therapy has been so good to you. I can't wrap my mind around how smart and insightful you are."

Jongin scoffed, "I was this way before."

You pucked your lips at him, "Yes, but not this much. Wisdom is a cute look on you," you said as you petted his hair.

"Minnie!" You heard the screeching from the doorway of the kitchen as Jongdae ran into the room with wide open arms, engulfing Minseok in a hug and almost causing Kyungsoo to chop one of his fingers off.

You and Jongin giggled quietly as you watched Kyungsoo raise the knife at Jongdae. "I will kill you all with no regrets."

Jongdae ignored him and wrapped himself around Minseok the best he could. "I missed you so much."

Minseok laughed and pulled Jongdae off him. "I was just talking to you yesterday."

"But that was yesterday!" Jongdae whined.

Kyungsoo jumped from the whining and lifted his knife again. "I'm seriously killing you in your sleep."

Later in the night, when most of the boys were off playing games with each other, Minseok found you washing dishes in the kitchen.

"Hey," he said as he came to stand next to you, leaning against the counter and rolling up his sleeves. "Let me help."

Minseok rinsed and dried the dishes as you washed them and you guys fell into a few moments of comfortable silence.

You didn't really know what to say to him anymore so you let him break the silence first.

"How have you been?"

You scrubbed at one of the plates in the sink. "I've been good. I went back to school like you suggested. I've had some of my artwork showcased."

He gasped, "Really? At a real art showcase?"

You nodded.

"You never told me."

You froze as you looked over at him. "We weren't really talking. I tried giving you space."

Minseok sighed. "That makes me feel bad."

"No, don't," you said gently as you placed one of the soapy plates on his side of the sink.

He rinsed it slowly as you could feel his gaze on you. "I'm sorry that I haven't been around. I really wanted to be but being away was just better. Not contacting you was the only way I could keep myself from coming back home."

"I get it, Minnie. You don't need to explain yourself. You deserve the freedom. I left you once too, remember?"

Minseok tensed next to you. "But I promised I would never leave you and that I would always protect you. That was my job. That's what I wanted."

"It was time I learned to protect myself. I had to stand on my own two feet eventually. Now look where I am," you laughed as you pointed to your silly apron. "Washing dishes on Thanksgiving with a house full of boys I never thought I'd accept. I love them now. They're family. I even spent one of my summers with Chanyeol and Sehun and the other with Baekhyun. You're my best friend and I want you around but it's finally become less of a need for me and I think that's the start of a healthy relationship between the two of us."

Minseok rinsed another dish you put in his side. "I know. I asked about you constantly. I didn't want to message you for fear of what it might make me do, but I still wanted to know about you. I stopped myself from coming home the other holidays because I needed to prove to myself that I could be around you without being addicted to you and helping you. I came back when I felt like I would feel okay if I didn't come back. The moment it stopped feeling like a necessity, I knew it would be okay."

"A part of me will always be yours, Minseok. I can't change that but I can change how I react to it. I'm going to remarry Jongin and I want things between us to be okay. I'm not going to put pressure on you or do anything the way I did before. I just want to be friends..." You trailed off and you looked up at him. "I want you to be my best man."

The corners of his lips turned up. "Girls don't normally have a best man but okay," he laughed. "I would be honored." He started to rinse another plate. "Part of me will always be yours too, Y/N but you're right. We can change how we react to it. We can manifest it into a healthy thing. Speaking of," he dried his hands for a moment. "Jongdae told me to ask to see your thighs. I don't know why and I yelled at him for being a creep but he swore it wasn't anything like that."

Rolling your eyes, you rinsed your hands and dried them. "Jongdae really can't keep his mouth shut," you started to walk out of the kitchen and gestured for Minseok to follow you.

You led him into a bathroom and removed the jeans you were wearing. Minseok had seen you in your underwear before and after everything the two of you had gone through, you didn't care if he saw you in underwear. This wasn't sexual and you didn't intend for it to be.

Minseok's eyes grew wide the moment he saw your covered scars and his lips upturned into a smile. "Y/N, It's beautiful."

"I wanted something to help Jongin get over the past so maybe it can help you too."

He nodded as he inspected the tattoo. "This is your work, isn't it?"

You smiled. "How did you know?"

His eyes glistened. "I know you."

And even though the mess that was your life, at the end of the day Minseok was still your best friend. Even the through the drama and the distance, he still knew you as if he still saw you every day.

"I'm so glad you did this. Not for me, or for Jongin, but for you. Maybe you were over the scars but I think this can finally bring some peace to you. It affected you that they were there too. But I want you to know I'm thankful that you thought it could bring some peace to me too."

"I can't take back what we did but I can stop it from happening again."

Minseok smiled as he touched your cheek gently. “I’m so proud of how you have grown. If I had to do it all again, suffer through the fear, the love, the heartbreak just for you to get better - I would do it a thousand times over.”

⇻☆☆☆⇺

Minseok coming back into your life felt natural. Like he had never left in the first place. The two of you didn't keep in constant contact but you were thankful for the times you did get to chat with him.

Jongin and you seemed to have a stronger relationship than ever and he didn't seem to be carrying about guilt anymore.

Your time in college started to flash before your eyes and before you knew it, you were graduating once again but this time, you would have a degree in art.

This time, you wouldn't be leaving Minseok and Jongdae behind.

This time, you wouldn't see Jongin watching you from afar.

You were dressed in an amethyst colored graduation gown with a soft yellow dress underneath. You didn’t feel like you looked stupid this time as you stared at yourself in the mirror before leaving your apartment. You looked like you had it all together and while before you may have had to pretend that you did, this time, you genuinely had it together.

Three years had gone by and things in your life had changed for the better. You felt confident about returning home and being Jongin’s fiancé even if you were technically married already.

The artwork you created when you were by yourself turned out to be some of your best and you now had a lengthy portfolio.

Taking one last look in the mirror, you smiled at yourself. You wouldn't run away when you graduated his time.

Jongin was waiting by the front door to your apartment as his eyes scanned the brown boxes that you had started packing with in your living room.

His eyes found yours and he grinned. “Wow, look at my little graduate.” In his hands was a bouquet of summer flowers. He handed them to you and you took them with a smile.

“I'm not little but I'll take that in exchange for the flowers,” you winked.

He wrapped his arm around your waist and led you out of the apartment. “Are you nervous?” he asked hesitantly as the two of you made your way to the car.

With a confident shake if the head, you looked up towards the sky. “Not the slightest.” How could you be when the sun was shining at you? You couldn’t feel an ounce of nerves. The nervous part was when you first left Jongin or when you left Minseok and Jongdae. Once the ceremony was over, you would return home with the three boys you had initially left behind. How could you be nervous about that?

Minseok was still a confusion - even after three years, but it got easier. He decided not to move back with Jongdae and Baekhyun despite Jongdae’s whines. Apparently, he had made a life where he was and he was happy. Could it be that he was still staying away from you? You didn’t think so because Minseok had invited you to stay the night with him and Jongdae a few nights after graduation so you could have one last trip down memory lane.

The bunch of you were no longer kids. It had been four years since marrying Jongin and you were twenty-four whereas he was twenty-six. Maybe you were still young, but you felt like you were finally blossoming into an adult.

It was hard to wrap your head around the fact that Hani had been gone for ten years. While you didn’t let it hold you back anymore, there was still a hole in your chest. Things never got better when someone you love dies but it does get easier.

Even if she wasn’t with you in her physical body, you knew her heart and soul always followed you. You could practically hear every remark she would have made about how she had ‘told you so’ about Jongin.

You could almost imagine her in the backseat of the car with you and Jongin, humming to herself.

Jongin must have caught the tears in your eyes because he grabbed your hand while keeping one on the steering wheel. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” you smiled even through a couple of tears that dropped down your cheek. “I just know Hani is with us right now.”

Jongin tightened his hold on you. “Sometimes it's like she never left, isn't it? She had a personality that made her live on.”

You smiled at the pretend Hani in the backseat that your mind had conjured up. “I don’t think she'll ever leave.”

Once you had found a way to stop the tears, you straightened up and prepared to take the stage to get your diploma.

You shook the hand of the school officials with a smile on your face.

"Good job, Y/N," the dean said to you as he gave you a firm handshake.

Walking away from them, you turned towards the crowd of people that watched the graduation in front of you. The moment you saw nine pairs of hands waving at you wildly, you felt your heart racing against your chest. Next to them, you could see your parents and Kat giving you soft waves as you made your way down the stage.

Just like in the car, you swore you could see Hani in the empty seat next to your parents and you tried not to cry as you sat with the rest of your class, diploma in your shaking hands.

The ceremony was faster than you expected and the moment you walked out the doors of the auditorium and out into the bright mid-day, you were surrounded and attacked with hugs.

"Guys, she can't breathe," you heard Minseok say from behind the boys and they stepped aside, allowing him to embrace you himself. You looked at him with a pout and tears in your eyes. "You know I wouldn't miss it for the world," he whispered as if he could read your mind.

His warm arms encased you the same way they always had in the past and you could feel everything from the past ten years flash before your eyes. Every moment with Minseok saving your life, bandaging your cuts, holding you when you cried, watching movies cuddled up with him and Jongdae, bringing you flowers on your birthday, and never missing a moment that he could tell you how special you were.

Those were the messy moments and the sweet moments that had led up to where you were now. Here you were graduating and not running away from the past anymore. You had accepted it. Taken the past in and tried to move on from it because running away did nothing but make it chase you faster.

Minseok let go of you and your parents were at your side, peppering you with kisses and sweet words of pride.

Jongin's hand found you and you squeezed it.

"I say we go properly celebrate," Jongin said loud enough for everyone to hear.

You nodded. "Take-out dinner in my apartment with a really cheesy movie," you announced.

Jongdae shouted. "Just like old times!"

"But instead, this is a new beginning," you said as you looked at the family around you.

Losing Hani didn't necessarily mean losing out on love or even family. Losing Hani had brought you an extended family you couldn't even have imagined having. It used to be just the three of you against the world but her passing had brought so many other people to your side to help you face the world with. Just the way she would have wanted, her death had given you a new meaning to life.

Life wasn't always a pathway of light and there were many moments of darkness but Hani was there somehow, leading you back into the light. The loss of Hani led you to eight men who loved you just as much as she had.

And one especially who even through the darkness of his own, still managed to love you.

Jongin may have abandoned you after Hani died but in his heart, he never left you. And in your heart, you never left him.

As you all walked towards your cars, you stared at Minseok. If it wasn't for him watching you all those years, you may have succeeded in ending your life. You wouldn't be here, smiling and freshly graduated with an art degree. Your parents would have been heartbroken and you couldn't imagine how Jongin would have managed to get through it.

Thanks to Minseok, you had the chance to have this new life – the life in the light.

Because of Minseok, you got to love Jongin and in the process of loving him, it saved the both of you.

You thought about the conversation you had with Jongdae. He had said that in saving you, he and Minseok managed to save themselves too.

Minseok looked back at you as if he knew everything you were thinking. His eyes went straight into your soul.

--->twenty-two(final)<---

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