#just here to recommend you cool folks if you're in the right city

[pleaseusethisbag]

God, really slept on posting this here because... I felt weird about posting it? Gaaah 

Anyway, get tickets for Ra Chapman’s KBOX here. Check out Ryan Gustaffson, who will be reading with me on the 9th here, and Alfie Barker, who made the sweet SPZF poster here! Also check out the SPZF insta to keep getting updates about all that ziney business.

[the-firebird69]

Reasons Why Your Motorcycle Won't Start

Have to check the whole length of your exhaust I'm running something through it I'll see if it's clogged he gets everything else and then you have to if you're still not starting you can try new carburetor or rebuilding it if not you need to look inside the cylinder could be seized and if it seized you need a new motor a lot of motors will not hook up to motorcycles so it's better to get a new set and now a lawn mower engine works great self-propelled stand-up push mowers don't really have enough power at all you need a ride to lawn mower and there might be some available you can also go electric but right now they need motorcycles in the West in the south and we fight a lot and we tell each other off but we have to do its logical and you guys need motorcycles you have a ton of them that the engine's broke and the rest of the parts are still good and working and still in the garage and a lot of you don't know that you can still start it you clean out the car battery clean out the cylinder you clean out the exhaust and a lot of them start right up there are those two factors but really you can get a lawn mower engine and transmission and throw it in there if you're a motor is broken or worn out and it'll work in 5 minutes we recommend a 35 for most motorcycles the size of the one you see here the triumph and It Go in any motorcycle if you're bigger like our son you need a 65 if you're big like Joe you need a 100 but that's what it is and a lot of motorcycles can come out of there there's a whole bunch of lawn mower engines that are in storage that people will sell you just have to buy them there's only a few motorcycle engines but there's tons of these motorcycle engines with gears you just have to ask

Thor Freya

This will be a lot of fun real motorcycle with real motorcycle brakes and tires and frame and gas tank and everything it's a lot of fun these bikes are a lot of fun as you know and with the lawn mower engine you hook up the standard exhaust and it all certified anyways it sounds really interesting and intense later you can get a different exhaust that makes you go faster and you can cool it with a jacket a lot of people will make a makeshift jacket and it really has to be done if you're going to ride it out west or in the south from where you are some people won't they take a lot of breaks it's a real pain but the liquid cooling is usually on the bike anyways if not we recommended highly and you can buy a kit and they have them out there they have a lot of stuff out there you can buy for these things at this time in the midwest cities and the upper Midwest and the East Coast

Hera

Come on folks let's give it a try

Trump

Yeah that was misery I was a total prick and he saw it and said what are you doing you little prick and I guess what I feel like doing something but you seen it happen and he's defending himself in his misery and I know what he's thinking what a horrible bunch of losers is 50/50 or 5150 and that's what it means and we're stupid

Terry c

Don't worry you're going to be out of balance soon you're leaving and everybody knows it tons of you getting your stuff together now there's going to be riding lawn mowers and motorcycles leaving and you know what they drive right out of here and then put liquid cooling and to take it out of their car and it looks like the funkiest thing you've ever seen I've seen him do it and they change the gears and it works and they go fast they put wind screens and the license plate on there they all go in a big bunch so the cops can't get out of them it's a crazy life but someone's going to do it

Mac daddy

Olympus

[xbadgerbearx]

your people will have our help

word count: 2.1k

Can’t Sleep: [1] … [3]

Of course you had to jump out of the aircraft into the cold water. What a perfect way to start the mission. Your team swam for a bit before wading through the shore as you approached the beach.

"Congratulations, Bloodsport."

"How'd you do it, Waller? There's no soldiers out here on patrol at all."

The beach was completely empty. There were no disturbances and more importantly, no enemies anywhere to be found. It was... peaceful.

"Let's just say they were distracted."

You only walked on the sand a couple feet before a large explosion erupted.

"Control, we have a disturbance south of here," Bloodsport reported after you jumped in surprise.

"It's just a diversion, Bloodsport."

Bloodsport seemed to weigh his options before speaking, "All right, we cut through the jungle to get to Valle Del Mar."

"Don't they have blockades at the city limits?" Peacemaker interjected.

"That's the word."

"How we getting in? Especially with Charlie the Tuna here," Peacemaker said while looking back at King Shark.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"You're the leader. You're supposed to be decisive."

"And I've decided you should eat a big bag of dicks, how's that?"

"You're being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say no problemo."

"Why would someone put penises all over the beach?" Ratcatcher II asked.

"Who knows why madmen do what they do."

"Chris, this is the second time you've made a comment like this today. Is there something you want to tell us?" You joked.

"Well, you know what I think?" Bloodsport started. "I think liberty is just your excuse to do whatever you want. Whether that's to eat a beach full of dicks or killin' folk."

"Oh, yeah? At least I don't kill men for money like you."

"Oh, here we go," Bloodsport sighed as he turned to face Peacemaker.

"There's something wrong with your skin," Ratcatcher II called out as she pointed to Polka Dot Man. You turned to see his face covered in bulging colorful... polka dots.

"It's just a rash."

"Oh, my- Abner, are you okay? You don't look so good," you said worriedly as you reached your hand out to touch him. You were interrupted by another loud explosion off in the distance.

"Never mind that, we need to continue forward."

You made it quite the distance before Bloodsport dropped his bag onto the ground. The entire time walking you watched Abner with both curiosity and worry.

"Alright, we'll camp here, and tomorrow we'll go straight through the city to get to La Gatita Amable by nightfall."

Everyone was laying out their sleeping equipment, in this case sleeping bags, as you figured out where you should lay yours.

"Why don't you lay over here, (L/n)? I could keep you warm," Chris offered with a laugh.

"Fuck no," you replied with the same humorous energy. "I'd rather you not roll over on me like you did last time."

"Last time?" Abner piped up timidly.

"It's nothing like that," you assured while rolling your eyes. "Me, Chris, and some of our other teammates at the time had to huddle up for warmth after Waller sent us on a mission somewhere in Siberia."

"Oh," Abner said, kind of relieved.

"I'll just put mine here," you placed your bag next to Abner's and DuBois. "It's near the fire."

You changed into your sleep clothes. Well, to be honest you just took off your shirt and slept in your tank top, but it was close enough. It wasn't long before you drifted off, however, you awoke some time later to some shuffling sounds and a quiet groan. Peeking under your lashes, you find yourself facing toward DuBois who was resting on his elbow, alert. You quietly sat up and turned to see what DuBois was looking at. A colorful light show was dancing on the leaves and tall grass. Almost as quickly as it happened, Abner appeared. He looked a little out of it, but quickly dawned a look of shock as he was caught doing... what exactly?

You got up to make sure your favorite awkward man was doing okay before you were cut off by a loud bang! Instinctively, you disappeared. Literally. DuBois kept shooting Nanaue until he was backed up against a tree.

"How deep of a sleeper are you?" DuBois asked Cleo, to which she responded sleepily, "I was having the most wonderful dream."

"If it was you about to be eaten by King Shark, then you're psychic," Chris said.

"I don't believe he would do that. He has very kind eyes."

Sebastian was saying what you could only guess was that Nanaue was, in fact, going to eat her.

"Hungry," Nanaue whined.

"You bastard!"

Rats from every direction emerged from the darkness as Cleo held up her glowing device. DuBois was looking rather uncomfortable.

"All right, calm down with the rats!" he yelled.

"What?"

"I have a thing with rats."

"You have a thing with rats?"

"Yes."

"And you're on a team with someone who controls them?" your disembodied voice asked.

He whipped around trying to find you before yelling, "What the fuck?"

As if suddenly remembering that you cannot be seen, you revealed yourself behind Abner whom you were using as a shield. As cute as he thought it was that you were using him as protection, it did startle him that you just appeared randomly behind him.

"Partnering up with someone with rats is not something I asked for!"

Peacemaker started laughing.

"What are you laughing at me for, man? Why the fuck are you in your underwear?"

You looked over and sure enough, Chris was in nothing but his underwear.

"Woah!" you yelled while burying your face into Abner's back. "Chris, put on some pants for fucks sake!"

"Tighty-whities? Really?"

"Now that's just racist."

"No, it's not racist! They're tighty-whities!"

"You didn't tell me you had a fear of rats, DuBois," Waller said over the comms.

"I'm an assassin! Why would I share my liabilities?" This was promptly followed by an uncharacteristicly girly scream.

"Aww, he's offering you a pretty leaf to show you he means no harm," Cleo cooed.

"Why the fuck would I want a leaf?"

DuBois was getting increasingly more freaked out while Chris started laughing again.

"Just get the rats out of here!"

Cleo turned off her device and all the rats scurried back into the jungle.

Peacemaker turned to DuBois and asked, "Hey, we gonna kill Megalodouche now, or what?"

"Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim."

"Yeah, well we can't function as a team if we gotta watch our back from one of our own eatin' our bollocks," Bloodsport replied.

"Nanaue," Cleo started as she kneeled down to his height. "Would you eat your friends?"

"I no friends."

"You have no friends? Well, if you did, would you eat them?"

Chris answered with a "yes" before he was shot a look from Ratcatcher II.

"No?"

"Then can we be your friends?"

Chris scoffed, "Come on, he's obviously lying."

"If I die 'cause I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death."

DuBois shook his head, "You are a little idiot."

So much for a full rest. It was nearly morning by the time the shark incident was resolved, so you decided to just pack up and dress yourself.

"Task Force X, you have an additional mission directive. We've located Colonel Rick Flag. He's been taken by the enemy."

"Rick Flag?" DuBois asked while your team made your way through the jungle.

"I know, you both served on special forces in Qurac that took down Avral Kaddam. Flag was the one who initially recommended you."

"You had other operatives in Corto Maltese and didn't tell us?"

"There was no tactical advantage, now there is. I've uploaded the location on your MTS. Terminate his captors with extreme prejudice. Kill anyone you see. These are dangerous people. Recover Flag before moving on to the city."

You eventually made it to a decent sized camp before DuBois MTS started beeping.

"That's where they're holding Flag."

"Nothing like a bloodbath to start the day."

"I thought they called you Peacemaker," Ratcatcher II questioned.

"I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it."

Ratcatcher II turned to Polka Dot Man before whispering, "I thought you were the crazy one," which was swiftly answered by you lightly shoving her shoulder.

"I am."

"All right," Bloodsport said, getting everyone's attention. "Let's get it."

You and Nanaue crept behind a man who gave his cup to his buddy.

"Gracias," you heard the man say. Soon after, King Shark picked the man up and ate him as he started screaming. He dropped what looked to be a communication device. Nanaue smacked his mouth as the comms device went off.

"Cualquier cosa?"

As your nearby teammates looked in somewhat fear as to what to do, you picked up the dead soldier's comms and said "Nada, Señora" while perfectly mimicking his voice. Your team carried on.

You hastily turned yourself invisible as you scouted for Rick Flag. It took a couple of minutes but you managed to find the only white guy there. You assumed he was Rick since he was injured, but were they... laughing?

"Bloodsport," you whispered into your comms. "I found Rick Flag. He was laughing?" You sounded unsure.

"Most likely drugged," Peacemaker said. "Where's he located?"

"Northmost tent, past the watchtower." Right after you said that you saw a bunch of colorful polka dots disintegrate the watchtower.

"On our way."

You could hear some of your team's conversation as they approached your location. You made yourself visible again.

"I'm sorry it's so... flamboyant."

"It looks cool," you heard Cleo say.

"I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend it's my mom, it's easy."

"TMI, mate," said DuBois.

More laughter could be heard inside the tent as Bloodsport ripped open the tent curtain. An uncomfortable silence settled.

"DuBois?"

"Hey, Flag."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Bloodsport looked around confused. "Waller told us that you were... uh... are you drinking tea?"

Flag gestured to his female companion sitting across the table from him, "This is Sol Soria, she's the leader of the freedom fighters, the resistance trying to take down the current government. They-they saved my life."

"Oh. Wow."

Everyone put down their weapons.

"Why did my people not alert me of your arrival?"

You awkwardly hide yourself behind Abner again.

"We didn't see any people," Bloodsport swiftly lied.

"Yeah, I didn't see anybody on the way..." Peacemaker continued.

"There's no one out there."

"They were gone when we got here."

"I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them."

Everyone turned to look at Polka Dot Man. You just sighed and smacked his shoulder. To make matters worse, King Shark hacked up... was that a finger with a wedding ring? Sebastian squeaked out an audible "Uh oh."

Soria promptly lunged off the table and made her way outside. You and your team awkwardly stood amongst the destruction you caused while Flag and Soria looked in pain.

"Typical Americans. Just run in, guns blazing."

"I know, this is messed up. These guys, they're..."

Rick looked behind him to see Peacemaker and Bloodsport getting into a stupid cat fight, while Ratcatcher II was rubbing her face ashamed, and you and Polka Dot Man were looking off into the jungle having your own conversation and not even paying attention.

"They're fucking idiots, but right now our objectives aligh with yours. If Jotunheim contains the technology our intelligence says it does, then it could be used on the people of Corto Maltese as well as Americans. That's why we need your help to get into the city so we can stop 'em."

Soria just stared past Flag and asked, "Is that rat waving at me?"

Sure enough, Rick turned back around to see Sebastian waving at them. Cleo was messing with her hands, Chris and DuBois were looking around while tapping their feet, and you were admiring Abner's polka dots on his costume as he was awkwardly trying to accept your compliments.

"It appears it is."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna guess because it's friendly."

Soria thought for a moment, weighing her options, before speaking again.

"Luna and Suarez murdered my entire family. I'd make a deal with the devil to stop them." As if it physically pained her to say, she continued. "Your people will have our help getting to Vall Del Mar to apprehend this Gaius Grieves."

[precisionjeep-blog]

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