#just because I make the funny arson post does not mean it’s as simple as lighting a match and making it happen like the fuck am I supposed

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Then go and burn it yourself, don't wait for other people to burn the establishment down.

do you honestly think that I tumblr user polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup have swedish airplane tickets money. because I don’t.

[obeymebabes]

💕💖 Appreciation post for the people who have made my 2020 manageable! 💖💕

2020 has been a rough year for everyone, myself included. However, this year has also been one of the best for the simple fact that I have met so many amazing people. This is going to be a post about some of the (many) people who have made my 2020 livable. Thank you. I love you all so much.

First, I have to say a great thank you to all of my absolutely amazing followers. Never in a million years would I have guessed that a blog like this would have given me so much joy and happiness. I was never super confident in my writing, but my perception has shifted quite a bit thanks to all of your appreciation. I love each and every interaction that I have on here, and I can’t thank all of you enough for the love and positivity you have made me feel. You all deserve the world and beyond.

Second, I’d like to thank all of the lovely and wonderful discord babes. The amount of joy that you all bring me is off the charts. I would tag each and every one of you but there are literally so many of you. I just hope that all of you discord babes, (including the ones who don’t talk or interact very much), know that I love you so much and I am so lucky to have met you all. I don’t know what I would do without you all.

There are a few others who I would like to individually thank for making my year, (and my life), so much more manageable.

(Note: Even if I didn't tag you individually, I still love you.)

@irlmammonn

There is literally so much I could say about you. First things first, I don’t know where I would be without you. You are my best friend. The one friend that has been by my side for soo many years. I literally love you like family. We have shared so many amazing memories both before and recently. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend. You’re always a great support, even when I am at my worst. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me personally. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you. I mean that. I'll always be by your side if you'll always be by mine.

@deanobeanoqueero

Dean. Where do I even begin with you? Do you know how much happiness you bring me? You are literally a star shining so much light in the dark. I seriously don’t know how I got lucky enough to meet a real angel, a literal Celestial Realm sent angel. I know I have said it so many times, but my opinion won’t ever falter. It honestly feels like I have known you my whole life, and yet I've only known you a few months. You deserve all of the love in the world for being such an absolutely amazing being. From your flawless looks, to your adorable personality, you’re truly a blessing. Yes, this includes your cursed brain. Thank you for literally just existing, I love you so much. 

@livingemerald

I know you weren’t expecting to be on this list. Though I have no idea how you wouldn’t be on it. I think it’s funny how I recall that you originally said that you were afraid to talk to me because I had a fairly large following here on tumblr. Now I don't think there isn’t a day that goes by where we haven’t talked. Kat, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Truly. You’ve been an amazing friend, so much so I’m having a hard time putting it into proper words. You have so many amazing qualities. You’re a great listener, you’re practical, you’re one of the more talented artists I’ve ever met, you’re caring, the list can literally go on forever. Thank you, so much, for everything. I love you like family at this point.

@whatissleepeven

Chaos bean. Jester of Chaos. The embodiment of dumbassery. The amount of times you've made me smile just from your quirky little antics is unmatched. You're incredibly funny, sweet, not super smart but you do have your moments, and most important of all, you're you. I've never met someone with such an interesting sense of humor before. But I've smiled and laughed a good dozen times at least with you around. You are deserving of so much. I am really glad to have met you. I love you Sleeg. Even if you make me want to scream sometimes. Please no more arson. I beg of you.

@comet-tails

Ghooooost. You're like a sibling to me. We have literally so much in common. I can't express how happy I am to have you in my life. You're a really extraordinary person and a real sweetie. You provide me with so much serotonin, and I don't mean just with the cute animal posts, but talking to you in general. You're a lovely person, and deserve so much good in your life. Thank you for always being there, listening and bringing me happiness. It really does mean so much to me.

@devildomexpress

First of all, wow. Who would’ve thought we would be this close all because of my brain asking for cursed outfit swap edits. Thank you, by the way. For not only that, but for messaging me at all. You’ve earned quite a special place in my heart. You’re honestly so sweet. So kind. So caring. So loving. All of it. You’re literally a heaven-sent. I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re like my own personal guardian angel, and I couldn’t have asked to meet someone better. I love you so much and I am incredibly thankful to have you in my life.

@persephones-star

I don’t even know if words can explain how grateful I feel to have met you. The amount of times that you’ve made me smile are uncountable. You’re an absolute sweetheart. I know we don’t talk too often, but I feel graced by your presence when we do. The amount of times I have sat and laughed my ass off while reading our dumb conversations about the OM! boys is unreal. Talking to you honestly just feels like a dream. You're too good to be true. Thank you for bringing me so much joy over the past few months, whether you have realized it or not. You deserve the absolute world and beyond. 

~ Bey 💙

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

Adventures in Becoming Esme Gigi Genevieve Squalor

For Halloween this year, I have convinced my beautiful friend J or @jebug29 (who you all may or may not remember from the original “Count Olaf is a power bottom” post) to accompany me as the Count Olaf to my Esme. While finding his costume has been relatively simple (we found a good portion of this costume at the local thrift store because Olaf isn’t incredibly hard to dress and will mainly be a challenge with prosthetic facial hair), mine has displayed some difficulties.

I’ve decided to record them, along with my thoughts and feelings on the matter, and will release this post after all is said and done.

-

Chapter 1

After getting J’s clothes all for under 5 dollars, I also found a GIGANTIC martini glass to use as a prop. I love it. I didn’t buy a second one for J, but he can use my wine glass. 

Olaf’s more a wine guy anyway.

We also did technically find a pinstripe blazer I could use, but unfortunately I had too copious amount of titty for it, so no go.

-

Chapter 2

J has fallen in love with the Gunther disguise.

Hate to let the guy down, but ya girl doesn’t have Gunther disguise money (I’m the only one funding this little venture because to be fair I pestered poor J into this), so he’ll have to settle for regular Count Olaf despite the fact the Gunther is technically more thematically appropriate.

-

Chapter 3

Checking Amazon just in case we continue to have poor luck at the thrift store.

It has come to my attention that J and I may need to contemplate actually stealing a fortune.

Esme is an expensive bitch.

The first pinstripe suit came up at $119!

1-800-fuck-that.

So, we’re gonna compromise and try to just buy a pinstripe blazer and pair it with a plain skirt I already have (plus the accessories and make-up I already had prepared)

I mean, I still gotta buy a blonde wig and J’s cosmetics, after all.

-

Chapter 4

Amazon: Oh! We have a pinstripe blazer in your price range!

Me: Really?!

Amazon: Sure! ...For anyone with a significantly smaller bust size than you :)

Me:...

Me: *singing* There are no happy endings. Not here and not now~ This tale’s full of sorrows and woes~

-

Chapter 5

I FOUND THE PERFECT THING ON AMAZON AT A REASONABLE PRICE! A WHITE PINSTRIPE SUIT WITH BODYCON DRESS THAT LOOKS ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE ESME WORE ON THE SHOW!

But then I tried to put in in my cart and those motherfuckers told me it wouldn’t show up until DECEMBER. So, back the square one.

FUCK!

-

Chapter 6

I’m screaming. This shit’s expensive and it may not even get here in time.

At least I found a nice wig?

-

Chapter 7

Did you guys know that when you ask for a costume unibrow every online shopping thing thinks you want a Rick Sanchez costume?

Because I do now

-

Chapter 8

You know, this would be a hell of a lot easier if the original Series of Unfortunate Events movie didn’t suck an entire ass and got the same fame that Harry Potter managed.

Everybody just take a moment to imagine that timeline.

-

Chapter 9

Ok, here’s the haps, peeps.

Still no luck on the blazer. I found one, but it wouldn’t actually arrive until the 30th, so no.

However, I did manage to get myself a blonde wig and stuff to make J’s facial hair Olaf-approved!

I’m gonna make the unibrow out of costume mustaches and spirit gum (you know, that stuff cosplayers use to stick the side pieces of their wigs to their heads so it looks more real) and I bought a goatee set that should work well too.

In this house, we improvise!

-

Chapter 10

I also got myself some new matches to use as a prop and also for personal use.

(I find striking matches calming)

-

Chapter 11

Me: Oh look! I found another blazer!

Me:...

Me: What the fuck do you mean you don’t deliver to P.O. Boxes?

-

Chapter 12

My matches are here

Also the stuff for J’s eyebrow and facial hair

and my absolutely beautiful wig 

Hot damn!

-

Chapter 13

I FINALLY FOUND IT!

NOT ONLY DID I FIND A BEAUTIFUL PINSTRIPE BLAZER, I FOUND AN ENTIRE PINSTRIPE SUIT IN MY SIZE!

We just needed a bigger thrift store!

We also got J some new suit pants so both of our costumes are finally complete! 

Hopefully my next update will be the reveal!

-

Chapter 14

I know I said the next update would be the reveal, but this exchange was too funny:

J: *trying on the jacket for my pinstripe suit for some reason*

J: *struggling* The buttons are on the wrong side.

Me: Yeah, it’s a women’s jacket.

J: Oh.

J: *horrified realization that we bought a women’s blazer for his Count Olaf costume*

-

Chapter 15

J has been growing his hair out so it’ll be easier for me to style his hair into Olaf’s devil horns. 

Ya know, these little things:

(Tbh, I do that to his hair at every chance because I find it hilarious and it makes me happy, along with his Count Olaf voice.)

He didn’t really need to do that, but God I love my friends.

-

Chapter 16

8 hours before the Halloween party:

I have not started getting dressed yet.

J decided to try on his costume and has realized his shirt is also a women’s shirt.

I had to tie his ascot for him.

Then he tried to go eat sushi dressed as Count Olaf. 

I proceeded to tell him to not do that and put his costume on later after we’ve all eaten dinner and won’t be sitting around waiting for hours.

- Chapter 17: The Reveal!

(Please don’t judge too harshly)

After preparing for months (and spending more money than I’d like to admit) I finally had a proper Esme Gigi Genevieve Squalor!

Cute necklace right?

Full-body picture taken by J, who is a hilarious photographer.

Finally a costume where I can incorporate my tattoo! (Though I filled in the iris and pupil)

And, of course I had my Count Olaf: @jebug29

Ya’ll, I’m actually hella proud of the job I did on his fail hair. Hot damn!

A selfie he took with my phone

Why does he look so sad???

His “tattoo”. To be fair, I had less space to work with than what I thought.

And some pictures of the two of us together:

A toast to murder and arson

Idk why J’s back is to the camera, but I look cute.

And finally us posing with the picture J drew of us as Olaf and Esme

And to those of you wondering: Yes, I won that bet with my roommate.