#josephine ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

why does baby hold so much anxiety and guilt when she's surrounded by so much love and security? like, what makes her so convinced everything is her responsibility etc

part of it is just straight up pathological anxiety, she has generalized anxiety disorder and it manifests itself pretty early in life and pretty severely. but it's also the trauma of her upbringing: from birth, baby was surrounded by several adults who did love her but who were visibly under quite a lot of stress for different reasons. her mama, her grandma, mason, demi—they were constantly juggling such huge, stressful things in addition to taking care of her and baby couldn't miss that, even as a little kid. and when her mama and grandma died so suddenly and in such quick succession, it was hard for baby not to internalize those deaths and see them as partially her fault. they were both already so stressed on top of caring for baby: she was the common thread in their deaths. and even though they are both super loving, demi and jesse are similar in that the baggage they're carrying is hard to miss. demi wasn't able to completely hide just how devastatingly hard it was for her to start raising baby in the wake of her sister and mother's deaths and starting her own practice, and jesse wears a lot of his trauma on his sleeve, both metaphorically and literally. it's not something to blame either of them for, it's just reality, yk?? and when baby first saw this same stress in the two of them, she made the connection to her mama and grandma and became convinced that she had to keep demi and jesse from dying. she has to limit their stress by Needing and Being as little as possible. and that mindset kind of extends to everything else. it almost makes things easier to deal with in a way, being able to blame them on herself when there's no other concrete source. if she feels guilty for her parents' personal grievances and the plastic soda rings in the ocean and sick kittens, then those things at least get some karmic acknowledgement. baby is a very anxious little girl who also has autism and some serious trauma, and while she is indeed very loved, she carries a lot of worry with her and feels like she can never "let her guard down"

[kylejsugarman]

on the topic of tonight's baby ayuluk core post: what were baby's first words? did they differ in regular au and au squared? :)

they do differ in regular au and au squared!! in both timelines baby's kind of a late talker in terms of pediatric standard estimates: her motor skills develop as expected and she's able to identify things, but in au squared, she doesn't say her first word until she's close to 2 and until she's nearly 2.5 in regular au. sometimes a girl doesnt have a lot to say!! in the regular au, her first word is "blizzard" just from hearing it on the tv and radio weather reports so much, and she busts it out unprompted to josephine while pointing to the sky (josephine's like "????? what did u say??" and baby's like (pointing urgently) "blizzard.") she has a pretty good vocab built up, but she doesn't start really using it to build and say sentences until josephine starts teaching her read, which she does shortly after the blizzard incident. for au squared baby, her first word is "jesse"!! sort of. he never calls himself "dad" and no one around him does either except in like a (talking to baby) "ur dad is wack" way, but the word "jesse" pops up enough for baby to make a connection. he's cutting up some lunch for her one day when she lightly smacks his wrist with her little hand and is like "'esse!!!" and he's like "what's up—OH SHIT thats ur first word!!" sure the "j" sound is kind of missing in action, but it's close enough. she knows him!!

[kylejsugarman]

12, 14, 21 :)

since u didnt specify, im going with demi on these because they skew a little more towards an adult/her 😔 i luv her and i luv u

12. Does your OC's family practice any faith or religion? Does your OC still practice? Why or why not?

demi's father came from a converted christian background and her mother's family practiced shamanism. sam henry was pretty firm on their family being christian but since he was away so often, their actual church attendance and worship was spotty and josephine was able to teach her kids some shamanism and tell those stories in his absence. their actual religious affiliation deteriorated by the time demi was a teenager, so she never felt particularly aligned with one or the other. currently, she doesnt practice any religion (demi voice: do u ever think about god and just kind of. feel nothing?? jesse voice: All The Time), but she has gone back to shamanism a few times to reacquaint herself with the faith so she could tell baby about it as it pertains to their yupik culture. demi appreciates and respects it, but shes never felt particularly moved by any faith or spiritual practice

14. Who was your OC's first love? How do they remember that person now?

demi had a few crushes in middle and high school, but her first "love" was a boy she met her sophomore year of college in an applied chemistry class—peter. he was from anchorage and had the kind of bright eyes and radiant smile that demi was used to seeing in celebrities; seeing that smile was enough to turn her to jello. demi was able to muster the confidence to talk to him since they were in the same group for class's lab component, and was just enamored with his intellect and easygoing confidence. the latter kind of reminded her of samantha, how she so easily slipped into any conversation or social arrangement. it was a trait demi had always admired. they got lunch on campus a few times and hung out and even made out, but demi eventually realized he wasnt really interested in having a relationship with her. it was like she was a practice round for him before he moved on to a "better" girl. for a long while demi just misses peter, but her recollections of him become tinged with bitterness and sadness as she gets older and recognizes how blasé he really was about her feelings.

21. If your OC could speak to their childhood self, what would they say?

oh my god. "it's going to be ok. it's going to be so hard, but it's going to be ok. u deserve peace and ur going to get it. the world is better because ur in it, i promise. don't let anyone convince u otherwise."

[kylejsugarman]

what did baby think of demi when they first met? what did demi think of baby? how did demi cope with the loss of her sister as a new parent? did she start work at the clinic right away, or did she wait to look after baby? how did baby and demi cope in the weird Transitional period between samantha and josephine dying? did mason keep taking care of baby, or was it just demi? did baby start kindergarten so she would just have Supervision when the adults in her life couldn’t provide it? also, how did mason do with all these changes? sorry for a million questions that are all over the place, i just really like the Ayuluk Family Lore and wonder a lot about that sort of. uncertain period specifically… your ocs are so well fleshed-out and so interesting to me

are u kidding, never be sorry for a million questions about my oc’s i could literally talk about them Forever!! baby had met demi a couple of times whenever demi came home from school to visit her family and just sort of had a vague impression of her as “nice lady who looks like mom and grandma”. demi of course loved her niece and enjoyed seeing her with every visit, but she didn’t know a ton about her specific behaviors when she first moved back home. demi and baby really only had a few weeks to get to know one another better before samantha died, time that demi mostly spent getting her clinic set up and working with her family to try to figure out a recovery plan for samantha. very suddenly losing samantha to an overdose when demi had been working towards getting her sister some help was extremely traumatizing, but demi has always been the family member who absorbs everyone else’s pain and stress so she put her grief aside. she just focused on getting the funeral planned and dealing with now legally having custody of baby, which meant that demi truly never processed her sister’s death in a whole and complete way.

demi kept working on getting her clinic started without any delay because she knew that the family would need income on top of what mason was making. for a moment, things were almost okay, but then josephine died and life just kind of. went gray for all of them. demi continued not dealing with the deaths so she could perform all of the necessary duties and responsibilities required to keep their family afloat, which meant fading out of her life and not having many chances to bond significantly with baby other than caring for her on a loving but not quite personable level. mason had already stepped up by dropping out of high school to work and take care of his mom, but he had always been the optimist until sam and josephine died; he kind of dimmed after that and started smoking a lot more in his down time. he still took care of baby like he had done before, but it was just. Different yk?? and baby had already been a quiet kid but after the deaths, she basically stopped talking for a while and just stayed in her own little world. she did what she was told and was still willing to interact when necessary, but she mostly just stayed in her room. that was also when her sleep issues showed up and really started getting bad.

baby was put in kindergarten early so she could have adult supervision. demi and mason tried to spend as much time as possible with her, but with both of them working now, they couldn’t provide full time care. demi was never fully alone in taking care of baby since her brother was with her every step of the way, but she justifiably felt very lonely during this time and like there was no way for her to ever be a good parent to baby with this kind of start. it was the kind of thing she just couldn’t imagine them ever recovering from

[kylejsugarman]

fuck it. little bit of ayuluk family history and background. demi's dad, sam henry ayuluk, was a truck driver who was raised by a conservative yupik family trying to fully integrate into western culture. her mom, josephine, was a elementary school teacher; her family was more in touch with their native culture, so they are all fluent in central alaskan yup'ik and josephine taught her three children to speak it. the two married in their thirties (sam henry had previously been married and divorced), and their first child was samantha. four years later, they had demi; five years after that, they had their only boy, mason. sam henry was an alcoholic and eventually a coke addict to stay awake during long drives, and was verbally and physically abusive towards his family. from a young age, demi voluntarily singled herself out for abuse to keep her mom safe, as he was particularly violent towards her; she did the same for mason when he was born. sam henry died of cirrhosis when demi was 16. shortly after his death, samantha was in a car wreck on her way home from a party and broke her leg and several ribs, for which she was prescribed hydrocodone. her genetic predisposition for addiction and the incredibly stressful, traumatic environment that she grew up in caused samantha to develop a severe opioid addiction. when samantha was 22, she was impregnated by a fellow user and friend: she wasn't able to access abortion care, so she tried her best to quit cold turkey until she gave birth to a little girl that she named baby. meanwhile, demi started attending university of alaska fairbanks when she was 17 on a full ride scholarship, where she obtained her undergraduate degree and immediately entered their department of veterinary medicine as a doctoral candidate. demi graduated with her doctoral degree when she was 24, shortly after which she returned home to haines because her mother was suffering with metastasized breast cancer (mason dropped out of high school at age 17 to take care of her) and her sister was in need of help for her addiction. just a few weeks after demi came back home, samantha overdosed in the family home and died; a four-year-old baby found her body. josephine died of cancer two months later. as baby's godmother, demi assumed custody of her and started living in the family home with her and mason while she tried to establish a sustainable veterinary practice from the underfunded kennel in town. at age 26, demi is getting her practice off the ground and still living in her old house with baby and mason, which is the age at which she meets jesse

[kylejsugarman]

what was baby’s relationship with samantha like before she died? did samantha live with josephine and mason and on her own? also, this is kind of a silly question but ive wondered about it for a while… is she named “samantha” after the ag doll or for some other reason or just because? all valid i have a cousin named samantha and it is a very pretty name

she's actually named samantha because theres a tradition in the yupik culture of naming newly born children after deceased elders!! their father sam henry was given the name "sam" and since samantha was the first born, she was given the feminized version of that name!! and yes, samantha lived with josephine and mason :) it was just more affordable and also samantha could easily leave baby with someone while she worked odd jobs to help support the family. even though baby was entirely an accident, samantha did care deeply for her and tried to be a good mother despite not having the experience and, occasionally, the sobriety. part of this was trying her best to find stable work so that at some point, samantha could secure their own place. this also meant being away from baby a lot and not getting to spend as much quality time with her as she wanted, but baby still loved her mom and was always excited to see her. josephine and mason spent more time with her and taught her more, but baby loved samantha just as much and enjoyed making drawings and crafts to give to her after long days at work. because josephine and mason were always around to step in, samantha was able to mostly hide her addiction and substance use issues from baby aside from episodes of extreme fatigue and forgetfulness. this means that most of baby's memories of her mom are very positive, if not a little fuzzy, but also that it was very sudden and shocking to suddenly lose her

[kylejsugarman]

when did Baby’s special interests develop?

her ocean/sea creature special interest developed earliest in her life. when she was three, her grandma josephine had a doctor's appointment where baby stayed in the waiting room with mason and became entranced by the room's aquarium. she just stood there for the whole hour watching the fish swim around, so fascinated by how different they were and how unique their movements were. baby really wanted to know more about them, so josephine showed her pictures and checked out some basic library books about the ocean and even managed to take baby to the shore before she died. everything she learned just made her want to learn more: the sheer diversity of the animals really opened up baby's mind and gave her this feeling of curiosity and just. almost bliss knowing that there was so much to learn and explore. even after she learns basically everything there is to know about the ocean, baby never loses that wide-eyed awe and curiosity.

for her secondary special interests like amusement park engineering and american girl doll and set design/landscape painting, it's usually a similar process of becoming super taken and amazed by the Discovery aspect. there's so much to learn about sight lines and historical fiction writing and brush strokes, and baby wants to learn all of it so she can truly soak in all of the beauty and detail. she feels like its really, really important to learn a Lot about a subject so it can be truly respected and that process is so enjoyable for her

[kylejsugarman]

hey i know baby's name is baby because well...she is the most baby to ever baby. but how did you come up with demi's name? did you just like it or it holds significance? i've never had oc's so i'm really interested in all aspects of creating them :D

to ever baby 😔 but yes, it does hold some significance!! "demi" has french origins and was actually the name of her father sam henry's sister, who was named demi after the french canadian nurse who helped deliver both sam henry and demi. there is a tradition in the yupik culture of naming children after their departed elders, so demi was named after her aunt who passed away in her late twenties. for extra lore that no one asked for, demi's older sister samantha was given the feminized version of "sam" as a name after her grandfather (who sam henry was also named after) and mason was named after a friend of josephine's who recently died.

also, demi as a name means "small" or "half" and it really captures how demi thinks of herself. she tries very, very hard to make herself as small and unobtrusive as possible throughout her life, keeping her head down and never trying to take up any space.

[kylejsugarman]

does au squared demi teach baby to speak yup’ik too?

she teaches her as much as she can!! in the au squared universe, demi's family always lived in new mexico, so they were very physically distant from their cultural roots. her mother still grew up in alaska and was able to teach yup'ik to her children, but there wasnt the same level of reinforcement and demi wasnt involved in yuraq or able to visit her maternal grandmother like she did in the regular universe, which left her not as in touch with her ethnicity. however, once she is disappeared to alaska and realizes that shes now around other yupik people and learns from jesse that samantha spoke yup'ik occasionally when he knew her, demi decides to brush up on the language and teach baby everything she knows. it's what her mother and samantha would have wanted, and if baby is going to grow up in the wake of such a huge Displacement, then she deserves to feel at home in her culture and in this place. baby wouldn't be entirely fluent and she and demi wouldn't speak it on like a regular basis, but she would Know it

[kylejsugarman]

josephine time! when did she start her work as a teacher? what grades did she teach? did she teach samantha + demi + mason to read too, or just baby? how did she feel about sam's addiction, especially in relation to her husband? how did she handle the news of her cancer?

anon u are carrying me through this life like that one christian meme about jesus and one set of footprints.....josephine started teaching as soon as she got her degree!! it was her passion and also the most "suitable" job for a young woman to have, at least according to her family. she initially taught third grade before marrying sam henry and moving to the haines area, where she began teaching second grade and sometimes third grade depending on class sizes. she absolutely taught all three of her children how to read and would deploy all of her strategies to make sure they were truly literate, from sounding out words to putting flashcards around the house labeling each item. josephine also taught them all to read and speak some yupik to make sure they remained connected to their heritage. when samantha started using opioids, josephine honestly didn't know what to do, primarily because there had been nothing To Do about her husband's addictions. sam henry never listened to her and was violent with her and the children, so approaching him about the alcohol and coke was basically asking for further harm. josephine could only try to support the family while he was alive and she tried to do the same with samantha's addiction. it hurt her deeply to see her oldest daughter suffering and made her feel helpless, but josephine never stopped loving samantha. that was all she knew how to do. and initially, josephine saw her breast cancer as more of a bother than anything since it meant missing days or weeks of work and feeling fatigued most of the time where before she enjoyed being busy. it wasn't until the cancer continued to relapse and then metastasize, forcing her to retire, that josephine realized her life was going to be dictated now by the disease. again, she hated feeling so fatigued and not being able to provide directly for her family, which was why she focused so much on educating and raising baby: it was her New way of contributing. even as she became sicker, josephine never stopped trying to support her family. however, samantha's death had a huge impact on her mood and health, and josephine died soon after her, but she loved her family until the very end

[kylejsugarman]

aside from american girl, what does baby like to read? how long has she been reading? also somewhat unrelated but i have this image in my head of her and jesse in the children’s section of the library just like. chilling. and jesse is sitting in one of those tiny little plastic chairs and it is so funny to me idk why. he’s just the girldad ever

unsolicited baby ask???? in my inbox????? 🥺 but she's been reading since she was like 2.5!! her grandma josephine was an elementary school teacher and very Big on reading and literacy as a concept, and taught baby to read basically as soon as was developmentally possible, especially after her cancer forced her to retire and gave her more time at home to work with baby. baby also spent a lot of time at the public library because it was a safe place to drop her if there was no one available to watch her and would just chill and read there for hours. and aside from ag, she really loves nonfiction books or fiction books that blend in a lot of real science or history!! big magic treehouse head, big dear america head once she's a little older. obviously she reads every book abt the ocean + marine life the library has to offer multiple times over. ur absolutely right that jesse would gladly pull up a tiny plastic chair or god willing for his back's sake a bean bag chair so that he can sit there and listen to baby talk abt whatever she's reading since she finally has someone there to interact with

[kylejsugarman]

in the flu shot post, you mentioned that baby has to get a bunch of shots in two weeks when she’s four, because she’s starting kindergarten soon… does baby being younger than her classmates contribute to her social difficulties?

it definitely plays a role in it!! really her social difficulties start as a combo of being young + autism + having a sort of unpredictable start to her life. her birth mom, josephine, mason, and now demi all take good care of her, but who she's with and who her primary caretaker is switches up quite a bit until demi legally assumes custody. this inconsistency means she doesnt get to meet and play with kids her own age before kindergarten and is used to doing things by herself, so starting school is a big shock and being little doesnt help

[kylejsugarman]

thoughts on older au squared baby? without josephine in her life, do her interests develop differently? her relationship with her native culture? since she hasn’t had the specific traumatic experience of finding her mom dead, does that affect her perception of j’s epilepsy? how does jesse’s status as a more concrete father figure/someone she’s known since birth affect their relationship?

anon whoever u are, im sorry i let this ask sit in my inbox but i was just so overwhelmed by the time u took to even think abt my au and formulate these questions. its so fucking sweet, i genuinely cant even fathom someone caring enough about this silly world to ask all these interesting questions about it

older au squared baby would definitely be a little different from regular baby!! having always had her dad around makes her more secure and therefore a little more confident and outgoing. she would probably still be a bookish kid even without josephine there to teach her and demi would still try to impart as much knowledge about their native culture as possible, but she probably wouldn't start really connecting with her heritage until she was older and could appreciate living in alaska where her people come from and still live. she would be more interested in video games and comics and other media per jesse's earlier influence on her—probably still an ocean kid since they're going to end up in alaska where sea life is huge, but it wouldn't be her dominant special interest.

lacking that core memory of finding her mom might also reduce the anxiety and mistrust that colors so much of her life and would definitely make her a little less frightened of his epilepsy. it's obviously still scary for her, especially when she's younger, but there isn't the same baggage attached that violently terrifies her and it isnt a horrible shock since she's somewhat used to it. but yeah, baby would be even more attached to jesse (if thats even possible) and the six months they spent apart while he was in captivity just makes her even more attached to the point of having separation anxiety. he's super overprotective of her and she's super devoted to him, and it takes a long while for them to stop being so dependent on each other and embrace having lives of their own

[kylejsugarman]

sorry to be like. Weird about your ocs but i was scrolling thru your oc tags and I found the ask about baby and reading and just like?? josephine teaching her to read??? 🥺 that’s so sweet, like baby was probably barely old enough to remember her grandma but that’s something she will carry with her and Use forever, and that will probably always have that connection to josephine for her. Anyways sorry for having brainrot about your au, that’s just really sweet and like. i appreciate it a lot

dude omg its not at all weird to me, the fact that u take the care to read thru the piles of oc stuff ive churned out and like share these thoughts is ?? incomparable, like it truly makes me so happy!!! im so glad u appreciate it because i really enjoy talking about it :') and ur right, baby really wasn't old enough to remember her grandma in a significant way but so much of her life goes back to reading and learning at that formative age!! plus josephine was the parent to pass on the native language to her kids and also to baby, so there are so many incredible gifts baby got from her grandma that she'll never take for granted