#just generally being incredibly toxic to people who have survived child abuse while seeing themselves as white knights

[good-to-drive]

You ever notice how the people who think it's their moral duty to hate John for what he did to Julian are the exact same people who would turn on you and call you toxic the moment you started showing symptoms of an abusive childhood? It's almost like extending no compassion to people whose childhood fucked them up isn't actually helpful to people who had a fucked up childhood

[hellsbellschime]

Why Jaime Lannister's GoT Ending Was Actually Bad

Nearly every aspect of the end of Game of Thrones earned ire from the majority of the show and book fandom, but one aspect of the show's conclusion that seems to have frustrated fans across the board was the ending for Jaime Lannister. More specifically, that after a seemingly solid and nearly complete redemption arc, he returned to Cersei and King's Landing to die in a manner that somewhat works as a metaphor but didn't resonate well with the audience at all. And, while Jaime's ending was a flop, it didn't fail for the reasons that many viewers seem to think that it did.

The Lannisters are obviously some of the most complex and important characters in A Song of Ice and Fire, but one of the most interesting aspects of their family dynamic is that it was established far before the contemporary storyline actually began. And, while Game of Thrones seemed to paint it as if Cersei was a source of toxicity that Tyrion and Jaime couldn't get out from under the thumb of, the truth is that the bad apple that spoiled the bunch was never Cersei, it was always Tywin.

One of the most meaningful and important themes of George RR Martin's work is the long-term effects that abuse has on children, and there isn't really any example that is more present and potent than the horrific effects that Tywin's abuse had on all of his children, and how it affected them in different ways.

Jaime, Cersei, and Tyrion all have some of the most intriguing points of view in the entire story. And one aspect that all of their POVs seem to share in common is that while nearly everyone in their world perceives them as a villain, they all see themselves as victims. And the truth is, both sides of this coin are correct.

Yes, the Lannister children have done many horrific, irredeemable things in their lives, but they have also been the victims of extremely traumatic abuse that understandably altered their outlook on the world and on themselves in general. There is a balance between victim and perpetrator that needs to be struck with their characters, but one of Game of Thrones' bigger flaws was its inability to do that.

Unsurprisingly, nearly every character's book point of view grants themselves more sympathy than they should. Almost everyone sees themselves as a better person than they are or is capable of rationalizing away their bad deeds and focusing on their more positive decisions and personality traits. But this is of course one of the many ways in which George RR Martin utilizes his POV traps.

Translating a story that is told through the eyes of the characters themselves and filming it from a more objective third-person perspective means that plenty of important information is going to be lost in that translation. But one of the fatal flaws when it comes to the Lannisters is that, while Game of Thrones does still present Cersei as pretty forthrightly villainous, the narrative pretty drastically whitewashes Tyrion and Jaime. Essentially, it seems to take Tyrion and Jaime at their point-of-view word and treats them like they're much better people than they truly are. Thus, Jaime's ignominious end with the supposed biggest baddie of them all feels like a betrayal of his character development when it really shouldn't be.

Every character needs to be held responsible for their own choices, but the downfall of House Lannister really does rest in the hands of Tywin, and Game of Thrones ignoring that fact did a disservice to every one of the Lannister children in one way or another.

Yes, out of all of the Lannisters, Jaime was as close as Tywin could get to the golden child of his dreams, but it's easy to overlook that while Jaime may have been the favorite on the surface, every single one of Tywin's children was disgustingly mistreated, and the effects of his abuse all showed themselves in different malignant ways.

While Jaime may have gotten preferential treatment over his siblings, Tywin was never anything other than a terrible parent, and more importantly, Jaime's superior treatment only told him exactly how he could expect to be treated if he ever failed to live up to his father's high ideals. And of course, in many big and small ways, he did ultimately fail to live up to Tywin Lannister's exacting standards.

Tywin was a terrible parent because he was an abuser, but he also raised his children with his own values of pride, entitlement, and superiority. Obviously, the notion that they were simultaneously failures who had earned their own mistreatment but were also Lannisters who deserved to be above everyone else is opposing perspectives that are in constant conflict with one another, but it also seems to be how Cersei, Jaime, and Tyrion see themselves as constant victims while still perennially victimizing others.

George RR Martin has repeatedly discussed that one of the strongest themes of his work is the idea of the human heart in conflict with itself. Game of Thrones lost the plot with this in nearly every character adaptation, but Jaime's was one of the worst, largely because he is a character who has done some of the most monstrous and most heroic things in the story. He is both the man who doesn't hesitate to murder a child and the man who stopped a king from slaughtering thousands, and therefore his inner conflict is extremely vital.

Jaime's character arc in Game of Thrones follows a classic redemption arc almost perfectly, but that clearly doesn't seem to be the intent behind the character in the books. Yes, there is a part of Jaime that wants to be redeemed, but he does often revert back to his more brutal and nihilistic side, and his desire for so-called redemption seems to be driven more by how he wants the world to see him rather than how he wants to be.

And in that sense, the show did him a great disservice. Because there are many ways in which Jaime hasn't healed from Tywin's abuse, but the fact that he still seeks the approval of others in a rather superficial manner rather than developing a deeper understanding of true honor and justice is one of the clearest indications that, while Jaime does want to get out of the path that his father laid out for him, he is still crippled by what Tywin told him being a Lannister meant. And ironically, Tywin's belief about what being a Lannister means has essentially trapped all of his children into trying and failing to live up to that example simply because they can't survive unless they do.

Because ultimately, it's not necessarily just about what Jaime, or Cersei, or Tyrion wants. At some point, every single one of them has made obvious indications that they don't want to be a part of the legacy that Tywin Lannister laid out for them. But, when Game of Thrones presented Tywin as a super-intelligent master strategist instead of a completely unnecessarily violent and aggressive asshole, it made all of the Lannister children's choices harder to understand.

Both in the A Song of Ice and Fire and Game of Thrones fandoms, Tywin is typically put up on a pedestal, and that's completely baffling. Many viewers and readers perceive him to be brilliant and badass, but everything that Tywin is famous for actually makes him seem like a complete moron upon further contemplation. Winning battles by absolutely obliterating your enemies is a terrible precedent to set for many reasons, but one of the biggest is that it essentially requires all of the Lannister children to maintain this scorched earth policy because Tywin's hyper-aggressive superiority complex has put them in a position where they almost always have to choose to kill or be killed.

And, his cruel and dishonorable behavior as well as Jaime's reputation as the Kingslayer essentially guarantees that even if Jaime completely changes as a person and becomes the hero he wants to be, he really can't ever become that in the society that he lives in simply because the stigma around the Lannisters is something he can't escape.

That is one of the great tragedies that Game of Thrones failed to articulate, and that is one of the biggest reasons why Jaime's character conclusion was so off-putting to the audience. Because the audience saw the result of where this character arc would naturally go, but the story never actually took the steps to get there. In fact, the show went out of its way to erase a lot of the obvious building blocks that are leading up to both Cersei and Jaime's demise that makes it clear that, while they're obviously responsible for their own choices and actions, the groundwork that Tywin's abuse and cruelty laid and set in stone was something that they couldn't control, prevent, or undo.

Game of Thrones largely presented Jaime's characterization with the implication that if he could only escape Cersei, he would be a good man. But the reality was, if only Tywin hadn't been his father, then all of his siblings would have been better people. They may not have been good, but they almost certainly wouldn't be the kingdom-destroying villains that they became.

I also think the TV series likely bungled his character in that his story is meant to be a subversion of the classic redemption arc rather than the straightforward bad guy to good guy story that Game of Thrones told. George RR Martin obviously doesn't like flawless characters, and nearly every person in A Song of Ice and Fire does good things and bad things all the time, they never go in a straight line from point A to point B. So, of course it was going to be incredibly jarring when the show did move Jaime in a straight line from point A to point B and then abruptly gave him an ending that is probably somewhat similar to his end in the books.

But with that in mind, for all of the faults in Game of Thrones and the way they handled Jaime's character arc, I don't really understand the idea that his character was ruined by his ending either. These characters are clearly designed to never be just one thing, and if Jaime killing King Aerys or trying to kill Bran doesn't singularly define his character, then going back to Cersei in the very end shouldn't either.

[blackasteriia]

Xion’s Opinions of Organization 13

I’ve seen a couple people do this so I’d thought I’d do the same. These are based off of general observations from the games, the secret reports, and manga. Several of the members Xion had little to no interaction with, so I extrapolated quite a bit. I included a brief summary as to how their relationship may proceed. These are just general headcanons and can be expanded, changed, or worked with as needed for interactions. 

Note: I write Xion as a survivor of extreme, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. Xion had no power, no rights, and no say in the Organization, she was the bottom rung. Regardless of how the character treated her, they are, in some way, complicit in her abuse. She will treat all organization members with the appropriate fear and rage. 

Please don’t reblog. 

13. Roxas

Xion adores Roxas, he is her first and closest friend. She would do anything for him and he’d do anything for her. While in the Organization, Xion’s primary concern was not herself but Roxas’ safety. Roxas always comes first. As good as friends as they were, the Organization was toxic for them. Xion was taught that she was inferior to Roxas, he deserved more than she did. Xion stole Roxas’ strength and memories, while she is his idealization of Kairi. Despite how much he cared for her, he remained oblivious to the depth of Xion’s situation until the end. They grow more distant, failing to communicate their complex emotions, and then at the end, they forget each other. 

Outside of the Organization, Xion and Roxas have the chance to rebuild their friendship. A relationship that is built on genuine love and understanding of each other. One that is built without secrets. It would be key that they both recognize each other and themselves as unique, valuable individuals to avoid another imbalance. 

12. Larxene

Larxene went to Castle Oblivion early in 358/2 Days. In the game she was dismissive and rude to Roxas. She likely was not kinder to Xion. That is if Larxene noticed her at all. Xion likely remembered Larxene as off-putting and cold. Larxene most likely saw Xion as a doll or puppet. 

11. Marluxia 

Marluxia was polite to Roxas and if they interacted, was likely cordial to Xion. Marluxia was a mysterious man with odd intentions who vanished before she ever knew him. A wild card with unknown abilities, she would treat him with weariness. Marluxia most likely saw Xion as Ventus. 

10. Luxord 

 Luxord has two secret reports in 358/2 Days. The first report, from Day 173, Luxord admits that he envies ‘the children’ referring to Roxas and Xion. He believes that as children they have nothing to lose and can take impossible gambles without fear, unlike adults. He was likely aware that the Organization had some plan for her. He notes that the air has changed after Xion leaves in the Secret Report for Day 257 and then is surprised to find out she was a replica. He admits to frustration at being out of the loop. It’s odd but 

9. Demyx 

Axel and Roxas used to make fun of Demyx on the clock tower. Given Demyx’ usual lackadaisical attitude and obliviousness, I doubted Xion thought of him as anything more than a joke. She’d likely have a pretty neutral reaction to him. More likely, she’d be uncomfortable. 

8. Axel

The secret reports reveal that Axel initially befriended Roxas not out of genuine concern, but for the sake of his mission. It wasn’t until he interacted with Repliku and felt remorse for him, that he reconsidered his friendship with Roxas. He returns, befriends Roxas but does not see Xion as more than a hooded figure. On Day 74, he saw her for the first time and notes she looks like Namine. After that they become closer friends, with him mentoring and helping her. 

Axel was aware of the replica program and was wondering about Xion’s nature through-out the game. He learns a little bit before she does but decides that he doesn’t care. However, Xion goes to Castle Oblivion in attempt to learn about her past. She then confronts Axel and he not only lies to her, but gaslights her and grabs her. There is no illusion between them after this point and their relationship turns tense. 

 Both times Xion ran away, Axel brought her back against her will. Both times they fought. The second time lead to Xemnas’ preforming his experiment on her, which was incredibly painful, difficult, and traumatic for Xion. Ultimately, Axel was stuck between a rock and a hard place: protecting himself and protecting Roxas and Xion. They were all under threat of death for disobedience and he walked a thin line. 

However, this shows how much Xion and Roxas affected Axel. He goes from a selfish, manipulative killer to a man willing to sacrifice himself to save Sora. There is great unresolved pain between Xion and Axel, they can make amends. 

7. Saix

Saix was in charge of the day-to-day business and management of the organization for Xemnas. This was a position he earned by back-stabbing and behaving to expectation: cruel, callous, and cold, just like Xemnas. Of all the members, Xion interacted with Saix as an authority the most. He abused this authority and not only resented her, but was actively abusive. Saix only ever saw Xion as a puppet, he never saw her as a person and he acted like it. He misgendered her, he called her useless, broken, and threatened to kill her; In the manga Xion notes him as hostile and he calls her trash. At no point did he consider her less than a failure. Xion would be the most resentful, hateful, and furious at Saix over any other character. 

Because the blog’s cannon is different, remember that Saix had no part in saving Xion in Kingdom Hearts 3. Other than her friendship with Lea, Xion would have no motivation to forgive Isa. She would be afraid of him and pissed at him. Isa must atone for his behavior, and only then can the work begin for Xion to trust him, forgive him, and maybe, possibly heal. 

6. Zexion

As one of the members who went to Castle Oblivion, Xion has little original memory of him. Zexion was polite and patient with Roxas, and was probably decent to Xion, However, when Xion visited Destiny Islands she had a nightmare from Riku and Roxas’ perspectives. In it Zexion taunts Riku as he did in Chain of Memories. This nightmare was disturbing for her, forcing her through several form changes before turning into Sora. Zexion’s key role in it will factor into her thoughts of him.

5. Laxaeus 

Laxaeus has no interaction with Xion before going to Castle Oblivion. He is big though so she probably would remember as the large, harsh one. 

4. Vexen

Vexen’s relationship with Xion is unique. He is her creator however she did not learn this until after his death. She’d be curious about him, in a way that a child wonder about a missing parent. She wants to understand her origins and Vexen would be included in that curiosity. However, Xion would understand that Vexen created her as a tool and a weapon. She would be curious about him, but also weary. 

3. Xaldin

Xion has no direct interaction with Xaldin in the games or the manga. He’s another one of those large guys she’d be nervous about. 

2. Xigbar

Xigbar’s relationship to Xion is quite unique. He is more amused by Xion’s rebellion than frustrated, as Saix is. He calls her ‘poppet,’ this is either a condescending term of endearment while also making a jab at her origin. Xigbar admits in the Secret Reports that he sees Xion as Ventus. He was aware of her nature as a replica from the beginning and that she was made in Castle Oblivion. His behavior fits into Luxu’s chaotic nature, he’s more observer than participant. 

There is one direct interaction between Xion and Xigbar. While on a mission with Axel, Xion and Xigbar fought. She defeats him and flees. Again, Xigbar at best seems annoyed and takes credit for her getting the jump on him. His enigmatic personality and position combined with her knowing she can beat him, would make a more confident Xion. She would not treat him politely. 

1. Xemnas

Xion and Xemnas, actually, did not interact except in passing. Xemnas was hands off with the Organization and remained at a distant, the ever enigmatic superior. However, she recognized him as having the most power and the power he had over her specifically. Xion wanted Xemnas’ approval because she understood that hinged on her survival. She learned of and understood his plan with Kingdom Hearts, and how she played into it. By the end of 358/2 Days, Xion was acting specifically to spite and thwart Xemnas. 

What she would remember him most for was his reprogramming. After Axel returns Xion for the last time, he takes her  and implants the rest of Sora’s memories in her. This process is painful and torturous for Xion, leading her to having to fight Roxas. In this blog, Xion survives this process but is forgotten. She has reoccurring nightmares about becoming a weapon. Xemnas is next to Saix for the member Xion hates the most in the Organization. However, there is a key difference between Saix and canon. Xion, in her mind, has defeated Xemnas. 

She broke his programming and escaped the organization. She overcame him and she survived despite how he attempted to crush her. She didn’t just defeat Xemnas’ physically, by surviving, but emotionally. She overcame him. Xemnas wanted to destroy Xion and create her into Sora. But she survived. Despite how knotted he is in her trauma, Xion will refuse to submit to Xemnas again. She beat him once, and she can, and will, do it again. He is an empty man who failed-- she has no fear of him. 

[familycourtcorruption]

7 Steps To Getting Healthy After Narcissistic Abuse

  Narcissistic abuse is one of the most devastating things you could ever go through.

However, this does not have to be a life sentence.

There are steps that you can take to rise up and out of abuse symptoms, and into your true and new healthy relationship with self, others and all of life.

Today, in this a very special Thriver TV episode, I have the absolute joy of sharing with you the seven steps that myself, and many other Thrivers in the community, have used to not just merely survive abuse, but to truly enter the life of our dreams.

    Video Transcript

After being narcissistically abused there is a necessity to get healthy .…

Because you are probably going through the worst time in your life, you may feel like you’ve lost your life force, your well-being, your hope for the future, and possibly even your will to try to move forward and rebuild your life.

I know, 100% you may feel like your life is over, and you can’t even imagine what it would feel like to be healthy again.

I promise you that how you feel, and what your life looks like, isn’t going to be your reality for the rest of your life, if you work on these seven points that I’m going to be sharing with you today.

But, before I do, I’d just like to take a moment to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver mission, and if you haven’t yet done so please do, and also if you like this video please make sure to give it a thumbs up.

Okay so let’s start off by having a look at the first step to reclaiming your health after narcissistic abuse.

  Step Number One – Start Self-Partnering

Self-partnering is vital. In fact, it’s crucial. And the reason that it is so foundational for Thriver recovery after narcissistic abuse is because it puts us back inside our body. Here we find and reverse all the unconscious reasons that led us to be narcissistically abused in the first place.

Initially, it is a very hard pill to swallow – understanding that we can be very susceptible to narcissistic abuse as a result of suffering a disconnection from ourselves. One that is extreme enough that unknowingly we are trying to seek the missing parts of ourselves, from outside of ourselves.

However, the truth does set us free. Because when we understand that there was a fracture within us, we can take our power back and heal it.

If we are not fully anchored in our body, being an inner emotional experience of knowing that we are lovable and worthy and as an adult capable of generating our own security and survival, then we are seeking these essential commodities from other people to try to feel whole on the inside.

Ironically, this lack of inner wholeness has nothing to do with how intelligent, capable or accomplished we are. These are emotional gaps within us, that often cause us to overcompensate and be even more practically high functioning than most people.

Narcissists know and sense these gaps within us. They know how to appear as the saviour of these parts of ourselves that we seek from the outside, whilst mining and sucking dry our capabilities and resources.

When we are not in our body, self-partnered, and integrated as a whole emotional source to ourselves, we dismiss our inner warning signs and we may even rationalise away the traumatic feelings of being abused. We are also likely to cling to the person who is the source of the abuse, trying to get them to change what they are doing so that we can feel safe and whole.

To rectify all of these patterns of being codependently abused by others requires self-partnering. It means rather than look to the outside to solve our problems, heal our wounds, and take away the pain, we realised that the work has to be done between us and ourselves, within ourselves.

When we turn within with the right intention toward our Inner Being, we are moving out of Wrong Town, and back home to ourselves.

I want you to repeat after me, ‘I am here for you. I will love and accept you – wounds and all. I am here to help you heal with everything I have, and I am never leaving you again.’

This is when we make the switch from living life ‘from the outside in’ to living life ‘from the inside out.’

It’s the only way to heal and Thrive.

  Step Number Two – Engage Self-Devotion

It’s one thing to know that we have to turn inward and start becoming a source of self instead of trying to get others to give us ourselves … but it’s another to know how to start treating ourselves nicely.

I really want you to understand that you need to let go of trying to blame and shame and punish and criticise yourself into shape.

Can you see how, if you have been doing this – treating yourself with conditional love, and harsh expectations, why you have drawn into your life and tolerated someone who has been reflecting back how you have been treating and talking to yourself?

Self-devotion means this: ‘I am going to talk to myself lovingly the way that I would talk to a small child I adore.’

After narcissistic abuse you are healing, and you require your own tenderness and kindness. You need to be able to say to yourself every day, ‘I am proud of you, I love you and I’m here to support you all the way. You will get through this.’

And in times of triggers and fears, this is about learning how to be kind, supportive and present with yourself, and teach yourself how to breathe, while remaining in your body. The times when we make our most self-annihilating decisions are when we self-abandon.

Thriver self-devotion means not running away from these feelings anymore and making choices that only hurt you more – such as attempting to self-medicate with abusive people, terrible food choices, active addictions, mind-numbing distractions and all sorts of things that take you away from becoming your best lover, supporter and healer.

When we are doing these things to ourselves, we are not in control of our own lives, and we are highly susceptible to being controlled by people who hurt us.

Thriver self-devotion can also mean becoming extremely healthy with self-care, good nutrition, healthy exercise, regular sleep and maybe seeing a holistic practitioner who can help get your mineral and vitamin levels balanced and healthy again.

I want to share with you this vital fact – we will never tolerate a level of abuse that is beyond what we are capable of doing to ourselves. If we ignore the calls for help from our Inner Being, self-abuse ourselves with terrible choices, and continue to criticise and blame and shame ourselves, as well as feed ourselves with toxic food, then the identical treatment from the outside is what is familiar and what we will tolerate.

Treating ourselves with love, respect, devotion, and tenderness reverses all of that.

  Step Number Three – Taking The Healing Time

A big mistake that many people make is trying to just get on with life.

I know that as a result of narcissistic abuse, you may have lost a great deal of ground, years, resources and the like. It’s very usual to try to just get up and get on with it again, and many people are shocked to find out that they just don’t have the capacity within themselves to achieve that.

This happened to me too. I had always been a doer, a high achiever who believed that my value and ability to be accepted depended on my accomplishments. After narcissistic abuse, I was forced for the first time ever in my life to place my soul and Inner Being as the number one priority. And I wasn’t going to survive until I did.

What I discovered, as a result of fully dedicating myself to healing and knowing that that was my greatest mission in life, was to repair my relationship with my Inner Being, in order to create true relationships with life and others.

This was the first time in my life that I understood how to get life right at the core base level where I needed to.

You will too, when you accept what I did – that it’s time to put your outer life on hold. It’s time to say ‘no’ to things and people outside of yourself and say ‘yes’ to you and your Inner Being. By doing so you will discover that you can self-partner and self-devote and start truly healing within your own being in order to change yourself.

Then the changes in your life will follow automatically.

I liken this to being a bird with broken wings, going into the bird hospital to spend the appropriate amount of time there, who then comes out and soars high in the breeze with the world literally at its feet.

This is exactly what you have to look forward to if you take this necessary hiatus and treasure your healing time. All of your real life does depend on it.

  Step Number Four – Meet The Trauma In Your Body

We are so blessed in this space-time reality, right here right now, to be able to have the Quantum tools to bypass our logical brain, meet the trauma in our body, load it up, release it and replace it, so that we can literally shift out of who we were being, into the Being who can actualise the life, love and interpersonal relationships that work.

The old paradigm was about trying to manage the trauma in our body without ever living free of its effects, whilst trying to survive having the thoughts, feelings, people and situations that simply matched our already existing trauma.

Clearly, living trauma free is so much easier, cleaner and more powerful and so much more fulfilling.

This is where my NARP program comes in. You may have seen the incredible results that NARP regularly produces for the members of this community. The reason for these results is that these people, by releasing the trauma from their Inner Beings, opened up space to allow organic well-being that is naturally coded into all of us, namely life force itself, to enter.

Meaning that the old battle with trauma and its symptoms such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, fibromyalgia, agoraphobia, adrenal malfunction all simply melt away. Which means our natural life force fills the space where the trauma once was – joy, creativity, inspiration, and excitement for the future and complete closure from the past, regardless of the age of the person, how much they have suffered or what they have lost.

This is what you can look forward to if you are willing to meet, and do the work, on the trauma in your body.

  Bonus Step Number Four – Say ‘No’ To Your Old Patterns

This is where you need to get very clear with yourself. You may have released the trauma, but now you need to have boundaries and clear definitions regarding what it means to start experiencing your new life, which may be a life that you have never been able to access before.

So, for example, if your patterns used to be having unavailable people in your life who treated you like you were invisible, then it’s vital that you start showing up with the key people in your life asking for what you need.

It is also going to be vital to do the work on releasing the fears and traumas of being invisible, and knowing that you deserve to have healthy, connected, more committed relationships in your life.

Then you will see who will meet you at the more evolved level of relationship that you are now taking a stand for directly, honestly and lovingly. And in many cases, those who do have the resources will step up and meet you at this higher level of relationship as a reflection of the higher relationship that you are now living between you and yourself.

And, if there are people in your present life who don’t have the resources for communion and connection and intimacy or existing people who refuse or don’t have the resources to meet you there, then you will let go and move on as a fully integrated individual with yourself to be the generative force of taking a stand for what your reality is now.

We can’t continue to participate in our old programs and patterns and believe that the universe will deliver us a different reality. It just doesn’t work like that. What you accept is what you will get, point-blank.

  Step Number Five – Expand Yourself

Comfort zones are never comfortable. If we stay stuck in comfort zones, then we are not growing. Of course, we stay in a comfort zone because we have a fear of expansion. And there may be many traumas deep in your DNA, which are even survival programs, such as ‘if I try to expand to be fully myself, I may fail or I may be targeted, or even annihilated.’

You may think I am kidding, but I’m not. I can’t tell you the amount of people I have worked on with Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) who have come up with these deep powerful programs which are stopping them from moving forward into the life that they really want to live.

The easy and powerful way to defeat these is to use Quantum tools to go inside and find these opposing limiting beliefs, load them up and release them and replace them. Then you will easily flow into your desires with confidence and without the powerful emotional resistance that has been holding you back.

As a Thriver, I love to expand. This is one of the most powerful ways I’ve challenged and grown myself by stretching into areas, trajectories, and experiences that I could never access in my previous reality because it was riddled with trauma.

I can’t tell you the joy it is to get free on an inner level so that you can fully shine, glow and expand on any level. Because this is where the juicy, incredible stuff in life really is.

  Step Number Six – Connect To Your Purpose

One of the most beautiful things that we can ever do to live a healthy life is to connect to our true mission and purpose.

All of us are here for some divine purpose. I totally believe those of us who have gone through narcissistic abuse are here for an incredible purpose. We are all angels, spirits who have been submerged into an experience of extreme darkness and trauma, in order to release the trauma out of our Inner Beings, not just for ourselves but for all of humanity.

When we actualise our true mission of meeting and releasing the trauma, we clear the space for who we really are to start flowing through us, as us. It is then that the connection to our mission comes. It is seeking us as much as we are seeking it. When we get ourselves, our old traumas and limitations, out of the way, that is when we connect.

It is incredibly usual for Thrivers who do the work with NARP, to start getting the inspiration within them about what it is that they truly feel passionate about doing. Many Thrivers within this community, just like myself, have found that calling. It may be similar to what I do, helping others to awaken and recover from abuse for real, and for others, it’s a completely different track.

What is vital to understand is that connecting to that truth is not possible when we’re stuck in surviving the trauma inside of us. We may think that the mission will take away the trauma, but it’s the other way round. When we take full responsibility and address the trauma ourselves, then the mission comes.

Because when that trauma is released, all of the energy that was trapped trying to survive the trauma is freed up to become pure creativity, mission and service.

This is the exhilaration and pure miracle of yourself that you will start experiencing as a result of this step.

  Step Number Seven – Become Love

I believe that one of the greatest joys of Thriver recovery from narcissistic abuse is to reach the becoming of love. What I mean by this is the return to the truth.

We come home, we understand the truth about the illusions we have been fed, and the need to wake up from them. The knowing that we are all souls on journeys to release ourselves from the darkness and the trauma, to move into the truth and the light of Who We Really Are.

It is from this place of living without trauma that we see the truth that all of this, no matter how it looks, was all meant to be. To have the experiences required to lose those false aspects of ourselves, the lies, the false beliefs, the taking on thinking that we were unlovable, defective or unacceptable, and knowing that everyone who is hurt or hurting others, is still stuck in that lie.

From this place, we have acceptance, gratitude, and compassion for those still stuck in the trance. And we know that our greatest purpose, regardless of what our individual specific missions are, is to be love and to see the truth. It’s then that we let go of our righteousness, demonising and judging which only helps to cement our victimisation and powerless states.

To become love, without fear, is the coming home to the truth. This is where we are set free and we get to experience heaven on earth as we are, right here, right now.

It’s only then that the pain ends and the beauty of our life starts to unfold as the new and true belief systems that we’ve worked hard to heal ourselves back to.

If it wasn’t for the narcissistic abuse happening for us, we would never have had to effort so courageously and consistently to bring ourselves home to the truth.

I hope that these seven steps have helped inspire you to know where you are heading, and the incredible evolutionary gifts that you can claim, with Thriver recovery, after narcissistic abuse.

So, if this is where you want to go, you can get started by working with my NARP program. Join me on this incredible and spectacular journey of self and life, by clicking the link at the top right of this video.

And, if you are already a NARP member, and you are looking for the next steps after abuse to claim your highest and best life, then I’d love to introduce you to my Empowered Self course, which is going through a very powerful upgrade very shortly, which you will receive free of charge as a result of being a member.

You can check out the details of this course also by clicking this link.

Okay so I hope that this video has inspired you, and if you like my videos and you would like to be notified each time a new one is released then please subscribe to my channel. Also remember to give this a thumbs up if you liked it.

Please also share with the people you love so that you can help them wake up out of the human trance as well.

And as always, I am totally looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

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[foursprout-blog]

7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re The Child Of A Narcissistic Parent

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7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re The Child Of A Narcissistic Parent

God & Man

Being the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most heartbreaking and traumatizing things a person can go through. Not only are you required to survive a war zone in childhood, you are left with life-long consequences that extend far into adulthood. Here are seven things you might be doing as a result:

1. Apologizing more than you have to, even if no apology is needed.

Children of narcissistic parents tend to become fluent in saying “sorry” – even for just their very existence. It’s because they’ve been taught by their parents that they are a burden. This is especially true for female victims who are also socialized to be people-pleasing and accommodating. It takes time to unlearn this behavior and learn to only apologize for actual transgressions rather than any perceived burdensomeness.

When evaluating whether to apologize, ask yourself: Was I the cause of this in any way? If not, replace your “sorry” with “That’s unfortunate” instead. You could be “sorry” that the circumstances are what they are, but if you are not personally responsible, you have no reason to apologize. And if the event in question was the fault of someone else, let them carry the burden – lift the weight off your shoulders completely.

Remember that there are many people in this world who don’t even have the courtesy to apologize to you for their wrongdoings – so the last thing you want to do is overextend yourself by apologizing for things you didn’t even do wrong.

2. Hesitating to say no, because it might displease others.

As a child, you were conditioned to obey your toxic parents even at the expense of your own welfare and basic needs. You were punished and abused when you did refuse to comply to their demands. Saying “yes” was a vital part of your survival as a helpless child who did all he or she could to ensure that their parent did not abandon them.

Now, as an adult, saying no is a part of having healthy boundaries. However, it can feel absolutely intimidating at first. The key is to check in with yourself about why you’re fearful of saying no, preparing for any potential consequences, and allowing yourself to feel the discomfort – yet still sticking to what you know to be true.

Ask yourself on a daily basis, “Am I doing this to please someone else, or because I really want to do this?” It’s okay to evaluate whether someone has invested in you in the way they want you to reciprocate and go from there. If you’re the only one giving while they’re taking, it’s an unequal relationship and there’s bound to be a power imbalance.  There are some things you may not be able to avoid doing, but this is still a healthy start to reconnecting to your authentic desires. 

3. Doubting your own perceptions and second-guessing your intuition.

Although we’re highly sensitive and intuitive, we’ve also been gaslighted most of our lives by abusers into thinking otherwise. We tend to underestimate our own emotions and instincts while overvaluing the comfort of others. This can lead us into some very dangerous situations like abusive friendships, relationships, work environments, or shady business deals.

There are some simple questions you can start asking yourself if you want to understand whether the problem is you or them. Does everyone make you feel this uncomfortable, or is it mainly this person who sets off the inner “smoke alarm”? Have you noticed similar toxic behaviors in this person as you’ve experienced with your parents? Would you ever treat anyone the way this person is treating you? And if not, would you feel uncomfortable witnessing them treating someone else in a similar manner?

These questions can help you to reconnect with your basic rights, to see the situation from multiple perspectives. For example, often as children of narcissists we tend to prioritize the suffering of others over our own, so the last question helps to distance ourselves and recognize when mistreatment is occurring because we see how awful the situation would feel to someone else other than just ourselves. It makes us realize that it’s okay to verify when someone is being a straight up asshole – and that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them as a human being.

4. Checking in constantly about how someone else feels about you without tending to how you really feel about the person.

Since you were raised in a chaotic, unstable environment, it makes sense that you’re fearful of situations where you’re likely to encounter the possibility of change. As a result, you’re always on the lookout as to whether something has shifted or changed. You’re always questioning the status of your most intimate relationships. You don’t have a firm grasp on how others feel about you, so, as a result, you try to take back control by micromanaging your relationships.

The healthier route would be to step back and reevaluate whether the people in your life you’re so desperately attempting to cling onto even deserve a seat at your table. Do they deserve your energy and efforts? Sometimes, we’re so consumed with how others perceive us that we forget to honor how we feel about them.

We forget to give ourselves permission to dislike someone, to address conflict, to confront, or even just to acknowledge when someone has reached epic levels of douchebaggery. A fun way to counter this people-pleasing behavior is to create a mantra for yourself: “Are they a douche?” If so, so be it! Acknowledge the reality rather than bending over backwards trying to rework your perception of toxic people into something more socially acceptable. Some people really are just horrible people, and that’s okay – that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate them.

And even if they are trustworthy friends or partners, they are not the arbiter of our self-worth or your right to be loved. It can be terrifying to consider for someone raised to be dependent on the validation of others, but we can and will survive with or without them or their approval. Some people rightfully need to be cut out of our lives, while others will provide a source of safety and support. They key is discerning the difference.

5. Picking up on micro-signals of abandonment or displeasure.

Children of narcissists become hyper-aware and attuned to microexpressions, gestures, changes in tone of voice that signal abandonment or displeasure. They had to become aware of these to survive and navigate sudden changes in their environment. They needed to know when their parent’s next rage attack was about to begin or what they could “do” to avoid being punished.

As an adult, you’re highly intuitive about the motives of others as well as their true emotions. You catch onto subtle shifts with incredible ease. This gift of intuition can be used wisely to navigate social interactions, but it can also be overwhelming. Sometimes, this hyperfocus detracts from owning your agency in detaching from the person and instead causes you to become obsessed with pleasing them. Rather than focusing too much on these, try taking note of such changes without becoming enmeshed in the other person’s feelings.

6. Taking your time to trust.

As a child you were violated, emotionally or even physically abused. Your trust was taken advantage of, time and time again. It is no wonder you have a hard time letting people in. That doesn’t make you wrong – this is simply a testament to the trauma of your experience.

In many cases, slowing down and taking the time to trust is a good thing – it means you are aware that there are emotional predators who could take advantage of your kindness. You might take months to disclose personal information (or seconds, if you have more porous boundaries where you’re oversharing). You might feel hypervigilant when you notice red flags. It’s okay to know that trust has to be earned.

There are trustworthy people out there, you just have to be willing to see people for who they truly are, not who you want them to be or who they pretend to be.

7. Having a problematic relationship with uncomfortable emotions like pain and rage: either repressing them completely or allowing them to consume you.

Children of narcissists are chronically emotionally invalidated from a very early age. They are conditioned to believe that their emotions don’t matter or that their emotions make them defective. They learn to suppress their anger and stifle their hurt. Owning their “dark side” (or what they perceive to be dark) can be frightening.

As a result, they may bury their true emotions for a lifetime, eventually “snap” or become easily overwhelmed with bottled up emotions because they never learned how to healthily process, channel and heal these emotions from the onset. Children of narcissists can be straight up scary when their real emotions are finally allowed to come to the surface – I say this in half-jest, knowing how overwhelming it can be when you were raised to feel like having emotions were pathological. Developing a healthier relationship to your emotions – and a better outlet for them (such as writing, meditating, counseling, exercising) can be life-changing.

Learning to identify and validate all of your emotions – without necessarily acting maladaptively on them – can be vital to exercising your basic human rights and implementing your boundaries. It’s important to learn how to constructively stand up for yourself – and it is especially important as the child of a narcissist, when nobody stood up for you.

Don’t give up hope. Despite their struggles as adults, children of narcissists have tremendous resilience and all the more reason to pave a brighter future for themselves and future generations.

[celticnoise]

There was a time when teams used to go to Ibrox afraid. That was back in the days of financial doping, of EBT’s, of Murray being bankrolled by the bank that was later bankrolled by the tax payer. Those days are fast fading into memory, and not before time.

At the weekend just past, Neil Lennon did something extraordinary, something that no manager outside of Celtic Park has done when facing Sevco. He told his players to play the men in the jerseys, not the jerseys themselves. He told them to ignore the crowd and show the opposing team not one iota of respect. He did what every manager going to Ibrox or facing Sevco should do; he gave his players a wee reminder that things have changed.

“Those days are over,” his team talk may have gone. “Remember, this is not the same club. Do not treat them as if they were, play them on their own merits.”

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And teams who do that always stand a chance of beating them.

Other clubs will learn this in time if they haven’t already. Wait until Derek McInnes fully comprehends it. You’ll see a real show next time Aberdeen roll into town and not a system where there are eleven men behind the ball. Wait until the Motherwell’s and St Johnstone’s go to Ibrox and try to attack them. Watch Sevco drop down the league table.

There’s one place where this is already sinking in, where the reality of it is taking hold already. That’s at Ibrox itself, in the stands, in the manager’s office, in the boardroom. There’s a growing sense that they aren’t what they think they are, that there’s no hope for them in clawing their way to the top whilst Celtic plays football here.

To say it’s not going down well is an understatement.

The Peepul have been conditioned, through years, to believe they are special. That they are important. Nothing that has happened in the last five years, since the liquidation of Rangers, has changed their minds, and why should it have? The SFA line is that they were “too big to fail.” The SPL tried to upend all of Scottish football to put them straight into the top flight. The media pushed the Survival Lie, some of them pushed the Victim Lie, all are unanimous in agreeing that Scottish football was weaker when Sevco was clawing its way through the divisions … and nearly all agreed that a challenge from Ibrox was more important than one from elsewhere.

Look at the way the media greeted Stewart Robertson’s “election” to the SPFL board; “back where they belong” was the common mantra, as if Sevco or Rangers before them had some divine right to be represented there. They didn’t. They don’t.

I understand where this attitude has come from.

I understand why they still believe they are vital, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary.

But slowly it’s sinking in over there they are not special. They are relevant only because of the noise 45,000 of them makes at a home game. Their size affords them a certain level of status, but on its own it will not make them challengers. It will not make them winners.

There are people who still don’t understand this, so let me try to put it in simple terms.

Don’t assume the size of Sevco makes them important.

They take in more money than any other club in the league except us; ergo, they should be our biggest challengers, right? Wrong. Hearts and Aberdeen are in the process of building new stands or stadiums. They will never have 45,000 all-seaters but nor will they have the enormous cost-base associated with the Glasgow side.

See, the season ticket base at Ibrox generates a lot of money, but their outgoings are incredible too, and the way their DoF is talking about scouting reforms and such like means that they will get even bigger. Sevco can afford to pay more in wages and transfer fees than other clubs in the league, but we’ve already seen that they are dependent on soft loans to survive. If they had to live within their means I’d suggest that their “advantage” over those other clubs would be marginal at best. And then it comes down to recruitment and management.

Even now they are failing, spectacularly, on both and it’s because they are trying so hard to be Rangers, to be the club they thought they used to be. But as I’ve demonstrated over and over again, as the numbers bear out, they never were that club in the first place. Shorn of the bank’s backing, and the EBT’s, we’d have rolled over them, consistently, for the better part of the last 20 years. Who knows what “in a row” we’d be on now?

As this sinks in, as the ramifications of it start to hit home, two things will happen to their support; the numbers will drop, possibly radically, and the crazy, die-hard, element will become more toxic and more volatile. And we’re seeing the signs of it already.

What makes this worse, and all the more combustible, is the presence in the boardroom of the “Real Rangers Men”, those who know the value of playing to the gallery or worse, who actually harbour the same sentiments and “cultural mind-set” of the worst elements of their support. They also employ the services of a PR company whose upper management is as paranoid, warped and deluded as the most rabid supporter’s representative.

I have talked about how that job does things to managers; this weekend, Caixinha demanded “respect” for himself and for the club. He is not the first. McCoist and Warburton made similar demands before him. The reason for this is simple; Rangers was always respected. In their eyes, Sevco should be too. Having to play second fiddle to Celtic and others has sucked up some of that which they thought was their due.

Demanding respect is something that comes naturally over there. They believe they are entitled to it, as if it comes by right whereas everyone else knows that respect is earned, and that you have to give it before you get it. These people respect no-one.

The general tone of the club has changed markedly since the Dave King takeover, but that offers no alibi to the likes of Charles Green and others before him, who knew bombastic talk and the pushing of conspiracy theories would keep the fans onside.

But King and his people have ramped up the hysterics to the max. James Blair, a club director, was inserted onto the Club 1872 board, and their own frenzied shrieking has gone up ten decibels to reflect the psychosis in the director’s box.

They are akin right now to an “I want it now” child standing in a shop, screaming his head off because mummy and daddy won’t buy him toys. And when that doesn’t work, next comes the temper tantrum, and we’ve seen that from Ibrox too.

Hibs’ fans pitch invasion to celebrate the cup final was met with a counter-invasion for a square go. The club’s response was to blame Hibs fans and concoct the quickly discredited lie about their players being assaulted. A lot of the blogs called upon the SFA to take action against them over the inflammatory nature of that statement. The SFA did nothing.

Over the last year and a half the club has issued several such statements, including one directed at Celtic. The timing of them is crucial to an understanding of what’s going on; they nearly always get released in the aftermath of a defeat.

This club knows exactly what it’s doing; stoking the level of hate to cover bad results.

And the more frequent those bad results are, the more unhinged the statements will become. This idea that all of Scottish football hates them is poisonous and feeds the paranoia of a section of their supporters that really needs no encouragement before things get ugly.

The board openly panders to this element. The Hibs fans pitch invasion “provoked” their fans into violence. They excused sectarian singing against Celtic as something that had been similarly “provoked.” Neil Lennon “provoked” them at the weekend, apparently, although non-stop bile was being directed at him long before he turned and gave the Sevco fans any response. His very presence in the dug-out is what “provoked” them but that’s alright too, because it’s Lennon, and everyone knows (aye right) that he “brings it upon himself.”

In the seconds after Sevco scored the match’s opening goal, Sevco fans got onto the pitch. They famously did the same at Firhill last year.

But Ibrox is a place that worries me, and it has for a while. I wrote an article in the aftermath of the 5-1 game where I queried the stewarding arrangements, and speculated that the lack of them that day could have been the result of cost-cutting and the “hiring” of unpaid volunteers.

I posted a picture from that day showing an entire ground where the only stewards who could be seen on the touchline were in front of the Celtic end.

That match, of course, was also marred by objects being thrown at our players, including one moment where what appears to be a golf ball almost strikes Stuart Armstrong. We all know, too, that in the same game Scott Sinclair was subjected to racist abuse.

The SFA disciplinary body, which is preparing the rack for Neil Lennon as I write this, has not uttered one word about the events of that day. No case was opened.

Sevco was never asked to account for it.

Events this weekend have elevated my concerns. The hate for Lennon has reached new heights, and these clubs have to play each at least twice before the season ends, with another tie at Ibrox already pencilled in. On Saturday we saw a flash of how dangerous that could be. If a group of fans was able to get on the pitch to celebrate a goal, then there was a danger to Neil Lennon’s safety all through that game. He has already been the victim of a deranged fan who charged him in his technical area … and the confrontation involving one of their fans and Scott Brown shows that it’s not only Lennon they have difficulty controlling themselves around.

But had a supporter wished to do Lennon harm at the weekend I have no doubt that said supporter would have stood a good chance of getting to him. Other clubs will go to Ibrox this season and win. Other clubs have players in their ranks who draw a furious reaction from their supporters. The rivalry with Aberdeen is already heavy and getting worse every year. This is to say nothing of what our own club can expect when it visits.

Be under no illusions about Sevco’s willingness to tackle this. There’s a section of their board which is wedded to the lunatic element, and would try to find a way to excuse the most horrendous action from their fans short of literal murder.

In recent years, people inside the club have been perfectly willing to utilise the Ibrox hate-mob to put pressure on individuals who afforded them scrutiny or who those in the boardroom think wish the club ill. McCoist’s famous demand for the names of three individuals who should have remained anonymous, after they had imposed a “transfer embargo” – which turned out to be laughably weak – led to intimidation and even threats of violence against those who’s details were later published. Clubs who were vocal in supporting the decision to make Sevco start from the bottom tier were similarly put on notice. When Phil published his book, Downfall, the backlash was severe. His book editor, Angela Haggerty, later went to court after sickening threats were made against her on a supporter podcast. And it goes on and on.

The banning of journalists is now routine. The club has publicly supported a fan campaign against a national newspaper. The BBC has been involved in a steady conflict with them for the past few years, and does not broadcast from inside Ibrox. We all remember Jim Traynor ending a press conference last year, in an effort to intimidate the hacks, and now, today, Keith Jackson of The Record has told their readers about how the club is now filming journalists … with a view to putting those who ask pressing questions up online, exposing them to potential danger.

There is no question that Ibrox is a dangerous place.

It is without dispute the most dangerous ground in Scottish football.

The people running the show over there are unspooling from reality. From daubing a supremacist slogan on the dressing room walls to excusing the worst excesses of their most debased element, there is a general attitude over there consistent with the abandonment of restraint.

As their club continues to spiral downward this will only become worse.

Something has to be done about all this before the psychopathic behaviour of those in positions of responsibility over there results in something dreadful.

It cannot be allowed to continue like this, and if the SFA continues to ignore it they, too, will carry the burden of guilt when the inevitable happens and Scottish football plunges into a darkness so complete that we might never see daylight again.

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