#just because he is no longer mad at them doesn't mean he's forgiven or forgotten the transgression

[botanycrewmember]

List of Shen Qiao’s incredible violence that lives in my head

(spoilers throughout the entire Qian Qiu/Thousand Autumns novel)

I've seen people complain that Shen Qiao should go apeshit or that he's too soft and forgiving, so I've compiled an (incomplete) list of the times Shen Qiao canonically goes apeshit/shows absolutely no forgiveness.

Beating up a gang of thugs while blind and threatening to poke their eyes out so they become just like him.

Castrating a serial r*pist. 

Stabbing a man through the heart with a branch.

Taking a group of people hostage and forcing them (with threats of grievous bodily harm) to eat all the food they dumped on the ground because hello, people are starving to death literally one city wall away, assholes.

Pushing an opponent he just killed to the ground because he decided the guy doesn’t deserve a dignified death. 

Threatening to cut people into smithereens and demonstrating how he would do it.

Straight up killing two would-be child-murderers in the span of 10 seconds. 

Condemning a man to a fate worse than death as punishment (twice). 

[babybuckleydiaz]

Here's a prompt for you: Post-Eddie Begins coda where they're married, they don't say much as they make their way home, Eddie goes to grab a shower, and after a few minutes of cleaning himself up, Buck joins him without warning. No, it doesn't have to be smutty, just them holding each other under the water, Buck starting to break down at the thought of almost losing Eddie, and Chris almost losing his dad.

Warnings; spoilers, and cursing. Married buddie. Hurt/comfort.

Honestly, writing married buddie is one of my favourite things. Thank you for requesting, and I hope you like it :) and honestly it’s been fun writing for other people, so thank you.

  The car is completely silent as they make their way home from the hospital, the only sound being that of the wind outside and soft barely heard music coming from the radio. Buck’s eyes stare forward as he continues to drive, every few moments Eddie looking over at his husband in concern at the silence that seems also deafening to him. Buck is never this quiet, even after a bad call, usually he lets useless facts out to distract himself.  But this time he doesn’t say a single word, but he doesn’t need to for Eddie to know what’s going through his head.

  Bobby had told him of Buck’s reaction today, about his husband screaming his name as he dug into the dirt with numbingly bare hands to reach his partner. His heart had ached at the mere thought of what today had put his husband  through, and despite his own aches and pains he just wants his loved one to feel better. It isn’t going to happen right now though, both of the men needing the silence to wrap their heads around what had unfolded on their call. Eddie needs to wrap his own head around how close he was to dying today, how close he was to leaving his husband and son to carry on without him. He would do the same move again though, he would chose to cut that line again because all knew that if he didn’t try to save the boy than he never would have forgiven himself. Every time he looked at his own son, he would have thought about it.

  They get home, and both are thankful for the fact that Maddie and Chimney had offered to take Christopher in for the night; not after both of the men had given their boy a hug that lasted longer than they can remember.

  Buck is still silent as they walk in side, as he throws his keys onto the kitchen table without caring where they land. Eddie stands still for a moment, just letting his eyes follow his husband’s movement as the younger male moves around the house like a zombie, eyes alarmingly blank as he gets some water and hands it to Eddie.

  “Hey, I’m gonna jump in the shower.” Eddie lets him know, knowing that Buck would appreciate knowing where he is and not just disappearing; not after everything that happened today. In return, Buck nods his head and musters up the best smile that he can; it’s small and sad but it’s one none the less. Moving over and pressing a kiss to Buck’s forehead, letting his lips linger there for a moment longer than he needed to, feeling Buck sigh contently and lean into the loving touch. He makes his way into the bathroom, shedding himself out of his clothing and he turns on the hot water; just needing to wash away the day.

  Sighing in relief when the hot water touches his skin, Eddie braces his hands against the wall as he closes his eyes and just soaks the soothing touch in. It’s a moment after that he can hear the door open, and he doesn’t need to peak around the shower curtain to know that his husband has entered the room; deadly quiet. He hears what he knows is Buck undress, letting his clothes fall onto the floor without a care as to where he dumps them; a moment later the shower curtain is pulled back to reveal a teary eyed man.

  “Oh sweetheart.” Eddie says as he gently places his arm on Buck’s bicep and guides him into the shower and under the stream of hot water. That’s when Buck’s breath hitches and he drops his head onto his husband’s shoulder. Eddie begins by washing Buck’s hair, letting gentle and soothing fingers roam over his scalp in a way he knows comfort his husband.

  “I’m still here.” Eddie declares, unprompted. His voice is so soft, almost like speaking too loudly would break this calmness that surrounds them. In return, Buck is still silent as he nods his head. Eddie can see that he’s trying to wrap his head around his thoughts, can imagine the wheels in Buck’s head turning as he pieces together what he wants to say.

  “But you almost weren’t, Eddie.”

  Buck’s voice breaks when he speaks his partner’s name, the first sob breaking through as his shoulders tremble with the force of it. For a moment Eddie doesn’t know what he can say, because he knows that fear of almost losing the man he loved when Buck was stuck under the ladder truck. That choking fear that the next time he sees his partner will be when they’re placing him in a body bag, and it kills him to know that he caused that fear in Buck. “I almost lost you, Chris almost lost you.” Buck presses on, and he lifts his head and looks at Eddie under the stream of flowing water.

  “I know, and I’m sorry I scared you. But I’m okay. I’m still alive and here with you.” Consoles Eddie, momentarily able to ignore how sore his body is from this call because his main focus is on the man in his arms. “Let me wash your hair.” Buck suddenly says, and Eddie doesn’t bother saying that he’s already done it because this is something that Buck wants to do, just touching his husband means that he’s still here.

  The next few moments are still quiet, and every few moments Eddie hears Buck sniff as he tries to keep his tears at bay; and for the moment Eddie just lets him. He feels how Buck’s hands tremble as he finishes washing his hair, can feel them grip that little bit tighter than usual in his own way of convincing himself that his husband is still alive.

  “I’m mad at you.” Eddie knows that, of course he does, because he’s always beyond mad every time Buck pulls a stunt that could cost him his life. So instead, he nods his head instead of trying to defend his actions. “I know, baby.” Is what he settles on, and another moment Buck doesn’t say anything before he begins to openly weep, hiding his hands in his face before Eddie takes him into his arms. Still with his hands covering his reddening face, Buck leans into Eddie’s shoulder as he feels one hand run soothing motions on his back and the other scratch at the hair on the back of his head.

  “Y-You could have died! You almost left me and Chris, you asshole.” Eddie nods his head as he takes in what Buck is saying, just lets him talk because he knows it’s what the younger needs right now. “I can’t raise our son on my own! We need you, Eddie.” Tears are burning in Eddie’s eyes now, and he doesn’t bother blinking them back; he lets them slide down his cheeks. “You could, you know you could. But you don’t have to, I’m still here.”

  Eddie has full faith that Buck could raise Christopher on his own, he’s seen firsthand how amazing he is what their kid and how much he loves him. Buck is a wonderful father and doesn’t hesitate in letting his love for Christopher show, he would go through hell for that boy. Maybe if he wasn’t thinking of this because of what happened today, Buck would have also said that he could raise Christopher on his own. But right now, he needs the reassurance that he doesn’t have to do that. “Shh, I’m right here. You’re not alone, neither of you are. Shh.” Soothed Eddie, and to his own ears he can hear how his own voice trembles as he thinks about how close he came to leaving them alone. He doesn’t want to leave his boys yet, he still has so much he has to do with his family and he will always fight like hell to get back to them.

  “You ever almost die again, I’ll kill you.”

  Eddie chuckles when Buck says that after a second of just breathing in the scent of his husband, moving his hands away from his face and wrapping his arms around the shorter man. “Deal, I give you full permission.” He retorts, knowing that if Buck is able to begin joking about it he was coming out of whatever place he had let his mind travel to. They could begin to work passed this.

  “Do you wanna go to sleep or watch a movie, love?” Questions Eddie as he pulls away from the embrace they shared just enough to love at his husband’s face, to brush away the tears that had fallen. The younger man takes a moment to respond as he thinks about the choice, trying to figure out what is better for them right now. “Can we watch a movie. I…” He paused, trailing off for a second. “I don’t think I can fall asleep just yet.” He admits, and Eddie just smiled at his husband; thankful that Buck was being honest about what he needed right now. “We can do that, sweetheart.”

  “I really like the nicknames.” Buck suddenly says, and Eddie can just feel how his heart swells in pure love at the soft look that adorns his husband’s face. “Makes me feel… warm.” He admits and Eddie can’t help his chuckle and leans forward to peck a kiss to Buck’s lips before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Good, because I like saying them.” Responds the dark haired male as he turns around and turns off the shower water; at this point keen to just curl up on the couch with his husband. “Oh I left some pain meds on the table for you, and a bottle of water.” Buck suddenly says with a louder tone, an obvious sign that he had almost forgotten to let his partner know that little piece of information that he had meant to say when he entered the room.

  “Thank you, baby. I know you get a headache after crying, so I want you to take some as well if that happens.” Eddie instructs as he climbs out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and handing another one to Buck to use. Buck hums and nods his head in response, and Eddie takes that as an answer as the two of them migrate to the bedroom.

  “We picking up Chris tomorrow? I think we need a Buckley-Diaz family day.” Questioned Eddie, already knowing that no matter what mood they are in that their little man can brighten up their day with his charming smile. Something that both of them needed and loved, and Buck is quick to nod his head. “Yeah, we can do that. I promised him we could get ice cream before he went with Maddie.” Buck retorts as he pulls on his clothing, yawning despite not wanting to sleep as he waits for Eddie to dress as well.

  Buck sees that his partner is struggling to throw his shirt over his shoulders, his body sore and beginning to protest now that they have finally calmed down. Without hesitation or thinking about it, Buck makes his way over and uses gentle hands to help ease the material only his body; Eddie smiling at him gratefully. “Go sit down, I’ll bring in your water and pain meds.” Buck instructs, and Eddie just thanks him with a kiss; not needing to use words to show that he’s grateful.

  Right now, in this moment, he and Buck were okay and that’s all he would focus on.